Misplaced Soul Rewritten
by ArtimecWing
Summary: I've come to believe that there is no such thing as genius. Genius is just experience. Some people seem to think that it is a gift or a talent. I have come to believe that genius is the fruit of long experiences in many lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 _"End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it… White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings_

I was four years old when I attended my grandfather's funeral. I didn't truly understand what was happening at that time. My four-year-old brain didn't know what death meant. I was told death was the end by my grieving relatives when I asked, but I didn't understand what the end had meant either. All I thought was, "Why is everyone so sad?" I still remember when I saw my grandfather's body lying in the open coffin during the funeral. He looked so serene and peaceful. I thought he surely must have been sleeping. I had run over to his coffin mid-service to grab onto his hand.

"Wàizǔfù[1]," I had said while clutching his cold stiff hand with childish curiosity, "wake up. You taught me to be respectful to others, so why are you sleeping right now? It's rude to sleep while others are talking."

At my little outburst, Mom had burst into tears and resorted hugging the life out of my dear baby cousin, who was sitting on her lap, for comfort before becoming inconsolable for the rest of the day. It was Dad who was tasked with the difficult job of pulling me away from the coffin so the funeral could continue. At first, I struggled like a wildcat, clawing at Dad's face and even biting his arm as he pulled me away, but I gradually grew still in Dad's arms. I had shrieked, kicked, and yelled at Dad, yet my grandfather never stirred. At that point, I had come to realize something was very wrong. My grandfather always had superb hearing. He was always the type of person who could hear me dropping a penny on the kitchen floor despite the fact he was napping on the recliner in the living room.

All I could remember after Dad placed me back in my seat was a strange haze. I didn't understand what was going on and I still didn't understand what "dead" meant, but I did come to understand was my grandfather was gone. It was such a sad concept, a foreign concept. In my grief-fueled denial, I told myself that this wouldn't be the last time I saw my grandfather. Death had meant that my grandfather was gone, but people that left had to come back, right? There had to be something after death. After all, people who leave still needed to come back.

Obviously, as time passed and I grew older, I came understand what death truly meant. However, it was just too heartbreaking to believe that death was the end, especially when I became a trauma surgeon as an adult. As part of my job, I saw horrific injuries such as crush injuries caused by collapsing buildings, traumatic amputations from automobile accidents, collapsed lungs from gunshots, just to name a few. While many brought into the emergency with these types of injuries did survive to live a full life, just as many people suffering from these same traumatic injuries did not. At times, I felt like I was the Grim Reaper[2]. I'd walk into trauma bay and watch someone die because his or her wounds were too severe. I mean, just how did things turn out that way? One moment someone is getting into his car to go to work and the next moment...that same person, who thought that he was just going to have a normal day, is flatlining in front of me in the emergency room after being pulled from a car wreck. Everything changing in the blink of an eye. Just one more person being added to the morgue. It was too cruel without justification. So, like in an inconsolable child, I repeated in my mind to myself that almost childish belief that there was more after death even though I knew Death like a close friend.

But despite clinging on to such a belief, deep inside I also knew I didn't truly believe there was something after death. It was just something I repeated to myself like a mantra day after day to make myself feel better after being exposed to death over and over again. So, I believe my shock was justified when my thoughts never ceased after I died myself.

I remember the night I faded from the world. The bright crescent moon glowed in the night sky. The ground smelled of wet earth from the most recent downpour and the puddles that covered the streets like a wet blanket sparkled as they reflected the few stars that peeked out from behind the dark clouds. It was a beautiful night, now that I think about it, but I didn't care at that moment. I was exhausted. There was nothing I wanted to do more than sleep at that moment.

Just before death, when I was finishing my twenty-four-hour shift, there was an explosion at a local high school just two or so miles away from the hospital. There was a faulty gas line and some kids that thought it would be cool to ditch class to smoke behind the cafeteria. The result was horrendous. For hours, the ambulances could be heard as students, teachers, and staff members were rushed into the emergency room. As for that twenty-four-hour shift, it became a forty-eight-hour shift that consisted dealing with abdominal hemorrhage and perforation, burns, crush injuries, pulmonary barotrauma[3], and other nasty blast injuries along with the soul-shredding cries of parents.

On the drive home after that long shift, the car in front of me rolled to a slow stop at an intersection just as the traffic light turned red. I stepped on my brakes to bring my car to a slow stop too before I reached for my cup of warm coffee. My eyes flickered briefly to my car's digital clock. It was 2:34 in the morning, so I probably shouldn't have been drinking coffee since I did need to sleep when I got home. It was when I was putting my coffee back into my cup holder there was a ghastly impact. There was a flash as I felt myself being jerked forward accompanied by the sound of crunching metal, then the world grew eerily silent before everything faded into darkness.

I don't know how long I had been unconscious, but I know it couldn't have been long. As I came to, I could see through the shattered glass, a fuzzy figure of a person stumbling out of the twisted metal pile in front of me. As my vision cleared, I could see that the anonymous figure was a young woman. She was shocked and shaken, but uninjured. Then I could hear her yelling at some mysterious figure to "get the hell back here" before she screamed in terror when she peered at me and started fumbling with her cell phone.

"H-Help!" I could hear her quiver against her phone, but I couldn't understand why she sounded so horrified. She was fine, wasn't she? "T-There was a d-drunk d-driver! H-He slammed into the c-car behind m-me and s-sandwiched a-another car between m-mine and his. T-There's a w-woman trapped in the s-sandwiched c-car! T-There's b-blood everywhere!" She then paused to listen to the person on the other side. "N-No, the d-drunk driver is no longer h-here. He got out of his c-car and r-ran. Please, you need to s-send h-help now!"

Everything then faded into darkness again before blinking back into focus. I could no longer see the woman on her phone anymore. Instead, I could see several men uniform scattered about as they tried to cut away at the surrounding metal. At first, I couldn't understand what happened, why there was a man with a helmet next to me telling me that "everything will be okay" and why everything as hazy. Then I somehow registered that something was wrong when I looked down and saw the red coating my clothing and the massive shard of metal sticking out of my body where my liver and a kidney were supposed to be. I tried wiggling but soon discovered that couldn't remove myself from the driver's seat. It was like I had been pinned in place.

I remember incoherent thoughts, "My jacket's white, not red. Oh…that's bad. That doesn't belong there…"

Then I felt something shift as another piece of car was removed before everything just started to feel wet, and then the cold moved in to consume me. The last thing I remembered from that night was the cold and a man yelling.

The cold swallowed me, freezing me before a magical glow of warmth appeared and slowly seeped into me. Where I was now was dark and cramped, but the warmth and the gentle rhythmic thumping made this strange space feel like home. I was safe. Over an unknown amount time, the space I was trapped in grew smaller and I soon discovered the walls of my enclosure were alive as they moved and contracted. It was quite an unusual, but strangely enough, it didn't bother me. Then in an unannounced instant, I could feel myself being expelled from my safe haven. Squeezed and forcefully pushed through a small narrow pass, the blinding white light was a welcome sight.

I gulped and gasped as my hungry lungs cried for air the moment I was out. I couldn't breathe! And then a miracle happened as my chest inflated and oxygen rushed into my lungs.

Yet again, everything was blurry like the night I died, but the panic that had surrounded me when I passed was absent. What happened? Was my four-year-old self correct in believing that there was something after death? An afterlife? If there was an afterlife, then it must have been unpleasant. The first thing that came to my mind after leaving the warmth was that I needed a shower. I felt wet and sticky all over my body, and the unusual slime that covered me also smelled strange too. Not an unpleasant scent, but unfamiliar and new. As the thought of bathing passed, the next thought that came to pass through my mind was the recognition that someone was holding me.

Again I was confused. It felt like a pair of giant hands were cradling me carefully, but that couldn't be true. I was thirty-one, an adult. There shouldn't have been anyone large enough around to hold me like an infant. So it was rather understandable when I froze when the giant face of an Asian middle-aged woman invaded my field of sight.

"It isn't crying." a feminine weary voice chimed in from nearby while sounding strangely relieved and even hopeful, confusing me even more. "Is the baby a stillborn?"

At first, all I could think was "ouch". A newborn child couldn't have possibly done anything warrant so much hatred, so why did the mother sound so hopeful when asking if her child was stillborn? What type of person wanted her newborn to be stillborn? Normally most new mothers would break down into tears of joy after childbirth, but this woman…

Then it suddenly hit me. The person who spoke did not sound like a woman. She sounded like a terrified child. She was scared.

This was an unwanted pregnancy and the mother was a teenage girl.

Something had happened and this girl was now dealing with the consequences. But I still found myself furious with the new mother despite her situation. I believed that even if the baby was the result of an unwanted pregnancy that did not give the girl the excuse to hope for a stillborn. If she didn't want to raise the child, then that was fine. This was why newborns could be given up for adoption and still have a chance at a good life.

"No, despite being born too early and too small, your baby girl looks completely healthy." the giant holding me answered the girl while observing me. She held me out to offer to the young girl, who was also strangely a giant, sitting up on a futon. "Would you like to hold your new baby?"

"No!" the girl shrieked in absolute terror as she backed away as much as she could. "I don't want to hold that—that thing!" Then as soon as the repulsion appeared, it disappeared as the girl dissolved into a sob so heart-wrenching that my chest tightened in pain and pity. "Please…Haha-ue[4]…don't make me hold it… Please…please don't… I can't… I can't do this…"

Suddenly everything was clear. Why everything was so enormous and the sensations I felt before being pushed into the bright light. The infant that they were talking about was me. This was wrong! I didn't belong here. I _**am**_ a thirty-one-year-old woman, not…not this _**baby**_. This wasn't me. This wasn't my body. I could feel my throat closing up, cutting off that vital oxygen this body so desperately craved.

"Stop that!" the middle-aged woman, who was most likely the girl's mother, admonished with no sympathy. "This baby may be a product of rape, but she is also as much as you as she is of that man. You are her haha-ue and you should behave as such."

I wanted to scream, cry, and thrash around. I wasn't that baby, that product of rape. This isn't my body! This isn't my life! But yet, in the back of my mind, I could hear silent whispers echoing in my panic-ridden head. This _**is**_ my body now. This _**is**_ my life now.

Everything was wrong!

Instead of crying and screeching like a normal newborn would, I did the logical thing an adult would do. I fainted in the arms of my new "grandmother".

* * *

[1] Chinese for maternal grandfather.

[2] Death, also known as the Grim Reaper, is a common element in culture and history. As a personified force it has been imagined in many different ways. The popular depiction of Death as a skeletal figure carrying a large scythe and clothed in a black cloak with a hood first arose in 14th century England, while the title "the Grim Reaper" is first attested in 1847.

[3] Lung pressure damage in scuba divers is usually caused by breath-holding on ascent. The compressed gas in the lungs expands as the ambient pressure decreases causing the lungs to over-expand and rupture unless the diver breathes out. The lungs do not sense pain when over-expanded giving the diver little warning to prevent the injury. This does not affect breath-hold skin divers as they bring a lungful of air with them from the surface, which merely re-expands safely to near its original volume on ascent. The problem only arises if a breath of compressed gas is taken at depth, which will then expand on ascent to more than the lung volume. Pulmonary barotrauma may also be caused by explosive decompression of a pressurized aircraft.

[4] Words for family members have two different forms in Japanese. When referring to one's own family members while speaking to a non-family-member, neutral, descriptive nouns are used, such as haha (母) for "mother" and ani (兄) for "older brother". When addressing one's own family members or addressing or referring to someone else's family members, honorific forms are used. Using the suffix -san, as is most common, "mother" becomes okaa-san (お母さん) and "older brother" becomes onii-san (お兄さん). The honorifics -chan and -sama may also be used instead of -san, to express a higher level of closeness or reverence, respectively.

The general rule is that a younger family member (e.g., a young brother) addresses an older family member (e.g., a big brother) using an honorific form, while the older family member calls the younger one only by name.

The honorific forms are:  
· Otou-san (お父さん): father. The descriptive noun is chichi (父).  
· Oji-san (叔父さん／小父さん／伯父さん): uncle, or also "middle-aged gentleman".  
· Ojii-san (お祖父さん／御爺さん／お爺さん／御祖父さん): grandfather, or also "male senior-citizen".  
· Okaa-san (お母さん): mother. The descriptive noun is haha (母?).  
· Oba-san (伯母さん／小母さん／叔母さん): aunt, or also "middle-aged lady".  
· Obaa-san (お祖母さん／御祖母さん／御婆さん／お婆さん): grandmother, or also "female senior-citizen".  
· Onii-san (お兄さん): big brother, or also "a young gentleman". The descriptive noun is ani (兄).  
· Onee-san (お姉さん): big sister, or also "a young lady". The descriptive noun is ane (姉).

The initial O- (お) in these nouns is itself an honorific prefix. In more casual situations the speaker may omit this prefix but will keep the suffix.  
· Nii-chan (兄ちゃん) or Niisan (兄さん): when a young sibling addresses his or her own "big brother".  
· Nee-chan (姉ちゃん) or Nēsan (姉さん): when a young sibling addresses his or her own "big sister".  
· Kaa-san (母さん): when a man addresses his own "wife" (the "mother" of their children).  
· Baa-chan (祖母ちゃん): when grandchildren address their "grandma".  
· Tou-san: when a woman addresses her own "husband" (the "father" of their children)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _"Perhaps family itself, like beauty, is temporary, and no discredit need attach to impermanence." ― Gregory Maguire, A Lion Among Men_

It really didn't take a genius to figure out that my so-called new mother absolutely abhorred me because, really, one would have to be a complete idiot not to figure it out from day one. Most new mothers showered their new little bundles-of-joy with attention, cuddles, and all that sweet stuff that would make any other normal non-parent individuals vomit from the sheer amount sweetness shown. My new mother did not grant me that same treatment.

Instead, I was shown how repugnant I was.

She wasn't exactly cruel by any means. No, she did not beat me, shake me, or strangle me. She didn't even attempt to kill me even when infanticide was a common and widely accepted practice in this strange era I was reborn into.[1] Instead, she did the exact opposite of that. My new mother refused to even touch me when my new grandmother was not present to force her to. I vanished from existence in her mind when I was not being forced upon her.

But every time she was forced to interact with me, it was like I was toxic to her. Every time her beautiful slim fingers brushed my skin, she recoiled like she was violently burned. Every time her stunning green eyes fell on me, they burned a sludge black color in hate. Every time she was forced to feed me, it felt like I was sucking the life out of her. And while she did not even utter a single abusive word to me, she did not speak to me either. She avoided me when possible, mostly skipping out on feeding sessions when possible, which was something easily done with a baby that does not cry.

And I was a baby that did not cry.

I'm sure that if my grandmother had not been around, forcing me upon my mother, then there was a good chance that I could have starved to death or grown horribly ill.

But despite how cold and neglectfully she was towards me, I found that I could not bring myself to hate her back. I had every right to, but I lacked the potent emotions needed. Perhaps what was to be blamed for my lack of hate was the disconnect I felt from the body I inhabited now. In my mind, this girl was cold and neglectful to an infant, not me. I was not this infant, this Japanese baby born in the Tokugawa era. I was an American-born, Chinese, thirty-one-year-old woman that was born in the twenty-first century. I was a trauma surgeon, not this helpless creature dependent on others for survival. This infant's body **_is_** not mine. **_I_** wasn't the one that she mistreated.

Yet, at times, I find I am less sure of myself and my thoughts are filled with, "Who am I?"

When I died, I was fluent in only two languages, Mandarin Chinese and English. Yet when I awoke in another body, I found that in addition to **_my_** own languages from before, I now understood Japanese. The me before didn't understand Japanese. That in itself told me that I was no longer the me from before. I had changed.

Who am I? I don't know.

Am I a thirty-one-year-old Chinese woman living in the United States? Yes. No. I don't know.

Am I a Japanese infant born in the winter of 1846 in a rural village in Japan? No. Maybe. Yes. I don't know.

Who am I? I don't know.

Who am I? ** _I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW!_**

I don't know who I am anymore.

But, still, I found comfort in my new unnatural surroundings when I found my thought were still my own. I could reason like I did before. I still possessed my hard-earned knowledge from all my years of schooling and work in the hospital. My belief systems were still mine. Those did not change.

I could still use my own mind to reason with myself, to tell myself why I did not hate this girl who had become my new mother. How could I hate her when I understood her?

The girl was a young fourteen-year-old girl with natural beauty. She was graceful and her every movement looked as if it were a carefully choreographed dance. She was a red-crowned crane[2]. She had her whole life ahead of her.

Then her world came crashing down, shattering and splintering into a million broken pieces, when she was raped. Then as if to add salt to the already grievous wound, she became pregnant and was not only forced to birth her rapist's child but tasked with raising said child. She was disgraced. No one cared that she was raped. No one cared that she was a victim. All people saw as a promiscuous girl that lived in sin. Someone that would make a terrible wife and would bring disaster and dishonor to her husband's family if she were to marry.

People saw her through their colored lenses as someone who was subhuman.

Even my new grandfather, the girl's father, was ashamed of his daughter and he made it no secret. He had said to his own daughter's face that he thought that she was a slut, a whore, even though he knew she had been raped. He said that she had been raped because she must have been asking for it, that it was her own fault that she had become a young unwed mother at the tender age of fourteen.

He said that she was disgusting and while that had not been directed at me, I felt her anguish.

Yet, even when I did understand her, I still disapproved of her actions from time to time. A child born from rape is no different from a child born from love. A child is blameless as one cannot choose how or why he or she is born into this world. Every person had the right to the basic necessities to live a healthy life, to grow to his or her full potential. But it's easy enough to say something like that.

How many of us can truly boast that we followed through with our beliefs when they were tested and pushed to the breaking point instead of taking the easy way out?

Truthfully, not many of us can and we can be thankful that most of us never will be.

But we shouldn't rest just because we pass one test life throws our way because all of life is just one large test. We pass some parts and fail some other parts, just as my new mother did.

She could have killed me. Infanticide wasn't looked down on and while my grandmother did want me, I knew my mother and grandfather didn't. My grandfather even encouraged my mother to dispose of me when my grandmother was not around and it would have been easy, all so easy. My mother could have "accidently" dropped me in the nearby river, let the neighborhood wild dogs get to me. We lived in a rural farming village. No one would have questioned her claims.

But she never laid a malicious hand on me. She passed that test life hurled her way.

From that, I dared hoped that she cared for her infant, even if it was only slightly. However, I learned that I was wrong as soon as I hit the nine-month mark of my new life. My new mother may have detested me, but she was soft. She was the type of girl that would cry whenever a fox got to one of the chickens at night. She would cry whenever her mother instructed her to butcher a duck for dinner.

She was too soft, too gentle, and cried far too easily. She didn't deserve to be stuck with a bastard child. Fate had not been kind to her. But in the end, even the soft and gentle-hearted have a threshold, a breaking point. Even the kindest person in the world could perform the most horrific acts when prompted to.

"Okaa-san, I'm going out for a stroll." my new mother announced one night. "It's a nice night for a walk."

"Alright, but take a lantern out with you, it's dark out." my new grandmother said as she washed the dishes without looking up before she suddenly jumped up like a bolt lightning hit her. "Oh, wait! Sachiko, you should take little Aka-chan[3] with you. You should spend more time bonding with your daughter."

My mother sagged immediately at her mother's suggestion. She must have been wanting to have some alone time without her bastard child. It was already bad enough to be forced to raise her rapist's child, but now she had to spend every waking moment with it too?

I felt bad for her and would have loved to give her time where she didn't have stay near me, but I couldn't do much about her situation, seeing that I haven't even bothered to try speaking in this new body yet. I couldn't even say no to my grandmother's idea for my mother. The reason I hadn't even tried to speak yet was because I had gotten the distinct feeling that my new mother would have preferred to have a baby that didn't even try to speak to her, so I had tried to be respectful of her feelings and remained silent, but because of that course of action, I wasn't even sure how to get my voice to work in this new body yet. Since I couldn't say no, I quickly closing my eyes to pretend to be asleep in hopes of wiggling out of having to intrude on my new mother's alone time.

"Okaa-san, she's asleep. If I take her with me, she'll wake up." my mother tried reasoning. She sounded so tired and broken.

"Nonsense, Sachiko." my grandmother said as she disregarded the excuse with a simple wave of her hand. "I saw her eyes open just a moment ago. She was watching you."

"But Okaa-san—"

"No, I won't take any of your excuses. You are her mother and you should behave as such!" my grandmother scolded my mother so viciously. "It shouldn't matter that you don't want her. Don't you agree, Anata[4]?"

"Don't bring me into this." my bastard of a grandfather replied gruffly. He obviously still wanted nothing to do with me and I reciprocated his feelings. I didn't like him all that much. My true grandfather in my previous life, Wàizǔfù, was much more loving and just a better person in general, in my arrogant opinion.

My grandmother mad an ugly tsk sound at her husband's unhelpful answer before turning to her daughter with crossed arms to harshly say, "Just take her with you! That isn't too hard to ask for is it, Sachiko?!"

Knowing that she lost the battle, my mother silently picked me off the makeshift futon in defeat and took me outside with her. She held me in silence as she strolled through the quiet village. It was the night of a new moon so only the soft glow of candlelight leaking out from the nearby huts lit the path. She said nothing during the walk as she let her feet led her towards an unknown location. There was nothing to say, after all, no normal nine-month-old baby would understand so why bother?

An hour of this behavior passed before my mother came to a stop at a riverbank that was left of the small village. There had been a sudden downpour of rain recently so the river was running faster than normal and often washed up trash people discarded by tossing it into the river. There were broken nets discarded by fishermen, broken planks of wood that had broken off boats and wooden crates, and there was even a fully functional abandoned fishing boat. After staring hard at the abandoned boat on at the edge of the river, my mother walked towards it with steadfast purpose.

Before placing me in the boat, she looked at me once more, as if she were wondering if this was the right thing to do. However, her desire to be rid of me must have won rather quickly because she placed me on the boat in less than a minute of staring at me.

"The fallen blossom never returns to the branch; the shattered mirror never again reflects[5]. I pray that we will never meet again." were the first and last words that girl said to me before she pushed the boat off the riverbank so that the river could take me and the boat away.

It was clear that she could care less about what would happen to me. The old abandoned fishing boat was, while functional, weathered and unstable. In fast enough rapids, the boat would be sure to sink and bring me down with it. On the ninth month of my short new life, my biological birth mother in this new life left me to die at the mercy of Mother Nature. That night was the last time she intended to ever see me again.

This was the test that life gave her. This was the test that she failed.

* * *

[1] Throughout the Medieval and early-modern periods in Japan, newborns were defined as fully human only at least after the first year of life (defined as the passage of the first New Year). In fact, in certain cases, such recognition of a child as completely human was reportedly delayed until up to seven years into her/his life. With this in mind, it is possible to postulate that, perhaps, practices like infanticide (of a newborn) and even more so abortion (especially early in the term) might have been accompanied by relatively little guilt.

Gottardo, Marco. "Pregnancy and infanticide in early-modern Japan: the role of the midwife as a medium." _『論叢』玉川大学文学部紀要_ 54 (2013): 219. Web. 15 Sept. 2016.

[2] The red-crowned crane ( _Grus japonensis_ ), also called the Japanese crane or Manchurian Crane, is a large East Asian crane and among the rarest cranes in the world. In some parts of its range, it is known as a symbol of luck, longevity and fidelity.

[3] A common nickname for babies.

[4] The kanji is rarely used. It is not used as much, since, when speaking to someone directly, the name of the addressee is better. Commonly used by women to address their husband or lover, in a way roughly equivalent to the English "dear".

[5] That which has been done never can be undone: the past cannot be recalled. —This proverb is an abbreviation of the longer Buddhist text: Rakkwa éda ni kaerazu; ha-kyô futatabi terasazu: "The fallen blossom never returns to the branch; the shattered mirror never again reflects."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _"Chance. Stupid, dumb, blind chance. Just a part of the strange mechanism of the world, with its fits and coughs and starts and random collisions." ― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall_

I have already died once, so traveling downstream through fast moving waters in an old rickety boat was nothing, right? I mean, the worst that could happen was that I would drown and since I already died once, nothing was scary to me anymore, right? Note the **_sarcasm_**.

Even if I wasn't in an infant's body, I could soil myself and no one would say anything about it because the trip down the river was **_terrifying_** and ** _miserable_**.

In a tiny body, everything looked massive and scary in the dark, and when in a tiny body with poor motor control, everything looked like it would either crush you or eat you regardless of whether you were in the dark or not.

The boat creaked and groaned the whole time in the river, and every time it hit the bottom of the river or a rock with a loud thump, I flinched fearfully, afraid that the boat would no longer hold up against the river and break into a million pieces. Then there was the water. The rapids were rough and fast, disregarding the weak infant in the shabby boat. The large waves that rose over the boat's edges drenched my thin clothing and stung my eyes. I coughed every time I accidently inhaled some water.

It also didn't help that when the large waves peeked over the edge of the boat, they looked like large hungry blob monsters. It didn't matter if I had the mind of an adult. When did an absolutely terrified adult think logically anyways?

The whole time I just kept thinking, "OhmygodohmygodohmygodI'mgoingtoofastthatwaveistoobig!" in one large jumbled thought of pure terror.

Then once the terror faded with the rough waters, all that was left was the misery.

It was cold, so cold. I was dressed in a thin, soaked piece of clothing on the floor of a boat, which was also was covered in a small pool of water as a courtesy of the harsh waves from earlier. I also wasn't the typical chubby baby either from missing so many meals. Add the cold weather of an Autumn night and it'd be no surprise why I was so miserably cold. I'm even betting that I develop hypothermia. My fingers were certainly blue enough for hypothermia.

Despite being petrified with fear and soaked in misery the whole time, the one thing I was not scared of was death when it should have been the first thing on my mind. I had already died once and in my mind I believe since I already died, if I die again then I should finally be going where I belong. At this point, Death almost felt like a friend and rescuer.

When I die, I will finally get answers.

When I die, I will no longer be so cold.

When I die, I will be free.

When I die—

I just didn't want to be here anymore. If being reborn was some cosmic power's idea of a joke, then it is a sick and disgusting joke.

It was mid morning by the time the rickety old fishing boat I was on washed up onto the foreign riverbank of another small farming village by the name of Kami-Ishihara in the Musashi Province. The river had slowed near a shallow bend and the fishing boat couldn't quite follow the river down the bend as the bottom of the boat hit the riverbed. The old boat had gotten stuck in the shallow portion of the river where it was slowly nudged towards the riverbank by the small gentle waves hitting the side of the boat. After the fourteenth nudge from a small wave, the boat finally lifted itself off the riverbed and traveled the rest of the way to the shoreline. By the time the boat had reached land I was already so cold that I couldn't even shiver anymore. I couldn't move and I'm sure my skin was pale to the point of appearing slightly blue.

My lungs hurt. My throat hurt. It felt like I couldn't breathe. I was ready to die. I wanted to die.

But…

"Teru-teru-bōzu, teru bozō[1]," I had heard a young boy cheerfully sing nearby on the riverbank as I heard him skipping closer to my worn boat with my tired ears, "Do make tomorrow a sunny day, like the sky in a dream some time. If it's sunny I'll give you a golden bell—" The cheerful singing stopped along with the sound of skipping. "Huh? What's that? That wasn't there yesterday."

I heard the crunching of gravel underneath the young boy's zōri[2] as he approached my old abandoned boat with unbidden curiosity. A tuft of messy black hair invaded my blurred line of sight first as the curious boy peeked over the edge of the boat. When the boy finally poked his whole head into the boat, he froze in shock as he stared at his discovery. We both stared at each other dumbly in the eyes for about a minute in total silence.

He was a healthy looking preteen that looked like he was around twelve years of age. He was obviously well-fed with his big body frame, but he wasn't fat. He had healthy looking muscles that must have developed from working farmland.

When he first saw me, I honestly thought he would ignore me or **_do_** something instead of just staring at me blankly with that dumb expression. I was sure that I was not so impressive to warrant such staring, but that was all he was doing. Just as I was about to come to the conclusion that he somehow spontaneously gained brain damage when he discovered me, he suddenly yelped in alarm, his loud voice grating on my sensitive ears.

"T-This is terrible!" he yelped in an obnoxiously loud panic.

At this point, I was just hoping for a peaceful second passing, but this boy obviously wasn't going to allow that and I even hated him a little for being so disruptive to my dying process.

Once he was shocked back to his senses, the boy clumsily and roughly snatched me up from the boat before he bolted to the village, through the village, and to a saya-ingen[3] field on a small farm at breakneck speed.

"HELP!" the boy yelped once again as soon as a man and two older teenage boys, who were working the field, came within sight. "Otou-san! Otojirō-nii! Kumezō-nii!" These three must have been the boy's family.

"Katsugorō, what's this racket all about?" The man, most likely the father, paused his work and asked as soon as the young boy that was carrying me came to a stop in front of him. The other two teenage boys, probably older brothers, paused their work too and came to stand around the young boy.

"L-Look!" the boy, whose name was apparently Katsugorō, exclaimed as he stretched out his arms to present me to his father and older brothers before he shot off his questions at the similar firing rate of a machine gun. "Who would abandon a baby in a place like that?! She's so cold and alone! Did her parents not want her?! Why would her parents do something like this?! Aren't parents supposed to love their child?! Why would they do something like this?! How could they not want her? We need to do some—"

"Whoa, slow down, Katsu-chan!" the tallest older brother interrupted as he tried to calm Katsugorō down. "We have no idea what you're talking about. Breathe first then explain start first with where you picked up that baby."

"Otojirō-nii! Don't use –chan with my name! It's not manly! What am I even saying— I found her in an abandoned old fishing boat on the riverbank! We need to do something or the baby will die!" Katsugorō yelled rather quickly all in one giant breath while twitching impatiently some more.

It should have been uncomfortable to be held by this boy. He clutched at my small body too tightly and he wouldn't stop moving. But he was warm and I found that I liked being near him.

"Oh no, the poor little thing. Though I fear there is little we can do. She just looks so small and sickly," the father said, his voice full of pity. "Even if we try to help her, she'll still die."

"Otou-san's right, Katsu-chan." the shorter one of the older brothers, who was most likely Kumezō, said as he put the back of one of his fingers on my cheek. "She's freezing. She won't even last the rest of the day."

"I said don't add –chan to my name!" Katsugorō complained with discontent as he clung onto even tighter. "We can't just give up on her! It's not fair! She just started to live, so why does she have to die so soon?! Life can't be that cruel! Otou-san, didn't you say we should help those in need whenever we could?! What about now?!"

The father sighed tiredly at his youngest son and he wiped the sweat he worked up from working on the field off his face. "… Alright," the father finally answered Katsugorō after a baited moment of silence. "But you have to take care of her yourself. From now on, she's yours."

If I could then I would have bristled at the father's response. I may be dying, but I would have demanded that he rephrased that statement if I could. Even the dying had their pride. The way he worded everything made me sound like a pet. I was not to be someone's **_pet_**.

But to be completely fair, the father probably thought I was going to die anyways, so this probably would be the perfect opportunity to use my impending death to teach his youngest son a lesson in life.

While it was nice to offer help to those in need, it was sometimes pointless. Life is a cruel mistress. Even with help, there would be no guarantees that those in need would survive and during a time where resources were limited, it would be best not to waste resources on someone that would die either way, as cruel as it may sound. Some of the important life lessons were the harshest.

"You won't regret it, Otou-san!" Kastugorō immediately exclaimed optimistically as he pulled me towards his warm chest. I hung in his arms limply, too cold and exhausted to move. "She'll be my daughter!"

The father just merely nodded before he returned to the farm work while I jolted in shock at this boy's words, surprising the boy with my sudden movement.

This boy was not even a full teenager yet and he was going to try to raise me as his daughter?

That was…completely insane.

Did he even know how to take care of a baby? Maybe he really was a little brain damaged. He was too young to understand this massive undertaking. Raising another human being was possibly one of the most difficult things to accomplish and at his young age, he could not have possibly had all the necessary experience to raise a child successfully. There was no possible way that he could be a proper father.

"Hmm…what will I name you?" Katsugorō pondered out loud while looking down at me softly, causing Otojirō to frown.

"Are you sure you want to name her right now?" Otojirō asked his youngest brother. While the young boy didn't understand what his father was trying to teach him, Otojirō certainly did. "She might not survive and it's always more painful when something with a name passes away."

It was noble of Otojirō to look after his younger brother like this, wanting to protect him from the harsh realities and lessons of life.

"Of course she has to have a name!" the young boy objected vociferously as he turned to shield me from his brother's curious eye with his back. "She's somebody, not something! She's a person and a person has to have a name."

Just as Otojirō was about to retort to his youngest brother, Kumezō placed his hand on Otojirō's shoulder from behind and said with a laid back attitude, "Just leave him be. If he wants to give little Aka-chan a name, then he should. Besides, he seems sure that she'll survive, so maybe we should believe in him? It would be nice to have a little girl running around here."

"But aren't you worried about how Katsu-chan will feel when she dies?" Otojirō argued back silently.

"I said don't add –chan to my name!" Katsugorō butt into his elder brothers' conversation. "And I can hear you! She won't die so easily. Just look into her eyes. She has a warrior's spirit."

Otojirō sighed, knowing that there was no way to change Katsugorō mind now. "You've been listening to too many war stories. Fine, do what you wish." He ruffled the young boy's hair affectionately before he left to rejoin his father with the farm work.

"Hmm… What about Hitomi[4]?" suggested Kumezō as he stuck close, peering into my eyes as soon as I looked at him. "She does have beautiful blue eyes. Almost like blue ajisai[5]."

"She does, but somehow it doesn't feel right," Katsugorō said before the corners of his mouth twitched. "Oh! I know! I'll name her Shizuka!"

"Shizuka?" Kumezō then asked, testing the name on his tongue. He then smiled, approving of the name.

"Yeah! Babies are normally really loud, right? But she's so silent and Shizuka means quiet." Katsugorō answered as he looked down at me with a great big grin. "Your name is now Shizuka!"

"So now that you've named her, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go give her a warm bath so she doesn't feel so cold anymore," the young boy then exclaimed before he ran off towards the house with me in his arms.

It was the November of 1846 and the boy who had found was Miyagawa Katsugorō, the man the world would one day come to know as Kondou Isami, Commander of the infamous Shinsengumi.

* * *

[1] A little traditional hand-made doll which supposedly brings sunshine. "Teru" is a Japanese verb which describes sunshine, and a "bōzu" is a Buddhist monk. There is a famous warabe uta which is about these little dolls which are seen hanging everywhere on rainy days.

[2] Zōri (草履) are flat and thronged Japanese sandals made of rice straw or other plant fibers, cloth, lacquered wood, leather, rubber, or—increasingly—synthetic materials. Zōri are quite similar to flip-flops, which first appeared in New Zealand and the United States sometime around World War II as rubber imitations of the wooden thong sandals long worn in Japan.

The traditional forms of zōri are seen when worn with other traditional clothing; modern forms are fairly common, especially in summer. While geta are nowadays worn with the informal yukata, zōri are associated with the more formal kimono. The formality of the occasion affects the choice of kimono and zōri. The bulrush covered zōri that resemble tatami mats are not used with kimono, but are considered working wear or matched with casual Western or Japanese clothing, for example jinbei. Thus they rank close to the wooden geta.

[3] Saya-ingen ('サヤインゲン', is classified into vegetables), is known as Green Bean in English, and 菜豆 (Càidòu) in Chinese.

[4] From Japanese 瞳 "pupil of the eye". It can also come from 智 (hito) "wisdom, intellect" and 美 (mi) "beautiful". This name is often written ひとみ using the hiragana writing system.

[5] Hydrangea is a genus of 70–75 species of flowering plants native to southern and eastern Asia (China, Japan, Korea, the Himalayas, and Indonesia) and the Americas. By far the greatest species diversity is in eastern Asia, notably China, Japan, and Korea. Most are shrubs 1 to 3 meters tall, but some are small trees, and others lianas reaching up to 30 m (98 ft) by climbing up trees. They can be either deciduous or evergreen, though the widely cultivated temperate species are all deciduous.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _"Our ability to adapt is amazing. Our ability to change isn't quite as spectacular." ― Lisa Lutz, The Spellmans Strike Again_

"Repeat after me now, Shizu-chan." Miyagawa Katsugorō said while pointing to himself as he sat next to me on a mat. "O∙tou∙san."

I stared at my new "father" blankly before I went back to amusing myself with the medium-sized rubber ball that was on the mat in front of me. It had been three weeks since being picked up by the young boy and I had recovered nicely from my case of hypothermia without any complications. The human body, while fragile, was also strangely resilient at the same time.

When I was first adopted, I was fully expecting to die shortly afterward, but to my own surprise and nearly everyone else's surprise, I survived. After realizing that I wasn't going to die, the other doubtful, new family members quickly rushed to obtain everything a baby girl would need from the neighbors and the marketplace. They certainly weren't going to deprive their new family member of what they believed to be the "basics". Before I knew it, I was surrounded by plenty of second-hand items. They were really striving to spoil me since it had been quite some time since they had a girl in the house seeing that the person that would have filled the role of "grandmother" had died a while back before I arrived.

The young boy sighed exasperatedly before taking the ball from my hands and placed in on the mat behind him. "No," he said firmly as he tried to get me to speak again. "Repeat after me: O∙tou∙san."

I ignored him and crawled around him to retrieve the ball he confiscated. After I had the ball in my hand, I merely planted my little butt on the mat and sat behind him while rolling the ball around on the mat. I wasn't interested in his little speaking lesson nor did I feel the need or want to bond with him. I still had a serious case of disconnect with this new body. I couldn't see this boy as my family. I already had my own family with a real mom and dad back in the future and I didn't need a new one.

Katsugorō yelled in into the empty air in frustration as he pulled on his hair before falling over onto the mat at my reaction, causing the nearby Otojirō to burst out laughing at his younger brother.

"Relax, she's probably too young to speak. She's tiny compared to the other babies in the village." Otojirō said mirthfully as he watched his younger brother roll around on the floor in frustration. "Although this does make me wonder how old she is. Otou-san, Kumezō, how old do you think little Shizuka-chan is?"

"I'd guess around nine to ten months old." Kumezō guessed with a grin as he continued to laugh internally at his youngest brother's frustration. "She can sit up by herself, crawl, pull herself up into standing position using some furniture, and walk a bit as long as she's holding on to something. What do you think, Otou-san?"

"Yes, that sounds about right, but her lack of 'baby talk' worries me along with her behavior," the father of the boys said with a sobering expression. "She doesn't try to talk, she doesn't cry, and she acts like she doesn't want to get close to us. You did name her well, but her behavior makes me wonder is she really is 'all there'."

"She is!" Katsugorō objected. "She's really smart! Remember that puzzle box you gave to Kumezō-nii that he was never able to solve? I gave it to her to play with two days ago and she solved it in like five minutes!"

"Then why doesn't she respond to you, or any of us?" questioned Otojirō.

Katsugorō's face fell immediately after the question. That was a good question. "May— Maybe she doesn't like me…" he mumbled while looking downcast.

Dammit.

Now he looked like a kicked puppy and I feeling more and more guilty by the second. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to indulge his wants a little bit? He did rescue me from certain death, even if I wanted to die, by not leaving me on that old fishing boat and I should repay him somehow. I let the ball roll off the mat before I got on my hands and knees and started crawling back to my "father". When I got close enough, I reached up and tugged on his sleeve to catch his attention.

"Ch…ch…chi...ue…" I tested my new voice.

Well, my vocal cords seemed to work just fine. Let's see if I get my speech under control and form whole words now.

At my attempt to communicate, Katsugorō instantly cheered up and smiled encouragingly at me while the others watched on in curiosity. Why was there a sudden change in little Shizuka-chan's behavior?

"That's it!" Katsugorō cheered me on. "Say Otou-san."

"Chi…chi…chi…," I continued to say before I finally spat out the word, "Chichi-ue!"

Katsugorō, or should I call him Chichi-ue now, crashed onto the floor comically at the word I finally spat out and whined with those big cartoon-like tears running down his face. "Nooo, that's not what I wanted you to call me. I wanted you to call me the affectionate Otou-san, not the formally stiff Chichi-ue. I wanted to have the cute and affectionate relationship with my darling daughter, not the stiff and strict relationship."

I stared at Chichi-ue blankly. I wasn't going to call anyone other than my own real father from my past life "Dad". It did help that the Japanese words for dad sounded nothing like the English and Chinese terms, but if I was going to call Katsugorō my "father" then I wasn't going to use the informal, affectionate term I would have reserved normally for my dad from my past life. This was as far as I was willing to go.

"Whoa! Did you just hear her speak? I wasn't just hearing things, right?" Kumezō asked in amazement. I probably should start referring the two older brothers as "uncles" now.

"No, you weren't hearing things," the Otojirō-oji-san said with just as much amazement. "She just spoke!"

"But she wasn't repeating after Katsugorō," the father of the boys, or Ojii-chan, said as he narrowed his eyes at me with suspicion. "She knew that Chichi-ue was the more formal term for Otou-san, the question is: How?"

"Oh! Maybe it was when we took her out for a stroll yesterday," suggested Otojirō-oji-san. "Remember? We passed by Omasa-san when she was calling her father-in-law Chichi-ue. Maybe she figured it out from that?"

"How could she?" argued Kumezō-oji-san as he observed me curiously. "She's too young to understand."

"I know how," Ojii-chan said as he narrowed his eyes at me, even more, to look at me seriously. I leaned in to hear his answer. Maybe he somehow knew what my situation was. Maybe he had the answers I was looking for. However, I was sorely disappointed when he broke out into proud, boisterous laugh. "She must be one of those rare genius babies."

…

…

…

Why did I ever think that Ojii-chan had the answer again?

* * *

"Look, Shizu-chan!" Chichi-ue exclaimed as he waved me over with one hand and pointed at the setting sun with the other.

I left the flower I was staring at alone and went to Chichi-ue's side. We were both walking back home from a dojo called Shieikan Hall. Chichi-ue had just started going there daily after all the farm work was completed for the day and I always tagged along.

"The sun's setting. Doesn't it look beautiful? Do you want to sit on Otou-san's shoulder and watch the sunset together?" Chichi-ue still hadn't given up on trying to get me to call him "Otou-san".

I nodded silently before I toddled over to where Chichi-ue was standing and clasped his hand lightly. He grinned happily down at me before he heaved me up onto his right shoulder and turn back towards the setting sun. It was now 1848, two years after I came into the lives of Miyagawa's family. At the start of this year, Chichi-ue had started going to Shieikan Hall[1] after working in the fields every day to train in the Tennen Rishin-ryū[2] sword style and, while I was still pretty distant, I found myself following Chichi-ue after he left home every day to go to the dojo. I just so used to his presence now that it felt awfully strange to not be around him and I felt the extreme need for normality. Once Chichi-ue saw that I was following him, he couldn't bear to turn me away so I got to go with him to the dojo daily.

"I wonder what's for dinner tonight. I think Kumezō-nii's cooking tonight," Chichi-ue said out loud to himself after the sun disappeared behind the mountains before he looked up at me and asked, "What do you want to eat, Shizu-chan?"

I shrugged my shoulders silently in response causing Chichi-ue to frown while looking up at me.

"Use your words, Shizu-chan," Chichi-ue reprimanded me lightly. I wasn't the most loquacious child and usually only spoke when spoken to.

I blushed lightly at the light scolding before saying, "I don't care what I eat as long as we all have food eat," with a ghostlike voice that almost disappeared into the wind.

I really didn't care what I ate for dinner as long as it had the proper nutrients I needed. I wasn't a picky eater and in a time where there wasn't all that much food security, no one could really afford to be a picky eater.

Chichi-ue chuckled at my answer. "I bet everyone wishes they had you as their daughter just for your eating habits. Well, let's go back home now."

"Okay," I agreed quietly as Chichi-ue walked the rest of the way home with me sitting on his shoulder.

When we arrived home, Chichi-ue and I were greeted with the delicious scent of an oden[3] style hotpot. The smell of the fishcake was absolutely mouthwatering. It must have been market day today.

Ojii-chan smiled widely at me when he saw me sitting on Chichi-ue's shoulder and reach over to pick me off of his shoulder.

"How was my little granddaughter today? Where you good for your Otou-san at the dojo today?" Ojii-chan cooed at me as he held me in his arms.

"Um!" I cutely said in conformation while nodding before asking about his back. He had pulled a muscle while tilling the soil earlier this morning and he was being pretty reckless by picking me up right now. "Ojii-chan's back still hurts?"

"No, all better now. See, I can pick you up now too."

"But you better put her down now, Otou-san," Otojirō-oji-san said teasingly as he pulled a stack of bowls from a cabinet towards the back of the room and turn around to face us with the bowls in his hands. "You can still hurt your back again, old man."

"Nonsense!" Ojii-chan retorted as he placed me on the ground.

As soon as my feet touched the ground, I ran off towards Kumezō-oji-san. I wanted to see how he prepared tonight's meal. As a girl in the late Tokugawa era, I would be expected to be able to prepare proper meals in the future. I'd better start learning how to cook this era's food with cutlery tools this time period had available. There's nothing wrong with getting head starts where possible.

While I was heading towards Kumezō-oji-san, Oji-chan declared, "I'm at the age where I can be called old yet!" before he flexed his muscles in a silly manner to show off his youth.

"Maybe not yet, but you're getting there," Kumezō-oji-san snorted as he stirred the delectable food in the pot that was hanging over the open fire pit. When he noticed me nearing him, he quickly nudged me away with his knee. "Oops, careful Shizuka-chan. You don't want to burn yourself by getting too close to the fire."

"I know that." I pouted.

I felt completely insulted! I knew how to handle myself around fire!

I huffed before ignoring Kumezō-oji-san's warning and stood on my tippy toes near the hot pot as I tried to peer at the ingredients in the pot, but I couldn't really see anything other than the fishcakes that were poking up from under the broth. It really sucked to be so short sometimes.

"Shizuka-chan," Kumezō-oji-san repeated my name sternly when I didn't back away from the flames. I turned to look at him with big innocent eyes before I backed away from the flame. Fine, I would let him has his way this time. "Good girl." He sighed in relief. "Now go help Otojirō-oji-san get the chopsticks."

I nodded obediently before I rushed off with bright childlike energy to find the chopsticks we stored in the cabinet against the wall and next to the cabinet where we kept the bowls and plates. Chichi-ue grinned at my childish energy before he went to go help Otojirō-oji-san with the set up the bowls and the little table-like trays that had already been placed on the floor near the fire.

When I reached the closed cabinet, I stood on my toes just so I could reach the handle just to pull the cabinet doors open. With the cabinet door opened, I jumped to reach the container containing the chopsticks, but I totally failed to get them. I jumped a few more times to attempt to reach the chopsticks, but alas, I still couldn't reach them and there weren't any small stools I could stand on nearby.

Why did Kumezō-oji-san ask me to fetch the chopsticks again?

He knew I was too short to reach them. I turned to shoot him a peeved look only to see him humming with a carefree expression while stirring the pot…

He did that just to get me out of the way, didn't he?

Chichi-ue laughed out loud at my expression before he came up from behind me and grabbed the chopsticks in the cabinet before handing them to me.

"There you go, Shizu-chan," Chichi-ue said with an amused grin. "Do you want to use a spoon today?"

Chichi-ue always asked me this before each meal and the answer was and always will be the same. I shook my head vehemently. I knew how to use chopsticks and my pride from my previous life wouldn't let me use a spoon while everyone else was using chopsticks. It was true that at age two my hands didn't have their fine-tuned motor control yet, but I was skilled with my hands…

Hmm, that sounded a bit dirty…

But all the same, I was skilled with my hands before I died, and I was determined to get that skill back, even if that did mean I would look silly while trying to eat my meals right now.

"Are you sure, Shizu-chan? There's soup today." Chichi-ue explained as he knelt down look me in the eye while patting my head. "I don't want you to accidentally splash yourself with the hot soup."

"I won't burn myself. I can use chopsticks." I dismissed the spoon suggestion with a pout and I turned around to toddle towards Otojirō-oji-san with my unsteady feet so I could hand him the eating utensils before I ran back towards Kumezō-oji-san to watch him cook.

I changed my mind. He wasn't going to get rid of me so easily.

"Shizuka-chan! Stop standing so close to the fire!" Kumezō-oji-san scolded me once more when he took his eyes off the pot only to see me standing next to him again. "Why do you never listen to me when I'm cooking?"

"Kumezō-oji-san, the broth is boiling over the sides of the pot," I pointed out bluntly. When he turned to scold me again for the second time, he stopped paying attention to the contents of the pot and now the soup was escaping over the sides of the pot from the temperature being too high.

"Shit!" he cried in alarm as he rushed to fix his mistake.

"Kumezō-nii! No foul language around Shizu-chan!" Chichi-ue instantly exclaimed as he swooped in to pick me up and took me further away from the fire and the angry spitting pot.

And for the sake of being a little shit just because I had nothing better to do, I repeated after Kumezō-oji-san and said, "'Shit.' What does 'shit' mean?"

"Now look what you did Kumezō!" Ojii-chan yelled before he turned to me and said, "Shizuka-chan, that's a bad word so you should never say it, okay?"

"Okay," I reassured Ojii-chan as I watched Kumezō-oji-san panic like a headless chicken.

Kids could be such little shits sometimes, but most of the time it not like they were trying to. They just didn't understand. I, on the other hand, was an adult in the skin of a child. I knew exactly what I was doing and being a little shit on purpose was such devious fun.

* * *

Crash!

A loud sound startled me out of my sleep and I quickly moved closer to Chichi-ue. Being a poor farming family, everyone slept on the same straw mat on the floor of the same room during the night. It wasn't the most comfortable arrangement, but it made it easy to see who was in bed and who was still awake. When I that loud crash startled me awake, I had jumped up in alarm and quickly scanned the mat. Everyone was still on the mat so that meant that whatever made that loud sound in the other room was either an animal that had managed to get into the house or it was a thief.

"Shh… It's okay Shizu-chan." Chichi-ue tried to calm me down before he looked to his older brothers and his father. "Otojirō-nii, Kumezō-nii, we're going to go investigate what caused that sound. Otou-san, stay here with Shizu-chan."

All the other men silently in agreement before all of them sprang into action. Otojirō-oji-san and Kumezō-oji-san got up out of bed first to grab their own bokken[4] and left the room to investigate first while Chichi-ue first made sure I was snuggly in Ojii-chan's arms first before he grabbed his own bokken and ran off to join his brothers.

"Hush now, Shizuka-chan," Ojii-chan whispered kindly, patting my back for comfort despite the fact I was already calm and quiet. "Everything will be fine. Your Otou-san and your two Oji-san will chase the thief away."

"But what if it's an animal like a wild boar?" I questioned him. Trying to chase off a wild boar would be a much more difficult task than chasing off a human.

"No, it's not an animal," Ojii-chan stated. "An animal would be far louder. This is a clumsy thief. Besides, there have been thefts in other nearby villages."

"Will they be alright?" I still didn't think of them as my family, but I liked them and didn't want anyone to be hurt in this encounter.

"Yes. Don't worry, they're big strong men and they'll beat the thief up until he's black and blue and runs away in fright," he said before he lightly tapped on the tip of my nose. He certainly had a lot of faith in his sons.

"Hey you!" I suddenly heard Chichi-ue yell in another room of the house. "You're not stealing from this family!"

"You can't stop me, you limp noodle!" I heard the gruff voice mystery man retort.

"We'll see about that! Prepare yourself!" I heard Chichi-ue declare before he gave a loud battle cry, probably just before he charged at the thief.

There were brief sounds of wood clashing upon wood in the scuffle before I heard the loud snapping sound of wood. There were sounds of struggle after that. Then I heard a loud, "Oof!"

"Surrender now!" I heard Chichi-ue demand before I heard the sound of footsteps running towards the source of the scuffle.

"We've got you surrounded now!" I heard Kumezō-oji-san say in the other room.

"You're not getting anything from this household!" Otojirō-oji-san said next.

The next thing I knew, I heard more thumping and yelps of pain filled the house before I looked through the bedroom window just in time to see the thief abort his mission and flee into the night. The morning soon after that, rumors of how strong Chichi-ue had started spread out through the village and into the outskirts of Edo. While Otojirō-oji-san and Kumezō-oji-san also helped chase off the thief, it was originally Chichi-ue who beat the thief into submission. When the rumor of how Chichi-ue ran the thief off finally reached the master of Shieikan Hall, the master of the dojo wasted no time adopting Chichi-ue to name him as his heir and the successor of the dojo.

In 1849, Chichi-ue moved into Shieikan Hall as the heir and a permanent resident of the hall and seeing that how he couldn't bear to leave me behind, he brought me with him. From the moment of his adoption as the successor of Shieikan Hall, he became known as Kondou Isami and I became Kondou Shizuka.

* * *

"Ah, you're finally here," Shuusai-sensei, the master of Shieikan Hall said as he came to greet Chichi-ue at the front door when we arrived. "Oh? And little Shizuka-chan also came too."

"Ah, well, I just couldn't bear to leave her behind so I brought her with me," Chichi-ue explained sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck.

I managed the politest bow I could with my three-year-old body while saying, "We'll be in your hands now so please take care of us."

From now on, we were going to be living at the dojo rather than back on the Miyagawa family farm, so it was best to be polite and on my best behavior.

"My, so polite," Shuusai-sensei said with pleasant surprise. Most young kids at this age would either act super bratty or super shy, but I was just simply polite. "Despite her following you here daily for the past year, I think this is the first time I heard her speak," he then said to Chichi-ue.

"Oh, that just because Shizu-chan doesn't really like to speak," Chichi-ue explained. "She really acts more like a ghost than a child most of the time. She's small, quiet, and unnoticeable most of the time. She likes to follow me around while making no noise. But she won't be any trouble. She knows how to behave herself and she's also more capable than all the children her age."

"A ghost? Really now?" Shuusai-sensei said while observing me with more interest. "Well, let's get the two of you situated. Come on inside."

Chichi-ue gave me a small nudge with his knee to signify that I should follow Shuusai-sensei inside the dojo and towards the living quarters. I quickly followed his silent instruction and shuffled after the dojo's master while Chichi-ue followed closely behind.

"I wasn't aware that Shizuka-chan was coming with you, so the both of you will have to share a single room," Shuusai-sensei said when he came to a stop in front the open door of a fairly spacious room."

"That's no problem. Since Shizu-chan is still so young, I'd prefer to have her close by." Chichi-ue answered before he beckoned me closer. "Shizu-chan, come closer and take a look at where we'll be living from now on."

I shuffled closer and peeked around Chichi-ue's leg to get a closer look at the room. It was well furnished and it was a pretty large room for two people to share. There'd be no complaints from me. I looked up at Chichi-ue when he gently dropped his hand on the top of my head.

"Do you like the room?" Chichi-ue asked while patting my head affectionately.

I nodded yes and Shuusai-sensei smiled down at me kindly.

"I'll go fetch another futon for Shizuka-chan to sleep on, so why don't you two get comfortable?"

Wait! I got to have my own bed this time?

"Okay!" I exclaimed cheerfully before I quickly toddled into the room, causing both men to burst out laughing at my sudden boldness.

I wouldn't have minded if I still had to sleep with Chichi-ue, but he snored and drooled in his sleep sometimes. If I was going to get my own futon[5], then I certainly wasn't going to turn it down. This was the start of a new chapter in our lives.

* * *

[1] The Shieikan is the Tennen Rishin Ryu Dojo, which existed in Ichigaya, Tokyo. The Dojo was established by Kondou Shusuke in 1839. After Kondou Isami joined the Roshigumi, Sato Hikogoro maintained it until 1867.

[2] This style, like other koryū arts, teaches kenjutsu, bōjutsu, and jūjutsu. The style was famous in Edo, and was headquartered at the Shieikan dojo.

[3] Oden (おでん) is a Japanese winter dish consisting of several ingredients such as boiled eggs, daikon, konjac, and processed fishcakes stewed in a light, soy-flavored dashi broth. Ingredients vary according to region and between each household. Karashi is often used as a condiment. Oden was originally what is now commonly called _misodengaku_ or simply _dengaku_ ; _konnyaku_ or tofu was boiled and eaten with miso. Later, instead of using miso, ingredients were cooked in dashi and oden became popular.

[4] A bokken (木剣, _bok(u)_ , "wood", and _ken_ , "sword") (or a _bokutō_ 木刀, as they are instead called in Japan) is a Japanese wooden sword used for training. It is usually the size and shape of a katana, but is sometimes shaped like other swords, such as the wakizashi and tantō. Some ornamental bokken are decorated with mother-of-pearl work and elaborate carvings.

Bokken should not be confused with shinai, practice swords made of flexible bamboo.

[5] A futon (布団) is traditional Japanese bedding comprising a quilted mattress that is usually laid on the floor. A bedding set consists of both a mattress (敷き布団 _shikibuton_ , lit. "spreading futon") and a duvet (掛け布団 _kakebuton_ , lit. "covering futon"), although the word "futon" is also used to refer specifically to the mattress. Both elements of a futon bedding set are pliable enough to be folded and stored away during the day, allowing the room to serve for purposes other than as a bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 _"Tragedies don't interest me, tragedies and heartbreaks are all alike, what matters is how a person meets them, how they survive them… Given the inevitability of losses and disappointments in life, that's where the challenge is and the uniqueness. I was offering her sympathy." ― Dorothy Gilman, Incident At Badamya_

Growing up in my past life, I always thought getting sick was far more trouble than it was worth. Most of my friends back then, when sick, always got to skip school to stay in bed all day with someone constantly waiting on them with a nice hot bowl of chicken soup. It was a nice cycle of eat, sleep, watch television, and wait for the fever vanish. For me, whenever I got sick, I got the tough love from my very typical Chinese parents.

Have a fever? Well, the teachers can't tell, so suck it up and go to school. Feel like throwing up because of the stomach flu? Calmly raise your hand and ask the teacher to be excused to the bathroom so you can throw up in private. Get caught at school with a fever and have to be sent home? Shame on you for not perfecting your technique. Be sure to ask your teacher for all the homework and classwork before you get sent home so you have something to work on while waiting for the fever to go to school. It's nothing short of blasphemy to be behind on school work.

As much as I envied my friends for the type of treatment they got from their parents when they were sick, I came to prefer my parents' methods of dealing with illness. It was what I grew up with and it was what I was used to. If anything, humans are creatures of habit.

"Achoo!" I sneezed loudly into my blanket, which I had pulled up high enough to cover my nose and mouth.

Pulling the blanket away, I grimaced at the snot and spit I had left all over the blanket before tossing the blanket as far away from me as possible. At a time when there were no such thing as disposable tissues, you learn really quickly to appreciate the things you do have.

At my action, Chichi-ue was quick to dig another blanket, one much thicker than the one before, out of the closet before tossing it over my small four-year-old body. Sandwiched between the heavy blanket and my futon with the addition of my fever, I felt like I was being eaten by some strange cloth monster.

And in the end, I really just wished that Chichi-ue would just leave me alone instead of staying nearby in an attempt to comfort me. Better yet, if he could do what my real parents in my past life did and give me something like homework and then leave me alone, that would be wonderful. This thing he was doing, this coddling, it was foreign and I didn't like it.

"Shizu-chan, you should lay back down and sleep," Chichi-ue voiced his concern as he reached over to place his hand on my forehead for another temperature check. I quickly ducked away from his touch and buried myself back under the blankets.

"Shizuka!" he scolded me using my full name, meaning he was, to some degree, angry at my actions. "I know you don't like to be touched when sick, but I need to check your temperature."

No, he did not **_need_** to check my temperature. He just **_wanted_** to. What could he realistically do if I still had a fever? Nothing. There was nothing he could do to bring down my fever. But as much as I wanted to say that to get him to go away, I could recognize the look of concern on his face.

I may have not truly acknowledged him as my father but that didn't mean he didn't truly consider me his daughter.

"Chichi-ue," I said while holding the blanket tightly in place as he tried to pry it away, "I have the measles and it is a highly contagious virus that lives in the nose and throat mucus of an infected person. It can spread to others easily through coughing and sneezing. Also, measles virus can live for up to two hours in an airspace where the infected person coughed or sneezed. If other people breathe the contaminated air or touch the infected surface, then touch their eyes, noses, or mouths, they can become infected. Measles is so contagious that if one person has it, 90% of the people close to that person who are not immune will also become infected[1]."

Despite him caring so much, I wasn't going to indulge him in his wishes this time. It was for his own good as much as it was for my own comfort zone.

"You shouldn't be touching me or be in the same room as me. I'll get you sick."

"But still! I have to check your temperature and then I need to run out to find a physician to look at you," Chichi-ue protested as he tried to take my temperature again.

He completely ignored the fact that I just spat out information I should have had no way of knowing. He was still far too busy worrying about my health and grew increasingly frustrated when he failed again to take my temperature when I hunkered down under the blanket some more.

"Shizuka! Stop being so difficult!"

"You don't need to take my temperature. I have a fever. When the rashes from the measles appear, a fever that can go as high as 40˚ Celsius usually also appears at the same time[2]."

One thing I was really starting to wish for was that this body had received a measles vaccination. The measles really was a horrible illness that was preventable.

"And I don't need a physician. There's nothing a physician can do to treat measles. I just need lots of sleep, water, and vitamin A."

"Eh? Vitamin A?" Chichi-ue questioned as I caught his attention with this tidbit of information.

"People with low levels of vitamin A are more likely to have a more severe case of measles. Giving vitamin A may lessen the severity of the measles and prevent complications. Giving me a large dose for two days and it should help me improve my condition and speed up my recovery[3]," I answered after a small cough. "Cooked sweet potatoes have the plenty of vitamin A."

"Alright!" Chichi-ue exclaimed as he leaped to his feet. "Stay there and I'll go cook some sweet potatoes for you!"

"Wait…," I said but Chichi-ue didn't hear me as he made a mad dash for the kitchen, "…you should isolate yourself for a little more than two weeks to make sure you didn't contract the measles from me…" I finished in a mumble as I laid alone in the room.

I did want to be alone, but that didn't excuse bad health practices, especially with an illness that spread so easily.

Despite Chichi-ue's poor health practices in relationship to prevention, by some miracle, he did not contract the measles while taking care of me. Within about a month and a half, I had recovered quickly and was able to stop being bedridden. But there was one interesting factor that had come out of my measles infection. I had thought that Chichi-ue had completely ignored the amount of medical knowledge I knew. He did not.

After my fever broke and I started recovering, Chichi-ue gave me a blank journal to amuse myself with while I was still bedridden. He told me teasingly that I should write down whatever medical knowledge I knew despite the fact that he never taught me how to write. Taking up his challenge eagerly because I now had something to do, I completely shocked him by filling up the journal with Chinese and medical diagrams within a week. After he saw my work, Chichi-ue's jaw dropped and he instantly disappeared to a nearby temple to pray for an entire week.

After he returned from the temple, Chichi-ue made sure he took the time to properly teach me how to read and write Japanese. While he had called me a genius child before, after this event, I was no longer just called a genius child but was actually treated as one now too.

* * *

"Shizu-chan!" Chichi-ue called while being completely unaware I was washing the floor right in front of him below his line of sight. I was still pretty small at age six. "Hmm... I could have sworn that she was in this room."

"But I'm still in this room," I said, finally making myself known. Chichi-ue jumped about three feet into the air in fright before he looked down at where I was.

"You scared me there." He sighed out a breath of relief while patting his chest to try to slow his racing heart. "How do you keep disappearing like that? Nevermind that. I have some free time now. Do you want to play Otou-san?"

"I'm not done with my chores yet," I stated rather bluntly as I went back to washing the wooden floor.

No one actually really assigned me any chores, I self-assigned the chores to myself. I may have been in the skin of a six-year-old child, but my mind was far older than that. I had no interest in playing all day or socializing with the children "my age". On occasion, I did fool around with a few kids, but that was only because I liked children. However, I couldn't spend my whole day playing with them without feeling like their babysitter at the end of the day. I couldn't connect to these children because I didn't think the same way they did.

This lack of connection with others when I played with them often made me feel more alone than when I really was physically alone, so I opted to spend most of my time away from the other children. It was obvious that Chichi-ue had become concerned in my lack of wanting to connect with the other children and he was now trying to remedy the situation by trying to get me to at least play a little bit.

"Shizu-chan," Chichi-ue pointed out as the corner of his lips sagged, "no one actually gave you any chores to do. You're six and you should be spending more time playing rather than worrying about chores."

"I rather do chores right now than go out and play," I deflected Chichi-ue again.

He sighed rather dejectedly after that last refusal and looked at me sadly. I didn't act like the cute little daughter that he had in mind from when he first adopted me. Refusing to give up on me completely, he stood behind me thinking for a little while before a mischievous grin erupted on his face.

Uh-oh, I wasn't liking the look of that grin on his face. What was he planning?

He quickly reached down and snagged me up, causing me to drop the rag I was using to polish the floor and tossed me over his shoulder before he began to walk outside with steps full of purpose. I, on the other hand, was too stunned at his actions to really even react.

"W-What? W-Where are we going?" I asked in complete surprise from my spot on his shoulder once I got my voice back. I wasn't quite sure how I was supposed to react to this sudden action.

"Hahaha! You'll see," Chichi-ue exclaimed boisterously. He seemed quite excited and proud of himself. "I'm sure you'll like it."

We didn't go too far after Chichi-ue picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder. We got as far as the courtyard of the dojo before he put me down on the ground and pointed to the low dip of the roof. I looked in the direction he was pointing, but all I saw were the tiles of the roof. If there was anything higher up on the roof, then I couldn't see it because of my short height.

"All I see is the roof?" I said to Chichi-ue as I looked at him inquisitively. Was he expecting me to see something else?

"What do you think is up there?" he asked with an excited grin.

"Umm… Leaves. Lots of leaves." We did have a tree in the courtyard nearby.

"Shh. Listen carefully and you'll see." Chichi-ue encouraged me by giving me a small shove forward.

I fell silent and listen carefully for…whatever it was that he wanted me to hear. Before long, I heard a small series of squeaky meows.

There were kittens living on our roof? How did I not notice their cries before? In an instant, I shed my adult persona in my excitement.

"There are kittens up there?" I exclaimed while bouncing up and down with wide-eyed wonder.

Chichi-ue laughed at by sudden cheerfulness while grinning proudly at his own achievement.

"Haha!" he exclaimed merrily. "I found a litter of kittens living in a small niche on the roof the other day while I was up there cleaning off the leaves. Do you want to see them?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" I bounced around like a typical little kid. I hadn't been this excited in a while.

"Yosh! Let's go then!" Chichi-ue pumped his right fist into the air childishly.

He quickly knelt down so I could climb onto his back. With me securely attached to his back like a baby koala, he went to grab the ladder so he could lean it against the house. He quickly scurried up the ladder and onto the roof when then ladder was in place and as he stepped on the roof, I saw a litter of five kittens and the mother cat sitting in a small niche under the overhang of another part of a slightly taller roof.

"Do you want to get closer, Shizu-chan?" asked Chichi-ue. I nodded fervently in response. Chichi-ue walked a bit closer to the group of cats and placed me down on the roof when we were both safely far away from the edge.

When I was placed down on the roof, I slowly inched closer to the cats before I knelt down and stuck my hand out towards the cats slowly. A brave, small calico colored kitten stared at me with curiosity and trotted towards my hand before tentatively tapping it with one of its paws. When it deemed that I was harmless, the little kitten started purring and rubbing against my hand, causing me to beam in delight.

"Look, Chichi-ue!" I gushed in childish glee as I gently rubbed the kitten between the ears. It was so cute! "She's friendly!"

"She is, isn't she?" Chichi-ue he knelt down next to me and lightly scratched the kitten's back. He smiled gently at me when I giggled at the kitten when it started playing with my fingers.

"Can we keep her? Please?"

It was a childish thing to ask especially when I knew that we couldn't. Shuusai-sensei didn't allow pets inside the dojo, and he was allergic to cats. But since Chichi-ue finally got me to act like a child, I decide a little longer wouldn't hurt. Plus, he seemed to like this childish side of mine.

"I'm afraid we can't, Shizu-chan. She has her own family and I know she wouldn't want to be taken away from her family."

"Then can we keep all the cats?"

Chichi-ue chuckled at my last question. He knew that question was coming next. "I wish we could, but you know Shuusai-sensei doesn't allow pets inside the dojo. We need to respect his rules."

"Aww…" I deflated at the obvious answer as I looked at Chichi-ue with big sad eyes. I wanted the kitten because it was cute.

But most of all, I wanted a companion that would make me feel less alone in this strange world.

"But," he continued after my disappointment, "we can come up here to play with them while their still living here. Would you like that instead?"

I nodded mutely in response. That seemed like a good compromise.

For the next few months, I would always eagerly run to go find Chichi-ue after each class. I couldn't get onto the roof without his help and I began to enjoy goofing off with Chichi-ue every chance I got. Chichi-ue, on the other hand, was pretty happy to discover that all he needed to cure my standoffish attitude was the calico kitten, which was eventually named Fuku[4]. Chichi-ue would always be thankful to little Fuku for helping me become a little less emotionally distant towards him.

"Chichi-ue! Chichi-ue!" I called him as I dashed up to him with a bubbly attitude just as he bid his last student farewell for the day a few months after my first encounter with the cats. "Let's go play with Fuku now!" I exclaimed as I tugged on his hands. I was acting rather childish, but rediscovering the joys of being a child was just so wonderful.

"Alright, alright," he acquiesced with a large grin. He picked me up rather playfully before we rushed off towards where the cats usually were.

However, when we got up onto the roof today, something was different. The cats were gone. I knew that the mother cat and her kittens were only going to stay on that little section of the roof until the kittens were old fully grown and able to survive on their own, but that did not help me prepare in any way for the pang of sadness I had when they finally did leave.

Chichi-ue knelt down and tried to comfort me when he saw my face visibly fall. "Shizu-chan… I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay," I mumbled dejectedly before I offered Chichi-ue a small smile. "I knew they would leave eventually. At least all the kittens grew up to be healthy and they can now start their own individual lives as healthy adults."

He returned my smile with his own small smile and ruffled my hair. "It's a good thing you understand. You really don't think like the average young child. Come on, let's go back down."

I nodded and let Chichi-ue take me off the roof again. Later that night, when I was sitting Chichi-ue's lap on the porch, I was pleasantly surprised by a visitor. Our little visitor appeared waltzed up to us while we were looking at the stars.

"Do you remember the name of that constellation?" Chichi-ue asked as he pointed to a series of stars in the night sky.

"That one's Chōshuku," I answered after squinting at the stars for a few short seconds. "Is there a story behind that constellation?"

"There is. You see, when—"

"Meow."

We both turned our heads towards the sound of that interruption only to see a familiar calico cat.

"It's Fuku!" I exclaimed in sheer joy. What was she still doing here?

"Oh! It is!" Chichi-ue added mirthfully before he started clicking his tongue at the young cat. "Come here, Fuku."

Fuku responded affectionately and waltzed up to us before she started rubbing herself up against Chichi-ue's leg and demanding her daily pets. From then on, Fuku came back every few days to come and visit us. She especially loved it when Chichi-ue snuck her an extra fish from the kitchen. Shuusai-sensei, on the other hand, was confused at why the fish kept on disappearing before he had the chance to cook them.

* * *

It was the evening of the year 1853, I was seven years old when my life changed once again. I was looking for Chichi-ue because I wanted to show him the pretty sakura branch that Fuku had brought me a bit earlier when she dropped by to visit me, but Chichi-ue and even Shuusai-sensei were nowhere to be found inside the dojo. Deciding that I would make more progress searching for them outside the building, I went outside into the courtyard and that's when some voices caught my attention.

"Sensei, please take care of my little brother," I heard a feminine voice from right outside the front gates of the dojo grounds. "… Come on, your greetings."

I quietly sneaked over to the front gates and poked my head out the open gates just enough to see what was going on. A pretty young woman was bowing deeply at both Chichi-ue and Shuusai-sensei. Her left hand was placed gently on a young boy's head, who was standing next to her. The young boy was probably younger than ten years old. He was dressed in a simple brown kimono and had his reddish brown hair tied up into a high ponytail. His bright emerald green eyes were strangely dull and focused on the ground in front of him.

I recognized that look. I that wore that same expression of sadness and confusion several times before myself. The boy didn't want to be here.

After some urging from who appeared to be his elder sister, the young boy bowed respectfully and said quietly, "Please take care of me."

My first impression of him was that he was a meek boy. His voice was muted. His body was a shell that he hid away in. He didn't protest like most young children would in his situation. He just quietly accepted the decision.

There was some more hushed conversing after the boy's bow, none of which I could hear from my location. It was too quiet to make sense of most of the conversation, but I did catch some words like: "take care"; "be good"; "no money"; and "new home". While I could not hear much of the conversation, I understood what was going on. What most like happened was that the young woman could no longer afford to take care of her younger brother anymore and was now asking Chichi-ue and Shuusai-sensei if they could give him a new home. By the looks of things, those two were most likely orphans. After a few more minutes of this hushed talking, the young woman bowed deeply once more to both Chichi-ue and Shuusai-sensei before she sadly hugged her younger brother one last time before she left.

She didn't look back.

When the young woman left, Shuusai-sensei turned and headed back towards the dojo. He smiled silently at me as he passed me on the way back in the dojo. After Shuusai-sensei entered the dojo, I turned my attention back onto the Chichi-ue and the boy. The boy was still silently standing outside the dojo and looking at the direction that his sister left in. Chichi-ue looked at the boy before putting his hand on the boy's shoulder as a gesture of comfort.

"Shizu-chan, you can come out here now. I know you're there." Chichi-ue said after a short moment. He turned his head to look at me, revealing that he knew I was there the whole time.

Oops, I had been discovered.

Chichi-ue had gotten really good at detecting where I was now, unlike all the other people that attended the dojo. I remain somewhat of a myth to the students with half of them believing that I didn't really exist. I had absolutely no presence and I still didn't bother conversing with other people most of the time.

When Chichi-ue called me out, I peeked out from behind the wall, flinching when the boy's sharp green eyes landed on me before ducking behind the wall again.

His eyes were a beautiful green. I don't know why but it scared me. It made my stomach clench and twist in an uncomfortable yet painless manner

"Come over here and meet the dojo's newest live-in student," Chichi-ue called out to me again, beckoning me over to where they stood. "This is Okita Souji."

When I refused to move again, Chichi-ue let out a sigh and apologized to the boy with a smile before going to fish me out from behind the wall.

"Come on now," Chichi-ue said to me as the snatched me up from behind the wall just as I was about to bolt. "No need to be so nervous. Come and meet him."

Struggling would have been completely futile, so I hung limply in Chichi-ue's arms until he set me down in front of the new boy. I couldn't meet the boy's gaze but I felt his green eyes watching me. If Chichi-ue's hands were not firmly placed on my shoulders, I would have long since fled back into the dojo.

"This is my daughter, Kondou Shizuka," Chichi-ue continued his introductions, oblivious to flighty behavior. "Don't be fooled by her small size though. She's only two years younger than you."

With behavior that had been ingrained into me so long, I quickly disregarded my need to flee and bowed with all the politeness I could muster. "It is a pleasure to meet Okita-san. I hope we will all get along well."

Being impolite was disgraceful and my true parents in my past life ingrained in me the notion, "Lose face and we disown you."

The boy did not respond and continued to stare at me with melancholy. I almost sighed in relief at his wordless action. I didn't know how to talk to him and was just glad he didn't bother trying to speak to me. He was just given away by his older sister because she could not afford to keep him. And his eyes, they made me want to shiver and hide.

What was there to say? What could I say?

Instead, I offered him the sakura branch that Fuku gave me as a small olive branch, ironically. But the action was pretty useless. He took the branch and…that was about it.

Chichi-ue chuckled at my outward behavior, believing that I was just so overly nervous that I became unbearably formal. "There's no need to act so formally with each other Shizu-chan. You and Souji should just call each other by each other's first name," Chichi-ue said to me before turning to the boy. "You too Souji. There is also no need to be shy. Go ahead and say hi, we'll all be living together from now on."

"Thank you for allowing me to stay here," the boy replied to Chichi-ue in a monotone voice. "Please take care of me."

"Alright! Now that we all know each other, Shizu-chan why don't you take Souji to the room he will be staying in and help him get settled in while I go check on dinner."

And with that, Chichi-ue left me with the bitter boy. After dallying pointlessly in front of him for a few seconds, I surprised myself by physically grabbing his hand and pulling him with me.

I lead him to his room in total silence, still unsure of what to say while I tried to pinpoint exactly why I was so disquieted. Then it hit me. It was his eyes. They reminded me of this body's biological mother. The one that was willing to let her baby die a horrible death.

"You don't have to stay here to help me get settled in like Kondou-san said to." The boy's voice suddenly cut through the thick silence that settled between us. He sounded so resentful that I could feel my heart break. "I can find which room is mine. I don't need your help."

What little boy should be allowed to sound like this? So broken and hurt? It wasn't right.

But still, I said nothing as I continued to drag him towards his room. When we finally got his room. I dropped his hand and turned to stare up at him wordlessly.

"Why are you still here? I don't need your pity either."

Pity? No, I wasn't pitying him. As horrible as his situation was, it wasn't dire enough for me to give him my pity. He wasn't the only child to have gone through such hardships. Thousands of children lose their parents annually, but instead of still having a place to live like this boy, those children became street rats, often doing everything they can just to survive day to day.

But just because I didn't pity him didn't mean that I didn't sympathize with him, that I couldn't feel pain for him.

I never answered his question. Instead, I did the illogical thing of launching myself at him to embrace him in a hug. Confused and shocked at my sudden action, the boy froze stiff for a few seconds before he avidly began prying my fingers off of him in disgust.

Then as quickly as I jumped on him, I released him and fled the scene, quickly ducking behind another wall so I could peek back at him without being in his presence.

Because even if I didn't know what to say to him, even if his presence disagreed with me, I felt a strange kinship with him. Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are the most terrible poverty.

* * *

[1] CDC Measles Signs and Symptoms

[2] CDC Measles Signs and Symptoms

[3] Mayo Clinic Measles Treatment

[4] Popular cat name in Japan meaning "lucky"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _"They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions... but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience." ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird_

I quickly ducked behind a table when Souji sharply turned his head towards my direction. He narrowed his eyes at and growled, "Stop following me! You're not very good at hiding!" before he stomped away. Instead of doing what he demanded of me, I chased after his shadow, following him as he crossed the dojo to get away from me.

Several months of Souji living at Shieikan hadn't changed my mind about him. I still found his piercing green eyes unsettling and I still felt the constant need to hide from him, but I couldn't stop following him. It was an interesting combination. I was strangely scared of him, but I wanted to befriend at the same time because there was something different about him from the other kids that were around "my age". It was the maturity one would possess from being forced to grow up too fast. It was a horrible thing, to be forced to grow up too quickly, but it was something I craved in a person "my age". I desperately wanted someone to connect to on a personal level and my brain was telling me he was the one.

One would think that since I still had the mind of an adult, I would discard all this dillydally and go talk to him without an issue, but it was actually quite the opposite. It was difficult to get pass my strange fear of him because I already knew too much with my adult mind.

Instead of focusing on the hope of obtaining a new friend like any normal seven-year-old kid, I focused on what I knew would happen. I knew he would flat out reject me. In this aspect, it doesn't matter if one is an adult or not. Rejection still sucks and stings like hell.

So in order to avoid rejection, I had settled for following him around like a mute ghost.

"I said stop following me, you stupid little girl!" he snarled back at me when he turned his head to see me peering at him again from behind the door.

I was going to ignore his demand and continue following him, but the moment a large shadow was cast on the wooden floor before Souji, I quickly ducked behind the door and curled into the tightest possible ball I could manage.

"Oh, look it's the charity case." It was them again. It was the older students.

Part me raged and seethed whenever I saw the older kids picking on Souji. Whenever I saw Souji getting beaten, I wanted to drop everything and march in to chase off the bullies. But it's never that easy. Logically looking at the situation, me marching in there was like committing suicide. I was a tiny girl that was significantly weaker because I was never fed properly for the first nine months of my life. The bullies were older boys that practice kenjutsu at least five times a week. It was because of these glaring facts I often found myself terrified of them. I knew what the consequences would be for me if I recklessly stepped in, and I was never a terribly brave person to begin with.

Whenever they appeared, I always found myself shamefully glad they were picking on Souji and not me. I was glad that they never noticed my existence because they were always so focused making Souji so miserable. I was ashamed of myself and so royally disgusted at my selfish thoughts.

I covered my eyes with my quaking hands while listening to the older students kick Souji until they deemed it no longer fun. By the time I dare peeked beyond the door, the bullies were already gone and Souji was left black and blue on the floor. He tried to push himself back onto his feet, but only got as far as raising his torso off the floor before he retched. The meager lunch he had eaten just twenty minutes before was now just vomit all over the floor.

I quickly slapped my own hands over my own mouth to prevent myself from letting out a loud sob as I blinked away tears. This is wrong, so wrong.

Why did Souji have to suffer like this? When did he do something so terrible in the nine short years he had been alive to warrant such punishment by the universe? I knew life wasn't fair, but this was too much.

Briefly ignoring the discomfort I felt around him, I quickly scrambled into the room, immediately running to the shelves where we kept the medication and bandages. Still being too short to reach what I was after, I haphazardly scaled the shelving unit, only pausing to squeak in terror when the shelf wobbled unsteadily for a moment and snatched the box of first aid equipment before landing back on the floor with an undignified thump.

With my prize in hand, I quickly scurried back to where Souji was watching me with a strange look in his eyes. I set the box on the floor and moved to help him sit up, but as soon as my fingers brushed against his torso, he jerked away from as anger flashed in his eyes.

"Don't touch me!"

I flinched at his outburst, but I continued working anyways, pushing away his hands when he tried to shoo me away. After some time, he seemed to have given up on trying to get me to go away. He eyed me warily before snatching the salve out of my hands when I pulled it out of the first aid box.

"I'll do it myself," he mumbled grudgingly when he knew I wouldn't go away.

He was sloppy when he applied the salve. He applied too much in some places and too little in other places while completely missing some spots. His hands shook as he rubbed the salve into his damaged skin. He clenched his teeth when he had to twist awkwardly to reach some other places. And when it was time for the bandages, I found he sucked at bandaging himself neatly. He used too much and the bandages were always too loose.

I couldn't bear to watch him struggle anymore. I placed my hand over his hand before stealing the roll of bandages from him and began unwinding the parts he already wrapped so I could redo it properly. Unhappy with my intrusion, he growled at me once more.

"I said I'll do it…" His words lost their heat when he felt tears fall onto his bruised skin.

I shook my head at him as I ignored my tears so I could work.

He didn't try to push me away again after that. He sat completely still, looking awkward as he allowed me to finish bandaging his wounds before he spoke again.

"Why are you helping me?"

Because it hurt to see him continuously get beaten down like this. Because it was so wrong to just do nothing. Because apathy was the worst crime one could commit.

"Because it was the right thing to do."

Souji looked like he wanted to laugh at my answer and call it stupid.

"So what if it's the 'right' thing to do. You still don't have to do it."

"I know."

I looked down at my lap before attempting to brush away tears with my sleeve. It was useless. One look at his bandaged arms and I immediately teared up again. I felt like I was breaking. How was it that some people could be so cruel? What is it that compels people to be so hurtful?

I couldn't bear it anymore. I had to do something, to get those older boys to leave Souji alone.

"I'm telling Chichi-ue," I finally whispered as I clambered to my feet. Chichi-ue was an instructor. He could get those horrible boys to stop picking on Souji.

But as soon as I jumped to my feet, Souji's hand lashed out and grabbed my wrist.

"No!" he cried before speaking in a much more muted voice. "Don't tell Kondou-san. This is my problem and no one else's."

"But…" I instantly teared up again when I looked down at him. "It's not fair…"

"Life's never fair," he mumbled in response, though it sounded like those words were uttered for his own benefit rather than mine. He sighed before tugging on my arm to get me to sit down next to him again. "Look, no more crying, okay? I'll let you help me clean up my," he paused for a moment to look at his vomit, "mess if you don't tell Kondou-san, alright?"

Knowing that he wasn't going to budge anymore, I wiped away my tears and nodded wordlessly.

* * *

"Neh, Shizu-chan?" Chichi-ue asked one night as he was putting me to bed. He possessed a trouble expression mixed with one of extreme concern "Did you know that the other students were beating Souji?"

I instantly teared up again. As someone who never really cried in front of him before, Chichi-ue instantly descended into a panic when he saw the tears.

"S-Shizu-chan?! I-I—Don't cry!" Chichi-ue fumbled clumsily before he settled on pulling me into a warm hug.

"T-They won't l-leave him a-alone!" I wailed, my adult persona crumbling as I became a helpless child again. The dam was broken. "They always g-gang up on h-him. Sometimes they just kick and p-punch him, and other times they b-beat him with their b-bokken!"

"Shhh," Chichi-ue whispered into my ear as he rubbed my back in an attempt to get me to calm down once more. My unsightly wailing had become just small sniffs by the time Chichi-ue tried speaking to me again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

There was nothing accusing in his tone. He just wanted to know.

"He didn't want me to," I sniffled as my hands tightened into painful fists. "He told me that it was his business and that I should butt out."

There was no response from Chichi-ue for a short few seconds, then he let out a sad sounding breath before he attempted to tuck me in again.

"I will do something about it. I'll talk to the older students."

Just talk? That was all he was going to do? Where was the punishment? Why wasn't he going to expel those bullies?

"It won't work," I mumbled in despair as I tugged the blankets over my head to hid my face in case I broke out into tears again. "Teenagers don't like being told what to do and what not to do. What if they think Souji tattled on them and attack him some more?"

"No, I'm sure they'll listen," Chichi-ue answered, his voice holding more confidence than what I had. "I'm sure they'll listen to me because I properly sat them down and spoke to them about it."

Chichi-ue seemed to sense my doubt in his methods and tugged the blanket down so he could peck my forehead reassuringly.

"Don't worry so much. I'm sure my method will work," he repeated so charismatically that I almost believed him. "Now it's time to go to sleep. Growing children need plenty of rest to grow into healthy, strong adults."

And with that, Chichi-ue blew out the lantern and left the room. The Hour of the Dog[1] my bedtime, not Chichi-ue's.

The following night when Chichi-ue was putting me to bed again for the night, he looked even more troubled than the night before. While Chichi-ue was usually fairly talkative when he was putting me to bed for the night, tonight he was dead silent.

"Chichi-ue?" I spoke to capture his attention.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you so quiet tonight? You usually talk a lot before you put me to bed. Did something happen?"

Chichi-ue let out a supremely stressed sounding sigh as his hands paused while he was pulling up the blanket. When he didn't move, I sat back up at looked at him questioningly.

"While the sun was setting earlier today, I saw Souji standing right outside the front gates of the dojo. He was staring off in the direction of his home," Chichi-ue explained before he told me what happened.

 _I saw him standing outside the dojo where he bid farewell to his sister. He was looking at the direction of his home again. He always tried to act mature, but he was still a child after all. He must have doubtlessly missed his sister._

 _Seeing his small lonely silhouette, I called, "…Souji."_

 _But he didn't look back. I didn't see anything wrong with being attached to one's family. I placed my hand on his small shoulder as a gesture to let him know that he wasn't alone._

 _"What are you doing here? Are you feeling lonely because you miss your sister?"_

 _Souji didn't reply to my inquiry. All he continued to do was gaze at the sky with indifferent eyes, so I continued speaking._

 _"Perhaps Mitsu-san can't come by since she's busy with her daily life. If you write her a letter and tell her how much you miss her then she'd surely show up during the Bon Festival_ _ **[2]**_ _and the New Year. Better keep practicing your kenjutsu so you don't make her worry…"_

 _Souji continued gazing at the sky with lifeless eyes. Then he softly said, "My sister abandoned me."_

 _His voice was pessimistic and hopeless. It was painful to hear such a small child speak this way, so I pressed my hand on his shoulder a bit more firmly._

 _"Souji, Mitsu-san didn't abandon you. How could anyone abandon her lovely little brother? She has her own life to live and she can't leave you in the old house by yourself. It must have been a difficult decision for her to leave you here."_

 _Souji didn't respond to any of my words. It was like I couldn't reach him no matter what, but still, I continued._

 _"Although it's lonely to live so far away from your sister, everything in life must happen for a reason. For you to be left in our care, there must be meaning in this as well. So don't curse your fate. Instead, think about what you can do with what your fate offers you. Isn't that what being a human is all about?"_

 _Souji listened to me in silence. After some time passed, he finally looked up and whispered, "Kondou-san, you warned the older pupils not to beat me, right?"_

 _"Huh? Yes, I did." I replied._

 _"Would you do me a favor by not doing that again?" Souji said with a colder than normal voice. I looked at Souji, his voice earlier was enough to make a chill run down my spine._

 _"Don't do that? What do you mean?"_

 _In response to my question, Souji pulled down his collar in silence. There were countless bruises and scratches on his chest. The number of injuries he had on his body had increased by a plainly obvious amount._

 _"The day after Kondou-san warned them, I was called to the dojo and beaten with wooden swords. 'How dare you tell on us!' they said. Although I told them I didn't, no one listened. Because of Kondou-san's needless actions, I was beaten more severely than before."_

 _I was speechless as cold sweat ran down my spine. I caused this? With lifeless eyes, Souji moved his gaze so he could stare at my face, and without blinking, he continued._

 _"I don't recall asking for your help. It's annoying. Please leave me alone."_

 _Souji then turned his back on me and walked back into the dojo._

Silence filled the bedroom after Chichi-ue finished telling me what had happened earlier that evening. He seemed to be at a complete loss at what to do.

"Expel them," I demanded and pleaded at the same time, breaking the silence, "Make is so they can't hurt Souji anymore. Don't let them hurt him anymore."

"I can't do that. That is Shuusai-sensei's authority, not mine. Shuusai-sensei will not approve of expelling students just because of bullying."

I teared up again at my inability to help once more and bit my lower lip hard enough to taste blood.

"Shizu-chan, scoot over so I can get in. I just want to spend some time with my daughter tonight."

I didn't question Chichi-ue as he got into bed with me, but it didn't suit him to sound so defeated.

The next day, instead of following Souji while hiding in the shadows, openly clung onto him, ignoring my own discomfort as I followed him everywhere in plain sight. Souji's first reaction to the duckling following him everywhere was sheer annoyance. He tried to shoo me away with things like mean words to, finally, threats. But I didn't budge. I stuck with him everywhere he went, even going so far as to give him unwanted help with his chores. By midmorning, he had grudging accepted that I wouldn't leave him alone.

Chichi-ue was definitely surprised at my behavior. Instead of spending the whole day trying to keep out of everyone's way, I was clingy. But he didn't question me. He had already long accepted that I didn't act like a normal child. So the moment I ran after Souji after I received my lunch, Chichi-ue merely raised his eyebrow before going back to eating his own food.

Souji, on the other hand, had grown more irritated that I sat next to him to eat lunch when he clearly went to eat in a deserted room on purpose. The moment I sat next to him, he scooted away. And when I followed him, he narrowed his eyes at me and glared, but said nothing as we both started to eat in silence.

Then the bullies appeared.

Three large rambunctious teens strolled into the room. Each one appeared cocky and walked in a manner that practically announced, "I own this room," to the world. If I were to compare them to something I was more familiar with in my past life, then they would be the popular jocks of the local high school.

I prayed and hoped that those three boys wouldn't notice us since they were talking about the latest gossip, but one of them, the tallest one, grinned maliciously when his eyes landed on Souji. All hope instantly died.

Strolling over to where Souji was seat without a care in the world, the tallest boy who had black hair tied up in a ponytail kicked over Souji's lunch.

"Oops. I slipped," the tallest announced to the other two before laughing.

"Ah…" Souji could only say as he watched his meal spill all over the floor. He had only just started eating and only got to eat a few bites before this.

"Excuse me for knocking your meal over," the taunting continued as they focused on Souji. They either hadn't noticed me yet or were ignoring me, but I'm betting on the first one. "Well, it's actually your bad for being so slow anyways."

"Too bad there's none left, 'cause we ate all the food," the second boy jumped in mockingly. He had the ugliest brown-colored hair. It looked like manure covered straw. "We have nothing more to waste on a useless freeloader, why don't you eat the soiled food off the floor? Aren't you hungry?"

Souji said nothing as he reached down to scoop up the spilled food with his hands before he brought it to his mouth to eat. It was obvious Souji didn't want to do what the students said, but hunger was a problem that couldn't be solved without making some sacrifice.

"Hey, hey! Don't really eat the soiled food off the floor!" the third boy, the good-looking but overweight one, squealed in faux disgust. "What a gluttonous kid!

"This is what you get because of your impudent attitude," the brown-haired student said before he had the audacity to kick Souji's side. "Be aware of your position."

"But what a poor thing. His parents died and his sister deserted him. Not to mention he has to spend all day doing chores in a dojo like this. How pitiful."

"What an unlikable child. You never know what he's thinking."

"Come to the dojo after you're done eating. We need to straighten you up."

I shook. I have no idea if I was shaking because I was afraid or because I was angry. All I knew was that I hated those teenage boys at the moment. I wanted them to **_suffer_** in the same way they were making Souji suffer. They were horrible. They weren't even **_human_** in my eyes.

Against my better judgment. I grabbed some of the soiled food off the floor and hurled it at the black-haired boy's face.

"Shut up," I snarled as jumped in front of Souji, blocking him from view the best I could with my small frame.

"What the—?!" the black-haired boy cried as he wiped the food off his face with his arm. When his eyes landed on me, he glared at me with such heat that I thought my knees would crumble. "Who the **_fuck_** are you?"

Forget about not cussing in front of a little girl. This brute obviously didn't have a filter on his mouth.

"There's a little girl here," the overweight one announced rather dumbly after finally noticing me for the first time. "Why is there a little girl here? Was she here before?"

"Oh! That must be that Kondou-san's daughter. You know, the one that people say that doesn't exist." said the brown-haired one said after a moment of confused silence.

"Well, obviously she exists, you idiot. She just threw food at me." The black-haired one glared at me before signaling to the others. He was furious and determined to teach me a lesson.

I backpedaled nervously as the teenage boys advanced on me. They were eyeing me like I was their prey.

"We're going to make sure she doesn't talk, right?" the black-haired boy asked his companions while cracking his knuckles.

However, before they could do anything to me, Souji snatched me and tucked me safely behind him as he stood defiantly before his three bullies.

"Leave her alone," Souji growled lowly, defending me even when he didn't really like me all that much. "She has nothing to do with this."

Those three obviously didn't like Souji's attitude. And then the black-haired threw a punch, but it never hit Souji.

I tackled Souji from the side to push him out of the way of the punch. And while the punch didn't fully land on me, it still grazed my cheek and it **_hurt_**. I didn't need to look in a mirror to know that it was going to bruise and swell later.

The moment both Souji and I landed on the floor, I wasted no time grabbing one of the dirty bowls and hurling it at one of the advancing bullies' heads. I missed, but the sound of shattering ceramic caused the all the boys to freeze, giving me time to grab another bowl. But instead of throwing this bowl, I smashed on the ground and grabbed the largest shard before quickly jumping back to my feet in front of Souji defensively, this time holding the jagged shard as a weapon.

"Leave Souji alone," I growled again.

The three teens' eyes widened at my makeshift weapon and the blood dripping from my hands as the sharp object cut into my skin from me holding it too tightly. They exchanged wordless glances at each other, suddenly completely out of their depth. They had never meant for it to get **_this_** serious and they knew that someone would get **_severely_** injured if they continued. Then, obviously wanting to escape the heavy situation they created, they wisely backed away slowly and quickly left to avoid getting hit with disastrous consequences.

I collapsed onto my knees the moment the bullies vanished. Now the adrenaline was gone, there was no more strength in my legs. Souji, who seemed to be frozen in shock before, finally snapped out of his shock and quickly knocked the ceramic shard out of my hands.

"What are you doing?!" he exclaimed, quickly grabbing my wrists so he could look at my bleeding hands. "Your hands are a mess!"

I found that I couldn't bring myself to look at him as he examined my hands.

"I thought girls were supposed to have smooth and flawless hands, or something stupid like that! Don't just randomly go grabbing broken bowls! Stay here! I'm going to grab bandages!"

I heard him run off, then after an X amount of time passed, he returned and grabbed my hands again. His movement was jerky as he roughly rubbed medication into my open cuts, but I didn't react to the pain. And when it finally came time to wrap my hands up, I took the bandages from him to wrap them up myself, annoying him once more.

I mean, his gesture was sweet, him trying to take care of my injuries but I preferred to have properly wrapped wounds. I remember him not being too great at wrapping his own wounds.

A silence enveloped us shortly afterward and Souji moved to clean up the spilled food the bullies had left in their wake, but the silence was ruined by the slight grumble coming from Souji's stomach. I raised my face to peek at him. His cheeks were slightly red before turning even redder as another grumble came from his stomach.

"You should eat first," I spoke to him for the first time today.

He paused briefly before retorting, "There's nothing left to eat."

True, in the whole fiasco with the bullies, all of Souji's food was rendered inedible, but my food had been left untouched. I did take a few bits of rice from my lunch before the whole struggle, however, the rest of it was untouched.

"There's my food."

"Exactly. It's your food to eat."

"It's also mine to give."

"I won't eat it."

"If you won't eat, then I won't eat either."

Souji made a sound of disapproval. I had won the short-lived argument.

Begrudgingly Souji tucked me under one arm so I couldn't run off and started eating parts of my lunch, making sure to stuff some food into my mouth at every interval so I didn't go hungry later.

Several weeks after that incident, Shuusai-sensei decided to hold practice in the form of a tournament match with Souji facing an older student. The student that Souji was facing in this practice match was the black-haired one from that incident. Souji had a displeased but determined look on his face when he was told about this practice match. He had probably convinced himself that this practice match was just going to give his bully the chance to beat him in public, but this time, this time there was a chance to fight back.

I sat beside Chichi-ue during this match. I normally didn't like watching these matches because I didn't like any form of violence, but I felt like I had to come watch. I needed to at least offer the little support I could give to Souji by being here for his match.

The match began and it was immediately very clear that Souji was at a disadvantage. The difference in physique was huge. Souji was much smaller than the older student.

Souji lunged first, but his larger opponent easily blocked the attack and pushed Souji back before Souji was mercilessly assaulted with a barrage of attacks. Souji blocked the first few attacks with great difficulty and then stumbled backward. It was obvious that each attack was heavy and since Souji was smaller than his opponent, he could easily be overpowered. Quickly pulling himself together, he launched his next attack, but his opponent was ready for him. The older student tapped on Souji's wooden sword to make his attack go wide. Using that missed attack, the larger opponent got under Souji's guard and landed a strike onto Souji's forehead, resulting in the younger boy stumbling back a few feet with a bleeding injury. The injury on his forehead was superficial, but it bled profusely and the blood was getting into his eyes.

That injury was too much for Chichi-ue to ignore and he instantly jumped to his feet.

"Call off the match! Someone go get some ointment that stops bleeding!" Chichi-ue yelled frantically tried to go to Souji, but I quickly stopped him by grabbing his sleeve.

Just like Chichi-ue, I wanted to stop the match so I could fix Souji's injury, but then I saw the determination on Souji's face. He was tired of being beaten and he was tired of being the victim, so he made a decision. It was all going to end right here. He would defeat his bully in an official match to show them that he wasn't weak, that he didn't need their pity. He could stand on his own two feet.

"I'm fine! I can still fight!"

"But you're..." Chichi-ue protested.

"It's just a small cut. Nothing serious," Souji interrupted Chichi-ue as he wiped the blood off his forehead with the back of his hand as he pleaded, "So please! Let me finish!"

As Chichi-ue was about to reject that notion, I tugged on his hand to gain his attention, "Chichi-ue, this match is important to Souji, so please let him finish. While the cut is bleeding a lot, the cut is superficial. It's nothing serious."

Chichi-ue stared at me for a few seconds, weighing his decisions in his mind before returning his gaze to Souji and replying, "I see. But if there is further danger, I'll call off the match."

"Thank you very much," Souji said before glancing at me briefly.

The match restarted with a beat from a nearby drum. Souji charged at his opponent first again, but the results were different. Thinking that Souji would react the same as before, the larger opponent used the same attack, but Souji had already read that attack and dodged it instead of trying to parry it this time. As soon as Souji dodged his opponent's attack, he aimed his own attack under the older student's guard. The attack failed to connect, but it was enough to throw the older student off balance. Souji then took this chance to knock his opponent's wooden sword out of his opponent's grasp. When his opponent made a movement to pick up his bokken again, Souji aimed at the older student's solar plexus[3]. The older student then collapsed onto the floor with a pained groan. The match was over.

But Souji didn't stop.

Caught up in the moment, he continued to hit the older student with his bokken until Chichi-ue stepped in.

"Stop it," Chichi-ue said as he grabbed Souji's bokken. "You've already won. So please, stop it."

"I... I won?" asked in an unbelieving surprise. It still hadn't sunk in yet. He had won.

Chichi-ue let go of Souji's bokken when Souji regained his senses and quickly knelt down to Souji's height to hug him tightly with a smile. "You've done well. You're really... really great." Chichi-ue's voice was shaky and his eyes held unshed tears.

Unsure how to respond, Souji could only point out the obvious. "Kondou-san, your kimono will get blood-stained."

"It doesn't matter. With the small body of yours, you've worked so hard."

There was a small moment of silence before Souji responded, "Kondou-san had never called me a 'poor thing'."

"Eh?" Chichi-ue said, not quite understanding.

"Even if my parents died, and even if I can't see my sister again, there must be a meaning to it. That's what Kondou-san said. I think now I get it." Souji explained, "I'm here to become stronger, for Kondou-san's sake."

While this moment was sweet and all, it didn't do anything to stop the bleeding. I approached the hugging people and interrupted with the voice of reason. "Chichi-ue, Souji's cut is still bleeding. Let me take him to another room to treat his injury."

"Ah!" Chichi-ue yelped, "I forgot about that! We need to hurry and treat his injury! Shizu-chan you're in charge of taking care of his injury while I check on the other student!" And with that, Chichi-ue leaped into action.

I grabbed Souji's hand and pulled him to the room right next to the dojo's main practice hall as soon as Chichi-ue disappeared into the crowd that was forming around the defeated student. I quickly sat Souji on the floor as soon as we entered the other room before I went to go get my first aid kit. When I returned, I knelt in front of him and began to disinfect the cut.

"You were really amazing," I complimented him softly as I broke the silence, "Not many people can overpower a larger opponent."

"I only beat him because you and Kondou-san gave me the chance to do so… Thank you," Souji replied as he allowed me to dress the cut.

And for the first time since he arrived here, Souji smiled.

But I still couldn't bring myself to look at those green eyes of his when I smiled back, not when those eyes looked so similar to **_hers_**.

* * *

[1] 11:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. -Hour of the Mouse  
11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. - Hour of the Horse  
1:00 a.m. to 3:00 a.m. - Hour of the Ox  
1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. - Hour of the Goat  
3:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m. - Hour of the Tiger  
3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. - Hour of the Monkey  
5:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. - Hour of the Rabbit  
5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. - Hour of the Roster  
7:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. - Hour of the Dragon  
7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. - Hour of the Dog  
9:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. - Hour of the Snake  
9:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. - Hour of the Pig

[2] Obon (お盆) or just Bon (盆) is a Japanese Buddhist custom to honor the spirits of one's ancestors. This Buddhist-Confucian custom has evolved into a family reunion holiday during which people return to ancestral family places and visit and clean their ancestors' graves, and when the spirits of ancestors are supposed to revisit the household altars. It has been celebrated in Japan for more than 500 years and traditionally includes a dance, known as Bon-Odori.

The festival of Obon lasts for three days; however, its starting date varies within different regions of Japan. When the lunar calendar was changed to the Gregorian calendar at the beginning of the Meiji era, the localities in Japan reacted differently and this resulted in three different times of Obon. "Shichigatsu Bon" (Bon in July) is based on the solar calendar and is celebrated around July 15 in eastern Japan (Kantō region such as Tokyo, Yokohama and the Tohoku region), coinciding with Chūgen. "Hachigatsu Bon" (Bon in August) is based on the lunar calendar, is celebrated around the 15th of August and is the most commonly celebrated time. "Kyu Bon" (Old Bon) is celebrated on the 15th day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar, and so differs each year. "Kyu Bon" is celebrated in areas like the northern part of the Kantō region, Chūgoku region, Shikoku, and the Okinawa Prefecture. These three days are not listed as public holidays but it is customary that people are given leave.

[3] A complex network of nerves located in the abdomen, where the celiac trunk, superior mesenteric artery, and renal arteries branch from the abdominal aorta are located. It is behind the stomach and the omental bursa, and in front of the crura of the diaphragm, on the level of the first lumbar vertebra.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." ― C.G. Jung_

 _Why couldn't I move? Why…why is it so hard to breathe? Oh…there's blood everywhere…I don't understand where… An open wound…there must be an open wound somewhere, but where's the injured person? I…I don't see an injured person… Oh…this is my blood. I'm the injured person. What…what happened?_

 _"She's awake!"_

 _It's a voice. Someone's speaking to me, but who is it? Do I know this person? No…I don't recognize the voice. I can't see. Everything looks too dim and foggy…_

 _"Miss? Miss? Can you hear me?"_

 _"What happened?" I asked so very clearly in my mind. My mouth was supposed to move to voice those thoughts, but nothing. Blood gurgled in my throat and leaked from the sides of my mouth when I tried to communicate with the mystery person… So that's why…why I was having such difficulty breathing. There's blood obstructing my airway… I must have sustained an upper injury to my airway… I need…I need a tracheostomy_ _ **[1]**_ _…_

 _"No, don't speak. You'll be just fine." the mystery person lied through his teeth. "You were just in a car accident. We're getting you out of here and to a hospital."_

 _"Where are the damn hydraulic cutters_ _ **[2]**_ _?! We need them now!" someone cried in the background._

 _"Shit! She's been impaled by some of the metal! She's pinned in!"_

 _"She's starting to hemorrhage!"_

 _"How?! We've haven't even touched that large piece of metal in her abdomen yet!"_

 _"It must have shifted when we pulled that front car off!"_

 _Oh…I'm dying… This is what death is… No…I don't want to die yet… I was supposed to help my brother start planning his wedding this…this weekend. I was supposed to watch him get married. I still have so much I haven't done yet… Not yet…not yet…_

 _"We need to get her out now! Just cut out the seat she's pinned to first and we'll worry about removing it after we get her to the hospital!"_

 _"Okay! We've cut the seat from the car! On the count of three, we lift her out of the car together and put her on the ambulance!"_

 _"One…two…three!"_

 _There was a sudden jerk, but ultimately nothing happened._

 _"What happened?! She isn't budging and we've completely cut the seat out of the car!"_

 _"Her legs are stuck too! We can't get her out like this!"_

 _"She's going into shock!"_

 _"Miss? Miss? Stay with us. Can you hear me? Miss? Miss—"_

 _It was silent. It was cold. It was dark. I was completely alone as the darkness swallowed me up. I don't want to be alone… I don't want…to be alone… No…don't…don't let it take me…_

 _I was alone._

My eyes snapped open as I shot up from my futon. My hands shook as I tried to grab onto support that was not there. Even my lungs shook, making it hard to obtain that much-needed air. My forehead was damp and cold, and my fingers pale. That nightmare—

No, it wasn't just a nightmare.

Since being placed into this current body, I tried not to think about the life I had left behind. This had come out of nowhere and sucker punched me. I wasn't even sure if that was a true memory or if my mind had made parts of it up. My memory of that day had holes in it, but that dream was so clear. During that dream, I could feel that cold piece of metal as it pierced me and pinned me to the driver's seat. I could recall the feeling of bleeding out as my rescuers tried and failed to pull me out of that scrap pile. I remembered my unbreakable desire to survive and the crushing cold truth of knowing that I was going to die.

I didn't want to be able to recall the horrifying sensations of death.

I didn't want to be alone right now.

I turned to Chichi-ue. He was sound asleep in his futon to the left, unaware of anything else but his dreams. I wanted to cry. I wanted someone to tell me everything was okay. But when I looked at Chichi-ue and I felt like I couldn't run to him, not after the way I purposely tried to distance myself from him.

But yet, I found my hand reaching out for him before I snuffed my own subconscious action.

Perhaps it was for the best. Maybe it was better that I couldn't bring myself to wake him. He had a physically demanding job and who was I to disturb his rest? The degeiko[3] he had tomorrow was something one shouldn't show up to if ill-rested.

But I couldn't just lay back down. Flashes of that memory replayed itself through my head. All that red, that blood just kept coming black. I could feel it, the thick liquid seeping out of my body and coating my hands, yet this body was uninjured. I rubbed at my skin, hoping the sensation would vanish, but my skin just felt cold and sticky with nonexistent blood. It wouldn't go away. Then my hands shot up to cover my mouth to muffle all sound as I retched in horror.

I could feel the walls were closing in on me. I had to get out of this room now. I couldn't stay.

I fumbled with my blankets, sloppily kicking them away from me, and scrambled out of the room while nearly tripping over Chichi-ue on the way out. By some strange miracle, Chichi-ue only turned in his futon when my foot accidently nudged him.

I didn't know where I was going to go after I fled the bedroom. I just wanted out, but now I was out the cold felt crushing. I didn't want to be alone, it felt like it was eating parts of me. After stumbling blindly around the dojo, my hands finally found something to grab onto, a slightly ajar door.

The door was solid, it was real. The door was solid enough so that my hands stopped shaking when I grabbed the rim, but the moment I let go, all support was gone. I let out a strangled sounding sob as I sunk to my knees by the door.

I couldn't do this anymore. I felt like I was breaking.

"…Shizuka?" I heard a voice mumble, causing me to freeze. Which door had I grabbed on to?

Souji's bedroom door.

Just beyond the door, I could see Souji sitting up on his futon. He looked half-asleep at first, not really processing what he was seeing or hearing. Then he seemed to freeze before jumping out of bed. His hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me into his room. I landed sprawled across his lap on his futon in a pathetic heap.

"Shizuka?" He helped me sit up on his futon before him.

What was I even doing in Souji's room? Despite initially wanting to befriend him, I had fled in the opposite direction when he finally extended his hand of friendship. His eyes scared me. Before, the sight of his eyes had just merely made me uncomfortable, but over time, it began to hurt. I couldn't even stand stalking his shadow anymore like I once did. The moment I felt his presence, I would run, undoubted confusing him and hurting his feelings. So what right did I have to let Souji comfort me?

"What's wrong?"

Those were the magic words. How long has it been since I heard those words in that particular order? No one ever asked me that. What's wrong?

Everything was wrong. Then everything broke and my tears ran free.

I had **_died_**! I had legitimately died! Everything I knew was gone. I would never see my parent again. My younger brother, my friends, all gone. Then I was alone in a strange new world where my birth mother had abandoned me to die a cruel death at the hands of Mother Nature. My mother had not only just abandoned her infant, she abandoned me. I **_am_** that infant. When she looked at her child with those eyes of extreme hate, she was looking at me. She hated **_me_**. She hated **_me_** so much that she wanted me to **_die_**.

Everything was different in this strange new world and I was **_alone_** in it because no one wanted me.

"Shizuka?!" Souji panicked when I cried. He had never had to comfort a crying girl before. "D-Did something happen?" he stuttered slightly.

He looked like a deer in the headlights and it didn't help that I couldn't stop crying. He just sat there, staring at me, completely unsure of what he should even be doing in this situation. Then, as if he finally figured it out, Souji pulled me into a messy but warm hug and let me cry on his shoulder until I had no more tears left to cry.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he gently prodded me when my sobs died down. Unable to find my voice, all I could do was nod while staring down at my knobby knees. "Talking about it will make you feel better. What was it about?"

Oh, I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him so badly that it hurt, but how could I? How could I tell him that my nightmare was actually the memory of my own death from my past life? How could I tell someone that I could remember everything from my past life? That I didn't belong here? No, I couldn't tell anyone without the fear of being considered insane.

I looked up at Souji, but that was a mistake. I saw **_her_** eyes in his green eyes and instantly recoiled like someone had slapped me.

I knew, now, why anything remotely similar to **_her_** eyes scared me. Because I had known the truth all along.

"Shizuka?!"

This is my reality now. My old one was gone. My identity **_is_** different. I **_am_** an eight-year-old child, not an adult.

"You have **_her_** eyes," I whispered as I covered my face with my hands.

He looked so confused and hurt at my uncontrolled actions. "Whose eyes?" he pressed on.

"My haha-ue's. The one who hated me so much that she left me to die."

Souji's eyes widened in shock as he fell silent. He didn't do any but just stare at me, unsure on how to proceed. And then he broke the daunting silence.

"I thought Kondou-san was your chichi-ue. Shouldn't he have stopped your haha-ue from abandoning you?"

Like everyone else, Souji was unaware that Chichi-ue and I were not blood-related. Chichi-ue had never told anyone where I had come from, so people had come to accept the rumor that I was an **_indiscretion_** of his as fact. Nevermind the fact that Chichi-ue would have only been the illogical age of twelve when I was born if he fathered me. That rumor was far more interesting and therefore the one people chose to believe

"We aren't related by blood. He was just the one that found me when I was dying," I answered, the need to flee grew as I no longer felt worthy to be in his presence.

I truly had nothing to be ashamed of. I had done nothing wrong, yet I felt unbearable shame. I was ashamed that my mother abandoned me because I wasn't wanted. I felt worthless and I expected Souji to tell me to leave now he learned that the I wasn't the true biological daughter of the man he admired so much.

But I felt his gentle hands on my hands before he pried them away from my face so he could look at my face, and when I tried to turn my face away, he cupped my cheeks.

"Shizuka, look at me." And when I refused, he held my face so I looked him directly in his eyes.

Those green eyes, they were so similar to my mother's, but they were also so very different. They weren't filled with hate towards me. They were warm and loving.

They weren't my mother's eyes.

"That woman made the worst possible mistake last night. She had no idea of the treasure she threw away that night."

Those green eyes that were all so similar to my mother's didn't belong to her. They belonged to Souji. They were **_his_** sharp yet gentle eyes.

And a small smile found its way onto my face amidst the tears as I reached up to grab Souji's warm hands. I **_was_** wanted. Souji wanted me. Chichi-ue kept me and raised me because he wanted me.

"There we go, that's where your smile went," he said gently as I smiled at him. "You know, you're much cuter when you smile than when you're crying."

A broken laugh escaped from my throat, but it was filled with genuine joy.

I clung onto his arm for the remainder of the night, refusing to leave even when I should have, but Souji said nothing. He allowed me to curl up next to him under his blankets. He wiped away my tears whenever one reappeared. He chased away loneliness and let me sleep with him. He allowed me to accept my situation and my new lease on life.

He became irreplaceable and precious to me, just like how a flower needed water to survive.

I awoke the next morning to the feeling of the blankets shifting, then the cold air when the warm presence beside vanished. I didn't want to be alone. I had become so utterly terrifying to be alone that it physically hurt. So, in reaction, I lashed out to grab whatever was closest and my finger snagged on Souji's sleeve.

"Shizuka?"

I blinked the sleep away from my eyes and found Souji staring questioningly at me before I turned to the open window. The sun was already plenty higher than it usually was when I normally woke up. I overslept so why was Souji still here?

"Shizuka," Souji said again, "I can't stay with you in bed any longer. If I don't get up now, then I'll be late for practice and Shuusai-sensei will think I'm lazy."

He had stayed with me when he didn't have to. A part of me was touch at the tenderness and care he had shown me while the other half felt guilty for taking up so much of his time. I had intended to just nod and let him go so he wouldn't get in trouble but, instead, I found myself saying, "Wait for me. I'll get up now too."

I flushed when I realized my selfish words. However, all Souji did was beam at me and offer me his hand. He tugged me to my feet and lead me back to mine and Chichi-ue's shared bedroom.

The bedroom door was wide open and filled with the beautiful sunlight of the morning sun, but Chichi-ue was already no longer in the room. He did have that degeiko to get to, but a part of me still wished he was still here in the room. It was here, right outside the bedroom that Souji let go of my hand and gave me a gentle shove in.

"Hurry up and change out of your sleeping clothes. I'll wait for you out here," Souji said when he saw me nervously look into the empty room.

"You can't come with me?"

"Hah? You're a girl changing into her day clothes. Of course I can't."

"But we're both kids, so it shouldn't matter."

"Where did you hear that?!" Souji looked scandalized by my answer and quickly shut the door before I could drag him into the room with me. "Look, just hurry up and change. I'll be right outside. You'll be able to see my shadow through the door, alright?"

"Oh…" I did feel a bit downtrodden from losing that little silly argument and unbearably nervous when I was in that room alone, but the sight Souji's shadow did help.

I quickly scrambled to throw on some day clothes, grabbing a simple yukata[4] simply because a single layer of clothing was just so much faster to put on. I tied my obi[5] poorly and my yukata looked sloppy as I rushed without taking my eyes off of Souji's shadow the entire time. In record time, I opened the door again and reappeared in front of Souji.

He raised his eyebrow at me when he saw me again. I flushed in embarrassment. What a sight I must have been, an improperly tied obi and a crooked yukata.

"Since when did you become such a sloppy dresser?" he voiced in amusement as he straightened out my clothing and fixed the obi. "You were always so neat before."

"I wanted to hurry," I answered all so childishly with an embarrassed pout. The adult in me was mortified by my unrefined behavior and my childish thoughts, but I found I didn't care so much anymore. I wasn't an adult anymore. I had the license to act like a child.

"Alright, let's go." I trotted behind him like I was his shadow while holding on to one of his sleeves. And bless his heart, he didn't say anything.

The practice hall was strangely silent when we arrived. In fact, it was empty too. Well, all except for one person who was swinging his bokken around. Inoue Genzaburo, he was a close friend of Chichi-ue and a member of Shieikan. He also happened to be a distant relative of Souji, though, only through marriage.

"Oh? What's this?" Inoue-san said as he paused his swings so he could peer at me and Souji curiously. "Looks like you have a little shadow this morning, Souji. Good morning there, Shizuka-chan."

"Morning," I squeaked.

Souji just merely nodded as he looked around the empty hall. There was supposed to be a class here this morning, but there were no students, and even Shuusai-sensei wasn't present.

"Isn't there class this morning, Gen-san?" Souji asked, furrowing his brow. "There's no one here."

"Shuusai-sensei came down with the flu last night so class was canceled," Inoue-san explained. "Even Isami-san's degeiko had to be canceled too. Too many of the students were sick. There's an unusual case of the summer flu going around right now, so you two need to be careful too, okay?"

"Okay." Both Souji and I nodded obediently, but my mind backtracked to what Inoue-san said before. Chichi-ue's had been canceled.

"Umm," I spoke up, attracting Inoue-san's full attention. "If Chi—," no, there was no reason to keep calling him that anymore, "Otou-san's degeiko has been canceled, then is he still here?"

I could immediately tell that all the people in the room were surprised when I said Otou-san instead of Chichi-ue. Inoue-san's brow has risen up to the point that they would have vanished behind his bangs if he had any. As for Souji, there was no real physical gesture, but his eyes were expressive enough.

"Oh, Isami-san went to go fetch some snacks from the—"

"Ah! There you are!"

I spun around and faced the boisterous voice, it was Otou-san. Otou-san was standing in the doorway of the practice hall while holding a tray that had three cups of green tea and a plate of manjū buns[6] on. He quickly entered to pass the tray to Inoue-san before he knelt down in front of me and placed a hand atop my head.

"I couldn't find you this morning, so I was wondering where you went. It was like you vanished off the face of the Earth."

"Sorry for worrying you, Otou-san. I was with Souji."

"I see, so you were with—EH?" Otou-san said before his eyes widened and his hand on my head froze. "Say that again?"

"What part? I was with Souji or sorry for worrying you?"

"No, no, no," Otou-san said while waving his hands in front of me. "Not that. You called me Otou-san?"

Suddenly, I felt nervous and looked down while fidgeting. I know Otou-san had wanted me to call him that for the longest time, but… Had I been too bold? "Is it not okay to call you that?"

"No, no! It's very good to call me that!" Otou-san said, unable to help himself as he let out a victorious laugh. He abruptly grabbed me in a tight hug, causing me to squeak, and rubbed his cheeks against mine in sheer joy. "Shizu-chan, you're just too cute today!"

"Otou-san! Your whiskers are tickling me!" I couldn't help but giggle as I wiggled in his lap. "You didn't shave today!"

"That's because I was looking for you all morning. How could I waste time shaving when my cute little daughter's missing?"

* * *

[1] A tracheostomy is a surgical procedure to create an opening through the neck into the trachea (windpipe). A tube is usually placed through this opening to provide an airway and to remove secretions from the lungs. This tube is called a tracheostomy tube or trach tube.

[2] Tools that are used by emergency rescue personnel to assist vehicle extrication of crash victims, as well as other rescues from small spaces.

[3] A term used in the practice of martial arts when an instructor gives lessons at pupils' homes.

[4] A yukata (浴衣) is a Japanese garment, a casual summer kimono usually made of cotton or synthetic fabric, and unlined. Yukata are worn by both men and women.

[5] Obi (帯, おび, "sash") is a sash for traditional Japanese dress, keikogi (uniforms for Japanese martial arts), and part of kimono outfits.

The obi for men's kimono is rather narrow, 10 centimeters (3.9 in) wide at most, but a woman's formal obi can be 30 centimeters (12 in) wide and more than 4 meters (13 ft.) long. Nowadays, a woman's wide and decorative obi does not keep the kimono closed; this is done by different under-sashes and ribbons worn underneath the obi. The obi itself often requires the use of stiffeners and ribbons for definition of shape and decoration.

There are many types of obi, most for women: wide obis made of brocade and narrower, simpler obis for everyday wear. The fanciest and most colorful obis are for young unmarried women. The contemporary women's obi is a very conspicuous accessory, sometimes even more so than the kimono robe itself. A fine formal obi might cost more than the rest of the entire outfit.

Obi are categorized by their design, formality, material, and use. Informal obis are narrower and shorter.

[6] Manjū (饅頭 まんじゅう) is a popular traditional Japanese confection. There are many varieties of manjū, but most have an outside made from flour, rice powder and buckwheat and a filling of anko (red bean paste), made from boiled azuki beans and sugar.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _"O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;  
_ _It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock  
_ _The meat it feeds on." ― William Shakespeare, Othello_

The winter of 1856 was the coldest winter I could remember experiencing in the longest time. Instead of the normal occasional two to three days of light snow, the snow just kept coming down in heaps for weeks. The snow piled so high some days that there were times I would sink waist-deep into snow drifts, though that may not have been saying much since I was never really tall to begin with. Otou-san and Souji would always laugh at me whenever I got stuck before spending a good deal of time fishing me out. Even Inoue-san got stuck digging me out of the snow one time.

As someone who grew up in Southern California in my past life, snow had always been more like a myth. Yes, I had seen it in the mountains from my house, but I never got to touch it. So it made sense that I had developed a desire to live in snowy places as a kid just so I could go out and play in the snow. Not much had changed when I became an adult, I had thought snow was pretty and the desire to touch snow never vanished. Fast-forward to now and I discovered that I detested snow.

For some reason, it never registered to me that snow was cold and I **_hated_** the cold. Whenever I went out now, I would always find myself sinking into the snow and having to wait for rescue. The whole time I would be stuck in the snow, it felt like someone had shoved me in the freezer and locked the door. Snow would get into my clothing and it would make my tabi[1] horribly wet, and there were even times I lost a shoe in the snow. Thus I avoided going out whenever possible whenever there was snow out on the ground, which brought me to my current predicament.

I stood on the roka[2] as I glanced down at the snow drift just below. On such a cold snowy day, some nice, hot, rice porridge for lunch would be nice to warm up the body, but we were low on ingredients, particularly eggs and daikon radish[3]. This meant I needed to go to the market. This meant going out into the snow.

This wouldn't be so bad. It couldn't be **_that_** cold, I mean, from where I was standing, I could see Souji practicing with his bokken out in the courtyard. He was even working up a sweat. But I knew the moment I stepped off the roka, I would sink into the snow that had piled up against the house and get stuck. I could have called Otou-san for help, but he was inside going through our finances, something he wasn't particularly skilled at. I thought it was best not to disturb him.

So Otou-san was a no-go and Inoue-san wasn't here at the moment so that only left Souji. He obviously didn't have trouble getting past the snow as he made it out into the courtyard, but I didn't want to ask him for help. He was already practicing his kenjutsu and I didn't want to interrupt his practice because of how dedicated he was. Souji already practiced to the point that he could land a hit on Otou-san during a match. That was no easy feat! Otou-san was beyond skilled and Souji was only twelve.

So now I was just stuck on the roka, pacing and shifting the basket on my back while trying to figure a way down. I could try to jump over the drift, but I honestly didn't think I could clear the jump. I'd probably just get stuck deeper in the drift.

"Shizuka-chan!" I perked up at that voice while listening for the telltale sounds of running, then I counted to three.

Just as I hit three, a young boy zoomed past the compound gates before backpedaling to run through the gates and up to me. He had his charming charcoal-colored hair tied up in a messy low ponytail and his hazel eyes greeted me with a cheerful gleam. He seemed like he was in a particularly good mood this morning if the amount of bouncing he was doing was any indicator.

"Morning!" the boy, whose name was Tsubaki Isao, chimed as he beamed up at me on the roka. "Whatcha doing up on the roka still?"

Isao-kun was roughly about one year older than me. He was the son of a man that frequented the dojo regularly for practice. Like any curious son would, Isao-kun always followed his father to practice, but soon discovered that he had no interest in the swordplay his father was so determined to learn. So like any normal bored kid would do, he would wander off and look for someone to play with. That's how we met.

Isao-kun and I became fast friends after we met for the first time. However, this friendship wasn't exactly flawless. There were times I did feel like I was babysitting him instead of being his friend. I still had the mind of an adult and he had the brain of an eleven-year-old boy. In the end, I think the only reason I actually really tolerated him was because he reminded me of my younger brother in my past life.

"Good morning," I greeted him back as crouched down on the roka so I could poke at the snow pile just beneath. "I can't get down without getting stuck in the snow and I need to go to the market. It sucks."

Then for some reason, he flushed a red color and briefly looked down at the snow while he fidgeted nervously. I thought he could have turned red from the cold but quickly decided that it wasn't the case. Unlike me, Isao-kun lived for the snow.

"Isao-kun? Are you okay?" I asked when the redness on his cheeks didn't go away and reached out to touch his forehead. "Do you have a fever? No, that's not it… You're not sick, are you? Because if you are then you should have stayed home today."

If possible, Isao-kun turned even redder when my hand made contact with his forehead. Then he hastily shook my hand off his forehead and looked up at me with something akin to determination.

"I can help you!" he suddenly blurted out with way too much force. "Uh—I mean—I can go to the market with you to help you because… Because the groceries might be too heavy for you and—and I can carry them for you! And I can make sure you don't get stuck in the snow!"

"Oh, that's sweet of you to offer, but wouldn't you rather play then spent your time helping me with my mundane chores?" I asked him just to be sure. I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to come with me, but I didn't want to bore him to death either. He had a very short attention span.

"You make it sound like you're a boring person to talk to. You're not by the way," he said as he reached up so he could stick his hands under my arms to pick me up. "Come one, I'll help you down and then we can go."

However, before Isao-kun's hands could reach me, another hand grabbed one of his wrists painfully and jerked him away from me.

"No, you can't go with her," Souji snapped rather sharply as he squeezed Isao-kun's wrist hard enough that I heard a pop. Souji then quickly inserted himself between me and Isao-kun before looking up at me. "Shizuka, if you needed help getting down, you should have just called me over. No need to ask **_him_** for help."

"Souji? I thought you were still practicing. I didn't want to bother you."

Souji just beamed back at me and answered, "I just finished."

Souji was totally lying right there, but I didn't bother calling him out on his lie.

Isao-kun, on the other hand, was undoubtedly feeling left out by now and bristled at Souji before snatching his wrist out of Souji's bruising grasp.

"I wasn't talking to you!" Isao-kun erupted at Souji. He looked so angry and Souji's smug expression certainly didn't help improve the situation in any way. It just made it so much worse. "Butt out! Can't you see we were having a private conversation?! Go away!"

For some reason, Souji and Isao-kun didn't get along well. When they first met each other, they instantly seemed to dislike each other. Within seconds, they were hurling childish insults at each other and I'm sure if Otou-san did not step in when he did then there would have been a fistfight.

I still don't know why they dislike each other so much to this day, but I believe it's because Souji had the tendency to rub people the wrong way. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adored Souji, but that didn't mean I was blind to his flaws.

"Is that so?" Souji sneered back at Isao-kun while puffing himself up to make himself look bigger. "Weren't you just a **_tad_** bit too loud for it to be a private conversation? A conversation isn't private when the whole world can hear it."

"You can't tell me what to do!" Isao-kun retorted while he too began puffing himself up to look bigger than he really was. "I'm going with her! She's really small so she'll need a strong person to carry all the groceries!"

"Then shouldn't **_I_** be the one to go with her? I'm stronger than you. Plus, you don't even know how to swing a sword."

"Like I need to know how to swing a sword! Nothing bad is going to happen at the market!"

"I'm warning you, back off," Souji said with a final low grow. The hand that was holding his bokken was white from clutching the practice sword so tightly. He obviously had enough of Isao-kun and wanted to run him off as quickly as possible.

At this point, I knew if I let the boys continue, it would get really ugly really fast. Out of the two boys, Isao-kun was the taller one but he was as thin as a rod. Souji was the shorter of the two, but he had the muscle from learning kenjutsu. He was also the one that knew how to fight, and he was good at it. If they were to get into a brawl, it'd be hard to say how badly Isao-kun would come out of it. Broken bones were evident on his half.

"Umm…!" I quickly cut in before the situation could devolve any further, catching both of the boys' attention as I put on my best attempt to look bashful. "Like I said earlier, Isao-kun, it's sweet was sweet of you to offer. However, Souji already told me he would come with after he finished practice. Sorry, I was just trying to find a way to turn down your offer gently."

"You already promised Okita that you two would go to the market together?" Oh, poor Isao-kun. He sounded so heartbroken that all I could do was nod shyly back at him in response.

Souji, on the other hand, seemed extremely pleased that I chose him and smirked rather dangerously at Isao-kun. "You heard her. Now go run along."

Isao-kun growled at Souji's haughty attitude but ultimately backed down in the end. He looked back at me with a hopeful smile before saying, "We'll go together next time, alright?"

Before I could answer back, Souji stepped towards Isao-kun threateningly, causing Isao-kun to jump back in fright. Even through Souji had won the argument, he was still radiating the hostile "get lost" vibe. Even the fearless Isao-kun couldn't stand bravely before Souji at the moment. Then, probably in the biggest rush I have ever seen, Isao-kun waved goodbye at me before promptly fleeing from Souji, leaving a trail of dust, or was it snow, in his wake. Souji's ego seemed to swell greatly from that as he made a macho show of puffing up his chest even more in pride.

"Why did you do that?" I asked once Isao-kun vanished. I poked Souji's chest, causing him to deflate slightly as air escaped from his lungs. "He was only trying to help, and you actually haven't finished practice for the day. Why do you two dislike each other anyways?"

Souji chose to merely ignore my last question. "As you said earlier, 'Souji already told me he would come with after he finished practice.' So I'm supposed to go, not Tsubaki-kun."

"You're just using that as an excuse. I only said that so you wouldn't break his bones in a one-sided fight," I pointed out.

He didn't bother even trying to look guilty. All he did was shrug his shoulders in a carefree manner before tossing his bokken into the house. Then he reached up to lift me off the roka and over the large snow pile effortlessly. I was plopped on the solid ground next to him before he took the basket from me.

"So to the market, right?" Souji grabbed my hand and tugged on it to get me to follow him. I didn't bother objecting since I preferred going to the market with Souji over Isao-kun any day.

It was freezing on the way to the market and there were so many things I was wishing I had at the moment. A pair of gloves would be nice, or a pair of warm boots. Better yet, a car with a heater so I wouldn't have to walk outside in the cold snow. I sunk deeper into my scarf and grabbed onto Souji's hand with both hands in an attempt to warm up. Souji didn't seem to mind the action too much, but after walking in such an awkward position for several minutes, he seemed to have enough and tucked me under his arm instead.

"You know you never answered my question, right?" I said after a while, sneezing after a snowflake landed on my nose.

"What question?" He pretended to look confused, making me narrow my eyes at him pointedly. He looked away and focused on the road ahead of us.

"You know which question. Why do you dislike Isao-kun so much?"

He didn't answer right away and hummed pointlessly instead. I think he was just trying to get me to drop the question.

I huffed before ducking out from under his arm and swiped the basket back from him. "Fine, keep your secrets. I'll go back to find Isao-kun so we can go to the market **_together_**. At least he doesn't keep secrets from me."

Expectedly, Souji took the bait. He grabbed my arm before I could get too far.

"Wait, I didn't say I wasn't going to answer," he grumbled, stealing the basket back from me. "I don't like him because he's whiny and he wastes too much of your time."

Well, whinny was a given. Isao-kun was just a kid.

"He wastes my time? How?" That part I didn't understand.

Souji looked away with a petulant expression on his face and puffed up cheeks. He suddenly looked rather uncomfortable on the subject matter and tugged on my arm so we could continue our way to the market.

"You spend too much time with him," he finally said.

I wrinkled my nose at him. I still didn't understand what he was getting at. I mean, Isao-kun was my friend so it was obvious that I would spend time with him. You couldn't really be friends with someone if you didn't spend time with him. And I didn't think Souji had the right to say I was wasting my time when I was with Isao-kun. It was never a waste to spend time with friends.

"I spend more time with you than I do with Isao-kun," I pointed out. "I don't hear you saying that you're wasting my time."

"That's different."

"How so?"

Frustration seemed to build up on Souji's face and he gritted his teeth. "Tsubaki-kun likes you," he finally spat out, "and I don't like how close he's trying to get to you. That self-entitled brat, thinking he has a right to everything…"

That…that couldn't be it. That **_lame_** reason was the reason Souji disliked Isao-kun so much? That had to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

I cocked a look of annoyance at Souji before letting out a sigh. "I know he likes me. We're friends, aren't we? If he disliked me in the first place, then we wouldn't be friends."

I don't know why, but after I said that, Souji gave me a look that practically screamed, "Are you stupid?" I blinked back at him, letting him know I had no idea what he was trying to get at and he finally let out his own sigh of exasperation.

"No, not that type of like," he vented. "You know, for someone so smart, you can be really stupid at times. He has **_feelings_** for you."

I froze, and I must have had a really comical expression on my face because Souji raised an eyebrow at me with something akin to amusement.

Right. Crushes, falling in love, and crap like that. Those things were never my strong suit in my past life and, apparently, it was the same with this life. I sucked at picking up signals from others and I never really paid too much attention to gender. For me, it had always been more like, "Hello, Person A," whenever I met someone new over the more normal, "Hello good looking man I might be interested in," response other heterosexual women typically had. Honestly, I just wasn't someone that was super interested in romance.

Now, that's not to say I've never dated in my past life or had an aversion to it. It was just that I was so disinterested in my romantic relationships that they never got serious enough for me to say, "I love you," to someone. That's probably why all my relationships ended rather fast, though my ex-boyfriends all tended to say that dating me was like dating a boring cardboard box, so that could be a reason too.

"Shizuka? Hello? Are you still there?"

"Noooo," I moaned after I shook myself out of my stupor and buried my face in my hands. "Why? Why me?"

It probably sounded like I was dying and being overdramatic but I didn't want to deal with this **_now_**. It was just so strange and awkward since my mind was so much older. A little boy having a crush on me? I wasn't the one with the crush, but it still made me feel like **_I_** was the dirty pervert.

"Souji," I whined rather pathetically as I dropped my hands in favor of burying my face into his sleeve. "What am I supposed to do? Isn't there anything thing I can do to make him, you know, unlike me?"

I couldn't see Souji's face at the moment, but I could feel his delight at my words come off of him in waves. To say that he was only just pleased to hear that I disapproved of the crush was like saying the Sahara Desert was only warm.

"Well, you could just completely stop spending time with him," came Souji's gleeful response. "You're leading him on if you continue to spend time with him and that wouldn't be fair, right?"

Right, and when did Souji care when something was fair or not, especially concerning someone he didn't like? **_Never_**.

"And that would be an excellent way to end our friendship too. I want to end his crush, not our friendship. I still like him well enough," I remarked as shot an unimpressed look at Souji. He pouted back in response. "Maybe it would be best to do the mature thing. I could sit him down and tell him I don't feel the same way about him, and that he shouldn't expect me to suddenly develop feelings for him and elope with him."

Oh, I made the terrible mistake of choosing the worst possible wording for this. The word "elope" was like a trigger word to Souji. If anything, that's what he still believed his sister did when she left him at Shieikan. His face grew so dark that I swear I felt a chill run up my spine.

"Umm… Souji?"

Then as abruptly as that chilling expression appeared, it was replaced by a suspicious happy smile that looked far too ridiculous to be real.

"Sorry, Shizuka," he said as he handed the basket back to me. "I just remembered I have something to take care of. You'll be fine on your own for a while, right? There should be plenty of people on the road and at the market, so you won't really be alone."

I nodded. Being surrounded by strangers did make me a bit nervous, but it my monophobia[4] wasn't that unmanageable, just inconvenient at times. As long as there was someone in close proximity, even if it was a stranger, I wouldn't have a panic attack.

"Wait, Souji? Before you go…" I unwound my scarf and wrapped it around Souji. "This should keep you warmer. I saw you sweating earlier when you were practicing. You shouldn't be running around in the snow when you're still covered in sweat."

"Oh? And what about you? You hate the cold."

"I'll be fine. A trip to the market should be relatively quick. I'll be back home in no time."

Souji seemed to accept my reasoning and swiftly ran shortly afterward.

I had no idea what Souji had set off to do but by the time I saw him again it was nearly lunchtime. He seemed particularly pleased with himself as he practically strutted into the kitchen. In fact, he looked like an overstuffed penguin. It was almost adorable.

"Welcome back." I paused stirring the porridge and turned on my stepping stool so I could greet him with the stereotypical polite bow. I quickly returned my attention back to the cooking meal. Nothing sucked more than eating burnt food on a cold winter's day. "Lunch is almost done. Just wait a little longer, okay?"

Souji hummed an okay back before coming over to peer over my shoulder and into the pot with curiosity.

"It's daikon rice porridge, your favorite."

Souji grinned, looking happier than before and spent the rest of his time hovering around me until it was time to eat.

The next day, Isao-kun never arrived at the dojo with his father. Then the same thing happened the next day. At first, I didn't think it was anything unusual until an entire week passed and there was still no sign of him. The first thought that came to mind was that Isao-kun had caught a serious illness. So like a good friend, I went to go visit him to see how he was doing.

When I arrived at his home, it was his mother that answered the door. She wasn't rude to me or anything, but the way she spoke to me stung. It was like I was no longer welcomed anymore. She politely turned me away and low-key told me not to come back anymore.

And when I asked about Isao-kun, "Oh, he's far too busy to play with you right now," she said in a sort of patronizing voice.

I ran back home in tears and when Otou-san asked me why I was crying, I refused to tell him. When Souji saw me, he didn't ask me what happened but he offered me some of his dango[5] to make me feel better.

It was the following day afterward I actually saw Isao-kun. Not willing to let this opportunity escape, I cornered him to demand answers. He was walking with a curious limp he most certainly did not have before and his arm was in a sling.

"I don't want to be friends anymore," he told me as he refused to look at me.

As the one with the adult mind, it wasn't supposed to sting so much when a little kid told me he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. It obviously hurt much more than it should have.

"But…" he then said, causing me to perk up with the slight hope that he still wanted to maintain our friendship. "I guess we can stay friends if you stop being friends with Okita."

I wanted to punch him.

The nerve of that brat! First, he told me **_he_** didn't want to be friends anymore and then he told me we could stay friends **_if_** I stopped being friends with Souji, who had never intentionally hurt me like **_he_** did. If Isao-kun no longer wanted to be friends, then so be it.

Like the oh-so-mature "adult" I was, I told him exactly what I thought.

"Go **_fuck_** yourself, you asshole!" I snarled before stomping off, not really caring about my foul language or that he had actually looked **_hopeful_** before I answered him.

When I told Souji what had transpired between that **_asshole_** and I, Souji seemed particularly pleased and told me that the loss of that friendship was most certainly for the best.

* * *

[1] Tabi (足袋) are traditional Japanese socks dating back to the 15th century. Ankle-high and with a separation between the big toe and other toes, they are worn by both men and women with zori, geta, and other traditional thronged footwear. Tabi are also essential with traditional clothing—kimono and other wafuku as well as being worn by samurai in the feudal era. The most common color is white, and white tabi are worn in formal situations such as at tea ceremonies. Men sometimes wear blue or black tabi for travelling.

In contrast to socks that, when pulled on, fit the foot snugly because of their elastic weave, tabi are sewn from cloth cut to form. They are open at the back so they can be slipped on and have a row of fasteners along the opening so they can be closed.

[2] A wooden walkway that surrounds the whole (detached) house like a porch. The roka can also be closed with wooden sliding panels, but the actual 'facade' is placed inward, consisting of sliding doors called shoji

[3] Daikon (大根, literally "big root"), also known by many other names depending on context, is a mild-flavored winter radish ( _Raphanus sativus_ ) usually characterized by fast-growing leaves and a long white napiform root.

[4] Monophobia is an acute fear of being alone and having to cope without a specific person, or perhaps any person, in close proximity. This 'closeness' might mean in the same house or flat or even in the same room.

[5] Dango (団子) is a Japanese dumpling and sweet made from _mochiko_ (rice flour), related to _mochi_. It is often served with green tea. Dango is eaten year-round, but the different varieties are traditionally eaten in given seasons. Three to four dango are often served on a skewer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _"That's the ideal meeting...once upon a time, only once, unexpectedly, then never again." ― Helen Oyeyemi_

I sat next to Otou-san as he folded the clothes that he intended to take with him on his week-long degeiko. He wasn't exactly the best when it came to housework. Everything he worked on would always look charmingly untidy even though he did his best, so I guess one could say he was the stereotypical guy who often left the housework to the women.

The clothes he was folding right now were folded in a rather uneven manner. Sometimes the sleeves would be sticking out, the hakama[1] would be lumpy, and he would even tie two mismatched tabi together. As he finished folding an article of clothing, he would place it to the side and since I thought that the clothing should at least be better folded, I would pick up the same article of clothing he just folded and refold it before placing it in the pile forming next to me. If I left his folded clothing the way it was, it would have been all wrinkled and wearing wrinkled clothing always gave others a bad first impression.

"Otou-san," I chirped as I placed another pair of hakama in the growing pile beside me, "where will this degeiko take place this time?"

"Hmm? I'll be teaching at that new dojo Satô Hikogorô built. It's actually in one of the small farming communities on the outskirts of Edo."

I perked up.

Since coming to Shieikan Hall with Otou-san at the age of three, I actually hadn't left the city even once even to go to those nearby smaller communities surrounding the wooden city. Just hearing about a small farming community just outside of Edo brought back the nostalgia of those days spent with Otojirō-oji-san, Kumezō-oji-san, and Ojii-chan, and even though we still kept in contact with each other via letters, I still found myself missing them and the farm. The city was great and all, but the countryside was gorgeous it held a special place in my heart.

Oh, how I want to go too!

"Can I come?" I instantly asked, preparing the close-range puppy eyes for launch as I practically begged Otou-san to take me with him. "Please?"

Otou-san merely chuckled at my ineffective puppy eyes and ruffled my short hair. "I thought you said you weren't interested in kenjutsu? What is this really about?"

"All I said was that I wasn't interest in learning kenjutsu. That doesn't mean I'm not interested in the mechanics of the Tennen Rishin-ryū style," mumbled with a pout, displeased that Otou-san was able to see through me so easily. It was hard work making a puppy face. "But you're right. I'm not really all that interested in kenjutsu. I just wanted to see the countryside again. I miss it."

"Well," he said as he finished folding up the last of the clothing he was going to take with him, "you know I'm leaving right now. There's no time for you to pack. You can always come with me next time."

I puffed my cheeks up petulantly at that response and looked away in disappointment, causing him to laugh at my act as he reached over to pet my head again.

"It's not **_that_** boring here," he said with his ever-growing grin. "Be good and listen to Shuusai-sensei and Gen-san while I'm gone. And make sure Souji eats properly, meaning that he doesn't survive on purely dango while I'm gone. Now to finish packing—EH?!" He had reached down towards his pile of folded clothing only to discover that it was no longer there. "Ah, where…?"

"Over here," I answered, picking up the pile of neatly refolded clothing to place on the furoshiki[2] before him. "They didn't really look like they were well folded, so I redid them for you."

Otou-san chuckled bashfully and he scratched the back of his neck. "Well, since you're already helping, you don't mind…"

I beamed up at him and carefully wrapped his clothing up in the furoshiki, carefully tying the cloth into a sling bag, before handing the bundle back to him. Otou-san grinned back at me and quickly slung the bundle over his shoulder before pulling me to my feet with him as he stood up.

"You'd make a fine wife for someone one day," he said with a hint of pride before having me walk with him to the front door so I could send him off.

I trotted him obediently. Souji, who had also known that Otou-san was leaving for a week, was already waiting by the front door and eagerly handed Otou-san a pair of traveling zōri in order to be helpful. After Otou-san put on his shoes, he stepped outside and turned back to face me and Souji before he stepped off the dojo's grounds. Souji and I bowed politely to Otou-san while saying, "Have a safe trip," in unison to properly send him off.

"I will," Otou-san called back as he continued walking. "So be good and remember your responsibilities. And Souji, look after Shizu-chan for me while I'm gone."

"I will," Souji called back.

Both Souji and I watched Otou-san leave until we couldn't see him anymore. Now that Otou-san was gone, I wasn't quite sure what to do anymore. I stood on the porch of the house, twiddling my fingers while staring at random objects around the house. With one person missing, the empty space in the house felt exponentially bigger and the silence grew louder without Otou-san's boisterous voice. I could already tell; this was going to be a long week.

Just to escape the uncomfortable silence, I lightly tackled Souji's side to elicited a small grunt of him to break the silence before latching on to him to make the empty space seem smaller.

As a reaction to this behavior, Souji peered down at me before a sly grin appeared on his face and he knocked me over. Before I could even process what had happened, Souji's hands were tickling me all over. Under my arms, my tummy, and even the bottom of my feet weren't safe.

"Souji!" I squealed in absolute delight through my giggles as I attempted to wiggle away.

"I got you!" Souji exclaimed playfully before allowing me to knock him flat on his back when I tried to tickle him back. He wasn't exactly the ticklish type, but he jokingly reacted, "Ugh! You got me! I'm dead," before he stopped moving. His eyes shut while he dramatically stopped breathing.

Of course, I did know he was faking and all, but what where would the fun be if I pointed that out?

I paused what I was doing and curiously peered over at his face, and when I was hovering right above him. He suddenly blew air at my face and pinched my sides, causing me to squeal and dissolve into giggles again.

"Alright, alright," Souji finally said after he was done teasing me as he sat back up on the roka. "That's enough for now. I need to go to practice now. Shuusai-sensei wants to know how much I've improved."

I deflated at that, but I let Souji up. However, instead of vanishing right away, he grabbed my hand and pulled me inside with him with a grin adorning his face. He still remembered my deathly fear of being alone and purposely kept me within arm's reach now that Otou-san was absent.

In the end, the week didn't turn out as long as I thought it would. Shuusai-sensei cut down on the number of private lessons for Souji this week per Otou-san's request just for me, and Souji really did take Otou-san's word as gospel. I didn't even have to sleep alone in my own futon the entire week. Every night I would end up curled up next to Souji in his futon and he didn't complain about it at all.

When Otou-san returned, he looked like a love stricken fool. He would smile at nothing in particularly and whenever he walked, it was almost like he was walking on clouds. It was strange for the first couple of days. He would zone out and I would have no idea why. It wasn't until I Souji muttered to me that he disapproved of whatever woman did that to Otou-san that I actually "understood" Otou-san's behavior.

"Otou-san?" I asked finally asked him at dinner one night while Souji was still sulking next to me. "Did something happen while you were away?"

"I met the most wonderful person during the week. He's Satô-san's brother-in-law."

Souji instantly stopped sulking and a flash of confusion flashed across his face as he exchanged glances with me. Otou-san was interested in a man?

That was news to me. I had always figured that Otou-san was straight since there were times even he went to Yoshiwara[3] with some of the older students. Though when I asked, he flushed while coughing before saying he was going out to look at flowers instead.

Well, I guess if you considered the women of Yoshiwara flowers then that wouldn't exactly be a lie.

Either way, while I knew Otou-san wasn't exactly the type to sleep around, I also knew he wasn't exactly a virgin. Even he had purchased the company of yūjo[4] every once in a while, though rare. Or was it perhaps that I was the one mistaken. Maybe he had seen gone to Yoshiwara to see the kagema[5] instead? It was so easy to forget that there were men that worked in the red-light district too.

"You're interested in men?!" I blurted out instantly before slapping my hands over my mouth in embarrassment over my outburst. I didn't have anything against bi or homosexual people, but learning that the man that raised you was possibly one or the other was shocking!

Otou-san seemed to turn red at my outburst and choking on some shibazuki[6]. He pounded on his chest a few times before the lodged piece of food flew out of his mouth and flew a very impressive distance across the room. Inoue-san, while saying nothing, wrinkled his nose in disgust at the projectile that landed near his foot and inched away.

"NO!" Otou-san looked absolutely horrified that I even suggested such a thing. "I—you—What possessed you to even think such a thing?!"

"Well, Souji told me you were acting like someone who's in love when I asked him why you were acting so strangely," I answered innocently as Souji pretended to look the other way while whistling. "So are you?"

"No, no, no! I'm not! And I'm not gay!" Otou-san spluttered. "I just made a new friend! A friend!"

"Oh. Okay then." I decided to just take his word for it and not push the question any further

Otou-san, on the other hand, didn't seem to be convinced I was done and eyed me wearily. "Look," he said after letting out a loud sigh, "his name is Hijikata Toshizo. He's fairly skilled in kenjutsu and highly intelligent. The only reason that I am acting like this is because it is rare to come across a **_friend_** like him."

I froze when I heard that name and Otou-san mistook my expression to be dubious and thus continued to try to explain himself.

"Our relationship is exactly like yours and Souji's, Shizu-chan. Neither of you have romantic feelings for each other, but are close enough friends to trust each other with anything and everything, right?"

Souji nodded at Otou-san's explanation with a dark look on envy on his face, but I didn't budge.

 ** _Hijikata Toshizo_**. I wanted to faint.

"Look, I invited him over for some practice later on this week. You can meet him then and **_understand_** there is nothing going on between us, alright?"

I nodded mechanically with my mind elsewhere.

The rest of dinner returned to normalcy shortly afterward as Souji struck up a conversation with Otou-san while I quietly stewed in my own thoughts while pushing my food around in my bowl.

In my past life, since I was never a history major, the only history classes I took were the ones I was required to. In the years before college, the stuff I learned was the typical American history, modern world history, and splashes of other things like how many dynasty China had, and some stuff about knights and castles. Obviously, I didn't know too much history of other countries, but even I recognized the name ** _Hijikata Toshizo_**.

That one Asian history class I took in college as an elective was where I heard this name. And obviously, you couldn't hear about Hijikata Toshizo without hearing the name Kondou Isami, but it didn't hit me that Otou-san was going to be **_that_** Kondou Isami. I mean, there were plenty of people with the same name. But to hear both the name Hijikata Toshizo and Kondou Isami together just blew my mind.

Unfortunately, I didn't exactly know much about them other than their names since my professor only briefly touched on Japan. All I knew about the duo was that they formed some sort of organization called the Shinsengumi and that it vanished after the Bakumatsu. But I did read about some tidbits about both men in my textbook, though I remember little of it since I didn't deem history to be very important. Hijikata Toshizo was apparently strict and a talented military commander while Kondou Isami apparently got married to a woman called Tsune, the daughter of Matsui Yasogorō, a retainer to the Shimizu-Tokugawa clan.

That was it. That was all I remembered. It was a pathetically pitiful amount of information.

Then came the day when Otou-san was to introduce his new friend to Souji and I. Souji sulked, constantly muttering under his breath that this Hijikata was sticking his nose where he didn't belong before our guest arrived. Souji was so obviously envious of the relationship that developed between this new man and Otou-san that he specifically told me that I wasn't allowed to like Hijikata. Inoue-san, who was nearby, merely shook his head at Souji's words in amusement and shot me a knowing look.

Then Otou-san reentered the room with a young handsome-looking man that had his hair tied back.

"Toshi, meet my otoutodeshi[7], Okita Souji. And this here is my daughter, Shizuka," Otou-san said cheerfully as he came up behind us so he could place a hand on both of our heads. "Now Souji, Shizu-chan, your greetings."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Hijikata-san," I greeted the man with the politest bow I could manage, earning the approve, minus Souji's, of everyone in the room. "Please continue being Otou-san good friend."

Souji, on the other hand, said, "Good day, Hijikata-san. I've heard a lot about you from Kondou-san," with a dangerous looking gleam growing in his eyes. Noticing my attention on him, he grinned and shot a wink my way.

"Oh?" Hijikata-san said in response to Souji, purposely taking all his attention off me at the moment since I appeared to be shyly holding onto Otou-san's clothing. He probably thought I was nervous or scared. "So what have you heard?"

"Let's see... Things like he's already old enough but still tied to his married sister's apron strings, not getting a serious job, challenging dojos and forcing them to buy his family's medicine after beating them up, being smart but not using his wits in doing good, and stuff like that."

Ouch. That burned.

It always surprised me how mean Souji could be at some times because he was always so nice to me.

"What the...," Hijikata-san recoiled while almost looking betrayed. "Kondou-san, you've been saying stuff like this to a kid?"

"Err..." Otou-san seemed speechless before flying into a panic by uselessly flailing his arms about. "No! I don't recall saying such things."

"Isami-san would never talk about Toshi-san in such manner," Inoue-san quickly jumped to save the day. The familiarity to which Inoue-san referred to Hijikata-san by told me they were no strangers to each other.

However, I merely pointed out on my end that, "Otou-san isn't the type to speak ill of other's even if he hates them. I thought you knew that since you're Otou-san's close friend."

I never intended to sound so harsh, but that's how it ended up sounding like much to my dismay. Souji, however, seemed to approve since my words made Hijikata-san flinch slightly.

"Of course not," Souji continued on, but now with a smug smile growing on his face. "Kondou-san wouldn't talk this way. I'm only saying what I want to say. I heard those from other older pupils."

"Kid, tell you what, if you can't tell what's a stupid rumor and what's not, you'll never grow up to be a decent man." Hijikata-san offered an olive branch of advice in an attempt to connect, but it would be a wasted effort. Souji already decided to dislike him and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

"If that means wondering around all day doing nothing but practicing sword, rather than getting a proper job, I'll be careful not to become one like you."

"Souji!" Otou-san finally broke out of his stupor to scold Souji. "Don't talk this way!"

The smug look faded from Souji's face when Otou-san scolded him. Not wanting to end things with Otou-san scolding him in front of the other man, he turned to Hijikata-san again but before he could say anything, I collided into him to hug his arm while still pretending to be shy in front of Hijikata-san just for the sake of making things go more smoothly.

"Let's go, I don't want to say here any longer," I whispered into Souji's ear subtly before tugging him away so Inoue-san and Otou-san could do some damage control.

Later that night, I found it difficult to sleep. It wasn't because my monophobia was acting up since I was curled up next to Souji and not alone. It was just that I was curious. Otou-san was still awake in the other room talking to Hijikata-san and I wanted to know what. What exactly is it about their friendship that was so special?

I slithered out from under Souji's grip carefully and quietly to avoid disturbing his sleep before peering out of the room and into the dark hallway. I panicked slightly at the sight of the empty hallway. There was the light at the end of the hallway, signaling someone's presence but the hallway was utterly empty. I turned back to glance at Souji's sleeping form one last time for some brief courage before I closed my eyes and bolted through the hallway.

Obviously, with my eyes shut, I had no idea when I actually made it through the hallway and kept running until I collided with an object. That object happened to Hijikata-san's back to my mortification. He had been sitting and sipping saké[8] with Otou-san.

"Umm… I'm sorry!" I squeaked in embarrassment before I bolted to go curl up next to Otou-san.

"Eh? Shizu-chan, what are you doing awake?"

"I couldn't sleep. Can I stay here?"

Otou-san looked a tad bit conflicted. He obviously wanted to just chat and sip alcohol with his friend without having a kid around, but he also didn't want to just leave me by myself because of my irrational fear.

"Ah, sorry about this," Otou-san finally said to Hijikata-san bashfully as he ruffled my short messy hair. "But I can't send Shizu-chan back to bed by herself. She's terrified of being alone."

"It's fine. I don't see a problem with it," Hijikata-san offered as he smiled at me. He probably just wanted to get into the good graces of at least one of the kids that his friend cares for. So I beamed back at him so he at least knew that I wasn't going to be like Souji. "But Kondou-san, I didn't know you were married with a kid."

An expected assumption since Otou-san wasn't one to have bastard kids left and right.

"Oh, no, I'm not married. Shizu-chan is—"

"Just adopted," I interrupted, surprising Otou-san since he thought I didn't know.

"What—How did you know? I never recall telling you."

"It's pretty obvious since I have no mother, and we also look nothing alike," I pointed out, causing Otou-san's face to twist before he slapped his own forehead.

"Shizu-chan, sometimes you're just too smart for your own good. It's a bit embarrassing for me to be constantly outsmarted by someone so young."

Hijikata-san just chuckled at our whole exchange, since I'm sure it did appear to be a bit silly, before taking a small sip from his cup. "So how old are you, Shizuka-chan?"

"I'm eleven," I answered, causing him to choke on his drink.

"Toshi?!"

"I'm fine. I'm fine," he said, hitting his chest with his fist until his throat cleared up before looked me up and down. "You're kind of small for eleven. Are you sure you didn't miscount or anything?"

"I know I'm small, but that definitely has nothing to do with intelligence. I bet I can outsmart you too."

"Oh?" Hijikata-san raised his eyebrow at me.

Otou-san laughed before shaking his head at Hijikata-san. "I know what you're thinking. Don't even try. Shizu-chan will defeat you so soundly that you'll begin to question if you're really older than her." Otou-san set his cup of saké down before getting up to pull one of my many informational medical journals I had written from a nearby shelving unit and passed it to Hijikata-san.

"And this is?" Hijikata-san asked before his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he flipped the journal open. "Are you say saying that little Shizuka-chan **_wrote_** this?! It's even more detailed than those Rangaku[9] books! How much did you spend on her schooling?!"

"Absolutely nothing. Shizu-chan here is a natural genius!" Otou-san announced proudly as he sat back down and grabbed his cup again.

Of course, I really wasn't the genius everyone thought I was but it was nice to receive so many compliments, so I never corrected everyone. Besides, what would I even say?

Eventually, the two men returned to what they were talking about before I interrupted. I'm not exactly sure what topic they were talking about was since I fell asleep after sneaking a sip of saké from Otou-san's cup, but I recall the words "dream" and "samurai" being spoken.

Eventually, as the years passed, Hijikata-san came to live at Shieikan Hall with us in 1859. Souji obviously wasn't pleased with this new development and it showed when he and Hijikata-san interacted with each other. However, that isn't to say they didn't grow close to each other. Hijikata-san came to view Souji as the annoying little brother and Souji…

Well, he came to see Hijikata-san as the pain-in-the-ass cousin that nobody wanted to see during family reunions.

"Hey, what do you think of this haiku[10]?" Souji asked me as he pointed to a page in a journal that he "borrowed" from Hijikata-san's room after breaking in. Souji seemed like he was enjoying himself, so I didn't find it fit for me to stop him.

"It's… pretty terrible."

"For such a smart man, Hijikata-san sure is bad at writing poetry, right?" Souji giggled before flipping the page to an even more abysmally written haiku. Look at this one—"

"SOUJI!"

All hell was about to break loose **_again_**. Hijikata-san had discovered what Souji had done since Souji had purposely left one giant fat when he broke in. Within a matter of seconds, the door of Souji's room was slammed open with an earsplitting bang.

"SOUJI! YOU BROKE INTO MY ROOM AGAIN AND STOLE MY HAIKU JOURNAL!" Hijikata-san was red-faced as he exploded all over Souji. I swear there was even smoke coming out of his ears. "GIVE IT BACK!"

"Eh? No way, I'm not done with it yet~," Souji taunted, deciding that poking the angry fire-breathing dragon was such great fun. "Right, Shizuka?"

Souji didn't seem one bit guilty that he was dragging me into the mess he created.

"SOUJI!" Hijikata-san yelled before turning to scolding me, "DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM, SHIZUKA!"

Souji quickly danced away as Hijikata lunged him.

"Neh, Hijikata-san, Shizuka is always on my side so it's pointless to tell her such things~," Souji mocked Hijikata-san before grabbing me and dragging me with him as he ran out the door with the book.

"SOUJI!" Hijikata-san yelled after Souji before giving chase, "GET BACK HERE! SHIZUKA, DON'T JUST HANG LIMPLY IN HIS GRASP! DO SOMETHING TO STOP HIM!"

I did consider doing what Hijikata-san demanded since I didn't exactly like getting dragged around like a rag doll, but ended up just doing nothing to help Hijikata-san. Souji had that precious smile on his face and I didn't want to be the one to remove it by ruining his fun.

* * *

[1] Hakama (袴) are a type of traditional Japanese clothing. Trousers were used by the Chinese imperial court in the Sui and Tang dynasties, and this style was adopted by the Japanese in the form of hakama beginning in the sixth century. Hakama are tied at the waist and fall approximately to the ankles. They are worn over a kimono (hakamashita).

[2] Furoshiki (風呂敷) are a type of traditional Japanese wrapping cloth traditionally used to transport clothes, gifts, or other goods.

[3] Yoshiwara (吉原) was a famous yūkaku (遊廓、遊郭, pleasure district, red-light district) in Edo, present-day Tōkyō, Japan. In the early 17th century, there was widespread male and female prostitution throughout the cities of Kyoto, Edo, and Osaka. To counter this, an order of Tokugawa Hidetada of the Tokugawa shogunate restricted prostitution to designated city districts. These districts were Shimabara for Kyōto (1640), Shinmachi for Ōsaka (1624–1644) and Yoshiwara for Edo (1617).

[4] Yūjo (遊女) were "women of pleasure" or prostitutes.

[5] Kagema (陰間) is a historical Japanese term for young male prostitutes. Kagema were often passed off as apprentice kabuki actors (who were themselves often prostitutes on the side) and catered to a mixed male and female clientele.

[6] A specialty of Kyoto, shibazuke is a mix of chopped cucumbers and eggplant that has been salted and brined with red shiso. It has a stunning purple-magenta hue that renders the vegetable pieces nearly unrecognizable from their original forms.

[7] Otoutodeshi literally means "little brother pupil", which means a pupil of the same dojo, but entered later.

[8] Saké is a Japanese rice wine made by fermenting rice that has been polished to remove the bran. Unlike wine, in which alcohol (ethanol) is produced by fermenting sugar that is naturally present in grapes, sake is produced by a brewing process more like that of beer, where the starch is converted into sugars before being converted to alcohol.

[9] Rangaku (Kyūjitai: 蘭學/Shinjitai: 蘭学, literally "Dutch Learning", and by extension "Western Learning") is a body of knowledge developed by Japan through its contacts with the Dutch enclave of Dejima, which allowed Japan to keep abreast of Western technology and medicine in the period when the country was closed to foreigners, 1641–1853, because of the Tokugawa shogunate's policy of national isolation (sakoku).

[10] Haiku (俳句) (plural haiku) is a very short form of Japanese poetry. It is typically characterized by three qualities:  
· The essence of haiku is "cutting" (kiru). This is often represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas and a _kireji_ ("cutting word") between them, a kind of verbal punctuation mark which signals the moment of separation and colors the manner in which the juxtaposed elements are related.  
· Traditional haiku consist of 17 on (also known as morae though often loosely translated as "syllables"), in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 on respectively.  
· A _kigo_ (seasonal reference), usually drawn from a _saijiki_ , an extensive but defined list of such words.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 _"Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it." ― Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City_

I bolted through the empty hallway until I came to a stop right outside Souji's room.

"Souji?" I squeaked out, feeling jittery as I tried my best to steady my shallow breathing. I had already jumped at my own shadow on the way to Souji's room, so my heart already felt like it was long overdue to burst.

I knew that Souji was on the other side of the door but I couldn't see him. Logically, my mind told me I was alright, that nothing bad was going to happen to me while I was in the safety of my own home even if I was alone. Instinctively, my body was telling me that I was going to **_die_** if I remained alone.

As I was about to give up and flee back to part of the dojo where there were people, the door quickly slid open and a hand pulled me in the room. I landed on Souji's chest just as he closed the door.

"What are you doing?" Souji hissed at me as I instantly latched on and buried my face against his chest in an attempt I to calm my pounding heart. "I thought you knew better than to wander the dojo alone. What would you have done if you had a panic attack?"

I shook my head in a wordless response before I forcibly pried myself off of him. I couldn't bring myself to looking him in the eyes right after he scolded me. "It's time to teach lessons. Hijikata-san is already waiting for you in the practice hall."

Now instead of Souji and Hijikata-san taking kenjutsu lessons, they were now instructors that taught the students. Ever since Hijikata-san started living here, there have been some changes to the dojo. Other than Souji and Hijikata-san becoming instructors, there had been a decline of students that attended the dojo.

Ever since the Treaty of Amity and Commerce, or otherwise known as the Harris Treaty, was signed in 1858, the Japanese economy had been a mess. The price of ordinary goods and daily supplies skyrocketed as the result of open trade. With the price of daily living increasing, fewer and fewer students could afford to keep coming to the dojo. The number of request for degeiko had also decreased too.

Another factor that added to the decrease in students were the epidemics that appeared with alongside open trade. When the foreigners brought over new goods to Japan, they also brought over the diseases originating from the West. The decreasing number of students was worrisome. The amount of income the dojo produced was declining and if the trend continued then the dojo would be unable to remain open. However, though as troubling as the money situation was, that would be another issue for another day.

Souji's lips curled into an angry snarl at the mention of Hijikata-san's name. " ** _He_** made you come look for me by yourself? That bastard should have known better!"

I'm sure he would have punched Hijikata-san the moment we went to the practice hall if I didn't say anything.

"No! He didn't… I just wanted to try and…" I hadn't intended to worry him and now that I did, I felt really small in front of him. "…I'm sorry…"

A sigh slipped out of his mouth as he put a hand on my head. "No, it's not your fault. If you decided to by yourself then…"

I found myself beaming up at him and his acceptance before noticing curiously for the first time that Souji's hair was down instead in his iconic ponytail. Unable to help myself, I reached up and tugged lightly on some of his long hair.

"Hmm?" Souji said before flushing slightly when I shot him a questioning look. "Erm… I wanted to try a different hair style…"

"Which hairstyle? One like Otou-san's?" He **_had_** been staring intently at Otou-san's hair earlier this morning. Either way, I'm sure I was correct in my guess since Souji seemed relieved that he didn't have to say anything. "Want me to do your hair? I sometimes help Otou-san put up his hair in the morning."

Souji's brows disappeared behind his bangs but he seemed to really like my idea. He shot me an impish grin before grabbing me by my hand and dragging me to where a small mirror was sitting atop his desk. He sat down before the mirror and handed me his comb like a giddy child. The way he was sitting, his posture, practically said, "I'm waiting."

"Okay," I said, starting by running the wooden comb through his hair. His hair was surprisingly soft and a nice sheen began to emerge the more I brushed his hair, making me slightly envious. "First, you have to make sure to brush out all the knots in your hair."

I placed the comb back on his desk before sticking my hands directly into his hair. It was so unfair. In my past life, I had to use so many hair products just to get my hair just as soft as his. I bet he didn't even need to try to get his hair this nice.

"Then you take your hair and bunch it together like you usually would when you're tying a ponytail, but just don't pull the hair too tightly. You'll damage the roots of your hair if you do." I gave his hair a slight playful tug as I bunched it together before flipping it up to tie it off. "Then you place a hand over by the base of the ponytail and loop the tail over your two fingers. When the topknot looks the way you want it to look, then tie if off to secure it in place. Done!"

Souji moved his head closer to the mirror to get a better look, taking his time to turn his head to look at his hair at different angles. His lips curled upwards at the corners of his mouth.

"Like it?" Like I even needed to ask.

He turned around and nodded before playfully reaching over to tug on a few short strands of my hair. "Yeah. Thanks," he answered. "So how do you think it looks?"

"I think it suits you." Well, he certainly looked prideful now.

"Well, come on, let's go," Souji said cheerfully as he pulled me to my feet. "You did say it's time to teach lessons, right? We've kept Hijikata-san waiting long enough and I'm pretty sure he has some words for me for being late."

He pulled me out of his room with him, him in the front leading while I tagged along behind him like his shadow. As we walked through the halls, he glimpsed back at me through the corner of his eyes and used his other hand to reach back and tug on my short hair once more.

"What is it?" I asked him as I came to a stop.

"I'm just wondering if you will ever grow out your hair," Souji said as he let go of my hair and continued walking towards the practice hall.

"My hair?"

Many of the girls my age had already started discard their short shoulder-length hair for the woman's long hairstyles. I, on the other hand, didn't bother with trying to follow the trend. It was easier to take care of short hair, especially in a time period where there were no such appliances like blow-dryers.

"You should grow out your hair," he suggested just as we arrived at the practice hall. "I think you would look very pretty with long hair."

Before I could answer Souji, Hijikata-san in his glorious anger, stomped up to Souji.

"Where have you been?!" Hijikata-san tore into Souji in front of all the students. "You're an instructor and you're supposed to set an example for the students. What does it say when an instructor is late to the class he's supposed to teach?"

"Hijikata-san worries too much," Souji merely retorted a laidback attitude as he shrugged his shoulders. Hijikata-san didn't intimidate him at all. "Hijikata-san will start sprouting white hairs like an old man then all the ladies will run away from him, right?" he turned to ask his students with a wink. They all laughed.

Hijikata-san, however, looked ready enough to commit murder.

"Just start the lessons already!" Hijikata-san growled before he stomped back to where his own students were.

Souji shot me an accomplished looking grin before waving me towards the wall. "Shizuka, go sit by the sides, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly and went to go claim my seat, then I promptly zoned out as I stared aimlessly at the random things in the room. My mind quickly wandered back to what Souji had said before.

Should I grow my hair out like Souji suggested? At age thirteen, I wasn't considered a woman just yet since I had gotten my first period yet. But once I did, should I let my hair grow out like the women of this era?

I mean, as much as I enjoyed not having to take care of long hair, I didn't enjoy the stares I got from people when I went out. Often I would hear people whispering far too loudly at the market when they saw my short hair and even some of the students of Shieikan would talk too.

"Why does she still have such boyish short hair?" they would say. "She has no mother figure, so she doesn't know how to make herself pretty."

Speaking of mother figures, I couldn't help but wondered when Otou-san would supposedly get married. I didn't care so much about "messing" up history since accepting my second life in this era. If history was so important, then whatever deity was stupid enough to drop me back here was the one at fault. But Otou-san's marriage was one thing I didn't want to screw up. I thought he deserved getting married. He was genuinely a good guy.

"No, your posture is all wrong. If someone swings their sword at you this way, you won't be able to block it. Hey, Hijikata-san, you suck at teaching. The student you were teaching earlier still can't get the right posture," I heard behind all my thoughts vaguely, causing me to look up briefly. Souji and Hijikata-san were butting heads again.

"What are you talking about, Souji?! Not everyone is like you and able to get the correct posture right away."

I ducked back into my thoughts. Sometimes Hijikata-san and Souji argued so frequently that I found myself apathetic.

Marriage in the era was different from the modern age in the United States. In Tokugawa Japan, marrying for love was almost unheard of. Marriage was used to increase social status or to ensure the continued existence of a family name, but that didn't mean marriage couldn't be blissful. I'm sure with Otou-san's attitude and kindness, any woman could be considered lucky to marry him.

But from I read, Otou-san was specifically supposed to marry a woman called Tsune. I honestly wished I knew more so I could actually go out to look for this woman but other than the name of her father and the name of the clan she belonged to, I didn't know where to even start looking. I mean, for all I know, she could have lived on the snowy island of Hokkaido to the north. I didn't exactly have the resources to travel up that far, and the knowledge of snow up there itself almost made me unwilling.

"Shizuka?"

But I also wondered if I should be meddling in the first place.

"Shizuka? Can you hear me?"

Maybe I didn't need to even interfere in the first place and everything would come to fruition. It **_was_** a bit pompous of me to assume that history would be derailed just because of me, a single, unimportant, little girl.

"Just smack her upside the head to get her attention."

"Hijikata-san, you go bash your own head in. Don't tell me to hit her."

"Fine, if you don't do it then I will."

But still, just what if Otou-san never got married and it was my fault. What if—

Someone knocked on my forehead and I swear my thoughts flew out of my ears when I jumped in surprise. When my vision came back into focus, Hijikata-san's face was right in front of mine.

Without saying anything, I stupidly reached up and pinched Hijikata-san's nose between two fingers like I expected it to honk like a clown's nose.

Hijikata-san narrowed his eyes at me in irritation before batting my hand away. "That's your first reaction?! Really?"

Souji snorted in amusement before plopping down next to me. "Care to share about what had you staring off into space for the last couple of minutes? Class has now been over for at least three minutes now and you were just sitting there, staring."

True enough, all the students that were once in the hall were gone. The only thing that was left to prove that they were here was the smell of sweat that was left lingering in the air.

"Don't you think it's a bit strange how Otou-san hasn't gotten married yet? Why hasn't he gotten married yet? Shouldn't he get married?" I blurted out before I realized what happened. The looks on the guys' faces suggested that I should have eased into the topic.

"Hah?! That's what you were thinking about?" Souji looked scandalized at the idea of Otou-san being married. "Are you sure Hijikata-san didn't hit you on the head too hard?"

Hijikata-san growled at Souji accusing tone and kicked Souji's thigh in displeasure before turning his attention back to me. "Don't you think that when and whether Kondou-san gets married should be up to him?" Hijikata-san questioned me with his eyebrows pinched together.

"Oh my god!" Words fell out of my mouth again as I gaped at a certain realization. Half of me was considering this as truth while the logical half of me was calling myself a hysterical idiot. "What if the reason Otou-san doesn't ever get married is because he adopted me? Raising kids takes a lot of money. What if he wasted all his money on me and now can't afford to have a wife? I'm a monster!"

"Okay, now I'm sure you hit her way too hard earlier, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata-san slammed his hand onto his face. "Look, it's nobody's fault. If Kondou-san gets married, then he gets married. If he doesn't, then it's his own choice. Got it?"

At this point, I didn't bother listening to Hijikata-san anymore. I jumped up, grabbed Souji by the wrist, and bolted out of the dojo, leaving Hijikata-san to stare strangely at me as I dragged Souji away with me. The whole time, it boggled me that Souji didn't say anything and allowed me to drag him all the way with me to the Edo markets, but I got the distinct feeling he enjoyed seeing Hijikata-san's befuddled expression and therefore didn't say anything until we hit the markets.

"So why are we here?"

I froze comically at his question since I didn't actually know why, causing Souji to accidently bump into me when I suddenly stopped. As Murphy's law[1] stated, "What can go wrong, will go wrong."

Souji bumping into me started a chain reaction. I toppled over, accidently bumping into a woman in front of me and since I was so short, the woman didn't see me and jumped in fright at the sudden contact, causing her to accidently drop her freshly bought eggplant on my head.

"Eep!" I squeaked just as the eggplant landed on my head shortly before the rest of my body made contact with the dirt road.

"Oh no!" the woman gasped in horror, dropping everything she was holding in order to check on me once she noticed me. Incidentally, I happened to be right below her, so all the items she ended up dropping landed on me. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! You're hurt and it's entirely my fault!"

She was young, perhaps in her twenties. The harelip she possessed was her most prominent feature. She wasn't the prettiest woman I had ever seen, but she was definitely not the most hideous either.

I think it was the harelip. If she didn't have that harelip, then she'd easily be one of the prettiest women I have ever seen.

"Umm, I'm okay…," I said but that went completely unheard by the woman and Souji, who happened to decide right now was the perfect time to be unhelpful, didn't do anything but watch me deal with the woman in amusement.

"I am so sorry!" she repeated again while looking absolutely guilt-ridden to the point of making me feel bad. "Let me get you back home, it is the least I can do after I hurt you."

Feeling like this was for the best, I didn't bother struggling as she bent down to give me a piggyback ride. Once I was firmly secured on her back, she abandoned her groceries on the ground and began walking.

"So where do you live?" she questioned and Souji immediately answered.

"This way," he said laxly as he pointed at the direction we came from. The woman nodded gratefully.

"So, what are your names? My name is Matsui Tsune."

 ** _Tsune_**. Obviously, I froze once more once I heard that name. It couldn't be **_that_** easy, could it?

"My name is Okita Souji and this is," Souji paused, waiting for me to say my own name before his nose scrunched up when I saw me mouthing silently to him, "She's the one!" over and over again.

"Her name is Kondou Shizuka," Souji ended up introducing me too. "Normally she **_would_** introduce herself, but for one so smart, she is cursed with bouts of **_stupid_**."

That last part was obviously a jab he aimed at me, but I found that I didn't really care.

"Oh…" Tsune-san seemed completely at lost at our undoubtedly strange behavior, but she smiled anyway. "So do you two live together?"

Souji nodded. "I'm a live-in student at Shieikan Hall and Shizuka is the daughter of the dojo's heir," he said before pointing to the left. "Oh, go this way. The dojo is right around this corner."

When we turned the corner, I saw Otou-san and Hijikata-san at the gate of the dojo speaking with each other. Hijikata-san was probably telling Otou-san about how I had questioned him about marriage earlier if the faces they were making had anything to do with it.

"Excuse me," Tsune said as she walked up to them, obtaining both men's attention.

"Oh! How can I help—," Otou-san said before turning to see me on Tsune-san's back. "Shizu-chan! What are you doing? Did you hurt yourself? Souji, what happened?"

"I am afraid that it is entirely my fault. If I had been looking where I was going, then none of this would have happened," Tsune-san answered instead. It was actually Souji's fault, but I wasn't going to correct her.

"Ah, I see." Otou-san nodded in understanding before turning to Hijikata-san. "Toshi, can you take Shizu-chan inside and treat her injuries?"

"Alright," agreed Hijikata-san as he went over to pluck me from Tsune-san's arms.

Otou-san and Tsune-san remained outside to converse with each other while I got carried inside by Hijikata-san. Souji decided to tag along with me and followed us inside. The moment we were inside, Hijikata-san dropped me on my butt without a care and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Ouch," I said just for the sake of annoying Hijikata-san since he was already glaring at me. "Why did you drop me? I'm **_injured_** remember?"

"As if those tiny bruises hurt," he snorted as he crossed his arms. "Just what are you planning? Why did you let that woman bring you here when you can clearly walk with no problem?"

I decided to be completely honest and blunt with my answer. "She's Otou-san's future wife."

Hijikata-san twitched as a vein appeared on his forehead before he promptly smacked me across the back of the head.

"Don't go around playing matchmaker!" It looked like he really irritated with my statement. "Besides, how would you know if they fit well together? It's not like you know the future."

I wanted to laugh, but I got the feeling the bursting into random laughter would not be looked upon as healthy. But when Tsune-san joined us for dinner that night, Souji had to cart me off so when I did burst out random giggles, I wouldn't leave a bad impression on our guest.

By the time the new year rolled around, it was clear that Otou-san and Tsune-san were more than just smitten with each other. Just as the flowers bloomed to announce the arrive of spring in the March of 1860, the two wedded.

The wedding was a small affair, only involving the families of both newly wedded husband and wife, plus a few special friends, like Hijikata-san. I personally had expected the wedding to be slightly more flamboyant since Tsune-san's family was of the warrior caste, but just like Tsune-san was, her wedding was humble. But if anything, there was a plethora of alcohol.

Tsune-san's family, particularly her parents, loved to drink and they shared their enthusiasm with anyone they could get their paws on. Hijikata-san was smart enough to avoid them at the banquet since he had worse tolerance to alcohol than Otou-san did and didn't want to get drunk. Souji wasn't so fortunate.

Souji was long considered a man at age sixteen, but that didn't mean he went out drinking often. Both Hijikata-san and Otou-san never went out to drink specifically due to their bad tolerance, surprisingly only leaving Inoue-san as the only one that would go out drinking with Souji. But since Souji was so young, Inoue-san would limit how much Souji could drink. Souji actually had never been drunk before this.

He was an interesting drunk with the tolerance of an average man. It was actually difficult to tell that he was even tipsy in the first place because he didn't act all that different. But the moment he started to get closer than normal to people and adding the verbal tick "desu" at the end of every sentence, I knew he was drunk.

The wedding and the banquet ended without a hitch at the end of the night. The guest all left to return to their quiet homes, and everyone at Shieikan went to bed. Well, most went to bed. With Otou-san now being a married man, we no longer shared a room, which wouldn't have been a problem except for my monophobia. In the planning of the whole wedding and the living arrangements, it had been decided that I would get my own room now since I was, in society's eyes, a grown woman. But in the midst of all the planning, everyone had forgotten about my disabling fear and I didn't have the heart to remind them in the light of such a happy occasion.

My bedroom was not at all warm and inviting. It was cold and dark. The walls felt as if they were constructed from stone and the air felt so heavy that it felt like it was crushing the life out of me. I couldn't breathe as the creepy shadows of the trees danced along the wall, becoming large spiders that stalked me in my imagination.

Oh, how I wanted to run and hide away in Otou-san's or Souji's futon!

But Otou-san was now a newly wedded man and it is no secret what new couples do on their wedding night. In fact, since Otou-san's and Tsune-san's shared room was next to mine and I wasn't exactly drunk, I could actually hear them going at it. As much as Otou-san said he loved me and how much Tsune-san said she adored me, I doubt that either one of them would be happy if I interrupted.

Then there was Souji. He was a man and I was a woman now. We weren't kids. It'd be highly inappropriate for me to sneak over to his room now. Plus, he was probably sleeping off the alcohol now. Even though neither of us had romantic feelings for each other, sneaking into his room while he was drunk was quite stupid and risky to a point.

Unable to deal anymore, I kicked the blankets away and fled into the main hall in an attempt to calm myself. It didn't help. The only things to keep me company in the main hall were the jars and bottles of unfinished saké, which looked more like little gremlins and devilish imps in the dark. The loneliness was so suffocating that I actually had to force myself to vomit to prevent myself from being locked in a panic attack.

But, in the end, it was enough.

But there was alcohol everywhere and I couldn't stand being lucid anymore.

There was alcohol and all I had to do was reach out a grab a bottle, then my problems would vanish.

 ** _Alcohol_**.

A hand suddenly appeared out of the dark and snatched my wrist just as I reached out to grab a tempting bottle of alcohol.

"What are you doing?!"

It was Hijikata-san. He sounded furious, which in turn awakened the beast within me. I wasn't in the mood to deal with his questions and his anger. I felt betrayed.

"Why the **_hell_** do I have to answer to you?" I all but **_sneered_** back at him as I jerked my wrist out of his grasp, but all that did was force him to grab my shoulders.

"Answer me." His eyes widened slightly in shock at my uncharacteristic behavior but he refused to be intimidated, which made me want to punch him.

" ** _None of your fucking business._** "

"Shizuka, stop," he said as I tried to escape. His hands on my shoulders felt like they were burning me. "You've never behaved like this before. Why are you acting like this now?" he demanded. "Are you unhappy with the marriage? You were the one that wanted them to get married."

"The whole world isn't centered on your man crush, Hijikata-san. **_Fuck off._** "

"You're afraid of being alone aren't you?" And just like that, all my anger fled as I sunk to my knees in despair. Everything came to a screeching halt. "You're afraid that you'll be forgotten."

Hijikata-san released me and knelt down in front of me. I couldn't face him. Not like this. I covered my face with my hands as I let out a sob.

"I hate this." My voice shook as I cried. "My mother abandoned me because she didn't want me and now Otou-san is married. He'll eventually forget me too, same as everyone else. They'll all forget me one day and I'll still be **_alone_**."

I felt so ashamed of myself. I had the mind of an adult, but I was chalk full of problems. I was nothing more than a pitiful child. An unimportant child.

"I can't stand this. I can't bear it. I feel so alone, so weak, so ashamed. Why…? Why won't my fear go away? I…"

Arms wrapped around me and I was pulled against a warm body.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have fears. You just have to remember, you're never truly alone because we can never forget you," Hijikata-san said as he held me close.

Truthfully, I had always known the words that he had spoken were true, but the gravity of those words never truly hit me until he said them. To me, his words were like a magic spell that released me from a terrible curse and suddenly, it felt like the chains were broken.

"Never?" I asked with my face still buried in the crook of his neck.

"Never," Hijikata-san answered with a soft ferocity that left me feeling so warm.

And at that moment, it felt like my monophobia was leaving my body through the tears that spilled out of my eyes. The unbearable fear, the shame, everything that once held me back and paralyzed me started to slowly leave through my tears. I stayed in that position that entire night and let the tears flow until I had no more left. Hijikata-san truly was a wonderful person and I was glad that he had come into my life.

* * *

[1] Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _"But man is not made for defeat… A man can be destroyed but not defeated."― Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea_

Otou-san hovered over me as I sat at his desk pouring over the dojo's accounting books. He fidgeted before he started pacing, then he returned to hovering over me in a nervous twiddle of his fingers. He peered over my shoulder before he discretely started praying.

"So how does it look?" he finally said when he was done with his little prayer.

Since Shuusai-sensei was going to retire next year, he began prepping Otou-san for the big turnover by leaving Otou-san to manage all the aspects of the dojo, including the finances. Unfortunately, Otou-san was more than a little helpless when it came to organizing finances and it didn't help that the dojo had been losing so much money that it was struggling to stay afloat.

Completely at lost at what to do to fix the dojo's financial situation, Otou-san had nabbed me when I was on my way to the kitchen to help Tsune-san with lunch. While I did possess some experience in financing from my past life due to things like taking care of taxes, I didn't exactly know how to deal with the financing aspect of a business.

I really don't understand why Otou-san grabbed me over grabbing Hijikata-san though. Hijikata-san was the one that had an apprenticeship with a successful merchant, not me. He was better qualified.

"It doesn't look good." I sighed as I skimmed through the pages. "If we assume that the amount of income the dojo produces continues to drop at the same rate as it is now then we might be able to keep the dojo open for another eight years. However, knowing how unstable the economy is right now, it's logical to assume that the situation will become worse. In reality, we might have to close down the dojo in less than half of the predicted amount of time."

Otou-san grew discouraged at my words before he began pacing in the room again. "There must be something we can do. Did you try reallocating our spending into different areas?" he asked while walking in worried circles.

"I already tried that. The results are about the same." I closed the books with a small snap. "I also tried calculating the number of years we would have left if we made cuts to certain areas, but we would only end up prolonging the survival of the dojo by another half year."

"Erk!" Otou-san gagged as he stopped pacing. "Is it our financial situation that bad? There must be something we can do to bring in more money. How about if we—"

Otou-san suddenly stopped speaking when he heard depressed-sounding footsteps coming down the hall and towards this room. As we both turned around, we saw Hijikata-san and Souji stalk into the room.

"I thought the both of you were helping Tsune cook lunch," Otou-san said as both men sat down on the floor cushions. Ever since Otou-san married Tsune-san, Tsune-san took over cooking all the meal with usually only me as her assistant since the men seemed so bad at it.

"It's Hijikata-san's fault," Souji immediately blamed Hijikata-san before shooting him an accusing glare. "Hijikata-san is so terrible at cooking that Tsune-san banned him from the kitchen before kicking us both out. Now that lunch has been ruined, we need to go out and buy new groceries before lunch can be remade."

"Your cooking is pretty terrible too!" Hijikata-san snapped back. "I'm not the only one Tsune-san kicked out of the kitchen."

"But you were the only one she banned," Souji pointed out logically with a frown.

"Wait, so," I interrupted, now feeling a little more than irritated, "now we have to go out to spend more money for food when we can't afford to?"

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room before I turned to Otou-san. "Maybe it's a good thing that Hijikata-san got banned from the kitchen. We can't afford to keep having to replace ruined food."

"H-Hey!" Hijikata-san stammered, trying to defend himself before he just slumped forward in defeat.

I sighed before I stood up from my seat. "I'll go see what Tsune-san needs to be replaced before going to the market. Hijikata-san, why don't you do what you're good at and help Otou-san look over the accounting books," I said before I left for the kitchen.

I could smell the ghastly smell of some sort of noxious concoction and see black smoke escaping from the kitchen before I even entered. And at the moment, I was extremely grateful that Tsune-san was present in the kitchen when both Hijikata-san and Souji were attempting to cook because I'm sure Tsune-san was the sole reason the house did not catch on fire.

"Tsune-san," I called out as I entered the kitchen, pausing to cough slightly when I inhaled the scent of the pungent smoke. "What did those two ruin. I'll run out to the market to buy some replacement groceries."

Tsune-san was standing by a pan wearing a perplexed expression while staring at the…burnt lump of something sitting in the pan. Whatever that thing in the pan was, it was no longer recognizable. To think whatever that use to be was once edible sent horrified chills up my spine.

"Oh! Shizuka-chan!" she exclaimed after she noticed me. "Do you think you can run to the marketplace and buy three mackerels and a jar of mirin[1]? I'm afraid that this dish is no longer salvageable and will need to be replaced."

Wait…that was fish?! Just what the **_hell_** did Hijikata-san and Souji do to turn fish into that?!

Actually, no. I'm pretty sure Souji wasn't at fault here. Souji was bad at cooking, but that was just because he never put the right amount of seasoning or the right type of seasoning; and there were times he didn't properly cut the ingredients to the proper size, resulting in uneven cooking. But at least Souji's cooking looked edible to a certain extent. Hijikata-san, on the other hand, was just terrible at everything that involved food other than eating. Hijikata-san's food always ended up burnt and raw at the same time.

"…Okay…," I said while staring at the blackened lump. Charcoal. That's what the lump was, charcoal. "I'll be back as soon as possible?"

Tsune-san nodded and sent me off with some money for the replacement groceries.

As I was walking to the marketplace, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering back to that blackened lump of charred fish. When I first saw that what Hijikata-san did to the fish I was borderline horrified at what he was able to do to edible food, but now I was kind of impressed. It took a lot to make raw fish look like a lump of black charcoal and Hijikata-san managed to do that in a matter **_minutes_**.

My mind continued to wander as I walked, hence I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings. That, unfortunately, resulted in me slamming into someone's backside. Since the road was an uneven dirt road, I easily lost balance and ungracefully fell on my butt.

I hissed when I scrapped up the palm of my left hand on the dirt road when I attempted and failed to catch myself.

"Hey! Watch…where you're going?" A boy—no, a young man with teal eyes and long untamable, brown hair in a high ponytail said as he spotted me on the floor. He must have been the one I ran into. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked with concern prevalent in his eyes before he offered me his hand.

I took his hand with my uninjured hand before bowing apologetically for running into him. "I'm sorry for running into you. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"You should be a bit more careful, little girl," the teal-eyed man said to me as he patted my head like I was some little kid. "Some people aren't as understanding as I am."

I scrunched up my nose at his assumption before contemplating whether his tone was patronizing enough for me to slap him.

I knew that I wasn't the tallest person in the world but I still wasn't that short. I was now 4′4″ so I really should have been called short-stack rather than a little girl. Plus, if this guy had looked down about six inches then he would have noticed that I had these things called breasts. Sure, they weren't the largest in the world, but I wasn't flat-chested either. I should have been past the stage of being called "little girl". Whoever this guy was, he certainly had a terrible eye for the female sex.

"Shouldn't you be with your parents? Do you need help?" he asked as he grinned at me.

I know he was trying to be nice and helpful but all he was doing was offending me. He was so patronizing, in fact, that I put my hands on my hips and shot him a look of displeasure in instinct. His grin immediately dropped in surprise and he quickly adopted the expression of disapproval.

"Hey, what's with that frown? I'm the one trying to help you when I should be mad at you for running into me in the first place," he pointed out as he prepared to scold me. "You should be politer your elders."

"You know, if you looked down from my eyes about six inches or so then you'll notice something important." I returned fire with a scowl. Did this guy have some eye problems?

At my words, the young man followed my advice and shifted his eyes down before he flushed a bright, cherry-red color all the way up to the tips his ears.

"Wah!" he spluttered out as he attempted to correct his offense. "I'm so sorry! It's just that you're so short. I-I mean—"

I let go of my annoyance with a sigh as I watched him flounder about. It wasn't like he was trying to offend me, so no harm done. In fact, he was going out of his way in an attempt to help me. In the end, that was something to smile about. He really was a nice guy, just bad at noticing important details.

"It's fine," I announced, raising both my hands in a stop gesture before flashing a friendly smile at him to cease his floundering. "It's not like you were trying to offend me. Just for future reference, be a bit more observant of the person you're speaking to, okay?"

"I-I got it! Sorry!" He was quick to react as he bowed several times to me in a clumsy apology, but as he was raising his head from the last bow, his eye grew wide when he saw the small bloody scrap on my injured palm. "Gah! I'm such a clumsy idiot! You did get injured when you fell earlier!"

"Oh," I said as I examined my hand. There were two streaks of blood on my palm and there was some dirt stuck to the wound, but it was nothing serious. "It's fine." Then I completely contradicted myself by adding, "At least I think so," as my mind wandered again.

I wonder what type of bacteria was living in the dirt here?

"Wait... What do you mean by 'I think'?" He was looking at me like I was some sort of alien from outer space. Though considering my true origins, I might as well be. "I didn't mean to make you hurt yourself, but the injury is just a small scrap. It should be nothing serious, right?"

"Well, theoretically it should be nothing serious and all I really need to do is clean it and wrap it, but dirt does carry _Clostridium botulinum_ bacteria which causes botulism."

He obviously had no idea what I was talking about, especially since I was using words that technically didn't exist yet, but he had enough sense to realize I was talking about some deadly illness.

"Wait! W-What is botulaism?" he asked, pronouncing the word incorrectly as he descended into a panic. He looked like a fish out of water, flopping around uselessly while futilely gasping for breath.

Souji was absolutely correct in saying I had bouts of **_stupid_**. Obviously, I should have kept my own morbid thoughts to myself, but my mouth had a mind of its own.

"It's pronounced as bot∙u∙lism," I corrected him. "Botulism is a rare but serious paralytic illness caused by a nerve toxin that is produced by the bacterium _Clostridium botulinum_ and sometimes by strains of _Clostridium butyricum_ and _Clostridium baratii_.[2]"

"N-Nerve toxin!" He pulled on his hair in distress before dancing around me like a crippled crap that knew it was about to be cooked. "I've killed someone! I killed someone by knocking them down! How does someone kill another person by knocking them down?!"

I suppose it was wrong and a bit cruel of me, but I enjoyed watching him panic and wail and remained silent just to enjoy the moment just a bit longer. He was an amusing character, to say the least, and it was at that moment I decided I liked the guy.

"Relax," I finally said after I had my fun. "Wound botulism is pretty rare, so I doubt I have it. I was just thinking of the possibilities out loud."

"B-But…"

"It's **_fine_** ," I repeated myself, though much more firmly this time around. He still looked completely uneasy as he stared at the small scrape on my hand. "I just need to clean and wrap the wound before I do anything else to prevent it from becoming infected."

Because no matter the size of the injury, infections were always nasty and completely unnecessary.

"I got it!" he suddenly exclaimed, causing me to jump slightly at the energy he exuberated. "Stay here! I'll be back!" He then vanished in a cloud of dust.

I blinked blankly for a few seconds at the sudden vacant spot he once occupied. I had some grocery shopping to finish and it really had to be done soon so there could be lunch back at the dojo. I didn't want to be the cause of a late lunch, but the young man I ran into just seemed like he really wanted to do something to make my small scrap better. He would probably be fairly upset if I just walked off while he was gone.

It couldn't hurt much for him to reappear, right?

It really didn't take too long for the young man to return. In another cloud of dust, the young man reappeared with a small, earthen saké flask in one hand and a bandage in the other.

"Where did you get the alcohol from?" I questioned him when he reappeared in front of me. It almost looked like he filched the flask from some nearby restaurant.

"Er…," he started before stating firmly, "That's not really important! Here, follow me."

He quickly led me off the road and to the side where there was a small bench nearby. He gestured for me to sit on the bench and to give him my injured hand. I decided to just go along with what he wanted just because it seemed easier.

"This might sting a bit, but it'll clean your cut," he said gently as he carefully took my injured hand into his before he slowly poured small amounts of the alcohol on the palm hand.

I winced at bit at the sting but didn't really do anything else as I allowed him to take care of my wound. "You didn't need to go through all that trouble since it was actually my own fault I got hurt but thank you."

"It's not completely your fault," the young man said as he bandaged the cut. "If I was looking where I was going myself then I would have moved out of the way once I noticed you. So," he tied off the bandage, "why are you out here by yourself?"

"I was going to buy replacement groceries for to replace the food that was ruined back at the dojo I live at. A bunch of idiots that I live with thought they could cook and nearly burned the place down. Thankful, our meal, or at least what would have been our meal, was the only casualty."

He laughed at my wording of things before offering kindly, "Then why don't I go with you? You did injure your hand. I can help you carry the groceries back."

"Are you sure? You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I want to," he insisted. He looked so determined that I couldn't turn him down.

"Okay then." I nodded in agreement. "What's your name? We never did introduce ourselves to each other. My name is Kondou Shizuka."

"Oh! I'm Toudou Heisuke! It's nice to meet ya!" That giant grin of his reemerged on his face again.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Toudou-san." I stood up from my seat and bowed at him politely. "Let's go, shall we?" I asked before I began walking towards the market again. The young man quickly jogged up to catch up with me.

"Just call me Heisuke. Almost everyone I know just calls me that, plus we're about the same age… I think?" He looked at me inquisitively towards the end as his sentence became a question.

"I'm fourteen, if it helps," I said, offering my age. "I'm just short."

"Then we're the same age," he concluded before asking, "So, what did you need to buy from the market?"

"I need to buy some mackerel and a jar of mirin for the dojo I live at."

The word dojo caught his attention as he perked up and leaned in close to me. "Oh yeah, you said you lived at a dojo. What's the dojo's name?"

"Shieikan Hall. Otou-san's going to inherit the dojo next year."

"Is your chichi-ue strong?" Heisuke certainly was curious now.

"I believe so. I've never seen him lose to anyone," I answered, tilting my head at him in question. "Why are you asking?"

"I have a sempai back at the dojo I live at who's going around challenging other dojos right now," he answered just as we arrived at the market.

The market looked busier than usual today. The vendors wasted no time hollering out deals on their wares at the shoppers. The moment there was an unbelievably good deal announced to the masses, large groups of people would rush to huddle around the shop, eager to get in on the deal.

"Then you should tell him about Shieikan. I'm sure Otou-san would love to have a challenger right now." Maybe this challenge could bring some much need money to the dojo. "Hey, let's go over there, that stall is selling fish." I pointed to a fresh-looking stall.

"So," I continued as we walked towards the stall. If Otou-san was to receive a challenger, then it would be a good idea to gather some information about his opponent's fighting style. "What style do you learn at your dojo?"

"Hm? Oh! We use the Hokushin Ittō-ryū style[3] back at the dojo. What about at your dojo?"

"Hmm…? Oh, our dojo uses the Tennen Rishin-ryū style." I answered him before I turned to observe the fish at the stall. "Hmm…that one looks good…and so do those six… Heisuke, which mackerels do you think I should get?"

"Huh? Oh…umm…" He quickly skimmed over the fish before he haphazardly pointed to the fish in the corner. "That one?"

"Why that one?" I asked, cringing at the one he pointed at. That fish looked like it was the oldest one at the stall, plus it wasn't even a mackerel. It was a sardine.

"Uhh… It looks different?" he said while scratching the top of his head. "Err… Look, I've never been very good at picking fresh ingredients from the market. The other pupils at the dojo I live at are always complaining that I buy crappy fish old vegetables."

Well, that explained why he randomly chose the worst fish at the stall. The sardine he pointed at had cloudy eyes, a foul odor, and the flesh looked dull and loose, all telltale signs of a fish that has been dead for a while. But I smiled at his honesty. Most people would try to come up with excuses but he was honest, a good trait.

"D-Don't laugh!" he quickly defended himself with a faint blush when he misunderstood my smiling.

"I'm not going to laugh." I poked his cheek playfully. "I was smiling at your honesty. I like it. It's a good trait to have."

"You do…? I mean—of course being honest is a good thing!" He lightened up and boasted loudly as soon as he recovered from his misunderstanding. I couldn't help but laugh at that. He was just so endearing.

"Alright," I said just as I finished with my laughs, "why don't I teach how to identify fresh fish so the other pupils at your dojo have nothing to complain anymore? Deal?"

Heisuke nodded vigorously with an excited grin on his face as he moved closer to me so he could pay closer attention to the details I was going to tell and show him. Once I knew I had his full attention, I directed his gaze to one of the fresh mackerel I was inspecting earlier.

"See that fish?" I pointed to the mackerel.

"Uh huh." He nodded energetically.

"That mackerel is still fairly fresh. If you look at the fish's eyes, then you'll see that they're unclouded. If you see a fish with cloudy, unclear eyes then you should know that fish has already been there for a while."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh."

"Then look at the flesh of the fish. Compare this fish with the one you just pointed at. What's the difference between those two fish?"

"Well…," he said, examining the two fish a bit more closely as he practically stuck his face in the fishes. "The one you chose is shinier than the one I pointed to a bit earlier."

"Yup. You have a good eye," I complimented him before I continued. "Other than being shiny, the flesh of the fish should bounce back when touched. Go ahead and poke the fish to feel the difference."

"Okay..." he said as he reached out to poke the fresh mackerel first, "this one has firm flesh… Now let's see the other one… ERK!" he all but squealed in disgust, instantly recoiling as he pulled his finger back. "My finger just sank right into that one!"

"That's because that fish is so old that it's starting to fall apart." I reached into my sleeve and pulled out a clean handkerchief to give to him. "Here, you can wipe your hands on this."

"Oh, thanks." Heisuke graciously accepted the handkerchief from me and wiped his hands, grimacing when he saw the goo he left all over the cloth.

"Okay, now the third thing is the fish's smell. If the fish still smells like the ocean then it's pretty fresh, but if it gives off that fishy smell then you know that fish has been sitting there for a while. Got it?"

"Hee!" He beamed at me as he cheered. "Got it! Now I won't be buying any more crappy fish for the others to complain about."

"It's a good feeling, right?" I smiled back him before I turned to the fishmonger. "I'll take those three mackerels please."

The fishmonger nodded as he quickly pulled the three fish I pointed at out of the boxes before he wrapped them in paper and held them out for me to take. Heisuke reached out to take the fishes for me while I paid before we left to go find a store that sold mirin. After we bought all the needed groceries, Heisuke carried all the groceries while walking me back home.

"Thank you again for helping me today," I politely thanked Heisuke again with a bow at the front gates of the dojo before I took my groceries off of his hands. "You have been very helpful."

"Ah," he replied while rubbing the back of his head with a happy grin, "there's nothing you need to thank me for. Actually, I feel like it's me that has to thank you. It's always nice to spend time with a pretty girl. Oh yeah, what about—"

"Hmm…? Who's this?" A familiar voice interrupted Heisuke. I turned around to see Souji approaching us while looking a bit annoyed. He regarded Heisuke with a nasty dark look.

"Oh, Souji." I smiled as I greeted him. "Sorry for taking so long."

Souji smiled back at me as he took the groceries off my hands before he regarded Heisuke with a slight frown. "What took you so long?" Souji asked me. "I was about to go out looking for you."

"Oh, I fell earlier and scraped the palm of my hand," I said as I showed Souji my bandaged hand. There was no need to tell Souji that I fell because I bumped into Heisuke. I didn't want him to maul Heisuke for the accidental injury. "He helped me clean and bandage my cut, then he helped me carry the groceries back."

"Hmm…." Souji hummed as he processed my words.

"Anyways, thanks again," I said to Heisuke once I turned to face him again.

"No problem. And about your handkerchief…"

"Handkerchief…?" Souji muttered almost inaudibly quietly under his breath as he eyed Heisuke again with a dangerous look.

"Don't worry about it," I quickly cut Heisuke off. There was that gleam in Souji's eyes that reminded me of the way he used to glare at Tsubaki Isao. "Just make sure you bring your sempai over here tomorrow, okay?"

"Right!" And with a nod, Heisuke ran off while waving me good-bye.

When Heisuke was gone, Souji finally spoke up. He had a frown on his face as he reached for my hand. "Handkerchief…? Did something else happen while you were at the market?"

"It's nothing. He just got his hand a bit dirty. Now let's go inside."

Souji's frown grew as I dismissed his question. He looked back onto the road to where he last saw Heisuke before looking back at me.

"You never told me who that guy was," Souji pressed on. I could feel his hands tighten over mine.

The next day, Otou-san received the challenger that I was anticipating.

"My name is Sannan Keisuke and this is my peer, Toudou Heisuke. Don't pay too much attention to Toudou-kun's young age, he is just as skilled as I am," Sannan-san introduced himself and then Heisuke before he presented his challenge. "I am here to test my skill with a blade and Toudou-kun here told me the heir of this dojo is incredibly strong. Please accept my challenge." Sannan-san ended with a polite with a bow.

"It'll be my pleasure," Otou-san replied with mirth and excitement as he bowed back to Sannan-san with respect. It had been so long since his last challenger that Otou-san seemed giddy. "Toshi, why don't you be the referee for this match."

"Alright." Hijikata-san nodded before he directed everyone to the main practice hall in the dojo.

Everyone moved to get into position in the main practice hall of the dojo as preparation for the challenge began. Souji, Heisuke, and I moved to the side of the room to get out of the way as Otou-san and Sannan-san moved towards the center. Both men got into their different positions and Hijikata-san began the match.

"Begin!" yelled Hijikata-san.

Sannan-san moved first and immediately aimed for Otou-san's right wrist. True to what was said about the Hokushin Ittō-ryū style, the attack was fast and no unnecessary movements were made. However, it didn't matter how fast the attack was. Otou-san read Sannan-san's move the moment Sannan-san lunged forward. The blow was parried and rendered useless as the two bokken became locked together.

"You're extremely skilled, Sannan-san," Otou-san complemented Sannan-san as he pushed hard against the opposite bokken. "That attack was one of the fastest strikes I have ever seen."

Yes, one of the fastest. Not the fastest. Souji was still faster than anyone Otou-san had the pleasure of facing and Souji knew that if the look of satisfaction on his face was anything to go by.

"You're also extremely skilled as well, Kondou-san," Sannan-san complimented Otou-san back. "It's not often I come across an opponent that can read my moves so well and so quickly."

Both men quickly pushed each other off their wooden blades before they pulled back and clashed again. The second time their swords clashed, they ended up in the same deadlock as before.

"Your chichi-ue is strong, but there's no way Sannan-san'll lose," Heisuke happily announced to me confidently as he unconsciously moved closer to me to point out some things, but he never got the chance to.

In response to the closeness, Souji seemed to magically insert himself between Heisuke and me to form a barrier. Heisuke looked annoyed at the action and opened his mouth to complain, but never actually got to say anything.

"You sure about that?" Souji asked, meeting Heisuke with some hostility. "Kondou-san hasn't lost before and he won't start losing here either."

"Shh!" I hushed the two men and their macho need to compare. "Watch the match first then brag later."

Then the match was over in an instant. Otou-san gave his push one more surge of strength and knocked Sannan-san off balance for a second. Within that single second that Sannan-san was off balanced, Otou-san lunged forward and delivered one powerful blow under Sannan-san's guard and to his lower right abdomen. Sannan-san tumbled to the floor at the force that was delivered in that blow.

"One hit!" Hijikata-san yelled, ending the match.

"I can't believe it..." Heisuke seemed at lost for what he just witnessed and continued to stare on in disbelief. "This is the first time I've seen Sannan-san lose like this."

"Of course Sannan-san lost," Souji announced rather proudly. "There's no one I know that is stronger than Kondou-san."

Otou-san then lowered his wooden sword and approached Sannan-san to offer him a helping hand. Sannan-san glanced at the outreached hand with surprise before he smiled in defeat and accepted Otou-san's hand.

"That was an excellent match," Otou-san said in the spirit of good sportsmanship. "It's been a while since I've faced an opponent as talented and skilled as you, Sannan-san."

"Indeed, that was a good match," Sannan-san replied, not seeming even a little upset at his defeat. "It has been awhile since I lost to anyone like that. Perhaps it is time to retrain myself at a different dojo. From now on, please accept me as a new live-in student at this dojo."

I didn't expect that to happen and turned to Souji while jumping up and down in my childish excitement. Just only if this dojo could just continue getting new disciples in this manner then maybe we wouldn't have to worry so much about our financial situation.

"Wait!" Heisuke suddenly exclaimed from next to me and Souji "If Sannan-san thinks it's time to join a new dojo, then I'll come along too! To become stronger a person needs to surround himself with strong people, right? Besides, it'd be nice to be around a cute girl for a change."

"Hahaha! The more the merrier!" Otou-san exclaimed in good cheer as he accepted one new student and one guest. Souji, on the other hand, seemed ready to beat Heisuke.

"Oh?" Souji said darkly as he grabbed two bokken off one of the racks. He tossed one to Heisuke, who caught it quite clumsily. "Let's see just how strong you really are. You probably aren't too impressive, so you'll need to **_learn_** **_your place_**."

"Oi! What the hell is that supposed to mean, you ass?!"

And so, the year 1860 came to an end as Shieikan gained one new student and a guest among the loss of so many other students.

* * *

[1] Mirin (味醂 or みりん) is an essential condiment used in Japanese cuisine. It is a type of rice wine similar to saké, but with a lower alcohol content and higher sugar content. The sugar content is a complex carbohydrate formed naturally via the fermentation process; it is not refined sugar. The alcohol content is further lowered when the liquid is heated.

[2] CDC Botulism

[3] The Hokushin Ittō-ryū is a very intense dueling style, which focuses on simple and fast techniques where no unnecessary movements are made. Controlling the enemy's center line with the Kiri-Otoshi and dominating him with extremely fast tsuki-waza are the signature techniques of this ryūha. The principles of this style are that a perfect technique should contain defence and offense in one action.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _"How can one be well...when one suffers morally?"― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace_

I was powerful. I was a predator stalking its prey. Nothing was going to stop me. I was undefeatable. I was…

I was sneaking up on an inanimate earthen jar of saké placed on top of a shelf in the empty kitchen, which sounded a lot more unimpressive than how I originally described it. And not to mention, the truth sounded far more pathetic than the fabrication.

I wanted that wonderful jar of saké because it wasn't just any old saké, it was the pricy daiginjo-shu[1]. It was the type that was so expensive that we normally couldn't afford it. The only reason we even had a jar of that stuff was because it was a gift to Otou-san from an old student.

It was so unfair. Everyone at least got a sip of that golden liquid throughout the week. Everyone except for me. Otou-san thought I was a bit young to be drinking alcohol despite the fact I had long been considered an adult, according to this era's standards. Unfortunately for me, Tsune-san decided to side with Otou-san along with Hijikata-san and Inoue-san. Heisuke had just shot me the "better luck next time" look while Souji never opposed Otou-san, even if it was for me. The only person who was slightly on my side was Sannan-san.

Sannan-san had said to Otou-san, "Shizuka-chan is an adult now so she should be able to make her own choices." But Sannan-san had also said, "But you are her chichi-ue, so you still get to decide for her."

Of course, I had been unhappy with Sannan-san's words and I ended up "forgetting" to buy the pork at the market that he coveted so much. However, that didn't end well for me. I don't know what Sannan-san did or said, but I ended up being told by Otou-san to air out the disgusting smelling kendo equipment all afternoon one day while Sannan-san watched on with a sadistic gleam in his eyes.

I nearly drove myself crazy trying to figure out what Sannan-san said to Otou-san. Let it be known that Sannan-san is not one to mess with, especially if you value your sanity.

That jar of daiginjo-shu was so close now that I could practically taste it. All I had to do now as scale the stupidly tall shelves and reach up to grab—

"Hey, Shizuka-chan! Huh? What are you doing?" someone said next to my ear, scaring me out of my skin.

I let out a shriek of surprise before toppling off the shelf, landing near the feet of speaker as I lamented my failure. Heisuke was standing behind me wearing a bewildered look on his face. He tilted his head at me before he knelt down to my level to pet my head like I was some puppy that could be consoled so easily.

I could have sworn that there was no one around. The kitchen was empty. **_Empty_**. How did I miss Heisuke? He wasn't exactly the quietest person in the world. In fact, he practically attracted unwanted attention wherever he went for being so loud.

"Shizuka-chan?" Heisuke poked the side of my head when I failed to respond to him initially as I was internally crying over the lost opportunity.

I ** _totally_** wasn't salty at my failure.

"Shizuka-chan?"

"Hey, Heisuke?"

"Yeah?"

"You suck."

"Hah?! What does that have to do with anything?!"

I shot him a look. It totally had to do with everything.

Heisuke, on the other hand, looked completely unamused and let out a sigh before standing up again, leaving me sitting on the kitchen floor by myself.

"What were you even doing?" he asked as he looked to the shelf I was clinging onto earlier like a poorly equipped spider.

I didn't bother dignifying that question with an answer as I looked back longing at the saké. It felt like it was getting further and further away, to my everlasting horror.

"Hey, want to help me with something, Heisuke?" I asked as finally said something.

He was looking at me wearily. I could already tell that he didn't like the suspicious looking grin that appeared on my face. Though to be completely fair, if I were him, then I wouldn't like it either.

"Help you with what, exactly?"

"You see that jar of saké on that shelf over there? I'm too short and I can't reach it by myself." I pointed at the jar on top of the shelf. "I need you to go get it for me."

I was being completely vague about what I needed the saké for on purpose. For all he knew, I could have needed to use the saké as an antiseptic for some open wound.

"Why do you need saké? You don't look like you have a cut you need to use it on. Is someone injured…? Wait…," Heisuke said before he put two and two together. "That's the daiginjo-shu! Are you trying to sneak a drink?! You totally are! Hijikata-san and Kondou-san'll get mad!"

"They won't get mad if they don't find out," I pointed out with a cheerful helpfulness. "You can have some too."

"You can't bribe me!" Heisuke exclaimed, standing firm. "This isn't worth Hijikata-san's ire!"

Oh, but it was. And Heisuke was going to help whether he wanted to or not.

"So you're going to play it that way? Fine, have it your way," I said nonchalantly as I examined my fingernails. They were getting a bit long. Maybe I should trim them later? "I'll just go tell Souji that Heisuke's bullying me. Who knows what'll happen then."

Those words worked their magic instantly and Heisuke descended into a panic.

"Wah! You can't do that! It's not fair!" Heisuke cried, grabbing me for the insurance that I wouldn't run off while he was in the middle of trying to reason with me. "Souji will totally do something nasty to me! He already beat me up once for the sake of 'practice' because he thought I was hogging your time! Don't make him think that I'm being mean to you!"

"Oh? Then you'll help me?" I smiled gleefully. That way too easy.

"Ahh... I'm totally going to regret this, aren't I?" He sighed as he resigned to his fate. "You really play unfairly sometimes…"

"Oh come on! It'll be fun!" I tried to convince him with my cheerful response.

Heisuke looked at me jadedly through the corner of his eye. He didn't believe me at all. I had gotten him into trouble too many times already.

"Okay...," he said, heaving a heavy sigh before hesitantly turning to face our target.

As quietly as he could, he crept up to the shelf that held the treasured saké. So far so good. There was no one in sight, but just as Heisuke's fingertips lightly brushed against the bottom of the earthen saké jar, a furious sounding voice cut into the tense silence of the once clear kitchen.

"Just what are you two doing?" Hijikata-san snapped with a loud stern voice.

Without bothering to get up from my seat on the kitchen floor, I turned to wave at Hijikata-san, who apparently looked about as mad as he sounded. I blinked my eyes in faux innocence and pointed to Heisuke, who had been frozen stiff in fear.

"I tried to stop him," I sang, totally sounding unconvincing.

Heisuke turned whiter than a bleached sheet at my words. "EHHH?! DON'T LIE, SHIZUKA-CHAN!" Heisuke yelped before his hand suddenly shot up to point at me. "IT WAS HER IDEA! SHE BLACKMAILED ME!"

"I did," I admitted cheerfully, condoning myself as I did so. "But it doesn't matter that I blackmailed you. You still didn't have to help me, so you're still guilty. You're my **_accomplice_**."

If I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol, then I could at least still have some fun by getting Heisuke in trouble with me.

"HEISUKE!" Hijikata-san finally erupted, going up to Heisuke and bashed him on the head. "You know better than to listen to Shizuka when she is about to break some rules!"

Heisuke could only wince and flounder about while cradling the large bump forming on the top of his head as Hijikata-san continued to yell and scold him.

"Though to be fair, I can be very convincing," I cut in to Hijikata-san's scolding without sounding sorry at all. Hijikata-san slapped his own forehead in irritation before he plucked me off the ground by the scruff of my kimono with a single jerky motion.

"It's like you live to irritate me sometimes," Hijikata-san growled at me before he began hauling me away.

To be even more irritating, I gave Hijikata-san a thumbs up. I could see his eyebrows twitching and he totally looked like he wanted to hit me, but he restrained himself in the end. Just before he completely left the kitchen, he paused to bark back to Heisuke.

"You're coming too! Or do I have to drag you away like I have to with Shizuka?"

And with that, both Heisuke and I were tossed into an empty bedroom so we could have some time to reflect on our actions. And obviously, since I wasn't feeling one shred of guilt, the little timeout was completely ineffective. However, it wasn't the same for Heisuke. He at least looked guilty, but he wasn't reflecting either.

"'It'll be fun,' she says," Heisuke grumbled while we were supposed to be reflecting on our actions.

"But it was." I bat my eyes at him with fake innocence, causing Heisuke to start pulling on his hair with both hands in frustration.

"Gah! Just what is your definition of fun?"

"Careful, you'll go bald if you keep pulling on your hair like that."

"Shizuka-chan!" he exclaimed as he tried pulling a reasonable answer from me. I denied him.

"You know, fun." My voice sounded overly bubbly and my answer remained as unhelpful as ever.

"That totally didn't clarify anything!"

"I know," I replied without losing any of my irritating bounciness.

Heisuke hung his head in defeat at my statement and grew too defeated to even say anything to me anymore. All he did was mumble under his breath while drawing invisible pictures on the tatami mat. Everything grew calm and boring again until Souji cracked the door open slightly and stuck his head in.

"What did you do this time, Shizuka?" Souji asked as he praised me in his own way by lifting a singular brow at me. "Hijikata-san is in a **_mood_**."

"How do you know it wasn't Heisuke's fault?" I pointed to Heisuke, who didn't bother paying any attention to me as he kept drawing circles on the floor.

"Because the two of you are stuck together in the room repenting," Souji pointed out, "and you're always the one to get Heisuke in trouble, not the other way around. So what did you do?"

"She tried to sneak the daiginjo-shu out from under Hijikata-san's nose and she blamed it on me," Heisuke finally said something as he shot me the stink eye, "Shizuka-chan, you owe me something for getting me into trouble so many times just for the sake of fun. Some anmitsu[2] would be nice."

"How about some later tonight?"

Heisuke instantly brightened up. There was even some drool accumulating in his mouth.

"It better be a lot!"

"Of course. Would it be otherwise?" Souji said. His eyes had lit up too. "She has to make enough for everyone. I want at least two servings."

And then the happy atmosphere that appeared so briefly was shattered horribly.

"Somebody! Anybody! Please help me! Please!"

It was a man's teary wail originating from streets in front of the dojo. It sounded desperate. It sounded broken.

The three of us exchanged looks before bolting for the front door. We weren't the only ones with the same idea. Everyone in the dojo had emerged to see what the ruckus was, along with many of the people living on the same street.

We were greeted by a gruesome sight. A young woman, possibly around my age, dangled from a middle-aged man's arms. Her kimono was torn and missing below her knees, and what did remain was so badly tattered that it wasn't enough to keep her from being presented indecently.

The young woman was bruised and battered. The right side of her face was an angry red color mixed in with bold shades of purple and black. Her neck wasn't any better. If anything, the bruise on her neck looked so much worse because it was in the shape of a **_hand_**. Other than the bruises, her skin looked **_shredded_**. I could immediately tell that she had been pushed to the ground and she had scrapped herself raw in the struggle, but it really just looked like someone tried to grate her skin.

Then there was the broken bone protruding from her lower left leg, just right above her ankle. With the way the bone was broken, any doctor in this era would recommend amputation. It wasn't because it was irreparable, but just simply because they didn't have the knowledge to fix such a break.

But despite how horrifying all of those injuries were, nothing was as terrifying as the sight that laid between her exposed thighs. Just at first sight, most would be horrified at the amount of blood dripping from between her inner thighs but it wasn't the blood that ought to have frightened people. It was the other fluids mixing with the blood as it dripped onto the street. Semen and vaginal fluid.

She had been raped.

"This is terrible," I heard our next door neighbor's wife, Katsumi-san, whispered to her sister-in-law, Ume-san, while looking visibly sick. "Do you think she was raped by that serial rapist that has been going around Edo?"

"She had to be," Ume-san whispered back before gagging. "Oh, I think I'm going to be sick. Do you ever think the authorities will ever catch the man responsible?"

"I hope they do," Katsumi-san answered before steering Ume-san back into their home. "I don't feel safe going to the market because of all these rapes I've been hearing about."

Like those two women, the people who had come out of their houses to investigate the commotion began retreating back into their houses, leaving the poor man to plead and beg to their turned backs.

"Please, someone, help! My daughter! Please! She's all I have left!"

It wasn't like they didn't want to help the poor man and his daughter. They couldn't. The injuries on this young woman were severe. Even the famed doctors that resided in Edo wouldn't be able to guarantee the victim's survival after treatment.

Most people could only offer the man here was their pity and, perhaps, their sympathy.

But I wasn't like "most" people. I was a trauma surgeon in my past life. Traumatic injuries were my specialty. And while I lacked the modern tools, I didn't lack the knowledge needed. If I were to operate on this woman, it wouldn't even be the first time I worked on a rape victim.

"Bring her inside the dojo," I suddenly spoke up, testing my mettle and causing everyone in my make-shift family to freeze. "I can help her."

I couldn't just leave this woman to suffer, not when I had the ability to make a difference.

"What do you think you're doing?" Hijikata-san demanded, grabbing my arm, as soon the shock wore off. "I know you're skilled at treating injuries, but this is too far out of your league. What do you think you can do?"

My eyes flashed as I jerked my arm out of his grasp, stunning him into a brief silence.

"More than nothing," I hissed. I felt angry. It was a quiet rage, the type that bubbled up slowly but burned with increasing intensity. "I know what to do and I will not allow that woman to die knowing that I could have done something."

"And then what?!" Hijikata-san snapped back. His closed his eyes in pain as anger faded. "What will you do if you accidently kill her?" he ended up whispering.

"Then there is no loss. Look at her. She has nothing left. If no one tries, she will die regardless and if I fail to save her, then she will die knowing that there was at least someone that didn't give up on her."

Otou-san then placed a firm hand on Hijikata-san's tense shoulder when neither of us refused to back down. Hijikata-san turned to Otou-san, about to say something but the expression Otou-san was wearing made Hijikata-san's words die in his mouth.

"What she said is true, Toshi," Otou-san said. His voice was so warm and calm despite the situation. "If that young woman does not receive any form of treatment now she will die. Put your faith in Shizuka. I trust her and know she can save that young woman's life and you should too."

"There will be nothing for us to lose anyways if the treatment fails," Sannan-san added to Otou-san's statement. "The young woman is already on death's doorstep anyways, but it would have been better to try then to have done nothing at all."

Hijikata-san looked utterly defeated before looked to me with an expression of concern. "Alright…," he finally consented.

Without wasting anymore time, we ushered the man and his daughter inside and down the hallway to the unused room Hijikata-san had thrown me and Heisuke in earlier to reflect.

"We'll be using this room," I stated as soon as I snapped the door open. "Someone bring me a large tub of hot, boiled water while someone else find several jars of alcohol to clean and sanitize that table. I'll be operating on her on that table and it needs to be disinfected. I don't want her to develop a preventable infection from an infected operating site."

Souji ran off to fetch the alcohol I needed without hesitation while Heisuke followed Souji to the kitchen so he could boil the water that I needed.

"Then I'll need someone to run to the market to buy some mint," I ordered next. "I need the mint for the natural menthol[3] it possesses to use as a local anesthetic and someone find me some thread, preferably silk, and a needle."

Otou-san nodded before he left for the market to purchase the large quantities of mint required while Tsune-san went to go fetch the silk threads and needle from her sewing supplies in a nearby room. Just as Tsune-san left the room. Souji returned to the room and began disinfecting the table and the surrounding area.

"Since we don't have any scalpels, someone find me some small knives and bandages." Sannan-san went off to fulfill that request.

"Souji, are you done with the table?"

"Yeah." Souji stepped back from the table.

"Place your daughter on the table," I turned to tell the man before I addressed Hijikata-san. "Hijikata-san, can you go find an apron for me? Preferably one that has been recently washed. The cleaner the better in this case."

Hijikata-san nodded mutely before he left the room to go fetch the clean article.

"Sir, I'll need you to back away from your daughter so I can properly examine her." I turned my attention back to the man and his daughter.

The man quickly followed my instructions, even though it was clear that he wanted to stay close to her. As soon as the young woman was on the table, I began my careful examination. I wouldn't be allowed to miss anything if the young woman was going to live. However, that was easier said than done. With the inability to order a CT scan[4] , an ultrasound, or an x-ray, it would be fairly easy to miss a potentially fatal wound that needed immediate attention. It was also difficult to monitor her vitals at the same time without many of the machines I had to work with in the future. To help myself focus on the task, I began listing my findings out loud.

"Right side of the face is severely bruised. The neck shows signs of strangulation; there are also a superficial cuts covering the skin as a result from struggling. The broken bone in her left leg, just superior to her ankle, is a compound fracture. Since the bone is protruding from the skin, extra care must be given to make sure the bone doesn't develop a deep bone infection. She also appears to have a few fractured ribs, most likely three. The three fractured ribs are most likely true ribs number five and six on her right side and false rib number nine on her left side."

"Patient also has a large bruise forming on her left lower quadrant[5] of her abdomen. There is also some significant swelling in the right upper quadrant[6] of the abdomen. There is more than likely some internal bleeding and the blood needs to be drained to reduce the pressure on her organs. The source of the internal bleeding will also need to be repaired by the looks of the amount swelling there is. Based on the location of the swelling, the source of the internal bleeding is most likely the spleen."

"The blood coming from her vagina suggests that the walls have been badly torn during the assault and will also need to be repaired."

Just as I finished listing the possible injuries, Sannan-san returned. I addressed him without taking my eyes off the young woman. "Sannan-san, since you don't look like you are squeamish around the operating table, I will need your assistance during the operation. I'll need everyone else to leave the room to prevent contamination before I start operating."

After I had kicked everyone that wasn't assisting me in the operation, Sannan-san and I started the long procedure of repairing the young woman's torn up body. The operation lasted nearly the entire day and by the time I emerged from the room with Sannan-san, the sun had already set hours ago. Everyone was sitting against the wall right outside the room. They must have been too anxious to eat or to do anything else but wait right outside the room.

"How is she? How is my daughter?" the father cried as he ran up to me. He didn't even appear tired because of how concerned he was for his daughter.

"I've done all I could," I answered as I removed the apron. It needed to be washed and preferably soon because of the blood covering the front of it. "Whether your daughter survives is now up to her, but I think she has a good chance. If she wakes up within the next twelve hours, then her chances of surviving will increase. I'll need you to monitor her for the next couple of hours and if she wakes up while you're watching her then I'll need you to come and get me, okay?"

The man nodded franticly as he tried to peer around me so he could see his daughter. Figuring that I wasn't going to be able to get him to focus on anything else right now, I gave him the go ahead to enter the room.

"You can go see her now," I said the magical words he had been waiting to hear.

When the man heard those words, he quickly dashed around me and Sannan-san and rushed into the room to go hold his daughter's hand and to sit at her side. I, on the other hand, had no more energy left and tossed the apron somewhere on the floor before I walked over to where Souji was sitting against the opposite wall and tiredly slumped down next to him.

"How can some people be so terrible?" I asked Souji in an exhausted whisper as soon I curled up to him.

I didn't really expect an answer though. I always wondered this after every operation in my past life where I received a patient that had been injured through another person's malicious intent. It was something I just couldn't wrap my mind around and it always bothered me. I believed in the good in people. It would be just too painful to believe that people were evil by nature.

"How can someone look another person in the eye and see the fear and pain but still continue to hurt them? It's horrible."

Souji wrapped one arm around me and pulled me close so I could press myself into his side for the needed comfort. I tucked my face in the crook of his neck to seek as much physical contact as possible.

"I don't know," was all Souji said as he gently rested his chin on top of my head while he rubbed my back in soothing circles.

* * *

[1] A subclass of ginjo-shu below, brewed with very highly polished rice and even more precise and labor intensive methods. The pinnacle of the brewers' art. Generally light, complex and quite fragrant.

[2] Anmitsu (あんみつ) is a Japanese dessert that has been popular for many decades.

It is made of small cubes of agar jelly, a white translucent jelly made from red algae. The agar is dissolved with water (or fruit juice such as apple juice) to make the jelly. It is served in a bowl with sweet azuki bean paste or anko, boiled peas, often gyūhi and a variety of fruits such as peach slices, mikan, pieces of pineapples, and cherries. The anmitsu usually comes with a small pot of sweet black syrup, or mitsu which one pours onto the jelly before eating. Anmitsu is usually eaten with a spoon and fork.

[3] Menthol is an organic compound made synthetically or obtained from corn mint, peppermint or other mint oils. It is a waxy, crystalline substance, clear or white in color, which is solid at room temperature and melts slightly above. The main form of menthol occurring in nature is (−)-menthol, which is assigned the (1R, 2S, 5R) configuration. Menthol has local anesthetic and counterirritant qualities, and it is widely used to relieve minor throat irritation. Menthol also acts as a weak kappa opioid receptor agonist.

[4] X-ray computed tomography (X-ray CT) is a technology that uses computer-processed X-rays to produce tomographic images (virtual 'slices') of specific areas of a scanned object, allowing the user to see inside the object without cutting.

[5] The left lower quadrant (LLQ) of the human abdomen is the area left of the midline and below the umbilicus. The LLQ includes the left iliac fossa and half of the left flank region.

[6] The right upper quadrant (RUQ) extends from the median plane to the right of the patient, and from the umbilical plane to the right ribcage.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." ― Khalil Gibran_

When the young woman, whose name I'd discovered to be Midori, awoke within four hours after her lifesaving operation, her father was overflowing with so much joy that it was nearly uncontainable. This was the happy ending that all were hoping for and it would have been great if that happy ending stayed a happy ending. But in the imperfect reality of life, there were never truly any neat fairytale endings.

Midori had survived the brutal rape and her body was on the way to make a full recovery, but her mind would never recover. Distraught from the intense amount of shame along with suffering from acute post-traumatic stress disorder[1], she refused to give a statement to the authorities. She didn't have the strength to speak about or give any details about her rape. She just shut down whenever someone brought up the topic of rape.

Without the information that only she could provide, any possible knowledge that could have been used to capture the rapist was lost and the rapist remained at large. One month after Midori's father took her home, the stress became too much for her to bear and she hanged herself from a wooden beam in the ceiling of her house. Her father, who was away at the market peddling wares at the time, returned home to find his dead daughter hanging from the ceiling of the house.

Being unable to handle the death of his daughter, the father committed suicide with the aid of a tantō[2]. However, in his extreme grief, the poor man missed his heart when he stabbed himself in the chest and was left to bleed to death with a puncture wound to the left lobe of his lung.

However, despite the horrible outcomes of Midori and her father, I initially did manage to save Midori's life and affirm my skills and knowledge to everyone in the dojo. But the operation wasn't the best choice for the dojo at the time. In my past life as a surgeon, general anesthetic was easily available in the hospital where I worked. Here in this lifetime, anesthetic was not so readily available, so I had to extract menthol from mint. Menthol by itself is not a very power anesthetic, therefore a very potent dose of it was required for that surgery. Also, mint was not cheap. The cost of the anesthetic required for the surgery was phenomenally expensive and the dojo was poor enough as it was. Then, there were the silk threads used to suture her wounds. Silk was often used in operations where the repairs were done on a person's internal wounds because the human body has the ability to dissolve silk on its own. Therefore, sutures done in silk do not have to be manually removed. Like mint, silk was also extremely expensive.

While the Midori's father did pay us what he could for our troubles, the net profit was far less than what was spent on the operation. Everyone at the dojo struggled to put food on the table for an entire month. But as unfortunate as all of these collective events were, time continued to move on.

"Are you sure we got everything this time?" Heisuke asked while he, Souji, and I were walking back home from the market one particularly drafty day. The wind kept blowing my hair into my face I regretted that it wasn't long enough to pin back. "I don't want to be whacked again by Hijikata-san if we forgot something this time."

"I'm sure. Besides, didn't you get whacked because you broke what we bought?" Souji replied dryly. "Besides, if we forgot something then Hijikata-san can go and buy it himself."

"Easy enough for you to say, you weren't the one he hit with the broom last time," Heisuke complained while looking extremely put off.

"Oh!" I exclaimed in realization.

All this talk about forgetting items made me remember the one thing we didn't go buy. We were missing something and if Heisuke didn't want to face the broom again, then I'd better go purchase our missing items.

"We did forget something. Hijikata-san asked us to buy some ink sticks because we ran out. I'll go and buy them now. You don't have to wait for me," I told them before I ran off.

"Wait! Shizuka…!" Souji called after me, sounding quite panicked and he even tried to come after me but crowds separated us as I ducked under the masses of people.

"It won't take long!" I called back, nonplused about the separation.

The Tanabata[3] festivities were set to begin tonight, so the crowds were especially thick today with people getting ready for the festival. It was all too easy to get lost in the crowds or even get carried away by the crowds. There were stalls already beginning to go up and the air was alive with the scent of street food.

It was amongst this crowd that I saw a fragile elderly woman getting jostled by the to and fro of the busy crowds. She was a small thing with a slightly hunched back and tattered old clothing. She looked out of place in the crowds and troubled by the many people surrounding her going about their own business.

I felt bad for the elderly woman. She looked so lost and no one was stopping to help her. It was all too easy to forget about the elderly, those past their prime and deemed no longer useful by society. They were often pushed off to the side and left to fend for themselves when many of the times they were no longer able to, and that was upsetting. We all aged and it was all too easy to imagine Otou-san being like the elderly woman when he got to that age. The thought that people wouldn't offer help didn't sit right with me.

There wasn't even thought put into my actions. I abandoned my course to the stationary shop and made my way towards the old woman, catching her when she stumbled after being bumped into by a young man that didn't stay to help.

"Are you alright?" I asked while offering her a smile. She seemed stunned for a moment before offering me back a toothy smile. Her teeth were crooked and she was missing a few of them.

"Oh, thank you. I was trying to go meet up with my son, but I got lost in the crowds when I tried crossing the street," she said while pointing to the opposite side of the street with her cane. "Do you think you could…?"

"Of course. It'd be no problem at all."

Looping one arm around the elderly woman, I escorted her to the opposite side of the street.

"Let's see… I believe my son said he would wait for me in one of the smaller side streets, but I don't remember which one. Do you think you could help me some more?"

I gave her another reassuring smile and nodded before bringing her to the closest side street that was connected to the main road. "Your son must have been talking about this one," I said as I walked beside her. "The next closest side street would be more than a block away."

It was there in that vacant side street that the elderly woman's smile became twisted as she looked at me. Her grin was malicious. Her eyes, unkind. Something was very wrong here. And then, in a split second, I was grabbed by large hands and thrown against a wall, crashing through crates and baskets along the way.

The world blurred as I coughed, fighting for my lungs to work, to suck in air. But the blow knocked everything right out of me and left me struggling as a blurry, tall and bulky figure stood before me. I didn't understand. What just happened? All I knew was that everything just hurt.

"You're such a good boy," I could hear vaguely in the background. It sounded like the elderly woman but her voice was now harsh as it cackled. "Now, hurry up and make Kaa-san happy."

Make Kaa-san happy?

My vision clear just enough for me to see the face of the figure before me. It was a middle-aged man in tattered clothing that matched the elderly woman's clothing. His face was vacant and the proportions irregular. His slanting eyes were too small and too far apart from each other. His face was round and unusually flat while his jaw was thick and unwieldy.

"Yes, make Kaa-san happy," the man cheered with a strange childlike innocence.

Down syndrome[4]. That was all I could think until I was pinned against the wall by the man.

His large hand was wrapped around my throat, squeezing until my scream died in my throat. His other hand was down my kimono, pulling at it and ripping the fabric.

This… This couldn't be happening!

But it was.

I was helpless as the man ripped apart my clothing. My nails dug in uselessly into his forearm. He didn't feel pain, even as I started to draw blood with my weak scratches. He just kept going, roughly touching parts of my chest, stomach, and thighs.

And that woman. That horrible woman. She just stood off to the side, giving the man orders and taunting me the whole time.

"It's your fault you know," she said, "for living such happy lives, taunting me for what I don't have. My son was born wrong and my husband left me in poverty. All you people just laughed at me and went on with your merry little lives. So tell me, what's so good about your life now?"

And then the man lowered his head onto one of my breasts. I lashed out. In my struggle, I released the arm he was using to choke me and ran my nails across his face to get his eyes. His hand grabbed my wrist before I could even hit his eyes.

CRACK!

A loud audible sound filled the air as the man grabbed the wrist of the hand I used to scratch up his face and squeezed. My left wrist, unable to bear the crushing force, was easily fractured.

"No, don't scratch me," the man whined and it even looked like he was about to cry. "I don't like it when it hurts."

No!

This situation was surreal! It couldn't be real!

But my sobs and my trembling, I had control over those things and those things were real. This was all very real and I knew it was over for me when the man reached his hand through my tattered kimono and between my thighs.

However, before the man could fully reach his goal, he was instantly forced off of me with a loud crack. The next thing I saw was the broad back of a man with a low, messy, red ponytail as he stood between me and my assailant with a spear in his hands.

"Unless a woman gives her consent, you should keep your hands to yourself," the redhead growled before snapping angrily at old witch, "Why were you just standing there?! Why didn't you go get help?!"

The redhead's composure, however, crumbled when my assaulter opened his mouth.

"Kaa-san, it hurts, it hurts!" the man wailed. He rolled on the ground in pain while cradling the side of his head where he was struck by the blunt end of the spear.

"Kaa-san?" Then it all clicked for the redhead.

"Why did you interfere?!" the old witch crowed. "This was none of your business! You should have just continued walking!"

"So you were the one who put him up to this. What type of person would tell her son with a mental illness to do this?! Answer me!"

"I don't have to answer to you!" the witch snapped before harshly regarding her son. "Come along! It's time to leave!"

"Kaa-san, don't be mad." The man pitifully scrambled to run after his mother. "Wait for me! I don't like it when Kaa-san is mad."

Then the redhead turned on me and all I could think was, "No… Not another one…"

I didn't know who he was.

All I knew was that he was a man.

I was just nearly raped by a man.

And here was another man.

 ** _He's going to finish what the other man couldn't._**

"Are you alright," he spoke.

And I screamed, flattening myself against the wall as much as possible.

"Shizuka-chan!"

"Shizuka!"

There were two familiar voices in the background.

What were they saying? I didn't know.

What was going on? I don't know.

Nothing made sense. All I wanted to do was run, but my legs had no strength. I couldn't breathe. And then the unfamiliar man before me was punched in the face so hard that he flew back. There were two new people. Both were men.

 ** _Both were men. Both were going to get a turn with me too._**

"What the fuck did you do to her?!" the green-eyed newcomer snarled.

"What the hell was that for?! I was the one that saved her!"

Then the other man that wasn't dealing with the redhead invaded my space. "Shizuka-chan, are you okay?" he said.

He had bright familiar eyes. Teal-colored eyes. But I didn't recognize him and I shook.

"Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone," I choked out in a pathetic sob as I continued quivering. It felt so cold. There was no air!

"Souji! She doesn't recognize me! I can't calm her down! She's not breathing!"

"I'll kill whoever did this! Move! Let me try!"

Suddenly, I feel warm, firm, hands on my shoulders before green eyes that I knew so well came into view. I recognized those eyes. Those eyes signaled to me that I was safe. Those were the same green eyes that could always calm me down. They were the same green eyes I knew since I was a child. It was Souji. Everything was going to be okay.

"S-Souji," I sobbed. I was broken but he was here. I was safe. He could protect me.

"Shhh, you're okay. You're safe," he whispered as he pulled me into a safe embrace. I instantly latched on and refused to let go.

"I-I was s-so s-scared. D-Don't l-leave me…"

He gently took my fractured wrist into his hand so he could examine it. "I know. I won't leave you. I'll get you home and fix your wrist. You're safe now. You're safe."

Stepping away from me briefly, Souji untied his outer layer of clothing and wrapped it around me, covering the exposed skin before he bent down and picked me up. I spent the whole journey back home tucked safely away in Souji's arms and with my face buried against his chest.

* * *

I hid under the blankets of my futon in the darkness of my room. After my wrist had been set and bandaged, I disappeared into my room and out of sight. I just felt so disgusting, so dirty…

I couldn't bear to be in the public where everyone could see my unworthiness. I was a waste of space. It was like what that old witch said. It was my fault. Everything was my fault. I couldn't let anyone see me and my filthiness. I wanted to disappear.

"Did you hear anything about the people who did this?" Someone spoke outside my depressing room.

"The authorities captured both of them, thanks to Harada-san's description. Those two were the ones responsible for the series of rapes in Edo for the past couple of months."

"No, I just did what any decent person would have done if they were in my place. I didn't do anything noteworthy."

"Don't discredit yourself! If it weren't for you…my little Shizu-chan… It's just too terrible to think what would have happened…"

"Yeah! We were really lucky Sano-san was there! But still, what type of horrible people would go around doing something like this?"

CRASH!

I heard something smash against the wall and shatter.

"DAMN IT! Why did this have to happen?! Why did this happen?!"

"Souji! Calm down! Shizuka's resting right now and shouldn't be awakened!"

"Calm down? Calm down?! How can I calm down after what just happened?! Why don't you tell how to calm the **_fuck_** down after something like this, Hijikata-san?! You didn't see what she was like right after the attack! Don't you fucking dare tell me to calm down!"

There were some harsh stomping sounds as the person as someone stormed away.

"Souji!"

"Kondou-san, let him go. He needs to calm down by himself."

Everyone was worried about me, but I couldn't go outside. I couldn't let them see how filthy I was. This filth was disgusting. I hated that old hag and her son for doing this to me, but as much as I hated my assailants, there was no one I hated more at that moment than myself for letting this happen. So I did the only thing I could and curled up into a ball under the blankets and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

I've been hiding in my room now for a month now. I only left the room to get the essentials when I was absolutely sure no one would see me. I didn't want to be alone anymore, but I still couldn't stand to let the others see me.

I was filthy.

I was a worthless waste of space.

I didn't deserve to take up the time of other people.

"Shizu-chan, will you come out today? Please? Everyone misses you," Otou-san pleaded from the behind closed doors of my prison. "Nobody's the same when you're not around. Souji especially has a shorter temper these days when his best friend isn't around."

Every day, someone would come to the door to beg me to leave my room, but I couldn't. I didn't want to waste anyone's time.

I had invisible chains that held me in place and kept me prisoner in my own mind.

* * *

It was the Hour of the Dog, dinnertime at Shieikan Hall and I was hungry. Everyone had to be eating in the main hall right now. There had to be no one around. No one to see me slip from my room into the kitchen.

Silently, I nudged the door of my room open to sneak a peek. The halls were empty and silence echoed throughout the house. And so I crept out of my bedroom, sneaking about like a criminal that didn't deserve to be released.

"I thought I'd seen everyone that lived in this dojo, but I ain't seen you before. You're pretty cute! What's your name?" someone suddenly said, causing me to freeze.

It was a brown-haired man with a green bandana tied his head. He had a giant grin on his face and he looked incredibly eager and even friendly to an extent. But I didn't know him. Panic crept back into my veins as I choked on the air. I could hear my instincts lying to me, telling me he was dangerous when my mind said he was everything but dangerous.

"Eh? You okay?"

I still didn't move

"Shinpachi, what are you doing?" another voice cut in. It was the redhead, Harada, from before.

What was he still doing here? I thought that he would have left after saving me from my would-be-rapist from a month ago.

"Oh?" Harada said while offering me a kind, brotherly smile when he saw me standing in front of the new man. "You finally left you room."

While Harada did save me from before, I still didn't know who he was. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but that wasn't enough. Unable to handle the new faces, I sank to my knees before my breaths became shallow. All of a sudden, it felt like there wasn't enough oxygen. It felt as if there was a boulder sitting on my chest, intent on crushing all the life out of me.

Acting quickly, the brown-haired man grabbed my shoulder to prevent me from completely toppling over and hitting my head on the hard wooden floor.

"Shit!" Harada said in a rush as he tried to get me to take some deep breaths. "Something's wrong! Shinpachi, go find either Kondou-san, Souji, or Hijikata-san! They should be able to fix this!"

"R-right!" the man named Shinpachi exclaimed as he passed me to Harada so he could run for help.

"Breathe! You're okay. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

Within a matter of seconds of running off to go get help, several pairs of footsteps came rushing down the hall. Rather than just getting one of the people Harada had listed, this Shinpachi brought everyone running.

"Shizu-chan!" In an instant, I could feel Otou-san's arms around me protectively. "Everyone back up and give us some room! Shizu-chan, breathe. You're okay. You're safe."

"O-Otou-san…," I managed to say. I quickly buried my face against his chest as he hugged me to provide comfort.

I was going to be okay now that Otou-san was here.

I'd be okay.

"Shh… You're okay now."

Still unable to deal with everything, I kept my face against Otou-san chest and allowed him to pick me and return me to my room. I couldn't face the others. Not yet.

* * *

"What was that about?"

People were speaking outside the closed doors of my bedroom again. Once Otou-san had returned me to my room again, I dove under the blankets and refused to show my face. After several minutes of trying to coax me from my hiding spot, Otou-san had decided that it would be better to give me some more time and space. I still wasn't ready.

"You don't know about this since you just got here Shinpat-san, but Shizuka-chan was nearly raped about a month ago. If Sano wasn't there then… No! I won't even think about it!"

"Wait, that's Shizuka? I thought she was just a myth."

"Shinpachi, just because you haven't seen someone doesn't me she doesn't exist. But it's just as Heisuke said, if I wasn't there then it would have ended badly."

"Hijikata-san, Kondou-san, do you think she'll ever be the same again?"

"It's hard to say, but Shizuka is a hardy person. She won't go down without a fight."

It was flattering what Otou-san was saying about me, but it felt like it was a lie. I already broke.

"I hope she gets well soon. We all miss her and would like her to return. Huh? Souji, what are you doing?"

A silhouette appeared on the shoji door as a person stepped up to my closed door.

"She probably left the room to get something to eat. I'm bringing her food myself."

"Souji, is that a good idea? You already saw how she reacted when she saw Harada and Shinpachi. It's best to just give her time and space right now."

"Hijikata-san, I know Shizuka better than you do. Don't try to lecture me on how I should approach her!"

"Souji—!"

"Toshi, just let Souji try. He connects better to her even better than I do sometimes. If anyone can get through to her then it has to be Souji."

My bedroom door slid open shortly afterward and a person stepped in. The door was closed behind him and a small tray of food was placed on the floor beside the futon I was hiding in.

"Shizuka, won't you come out? Please?" the person said as he tried to coax me out from under the blankets. "It's been so long since I've seen your face. I brought you dinner. Please come out, I miss you."

When I didn't respond, a hand was then gently laid on my back. I flinched away from the touch under the protection of my blankets. I couldn't let him touch me, not while I was filthy. I didn't deserve it and he deserved something better.

"This is my fault…," Souji finally muttered with quiet bitterness. "If I didn't let you run off by yourself…"

No! This was all wrong! I couldn't let Souji blame himself. He did nothing wrong. If anything then it would me my own fault—

But why was it my fault? This thought struck me like a bolt of lightning. I didn't do anything wrong either, so why was I blaming myself? I never asked to be attacked. I never asked to be targeted.

This was all going to end here, all this self-blame. **_Never again_**. Never again would I allow something like this to happen. I would not allow myself any further to remain helpless. I would learn to defend myself.

But right now, I would have to hide to compose myself. I may not be ready or strong enough to face everyone again, but with time, I would be.

* * *

[1] Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may develop after a person is exposed to one or more traumatic events, such as major stress, sexual assault, terrorism, or other threats on a person's life. The diagnosis may be given when a group of symptoms, such as disturbing recurring flashbacks, avoidance or numbing of memories of the event, and hyper arousal, continue for more than a month after the occurrence of a traumatic event.

[2] A tantō (短刀, "short blade") is one of the traditionally made Japanese swords (nihonto) that were worn by the samurai class of feudal Japan. The tantō dates to the Heian period, when it was mainly used as a weapon but evolved in design over the years to become more ornate.

[3] Tanabata (七夕, meaning "Evening of the seventh"), also known as the Star Festival, is a Japanese festival originating from the Chinese Qixi Festival. It celebrates the meeting of the deities Orihime and Hikoboshi (represented by the stars Vega and Altair respectively). According to legend, the Milky Way separates these lovers, and they are allowed to meet only once a year on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month of the lunisolar calendar. The date of Tanabata varies by region of the country, but the first festivities begin on 7 July of the Gregorian calendar. The celebration is held at various days between July and August.

[4] Down syndrome (DS or DNS), also known as trisomy 21, is a genetic disorder caused by the presence of all, or part of a third copy of chromosome 21. It is typically associated with physical growth delays, characteristic facial features, and mild to moderate intellectual disability. The average IQ of a young adult with Down syndrome is 50, equivalent to the mental age of an 8- or 9-year-old child, but this can vary widely.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

 _"My sun sets to rise again." ― Robert Browning_

Making the decision to learn how to fight properly the night before may have seemed like it was a simple and easy decision to make to some, but to me, it was something that took great determination to do. I had never liked violence. As a trauma surgeon, I had seen too much pain and suffering as a side effect of violence. Too many people I had been unable to save. Too much damaged left behind on the living when their loved ones passed away.

The patients with the mangled bodies were always the hardest to deal with. There would be people with holes blasted into their chests; people with arms and/or legs that had been torn or blown off; people with crush injuries so severe that they didn't even look human; burn wounds that permanently disfigured; people so severely damaged that they could no longer control their bodily secretions and leaked urine and excrement all over the hospital beds.

On days some days it felt like I could never scrub all the patients' blood off of myself. Everything reeked of blood on those days.

Then there were the instruments that caused these horrific wounds. In the future, there were guns, explosives, chemical weapons, blunt force weapons, and even some normal household items that were misused and wielded as weapons. Just from seeing the grotesque wounds were enough to prevent me from ever wanting to hold a weapon.

To me, weapons were created for one purpose, to kill. I had never wanted to learn how to wield the sword, the main weapon of the time, because of this. Just the thought of holding a sword alone terrified me. I had always thought: Would I one day become one of those horrible murders I so abhorred if I learned how to wield a weapon? Would I be able to handle the screams of pain as I slashed at somebody or would I break first? But now, more than ever, that belief failed to hold up. While it was true that weapons were originally created for warfare, they could also be used to defend and protect. Items created for one purpose often evolved over time to gain many other purposes.

To fight was not always to harm others. To fight was to stand up and be fearless. To defend something of worth.

However, declaring that I was going to learn how to fight was far easier than the actual task, especially in a world where men were kings. While I did live in a dojo with men who were beyond skilled with the katana and were also able to teach me, that did not help me all that much. The katana was the weapon of a man and if a woman were to try to wield a katana then she would be asking for trouble. Not would it only be illegal for a woman to wield a katana, but it was also against the social norms of the time. My main purpose of learning how to fight was to be able to get out of trouble if I ever needed to, not to create situations that would get me into more trouble.

Then there were the technicalities wielding a katana. If I tried to wield a katana, or any sword really, it would bring me far too close to my opponents and with my current, small, 4′7″ physique. It wouldn't take a genius to see that I would easily be defeated by all larger opponents. Everyone was already taller than me. Unless I planned on beating up little kids, then I needed a different weapon.

Another problem with learning to wield a katana, if I was insistent on it, were the teachers. All the men I lived with were the best swordsmen I've had ever seen and they all would be willing to teach me if I asked, but I couldn't ask them to teach me kenjutsu. I couldn't face any of the men yet. I wasn't ready. I was a basket case of problems and I didn't want any of them to see my inner demons. I was determined that the next time they all saw me that I would be free from my heinous mental maladies.

So instead of using the close-ranged katana, I needed a weapon with distance. If I could put distance between me and my opponents, then physique size would matter less. With distance between me and my opponents, physical strength would matter less and the fight would become a test of skill. A gun was the first weapon that came to mind when I thought of long distance weapons, but this was nineteenth century Japan. Guns during this time period in Japan were out of date, difficult to use, impossible to hit anything with, and expensive. If I tried to fight with the average gun that was available in Japan, then it might have been equivalent to walking unarmed into a battlefield with a sign that said "stab me" attached to my back. So, a gun was not an option.

I could try to learn how to wield a spear, but that would be problematic too. Women in Tokugawa Japan did not walk around with spears just like how they didn't walk around with katanas. If I decided that I wanted to wield a spear, then it would attract too much attention and most likely trouble would come along with that attention. The main purpose was to not attract trouble but to be able to defend myself if there was any trouble. Learning how to wield a spear would not an option either. Despite the distance it offered, it would cause the same problem as a katana. My best option and the only other real choice I had left was the naginata.

The naginata was a weapon that consisted of a long, curved, katana-like blade that sat upon the sword-like handguard on top of a long pole. The weapon was designed to serve many functions. It could be used to batter, stab or hook opponents, but due to its relatively balanced center of mass, it was often spun and turned to obtain a large radius of reach. The curved blade the naginata possessed made it an effective tool for cutting because of its increased length of cutting surface. In the hands of a skilled wielder, one 5' tall person could theoretically cover and attack in 484 square feet of open, flat ground with a 5' shaft and a 3' blade.

The naginata was also a weapon that was socially acceptable for women in the nineteenth century to carry. During the Tokugawa era, the naginata became less useful for men on the battlefield and became a symbol of the social status of women. A functional naginata was often a traditional part of a samurai daughter's dowry. Although women did not usually fight as normal soldiers, women of the samurai class were expected to be capable of defending their homes if their husbands were away at war. This weapon was considered the most suitable weapon for women to fight with because it allowed a woman to keep her opponents at a distance, where any advantages in height, weight, and upper body strength would be lessened.

Now that I had a weapon picked out, all I needed to do was find a teacher. I was fortunate enough that I lived with a person that knew how to wield a naginata. Tsune-san was a woman that was born in the warrior class and therefore was required to learn naginatajutsu[1] as a young girl. Tsune-san also had access to the naginata that was a part of her dowry, so there was already a readily available weapon to use if I ever needed to. While I couldn't face men yet, facing a woman was not quite so difficult for me.

It was the Hour of the Dragon and all the men were supposed to be occupied with whatever task they were given to complete that day. This meant that if I left my room now, there would be little to no chance of running into anyone I was not ready to see. I quickly slipped out of my room and snuck towards the kitchen where Tsune-san was mostly likely at during this time of the day.

Tsune-san was in the kitchen by a large wooden tub filled with water. She was washing the dishes from this morning's breakfast and spotted me the moment I set a toe into the room.

"Shizuka-chan!" she exclaimed. She dropped everything she was holding back into the soapy tub of water and quickly ran up to me, cupping my face with her wet hands. "Are okay? Are you fine with leaving your room now?"

"I… No." I jumped back at the sensation of her wet hands before looking away, still feeling the shame I wasn't quite able to get rid of. "But if I don't try, then I'll never be okay with leaving my room again. And I miss everyone."

Tsune-san blinked at my words in slight surprise before a small smile graced her features. She pulled me into a comforting hug and ran her fingers through my hair.

"Your hair has gotten long," she seemingly commented offhandedly, but it was her way of saying, "You've grown."

"So," she then said as she pulled a simple hairpin from a space in her sleeve and pinned my hair back," what can I do for you? You came to find me for a reason, right?"

I swallowed and steeled myself before I looked up into Tsune-san's eyes. It was surprisingly difficult to face another person after what I'd endured, but I wasn't going to back down. Not anymore.

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life living in fear of what happened. I want to learn how to defend myself so that what happened to me will never happen again," I answered before stepping back so I could bow at her deeply. "Please teach me naginatajutsu!"

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence that made me fear that Tsune-san would turn down my request.

"Are you sure about this?" she finally asked me, breaking that uncomfortable silence. She sounded concern as she laid her soft hand on my cheek. "I know you don't like weapons or fighting. I do not want you to push yourself if it is too much for you to handle."

"I don't want to be that weak person who is unable to do anything but run and hide at the first sight of trouble. I don't want to worry anyone anymore. So please teach me!"

Another uncomfortable and oppressive silence filled the kitchen, but this time, it felt like it was a test. I could feel Tsune-san's heavy eyes on me. It was nerve-racking and there was nothing I wanted to do but flee, but I refused. If I couldn't face her, then how could I face everyone else? Then after seconds of this intense examination, Tsune-san nodded with a confident smile.

"Very well, I will teach you. I can see your resolve, but bear in mind that I will not tolerate any slacking. When I say jump, you will ask, 'How high?' and when I say run, you ask, 'How far?'" Tsune-san said with a certain kind of strictness I had never heard from her before. "Understand?"

"Yes! Thank you very much! I promise I will work hard!" I almost couldn't believe it. She was going to teach me!

Tsune-san smiled at my excitement before she fondly patted my cheek.

"There is that smile. We've all missed your smiling face. Let us both work hard so that everyone can see it again. But for now, you need to let your wrist fully heal. I will only teach you the theories of naginatajutsu so your wrist can heal properly. We will begin the physical aspects of naginatajutsu after your fracture heals, okay?"

I nodded enthusiastically. The fracture wasn't going to take much more time to heal completely. It was only a buckle fracture[2]. Before I left to return to my room so that Tsune-san could focus on finishing the dishes, one last thought came to mind.

"Tsune-san?" I asked right before I exited the room. "May I ask one more thing from you?"

"Go ahead, I do not mind."

"Can I ask that you don't tell the others about my training? I don't feel ready to face everyone yet and I want to surprise them when I can see them again."

"Alright," she said as she agreed. "Now, since everyone is still busy, we will be undisturbed for a few hours. So instead of retreating to you room, why don't you pull up a stool and sit here while I explain the theories of naginatajutsu right now."

I quickly did as she instructed quite eagerly and she laughed while saying it almost looked like I was going to vibrate off my seat from pure excitement.

As the weeks passed, my wrist fracture healed without complications. The few weeks I spent learning theory from Tsune-san added to the one month is spent hiding away in my room was sufficient enough time for my bone fracture to heal completely.

Then came the physical aspect of my training. Tsune-san was an excellent but tough teacher. Her teaching methods quite a bit unorthodox and did not match her gentle personality at all. Instead of walking me through step by step like I believed she would, Tsune-san believed that experience was the best teacher. The first day I was able to start physically training with a naginata, Tsune-san tossed a wooden naginata towards me for me to use before charging at me with her own without any instruction first. Needless to say, I got beaten black and blue that first day. Tsune-san was not someone who pulled her strikes. If it looked like she was going to hit you, then best duck because she was **_going_** to hit you.

The first several days were the hardest. There were days I was so sore or in so much pain that it almost seemed impossible to crawl out of bed. I would flounder around in the futon in the mornings before I would force myself to crawl out, and then I would flounder around on the floor a bit more as I looked for something to grab on to so I could stand up. But the body remembers pain the best and soon I was able to begin dodging and blocking attacks out of pure instinct. As soon as started happening, getting out of bed in the mornings didn't seem so difficult anymore, or so I'd like to believe.

Perhaps I was just getting used to the pain instead but I wasn't quite sure that could be seen as a good thing.

"What are you doing?!" Tsune-san yelled at me as her practice weapon shot forward, causing me to stumble as I tripped over my own two left feet. "You are letting me get too close to you! Back up a bit and use the length of your weapon to create some space!"

Before I was able to back up and do as she instructed, Tsune-san scored a hit to my face, more specifically, my left eye, before she tripped me. I fell forward with my ass sticking up quite spectacularly in the air.

Ah, lovely, my right eye was finally going to have a matching black partner. I was sure that I looked like a panda by now.

Despite all outward appearances, I began to suspect that Tsune-san was secretly a sadist. She seemed to take spectacular joy in the knowledge that she was beating me black and blue. One could just say that she was being competitive and taking joy in her victories, but she always had that faint smile whenever she saw me wincing.

"Okay. Let's take a break," she said as she tugged on my arm, pulling my body straight so it could lay flush against the floor instead of having my ass stick up in the air awkwardly. "We can go over your weaknesses while you recover from your blunder."

"Yes, Tsune-san." Instead of getting off the floor, I merely just rolled over onto my back and stared back up at Tsune-san. She grinned at me and nudged me with her foot.

"You're a fast learner, but you have a problem with your speed. In fact, you're so slow sometimes that you appear clumsy when you attempt to increase your speed. But you have good eyes…," She paused briefly as she examined my black eyes, "Well, you had good eyes, but that will heal. You can read and see every movement, but your problem is that you are too slow to react, even with your phenomenal instincts. It does you no good if you can see the attacks but can do nothing about them."

My stomach turned at her words. This was a big problem. If the naginata had been real, then I would have already died several times over. Such a troublesome problem. Why couldn't I end up with a problem that was easier to fix?

"Tsune-san, if speed is my main problem then how do I increase my speed?" I asked as I finally sat up.

This needed to be remedied as soon as possible for the sake of the bruises that have begun forming all over my body. It even hurt to breathe sometimes.

"No worries," she said but there was a glint in her eyes that made me nervous. "I have a speed drill for you to work on. I attack and you dodge. No blocking is allowed."

I groaned as she nudged me up with her incessant kicks and the moment I was up on my feet again, I got knocked back to the floor by a hit to the face. I moaned and stayed down this time.

"I wasn't ready," I said flatly as I stared up at the roof. "And you didn't say start."

"Constant vigilance. I shouldn't have to say start. Now hurry up and get up."

It took me awhile to get back on my feet after that.

Months passed on almost too quickly after that and it only felt like weeks. Truthfully, I was surprised Tsune-san was able to train me so long without being discovered by any of the men. Four and a half months was by no means a short amount of time, especially with how loud we could be.

"HAH!" Tsune-san let out a cry as she brought her wooden naginata down in a harsh downward strike from overhead.

But I quickly spun out of the way, this time not tripping over my own feet, before I dropped into a crouch. Then I launched myself towards her. My attack never hit. The thrust was easily knocked away before she tapped on my nose with the butt of her weapon.

"Tsune-san!" I complained as I jerked away. I never understood why she liked aiming for the face so often.

"Oh, it was only a tap." She grinned as she danced away from my swipe. "It is not like it will even leave a bruise."

"But still, why always the face?!"

She didn't bother answering me and tried to trip me, again.

Obviously, when it came to skill, Tsune-san was still a thousand times better than me. She was faster, stronger, and she knew each formation better. There would be no way for me to win if I went off skill alone, but there was one area she never beat me in. I was better at coming up with strategies on the fly.

I ducked as the edge of her practice weapon came dangerously close to my face again before backing away while heavily favoring my right side. It was a known fact my left side was weaker and Tsune-san loved aiming for my left whenever she had the chance.

Predictably, she shot me a wicked grin and lunged at my left but she was unprepared. Instead of stumbling away to create more distance between the both of us, I ducked under her attack and swiped at her legs with my own weapon. Tsune-san's eyes widened before she landed on her butt as I pulled her legs out from under her.

"HAH!" I shouted gleefully as I grinned down at her for a change. "I win this time! YES!"

Of course, in my own little celebration, I didn't notice when she kicked my shin, causing me to collapse next to her, sufficiently shutting me up. And then, just like school girls, the both of us broke out into giggles.

It was the sound of a singular person clapping that caused our giggling to die out. My eyes widened as my head shot towards the direction the sound was coming from. Otou-san and Hijikata-san were standing in the doorway of the small practice room. Otou-san had a particularly wide smile on his face as he continued to clap.

"That was a good match," Otou-san said before laughing in glee as he slapped Hijikata-san back in a friendly gesture. "So this is the task you have been spending so much time on, Tsune."

Tsune-san got up gracefully, to my small envy, and bowed politely to greet Otou-san and Hijikata-san before pulling me to my feet. She then gave me a small shove and an encouraging smile to get me to approach the two men. I followed along with Tsune-san's actions, but I was still hesitant to approach Otou-san and Hijikata-san.

"Shizuka?" Hijikata-san asked disbelievingly. It was like he didn't quite believe I was here and that he was afraid that I would vanish in a puff of smoke in an instant. "You finally left your room?"

When I first saw both Otou-san and Hijikata-san, I thought I still wasn't ready to face anyone yet. But, just as fast as that thought appeared, it disappeared and I was filled with overwhelming joy. I missed everyone and I wanted to be back more than ever now. In a split second, all my hesitation disappeared as I dropped my wooden practice weapon on the floor and ran straight into Otou-san's arms. He was so warm and welcoming. I never wanted to be away for so long ever again. I was back where I belonged.

This was home.

"I missed you, Otou-san," I mumbled tearfully against Otou-san's chest as he pulled my long hair down so he could run his fingers through it.

"I know, Shizu-chan. I know. I missed you too." He placed a kiss on the top of my head before he released me from his hug.

"So you decided to learn how to fight?" Hijikata-san asked afterward, though Hijikata-san's question was more of a statement.

I nodded. "I'm not so weak-willed that I'd let my past define who I am."

Hijikata-san then smiled, almost like he was proud of my answer, before he pulled me into his own hug. "It's good to have you back."

Maybe I didn't feel ready to face the others yet, but it didn't matter how I felt because I was ready to rejoin the others.

* * *

[1] The art of wielding a naginata.

[2] These occur when the bone compresses, and is therefore a compression injury. The side of the bone under compression crunches down upon itself causing the bone to crumple on the one side of the bone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 _"I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I'm still here. I have a history of victory." ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience_

I could hear a long growl echo through the hallway, causing me to jump as I sped up and grabbed onto Otou-san's hand. Otou-san seemed to find my reaction amusing and chuckled at me before pulling me to his side. The sound wasn't what I would call frightening but it was loud and it caught me by surprise. If anything, that **_growl_** almost sounded like it came from someone's stomach, but it couldn't be that. Right?

"Otou-san?"

"Hmm?"

"What was that? It's..." I paused, unsure of what to say. "Is our floor creaking?"

Otou-san just laughed again as he continued to pull me along with a skip in his step, only stopping as we came to the all familiar door.

Light was filtering through the paper of the door to the main hall. It was a gentle type of light that was normally warm and welcoming. However, right now, the light looked harsh to me. It looked omniscient and judgmental. It made the cheerful-looking silhouettes cast on door twist into monsters possessing chains before my eyes. I tightened my grasp on Otou-san's hand and swallowed as I beat down the urge to flee.

I had already come this far. Running was forbidden. I would rather gut myself than run again.

"Just how long is it going to take for Kondou-san to get here?" I suddenly heard a very human voice filter through the closed door. It sounded nothing like the terrible monsters I envisioned in my mind. "I'm starving! And what's with the extra tray of food? Could it be that it's for me? I knew everyone would realize that only one tray of food wasn't enough for me! Itadakimasu!"

The loud sound of a slap made me jump again, making me accidently nip my own tongue. Even Otou-san flinched at that sound and inched away slightly from the door. He was wincing like he was remembering something very painful before he looked down bashfully at me while rubbing the back of his neck.

"OUCH! Tsune-san what was that for? That seriously hurt!"

"That food is not for you, Nagakura-san. This is not an extra tray of food."

"Eh? Then do we have a guest?" I then heard Heisuke chime in before he yelled in disbelief. "Hey! Shinpat-san! What are you doing?! Get your hands off my food, you bastard!"

Dinner certainly sounded louder than it did before. Before, most of the noise came from Hijikata-san scolding Souji and from me and Heisuke joking around with whoever decided to join in that day. It wasn't incisively quiet, but it was never this rowdy.

But other than the new voices being loud in the main hall, there was one very important voice I didn't hear amongst the rabble. There was nothing from Souji and there was no scolding from Hijikata-san. The absence of my dear friend's voice spoke louder than any of the voices in the main hall. That in itself was so wrong. I could see his silhouette through shōji[1] screens, but it was like he wasn't there at all.

"Why don't I hear Souji?"

Otou-san's face instantly fell at my question. "He's been…distant since you've been away. But," a smile reemerged on his face, looking stronger than the one it replaced, "it's just because he missed you. Everything will be fine now that you're back!"

Would it?

I looked back at the door. It no longer looked so frightening. It was just a wall, a weak flimsy wall and it was in my way.

And without waiting for Otou-san, I stepped forward and snapped the door open, allowing the light to flood into the hallway.

The occupants in the room all froze, for the most part. The bandana guy from before looked particularly amusing as he froze with his arm extended over Heisuke's meal with his chopsticks in Heisuke's fish. Heisuke, on the other hand, had been clinging onto bandana guy's arm with his teeth, probably doing all he could to keep the thief from stealing so much food.

But there were also those who didn't freeze at my entrance. Both Tsune-san and Hijikata-san had known about me joining them ahead of time and therefore only raise their eyebrows at my loud entrance. Sannan-san, on the other hand, hadn't even reacted at all but that could hardly be described as surprising. Sannan-san was just the type of person who knew everything before it even happened. Who knew what else was in his mind?

"Oh, you're back," Sannan-san merely said as he offered me a smile before saying, "Itadakimasu!" He promptly dug into his food in a relaxed manner shortly afterward.

"Shizuka-chan!" then came Heisuke's muffled voice. He never bothered letting go of the bandana guy's arm with his teeth and was now slobbering all over the food thief's arm.

This headache-inducing behavior made me narrow my eyes at Heisuke before I marched over to where he was and gave him a light whack on the back of his head.

"Don't bite other people! It's not only rude and unsanitary, but it's disgusting too."

"Yeah, Heisuke!" the bandana guy agreed with me wholeheartedly with a grin that just made me turn my narrowed eyes onto him. He seemed to realize his mistake pretty fast and instantly clammed up.

"And you!" I said as I whacked him on the back of his head too. "Don't steal other people's food!"

"Ouch!" He quickly pulled his arm away from Heisuke and his food as Harada broke out into boisterous laughter.

"Well, you're certainly different from what I remember," Harada said as his laughter died down, causing me to turn red when I realized how rudely I just barged into here earlier. I didn't even know who the bandana guy was and I had slapped him on the back of his head.

"Err…" I was quick to retreat to my seat beside Souji before looking down bashfully at my lap.

Souji, who had said nothing the entire time, took this time to reach over and sweep my loose bangs behind my ear. I could see him watching me through the corner of my eyes, but he still said nothing.

"Well," I heard Otou-san speak up. Everyone turned their eyes onto him. He had taken this time to take his seat between Hijikata-san and Tsune-san. "I had planned on a smoother reintroduction, but this works too, I guess."

Hijikata-san snorted at that before saying, "All attempts at normal flew out the window the moment Heisuke and Shinpachi started fighting over food."

Tsune-san nodded in agreement and glowered at the two offenders, impressively causing them to shrink and let out a small squeak in fear. "So," she said as she leveled one last glare at the two before turning to me, "I am sure you've noticed the new people by now. Would you like an introduction?"

"Yes, please." My voice shook a bit in the beginning but became firm towards the end as I grabbed onto my confidence.

"Well, then I guess I'll go first since you technically met me before this big brute," Harada said as he slapped the bandana guy on the shoulder, enticing a short, "Hey!" from said man. "Sorry for not introducing myself before, but it was...quite impossible before. My name's Harada Sanosuke. It's nice to see you're doing a lot better now."

"So it's Harada-san?" I asked, trying the name on my tongue.

"Just Sano. Harada-san is way too formal and I prefer it when a cute girl calls me by my first name."

"Oi, Sano! You can't flirt with her! It's unfair! I haven't even gotten to introduce myself yet!"

"I wasn't flirting! I was just complimenting her!"

"Mah, both you guys are idiots…" I heard Heisuke mumble near inaudibly under his breath. "You'll get beat up."

I snuck a glance at Souji. There was no real reaction. He just continued pushing his food around while looking sullen and when I put a hand on his knee, he just briefly looked at me before looking back down to stare at his food.

"I'm Nagakura Shinpachi!" I turned to the loudmouthed bandana guy. "Call me whatever you'd like, just not by my surname since that's way too formal. It's finally nice to meetcha without the, you know, freakin' out. It was seriously pretty freaky when you stopped breathin' on us a couple of months back."

"Oh…" I flushed slightly before bowing at the two of them, nearly smashing my face into my dinner. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience I must have caused the two of you, especially you, Sano-san. You saved me all those months back and I didn't even thank you."

"Don't worry about it," Sano-san said, smiling kindly. I'm just glad you're okay now."

"Alright, that's enough chatting for now! Let's all celebrate by eating our hearts out!" Shinpachi cheered, breaking all forms of formality before turning to Heisuke's tray and snatching away the whole sardine with his chopsticks.

"Hey! That was mine, you thief!"

"Hahaha!" Shinpachi-san amazingly swallowed all but the head in one bite. "You were too slow! First come, first serve!" he said with a full mouth, nearly spitting out pieces of the morsel as he taunted Heisuke.

"AH! You jerk! Then you won't mind if I take this!" A piece of eggplant vanished.

"Hey! I was saving that for later, you brat! You'll pay for that!"

They squabbled like seagulls over a stolen lunch on the beach.

Inoue-san, who was eating so quietly before, finally slammed his chopsticks back onto his tray when he had enough. I could see a vein twitching dangerously on his forehead. As calm and as nice Inoue-san was, he was just as terrifying as Sannan-san when angry, something most people never found out until it was too late.

"Both of you stop this! Shizuka-chan just came back to us and you'll scare her off again with your rowdiness!" Inoue-san scolded the ruffians.

Both men froze again, but other than giving Heisuke the extra fish on my plate, I didn't pay them any attention. Souji was silent and it bothered me. He still didn't speak to me even though he knew I had been watching him and dinner ended with him just pushing his rice around wordlessly. He then bolted when before I could speak to him, taking the chance to escape when Tsune-san called me into the kitchen to help her with dishes.

"Tsune-san?" I said as I placed the used dishes into the soapy water to soak. "Souji—"

Her small smile dropped as she sighed. "He's just dealing with some things right now. I know your chichi-ue did tell you Souji-kun would return to normal as soon as you returned, but things are never that simple. Men are not actually all that wonderful when it comes to dealing with their own emotions. Like Isami-san, you are one of his most precious people and he failed to protect you that day."

"But it wasn't even his fault!"

"Whether it was his fault or not, he will always view it as his fault, especially since he was not even the one to save you in the end."

My stomach felt like it dropped to the same vicinity of my ankles as I bit my lips. This wasn't fair! How could Souji even take responsibility for what wasn't his fault? Other than feeling guilty, I wanted to punch some sense into him and throttle him a bit. I wasn't the only cursed with bouts of stupid. He was an idiot too.

"Calling him an idiot in your mind? I do not think he would appreciate it. No man likes to be called stupid by a woman, least of all by one he feels so strongly about."

I threw down the rag I was using to wash the dishes into the soapy water. "Of course he's an idiot!"

Tsune-san's lips curled up into a faint smile as she put down her rag. She dried her hands on her apron before removing it. "Keep washing those dishes. I will be back shortly."

She then quickly disappeared as she slipped out of the kitchen, leaving me to glare at the suds in the tub. Then after a few more seconds, I decided to fish the rag out of the tub again and focused my anger into my hands, harshly scrubbing away the remnants of food left stuck to the dirty plates. As most of the plates had actually been licked clean by Shinpachi-san and Heisuke, there wasn't much to scrub off other than the slobber they had left on their plate.

I was unsure of the amount of time that passed since Tsune-san left, but by the time I heard her footsteps again, most of the dishes were done. All that was really left to wash was the cutting board and the knife used while cooking.

"Do you **_really_** need my help, Tsune-san?" I dropped the cutting board in surprise when I heard Souji's muffled voice right outside the kitchen. "Didn't you grab Shizuka to help you earlier?"

"She ended up being called by Isami-san to go help him with something. Now in you go."

"Tsune-san! Why are you shoving me so forcefully? I never said I wouldn't help—" Souji's abruptly stopped speaking the moment he locked eyes with me when was thrown into the kitchen. "Tsune-san, you liar," he then muttered back to her.

"You know, you are an idiot," Tsune-san said as she threw her apron at Souji. "But that is not always a bad thing. There is no greater fool in the world than a man in love."

Souji burned red at that comment, jerking as he spun to face Tsune-san with wide-eyed panic. "Tsune-san!"

Instead of gracing him with an answer, Tsune-san slammed the door shut in his face, trapping us alone together. He peered back at me before he quickly looked away. His face was still red and he looked at everything but me. It was almost like he was embarrassed about something.

"Tsune-san lied about something?" I asked, initiating a conversation since it looked like Souji wasn't going to be the one to do it.

"…Is that all you heard?"

"There was that part about a 'man in love' but I think she was just using that as an example, so it's not too important, right?"

Souji seemed to look relieved at my response, but for the briefest moment, I could have sworn I saw his face flash with disappointment. He took a deep breath before he tied the apron Tsune-san had thrown at him around his waist. It looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"You know, you don't have to stay here to help me," I said as I turned towards the tub again and reached in.

I did want to speak to him, but if he didn't want to stay here or speak to me, I wasn't going to force him even if it pained me.

"No, I'll stay." I could tell he was still refusing to look at me as I focused on the water in the tub. "I wouldn't be able to leave even if I tried. Tsune-san's leaning on the kitchen door."

"Oh."

We fell into an awkward silence afterward. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of water sloshing around in the tub as I fished for the next item to wash. And then like a moron, I grabbed the knife in the tub by the blade, causing me to hiss as I jerked my hand out of the tub. In an instant, my hand was in Souji's larger ones as he tried to stem the bleeding with his sleeve.

The cut on my thumb wasn't particularly large or deep by any means nor was it actually bleeding all that much, but my hand was in the soapy water when I cut myself. It stung enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"It's nothing serious," I said as I tried to pull my hand back from Souji, but he refused to let go just yet.

"You idiot, it could still get infected. You still need to take care of it."

Oh, and I was the idiot?

I jerked my hand back and socked him on the shoulder. Obviously, it didn't hurt him since his arms were so well-built but he still gave me a wounded look.

"I'm the idiot?! Look who's talking, Mr. Everything-is-my-fault-and-now-I-can't-talk-to-Shizuka!" I snapped while scowling at him, and he had the damned **_nerve_** to scowl back at me.

"That has nothing to do with this!"

"It has everything to do with this! Why would you even blame yourself for something **_you_** can't control!"

" ** _I_** was still the one that let you go!" he yelled before falling silent, all heat in his scowl now gone as his face twisted with regret. "I was the one that let you go by yourself. If I hadn't…"

"Then there was still a chance nothing would have changed," I interrupted, my voice going soft as I grabbed his hands. "Souji, look at me. What happened to me wasn't your fault. It isn't anybody's fault. Shit just happens sometimes. It's an intrinsic part of life. In the end, everything just comes down to how we deal with the obstacles thrown our way. Nothing more, nothing less. So please, stop blaming yourself and if you can't, just think about how that makes me feel."

Souji looked at me before smiling bitterly as he let go of my hands so he could wipe away the lone tears that had formed in the corners eyes.

"It seems like I'm always making you cry. Remember the time before we were even friends? I was always yelling at you and telling you to go away and all you did was follow me and cry on my bruises."

"You're so stupid…"

He frowned. "You already said that. No need to keep saying it," he muttered.

"Remember when you pulled me into your room in the middle of the night when I was eight? When I told you I was adopted? You were the reason I stopped crying, you idiot. Stop saying that all you're good for is for making me cry. Anybody can make me cry. I'm a crybaby."

Souji chuckled, nudging me off to the side as he took my spot in front of the wash tub.

"Go take care of that wound," he said as he picked up the offending knife to wash. "I'll finish up here. Tsune-san left the moment we started yelling at each other, so you should be able to go find bandages without a problem."

"Only if you don't start avoiding me again once I leave." I pouted childishly at him. "You have to promise to meet up with me once we're done. If you don't, I won't leave."

"Aren't you a bit old to be pouting like this?" Despite his words, he grinned at me. "But yeah, I promise. I'll come find you when I'm done. Where do you want me to meet you?"

"The practice hall! I want to show you what I've been doing with Tsune-san for past four-or-so months."

"What you were doing?" Souji asked as he paused to look at me questioningly.

"I wasn't just hiding in my room the whole time, you know," I answered before spinning towards the door and exiting.

True to what Souji said earlier, Tsune-san was no longer guarding the door, making it easy to slip out. However, that wasn't to say that she was nowhere in sight. As I made my way to the practice hall after wrapping my cut, Tsune-san stuck her head into the house from the vegetable garden and winked at me.

* * *

I wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not. On the bright side, this "spar" completely pulled Souji out of his shell. But on the other side…

Obviously, I still wasn't very fast and I was still rather new to this whole fighting concept.

"Your left is open," Souji practically sang as he tapped me with his bokken, grinning as he stepped away to avoid my hit. "And now your left is still open."

And he poked me lightly on my side with bokken this time before tapping me on my nose with his **_finger_**. One would think that since I do have the longer weapon that he wouldn't even be able to get this **_close_** but nothing I was doing was working on him. All he had to do was prance around and poke at me every few seconds to get a hit.

I always knew he was talented, but this was so one-sided that it was ** _unfair_**. He wasn't even trying! It literally looked like I was just flailing around him and he was only playing around with me.

I growled and swiped at his feet. All he ended up doing to dodge was hop away on **_one_** foot.

"Souji," I whined far more petulantly than I wanted to admit, "stop moving around so much. Let me hit you at least once!"

"Nope!" Souji sang again as he swooped in behind me and filched my hairpin right out of my hair. Without the hairpin holding my bun up, my hair came tumbling down and some annoyingly fell in front of my eyes.

I blindly swung my weapon in an attempt to at least catch some of his clothing but completely missed. I sagged and blew the offending hair out of my face while Souji grinned and fingering my hair.

"Do you want to give that back?" I asked. All he did was stick the hairpin into the folds of his clothing.

"I was right, you do look pretty with long hair," he said. I took this time to whack his leg with my practice weapon and all he did was laugh at me.

Souji and I were then interrupted by a loud thump followed by the sounds of loud rabble. We both paused and stared at the source of the loud thump. Heisuke was laying on the floor in a heap looking like the butt of someone's joke. Shortly afterward, Shinpachi-san strolled into the room with his head held up in pride like he had completed some sort of incredible feat. Sano-san, on the other hand, came in last and sensibly eyed the hole created in the shōji doors when Heisuke was thrown in the room.

"Haha! I win, shorty!" Shinpachi-san announced with a massive grin before flexing his arms. "You can't possibly beat this. These muscles sculpted by the gods!"

"Well, I'd win if I came down to anything else!" Heisuke yelled back as he shot up from the floor to point at Shinpachi-san accusingly. "You have so much muscle that your brain atrophied!"

"What was that, you brat!"

"You guys are both idiots," Sano-san interrupted the both of them before pointed back to the ruined doors. "Hijikata-san is going to kill you guys."

"That is if I don't get to you two first!" I snapped, drawing their attention and making Heisuke grow quite pale. "What did you guys do?! Do you know how irritating it is to fix two doors, let alone replace them? How did you two even destroy two separate doors with one hole?!"

"Er… You see—"

"Shut up," I snarled at Shinpachi-san, causing him to grow pale too. "Right now we don't even—"

"Umm! Shizuka-chan!" Heisuke interrupted, sounding quite desperate. "What are you and Souji doing?"

"Oh." I let my anger taper off just for Heisuke because I was pretty sure he didn't throw himself through the doors and that was completely **_someone else's_** fault. "Souji and I were sparring, though I'm not sure what we were doing could actually be considered sparring…"

"Ahh!" Heisuke never even bothered to listen to what else I had to say as he pointed accusingly at Souji. "Souji! Just because you need someone to practice with doesn't mean you can just force Shizuka-chan to practice with you!"

"Stupid, I'm not forcing her to practice with me. Shizuka asked me herself to practice with her," Souji huffed with annoyance as he crossed his arms.

"EH?! Shizuka-chan can fight now?!"

"Heisuke, you shouldn't show your surprise that much. You'll offend Shizuka." Sano-san scolded Heisuke before slapping him on the back with so much force that Heisuke nearly toppled over.

"Sano-san! Why do you always have to hit me?"

"So the little birdie can fight now?" Shinpachi-san was quick to jump in as he was probably trying to get me to forget about the broken doors. "Come on, let's watch! I wanna see how the princess fights."

I shot the muscle-head a glare to let him know I hadn't forgotten and he started sweating.

"But…," Heisuke said as he glanced at me with worry. "But Souji never goes easy on anyone. Will Shizuka-chan be okay?"

"She'll be fine. Souji wouldn't rough up his own girl too much," Sano-san said with a grin.

Souji twitched before he lobbed his bokken at Sano-san's head only to miss when Sano-san ducked. Instead, the bokken nailed Shinpachi-san on the head with enough force to knock him to the floor.

"Sano-san, keep your stupid imagination out of this," Souji said in irritation while Shinpachi-san complained in the background.

"Hey! Isn't anybody going to apologize to me?!"

We all ignored him as we continued on with our own business.

* * *

[1] In traditional Japanese architecture, a shōji (障子) is a door, window or room divider consisting of translucent paper over a frame of wood which holds together a lattice of wood or bamboo. While washi is the traditional paper, shōji may be made of paper made by modern manufacturing processes; plastic is also in use.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

 _"Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her." ― Lao Tzu_

Measles, measles everywhere. Here's some for you and some more you, and you too. Oh, I don't believe we have met before. Have a gift, it's measles!

Bottom-line, there was an epidemic. The summer of 1862 was so hot and sticky and it **_drove_** people out of their houses and into the public when they tried to escape the terrible heat. Out into the public where they had contact with infected, allowing the terrible illness to spread with ease.

The source of the initial infection? It was traced to a trade ship that had docked in Nagasaki in February. The virus was so virulent that it made its way to Kyoto and Osaka without losing strength and it was now in Edo[1]. There were even rumors circulating the streets that even the Shogun had contracted the illness. That terrified the people.

In hopes of keeping the people living at Shieikan from catching nuisance of an illness, I tried to make everyone avoid areas where large groups of people would gather. If anyone needed anything from the crowded market, I'd immediately volunteer to go out to get it for them since I was immune. Then at mealtimes, I stuffed everyone full with as much vitamin A as possible, meaning they were all sick of eating sweet potatoes.

But even those precautions could do so much. Measles or not, people still got sick.

"Tsune-san?" I watched her with concern while rubbing her back as she threw up in the bushes again.

She felt so ill that she couldn't even answer me right away. She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, only to heave again afterward. I brought her a cup of hot water in hopes it would help her stomach settle down, but all she did with it was rinse her mouth.

"I'm fine," she said after about five minutes. "It will pass. It always passes. We still need to finish making breakfast."

"But if you're throwing up, then you shouldn't even be touching food, let alone food that other people will eat."

The annoyed look she shot me told me exactly what she thought about skipping cooking duty. She stood up again to go back to the kitchen before I stopped her with a question.

"Does Otou-san know you've been throwing up?"

"He thinks it is a… passing bout of motion sickness that I had last week for about a day."

"So he knows you've been throwing up, but only thinks it was only for a day last week. How long has this been going on?"

Tsune-san looked the other way stubbornly before trying to go back in the kitchen. Honestly, I never thought there was such a thing as too much work ethic before I met Tsune-san.

"Almost three months now."

Man, she was good at hiding her nausea. If I didn't witness her throwing up just now, then I'd be none the wiser.

"I'm telling Otou-san."

That did the trick. Tsune-san abandoned her work inside the kitchen in favor of chasing me down as I ran around Shieikan yelling for Otou-san while sounding like someone was trying to maul me. Despite being sick earlier, Tsune-san could still **_run_** , and I mean really run. It didn't take much effort for someone like her to catch me, but at that point, it was just a little too late. By the time she nabbed me and slapped her hand over my mouth, Otou-san and Hijikata-san were in front of us staring at us like we were some exotic beasts.

"Tsune? Shizu-chan? Is everything okay?" Otou-san asked while looking absolutely befuddled. Hijikata-san didn't look much better. In fact, Hijikata-san was regarding me the same way one would regard a live bomb.

"Ah, yes!" Tsune-san said, quickly smoothing out her slightly windswept hair with her free hand as she hastily caught her breath. "Everything is fine n—"

She squealed in disgust when I opened my mouth and licked her palm before she rushed to dry her hand on her apron.

"Tsune-san threw up."

She shot me a dirty look before turning to Otou-san to attempt to ease his concerns.

"It was not much."

"It was a lot," I contradicted her, earning myself a kick. Hijikata-san's brows disappeared behind his bangs as he expressed his amusement.

"It will probably go away again shortly. It is most likely just motion sickness again."

"She's been throwing up for the past three months. It's most certainly not motion sickness," I contradicted her again.

At this point, Tsune-san turned around and crossed her arms at me while all I did was smile up at her sweetly in faux innocence. She was clearly telling me to shut up. I decided I would ignore her.

"Three months?!" Otou-san exclaimed before putting his hand on her cheek in his worry. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have run out to get a doctor."

"It is nothing serious," Tsune-san tried to reason with Otou-san while looking guilty. "It never lasts long, only for about an hour every day and only when I smell something that does not agree with me. I did not want to worry you for something that did not seem serious."

"Hey, Tsune-san? When was your last monthly bleeding?" I asked somewhat randomly, but I was sure I knew what this was.

Tsune-san was a married woman, after all. Plus, if one did look closely, one could see that she had gained a **_little_** weight but no one said anything out of fear of her ire. While some different cultures did like fuller women, not many women wanted to be told that they looked fat.

"Why?" She still didn't look all that happy with me still. She huffed in annoyance before her eyes went wide. Otou-san took that as a sign that something was horribly wrong.

"Tsune?" Otou-san asked as he took her hands hastily. "What's wrong? Will you please tell me?"

"I am so stupid," she said with a faint smile as her hand ghosted over her womb. "I cannot believe I did not see this before."

"What? What is it?" Otou-san looked like he was about to burst from all his built up anxiety.

"Can we speak somewhere private?"

I have no idea what happened after that because I grabbed Hijikata-san and left for the kitchen again. This was something Otou-san and Tsune-san definitely had to discuss. As for Hijikata-san, he questioned why I dragged him back with me to the kitchen because there was nothing he was worse at than cooking.

"You should give the married couple some alone time," I answered. "And I need some extra hands now Tsune-san isn't cooking."

That breakfast was the most disgusting breakfast most had eaten in a long time. Bringing Hijikata-san into the kitchen was a mistake of massive proportions. There was only so much I could salvage from the hands of Hijikata-san. Shinpachi-san came out of breakfast the worst since Hijikata-san not only messed up the flavor of the meal, but he also gave the foulest portions to Shinpachi-san.

Poor Shinpachi-san inhaled the food before growing pale. Then as quickly as the food vanished, it reappeared as Shinpachi-san regurgitated it. Though, I would argue that it was probably a good thing Shinpachi-san threw up. I'm sure that if he didn't purge his stomach when he did, then he'd end up with food poisoning.

With no food left, Shinpachi-san was now left to starve until lunch, which led to this.

"I'm starving. When was the last time I ate something decent?" Shinpachi complained to Sano-san and Heisuke after he practically dragged them into the empty practice hall just so he could have someone listen to him complain. I only tagged along because I couldn't find Souji or Hijikata-san.

But I'd give credit to Shinpachi-san. That man had an iron stomach if he was had an appetite after throwing up.

"Breakfast was just gross today and we've been having nothing but pretty much sweet potatoes for ages!" he continued unabashedly. Sano-san seemed to think I'd get offended and spared me an apologetic glance.

But truthfully, I did agree with Shinpachi-san. Breakfast was a disaster today and as for the sweet potatoes, not only were they jammed pack with the coveted vitamin A, but they were cheap at the moment too. With students becoming pretty much nonexistent at this point, we were tight on money. There were days I'd go out to pick up random jobs, like cutting firewood, just to bring home some much-needed cash.

Shinpachi-san's healthy sounding stomach grumbled again before he turned his eyes onto Heisuke. He had a suspicious-looking gleam in his eye that accompanied his grin.

"Hey, Heisuke, can I borrow some money?" Shinpachi-san asked as he slapped his hands together. "I'll pay you back later."

"Are you kidding? I'm not lending you any money!" Heisuke retorted rather snappishly with a sour look. "Lending money to you is like throwing it away since I see no hope of getting it back.

"What? Miser! You talk like I never return money!"

"Oh yeah? Then gimme back what I paid for you the last time we went drinking!"

"I told you I don't have the money now! When I earn big money, I'll repay double." The argument grew louder.

Since I had come to expect this type of behavior from these three when they were together, I ignored them and attempted to brush the tangles out of Heisuke's hair with my fingers.

"When is that gonna happen? Besides, I'm pretty much broke myself. I haven't got any remittance lately," Heisuke retorted, accidently pulling away too much and my causing my fingers to snag in his hair. He let out a small yelp of pain at his hair being pulled. "Ouch! Shizuka-chan!"

"My bad."

"You don't even sound sorry!" Heisuke pointed at me accusingly.

"Because I'm not. You have really soft hair, you know."

"What the—Shizuka-chan! Stop trying to change the topic!"

"Is it working?"

Sano-san just sighed at our behavior. "Without any money at all, I couldn't even try to win more by gambling," he said to himself as he crossed leaned back lazily against the wall.

I copied Sano-san's actions after I released Heisuke's hair.

This situation, this lack of money, was so vexing and I couldn't even understand it. As a child in my past life, my family was never rich but the restaurant my parents owned brought in enough money so that we didn't have to worry where our next meal came from. My parents contributed this to their work ethic. They told me, "Lazy hands make a man poor but diligent hands bring wealth."

I adopted this proverb and was rewarded by my efforts and high-paying job as an adult. But here, in this era, this proverb **_wasn't_** working. I went out almost every day I could to run errands for other people just for extra pay, but it never amounted to much. We were still struggling to put food on the table every single night. There were even times I pretended I wasn't hungry so that everyone could split my portion and have just a little more food.

I had never realized how fortunate and privileged I was before. Before, in my past life, I had always shamefully thought poorly of those on public assistance programs, like food stamps. In my mind, they were lazy. How could one work hard but be unable to support themselves? But now I wondered how many of them were like us at Shieikan. How many pulled multiple jobs for low pay just to feed themselves at their families only to end up short? **_Privilege is blinding._**

"Hey, Shizuka-chan?"

I blinked away my thoughts at Shinpachi-san's voice only to find him staring at me intently. He then grinned before putting his hands together and bowing slightly at me.

"Do you have any money I can borrow?" he begged. "Pretty please?"

"Oi, what do you think you're doing? As a man, you shouldn't be asking a woman for money." Sano-san cut in while frowning before I could answer. "A man is supposed to support a woman, not the other way around."

At such open disapproval from Sano-san, Shinpachi-san rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly before flashing me an embarrassed grin.

"Gender is irrelevant," I said rather bluntly to Sano-san. Shinpachi-san seemed to perk up at that.

"Yeah! Yeah! That's right!" Shinpachi-san nodded avidly at Sano-san while sticking his hand out at me.

I stared at Shinpachi-san's hand with a sad smile before I pushed it away, much to his disappointment. "But that doesn't mean I'll give you any money. I can't give you money when I don't have any to give."

At least Shinpachi-san had the decency to be ashamed at his actions upon hearing my statement. He looked away abashedly before looking at me like a kicked puppy. He looked adorably sad that I found myself jumping just to pat his head in an attempt to cheer him up.

"Excuse me. Is anyone in?" a muffled voice called in from somewhere outside. I paused what I was doing as each of the men exchanged looks.

Then it was unanimously decided in silence that Shinpachi-san would be the one to answer the door when both Heisuke's and Sano-san's eyes landed on him. There were no complaints when Shinpachi-san left to go answer the door. I followed Shinpachi-san, like his shadow, to the door.

I wanted to know who this man was at the door was. There was a chance that this person could become a source of income for the dojo, and if he wasn't here for anything kenjutsu related, then I planned on conning money out of him. Sure, it wasn't the most honest thing to do but I didn't really care at this point. This dojo was barely staying afloat as it was and I would even go as far as to commit murder if it kept my family from going hungry.

I was instantly wary of the man at the door from the moment I saw him. He wore an all-black kimono paired with a flowing white scarf on this sweltering summer's day, yet he did not sweat. But the most curious thing was not his manner of dress, it was his swords. He was a brazen man to openly wear them on his right, to announce that he was a southpaw in a place and time when left-handed people were thought to be dishonest and unintelligent.

To wear his swords in reverse of the norm while at a dojo where left-handed people were often forced into using their right hand made this man either a fool or confident warrior. But I could tell he was no fool. His steely, cold blue eyes spoke of deadly skill and confidence one's own strength. Without trying to, this man had earned my respect.

Answering the man at the door, Shinpachi-san said, "Kondou-san... I mean, the young master isn't in. Are you here for taryū-jiai[2]?"

"Exactly," the man answered Shinpachi-san rather calmly. He then looked at me briefly before regarding me with a short nod, acknowledging me politely.

Shinpachi-san was stunned into silence by the man's short response, leaving me to do the talking.

"I'm sorry, but Otou-san is currently out. However, he should be back shortly," I said before offering a polite smile. "If you would like, you can come in and wait for his return."

"Very well."

I put my hands on Shinpachi-san's back to lightly shove him to the side, clearing the doorway so the man could enter. As if my touch had brought Shinpachi-san's focus back, he gestured to the man, signaling the man to follow the both of us to the practice hall.

I noticed that this man had a very quiet step on our way to the practice hall. The only thing that indicated that the man was indeed walking instead of gliding over the wooden floor was the creaking of the wood when he put his weight on the floor. His step was as silent as fresh snow falling on a cold winter's day.

We were greeted by surprised faces when we arrived at the practice hall. The extra face had thrown Sano-san and Heisuke off. At a time of tough economic downturn, a new face was practically nonexistent at a dojo, especially at a dojo of little prestige.

"What do we have here? It'd be great if he's a new pupil, but I don't think anyone would come all the way to our shabby dojo. So he's a dojo-yaburi[3]?" Sano-san said to Shinpachi-san in a hushed whisper. If the man had heard him, then he made no indication that he had.

"'Fraid so," Shinpachi-san answered before subtly stealing a glance back at the man briefly. "What do we do now? Should do the usual thing and send Shizuka-chan to go ask for help from Renpeikan?

Renpeikan was another nearby dojo that also specialized in the Tennen Rishin-ryū style. Otou-san, while the master of Shieikan, didn't actually take that many challengers. Most people that challenged us had a tendency to use bamboo swords and Shieikan specialized in actual combat using wooden swords. The difference between bamboo and wood were like night and day. Wood was heavier than bamboo and it was easy to break bones with wood. Because of this, I usually had to run down to Renpeikan to get someone to take the challenge for us.

"I'll go," I spoke up.

Both Sano-san and Shinpachi-san nodded at me and even our guest nodded at me as I slipped out the doors. However, I actually didn't get too far. Before I even made it to the front door, I collided with Souji.

"Shizuka?" Souji said, quickly grabbing my shoulders to steady me so I wouldn't fall down. "You look like you're in a rush. Where are you going?"

"Souji!" I exclaimed before beaming up at him. He chuckled before gently brushing some rogue hair strands behind my ear. "Where were you earlier? I couldn't find you after breakfast."

I immediately knew I touched a nerve when the look on his face turned sour.

"I went to go talk to Kondou-san, but Hijikata-san stopped me and told me not to bother Kondou-san. Like it was his right! That bastard just doesn't want me talking to Kondou-san!"

"You two got into another altercation, didn't you?"

Souji's lips curled in ire as he glared at the ground and his expression only lighten slightly when I touched his hand.

"You know; Hijikata-san isn't doing this on purpose." His expression grew stormy again while looking betrayed because he had believed I sided with Hijikata-san. "Otou-san does need some time alone with Tsune-san to figure something out. But do you want me to tell you what this is all about? I'm pretty sure this is something **_even_** Hijikata-san doesn't know about yet."

He perked up at that and watched me curiously as I stood on my toes just so I could whisper into his ear.

"Tsune-san is pregnant. But don't tell anyone yet. I'm sure Otou-san wants to make a big announcement later."

His eyes widened as he stared at me. "Really?"

"You know I wouldn't lie about something like this."

He grinned at me before a mischievous gleam took over his eyes and he playfully pinched my side. "So you never answered my question," he said right after I squeaked. "Where are you going?"

"Ah! I was supposed to run over to Renpeikan! We have a challenger right now. I can't believe I completely forgot!"

"Scatterbrain," Souji said teasingly as he flicked my forehead before grabbing my hand to lead me back to the practice hall. "There's no need. I'll take care of it since I still need to work off the steam from dealing with **_that bastard_**."

Basically, all Souji meant was that he was in a mood to beat someone up because Hijikata-san pissed him off and I probably should have stopped him. I never did and just let Souji take me back. Despite how cheerful Souji did act around me, the tenseness I could see in his shoulders told me that his cheerfulness was just a mask. Souji's real mood was still one of an enraged bull and it surfaced rather quickly when he wasn't talking to me.

"Shinpachi-san, get out of the way, will ya? You know how annoying it is for someone so big to block the entrance like this?" Souji snapped as soon as we arrived at the practice hall.

Shinpachi-san hastily snapped to attention and practically jumped out of the way, nearly colliding into Sano-san and Heisuke. He then shot me a look that clearly asked, "Why the hell did you bring Souji here?"

I merely shrugged in response and Shinpachi-san hit his forehead with his palm at my response.

"So he's the one who requested the taryū-jiai?" Souji snapped.

"Yeah. So I sent Shizuka-chan to go request Renpeikan—" Shinpachi-san was interrupted rather quickly by Souji.

"There's no need. I can do it. I happened to have some free time."

"Hey... Hey! Are you sure, Souji? If you, the head pupil gets defeated, it's defeat of the whole Shieikan!"

Shinpachi-san had every right to be worried about Souji taking the challenge. No matter how skilled Souji was, he was so used to a wooden sword that he was absolutely terrible when he had to use a bamboo sword. It would have been better to wait for Otou-san to return.

Souji turned to the stranger, taking the time to silently appraise the man. Then with a horrible attitude, he said, "In this dojo, we use wooden swords that are as heavy as real swords. Is that alright with you? That's going to seriously hurt if you get hit in the head. If you want to run, you still can."

The man's expression remained placid. "I've had matches with numerous wooden sword users. They all talked big like you but none of them were able to defeat me."

"I see. So you've had weak opponents," Souji responded with his cocky tone.

There still wasn't a change in the stranger's expression, but everyone could the defiant gleam in the man's eyes. When Souji was sure that the challenger wasn't going to flee, he told the man to wait before turning to me.

"Shizuka, do you mind…?"

"I got it," I said as I went to go fetch two bokken from some nearby racks. From the corner of my eye, I could see Shinpachi-san whispering to Sano-san.

"Hey, Souji's worked up today. Did I miss something?"

"I bet it's just another quarrel with Hijikata-san. Isn't that always the reason for him to be so pissed?" Sano-san whispered back.

"You're right. Hijikata-san and Souji don't learn. Must they argue over every boring thing every day?"

I returned and handed the two wooden swords I retrieved from the racks to Souji. He passed the challenger one of the wooden swords before asking his opponent about a mask and gauntlets for protection.

"There's no need," responded the stranger and Souji grinned sadistically.

"By the way, I haven't asked your name. I'd like to hear it while you can still speak. So what is it?"

"... Saitou Hajime."

"So you're Saitou-kun. My name is Okita Souji, nice to meet you," Souji said to the Saito before he turned to me and Shinpachi-san. "Shizuka, go stand next to Sano-san and Heisuke. Shinpachi-san, would you be our referee?"

Sano-san and Heisuke so use to Souji winning that didn't bother paying attention to the match that was about to take place. They weren't even interested in the result. Both just moved to a corner of the main practice hall and started playing shogi[4]. Both Souji and Saito got into their positions before Souji noticed the reverse position.

"Well, left-handed? Hmm... I see," Souji commented.

"It's my sword style. Pardon me," Saito said flatly, probably expecting some criticism.

"It's no big deal. Be it left or right, there's no way I'd lose." Souji obviously didn't really care.

While Souji didn't care, I did notice that Shinpachi-san did seem uneasy, in turn making me uneasy. As immature as Shinpachi-san was sometimes, his instincts were something else completely.

"Both of you be careful," I couldn't help but call to the two out of nervousness. "I don't want to have to mend any broken bones."

"Begin!" Shinpachi then said as he let his hand drop to officially start the match.

Both men held their swords in middle stance since it was easier to react to the opponent's movements and find a chance to attack[5]. Both of them held still until Saito suddenly sprang into action. He stepped out with his left foot and Souji's eyes widened with surprise.

While Souji was an expert in all things regarding swords, Souji's mind and body were accustomed to the movements of a right-handed opponent, but Saitou's movements were in reverse. Past experiences would be worthless in this match up.

Saito launched into his attack in a quick series of thrusts. Souji's stance immediately collapsed at the onslaught of the attacks and he barely dodged all the attacks. Seeing Souji lose his stance, Saito didn't let the opening slip by. The onslaught of attacks continued, preventing Souji from resuming his stance.

I could feel my jaw drop at the whole display. I knew there was something different about Saito but I didn't expect this. In all the years I had lived with Souji, I had never seen him pressured like this. There was the unfamiliar anxiety on Souji's face and then realization seemed to dawn. He knew he would lose he didn't fight with his full ability.

Souji quickly knocked the next attack away with his wooden sword before going on the offensive. This time, it was Saito's stance that collapsed. Souji grinned at the opening and performed his signature move, the Sandanzuki. The Sandanzuki was a fatal attack that required extraordinary speed and precision to perform. It consisted of three thrusts that were so fast that it appeared like the three thrusts were made at the same exact time. Saito managed to dodge the first two thrusts but then he got hit by the last thrust.

"One hit!" Shinpachi-san yelled out, officially ending the match. However, neither of the men backed off and continued to whack each other with the wooden swords, causing me to shriek in horror.

I didn't even want to think how expensive it would be to treat them if either one of them got seriously injured. My medical expertise was free for them to use, but things like bandages and ingredients for medication were expensive!

"Quick! Shinpachi-san stop them!" I exclaimed. "I don't want to set any broken bones today! We don't have the money to do so!"

"Hey... Hey! One hit! I said one hit! Can't you hear?" Shinpachi-san just yelled a bit louder in response since he didn't exactly want to get between the two, but both men continued to ignore Shinpachi-san. It was becoming more of a brawl with wooden sticks with each passing second.

"Well, well. You're much better than I expected!" Souji complemented Saito with his normal sarcastic tone, which now held a hint of feral excitement. "I've never seen anyone able to stay on his feet after taking a hit from me."

Saito replied with a faint smile on his lips. "You too. You are the first one not to be taken down by my first attack."

The sounds of wooden blades crossing continued to fill the dojo and echo throughout the house and while both men were sweaty and covered in bruises, they both wore the expression of glee. It was the expression that said, "Finally, I have found someone at my level!"

Sano-san and Heisuke, who originally weren't paying the match any attention, completely forgot about their shogi game as they watched on. If their jaws weren't attached to their heads, then they would have long lost their jaws to the floor.

"I said stop! The match is over!" Shinpachi-san continued to holler to no effect. It was like Souji and Saito couldn't hear or see the rest of the world.

Shinpachi-san quickly looked over to me when he was ignored one last time and pointed to my practice naginata that was up against the wall. Since I was the one with the long weapon, I could insert my weapon between the two brawling men without running a high risk of getting hit. Following Shinpachi-san's instructions, I went to grab my wooden naginata off the wall and as I grabbed the practice weapon, a mighty roar filled the practice hall.

"Shizuka! Force those two apart! Shinpachi! Heisuke! Pin down Souji! Harada! Grab the other!" It was Hijikata-san with Otou-san.

I hastily and clumsily, since I may have hit Souji in the eye without meaning to, slipped my weapon between the two brawling men and pushed they apart from each other with a twirl of my weapon. As soon as the men split from each other, before they could lunge at each other again, Heisuke and Shinpachi-san tackled Souji to the ground with a big thump while Sano-san had more restraint with the other man

"Calm—calm down, Souji," Shinpachi-san said, struggling to keep Souji down.

"Yeah! You're going to kill him!" Heisuke agreed as he shifted his body weight to help Shinpachi-san keep Souji from springing up again.

"This side is also secured," Sano-san announced as he held Saito back with a powerful grip on one shoulder. Saito was kneeling on the floor as he tried to catch his breath.

"I knew the racket in the dojo sounded unusual," Hijikata-san stated loudly while narrowing his eyes at Souji. "What the hell were you doing?!"

Souji just brushed off Hijikata-san's scolding while laughing with glee. "Too bad!" he said just as he was catching his breath. "For the first time, I thought I'd get to kill somebody."

I should have been alarmed when I heard Souji talk about killing, but I discarded the words as just a speech pattern as fussed over his bruises. Overall, he didn't seem like he had any serious injuries but he kind of looked like a bruised banana after it had been left in the sun for one day.

"What nonsense are you talking about?!" Hijikata-san continued scolding Souji. "If someone dies in a match, we'll never get any new pupils!"

This was when Otou-san stepped in to calm Hijikata-san down by putting a firm hand over the raging man's shoulder.

"Anyway," Otou-san said with a friendly smile, "we should tend to the wounds first. I'll get some ointments, Ishida Sanyaku[6], and saké."

As Otou-san turned to get the items, Hijikata-san grabbed Otou-san's shoulder. "You don't need to do such things, Kondou-san! You're the master of this dojo and you should act like it." Hijikata-san sounded almost exasperated as he spoke, yet fond. "Heisuke! Go get the first aid kit for Shizuka!"

"Alright! I got it!" Heisuke replied rather energetically before jumping up and running out to fetch said materials.

As soon as Heisuke left, Otou-san turned to Saito. "Although I only saw part of your match, I see you're greatly skilled. What's your name?"

Saito seemed so stunned. Despite using his left hand in the match, he was praised by the dojo master instead of being thrown out.

"What is it? Was it something I said?" Otou-san asked at the stunned silence when all Saito could do was stare back in disbelief.

"No… It is just that… I was using a left-handed stance. Did you not notice?" Saito asked. His eyes were wide with bewilderment as he remained frozen in place.

"Huh? Oh!" It was like a lightbulb suddenly went off in Otou-san's head. "I've heard that lefties are often talented. So it's true."

Otou-san completely misunderstood that question. What Saito was asking truly asking was why hadn't he been thrown out yet.

Saito, understandably, was stunned silent once again. It didn't take a genius to figure out, based on Saito's reaction, what type of treatment he had endured for the prominence of his left hand. One had to wonder how many times he had been tossed out onto the street and called a cheater after winning a match in a dojo.

It was Hijikata-san who actually understood what Saito meant and spoke up brusquely. "What's that about? Was that what people in other dojos said? Left-handed or right-handed, a victory is a victory. It's just that they can't accept defeat. How disgraceful."

Now Saito really was surprised. Otou-san's and Hijikata-san's words must have sounded so different from what everyone else had said in the past. Saito looked even looked touched by such different and honest words. It was like he was finding acceptance somewhere for the first time.

I couldn't help but smile at this. Deciding it was probably a good idea to check on his wounds too before Heisuke came back, I pulled a small earthen jar of balm from my sleeve and pressed it into Souji's hand so he could take care of his own wounds. Souji just looked at the jar with confusion before tugging on my sleeve before I could go check on Saito.

"Why are you even carrying balm with you? It's like your expecting injuries all the time," Souji said as his face twisted strangely.

"Well, I kind of am. I mean Heisuke is always getting bruised up when he wrestles with Sano-san and Shinpachi-san. I thought it would be a good idea," I answered before pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. Souji turned red.

He looked absolutely adorable, like a kid who was embarrassed that his mother kissed him in front of all his friends when he thought he was too old to be receiving those kisses. I figured that he would probably be annoyed with me for embarrassing him in front of Saito, another formidable swordsman, but I thought this opportunity was too good to pass up. By the time I turned my attention to Saito, Souji was still flushing and was refusing to look at me.

"Saito-san, right?" I asked with a friendly smile while gently handling the nasty bruise that was forming on the side of his face. "Let me know if anything hurts, okay?"

Saito-san nodded while peering at Souji curiously.

* * *

[1] Kohn, George C. _Encyclopedia of Plague and Pestilence: From Ancient Times to the Present_. 3rd ed. New York: Infobase Publishing, 2008. 212-13. Print.

[2] A taryū-jiai is when a challenger challenges the master of a dojo to a match as a test of skill.

[3] A dojo-yaburi is a dojo challenger.

[4] Shogi (将棋 shōgi), also known as Japanese chess or the Generals' Game, is a two-player strategy board game in the same family as Western (international) chess, chaturanga, makruk, shatranj and xiangqi, and is the most popular of a family of chess variants native to Japan. Shōgi means general's (shō 将) board game (gi 棋).

[5] Tokeshi, Jinichi. _Kendo: Elements, Rules, and Philosophy_. N.p.: Hawai'i Press, 2003. 87. Print.

[6] Medication created by Hijikata Toshizo's family.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 _"Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength." ― Ralph W. Sockman_

He was in my range. All I had to do was lunge forward now to catch his side and I would win—

I forgot how short this body was and overreached. Momentum and loss of balance were never a good combination and I landed on my face rather pathetically in front of Heisuke. He poked the top of my head with his bokken before I could get up.

"One hit," he said dryly. "I win. Again."

I growled but didn't really do anything else as I kept my face planted on the ground.

"Are you going to get up anytime soon?" he asked.

"Don't talk to me while I'm admiring the floor."

So what if I was a little salty? I was no saint. Even if I did know I wasn't excellent with a naginata yet, it was really bad for my self-esteem to lose **_this_** many times.

Heisuke just stood in front of me and kept poking the top of my head until my hand shot up to grab his bokken in annoyance.

"What?" he said, blinking at me innocently before he pointed out, "You weren't getting up, so I thought you needed help."

"And how is poking me on the head exactly supposed to help?" I asked before sitting up on the ground.

"Well, it got you up, didn't it?"

I let out a sigh and let go of his bokken in favor placing a hand on my forehead. It didn't feel like it was swelling up from the fall but it was probably pretty red if the look Heisuke was giving me was anything to go off of. He then placed his practice weapon next to my fallen one before taking a seat next to me.

"So do you wanna go over that match?"

I pouted. "Not particularly," I answered, still feeling sour from so many losses. "Isn't it always the same? It's exactly what Tsune-san pointed out when she was still helping me train. It's either, 'You need to be familiar with what your body is capable of and stop thinking that you are taller with a longer reach,' or, 'You can see and predict your opponents' moves perfectly but that does you no good when your body cannot keep up.'"

"That's great!" Heisuke exclaimed, pumping his fist up as he grinned. "That means you know what you should be working on!"

"No, it's not!" I argued back, throwing my hands up in the air. I was feeling **_slightly_** annoyed at how cheerful Heisuke sounded when he was discussing my weaknesses. "It doesn't help that I know if I don't improve! Which brings me to ask why no one ever spars seriously with me? I can't improve if you guys just keep fooling around with me. Even Souji won't take me seriously when I ask him to and he never goes easy on anyone!"

"Well, what do you expect?" Heisuke said, poking my red forehead as if he were using it to make a point. "It's like asking us to beat you up. You'd be just paste smeared across the wall if anyone of us were to face you seriously."

What he said was true, but I didn't want to admit it. I had worked so hard only to fall short. One would think that since I practiced naginatajutsu daily that I would improve far more quickly, but that wasn't the case. I was still making the same mistakes over and over again because I kept thinking I was in a different body. Living in a new body for sixteen years did not cancel out the memories I had of living in another body for thirty-one years. It was this that kept tripping me up. If I had no memories of another life, naginatajutsu would undoubtedly come more naturally.

If I had no memories of another life, then I would stop thinking my arms and legs were longer in the heat of combat. If I hand no memories of another life, I would stop trying to revert back to the body I was still more familiar with.

"So, how come you're asking me to spar with you so much now?" Heisuke then quickly asked when he saw my brooding expression. "Not that I'm complaining, but you usually ask Tsune-san or Souji to spar with you."

"Because Souji spends most of his time sparring with Saito-san now," I said, feeling slightly envious of Saito-san as I looked down at my tabi. I didn't have anything against him since he seemed like a decent guy but there were times I found myself secretly unhappy with him for stealing my best friend. "And Tsune-san condition is delicate right now."

"Delicate?" he said, suddenly looking worried. "She's not sick, is she? Is this why you're doing all the cooking now?"

"No, she isn't sick," I said as I picked at the loose thread I had discovered in my tabi. Tsune-san's condition brought another whole host of different emotions to me. "It's something else completely. Otou-san will probably tell everyone sometime soon," I told him before going off topic. "Hey, Heisuke? How do you feel about kids?"

"They can be brats sometimes, but they're okay. Why?"

Because Tsune-san's pregnancy brought up old feelings of wanting a kid. Really old feelings, like past-life-feelings old. I never had the chance to have my own child before I died since I was inadequate at securing a husband, or even a lover really. Never having a child was the biggest regret of my past life and Tsune-san's pregnancy just brought those thoughts of regret back. While I felt happy for her and Otou-san, it did make me a bit depressed to think of my shortcomings.

"I just kind of want one or two of my own," I answered with a small frown before I stopped picking at my tabi.

"Eh?!" Heisuke was staring at me like I said something outlandish, which I thought was absolutely absurd if one considered what era we were in. "B-But…"

Sixteen was young but there had been girls younger than me getting married and starting a family in this neighborhood alone. If I recall correctly, Souji's sister, Mitsu, got married at the age of fourteen. But as much as I wanted to right now, only because of my accumulated mental age, I wasn't about to follow this norm. Marriage and pregnancy at such a young age weren't exactly healthy.

"But nothing," I said, brushing myself off before standing up with my wooden naginata. "It's obviously not going to happen right now, or possibly ever, but I was just thinking about it. Do you want another practice match?"

Heisuke frowned slightly before picking himself off the floor along with his bokken. "Are you sure?" He tapped my forehead again. "That still looks like it hurts. Are you sure you won't take a longer break?"

"What's this? Trying to wiggle out of a practice match?" Souji's sarcastic voice then filled the room before I could answer. Heisuke and I turned to see both Saito-san and Souji standing in the doorway with wooden swords. "This is the practice hall. If you aren't training, then get out and make room for those who are."

"Souji! You don't have to sound so mean!" Heisuke turned to complain only to have Souji say a few more harsh jabs. I didn't bother paying attention to those two as I turned my eyes onto Saito-san.

Even though Saito-san had been at Shieikan for a week now, I haven't actually interacted with him much. He was just always so silent and taciturn, pretty much the opposite of those who I spend most of my time with. I didn't quite know what to make of him. He was the only one that ever paid honorariums whenever he came to the dojo. And while he didn't live with us like the others did, he often stayed for meals. Whenever we saw each other in the passing, all we ever exchanged were mute nods, not words.

When Saito-san caught me staring at him, like always, he nodded his head politely at me in a wordless manner. I just turned away in an attempt to hide my embarrassing red forehead before I reached over to grab Heisuke, only to accidently yank his hair.

"Youch! Shizuka-chan! What was that for?!" Heisuke yelped while grabbing onto the base of his ponytail in hopes of lessening the pain of the tug. When I let go, he shot me an unimpressed look as he massaged his scalp while I gave him an apologetic look.

"We should go. They need the room and there's actually something I need you to help me with," I said as I pointed towards the doorway.

"Help with what?" Heisuke asked.

"You'll see in a moment."

As Heisuke and I turned to exit the room, Souji grabbed my wrist. I paused to turned to look at him questioningly but he just let go of my wrist so he could brush my bangs away from my forehead.

"What happened here?" Souji asked as he examined my forehead with a slight frown. "It doesn't look too bad but it looks like it hurts…"

"Oh, that? She fell on her face," Heisuke answered while Souji just hummed in response before calling me clumsy and sent me off with a gentle shove.

As soon as Heisuke and I left the practice hall, I could hear the sounds of wooden swords colliding with each other furiously and jealousy trickled back into the pit of my stomach. I could never spar with Souji the same way Saito-san could, so Souji was never as eager to spend time with me in the dojo as much as he was with his new friend.

"Wow, they're really going at it inside," Heisuke commented as he paused to look back. I could feel a small frown forming and quickly snuffed it out before Heisuke could notice. "So what did you need help with?"

"You know Fujiwara-ojii-san?"

"You mean the old man that makes pottery down by the river?" he asked. "Yeah. What about him?"

"I ran into him yesterday when I was down by the river trying to catch fish for dinner. He just broke his arm and he needs help moving things around his workshop. He said if I could help him today then he would give me the extra crate of renkon[1] his daughter sent him from the farm."

Heisuke went from normal to excited faster than I could blink and started jumping around like a little kid who was told that he could have candy.

"Hey, that means we can eat some for dinner, right?" he asked. I was pretty sure I could see drool collecting in the corners of his mouth. "We get to have a special dinner tonight, right?"

I nodded before thinking back to all the ways my parents from my past life prepared renkon. It could be savory and cooked with meat or stewed in soap. It could also be sweet if I stuffed the insides with mochigome[2]. Or I could cook it in a traditional Japanese recipe, but just watching Heisuke bounce around just because we were going to eat something different tonight made me decide to go with one of the Chinese recipes I knew.

"I'll try a recipe that I know nobody here has eaten before. I'll stuff it with some mochigome. How does that sound?"

Heisuke merely vibrated in place this time as a response while looking excited.

"And if we manage to catch a fish down at the river after we finish helping Fujiwara-ojii-san then I can cook it up for dinner too. And also, let's eat uruchimai[3] tonight instead barley rice."

And then Heisuke bolted on ahead, only to stop in the far distance to wave at me. "Hurry up!" he called back. "Let's go! Let's go!"

I laughed before I sprinted to catch up to him.

* * *

To call dinner just a lively affair wouldn't have given the whole event justice.

"Everyone, I wish to announce some fortuitous news," Otou-san exclaimed without even waiting for me to bring out dinner first. "Tsune's expecting!"

And then Sano-san and Shinpachi-san suggested bringing out the saké. Obviously, whenever the saké was brought out when a certain three persons, or otherwise known as the "Idiot Trio", were around, things were never really vanilla. The drunken fights over food plus the drunken dancing honestly made me surprised that we didn't break plates, or bones. However, we did end up with a mess of empty saké flasks littering the floor and a small party that went well into the Hour of the Boar.

The Idiot Trio even kept going after Otou-san and Tsune-san retired to bed for the night. Even Hijikata-san, Sannan-san, and Inoue-san didn't bother staying to babysit those three. Hijikata-san just gave me a look that said, "Make sure they don't do anything stupid," before he too retired to his room. But the Idiot Trio was like a force of nature sometimes. They managed to wreck several shoji doors before I got them to settle down just for a few seconds.

Saito-san, on the other hand, was a responsible adult. And while did stay a little longer, he only stayed for about ten minutes after the responsible people went to bed. I ended walking Saito-san to the door before bidding him goodnight. As for Souji, he was still here. However, he wasn't acting up like the three idiots that had somehow gotten into another drunken brawl. In fact, he seemed subdued throughout dinner. All he did was shove food around in his bowl and on this plate, and now with each passing minute, he seemed to grow paler.

Making my way around the stupid drunken brawl that had appeared out of nowhere, I narrowly missed being flattened by Heisuke as he was tossed against the wall by Shinpachi-san and placed my hand on Souji's forehead. Souji jumped at the sudden contact, which was alarming in itself because Souji was someone who was always aware of his surroundings. Something was definitely wrong if Souji was caught unaware by something like this.

"Shizuka?" he asked as he took my hand off his forehead. "What is it?"

I knelt down next to him and touched his cheek with the back of my hand. "I thought you were looking sick," I answered softly. "You have a slight fever."

"Now that you mention it, I am feeling a little off," he admitted, though he obviously tried to make it sound less serious than it really was. I frowned at his attitude and ducked under his arm so I could help him up.

"You shouldn't even be up right now. I'm putting you to bed right now."

Souji didn't even bother fighting me on this. He just was just limp as he allowed me to drag him to his room without a word, indicating that he felt worse than he let on. When I set him on his futon, I gently removed his hair tie and helped him change into his sleepwear.

"If you weren't feeling well, then why didn't you go to bed early?" I asked as I eased him under his blankets.

Like a scolded child, he looked the other way. "It's just that everyone was happy for Kondou-san and I didn't want to ruin the mood."

I frowned at the response. It was very typical for him to think this way. I let out a small sigh before running my fingers through his sweaty hair. He seemed to respond well to my touch and settled into his futon before wincing when he heard a crash coming from the main hall. It sounded like another broken door.

"They're loud," he grumbled before looking at me like a lost puppy. "Are you going to go out there to stop them? I'm sure Hijikata-san did say something to you about babysitting them."

"I don't quite feel like it right now. I'll just let Hijikata-san deal with them in the morning. I'll stay here with you tonight."

"Why?"

"I don't like the looks of this fever, plus, the measles is pretty rampant in Edo right now. Right now, I'm just hoping it's not the measles. I'm going to stay here to monitor you. So no complaining and sleep, okay?"

Souji gave me a weak smile and reached out to grab my hand before going to sleep. I sat by his futon for the entire night thinking that he would recover quickly.

It was the early hours of the morning that was terrifying. Souji, though sick often due to how picky he was with his food, was always so strong in my mind. When he did get sick in the past, I never worried too much about him because he never let a cold slow him down. But in the early hours of the morning, probably around the Hour of the Tiger, Souji's fever had shot up an insane amount and he was covered in so much cold sweat that he was shivering. He moaned and wrapped his blanket around himself a bit tighter before slowly opening his eyes.

"Are you cold?" I asked him quietly while wiping his sweat away.

Souji nodded before being forced to curl up when he coughed. "My throat hurts too," he managed to say before groaned.

"There's something I need to check, so just bear with me, okay?" I said before lighting a candle as it would be a few more hours before the sun would rise. He grimaced at the sudden light and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

I took this time help him sit up before I pried his mouth open. The small white spots surrounded by red in his mouth smashed my hopes. Koplik spots[4].

I blew the candle out once I got my answer and helped Souji lay back down again. "Measles," I said bluntly before laying my hand on his forehead. "You contracted the measles. You need to be moved to another place to recover in isolation. We can't risk the illness spreading, especially when Tsune-san is pregnant. I'll go talk to Otou-san in a few hours when he wakes up."

He moaned at my words before giving me a pitiful look. His eyes were asking me, "Am I going to die?"

I shook my head at him before slipping under his blankets so I could wrap him in a comforting hug. "I caught the measles once too and I recovered from it. If I can, then you definitely can. It just takes time, but for now, I can stay and keep you warm," I said before lulling him back into a deep sleep.

When the sun rose, I ignored Hijikata-san as he was scolding the Idiot Trio for their mess as went to go inform Otou-san of Souji's illness. Souji was immediately relocated to one of Otou-san's acquaintance's house in Fuda for recuperation. Despite knowing how contagious the measles was, Otou-san still went to visit Souji daily.

A week passed and I was stuck wandering the halls with nothing to do. I was aware of just how much time I spent with Souji, but his absence in the past week made me hyper aware of how lost I was without him. It wasn't the first time I was unable to spend time with Souji, but Otou-san and Hijikata-san, the people I spent most of my time with when Souji wasn't available, were out on a degeiko request and Tsune-san was napping at the moment.

As for the Idiot Trio, they were still paying for the mess they created those few nights back by fixing all those doors they broke with Sannan-san and Inoue-san serving as their supervisors. I **_could_** go spend my time with them, but I doubted it would be pleasant just simply because of the amount of complaining Shinpachi-san managed to do alone.

It was while I was wandering the halls of the dojo that I came upon Saito-san. Even with no one to spar with, he was working diligently to improve his swordsmanship. There were no extra movements as he swung his bokken. Each attack was lightning fast and sharp. The accuracy was deadly, and behind each movement was the strength of a sleeping tiger. Then as if he felt my eyes on him, he paused and turned his eyes onto me.

Feeling slightly embarrassed I had been caught staring, I bowed to greet him and to hide my blush. But I still didn't say anything to him. What would one say to someone as silent as Saito-san?

Saito-san nodded at me in response before he actually spoke to me. "Is there something you need?" he asked as he let his sword arm fall limp.

"Oh… Not really," I said, my voice muffled by my own timidity around him. "There's just no one else around… I'll leave if I'm bothering you."

"Wait," Saito-san said before I could turn and leave. "Your presence does not bother me. There is no need to leave."

For someone so stoic, I had not expected him to look embarrassed when he called out to me. He was so uncomfortable that he looked away from me for a few seconds to recompose himself. Suddenly, it looked like he had abruptly thought of something.

"Souji tells me that you study naginatajutsu," he blurted, causing a realization to dawn on me. He was trying to make conversation with me even though he was uncomfortable with the action. He wanted to get to know me.

"I do." I rewarded his efforts with a small smile and he immediately seemed more at ease. "I'm not the best at it, but I'm not exactly terribly. It's just Tsune-san can't really teach me at the moment, so my improvement has been somewhat stagnant."

"I see." Saito-san then, to my surprise, retrieved my practice weapon from its spot against a nearby wall and offered it to me. "Then perhaps I may be of assistance. The naginata may not be my weapon of choice, but I do know a few things about the naginata."

Well, if he was offering help, then who would I be to deny the kind gesture?

I took my wooden naginata from his hands tentatively before my hands tightened firmly on the shaft. Saito-san then shifted into middle stance with his bokken poised, signaling me that he intended to evaluate my level of skill through a match.

Obviously, Saito-san would be at an advantage. Saito-san could keep up with Souji while I could only keep up with Souji when he was playing around. But I had watched Saito-san several times when he sparred with Souji. I knew his combat style and while I knew I wouldn't be able to compete with him speed wise, I could pinpoint the weak spots in his style. Like a viper, I would have to wait and exploit his weak spots if I wanted to stand a chance against him.

I shifted into my own stance known as the gedan-no-kamae, or otherwise known as the lower level position. Seeing the stance used for defense and counterattacks, Saito-san instantly knew I would not be attacking first and made his move.

I saw his left foot inch forward and his left arm tense. Predicting a thrust to my right shoulder, I ducked early and whipped my own weapon in an upward jab towards his face. I watched Saito-san's eyes widen with surprise before hastily spun around me to escape my attack whilst aiming for my back at the same time. Initially expecting an attack from behind, I had instantly twirled my weapon the moment I missed to create some distance between us. But, in the end, it wasn't enough. I overestimated my reach again and misread how far away I could push him. Before I realized it, his wooden sword grazed my shoulder. It was a shallow hit, but I still lost.

"You overestimated your reach," Saito-san said before either of us could even withdraw from each other's personal space after the match. "Why do you seem to think that you have longer arms?"

Saito-san had asked the question that I hoped that he wouldn't, the question I couldn't answer honestly.

"I don't know."

He seemed to sense that I wasn't going to tell him and thankfully didn't pursue an answer.

"Your hands are far too close to where the blade would be if this were a real weapon," he then said before he adjusted my grip on the wooden shaft of my practice weapon. "Your hands should be further down."

"But that means less fine motor control over my attacks."

"Yes, but that also means you will have further reach," he said while appraising me with a critical eye. "The main advantage of the naginata is its length. Do not squander its reach. Accuracy does not matter much when you can still hit your opponent with your blade."

I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with Saito-san working on my stances. While he was the silent type, he was likable to a fault. I quickly found that I could not bring myself to dislike him anymore for the large quantity of time he spent with Souji. By the time Saito-san left for the day, I felt like I had just obtained another "older brother".

It was also roughly around the same time Saito-san left that Otou-san and Hijikata-san returned from the degeiko. Otou-san and Hijikata-san obviously weren't planning on staying for long since all they did was drop off their equipment before putting their shoes on again. With some prodding, I had learned that they were both planning to visit Souji and by pestering Hijikata-san, I had convinced them to let me come.

When we arrived at where Souji had been staying, I was surprised to see him up. I figured that he was going to be asleep because I thought he would still feel incredibly unwell. His instantly sat up as his face brightened when he saw his visitors and then soured when he saw Hijikata-san.

"Sorry I'm late," Otou-san apologized as he and Hijikata-san took a seat beside Souji's futon. I went to grab Souji's hand and curled up next to his side. "Degeiko took longer than expected."

Souji just seemed happy that we showed up and greeted us cheerfully while ignoring Hijikata-san's presence.

"How are you feeling? Has the fever gone down?" Hijikata-san then asked Souji. Souji's expression instantly soured again when he heard the voice of the person he was trying to banish from existence.

"Hijikata-san is here too," Souji grumbled. Undoubtedly, he was irritated he still had to share his time with Otou-san while he was sick. To Souji, Hijikata-san was a leech.

"Don't give me that indifferent look. We're fellow disciples, after all," Hijikata-san said in a useless attempt to dispel the displeased look on Souji's face.

"Toshi was worried about you," Otou-san spoke up, grinning at Souji while being completely oblivious towards Souji's feeling towards Hijikata-san. "When I got home yesterday, he kept asking about how you were doing. Since he's so worried, I invited him to come and visit you together."

"Many pupils aren't coming to the dojo because of the epidemic, so there aren't many things to do in the dojo anyway." Hijikata-san quickly justified his action.

At the mention of the epidemic, Otou-san's face dropped. "I heard there's no way to prevent this disease carried in by the foreigners."

It really sucked that there was no vaccine for the measles yet.

"There is," I spoke up causing the three men to pay attention to me. "To avoid getting sick in the first place, one should avoid places where large groups of people gather because this illness happens to be one of the most infectious illnesses known to mankind. Those who do get sick should be quickly quarantined to prevent infecting others. Also, people who are at a higher risk of contracting measles are those with a vitamin A deficiency."

"This is worrisome." Otou-san then sighed, causing Souji to become concerned at how downtrodden Otou-san looked.

"Please be careful too, Kondou-san." Souji spoke up in attempts to cheer Otou-san up. "If you fall sick, what would Shieikan do without you?"

However, Souji's words seemed to just have the opposite effect on Otou-san. Otou-san sagged in his seat as he stared at the ground. This in turn just seemed to make Souji depressed as he blamed himself for Otou-san's unhappiness.

"Me? I'm too healthy. There's no need to worry. However, I'm worried that even requests for degeiko have decreased. The future is so grim. What will become of this country?"

"Don't be pessimistic," Hijikata-san said, cutting Otou-san's moping short. "When the world is stirred, there's a chance for us rise from obscurity. A hero only stands out in a turbulent age, right?"

Hijikata-san was always good with words and Otou-san instantly lightened up.

"A hero that stands out?" Otou-san asked as he perked up.

"I'm talking about you, of course. Like I said before, you deserve more than being a master of a small dojo."

"Nah," Otou-san said bashfully as a smile grew on his face. "I already said I'm not that great."

I could feel Souji's hand tighten around mine while he was watching Hijikata-san cheer Otou-san up. I looked up at him to see him grinding his teeth bitterly at the sight of Hijikata-san and Otou-san smiling at each other. He then let his glance drop as he stared down at his own lap self-depreciatingly.

As much as I knew Souji wanted to spend time with Otou-san, I knew it would be very bad for Souji's mental health if Otou-san stayed here with Hijikata-san any longer.

Clearing my throat loudly, I captured the men's attentions before I spoke. "Otou-san, Hijikata-san, both of you already know how infectious the measles is. Both of you should get ready to leave before we end up with two more sick patients."

"Ah! Shizu-chan is right!" Otou-san exclaimed before jumping to his feet. He quickly dusted his hakama off before extending a hand to Hijikata-san. "Come on Toshi, we can come back to visit Souji tomorrow."

Hijikata-san nodded in agreement, taking Otou-san's hand before he noticed that I hadn't bothered moving. He raised his eyebrow at me questioningly before his eyes landed on mine and Souji's intertwined hands.

"Aren't you coming too, Shizuka?" Hijikata-san asked.

"No, I'll stay here until Souji gets well again. I already caught the measles when I was four, so I'm immune to it now. I won't get sick."

Souji was upset and there was no way I was leaving until I knew that he felt better. And while it was selfish, I wanted to hog Souji for myself for a while, even if he was sick. I missed him.

"Alright," Otou-san said to me, "but make sure you don't overwork yourself."

Both men left shortly afterward, leaving their warm seats vacant. Souji didn't say anything for a while as he continued to stare at his lap before he started tracing my fingers that wove in and out of our intertwined hands.

"You don't have to stay here with me," he said breaking the hard silence that had fallen over this room. He released my hand and ducked under the blankets again. "I'm sure you have better things to do than to stay here and care for me."

"No," I said, surprising him slightly with my answer. "I have nothing better to do."

I couldn't leave him to suffer alone.

"Scoot over."

"Why?" He peered curiously at me.

"Just do it."

When Souji complied with my request, I slipped into his futon and pulled him close so I could maternally cradle his head against my chest.

"It's lonely to suffer by yourself, right?" I asked him while running my fingers through his hair. He had become stiff when his head touched my chest. "Go ahead and sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."

Souji then seemed to relax before he his arms tightened around me, holding me closer to him as he pushed his face against my chest.

"You'll stay with me?" he mumbled into my chest. "The whole time?"

"The whole time. I won't leave, okay?"

He then allowed himself to relax before drifting off into a deep sleep.

* * *

[1] Renkon or lotus root is common in Japan and greater Asia. Renkon's attractive pattern makes it a useful vegetable for creating visually appealing dishes. It is not usually eaten raw, but peeled and boiled in water. Depending on how long it is cooked, lotus root may be crunchy like a fresh carrot, or starchy and soft, like a cooked potato.

Renkon is often used in tempura, boiled in soups or stewed dishes like chikuzenni, fried in pan-cooked dishes or dressed with vinegar in a salad. It is almost always sliced to show off its attractive pattern.

[2] Glutinous rice, known in Japan as mochigome (もち米), is used for making mochi (餅) and special dishes such as sekihan. It is a short-grain rice, and can be distinguished from uruchimai by its particularly short, round and opaque grains, its greater stickiness when cooked, and firmer and chewier texture.

[3] Ordinary Japanese rice, or uruchimai (粳米) is the staple of the Japanese diet and consists of short translucent grains. When cooked it has a sticky texture such that it can easily be picked up and eaten with chopsticks. Outside Japan it is sometimes labeled sushi rice, as this is one of its common uses. It is also used to produce sake.

[4] Koplik spots (also Koplik's sign) are a prodromic viral enanthem of measles manifesting two to three days before the measles rash itself. They are characterized as clustered, white lesions on the buccal mucosa (opposite the lower 1st & 2nd molars) and are pathognomonic for measles.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

 _"I want to grow. I want to be better. You Grow. We all grow. We're made to grow. You either evolve or you disappear." ― Tupac Shakur_

My eyes widened when Hijikata-san's bokken smashed onto my practice naginata from overhead with so much force that my knees buckled. In an attempt to lessen the incredible weight of his attack, I slackened my hold on one side of the shaft to allow his bokken to slide off harmlessly.

"Not a bad idea," Hijikata-san complemented with a competitive grin. "But that only works if your opponent is putting their whole weight into their attack."

Instead of his wooden sword sliding off of my weapon, Hijikata-san managed to pull back and gave me a firm whack on the side. I dropped my wooden naginata in shock and dropped onto my knees when my knees finally gave out on me.

"Ow!" I yelped, my hands instantly flying to rub my now bruised side. I groaned before letting myself fall onto my butt.

"Surely I didn't hit you that hard." He raised his brow at me as knelt down next to me. He pulled my hands away from my side and began massaging it himself. "I even pulled my hit."

"Being hit with a wooden object still hurts," I pointed out before pouting at what he told me. "And I thought you said you wouldn't go easy on me like all the other guys."

"I wasn't, but I'm not going to hit you with all my strength either." He stopped massaging my side and purposely messed up my hair by ruffling it, enticing a small squeak of complaint from me. "I get you want to improve but there's no need to rush yourself. It'll happen as long as you remain diligent, alright?"

"Yeah…," I said as I pushed his large hand out of my hair. My hair was now frizzy and sticking up everywhere.

I shot Hijikata-san a displeased look for messing up my hair before I pulled the hairpin out so I could redo my hair bun. Hijikata-san watched on like he found a woman dealing with her hair to be fascinating. When I was brushing the tangles out with my fingers, he reached out and took a couple of strands gently into his hand.

"Your hair's gotten pretty long," Hijikata-san commented before letting the strands fall from his hand. "It looks nice but I thought you didn't like having long hair. I'm surprised you let it grow this long."

"I **_don't_** like long hair," I confirmed before quickly twisting my hair back up and pinning it in place. "It takes forever to dry, brushing it out is annoying, and it can easily look messy if I don't take care of it."

"And you grew out your hair anyways?" He looked puzzled by my answer. "Why?"

"Souji likes my hair long."

At my answer, Hijikata-san's brow pinched together before his eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs in a gesture of surprise. "I see. So you are interested after all. Here I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to act like a normal woman. You're already at that marriageable age."

This time I pinched my brow at him. "Marriageable age? What does that have to do with having long hair? I just grew my hair out because it seemed to make Souji happy," I stated, tilting my head in confusion when a look of exasperation appeared on his face.

"Really?" he asked before a look of sympathy flashed on his face. "Just answer this for me then, Shizuka. What qualities would you seek in a future husband?"

I opened my mouth with an answer ready on my tongue but it quickly died before I even put into words. Hijikata-san continued to look at me expectantly in my silence, raising an eyebrow at how abruptly everything just fell silent. I closed my eyes for a brief second, hoping that something would come to me. My mind remained blank.

"I don't know," was all I could say.

His expression softened before he extended a hand out to me so he could pull me to his feet. "You don't know?" he asked one more time, possibly expecting a different answer.

"I don't know," I repeated uselessly.

"It's alright." He smiled at me as he bent down to pick up my dropped weapon. "Just don't take too long to figure it out. You just never know who may be waiting for you."

"Who's waiting for who?" an unhappy voice snapped, intruding on the conversation.

Before I could turn around, Souji's arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back until my back was firmly against his torso. While his grip was firm, it wasn't tight enough to hurt and his fingers were gentle as they rested on my hip. On his face was a dark look of suspicion as he glared at Hijikata-san with so much heat that I thought Hijikata-san would combust into flames.

This behavior, while not uncharacteristic of Souji, befuddled me. Hijikata-san was with me all morning, so how did he manage to earn Souji's ire when he wasn't even around Souji?

"Oh, Souji," Hijikata-san greeted the new person in the room before letting out a tired sounding sigh. "What's with that expression?"

"What were you doing alone with Shizuka?" Souji questioned. His tone was one of ice and steel. It almost sounded like Souji was interrogating a criminal instead. "Answer me, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata-san just seemed to look like he aged twenty years at Souji's question, so I spoke up. "We were sparring. Hijikata-san was just helping me improve," I said before sulkily adding, "I still lost."

That seemed to do the trick and Souji's expression softened as he looked down at me. "Did you now?"

I nodded. "But I did manage to hit Hijikata-san at least once."

"That didn't count," Hijikata-san butt in quickly to save his pride. "You decided to whack me when we were on a break."

"I didn't say it counted. I just said that I managed to hit you once."

Souji smiled at my petulant answer before chuckling. "Did you make sure it hurt?"

I nodded.

"That's my girl," Souji said, pressing a kiss to my forehead before he began leading me from the practice hall and away from Hijikata-san. I have no idea why he started with the kisses all the sudden one day, but I wasn't going to stop him because I found that I liked them. "Well, anyways, I came to get you because it's time to cook lunch and Tsune-san isn't really feeling up to it."

"Oh. Okay then. Do you want to help me?"

"You know I'm not very good at cooking."

"You could just stay and chat with me while I do all the work," I suggested as I beamed up at him. "It'd be nice to have some company in the kitchen while I work."

"Alright then," he replied and just as we got to the doorway of the practice hall, Souji called back to Hijikata-san, who was cleaning up after the spar, in a dark tone. I could have sworn that it almost sounded like a warning. "There are many other women that are at a marriageable age. Stay away from the ones that are already spoken for."

I found what Souji said to be completely unnecessary. Hijikata-san was in no way a dishonorable home wrecker. Plus, I thought it was out of place since it didn't match with our initial conversation about sparring.

Then just before Souji completely escorted me away from the practice hall, I heard Hijikata-san mumble almost fondly to himself. "She isn't spoken for if you don't speak up, you idiot."

Souji was already too far out of audio range to hear those words and I didn't understand what Hijikata-san was referring to. So I ignored Hijikata-san.

There was little time spent in the kitchen. Lunch was quick to whip up because our lack of ingredients limited me to the most basic of meals. Barley rice, miso soup, and the last of the kyurizuke[1]. Our money situation was getting worse and I feared that if we did not have an increase in income soon then our nutrition would begin to suffer.

Souji saw me frowning at the meager meals on everyone's trays and offered me a comforting smile.

"Everything will work out in the end. You'll see," he said, pecking me on the forehead again before he started taking the trays of food out into the main hall for me.

He may have been just saying that to cheer me up, but Souji's words came true rather quickly. So quickly that Souji seemed surprised himself.

"I have just received some wonderful news this morning!" Otou-san announced just as everyone sat down to lunch. His grin was wide and his voice was boisterous. "A hatamoto[2] has nominated me to be an instructor in the Shogunate's military academy! If this nomination goes through, then I will be able to train the youngsters from gokenin[3] in swordsmanship!"

Otou-san practically vibrated in his seat from his contagious excitement and the grin on his face seemed to spread to everyone else in the room. Tsune-san seemed particularly happy for Otou-san and showed her support by lovingly leaning her head on his shoulder. Otou-san was quick to wrap his arm around her to pull her closer.

"Am I in a dream?" Otou-san asked, looking dazed.

"What are you talking about? I've always said that you were more than the master of a small dojo," Hijikata-san stated, looking prideful at Otou-san achievement. Everyone in the room was quick to agree with Hijikata-san. "Among all the dojos in Edo, is there anyone stronger than you?"

Otou-san averted his gaze as he flushed a flamingo-pink color but soon beamed at Hijikata-san shortly afterward. "I see," he answered, accepting the compliment. "You have a point. I've never been so happy that I persisted in swordsmanship. Of course I'm happy that my skills are acknowledged, but more importantly…" He paused for effect. "Everyone won't have to worry about money! That's the best thing!"

I let out a small squeak of joy and attached myself to Souji's arm in glee as he whispered, "Like I told you, right?" into my ear. I nodded as I hugged his arm.

Hijikata-san shook his head with a smile at Otou-san's words. "Even at a time like this, you always put others in front of you."

Everyone cheered once more at the good news while Sano-san took this time to run back to the kitchen to dig out some saké for the celebration. Lunch ended on a high note and with several more broken doors as a result of the Idiot Trio's unrestrained behavior while drunk. Hijikata-san, being forever the stern responsible one, gave the three irresponsible men a severe scolding once they were sober again.

The rest of the year passed smoothly from that point on. We were still struggling with our money situation while we waited for news on Otou-san nomination, but it was difficult to dampen the high spirits. And then, as if everyone's spirits weren't already high enough, a new member was added to the Shieikan family.

In the December of 1862, after eight hours of labor, Kondou Tamako was born in the Hour of the Tiger.

Tsune-san was amazingly and strangely graceful during the whole birthing process. Never once did she cry out in pain. All she did was take deep breaths and push when it came time to. Other than a few winces of pain throughout the whole process, it looked like the whole procedure was painless to her. There was no way I could be a fellow woman and not be impressed with her. Childbirth was notoriously painful! I was pretty sure that if I was the one in her place, I would have screamed for an epidural.

As Otou-san sat beside Tsune-san, the expression of awe flooded his face as he held his biological daughter for the first time. The way he was looking at Tamako-chan was incredibly different from the way he looked at me when he held me for the first time. It wasn't that it was because he loved me any less, but the impact of holding a child that he knew he helped create was surreal to him. There was that look of disbelief before his heart just completely melted when Tamako-chan yawned at him.

"My sweet little Tama-chan…," Otou-san uttered breathlessly as he carefully cradled her against his chest like he was afraid that she would break before chuckling when she yawned once more.

Tsune-san, on the other hand, looked utterly spent as she laid on the futon. However, it seemed to matter little how exhausted she was and how much her lower extremities ached. That soft smile on her face that appeared while watching father and daughter interact for the first time spoke louder than words.

"She looks as sleepy as you do," I said to Tsune-san as I refolded the unused towels we never got to in the whole birthing process. Tsune-san let out a tired laugh before she waved me over.

"Come and meet your imōto." She beckoned me gently.

I put away the towels first before I came to peer around Otou-san and down at Tamako-chan. Tamako-chan's eyes were trained on Otou-san but were closing slowly as she began to drift off. Then Otou-san grinned at me proudly.

"Hold out your arms, Shizu-chan," he said as he held Tamako-chan out before depositing her with care in my arms.

Obviously, I had seen babies before and held them before but there was no sensation quite like this. Tamako-chan was just so small and light compared to all the other humans in this room. As far as ascetics go, newborns weren't supposed to be very attractive. Their heads were supposed to be disproportionally large compared to the rest of their body. The small wisps of hair on their heads were thin and patchy, and they tended to have chubby hands with all too short fingers. Yet, I found at that moment that there was nothing more beautiful than Tamako-chan in the world.

Because new life was the most precious and beautiful thing there was.

"She looks like Tsune-san but she has your hair, Otou-san."

"Oh! She does!" Otou-san said excitedly before stroking Tamako-chan's cheek lightly.

"But despite how she looks like me and has Isami-san's hair, when you are holding her, she looks like she is yours, Shizuka-chan," Tsune-san told me with a smile.

And while she may have just been stating an observation, I felt flattered as my cheeks turned warm.

Then the new year crept around the corner as December came to an end. This year's New Year's celebration at Shieikan was quiet and almost somber in a way. The only part that was even remotely rowdy was ōsōji[4] and that was only because the Idiot Trio tried to sneak out to Yoshiwara when they were supposed to be cleaning. They didn't even make it out the dojo's front gates before they were caught by Inoue-san.

On the night of ōmisoka[5], we all gathered in the main hall for the toshikoshi soba[6]. I actually don't know if that dinner was as loud as all the other normal dinners because I didn't eat with everyone else in the main hall that night. Souji had actually snatched me and we both ended up eating dinner outside on the roka while watching the snow fall.

It was supposed to be cold and that knowledge alone made me not want to go outside, but when Souji asked, I found myself agreeing despite myself. I never did feel the harsh bite of winter's wind. Souji's broad shoulders protected me from any wind and we were huddled so closely together that his body heat kept me warm. We then shared a small bottle of warm saké and a blanket after dinner as we watched the snow color the world white. In the end, both of us fell asleep on the roka together, huddled for warmth and no one bothered to move us because Hijikata-san and Tsune-san had told the others not to disturb us.

Then the New Year's celebrations ended in disaster.

It had been months since the hatamoto nominated Otou-san as an instructor and Otou-san finally received a summon regarding the position. Otou-san and Hijikata-san quickly left in bubbly excitement to answer it on the morning of the New Year.

Everyone was excited. Becoming a military instructor was no easy feat and Otou-san was closer than ever to obtaining that job. In her excitement, Tsune-san left Tamako-chan with me and locked herself in the kitchen as she prepared a fancy feast for dinner.

Tamako-chan wasn't a very easy baby to take care of. She was a fussy baby with very particular preferences. She only liked to eat during certain times of the day and refused to eat during any other time. She only liked it when Otou-san changed her after she soiled herself and cried when anyone else did it. She preferred Tsune-san's soft singing and would fuss if she heard anyone else sing in her presence. She only fell asleep if the temperature was right and she liked the cold, which led me to where I was right now, standing outside the dojo as I attempted to rock her to sleep.

"Will you sleep now?" I cooed at her. She just babbled nonsensically before reaching for my face.

Just then, a cold wind swept the courtyard, causing me to shiver as I securely tucked Tamako-chan closer to myself to keep her from getting too cold. She didn't seem to mind the wind and just grabbed at my kimono seams. It was when I was readjusting my hold on my baby sister that I saw Otou-san and Hijikata-san returning from the summon.

I had thought that it would be nice to run up to greet them but something didn't seem right. Everything just suddenly seemed so drab. I approached with caution.

"...I'm just useless," I heard Otou-san mumble dejectedly as he slowly dragged himself. Gone was the enthusiastic cheer from this morning.

"You're not! He said there's a change of plans. That happens all the time!"

"How do I explain this to everyone waiting in the dojo? They were so happy."

Then I knew what happened.

"I'll explain what happened to them. There's no need for you to worry about this. There will be more chances so don't be depressed." Hijikata-san told Otou-san before noticing me. "Shizuka?"

"Rejection?" I asked bluntly.

Hijikata-san gnashed his teeth before answering me, nodding wordlessly instead of speaking. Otou-san, on the other hand, couldn't even bear to look at his daughters right now because he had failed when we desperately needed him not to. We were out of money. The dojo wasn't even going to last a full year after this.

What were we going to do now?

We remained silent as we entered the dojo with the only Tamako-chan breaking up the oppressive silence with her gurgles. Then as if to make things worse, Otou-san and Hijikata-san were greeted with cheers as they stepped into the main hall.

All those cheers and happy smiles must have felt like salt on an open wound to Otou-san right now.

"Welcome back, Instructor!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, unable to pick up on the feeling of defeat. "How did it go? Look!" He pointed at the large fish sitting on a platter in the center of the room. "For the main dish, we have a whole sea bream tonight! Tsune-san sure is enthusiastic today!"

Tsune-san beamed at Otou-san at the mention of her name but then her smile faltered when she saw Otou-san's expression. She was the only one that noticed other than Saito-san.

"Of course. You're an instructor now and deserve the best," Souji said, throwing in his own praise.

Shinpachi-san's and Souji's words may have been innocent, but the damage was devastating. Instead of tossing flowers of praise, they may as well have been throwing sharp rocks.

"Kondou-san, what happened?" Saito-san finally spoke up. "You look down."

Otou-san opened his mouth to speak but the words never left his mouth. Instead, the words stayed in his throat, choking him as they drowned him in his own despair.

Hijikata-san instead took on the harsh task of doing what Otou-san could not do. Explain.

"In short, Kondou-san won't be nominated as an instructor in the Shogunate's military academy."

One could have heard a single ant crawling across the floor due to how silent the room had fallen.

"What's the meaning of this?" Sannan-san finally broke the suffocating silence. "It was him who came to us and brought this up, wasn't it?"

"Why all of a sudden?" Shinpachi blurted out in outrage. "There must be a reason!"

Hijikata-san shook his head as his lips formed a thin line. "We got no answer no matter how much we asked. If it was because they were short on budget, then we could have accepted that if he explained."

"Isn't there only one reason?" Otou-san's voice was subdued and barely audible when he finally spoke. One of his hands gripped the opposite sleeve of his clothing in a painfully tight manner, twisting and stretching the material. "It's because I was not born into a samurai family. I knew it was inappropriate for a peasant to teach samurai how to wield a sword."

While no one had said it, everyone already knew the truth. Otou-san was notoriously skilled at kenjutsu. There was no real logical reason for the rejection other than Otou-san's lack of social status. Class and status still meant everything. While there were chances to climb the caste pyramid, they were rare and near nonexistent in this day and age.

"What are you talking about?" Shinpachi-san jumped up as he attempted to remedy the situation. "Kondou-san, swordsmanship has nothing to do with social status!"

Those words only made things worse.

"Nagakura-kun thinks this way because you're the first son of a samurai family. Most people in this world aren't as open-minded as you are." Otou-san then turned. "... I would like to be alone for a while. Everyone go on with the meal without me."

Otou-san left the room like a broken man. Quick to chase Otou-san, Tsune-san quickly excused herself, leaving Tamako-chan in my arms.

An awkward and depressing silence filled the room for what felt like hours until it was broken by Souji.

"When Kondou-san was told that his nomination was canceled, what was Hijikata-san doing? Don't tell me you merely listened quietly." Souji's words were acidic and venomous.

"What's that supposed to mean?! What did you expect?!" Hijikata-san snapped, his temper blown as he reared on Souji.

Tamako-chan whimpered at the harsh sounds and I did my best to comfort her. It wasn't enough. The atmosphere was already explosive.

"Kondou-san was insulted in front of you, and you sat there and watched? Had I been there, I definitely would have cut that person!"

"Souji, stop." I stepped in, hoping that I could keep the situation from devolving. "You can't blame Hijikata-san for this. This was out of his control. This decision was made by someone higher up than Hijikata-san."

Instead of quelling his temper, Souji turned his outrage onto me.

"So, you're saying that we should just let Kondou-san get treated so disrespectfully just because the higher-ups say so?!"

Souji's yelling was the last straw for Tamako-chan and she broke out into tears. Inoue-san, who was godsent in this situation, took her from me so he could attempt to quiet her down while leaving me to curb Souji's anger.

"I never said that," I answered firmly. "I'm just saying that this was out of our control this time. Do not put blame on those who do not deserve it."

"Still, Hijikata-san should have been able to do something!"

Hijikata-san finally had enough and snapped. "I'm not playing along with your childish talk! The world isn't as simple as you think!"

Hijikata-san then stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

The heavy silence returned to the room and the sound of Tamako-chan crying was all that filled the room. The news from before had made everyone lose their appetite.

Then when I thought our financial situation couldn't possibly get any worse, it did. Just weeks after Otou-san rejection, we lost the last of our students. With no income, the dojo was running on borrowed time. The one person I thought we would never lose also stopped coming to the dojo. Saito-san, who once came to Shieikan religiously, suddenly vanished into thin air.

Everyone but Hijikata-san seemed baffled by Saito-san's disappearance. There was even one point I thought that Saito-san had been killed. He had shown no inclinations that he planned on stopping his patronage to Shieikan, and then he suddenly disappeared. Everyone was upset at the sudden loss of a friend and took Saito-san's absence hard, but Souji was the one that took the loss the hardest. Not only had Souji lost a friend, but he also lost his sparring partner.

"Souji," I said as I tried to get his attention while he sprawled himself lazily over my lap one afternoon. He had been especially lethargic ever since Saito-san's disappearance. "You can't just lay here all day."

"Why?" he mumbled before looking up to let our eyes meet. "It not like I have anything to do. Hajime-kun isn't here right now."

"Just because Saito-san isn't here doesn't mean you can't go do something else. The world isn't going to end. How about we go play with Tamako-chan? I know she's awake right now."

"I don't wanna," Souji muttered before wrapping his arms around my waist and knocking me flat on my back so he could lay his head on my chest.

I ended up just letting Souji lay on me while I rubbed his back for a few hours. I don't exactly know how long we laid there but I do know the sun was already setting by the time we were disturbed by Heisuke barreling into the house.

"Hey!" Heisuke yelled as he came running in, nearly tripping over Souji and I. "I have some news!"

At the ruckus, Souji was quick to climb off of me and pull me to my feet. Everyone else who heard Heisuke's yells quickly found themselves running to where we were."

"Heisuke, not so loudly," Sano-san scolded as he stepped into the room. His brows were pinched to show his disapproval. "Tamako-chan is sleeping now and you'll wake her up with all the ruckus you're making."

"So what's the news, Heisuke?" Shinpachi-san asked, taking the time to crack his neck. He had been napping before this.

"This notice board," Heisuke announced, holding up a wooden notice board he pried off from its mount.

"Anyone joining will be awarded 50 ryō[7], and given an honorable role as the Shogun's guards," Sannan-san read off the wooden notice board.

"Oi, is this for real?" Shinpachi-san exclaimed skeptically.

And he had every right to be skeptical of the offer. That was a lot of money. During this time period, a single ryō was worth about ¥3,000 to ¥4,000. The job description was shady too. The Bakufu would basically be hiring ronin as protection for Shogun Iemochi's[8] entrance into Kyoto. Why would they hire mere ronin for this job?

"Is the offer legitimate?" I asked as I peered over Heisuke's shoulder at the sign before looking to Hijikata-san.

"It looks like it," Hijikata-san answered, pointing to a seal on the board. "See that? That's the Bakufu's official seal." He turned to Otou-san. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I need some time to think." Otou-san left the room afterwards.

"... I'll speak with Kondou-san," Hijikata-san then said before he rushed after Otou-san.

A brief moment of silence passed before I spoke up again.

"Hey, Heisuke?"

"What is it, Shizuka-chan?"

"You do realize that removing an official notice board is illegal, right? Better bring it back and pray that no one saw you ripping it off its mount," I said dryly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE?!"

Heisuke left a trail of dust in his wake as he dashed off to return the sign. On his way out, he bowled over an old man standing right outside Shieikan's front gates.

In the end, Otou-san agreed to take the offer. The dojo was going to close down. Otou-san and everyone willing to follow would go to Kyoto while Tsune-san, Tamako-chan, and Shuusai-sensei were to remain behind. I was personally surprised that I was included in the group going to Kyoto. It turns out the only reason I was going was because of Sannan-san.

"Shizuka-chan is the most skilled person I have ever seen when it comes to dealing with injuries. If any of us get injured, then she could treat the injury without much of a problem. It would also be cheaper than seeking out a doctor and safer than leaving an injury untreated. It would be a wise move if we brought her along with us to Kyoto," was what Sannan-san said before everyone unanimously agreed.

However, the decision to head to Kyoto wasn't completely smooth. Hijikata-san voiced his concern to Otou-san over whether Souji had truly fully recovered from the measles one night.

"He was sick in bed from the measles, right?" Hijikata-san said before looking to me as I placed a hot cup of tea before him. "Oh, thanks." He paused to take a sip of his hot tea. "He's not fully recovered yet. Wouldn't it be better if we went to Kyoto first, and then called Souji over after we've got things on track? Besides, there's no guarantee that we'll really get paid."

"Sannan-kun, what do you think?" Otou-san asked, clearly being hesitant about leaving Souji behind.

Sannan-san didn't answer immediately. Obviously, his opinion differed from Hijikata-san's.

"Wouldn't it be better to respect Okita-kun's own opinion?" Sannan-san finally said. "It's not for us to decide. Besides, if it's about his health then wouldn't it be better to ask Shizuka-chan? She was the one that nursed him back to health when he was sick from the measles."

All three men then turned to me with expecting stares, each person expecting me to agree with their own opinions. Hijikata-san wanted Souji to stay in Edo longer so Souji could fully recover his strength. Otou-san wanted Souji to go to Kyoto with everyone. Sannan-san wanted to ask Souji for his own opinion.

"He's **_fine_** ," I answered, frowning as I set down the tray I used to bring the tea in. "Souji's an adult. Don't make any more decisions for him when he can make them himself. You're suffocating him if you do."

"I see," Otou-san said after he heard my opinion. His mind was made up. "I'll ask him directly tomorrow."

But the thing was, if Otou-san was the one to ask Souji if he wanted to come or stay, Souji would always choose to follow Otou-san without fail.

Then, finally, the night before we all left for Kyoto arrived. Instead of spending what limited time she had left with Otou-san, Tsune-san came to my bedroom to speak to me privately.

"Shizuka-chan, I have some things to give to you before you leave tomorrow," she announced as she took a seat directly in front of me. She had brought two bundles in with her along with a real naginata.

Lifting the first bundle, she passed it to me. I opened it to reveal its contents. Inside was a new set of clothing that consisted of hakama pants and a hakamashita. While hakama were usually only worn by men, this outfit was designed with a woman in mind. The hakama pants was a lovely shade of violet with a single line of white sakura flowers embroidered on the left leg. The hakamashita was white with patterns of pink embroidery weaved into flowers.

"You will have to be able to properly move if you get caught in a fight. A normal woman's kimono will not allow the proper movement that is required in a fight. You will have to wear a hakama to fight properly. But never forget that you are a woman. The fashion of the clothing will remind everyone that you are still a woman. A woman's sensibility will be needed in a large group of men," Tsune-san explained before grabbing the next item she brought in with her. "This is the naginata that was in my dowry. You will need a real weapon to use. I will not allow you to go to Kyoto without the proper means to defend yourself."

Tsune-san then reached for the last bundle. It was a beautiful, lacquer, flower-print box. She opened the box and presented me with a brand new set of operating tools. They were a bit old fashion compared to what I was used to in the twenty-first century, but they'd get the job done when needed.

"I got these through a friend of my chichi-ue. It'll be your job to take care of everyone," Tsune-san finished.

I was touched that she went through all the trouble for me. I was not her daughter by blood and she had no obligations to treat me well, yet she cared for me like I was her daughter. I threw myself at Tsune-san and hugged her.

"I promise to take care of everyone," I whispered while locked in the hug.

The next morning, there were many men that gathered at the entrance of Edo. We were all to be lead out of Edo by Kiyokawa Hachiro, the man that was in charge of the recruitment process. While there were many men of different origins, one prominent man stood out. He was a well-known samurai by the name of Serizawa Kamo.

"What's this? What do you think you're doing, bringing a woman along, Kondou-san? You're taking this too lightly. This isn't some field trip!" Serizawa belittled Otou-san the moment he saw me before laughing like he just heard a good joke. "Run home little girl. You don't belong here."

His words were harsh, yet I found a faint smile growing on my face.

"You are neither my chichi-ue nor my husband and even if you were, I am my own person and you would have no right to tell me what I can or cannot do and where I do or do not belong. Please mind your own business."

"And you think you'll be able to survive in the world of men?" He snorted in amusement as looked down at me. He was so tall he towered over me. "Men are superior to women in every way."

"Is that so? I wasn't aware that men were better than women at giving birth. I wasn't even **_aware_** that men could give birth. **_Please forgive my ignorance, oh great one,_** " I answered him sardonically. He did not frighten me.

When I had finished speaking, Serizawa grew red with rage. He obviously was not used to women, or possibly anyone, speaking back to him in such a disrespectful manner.

"Everyone, pay attention!" a voice in the front suddenly snapped, forcing our little confrontation to break off. Kiyokawa Hachiro stood at the front of the large group to address the men. "We are now leaving for Kyoto and I want no conflicts along the way. Anyone who creates conflict from within will be appropriately dealt with, understood?"

"Sir!" all the men replied.

With that, Kiyokawa took the first step out of Edo as he led the group, which had been dubbed the Roshigumi, out of the city. We all left Edo on February 8, 1863.

* * *

[1] Long, firm Japanese cucumbers, which have fewer and smaller seeds than their Western counterparts, are used to make many different types of tsukemono. These include cucumber pickles made with rice bran or miso, as well as asazuke, lightly seasoned quick pickles. One cucumber tsukemono you're likely to find in Japanese grocery stores is aokyurizuke, which is marinated in soy sauce.

[2] A hatamoto (旗本, "under the banners") was a samurai in the direct service of the Tokugawa shogunate of feudal Japan.

[3] A gokenin (御家人 gokenin) was initially a vassal of the shogunate of the Kamakura and the Muromachi periods. During the successive Edo period, the term finally came to indicate a direct vassal of the shogun below an omemie (御目見), meaning that they did not have the right to an audience with the shogun.

[4] This refers to the end-of-year cleaning which takes place in offices and homes. It is believed that by cleaning your house, you can purify your residence and welcome the "Toshigami-sama" (god of the coming New Year).

[5] Ōmisoka (大晦日), New Year's Eve, is the second-most important day in Japanese tradition because it is the final day of the old year and the eve of New Year's Day, which is the most important day of the year.

[6] Toshikoshi soba (年越し蕎麦), year-crossing noodle, is Japanese traditional noodle bowl dish eaten on New Year's Eve. This custom represents the letting go of the hardship during the year because soba noodles are easily cut while eating.

[7] A Ryō (両) was a gold currency unit in pre-Meiji Japan Shakkanhō system. It was eventually replaced with a system based on the yen.

[8] Tokugawa Iemochi (徳川 家茂) (July 17, 1846 – August 29, 1866) was the 14th shogun of the Tokugawa shogunate of Japan, who held office from 1858 to 1866. During his reign there was much internal turmoil as a result of Japan's first major contact with the United States, which occurred under Commodore Perry in 1853 and 1854, and of the subsequent "re-opening" of Japan to western nations. Iemochi's reign also saw a weakening of the shogunate.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

 _"She will not be simple and sweet. She will not be what people tell her she should be." ― E. Lockhart, The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks_

I peeled another mikan[1], dropping the peel on the ground to decompose naturally before popping a piece of the sweet fruit into my mouth. My lips puckered at the taste and Souji grinned silently to himself at my reaction. This one, to my displeasure, was sour.

"Hey, Heisuke?"

"Yeah?" he answered before jogging up from behind to catch up to me and Souji.

"Do you want this?" I waved the partially eaten mikan in front of him and his eyes started to glittering.

"I can have it?"

I nodded and tossed it to him. He caught it with glee and ran back to where Sano-san and Shinpachi-san were walking with some of the other recruits we were traveling with and gloated about how he obtained his little snack. Then like a kid, Heisuke dropped the whole fruit into his mouth.

"GAH! WHY IS IT SO SOUR?!"

Sano-san smashed his fist on top of Heisuke's head in disapproval. "Don't spit it out and waste food," he scolded Heisuke while Shinpachi-san just merely complained how no one gave him food.

Souji busted a gut at the whole display as I nonchalantly began peeling a new mikan. Plopping a fresh piece in my mouth, I nearly squealed with delight at how sweet this one was. I was quick to peel off another piece of the sweet citrus fruit and offered it to Souji.

"Want some?" I asked.

Souji didn't even bother taking it from my hand with his own hands and just stole it out of my hand with his tongue. I flushed slightly when his tongue tickled the tips of my fingers and Souji, being the person he was, just smirked at me teasingly.

"You know, you could have just used your hands like a normal person," I pointed out after I got over my embarrassment and whacked him on the shoulder playfully.

"But what would be the fun in that?" Souji quirked a squiggly eyebrow at me before he sobered up. His expression was serious when he spoke to me again, but this time in a hushed tone. "Hey, have you taken a look at the type of men that joined the Roshigumi?"

I nodded. From what I was able to hear from most of the nearby conversations, there were actually only a few men in the group who were staunch supporters of the Shogun, like Otou-san and Serizawa. Most of the other men seemed to harbor Sonnō Jōi sentiments. Why would the Roshigumi comprise of men with anti-Tokugawa sentiments when their main purpose was to guard the Shogun when he arrived in Kyoto? It didn't make sense.

Something wasn't right.

Souji glanced briefly at Kiyokawa Hachiro, who was still leading in the front, before looking back at me. "I suspect a **_certain someone_** is lying about the true purpose of the Roshigumi. Stick close to me, okay?"

"Have you told anyone yet?" I looked over to where Otou-san was walking with Hijikata-san and Inoue-san. Otou-san cheerfully cracked a joke with those two before they all started laughing.

"I don't think I need to. I'm sure Hijikata-san," his face darkened slightly at the name, "and Sannan-san already figured it out, and I'm sure Sano-san has his suspicions."

Just then, the group came to a slow stop and I nearly walking into the back of the man that was walking in front of me. Souji quickly grabbed me before I collided with the man's back and shot me a look that said, "Watch where you're walking," before he peered up ahead. Kiyokawa had stopped and was talking to a few of the men surrounding him before he waved them away.

"Lunch break!" Kiyokawa announced loudly. The other men quickly began securing spots to picnic off the side of the road before the man even finished speaking. "Eat quickly so we can continue! Kyoto is a week's journey from Edo and we cannot dally!"

Otou-san, like the other recruits, had quickly done the same. With Inoue-san's and Hijikata-san's help, Otou-san secured a large enough spot for our Shieikan group beneath a barren-looking tree. While Inoue-san and Hijikata-san spread out the cloth we would all be sitting on, Otou-san sat on a nearby stump so he could dig out the rice balls that Tsune-san had prepared for us. As soon as Otou-san opened the bento box, Shinpachi-san and Sano-san nearly bowled over Heisuke as they practically ran towards the food.

"AH!" Heisuke exclaimed while sticking his finger out accusingly at his two older friends. "You two can't start eating without me! You guys will eat everything before I even get one, you jerks!"

"You're too slow," Sano-san merely answered with a leisurely grin whilst taunting Heisuke with a rice ball. "Itadakimasu."

Heisuke then wasted no more time and made a beeline for the rice balls. However, the one rice ball he was going to snatched up was stolen out from under him by Shinpachi-san, who was already hoarding three.

"SHINPAT-SAN!"

"A true man doesn't make excuses for being slow," Shinpachi-san chastised Heisuke with his mouth full. Heisuke scrunched his face up in disgust when he caught a glimpse of the half-chewed food in Shinpachi-san's mouth.

"Well then," Sannan-san suddenly popped up behind me and Souji, causing me to jump slightly, "better hurry before Nagakura-kun eats everything."

There was a twinkle in Sannan-san's eye behind the auspicious gleam of his glasses as he reached over and plucked the remainder of the sweet mikan from my hands and ate it. I pouted when I watched Sannan-san swallow what was left of my sweet snack, but I knew better than to even attempt to get even with Sannan-san. Souji chuckled at my response and then escorted me and Sannan-san to where everyone had settled in for lunch.

When I sat down, I quickly filched two rice balls from Shinpachi-san's pile, ignoring his complaints, and gave one to Heisuke before biting down on the other one still in my hand.

"Wah! You're the best, Shizuka-chan!" Heisuke then quickly demolished his rice ball in one bite.

Souji, on the other hand, just raised his eyebrow at me. "You aren't going to get me one?"

"You can get one yourself without worrying about Shinpachi-san stealing, can't you?"

"I could, but…," Souji said before reaching over to grab my hand so he could bring it up to his mouth. He took a bite out of my rice ball and swallowed. "I like doing this so much more."

Souji then polished off the remainder of my rice ball before licking my fingers clean with a devious expression on his face. He then grabbed another rice ball from the bento box and stuffed it in my mouth, causing me to flail slightly and Otou-san to laugh at my overstuffed cheeks.

"Everyone eat up!" Otou-san then cheered. "We need to be at full strength when we arrive at Kyoto!"

Otou-san then grabbed another rice ball from the box. He split it and gave half to Hijikata-san while he ate the other half himself. Souji, who noticed the action, glowered darkly at Hijikata-san in envy but ultimately did nothing to Hijikata-san. Instead, Souji just lowered his face to mine to lick away the grain of rice on the corner of my lips, smirking when he saw Hijikata-san's eyes narrow disapprovingly at his action.

We traveled smoothly for two more days afterward. Any bandit with enough brain between his eyes knew attacking a group of ronin as large as ours would be a dumb idea, so we remained largely unbothered. The only time we ran across something that was actually a big enough deal to even be considered trouble is when one of the recruits idiotically stumbled upon an enraged wild boar in the passing. Luckily, before the boar could deal any damage to us by rampaging, Shinpachi-san managed to cut it down.

Instead of letting that wild boar go to waste, Sannan-san decided to skin and gut the boar before having me cook it up for dinner. That night, Serizawa openly taunted me for knowing how to cook a boar[2].

"You must be the whore of a foreigner to know how to prepare pork. Only foreigners and those related to them would bother with such a filthy animal," Serizawa taunted me, making all his followers laugh.

"Then you must also consider your own motherland of Japan a foreigner's whore," I had replied back disinterestedly as I continued rubbing some salt into the meat. "The wilderness of Japan is what harbored this wild boar and according to your logic, 'Only foreigners and those related to them would bother with such a filthy animal.'"

Serizawa's men that had laughed at me earlier were quickly shut up Serizawa's rage. No one bothered me for the rest of that evening and everyone from Shieikan, minus Heisuke just because he still tended to stay away from meat, had a luxurious dinner. Sannan-san was especially pleased with the meat and actually had helped himself to more meat than Shinpachi-san did.

Now after walking for the past two days, the Roshigumi was now approaching the post town of Honjou-shuku. After camping outside for the past several nights, the recruits were excited. There were inns in town with proper futons.

Kiyokawa stopped the recruits for a quick announcement. "We will arrive in Honjou-shuku before the sun sets," he said as he scanned over the men, pausing briefly as his eyes landed on me. "Someone run to the inn and make reservations for all of us."

"I will go, Kiyokawa-dono," Otou-san instantly volunteered himself. He was eager to please everyone.

"Very well," Kiyokawa agreed before waving Otou-san away.

As Otou-san was preparing to run ahead, Serizawa called out to Otou-san. "I am a true samurai, so be sure that you reserve a private room for me. It does not befit me to share my sleeping quarters, even if it's only for a single night."

"Of course, Serizawa-dono," Otou-san replied before eagerly running ahead of the Roshigumi to find the town's largest inn. The rest of the Roshigumi continued towards town at a more leisurely pace.

"Finally, a real bed to sleep in," Heisuke commented, crossing his arms behind his head as he stretched. I heard his back pop a few times. "My back still hurts from sleeping on the ground last night. There was a root was digging into my back all night!"

Shinpachi-san and Sano-san shared a glance at those words before Shinpachi-san smacked Heisuke across the back. Heisuke nearly toppled over from the amount of force used.

"Heisuke, real men don't complain about sleeping on the ground," Shinpachi-san teased. A giant grin was decorating his face as he threw an arm around Heisuke's shoulder.

"Hey!" Heisuke complained, shoving Shinpachi-san's arm away before petulantly kicking the larger man's shin. Shinpachi-san didn't even flinch. "Just because I appreciate the finer things in life doesn't mean I'm not a man! Right, Shizuka-chan?"

"Why are you asking me? I'm not a man," I pointed out bluntly. Heisuke flushed red when he realized his mistake.

My words definitely didn't help his case. Both Shinpachi-san and Sano-san now couldn't stop laughing at Heisuke and even Sannan-san was now snickering at him.

"Shut up!" Heisuke demanded. It ended up sounding like a whine and everyone just laughed that much harder.

"Heisuke," Hijikata-san then spoke up.

Heisuke perked up, thinking that Hijikata-san was going to defend him since Hijikata-san sounded so serious. "Yeah?"

"You're an idiot."

That was the final nail in the coffin and Heisuke just sagged, completely giving up on trying to regain his respect. I felt a little bad for Heisuke, so I ran up to him and rubbed his back before I whispered a small secret into his ear.

"Souji's back hurt this morning when he woke up too, you know. I ended up giving him a small back rub just to get him up and going."

Heisuke didn't look so down after that and peered curiously at Souji. "Really?"

I didn't get to answer. Souji came up from behind me and poked my cheek with a slight frown. "It's not very nice to tell lies," Souji said before dragging me away with him.

I just continued to mouth silently to Heisuke, "It's not a lie," when Souji wasn't paying attention to me. But, apparently, Souji never did stop paying attention and knew what I was doing the whole time. For revenge, he lightly pinched the ticklish spot on my side, grinning when I let out a squeak and tried to squirm away.

We entered town just as the sun disappeared behind some distant mountains. Otou-san was already waiting for us in front of the inn where he booked the reservations. In his arms were the little wooden placards of the reserved rooms. They served as proof of payment for room and board.

"Good. You have reserved our rooms?" Kiyokawa asked Otou-san only as a sign of formality.

"Yes, Kiyokawa-dono."

Kiyokawa nodded wordlessly before taking one of the placards from Otou-san. Without bothering to address the men for the night, Kiyokawa entered the inn to find refuge in his private room. This left Otou-san to distribute the remaining placards to the men. Otou-san gave me my placard first since I had to get a private room as the only woman in the group. Then he asked the men to gather around.

It was all done in a very organized manner. Without much fuss, most recruits grouped together with the two other people they chose to share a room with before sending someone to retrieve a placard from Otou-san. Once each group got their placard, they ducked into the inn to find their rooms. Serizawa was the last person to approach Otou-san.

"Well then," Serizawa growled as he observed Otou-san's now empty hands. "where is my private room? Or is a commoner as yourself is telling me to share a room?"

Otou-san froze at those words before quickly looking down to his empty hands to confirm that they were truly empty. They were and Otou-san immediately looked apologetic, embarrassed, and even a little guilty.

"My apologies, Serizawa-dono," Otou-san quickly said, bowing apologetically. "It slipped my mind to reserve a private room for you too. I only reserved communal rooms for the men."

Serizawa's lips curled inward, exposing his teeth as he snarled in rage at Otou-san. His hands were taut and curled into tight fists at his side. Hoping to curb Serizawa's outrage, Sannan-san tried to mediate the situation by reasoning with the man.

"It's only for one night. Surely Serizawa-san can share a room with someone tonight?"

"Me, share?! Do you know who I am?!" Serizawa snapped back. He looked just about ready to beat someone.

However, before Otou-san could even attempt to calm Serizawa down, Serizawa stomped away and towards the bars in town. Otou-san didn't seem to know what to do. He wasn't sure if it was appropriate to chase Serizawa down or if it was better to just leave the man to sulk alone. In the end, it was Hijikata-san who gave Otou-san a sense of direction.

"Don't worry too much about it, Kondou-san," Hijikata-san said as he put a hand on Otou-san's shoulder. "You made an honest mistake and if Serizawa-san wants to make a big fuss about it, then leave him alone to do so."

"Mah, if Toshi says so…," Otou-san said before shaking off his troubles. Then with that lovable grin that we all loved so much, Otou-san ushered the rest of us inside.

The private room that Otou-san reserved for me was further down the hall than everyone else's but directly next to the room he was going to share with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san tonight. I suspect that Otou-san did that on purpose. It sent the message, "Anyone that wants my daughter's company tonight will have to go through me," to the other recruits we were traveling with. As the only woman in the large group of two hundred and fifty men, there was just no way Otou-san wasn't going to be wary of the other men. I was an unwed woman and was, therefore, easy pickings for anyone who wanted a woman's company for the night.

My room itself was a very simple room. It was also smaller than the other rooms that the other men occupied. The only items within the room were the futon laid out on the tatami floor and the small side table beside the futon. The walls were white and boring, but they were clean.

I set down my luggage and leaned my naginata against the wall before I decided to air the room out by opening the window. However, instead of fresh air blowing through the window, it was the scent of smoke.

I coughed slightly when I got a whiff of the smoke before I saw the pillar of black rising from across the street with a fiendish red glow growing beneath it. I narrowed my eyes at the red glow before slamming the window shut. Fire. A big one. Grabbing my luggage once again, I slung it back onto my back and grabbed my naginata on the way out. I didn't fancy being in a wooden building with a fire burning nearby.

The long hall of the inn was already deserted by the time I made it out of my room. The doors were left wide open and the rooms empty. By the looks of things, the men had spotted the fire long before I did and had rushed out to observe the situation.

The moment I stepped out of the inn, I was greeted with screams, heat, and fire. Across the, thankfully, wide street, a massive fire burned as it consumed a wooden building. The wood made a crackling sound before the center of the building collapsed in on itself. The fire itself was awe-inspiring and horrifying, but it couldn't even compare to what I saw at the base of the massive fire. Serizawa proudly stood before the burning building before he tossed the torch he was holding into the fire.

It didn't take much to add two and two together.

"Serizawa-dono, what are you doing?!" I heard Otou-san yell. Horror and disbelief marred his face as he stared wide-eyed at the fire burning behind Serizawa.

"I understand that I don't have a room to stay in. Since it's early spring and still cold outside, surely starting a bonfire is justified."

I was so shocked at those words that I even forgot how to be angry. It was just so unbelievably immature that it was… childish. **_It was childish._** We weren't even dealing with a snubbed man anymore but a spoiled child that threw terrible temper tantrums.

It was the sound of sharp movement that finally snapped me out of my shock. In Otou-san's defense, Souji quickly reached for his katana but before he could even draw it, Hijikata-san stepped in. However, it wasn't like Hijikata-san was any better than Souji. Hijikata-san's hand was on his katana too and his face was **_terrifying_**. If a glare could kill, then Hijikata-san's glare could **_disembowel_** someone. But before either enraged men could attack Serizawa, Otou-san stopped them in their tracks.

"STOP IT! TOSHI! SOUJI!" Otou-san demanded. His voice demanded obedience. At that moment, Otou-san sounded like a general. "Serizawa-dono's anger isn't unreasonable. I am to blame."

At that moment, my late-to-arrive anger appeared all at once and I swear I could feel my stomach boiling. **_Isn't unreasonable?_** Just because Serizawa was angry he was allowed to burn down a building? It was so preposterous that I wanted to laugh before beating some sense into both Otou-san and Serizawa. **_They were both stupid._**

Then, as if Otou-san couldn't lower himself anymore by **_blaming_** himself, he got on both his hands and knees to do a dogeza[3] while saying, "Serizawa-dono, I take full responsibility for this mistake. I sincerely beg your pardon."

And that really set me off.

I'm sure that one day when I think back to this one event, there was going to be a chance I would regret acting so hastily. But at this moment, what I did never felt so good. Coming up behind Otou-san, I kicked his behind forcefully. In his shock, he leaped to his feet.

"Shizu—!"

"Shut up," I said so harshly and bluntly that I stunned Otou-san silent. "Why are you wasting your time apologizing to this **_child_** ," I gestured to Serizawa, "instead of organizing everyone into putting out the fire? Are you **_trying_** to make sure the fire spreads to the other buildings? Might I remind you that everything is built from **_wood_** in this town."

Otou-san was so stunned that he did exactly what I ordered without giving it a second thought. If his mind hadn't been so muddled by the sudden shock, I'm sure he would have been furious with me for being so disrespectful before locking me in a room until I was twenty-one. Then I turned my attention onto the real problem, Serizawa. I snorted at him dismissively before tossing him the placard to my private room.

"This is what you wanted in the first place, isn't it?"

The horrible man looked absolutely pleased and amused with my actions and laughed. "Just like a good daughter to make up for your chichi-ue's mistake. However, I am too kind of a man to kick a young woman out of her room on such a cold night. I will allow you to keep me warm tonight in that room of yours."

"You are quite hard of hearing, aren't you?" I asked as a horrid little smile crawled its way onto my face. I have no idea what compelled me to even smile in this situation but I knew that it felt good. "Why would a woman, such as myself, want to spend the night with a **_child_** , least of all a **_spoiled_** one? You wouldn't be able to satisfy me like a real man can."

Serizawa's rage reared itself again at my words. "What did you say?!"

"So you **_are_** hard of hearing. Or is the real problem that your brain hasn't developed enough to understand my words. A child's brain is still in development after all."

He clearly had enough of my insults now. Reaching into his sleeves, the man pulled out a tessen[4] before he whipped it at my face. I didn't bother moving. I saw the way the muscles in his arm tensed when he acted and I instantly knew his intentions. Yes, he intended to shut me up, but he never intended to hit me.

But before the iron fan even came remotely close to my face, an arm was wrapped around my waist and I was pulled away. In an instant, I was tucked under Souji's arm and being held protectively to his left side while his right hand was gripping the handle of his katana. There was a furious snarl on his face as he glared down Serizawa.

Serizawa snorted derisively at what just happened and let his arm drop. It was almost if he lost interest in the situation.

"I've had enough of this," he said before turning his back on me in favor of stepping into the inn. He paused in the doorway to appraise me one last time before saying to Souji, "Careful where you place your affections. Vixens, while majestic, are sly creatures with a diseased bite."

"Then better keep your hand away if the fox doesn't like you," Souji replied to the now empty doorway before he let his hand drop from his katana.

Souji then glared down at me, causing me to shrink. All courage I had when I confronted Serizawa vaporized under his intense gaze. I ducked out from under his arm and tried to escape, but he grabbed my wrist to keep me from running.

"What were you thinking?!" Souji then exploded. I shrunk even more and even prayed that I'd become too small for him to notice. "No, you weren't thinking at all! Why would you goad him and **_WHY_** did you kick Kondou-san?! Are you stupid?!"

"Yes?" I squeaked, hoping it would lessen his anger. It did not.

"And now you don't have a room to sleep in tonight! Why did you decide to act so **_stupid_** now?!"

That was actually a good question. I looked down to stare at the ground to let him know I had no answer. Souji groaned almost painfully at my answer and then pulled me with him.

"You need to go apologize to Kondou-san right now."

I did exactly as he ordered only to find that Otou-san wasn't even angry at me. Instead, Otou-san ended up apologizing to me, for putting me in such a terrible situation. Unwilling to accept Otou-san's apologizes, I ended up calling him stupid again before the stress of the whole event got to me and I dissolved into stupid tears. The night ended with me falling asleep in the same futon as Otou-san.

After that night, it was like a line was drawn between Serizawa and Shieikan. Any sense of companionship that was there before was so heavily damaged that everyone from Shieikan attempted to avoid Serizawa and his followers. The rest of the journey to Kyoto was so tense between our two groups that even the other uninvolved members of the Roshigumi could feel it.

Then on the last leg of our journey, when we were just hours from Kyoto, Serizawa wandered away for a brief moment only to return with an unconscious beaten man thrown over his shoulder. One of Serizawa's men, Niimi, quickly ran to his master's side.

"Serizawa-sensei, where have you been?" Niimi questioned.

"I had an unexpected surprise, that's all."

"Surprise?" Before Niimi could say more, Serizawa dumped the beaten man onto Niimi's back. Niimi stumbled under the unexpected weight of the injured man and nearly dropped him.

"Whoa! Master, who is this?" It was another man that spoke this time. He was called Hirama.

It was then Sannan-san, who had been watching the whole exchange, cut into the conversation. A frown was colored his face as he watched on disapprovingly. "Wait. If you wish to add a traveling companion, wouldn't it be appropriate to have a word with us?"

"He's merely a dirty stray dog, not a companion. There's no need to consult over such a trivial matter."

"However…"

Otou-san spoke up at this point, putting a kind hand on Sannan-san's shoulder while smiling. "Oh well. It's alright, Sannan-kun. If we leave the young man like this, he'd starve to death anytime. Since we're summoned to protect the Emperor, we shouldn't abandon any one of His Majesty's people," Otou-san reasoned before turning to Hijikata-san "Toshi, don't you think so?"

Hijikata-san snorted, throwing an annoyed look towards Serizawa before answering, "It's all the same to me. Whatever we say, he won't listen to us anyway."

"…Well if Kondou-san and Hijikata-kun both say so, then it can't be helped," Sannan-san said, looking unsure of the decision but he didn't voice an objection.

Otou-san then nodded in approval before pushing on ahead. The others quickly followed him. However, instead of speeding up to catch up to Otou-san, Hijikata-san slowed down until he was walking next to me, and Souji by default.

"When we arrive at Kyoto, stay next to one us," Hijikata-san said in a hushed whisper. "I don't trust Kiyokawa-san or Serizawa-san. And don't give Serizawa-san a chance to catch you alone. He's been watching since that night happened."

I nodded mutely before unconsciously tightening my hold on my naginata.

* * *

[1] Mikan (Mandarin Orange) are the most popular type of Japanese oranges, which are generally known as kan (some other orange varieties are iyokan, ponkan, etc.). Mikan peel easily and do not have seeds and are widely popular as a dessert or snack when they are in season in early winter.

Mikan were introduced to Japan from China about 400 years ago, from where they traveled to the West and became known as mandarin oranges. Japan is a major mikan producer, and the mikan is one of only few Japanese fruits to be exported in considerable quantities. Wakayama and Ehime Prefectures are Japan's top mikan producers.

[2] People did eat meat in Tokugawa Japan despite the country being a primarily Buddhist country. It was during this time when influences from the West prompted more people to experiment with cuisine. However, some people still held onto the belief that eating meat is unclean. While fish and fowl were considered animals, they weren't considered to be meat back then, so people readily ate them.

[3] Dogeza (土下座 "sitting right on the ground") is an element of Japanese manners by kneeling directly on the ground and bowing to prostrate oneself as touching one's head to the floor.

[4] Tessen (鉄扇) were folding fans with outer spokes made of heavy plates of iron which were designed to look like normal, harmless folding fans or solid clubs shaped to look like a closed fan. Samurai could take these to places where swords or other overt weapons were not allowed, and some swordsmanship schools included training in the use of the tessen as a weapon. The tessen was also used for fending off knives and darts, as a throwing weapon, and as an aid in swimming.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

 _"If only she could be so oblivious again, to feel such love without knowing it, mistaking it for laughter." ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief_

Kiyokawa Hachiro was a big fat liar like Souji suspected. Even though the stated purpose of the Roshigumi was to guard the Shogun in Kyoto, Kiyokawa went ahead and secretly submitted a letter to the Sonnō Jōi[1] faction stating that **_his_** Roshigumi were to work only for the Emperor the day we arrived in Kyoto. It was no wonder we were instructed to leave almost immediately after we arrived in Kyoto.

Obviously not agreeing with Kiyokawa, the members of Shieikan and Serizawa's men dissented and decided to remain in Kyoto. However, because our small group of now only thirteen people refused to leave Kyoto with Kiyokawa and the rest of the men, we were now stuck petitioning to the daimyo of the Aizu Domain for permission and support to fulfill the original job description of the Roshigumi. With less than twenty people left and no funding to operate, there was no way of even knowing if the Roshigumi now even had a future.

However, we at least had been provided a place to stay. Yagi Gennojô, a gôshi[2] living in Mibu village on the outskirts of Kyoto, was ordered to provide us lodging. Another nearby estate, owned by the Maekawa family, was also commandeered for lodging by the Roshigumi. However, the Maekawa family was not as willing as the Yagi family and fled after the first few days. But who could blame them from running? Who would willingly want a bunch of dangerous ronin on their property?

I think that one of the only reasons that the Yagi family were more willing to put up with us was because they saw me with Otou-san. Their line of reasoning was that if a young unwed woman could stay with this group of men, then the men must have been less dangerous than initially thought to be. Plus, their kid, Yuunosuke, seemed to like me.

Little Yuu-kun was such a cute kid too. He was curious and liked to follow me whenever he could. He asked me things like, "You're a doctor?", "Are you and Souji lovers?", and "How heavy is your naginata?"

Having the little kid around so much made the days seem less stressful as we waited to see if we would get sponsorship from the Aizu Domain. Other than Yuu-kun keeping me busy, I spent my days nursing the beaten young man Serizawa picked up on our way here since Serizawa was a lazy bastard that couldn't even be bothered to care for the person he picked up himself. If anything, I think Serizawa was pleased that he managed to dump all the work on me.

"Woman, make yourself useful," Serizawa had said the moment we settled in at the Yagi house. He then had Niimi all but throw the unconscious man at me.

Thankfully, Hijikata-san was nearby and caught the young man before he collided with me because that would have knocked me flat on my back. Though I was tempted to tell Hijikata-san to throw the unconscious man back at Niimi just to piss of Serizawa. It was probably a good thing I didn't.

It had now been two days since Serizawa had the young man thrown at me. He did wake up a few times, but he was incoherent. I doubted that he even remembered those few waking moments.

"Hey, Shizuka-chan," Heisuke asked as he watched me change the bandages on the young man's arms. They were bruised and scraped up, but there was no severe damage that would be permanent. "Will this guy be alright?"

Little Yuu-kun, who had followed me into the room after following me around all day, narrowed his eyes and bristled at Heisuke. It was almost like he was insulted by the question. It was cute. Yuu-kun reminded me of a little angry hedgehog.

"Shizuka said he would, dummy!" Yuu-kun exclaimed, pointing accusingly at him before grabbing onto my arm adoringly as I was working. "Shizuka, why are you even friends with someone so dumb?"

"HAH?!" Heisuke's hand lashed out, grabbing the little kid by the ear. Yuu-kun dropped my arm in surprise at the sudden action. "What was that, you brat?! And why are you even acting so familiar with Shizuka-chan in the first place?! You should be calling her 'Onee-san'!"

"Shizuka! Hei-nii is picking on me!"

"HEY! Don't shorten my name like that!"

"Heisuke, leave the kid alone, he's only six," I scolded, making Heisuke drop the kid's ear in disbelief. Yuu-kun quickly ducked under my arm and then promptly stuck his tongue out at Heisuke.

"Why you little—"

"And to answer your question," I said, interrupting Heisuke mid-threat, "this guy will be fine. By the looks of his injuries, he was just punched and kicked around a bit. He doesn't even have any broken bones or ruptured organs." I removed the remainder of the old bandages before pausing to look at the katana the young man had been carrying around with him. "Hey, do you think this guy is a samurai?"

"If he was, then I don't think he would've been mugged," Heisuke pointed out, shooting Yuu-kun one last annoyed glare. "I've never met any samurai that was weak enough to get mugged."

"Yeah, but he's carrying a katana and unless he's a samurai or someone with special permission, it would be illegal for him to wear a katana on his hip. I doubt he has special permission like Otou-san and Hijikata-san."

"I dunno. Maybe he's one of those guys who pretend to be a samurai."

"Maybe. Or he could just suck at wielding a katana," I said before standing up. I gathered all the used bandages in the wooden tub I had with me and began heading out. Yuu-kun quickly followed after me, nearly colliding with me when I suddenly paused in the doorway. "I'm going to dispose of all the used bandages now. Can you keep an eye on him just in case he wakes up?"

"Sure," Heisuke answered just before I stepped outside and into the courtyard of the Yagi house.

Yuu-kun quickly followed me out, kicking up dust as he jumped down from the roka. Then he ran over to where I was waiting for him and grabbed onto the fabric of my hakama once he caught up. He beamed up at me, revealing his missing front tooth when I smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"It's the Hour of the Monkey. Don't you have lessons around this time?" I asked him once I was done ruffling his hair.

His eyes widened slightly in realization before he quickly pulled on an innocent mask and answered, "No."

I chuckled at his attempt to wiggle out of schoolwork before gently shooing him off. At first, Yuu-kun insisted that he finished all his schoolwork already but when I quirked my eyebrows at him, he caved with a guilty look. Then hastily, he let go of my hakama and ran towards the house.

"I'll be back when I'm done! We can play then!" he called back to me from the doorway before ducking inside, leaving me alone in the courtyard. Well, almost alone.

Souji, who was leaning against the wall by the well, had been waiting for me to finish up with my work. Once he saw Yuu-kun disappear into the house, he approached me from behind and plucked the wooden tub from my hands. He pecked me on the cheek lightly when I turned to greet him with a smile.

"Yuu-boy seems fond of you," Souji said with a cheerful smile, though I detected some silly concern in his voice. "Should I be worried about him replacing me?"

"The day someone replaces you as my best friend is the day the world ends."

Though my words were meant to playfully reassure him, something flashed behind his smiling emerald eyes briefly as he chuckled warmly at me in response. He then swept some of my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my skin when they brushed against my cheek.

"So," Souji shifted the wooden tub in his arm as he looked down at the dirty bandages in it, "what were you going to do with these?"

I pointed to the dedicated spot in the Yagi's courtyard where the trash got burned. "I was planning on incinerating the bandages so we don't get a nest of bacteria growing on them. I don't want anyone getting sick from unclean bandages."

"Then what?"

I tilted my head at him. "What do you mean?"

"Then what do you plan to do after that?" he clarified before playfully flicking my forehead, grinning when I bat at his hand. "You're done with all your chores or whatever you have to do for today, right?"

"I was planning on going back to relieve Heisuke from watching unconscious guy."

The grin slid off of Souji's face rather quickly as he hummed in disapproval.

"I don't mean to tell you how to do your job but…," he put the wooden tub with the bandages on the ground by his feet before putting both hands on my hips, "it's already been two days since you started taking care of the guy. Surely he's past the danger point or whatever and on the way to recovery. You don't **_have_** to be the one to monitor him anymore, right? Can't you just leave it to Heisuke?"

"'Past the danger point or whatever'?" I snorted. "Way to sound caring."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You know what I mean. And answer my question."

"His life was never in danger from his injuries in the first place," I answered as I ran my hands up his arms thoughtlessly. I felt him shiver slightly, so I stopped. "And I could just leave Heisuke to watch the guy for the rest of the day, but I'm sure that he has better things to do than watch a guy sleep."

"Just dump the job onto Shinpachi-san or Sano-san."

"Dump what job on me or Sano?" Shinpachi-san suddenly butt into the conversation as he stuck his head out of a nearby room. Sano-san shortly appeared afterward, stepping out of the room he and Shinpachi-san must have been occupying to see what was going on. "I don't wanna do any extra work that ain't mine in the first place!"

"That's true," Sano-san agreed with Shinpachi-san before taking a brief glance at me and Souji. His eyes specifically lingering on Souji's hands on my hips before a strange grin emerged on his face. "But," he approached me and Souji, "as long as the task isn't too complicated, I won't mind doing it."

"What?! Sano, You traitor!"

"Oh, come on, Shinpachi. Quit being so selfish," Sano-san said disapprovingly at Shinpachi-san. "While we've been here for the past few days, Shizuka hasn't had a chance to go out and explore Kyoto like we have. Let's help out a bit so Souji can take her out to tour the city."

"Who take who out?" a new voice suddenly asked before a door slammed open to reveal Hijikata-san. "Alone?"

Hijikata-san stepped out onto the roka with the look of disapproval on his face. I have no idea how long Hijikata-san had been listening in, but it was obvious that he had been eavesdropping for long enough. Otou-san and Sannan-san, who were no doubt in a meeting earlier with Hijikata-san, peered out curiously from behind Hijikata-san to observe what was going on.

"Kyoto is filled with ronin right now and there are dangerous men out on the streets that are all too willing and able to take advantage of a young woman. **_There are even a few living here amongst us now_** ," Hijikata-san preached as his eyes narrowed specifically at Souji. Souji returned Hijikata-san's glare with an annoyed glare of his own and removed his hands from my hips. "Shizuka's not going out with **_only_** Souji as her escort. Harada, Shinpachi, one of you go along too."

"Great! I'll go—" Shinpachi-san shouted gleefully before he was interrupted by Sano-san hurling the wood tub of dirty bandages at his face. He got nailed in the forehead by Sano-san's superb aim. "Sano, you bastard!"

Sano-san ignored Shinpachi-san's fuming and glanced at Souji first before speaking to Hijikata-san. "There's no need to worry. Souji's a **_responsible gentleman_** that is plenty strong enough to keep Shizuka safe by himself. There's no need to add another escort."

"Ho?" Hijikata-san seemed to take Sano-san's words as a challenge but before he could say more, Otou-san butt in cheerfully.

"Mah, mah, Toshi. Souji can keep Shizu-chan safe. Shizu-chan's always been safe with Souji before, so there's nothing to worry about. Right, Shizu-chan?"

"Kondou-san!" Hijikata-san exclaimed almost exasperatedly.

Seriously, men. They all seemed that to think I was incapable of heading out into the city myself. They seemed to forget that many of the women native to Kyoto had no problems hitting the streets without help or without a male escort most of the time.

"Those two shouldn't be alone together anymore without supervision. Souji's—"

"You know," I said, interrupting Hijikata-san as I put one hand on my hip, "I do have a naginata I know how to use. I'm sure I'll be fine even if I were to go out by myself. If you all are going to make a big fuss about who's going to escort me around the city, then I can go by myself. Or, ideally, I can just stay here and monitor the unconscious guy like I originally planned."

"No, no, that won't work at all," Sano-san instantly rejected. "Souji's gonna take you out **_alone_**. He'll take you to see some of the plum blossoms that are blooming around Kiyomizudera Temple[3] right now. You like flowers, right Shizuka?"

Then without waiting for anyone to respond, Sano-san practically grabbed me and Souji and threw us out of the Yagi estate. Just as Sano-san was slamming the front gate close, he paused slightly to whisper something to Souji.

"—owe me," was all I managed to catch before the gate closed.

I stood frozen in befuddlement at just suddenly getting kicked out. I literally had no idea what just transpired. **_It didn't make any sense._** The conversation went from caring for the injured guy to me and Souji being thrown out. How did that even happen?

I just stared wide-eyed at the gate a little longer before I turned to stare at Souji. He didn't seem to be bothered at all. I can even argue that Souji even looked a little pleased. When he noticed my befuddled stare, Souji just shrugged nonchalantly before grabbing my hand.

"Well, since everything's already been decided for us, let's just go," he said all too cheerfully before dragging me away from the Yagi house.

* * *

Before I could stop myself, I found myself fingering the white plum blossom Souji tucked behind my ear again with a stupid smile as we arrived back at the Yagi house. The sun was setting, so we arrived back just in time for me to prepare dinner for the night. I had wanted to stay at the temple a little longer, and Souji would have indulged me too, but the thought of the men having to fend for themselves when it came to matters of food made me drop everything and rush back. If something went south when the men were cooking…

I didn't want to have to deal with food poisoning. Not today.

"Oh, you're back," Hijikata-san said just as we stepped through the front gates.

Hijikata-san had been waiting for us like an overly concerned parent waiting for his teenage kids to come home after curfew. Souji's face soured when he saw Hijikata-san leaning against a wall right next to the front gate.

"It's **_you_** ," Souji all but sneered.

Hijikata-san's face dropped into irritation as soon as he heard Souji's tone. However, instead of picking a fight with Souji at the moment, Hijikata-san smoothed over his face and decided to talk to me instead.

"Did you enjoy yourself? Souji didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"

I beamed at Hijikata-san and he relaxed before smiling back in response. "Yeah, it was fun," I chirped before wrinkling my nose at the last question. "And why would Souji do anything inappropriate?"

What type of question was that anyway and why would Hijikata-san even ask something so out of place as that? Either way, all that question did was piss Souji off.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Souji butt in, clearly spiteful of Hijikata-san now. "When would I do anything inappropriate? You stupid mothering hen. Keep your nose out of this."

"When would you do anything—" Hijikata-san spluttered at Souji's overly hostile response. "Obviously, she would never say no to anything **_you_** would do to her! Seeing that she's still unwed, I'm just doing the responsible thing by checking to make sure her virtue is still intact!"

At this point, both men lost me. **_What were they even argue about this time?_** Hijikata-san just went from asking me if I had a good day to something—I don't even know. The arguing got so intense so quickly that I almost cried with relief when I saw Heisuke poke his head out of the unconscious guy's room to investigate ungodly the noise.

"What the—?" Heisuke muttered to himself before he saw me. "Oh! Shizuka-chan, you're back!"

Heisuke hopped out of the room and came to greet me and his presence seemed to cause and both men to suddenly stopped arguing. They both huffed angrily before refusing to look at each other. Heisuke shot me a confused look at Souji's and Hijikata-san's behavior.

"Did… Did I interrupt something?" Heisuke asked hesitantly. He briefly looked at both men before looking back to me.

I shrugged. "I don't even know what they're arguing about this time. Nothing they said made any sense."

I could have almost sworn that the expression of disbelief and exasperation flashed across both Hijikata-san's and Souji's faces at my words.

"I see…," Heisuke merely said as he crossed his arms behind his head. "Oh yeah! That injured guy woke up a few hours ago. He ate the porridge Gen-san brought him before he fell asleep again."

"Really?" I clapped excitedly at the news. "Could he sit up by himself? Did you get his name?"

I didn't want to keep referring to that guy as the "unconscious guy".

"Ah. Well, I didn't get his name and I kinda had to help him sit up."

Oh… And here I was hoping most of the hard work was done and I could just leave him to his own business to recover on his own. Seeing since he couldn't really sit up by himself, he still needed to have someone nurse him a bit longer.

"I guess I should give him a sponge bath tomorrow—"

"No," Souji interrupted me. I turned to him in surprise only to see a prevalent frown on his face. He never complained about me doing my job before like this. "Heisuke can wipe him down tomorrow. You don't need to do anything."

Heisuke instantly rejected the idea avidly, flailing as he waved his hands in front of himself in a no gesture.

"Eh?! Why me?!" Heisuke cried. Souji ignored him.

"Your job was just to make sure he was recovered enough not to die," Souji continued. He sounded so serious that I felt like I shouldn't interrupt him. "He already woke up and ate by himself. You don't need to waste any more time watching over him. Heisuke or anybody else can do the rest."

Souji then placed his hand on my lower back and gently started steering me towards the kitchen. However, before we could get too far, Hijikata-san stopped Souji by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Souji, you stay. We need to talk. Heisuke, escort Shizuka to the kitchen and help her with dinner," Hijikata-san ordered.

Hijikata-san's expression told me and Heisuke that it would be a bad idea to argue with him. Whatever he wanted to say to Souji must have been important and for Souji's ears only. As for Souji, he just looked like he wanted to punch Hijikata-san. Not wanting to be around when the fighting started up again, Heisuke hastily dragged me to the kitchen.

Two weeks passed after that evening and I never got to go back to care for the unconscious guy. Souji always somehow tracked me down whenever I was going to go check on the unconscious guy and he always managed to turn me the other way. After the first week of this, I just stopped trying to go check up on that guy. I knew by then that Inoue-san and Heisuke had the situation under control by then and didn't need me monitor the injuries that were probably almost all gone anyway.

"I wonder if that guy can walk now," I pondered out loud as I paused sweeping the paved portion of the courtyard.

Souji, who was sitting on the roka near where I was sweeping the floor, gave me a displeased look. "You shouldn't waste your time worrying about him, Shizuka."

I furrow my brow at Souji's mean-spirited words and attitude but decided to let it drop. I leaned my broom against the nearby wall and took a seat next to Souji. He perked up, seeming to approve of my choice to take a break before he plucked my hairpin from my hair. I didn't bother saying anything when he started to run his fingers through my hair. He always did seem to have a strange fondness for my hair after I let it grow out.

There was no need for words as we sat there. It was a comfortable silence. Souji brushed my hair over my shoulder with his fingers, exposing the nape my neck[4]. He then abandoned his interest in my hair and ran one finger lightly down the back of my neck until it brushed against the collar of my hakamashita. The action made me shiver. Acting as if my shiver affected him, Souji pressed a chaste kiss on the back of my neck. His lips barely grazed my skin, causing me to shiver some more.

Then, suddenly, whatever peaceful silence between us broke when Souji sat up alertly. His eyes narrowed towards the direction of the well and he abruptly stood up.

"Souji?" I said, watching him concernedly. I didn't like the way he suddenly tensed up.

"Stay here," he replied before he silently stalked towards the well, drawing my attention to another young man by the well.

It was the unconscious guy from before, except for… Well, he wasn't exactly unconscious anymore. There were no more visible injuries on his body from what I could see. He was the very picture of health. And as the young man was washing his face at the well, I suddenly had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I instantly knew, Souji was going to do something to him.

As predicted, as soon as Souji reached the young man, Souji shoved the young man away from the well. The unfortunate guy landed on his behind with a yelled before he glared angrily at Souji.

"Who the heck are you?!" they young man yelled as soon as he jumped to his feet. "And what's that for?!"

"Who am I? That's some way to say hello. Don't you know it's proper manners to introduce yourself before asking someone else for his name?" Souji replied back rather condescendingly as he leaned back to sit on the rim of the well.

"What are you talking about!?" The young man certainly had a healthy set of lungs. "You're the one who shoved me from behind!"

"It's your fault for standing in the way. This well isn't yours alone."

"Wasn't it obvious that I was washing my face?! Couldn't you wait a moment?!"

This wasn't going to end well. It was obvious that this was partially my fault. Souji didn't like how I had spent so much time on the young man before and I didn't actually do much to ease Souji's concerns, which was now resulting in Souji acting out. I was sure that if I didn't stop Souji right now, that there would a chance of broken bones. However, just as I got to my feet, Sannan-san appeared behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Let me handle this," Sannan-san said before smiling kindly at me. "Okita-kun will lash out more if Shizuka-chan is the one that stops him."

Then Sannan-san stepped forward and approached the two men to prevent the oncoming curb stomping from taking place.

"Okita-kun, why don't you let it drop?" Sannan-san said, making his presence known to the two of them. "Hijikata-san will yell up a storm if you two get too rowdy."

"Rowdy? What a thing to say, Sannan-san," Souji replied as he stopped leaning on the well. "He's the one that started it."

The young man crinkled his brow. He didn't look all too happy at the accusation.

"And you're the one that set him up," Sannan-san replied calmly to Souji before turning to face the young man with a deceptively kind smile. "You're the one that Serizawa rescued, are you not? Have you recovered from your injuries?"

"Yeah..." The young man paused briefly to think about something. "Where is that Serizawa guy right now anyways?"

"He is currently out right now. I believe he will be back later tonight." Sannan-san answered.

"So he's currently out, huh?"

"What do you need with Serizawa-san?" Sannan-san asked.

"I was told to thank him before I left."

"You're leaving? Good!" Souji cut into the conversation, annoyed at how his presence seemed to have been forgotten. "I was worried that you'd stick around and be a nuisance. But if you're going to thank your benefactors, then shouldn't you thank Kondou-san?"

Of course. Everything did always loop back to Otou-san in the end for Souji.

"Kondou-san?"

"He's the highest-ranking person in the Roshigumi," Souji explained, slightly puffing up with pride as he did so.

Knowing that it would be a bad idea to let Souji stay around the young man any longer while Souji was in a mood, Sannan spoke up again. "I can show him to Kondou-san," he offered. "Okita-kun, please go do some sword practice. You haven't been practicing seriously since we came here. Your senses will go blunt."

"Can't be. It's only been half a month."

"Just go. It's not a request, but an order," Sannan-san said quite sternly and Souji folded.

"Oh well. I suppose it'll be alright if Sannan-san watches over him. However, if anything happens to Kondou-san, even if it's Sannan-san, I won't forgive you. Please remember that."

Souji then returned to where I was. He took me by the hand and began leading me away to somewhere undoubtedly more private. But now I was no longer in the mood to spend any more time with Souji. His nasty attitude had put me off and I wanted him to reflect on his behavior.

"Who's that?" I heard the young man ask Sannan-san as I was being led away, causing me to look back briefly to watch those two converse.

"That is Shizuka-chan, Kondou-san's daughter. She's probably the reason Okita-kun was picking on you earlier."

"Hah?!"

Souji then led me around a corner and those two disappeared from sight. As soon as Souji released my hand, I cuffed him on the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Souji instantly responded, rubbing where I hit him.

I didn't dignify him with an actual answer and walked away. Souji knew me well enough not to follow. I was going to find Heisuke to pry some information from him about the young man Souji just had a confrontation with.

Unfortunately, Heisuke was nowhere to be found. Neither were Sano-san and Shinpachi-san. Instead of wasting my time searching for them, since I was sure they had gone out into the city, I went to pester Hijikata-san until it was time to prepare dinner. And just like a clockwork, as soon as dinner started to smell fragrant, the Idiot Trio appeared to pick at the food I had already finished cooking. I quickly slapped away Sano-san's and Shinpachi-san's hands while not bothering with Heisuke's hands since Heisuke always had a good deal of his meal stolen by Shinpachi-san anyways. Both older men shot a dirty look at Heisuke at the seemingly blatant favoritism.

"So his name is Ibuki Ryunosuke," I said, digesting the information that Heisuke gave me as I pulled the pot of soup off the stove. Dinner was now done. "So did he tell you anything else besides his name?"

"Nope, but he was pretty rude until Sano bashed him on the head," Shinpachi-san answered as he nursed his hand. He then pouted at me, hoping that I would cave and give him a piece of taro. I didn't.

"There's nothing a good blow to the head won't fix," Sano-san added to Shinpachi-san's statement. "Are you sure you won't give me one of those...?"

"Wait for dinner," I answered plainly before giving another piece of taro to Heisuke right in front of those two. Heisuke really seemed to enjoy rubbing his special privileges in his friends' faces.

"Mmm! This is really good, Shizuka-chan! Did you cook it differently from before?"

As it looked like Sano-san and Shinpachi-san were about to gang up on Heisuke, an explosive yell ripped the calm atmosphere of headquarters in half. We hastily exchanged glances before all rushing out to the source of the disturbance.

"You bastard! Do you realize whom you're speaking to?!" It was Serizawa. Again. "How dare you take that tone with me?!"

When we arrived at the scene, I saw that the disturbance had attracted everyone to the scene. Even the young man, who I now knew was Ibuki-kun, was here. We all arrived just in time to see Serizawa's tessen stop just centimeters from inflicting damage on Hijikata-san's handsome face.

"Why didn't you dodge?" Serizawa asked Hijikata-san. "Did you assume that I was going to stop?"

Hijikata-san's expression looked absolutely frightening as he regarded Serizawa. "I wasn't going to dodge regardless of whether you stopped or not. I didn't say anything wrong," he answered, continuing to stare the insufferable man down.

Serizawa snorted before he withdrew his fan and moved to walk past Hijikata-san. But just as he was beside Hijikata-san, he stopped to deliver a message. It wasn't smug or even condescending. The words were just blunt.

"It would hardly inconvenience us if we were to stop working together. If you don't like my methods, you're free to return to Edo whenever you like."

As soon as Serizawa finished, he continued on his way. Serizawa's men, who were with him, quickly scrambled after him as soon as he left.

"Are you alright, Hijikata-kun?" Sannan-san asked after a moment of silence.

"Sannan-san?" Hijikata-san jumped in slight surprise before turning to see everyone peering curiously at him. "What? Everyone's here?"

Otou-san spoke up, unanimously answering for everyone here. "We heard Serizawa's voice and thought there was trouble again."

"Whether there's trouble or not that man will clash with others simply by being alive."

Sannan-san shook his head at Hijikata-san's words. "Although I am sure that is true, you must improve at shrugging off his antics."

"He'll have to die and be reborn at least once for that to happen," Hijikata-san huffed in annoyance before he glanced at me and the funny expression that must have appeared on my face at his words.

And then I slipped up again.

I think I may have slightly unnerved everyone when I randomly started giggling so abruptly. In order to get me to shut up, Souji took it upon himself to slap his hand over my mouth before he raised an amused eyebrow at me. I decided to be childish and lick his hand. It was ineffective.

Hijikata-san then let out a tired sigh, eyeing me one last time, though a bit more warily this time, before he noticed Ibuki-kun.

"Who are you?" Hijikata-san asked so bluntly that he surprised Ibuki-kun. "You aren't a guest of Yagi-san's, are you?"

"I'm…" Ibuki began before Otou-san spoke up.

"It's the guy that collapsed on his way here. He said he wanted to thank Serizawa-san and has been waiting for his return."

"Makes sense," Hijikata-san said before he promptly stopped caring about Ibuki-kun's presence here.

It was then Shinpachi-san and Heisuke suddenly looked like they had a light bulb go off in their heads. They quickly turned to face Ibuki-kun while Shinpachi slapped a hand on Ibuki-kun's shoulder.

"Hey, Ryunosuke," Shinpachi-san said, ignoring the grimace that came from Ibuki from being slapped so hard. "Looks like Serizawa-san's had a lot to drink. Wouldn't it be best if you waited until tomorrow to thank him?"

"Yep, yep!" Heisuke quickly jumped in. He almost looked like a bunny from the way he was bouncing "Serizawa-san can't hold his alcohol worth squat."

"But…" Ibuki-kun began only to be ignored as Otou-san spoke up.

"Okay, for now, let's go back inside and have dinner."

"Sounds good," Souji agreed as everyone started to head inside.

Sano-san grabbed Ibuki-kun before he could run off and pushed him in the house while I smiled apologetically at the poor guy. Ibuki-kun probably regretted joining us for dinner that that night because, the next day, I found out that he was going to stay with us longer, by the courtesy of Serizawa.

"He said he'd keep you here as his dog?" Heisuke exclaimed after Ibuki-kun announced to the Idiot Trio what had happened when he had gone to go visit Serizawa earlier in the morning. Heisuke certainly looked disgusted at what Serizawa had said. "What a horrible thing to say!"

I shifted in an irritated manner as I was drawing water from the well for this morning's breakfast before I just gave up and just let the bucket drop back into the water below. Sano-san jumped slightly from his seat on the rim of the well when some of the water from splashed up and wet his clothing. He then sighed before petting the top of my head. His way of telling me to simmer down.

"We probably should have expected that. He's an awful person," I commented.

"Yeah," Sano-san agreed while shaking his head.

Shinpachi-san averted his gaze as he scratched the back of his head. "He's the most renowned member of the Roshigumi but he can be hard to handle in more ways than one," he commented, causing me to snort.

The understatement of the century. I sighed before I decided to go back to hauling the water up from the well. Breakfast wasn't going to get done if I didn't actually start cooking.

"But he at least treats you decently enough since the both of you use the Shindō Mugen-ryū style." Sano-san said, continuing the conversation as soon as I dropped out of it, "That man thinks the rest of us as nothing more than mere insects."

"But are you okay with this?" Heisuke asked Ibuki-kun.

"Sure," Ibuki-kun answered flatly with a shrug of his shoulder. "It's not like I had somewhere to go anyway. I just figured that things would work out once I made it to Kyoto."

I looked away from the guys as they continued to converse before my eye caught on a shadow behind a nearby open door. Hijikata-san had been eavesdropping the whole time. I found that the defeated expression on his face did not suit him.

* * *

[1] Sonnō jōi (尊皇攘夷 Revere the Emperor, expel the barbarians) was a Japanese political philosophy and a social movement derived from Neo-Confucianism; it became a political slogan in the 1850s and 1860s in the movement to overthrow the Tokugawa shogunate during the Bakumatsu period.

[2] Gôshi ("countryside/village warrior") were Edo period samurai who remained situated in the countryside rather than residing in castle towns. This was possible only in a few parts of the archipelago, including chiefly in the Satsuma Domain, which had the highest samurai to non-samurai ratio of any domain, and which was powerful enough to exact from the Tokugawa shogunate exceptions to policies such as that removing samurai from the land. Gôshi could also be peasants or commoners who have been granted certain privileges of the samurai, similar to goyô shônin, such as the right to bear swords, the right to audience with the lord, or the right to use of a family name in official documents, albeit without being actually made members of the samurai class.

[3] Kiyomizudera (清水寺, literally "Pure Water Temple") is one of the most celebrated temples of Japan. It was founded in 780 on the site of the Otowa Waterfall in the wooded hills east of Kyoto, and derives its name from the fall's pure waters. The temple was originally associated with the Hosso sect, one of the oldest schools within Japanese Buddhism, but formed its own Kita Hosso sect in 1965.

Kiyomizudera is best known for its wooden stage that juts out from its main hall, thirteen meters above the hillside below. The stage affords visitors a nice view of the numerous cherry and maple trees below that erupt in a sea of color in spring and fall, as well as of the city of Kyoto in the distance. The main hall, which together with the stage was built without the use of nails, houses the temple's primary object of worship, a small statue of the eleven-faced, thousand armed Kannon.

Behind Kiyomizudera's main hall stands Jishu Shrine, a shrine dedicated to the deity of love and matchmaking. In front of the shrine are two stones, placed 18 meters apart. Successfully finding your way from one to the other with your eyes closed is said to bring luck in finding love. You can also have someone guide you from one stone to the other, but that is interpreted to mean that an intermediary will be needed in your love life as well.

The Otowa Waterfall is located at the base of Kiyomizudera's main hall. Its waters are divided into three separate streams, and visitors use cups attached to long poles to drink from them. Each stream's water is said to have a different benefit, namely to cause longevity, success at school and a fortunate love life. However, drinking from all three streams is considered greedy.

[4] In traditional Japanese culture, the nape (known in the Japanese language as unaji 項) was one of the few areas of the body (other than face and hands) left uncovered by women's attire. The nape of a woman's neck holds a strong attraction for many Japanese men.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

 _"_ _That was one of the saddest things about people—their most important thoughts and feelings often went unspoken and barely understood."_ _―_ _Alexandra Adornetto,_ _Halo_

I couldn't sleep. At all.

I spent the first couple of hours rolling around in an attempt to get comfortable but all that did was work my blanket into a knot around my legs. Then, I stopped turning in hopes that I would just drift asleep. Obviously, I should have untied the knot around my legs first because it made my legs unbearably sticky with sweat.

I huffed in agitation before I shot up on my futon and angrily kicked the blanket away, only to grow more frustrated as the blanket refused to let go of my leg like a bloody leech. Giving the stupid blanket a final kick, granted just a tad bit too hard, the blanket finally flew off and landed in a messy heap on the floor.

I had enough of this. I needed a walk.

I rolled off of my futon in a very unladylike manner and slammed my bedroom door open. I was greeted with a blast of cold air, something very typical on a night in late February. It still caught me by surprise and I was immediately reduced to a mess of shivers. The sweat on my legs definitely didn't help me keep my body warm. I turned back around.

Walk? Yes.

Cold? No.

I needed a hanten[1]. However, my stupid evil blanket decided to stand in my way as I went to fetch the extra layer of clothing. I didn't even make it one step before tripping on the stupid thing and landing on my face with a loud thump.

Then I decided it was a wonderful thing to not have to share my room with anyone, especially any of the men.

I would have died from embarrassment if someone witnessed me tripping so ungracefully. The lower part of my sleeping robe opened up slightly when I fell, revealing my koshimaki[2], which had bunched up around my hips. Basically, if there was anyone nearby, they would have gotten a healthy glimpse of my lady parts.

I hastily shot up again and gave the blanket another kick as I muttered curse words and threats at the inanimate object like a mad woman before I stomped out my room. Forget about fetching a hanten. I didn't absolutely **_need_** to stay warm.

However, when I stomped around the corner of the house, I paused. Why did I even come out here? True, I couldn't sleep but I hated the cold and it wasn't like walking around in the cold was going to make me sleepy enough to pass out the moment I returned to the room. If anything, the cold just made it more impossible for me to fall asleep.

I slapped my own forehead for my own stupidity before groaning like a wounded animal. I honestly shouldn't even get annoyed at Souji and Hijikata-san anymore for saying that I had bouts of **_stupid_** because of how true it was.

"Shizu-chan?"

I jumped in fright at the sudden voice before spinning around to find Otou-san staring at me in confusion with Hijikata-san as they sat together on the roka. There was a small platter sitting between the two men with a cup of hot tea and a manjū bun for each man. The two men had obviously been sitting there for a while now.

How I managed to stalk past them without even noticing them, I don't know.

"Is everything alright?" Otou-san asked, tilting his head as he peered at me curiously.

Hijikata-san did the same before letting out an amused sigh. He then took a manjū bun from the platter and took a bite out of it before scooting over. As he swallowed, he patted the space he vacated earlier, telling me to sit down beside him wordlessly.

I did exactly what he told me to without much thought.

"Out doing stupid things because you can't sleep?" Hijikata-san asked a fond smile. For a moment, the look in his eye gained a faraway look. He was undoubtedly reminiscing about similar past events at Shieikan.

I nodded mutely before looking down at the cups sitting on the platter. There were only two, one for Otou-san and the other for Hijikata-san. They were obviously having some alone male bonding time before I interrupted it. Otou-san, however, misinterpreted my action when I stared down at the platter.

"Oh!" Otou-san exclaimed before smiling at me. "If you want my manjū bun, then go ahead and take it. Anything for my sweet little daughter." He had assumed that I was staring at the sweet snack that he had not yet touched.

I shook my head in response and flashed Otou-san a sweet smile at his offer as a courtesy before tilting back, allowing myself to fall onto the roka on my back. "Don't mind me. Like Hijikata-san said, I just couldn't sleep. Pretend I'm not here and go back to talking about what you were before."

Otou-san laughed fondly at my words, since my words were nothing he hadn't heard before, and reached for his cup before taking a sip of his hot beverage. He put the cup down on the roka to his right and looked to Hijikata-san.

"Are you really sure about this?" Otou-san said, carrying on the conversation from before I arrived.

Hijikata-san blinked in confusion as he turned his attention back onto Otou-san. "Am I sure about what?"

Otou-san shifted his gaze his feet. "I'm referring to Serizawa-san."

"Well, in all honesty, I'm amazed that we had to seek help from him." Hijikata-san paused to take another bite out of his manjū bun. "But even I realize that he's the only person we can rely on."

Even though I wasn't really paying that much attention to what the two men were saying, those words that just came out of Hijikata-san's mouth hit me a lot harder than I would like to admit. Serizawa was the only one in the Roshigumi right now with the status and connections to secure a patron and funding for the Roshigumi.

Serizawa, the one that belittled me just because I was a woman.

The one that treated my friends and family lower than trash.

The one that burned down someone else's property because he had been snubbed.

The one that went out drinking every night, accumulating debt on our tab.

The one that who lashed out with destructive behavior anytime he had consumed alcohol.

Serizawa, the one person I genuinely could not stand to be around without wanting to staple his fingers to his face.

Hijikata-san's words left a sour taste in my mouth. I didn't want to rely on that man. I was sure that nothing good would come from Serizawa's continuous influence. I felt like that man would get us the opportunities we needed before dragging us down with him as he spiraled downward from his destructive lifestyle.

I wasn't going to wait for that to happen. He was a threat.

If the Roshigumi needed Serizawa to attract a patron, fine. He would only be around long enough for that. Serizawa was like a tumor and I was no meek woman when push comes to shove. I would remove him when the timing was right.

I closed my eyes and rolled onto my stomach abruptly, incidentally attracting Otou-san's and Hijikata-san's attention, while I was attempting to get up. Unfortunately, I somehow misjudged just how close I really was to the edge of the roka… and tumbled off. I landed on my face for the second time tonight. I didn't bother getting up right away.

What was the point if I kept landing back on my face anyway?

"Shizu-chan?!" Otou-san exclaimed before he fell silent in befuddlement when I didn't get up. He must have turned to Hijikata-san when he said, "Err… Is she asleep? Her eyes were closed when she was rolling… Sometimes I can't tell. She's a bit strange at times."

I heard Hijikata-san sigh before I felt his foot nudging my side. "Shizuka? You alright?" He sounded a bit exasperated.

"I thought the ground looked pretty and wanted a closer look," I responded, sounding as serious as I could since I was not really willing to admit what really happened out loud.

I heard a snort before hands were tucked under my arms and I was lifted off the ground by Hijikata-san. When I was dropped back down on the roka, Otou-san was quick to examine my face for any damage. I, on the other hand, was quick to look away with an embarrassed pout when Otou-san broke out into laughter.

"If you're done, then I'm going to bed," I announced with crossed arms just as Otou-san's laughter died down into just snickers. I was so done with tonight.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Otou-san said through his snickers before rubbing my head fondly like I was still a kid. "You're just so too serious for the situation sometimes. It's endearing."

I didn't really feel like saying anything else, so I just nodded before heading back to my room. I spared them a somewhat petulant wave as a goodnight gesture before walking off completely. And despite hearing them laugh at my attempt to be serious, I smiled. They no longer sounded as tense as they did before when they were talking about the Roshigumi's dire situation. That was good enough.

However, I did lie to them about going to bed. I couldn't go to sleep. Right now was not the time to go to sleep.

Instead, when I got back to my room, I lit the lanterns in my room. I pulled out some writing instruments from my desk and grabbed the stack of blank papers sitting uselessly on my shelves. Wetting the calligraphy brush with the ink, I wrote the words "funds" and "sponsor" in the center of a blank piece of paper before circling them. Then I wrote "Serizawa" slightly off to the side as an afterthought and drew two lines, one line connecting "Serizawa" to "funds" and the other connecting "Serizawa" to "sponsor".

I needed a plan of action. I needed to analyze the situation know what I had to work with.

I wanted to get rid of Serizawa, that was nonnegotiable. But Serizawa, as shown in the diagram I just drew, was also the one that could get us what we **_needed_** at the moment. In order to get rid of the man, I had to somehow sever his ability to get what we needed and find a way to not lose what we would gain by keeping him.

I moved the piece of paper so that "Serizawa" was on the center of my desk and drew another line. This time, this line divided the space underneath the man's name in half. The left side was going to be filled with negatives, the right side was benefits. I would focus on the benefits first.

The first obvious benefit of having Serizawa was his connection to the Aizu Domain. He was our **_only_** connection to an influential domain in Kyoto. As irritating as it was, without Serizawa, no domain would even look at the Roshigumi, let alone sponsor us. I growled at that realization before moving on to the second benefit.

His status as a well-known samurai would make it easier to collect the funding we so desperately.

I paused before moving to the negative column to jot down my thoughts. Serizawa's way of getting money was by using his high social status to intimidate people into giving him money. He could collect a fair amount of money that way but if he did that in the name of the Roshigumi, the reputation of anyone that was connected to the Roshigumi in any way was going to take a hit, including whoever would end up sponsoring us.

Deciding to continue down the negative column, I then wrote down "behavior". Serizawa had a volatile personality. If people disregarded, angered, or disrespected him, he would act out in the most violent ways. This bad behavior would, yet again, ruin the reputation of anyone associated with the Roshigumi in any way.

And reputation was everything in a culture where death was preferred before dishonor.

I looked back up at the diagram I had drawn before and drew a circle around the line connecting "Serizawa" to "sponsor". This was the one connection I couldn't sever myself. The Roshigumi needed Serizawa to find a sponsor, but that didn't we needed him forever. Once Serizawa obtained a sponsor for the Roshigumi, he would sever that connection himself.

As for the "funding" portion of the diagram, I drew a perforated line across the original line connecting "Serizawa" to "funding". Severing this connection would be far easier. All I had to do was out compete Serizawa in obtaining funding and I had everything I needed to do so. I knew how to perform surgeries with the tools Tsune-san provided me and possessed medical knowledge people would pay heaps for. Plus, there was also the benefit that my methods would be preferred because they were nonviolent, and I could also build a positive reputation with successful surgeries, allowing for more income.

Then a plan came together as I stared at the diagram I marked up. I would take away Serizawa's ability to raise funding by outcompeting him, leaving his only value in his ability to secure a sponsor. Serizawa would then cause his own undoing when he completed that task, losing the only thing that made him valuable. He would then further make himself easy to remove by continuing his bad behavior.

If Serizawa was a useless troublemaker, then he was done for. That combination of traits would prove fatal to anyone and even his high social standing would do little to protect him. Keeping Serizawa around at that point would just be pointless and detrimental to the Roshigumi and removal would be imminent.

Yes, this plan could work, but only if I covered my tracks. Obviously, no man with a brain was going to sit around doing nothing once he realized what was happening. Any smart man would dispose of the poisonous thorn in his side as soon as possible. If I was caught, then game over. To minimize the chance of being caught red-handed, I would have to keep my operation secret from everyone until the time was right. Until I collected so much funding that it would be detrimental for Serizawa to even consider disposing of me.

But the easiest way to get caught, by far, was by leaving freshly written notes out in the open for people to read. So throwing caution to the wind, I burned the diagram.

When dawn arrived, which was actually in just about an hour since producing the plan literally took all night, I quickly dressed for the day and made haste for the kitchen. I wanted to be able to put my plan into action immediately and that involved heading to the city without an escort, something Hijikata-san would never allow me to do for safety reasons. So I intended to sneak out of headquarters before anyone woke up for the day. But I also found that couldn't bring myself to just leave without preparing any breakfast for the guys either.

Working quickly, I cooked some rice, chopped up some pickled vegetables, and make some miso soup for them to reheat later. Then I ran back to my room, grabbed my surgical tools and naginata before I made a quick exit from the Yagi house. The sun was still rising by the time I left. I was long gone before anyone even stirred.

As expected, the streets were still rather empty at the moment. If there was any shuffling of life, it was in the residential areas where people were drawing water from the wells and stirring from sleep. That area smelled incredibly like the scent of freshly cooked rice. The rest of the normally busy streets were still empty with the exception of a few hardworking business owners heading to work early and hungover men making their way home after a fun night.

Seeing how lifeless the city was, I headed towards an open teahouse, which I found surprisingly operated almost like Starbucks, much to my delight, and ordered a cup of hot tea while I waited for the capital city to swing to life again.

Hours passed as I watched the streets from my comfy bench at a teahouse for any potential medical patients. Then in the Hour of the Serpent, I spotted a young boy, probably around eight, lagging behind his friends while playing on the streets. He limped as he ran, never really picking up speed. The result of a broken tibia that never healed properly.

The injury wasn't life-threatening, but it was serious enough in this era. An injury that impeded normal movement of the body would seriously limit what the boy could do in the future career wise. This would be enough for the boy's parents to worry about his future and look for treatment options.

"Takumi!" a woman, boy's mother, suddenly called as she ran out of a nearby shop to reprimand him. "How many times do I have to tell you not to run on that leg? You might make the injury worse!"

"But I want to play with the other kids, Kaa-san! Why don't you ever let me have any fun?" the boy complained. He crossed his arms before averting his gaze when his mother's glare intensified.

"You know you can't afford to have that leg get any worse than it already is."

"It doesn't matter! I'm going to be a merchant like Tou-san is in the future, so why does it matter how well I can walk?"

"With the way inflation is rising right now, the future is uncertain. There is no guarantee that you will be able to become a merchant like your chichi-ue."

I gathered my items as I prepared to approach the woman. They were in the growing merchant class. They likely had money to spend. The perfect first target.

"Umm, excuse me?" I butt in gently just as I pretended to walk by, playing the role of a concerned young woman. "I noticed that your son had difficulty keeping up with the other children due to his injury. Have you had any doctors look at that leg yet?"

The mother looked at me, or more specifically my naginata. She seemed a bit suspicious at first before I won her over with a genuine expression of concern. "Yes, but none of the medication any of the doctors have prescribed have worked." She sighed afterward. "Maybe this injury is just too severe for doctors to fix."

"I wouldn't say so. The doctors just have been trying to fix the leg using the wrong methods."

"Really?" She seemed, rightfully, skeptical but she was hopeful at the same time "Do you know of a doctor that can fix this?"

"I know how to fix the leg. It wouldn't be my first time either." Well, if I counted my previous life.

"You're a doctor?" Her eyes widened before they shot quickly to my naginata once more. "I thought you were the daughter of a samurai because of the naginata you're carrying."

I laughed good naturally just to butter her up some more before leveling a disarming smile her way. "I only have this naginata because a close friend of mine didn't want me in Kyoto without any way of defending myself. I'm nowhere close to having samurai blood in my veins."

"Oh!" The woman perked up and definitely seemed far more friendly now than before. "So how would you fix the leg?"

"Your son's leg never healed properly after he broke it, right?" The woman nodded. "For the leg to heal properly, the bone must be broken again and then held in place by pins to heal straight. It might sound scary, but this operation is rather simple and has minimal risk because of your son's young age."

"You said that you've done this before. Has the operation always been successful?"

"I've never failed once," I stated with pride. "I can perform the same operation if you are willing to pay for my skills and the supplies needed. In fact, if you can purchase all the materials then I could even operate today."

Those words certainly caught her attention. She looked down at her son briefly before looking back at me, then to her family store.

"Why don't you come inside the store so we could discuss the details inside with my husband?" the woman exclaimed after she made up her mind. She was quick to usher me and her son inside. "Come along Takumi, we might just get that leg fixed!"

In the end, the boy's father ended up consenting to the operation near immediately after a short explanation. Both parents were desperate for their son to have a normal life and immediately paid me before going to purchase the needed materials. I operated on the boy's leg that same day.

As I was walking back to the headquarters after the operation, I spotted Ibuki-kun walking back to headquarters while carrying a jar of saké over his shoulders. I wrinkled my nose in disapproval. A sip of alcohol, every once in a while, was good for the body but at the rate Serizawa was drinking, I was surprised he didn't have liver failure yet. But then again, if he ended up with liver failure, I wouldn't be sad to see him go.

Wanting company, I called out to him before jogging to catch up to him. "Ibuki-kun!" I said before tagging him on the shoulder. "Are you heading back now?"

"Wah! It's you!" he cried in surprise, nearly dropping the jar as he jumped like a spooked cat. He then turned to me and shoved his finger in my face rudely. "Where have you been?! Hijikata-san asked Sano, Shinpachi, and Heisuke to look for you while they were out patrolling the streets!"

"Oh," I merely responded with the shrug of my shoulder. He gave me the stink eye before realization dawned on his face and he suddenly panicked.

"Gah!" He jumped again before running ahead to put some distance between us. "I shouldn't even be talking to you! Okita will beat me up again if he knows I've been speaking to you!"

I didn't let him keep that desired distance between us and jogged to catch up to him again. Before he could bolt on me, I grabbed his arm and practically handcuffed myself to him. "Aw, don't be so mean. Let's walk back together."

I sounded annoyingly cheerful when I spoke and it was all for the sake of drawing an amusing reaction out of him. But I was sure that if I reappeared at headquarters with Ibuki-kun then I would most likely not get scolded as much by Hijikata-san. Ibuki-kun, on the other hand, sounded like he was sure he was going to get murdered.

"Ah! Nononono! Don't follow me! Let go!"

"But we're going same way anyways. Besides, think of what Souji would do to you if he found out that you let me walk around Kyoto alone."

Ibuki-kun whimpered at my words and started to drag his feet as he walked, probably believing that he would live longer if he didn't arrive back at headquarters so quickly. "That's so cruel of you…"

When the both of us neared Mibu temple, unsurprisingly we heard the sound of wooden swords clashing with each other. As the Yagi house was somewhat too small to be having multiple people training in the courtyard at the same time, the guys often came to Mibu temple to train. Curious about who were training at the current moment, both Ibuki-kun and I exchanged glances before peeking through the gates.

It was Souji and… Saito-san?

I nearly dropped the items in my hands just to rub my eyes. For a moment, I thought I was just imaging things. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before reopening them. Sure enough, Saito-san still remained.

How did he even track us down?

Ibuki-kun paused to watch the spar with me. Both Souji and Saito-san were facing each other, each as still as stone statues. Then Souji moved first, bringing his bokken above his head and slamming it downwards towards Saito-san only to have it blocked. Saito-san pushed the attack away and Souji quickly shifted into a thrust. Souji's attack missed, allowing Saito-san to counterattack. To dodge the attack, Souji spun out of the way and leaped back to create some space between them.

"Most impressive, Hajime-kun. You don't let a moment's weakness slip by," Souji commented. The smile of wild excitement on his face was one I hadn't seen in a long time.

Both men resumed, attacking each other only to reach another stalemate as the blades locked together. Seeing no way of being able to overpower the other, both men separated and leaped back once again.

"You're still the same as ever. Just the fact you're left-handed makes you all the harder to lunge at."

"And it would seem you've improved upon your suri-ashi[3] side step as well," Saito-san commented as well.

Souji grinned at that complement. "I bet you're going to be unbeatable, even here in Kyoto."

Then they attacked each other again. Saito-san managed to launch two thrusts at Souji before Souji pushed him back. Both sensing that the end of the spar was near, they both brought their wooden swords over their heads for one last powerful strike. However, at the last moment, Saito-san vanished briefly and reappeared by Souji's left. His bokken was touching Souji's side. An expression of disbelief at the hit was present on Souji's face before it faded into one of resignation.

"You got… one in," Souji said with a somewhat strained smile. He was one that could never take defeat well.

Both men then disengaged before bowing respectfully to each other to end the sparring session.

"Hey, Hajime-kun," Souji then said after the bow. "Have you changed the way you lunge? Did you undergo training at a different dojo or something?"

"No, I don't believe I have changed my style."

"Hmm…" Souji didn't seem to believe what Saito-san said but he didn't question Saito-san's answer.

It was at this moment, I dropped the items in my hands by the temple gates and tackled Saito-san with a hug. Both men seemed to be surprised by my sudden appearance and Saito-san, the moment he got over his shock, froze stiff.

"When did you get here? Are you staying with us?" I asked excitedly, bouncing up and down without really releasing Saitou-san. I had missed him.

Instead of answering me, Saito-san just stared at me with wide eyes. He didn't seem to know what to do when a young woman was attached to his side.

"He just got here and he's staying with us," Souji answered me instead when Saito-san remained speechless. He didn't seem too happy to see me attached to Saito-san. "But of course, you would have known if you actually stayed at the Yagi house like you were supposed to." He narrowed his eyes at me as he pried me off of Saito-san. "Where did you go anyways?"

"I was out with Ibuki-kun," I answered faux-innocently to make Souji forget his question before pointing to Ibuki-kun, who was in the middle of sneaking away.

"Oh?" Souji responded with a dark smile as a shadow fell ominously over his face. He sped over to where Ibuki-kun was and forcefully looped an arm around Ibuki-kun's shoulders. "So you decided to take Shizuka with you?"

"N-no! You've got it all wrong!" Ibuki-kun immediately cried in panic before yelling at me. "Don't tell him lies! I don't want to die yet!"

I just merely smiled and waved innocently back at Ibuki-kun. He looked like he was about to break out into tears. This was too much fun.

"So you're calling Shizuka a liar? Both of you did return together." Souji's voice now dripped with venom.

Saito-san just sighed at the whole thing and stared at me through the corner of his eye while I smiled slyly back at him. He was already used to my antics.

"N-no! The only reason we returned together is because we ran into each other outside! I-I didn't want her to walk back by herself because it was dangerous!" Ibuki-kun attempted to explain in a flurry panic as he futilely tried to inch away from his assailant.

"Hmm… well, I guess you did alright." Souji then released Ibuki-kun but the dark shadow remained on his face as he gazed down at Ibuki-kun. "But remember, I'm watching you."

Ibuki-kun ran away from the temple as fast as he could after he was released.

Souji snorted at Ibuki-kun's actions while muttering, "Coward," to himself. He then bent down and picked my fallen objects off the ground before returning to where Saito-san and I were standing.

"So what were you doing?" Souji asked as he raised an eyebrow at me.

So he didn't forget his question. "Hmm… I wonder…"

Souji frowned slightly at my response before practically shoving his face into my personal space as he observed me. "You're not going to tell me?"

I shook my head wordlessly before I attached myself to his arm. He seemed to forgive me for my lack of an answer due to my actions before he pecked the top of my head lightly. Then, at that moment, Saito-san decided to enter the conversation.

"If you were out all day without telling anyone, then we should return to the Yagi house now to put an end to Hijikata-san's worrying," he suggested.

I really wished that I didn't agree to his suggestion right away. Doing so got me whacked.

"Ow!" I cried as Hijikata-san cuffed me on the back of my head with his hand. The moment he saw me walk in the house, he whacked me.

"Just what were you doing? What did I say about leaving the house alone?" Hijikata-san furrowed his brow as he harshly scolded me.

"To not to." I rubbed the spot he hit.

"So care to tell me why you disobeyed?"

"No, not really."

A vein appeared on Hijikata-san forehead at my response before he started pulling on my cheek. "Ho? Care to repeat that?"

"Ouch, ouch, ouch! Let go!" I cried while pulling at his hands, trying to get him to release me.

Otou-san just shook his head at me with a small smile and let Hijikata-san continue to abuse my face. Souji was no help either; all he did was laugh at me before tugging on my other cheek.

"Shizu-chan, you should listen to Toshi," Otou-san said when he was done laughing at me. "He's only looking out for you."

Now with Saito-san rejoining us, dinner was especially lively and I unsurprisingly ended up cooking some extra tofu. Otou-san was especially heartened by Saito-san reappearance. So much so that it bothered Souji.

"Truly, I am excited that you rushed to our aid, Saito-kun. It is most heartening," Otou-san said to Saito-san as we all gathered to eat dinner later that night. "With you here, we're a hundred men stronger."

Souji, who sat next to Saito-san, took a bite of food while looking envious at the praise Saito-san received from Otou-san. I nudged Souji's side and placed an extra sardine from my plate in his bowl to try to cheer him up.

"Sir!" Saito-san replied respectfully to Otou-san's praise.

"With him here, everyone from our Edo days has been reunited," Sannan-san stated before taking another bite. Both Otou-san and Hijikata-san nodded at that statement.

Suddenly, Shinpachi-san perked up like he just realized something before he looked around the room. "What's Ryunosuke up to?"

Ibuki-kun, who usually dined with us was nowhere in sight. His seat was empty and his dinner remained untouched. I furrowed my brow at the empty seat before making a note to myself to bring his food to his room later.

"I told him we're eating," Heisuke answered, "but he said he doesn't want any dinner."

"A moment, Nagakura-kun," Otou-san then cut in

"Yeah?" Shinpachi-san focused his attention back onto Otou-san.

"How was the city?"

"Right, I spotted some ruffians causin' problems here and there."

"It'd probably be best if we avoided going out alone," Sano-san added before giving me a pointed look. I pretended not to notice it as I pushed some more of my own food onto Souji's plate, silently telling Souji to stop picking at his food and eat more. "A rogue samurai could strike us down at any time and the locals won't be of any help."

"I see… This is even worse than I imagined" Otou-san then shot me a stern look too. I couldn't ignore that one and quickly shrunk back and hid behind Souji to escape Otou-san's glance.

Hijikata-san then smiled confidently before nodding at the challenge that presented itself before us.

"Let them bring it on!" Hijikata-san announced charismatically. "Because the locals and the clans aren't up to the task, we've got a chance to make a name for ourselves. You guys came prepared for danger, didn't you? You aren't going to declare you want to go home back in Edo, right?"

I swear that confidence oozed out of every pore of Hijikata-san body when he spoke. The guys also seemed to pick up on that and responded positively to the declaration by letting their wild grins grow on their faces.

Shinpachi-san was the first to respond. "I wouldn't have followed ya all the way to Kyoto if I was going to do that."

"Yeah!" Heisuke then agreed with just as much excitement. "Everyone here formed their resolves ages ago!"

Otou-san then bowed gratefully from his seat position, touched at everyone's words. "This may prove trying, but I hope you will bear with us for a while!"

Souji grinned in response. "Don't even get started, Kondou-san."

"We're used to the poor life!" Heisuke finished cheerfully.

"Like, seriously. Just gettin' miso soup and pickles is a luxury compared to life back at Shieikan," Shinpachi-san finished with a grin. "There were times that Shizuka could only prepare barley rice for us to eat. I'd never been so hungry in my life than the time we were on that diet."

"You said it!" Sano-san agreed.

Everyone laughed cheerfully at that.

The following morning, much to my great displeasure, Hijikata-san was waiting by the front gates. I had no idea when he even started standing by the front gates but it was obvious that he was waiting just for me to attempt to leave headquarters by myself. I had waited, hoping that Hijikata-san would eventually leave the gates unguarded. That never happened. He just seemed to continue standing there tirelessly.

It was now already the Hour of the Dragon and if I didn't leave soon, then I wouldn't have enough time to check on the boy from yesterday or even find a new patient. There was no way I would be able to get out of the headquarters unnoticed today unless I found some way to distract Hijikata-san. I quickly ducked into my hiding spot as Hijikata-san's hawk-like gaze swept over the area where I was once standing.

It was fine by me. If Hijikata-san wanted to play this game, then we'd play. It wouldn't be so hard to draw Hijikata-san away from the front gates. Not if I had a plan.

As soon as Hijikata-san gaze had passed, I hastily made my way to the kitchen, peeking into the other nearby rooms as I passed them to see what I would have to work with. In the unused room to the left of the kitchen were Sano-san and Shinpachi-san. They had a shogi board between them.

I grinned. This was going to be too easily.

Quickly putting on an apron when I arrived in the kitchen, I dusted the front of the apron with flour along with my hands. Once that was done, I returned to the room Sano-san and Shinpachi-san were in.

"Sano-san, Shinpachi-san," I called into the room as I appeared in the doorway. "Otou-san wants to talk to Hijikata-san and Sannan-san. Do you think you guys could go get them? I would go do it myself, but as you can see, I'm busy with making gyōza[4] in the kitchen. I can't leave the unfinished food in the kitchen for too long."

Those two instantly fell for the trick and even looked excited at the mention of the food item. Shinpachi-san looked especially excited, especially when he had to wipe away the drool that had accumulated in the corner of his mouth with his hand.

"Oh, it's been awhile since we ate any gyōza!" Sano-san said in pleasant surprise. "Sure, we'll go get them for you. I'll go get Hijikata-san and Shinpachi will go get Sannan-san."

"Sure thing, princess! Just focus on making those gyōza delicious! Yum! I can just taste them already!"

Someone was going to be very disappointed when he finds out that he's been deceived.

Both men exited the room and I returned to the kitchen to wait for Sano-san to remove Hijikata-san from the front gate. I watched from my hiding spot in a nook in the kitchen as Sano-san approached Hijikata-san.

"Hijikata-san, Kondou-san wants to talk to both you and Sannan-san."

"What about?"

"I'm not sure. Shizuka was originally supposed to go get you, but she's busy in the kitchen. She doesn't want to leave the food unsupervised. She's making gyōza today."

"Oh! It's been awhile since she made any gyōza for us. Well then, I guess I didn't need to guard the front gate after all. If Shizuka's busy in the kitchen, then that must mean she wasn't planning on sneaking out today. Well, I better go see what Kondou-san wants to talk about."

I got out of my hiding place and ditched the apron as soon as both Sano-san and Hijikata-san entered the main building, leaving the front gate unguarded. I quickly snatched my naginata and surgical tools that were leaning against the kitchen wall and made a dash for freedom.

I made sure to apologize to them in mentally before I was out the front gates.

However, while I did make it out of headquarters, I actually didn't make it really far. I didn't even make it down the block before I was caught. But Hijikata-san wasn't the one that caught me

"Oh? Just where do you think you're going?" I heard Souji ask.

I froze before I turned to see Souji leaning against a wall. He grinned deviously at me before he approached me and brushed my cheek lightly with the back of his knuckle.

"You won't be able to sneak away this time. I know you too well. So where are you going this time, hmm?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't have a backup. If I failed now, it would be even harder to sneak away when Hijikata-san figured out what really happened.

I just stared wide-eyed at Souji, watching him narrow his eyes at me as his expression morphed into a particularly nasty one.

"Don't tell me you're sneaking out just to go meet a man—"

Then, at that moment, I decided I would go for the shock factor and stun Souji just enough to escape.

Souji was a young man that, strangely enough, had never had the company of a woman's warmth and intimate touch for a night. He was inexperienced and I knew I could take advantage of that.

Instead of trying to reason my way out of this one, I abruptly cut him off by shoving my lips against his. And this was where the plan failed.

Instead of freezing up like I predicted and giving me a chance to escape, Souji eagerly pushed me up against the wall he was leaning on before without breaking the kiss. His arms were on either side of my head, trapping me in place, as he deepened the kiss.

Instead of Souji being the one to freeze up, I end up being the one frozen in shock. I couldn't even respond when Souji invaded my mouth with his tongue. Perhaps I had been wrong about Souji being inexperienced when it came to the matter of interacting with the opposite gender. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

I didn't know why but just the thought that Souji may have been with another woman before made my chest clench painfully for a second.

"SHIZUKA!" The silence was broken with Hijikata-san's distant yell of anger.

Obviously, by now, Hijikata-san had figured out that I had tricked him. If I was smart, I would have pushed Souji off of me and left him to deal with Hijikata-san as I fled. But I wasn't smart. While I was too shocked to react to Souji's kiss, I also found that I **_enjoyed_** it. I remained frozen in my spot, allowing Souji to do whatever he wanted. Counting down from ten in my head, I heard the footsteps of a single person running approaching. The footsteps came to a sudden stop on our left side when my count reached zero.

"SHIZU—," I heard Hijikata-san yell before blurting out an ineloquent, "WHAT?!" I could have sworn his eyes popped out of his skull.

At the interruption, Souji broke away but kept his arms where they remained. He then turned his head toward Hijikata-san with an unimpressed expression on.

"Doesn't Hijikata-san know that it's rude to interrupt?" Souji all but sneered.

"I-I—what?" Hijikata-san stuttered, too baffled to do anything else. He quickly cleared his throat before composing himself so that he didn't look like a complete idiot anymore. "Well, as long as Shizuka isn't running around by herself! Just don't touch her in an inappropriate manner and we won't have a problem!" Hijikata-san snapped with a slight blush evident on his cheeks before he began stalking back to headquarters.

Souji continued hovering over me even after Hijikata-san vanished from sight. He then let one of his hands drop to caress my side, looking delighted when he saw me shiver, before letting his hand rest on my hip. Then instead of letting me go, he tucked his face into the crook of my neck and started sucking on my neck.

Once again, I should have stopped him. I should have said something. I didn't. I remained still and enjoyed the warm tingling feeling that crawled its way up my belly.

When Souji finally pulled away from my neck, he looked satisfied. His other hand then dropped from the wall to stroke the spot he had been sucking on. There was no doubt about it. Souji had left a love bite on a very visible location on my neck.

"Did you really think that you could trick me like that?" Souji then asked quietly. "You thought I would freeze up and give you a chance to escape. I already told you that I know you too well."

I flushed before looking down in guilt.

Souji then sighed before he stepped away from me. "I know you have a good reason for sneaking out even though I know you won't tell me, but I trust you. I'll keep Hijikata-san off your back so you can leave more easily. I won't ask what you're doing, but promise me you'll be careful."

My eyes widened at his words and all I could do was nod mutely before I jumped on him with a quick hug.

"I promise. You're the best, Souji," I said before I touched the mark he left on my neck in slight confusion. "But what was the point of leaving a mark on my neck?

"It's just a warning."

"For me? What type of warning is that supposed to be?!"

Souji let out a sigh before he affectionately said, "No, dummy. It's a warning for other men."

He then turned around and returned to headquarters.

* * *

[1] Hanten (袢纏; also 半纏, 半天, or 袢天), a short winter coat, is an item of traditional Japanese clothing. The coat started to be worn, especially by the common people, in the 18th century during the Edo period. The shape of the hanten bears a resemblance to the haori and is worn by both males and females. The facing and lining are padded with thick layer of wadded cotton for warmth. The collar is usually made of black sateen. Hanten often display a family crest or other designs.

[2] Unlike the men in the Edo era, women did not wear fundoshi. Instead they wore a koshimaki, which is a hip wrap that looks very similar to a long skirt. They are unlike modern underwear as they are open-ended and do not cover at all if flipped over the hip.

[3] Footwork in kendo where the person Steps forward by pushing off with the left foot, then quickly brings the left foot back into the beginning foot position.

[4]Gyōza or otherwise known as Jiaozi, are a kind of Chinese dumpling, commonly eaten across Eastern, Central, Southern and Western Asia. Though considered part of Chinese cuisine, jiaozi are often eaten in many other Asian countries.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

 _"But what Mom never told me is that along the way, you find sisters, and they find you. Girls are cool that way." ― Adriana Trigiani, Viola in Reel Life_

I glanced briefly at Ibuki-kun as I entered the room with three cups of hot tea before I turned away with a sigh. I would give him points for effort but even I couldn't fault Serizawa for looking displeased with him. Because, seriously, that's what Ibuki-kun called a shoulder massage? All it looked like he was doing was digging his elbow into Serizawa's shoulders. But if Ibuki-kun was **_trying_** to displease Serizawa, then I'd respect him a little more for having the courage to.

But in the end, it was that Ibuki-kun just sucked at giving shoulder massages.

Serizawa, who shouldn't have even been paying attention to me, seemed to notice my reaction to Ibuki-kun's crappy job and snorted in amusement as I knelt down beside Otou-san.

"Here you go," I said as I placed Hijikata-san', Otou-san's, and Sannan-san's cups of tea by their seats.

Otou-san smiled at me and picked up his beverage to take a sip. "Thank you for all your hard work, Shizu-chan."

While Hijikata-san and Sannan-san didn't say anything, they still nodded in thanks before focusing on Serizawa again with weighty expressions. The atmosphere of the room seemed to grow heavy with Hijikata-san's and Sannan-san's presence before fluctuating when it collided with Serizawa's condescending attitude.

"You're hitting the town so you can guard him?" Serizawa asked in a patronizing tone as he continued the conversation he was having with those three from before I entered the room. He sounded like he wanted to laugh.

"Correct," Otou-san answered, his smile revealing his excellent mood.

Otou-san seemed not to hear the tone Serizawa was speaking with, nor did Sannan-san and Hijikata-san. Although, Serizawa did always sound especially haughty when he spoke regardless of the situation. Perhaps, Otou-san and the others had merely just learned to disregard Serizawa's speech patterns. I, on the other hand, couldn't ignore Serizawa's tone. Other than it making me want to staple his fingers to his face, it also made me want to sew his mouth shut.

"Today Lord Iemochi shall enter the capital," Otou-san continued. "Although we were not called to serve, we originally came to the capital specifically to protect the Shogun. Considering the state of Kyoto these days, we should go volunteer to guard him."

"There is no need to guard that inept fool."

The smile on Otou-san's face instantly vaporized. He, along with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san, looked absolutely scandalized by Serizawa's disrespectful words.

I bit my lip at those harsh words, but I wasn't offended like those three were. I, for one, never really understood the why Otou-san put the Shogun on an almost godly pedestal when the Shogun was just a normal mortal man, so I agreed with Serizawa on the lack of need to guard the Shogun. Plus, the Shogun surely had his own guards, so a group as small as the Roshigumi wouldn't even appear on his radar. But, other than that, I disagreed with everything else Serizawa said. The Shogun was just one person doing the best he could with whatever political situation he inherited. The Shogun was not a fool or inept, just given an impossible situation to deal with. After the Sengoku era, Japan entered into isolation for two hundred years. Japan was frozen in time for two hundred years while the rest of the world moved on and grew in power.

And then imperialism happened. I remembered what I learned in my modern world history class back in high school in my past life. The world watched as China was crushed in the Opium Wars[1] before being forced to sign the unequal treaties[2]. China was far more advanced and far larger than Japan in the nineteenth century, yet they were trampled and their sovereignty spat upon.

The Shogun had two choices when the Black Ships arrived. Open the country or repel the foreigners. To live in shame or to die. The Shogun chose to open the country, to live in shame. The Shogun and his officials signed many unequal treaties to avoid war.

This made it look like Japan was bending its knee to barbaric outsiders. Many did not like this.

"Serizawa-dono, that was out of line even if said in a mere jest!"

Serizawa smiled in amusement at those Otou-san's blind hero worship. "I simply called him inept because he is. It is a disgrace to the Shogun line for nobles who have holed up here for a thousand years to summon him so they can request he expel the foreigners." He then turned to me, his smirk growing. "You agree, don't you, little vixen? I can read your thoughts on your face."

I turned my nose up at him while the other three looked at me in surprise and even a little shock. "Leave me out of this. I didn't bother bringing you tea because I didn't want to deal with you in the first place. And if I did bring you tea, I would have only done so because I poisoned your tea."

"Impertinent woman!" Serizawa barked at me, causing Otou-san to snap out of his shock so he could scold me.

"Shizuka," Otou-san snapped using my full name, "don't be so disrespectful to Serizawa-dono!"

I merely huffed with crossed arms and turned the other way before uttering, "Bite me," childishly. I didn't care if Otou-san was displeased with me on this. The day I started being polite to Serizawa was the day the insufferable stopped belittling me, which was going to be never.

"Shizuka!" Otou-san never seemed so shocked with my rebellious attitude. He put his hand on my head to firmly shove me into a low bow as he too bowed at Serizawa. "I apologize for my daughter's rudeness! Please forgive her!"

Deciding to be difficult in my indignation at the forced apology, I snorted loudly in the middle of Otou-san's apology and shoved his hand off my head so I could turn my nose up at Serizawa again. Otou-san looked aghast at me while Serizawa just scoffed at my actions.

"Serizawa-sensei, it's me, Niimi," Niimi then abruptly called from outside the room, disrupting Otou-san's efforts to get me to apologize.

"Enter," Serizawa barked.

Niimi entered, just as Otou-san gave up on attempting to discipline me for the moment, and whispered something into Serizawa's ear. Serizawa nodded before he rapped Ibuki-kun's poor knuckles with his tessen.

Ibuki-kun instantly recoiled with a wince. "Ouch!" he cried as he instantly went to nurse his bruised fingers.

"That was utterly worthless! You're one useless mutt!"

Ibuki-kun looked like he wanted to retort, but he ended up going for the cowardly and safer option of muttering unflattering things about Serizawa under his breath. He quickly flinched and went silent when Serizawa spared him a brief angry glance.

Serizawa then followed Niimi out of the room, not caring that Otou-san seemed to have more to say. Determined to get his words in, Otou-san was quick to chase after the man. I poked my head out the door just so I hear the rest of the stupid conversation.

"Serizawa-dono!"

Serizawa paused. "If you wish to go, then you and your men are welcomed to do so. Won't stop you." He then turned and left, ignoring Otou-san rudely as Otou-san continued to call after him desperately.

"Serizawa-dono!"

"Let it drop, Kondou-san," Hijikata-san said as he stepped out of the room along with Sannan-san. Undoubtedly, Hijikata-san didn't like how desperate Otou-san sounded and wished to put a stop to it. "We'll go without him."

"He said he wouldn't stop us," Sannan-san stated as he watched Serizawa turn at the corner of the house with Niimi.

Otou-san's face then dropped. "Then that's all we can do…"

I let out an annoyed growl and stuck my middle fingers up at Serizawa's back before ducking back into the room so I could take a look at Ibuki-kun's hand, leaving the three men outside to sulk over what Serizawa said. And when Ibuki-kun saw me coming for his hand, he recoiled yet again before he began protesting when I disregarded him and snatch up his hand.

"I can do it my—"

I shot him a sharp, annoyed glare. "Shut up."

Whatever words in his mouth died as he let his mouth hang open at my blatant rudeness while I tilted his hand under the sunlight to examine the damage. When I was satisfied with my examination, I pulled out the small jar of salve I always kept on me and rubbed the medical paste into the skin of his knuckles before shoving the what was left in the jar into his hands.

"Use when needed. It should dull the pain of any bruises you have."

Ibuki-kun grumbled under his breath as he accepted the jar. "I didn't say that I would take it…"

So I stomped on his toes in my agitation.

"Ow! What the hell was that for!"

"Shut up. I didn't say you could talk yet," I snapped before narrowing my eyes at him. He wisely shut up this time, sensing that I would do something terrible to him while in my bad mood. "Good. Now, let's go to where the others are. They're probably already waiting by the front gates and ready to go."

Obediently, Ibuki-kun followed me as I left for the front gates so Otou-san could talk to his two advisors in private. But before we could completely leave, Hijikata-san cleared his throat and shot an unimpressed look at me, promising me that we would talk later. I just shook my head at him, silently telling him that he could shove it before grabbing Ibuki-kun's hand and bolted before Hijikata-san could yell. I swear I could see smoke coming out of Hijikata-san's ears when I peeked back at him.

As soon as the three big fish were left behind in the dust, I dropped Ibuki-kun's hand and slowed to a normal walk to the front gate. Ibuki-kun followed but kept his distance. He regarded me like I was a live bomb. So when I decided to cheer myself up by smiling at him just to mess with him, he jumped three feet into the air and skedaddled, or tried to anyway. All he ended up doing was colliding with Sano-san's back.

"Oh! You're finally here, Ryunosuke," Heisuke exclaimed at Ibuki-kun's arrival before rushing to peel the poor guy off Sano-san's back. "Great! So what did they say about what we're going to do?"

Ibuki-kun exhaled loudly at the question like someone sucked out all his energy before grumbling something under his breath. All I caught were the words "stress" and "early death". He then looked at me wearily before he looked up at the sky and sighed again.

"Huh? What was that?" Souji immediately asked darkly when he caught sight of that last action. Ibuki-kun paled when Souji began accosting him. "What happened between you and Shizuka?" Souji was so close that he was practically breathing on Ibuki-kun's face.

"Nothing! Nothing! All she did was manhandle me after I got beat by Serizawa again!"

Souji hummed disbelievingly at Ibuki-kun's before he backed away and returned to the spot he occupied before while Ibuki-kun exhaled in relief. However, Ibuki-kun just ended getting his breath jabbed out of him when Sano-san impatiently elbowed him in the stomach.

"Hurry up and spill what happened. We're all waiting!" Sano-san said before slapping him on the back too.

"Geez, don't rush me!" Ibuki-kun finally snapped. "All Serizawa-san said was that he wasn't interested in going. He called the Shogun an 'inept fool' and then said that if Kondou-san decided to go then he wasn't going to stop him."

Shinpachi-san crossed his arms in response as the expression of disapproval surfaced on his face. "Serizawa-san said something nuts like that?"

"Yeah…," Ibuki-kun confirmed before sneaking a peek at me, probably wondering if he should mention what I had said at that meeting.

I just shot him another look that said, "Shut up," causing Ibuki-kun to flinch again and wisely remain silent. I didn't feel like opening that can of worms right now. Not when everyone seemed so agitated.

Heisuke frowned and looked down at the ground before shutting his eyes in thought. "It looks like that guy seriously hates our guts. He must still bear a grudge over the Honjou Inn incident."

"Honjou Inn incident?" Ibuki-kun questioned, looking to Heisuke. Heisuke jumped and waved his hands in front of himself when he realized he brought up a sore topic for everyone.

"Eh?! Oh, well…" Heisuke spluttered while trying to think of something else to talk about.

Souji's face turned sour at the memory. "Go ahead and tell him," he said as he looked over briefly at Saito-san. "Hajime-kun doesn't know about it either."

Heisuke relaxed. "'Kay," he said with a shallow nod before looking to Ibuki-kun. "When we were traveling to Kyoto together with Serizawa-san, Kondou-san was given the job of 'advanced accommodations requisition'."

"'Advanced accommodations requisitions'?" Ibuki-kun parroted.

"It was his duty to travel ahead and find rooms for the Roshigumi. But he made a booking error at the Honjou Inn and didn't get a room for Serizawa-san. Serizawa-san said that it gets extremely cold at night, so he trashed a nearby building and set it ablaze. In the end, Kondou-san got on his hands and knees and apologized to Serizawa-san." Heisuke then paused to look at me. "But then the apology didn't really sit well with Shizuka-chan and she told Kondou-san not to apologize right in front of Serizawa-san."

"And then she did the stupid thing of antagonizing him," Souji added as he glanced at me briefly. "She accused him of not being a real man and angered him enough for him to raise his tessen to her."

"What?!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed in surprise before he shook his head at himself and looked at me wearily. "No, no, why am I even surprised? It sounds exactly like the crap you'd pull."

I scoffed at his words just as everyone else fell silent. After a few more seconds of the uncomfortable silence, Heisuke deemed it time to finish up his recollection of events.

"Somehow we managed to make it to Kyoto in one piece, but it put a rift between us."

The silence fell upon us again and nobody bothered speaking anymore until Otou-san arrived to join us with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san. We departed shortly afterward but just as we left, Otou-san caught my eye as he waved me over to him only to put his large hand on my head.

"I believe I owe you an apology," Otou-san said as he gave me a small apologetic smile. "I'm sorry you had to watch your chichi-ue get bat around by a man you don't like. I'll try to stand up for myself from now on."

I offered up my own smile in exchange and nodded mutely to show my forgiveness and approval before running off in a better mood to catch up to Heisuke, grinning as I lightly tugged on Sano-san's hair for Heisuke's amusement. That, unfortunately, got Heisuke bashed on the head by the older redhead while I nearly got my hairpin got stolen by Shinpachi-san.

The main street to be used as the procession street was cleared out by official guards instated by the Aizu Domain by pushing the people into the crowded spaces between the buildings. To keep the people in place and away from the Shogun as he progressed down the street, the guards lined the sides of the streets.

I hissed in irritation as I was jostled by the some of the people in the crowd ahead, growling when the tall man in front of me nearly stepped on my foot. I then jumped in an attempt to see over the people in front of me but that proved to be completely useless as I didn't even clear the shoulder height of some of the taller people in the crowd.

"Do I need to find you a box?" Souji leaned down by my ear to joke, grinning as I whacked his shoulder. He gave me a phony wounded look by placing his hand over his heart.

Ending up in the very back of the crowd decidedly sucked because of how short I was. The only things I could see with ease were the backs of people's clothing and one person's really bad haircut. Though, because of how short I was, I was tempted to duck under the people to weave my way to the front. But while that was possible, the man that did nearly step on my foot earlier showed me that it was clearly a bad idea if I didn't want to end up as a decorative rug on the floor.

"This is stinkin' crowded!" Shinpachi-san noted, voicing everyone's thoughts as he looked over the heads of the people in front of him. "There could be rogue samurai hidin' in the mix and we'd never know!"

"Don't you need to be closer up?" Ibuki-kun asked, though what he really was doing was stating the obvious.

"Yeah, you're right," Sano-san answered, turning to Ibuki-kun and Shinpachi-san briefly. "We can't protect anybody worth squat from back here!"

Then the crowds became pushier as the people began buzzing louder amongst themselves.

"Oh, he's here!" one man yelled while a woman turned to her son beside her and pointed ahead as she exclaimed, "The Shogun is passing through!"

Just as the woman finished speaking, I could just barely see the navy-blue roof of a norimono[3] with a partially visible golden clan seal just above the heads of the people in the crowd pass by. At the sight of the norimono, Otou-san desperately jumped in an attempt to get a better view.

"Let us through!" Otou-san belted as he stepped forward. "The Roshigumi has come to guard Lord Shogun Iemochi!"

None of the citizens paid him any mind as they remained in place with their eyes on the procession. Otou-san gritted his teeth in a mixture of irritation and discouragement at the lack of response from the people as the Shogun's norimono started getting further away. Otou-san then turned to sprint, prompting the guys to follow him, through the back alleys as he desperately tried to keep up with the Shogun. As the guys hastily followed Otou-san without question, nobody noticed that I didn't follow.

Still being forbidden by Otou-san and Hijikata-san to travel alone in Kyoto, there was no better time to slip away. Feeling the thrill from escaping my minders, like a teenager sneaking out for the first time, a faint sly smile appeared on my face as I followed the flow of the people. I pulled my hairpin out, letting my hair tumble down to rid myself of the familiar hairdo that the guys were so familiar with before fluffing my hair out. As the crowds of people began to disperse, I melted into the crowd and disappeared, naginata and all.

And then life continued for the average citizen. With the awe of the Shogun passing through the city streets over, business returned to normal in the markets. Shopkeepers became shopkeepers once more, shoppers once again shopped, and ronin with too little coin and too much to drink resumed their usual business again as soon as the guards from Aizu vanished.

I followed the flow of people as I navigated the city, doing the same as the Kyoto citizens as they unconsciously gave a wide berth to two ronin that seemed to be too drunk to be aware of their surroundings. One man stumbled around with a jug of saké sloshing around in one hand while the other stumbled about as he attempted to put his sandal back on after accidently losing it to the road.

I then quickly made myself scarce by ducking into a ceramics shop to avoid Hijikata-san stomping about the streets while looking like he was ready to commit murder. Undoubtedly, he was out looking for me but I wasn't ready to go back yet. Not without procuring any funds first.

And poor Heisuke! It had looked like Hijikata-san had dragged him along unwillingly on the search for me. He looked beaten and at lost at what to do with Hijikata-san's temper. Heisuke jumped every time Hijikata-san hollered and even accidently bowled over an elderly woman and her granddaughter when Hijikata-san snapped at him. Heisuke was such a klutz when it came to dealing with angry Hijikata-san.

Feeling enough pity for the poor guy, I, acting all stealthy-like, snuck out of the ceramics shop and covered Heisuke's mouth before dragging him back inside with me.

Heisuke freaked and flailed in my grasps before he nailed me in the eye with his fist. While I knew he didn't mean to, especially since he didn't know it was me, it still annoyed me. I released him in the ceramics shop and gave him a petty kick to the back of his leg before he could turn around. When he did turn around, I was quick to slap my hand back onto his mouth as his eyes went wide.

"Mifuka-cwan!" he attempted to say name through my hand.

I just lifted a finger to my lips to shush him. He looked at me strangely before he just nodded, allowing me to remove my hand.

The shopkeeper of the shop, who had witnessed the whole debacle, just stared at us with a funny expression as she watched us from her shop counter before she narrowed her eyes at us. She appeared to be quite annoyed and even a bit angry as she crossed his arms at me and Heisuke. She probably wanted us to get out since we certainly didn't seem like paying customers, and it looked like we were troublemakers.

I did my best to appease the shopkeeper by bowing apologetically at her with a doe-eyed look. "I apologize for the fuss. I was just trying to get my companion here without attracting the attention of a particularly angry-looking ronin right outside."

At those words, her expression did seem to soften a bit in understanding but she still seemed annoyed that I wasn't a paying customer.

"I will purchase a few new ceramic jars to make up for the trouble I have caused you."

The shopkeeper still regarded us with annoyance before she relented as my words worked their magic. "What are you planning on using the jars for?"

"To pickle vegetables in," I answered, ignoring the unimportant inquisitive look Heisuke was giving me at the moment. "I don't have enough jars for the different vegetables, and my largest one just broke this morning." And that was true too.

Shinpachi-san was attempting to help with breakfast this morning, the keyword being attempting. All Shinpachi-san ended up doing was shatter the pickling jar as he tried to fish some of the fukujinzuke[4] out.

The shopkeeper nodded before disappearing into the back of the shop for a brief moment before reappearing with a set of three ceramic jars. "Are these the size you're looking for?"

I shook my head. "Do you have anything a little bigger? I live in a house full of men and one of them has a bottomless stomach. I need to be able to prepare larger batches at a time."

She disappeared into the back and returned quickly with another set of three. "Will these do?"

"How much?"

"For one jar, it's 15 mon[5]. For all three, it's 40 mon," the woman answered.

I knew she was overcharging me for the jars since she was still annoyed at me and Heisuke, but I didn't argue the price and forked over the bronze coins without complaint. Depositing the jars in Heisuke's arms, I peeked outside first just to make sure Hijikata-san was gone before bowing at the lady and leaving the shop.

"What was that all about?" Heisuke finally asked as he stepped onto the street. Realization then seemed to flash across his face before it suddenly looked like he was calling me stupid in his head. "Please don't tell me that you snuck away, making Hijikata-san **_furious_** , just so you could buy some jars. I thought he was going to **_kill_** me and I'm not even the one he's angry at!"

"I did," I said just for shit and giggles. Heisuke looked like some part of him died a little at my answer. "But no, that's not the real reason. I pulled you away because it looked like you weren't enjoying Hijikata-san's company too much. As for why I snuck out…" I winked at him. "It's a secret."

"…Secret?" Heisuke muttered to himself before exclaiming, "But why?"

I spun around to playfully answer his question with a nonsensical riddle before the sound of a wooden crate being smashed sounded from the middle of the large intersection we were at. Both of us jolted at the sound and were quick to locate the source of the sound.

"We're hard working samurai in service to the Emperor and you're saying you won't pay us for our service?" a brunette ronin sneered, along with his three other companions, at a middle-aged man that was kneeling on the dirt road before them. Beside the middle-aged man were pieces of a broken crate.

No one was rushing to the poor man's aid. People just gave the situation a wide berth and did all they could to avoid being drawn into the situation. Situations like this had come to happen too often. Many of the citizens of Kyoto had grown apathetic.

I could see Heisuke's lips curl downward in a growl at what he was witnessing. Before he could drop my jars and interfere with the situation, I grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

"Wait," I whispered to him as I tightened my hold on my naginata. "Observe a little longer before doing anything. If we rush in carelessly, things can go wrong too easily."

"But…" Heisuke said before falling silent. He then placed the jars on the ground near his feet and moved his hand to his katana as a compromise.

One would have expected that all sword-wielding ronin would be in shape or reasonably in shape because of how active they were required to be. I mean, one does not simply practice kenjutsu without developing some muscles. However, this group of ronin had an overweight man as part of their little brigade. And the word overweight was being kind. That one man looked more like a ball than man. One does have to wonder how he was even able to reach his sword on his hip, let alone wear one on his hip.

As for the other three ronin, they at least seemed like they were fit. The brunette was a bit on the ugly side with that being attributed to the massive overbite he had that made his front two teeth stick out. The third ronin in the group looked average, just average. That ronin was the type of person you would pass on the streets and not even notice because he just blended into the background so perfectly. The only thing that really stood out about that man was probably his nasty habit of always chewing on a toothpick.

As for the last ronin in that group of four, he was the attractive one. Fair skin; his wild, long, black hair up in a high ponytail; those well-sculpted muscles; and that beautiful face of his were all drool-worthy. He looked like he could have passed for a famous actor. It was just such a pity that such a gorgeous man had such a rotten personality.

"P-Please S-Samurai-sama, my family needs to eat," the middle-aged man pleaded, bowing so low that his face was pressed against the floor. "H-Have mercy."

"Oh, but you see, we need to eat too," the fat ronin answered mockingly in a voice so deep that it almost sounded goofy. He then kicked the middle-aged man, or at least tried to with his fat stubby legs, and laughed.

"Now?" Heisuke asked me urgently as his right foot inched forward. He had enough of the four ronin.

I nodded as I readied my own weapon as well. I narrowed my eyes at the fat one and the brunette. Those two were mine. Heisuke could have the other two, especially since I kind of didn't want to be the one to mess up the attractive one's pretty face.

But before Heisuke and I could step in to chase the ronin off, a young beauty that looked to be around Heisuke and my age came running out of the bank that sat at the corner of that intersection. She quickly jumped in front of the middle-aged man protectively with her arms spread out. She had a fire in her eyes that burned so fiercely that it looked like it could even burn water.

Just let me say right now that this young woman was so beautiful that I swear I became a lesbian for a second. She was so gorgeous that she made the attractive ronin look like a duck's butt without any effort. She looked like she was could pass for one of those beautiful princesses one would only hear about in myths.

"Leave Otou-san alone!" the young woman demand with so much authority that it sounded like she was royalty.

Her sudden appearance seemed to stun everyone motionless as they all stared at her. Even Heisuke stopped in his tracks just so he could stare at her with an open mouth and red ears. As for the girl's parents, they seemed to watch on in horror.

The middle-aged man, her father, looked like he was about to have a seizure from the amount of panicking he was doing. As for the girl's mother, who was standing in the doorway of the bank, she looked like she was about to burst out in tears as she cried to deaf ears, "No! Kyoko-chan! Come back here! Wait for Kenji-kun to come help us! It's too dangerous!"

Then time seemed to start moving the again.

When the ronin got over the shock of a beautiful young woman suddenly appearing before them, they **_leered_** at her. I could just feel all their dirty thoughts as they practically undressed her with their eyes and I wasn't the one they were even looking at. But the girl, she knew what they were doing and she still glared them down without losing any of her fiery will. I admired her. She was gutsy.

"Hey, hey, hey!" the brunette called back to his little posse behind him. "Did you hear what she said?"

The ronin laughed crudely like they heard a joke. Then the fat one said, "Well, if you're offering yourself up instead, then who are we to refuse?"

The young woman's eyes grew several shades darker as she snarled at them. Then she swooped down to pick up a rock before hurling it at the average-looking ronin's forehead.

She definitely wasn't as frail as she looked and her aim was spectacular. With that single throw, she knocked out the average-looking ronin in one blow.

"You little **_bitch_**!" And then three remaining ronin drew their swords and advanced.

Enough was enough. What type of person would I be if I allowed a fellow human being, let alone, a fellow woman be attacked without offering aid?

Rushing ahead without even waiting for Heisuke, much to his objection, I went ahead and used my naginata to pull the feet out from under the fat ronin before I slid in front of the young woman with my naginata raised above my shoulder to block the incoming swords. Only one of the foes' blades, the brunette's, actually connected my naginata while the other ronin's blade was knocked out of his hand by Heisuke jump kicking him.

"What?!" the brunette exclaimed just as I pushed his sword off of my naginata. He glared down at me once he realized what just happened. "Who the hell do you think you are to think that you can interrupt **_my_** business?"

I scoffed as I matched his glare with the same intensity. "No, who the hell do **_you_** think you are to think that you can do whatever you want to a woman just because you're a man? We women aren't accessories or toys for men to own. You disgust me."

"Yeah! What she said!" Heisuke agreed as he sat on the attractive man he disarmed while using the fallen fat ronin as his footstool. He then jumped off of his seat and pointed his sword at the brunette's throat. The brunette flinched and started to back away slowly, realizing how outmatched he was.

"Now," I said as I approached the brunette before pointing my naginata blade at a **_very_** special area, "if you want to still be considered a male in the very near future, then I suggest you take your 'friends' and leave. Don't come back."

Faster than I thought he could even move, the brunette turn tailed and fled, leaving the attractive ronin to carry the unconscious average-looking ronin by himself. As for the fat one, it took him a couple of minutes to actually get back onto his feet again and hobble away. He wasn't very fast like his three other companions but he eventually disappeared as well.

I then relaxed before Heisuke kicked my shin.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"For running ahead without me," Heisuke answered as he crossed his arms at me. "What would you have done if they were stronger than you? Hijikata-san and Kondou-san would kill me if anything happened you. And Souji, I don't even want to think what he'd do to me!"

Well, I did know the ronin weren't very strong before I charged in because of the poor condition of their scabbards. Souji once told me that you'd be able to tell how good a swordsman is by the condition of his sword. There would be no way a good swordsman wouldn't take care of his sword and those ronin had the most beat up swords I had ever seen.

Heisuke didn't wait for me to answer as he went to the young woman and her father. "Are you two alright?"

The young woman brushed Heisuke off in favor of helping her father off the ground. Then she suddenly bounced over to me with a burst of energy. I smiled at her thinking that she wanted to talk to me just because I was a woman, but…

Completely ignoring my personal space, she excitedly reached over and tugged on both of my cheeks with sparkly eyes.

"You're so small and adorable! Like a doll!" she gushed while pinching both my cheeks in a strange adoration. "My name is Wakahisa Kyoko!" She then let go of my cheeks before grabbing onto my hands. "I have a good feeling about you. Let's be friends!"

"HAH?!" Heisuke's jaw looked like it was going to hit the ground.

For a lack of words, all I could do was nod as she pulled me into an excited hug before I grew bubbly and excited myself. I never had any real female friends other than Tsune-san. And while Kyoko-chan and I still didn't know much about each other, I could feel in my bones that we were going to become like sisters.

And it was at this moment, a **_certain_** purple-wearing someone finally found me. Hijikata-san certainly looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.

"SHIZUKA!" he roared as he stomped up to me. I decided to ignore him. "WHAT DID KONDOU-SAN AND I SAY ABOUT RUNNING OFF ALONE?!"

Even though I didn't actually earn any money today, I gained something far more valuable. I found a friend.

* * *

[1] The Opium Wars were two wars in the mid-19th century involving Anglo-Chinese disputes over British trade in China and China's sovereignty. The disputes included the First Opium War (1839–1842) and the Second Opium War (1856–1860). The wars and events between them weakened the Qing dynasty and reduced China's separation from the rest of the world.

[2] An unequal treaty is any of a series of treaties signed with Western powers during the 19th and early 20th centuries by Qing dynasty China and late Tokugawa Japan after suffering military defeat by the foreign powers or when there was a threat of military action by those powers. The term is also applied to treaties imposed during the same time period on late Joseon Korea by the post-Meiji Restoration Empire of Japan.

Starting with the rise of nationalism and anti-imperialism in the 1920s, the Kuomintang and Chinese Communist Party used these concepts to characterize the Chinese experience in losses of sovereignty between roughly 1839 to 1949. The term "unequal treaty" became associated with the concept of China's "Century of Humiliation", especially the forced opening of the treaty ports, the imposition of European extraterritoriality on foreigners living in China, and loss of tariff autonomy.

[3] The litter is a class of vehicles without wheels, a type of human-powered transport, for the transport of persons.

Kago (Kanji: 駕籠, Hiragana: かご) were often used in Japan to transport the non-samurai citizen. Norimono were used by the warrior class and nobility, most famously during the Tokugawa period when regional samurai were required to spend a part of the year in Edo (Tokyo) with their families, resulting in yearly migrations of the rich and powerful (Sankin-kōtai) to and from the capital along the central backbone road of Japan.

[4] Fukujinzuke literally translates to "lucky god pickles," which is a reference to a Japanese myth about the seven gods of fortune. Some varieties accordingly contain seven different vegetables in homage. Although individual recipes vary, most contain lotus, daikon, eggplant, and cucumber. Some versions are tinted red with shiso.

[5] The mon (文) was the currency of Japan from the Muromachi period in 1336, until 1870. The Chinese character for mon is 文 and the character for currency was widely used in the Chinese-character cultural sphere, e.g. Chinese wen and Korean mun. Coins denominated in mon were cast in bronze and circulated alongside silver and gold ingots denominated in _shu_ , _bu_ and _ryō_ , with 4000 mon = 16 shu = 4 bu = 1 ryo. The yen replaced these denominations in 1870. However, its usage continued at least into 1871, as the first Japanese stamps, issued in that year, were denominated in mon.in mon./p


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

 _"_ _How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life."_ _―_ _Marcus Aurelius,_ _Meditations_

Hijikata-san muttered something under his breath as his eyes trailed along the words he had just written before he let out a tired sounding sigh and blotted out the words with ink. The next words written on the page looked like they were written in a rush, a messy scrawl. He then reread everything only to blot out what he just wrote with more ink.

"Unsatisfied with your work?" I asked as I peered over his shoulder at the paper. There were ink blots, lines, and corrections covering the sheet. The writing was like chicken scratch and there were small side notes filling up the margins.

Hijikata-san made a small sound of agreement before saying, "I need to make it sound like a highly educated individual wrote this letter. The way it reads right now is… lacking in a sense." He put down his calligraphy brush so he could pull out another fresh piece of paperwork on.

I took this time to take the piece of paper he was working on earlier so I could read it. He moved his arm out of the way wordlessly so I could access the paper with more ease.

 _Dear Lord Military Commissioner Matsudaira Katamori_ _[1]_ _,_

 _The Roshigumi_ _is pleased to present this proposal for your review. We look forward to_ _partnering with you to provide_ _a guard specifically_ _designed for the Shogun protection_ _during his residence in Kyoto. The_ _objective of the Roshigumi is to guard Kyoto and keep the streets safe from the ronin for the Shogun and his honor._

The rest of the letter then became fairly illegible due to the ink blots, though the few words I could read was "proposal requests" and "funding". I put the paper back on his desk.

"Otou-san's not writing the petition?" I asked as I glanced at all his other previous papers littering his desk in a haphazard manner. All of them looked equally messy as the one I just read.

"You know that your chichi-ue isn't suited to this type of mundane work," he replied, pausing his writing as he did so. "He has a charismatic nature that can't be fully applied when writing a letter. For Kondou-san to be fully effective, he needs to be able to speak, not write."

"But still…"

I fell silent despite my disagreement and began to busy myself by leafing through some of Hijikata-san's other papers. Hijikata-san made a sound at my actions and shot me an annoyed glance but he didn't stop me from touching his papers. That was until I moved to open the little booklet I found under his pile of papers. As soon as my fingers grazed the little booklet, Hijikata-san snatched it away from me and chucked it in the drawer of his desk.

"That one's not for you to read."

"What was it? Another haiku journal?"

Hijikata-san's cheeks turned a slight red color, unintentionally answering my question before the blush vanished when he cleared his throat. He resumed work on the petition shortly afterward. I sighed at his response before laying down on the floor so I could stare at the ceiling. Much to my displeasure, I spotted a cobweb in the corner.

"Why am I even here?" I finally asked in irritation after several minutes of silence. "Why can't I go out to meet with Kyoko-chan myself instead of waiting here for her to come pick me up. I get that you and Otou-san don't want me going out alone but this is getting ridiculous!"

"You don't get to complain," Hijikata-san answered as he put down his writing instrument so he could face me. He narrowed his eyes at me in displeasure. "The last few times we let you go out to meet with her, you ditched your escorts the moment you stepped out of the Yagi house. I don't know how you managed to ditch even Saito, but I'm not risking something like that again."

Well, of course. I didn't want any of the guys to actually know what I was actually out doing with Kyoko-chan just yet. Besides, it wasn't like we were out looking for trouble. It was kind of hard to get into trouble if when we were only out collecting funds by providing medical treatment to happy and willing paying customers.

"If you stay here and wait for Kyoko, then I know for sure I can get an escort to accompany you two. It'll be harder for you to ditch your escort if you have another person, someone you can't ditch, with you."

I grumbled at Hijikata-san's words and rolled onto my side so I wasn't facing him anymore. He was even worse than an actual overprotective mother.

"Then can I at least ask who will be accompanying me and Kyoko-chan today?"

"Shinpachi and Saito."

"Wait," I sat up to stare at Hijikata-san in disbelief, "you're going to have two people follow us now?!"

Hijikata-san arched an eyebrow up at me, looking a little too pleased with my reaction. He crossed his arms at me while tucking his hands into the opposite sleeves. "Let's see you try to escape two minders without losing Kyoko in the process. Though, I do have to ask, why do you dislike having escorts so much? Don't tell me it's because you're doing something with Kyoko that you're not supposed to be doing."

"Of course not." I scowled back at him as I dusted my lap off. Why was Hijikata-san's room so dusty? "I would like to do some girly things with Kyoko-chan every once in a while, and it's, you know, kind of hard when I have a male escort at all times," I half-lied. "Think of it this way. It's like you and the other guys getting together to discuss sexual exploits you guys have had at a red-light district while I'm within earshot. It's not exactly something very comfortable."

Hijikata-san's ears turned red at my example as his eyes widened at me. His jaw seemed to flop around uselessly for a while as he searched for words to say.

"Sexual exploits?!" he finally managed to squeak out ineloquently. "What—How do you—Oh gods! Souji already deflowered you?! When?!"

Hijikata-san assumed—

Seriously, what the **_hell_**? Has he even been sleeping?

I knit my brow at him. "Where the **_hell_** did you get that from?" I questioned, rolling my eyes at his ridiculous notion. "And why do you always assume that it has something to do with Souji? Did you think that I didn't know about how babies are made?"

While I hadn't actually slept with anybody yet in this life, I was no blushing virgin in my past life. I have had my share of intimate partners, just not many.

"And it's not like Shinpachi-san is exactly quiet when he talks about these things. I've overheard him talking about these things enough times with Sano-san to know his favorite position is the 'sultry saddle'. You know, the position where the man lays down with his knees bent and apart, and the woman just—"

"HAHHHH?!" Hijikata-san interrupted quickly, slapping his hands over his ears. I just kept talking.

"Okay, so you won't let me go out alone with Kyoko-chan. But can you at least let Souji be my escort? You never tell him to go follow me everywhere, yet you know I won't ditch him."

Hijikata-san cleared his throat, though his ears were still so red that they looked sunburned. "I happen to know that if you ask him to leave, he'll leave, so there's no point in sending him with you. And not to mention, he doesn't seem to like Kyoko very much. I'm worried he'll do something to her."

"But they've never even met in person yet. How could Souji already dislike Kyoko-chan?"

Hijikata-san gave me a look that essentially said, "Are you stupid?"

I didn't appreciate the glance. I glowered at him before I was nearly bowled over by someone slamming into my back and latching on.

"Shizuka-chan!" Kyoko-chan squealed in delight before nearly squeezing all the air out of my lungs. "Sorry I'm a little late, my otōto wouldn't stop trying to follow me out of the house. Now let's go already!" she announced rather loudly before whispering discreetly into my ear, "I have some news for you from the rumor mill."

I nodded, picking up my naginata and the case that contained my surgical tools as I got to my feet.

"How the hell did you get in here without anyone coming to alert me?!" Hijikata-san suddenly exclaimed with an incredulous expression painting his face as he pointed at Kyoko-chan weakly. He looked utterly baffled. "I have Shinpachi and Saito waiting to greet you at the front gate and they would have notified me the moment you came in..."

"Oh, **_that_** ," she answered, dragging me away before Hijikata-san could come back to his senses. "I didn't come in through the front gate," she called back at him.

And then on the way out, we bolted straight through the front gate, passing by Saito-san and Shinpachi-san as we made our escape. They didn't move at first, utterly confused by what they just witnessed since they very obviously didn't even see Kyoko-chan enter headquarters.

"Oi, Saito, was that just…," I heard Shinpachi-san say before I heard Hijikata-san erupting after he recovered his senses.

"Shinpachi! Saito! After them! Don't let them escape!"

But it was already too late by then. Kyoko-chan and I were already gone. Well, not really. We were actually in the trees right outside of headquarters. How Kyoko-chan even managed to get me up there, I don't even know. But the point is, Saito-san and Shinpachi-san weren't going to be able to find us since they didn't exactly think of looking up.

"What the—," Shinpachi-san exclaimed, spinning in a circle as to look in all directions. "But they're already gone!"

"They could not have disappeared so quickly," Saito-san digressed. "They must still be in this area."

"Saito, Shinpachi, go out and look for them!"

"Sir!" both men answered Hijikata-san obediently before bursting out of headquarters in the direction Kyoko-chan and I supposedly ran off in.

Kyoko-chan suppressed a sly giggle before helping me down of the tree when the men were gone. She then winked at me with a mock salute.

"Now let's get down to business, shall we?" she asked as we walked in the opposite direction the men ran off to.

Kyoko-chan was not only a wonderful friend but she was also an excellent source of news. She knew almost every single rumor flying around Kyoto. Like who was having an affair with whom, who was sick, if someone got robbed, and more. She even had the seemingly magical ability to know news before it had even happened. There was no one more interwoven into the fabric of the city center than she.

"The madam of one of the pleasure houses in Shimabara injured her lower back the other day when she was lifting some heavy boxes," Kyoko-chan informed me as she counted the things she heard off with her fingers as we walked. "The Okaa-san of an okiya[2] is also looking for you after she heard rumors of a new talented doctor in the area. One of her girls sprained an ankle after a nasty tumble down the stairs and the Okaa-san wants you to take a look at that ankle. Oh, and a little birdie told me earlier that the Aizu Domain is considering sponsoring the Roshigumi. They'll reach a decision soon."

I hummed at all that information before pulling Kyoko-chan to a nearby teahouse. "Let's get something to eat first before we get started today," I said as we sat down at a small table inside. I waved down a waitress and ordered a small platter of dango and some tea.

Kyoko-chan definitely didn't object and her eyes even started to sparkle slightly at the mention of food. She certainly did love her food, especially her sweets. It was just too bad she wasn't actually talented at cooking like her mother was. The only thing Kyoko-chan could cook properly without help was rice. But at least she could make her dishes look masterfully beautiful.

"So," I said as we settled down to wait for our food. "while we're waiting for our orders, there's something I'm curious about. How did you get in headquarters without being seen? You did say you didn't come in through the front."

She winked at me and reached across the table just to pat my head playfully before sitting up excitedly when the waitress reappeared with our hot tea. "My childhood friend, Kenji taught me."

I tilted my head at her answer as she didn't really answer my question in the first place, but I let it drop. "Kenji? He's also the one you have an arranged marriage to, isn't he? How do you feel about the arrangement?"

Kyoko-chan just **_beamed_** at my question, telling me all I needed to know. Then she waved off my question with a flick of her hand. "Oh, let's not talk about something you already know the answer to. Let's talk about **_your_** love life and all those **_wonderful_** men you live with instead. You know, those beautiful sculptures that also happen to be human."

"What love life?" I asked, or rather stated, bluntly. Her face immediately dropped in disbelief before she perked up again when a plate of dango was set in front of us. She was quick to liberate two sticks, one for each hand, from the plate while I only took one. "And what about the guys that I live with?"

"You've got to feel something for **_one_** of those handsome hunks." She stuck a whole stick of dango in her mouth before reaching for another one. "Just tell me which one."

I stared at her blankly, causing her to choke. She pounded on her chest with a fist as her face grew red until the dango slid down her throat.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Of course not!" she declared, shoving her face into mine, causing me to scoot back a bit at the invasion of space. She then settled back down in her seat whilst wiping away a fake tear. "My poor baby is so dense! Don't worry, Momma will help you."

I rolled my eyes at her theatrics before sipping some of my tea. "And how exactly are you planning to help me?"

"First, we will go through all the men you live with and figure out how you feel for them. Then we'll wing the rest!"

I nodded blankly as I drank some more tea. It would be too much effort to get her to drop the subject, so I just rolled with it.

"Let's start with those two men that were going to escort us before we ditched them. What was it… Nagakura Shinpachi and Saito Hajime, right? Any feelings for them?"

"Ew," I answered in a lackluster tone as I picked at the table in a disinterested manner. "They're like my kyoudai[3]. It'd feel like incest."

"Err… What about Hijikata-san? The both of you are pretty close, right? He's actually only eleven years older than you. The age difference isn't too bad by societal norms."

"I think I may vomit now." I pretended to gag. "He's best friends with Otou-san. Not to mention, it feels like Hijikata-san and I are actually blood-related at times. He's also only one year younger than Otou-san."

"Heisuke-san?"

"Ani."

"That Harada Sanosuke guy?"

"Also ani."

"Erm… Glasses guy?" It sounded like she was getting desperate now.

"His name is Sannan Keisuke, and no. He feels like my oji and is even one year older than Otou-san."

She then sagged, looking like she had given up before she suddenly sprung to life again. "Oh yeah! There's that one guy I know exists but haven't actually seen yet! It was Okita… Okita something. I remember Hijikata-san mention him in the passing one time."

"Souji?" I asked. She instantly nodded fervently.

"Yeah, that guy!" she exclaimed while slamming both hands on the table in excitement, causing the plate, now filled with empty sticks, to rattle a bit. "I haven't seen him yet but I'll assume he gorgeous like all the other guys. What about him?"

"Out of all the guys… We've actually known each other the longest. We practically grew up together. Souji's my best friend. There's no one I adore more than him."

Then I found that I really didn't like that devious grin that appeared on Kyoko-chan's face when it was directed at me. It made her look like she had hit the jackpot. I wasn't too sure on what, but it was disquieting nonetheless. It made me nervous and I didn't know why.

I don't like not knowing why.

"Oh? You've been with this Okita character longest out of all the guys and he doesn't feel like a sibling?" she asked with that shit-eating grin growing even more, making me grow even more concerned. "And is he attractive?"

I snorted as my nervousness instantly evaporated with that last question. What an incredulous thing to ask! "Asking if Souji's attractive is like asking if water is wet."

Kyoko-chan clapped at my answer before giggling with glee. "That's it! He's your soulmate."

"Well, if you say so," I said unbelievingly with a shrug of my shoulder.

I really didn't believe in things like soulmates or rubbish similar to that, but I didn't want to spend the time to convince Kyoko-chan otherwise. I had a feeling that it would be like talking to a brick wall. Completely and utterly ineffective.

"Anyway," I said as I left the money for drinks and snacks on the table for the waitress to collect before standing up, "daylight is wasting away. Let's go earn some money before we head back to your family's bank to figure out investments."

Kyoko-chan pouted, clearly wanting to talk more about "soulmates" and such but she quickly tagged along with me while telling me the addresses of some more potential patients.

In the end, we only ended up seeing the patients that resided in the red-light district before I ended heading back to the Yagi house to prepare lunch. The patients in the red-light district ended up only having sprains, injuries not serious enough to make the big bucks. I was glad for them, that they weren't seriously injured but I needed more money. This morning's run ended with low profits on my end, making me feel slightly nervous.

As I returned, I saw Ibuki-kun hard at work sweeping the stone-paved entrance of the front gates.

"Good morning, Ibuki-kun!" I called to him before running up to him.

He looked up from his sweeping before inching closer to the kitchen door, and away from me, before muttering, "Morning? It's already almost time for lunch." He then continued sweeping the floor.

"But it's still morning," I pointed out the obvious unhelpfully. "It's not even the Hour of the Horse yet."

Ibuki-kun huffed and continued sweeping while mumbling unintelligently under his breath. He made sure to keep his distance from me, probably out of the fear of Souji coming to pick on him again. He automatically inched away from me again when I experimentally took an amused step towards him.

Then Souji's head poked out of the nearby kitchen door. He grinned when he saw me and beamed when I bounced over to him to pecked him on the cheek. He, in turn, grabbed my hips and nuzzled the side of my cheek affectionately with his nose.

"I thought I heard a familiar voice," Souji said as he released my hips to tuck some of my bangs behind my ears. "I heard that you led Hajime-kun and Shinpachi-san out on a wild goose chase earlier. In fact, they're still out there looking for you."

"Well that's unfortunate, isn't it?" I replied with the smidgen of a prideful smirk tainting my features. I went inside the kitchen briefly to lean my naginata against the wall with my surgical tools before I came back out to grab Souji's hand and pull him back into the kitchen with me. I totally didn't regret anything. "Help me with lunch?"

Souji chuckled as he followed me around the kitchen, helping me grab the pots I needed to cook before lighting the fire in the stove. While he did that, I tied my apron on around my waist.

"So what do you want to eat?"

"Well, anything is fine as long as there aren't any green onions in it," he answered, half-lying before bending down to pull a basket filled with fresh bamboo shoots up onto the counter, "but it's bamboo season isn't it?"

I nodded, skipping over to where Souji was to pick out a few large bamboo shoots from the basket. "Okay. Simmered bamboo shoots, some nanohana[4] nukazuke[5], grilled mackerel, a little ikanago no kugini[6] just to top the rice, and some miso soup. How does that sound?"

"I've got no complaints." He pulled out the donabe[7] and began to busy himself. "I'll get the rice. I can at least do that without an issue, unlike Hijikata-san."

I giggled at the intentional jab before setting work. Souji, as soon as he was done putting the rice on the stove to cook, came to hover over my shoulder to watch while he occasionally stole food out from under my nose. To him, I was sure it wasn't actually about eating when he stole food. It was just an amusing a game to him. Despite the occasional filching of food, lunch was still completed on time.

"So?" I asked, lifting a slice of bamboo to his mouth with a pair of chopsticks. "Not too salty, right?"

He was quick to snatch the hot morsel away with his mouth. He hummed happily as he chewed. "It's delicious."

"I hope you're not just saying that because I cooked. I know how picky you are." I reached up to tug on one of his cheeks lightly

Souji pouted and waved away my hand. "I am not—"

The sound of a child crying loudly cut Souji off. We exchanged glances before we ran for the door so we could investigate the noise. Just as the both of us stepped out of the kitchen, Yuu-kun bolted past us in tears.

Souji furrowed his brow briefly before asking, "Yuu-boy, what's wrong?" in a laidback fashion.

Yuu-kun never stopped running and cried, "I'm scared!" before he disappeared into the house.

I exchanged another look with Souji. Scared? What was exactly was Yuu-kun scared about? I glanced briefly at Ibuki-kun to see if he would have an idea but Ibuki-kun looked just as confused.

"Do you think I should go check on Yuu-kun…?" I asked only to have Souji shake his head at me before he began to make his way to the front gates to inspect the situation.

"Check on him later."

I took my cue from Souji and followed along behind him. Ibuki-kun, who was also curious, quickly followed after us with a broom still in hand.

"Who's that kid?" Ibuki-kun asked me as soon as he caught up to us.

Souji answered before I could. "He lives here." He then paused to move me behind him. "Shizuka, stay behind me just in case it's something dangerous.

Then all three of us cautiously looked out the gate. We weren't greeted with some horrible monster or by some menacing ronin here to rob us. On the contrary, we were greeted by two very familiar faces, the two people Kyoko-chan and I managed to ditch this morning. But the familiarity of the Shinpachi-san's and Saito-san's faces wasn't what stunned us silent.

It was the scent of blood.

It was the large amount of fresh blood that still stained their clothing.

It was the fresh blood that was still **_wet_**.

Ibuki-kun gasped and stumbled backward from the sight before he nearly tumbled to his knees. His eyes were wide and his hands shook as he dropped the broom.

The broom fell to the ground with a loud clatter that only seemed to serve to emphasize the silence that had fallen over us.

The pattern of the blood on those two indicated that none of the blood staining them belonged to them, that they were uninjured. The blood on them had a splatter pattern.

Arties were the only vessels in the body with high enough pressure to produce spurts of blood. The only way to get blood splatter that was large enough to cover the both of them was to cut the main artery in someone's chest cavity. Severing the main artery in the chest cavity would cause instant death.

 ** _They've killed._**

"Ibuki-kun," I said firmly with the intention of taking the situation under control, "go find Hijikata-san and Sannan-san now and tell them to go meet us in the courtyard."

Ibuki-kun didn't even question me or complain. He just immediately took off to fulfill my request and even seemed eager to leave behind the bloodstained men. I took this time to examine them, to make sure I was correct in deducing their lack of injuries.

"No injuries, right?" I finally asked just as a failsafe.

"It's just spurts of blood," Saito-san answered. "We're not hurt."

He was strangely calm despite being covered in someone else's blood. Compared to Shinpachi, who was still tense, Saito-san didn't even seem affected. He even acted like everything was still normal when nothing was.

I narrowed my eyes at Saito-san when a startling realization dawned on me. This wasn't the first time that Saito-san had killed.

"Souji," I said, my voice snapping him out of his shock as he turned to me with a furrowed brow, "take both of them to the courtyard to wait for Hijikata-san and Sannan-san. I'll go fetch some water for them to wash up in."

"Yeah…," Souji answered as he nodded. He didn't move for the first few seconds. He just stared at all the blood and Saito-san before finally acting.

We spoke no more and did what we set out to do. By the time I had drawn the water for the two bloodied men, Sannan-san and Hijikata-san were both already in the courtyard. I set the tubs of water down for Saito-san and Shinpachi-san to use before going to sit next to Souji on the nearby roka.

Saito-san calmly stripped off his outer layer and his scarf and began to wash the blood off in the tub in a systematic manner. Shinpachi-san, on the other hand, jerked with uneven movements as he almost ripped off his top and tossed it haphazardly into his tub. He then snatched the wet towel from his tub and began to violently scrub at the blood coating his chest.

"What happened?" Hijikata-san questioned the two, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled over us.

Shinpachi-san growled as his hand tightened on the wet towel. "When we were still out lookin' for Shizuka-chan and Kyoko-chan, we saw a bunch of ronin smash their way into a family lodge. We barged into the family lodge those rogue samurai ran into, but the head clerk stopped us!"

Sannan-san furrowed his brow and tilted his head. "He stopped you?"

"Yeah. He kept goin', 'Who ordered you to do this? Go get the local police.'"

"And that's how you lost those ronin?" asked Hijikata-san.

Shinpachi-san's nostrils flared as he threw the towel he was using back into the tub. "Damnit!" he yelled before he began to scrub harshly at his clothing. "What're the people of Kyoto thinkin' defendin' those rogue samurai?"

"We lack any track record and the imperialist national party, especially the Choshu ronin, are said to grease people's fingers," Sannan-san answered reasonably.

Shinpachi-san gave off an irritated tsk sound after Sannan-san's response as he continued to scrub at his clothing. Souji, who was just staring at Saito-san the whole time, finally spoke up.

"For having just drawn someone's blood, you seem rather calm, Hajime-kun."

Saito-san did not even respond to Souji or even give any indication that he heard him. Just as Souji was about to push for a response when I put my hand on his thigh. I shook my head at him to tell him to drop the subject. Souji did what I asked but I could tell he was still thinking about it.

Hijikata-san chose to ignore what Souji said and focused on Saito-san instead. "Saito, having crossed blades with them, what do you think?"

"They were all lacking in skill with the sword." Saito-san pulled his tasuki[8] loose. "But due to our limited numbers, I am concerned when I consider what would happen should the enemy surround us."

"But it would take time and money to enlist new recruits and train them." Hijikata-san put his fingers to his chin during mid thought. "For now, never go out alone." He turned to narrow his eyes at me. I ignored him the best I could. "Getting yourself killed won't do us any good."

"At any rate, there just isn't enough stuff we can do," Shinpachi-san said as he wrung out his wet shirt. "Say, what happened to workin' for the Aizu Domain?"

Sannan-san crossed his arms as he leaned back slightly against the wall. "We shall be sending an official petition to Lord Aizu for permission to remain in Kyoto shortly."

"You finished it already?" I butt in to ask Hijikata-san.

"Of course! Who do you think I am?" Despite his words, Hijikata-san didn't sound as confident as he could have but he did well in masking his doubt.

"Any chance they'll give us permission to stay?"

"I cannot say," Sannan-san answered Shinpachi-san's question. "Depending on their answer, there is a possibility we will have to leave Kyoto. Truly, our fate rests on Serizawa-san's connections and course of action."

Hijikata-san made a grunt displeasure at hearing Serizawa's name in that statement. His eyebrows pinched together tightly and the scowl on his face almost looked permanently etched on as he crossed his arms. That expression told us exactly what he was thinking and how he felt about the whole situation.

"Just tell yourself that we are using him," Sannan-san suggested with a small smile to counteract Hijikata-san's sour mood.

"I can't make myself that emotionally detached from this! I swear that someday I will outwit that man and elevate Kondou-san to a high place of power!"

A typical response from Hijikata-san. I smiled wryly at his words before standing up and looking briefly towards the kitchen. Too bad the food was probably lukewarm if not cold by now.

"That's nice and all, but you all should go eat lunch first," I suggested as I pointed towards the main hall, catching everyone's attention. "You can't really do anything if you have no energy."

"Always the practical one," Sannan-san said as he readjusted his glasses. "But are you not going to join us? You make it sound like you plan on going somewhere first. Didn't Hijikata-kun just say not to go anywhere alone?"

Hijikata-san scowled at me once he heard Sannan-san's words. I shook my head to cut Hijikata-san off before he could even start scolding me for something I wasn't planning on doing.

"I'm not planning on leaving the Yagi house," I said as I put my hands on my hips. "I'm going to go check on Yuu-kun. He was really terrified when he saw those two covered in blood and I want to make sure he's okay. You guys go ahead and eat first."

Hijikata-san's scowl dropped from his face before he let out a long sigh. "Well, I guess that would be a smart move. Better ease their worries so we don't strain our relationship with them. It'd do no good if this gets us kicked out onto the streets."

I nodded at Hijikata-san before leaving to head towards the Yagi house. However, I was stopped in my tracks rather quickly.

"Wait," Shinpachi-san abruptly spoke up, causing me to pause in order to look back at him.

There was a frown on his face as he looked me over. He then crossed the distance between us and held up his still blood covered arm in front of my face as if he were testing me. His eyes then narrowed when I didn't flinch at the sight of blood. The final test seemed to be when he made a movement to touch my cheek when still covered in blood.

I didn't back away or look away.

"This has been botherin' me for a while. Why didn't you scream or even look fearful when you saw me and Saito covered in blood?" he asked, giving me a hard stare before his expression crumbled into something akin regret. "You're not afraid of blood…?"

"The blood doesn't belong to you or Saito-san, so why should I be afraid?" I touched the blood that was still on Shinpachi-san's arm to make my point.

"But still…" It looked like this discovery upset Shinpachi-san. It almost looked like he wanted to cry for a moment.

"I'm a physician, so how can I be afraid of blood?" I asked before wiping the blood that had been transferred onto my hand away with my apron. I removed my apron and used it to wipe away the rest of the blood still on his arm away. "Don't blame yourself or convince yourself that you were the one that destroyed my innocence by letting me see you covered in blood. I was never that naïve in the first place."

I bunched up the now dirty apron and tossed it into the tub of water Shinpachi-san was using earlier before smiling to the guys reassuringly. I bowed to excuse myself once more and left the men to their business so I could go search for Yuu-kun. When I found the little boy, he had his face buried against his mother's thigh as he continued to cry.

"Yuunosuke, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Masa-san, Yuu-kun's mother, said gently as she tried to coax information out of her crying son.

But all Yuu-kun kept saying was, "I'm scared!"

Masa-san frowned at the response as she rubbed Yuu-kun's back. Then she noticed me as I stepped into the house.

"Oh! Shizuka-san," she greeted, "do you know why Yuunosuke is so upset?"

"It's because he saw blood on Saito-san and Shinpachi-san."

As soon as I mentioned the word "blood", Masa-san turned deathly pale. Her hand shook as she stared at me wide-eyed.

"Did they kill someone?"

"No," I lied. "A few ronin picked a fight with them. Saito-san and Shinpachi-san only injured one of them before they fled." Ignorance is bliss and even more so in this type of situation. "I'm sorry that Yuu-kun had to see them covered in blood. I promise that won't happen again."

Masa-san seemed to sense I was lying, but she still attempted to convince herself that I was telling the truth as she nodded at me in silence. She was afraid and I couldn't do anything for her, so I focused on her son. I knelt down to Yuu-kun's height so I could look him in the eyes.

"Yuu-kun, I know it was scary for you, but I promise you that you won't ever have to see anyone covered in blood again." I patted his head gently. "Okay? So don't cry anymore."

The young boy sniffled before nodding his head. His crying began to slow down.

"That's a good boy. I'll make you a small treat later. How does yatsuhashi[9] sound?"

Yuu-kun gave me a small teary smile and nodded again.

I ruffled his hair before I let out a soft, good-natured laugh. "There, isn't it better to smile instead of cry?"

I stood up once more and bowed at Masa-san before I left. While Yuu-kun did look better after I comforted him, Masa-san's fearful expression was etched into my mind. This was when I knew that this was how the citizens of Kyoto were going see all the wonderful men I grew up with. They weren't going to be heroes in the people's eyes. They were going to be feared.

Fear is blinding.

Fear is reason-killing.

 ** _It consumes the truth and poisons all the evidence, leading to false assumptions and irrational conclusions._**

* * *

[1] Matsudaira Katamori (松平 容保, February 15, 1836 – December 5, 1893) was a samurai who lived in the last days of the Edo period and the early to mid Meiji period. He was the 9th daimyo of the Aizu domain and the Military Commissioner of Kyoto during the Bakumatsu period. During the Boshin War, Katamori and the Aizu domain fought against the Meiji Government armies, but were severely defeated. Katamori's life was spared, and he later became the Chief of the Tōshōgū Shrine. He, along with his three brothers Sadaaki, Yoshikatsu, and Mochiharu, had highly influential roles during the Meiji Restoration and were called the four Takasu brothers (Takasu yon-kyōdai 高須四兄弟).

[2] An okiya (置屋) is the lodging house in which a maiko or geisha lives during the length of her nenki (contract or career as a geisha).

[3] Kyoudai is written 兄弟, a word consisting of one kanji meaning "elder brother" and another meaning "younger brother". It means siblings.

[4] Nanohana is one of the oldest vegetables cultivated in Asia, including Japan. It's closely related to the rapeseed or canola plant in Europe and the West, and also to broccoli, since all of these are members of the brassica family. While in the West rapeseed is usually only grown for its seeds, from which oil is extracted, in Japan the plant is used at various stages of growth. Each stage is given a different name, too: The young spring shoots are called nanohana, which literally means "flower of vegetable," and the mature plant that's used for oil as in the West is called _aburana_ , which means "oil plant." Rapeseed oil is called _natane abura_ or "vegetable-seed oil" and has been used at least since the Edo Period (1603 to 1867).

[5] Nukazuke (糠漬け) are a type of Japanese pickle, made by fermenting vegetables in rice bran (nuka). Almost any edible vegetable may be pickled through this technique, though traditional varieties include eggplant, Japanese radish (daikon), cabbage, and cucumber. The taste of nuka pickles can vary from pleasantly tangy to very sour, salty and pungent. These pickles also retain their crispness which adds to their popularity. Fish nukazuke is also common in the north part of Japan. Sardine, mackerel, Japanese horse mackerel are frequently used. Some people pickle meat in nuka-bed.

The nuka-bed is traditionally kept in a wooden crock but ceramic crocks or even plastic buckets are also common. Many Japanese households have their own nukazuke crocks which are faithfully stirred by hand every day. Due to varying methods and recipes, flavors vary considerably not only from region to region but also from household to household.

Pickles (tsukemono) are an important staple of Japanese cuisine, and nukazuke are one of the most popular kinds. They are often eaten at the end of a meal and are said to aid in digestion. The lactobacillus in nukazuke pickles may be a beneficial supplement to the intestinal flora. They are also high in vitamin B1.

[6] A type of tsukudani (salt-sweet preserve). Local food from the Kobe-Akashi area. The tiny sand lances are simmered in a broth of soy sauce, mirin, sugar, ginger and other ingredients until they turn brown. In fact, they look like rusty, brown nails and that is what they are called - "kugini" means "simmered nails."

[7] Donabe (Japanese: 土鍋, literally "earthenware pot") are pots made out of a special clay for use over an open flame in the Japanese kitchen. Often, the food is cooked right at the table on a gas burner for various nabemono dishes such as shabu-shabu.

The donabe is usually glazed on the inside and porous on the outside. The material is similar to earthenware or stoneware (although normally, earthen- or stoneware pots should usually not be used over an open flame). Donabe however, can be used over an open flame as well as in an oven if three precautions are taken. First, the outside of the donabe should be dry before use, as moisture within the clay will expand in the heat and may chip or crack the pot. Secondly, the pot should be heated gradually to reduce the possibility of cracks due to heat stress. Third, the pot should never be left over the flame while empty.

If properly treated, these pots should last for decades and a few special ones have survived for centuries. When a new donabe is obtained, one should let the donabe boil water for hours and dry before using it for cooking. Other sources suggest that the user should simply fill the donabe with water and let it sit overnight. This process should be repeated if the donabe has been unused for a long time.

In old ryoutei of Kyoto, decades-old donabe would be stored and only used for special guests. Young donabe would be used for preparing lunch menus and food for cooks, to age them for this purpose.

[8] The function of the tasuki was to prevent the sleeves of the kimono from interfering with movement of the arms.

[9] Yatsuhashi (八ツ橋 or 八橋) is a Japanese confectionery sold mainly as a souvenir sweet (miyagegashi). It is one of the best known meibutsu (famous regional products) of Kyoto. It is made from glutinous rice flour (上新粉 jōshinko), sugar and cinnamon. Baked, it is similar to senbei. Raw, unbaked yatsuhashi (Nama yatsuhashi) has a soft, mochi-like texture and is often eaten wrapped around red bean paste (餡 an), and may come in a variety of different flavors.


	24. Chapter 24

This chapter will have a small companion omake posted up later in the side stories (Hopefully... I am having issues writing the omake -_-;). Other than that, is it just me or are some of the chapters I'm rewriting exploding in length? I actually never intended that to happen. While I do like long chapters, it sometimes makes it more difficult to keep things consistent. Should I try to keep the length of the chapters down or should I just ignore the length and go with the flow? If anyone is willing to give me some input then it would be very helpful. :D

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

 _"_ _Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."_ _―_ _Anonymous,_ _Holy Bible: New International Version_

The glow of the crescent moon was ethereal, lighting up the courtyard of the Yagi house like it was a fairy garden. Now, if only it were summer and the fireflies were out, then it would really look magical but, unfortunately, it was only March. The fireflies wouldn't be out until a few months later but the night was still beautiful, the perfect night to just sit outside on the roka and drink sweet saké under the moonlight.

But there was no saké tonight, at least for me. And instead of watching the moon, I found myself watching as Souji danced, his sword drawn, with an invisible opponent. I should have been upset. Souji was practicing with his real sword rather than a bokken. He was training for actual combat, to kill. It should have frightened me.

But I my only thoughts were, "How beautiful."

His movements were precise, decisive, and quick. There was passion and determination. His sweat reflected the moonlight, looking like little diamonds. His muscles were coiled and tense with strength. I could read Souji's emotions through his movements, so how could I not think it was beautiful?

Movement in the nearby dark hallway then stole my attention. I briefly flickered my eyes to the darkness and saw the iconic purple and a long black ponytail. Hidden out of Souji's sight, Hijikata-san watched Souji practicing with a blank face. But it was his eyes that betrayed his placid face. Conflict. Concern. Reluctance. **_Unease._** It was all there, mixing into a negative concoction.

"Are you scared for Souji?" I asked quietly as to not alert Souji of Hijikata-san's presence.

Hijikata-san's eyes flickered down to me for a brief moment but otherwise remained silent in thought. He opened his mouth several times in the silence as if he were going to speak before closing it again when no sound came out. Then, finally, he spoke, his voice hushed and his eyes trained on the wooden floorboards.

"He's thinking about killing. He's eager to start killing. I saw the way he looked at Saito a few days ago when both Saito and Shinpachi returned covered in blood."

"Is he now?" I questioned as I watched Souji perform the Sandanzuki on the air. "Are you sure?"

Hijikata-san then suddenly hissed at me. "He is. Why isn't this bothering you? I know you never liked violence in the first place, so why aren't you doing nothing?" His whispers were harsh and full of anger, his hands curled into tense fists. "Is a man that revels in blood not frightful to you? If you speak to him, surely he will listen."

"It's not the blood he's eager to spill. He's eager to prove himself in the only way he knows how," I answered as I buried my hands in the folds of the folded towel on my lap. I continued watching Souji train with a sad smile growing on my lips. "You know, he's envious of you. He believes that he's losing Otou-san to you. He believes that you are worth more to Otou-san because of all your skills. Even now, as we're struggling to gain sponsorship from Aizu, you are able to write the important documents needed, you understand the current political situation, you understand how to budget for the Roshigumi. Souji doesn't understand any of that. All he believes he knows how to do well is to raise his sword in Otou-san's name."

I paused to bite my lower lip as I rubbed my cold fingers together under the warmth of the towel.

"And yes, there are things that frighten me about Souji," I admitted honestly. It was difficult to speak. I felt like I was drowning briefly. "I'm afraid for his mentality if he continues to think this way. I'm afraid of him losing himself," my voice cracked, "of becoming someone I don't recognize. But I will not be afraid of Souji if he kills. There are many things to be frightened of in this world, but least of all a man who does what he can to protects his own."

Hijikata-san fell silent once more as he closed his eyes at my words. Then he turned and retreated back into the house without another word. It was his actions that spoke for him.

Though he made no sound as he walked away, his footsteps were heavy.

Though it looked like he glided away effortlessly, his limbs were stiff and full of tension.

Though he looked calm, his mind was live with turmoil.

It was when Hijikata-san vanished back into darkness, I stood up and approached Souji with the towel in hand. When a twig snapped underfoot, Souji dropped his sword arm to look at me inquisitively before sheathing his sword. I took this time to wipe the sweat from his face and chest with the towel. He complied at first but when the tips of my fingers grazed the side of his cheek through the towel, he grabbed my wrist, causing me to pause my task.

"Your fingers are cold," Souji said, lowering my hand and causing me to drop the towel on the ground as he slipped my hand into his.

His hands were so much larger and warmer than mine. They should have felt rough from the calluses he had developed from years of kenjutsu. They felt anything but rough. Not smooth like silk, but somehow gentler. Kinder.

"You should have gone inside if you felt cold."

"I didn't want to." I pulled my hand out of his grasp to brush away the hair that was sticking to his face. His hair was damp with sweat, not good on such a cold spring night.

I bent down to pick up the dropped towel before wrapping my hand around his. He blinked at me before tilting his head in an almost adorable fashion as he wiggled his fingers playfully against my hand.

"Let's go back inside where it's warmer. It's too cold to stay out here when covered in swear. I'll go run a hot bath for you."

"I don't think it's really that cold, but if you say so…," Souji replied, giving my hand a light squeeze before he let out a loud sigh. "But I guess I do really need that bath. I bet I reek of sweat. It's probably not very pleasant for you to be around me right now…"

"A bath would be good," I agreed. I did think he smelled a little disgusting, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. His scent, his close proximity, it brought back memories of safety and warmth. The memories of the times when I followed him around like a lost puppy in Shieikan's familiar halls. "But I like the scent."

He looked at me like I just said something stupid. "You like the scent of sweaty men? I really want to say you have bad taste."

"Hey!" I whacked him playfully on the shoulder with the towel. " ** _I don't like the smell of sweaty men._** Just you."

His expression twisted in a funny way at my words before he slapped a hand over his face as he burst out laughing. What he found funny about what I said, I really don't know. I just stuck my lower lip out at him and puffed up my cheeks in indignation, but that just seemed to make him laugh harder when he saw my face.

 ** _"_** ** _You like the smell of my sweat?"_** he mused, finally calming down enough to stop laughing as he glanced at me with that amused grin of his. "You know, you should be careful. **_Your words could have been taken in a completely different way. It makes me think if you would enjoy it even more if I'm pressed against you while covered in sweat._** "

He snorted before he snaked an arm around my waist to pull me flush against his chest. His clothing was still slightly damp from his sweat. His grin widened at the look of surprise on my face at the sudden action before he tucked his face into the crook of my neck. His nose rubbed against the skin of my neck and his breath on my skin sent wonderful shivers down my spine that were near impossible to suppress.

"Too bad you don't really know what I'm talking about. Well, I really don't know about your taste in fragrances, but I bet mine is better than yours." He sucked in a deep breath before pressing a kiss on my neck.

And while that kiss physically felt like the chaste ones he had been showering me with lately, instinctively, I knew there was something different about this one. It felt almost dark and untamed. There was something in it that made Souji seem eager for something.

"I prefer the way you smell over my own stench," he said just as he pulled away from my neck. "You smell of freshly bloomed wisteria on a breezy day."

"He's right, you know. He does have better taste than you," a new but familiar voice chimed in unexpectedly.

Before I could even react on my own or figure out what was happening, Souji shoved me behind him and drew his sword so fast that I didn't even see him move. His eyes narrowed as he pointed the tip of his sword at the person sitting laxly on the roka.

"Who are you and how did you get in here?" Souji all but snarled at the intruder

Kyoko-chan didn't even seem phased by Souji's sudden action. She just remained seated with her chin on the palms of her hands and her elbows on her lap. Her sly smile just grew at Souji's reactions. She looked like a satisfied cat.

"You're Okita Souji, right?" she said as she stood up to approach us, which was a very bad idea.

Kyoko-chan was either very confident that Souji wouldn't slash at her, or she was suicidal. I think she was the latter since she was **_skipping_** towards us.

Hastily, before Souji could do anything, I slapped Souji hands out of his stance and grabbed onto the hilt of his katana so he couldn't swing his sword. Souji looked at me in alarm at my actions but didn't struggle against my actions. Instead, watched Kyoko-chan warily when she got close.

"Souji, don't attack her. She's harmless," I said when I felt his hands tightening around his sword. "You don't know since you two have never met before but that's Kyoko-chan. She's the friend I've been going out with almost every day."

Souji instantly became less tense at my words but he still seemed to regard her with mistrust. He sheathed his sword again, indicating that he wasn't going to attack her with his sword. However, he now just looked like he wanted to punch her.

"Oh, **_her_**." He all but sneered at Kyoko-chan but that action just seemed to make that devious grin on her face grow. "The one that's been taking up all your time recently."

Kyoko-chan ignored that last jab towards her and bounced around Souji so she could snatch up my hands in excitement. "Despite your horrific taste in favorite fragrances, you have wonderful tastes in men—"

"Tastes in men?" Souji muttered under his breath as Kyoko-chan continued ranting, the expression on his face now turning bitter and hostile. "What men?"

"—and he's gorgeous! Well, not as much as my Kenji, but you get the point."

"Don't tell me you're bringing up that conversation from the other day." I groaned in distaste, causing Kyoko-chan to pout petulantly at me before pinching my cheek. I swatted her hand away. "You know I don't believe in rubbish like 'soulmates'."

"'Rubbish,' she says," Kyoko-chan said to Souji, disregarding his expression, as she shook her head at me. She then pushed her face into mine as she put her hands on her hips. "It is **_not_**. Plus, what was that I just saw? Huh? Huh?"

She then spun around and shoved her finger accusingly in Souji's face. Souji didn't seem too pleased with the action and it actually looked like he was debating whether to bite her finger off or not.

"And you! What the hell are you doing? For someone that's been with her so long, you should know how dense she is!" Her words made the expression on Souji's face twist from hostile to just plain confusion. "She **_obviously_** feels something for you but she just doesn't realize it yet! Do **_something_** even she can recognize! Sweep her off her feet, or better yet, have her bathe with you tonight and let her **_see_** the effect she has on you!"

"Kyoko-chan," I butted in, ignoring Souji's reddening face, "what the hell are you talking about? What can't I recognize?" She slapped her own forehead at my words before looking at me like I was a moron. "And why are you even here at night in the first place? Won't your parents get worried?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed with a clap like she suddenly remembered something. "I have some news for you. I heard word flying around in the upper circles that Aizu had come to the decision tonight that they would sponsor the Roshigumi. There should be a messenger arriving here sometime tomorrow to deliver the news."

I gasped in excitement before looking to Souji. He was still strangely a bit red, but it seemed like he heard the news too. Kyoko-chan, on the other hand, just kept speaking without pause.

"And while I'm here, I might as well tell you the other things I have heard. The head chef in the family restaurant Ōshanbaunti burned his hand severely in a kitchen freak accident. Watanabe Haru-san got kicked by a horse, and while he got away relatively with few injuries, he still broke a couple of his ribs. Then there's Yamamoto Nana-obaa-san. She was diagnosed with tuberculosis the other day and—"

"Tuberculosis?" I interrupted, causing Kyoko-chan to freeze before grabbing onto me in an almost desperately manner while shaking her head avidly with wide eyes.

Tuberculosis was a curious disease. Back before modern times, TB was known as the incurable disease and was highly contagious. Because people diagnosed always died from TB, an extremely negative stigma was given to people who caught the disease. But in the future, TB was treatable. If the treatment plan was followed to the dot, then it was possible to kill off all the TB-causing bacteria in the lungs.

While treating respiratory issues were not my specialty, I did come across a case of TB during my internship back in my previous life. The standard treatment for the disease was not too difficult, but creating the drugs needed for the treatment during this era would be insanely arduous.

"No, no, no!" Kyoko-chan gushed, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "I know you're an excellent doctor, but even you can't cure the infamous disease. If you try, then you'll just needlessly come into contact with the disease! What if you catch it? Bad idea! Bad idea! Rewind your thoughts!"

"Tuberculosis isn't incurable," I thought out loud, bring a finger to my lips as I ignored Kyoko-chan's opinion. "There are two phases to the treatment plan, an intensive phase and a continuation phase. For the intensive phase, the infected person would need to take isoniazid, rifampin, ethambutol, and pyrazinamide daily for eight weeks before moving on to the next phase. In the continuous phase, the infected person would have to take just isoniazid and rifampin for eighteen weeks.[1] Though the side effects of the medication are really nasty."

When I looked up, Kyoko-chan's eyes were wider than dinner plates and Souji, he looked like he lost his jaw. They were both staring at me so hard that I thought I had broken their brains for a moment.

"I don't recognize any of the medication names you just listed…?" Souji finally said, though his voice had the quality of airy disbelief. "You aren't just pulling those names out of your ass, right? I know you're smart, but this…"

"…You're a genius…" Kyoko-chan just gasped before her eyes started sparkling. She grabbed both my hands in a hurry again. "If you can cure tuberculosis, then the Roshigumi's funding problem will be solved! Think of the money you can make!"

"Funding?" Souji asked just to get no answer.

"Yeah, but…," I answered Kyoko-chan. "There's a reason that no one's ever heard of those drugs." **_Because they didn't exist yet._** "They have to be synthesized from scratch. You can't just buy the medication because no one sells it. I don't have the ingredients or the equipment to synthesize those drugs."

Kyoko-chan smiled almost wickedly at my words. I had always thought Kyoko-chan was a confident woman, sometimes a little too confident, but nothing compared to her expression now. In fact, I jumped when she purposely popped her neck and knuckles. While she looked like a princess, she definitely didn't act like one. I saw an empress when I looked at her just then. She was just always so fierce.

"Is that a challenge?" she asked as she took a prideful step towards me. "I'll have you know that there's never been a challenge that I couldn't defeat." She then abruptly spun around almost haughtily and glided out of headquarters like a graceful crane. "I'll be in contact with you in a few days with your equipment. I have work to do now. And Souji-san!"

"Huh?" Souji snapped out of his thoughts and to glance at Kyoko-chan just as she swept out the front gates.

"Take Shizuka-chan to bathe with you tonight! We went to a sentō[2] together last week, so I know she has really nice boobs! You'd like them for sure! They're perky and soft to the touch!"

Then, suddenly, my image of her being like an empress shattered. Instead, she was more like a devious teenage girl.

Souji flushed red again before he hurriedly snatched my wrist up and dragged me inside. He practically slammed the door shut before he slid down against the closed door and onto his butt with his hands covering his face while groaning.

"Souji?" I dropped the towel that was still in my hand and knelt down right in front of him in concern. He sounded like he was in pain. "Are you okay?"

Souji peeked between his fingers before groaning again. "You really are too dense if you didn't catch the implications of her words."

"What implications?" Because I didn't understand why Souji was so flustered over her words.

Public mixed-sex sentō were common in this era. Souji and I even went to one together near Shieikan in Edo several years ago when we were still children. Of course, public mixed-sex sentō were prohibited by law now, but it was so ingrained in the culture that many places ignored the law.

The logical portion of my brain said that Souji shouldn't have been flustered by Kyoko-chan suggesting that we bathe together.

Souji groaned again at my words before taking a deep breath. He kept his hands on his face for a few more seconds before he slowly let his hands drop to his side. His face was still slightly red but it was greatly reduced from how red it looked before. However, the redness quickly returned to his face shortly afterward. He looked at my face after he dropped his hands but then his eyes wandered downward briefly before he glowed red again.

I didn't really get why until I understood where he was looking. Because this was my technically my second life, I often forgot that I was actually older than Souji despite being physically younger. That I had more depth and knowledge about certain things in life that Souji didn't really understand yet. I found Souji reaction adorable and very much like a normal, inexperienced, young man's typical reaction.

"Are you thinking about Kyoko-chan's parting words about my breasts?" I asked with a small teasing smile. Because, why not tease him a bit?

Souji was quick to slap his hands back over his face again with a painful moan. "Gods! Shizuka! I can't believe you just—Shizuka!"

I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction before prying his hands away from his face. He was so red!

"Relax. It's completely normal for you to be interested in that part of a woman's body. You **_are_** a young man. I am a little surprised, though. I've never seen you show interest in a woman's body before. There was even a time where I briefly thought you were gay."

"WHAT?!"

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, so don't look so offended."

"I **_am_** interested in women! You're just always too dense to notice, unfortunately," Souji ended with a mutter as he eyed me wearily, causing me to become slightly embarrassed myself. I shouldn't have teased him about his inexperience when I still couldn't tell when someone was hitting on me despite this being my second life. "Okay, you know what?" he said as he willed the rest of his blush to vanish. "Let's just stop talking about this right now. So Kyoko-chan, was it? She wasn't what I was expecting."

I let him change the topic, deciding to just go along with whatever he wanted to talk about.

"She's not bad, right?"

"No, I actually do kind of like her."

I beamed at Souji's words. Of course, this was when I noticed that Souji was kind of still sweaty and gross from sword practice earlier. I let out a small snort before standing back up.

"I'll go run a bath for you right now," I said with a faint smile before pausing as I thought back to Kyoko-chan's words. " ** _Do_** you want to bathe together? I wouldn't mind. It'd be just like when we were kids."

Souji immediately jumped to his feet, looking as stiff as a board as he practically fled from the room with red ears.

"Go to sleep, Shizuka!" he hollered back at me. "I'll go prepare my own bath and bathe **_by myself_**!"

He vanished down the hall before I could say anything else, leaving me slightly befuddled. I felt like I had said something wrong but I couldn't figure out what.

The following day, what Kyoko-chan told me in her late night visit about the Aizu domain's sponsorship came to fruition. It was toward the end of the Hour of the Monkey when Otou-san called a meeting in the main hall for all the members of the Roshigumi. Even I was called to participate in the meeting even though I wasn't an official member. However, I was forced to sit in the very back corner of the room just because I was born with a set of ovaries instead of testicles.

Men and their **_stupid_** male chauvinistic beliefs.

"Everyone, listen up!" Otou-san began, gaining everyone's attention. "We just received a letter from Lord Aizu, the Kyoto Military Commissioner. He is going to officially place us under his charge."

The room exploded into commotion as all the men cheered at once. It was official, the Roshigumi was here to stay in Kyoto. The Shieikan members looked particularly enthusiastic.

"Sweet! Now we can go all-out on our patrols!" Heisuke cheered, rousing Sano-san and Shinpachi-san to cheer with him.

"Man, this is great!"

"Looks like we're gonna be gettin' busy."

Even Inoue-san, the normally calm man, joined in with the Trio's cheer. "My, isn't this wonderful news?"

"Yeah, it's great that Lord Aizu acknowledged our ability!"

I personally wanted to join in with the cheering too, but that instantly became impossible. My mood quickly soured when I heard Niimi's disgustingly start speaking to another poor-excuse-of-a-human in order to suck up to Serizawa. The man named Tonouchi was almost just as bad as Niimi. Serizawa really did have bad taste when choosing company.

"It's amazing how Serizawa-sensei swayed the Shogunate! Isn't it. Tonouchi-kun?"

God, Niimi was so transparent when he was flattering Serizawa. I wanted to gag.

"Indeed!" Tonouchi answered.

And Serizawa, he knew those two slimy snakes were trying to stay in his good will just because he had the most influence and he still smirked proudly at their praise. "You're overreacting."

"Not at all!" Niimi replied. He was laying it on thick. "Remember what they said? He said that he was willing to grant us permission to remain in Kyoto with you standing at the center of the corps!"

"The results would have been different without you, Serizawa-dono!" Tonouchi added.

As if to mirror my own sour expression, Hijikata-san's and Sannan-san's faces twisted at the two snakes' words. They looked like they swallowed something disgusting while holding trash under their noses.

"Well then, let's drink to our success at Shimabara," Serizawa said, standing up before calling out to Shinpachi-san, who was preparing to leave the room with the other men to celebrate. "Nagakura-kun, come join us."

Poor Shinpachi-san flinched when he heard his name, freezing in place as he mechanically turned to face Serizawa. "Eh?" he said, looking like he was praying that he misheard. "N-Nah it would hurt your name if a good-fer-nothin' like me were seen with you."

Too bad Serizawa had taken a liking to Shinpachi-san just because they were from the same school of kenjutsu and because they were both in the samurai social class. Serizawa's constant invitations had made Shinpachi-san's efforts to avoid the vile man absolutely worthless. And, as if to make Shinpachi-san's position worse, no one ever came to his rescue when Serizawa came to invite him out to drink because Shinpachi-san was exceptionally skilled at keeping Serizawa's bad behavior in check.

I didn't envy Shinpachi-san's position at all.

Serizawa was quick to reject Shinpachi-san's declination. "My name is not so fragile that you could damage it by acting somewhat rowdy," Serizawa said as he continued to push his invitation.

And then poor Shinpachi-san no longer had a choice. Well, as what people say about misery…

"I-In that case, uh… Heisuke and Sano are coming! The more the merrier and all! Souji, Saito, you're comin' too? Right?"

…it loves company.

"Kondou-kun, naturally you will come join me as well." Serizawa then said to Otou-san, rudely interrupting the small conversation he was having with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san.

Otou-san, unlike Shinpachi-san, was so much better at turning down the invitation. "Well… This is a bit embarrassing, but I abstain from alcohol." Otou-san then smiled kindly at Serizawa despite the rude insults that came from one of the slimy men that supported Serizawa.

"What, you can't drink?" Niimi taunted. "Isn't that bad for a warrior that speaks of politics?"

"Please go out and enjoy yourselves." Otou-san remained unfazed as he kept his smile.

"Hmph!" Serizawa voiced his displeasure at being turned down. Then he turned his attention to Ibuki-kun, who was also in the process of leaving the room. "What about you? I bet you haven't been to the red-light district, have you, Feral Dog?"

"There's no way—," Ibuki-kun retorted only to be interrupted by Shinpachi-san grabbing him and putting a hand over his mouth.

"Ryunosuke said he's comin!" Shinpachi-san answered loudly instead while Ibuki-kun flailed helplessly in Shinpachi-san's iron grasp.

I snorted at Ibuki-kun's unfortunate fate before I jumped to my feet and ran after Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san so I could congratulate them on achieving sponsorship. This evening was going to be quiet and it was the perfect time to begin my research into manufacturing the drugs needed to cure tuberculosis.

The evening didn't end up quite as peaceful and quiet as I had originally hoped.

"What?!" Hijikata-san's voice exploded through the walls and into my room, causing me to jump at the unexpected noise.

Ink spilled on my desk and the papers scattered all over the place. The papers went all over the desk on top of the spilled ink, on the floor by my legs, and one even landed in the hibachi[3] I was using to keep warm.

Rushing, I fished the sheet of paper out of the hibachi before it could fully catch on fire. The edges were singed but the words and the diagrams of chemical structures were still legible. As for the papers on my desk, they were woefully beyond saving. The spilled ink on the desk melted the words away into one giant ink blob staining the papers. I breathed out a small huff of irritated disbelief before kicking the wall I shared with Hijikata-san, making sure to put enough force into the kick just so Hijikata-san could hear my irritation.

I then stacked my legible papers together on the floor, ignoring the soiled ones for now, and went next door to see just what Hijikata-san was yelling about.

Heisuke was kneeling on the floor before Hijikata-san and Otou-san.

But he was supposed to be in Shimabara.

Something had gone wrong.

"Heisuke? Why are you back alone?" I knitted my eyebrows together as I took a seat next to him. "Did something happen?"

"Serizawa-san's what happened," Hijikata-san answered instead with his eyes closed in frustration when Heisuke kept his eyes trained on the floor. "We need to go do some damage control. Shizuka, you're coming too. Apparently, Serizawa injured a maiko[4]."

That man was a plague on the earth he walked on. Couldn't he go one day without causing trouble for the rest of us?

"Was she badly injured?" I asked Heisuke.

"Not from what I could see. Serizawa-san threw a saké cup at her face."

I scowled at what Heisuke said. Serizawa hit a girl in the face with a cup. A cup. I wanted to scream because I knew Serizawa would not even get what he rightfully deserved. He would just wave his status as a samurai in people's faces to get off while the poor maiko would take the blunt of the blame. People would say it was her fault for displeasing such a powerful man. It was disgusting.

"Heisuke can take me to the maiko," I turned to tell Otou-san and Hijikata-san. "I'll meet up both of you after I'm done."

* * *

I tilted the maiko's face up slightly so I could get a better look at the injury in the light. Honestly, the poor lighting of the lower floor in Sumiya[5] made it difficult but I was still able to get a good look at the injury. It was just a little bruised and swollen, no serious physical damage. The real damage…

Well, I could feel the damage in the way the maiko regarded me. She looked nervous and didn't particularly like the idea of me touching her face just because she knew I was somehow associated with Serizawa.

"It'll heal without a problem in no time at all," I said as I let go of the maiko's face to fish a jar of salve from the folds of my clothing. "There not even any broken skin. Just a little bruising and swelling." I pressed the little clay jar into the palm of her hands.

"And this is…?" she asked mistrustfully. She removed the lid from the jar and sniffed the contents before peering back at me curiously.

"An ointment made from the arnica[6] flower, which is normally found in Europe. That makes it really hard to find on sale here in Japan. Therefore, it is expensive and I expect you to use it so it doesn't go to waste," I answered bluntly. "Apply it on the injury and it will speed up recovery by reducing the swell and bruising. And do not eat. Good for the skin, but bad for your insides."

She looked at it suspiciously one more time before she dipped a finger in the ointment and rubbed some on the bump. She recapped the jar and tucked it in her sleeve, then focused on me once more. Her eyes had a steely look to them like she expected me to say something awful to her.

"How much do I have to pay?"

I sighed tiredly and shook my head. "No, you don't need to pay for anything. It's the least I could do to apologize for that bastard's actions," I said to her before I started mumbling under my breath to myself. I was so done with tonight. "Seriously, what is wrong with that man? Always ruining other people's evenings. Maybe I really will staple his hands to his face one night when he's sleeping…"

Her eyebrows disappeared behind her bangs in surprise at my words as she watched me get to my feet so I could prepare to leave. Just as I headed towards the stairs so I could go find Otou-san and Hijikata-san in the banquet room, the maiko called out to me.

"Sensei, may I know your name?"

I paused my ascent up the stairs. "Kondou Shizuka."

She bowed politely to me before sending a sweet smile my way. "Thank you, Kondou-han. Please call me Kosuzu-chan from now on. I hope we meet each other again but under different circumstances." She bowed again one last time before exiting Sumiya with two other geisha[7].

I resumed on my way back upstairs. Just as I neared the room Hijikata-san and Otou-san were in, Serizawa and Niimi strolled past me. Niimi even took the time to turn his nose up at he walked past me. Their attitude indicated only one thing.

They had left Otou-san and Hijikata-san to deal with the mess they had created.

As if to confirm my guess, Hijikata-san punched the floor in rage just as I stepped in. But instead of focusing on Otou-san and Hijikata-san, my eyes were drawn towards Souji, who was strangely still in the room, unlike the other guys.

"He does whatever he wants!" Hijikata-san yelled in outrage while glaring at the floor. "We're no different than those rogue samurai!"

I expected Souji to react to Hijikata-san's outburst. But he didn't. He just remained frozen in place, staring down at the tray that was still full of food in front of him as Hijikata-san continued to seethe in the background.

Something else had happened besides Serizawa's rotten behavior towards Kosuzu-chan.

Something that involved Souji.

I moved the tray out of the way and knelt down in front of him. "Souji?"

I went to go hold his hands but then he flinched at my touch and jerked away like I was poison. He refused to look at me. He acted like he couldn't hear me when I knew he could.

And it hurt.

I tried again. "Souji, talk to me. Please?" I pleaded with him as I placed my hand on his thigh. He seemed to twitch slightly at the sound of my voice this time. "What happened?"

Souji remained still for a few more agonizing seconds before he finally acknowledged my presence. He picked up the hand I placed on his thigh before he started stroking the back of that hand with his thumb. Then he finally raised his gaze to look at me. His emerald eyes were heavy and filled with doubt. His normal playful spirit, broken.

His eyes told me a story of anguish and pain.

And all of a sudden, I felt unimaginable rage towards Serizawa for whatever he had done or said to Souji. I wanted the man who hurt Souji to suffer. The rage felt so intense that it felt like my stomach was boiling and my lungs were on fire.

How dare Serizawa do this to Souji?

Then Souji spoke. "Shizuka, do you think of me as a child?" His eyes hardened, telling me he demanded an answer.

"What happened?" I asked again, confused to why he would even ask such a thing.

"Answer my question."

I was so stunned at Souji's behavior that I felt like I couldn't even breathe. He had never behaved like this before around me. I was so stunned I couldn't even form words with my tongue.

"I see…," Souji then said dejectedly, averting his gaze as he took my silence as my answer. He dropped my hand like it burned him and quickly moved to removed himself from the banquet room. "I'm heading back…"

"Souji, wait!" I scrambled to my feet in a panic.

He stopped walking for a few seconds when he heard my voice before exiting the room. I couldn't just let Souji leave like this. I didn't want him to be alone. So I moved to run after him.

I never caught up to him.

"Shizuka, how was the maiko?" Hijikata-san asked, causing my chase to falter even before it could begin. Hijikata-san and Otou-san were so wrapped up in damage control that they had missed the entire exchange between Souji and me.

"Fine. Allshehasisasmallbumponherforehead." I blurted out in a hurry, not caring if my words ran together in an indiscernible mess. "I'mgoingbacknow," I called back as I bolted out the door.

But I slammed into Sano-san's back moment I stepped out of Sumiya and onto the streets.

And Souji was nowhere in sight.

"Shizuka?" Sano-san asked, turning around to put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. He was standing with Ibuki-kun near the front door of the establishment. "Oh, how was that maiko?"

I didn't answer as I scanned the streets in wide-eyed panic. Souji wasn't here.

He wasn't here!

"Shizuka? What's with that worried face? Did something happen?"

"What did Serizawa say to Souji?" I suddenly spun around to demand when it became clear that Souji was no longer in Shimabara[8].

Sano-san looked away before sighing tiredly. "It's not my place to say."

He was not going to get away with that answer. I needed an answer. **_NOW_**.

"I don't care if it isn't your place to say. **_Tell me_** ** _._** "

All Sano-san did was shake his head at me. I snarled back at him in exchange as I grabbed his arm and purposely dug my nails painfully into his arm.

"Ow! Shizuka, what are—"

"If you don't tell me right **_now_** then I **_will_** put a laxative in all the food you eat and you will **_never_** be able to remember a day you did not have **_severe_** diarrhea." Sano-san was quick to pale at my threat. "Tell me what I want to know **_now_**."

"Whoa, there! No need to follow through with that threat!" he cried in a panic before he broke and spouted, "Souji threatened to kill Serizawa-san, but Serizawa-san didn't take his threat seriously. He then said that Souji was a 'snot-nosed brat' and that you only viewed him as a child that needed to be taken care of."

I dropped Sano-san's arm as a dark shadow fell over my face. I gritted my teeth together so hard that it felt like I would break a tooth.

 ** _How dare Serizawa put words in my mouth?_**

He was not me nor did he hold any privy to my thoughts. Souji was definitely no child. If anything, Souji was always the one that took care of me whenever I had my mental breakdowns back when we were still children. He was the one that always watched out for me even though he didn't have to.

 ** _I will not let Serizawa destroy my most precious relationship._**

I turned to sprint back to headquarters.

"Shizuka?!" Sano-san yelled after me. He didn't chase me.

While I knew, logically, that I arrived back at the Yagi house rather quickly, it felt like hours. Without waiting to catch my breath, I rushed to Souji's room. And while his room was dark and his door was shut, I knew he was inside.

Without bothering to ask for permission, I slipped into his room, making sure to shut the door behind me for privacy. Souji was lying on his side on the floor as he glared at the wall. His was still facing me even though I knew he heard me enter the room. It was obvious he was set on ignoring me.

But I didn't care.

I went to kneel behind him before I ran my hand down his side to get is attention. He didn't move. He didn't even look at me.

"I want to be alone right now," he said when it became obvious I wasn't going to leave him alone.

I shook my head even though I knew he refused to look at me.

"I heard from Sano-san about what Serizawa said—"

Souji then bolted up, interrupting me. He grabbed the hand I had placed on his waist and practically threw it away from him as he glared at me with such **_venom_** that it felt like my heart stopped.

 ** _"_** ** _Don't touch me!"_** he sneered at me.

I was so startled at how much force was in his voice that I unintentionally jumped back a few centimeters.

Souji rejected me.

It **_hurt_** so much that tears instantly sprung up into the corners of my eyes. But he wasn't done yet.

"You've always thought of me as a child, haven't you?!" he spat out. It was clear he had every intention to hurt me with his words. "You've always pitied me from the beginning, right?! You've lied to me ever since the beginning! I thought you were like Kondou-san, someone that never lied to me and treated me kindly because of the kindness of your own heart! I thought you were someone I could trust in this rotten world! You never really cared for me and just pitied me! Get out!"

And then he cut out my heart and spit on it.

 ** _"_** ** _I loathe you."_**

Did Serizawa really make him think this or was this something that Souji had always thought and carried with him? Did he never really come to trust me like I had come to trust him? How was it that he could worm his way into my heart the way he did, then turn around and rip my heart out?

But even if he did hate me. Even if he hurt me on purpose, I couldn't hate him. I couldn't bring myself to do so.

His happiness, his well-being was far more precious to me than my own.

If he was going to be happier if I removed myself from his life, then I would do so. But I was also not so spineless that I would leave without correcting his misconceptions first.

I looked him directly in the eyes so he could see for himself that I was not lying. "I never pitied you nor have I ever lied to you. I may have withheld information, but I have never lied to you. I always tried to make sure you were happy because it—"

My voice cracked as a sob broke through my exterior, forcing me to bury my face in my hands. I couldn't look at him anymore. It was too painful.

"It… it physically hurt when you were upset. I did this because I really did care for you. You knew me better than Otou-san did and I trusted you the most because of it. You are the most precious person to me and b-because y-you are my most p-precious person, I'll—"

I couldn't finish. I couldn't bring myself to say the last word. I couldn't bring myself to say, "leave".

I didn't wait to scramble to my feet and ran for the door. I couldn't face him anymore, nor did he want me around anymore.

"Shizuka… No! Shizuka! Wait!"

I didn't even pause. I wasn't going to stay just so he could continue to hurt me. No matter how much I did care for him, there were only so many unkind words I could take.

 ** _I needed out._**

Just as I reached the door, I was suddenly jerked backward and pulled into a tight embrace before I was forced to back down into sitting as my captor sunk to his knees.

"Let go," I could barely say before more tears slid down my cheeks and dripped onto the floor. "You already said more than enough."

"No…," his voice shook uncharacteristically. There was no strength in his words as he buried his face against the nape of my neck.

I was going to elbow him.

I was going to force him to release me.

But then I felt tears slide down the back of my neck. I felt him shake as he let out a heart-wrenching sob.

"No…," he said again, shaking almost violently as he tightened his arms desperately around my waist. "Please… Don't leave me… Don't hate me… I didn't mean it… Don't leave me… Don't leave…"

And while his words had left a gaping wound on me, while I had every right not to forgive him, I stopped struggling in his hold. If he didn't want me to leave, if he still needed me, then I would not abandon him even if he decided that he would hate me again in the morning.

I gently pried his arms open so I could turn around. Then I allowed him to tuck his face in the crook of my neck as I wrapped my arms around him. His tears continued to drip onto me before sliding down my neck and disappearing into my clothing.

"I'll only leave if you want me to," I whispered softly into his ear as I rubbed his back with a soothing circular pattern. "If you want me to stay, then I will. You can hate me all you want later, but I'll stay with you until you're ready to let go."

Souji refused to let go of me for the rest of the night, even as he fell asleep against me while kneeling. His hold on me did slacken when he finally fell asleep but I wasn't going to leave him until I knew that he would be okay.

* * *

[1] CDC Treatment for TB Disease

[2] Sentō (銭湯) is a type of Japanese communal bath house where customers pay for entrance. Traditionally these bath houses have been quite utilitarian, with a tall barrier separating the sexes within one large room, a minimum of lined up faucets on both sides and a single large bath for the already washed bathers to sit in among others. Since the second half of the 20th century, these communal bath houses have been decreasing in numbers as more and more Japanese residences now have baths. Some Japanese find social importance in going to public baths, out of the theory that physical proximity/intimacy brings emotional intimacy, which is termed skinship in pseudo-English Japanese. Others go to a sentō because they live in a small housing facility without a private bath or to enjoy bathing in a spacious room and to relax in saunas or jet baths that often accompany new or renovated sentōs.

Another type of Japanese public bath is onsen, which uses hot water from a natural hot spring. In general, the word onsen means that the bathing facility has at least one bath filled with natural hot spring water. However, throughout the Kansai region of Japan the word "onsen" is also a commonly used naming scheme for sentō. Sentō and supersentō in Kansai that do have access to a hot spring well often differentiate themselves by having "natural hot spring" (天然温泉) somewhere on their signage.

[3] The hibachi (Japanese: 火鉢, lit. "fire bowl") is a traditional Japanese heating device. It consists of a round, cylindrical or a box-shaped open-topped container, made from or lined with a heatproof material and designed to hold burning charcoal. In North America, the term "hibachi" refers to a small cooking stove heated by charcoal (called shichirin in Japanese) or to an iron hot plate (teppan) used in teppanyaki restaurants.

[4] Maiko (舞妓) is an apprentice _geiko_ (not exactly same as geisha) in Kyoto, western Japan. Their jobs consist of performing songs, dances, and playing the _shamisen_ or the _koto_ (traditional Japanese instruments) for visitors during feasts. Maiko are usually aged 15 to 20 years old and become geiko after learning how to dance the traditional kyomai dances, play the _shamisen_ , and learning _Kyō-kotoba_ (dialect of Kyoto), regardless of their origins.

[5] Sumiya was originally an ageya (pleasure house), where guests were entertained by tayū (oiran), who provided artistic entertainment as well as sex, by the late Edo period it was exclusively a restaurant and non-sexual entertainment space.

[6] _Arnica montana_ is a flowering plant about 18–60 cm (7.1–23.6 in) tall aromatic fragrant, perennial herb. Its basal green ovate-ciliate leaves with rounded tips are bright colored and level to the ground. In addition, they are somewhat downy on their upper surface, veined and aggregated in rosettes. By contrast, the upper leaves are opposed, spear-shaped and smaller which is an exception within the _Asteraceae_. The chromosome number is 2n=38.

The flowering season is between May and August (Central Europe). The hairy flowers are composed of yellow disc florets in the center and orange-yellow ray florets at the external part. The achenes have a one-piece rough pappus which opens in dry conditions. _Arnica montana_ is a hemicryptophyte, which helps the plant to survive the extreme overwintering condition of its habitat. In addition, Arnica forms rhizomes, which grow in a two-year cycle: the rosette part grows at its front while its tail is slowly dying.

[7] Geisha (芸者), geiko (芸子), or geigi (芸妓) are traditional Japanese female entertainers who act as hostesses and whose skills include performing various arts such as classical music, dance, games and conversation, mainly to entertain male customers.

[8] Shimabara (嶋原, often simplified to 島原, sometimes styled 嶌原) was the designated courtesans' district (yūkaku) in Kyoto, from 1640, and later also a geisha district (hanamachi). It is now defunct, both as a courtesans' district (prostitution was outlawed in Japan in 1958) and as a geisha district (since the 1970s), and thus is often excluded from the list of Kyoto hanamachi. It continues to operate as a tourist area, however, and does have one operating ochaya.


	25. Chapter 25

I went with the flow like so many of you suggested, but be warned. It's a long chapter.

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

 _"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self-respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything." — F. Scott Fitzgerald_

I felt miserable.

My spine, unbearably stiff and creaky like an old door hinge that hadn't been oiled in years. My backside, so cold that it made snow feel warm. Spending the night slumped against the shōji door was a horrendous idea, especially if the other side was facing the "great outdoors". This was something I would never do again given the choice. The measly thin paper of the door did little to keep the cold out. In fact, it was a freaking miracle that I even ended up leaning on the wooden frame instead of the paper portion of the sliding door. Because if I wasn't…

Well, then there would be a hole in the paper door that I really wouldn't want to fix.

Then there was the front side of my body. That side of my body was nearly as unfortunate as my backside. Souji, who had fallen asleep on top of me, was heavy. He also served as a poor blanket. Over the course of the long night, his head had slid down from my shoulder, coming to rest on my chest. This left everything above my chest exposed to the cold. Then there were my legs. Seeing as he was pressed up against me between my thighs, my legs were left to hang out in the cold the entire night. My toes felt especially icy.

And since he was so much larger and heavier than me, he practically smooshed me against the door, rendering movement impossible. If I could have moved him, then he would be sleeping on his futon. Obviously, things did not work out that way.

But on the bright side, at least my stomach was warm throughout the night.

I wiggled underneath him somewhat uncoordinatedly as I attempted to find a more comfortable position. The wooden frame of the door was rigid, inflexible, causing a bruise to form on my back from prolonged contact. I hissed and winced when I accidently bumped the bruise against the wood again. Deciding nothing I did was going to help, I promptly gave up on trying to find a comfier position and absentmindedly continued to rub gentle circles into Souji's back while staring at the shut shōji window screens.

Despite being unable to see through the shut shōji window screens, I could tell the sun was beginning to rise as fragments of dim light filtered through the translucent material. Dawn. The long night was over. My eagerness to move increased as I felt Souji stir. I heard a change in his breathing before he took a deep breath.

"Mmm…," he groaned drowsily, nuzzling his face further against my chest before I felt his limp arms tighten around my waist. His movements were slow and heavy.

His eyes opened slowly, first glazed over and unseeing before he blinked in a groggy manner. As if that action finally roused him from his sleep, he released my waist to put his hands on the floor on either side of me so he could push himself off of me. Sitting up in front of me, he sluggishly rubbed his face with his hand before he focused me with half-lidded eyes. He still looked half-asleep and nonfunctional.

I stopped him before he could rub his eyes with his unhygienic hands and stroked his cheek in an attempt to get him to wake up faster. There were traces of imprints from my clothing left of his cheek. "Are you feeling better now?"

He didn't answer. It was like he didn't hear me. Instead, he stared at me blankly for a few awkward seconds before he randomly picked me up, causing me to squeak in surprise, as he turned and headed towards to his unused futon.

"Souji?!" I flailed around slightly in his arms before my arms found stability around his neck.

He wordlessly flipped the covers of his futon back with a foot and meticulously set me down. Without wasting another second, he swiftly laid down next to me, pulling me flush against his chest before he swathed the both of us in his soft blankets. He hummed in satisfaction just as he tucked my head beneath his chin and buried his nose in my hair

"You're cold," he murmured as he closed his eyes again to return to sleep. "And it's too early to get up."

"Maybe for you, but it's almost the Hour of the Rabbit."

"And?" he asked rather stubbornly, his arms tightening around me. Even his legs seem wrapped themselves around my own legs to prevent me from leaving. I couldn't see his face but I could tell he was pouting.

"You may not get up around this time, but I do. Do you ever wonder how breakfast is always done by the time everyone gets up? I kind of have to wake up an hour earlier than everyone for that."

"Can't someone else cook breakfast today?" he asked, pushing his face deeper into my now messy hair. The hairpin keeping my hair up had fallen out sometime during the night and was now littering the floor somewhere. "Stay until it's time for me to get out of bed. Please?"

I rubbed his side in a mute reply before images of the guys attempting to cook breakfast surfaced in my head. I burst out giggling at the scene that played in my mind. Saito-san would be too focused on his tofu preparations to notice Shinpachi-san and Sano-san burning the vegetables in the back while Heisuke would be putting too much miso in the soup. The whole situation would continue to devolve until Hijikata-san scolded everyone for wasting food while Otou-san would try to convince Hijikata-san the food didn't taste that terrible while pointedly making sure to only eat the tofu that Saito-san prepared. Then the day would be saved by Inoue-san cleaning up the mess and Sannan-san suggesting that they all go out to eat.

"Do you really think that would be a good idea?" I said through my laughter. I brought my hands up to my mouth to snuff my laughter the best I could. "I've cooked nearly for every meal for the past several years that I think everyone else's cooking sense has withered. I don't think Shinpachi-san even remembers how to peel taro anymore."

Souji grumbled something incoherently before let out a disappointing sounding sigh. His hold on me slackened, allowing me to sit up on his futon. I grinned at him when I saw that childish pout on his face. His cheeks were red and puffy and his lower lip was sticking out petulantly. Then he sat up himself, tossing the blankets back as he climbed to his feet. He went to his cabinet and began pulling out a change of clothing with jerky irritated movements. There were no traces of sleepiness in his movements. It was almost as if his grogginess from before was an act.

"Just because I'm getting up now doesn't mean you need to too," I pointed out, still sitting on his futon under the blankets as I watched him.

"But I want to." The answer sounded so earnest that I felt like I was turning to mush around him. There was something in his voice that made me want to snuggle up to him for warmth like a puppy.

Then he started changing his hakamashita and I started **_staring_** at him uncharacteristically. I had to rip my eyes from his handsome form to glance down my hands as I fiddled around with the edge of the blankets. It was illogical. My body may have been young but I definitely didn't have the mind of a teenager. In fact, throughout my career as a doctor in my past life, I had seen several naked bodies before. I shouldn't have been gawking like a teenage girl with a stupid crush.

But I was and the knowledge I gawking at my closest friend, my childhood friend, for something so mundanely simple was embarrassingly mortifying.

I immediately shot out of his futon so I could busy myself with fixing my hair. I wanted to take my mind off of him and his wonderful muscles. But then it happened. My foot snagged on his blankets.

I waved my arms around stupidly in silence in a futile attempt to catch my balance while doing my best not to attract Souji's attention. The silence only served to emphasize the loudness of the thud when my face was introduced to the floor. I could hear Souji pause dressing in the background as I laid limply on the floor. I could feel his incredulous stare.

Sometimes I wonder why I even still try anymore.

But at least I was wearing hakama instead of a kimono. If I had been wearing a kimono and if it had ridden up my hips enough during the fall…

There was no point in lingering on what could have happened when it didn't.

"Shizuka? You alright?" I heard Souji ask as his footsteps came to a pause near my head. He tucked his hands under my armpits and pulled me off the floor. I looked everywhere but his face. "How did you even manage to trip? You're not normally this uncoordinated… Did you sleep at all last night or…?" **_did he keep me up last night?_**

"Erm…" My eyes landed my hairpin on the floor nearby. I focused on that instead. "I should go cook breakfast now."

He snorted at my pathetic attempt to change the topic but he didn't pursue his original question. He ironically learned the answer through my attempts to avoid answering it.

And his face dropped in guilt.

Like I said, why do I even bother trying sometimes?

I sighed before offering him a tired smile. "Don't feel guilty. It was my choice. If I didn't want to stay with you, I would have woken you up to get you to move."

I stood on my tiptoes in front of him so I could tap his nose playfully. When I saw a small smile surface on his face, I reciprocated it before I turned to head to the kitchen. I scooped my hairpin off the floor along the way and twisted my hair up before I headed for the door.

"Oh, wait! Shizuka," Souji called to me just as I stepped outside. I paused to look back at him. He was wearing a hopeful expression. "What are your plans for today?"

"I was going to head out to meet with Kyoko-chan after preparing breakfast."

Because what better way was there to sneak out without being followed than getting out before anyone was awake?

"Going out without an escort again?" He tied his sash, now done changing. He jogged out of his room to catch up to me before he looped an arm around my waist so he could walk with me to the kitchen. "I'll go with you today so you Hijikata-san can't get mad at you for 'sneaking' out."

I tilted my head at him in surprise. "Huh?"

Souji knew that I always ditched whoever was in charge of escorting me whenever I went out with Kyoko-chan. He also knew that I wouldn't ditch him if he were to come with me, that I'd be honest and ask him to give me and Kyoko-chan some private time if I wanted him to leave. But I could tell that he didn't intend on leaving me alone with Kyoko-chan today.

He wanted to spend the day with me.

"You don't want to?"

I couldn't find it within me to reject his hidden request, so I beamed at him just as we reached the kitchen. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me and ushered me in.

Raising funds could be pushed off to a later date for now. Souji, he was far more important.

"Help me cook a quick breakfast?" I asked as I went to grab donabe. "We can head out as soon as we're done."

He seemed rather pleased with my answer and wasted no time heading out to fetch a pail of water. "I'll get the rice so you can focus on everything else," he called back to me. There was an adorable skip in his step.

Souji was so overjoyed just for this small outing that I felt guilt well up in my throat. For him just to be excited by something so simple, I was an asshole for neglecting him for so long. I had been so focused on work lately that I've only seen Souji inside headquarters and that was because we lived together and because Souji still took the time to look for me.

I couldn't help but loathe myself slightly after that realization.

Despite Souji helping me, breakfast took longer to complete than usual. Other than just cooking the rice, he had offered to cut the vegetables for me. I knew he had the best of intentions and wanted to speed up the process of cooking but it kind of backfired. The vegetables he chopped were inconstant in size, some pieces too big and others too small. By the time the smaller pieces were cooked, the larger pieces were still half raw. I ended up having to stew the vegetables longer to cook the larger pieces all the way through. Unfortunately, that reduced the smaller pieces into mush. However, that didn't bother Souji at all.

His exact words were, "They have food, so they don't get to complain. And since I'm not eating this morning, it doesn't matter if it's not cooked as well."

I whacked him lightly before scolding him but I don't think he even heard my words. Instead, he hastily ushered me to the front gate, only pausing to ask if I needed to fetch anything from my room before heading out. I was only able to shake my head before I was shoved out the gate. Hijikata-san just happened to crack open his bedroom door when Souji and I left.

"So where are we meeting with Kyoko-chan?" Souji asked, tilting his head in curiosity as he peered down at me after a good ten minutes or so of walking.

"Oh, you know that teahouse on the corner of Nishikikoji street[1]? We usually meet right outside." I shuffled a bit closer to him to avoid colliding with the back of another person.

It was still early but the streets were already beginning to fill up with people. There were even some kids out playing tag in the streets.

Souji hummed in affirmation before falling silent. He looked like he was trying to calculate something in his head.

"That's a thirty-minute walk, isn't it?" he then spoke up. "Why that teahouse instead of one closer to us?"

"It's because they open super early and Kyoko-chan likes to start the day with sweets. Plus, if the owner likes you, then you wouldn't have to pay for the tea." I reached for his hand and absentmindedly began to trace the dips between his finger. I thought his hand looked lonely at the moment.

He lifted my hand up to peck it lightly, making me strangely giddy from the small action. He noticed my reaction and winked playfully at me before asking, "So, free tea?"

I nodded before abruptly lurching forward clumsily as somebody collided into my back, nearly giving Souji a heart attack at the unexpected "attack". He spun around to face my attacker with steely eyes, hands on his sword, and his knees bent. Then, he attacked the intruder… with an exasperated sigh. He dropped his stance as he set to work on the laborious task of peeling Kyoko-chan off my back and shoulders.

"Morning!" she chirped without an ounce of remorse and even put more effort into clinging on to me just to annoy Souji even more.

She ignored Souji's grumbling and loud complaints about her tight grip as her grin grew in size, taking on an almost sinister appearance. Her eyes glittered suspiciously when she saw my hands devoid of all forms of equipment. She treated me as her personal rock-climbing wall a little longer before she hopped off. She still chose not to acknowledge my, now nonexistent, personal space.

"No work today?" she whispered into my ears, sounding strangely gleeful.

Souji didn't take kindly to being ignored and put his hand on her shoulder so he could yank her away from me. He inserted himself between me and her before scolding her reproachfully. "You know, you shouldn't sneak up on someone with a sword."

She ignored the tone of his voice to wiggle her eyebrows at me in a suggestive manner.

"I almost drew on you. Oi, are you even paying attention?" Souji waved his hand in front of her face to see if she'd react.

Kyoko-chan just shrugged her shoulders in a very "meh" fashion in response before focusing on me once again. That grin of hers, absolutely worrisome. One look and I could see that dangerous-looking glint in her eyes. She totally had something devious planned.

I nervously inched closer to Souji's side as he raised an eyebrow at me in amusement.

"Hey, Shizuka-chan~," Kyoko-chan said, bouncing up to me so she could snatch me from Souji's side once again. I hung limply in her grip, too tense to even attempt to escape whatever dastardly plan she had thrown together haphazardly in her mind.

She then pointed at some random handsome stranger peddling his wares on the side of the street, causing my blood pressure to plummet faster than the Australian dollar. "I need you to go ask that man something for me."

That was it? That was her devious plan?

"Ask him what?" I looked at the man she was pointing at in a rather lackluster fashion. He looked like he was vending fans.

Kyoko-chan was decisively unhelpful with her answer of, "Something." I think it was her goal to confuse me as much as possible at this point.

"Something? What is this 'something' you want me to ask him about?"

"Umm…," she hummed as she stared at the man before answering, "Inksticks. Ask him about the inksticks he's selling."

I wanted to slap my own forehead. I knew she saw that the man was selling fans very clearly, yet she was insisting on the inksticks. I let out a groan before looking to Souji for aid. He gave an unhelpful look that clearly communicated, "She's your friend, not mine. How should I know?"

"He's clearly selling fans," I decided to point out. "You know," I made a fanning motion with my hand, "things that do this. There's no ink."

At this point, I think Kyoko-chan was getting impatient with me. She booted me towards the vendor and when I looked back, she waved me away while snatching Souji by the arm. I witnessed her whispering something into his ear before I let out a loud sigh and headed toward the fan merchant. It was pointless to argue with Kyoko-chan. She was like a brick wall once her mind was made up.

"Excuse me, sir?" I said as I stopped in front of the merchant.

I immediately cringed and inched away slowly when the man practically jumped up and stared at me intently. His face looked so excited, for some reason, that it sparkled. It freaking sparkled like some creepy pixie magic crap. Suddenly, I regretted approaching the man so much that I weighed the option of being rude and fleeing with the option of being polite.

"You!" the man suddenly exclaimed before grabbing a bunch of fans. He then chucked one of his fans at me, which I barely dodged. "Buy a fan!"

"Err..." Nope. I was done with the guy.

But then the guy decided to **_chase_** me and **_pelt_** me with his fans while screaming, "Buy one!"

I didn't know what his particular brand of crazy he was but it was freaky. Beyond freaky. So I did the logical thing anyone would have done in that situation and ran. I had to run around the block to lose the guy and when I finally came full circle to the beginning point, the guy's fan stand was gone. It was like it wasn't even there in the first place.

I stared at the empty spot with my jaw dropped before I rubbed my eyes just to make sure. I looked back at where Kyoko-chan was still chatting with Souji before I looked back at the vacant spot. Kyoko-chan and Souji were still there but the crazy guy and his fans weren't.

What. The. Hell.

"Shizuka?" My heart nearly jumped out of my chest at this point and I would have bolted if Souji didn't grab me. "Hey, are you okay? You looked spooked." He rubbed my cheek with the palm of his hand, genuinely concerned as he tried to calm me down.

As for Kyoko-chan…

"Yeah, you totally looked spooked," Kyoko-chan chimed in nonchalantly, but she couldn't hide the shit-eating grin that was slowly emerging on her face. "It's almost like you saw a ghost."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You. You planned that, didn't you?" She was smug, way too smug not to have been somehow not involved with that whole fan debacle.

"Hmm…? What?" She shrugged. Kyoko-chan sucked at acting. The proof was written all over her face in that smile of hers.

I looked back up at Souji, hoping to have his support but he just looked back at me in confusion. Unlike Kyoko-chan, he didn't know what had just happened, with the fans and all. He had seen absolutely nothing.

Just how did Kyoko-chan do stuff like this? The mystery of the century.

Then out of nowhere, Kyoko-chan let out an extremely **_fake_** sounding moan of pain before hunching over. She exaggerated her motions as she clutched at her lower abdomen while acting like she was dying. Actually, no. Not like she was dying. Like she was being mauled by a very angry teddy bear with its cotton-filled paws.

 ** _"Oh no!"_** she exclaimed, her voice out of tone. She didn't even sound like she was in pain! She sounded like she was about to kneel over laughing any second. "I can't hang out you guys because I'm having **_menstruation cramps_**! It **_hurts_** too much!"

"You're such a liar." I snorted as I crossed my arms at her while Souji just stared at us funny. "You suck at acting."

She broke out of her act. "Oh really?" she said while sounding all thoughtful before she went back to her horribly plastic wailing. "Oh! Pain! I'm going to go home and rest. You two go out together and do something fun."

"It doesn't work like that! You just told us you were faking it!"

Kyoko-chan ignored my outburst and started hobbling away, leaving me and Souji to stare at her in disbelief. Then before she vanished into the crowd, she turned around and gave Souji a thumb's up and a wink, **_while I could still see her._** She then straightened up and skipped into the crowd, unhindered by her "pain".

Just who did she think she was trying to fool?

Oblivious. Yes.

Blind. Absolutely not!

"…Interesting friend you have there," Souji said, breaking the silence that had settled over us as we both stared at the spot where Kyoko-chan had vanished.

I just shook my head and buried my face against the side of Souji's arm like I was in pain. "You don't even know the half of it."

He just snorted at my answer before he pressed a kiss on the top of my head and lightly shook me loose so he could comfortably place his hand on my lower back. Without waiting for an answer, Souji ushered me down the street towards the different shops.

"Well, since we're out, let do some window shopping before we go find something else to do," he suggested, but instead of exploring the shops like his words implied, he made a beeline to a particular stall on the side of the street after walking a short distance. He seemed to know exactly where he was going and what he wanted. "I've been wanting to take you here for a while."

I looked up at him in curiosity. "Oh?"

He chuckled as he tapped on my back playfully with his fingers as steered me towards the stall. The elderly man running the stall seemed to perk up excitedly when he saw us approach and put on his best smile. Thankfully, this vendor seemed perfectly sane, unlike the one that sold those fans.

Because, seriously, if I ran into another merchant like that fan vendor, I'd never sleep again due to nightmares.

The table was covered with various carefully crafted kanzashi[2] and different gem-encrusted hair ornaments. They all looked so fancy and expensive that I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up once I saw them.

"Hair accessories?" I asked Souji, joking as I bumped my arm with his as an amused smile crawled its way onto my face. "What? Is my hairpin too plain and boring for your tastes?"

"Perish the thought, dear lady," he joked back an extravagant flourish before he allowed me to explore the table as he greeted the vendor with a simplistic yet friendly wave.

I picked up the kanzashi closest to my hand. It had five large flowers bundled together on it and it looked absolutely exquisite and expensive. As much as I wanted to buy a new hair accessory, it was probably a waste of good money. I placed the hairpiece back in its box as my attention drifted to the lilac one near the edge of the table. That one was pretty too.

"Oh? So you're back again today, Danna-sama[3]," the vendor greeted, surprising me with his words, as he bowed politely to Souji. The vendor's eyes then drifted towards me as he appraised me. He seemed rather pleased as he eyed me. "So this is the lady you've been meaning to bring."

"Good morning, Kita-san," Souji replied with such familiarity that it became obvious he came here more than just a few times. My eyes snapped to Souji questioningly. He noticed my attention and flickered his eyes down at me briefly but kept his focus on the vendor. "Do you still have the—"

"Ah, that one." The vendor didn't let Souji finish speaking as he reached behind the table to pull out a separate kanzashi in a small Japanese red pine[4] box before presenting it to us. "I took it off sale just for you because I knew you would come back for it."

There were three medium-sized, pure white, silk flowers with silver trims sitting on a two-pronged, silver, alloy piece. Extending from the three silk flowers that were bunched together like a bouquet were five strings of folded silk petals. Just like the flowers the petal strings were white with silver trims. The kanzashi looked like it was one of the simpler pieces on sale, but its simplicity was what made it gorgeous.

Souji reached over to take the box from the vendor. He placed the box on the table before plucking my own hairpin from my hair, surprising me slightly when my hair came tumbling down. Souji grinned at my expression of surprise before picking up the kanzashi from the small box.

"Look up for me," he said before placing his hand under my chin to tilt my head up slightly for better access. Then without even showing a hint of having any difficulty, Souji twisted my hair back up effortlessly before tucking the kanzashi into my hair.

"Beautiful." His voice came out almost as a whisper as his hand moved from under my chin to the side of my face. He rubbed gentle circles into my cheek with his thumb before he turned to the vendor. "Do you have a mirror?"

The vendor turned around and seemed to shuffle around with the few boxes he had behind him before he pulled out a circular mirror about the size of my face. He presented the mirror to me as he grinned excitedly. In fact, I could feel the man's hand vibrate with energy when I went to take the mirror from him.

I almost dropped the mirror when I caught a glimpse of my appearance. Souji had twisted my hair up into a different style from my usual hairdo. I had expected my hair to look slightly messy since Souji had never worked with a woman's hair seriously before this. It was anything but messy. The hair style Souji fashioned looked more mature and, dare I say it? More alluring?

I didn't like to admit it but I had always felt slightly childish with my old, secondhand hairpin. But this kanzashi made me feel like a lady, fully grown up and elegant. It made me feel like I was one of those women that could stop a man in his tracks with one seductive look. The inanimate object flattered me without even trying to and I was instantly smitten with it.

I had never thought I would love my own appearance this much before this.

Souji, who was watching me, seemed to know immediately what was going through my mind and tucked my bangs behind one ear. "All it does is emphasize the beauty you already have." He chuckled before whispering into my ear, "You'd still look beautiful without it."

I flush slightly at his hushed yet brazen complement and fumbled with my fingers when Souji plucked the mirror from my hands as I attempted to keep my hands busy.

"Ah, you're right. It does suit her," the vendor said as he took the mirror from Souji, but I could barely hear above my own pounding heart at this point.

I fiddled with my fingers a little while longer before a disappointing realization surfaced. This kanzashi was probably expensive. The money I managed to collect with Kyoko-chan's help was to help support the Roshigumi. I shouldn't be spending it on such unimportant objects. But just as I reached up to pluck it from my hair, Souji stopped me and shook his head.

"It's 1 shu, right?" Souji asked the vendor, causing my jaw to drop.

He intended to purchase it for me? Something so expensive? He wasn't earning any money right now so this would surely hurt his wallet. That amount of money could purchase a round trip from Nagasaki to Osaka!

I opened my mouth to object but Souji slapped his hand over my mouth nonchalantly without even glancing down at me as he continued to focus on the vendor.

"I'll give you a discount and cut the price down to 220 mon. It's not every day that I see something like this. It's nice to be young, isn't it?"

Souji chuckled at what the vendor said before dropping the coins into the man's open hand. He then led me away once the purchase was complete and didn't remove his hand from my mouth until we were sufficient enough distance away for the vendor not to hear us.

"What? You'd like to complain that it's too expensive now?" Souji asked, raising his eyebrow at me as the corner of his lips twitched upward.

I pouted before looking down at my fingers as I twiddled them around. "You shouldn't have spent that much on me," I mumbled, feeling a little defeated. "You don't have much money in the first place, so you should be spending what you do have on yourself."

"It's my money, isn't it? I should be able to spend money on you if I want to. Look, if you feel guilty then come with me to go visit the Kiyomizudera Temple again. The sakura trees are just beginning blooming right now and I want some company when I go see them."

I looked away from him briefly before holding onto his wrist so I could lean my head against his arm. He was such a liar sometimes. I knew, without a doubt, that Souji was only suggesting flower viewing because he knew I liked flowers.

"You know," I murmured as I took my head off his arm to look up at him, "you're too selfless for your own good."

"That's not true. I'm more selfish than you can imagine."

Despite knowing that he was telling the barefaced truth, I didn't believe him.

The rest of the day vanished in a blink of an eye, time disappearing way too fast. It had only felt like minutes while we were at the temple when, in reality, the whole afternoon had passed on by. The sky glowed orange, the clouds tinted with hints of purple as the sun started to sink below the horizon. Just as we were crossing a bridge on our way to headquarters, I paused to look at the sunset in the reflection of the river below. The water was slow moving, unlike the rapids that carried me into Otou-san's life.

"Shizuka?" Souji asked when he noticed I paused. He came back to stand next to me and ran his fingers along the pale skin of the underside of my wrist as he tried to get my attention. "Is everything okay?"

I turn to beam at him before wrapping my arms fondly around one of his arms. It did cross my mind that I was **_possibly_** being a little too clingy at this point, seeing that I practically hung off his arm all day, but Souji didn't seem to mind. In fact, all he did at this moment was chuckle at me before nuzzling my cheek with his nose.

"Today put you in a good mood?" he asked with his face still hovering close to mine. So close that if I turned to face him without care, we could bump lips.

"Not just that." I turned anyway, not caring that my lips briefly brushed against his lightly. His eyes widened slightly at the contact before he pulled back slightly and blinked. "I was looking at the river. I told you that Otou-san found me as a baby but I never did tell you where."

"It has something to do with a river?"

I nodded as I looked back down at the river. It was so clear that I could see the fish swimming down below. "To get rid of me, my haha-ue put me in an abandoned fishing boat and sent me downstream. It had just rained the day before, so there were rapids and the rickety old boat nearly overturn several times before it washed up on shore. It was just pure luck Otou-san happened to pass by and look in the boat."

"Were you terrified?" Souji asked, his voice soft as he pulled me closer to him as a form of comfort. He sounded concerned, probably thinking that this old memory was hurtful.

But it was just as wonderful as it was painful.

"I still resent my haha-ue for abandoning me like that, but I'm thankful." My arms tightened around Souji's arm as I leaned my head against his upper arm. "I have never been so grateful for her actions. If she didn't leave me at that river, then Otou-san would have never found me. I would have never met you."

"Shizuka…"

"And you know what?" I released his arm so I could spin around and beam at him. "While Otou-san, and even Hijikata-san, are irreplaceably important to me as family, you are the most irreplaceable person in my heart and my most important person. So thank you for always looking out for me and caring for me. I don't know where I'd be without you. I hope we have more adventures together with each other in the future."

I knew I was being overly sentimental but it spilled out of me before I could stop myself.

At first, Souji seemed absolutely surprised at my words. "I… Damn, that got me straight through the heart." His expression of surprise melted and his voice even quivered a bit as he snaked his arms around me. It almost sounded like he wanted to cry. "Thank you, huh?"

"Aw, are those tears?" I asked jokingly, purposely keeping the atmosphere lighthearted. Souji chuckled at my words as he placed his forehead on my shoulder.

"Hmm? What was that? I was just yawning," he said just before impishly plucking my new kanzashi out of my hair. He laughed at my flustered expression when my hair fell in my face so suddenly.

"Hey! I thought you bought that for me!"

"I did," he teased me as he twirled the kanzashi around between his fingers before he bolted. "See if you can get it back!"

I scoffed playfully before dashing after him.

It was a pointless mischievous chase. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch him, yet I still tried. He always kept himself within arms distance but every time I went to swipe at him, he would speed up just enough for me to miss. And then when he suddenly braked in front of me, I jumped on his back with a childish giggle, not caring that we had arrived in the courtyard of the Yagi house or that people were staring.

The men of Shieikan, plus Ibuki-kun were in the courtyard discussing something at the moment Souji and I barged in inappropriately cheerfully, interrupt whatever they were talking about. Only the four oldest men of the Shieikan group seemed to be missing. They paused whatever they were discussing to stare at me and Souji. Shinpachi-san seemed especially enthusiastic when he saw the two of us.

"HAH! YOU TWO!" Shinpachi-san shouted accusingly while pointing at Souji. "Because Shizuka-chan wasn't here for lunch, we had nothing but burnt vegetables, salty soup, and tofu for lunch! It's a sad day when it's the tofu that tasted the best in the meal!"

"Shinpachi, there is nothing wrong with tofu," Saito-san interjected only to be disregarded. "Tofu is healthy for the body and a staple food source."

"Hmph!" Souji said as he let me down off his back. "It's not my fault you guys all suck at cooking."

"Don't talk like you're not among us when it comes to crappy cooking skills," Sano-san objected, frowning disapprovingly at Souji with crossed arms. "This morning's breakfast reeked of your influence. Shizuka, did you have to let him help this morning? The vegetables were a bit mushy."

I smiled apologetically at all the men as Souji chose to ignore all the complaints by busying himself with my hair again. I could see Sano-san eye the kanzashi appraisingly before grinning approvingly at Souji.

"Well," Sano-san then added, "as long as the day didn't go to waste. That's a pretty hair ornament you have there, Shizuka. It suits you. Souji has good taste."

I nodded as I reached up to finger the delicate silk petals of the flowers before I willed myself to focus on the situation at hand. Despite my actions from before, I wasn't blind when I barged into the courtyard with Souji. I noticed the heavy atmosphere surrounding the men from before. Heisuke's behavior was especially telling. Crouched down with a stick in his hand, Heisuke drew pointless circles into the dirt absentmindedly.

"What happened when we were out?" I asked as I crouched down next to Heisuke. Heisuke's eyes flickered to me as he answered.

"Hijikata-san and the others wrote a code of conduct for everyone to follow. It applies to everyone in the Roshigumi, even Serizawa-san."

"Code of conduct?" Souji question as he glanced at Saito-san for a more thorough explanation.

"One: Do not deviate from the Way of the Warrior," Saito-san started, listing off the components that comprised the code of conduct. "Two: Desertion will not be tolerated. Three: Do not raise money without authorization. Four: Do not manage another's litigation without authorization. Five: Personal duels will not be tolerated. Whosoever breaks any of the rules listed must commit honorable suicide."

Seppuku[5]?

My face soured at the harsh punishment. It was too extreme. Plus, that third rule… I was glad that I wasn't considered an official member of the Roshigumi just because I was a woman. My head would have been on the chopping block if I was. Imagine that, saved by sexism.

"Hijikata-san wrote this, didn't he?" I asked, standing back up as I let out a sigh. "This just reeks of his influence. I can't believe that Otou-san and sensible Sannan-san agreed on this." Just hearing those ridiculously strict rules made me feel too drained to even get mad. That wasn't the case for Shinpachi-san, however.

"Dang, those rules are stupid!" Shinpachi-san snapped from his seat on the roka. "What the hell were they thinking?"

Sano-san was the definitely the calmer sounding one of the two regarding this. "Those rules were definitely too strict," he said, but his defensively crossed arms spoke louder than his words. This bothered him too.

However, not everyone seemed bothered the newly imposed set of rules. Saito-san didn't even react and Souji… I didn't know if it was because he was still high off of previous emotions or not, but Souji just seemed lax.

"If Kondou-san feels those rules are necessary, I will obey them," Souji proclaimed. He even looked slightly serene when he said this.

"That goes for me too…," Heisuke agreed as he continued to doodle in the dirt. "But I don't like my friends getting tied down by those rules…"

As someone who had friends in place of family and was a constant rule breaker, these rules must have felt like chains to Heisuke. The weight dragged down his usual buoyant spirit. This disheartened attitude didn't suit him. I put my hand on his shoulder to let him know he wasn't alone in this thought.

Then as a starch defender of Hijikata-san's actions, Saito-san spoke up. "We will probably need it for the new recruits we will be getting henceforth."

Heisuke dropped his stick. "I know… But it's kind of different from what I imagined…"

"But seppuku?" I questioned out loud with a frown as I eyed Ibuki-kun's panic-stricken movement. He was grimacing. "I know samurai think ritual suicide is an honorable way out of disgrace but the practice isn't practical. Life is valuable. One can still atone for wrong doings if he's still alive. Being dead does nothing but leave a mess behind for the living to clean up."

"You are a woman," Saito-san replied to me, not meaning to offend but still causing me to bristle all the same. "I doubt you understand."

"Oh, and what about Ibuki-kun?" I gestured to said young man, drawing some unwanted attention onto him. He was still squirming. "I doubt he agrees with the seppuku."

"Don't bring me into this!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed in a rude manner with his usual poor attitude. "It's not like I'm a member of the Roshigumi!"

"But if Serizawa had to slice open his gut, I have the funny feeling that you'd have to follow suit…" Souji pointed out without a hint of sympathy.

Ibuki gasped in panic as he stumbled back, his eyes wide with realization. "I'm leaving before I get caught up in any of this crap!" he yelled as he turned away from us.

He didn't believe his own words. I could still see his shoulders shaking from where I was standing. This discussion had shaken him. Feeling sympathetic towards his plight, I exaggerated my sigh to take everyone's attention off of him. It was kind of my fault in the first place.

"I'm going to go cook dinner now," I announced loudly with a clap. "Any special requests?"

"Shishamo[6]!" Shinpachi-san instantly yelled as he jumped to his feet excitedly. "I want two extra ones to make up for the crummy lunch I had today!"

I nodded, deciding to indulge Shinpachi-san's food desires for tonight before I grabbed Ibuki-kun by his wrist. He jumped at the sudden unexpected contact. Scowling once his eyes landed on me, he tried to jerk his hand away. I foiled his actions by brutally stomping on his foot. He yelped in pain before I hissed in his ear.

"Do you **_want_** to stay here as these guys continue to talk about seppuku?"

He froze up at my words and I could feel his shaking return.

"Come help me with dinner and you can avoid it."

Ibuki-kun paused to think about my words hesitantly before compliantly allowed me to lead him towards the kitchen. But before I could exit the courtyard with Ibuki-kun, I heard Souji make a sound of discontent. I paused to look back at him questioningly. He had a dissatisfied frown pasted on his face.

"Why are you taking him?" Souji asked, shooting a hostile glare at Ibuki-kun. The poor guy flinched before shrinking a little.

Thankfully Sano-san provided me an excuse. "Because the mushy vegetables from this morning were your fault. Shizuka is only thinking of us by taking someone who's actually decent at cooking as her helping hand."

Souji grumbled at those words and looked away like a sulky kid as he crossed his arms. He didn't say anything else, allowing Ibuki-kun to breathe out a sigh of relief. He rushed to the kitchen, leaving me behind as he did so. Not wanting to leave Souji moody, I ran back to him to give him a quick peck on the cheek before ducking into the kitchen. Just before I disappeared into the kitchen, I could see Souji smiling to himself as he touched his cheek.

At dinner, the effects of a bad lunch on Shinpachi-san could clearly be seen in the way he inhaled his food without choking. In fact, it could even be seen in the way everyone jealously guarded their food. Chopsticks lingered close to the food, ready to block any incoming thieves who found it prudent to selfishly obtain more food. Heisuke, in particular, inhaled his rice in a speed similar to Shinpachi-san's vomit-inducing speed.

It was impossible to steal from the stomach, after all.

I felt like I was going to lose my appetite from sight. So rather than focusing on those two inhale their food, I tapped Souji's leg before I placed one of my three shishamo on one of his plates. In response, Souji fished the spring onions out of his miso soup and dumped them on my rice.

Very unimpressive.

I bit back a lecture and just ate the gifted vegetables while shooting Souji a dirty look. He still seemed pleased with his own actions.

Heisuke then made a strange sound, cough while turning slightly blue before he pounded on his chest. Color seemed to return near instantly and without any hesitation or rest, he raised his empty rice bowl up in like it was some trophy and hollered, "Seconds!"

Forever dutiful, Ibuki-kun paused his meal just to go refill Heisuke's bowl.

"Pile it on!" Heisuke exclaimed cheerfully, his grin growing alongside with the amount of rice being dumped into his bowl.

"You got it."

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Saito-san chose this time to speak up as he picked up his bowl of miso soup. "The fragrance of this house is superb." He paused to sip his soup. "When eating freshly cooked white rice while enjoying the aroma, its true value become evident. Nothing is more complex than the simple things in life."

Saito-san's way of telling Heisuke to slow down to enjoy the flavors of the food. However, the meaning seemed to just fly over Heisuke's and Ibuki-kun's heads.

"Huh…," was all they mustered as Shinpachi-san saw his opening.

Like a skilled crane hunting, Shinpachi-san swift movements liberated half of Heisuke's last shishamo before he plopped it into his mouth.

"WAH!" Heisuke yelped at the sight of his prized portion sliding down the thief's throat. "Shinpat-san, what do you think you're doing?!"

"See, in our world, the strong eat the weak."

"In that case, I'll—" Heisuke launched his own attack on Shinpachi-san's food, hoping for payback. "Why you!" Blocked. "You—!" Blocked again. "You—!" And again.

There was no way he'd be able to steal from Shinpachi-san now that his opponent was aware of his intentions but bless Heisuke's stout heart. He wasn't one to give up easily. He'd even encourage others during the plight of his own struggle.

"Ryunosuke, don't let your guard down!" Heisuke exclaimed, snapping Ibuki-kun out of his daze as he watched the little food war. "You better be careful!"

"Take someone's food before they take yours!" Shinpachi-san added just as he blocked Heisuke's chopsticks again.

"Really?" Ibuki-kun asked naively before he made the fatal mistake of reaching for Saito-san's food.

Then, like a man possessed, Saito-san struck. Almost faster than I could see, Saito-san's chopsticks shot out only to stop right at Ibuki-kun's throat. Saito-san's glare was so icy that I swear that I could see the silhouette of a demon appear behind him.

Ibuki-kun froze while looking like his spirit had fled from his mouth.

"If you need me for something, wait until after I am done eating." Saito-san's eyes then narrowed menacingly. "In the world of beasts, you have no right to complain if you get killed for disturbing a stronger animal's meal. Furthermore, this is one of my favorite dishes. Never go after it!"

Absolutely frightened at Saito-san's sudden change, Ibuki-kun fell on his butt and hastily crawled backward just to get away. "G-Got it! M-My bad!" The poor guy was still shaking, even after Saito-san returned to eating calmly.

Sano-san snickered at the whole scene he just witnessed. "You must not value your life," he said just as he filched one of the small fish from Ibuki-kun's unguarded plate. "Of all the people here, I can't believe you went after Saito's food."

"I'm the type that eats his favorite food first!"

"Then you better start eating," I suggested before pointing to his own tray of food. "Because, just in case you didn't notice, Sano-san just hijacked a fish."

"AH! You thief!"

Ibuki-kun quickly scrambled over to his food and then began shoving food into his mouth, causing Sano-san to burst out laughing. Meanwhile, Heisuke, having completely failed to steal any food from Shinpachi-san, sagged in his seat in defeat before looking to me.

"Shizuka-chan…" Heisuke whined to me with big watery eyes. I caved and gave him one of my shishamo. He cheered up near instantly and swallowed the fish with one big gulp.

Shinpachi-san, now no longer having to defend his food from Heisuke, focused this attention back onto his own food. He tilted his head in curiosity at one particular dish. He poked the pickled vegetables on his tray before he picked them up to observe them in better lighting.

"What is this pickle?" Shinpachi-san finally asked as he examined the leafy green from different angles. "Weeds? Are they even edible?"

Otou-san looked up from his food to answer. "That's called mibuna[7]. Farmers put their sweat and blood into growing it, so don't be a picky eater."

"Yeah, yeah." Shinpachi-san stuffed the greens into his mouth whilst looking off put like a little kid who just ate something he didn't like. "Kondou-san is so stern about stuff like that since he used to be a farmer."

Surprised at that revelation, Ibuki-kun paused. "He wasn't born into the warrior class?"

I shook my head. "No, but since Otou-san was so strong when he picked up a bokken, the original master of Shieikan Hall adopted Otou-san as his heir."

"Oh...," Ibuki-kun said as his eyes drifted over to Otou-san. He was probably trying to figure out Otou-san's kenjutsu style.

I took one more bite of my rice before I placed my last shishamo on Souji's plate and filched some of his vegetables. Souji raised his eyebrow at my action but didn't complain.

"Toshi," Otou-san said, breaking the short silence and snapping Hijikata-san out of his thoughts, "why don't you put work out of your mind while you're eating?"

"Huh? Yeah, I should…," Hijikata-san mumbled before exclaiming in alarm when Otou-san gave him one of his fishes. "What are you doing Kondou-san?!"

Otou-san didn't even appear bashful after getting scolded at by Hijikata-san. He just continued smiling. "That wasn't enough, was it? Eat up."

"But you still haven't eaten a single bite!"

"Back in out Shieikan days, you frequently shared your food with me."

"What brought this on?" Hijikata-san asked, looking flustered. "Knock it off! We're beyond such formalities, aren't we?"

"Oh, you're absolutely right!" Otou-san exclaimed before letting out a jolly laugh.

"Jeez, you're unbelievable…" Despite the words, Hijikata-san still smiled. "No matter what the situation, you always place others before yourself."

Otou-san and Hijikata-san then began a separate conversation about old memories and their days back at the dojo. Souji, who had witnessed and heard the whole interaction between the two men from earlier, put down his bowl before staring down at his lap with envy. Hoping to make him feel better, I put down my bowl and rubbed his thigh. Souji smiled bitterly at my actions before placing his hand over mine.

"Anyway," Shinpachi-san interjected, interrupting Hijikata-san's and Otou-san's conversation, "we're finally in the service of the Aizu domain!"

Heisuke perked up at the enthusiastic exclamation. "Couldn't we afford to upgrade our dinner?" he asked excitedly, bouncing in his seat. "Well, Hijikata-san?"

The ambiance of the whole room dropped alongside with Hijikata-san's face and suddenly, it felt like my stomach dropped to the same vicinity of my ankles. Hijikata-san didn't speak right away.

There was a problem he wasn't telling us about.

"That will have to wait until they start paying us." Hijikata-san closed his eyes, probably feeling unworthy to look at everyone as he put down his bowl.

The room fell silent.

Otou-san then sighed, breaking the dreadful atmosphere with somewhat forced smile. "Well, they are probably uncertain as to whether or not we are worthy of their trust."

"Is that right…?" Heisuke said. The energy that filled the main hall previously was gone and no one bothered speaking anymore.

Then the sound of clinking ceramic echoed through the room as Souji placed his chopsticks on his empty bowl. After Otou-san had spoken earlier, Souji had quickly inhaled his food at an unhealthy speed. I glanced at him questioningly but he ignored me.

"Thank you for the meal," Souji said with a little polite dip of his head to excuse himself.

Otou-san paused his meal and looked to Souji with knitted brows. "Souji, that was fast," he commented just as he put down his half-filled bowl of rice.

"I need to get in some sword practice. Right now every second counts."

While Souji's words did make perfect sense, it almost felt like Souji was simplifying the situation.

Then as he was climbing to his feet, it looked like he suddenly remembered something. He paused his movement, hesitating slightly before he crushed whatever doubt was in his mind. He pecked my forehead unexpectedly before he stood up and put his hand on the door. Just as he slid the door open, Shinpachi-san spoke.

"Practicing right after you eat is bad for your body."

Souji didn't turn to face everyone. He just stood still while facing the open door. "Shinpachi-san and Hajime-kun got lucky. I'm dying to slay a bunch of those rogue samurai."

The worst possible thing to say during dinner, and very obviously the wrong move.

I lost what was left of my remaining appetite and dropped my chopsticks on my tray. I could see the Hijikata-san's face twist sourly while Otou-san was in complete shock at what he just heard. A trainwreck was eminent. I glanced at Souji, dread pooling in the pit of my stomach for the second time during dinner.

I wasn't the only one that lost their appetite. Sano-san frowned as he put down his bowl. "What a thing to say."

"Souji, haven't you been acting weird lately?" Heisuke asked, appearing somewhat doleful in his concern.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, Hijikata-san said the worst thing he could possibly say in this situation. "Souji, I want you to go back to Edo."

I wanted to slam my head into my tray. There was going to be another altercation between Souji and Hijikata-san, but this time, Otou-san was going to witness it. Souji was all too aware of that. Something was going to break.

Souji froze in horror at those words. He broke out into a cold sweat while trembling, trying his best to remain calm. "That joke wasn't the least bit funny," he said, his voice quaking slightly.

"I'm not joking. It's better for you to leave."

"And your rationale?" Souji turned to face Hijikata-san's stony emotionless face. He looked absolutely shaken at Hijikata-san's seriousness. "What's the reason for sending me back. We need all the men we can get right now. Wouldn't it be a great loss if I leave?"

"Unlike peasants, like me and Kondou-san, you are the firstborn son of a samurai family. You have the rights to become a government official and with your sword skills, any dojo would issue you a certificate. You're still young. There are too many ways you can make a living."

I closed my eyes at Hijikata-san's words. Like a good older brother, Hijikata-san wanted what was best for Souji. He didn't want Souji's hands to be covered in blood. He didn't want Souji to kill and it was going to be inevitable if Souji stayed.

Hijikata-san's intentions were admirable, but not what Souji wanted. I clenched my teeth bitterly.

No one asked Souji what he wanted and it was suffocating him. Making him feel worthless.

And then Souji snapped. "What does being the firstborn son have to do with anything?! My brother-in-law inherits the family! Speaking of being the firstborn son and being someone that excels in swordsmanship, isn't Shinpachi-san the same?!" His voice raised in pitch with every word before his voice finally cracked. "Why are you telling me to return to Edo?!"

"Lately—"

I slammed my hands on my tray, drawing everyone's attention as the ceramic bowls and plates clattered against each other, making the sound of broken glass. I couldn't take any more of this.

Souji had a fragile psyche and any more of Hijikata-san's words would cause him to reach his breaking point. Hijikata-san cared for Souji like a little brother but he didn't know how to handle Souji at all. All Hijikata-san's words did was create more cracks.

"Shut up," I snapped at Hijikata-san. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You're going too far."

Hijikata-san glared at me, irritated at my interference. "Shizuka, be quiet. Stay out of this," he snapped before turning his full focus back onto Souji. "Lately, Serizawa-san's influence is making you go on about how you want to cut down people. You're still a kid. He's making you lose sight of yourself."

Souji broke.

"Hijikata-san, you just think I'm in the way because I stick by Kondou-san, don't you?!" Souji's voice was still sarcastic, but just barely. It shook like he was going to cry. He sounded desperate and it didn't suit him.

"Toshi," Otou-san intervened uncomfortably. I noticed that he made it a point not to look at Souji. "Why did you suddenly bring this up?"

"We're in Kyoto to defend the peace. But he wants to kill. That's all he thinks about. We can't let someone like that stay here."

Otou-san closed his eyes briefly before speaking. "Souji—"

"No! There's no way I'm going back! I'm going to stay here and help you, Kondou-san!"

And Souji took off running, disappearing into the night and causing me to scramble to my feet to give chase. Hijikata-san was an idiot.

"Shizuka!" Hijikata-san snapped at me, causing me to pause just as I reached the door. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and paused to give him time to say what he wanted to say to me, but I still glared at him. "Don't chase him. Give him some alone time to sort out his thoughts."

I scoffed in disbelief. The lack of communication between Souji and Hijikata-san was appalling! Right now was the absolute worst time to leave Souji alone.

"You think of Souji as a little brother but you don't understand him well at all!" I hissed at Hijikata-san through my teeth. "You don't know how to properly deal with him at all!"

"And you think you know any better?!" Hijikata-san snapped, now losing his temper with me in his frustration. "You spoil him too much and just let him behave however he wants! He needs to have more control and structure in his life!"

"You know what? Screw you," I spat hatefully one last time before bolting after Souji, but he was already gone. It was a hauntingly similar situation to last night at Shimabara.

"Wait, Shizu-chan!" I heard Otou-san call after me as soon as I left. I ignored him.

Souji was nowhere. I checked his room immediately. Empty. His swords were gone too. He had run straight out of the Yagi house. Anywhere in headquarters right now would deem too close to Hijikata-san. He wanted to get away.

But where would he have gone? He had nowhere to go outside of the Yagi house. Unless…

I bolted out of headquarters without pausing to grab my naginata. True, it was dangerous on the streets of Kyoto after sundown but I didn't care. I knew where Souji ran off to now and I didn't want to waste anytime fetching my weapon from my room. The bridge where both Souji and I had lingered during our way back, that's where he had to be.

Like any other person, when in distraught, comfort was found in locations associated with positive memories.

It took mere minutes to arrive at the bridge but it felt like hours. My throat and lungs burned, my legs were sore from sprinting so far. It was chilly.

But all of that was unimportant.

Souji was standing in the middle of the bridge, just like I predicted, while glaring down at the water below. His hands were gripping the wooden handrails with so much force that I feared that he would get splinters in his hands. He chewed on his lower lip and kicked a single foot back and forth as he was lost in his lonely, self-deprecating thoughts. He was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice me until I placed a hand over his.

His eyes widened in surprise at the sudden contact as his body very notably jerked back as he spun around to face me.

"Shizu—!"

He dropped his words when I abruptly wrapped my arms around him. He still shook horribly. His shoulders were still tense, and I could feel the hurt just oozing out of him like puss from an infected wound. At first, he was stiff, unable to respond to me for the first few seconds. Then his composure collapsed and he leaned into me, wrapping his arms tightly around me as he tucked his face against the crook of my neck.

"Everything will be alright," I whispered as I rubbed his back soothingly.

"I don't want to go back to Edo," he murmured into my neck. It hurt to listen to the melancholy in his voice. It hurt to hear someone so strong sound like this. "I want to stay here and help Kondou-san."

"I know. I promise you I won't let anyone send you back to Edo. I won't let you be alone." I paused, allowing him to suck in a deep breath. "I promise that you'll stay here with all of us."

He was still feeling raw. His hold on me tightened as he spoke. His breath felt moist against my neck, tainted with restrained sniffs as he held back tears. Even when he finally released me from his desperate embrace, I knew he wasn't ready to go back yet, to face Otou-san and Hijikata-san again. I wiped away a tear in the corner of his eye with my thumb.

"You know," I said gently after a moment of silence as I reached for his large hands. He looked down and grabbed my hands. "Hijikata-san didn't tell you to go back to Edo because he thinks you're in the way. He thinks of you as his innocent little brother. He doesn't want to see you kill people."

Souji closed his eyes, dropping my hands as he turned his face away. I had said the poisonous word of the hour relentlessly. I wanted Souji to understand.

I didn't want him to just drift away from his friends the way he had with his older sister. His friends were his people and they cared about him.

"And Otou-san also thinks of you in the same way," I continued, putting my hand on his face so I could turn his face back towards me. He reopened his eyes and laid a shaky hand over my hand on his cheek. "The other guys are also worried about you and the amount you have been saying 'kill'. This is just how they show their concern."

His face twisted painfully as I broached on another topic he wanted to avoid and he pulled his face away from my hands. "I never needed their concern!" he cried with a raised voice. He then looked down at his feet like he suddenly couldn't bear to look me directly in the face. "I was never innocent to begin with…"

"But they don't know that. This is why they're all so worried about you right now."

He bit his lip again, seeming to debate about something with himself before he looked up at me. He looked tempted to tear his gaze away from me as soon as he looked me in the face. But he didn't. He opened his mouth only to shut it again. Then, he finally spoke.

"But you weren't worried about the same thing as them, about me losing my innocence... You were worried about me being alone instead."

I put my hands on his hips, prompting him to put his hand on my arm. He held on to me like he was afraid I would suddenly vanish.

"I knew from the very beginning that you weren't innocent. You've gone through things at an early age that left scars. You were so cruelly beaten as a child." I paused briefly as I shifted my gaze to the hand on my arm. "You wouldn't be human if thoughts of killing those who have wronged you, of getting revenge, didn't pass through your mind. You never did have to hide that from me. I already knew."

Souji froze, suddenly looking panicked. It was like his heart stopped.

"You knew…?" He grabbed my upper arms desperately. There was fear in his movements. "But you hate violence. Why…," he paused painfully like he didn't truly want to find out the answer, "…Why did you stay by my side?"

"Just because I hate violence doesn't mean I hate you."

His face suddenly became engulfed with an unreadable expression. He looked directly into my eyes like he was searching for something.

"When you care for someone, you don't love in parts, dividing up and ignoring the unfavorable portions. You love that person as a whole, faults and all. Because, in the end, it's the imperfections that make a person who they are, and who you love."

As soon as I finished speaking, Souji's face came down on mine, his lips capturing mine as his arms snaked around my waist to pull me flush against him.

I froze.

I didn't expect this.

I didn't expect him to kiss me.

I'll admit that I'm dense regarding all matters of romance despite my past-life experience. Everything from the subtle hints to the most obvious and brazen hint always flew over my head. But I even I knew the differences in between the different types of kisses.

Even I could realize the context of **_this_** kiss.

Souji was never the type of person who was able to develop a simple crush. He had been burned so many times in the past that he erected a barrier of sarcasm and snide jokes to hide and protect himself. He was never the type who could freely bare himself to another person.

But once he found someone he could trust wholeheartedly, he would stop holding back.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do.

I understood the type of love one gave and received from friends and families. That was what I was familiar with. What I didn't understand, what I didn't know, was what it was like to be **_in love_**. I did know that the love I had for Souji was different from what I possessed for my other friends and family, but I didn't understand what made it so different.

Was it because I trusted him in a way I have never trusted anyone else?

Was it because we were so close?

Was it because his happiness had come to become my happiness as well?

I didn't know.

I had remained frozen and motionless for too long, however. Souji began to pull away when it became obvious I would not respond. But if I just let Souji pull away now, he would regret his actions. He would feel unbelievable pain from what he believed to be rejection. While I didn't understand what I felt towards him, I didn't want him to be hurt anymore. I didn't want to join the list of people that had caused him pain.

So I made my choice. My stupid, foolish, irresponsible choice that was made without any true understanding.

Before he could pull away completely, I cupped his face and pulled him back so our lips collided again.

I could feel the doubt drain from his body as he eagerly pressed his lips against mine with a little more urgency. Yet, he was still so gentle, so mindful of my comfort levels. His lips stayed on mine until we were both breathless. He then so lovingly laid a gentle hand on my cheek afterward, giving me a short break to catch my breath with a faint smile before he went back for his next kiss.

And suddenly, his word wasn't so dark anymore.

* * *

[1] 錦小路通 (Nishikikoji Street/ 錦…brocade, 小路…street) Many craftsmen who wove brocades for kimono lived along this street in the past.

[2] Kanzashi (簪) are hair ornaments used in traditional Japanese hairstyles. Some models may have been modified for self-defense.

[3] Broadly used to describe a patron, a husband, or a master:

1\. (honorific) a master of servants, a boss of employees, the master of the house

2\. (honorific) by extension, an honorific for one's own or someone else's husband

3\. (honorific) also by extension, used by shopkeepers to address a male customer or by an artisan to refer to one's own school or lineage

4\. (honorific) a term used by a concubine, mistress, or geisha to refer to one's own patron: a sugar daddy (honorific) a term used by female servants to refer to the mistress of the house

[4] _Pinus densiflora_ , the Japanese pine or Japanese red pine, has a home range that includes Japan, the Korean Peninsula, northeastern China (Heilongjiang, Jilin, Liaoning, Shandong) and the extreme southeast of Russia (southern Primorsky Krai). This pine has become a popular ornamental and has several cultivars, but in the winter it becomes yellowish. The height of this tree is 20–35 m. The Japanese red pine prefers full sun on well-drained, slightly acidic soil.

In Japan it is known as _akamatsu_ (赤松, literally "red pine") and _mematsu_ (雌松). It is widely cultivated in Japan both for timber production and as an ornamental tree, and plays an important part in the classic Japanese garden. Numerous cultivars have been selected, including the variegated semi-dwarf Oculus Draconis, the pendulous, often contorted Pendula and the multi-trunked "Umbraculifera" (Japanese 多形松 _tagyoushou_ , sometimes spelled as _tanyosho_ ).

[5] Seppuku (切腹, "cutting [the] abdomen/belly"), sometimes metathesized in English as _harakiri_ (腹切り, "abdomen/belly cutting"), is a form of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment. It was originally reserved for samurai. Part of the samurai bushido honor code, seppuku was used either voluntarily by samurai to die with honor rather than fall into the hands of their enemies (and likely suffer torture) or as a form of capital punishment for samurai who had committed serious offenses, or performed because they had brought shame to themselves. The ceremonial disembowelment, which is usually part of a more elaborate ritual and performed in front of spectators, consists of plunging a short blade, traditionally a tantō, into the abdomen and drawing the blade from left to right, slicing the abdomen open.

[6] Shishamo (柳葉魚, literally "Willow Leaf Fish"), or _Spirinchus lanceolatus_ , is a saltwater fish (smelt) about 15 centimeters in length. It is slim and resembles a willow leaf. the Japanese name, shishamo, is derived from the Ainu name for the same fish, _susam_ , which is supposed to be derived from a compound of Ainu _susu,_ "willow" plus _ham_ , "leaf"; hence its name in Chinese characters. It is generally dark on the back with a silver-white underside.

In Japanese cuisine, this fish is grilled or fried whole and served with its roe intact.

[7] The taste of mizuna has been described as a "piquant, mild peppery flavor...slightly spicy, but less so than arugula." It is also used in stir-fries, soups, and nabemono (Japanese hot pots).


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"I've never been lost, but I was mighty turned around for three days once." ― Daniel Boone

I suppose there were better things to do than laying on the bedroom floor of Kyoko-chan's room, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything else but stare blindly into the dark abyss that was known as Kyoko-chan's very boring ceiling. My will to work, completely gone for the day. There was absolutely no point in me sneaking out of the Yagi house alone today, yet I still found myself doing so. I also happen to know that Hijikata-san was currently stomping around the streets like a dinosaur looking for me. In fact, he passed by beneath Kyoko-chan's window about three times already…

Actually, no. Make that four times now.

He was muttering to himself so in irritation that I could hear him on the second floor of a building above all the other noise on the street.

"Dammit, Shizuka. How many times do I have to say not to go out alone? What am I, a babysitting nanny? Where the hell did she run off to? She was always so obedient before coming to Kyoto, but now… What is this, the rebellious stage?"

Kyoko-chan snorted as she peered out the window and down at the streets below. "You know, Hijikata-san is so tense and is talking to himself so loudly that practically repels people? The civilians stare at him like he's crazy while giving him a large berth as they walk past him."

"Hmm," I hummed noncommittedly before rolling over onto my stomach and propped my head up on my elbow. "I know I should feel guilty for making him worry and search for me but… I don't. At all. I am just as irritated with him as he is with me for not trusting me. I mean, it's not like I deliberately go out to look for trouble."

"Well, yeah," Kyoko-chan agreed before she plopped herself down inelegantly in front of me, kicking her legs out lazily as she folded her arms behind her head while leaning against the wall. She inspected me curiously and long enough for me to raise my eyebrow at her.

"What?"

"Something's bothering you."

Nailed it in an instant.

"I feel like that's an understatement but yeah, I'll go with that," I admitted before stretching my spine like a cat. "What is love?"

There was a myriad of expressions that fluttered across her face, a little frown followed by knitted brows and then surprise. It was like watching the different colors of a rainbow slowly appear one by one.

"Souji-san gifting you that kanzashi isn't the only thing that happened yesterday, huh?" she asked as her expression finally settled on a small smile.

Shuffling footsteps down the wooden hall interrupted our conversation briefly causing us to look up. I sat up on the ground properly to not appear so lazy just as Kumiko-san, Kyoko-chan's mother, poked her head into the bedroom. Kumiko-san's gaze found me and she smiled before turning to address Kyoko-chan.

"Kyoko-chan, dear. You have another visitor. Kosuzu-chan has come by to see you. She's waiting downstairs in the bank. Should I send her up here?"

Kosuzu-chan? That maiko from the other night? My, this was unexpected. I wasn't even aware that they knew each other.

"She doesn't have dance practice today?" Kyoko-chan asked as she composed herself a little better just for her mother by switching into a more ladylike sitting position. "Okay."

Kumiko-san nodded before turning to smile at me again. "You look lovely today, Shizuka-chan."

"Oh, thank you." I blushed slightly at the unexpected flattering compliment while shyly fiddling with my fingers, making Kumiko-san look absolutely delighted. I wasn't the best with compliments. I think Kumiko-san knew that and just liked to make me blush. "Oh, you're so cute," she squealed before she disappearing back down the hallway and back downstairs into the bank.

When Kumiko-san was gone, I looked back to Kyoko-chan inquisitively. She just merely shrugged at me before going back to her unladylike sitting position from before as she lazily slumped back against the wall. She let out a yawn without bothering to cover her mouth.

"Not even going to try to look composed and elegant for your visitor?" I asked, snorting as I did so.

She blew a raspberry at me before she waved notion away laxly with her hand. "No way. We're all ladies here. It's not like we have to impress anyone here, least of all a man with expectations. Just kick back and relax. Plus, I want to hear what went on between you and Souji-san yesterday."

We looked back up at the once we heard another set of footsteps. These were lighter than Kumiko-san's and definitely sounded more refined. Just as we looked up, another head poked into the room.

Kosuzu-chan certainly looked different when she wasn't working. Her hair was put up in a simple bun and all those complex hair accessories of hers were replaced with a single, plain, wooden hair pin. Instead of the flamboyant green kimono she wore on the night we met, she wore a plain yellow one accompanied by a ume theme obi. And lastly, the biggest change of all was the absence of all makeup. When missing all the hallmarks that would mark her as a maiko, she looked cute rather than pretty.

"Kyoko-chan," Kosuzu-chan chirped like a normal teenage girl before pausing when she saw me inside the room too. Instead of looking relaxed like she was with Kyoko-chan, she stiffened up and reverted to back Kyō-kotoba[1] to address me. "Kondou-han, pardon my interruption. I did not know you knew Kyoko-han."

"Oh, Kosuzu—"

"Don't sound so stiff!" Kyoko-chan cheered, patting the empty spot next to her as she interrupted me. "Drop the accent and just call Shizuka-chan by her first name. You sound like you're talking to her chichi-ue rather than her." Then she paused, putting a finger to lips like she just thought of something. "Wait… You two know each other already?"

I flopped back on my stomach after a yawn. "We met a few nights ago when Serizawa was throwing a massive man-child tantrum in Sumiya." I turned to Kosuzu-chan and waved. "Hi, by the way."

Kosuzu-chan nodded back at me politely with a friendly smile.

Kyoko-chan winced at my previous words and stuck out her tongue childishly. "Eww… Him again. I only ran into this Serizawa fellow once when I went to fetch you from headquarters, and that was more than unpleasant. How do you manage to live together under one roof?"

"Under the same roof?" Kosuzu-chan parroted, her eyes growing wider as she turned to look at me with something close to a mixture of concern, awe, and respect. "I knew you had some sort of relationship to Serizawa, but you two live together?"

"Mmm… That's not quite right either." I rested my chin on the back of my hand as I kicked my feet back and forth in the air mindlessly. "He lives in the Maekawa house right next door. Unfortunately, we still run into each other fairly often. He always throws derogatory insults my way whenever he sees me but there's no love lost there. The feeling's mutual."

I let out a laborious huff before I decided to crawl off the floor and onto Kyoko-chan's futon. I swear she has the softest blankets ever. Apparently, they were made by her grandmother. I fluff the blankets up before wrapping myself up in them like a silkworm in a cocoon. Kyoko-chan raised her eyebrows at me but didn't say anything.

"But the one thing I find unbearable with his presence is that he watches me. I don't know if it's because he feels like I'm a malignant tumor or because I'm a woman, but it makes my skin crawl," I finished. Both Kosuzu-chan and Kyoko-chan looked at me with sympathy. "So out of curiosity, how did you two meet?"

Kosuzu-chan and Kyoko-chan exchanged looks like they were deciding who would speak. Kosuzu-chan then cleared her throat, indicating that she would explain. She turned towards me and folded her hands in her lap.

"I was seven when I met Kyoko-chan. It had only been a week since my parents had sold to the Okaa-han of—"

"Wait…" I interrupted, growing stiff in my little cocoon of blankets. "Sold?"

I mean, it wasn't uncommon for young girls to be sold into the red-light districts to become geisha or working girls in the pleasure houses, but hearing it from someone that had was in that situation…

That pissed me off, culture or not. Because there were just some things that would always be wrong regardless of cultural differences.

How could anyone treat other people like they were possessions to be sold?

Kosuzu-chan just nodded, not really responding to my outrage as she continued with her story. "Okaa-han left me outside of a kimono shop on a bench while she conducted her business one afternoon because I wouldn't stop crying. Kyoko-chan then suddenly appeared out of nowhere and shoved a stick of dango in my face. I was so surprised that I stopped crying."

"Because food makes everything better," Kyoko-chan interjected before she stood up so she could go rummage in one of her cabinets. "In fact, I think I have some somewhere here."

To Kosuzu-chan and my surprise, Kyoko-chan pulled out three ikayaki[2] sticks and handed everyone one. They were still warm. I didn't even know how she was doing this, pulling food out from nowhere. How did she even have ikayaki up in her bedroom without me and Kosuzu-chan smelling it in the first place? Ikayaki was a fragrant food because… Well, it was grilled squid. Seafood is always fragrant.

Either way, I learned long ago not to bother asking. I'd never get a real answer anyway.

I gingerly took a stick from Kyoko-chan's hand and examined it carefully, even holding it up to light before I started nibbling on it. Kosuzu-chan took healthy bites from her, not even questioning how the ikayaki was still warm, but I couldn't blame her. I did know that food at an okiya did tend to be lackluster and consist of mostly just white rice most of the time. As for Kyoko-chan's own ikayaki, she amazingly devoured the whole thing in a single bite and it was by no means small. It was as large as her face.

"Did you ever consider running away?" I asked between nibbles. My face twisted in confusion when I tasted the ikayaki.

How the hell was the squid still even fresh? I had been here for hours but I could tell that the squid had just come off the grill minutes ago. And I knew for sure that no one came into the room and placed the squid in that cabinet because I had seen absolutely nothing.

"I have but…" Kosuzu-chan paused to take another bite. "Do you know what they do to the geisha that get caught running away? They break geisha's legs and make sure the legs don't heal properly. That way the geisha can't run, let alone walk properly anymore. Because their legs have been crippled, they can't dance anymore and are forced to make a living by selling their bodies."

I immediately lost my appetite for food and passed my half-eaten ikayaki to Kyoko-chan, who swallowed the whole thing without even chewing. But Kosuzu-chan just kept calmly eating hers without losing her appetite, now having come to accept the horrible practice as commonplace.

"That's horrible," I uttered while looking down on the floor. I may had been abandoned by my biological mother this time around, but I still ended up tremendously lucky.

I sighed before wiggling out of Kyoko-chan's blankets. Just as I set the blankets aside, I heard the sound of running from the stairs. Actually, it sounded more like enraged stomping more than running. I peeked out the doorway with curiosity and saw Hijikata-san burst up onto the second floor from the stairway and look my way.

I may have turned a little pale when I saw his eyes narrow at me. I may have dived back in Kyoko-chan's futon and hid under her blankets like a coward.

God, I could smell one hell of a lecture coming my way.

No, you know what? This kind of pissed me off. Why the hell did I have to hide? I could look after myself. I don't go out purposely looking for trouble. Why couldn't I be trusted to go out by myself?

"Shizuka-chan?" Kosuzu-chan asked, tilting her head at me before poking my feet, which were still visibly sticking out. I was quick to tuck my feet under the blanket before I withdrew my head under the blanket like a turtle.

Then with the ferocity of a T-rex, Hijikata-san stomped into the room and roared, "SHIZUKA!"

I could feel him glaring at me from under the blankets.

"I'm not here~!" I sang a tad bit too cheerfully.

Yeah… Because that was sure to piss him off more.

Hijikata-san stuck his hand under the blanket and plucked me out from under the comfortable mess by the scruff of my hakamashita like a kitten. Then he dropped me on the floor in front of him. He glared down at me as he crossed his arms and scowled. He looked very maternal, almost like he could take up the role as my displeased mother. Oh lord, he was even tapping his foot on the floor in a very impatient manner.

I peered up at him with faux innocence. "You seem to look very angry today, **_Okaa-san_**. Did you get enough sleep?" I asked with a sarcastic bite.

A massive vein popped up on his forehead as he started gritting his teeth. At this moment, I thought Hijikata-san resembled a volcano. I swear that there was even smoke coming out of his ears. One look at Hijikata-san and Kosuzu-chan scrambled back in unease like she was afraid to get caught up in the mess. Kyoko-chan did the opposite, scooting closer before resting her chin on the back of her hands, watching everything unfold with a growing grin.

At least one person was amused.

Everything then moved in slow motion as Hijikata-san pulled back his hand. Then he dropped the hammer by bashing me on top of my head.

"Ouch!" I cried, cradling my head as tiny tears sprung to the corner of my eyes. He whacked me harder than I expected him to.

"What did I say about running off alone?! Huh?!" Hijikata-san put his hands on his hips. The scowl still hadn't disappeared. In fact, I was sure that it had deepened instead. "You know it's dangerous out in Kyoto, especially for a lone woman!"

Instead of looking guilty from his scolding, I went in a completely opposite tangent. " ** _Okaa-san_** , it's rude to barge into someone else's house and start yelling. It's also inappropriate to come up into said person's daughter's bedroom since you are a man."

The logical side of me told me that I should stop calling Hijikata-san mother because of dire consequences. The rest of me told me that annoying Hijikata-san would be worth the pain. I was feeling vindictive, so logic flew out the window.

"HAH?! YOU WANT TO REPEAT THAT, YOU BRAT?! HUH?! BESIDES, I GOT **_PERMISSION_** TO COME UP HERE! **_PERMISSION_**!"

"Oh, that's bad." I looked up at him, continuing my innocent façade as I tilted my head. "If you can't hear properly, then you should go get your hearing checked, **_Okaa-san_**."

Obviously, I got bashed on top of the head again for that.

"Ouch!"

"Anything else you want to say to me? HUH?" Hijikata-san raised his fist in front of him. Amazingly, I could also see a vein twitching on his fist too.

I decided to ignore Hijikata-san and turned back to Kyoko-chan. "You know you never answered my question from before."

Oh, how utterly **_unfortunate_**. Hijikata-san seemed ready to erupt again from my actions.

"Your question from before?" Kyoko-chan parroted, joining me in ignoring Hijikata-san. Kosuzu-chan looked at us like we were crazy for ignoring the scary man in the room. "Ohhh, you mean that one. The one you asked before Kosuzu-chan arrived."

"OI! DON'T IGNORE ME!" Hijikata-san barked while giving me a swift kick to my thigh. I pretended not to feel it.

I nodded at Kyoko-chan before I finally snapped and turned back to Hijikata-san, who wouldn't stop fidgeting and spewing out profanities. "Oh my God! Will you just calm down and sit your butt on the floor?! Obviously, nothing bad has happened to me, so stop your fretting! Besides, I'm not stupid enough to leave headquarters without my naginata, you mothering hen!"

Conceding to his loss, Hijikata-san's scowl deepened even more as well as his glare. He dropped to his butt with an angry huff and crossed arms before hissing in my ear, "I'm letting Kondou-san know about this when we get back and you'll be locked in your room until you're sixty!"

I turned my head away from him petulantly and faced Kyoko-chan again. "You do know an answer, right? Because I need one. What is love?"

Hijikata-san's anger softened unexpectedly when he heard my question and suddenly, he let out a sigh as he rubbed his forehead. He looked far more understanding towards my need to get out of headquarters now as he tilted his head up to tiredly stare at the ceiling.

He was still angry at me, but much less so.

"Love?" Kosuzu-chan asked, finally mustering the courage to speak again now that Hijikata-san's anger had mellowed. "You don't know?"

I shook my head helplessly while giving both young women a pleading look.

"Well, let's start with what you do know," Kyoko-chan said, raising a finger to twirl around in the air.

"To love someone is to…," I paused briefly, twisting my face as I tried to piece together my thoughts, "…to feel deep romantic feelings or sexual attachment to that person."

Surprisingly, it was Hijikata-san that spoke up next. "That's not wrong but that definition of yours is lacking." He then looked at me before sighing again. "This is bothering you a lot, isn't it? But what brought this up?"

"That's what I want to know," Kyoko-chan said as Kosuzu-chan nodded in agreement. "What happened yesterday?"

I took a deep breath. I contemplated not saying anything now that Hijikata-san was here but I spilled anyway. "Souji kissed me last night and I returned the kiss without understanding how I feel about him. Apparently, we're in a relationship now."

Hijikata-san rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I can't say I wasn't expecting something like this not to happen. Look, I can't tell you what love is nor can anyone else since it's different for everyone. It's for you to figure out on your own. But can you tell me why you didn't reject Souji in the first place?"

"I didn't have it in myself to do so."

"You know, this might hurt him more in the long run."

I violently shook my head. "I rather die first than hurt Souji."

"Then you have nothing to worry about," Kyoko-chan said, smiling at me before she stood up. "Everything will work out. Come on, let's go. Hijikata-san came to get you, right?" She turned to Kosuzu-chan, who had also started to climb to her feet. "No, just stay up here. I'll go see them out quickly before I come back."

"You don't need to see us out." Hijikata-san stood up himself before pulling me to my feet by my arm. I went to fetch my naginata, which was leaning on a nearby wall. "We can head out by ourselves."

Kyoko-chan glowered at Hijikata-san. "What type of hostess would I be if I didn't walk my guests to the door. Are you trying to make me come out to be rude?"

Hijikata-san looked guilty at Kyoko-chan's offended expression. "Ah, no. That wasn't my intention…"

"Good then!" Kyoko-chan huffed and began walking us down the stairs.

Well, it was more like leading us down the stairs since she walked ahead of us. Hijikata-san frowned at himself before shooting me a look that was just daring me to run off again. Yet I restrained myself and trotted right after him, pausing only to wave Kosuzu-chan goodbye. She furrowed her brows at me with a mixture of curiosity and confusion, but she waved back at me too.

At the base of the stairs, I could see Hijikata-san thanking Kyoko-chan's father, Wakahisa-san for his hospitality. Wakahisa-san merely smiled and shook his head at the words of thanks, telling Hijikata-san that we were welcome back anytime. Kyoko-chan, on the other hand, quickly vanished into a room behind the business counter after telling her six-year-old brother, Kohaku-kun to distract Hijikata-san a little longer to prevent us from leaving so quickly.

"Woah, that's a real katana?" Kohaku-kun asked as he scrambled up to Hijikata-san with admiring eyes.

Hijikata-san put his conversation with Wakahisa-san on hold to smile down at the young boy. "Yes, it is." He moved slightly out of the way when Kohaku-kun reached to touch the swords. "Careful now, they're sharp."

"That's so cool. But not as cool as the stuff Kenji-nii always has with him. He's super-ultra-cool!"

"Kenji-nii?" Hijikata-san asked, raising his eyebrow in a friendly questioning manner. "And who is this super-ultra-cool person?"

"My intended~," Kyoko-chan sang with hearts in her eyes just as she ducked back into the room. In her hands was a small heavy bundle wrapped in white cloth. "We're set to get married at the end of this year." She then placed the heavy bundle on the counter. "Here, this is for you."

"And this is?" Hijikata-san asked, approaching the counter. He folded back the white cloth and his eyes immediately grew to the size of dinner plates. "What—50 ryō?! Why are you giving me so much money?!"

Kyoko-chan scoffed at Hijikata-san's surprise. "I'm not giving you any money. This isn't my money. This is funding for the Roshigumi."

"Then whose is it and why give it to me?"

"Why don't you try asking your resident physician."

Hijikata-san turned to me just as I was examining my nails, which, by the way, needed to be trimmed. His eyebrows had disappeared behind his bangs in his surprise. "This is **_your_** money? How…?"

"I'm a physician with proper surgical tools," I pointed out, dropping my hand to lean on my naginata. "Did you think that I was just sneaking out for fun? I'm aware of our poor money situation and I know nobody wants to rely on Serizawa for money."

"So you were sneaking out to earn money? Why didn't you just tell me?" Hijikata-san furrowed his brow at me, now sounding guilty for misunderstanding my intentions. "I would have let you go."

"Of course you would. With an escort," I corrected him. "Remember the code of conduct you wrote? 'Do not raise money without authorization?' was it? I'm not officially a part of the Roshigumi so that rule doesn't really apply to me, but if someone that is an official member of the Roshigumi came with me then he would be an accomplice. He would be breaking the rules and be forced to commit seppuku. Guilty by association."

"I could have asked Kondou-san to give the men authorization," Hijikata-san reasoned as he picked the money up from the counter. He was holding the money like he couldn't quite believe it was real. "I **_am_** the Vice Commander, so I have special privileges with the Captain Commander. Besides, he is your chichi-ue. If you asked, he wouldn't deny you."

"I have my own reasons," I said with a shrug before I turned to bow to Wakahisa-san. "Thank you for having me over."

"It's fine." Wakahisa-san smiled while waving.

Gave Kyoko-chan a lazy goodbye wave before stepping outside of the bank. Hijikata-san was quick to tuck the money into the folds of his clothing. He bid Wakahisa-san farewell too before he swiftly ran after me. I waited outside for him to catch up before heading back towards headquarters.

"Hijikata-san?" I spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen between us after a short amount of walking. Hijikata-san had gotten lost in his own thoughts. "Could I ask you not to tell anyone about the money just yet?"

"Oh." He looked at me, his lips curling downward. However, I sensed that the frown wasn't really directed towards me. "Why all the secrecy?"

"Serizawa already doesn't like me. If he finds out that he'll have to compete with me, a woman, when it comes to raising funds, it may not end well."

Hijikata-san hummed before he suddenly narrowed his eyes at me. He grabbed my arm, being a bit more forceful than he really needed to be, causing me to stop in place. I glanced at him in befuddlement.

"You're planning something, aren't you?" he asked, his voice dead serious as he pieced together hints. "This is about Serizawa. You're planning to somehow cut him out of the Roshigumi, aren't you? This is why you didn't tell anyone. So you don't get found out. Shizuka, you're playing a dangerous game. If Serizawa finds out, he'll go after you personally."

"I know," I replied firmly, indicating that I was done discussing this, as I resumed walking. "But I think the risks are worth the ending payload."

The rest of the way back consisted of Hijikata-san attempting to get me to spill all my secrets, everything I had done since arriving in Kyoto. I answered all his questions cryptically, causing him to think in pointless circles before I attempted to escape his constant pestering by grabbing Heisuke for sparring once we arrived back at headquarter. Hijikata-san eventually did end up leaving me alone after a few hours of pointless questions, but I got the feeling that he only left me alone so he could go dig around in my room for information.

Totally an invasion of privacy but he wasn't going to find anything. I already made sure of that.

But Hijikata-san's meddling didn't just stop at that. Just as I was drawing water from the well for dinner preparations after practice with Heisuke, I felt Otou-san's gaze intense gaze on me. Otou-san didn't say anything to me, he just watched me from a distance. At this point, I knew. Hijikata-san had doubtlessly told him about Souji's and my budding romantic relationship.

I didn't feel anything negative from Otou-san's gaze. It was almost like he was watching me but not really seeing me at the same time. In fact, Otou-san didn't even notice me staring back at him until an awkward amount of time passed. Once he realized that I was staring back at him, he blinked before rubbing the back of his neck as he averted his gaze. His cheeks were a light red color.

"Erm…," Otou-san said before he looked back at me. "Come here for a second, Shizu-chan."

I paused drawing water from the well and dried my hands on my apron before scurrying up to him. I tilted my head at him, pretending not to know what he wanted to talk to me about. Otou-san immediately broke out into a sentimental smile as he fingered a few strands of my side bangs.

"You've grown up so quickly before my eyes and become so lovely," he mumbled more to himself rather than me. "You know, I've always worried about having to arrange your marriage ever since you were little? How could I give my sweet daughter away to another man? But I guess this is something I never did have to worry about. Sometimes it feels like I was only intended to raise you just so I could give you away to Souji. You two always did seem to have a special relationship."

"Otou-san?" I reached up to grab his hand.

He splayed his hand out flat against mine just so he could compare the size difference. My hand was still so much smaller than his. My fingers were the same length as his, but his palm was much larger. He chuckled warmly before he dropped his hand.

"Ah, it's nothing. Just thoughts of a parent." Otou-san then pecked my forehead and gave me a light shove towards the kitchen. "Now go work on dinner. I've sidetracked you long enough."

I scurried back to the well to fetch my bucket of water before heading back into the kitchen. When I was halfway done with dinner, Heisuke reappeared just to pick at the food that I already completed. I didn't bother batting his hands away as I continued working and even made a rice ball for him to snack on as I finished up dinner. Once dinner was completed, I sent him out to fetch everyone.

But...

"Shizuka-chan, did Souji say he was going out?" Heisuke asked me just as he swung by the kitchen **_again_**. This was the sixth time. "I can't find him."

"He didn't say anything to me." I furrowed my brow as I pulled my apron off and bundled it up in a messy ball before throwing it on the kitchen counter. "He's been in his room the whole day just to avoid Hijikata-san," I said as I followed Heisuke in a rush out the kitchen.

I got that feeling just then, like this was the start of something really bad. A little snowball of horribleness that was about to start barreling down the hill of "Fuck You" and crash into my cabin of composure.[4]

As I stepped outside into the courtyard, Sano-san and Saito-san came around the corner of the building. Saito-san wordlessly shook his head at me and Heisuke, indicating that he didn't find Souji while Sano-san shrugged his shoulders with a silent apology.

I bit my lip before asking, "So he didn't say anything to you guys either?"

Both men shook their heads.

"Where could he be?" Heisuke muttered before looking to front gates like he expected the answer to come strolling in. And maybe it did because that's when Ibuki-kun returned with a jar of saké slung over his shoulder. Heisuke perked up and ran toward Ibuki-kun. "I'll go ask Ryunosuke!"

Sano-san and Saito-san both exchanged looks before following after Heisuke. I looked back at the front gate, hoping at that second, Souji would return from wherever he ran off to. I quickly tagged along behind Saito-san when my hopes were dashed.

"Ryunosuke!" Heisuke called before coming to a screeching halt in front of the blue-haired man. "Have you seen Souji?"

Ibuki-kun blinked at the question. "Huh?" he said uselessly, shifting the jar of saké as he glanced at Saito-san and Sano-san over Heisuke's shoulder.

"It's almost mealtime, so I went to his room to get him, but I can't find him anywhere."

"Supposedly, he was seen walking out with Tonouchi," Saito-san spoke up.

My eyes widened after hearing what Saito-san had to say. Both Souji and Tonouchi weren't even familiar with each other. In fact, Souji even seemed to dislike the guy because Tonouchi didn't approve of Otou-san being one of the Captain Commanders due to low social standing. But Souji then suddenly decides to head out somewhere with the guy?

It felt like someone was twisting a knife into my gut. Something was really wrong.

"T-Tonouchi?" Ibuki-kun parroted, stuttering as he did so. I could see a little red flag being waved on top of his head.

"You know the guy?" Sano-san asked. He caught to the same hint I saw.

"Uh, no…," Ibuki-kun stopped speaking for a moment, "Actually… I heard Tonouchi mention something about removing Kondou-san…"

I sucked in a shaky breath before turning to Heisuke. "You said you already checked Souji's room?"

He nodded.

"And his swords, were they still in his room?"

He shook his head and I could literally feel myself growing pale.

It was simple addition. Hijikata-san telling Souji to return to Edo yesterday night, plus Serizawa making fun of Souji in Shimabara those few nights back, plus the knowledge that Saito-san was already ahead in the body count. That already equaled disaster. Now adding on Tonouchi's intentions towards Otou-san and the fact that Souji's went out alone with that man. Then there were the missing swords. Souji was going to kill tonight.

Souji was going to kill Tonouchi tonight and the code of conduct was already in place. Rule five: personal duels will not be tolerated.

 ** _Whosoever breaks any of the rules listed must commit honorable suicide._**

"Go find everyone," I whispered, shaking horribly as the realization set in.

"Shizuka?" Saito-san asked, his eyes widening slightly at my not so subtle reaction.

"Now!" I hollered with urgency as I turned so I could go find Sannan-san. He would know what to do! I was sure of it! "Heisuke! Sano-san! Go find Shinpachi-san and continue to search for Souji!"

Heisuke and Sano-san did as I requested as I went to go find Sannan-san. Saito-san quickly rounded up Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and even Inoue-san in a room before he went back outside to bring Ibuki-kun inside for questioning. Ibuki looked uneasy and jumpy as he sat before the three leaders. He grabbed at the cloth of his hakama and was unable to meet anyone's eyes. He was reacting like he was being interrogated.

"So why did Souji and that Tonouchi guy go out together?" Hijikata-san questioned, his steely eyes only serving to intimidate Ibuki-kun even more.

"Well, I don't know either…" Ibuki-kun tightened his fists and shifted his uncomfortable gaze to the floor.

I didn't bother staying inside to listen to anymore. I couldn't.

I grabbed my arm as I stepped outside to stop the shaking. Gazing at the moon, I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself before running over to the front gates. Heisuke was waiting by the gates just in case Souji came back while Sano-san and Shinpachi-san searched the streets.

"Anything yet?" I asked, my voice muted.

Heisuke frowned before looking out the gates. "Nothing yet. Do you think that…?"

I only heard the unsaid portion of the question that ask if maybe Souji was the one that caught killed tonight instead.

I shook my head violently, denying it before I decided my time was better spent looking for him. I sprinted out to go look for him but I only managed to take a few steps before Heisuke's hand wrapped around my wrist.

"Shizuka-chan, no. Stay here!"

I just pulled harder.

"Shizuka-chan! No!"

"Heisuke, let go."

Shizu—," Heisuke exclaimed only to cut himself off and drop my wrist when he looked behind me. "Souji! Is that—"

I spun around to come face to face with Souji covered in blood. I launched myself at him, not caring that he was covered in blood or that I was getting myself covered in blood by hugging him.

"Whoa there, Shizuka," Souji said gently before he pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. He shortly pried me off of him afterward. "You shouldn't right now. You'll get blood all over yourself."

"Oi, Souji! Are you hurt?! Is this all—"

Souji was far more curt towards Heisuke than he was to me. "None of this is my blood. Now quit jumping all over the place."

"Souji!" Heisuke persisted, not satisfied with the answer as we both followed Souji to the roka.

"Pipe down. I told you I'm not hurt anywhere," Souji snapped as he sat down to take off his shoes.

I rushed to take a seat next to him and began wiping the blood off his face with the sleeve of my hakamashita. Souji reached up to gently grab my wrist to stop me. He shook his head at me before he pressed a light kiss on my lips.

"Don't," he said, smiling at me faintly as he let go of my wrist. "You'll shouldn't get more blood on your clothing. Didn't Tsune-san make this outfit for you? I know you'd be devastated if you get permanent bloodstains on it."

"I won't if I wash off the blood with cold water before it dries," I replied as I attempted to push Souji's hands away so I could finish, but Souji refused me gently.

Then the sound of several people running sounded from the room behind us. The door slammed open to reveal the men that were attending the meeting earlier.

"Souji!" Hijikata-san exclaimed, causing Souji to turn around.

The men's eyes widened when the dim light of the lanterns revealed his blood-drenched front. Saito-san, on the other hand, didn't even react to all the blood covering Souji. Instead, Saito-san's flickered his eyes towards me as he examined the blood that now coated me. His eyes lingered on me, only leaving when he was sure I wasn't suffering some sort of delayed reaction to the blood.

"Huh? Hijikata-san and Hajime-kun?" Souji said, his tone sounding way too cheerful to suit the situation. In fact, he sounded incredibly satisfied, which just added more fuel to the metaphorical fire. "What's up? Why are you in such a panic?"

Hijikata-san's eyes narrowed as the wide-eyed expression morphed into a glare, complete with clenched teeth. His nose scrunched up in rage as he practically growled at Souji.

"Souji, whose blood is that...?" The tone was deadly. It sounded like Hijikata-san could kill someone with that tone alone.

"I'll explain everything inside." Souji brushed off Hijikata-san's anger as he stood up. "Could you let me rest a bit? I'm tired after just killing someone."

Word specifically chosen to sound as crass as possible.

Souji walked past everyone and made his way inside, only pausing when I grabbed on to his sleeve. As if he could read my mind, he grabbed my hand and led me inside while everyone outside remained frozen for what seemed like hours. Saito-san was the first one of the group to move on his own. Then, slowly, everyone followed Saito-san's example and started to go back inside to gather in the hall.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Hijikata-san immediately snapped once everyone was inside. He looked like he wanted to punch Souji then strangle him. But most of all, he looked like he was grasping at nonexistent straws. "Do you have any idea what you've done?! By killing Tonouchi, another member of the Roshigumi, you've breached the regulations! You'll be forced to commit seppuku for this!"

"I didn't do anything wrong," Souji spoke calmly, leaning back against the wall he was seated against as he rested his katana in his lap. "Tonouchi was planning on killing Kondou-san. Killing the commander would be breaching the first rule of the code: deviating from the bushidō[3]. I was only carrying out the regulations."

That was a weak reason. The proper course of action would have been to report Tonouchi and he knew it. Sure, that would have still ended with Tonouchi's death, but it was still the proper route to take.

However, it was enough for him to worm out of seppuku.

"Where did you get this information?!" Hijikata-san barked, despite already knowing the answer.

"Serizawa-san can be surprisingly nice," Souji's said with a carefree shrug of his shoulders.

That was the last straw for Hijikata-san. He clearly had enough and deemed Souji's answers unsatisfactory. Without a shred hesitation, Hijikata-san stomped off looking like he was ready to commit murder. Knowing that he was going to go pick a fight with Serizawa, Otou-san quickly chased after Hijikata-san. But it was clear that Otou-san had more than a few words for Serizawa as well.

This marked the end of the conversation.

"Well, I guess I can get some rest now. The blood is sticky. I need to get my clothing washed tomorrow." Souji said lightheartedly as he left the hall.

I contemplated chasing after Souji as everyone started to leave the main hall one by one, but I was rooted in place by my own anger. Now the seppuku scare was starting to fade, rage bubbled and boiled in the pit of my stomach like a toxin.

Souji may not have cared that he was used by Serizawa but I wanted to hang Serizawa by his own intestines.

Serizawa had brilliantly played Hijikata-san and Souji. Not only did Serizawa use Souji to cull a growing threat but he also used Souji to make Hijikata-san's own rules backfire without having to lift a single finger. But what pissed me off the most was that Serizawa had the gall to use Souji in such a daring play. It could have gone wrong very badly.

What if Tonouchi ended up killing Souji or ended up fatally injuring him?

What if Hijikata-san actually followed through with the code of conduct and actually had Souji commit seppuku?

Every possible aftermath I could calculate all had Souji taking the fall.

I was someone who abhorred violence, yet I had never found myself as bloodthirsty as I was now. I could flay the skin from Serizawa's flesh and the flesh from his bones. I could scrap his bones dry and he still would not have suffered enough. He wasn't going to get away with this.

I'd make sure of that.

Following Hijikata-san's earlier example, I went to go confront the bastard. When I arrived just outside the room, I could see Hijikata-san's and Otou-san's silhouettes through the ajar paper doors. Hijikata-san was already in the midst of a heated argument with Serizawa.

"What?! You just had him kill one of our own!" I heard Hijikata-san hiss and spit at Serizawa. I hovered behind the door and out of sight to listen in. "It's only natural for me to be pissed!"

"Tonouchi was a man of two faces," Serizawa retorted calmly, not once even reacting to Hijikata-san's anger. "He would have bitten our hands if we let the cur live."

"And you can prove that?"

Hijikata-san obviously didn't believe a word that was spouted and Serizawa made a sound of amusement.

"You sound rather worked up. It's hard to believe that this is coming from the same man who made the strict codes, that whoever breaks the rules of conduct must commit seppuku."

The room fell silent, making the sound of a cup being placed down deafening.

"Well, don't just stand there. Come sit."

The silhouettes of Otou-san and Hijikata-san silhouettes moved, growing short as both men sat down. Serizawa said nothing until both men were quietly seated before him.

"Listen, seppuku requires an attendant. The Roshigumi's soldiers must be able to behead their companions without a moment's pause once they receive the order. Why are you making such a fuss when that Okita brat merely purged us of a soldier that was unwilling to follow the way of the warrior? You are both soft. You do not truly want to be well-known. Okita is not the one who should return to Edo. Aren't you two the ones who should go back?"

I could literally hear the defeat in Otou-san's and Hijikata-san's silence. Then Otou-san spoke.

"I will admit that we may have lacked in our resolve." Otou-san's voice sounded broken. It didn't suit him. "But Souji…! Souji is not just my student! You can call me soft if you like, but I did not want him to soil his name by killing a comrade! That's how I truly feel."

Serizawa made a sound of blatant disregard before he spoke again. Surprisingly, he wasn't addressing Otou-san or Hijikata-san. He had known all along that I was present in the shadows.

"So, is it your turn to try to tear into me now?"

I stepped into the well-lit room, attracting Otou-san's and Hijikata-san's attention. They're eyes widened at me, now noticing what escaped them the first time, that I too was covered in blood. They were stunned speechless.

Serizawa, on the other hand, smirked and eyed the blood appraisingly. "Interesting." It almost sounded like he respected me for a moment. "So you're not afraid of blood. You went to hug that Okita brat after he returned, didn't you?"

"Humans are just bags of blood, are they not? If I was afraid of blood then I would have gone insane a long time ago," I said acerbically, quirking my eyebrow as I crossed my arms.

Serizawa laughed, finding my sarcastic joke funny before he lifted his cup of saké to his lips for a brief sip.

"You would make a fine wife for a warrior!" he remarked almost enthusiastically before his facial expression changed, becoming more serious as he looked at me. "So you're here to confront me too about ruining that Okita brat's innocence?" he asked just as he had Niimi, who was seated next to him, pour him another cup of alcohol.

In his rush to please Serizawa, Niimi accidently overfilled the cup and some saké sloshed out of the cup onto Serizawa's hand. Serizawa growled in annoyance, causing Niimi to shrink in his seat. He shook his hand dry of the excess saké and drained his cup with one gulp before chucking the cup at Niimi.

"You can't destroy what wasn't there in the first place," I stated bluntly, my voice dropping in volume and growing icier as I spoke.

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrow at me like he was amused with the shift in my temperament. "So you aren't here because you're upset I led him to kill someone?"

"Please, who do you take me for? I already knew what to expect when we came to Kyoto. It'd be just stupid wishful thinking if I hoped against reason that there would be no killing."

Serizawa laughed again but this time, he didn't seem to be laughing at me or my words. He seemed to see something he liked within me.

"Heh! You're not one to mince words, are you? So, what are you here for then?"

"You used the wrong person to do your dirty work," I hissed darkly, flashing my true colors like a venomous snake. "They say hell will make a person wish he were insane just for a brief moment to gain relief from the torture. You will confirm it for me when I send you there, won't you?"

Serizawa smirked dangerously like he was taking my threat as an enjoyable challenge. "You think **_you_** can send me to hell? I applaud your boldness if you think you will be the one to kill me," he said, clapping in mock applause, yet I could see the cautiousness in his eyes.

I was a real threat and he could see it.

My original plan may have only been to remove Serizawa from power, but things had now changed. He had the gall to use Souji for his own gain tonight. He almost destroyed my relationship with Souji a few nights before. Just like I was a threat to him, he was a threat to me. Like a great unseen puppet master, I would pull on the strings, arranging everything from behind the scenes. And as the show comes to the grand finale, I would arrange it so the Lord of Aizu would call for the Serizawa's assassination.

A red ending. A fitting ending for a man of his stature and nature.

"Kill you?" I scoffed just as a smile crept its way onto my face. "No, I won't be the one to kill you. But I will be the tightening of the noose around your throat. And as you stare death in the face, you will use your last breath to curse my name."

I am the banisher, the ill will that snuffs the final candle.

* * *

[1] Kyōto-ben (京都弁) or Kyō-kotoba (京言葉) is characterized by softness and an adherence to politeness and indirectness. Kyoto-ben is often regarded as elegant and feminine dialect because of its characters and the image of Gion's geisha ( _geiko-han_ and _maiko-han_ in Kyoto-ben), the most conspicuous speakers of traditional Kyoto-ben. Kyoto-ben is divided into the court dialect called _Gosho kotoba_ (御所言葉) and the citizens dialect called _Machikata kotoba_ (町方言葉). The former was spoken by court noble before moving the Emperor to Tokyo, and some phrases inherit at a few monzeki. The latter has subtle difference at each social class such as old merchant families at Nakagyo, craftsmen at Nishijin and geiko at Hanamachi (Gion, Miyagawa-chō etc.)

Kyoto-ben was the _de facto_ standard Japanese from 794 until the 18th century and some Kyoto people are still proud of their accent; they get angry when Tokyo people treat Kyoto-ben as a provincial accent. However, traditional Kyoto-ben is gradually declining except in the world of geisha, which prizes the inheritance of traditional Kyoto customs. For example, a famous Kyoto copula _dosu_ , instead of standard _desu_ , is used by a few elders and _geisha_ now.

[2] Ikayaki (いか焼き, イカ焼き or 烏賊焼, baked or grilled squid) is a popular fast food in Japan. In much of Japan, the term refers to simple grilled squid topped with soy sauce; the portion of squid served may be the whole body (minus entrails), rings cut from the body, or one or more tentacles, depending on the size. Ikayaki is served in many izakaya and a grilled tentacle on a stick is popular at Japanese festivals.

[3] A quote pulled from Jadien Animations. I don't remember which video.

[4] Bushidō literally means "the way of the warrior". It is a Japanese word for the way of the samurai life, loosely analogous to the concept of chivalry.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Warning:**_ suggestive themes

* * *

 **Chapter 27**

 _"_ _We cannot decide to love. We cannot compel anyone to love us. There's no secret recipe, only love itself. And we are at its mercy-there's nothing we can do." ― Nina George, The Little Paris Bookshop_

I moved closer to Souji as I peered inside the money exchange establishment with unease along with Hijikata-san, Otou-san, Shinpachi-san, and even Ibuki-kun. When my hand accidently brushed against Souji's, he glanced down at me briefly, taking note of my discomfort before he tucked me under his arm and placed his hand over my eyes. I reached up and grasped the fabric of Souji's clothing tightly in hopes that would be enough to end my queasiness.

It did not.

"As I said, the master is currently away." I could hear the teller practically whimpering and quaking as he spoke to Serizawa.

Then there was a dull thump and a yelp of pain, causing me to wince. I didn't need to see to know Serizawa kicked the poor man. My plan may have needed Serizawa to be on his worst behavior to be effective, but it was hard to just stand by and do nothing as he beat another man.

I may as well have been the one beating the poor man because I could have stopped Serizawa, but I did absolutely nothing for the sake of my schemes. Guilty by inaction, the worst type of crime.

"Insolent whelp!" Serizawa screeched before I heard another horrible sounding thump, except this time, I could hear a crack as well. "We are devoted warriors who have traveled all the way from the east to fight for national loyalism!"

It had been about a little less than a week since the incident regarding the Tonouchi incident and we were now in Osaka to collect funds for the Roshigumi. This basically equated to going around the city to ask for donations. But for Serizawa and Niimi, it translated to beating people until they made a generous money "donation". It was vile and disgusting.

I peeled Souji's hand away from my eyes and winced again when I saw the teller curled up into a pathetic looking ball on the wooden floor. He was cradling his left hand, which was turning an ugly shade of blue-green and purple. His pinky was bent at an unnatural angle and beginning to swell.

Such horrible blatant cruelty.

There was a shuffle in the supposedly empty room behind the business counter before a well-dress, middle-aged man appeared through the doorway with a small bundle of white cloth in his hand. He set the bundle down in front of Serizawa like it's some sort of sacred offering to an evil god before he dropped to his knees and planted his face on the floor.

"I am most sorry!" the middle-aged man exclaimed, only sounding calm through the effect of his elegant accent. "I beg of you! Please accept this and pardon his insolence!"

Serizawa brushed the folded cloth open with his tessen to reveal 2 koban, the equivalent of 50 ryō, sitting in the center of the white cloth. An unlikeable sound of smug approval resonated from the back of his throat.

It was Niimi behavior, however, that was the most loathsome here. He was the one that was so boldly taking the credit for the results that Serizawa's atrocious behavior produced. He was smug and prideful as he acted superior to everyone that was not his master.

He was a parasite.

"Hmph!" Niimi voiced in an egotistical manner as he reached down to fetch the offering of money. After tucking the money within the folds of his clothing, he tossed the white cloth the money was bundled in discourteously back at the middle-aged man's head. "What's this? You were here after all."

Serizawa then turned wordlessly to leave the establishment and Niimi, just like the spineless mutt he was, was quick to follow his master out. The moment those two heinous men stepped out, the middle-aged man was quick to slam his business doors shut and locked the doors just as quickly.

The Roshigumi were no longer welcomed inside.

Serizawa didn't appear to care, nor did he appear to feel liable for his actions. However, he did not appear giddy with glee like Niimi either. While exerting power positively thrilled Niimi, Serizawa merely treated this whole event almost apathetically, like it was an everyday occurrence.

"Serizawa-san, what were you thinking?!" Hijikata-san erupted after a tense moment of silence. His fists shook with rage as his fingernails dug painfully into his palms.

"We came to Osaka to borrow money to fund the Roshigumi!" Otou-san joined Hijikata-san to scold Serizawa. It was rare to see such open displeasure on Otou-san's face. "But you… Doesn't this make us no better than the rogue samurai who forcibly borrow money?"

Serizawa smirked at the accusations. Rather than looking disheartened, he looked amused at their reactions.

"In this day and age, those who save easy money clearly made a profit by doing business with foreigners. I would think that punishing such vile merchants is part of our duty as nationalist," he replied, justifying his own actions.

"You're using fuzzy logic!" Hijikata-san disagreed, glowering as his razor-sharp glare cut into Serizawa ineffectively.

"More than just fuzzy logic," I snapped pointedly, gathering more of a reaction from Serizawa than Hijikata-san could earlier in his outrage. Serizawa pulled his eyebrows down together as his lips thinned at my outburst. "Faulty generalization without consideration of all the variables—"

Serizawa didn't let me finish. I was a woman. Hijikata-san and Otou-san both were men. Their words were opinions in Serizawa's eyes. My words were the disrespectful prattle of the stupid weaker gender. I didn't have the right to speak in his eyes.

Set on teaching me a lesson, Serizawa bent down to pick a pebble off the ground before flicking it dangerously at my face. Souji's eyes widened at the action and he was quick to shove me protectively behind him before he snatched the pebble out of the air and dropped it harmlessly on the ground.

As much as I appreciated Souji's actions, I still wished Souji didn't jump in, especially since I was purposely picking a fight with Serizawa.

"Be quiet woman. Your superiors are speaking," Serizawa warned me as he disregarded Souji's feral snarling like it was nothing. He then turned his attention back onto Otou-san, who had moved with Hijikata-san to stand in front of me protectively. "You've raised a rude daughter, Kondou-kun."

"Says the one with the abominable behavior."

Serizawa was much better at ignoring me that time.

Niimi scoffed at me, deeming me too unimportant to waste words on before he turned to Hijikata-san to continue the previous conversation. "Then do you know of another way to procure funding for the Roshigumi?"

Niimi's nose was turned up at Hijikata-san just so he could look down upon him. This just seemed to make Hijikata-san more eager to clash with Niimi. Hijikata-san smirked confidently, taking a brief moment to glance at me through the corner of his eyes.

"Funny you should ask that." Hijikata-san took a step toward Niimi and Serizawa before he pulled 4 koban out of his sleeve, one between each finger, and waved them tauntingly in front of them.

I can only imagine how much pleasure he took in seeing Niimi's eyes bulged out of his skull. Serizawa, on the contrary, only raised his eyebrows. It wasn't quite the expression Hijikata-san was hoping to pull out of Serizawa but he'd take it. Serizawa wasn't an easy man to impress, after all.

"We so happened to have another way to procure funding for the Roshigumi," Hijikata-san said before **_tossing_** the money back towards Otou-san, who magically caught the koban clumsily without dropping a single one.

Otou-san looked positively alarmed that Hijikata-san would so readily throw so much money around, literally. Shinpachi-san and Souji were both quick to crowd around Otou-san to examine the koban in stunned silence. Shinpachi-san's eyes grew wide as he picked one up, his jaw dropping as he turned to Souji in a wordless stutter. It was like they were more readily able to believe the koban were fake rather than real.

Hijikata-san's smirk only grew in size as he spoke. "In fact, Serizawa-san, we can obtain funding at a much faster rate that you can. We don't need you."

"R-Really, Toshi?" Otou-san exclaimed so excitedly that his eyes even sparkled a bit. He was thrilled. For once, the Roshigumi didn't have to rely on Serizawa and his barbaric methods.

Souji, on the other hand, furrowed his brow before the expression of realization settled on his face. His subtly glanced down at me before he playfully pinched my side.

"You little vixen," Souji whispered secretly into my ear before he nipped the top of my ear. I flushed briefly at Souji's audacious display of affection. "So that's what you and Kyoko-chan were talking about that night. That's what you've been sneaking out to do."

"Now that's really interesting, Hijikata," Serizawa replied to Hijikata-san. He now seemed more amused at Hijikata-san than impressed. "I never thought that you would break the code of conduct that you helped write yourself. Which rule was it? 'Do not raise money without authorization,' I believe?"

Serizawa laughed, slapping his knee like he heard the funniest joke in the world. Niimi joined in just so he could laugh at the same thing Serizawa was laughing at. Sometimes, it was like Niimi was unable to think for himself

"You may be the Vice Commander but even you need permission from the Captain Commanders. I don't recall granting you permission to raise funds," Serizawa paused to gesture to the look of horror now growing on Otou-san's face, "and by the look on Kondou-kun's face. he didn't either. Have you truly become that desperate to outperform me that you'd lose all sense and even risk seppuku?"

"Toshi!" Otou-san exclaimed, panicked over the mess that his best friend had got himself tangled up in.

"Calm down, Kondou-san. No one's committing seppuku today," Hijikata-san said reassuringly before he snorted confidently at Serizawa. He puffed his chest out in pride, preparing himself for his first sweet victory against Serizawa. "I would have broken that rule **_if_** I was the one that collected these funds. It so happens that this rule only applies to the **_men_** that are official members of the Roshigumi."

Serizawa sobered up at Hijikata-san's words before I saw his eyes flicker towards me. He then surprisingly smirked before he closed the distance between the two of us. I could see Souji bristling beside me as Serizawa lifted my face up towards him by placing a finger beneath my chin.

"I see now. You're much more than just a pretty face, aren't you?" Serizawa said, intrigued by the turn of events before he quickly withdrew his finger when I snapped my teeth at him. "And quite the vicious one too! I applaud you for your quick thinking but if you're not as smart as you think you are if you think you can win with such a simple plan."

"Who says it's simple? Maybe you only figured out a fraction of my plan," I said, standing my ground as Serizawa overshadowed me with his much larger body. "Either way, just because you think you know what I'm scheming doesn't mean you can avoid the guillotine when it comes down on you. **_I win this round._** "

Serizawa's face then twisted into anger so abruptly at my words that I thought that I imagined it at first. I had forgotten about Serizawa's explosive temper. "Such impertinent cheek! You win? You dare speak like this to me?"

A samurai losing to a peasant? Irremissible. A samurai losing to a **_peasant woman_**? An unforgivable crime.

Shinpachi-san was quick to jump in with a forced smile. His hands raised in an agreeable stop gesture just as Serizawa raised his tessen at me.

"Mah, mah, let's not go and ruin a nice outing!" Shinpachi-san blurted out nervously. His hands were sweaty. "Since Shizuka-chan raised all this money for us, that just means less work you have to do, Serizawa-san. In fact, instead of raising funds today, you can go out and enjoy the women and saké of Osaka!"

Serizawa shot one more look of hostile displeasure at me before lowering his hand and making a sound of approval at Shinpachi-san's suggestion. "Very well, Nagakura-kun."

"Right, right, right!"

"But looks like we'll be drinking alone today," Serizawa said before glancing over our party. "Kondou-kun and Hijikata both abstain from drinking, and Okita doesn't care much for the red-light district, correct?"

Shinpachi-san's face dropped like he could feel something bad coming his way. "B-But that doesn't mean we can't all go together, r-right?"

"Hmph! There's no point in bringing along those who don't appreciate these thing. Only you will be joining me and Niimi, Nagakura-kun. The mutt will pour the saké for us."

It looked like Shinpachi-san just discovered the death of a beloved pet. He was quick to look towards the rest of us, pleading with his eyes for rescue. Hijikata-san ignored his silent begging and Souji grinned, seeming all too willing to toss Shinpachi-san to his fate. As for Otou-san…

"Ah, if that's the case, Nagakura-kun, just make sure to meet up with us at the harbor when it's time to take the ferry back. Remember, it the Hour of the Monkey."

Otou-san just basically sealed Shinpachi-san's fate.

"I-Is that so?" Shinpachi-san said, looking at me this time in his attempt to worm away.

I just put my hands together and bowed his way like I was sending him off with a prayer.

The poor guy just slumped over limply and let Serizawa drag him away toward some bars. Shinpachi-san had the all too familiar expression of "my life is over" painted on his face with his soul trying to escape from his mouth.

"And there goes another brave soul," Souji joked just as Serizawa and his party disappeared with Shinpachi-san as a hostage. "May he rest in peace."

Hijikata-san exhaled as he put a hand on his hip. "Well, we did need someone to keep an eye on Serizawa-san. Shinpachi was just the best choice. It can't be helped." He then turned to me with his forehead puckered. "Did you have to keep goading him? What would you have done if he really did hit you? You didn't even bring your naginata today."

"I'd let him and maybe even turn the other cheek. I won't let him intimidate me. He can try to beat me into submission all he wants."

Souji's face twisted into disapproval at my words. He didn't say anything but his frown was enough for me to figure out what he was thinking. Then, he sighed exasperatedly and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close enough so he could tuck his face against the nape of my neck. He sucked in a deep breath before pressing a kiss against my neck.

"Shizu-chan…" Otou-san looked tired. "That could have ended better. I know you don't like the man, but did you have to goad him like that?"

I looked away, feeling slightly guilty for worrying him. Otou-san, sensing my guilt, wordlessly put a fond hand on top of my head, causing me to look up at him. There was a small smile on his face now, but it was a sad smile.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this, you know," Otou-san said, his voice muted. Even his eyes looked sad. "You were only supposed to be here to take care of injuries but instead, you've been tangled into this webbed mess. This happened because I'm not adequate enough. I wasn't supposed to worry you into action."

"It's not your fault." My lips turned downward at Otou-san. There he went again, blaming himself for things he couldn't control. "You shouldn't blame yourself. I wanted to help and people happen to be willing to pay large sums of money for my medical skills. It was a logical choice made on my half."

"But still…" Otou-san then paused, shaking his head before giving me a real smile this time. "I really am blessed to have you as my daughter, aren't I? If you really want to help, then I'll be leaving most of the matters regarding money to you from now on."

Otou-san removed his hand from my head and then paused, looking at the 4 koban that was still in his other hand before looking back at the money exchange establishment, then back at Souji. There was some unease and even some sadness when he glanced at Souji. They hadn't really spoken much since Tonouchi was killed and their relationship had grown awkward and strained. Then, Otou-san seemed to make up his mind about something.

"Souji," Otou-san called, catching Souji's attention. Souji blinked before releasing me from his arms. Otou-san took this chance to place one of the koban in Souji's hands. "Toshi and I are going to go check on the man Serizawa beat before we continue trying to gather funds. You should go take Shizu-chan shopping. I noticed some of her kimono are getting worn."

"I don't **_need_** new kimono. They're a little old but they're—"

Souji and Otou-san wouldn't even let me protest.

"Of course, Kondou-san." Souji beamed.

If Otou-san was trusting him with me so openly, then Souji knew Otou-san had forgiven him for that night. They might still have needed to talk about a few things, but everything was going to work out.

"Just remember," Otou-san said, his own smile growing at the sight of Souji's, "the Hour of the Monkey."

Souji just nodded and began to shove me lightly down the street despite my protests. I fell quiet and shot him a dirty look when it became obvious he wasn't listening to me. He chuckled at my reaction before steering me towards another street lined with shops.

My protests then started up again once we entered a clothing shop where Souji picked out five different kimono and obi before stacking them in my arms. I didn't understand why we were spending money on me right now when we needed to save all we could at the moment. Just how did a fundraising trip to Osaka turn into a shopping trip for me? Unfortunately, my protests just seemed to have the opposite effect of what I wanted. Instead of just stopping at five different kimono and obi like he would have if I had said nothing, Souji piled on two more kimono for purchase.

I think he was just trying to irritate me now for his own amusement. He called me "cute" when scowled at him.

By the time Souji and I rejoined the others at the harbor to wait for the ferry, I had a bundle of clothing in each hand and a very satisfied man with me. However, everyone's mood seemed to sour again once Serizawa arrived, dragging a half-dead Shinpachi-san with him. Amazingly enough, Serizawa and Niimi were still drinking.

The atmosphere just seemed to grow tenser in the silence that had developed when the ferry appeared to be late. We waited in the loud silence for two more hours before Hijikata-san left to inquire about what was taking so long. He didn't come back.

"Hijikata-san's taking forever," Shinpachi-san complained from his at the table, breaking the tense silence of the room.

The sun was now setting outside and we were still in the waiting room when we should have been on our way back to Kyoko right now. I shifted my weight onto my opposite foot before placing the bundles of clothing that **_Souji forcefully bought for me_** on the table beside Shinpachi-san. I glanced briefly at Niimi and Serizawa. Still drinking.

At one point I wondered if it was really alcohol they were drinking or water because they still weren't drunk yet.

Souji, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, pushed himself off the wall. "This place is filled with nasty vibes," he said before crossing the distance to where I was. "I'm going to go take a walk around the area. Shizuka, come with me."

I glanced at him curiously as he took my hand and led me outside. "I'm coming too?"

He shot me an exasperated look as I tagged along behind him. "I'm not leaving you in the same room as Serizawa-san. Not especially what happened today. Besides, I want some time alone with you."

"But we were alone together for a good chunk of the day already."

Did the hours before not count?

He looked like he wanted to bang his head against some wood after I spoke and when we stopped on a bridge, I actually thought he would bang his head on the handrails.

"You are really thick, Shizuka," Souji said as he dropped my hand and leaned closer to me. "That doesn't count. We were shopping. There were other people in our vicinity." His voice then dropped into a low seductive whisper. "I'm talking about private alone time with just the two of us."

Shivers shot down my spine as his warm breath tickled my ear. He put his hands on my sides, just below my chest. He let his thumbs graze over the sides of my lower breasts before slowly running his hands down, stopping once his hands came to rest on my hips. Then when his face was coming closer to mine, a thought popped up in my head.

It was the perfect time to talk about it since we were alone, right?

"Hey, you are planning to speak Hijikata-san soon, right?"

Souji's face soured faster than milk being left outside in a desert for hours. His hands dropped from my hips as he turned away from me to go lean his elbows on the bridge's handrails. He was sulking like a child that had been denied something. I furrowed my brow in confusion at him.

"Why did you have to bring up Hijikata-san now?" He scowled at his reflection in the water below.

"I noticed you're really awkward around him still and it's bad to let your relationship with him deteriorate," I explained as I came to stand next to him. He refused to look at me out of frustration. "So are you?"

"I don't wanna talk about this."

"You know Hijikata-san's only worried about you."

"I don't want his worry." Souji snorted petulantly.

I frowned. I wasn't getting through to him. All he was putting effort into right now was scowling at the water below in frustration. It was always hard to talk to Souji when he was frustrated, and I didn't even know what he was frustrated about! He was fine and even in a good mood just minutes ago.

"For someone so smart, you're pretty dense, Shizuka," Souji stated just as I tilted my head at him.

He let out a sigh and began drawing random patterns with his finger on the wooden handrails. Well, not completely random patterns. I noticed that he wrote 口付け absentmindedly with his finger. It meant kiss.

Then I suddenly felt really bad. That what he was trying to do earlier.

He must have also really craved it too because we haven't really shared a kiss as intense since the night he confessed to me. The few pecks given here and there were all we really had since that night and they really paled in comparison to a full on kiss.

I placed my hand on top of his, causing him to flicker his eyes towards at me. I averted my eyes out of embarrassment when our eyes met briefly. This was enough to pique his interest. He turned towards me, grabbing my hand just when I changed my mind out of nervousness and tried to pull away to eliminate physical contact.

"Shizuka? What is it?"

"I…," I mumbled before I changed my mind again and intertwined my fingers with his. "Sorry. I'm terrible at this, aren't I?"

Souji blinked at me, looking a bit stunned before he narrowed his eyes playfully. With one tug, I lost my balance and landed on his chest.

"Would you like another try then?" he teased. He didn't wait for me to answer and lowered his lips onto mine.

Or at least he would have.

"Souji," Otou-san just happened to call just before Souji's lips could connect with mine. Otou-san approached us, covering his mouth as he coughed to clear his throat with an embarrassed flush on his cheeks. He seemed all too aware of what he interrupted.

A million expressions flashed across Souji's face in less than a second. There was joy that Otou-san had come looking for him. There was excitement, and eagerness to converse with Otou-san. But there was also raging disappointment. Most of the expressions he made were actually different variations of raging disappointment.

But in the end, Souji couldn't seem to choose what expression to settle on, so he just pouted at me before he let his hand drop back to his sides helplessly.

Otou-san coughed again, this time to clear up his blush. "Shizu-chan, do you mind checking up on Toshi for me. He's taking a while to return, and I need to talk to Souji."

I nodded obediently before offering Souji the consolation prize of a light peck on the cheek. He wasn't satisfied with his prize at all but he didn't complain or argue as he let me go with an invisible frown.

When I found Hijikata-san, he told me that there was apparently a mistake that was made when arranging the ferry to take us all back to Kyoto. By the time we returned to headquarters, it was nearly the Hour of the Ox. As everyone dispersed wordlessly to return to their perspective rooms for the night, a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me into a dark deserted hallway with a single jerk and caused me to drop my bundles of clothing that I once held onto the floor. Before I could register what just happened, I was pressed between another body and the wall before someone else's lips were on mine.

It was dark. I couldn't see my own eyelashes in the dark hallway, let alone the one that had me pinned to the wall. The kiss itself was hungry. It was like someone gulping water down greedily after days of dehydration, forceful and needy. I should have hated the kiss, not because it was rough but because it took me by surprise.

As a surgeon, I never enjoyed surprises. Surgeons tend to like to know all things because when they don't, people die and lawsuits happen. Surprises during surgery were almost never good because most were nasty. Things like the discovery of a malignant tumor, or springing a near-impossible-to-find bleeder in some routine operation, or finding out in the middle of an amputation surgery that your idiot surgical intern wrote the wrong limb to amputate and lost the patient's chart. My point is, I really hated surprises.

Yet, as much as the kiss took me by surprise. I didn't hate it. The kiss itself was an open book. I could read desperation. I could read care, a strong longing for more, and love despite my own inability to understand that emotion fully. But most of all, the kiss was like a signature. Even without sight, I knew exactly who this was.

Instead of trying to escape from the kiss, I wrapped my arms around Souji's neck and returned the kiss just as eagerly, opening my mouth slightly without him having to ask. He wasted no time accepting the invitation. Then as suddenly as this kiss started, it ended.

Souji pulled away with a gasp for air as he leaned his forehead against mine. I could feel his chest heave against mine. I could feel his breaths tickle my lips as he greedily sucked in air. His lips were still so close that as I panted for air myself, my lips would occasionally graze his.

"Collecting what you missed out on in Osaka?" I rasped, still fighting for my breath.

I couldn't hear his silent chuckle but I definitely felt his chest rumble against mine. "That should be obvious. Glad you could figure that one out."

He shifted his weight so that he wasn't pinning me against the wall anymore, but his body was still so flush against mine that I doubted a sheet of paper could slide between us. Once he caught his breath, he tucked his face against the side of my neck. His hands slowly drifted down from the wall, leaving a hot trail as his fingers grazed my sides before his hands came to a stop right above my hakama. His fingers then lightly traced the hem of my hakama before he slipped a finger from each hand under the hem to reach for the bare skin of my hips.

"Stay with me tonight," he whispered into the crook of my neck before lightly sucking for a brief second. My breath hitched in my throat. "We don't have to do anything. I just want to share a futon with you tonight."

"Mmm…," I hummed before pulling away from him and laying my hand on this forehead to check his temperature. Souji looked at me incredulously for my completely logical action. "Are you alright? Usually, the only times you ask me to stay with you overnight is when you're sick with a fever but…"

He didn't have a fever from what I could tell.

Souji groaned like a dying animal and dropped his head on my shoulder. "And the mood's gone. Dammit. I thought you were getting better at this…" He then sighed and backed away from me so he could pick up my fallen items. "I just want you to spend the night with me, that's all. I'm not sick. I just want your company."

"Oh."

"Really? Just 'oh'?" Souji stacked my bundles of clothing in my arms before scratching the back of his head. "I feel like you just told a really bad joke." He then let out a sigh and turning, heading for his bedroom. "Look, don't take too long to change. I'll be waiting for you. I won't sleep tonight if you ignore my request."

He then disappeared around the corner, leaving me standing alone in the dark empty hallway as I stared down at the bundles of clothing in confusion.

With nothing better to do, since standing in an empty hallway wouldn't answer any of my questions, I followed Souji's words like they were orders. Hugging the bundles of clothing closer to my chest, I stumbled in the dark until I made it to my bedroom. I unpacked the new kimono bought for me on today's trip and stored them in neat folded stacks in my closet alongside some of my older and more worn out clothing before I fished out my white sleeping robe.

Once changed into my sleeping attire, I ghosted out of my room, traversed the empty hallways before I came to Souji's door. It was left ajar and there was no light. I slipped one toe into the opening and pushed the door open just wide enough with my foot so I could step through before I shut the door quietly.

When I turn to where Souji was, he already changed and was laying on his futon. He was scooted to one side so that there was a vacancy, room for me. And just because the futon was small and intended for one person, we would have to sleep partially on top of each other or pressed against each other. The corner of the blanket facing me was flipped up as in invitation and as if that wasn't inviting enough, Souji patted the empty spot next to him while looking at me with joyful expectancy.

As soon as I laid down, Souji pulled me against him, his arms wrapping around my center as he spooned me from behind. Then once I had my head tucked beneath his chin, he flipped the blankets over us and let out what sounded like a breath of relief. Or it was relaxation? I was too snug and warm to put any real effort into deciphering the sound.

"Is this warm enough for you, or would you like one more blanket?"

I snuggled closer to him, rubbing my back against his chest to take advantage of his body heat. "It's more than just good. You're really warm." I muttered as my eyelids started growing heavier. Today had been a long day.

Souji pecked the top of my head before falling silent. However, just as I was about to drift off several minutes later, he broke the comfortable silence.

"Hey, Shizuka? Are you still awake?"

I mumbled a bunch of incoherent sounds under my breath as my answer. It was enough for Souji.

"If… If there was something I wanted that only you could give me," Souji paused and the nervousness I could hear in his voice woke me up a bit more, "…would you give it to me?"

"Yes," I answered just as I yawned.

Souji made a small sound of discomfort. "I haven't even told you what yet…"

"Yes," I just repeated again. It didn't matter what he wanted since I'd probably just give whatever he wanted to him anyway.

"I'll ask again later...," Souji then mumbled to himself more than to me. "You're probably too sleepy to think clearly.

We both fell asleep shortly afterward.

* * *

With my true reason for sneaking out of the Yagi house daily now known, Otou-san and Hijikata-san were less hesitant about letting me go out alone. However, they still wanted me to have an escort as often as possible. Having Kyoko-chan along with me and me knowing self-defense just wasn't enough assurance for them that I'd be safe. However, while Otou-san may have given permission to the men escort me while I raised funds, Serizawa still refused to give permission and claimed that the men that accompanied me would be guilty of breaking the code of conduct through association.

So Sannan-san found a loophole. As long as I was with Kyoko-chan while raising funds, I could have an escort because the escort would just be watching over me and Kyoko-chan "hang out" and the definition of "hanging out" was based on personal interpretation. However, if Kyoko-chan wasn't present, I wouldn't have an escort since there would be no buffer.

On those lonely days, Otou-san just tried to keep me busy with chores so I wouldn't end up heading out alone. That never really worked, though. I still went out by myself, much to his dismay.

Today, however, was one of those days where I had an escort. Sano-san to be exact.

"Oh, that doesn't look too bad," I said as I held up Asami-obaa-san's hand under the light for a better look. "This burn should heal without a problem as long as you don't pick at it."

Kyoko-chan, who was right beside me, was quick to dig out a small jar of ointment and a roll of bandages from my medical tool case and handed the objects to me. She smiled at the elderly woman, silently letting her know that everything was going to be okay.

I uncapped the jar and scooped up a healthy amount of the clear, sweet-smelling ointment with my finger before rubbing the soothing ointment on Asami-obaa-san's hand. The elderly woman winced when the ointment made contact with the wound but sweet elderly woman didn't make a single sound of discomfort and just kept smiling at me. With the goopy medication applied, I wrapped the hand with the bandages, taking special care to make sure that it wasn't too tight.

"Now," I said as I placed the small jar of aloe vera[1] ointment in Asami-obaa-san's uninjured hand, "be careful not to pop any of the small blisters. But if any of the blisters do pop, just make sure to keep the area clean with soap and water before rewrapping the burn. As for this ointment, it can provide some relief from the pain since it feels cool to the touch and can keep the skin from cracking."

Asami-obaa-san nodded at my words before she bowed her head politely. "Thank you very much, Sensei." She then turned to Kyoko-chan with one of those sweet smiles one would probably only get from cookie-baking grannies that smell like Christmas. "Thank you for finding a good doctor for my small burn wound, Kyoko-chan dear. Your friend really is a good doctor."

"Of course!" Kyoko-chan chirped while I put away my tools. "Shizuka-chan's the best! Now, you don't happen to have any extra dango, do you?"

Asami-obaa-san laughed heartedly at Kyoko-chan's question before leading us back to the front of her shop where Sano-san was waiting for us while holding on to my naginata. "Your love of food never changes, does it? Of course, I still have dango! My shop is a dango shop!"

Even with a burn injury on her hand, Asami-obaa-san was a fast worker. She plucked several fresh sticks of dango from the platter behind the counter and bundled them up in bamboo leaves before tying the small bundle up with a white string. I could almost see Kyoko-chan salivating as the bundle of twenty or so sticks of dango were placed in her hand. Even Sano-san raised his eyebrows at Kyoko-chan from his relaxed stance against the wall.

"Here you go dear," Asami-obaa-san said to Kyoko-chan with a grin. I could tell she was struggling not to laugh. "Remember to share them with your family. Now as for your friend…," she dug around in her coin purse for a few seconds before placing a few silver coins in my hand, "some payment for your troubles."

I tucked the money in my sleeve and bowed with a smile. "Just make sure to keep the burn clean so there's no chance of an infection, alright?"

"Alright, dear."

Asami-obaa-san then waved us goodbye as we stepped out of her shop.

"So, you've known that shop owner since you were little, right?" Sano-san asked Kyoko-chan as we walked down the street. Asami-san was the last patient for the day. "She seemed mighty familiar with your eating habits."

Kyoko-chan nodded wordlessly. Her cheeks were already stuffed and there was a bamboo skewer sticking out from her mouth. The bundle of dango she was carrying and was **_supposed_** to share with her family was already partially open. She spat the empty stick out before replacing it with another stick of dango.

"She used to adore me when I was a child because she had three sons," she explained with her mouth full. Surprisingly enough, Sano-san and I could understand her without any problem.

That itself was telling of how much she loved her food. She had so much practice speaking with her mouth full that she learned how to speak clearly without a muffle when her cheeks were overfilled with food.

"She used to buy tons of kimono for me just so she could dress me up."

"Ah," I said, "it must be so nice to have some many friends and connections here."

She hummed before she stuck another stick of dango into her mouth. She looked like a hamster. Probably fearing that she would choke if she spoke again, Sano-san decided to turn to me for conversation.

"So, Shizuka," Sano-san asked, his lips curling upward as he looks at me, "how is your relationship with Souji progressing nowadays?"

The question meant to be friendly and asked out of goodwill but, instead, it hit an exposed nerve.

I looked away and exhaled as I stopped in my tracks. Sano-san furrowed his eyebrows at me as Kyoko-chan stops stuffing her mouth. They both exchange glances before Sano-san decides to take the plunge and ask.

"Did something happen between you and Souji?" Sano-san pulled me from the center of the road to the side so we weren't holding up traffic. "Everything seems fine. I even saw Souji steal a kiss from you this morning before we left headquarters."

I shifted my weight onto my left foot before biting my lower lip, an action Sano-san frowned upon because he believed that I would ruin my lips that way.

"Well, nothing bad has happened per say, but…," I answer before looking to Kyoko-chan almost desperately. She swallowed the what food was still left in her mouth before she let out a sigh.

"Is that still bothering you?"

"Is what still bothering her?" Sano-san questioned as he glanced at Kyoko-chan, then at me, then back at Kyoko-chan. "Explain, please?"

"She is currently trying to answer the question, 'What is love?' You know, the thing little Shizuka-chan is absolutely befuddled by."

"Is that so?" Sano-san said, now looking like he was seeing me in a whole new different manner. I almost felt like a child again under his gaze. "But aren't you in a romantic relationship with Souji? How do you not know? Or is it you don't feel the same way towards Souji the way he feels towards you?"

"I… I don't know."

Sano-san frowned disapprovingly at my answer. "Shizuka, it's bad form to mislead a man with genuine feeling towards you. If you didn't feel the same way about him then it would have been better to reject him."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Kyoko-chan cut me off.

"Nah, I'd say she does feel the same way towards Souji-san. She just doesn't understand or realize her feelings toward him. That's probably why this it torturing her so much. She doesn't like not knowing things."

"She also doesn't like it when people talk like she's not here," I butted in and crossed my arms.

Sano-san sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Okay, maybe your problem is that you're overcomplicating things."

"Overcomplicating what, exactly?" I narrowed my eyes at Sano-san. I didn't like being told I was overthinking something. One could never put too much thought into something. "Love is a complex emotion. I'm not overcomplicating anything."

"If you ask a kid what love is, what would they say?" Sano-san suddenly asked me.

"I… er… Well, they wouldn't be able to give a clear definition!"

What did that have to do with anything?

"They would say things like, 'It makes you warm and fuzzy on the inside like a pillow,' or 'It makes you feel like you'll never be lonely,' or 'It's sharing a toy with someone even when you don't want to.' Right?" Kyoko-chan answered as I fumbled with my words, causing Sano-san to nod in approval. "It's simple but true. Little kids don't have to be able to give a clear definition because there is no clear definition. There are only symptoms of love, like when you value someone's own happiness over your own, or when you feel complete around him."

"But how do you know that you're in love and not feeling something else, like indigestion? Aren't you, I don't know, supposed to feel something like fireworks going off in your chest, or something like that?"

Sano-san shook his head at me before putting his hand on top of my head. "Sometimes it's like that, but not for all people. You definitely wouldn't feel something like that because you've known Souji for nearly your entire life."

"Oh! I know something that would explain your relationship with Souji-san. It's a little love note my chichi-ue wrote for my haha-ue years ago," Kyoko-chan suddenly exclaimed before pulling out an old, beaten, folded sheet of paper from the folds of her clothing. The edges were torn and a discolored. "Okaa-san gave it to me when I was little. I never go anywhere without it. I can't believe I forgot about it until now!"

She practically shoved the folded sheet into my hands and kicked my shins when she thought I was opening the piece of paper too slowly. Some of the characters were slightly smudged from some sort of water damage, but it was still legible.

 _She didn't feel fireworks go off in her chest when she first met him.  
He didn't fall for her at first sight.  
Love was never part of the question._

 _He gave her a shoulder to cry on when her world came crumbling down around her.  
She stood by his side through every monster he was too terrified to face alone.  
This was what they were._

 _She knew his habits like the back of her hand.  
He could make her laugh even on her darkest nights.  
They were perfect._

 _He began to hear her voice as a lullaby.  
She could no longer imagine anyone else by her side.  
They found love slowly._

"Have you ever considered that the reason that you could never identify love was because you fell in love so slowly that you couldn't sense the change, or that you've been in love for so long that you don't know what it's like not to be in love anymore?" Kyoko-chan asked just as she took the old love note back from me.

"I…" I said just for the sake of speaking before looking down at my feet. My heart was pounding. What she said had made perfect sense. Well, if I didn't consider the fact that this was my second round of the fabulous thing called life.

And as an unimportant side note, her father was a really skilled writer.

But back the main point. What she said was like an epiphany to me. If what she said was true…

Just thinking about it made my heart pound just a little faster and my insides warm gooey.

"I think she gets it now," I heard Sano-san say. I could hear the smile in his voice as he patted my head some more. "Well, I'd hate to cut things short but Hijikata-san and Kondou-san want her back at headquarters before a certain time and we're already running a little late. I'm sure she also has things to think about."

"Aww… So soon?" Kyoko-chan whined.

And that was the last I heard from her. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice her wave me goodbye or leave. I didn't even notice when Sano-san and I began walking towards headquarters again, which was really embarrassing because my thoughts weren't all that complicated. What my thought mostly consisted of was the messy garble of, "I'm in love. Am I in love? Really? It was that simple? I don't just love Souji, I'm in love with him. That was it? Oh my God! I'm an idiot. Wait… What am I going to cook for dinner?"

I think I almost even tripped several times on the way back. Or was it that I almost ran into someone? It was hard to tell really. If the world ended, I doubted that I would even notice. If Sano-san hadn't been present to guide me back, I'm pretty sure I would have absentmindedly walked into a ditch and broken a leg.

It was mortifying, that I was acting like a lovesick teenager without wit or thought. But knowing that didn't actually stop it from happening as I continued drowning in my sea of garbled thoughts.

However, I did surface from my thoughts, eventually. I just had to run into someone first. Sano-san's back to be precise. When he suddenly stopped in front of me, I kept walking until I slammed right into his back. I would have landed on my butt too if he didn't catch me.

"Whoa! Careful now," Sano-san said, steadying me on my feet. "I know you have plenty to think about now, but at least try to pay attention to your surroundings, okay? No being airheaded right now."

He then turned back to the front, to what caused him to stop walking in the first place. Directly in front of us was a familiar blue-haired man staring off into the distance in a daze. Just like me earlier, he was completely out of it. There were even some people staring at him for some strange reason. Like something happened before Sano-san and I arrived and he was involved in whatever it was.

"Yo! If it isn't Ryunosuke! What's up?" Sano-san greeted Ibuki-kun with a lazy wave.

At the sound of Sano-san's voice, Ibuki-kun turned around slowly with a blank look. There was a magnificent, red handprint on the side of his face.

"Ah. You were just slapped by someone," I bluntly pointed out the obvious unhelpfully. My first words since coming out of my own lackadaisical stupor.

Sano-san just sighed exasperatedly at my delayed reaction and muttered something to himself before taking both Ibuki-kun and me to a more secluded area near the river where he asked Ibuki-kun what happened. Sano-san specifically grabbed my hand to get me to follow him so I wouldn't wander off somewhere else along the way. I think he was still worried about my love-induced airheadedness.

Ibuki-kun sat down on a small boulder near the water's edge and first refused to say much when Sano-san questioned him. But he eventually caved with some gentle persuasion.

"So?" Sano-san asked Ibuki-kun again patiently. "Who left you that nice little hand print?"

Ibuki-kun grumbled nonsensical words to himself before grudgingly answering, "A maiko that helped me buy an inkstick…"

"Oh? And why did she slap you?"

I could tell Sano-san was giving Ibuki-kun the benefit of the doubt. But my guess was that Ibuki-kun blurted out something rude.

"She got upset when I talked about her 'casually pleasing her customer' because of where she worked..."

Sano-san's expression instantly shifted into utter annoyance before he bashed Ibuki-kun on the head. "You moron!"

Funnily enough, when Sano-san hit Ibuki-kun on the head, Ibuki-kun's head sounded hollow. I may have burst out laughing a tad bit inappropriately right there. No one reacted to my reaction. I don't know if it's because they deemed it unimportant at the moment or because they were used to the behavior by now.

But if they didn't react because of the latter, then I probably thought I had a slight case of the crazies. Not exactly a good thing.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" Ibuki-kun cried, rubbing the location that Sano-san had just hit. Sano-san merely crossed his arms and silently called him an idiot again.

"You actually said that crap to that nice little maiko? No wonder she gave you that handprint."

"Hmph!" Ibuki-kun turned his head to the side, not willing to admit his wrongdoing.

"Unbelievable…" Sano-san said with a scowl before forcefully pulling Ibuki-kun to his feet. "We're going."

Ibuki-kun quickly snatched his hand back. "Go? Go where?" He obviously was getting a negative vibe from Sano-san and began fidgeting restlessly.

Suspicion confirmed.

Sano-san looped his arm around Ibuki-kun's neck painfully and forced Ibuki-kun into a painful headlock before dragging him towards Shimabara in that headlock.

"You shouldn't make assumptions about someone without knowing all the facts," I pointed out while following the pair from behind. What Kosuzu-chan had told me about her life and how she painfully arrived in Kyoto surfaced in my mind again. "Especially about the girls working in the red-light district. You should go apologize to her."

"Ow, ow!" Ibuki-kun cried as he was dragged by Sano-san, "Why should I?!"

"Just apologize!" Sano-san raised his voice.

"Wait, wait! That hurts!"

"Come on, moron!"

I just followed behind the two quietly as Sano-san dragged Ibuki-kun all the way to Shimabara in a headlock. As bad as it was for the neck to remain in that position for that long, Ibuki-kun deserved that punishment. But I was impressed that Ibuki-kun didn't pass out from air restriction that resulted from the headlock. For someone that didn't know how to fight or train regularly, Ibuki-kun and a surprising sturdy body with great endurance.

Just as we arrived at the gates of Shimabara, Ibuki-kun managed to work his head out of the headlock. But like the obedient person he was, he continued following Sano-san's lead instead of running away. Sano-san paused at the entrance of Shimabara to ask a man wearing a bandana about Ibuki-kun's maiko.

"Hey, mind if I ask you something? We're searching for a maiko."

The man paused what he was doing. "Okay. What's the girl's name?" the man questioned as he scratched his head.

I'm sure that man was one of those men whose job was specifically to help maiko and geisha get ready for the evening. The type of kimono that geisha and maiko wore while working were called hikizuri[2], which were made especially for dancing. The problem with them, however, was that they had so many layers and the matching obi was so long and cumbersome that it was impossible to get dressing without another helping hand. He probably knew a good chunk of the maiko and geisha working in Shimabara.

"Ryunosuke?" Sano-san said, asking Ibuki-kun for the mystery maiko's name.

Still feeling unwilling to answer, Ibuki-kun turned his head away and stared at the dirt road. "Like I said, I'm not apolo—Ow!"

Displeased at Ibuki-kun's rude attitude, Sano-san had cuffed Ibuki-kun on the back of his head.

"Be good and answer the question!" scolded Sano-san as Ibuki-kun held his bruised head. "What's her name?"

"Pretty sure it's Kosuzu." Ibuki-kun answered begrudgingly.

"Kosuzu-chan?" I asked, now also frowning at Ibuki-kun. He offended her of all people? I kicked Ibuki-kun's shin vindictively, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Oh, you know Kosuzu-chan?" the man asked pleasantly, instantly becoming a hundred times more friendly, as if he wasn't already, as he paid more attention to me. "You must be one of her friends. Well, if you're looking for Kosuzu-chan…" The man then pointed towards a nearby wooden building to the side of the street we were on.

"Thank you very much for your help." I bowed politely to the man. He nodded back at me before continuing on with his previous business.

"So you know this maiko?" Sano-san asked me as we made our way towards the building the man pointed at earlier.

I nodded as I pushed Ibuki-kun from behind as we walked because it looked like he wasn't going to walk by himself.

"Quit it!" Ibuki-kun complained as he tried to wiggle away from me. "I can walk on my own!"

"Then quit complaining and walk," I replied pointedly, causing him to grumble some more under his breath. He was very uncooperative.

He was also pretty heavy, so when I managed to push him as far as the building's windows, I let my arm drop. He was close enough. Sano-san, who was walking ahead of us earlier, was already asking a maid about Kosuzu-chan.

"She is currently in the middle of practice…," the maid replied politely.

"Okay, then we'll wait here for a bit," Sano-san replied, allowing the maid to go back in the building. He leaned against the wall by the door next to me with his arms crossed to wait patiently afterward.

Ibuki-kun, on the other hand, peered in through the window and froze. It was easy to see why. Kosuzu-chan was in the middle of a beautiful dance. She was as graceful as a swan. Yet, I was still surprised at the amount of attention Ibuki-kun paid towards the dance.

"I didn't think Ibuki-kun was someone who enjoyed watching dances, but he's enthralled by that dance," I commented after a while.

Sano-san left out a sigh and patted my head again. He looked resigned for some reason. "I wouldn't say he's interested in the dance itself…"

"What do you mean by that?"

Because why else would Ibuki-kun stare at Kosuzu-chan?

"No wonder Souji seems so frustrated at times. Even right after that conversation we had earlier with Kyoko and you're still duller than a stone when it comes to these matters."

"Oh."

I got the feeling I should have felt offended. I wasn't. I just felt very small.

Sano-san tilted his head up to look at the blue sky for a brief second before he looked back down at me. His mouth twisted into this weird sideway S-shape as he looked at me.

"Haven't you noticed that Souji seems desperate sometimes to get your attention, almost like he's starved?"

I nodded wordlessly before tilting my head at him.

"Listen carefully because here comes another lesson in love," Sano-san said just as he tapped on the wall behind him with his fingers. "When you become a couple with someone, you can't just continue on like before. Like the situation hasn't changed. As a man showers his woman with attention, he also wants her to initiate a few acts of affection on her own. He doesn't just want her reactions. It hurts for a man when the woman he loves doesn't show her affection towards him in the same way he has been showing affection towards her. When a woman doesn't show her affection towards her man, he'll begin to if she really loves him. Actions speak louder than words."

I bit my lip again at what Sano-san told me, causing him to frown and flick my noise in order to keep me from using my lower lip as a chew toy. When I puffed up my cheeks in annoyance to his action, he merely scolded me.

"You need to stop doing that. Souji wouldn't appreciate it if you tore up your own lips."

I took to scowling at him instead before I sighed and looked up at the sky. "I guess I'm really that bad at these type of romantic gestures. It's not like I don't know what I'm supposed to do, it just that it's never the first thing on my mind. It kind of just gets lost behind all the other junk I think about and I usually don't remember until someone brings it up that I'm supposed to do these romantic gestures."

I paused so I could trace the edges of a particularly fluffy cloud with my eyes before I looked down at my hands. The scar on the palm of my hand captured my attention and I stared at it before I traced it lightly with my finger. This scar was like a faded badge of honor to me.

"I do kiss Souji here and there, but it usually never crosses my mind that he would like a heated kiss over a peck on the cheek. And it's also not like I don't enjoy doing these type of things. I mean, I'm pretty sure I would enjoy things like sex as much as the next person would. I just… suck at reading these type of cues."

"Well," Sano-san said as he removed his hand from my head as he grinned optimistically at me, "it's not all that bad. At least you're aware of your problem. Besides, I'm sure Souji will **_thoroughly_** enjoy teaching you how to read all his cues."

And then the maid Sano-san spoke to earlier returned to tell us that Kosuzu-chan was done with practice and that we may see her now.

Sano-san entered the building first, holding the noren[3] up for me and Ibuki-kun as we entered. Inside, all other people besides Kosuzu-chan were gone to give us privacy as customers. Kosuzu-chan was sitting in seiza[4] on the genkan[5] waiting to greet us in the formal traditional manner.

"Sorry for the wait," Kosuzu said, bowing as she politely received us.

"Kosuzu-chan!" I chirped, causing her to lose her composure and look up at me in surprise.

"Shizuka-chan, what are you doing here?" Kosuzu-chan exclaimed, forgetting to use her Kyoto accent. However, her enthusiasm understandable cooled when she spotted Ibuki-kun standing beside me. She cleared her throat and composed herself once more.

"Sorry to disturb ya," Sano-san spoke after he saw her eyeing Ibuki-kun coolly. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was still angry with Ibuki-kun. "Apparently, he said some pretty rude stuff to you, so he came to apologize."

Sano-san then forcefully pushed Ibuki-kun's head down into a mess bow, causing Ibuki to struggle quite a bit in his surprise at the sudden action as he clawed at Sano-san hands.

"Do it, Ryunosuke!"

"Fine!" Ibuki-kun snapped just to get Sano-san to leave him alone.

Obviously, Kosuzu-chan wasn't going to accept such a half-hearted apology. An insult plus a fake apology that Ibuki-kun was forced into making? A combination like that just upset Kosuzu-chan even more. It also didn't help that Ibuki-kun's bow was so sloppy.

"Bowing in apology means nothing if he does not regret what he said." Kosuzu-chan turned her nose up with a small, "Hmph!"

"You've got a point," Sano-san agreed.

Sano-san relaxed his grip on Ibuki-kun, causing Ibuki-kun to spring back up and rub his head where Sano-san's hand once was. He scowled and gave Sano-san the stink eye.

"Perhaps it would be better if you explained to him what he did that made you angry," I suggested before kicking Ibuki-kun in the shins again. He jumped and yelped in pain.

"He truly is an ignorant idiot! He would be unable to understand without an explanation!" Sano-san added.

"Quit calling me an idiot!" Ibuki-kun made it a point to look everywhere but Kosuzu-chan. "And stop kicking me!"

Kosuzu-chan closed her eyes and exhaled before she spoke. "Ibuki-han, you said that we should casually please our banquet guests," Ibuki-kun's head perked up slightly when addressed, "but since arriving in Kyoto, I have not missed a single day of dance, shamisen[6] or music lessons. And not just me, the same is true of the other women. This place is soaked with our sweat and tears. All of us live by selling the arts we have worked so hard to master!"

Ibuki-kun's passive expression immediately morphed into one of stunned realization before becoming one of regret. He seemed to realize his mistake from earlier and even looked ashamed.

"I…"

"Now do you get it?" Sano-san asked. "Everyone has something that they will stand up for."

This time Ibuki-kun gave a low and genuine bow of apology to Kosuzu. "I'm really sorry!" Kosuzu-chan was surprised from the amount of energy Ibuki-kun was putting into his apology. "I said something horrible when I didn't know a thing about you! I'm sorry!"

"That's enough." Kosuzu-chan was no longer angry. Instead, she looked intrigued and even a bit joyful. "Please raise your head Ibuki-han. I'm sorry that I slapped you. Are you alright?"

Ibuki-kun was stupefied and stunned into silence when Kosuzu-chan raised her hand to gently caress the cheek she slapped briefly. In fact, dare I say that it looked like he enjoyed her touch?

"Uh, yeah, I guess…," he answered with a small blush. He almost seemed a little lost for words. "Although, I was surprised when it came out of nowhere."

"If you do not mind, could you ask for me the next time you visit a banquet room?"

"Huh? But… There's no way I'll be able to visit one again." Ibuki-kun had one hand on his cheek, where Kosuzu-chan had previously placed her hand.

"Please watch me perform my arts."

"No, like I said—"

"Sheesh, just say, 'Okay!' already!" Sano-san exclaimed, butting in as he pushed down on Ibuki-kun's head once again.

"What gives?! Let go of me!" Ibuki-kun flailed around like a helpless fish out of water under Sano-san's large hand. He even looked to me for help, which he usually refused to do.

I sighed before tugging on Sano-san's clothing to get his attention and hopefully get Sano-san to release Ibuki-kun. "Sano-san, if you break his neck then he won't be able to watch Kosuzu-chan at all," I pointed out. Sano-san didn't release Ibuki-kun like I had hoped

"He'll be fine," Sano-san answered instead. "Real men don't break that easily."

Meh. I shrugged back at Ibuki-kun's pleading look lazily. Nothing I could do now.

"Ouch! That hurts! Let go!"

"Be a man!"

We must have looked quite strange because Kosuzu-chan began laughing at our antics.

In the end, Ibuki-kun had ended up choosing to stay behind and speak with Kosuzu-chan a while longer. So, it was only Sano-san and me when started to head back toward the Yagi house again. The whole apology situation had taken longer than we would both like and the sun was already beginning to set. I'm sure that Hijikata-san was going to be snappy about us being late when we got back.

In fact, I was kind of dragging my feet in order to walk slower in hopes of avoiding Hijikata-san's motherly nagging. It was nice that Hijikata-san was looking out for me and all, but the nagging does get old.

"Ah, we're so late," Sano-san commented, frowning as he looked at the setting sun.

"We're going to get scolded."

Both of us let out a tired sigh at the same time. We didn't really want to talk after that.

It was when we were passing by the riverbank, the sound of children playing captured my attention. I stopped walking to watch the children play by the bank with a little longing. I still wanted a child, or three. As if sensing my longing, Sano-san paused walking just so he could stand and watch the children with me.

"You want one right?" he asked as he placed a hand on my head.

"Yeah…"

There were four young children, three boys and one girl playing with someone very familiar. Souji grinned playfully before tagging one of the boys before quickly running away. Then, as if he could feel my gaze, Souji looked up towards the road and our eyes met. He grinned brightly back at me when he saw the faint smile on my lips.

"Hmm…" I heard Sano-san hum before he snatched my naginata and my medical tool case out of my hands. He grinned when I glanced back at him inquisitively. "Why don't I take your things and head back to headquarters. You should stay here with Souji."

He didn't even give me a chance to protest, not that I would have, before hightailing it back to headquarters like he had something important to do. I think he just wanted me to have some alone time with Souji. Sano-san was thoughtful like that.

"Hey, Souji! Who's that woman you were smiling at?" I turned my head when I heard one of the young boys ask.

"Yeah!" the little girl added. "Who is she? She's pretty."

I blushed at the compliment before fanning myself with my hand. It was just a little girl who said that but I felt super flattered.

"She's my koibito[7]," Souji answered the kids with a playful wink. The mischievous smile on his face seemed to grow more as when my ears turned red "Why don't one of you go invite her to play with us?"

"I'll do it!" the girl said while jumping up and down excitedly before running over to where I was. "Come play with us!" she exclaimed gleefully before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the others.

I laughed. Her excitement was contagious. "Alright, I'll come," I acquiesced, allowing her to pull me to where the others were. "So what are we playing?"

"We're playing Kagome Kagome[8]!" exclaimed one of the boys. He was excitedly jumping all over the place like he was on a sugar rush. "Since you just joined us, you're the oni!"

"Alright then." The kids plus Souji gathered in in a circle around me as I covered my eyes with both hands.

The kids started chanting the little song after they were sure I wasn't peeking. "The bird in the basket/when, oh when will it come out?/In the night of dawn/the crane and turtle slipped/Who is behind you now?"

"Hmm… I wonder who?" I said playfully as my hands remained over my eyes. I already knew who was behind me. It had to be Souji. He was making it easy to guess. I could feel him breathing on my neck and all the kids only reached my hips "It's Souji!"

"Wah!" One of the little boys exclaimed in amazement. "How did you know?"

"Maybe she's a priestess with magical powers and can see with her eyes closed," Souji joked, fooling all the little kids. When I uncovered my eyes, I could see all of them staring at me with awe while Souji snickered to himself silently behind them all.

Souji and I continued to play with the kids for another thirty minutes before we sent them home. The sky had grown dim enough that the stars had begun to appear in the moonless sky. Both Souji and I stayed by the riverbank and waved the children goodbye when they scrambled off to go home. Hopefully, they'd avoid getting scolded by their parents for being so late.

As the last kid disappeared into the distance, I leaned my head against Souji's shoulder as I wrapped my arms around his arm. "I want one."

Souji's eyebrow shot up and disappeared behind his bangs. "You know, children aren't like pets," he joked, flicking my forehead impishly. "You can't just pick one off the streets and take it home."

"Well, unless that child has no home or family," I pointed out, reminding Souji how I ended up in Otou-san's care. He had grown silent, probably thinking he said the wrong thing and touched on a raw spot. "But I'm not talking about adopting a child. I want to have one of my own…"

Souji looked down at me with an indecipherable expression. He brushed a strand of hair off of my face. "You want one…?" His mouth had gone dry. "Are you entirely sure you know how kids are made?"

"I'm a doctor. Of course, I know how kids are made."

I let go of his arm so I could come around to stand in front of him. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I placed my head against his chest. I could hear his heart pounding. It was racing faster a jackrabbit could run. His arms hung limply at his sides for a few seconds before he hesitantly wrapped his arms around me.

"Are you even sure what you're saying…? Are you saying that…? Of course not. You're still a virgin."

I smiled faintly against his chest. It might have a been a bit mean of me to say so, but I thought his doubt was cute.

"What if that's exactly what I'm saying? When will you take me? You can even take me tonight if you want to."

Souji dropped his head onto my shoulder and tightened his arms around me while letting out a groan. "Shizuka, you can't just say stuff like this so suddenly."

"What, you need time to prepare?" I joked.

He laughed dryly against my shoulder as he pressed his hip against me until I could feel what my words had done to him. It wasn't stiff and fully erect, but it wasn't exactly limp and soft at the moment either.

"You know, you shouldn't be joking about this," he whispered into my ear, his voice several octaves lower. It sent shivers down my spine "What you're saying is really dangerous. What if I say that I want to take you right here and now?"

"And what if I say I'd let you?"

Souji sucked in a sharp breath. I felt him twitch against my lower stomach before growing fully hard. His hands had grown sweaty. He pressed himself against me, wiggling his hips against me to release some of the growing pressure.

"Shizuka…" he groaned. His fingers ran down my back before he traced the hem of my hakama. "We can't. Not here, anyway. You deserve somewhere better. I can't believe you're the one saying this."

"I'll come to your room tonight."

It was like Souji stopped breathing then.

* * *

[1] Aloe vera is a succulent plant species of the genus Aloe. It grows wild in tropical climates around the world and is cultivated for agricultural and medicinal uses. Aloe is also used for decorative purposes and grows successfully indoors as a potted plant.

[2] The hikizuri, or susohiki, is usually worn by geisha or by stage performers of the traditional Japanese dance. It is quite long, compared to regular kimono, because the skirt is supposed to trail along the floor. Susohiki literally means "trail the skirt". Where a normal kimono for women is normally 1.5–1.6 m (4.9–5.2 ft) long, a susohiki can be up to 2 m (6.6 ft) long. This is also why geisha and maiko lift their kimono skirt when walking outside, also to show their beautiful underkimono or "nagajuban".

[3] Noren (暖簾) are traditional Japanese fabric dividers, hung between rooms, on walls, in doorways, or in windows. They usually have one or more vertical slits cut from the bottom to nearly the top of the fabric, allowing for easier passage or viewing. Noren are rectangular and come in many different materials, sizes, colors, and patterns.

[4] To sit seiza-style, one must first be kneeling on the floor, folding one's legs underneath one's thighs, while resting the buttocks on the heels. The ankles are turned outward as the tops of the feet are lowered so that, in a slight "V" shape, the tops of the feet are flat on the floor and big toes sometimes are overlapped, and the buttocks are finally lowered all the way down. Depending on the circumstances, the hands are folded modestly in the lap, or are placed palm down on the upper thighs with the fingers close together, or are placed on the floor next to the hips, with the knuckles rounded and touching the floor. The back is kept straight, though not unnaturally stiff. Traditionally, women sit with the knees together while men separate them slightly. Some martial arts, notably kendō, aikidō, and iaidō, may prescribe up to two fist widths of distance between the knees for men.

Stepping into and out of seiza is mindfully performed. There are codified traditional methods of entering and exiting the sitting position depending on occasion and type of clothing worn.

[5] Genkan (玄関) are traditional Japanese entryway areas for a house, apartment, or building—something of a combination of a porch and a doormat. The primary function of genkan is for the removal of shoes before entering the main part of the house or building. Genkan are often recessed into the floor, to contain any dirt that is tracked in from the outside (as in a mud room). The tiled or concrete genkan floor is called tataki (三和土).

[6] The shamisen or samisen (三味線, literally "three strings"), also called sangen (三絃, also literally "three strings"), is a three-stringed, Japanese musical instrument derived from the Chinese instrument sanxian. It is played with a plectrum called a bachi.

[7] Means lover or sweetheart.

[8] Kagome Kagome (かごめかごめ, or 籠目籠目) is a Japanese children's game and the song associated with it. One player is chosen as the oni (literally demon or ogre, but similar to the concept of "it" in tag) and sits blindfolded (or with their eyes covered). The other children join hands and walk in circles around the Oni while chanting the song for the game. When the song stops, the Oni tries to name the person standing directly behind them.

The song is a subject of much interest because of its cryptic lyrics which vary from region to region, and many theories exist about its meaning, but neither have been definitely explained.


	28. Chapter 28

I apologize for the slow update. This week ended up being pretty busy.

 _ **Warning:**_ sexual content

* * *

 **Chapter 28**

 _"Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn't sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim." ― Paulo Coelho_

I shuffled back and forth, pacing in my bedroom nonstop and possibly wearing a hole in the tatami mats. The palms of my hands were slick with sweat despite my icy fingers. My stomach then rolled uncomfortably, making me want to lose what little food I managed to swallow at dinner. My heart was pounding so rapidly that if felt like it was about to bounce out of my chest and hop away like a bunny.

Had I been too bold earlier?

When I told Souji I'd come to his room tonight, even I'd admit I sounded smooth. But then the creeping nervousness arrived during dinner like an unwelcomed guest as I realized the weight of what I had said.

I'd come to his room tonight? God almighty! What was I thinking to say that?

In my past life, I was never the one to initiate sex. Plus, any emotion I may have felt for my past partners, which was pathetically lacking in almost every possible way, couldn't even compare to what I felt for Souji. For them, I didn't really care as much if my performance sucked because they were still getting sex. But for Souji…

Oh God! What if I sucked? What if I didn't rock my hips enough? What if he didn't think I was pretty enough for him? What if—

I groaned before I sank to my knees. Noooo… There were too many "what if's". I was as insecure as a friendless teenage girl with no date at prom.

Instead of getting back up and heading towards Souji's room like in the original plan, I just scooted my butt from the center of the room to the side so I could lean my back against the wall and play with my fingernails. At this point, I wished that I had nail polish just so I could peel it off my nails as a distraction. But just as so happens I didn't need to be distracted as much as I thought.

I didn't even notice I wasn't alone in my room anymore until I was flicked on the forehead. When the blurry figure in front of me solidified, my face burned so much that I immediately had to avert my eyes out of fear of fainting.

How mortifying it was to see Souji kneeling in front of me with a satisfied slanted grin and a quirked eyebrow!

"It looks like I could boil water just by setting the pot on your forehead, you know," he commented, placing a hand on my cheek to make me look back at him while his shoulder shook in silent laughter.

At least he was enjoying my anxious torment.

"I—you—umm—," I blabbered, stuttering uncontrollably with eyes as wide as dinner plates when I attempted to speak before giving up and settling on the relatively simple, "Hi."

It sounded almost silly after my blundering and I glowed red again. At this point, I believed that I looked closer to embers in a fire pit than an actual human. And by going off of Souji's wicked grin as he rubbed my cheek, I bet I felt as hot too.

Souji chuckled at my simplified response before taking a seat next to me, bumping thighs with me as he did so. "It looks like the tables have turned. Your turn to be nervous now, huh?"

I pouted, despite my blush, as I played with the hem of my sleeves. The dull design and plain color of my white sleeping robe made it increasingly hard to distract myself from my embarrassment. I settled on staring at a loose thread as my fingers tugged on the edges of the sleeves. I took a deep breath before I willed my eyes to meet Souji's.

The smile that he adorned earlier slid off his face as he took my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. His face, growing serious as he looked me in the eye.

"We don't have to go through with anything tonight if you don't want too. I won't force you to do anything." His voice was as gentle as the caress of his thumb on the back of my hand. "I'll understand if you just said it the heat of the moment."

"I might have said a few things in the heat of the moment," my hands tighten around his as my gaze slipped down toward our intertwined hands, "but that doesn't mean that I didn't mean it. I really do want to tonight. It's just…"

I fell silent like I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but it was the opposite. I knew exactly what I needed to say. The words, however, got caught in my throat. They weren't physical objects, I felt myself choking on them. I didn't want to admit out loud that I thought I might not be good enough for him. Saying it out loud just breathed life into my suffocating doubts, made them feel factual and real.

"What if… What if I'm not good in bed? What if I'm not pretty enough for you?"

Arms wrapped around me and pulled me right onto his lap. With a swift flick of his hand, my hair came tumbling down as Souji plucked my kanzashi from my hair and placed it on my desk right beside him. He flipped my hair over my right shoulder before I felt his nose grazed the nape of my neck, causing shivers as he exhaled slowly.

"I don't know about the not good in bed part since we've never done it before, but that not a big deal," he said, reassuring me. "I haven't been with another woman before so I have no idea if I'm good or bad in bed either. We can learn together. As for not being pretty enough?" He paused dramatically. "I think you're more than just pretty," he whispered into my neck before his hand came up from behind to cup my breasts through my clothing. I sucked in a shaky breath just as I felt him squeeze lightly.

"But you haven't seen me bare in years, with the last time being when we were children in a completely different situation. When you were then and I was eight, when we were bathing in a sentō together with Otou-san for the last time. How would you know if I hadn't grown ugly during that time?"

"Because beauty isn't just skin-deep." He started to pepper light kisses in a trail on the back of my neck before he gave my breasts a slightly rougher squeeze to prove a point. "Besides, from what I can tell," he whispered, nipping the tip of my ear as he did so, "you have a very nice body shape and your breasts are a good size. Even I can tell they're perky through your clothing."

His thumbs then slowly crawled across my covered breasts until they were right on top of my nipples. I sucked in another sharp breath as he rubbed them. Then as if that weren't enough for him, he then suddenly slipped one hand into my clothing and caressed a naked breast for the first time.

"Souji!" I gasped in surprise, jumping slightly in his lap before turning my head to look back at him. He certainly looked very smug to have enticed a reaction like that out of me.

"Feels good, right?"

I nodded with a strange type of mute shyness I never really had before this. I felt Souji's chest rumble behind me from my answer before he pecked the back of my neck one last time and removed his hand, much to my disappointment. Before I was able to protest, Souji stood up, swooping me up in his arms as he did so.

"Let's move somewhere a little more comfortable, shall we?" he said, sounding almost like he was joking sarcastically. "I don't know about you, but I prefer that my first time isn't against a wall. We can save that for later when we're a little more experienced."

I hummed in agreement before finding my voice to jokingly say, "I'm holding you up to that. We better have some really hot wall sex later."

He burst out laughing before nuzzling the side of my face endearingly with his nose.

Crossing the room, he came to a stop at my futon and set me down on my back before he crawled on top me. He felt heavy, yet I wasn't restrained in any way nor did I feel crushed. It was the feeling of having a warm blanket on a cold bitter winter's night. Then as soon as he settled on top of me, he lowered his lips onto mine as his warm hands busied themselves by bunching my sleeping robe up at my hips so he could rub my upper thighs.

The kiss was slow and languid as his tongue slipped into my mouth without asking, knowing that he was welcomed there. If there was any way of kissing melted hot chocolate, then I swear it was this. His lips rolled gently over mine, building up incredible heat as tongue caressed the inside of my mouth. He tasted sweet. He tasted addicting. And then, the real sensational part started.

Pulling away from my lips, he trailed down to my neck, nipping and sucking as he moved down until he hit the collar of my sleeping robe. I let out a small sigh of satisfaction before spreading my legs so he could rest comfortably between my thighs. I could feel him poking me through his hakama just as his hips made contact with mine. He then paused, his chest vibrating as he let out a low groan when I shifted my hips and rubbed up against him.

"Shizuka…," he mumbled before he pulled away by sitting up. He looked me directly in the eyes as he laid his hand flat against my stomach, where the sash holding my sleeping robe shut was tied. "I'm going to undress you now."

He didn't undo my sash right away. He just held onto the end while looking at me, for any signs that I changed my mind about this whole night. Instead of giving him the verbal okay to continue, I took ahold of my own sash, just below his hand, and tugged on it. The sash came untied in seconds. Souji wasted no time pushing my sleeping robes open afterward before discarding his own clothing in a rush, eager to press himself against me again. Our clothes were left in a scattered mess across the room.

As if resuming from where he left off, his lips made contact with my lower throat before sinking lower until they were nestled between the valley of my breasts. One of his hands crawled up, leaving a tingling trail up my sides, until it came to rest on top of a breast. His mouth then moved, coming to enclose around the nipple of the opposite breast.

"Oh!" I couldn't resist exclaiming when he sucked on my sensitive flesh, causing my back to arch up and my hips to rub against him even more. He stopped sucking on my breast briefly to let out a hiss at the contact.

"Shizuka—Mmm!"

He then pushed his hips down against mine to release some of the pressure building up in him before latching on to my breast again with his mouth. Then when he had his fill, he started traveling downward again. His hand running down my sides as he kissed my belly lovingly before returning to my lips just in time to swallow my voice as I cried out.

"Shh, not too loud," Souji whispered mischievously into my ear as soon as he released my hips, his voice sending heavenly shivers down my spine while igniting a slow burning fire in the pit of my belly. "We don't want to attract any unwelcome visitors."

"True, but if they know what's good for them, they should be in bed by now. It is pretty late," I pointed out logically before I placed my hand flat on his chest to shove him so I could roll over on top. He let me with ease.

Souji snorted at my answer as his hands rested on my hips. "Not quite, Shizuka. I bet if anyone of the guys heard any of the sounds you just made, they'd come running just to see why. It wouldn't matter if they were in bed or not."

"And I imagine interruptions would be bad right now," I said faux-seriously, bursting out into giggles as Souji wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively to go along with his smug grin. "Oh, so terrible~"

"Yes. Bad," he agreed playfully, pinching my hip with one of his hands to entice a squeak out of me. "So let's keep the interruptions as imagination, shall we?"

I giggled again before running a finger down the lines of his chest between his muscles. He was so handsome with his strong muscles, cocky attitude, playful persona, and his beautiful green eyes.

I remember the first time when I met Souji. I remember seeing his eyes and comparing them to emerald. Emerald was a stone. The stone was cold and lifeless despite its beauty, just like my mother's eyes. But Souji's eyes, while beautiful, were anything but cold and lifeless. They were lively and vibrant. His eyes were the color of the spring leaves that grew while surrounded by blooming flowers on a warm sunny day.

"So?" Souji cut in, disturbing my thoughts with his iconic sarcastic, joking voice. Yet, I could hear the slightest quivers of uncertainty well-hidden in the weavings of his voice. "How about me? Am I good-looking enough for you?"

I pressed a kiss to his chest. "There was never a doubt about it in the first place. But, you know, it isn't your physical appearance that makes you most handsome, though the muscles do add more points."

Like a bazillion points, to be more precise, to an already irresistible package.

"Oh?" He quirked an eyebrow at me, indicating I had his interest. "Then what is it that makes me so irresistible? I'd like to know for future reference."

"Well," I said as I wiggle my hips against him more, causing him to suck in a sharp breath before grabbing my hips to still me, "I love the confidence you exude when you handle a sword. But what I think makes you the sexiest is your cocky attitude."

"Really?" He raised his eyebrow, which was laced with his smugness, before swiftly rolling me back onto my back as he pinned me in place with a grin decorating his face. "I guess I can't deny you, my dear," he said, faking his resign. "If you like me cocky then I **_suppose_** I could be cockier just for you."

Then he sealed my lips with his again just as shifted his body so his fingers could comfortably slink down below my hips and between my thighs to touch me. My cry was muffled as my hips buckled against his hand. At his touch, it felt as if a small ember in the pit of my belly exploded into a full flame. Souji froze for a second as if he were surprised by the force of my reaction. His eyes went slightly wider before he removed his hand so he could observe the slick fluid that now covered his fingers.

I flushed at the sight of my fluids covering his fingers. Obviously, I knew that would happen but knowledge of something never really quite prepares you for the actual event. For a moment, I thought he might be even a little grossed out by it. Instead, he brought his fingers together before spreading them apart slowly to observe how the fluid moved before his fingers went back to prod and rub my sensitive spot, causing me to writhe beneath him as I let out another cry. His eyes were trained on my face, looking for changes in my expression.

Souji stilled his fingers and wiped the fluid coating them on the blankets below after as he elicited one more moan from me before he moved his face to the crook of my neck. He didn't bother putting his lips on my neck to suck on the sensitive flesh nor did he kiss it. Instead, sucked in a deep breath like he was trying to breathe in my scent for courage before shifting his body so that he could wrap his arms around me.

"I planned on making this special for you," he murmured as we embraced each other. His eyes captured mine in an almost hypnotic manner when he turned his gaze back onto my face. "I want to make this special for you. But honestly, I don't know how. I've never done anything like this at all before. I've heard some stories some of the guys have told so I know what I'm supposed to do, but that's about it."

It was impossible to tell where Souji's limbs ended and mine began. His warmth seeped into my skin and through my bones, warming my very soul. While we had yet to join, it already felt like we were one. I could feel our thoughts and emotions reach out for each other before entangling themselves with one another. It was like, for a magical moment, that one of those love myths about the constellations above in the sky came to life and we were the lovers in those myths.

I kissed his lips in a surprisingly chaste manner in spite of the situation before stroking his cheek with the back of my finger. "You don't need to worry about making this special. It already is because I'm with you. I don't need anything else," I whispered to him.

Souji chuckled at my answer like my words had removed all the doubts he had and leaned even closer into my touch as I nuzzled the side of his face. Even if we didn't continue and just laid there, bare as the day we came into this world and in each other's arms, he wouldn't have cared. He was just so satisfied to lay here with me.

This was the type of moment where anyone would just throw out any preconceptions of love they had before because this redefined everything. Because anything anyone would have thought before would pale in comparison. And while I could not hear the thoughts Souji had racing through his head at the moment, I knew his exact thoughts because we were sharing the same thoughts.

 ** _I have found the one._**

Something like this sounded absurd to my logical half. The population of people living on this planet was so large that there couldn't possibly only be one person, one special person. The so-called true love. But there was only one Souji that shared history with me and it was that history that we shared that made me believe. It was that shared history I had with him that made me fall so irrevocably for him. He was the one.

Souji kissed me one more time before he propped himself up on his elbows as he hovered over me. And then I felt him. I felt his tip just barely nestled against the folds my entrance.

"Shizuka, I'm going to take you now," he announced, looking me in the eye to give me one last chance to back out. I just offered him a smile as a confirmation. I was his to take.

I could feel him slowly push in, the tip easily easing into me. And that's when the bedroom door opened, making Souji instantly pull what little he had within me out as he blocked the intruder's view of me with his broad shoulders.

"Shizu-chan, I need you to help me with—EHHH?!" Otou-san practically yelled as his face burn brighter than molten steel. He waved his hands uselessly in front of himself before slapping both hands over his eyes with a very audible slap. "S-Shizu-chan! S-Souji!"

"Kondou-san!" Souji exclaimed, his face also the same shade as Otou-san's as he literally leaped off me and lunged for his clothing. The worst type of intruder. The man he adored more than anything and my father.

I, on the other hand, didn't have as large of a reaction as those two. Instead, I nervously wrapped the blanket around myself to cover up, afraid to accidently attract more attention if I did say anything. It was mortifying enough as it was for Otou-san to walk in on us. But according to the universe, it wasn't enough.

"Kondou-san!" I heard Hijikata-san exclaim in surprise before I heard the sound of footsteps. Oh God, smite me now! "What is it? What's the commotion all—SOUJI?! SHIZUKA?! DID YOU TWO JUST—"

"Oh God…" I moaned, covering my face with my hands for a brief second before looking to Souji, who somehow managed to struggle into just his hakama. His face was still red, but there was a hint of some bitterness when he saw Hijikata-san. "Souji, grab them quickly and shut the doors! Quick! Before they draw more attention and send everyone running here!"

That was more than enough make Souji spring into action. Moving faster than I have ever seen him move, Souji nabbed both men by the wrist and dragged both stumbling into the room before snapping the doors shut a bit louder than was needed. Otou-san landed neatly on his butt, courtesy of Souji, while Hijikata-san landed on his face with his butt ungracefully sticking up in the air. That was also done by courtesy of Souji.

Nobody said anything for the longest time. Souji, still red-faced, sat beside me on the futon as he finished putting on the rest of his clothing in a sloppy rush. Otou-san and Hijikata-san both sat directly in front of us, Otou-san still with his hands over his eyes and Hijikata-san with his eyes trained on the small gap between the tatami mats on the floor. Finally, I let out a loud audible sigh before pulling the blanket slightly higher so it covered my cleavage.

"You can look now," I said, taking into account everyone's embarrassed flush. "We're all properly covered now."

I probably should have dressed instead of just using my blanket to cover up but I wasn't going to dress with other men in the room, even if they weren't looking. Plus, I'm willing to bet some of that red in Hijikata-san's ears was from anger. He wouldn't be able to scold me to his fullest if he saw that I was dressed in nothing but a blanket.

Otou-san's loud gulp sounded in the silent bedroom like a loud gong before he peeked between his fingers at me and Souji before fully removing his hands. His blush hadn't decreased one bit. In fact, he just glowed even redder when he looked at my face briefly.

"I-I—Sorry!" Otou-san exclaimed, averting his eyes as he was unable to maintain eye contact with me. "I should have announced myself first and waited for permission to enter! I-I didn't mean to i-interrupt you two!"

"Kondou-san!" Hijikata-san barked, making it a point not to look at me. "You shouldn't be apologizing! In fact, I'm pretty sure I told Souji that he wasn't allowed to touch Shizuka intimately before marriage! Neither of us should have even walked into something like this!"

"Sure," I commented sarcastically, "yell louder. I'm sure that we need to attract an audience for this. And when did you even talk to Souji about this?"

Hijikata-san snapped his head towards me to scold me but immediately flushed again and turned to scold Souji instead when I "accidently" let the blanket slide down a little to reveal some cleavage. However, he couldn't even bark out a single word when he and Souji made eye contact. Instead, a tense silence passed between the two, ending with Hijikata-san averting his eyes with something that almost felt like guilt.

Both men still hadn't spoken to each other since Tonouchi's death. The tension was so tangible that it made the air thick and difficult to breathe.

No longer flushing, Otou-san exchanged a look with me before he cleared his throat to get both men's attentions. "Ah, um… Souji, why don't you come with me on a quick walk. I want to discuss something with you. Toshi, why don't you stay here and keep Shizu-chan company?"

"Kondou-san?" Hijikata-san asked, looking utterly confused as he pinched his eyebrows together. He then sighed and looked down to pick at the tatami mat. "Fine."

"Come along, Souji. I need to ask you a few questions."

Souji glanced me one last time before quietly following Otou-san out like an obedient child.

When Hijikata-san and I were left alone in my bedroom, I cleared my throat in order to banish the awkward silence that had settled between us. Hijikata-san looked up to say something but immediately averted his eyes again with red dusting his cheeks.

"Hurry up and get dressed!" he barked at me. "I can't talk to you when you're like… When you're wearing nothing!"

"I'm wearing a blanket," I pointed out smartly, enjoy the brief moment when the red exploded all over his face from that tiny blush he had before. "That's something."

"Shizuka!"

"Fine. Fine. I'll put something on. Just get out first. I'm not dressing with you in the room."

Hijikata-san practically bolted out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him before yelling, "I'm giving you five minutes! You better be done when I come back in!"

I snorted. Like I needed five minutes to put my sleeping robe back on. It's not like it had multiple layers like a kimono. And as much as I wanted to make Hijikata-san as uncomfortable as possible for being a cockblock, I wasn't about to flash him.

I dropped my blanket back onto the futon before standing up to go fetch my sleeping robe that had ended up sprawled across the room near my cabinet. As I picked it up, I paused and opened up the cabinet to pull out a clean towel. I wiped the wetness between my legs away with the towel, hissing and feeling jittery as it made contact with the still sensitive flesh. I clenched my legs together in an attempt to get the tingly warmth to go away as I dropped the towel in the laundry basket before dressing.

"You can come in again," I called through the door just as I sat back down on my futon.

Hijikata-san reentered the room, sliding the door closed behind him as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Souji broke your hymen, didn't he? I heard that hiss from all the way outside," he stated just as he sat down right in front of me.

I gave Hijikata-san a slanted frown. "He, **_unfortunately_** , didn't get to push in far enough to break it. And just for your information, not all women are born with a hymen[1]."

I may have one now but I was actually born without one in my past life. Imagine my surprise when I found that I didn't bleed after my first time.

"What?" Hijikata-san gave me a furrowed look. "Then how do women always bleed after their first time?"

"One, they probably had rough sex without properly being lubricated first. Or, two, they cut their upper thigh secretly so it looked like they were bleeding from a broken hymen. It's either that or risk looking like a harlot."

He grumbled with his arms crossed. "Then what was that hiss I hear earlier if your hymen is still intact?"

"Oh…" It was my turn to flush. "I'm still… it's sensitive down there still…"

Hijikata-san looked like he didn't want to hear that and pretended not to notice when I wiggled my hips a little to ease the arousal that just refused to go away.

"So!" I quickly said to change the topic of the conversation. "Why haven't you spoken to Souji yet? You two should make up. It wouldn't just merely be bad if you two just keep letting your relationship deteriorate like this. You have to think about how the consequences of letting this relationship deteriorate will affect the Roshigumi as a whole."

"Oh, that," Hijikata-san said, now looking more comfortable instead of the bright red he was before. "Kondou-san and I were coming to chat to you about that actually. The Roshigumi has been granted an audience with the Lord of Aizu two days from now. Kondou-san and Sannan-san want to display some matches for him to watch to show our strength. I was planning on having Souji face Sannan-san and I wanted your opinion on that."

"Actions speak louder than words. Clever way of reconciling."

There was no better way to make up with Souji than this. Sannan-san had a menkyo kaiden[2] in Hokushin Ittō-ryū style so he was pretty well-known. Souji, while strong, was relatively unknown. By allowing Souji to face Sannan-san in an official match in front of a Lord, Souji could show off his talent as a swordsman and get people to acknowledge Otou-san, the one who taught him kenjutsu.

"Good? I thought so. We're going to make the announcement tomorrow along with who's participating in the other matches. So don't tell anyone yet, okay?" Hijikata-san said. "It's supposed to be a surprise."

I hummed in agreement before I noticed Hijikata-san quickly switching his attention onto my futon and then back onto me. He suddenly had that "older brother" look on his face that I was normally fond of. The one where he furrowed his brows while thinking before he would nod to himself silently like he was proud of figuring something out.

But there was nothing about this particular "older brother" look that I liked. It was intrusive.

"I know you and Souji love each other and you two want to be intimate with each other, but some things are better left until after marriage," he said, sounding all so sophisticated as he nodded some more, satisfied with his wording. It was amazing how fast this conversation changed subjects. "You two shouldn't be sleeping together yet. Not before marriage."

I adored Hijikata-san and all, but I really wasn't in the mood for this, especially since Otou-san seemed okay with me and Souji sleeping together. I could understand where Hijikata-san was coming from. I could see the benefits in waiting till marriage for sex. However, him thinking that he could decide **_this_** for me?

It pissed me off. How was any of this his business? He was neither my guardian nor significant other. He was just a family friend that took an interest in me one day when I was a child and took on the role of "older brother".

I turned my nose up at him and spat, "Or you could keep your nose out of this."

Hijikata-san looked like he just listened to some sour music and immediately scowled at me. I cut him off before he could retort to me since I wasn't in the mood for confrontation.

"But I get it." I sighed, letting all the anger and annoyance go. My answer stunned him silent.

Now wasn't the time for fights. There were already too many larger things to focus on and stress over at the moment, like getting Aizu to pay for the Roshigumi's services. I didn't want to add my own crap to the already massive, headache-inducing list. Plus, I didn't want to argue with Hijikata-san. I hated it whenever I had a legitimate, serious altercation with him. Those always ended with him giving me the silent treatment, which, in turn, made me feel like I was walking around with a missing arm.

"Hijikata-san, you know, if you just requested that I wait, I would have listened since I do understand the logic behind it. Pregnancy before marriage isn't exactly easy to deal with." Or STDs, but since Souji and I weren't infected with any and weren't planning on sleeping with anyone else, that wasn't really going to be a problem. "Plus, I also know how particularly shameful it would look to outsiders if they heard rumors that the daughter of one of the Captain Commanders was promiscuous. I know it would taint their impression of Otou-san. However, I would appreciate it if you don't just randomly decide thing for me in the future."

"Well, as long as you get it…" He relaxed, letting out a big breath of relief I was sure he didn't know he was even holding in.

Then Hijikata-san seemed to understandably perk up as soon as he heard a set of footsteps stop at the door, something to take his mind off of the tense talk we just had. I could hear Otou-san cough loudly on the other side of the door to clear his throat. And if that wasn't enough to announce his presence, Otou-san called through the door to with a booming voice. I swear half of headquarters could hear him.

"Shizu-chan, I'm coming in." Because he wasn't going to make the mistake of walking in on something not meant for his eyes again.

Otou-san slid the door open and seemed immediately relieved that I was dressed and composed now. And while he had originally left with Souji, he returned alone. He undoubtedly sent Souji to bed after their chat. It was pretty late.

"Ah, Toshi, thank you for keeping Shizu-chan company for a while. Why don't you head to bed for the night? We do have plenty to do tomorrow." Otou-san suggested, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. His way of say that he wanted to speak to me alone.

Hijikata-san stretched his arms above his head, popping his joints as he climbed onto his feet to leave. "Alright, Kondou-san. I assumed you spoke to Souji about… all of this?" he asked as drew a circle in the air with his finger.

"Yeah, you won't have to worry about Souji and Shizu-chan relationship. Thanks for looking out for them in place of Tsune."

"There's no need to say thanks, Kondou-san! I'm just doing my job," Hijikata-san proclaimed, pausing right outside my bedroom. He gave me a stern look after nodding a silent goodnight to Otou-san. "You better go to sleep after this, got it?"

"Goodnight, Hijikata-san," I replied pointedly, gesturing to him with my hand to close the door and leave.

Hijikata-san seemed satisfied with my answer and closed the door, leaving me alone with Otou-san.

As soon as I was sure Hijikata-san was out of earshot, I bubbly stated, "I don't need a haha-ue if I have Hijikata-san. He's like this weird hybrid between a haha-ue and an ani."

Otou-san chortled at my statement, thoroughly amused before dropping his butt onto the futon next to me as he wrapped me in a one-armed hug. "He is, isn't he?"

Otou-san let his chuckle die down first before pecking me on my forehead. The corners of his lips were curled up as his eyes carried fond, nostalgia-filled memories within them. He was looking at me but it was also like he was looking through me, like I was transparent. I was his photo album of old memories.

"I still can't get over how fast you've grown up," he said with a strange mix of happiness and sadness. "You'd think I get used to it by now, but I still find myself being surprised that you're a grown woman now. Time and time again, I find myself repeating myself over again only to find it hasn't really sunk in yet."

"I may be older now, but I'm still your little girl," I said almost like that was a consolation prize as I grabbed onto his hand like I once did when I was a child.

Otou-san's small smile grew at my actions and he squeezed my hand playfully while poking my side, causing me to jump with a mouse-like squeak.

"Well, that aside," Otou-san said, growing serious without discarding his smile, "I'm sure you know I won't stop you and Souji if you two want to be physically intimate."

Probably because he approved of the match. He was likely already expecting certain future events like grandchildren.

"But I do also believe Toshi also has a point. I won't tell you what to do because this is not my choice to make and I trust your judgment. However, I do strongly believe somethings are saved for after marriage. Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded obediently.

Otou-san hummed in approval before giving me another light kiss on the forehead. "Now, as I told Toshi and Souji, it's late and it's best we all head to bed for tonight since tomorrow will be another busy day," he said just as he stood up and walked to the door. "Sleep well, Shizu-chan."

"Sweet dreams about grandchildren," I teased him, eliciting a boisterous laugh that echoed down the hallway long after he vanished for the night.

The following morning, true to Hijikata-san's words, everyone was gathered in the main hall directly after morning training. However, I do question Hijikata-san's logic to gather everyone into one room while they were still all sweaty and gross. The whole room smelled like old gym socks. I was determined to wash the floors and open all the windows after this meeting.

Like usual, I sat in my own little personal corner in the back of the room. At least, my small corner was comfortable with a little cushion to sit on. But most importantly, my little personal corner that I occupied didn't smell as heavily of sweaty guys. Thank heavens that it didn't. Ah, the problems of being the only girl, not including Yagi-san's wife, living in an all-male household.

"Everyone listen to this!" Otou-san exclaimed, vibrating in his seat with a massive grin that matched the ones on Hijikata-san and Sannan-san's faces. The men whispered amongst themselves, making guesses about what the announcement was about whilst infected by Otou-san's positive energy. "We have been granted an audience with the Lieutenant General of Aizu tomorrow. All of the Roshigumi will visit the Kyoto Military Commissioner's headquarters."

There wasn't even a moment of silence as the men exploded into deafening chatter. It was like throwing a flock of talkative parrots all into one room. Some men had even jumped to their feet to cheer in their exuberance.

"Awesome!" I heard Heisuke exclaim among the noise. "That means they've finally acknowledged how cool we are!"

"What should I do?" Shinpachi-san joined in with Heisuke, putting his hands together in glee from being unable to sit still. "Y'know, I don't have a thing to wear!"

"Settle down!" Hijikata-san barked at the rowdy men, but it was clear that Hijikata-san wasn't putting his heart into his scolding. He was just as excited as everyone else. "He's not done talking!"

"So here's the deal," Otou-san continued when Hijikata-san gave him the go-ahead, "since we will be in the presence of the Aizu domain's lieutenant general, I would like to hold some matches for him to watch!"

Sano-san sat a little straighter at that announcement. "Some matches to watch? You mean we get to fight in front of a lord?"

Hijikata-san puffed himself up with pride. "Yeah!" he replied, his voice alive confidence. "It would be a waste if we just went to meet him and ended at that."

Serizawa let out a derisive snort. He had a snide kind of looking smirk on his face that was clearly filled with amusement as he propped his head up on the palm of his hand. Everyone's excitement in his eyes was childish.

"Why should we go through all that trouble?" Serizawa asked.

"Indeed!" Niimi agreed just to suck up to Serizawa even more. His smugness made me want to punch him for being so transparently annoying.

Hijikata-san didn't let the two naysayers bother him.

"Leave all the sweaty work to us," Hijikata-san replied to them. "This job isn't big enough to concern two chiefs over it."

Serizawa's smirk just grew at that response as if he were extremely pleased.

Hijikata-san then cleared his throat again to pull everyone's attention back to the front. "We've already decided who will face who. The first match will be between Heisuke and me."

Heisuke sprung up from his seat in surprise. "I-I'm fighting Hijikata-san…"

"And the second match will be between Shinpachi and Saito."

Both Shinpachi-san and Saito-san exchanged glances with Shinpachi-san proclaiming, "Saito, eh? This should make for a pretty interestin' match!" rather boisterously.

"The final match will be between Sannan-san and…," Hijikata-san paused for dramatic effect, "Souji, you!"

Souji's whole face preciously brightened up at the announcement before he grinned confidently to himself. He flickered his vivid lively eyes to me, silently asking, "Did you hear that?"

I beamed at him while silently clapping my hands as a gesture of excitement and congratulations for him. His ego immediately swelled at my gesture. Sano-san, who was sitting beside him and had seen this whole exchange, raise his eyebrow in amusement before grinning my way.

"The Aizu domain's assessment of us depends on the skills displayed in the matches, so please put your hearts into your practice!" Otou-san exclaimed, closing the meeting with that statement.

"Yes, sir!" everyone chorused together before getting up to congregate into one large mass of people to celebrate.

I took this time to get up and open all the windows in the room to let the stench of sweaty men clear out before I jumped in surprise when arms wrapped around my middle unexpectedly from behind.

"Why are you here opening windows instead of congratulating me?" he asked me, his voice springy and light with an edge of mischievousness. He managed to nip the tip of my ear playfully before I could turn around. "Well, since I'm here now, what are you going to give me as my congratulations present?"

"A bath," I answered bluntly. Souji snorted at my dull answer. "I'll go run a bath for you. In fact, I'll go prepare the bath for one large communal bath so all men can bath together at the same to effectively get rid of all the stench at once. What was Hijikata-san thinking having everyone gather in an enclosed room directly after practice? You all stink."

"Oh?" Souji said, arching an eyebrow at me as one of his hands sunk lower to pat my butt. "I thought you liked the scent of my sweat?"

"Your scent alone? Yes. When it's mixed in with everyone else's?" I shook my head, causing Souji to laugh at me. "I think I'll go mix some citrus juice into the water I'll be using to scrub the floors later just for good measure."

"Hey! We don't stink that much!" Heisuke exclaimed across the room, looking mighty offended while Shinpachi-san merely lifted his arm to sniff his armpit. "Shinpat-san! Say something!"

"Well, I could go for a hot bath instead of a quick sponge bath at the well. Shizuka-chan can call me whatever she wants as long as she prepares that hot bath."

Heisuke facepalmed at Shinpachi-san's response.

Saito-san, who watched the whole exchange in silence, inhaled deeply before quickly exhaling as he looked to me. "When will the baths be ready?" he asked before removing his scarf.

"Not you too, Hajime-kun!"

"Heisuke, it is improper for someone to not bathe when filthy. You must think of how your scent affects others in your presence as well."

"But still… you don't have to admit that we stink…"

I pecked Souji on the cheek before prying his hands away to head towards the communal bathing unit in the compound. Better start preparing the baths if I wanted time to scrub the floors later. There would be plenty buckets of water to haul, after all.

* * *

[1] The hymen is a membrane that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. It forms part of the vulva, or external genitalia, and is similar in structure to the vagina. The hymen does not seem to have a specific physiological function or purpose. In children, although a common appearance of the hymen is crescent-shaped, many shapes are possible. Normal variations of the hymen range from thin and stretchy to thick and somewhat rigid; or it may also be completely absent.

The hymen often, though not always, rips or tears the first time a female engages in penetrative intercourse, which may cause some temporary bleeding and slight discomfort. The hymen can also stretch or tear as a result of various other behaviors; for example, it may be lacerated by disease, injury, medical examination, masturbation or physical exercise. The hymen does not regenerate itself after it is torn, but may be surgically restored in a procedure called hymenorrhaphy. For these reasons, the state of the hymen is not a conclusive indicator of virginity, though it continues to be so considered by certain people, particularly those in relatively traditional cultures.

There isn't only one type of hymen; they come in many different shapes and forms. Additionally, although it is very rare, a girl may be born entirely without a hymen.

[2] Menkyo kaiden (免許皆伝), (めんきょかいでん) is a Japanese term meaning "license of total transmission." It is a license that is used by a school, _koryū_ meaning that the student has learned everything and passed all aspects of his/her training within the _koryū_.

In the _menkyo_ system of licenses, the _menkyo kaiden_ is the highest level of license that exists under the _menkyo_ system. Advancement of license is not determined by years spent learning, but how well one masters the discipline. However, the transition from _menkyo_ to _kaiden_ require usually at least thirty years' experience. A holder of _menkyo_ _kaiden_ is often, but not always, the de facto successor to the _sōke_ of the _koryū_.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

 _"You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away." ― C. JoyBell C._

I looked down at the two obi I had to choose from: one baby blue with almost a golden sheen to it from the hydrangea prints on it, and the other one, an aqua blue color cover in purple bellflower prints. My white flower-patterned furisode[1] had a gradient base color that was light blue on the top to aqua blue near the bottom, so both obi would go well with it. But which one would be better? Otou-san did want me to look my absolute best when we visited the Kyoto Military Commissioner's headquarters today.

I chewed on my lower lip as I held each obi up in front of a mirror next to me so I could compare the color with my furisode. I personally thought one with the purple bellflower prints looked prettier, but the one with the hydrangea was much more eye-catching with the luster it possessed.

"The hydrangea print obi matches your furisode better and makes your eyes pop."

I jump and spun around wide-eyed to see Souji leaning against a wall with an appraising eye looking me up and down. I had no idea when he came into my room. He also looked particularly smug with his arms crossed like a kid who got away with stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

Souji pushed himself off the wall and plucked bellflower print obi from my hands to return it back to my closet before he took the hydrangea print obi and began wrapping it around my waist. He took his time wrapping the obi around my waist, meticulously making sure the obi was straight.

"Umm…," I said, placing both hands on his shoulders to keep my arms out of the way as he worked. "How long have you been here…?"

Because I was pretty sure that my room had been empty when I started to change.

"I came in right when you were stripping out of your hakama so you could change into your furisode."

Meaning he had seen me naked earlier and said nothing just so he could keep watching.

I could have been flustered, but I saw no point in that since Souji had already seen me naked before and he clearly liked what he saw. Plus, I had nothing to be embarrassed about and didn't particularly care if he was watching me. Now, if he had been watching another woman, then we'd have a problem.

"Did you like what you saw?" I gave him a mischievous wink.

Souji chuckled just as he had me drop my arms so he could move behind me to tie my obi. "Do you even have to ask? It was such a pity that you had to put on the furisode."

I turned my head to stick my tongue out at him in the most childish manner. He just shook his head in amusement with a quirked eyebrow and gave me a light pat on the butt before returning his focus back to the fancy knot.

"So," I said, shaking out my long sleeves. They were ridiculously long, but they were gorgeous and instantly made me feel like an elegant highborn lady. "Are you ready for your match against Sannan-san? I know you're near undefeatable for normal people, but Sannan-san is a pretty good swordsman in his own right. Not only has he studied Hokushin Ittō-ryū as his main style, but he also studied the Tennen Rishin-ryū style. He'll know how you fight."

Souji hummed before giving the obi knot a small tug when he finished tying it to make sure it was tight enough. "Well, that's what makes him an interesting opponent to fight. But I don't really need to worry about him countering my fighting style. What he knows about my style is now out of date."

"Already?" I asked before angling myself so I could inspect the knot Souji tied. I furrowed my eyebrows at the knot he tied before looking back up at Souji. "You tied the wrong knot. You tied a taiko musubi[2] instead of a fukura-suzume musubi[3]. This knot doesn't go together well with a furisode."

Souji looked back at me unapologetically before putting his hands on my hips. "I didn't tie the wrong knot. True, the fukura-suzume musubi is for unmarried women. But you know that pairing that particular knot with a furisode usually means that a woman is available for marriage. And while you are still unmarried, you're not available and I want all the men who see you today to know that."

"Oh."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Really?" he asked looking particularly unimpressed. "Just 'oh'? I was hoping for a more of an energetic reaction. I thought women liked seeing jealously in their men."

I couldn't stuff down the smug pride that welled up in my belly when Souji quite literally said that he was my man. This possessiveness that was created just then from those words was such a new sensation that it made me feel unreasonably giddy. I just wanted to bounce around the room like a kid on a sugar high. Or, burn my energy off by doing a little something that Hijikata-san was highly against.

Souji, who was watching me with a previously unimpressed expression, saw the subtle change in my face and a sly smile made its way onto his face. And suddenly, he appeared extremely satisfied before he swiftly and unexpectedly stole my breath with a kiss.

"That was what I was expecting," Souji said after the kiss, a smirk on his face as his lips grazed against mine when he spoke due to our close vicinity. His ego just inflated itself more when he felt me shiver and practically melt against him from the sensations that he assaulted me with.

Oh goodness! There were definitely times I question how simple, little old me ended up with someone as sensational as Souji. I was so simple and he was just so… yummy? How would I even describe him?

…And I sounded like a sappy teenager again.

"Mmm," I hummed before I logically pushed away from him. I grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door. "We should go check up on the others to see if they're ready to head to the Kyoto's Military Commissioner's headquarters yet. If we don't right now, then I'm afraid I might just shove you into bed."

"Oh?" As if he didn't already sound smug before this. "Too bad I'm in one of the exhibition matches. If I wasn't I might have just skipped this whole meeting thing and let you ravage me," he said, faking his resign as he let me drag him to headquarters' front gates. He just seemed all too pleased to have me drag him around.

Most of the men were already chattering excitedly at the front gates when we arrived with only the iconic leaders of this rowdy group of men missing. Many of them seemed to have taken great effort into choosing what to wear for this event. Although none of them actually wore anything too fancy, they were undeniably dressed a lot nicer than usual. I could smell the clean clothing and note that there was the absence of any old or torn clothing. First impressions were important, after all.

Amongst the crowd, I could see Shinpachi-san gloating to Sano-san and Heisuke, flexing his chiseled muscles at Heisuke's annoyed face while Inoue-san and Saito-san watched quietly. I dragged Souji over to join them just as I witnessed Heisuke elbow Shinpachi-san's gut. That did absolutely nothing as a metal pole would merely bend upon impact. All that little elbow did was cause Heisuke to become a target for Shinpachi-san's headlock.

"Shinpat-san, quit it! You'll ruin my hair! I can't have messy hair today!"

"Oh please! Like your messy hair can be ruined even more, you little runt!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed in an older brother type of manner before purposely ruffling Heisuke's hair. Heisuke flailed about quite uselessly for a few more seconds before Saito-san generously plucked Heisuke out from the headlock and dropped him on the dirt floor.

I wrapped my sleeves several times around my arms to prevent them from touching the dirt before I crouched down in front of Heisuke. "Are you okay?" I asked just as I dusted some dirt off the back of his head.

"Yeah!" Heisuke popped off the ground and kind of just bounced around like a demented jack-in-the-box. "Where's Hijikata-san and the others? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!"

"Excited to get your ass kicked?" Souji raised his eyebrow as he pulled be back up by putting his hands under my arms. He ignored Heisuke's shout of complaint as he shook my sleeves loose for me.

"What's that supposed to mean?! I'm going to kick Hijikata-san's ass!"

"Kick whose ass?" Speak of the devil and he will appear.

The people we were still missing finally appeared. Both flanking Otou-san, Hijikata-san and Sannan-san seemed to have dressed the way they would have normally, which made sense since they were going to be in the matches. As for Otou-san, Niimi, and Serizawa, they dressed formally with a kataginu[4] over their hakamashita.

Serizawa made a sound of disapproval at Heisuke's bouncy energy before I felt his eyes on me or more specifically, my obi. His eyes then flickered to Otou-san, who was chatting with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san, then onto Souji.

"Let's go!" Serizawa then barked at everyone, causing all side conversations to cease. All the men straightened up at the sound of his impatient voice.

Otou-san and Serizawa then led the way while the rest of us followed after them. While the men all attempted to look dignified as we traveled through town, it really did not feel that way. If anything, it felt more like they were a flock of excited fluffy hens being lead to feed.

The courtyard that was prepared in Kyoto's Military Commissioner's headquarter for our matches wasn't exactly fancy, but it wasn't plain either. It was practical. The courtyard was screened off by a blue and white cloth border. For the officials, there was an almost bleacher-like seating area prepared. Then, in the far off corner of the courtyard, was a little waiting area for the men who were set to participate in the matches.

After being introduced to several men that worked with the Military Commissioner by Otou-san, I quickly ducked behind the cloth screens to join Sano-san and Ibuki-kun. Since I was the daughter of one of the Captain Commanders, I was technically given a seat right beside Otou-san along with the other officials. It should have been an honor to be allowed to sit by such prestigious men. I wanted to do nothing but avoid sitting in that area.

My flashy furisode had caught the attention of Matsudaira Munetake, the son of the Kyoto shoshidai, Matsudaira Munehide[5]. After being introduced to the young man through a bout of socialization, I noted the man tried to keep a hold on my attentions and had taken upon himself to introduce me to the other men his father worked with. He was nice and all, but I didn't like the way he was watching me and I definitely didn't like how he was trying to get me to visit him later.

So instead of running to Souji, which would probably end poorly in more ways than one since this was the Kyoto shoshidai's[6] son, I looked for the opportune moment to slip away and immediately bolted when the moment arrived. Sano-san had raised his eyebrow at me the moment I hastily appeared and latched onto his arm.

"Oh? You're not going to sit next to Kondou-san for the matches?" Sano-san asked, shaking his arm loose so he could put his hand fondly on top of my head.

I shook my head. "I'm not sitting there. Especially because Matsudaira Munetake-san won't leave me alone. He keeps trying to convince me to join him for dinner at his house tonight."

"Wah," Ibuki-kun commented, actually feeling bad for me this time. "You caught the attention of a lord? That sucks. You can't actually turn him down directly."

"It's all because I'm wearing this stupid furisode that he knows that I'm not married."

"Then you should be glad you're not wearing a fukura-suzume musubi to signal you're available for marriage," Sano-san said before brushing part of the cloth away to create a small opening he could peek out from. He seemed to grin when he saw Munetake-san look around in confusion, undoubtedly looking for me. "Otherwise more men might have taken an interest. You may not have the highest social standing, but when you dress up, you definitely look pretty enough to be more than just eye-catching."

"Uh… Thank you?" I said for the compliment. Nice to know that people thought I was pretty.

Sano-san just hummed before cloth dropped back to its previous normal position. "You should be safe now. The matches are about to start and he has to go take a seat."

I let out a large breath of relief at Sano-san's words and sagged against one of the tall wooden poles being used to keep the cloth border in place. Why was Munetake-san even interested in my company? I could hold a conversation but I wasn't exactly the most interesting person to speak to.

I stood up properly again and peeked out from behind the cloth to see the men taking their places. Both Sano-san and Ibuki-kun did the same. It was time for the matches to begin.

"First up is Hijikata-san and Heisuke, right?" Ibuki-kun asked us.

"Yeah," I answered, letting my eyes wander until I was Souji.

He didn't appear one bit nervous at all. He just looked like he normal would on any given normal day. Then, as if he could sense someone watching him, he looked up towards the cloth border. Even though he was unable to see me, he figured it out pretty fast. He first looked to the empty seat beside Otou-san then back towards the general area I was in before raising his eyebrow.

Sano-san, who caught that whole exchange just chuckled before asking, "Who do you think will win this matchup, Shizuka? Heisuke or Hijikata-san?"

"Hijikata-san," I answered without a moment of hesitation.

"Oh, ouch." Sano-san grinned despite his words. "I think Heisuke would be insulted at how fast you answered that question.

"Geez, don't make it sound like such a big deal," I defended myself with crossed arms. "It's not like I think Heisuke is any less skilled than Hijikata-san. It's just that Hijikata-san is the type of person that would do anything to win, even if it means fighting dirty."

Kind of ironic actually since Hijikata-san strongly believed in the way of the warrior and honor. But at the end of the day, logic is what won out of Hijikata-san. In reality, real enemies wouldn't necessarily fight with honor. It just comes down to who guts who first. Survival of the fittest and a contest of brains. There was no such thing as a fair fight outside of a dojo match.

I'd have to agree with Hijikata-san's line of thinking too. I would take survival over chivalry any day. Throw dirt in a person's eyes? Dirty move, but one I'd make if that meant it was the difference between getting stabbed or not.

"I see your point." Sano-san raised his hand up in front of himself in a yielding gesture.

"Oh, it looks like they're starting," Ibuki-kun announced, pointing to the center of the courtyard.

Both Sano-san and I turned our attentions back to the center of the courtyard. There stood Heisuke and Hijikata-san, both facing each other with a bokken in hand. Hijikata-san appeared to be his normal self, calm and composed. He was in a nice, solid middle stance. His eyes were already hard at work, observing and analyzing Heisuke's form.

Heisuke, on the other side, wasn't nearly as composed as his opponent. He was practically radiating with energy. It was impossible to hide that giant grin on his face as he fidgeted, bouncing on the ball of his feet.

The referee for the match stepped up between the two. "You may now begin!" he declared, dropping his hand before quickly moving away from the two should they immediately fly at each other.

As soon as the hand dropped, both men leaped away from each other, both favoring the space between them as they eyed each other. Heisuke's grin then grew larger as he began moving his sword in a sideways figure-eight motion.

"What's he doing?" Ibuki-kun asked, tilting his head slightly with his eyes on Heisuke's bokken.

"It's called the 'Wagtail Sword'," I said, inching a bit closer to cloth borders to get a closer look.

Ibuki-kun cleared his throat, urging me in his own way to explain what that was supposed to mean. I didn't bother explaining further, using my time to quickly duck back behind the cloth to avoid getting seen by Munetake-san.

Sano-san looked down at me with an amused grin before explaining, "The Wagtail Sword is a technique where he keeps the sword moving constantly so that his opponent can't read when he'll strike."

"Huh," Ibuki merely voice, turn his head back to focus on the fight. Neither fighters had really made a move yet.

Heisuke then inched his right foot forward, bluffing a lunge. Hijikata-san, however, wasn't fooled. All he did was lower his weapon so that it pointed towards the ground as he bent his knees, goading Heisuke on. Now feeling impatient, Heisuke leaped towards Hijikata-san with a great cry, slamming his bokken down only to be repelled. Heisuke was sent flying back from the force of Hijikata-san's counter, yet he was still able to land on his feet.

Hijikata-san didn't allow Heisuke to rest. He threw himself at Heisuke, hoping to take advantage of the opening with a downward slash. A loud conk sound echoed throughout the courtyard as the bokken smashed into each other. Heisuke was sent sliding back once more.

Instead of feeling pressured, both men were wearing wild grins.

It was an interesting matchup. Heisuke was smaller than Hijikata-san, hence his reach was more limited. But at the same time, Heisuke was faster and executed his moves with more skill. Hijikata-san, on the other hand, was physically larger than Heisuke in every way, translating into greater physical attacks and heavier blows.

Rolling out of the way, Heisuke managed to avoid Hijikata-san next blow before pushing himself off the ground toward Hijikata-san like a ballistic bullet. Hijikata-san was quick to defend himself, but that was all he could do against Heisuke's flurry of attacks.

I could have sworn that Heisuke had sent over five jabs towards Hijikata-san's face in a time span of fewer than thirty seconds.

Each of Heisuke's attacks was light and so fast that Hijikata-san was unable to dig his heels into the ground for a counter attack. Their bokken were never touching long enough for Hijikata-san to use that incredible strength to push back.

But Hijikata-san was not known for his skill as a swordsman, but rather his brain.

Instead of blocking Heisuke's next attack, Hijikata-san took the risky move and managed to dodge the next attack just by the skin of his teeth. Propelled forward by momentum, Heisuke found himself unable to stop himself, or rather, his face from colliding with Hijikata-san's bokken.

I winced and sucked in a sharp breath when I heard the smacking sound of his skull knocking against the wooden sword. Poor Heisuke. And he was doing so well against Hijikata-san too.

"OUCH!" Heisuke howled, dropping his bokken to favor clutching his now black eye.

"Match!" the referee hollered.

Hijikata-san let out a pleased huff before stepping out of the arena. He gave Otou-san a nod just as he took my empty seat, wholeheartedly accepting Otou-san's praise and a pat on the back. As for poor Heisuke, who apparently didn't seem like he minded the loss, he crawled under the cloth border to join us.

"Dang it… And here I was, so close," Heisuke muttered just as he came through from under the cloth.

"Oh, Heisuke…" Sano-san started to say before being stunned silent by the amazingly vibrant purple Heisuke's eye was now colored.

"Huh?" The black eye did nothing to dampen Heisuke's mood as his grin was larger than the crescent moon.

Sano-san shook his head, his lips curling upward in response to Heisuke. "Forget it. It was a good match."

Heisuke's grin just grew impossibly larger at the praise and didn't bother complaining when I started fussing over his swollen eye with ointment.

"It doesn't look too bad, but it would be better if I had some ice or something to reduce the swelling. All I have is some ointment…"

"Nah, it's fine, Shizuka-chan. This should just heal in a jiffy."

"But still…" I shoved the small clay jar of ointment into his hands after applying a generous amount on the flesh surrounding his eyes. "Hold on to this and apply it daily until the swelling goes down."

Heisuke just nodded and stuck the jar carelessly into a small pocket before pointing behind me. "Look! Hajime-kun and Shinpat-san's match is gonna begin soon!"

He then hastily rushed off to get a decent watching spot just left of Sano-san, jostling Ibuki-kun slightly when he shoved the blue-haired youth off to the side.

"Begin!" I heard the refer yell before I had a chance to get back to my previous watching spot.

Just like Saito-san had always done before, he used his dominant left hand as he prepared his stance, not modifying it for the sake of the lords watching. Up on the bleachers, I could see the officials whispering to each other over the brazen action while the lord sitting beside Otou-san turned to question Otou-san about Saito-san's reverse stance.

Who would win this match? Impossible to tell.

If I was asked who was the strongest in the Roshigumi, I'd say it'd be a three-way tie between Souji, Saito-san, and Shinpachi-san. Each did have their own various areas where they were specialized in, but that wasn't enough to predict who would win in a fight. But in this matchup, I would say Saito-san would win only because he was left-handed. It was difficult enough to predict Saito-san's movements, but doing it in reverse? Shinpachi-san was something else to be able to keep up with Saito-san so well.

Shinpachi-san attacked first, letting out a loud battle cry as he slammed his bokken against Saito-san's with groundbreaking force. The hit was even heavy against Saito-san's skilled hand. I could see Saito-san grit his teeth before he managed to repel Shinpachi-san's sword.

Everything that happened next was just a blurred mess as the echoes of wood colliding filled the courtyard. Attack after attack, blocked completely. Each counter attack, utterly useless. Even the men that had looked down on Saito-san for his reversed stance earlier had been stunned completely silent, watching the match with their jaws on the ground.

Then it was over in an instant. Saito-san's bokken was pressed against Shinpachi-san's side so lightly that I doubted that Shinpachi-san even felt it.

It was a terrifying thought but Saito-san was so fast and precise that he moved like an assassin.

Both men bow respectfully at each other, officially ending the spar before ducking under the cloth to join us. Shinpachi-san was still complaining rather loudly as he joined us.

"Dammit! I lost!"

Saito-san remained as silent as ever. The faint smile on his face, however, spoke in volume. He was more than just pleased with his victory.

"Good job!" Heisuke exclaimed cheerfully, crossing his arms behind his head as he grinned at the two men.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," I added, as I beamed at Shinpachi-san. "I was impressed with both of you. I know I'd get creamed if I ever went up against either of you."

Shinpachi-san puffed up with pride at my words of praise before patting me on the head. He was strangely mindful and didn't mess up my hair before he placed his hands on my shoulders to turn me towards the arena again.

"The final match is what you've been waitin' for, right?" Shinpachi-san said to me, grinning ear to ear. "Whatcha gonna give your lover if he wins?"

"A night to remember," I answered, purposely being vague as I enjoyed the faint pink color blooming on Shinpachi-san cheeks.

Shinpachi-san was now seeing images in his head. Probably really graphic images too.

"In fact, you'll probably remember it too. It'll be loud."

"S-Shizuka-chan! I don't need to hear you tellin' me the details 'bout you and Souji doin' the deed!"

I snorted at his response and the faint red that was also now appearing on Saito-san's cheeks, since he also heard every word I said.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" I swiped my hand playfully at Shinpachi-san's shoulder. "I'm talking about making a fancy dinner tonight when we get back. Of course it's going to be loud. What party isn't?"

Sano-san let out a bark-like laugh at my retort. "Oi! Focus. They're beginning."

We all grew silent and focused on the center of the courtyard where Sannan-san and Souji were facing off. The referee let his hand drop, signaling the start of the match, but no one moved. Instead, Souji spoke.

"Once I win, the lord of Aizu will acknowledge Tennen Rishin-ryū. Sorry, but I'm going to use Sannan-san and the Ittō-ryū as stepping stone. This is for the good of Kondou-san and the Roshigumi. Please don't hate me."

"Oh my," Sannan-san replied to the bold statement. He didn't look phased at all. Instead, he was smiling. "It seems that I'm being looked down upon. You may be the best swordsman in Shieikan. But there's the difference of experience between us."

Then the match truly began.

Sannan-san started off the same way Heisuke did.

"Is that the Wagtail Sword again?" Ibuki-kun asked, squinting at Sannan-san bokken.

"Yeah…" Heisuke frowned slightly. "But Sannan-san… Is that going to work on Souji?"

Then Sannan-san attacked, hitting a brick wall as each one of his calculated strikes bounced off Souji's bokken harmlessly.

A confident smirk grew on Souji's face, almost looking haunting. "I can read your moves," Souji taunted.

Sannan-san gritted his teeth in response before sparing the time to push his glasses up his nose. "I see you've grown strong, Okita-kun."

Souji only gave Sannan-san the chance to finish speaking first because they were friends. Then I understood what Souji had meant this morning when he had told me that his fighting style had changed. The back of the neck, the throat, the solar plexus, all targets.

In a traditional dojo match with wooden swords, usually, it's whoever lands a hit first wins regardless of the location of the hit. Once upon a time, that's all that mattered to Souji in a spar, just being able to hit his opponent first. Souji was fighting like he was holding a real sword now. He was fighting like he was aiming to kill.

This seemed to unsettle the guys quite a bit.

"Just as I thought…," Shinpachi-san said, grimacing just as Sannan-san managed to just barely deflect another brutal assault. "Souji's fightin' style has changed. He's always been rough on everyone durin' practice, with the exception of Shizuka-chan, but now his style is even bloody. It's like he's wieldin' a real sword."

"Huh?" Ibuki-kun looked at us questioningly. "What do you mean by that?"

I pointed back at the two men sparring. "Watch," I said. Ibuki-kun still looked confused but did as I said. "Souji keeps aiming at the vital spots, area's that would cause a person to crumble if they were hit with a real sword. Even the angles he slashes at are similar. If you slash with the wrong angle, a real sword may easily bend or break. Controlling the angle is an essential skill."

Then as soon as I finished explaining, I felt Saito-san's cold hands cover my eyes. "Shizuka, you should not be watching. Watching a match such as this does not suit you."

"Yeah," I heard Sano-san agree, his voice slightly muted. "It's too bloody. You shouldn't have to see Souji when he's like this."

"So I'm only allowed to see Souji at his best?" I snorted at the absurdity of the notion as I pried Saito-san's hand off. "I'd hate to point this out but Souji is at his best when he's fighting. It's what he excels at."

Saito-san frowned at me disapprovingly, disliking how I had twisted everyone's words to suit my own needs.

"That's not what I mean," Sano-san said, narrowing his eyes at me. "No woman should have to see her man fight like he's killing. Doesn't it terrify you? Aren't you afraid of letting this affect your relationship with Souji?"

"Souji doesn't scare me. Strangers may see Souji as cruel, bloodthirsty, a murderer, but to me, he's the same person who he's always been. He's the same picky eater who likes to play pranks. He's the same person who's always looked after me as a child." I turned my head to just in time to watch Souji end the match by striking Sannan-san's shoulder. "There's nothing about Souji that's terrifying."

"Well, if you phrase it like that…" Heisuke let his voice trail off, not bothering to finish his sentence as I took off to congratulate Souji.

The guys took to conversing amongst themselves as I left. Sneaking around the opposite side of the cloth border to avoid being seen by Munetake-san, I made my way to the waiting area in the far corner of the courtyard. When I arrived, I pause behind the cloth, hesitating to make myself know just yet. Souji and Sannan-san were conversing.

"Sannan-san, what did you think of this match?"

"What do you mean?"

There was a short uncomfortable pause from Souji. "The bloodiness in my kenjutsu. It's because I've had a taste of what killing is like."

I strangled my long sleeves by tightening my hands around them as I bit my lower lip. I didn't like the sound of self-deprecation in his voice. Souji was devaluing himself and it hurt.

There was another brief pause, as if Sannan-san was carefully considering Souji's words. "You have grown stronger, Okita-kun."

"That's unexpected. Didn't you feel afraid when we crossed swords? You could've gotten killed."

"Let bygones be bygones. What truly matters is that you are now stronger than you once were. That's why I praise you wholeheartedly."

Praise from somewhere Souji least expected it.

I heard Souji hum as he took in those words before saying, "Sannan-san sure is hard to understand."

Then I heard Sannan-san leave the waiting area, undoubtedly going to take a seat beside Hijikata-san and Otou-san. I took this chance to snap my arms through the cloth border and pulled Souji behind, making him perform a quick disappearing act.

"Shizuka?! What are you—"

I didn't let him finish, sealing his lips with my own so aggressively that we accidently bumped noses as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Souji froze stiff at the sudden action but it didn't take long for him to start responding. His arms wound around my waist, pulling me closer as his hands came to rest on my butt.

He smelled of sweat from his match and he was warmer than usual from his physical exercise. All that did was just make the kiss seem so much more heated as I transitioned into sucking on his lower lip greedily. Then, still unwilling to part, I nipped his lower lip just as he pulled away for air.

"Hmm…," Souji said, grinning wolfishly at me. "I could really go for another one of those, but I get the feeling that this isn't a reward for my win." His smile slid off as his expression softened all so tenderly. "What's wrong? Desperation doesn't suit you."

I averted my gaze slightly off to the side, focusing on the paved stone of the courtyard as I let my hands slide down to rub his arms. "I heard the conversation you just had with Sannan-san…" I closed my eyes briefly before looking back up at him. There guilt mixed with some other unidentifiable expression. "Why do you devalue yourself so? You make yourself sound like nothing more than a tool used for killing. You're more than that."

Souji sucked in a sharp breath before swallowing. "Shizuka… There only so much I can do. I'm not like resourceful like Hijikata-san. I don't understand things like politics and budgeting. I can't be useful to Kondou-san the way Hijikata-san is."

"But you have sharp instincts and good intuition. I know you can learn new tasks quickly if you apply yourself." I pulled him into the hug we both needed right now. "Please don't doubt yourself so much. There are things only you can do as well. You are just as valuable to Otou-san as Hijikata-san is."

"Yeah," he answered, his voice soft and toned down, "I know…"

"…"

"…"

Then his iconic grin resurfaced on his face after a brief silence as he willed the heavy atmosphere to vanish. It was too serious at the moment for his liking.

He let his hands mischievously slip down and through the lower folds of my furisode. I felt him lay his hand tantalizingly on my inner thigh. His thumb was so close to my core that I could feel it tickle me with its presence.

"I want a reward for my win. Will you give me one?" he whispered into my ear before nipping it. He wasn't as good as he thought he was at hiding his true feelings. His voice still shook slightly as a side effect of our previous topic.

"It depends." I followed the flow of the conversation, smiling just for him as I allowed him to control the topic. "What do you want? Ask away."

"Anything I want?"

"Anything," I answered as I reached under my kimono to fish his hand out.

With Munetake-san still looking for me, I can't imagine thing would bode well if that man so happens to find us with Souji's hand reached in between my thighs and under my kimono. Souji pouted when I removed his hand but decided to satisfy himself by giving me another pat on my butt before he pecked me on the lips.

"That's all I want for now." He looked pleased with himself. "I can't do anything too risqué right now, especially with Matsudaira Munetake pining after you."

"Wha—"

"I saw him following you around earlier. That's why you were hiding earlier, right?" Souji chuckled at my flabbergasted expression before tucking some hair behind my ear. "He just lucky he's the son of a lord. I would have punched him by now if he wasn't."

Yes, Souji was observant and far more intelligent than he realized.

* * *

I nearly slipped up and cut my finger as I was chopping the shiitake for dinner when the kitchen door snapped open without any finesse. I groaned internally and did my best to ignore the man that just stomped into the kitchen.

How was Serizawa not drunk yet? After returning from the visit to the Kyoto's Military Commissioner's headquarters, all he did was drink as a "job well done" reward.

"Hmph!" he voiced just as he snatched up a massive vessel filled with alcohol from one of the shelves. "I didn't think I would find you completely alone, even in the kitchen.

"I think it's more surprising to find you in the kitchen rather than it is to find me in the kitchen." I stopped chopping the shiitake in favor of turning to face him. Instead of putting the knife down, my hand tightened around its handle. "To what do I owe this pleasure to? I thought you'd order Ibuki-kun to fetch more saké for you instead of venturing down here yourself."

"You best learn how to curb your tongue, woman." Serizawa furrowed his brow in distaste. My sarcasm was one of his least favorite things. "It's interesting how all the men from your chichi-ue's dojo treat you so delicately without truly seeing you for your rudeness or without seeing how dangerously manipulative you can be at times. They're all fools."

"We all see only what we want to see. Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide, either way, one's a fool." I narrowed my eyes at him. "But since you came down here to fetch your own alcohol instead of ordering Ibuki-kun to do so, you have more to say, don't you?"

"I've been issued a warning earlier during our time at the Military Commissioner's headquarters. I believe it had something to do with my 'bad behavior' and how it was negatively impacting Aizu's reputation. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

A smug smile surfaced on my face. "Women are such terrible gossips, aren't they?" And Kyoko-chan knew everyone. She was instrumental in speeding up the process for Serizawa's disposal. "A simple and small incident can blow up into inconceivable proportions on a woman's tongue."

Character assassination[7], a terrible way for anyone to go down.

"Interesting," Serizawa smirked, his interest tickled and my challenge accepted. "So you're going to use others to dispose of me instead of doing it yourself, huh? Don't think you're the only one who knows how to play this tune. I can just as easily manipulate the situation to dispose of you without actually laying a hand on you."

"Then shall we see who gets rid of who first?"

"Then I will make my move now," Serizawa said as he stepped towards me. "You know what I find very interesting? The fact that you are only twelve years younger than Kondou-kun."

I narrowed my eyes at his statement. The topic of our conversation just suddenly shifted one-eighty.

"And what does that have to do with anything?" I asked, feeling a twist in my stomach. What was he after?

"There's no way for you to be his actual daughter by blood. He's not the type to have illegitimate children. So where did you come from? Perhaps you're the daughter of a close relative, or of a close friend of his. Or perhaps you were an abandoned child that he found."

I flinched at the word "abandoned" before I could stop myself and Serizawa saw my mistake. His smirk grew wider and smug. He knew he touched a raw nerve.

"So I see… Enjoy your freedom while it last," Serizawa said as his parting words as he turned and stepped out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with dread building up in the pit of my stomach.

As soon as Serizawa was out of sight, my composure collapsed as I ran outside and threw up into the nearby bushes. I felt sick. Serizawa was looking way too confident in ratio to the sliver of information he managed to glean from me. Whatever he had planned for me, he had been working on for a while too. I should have expected it.

I didn't.

* * *

[1] A furisode (振袖, ふりそで, lit. swinging sleeves) is a style of kimono distinguishable by its long sleeves, which range in length from 85 centimeters for a kofurisode (小振袖) to 114 centimeters for an ōfurisode (大振袖). The sleeves are attached to the body of the kimono only for a short distance; the inner edge is open for the rest of its length, allowing the lining to show on the inner edge (or both, if the sleeve is left open on the outer edge as well).

Furisode are the most formal style of kimono worn by young unmarried women in Japan.

The furisode is made of very fine, brightly colored silk, and is commonly rented or bought by parents for their daughters to wear when celebrating Coming of Age Day the year they turn 20. By wearing a furisode, a young woman signifies that she is both single and a legal adult, and thus available for marriage. In this sense, a furisode might be likened to the formal gowns worn by debutantes in the West.

The furisode is generally worn for formal social functions such as the tea ceremony or wedding ceremonies of relatives. Since furisode can be quite expensive, many women rent them as needed rather than purchasing them.

[2] Taiko musubi (often translated as drum but that is incorrect, as it is not actually named after the taiko (drum), it is named after the Taiko Bridge, where it was first worn by some geisha, on the bridge's opening day, and afterwards caught on and became popular amongst all. Even in Japan, most incorrectly think it was named after the drum) is the most used musubi these days. It is simple and subdued and resembles a box. The taiko musubi is suited for both old and young women in almost any occasion and goes with almost any kind of kimono and in some cases even with yukata. Only furisode are considered too formal and youthful to be worn with the taiko musubi. Nowadays the taiko musubi is usually associated with the taiko drum, but the origin of the name does not relate to the instrument. The knot was created at the time of the festive opening ceremony of the Taikobashi bridge in Tokyo in 1823. Some geishas attending to the event tied their obis in a new, conspicuous way that was thought to resemble the shape of a "playing card", ichimai karuta). The knot was a variation of a simple men's knot used then. The knot worn by trendsetting geishas was later adopted by other women. By the creation of the taiko musubi, the accessories obiage, obijime and obimakura were also established. These accessories belong to most kimono outfits used today.

[3] Fukura-suzume musubi (puffed sparrow) is a decorative knot that resembles a sparrow with its wings spread and is worn only by unmarried women. It is suitable for formal occasions and is only worn with a furisode. Traditionally, the fukura-suzume musubi worn with a furisode indicated a woman was available for marriage.

[4] Kataginu are men's vests with broad, wing-like shoulders, worn with hakama, or trousers, to form a kamishimo, or complementary outfit. The hakama are worn in a contrasting color or fabric from the kataginu. Also worn are naga-bakama, trousers in the same fabric as the kataginu, giving the impression of an elegant coverall called naga-gamishimo.

The costume is designed for maximum mobility in swordplay or the martial arts. It was historically worn for combat by samurai warriors. It combined elegant design with the flexibility essential for spontaneous combat. The colors and patterns of the outfit indicated the clan that the samurai served.

The kataginu is built like a big shawl or collar, with a flat panel in back tapering into lapels in the front and eventually two streamers that are tucked into the hakama to secure them. The fabric is usually very stiff silk, linen, or hemp, with a stiff lining.

Kataginu are some of the most ancient forms of Japanese dress, dating from before the Middle Ages (c. 500–c. 1500 C.E.). They are now seen only in ceremonial costumes worn by Japan's imperial family or in Kabuki theater costumes. In theater the garment always represents the role of any samurai serving the daimyo, or ruler.

[5] Matsudaira Munehide (松平 宗秀, October 21, 1809 – December 20, 1873), also known as Honjō Munehide (本庄 宗秀), was a Japanese daimyo of the late Edo period who ruled the Miyazu Domain (modern-day Miyazu, Kyoto). He was known by the titles "Hōki-no-kami" (伯耆守 Hōki-no-kami) (post-1840) or "Tango-no-kami" (丹後守 Tango-no-kami) (post-1868).

Munehide served in a variety of positions in the Tokugawa shogunate, ultimately rising to the position of rōjū in the period from September 1864 through September 1866. Previously, he had been Kyoto shoshidai in the period spanning July 26, 1862 through September 17, 1862. In addition, he served as jisha-bugyō from November 1858 through November 1861; and he was Osaka jōdai from February 1861 through July 1862.

[6] The Kyoto Shoshidai (京都所司代 Kyōto Shoshidai) was an important administrative and political office in the early modern government of Japan. However, the significance and effectiveness of the office is credited to the third Tokugawa shogun, Iemitsu, who developed these initial creations as bureaucratic elements in a consistent and coherent whole.

[7] Character assassination is a deliberate and sustained process that aims to destroy the credibility and reputation of a person, institution, social group, or nation. Agents of character assassinations employ a mix of open and covert methods to achieve their goals, such as raising false accusations, planting and fostering rumors, and manipulating information.

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish a person's reputation. It may involve exaggeration, misleading half-truths, or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of _ad hominem_ argument.

For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by their community, family, or members of their living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.

The phrase "character assassination" became popular from around 1930.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

 _"Love your Enemies, for they tell you your Faults." ― Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack_

Despite the moody clouds dominating the gray morning skies, by midmorning, the glow of the sun had banished the gloom only to leave behind azure skies. There was a certain crispness in the air that indicated that spring was now in full swing. The air was perfumed with the sweet scent of sakura blossoms, and their petals littered the courtyard like confetti.

As much as I loved flowers, I detested it when they shed their petals.

The petals would always get caught underfoot and be smooshed, or bruised if lucky enough to survive the weight of a fully grown man, before turning into this foul brownish-gray paste smeared across the paved stone. Then, if you didn't clean up the mess fast enough, it would attract insects. Ants were my least favorite.

And I always did like having clean floors, both inside and outside.

Like a child with the beginnings of signs of a psychopath, I internally cheered ecstatically when I swept up a line of ants as I was clearing the yard of the petals. Many of the petals were still a vivid pink, but some of them were starting to exhibit signs of decomposition on the edges while others were bruised beyond recognition. I paused my chore at the sound of a snort coming from behind me on the roka.

"I've never actually seen anyone excited to clean."

I turned to see Heisuke looking utterly unimpressed with his hands on his hips and a droopy expression. He dropped onto his butt, his legs dangling off the roka before letting out a bored sounding yawn.

I resumed my task, eagerly swiping at the ant that was foolhardy enough to step out into the open right before me. "Oh, yes. So exciting. With the broom as my mighty weapon, I shall banish the dirt and grime from this household." I cracked up just as Heisuke's eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs, eyeing me wearily like was some sort of exotic critter. He obviously believed every bit of the nonsense I just prattled. "No, I'm just disposing of some ants as I sweep. I don't begrudge a clean floor either, though."

Heisuke breathed out of his mouth. "Oh. That makes more sense," he said, nodding to himself before pointing a spot on my left near a small pile of browned petals. "There's a group right there."

I quickly swept them away in a gale along with the rest of the petals in the area before having the thrill of jumping on one. Heisuke, yet again, looked at me like I was some bizarre creature. But at least he had enough manners not to say anything and even got up from his comfortable seat to help me wrangle the petals into the Yagi family's compost bin.

"You know," Heisuke said, closing the lid of the compost bin just as I returned the broom to the storage shed nearby, "I never really understood why some girls hate bugs so much. Kabutomushi[1] are pretty cool."

I went to go take a seat on the roka, humming as Heisuke followed in suit. "No," I disagreed, wiggling my toes as I did so, "not all women dislike insects. I think kabutomushi are amazing. They are beautiful creatures. I just don't like certain insects in certain situations. Ants are pests. They destroy crops, damage homes, and some even carry diseases. Plus, doubt you would eat food that the ants got to first, and they would get to everything first if we ever have an infestation in the kitchen."

The corner of Heisuke's lips twitched downward into a slanted frown. "Huh…" He looked down at the single ant crawling on the floor near his foot before stepping on it, twisting his foot to ensure the critter was flattened. "I never thought of it that way. I just thought people thought that ants were annoying. I mean, I never really liked ants in the first place, but I always thought people just overreacted to them."

"Excuse me!" I then heard a man call, disrupting Heisuke and my conversation. The voice came from outside the front gates.

I wasn't familiar with the man's voice. I tilted my head as I glanced questioningly at Heisuke. He shook his head. He had no idea who the man was either.

"I'll go check who it is," Heisuke said, dusting his lap off just as he stood up. "You can stay here."

I ignored his words and tagged along behind him as he approached the front gates to greet the stranger. At first glance, I could tell the stranger was a commoner. The man carried no katana and any warrior worth his weight would never walk around public unarmed. Yet, the man still wore silk despite a law being in place to make it illegal for commoners to wear silk. He even had his hair pulled back into the topknot of a samurai. The stranger was among the rising merchant class.

"How may we help you?" I bowed as I greeted the man, stealing the words right out of Heisuke's mouth. Heisuke shot me a dirty look but remained silent.

"Ah, yes," the stranger straighten up as soon as he saw the swords hanging on Heisuke's hip, "I work for Hishiya-san, the tailor. I'm here to make a delivery for the Roshigumi." He turned slightly to gesture to the cart filled with bamboo-woven boxes.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. When did we make such a large purchase? And for something specially tailored? Since I was the one procuring funds for the Roshigumi at the current moment, I had access to the budget books kept by Hijikata-san and Sannan-san. Nowhere on the books even mentioned such a large purchase and none of the Roshigumi's budget was spent on anything other than food.

I glanced at Heisuke again. He shrugged. He was as clueless as me.

"Ah, Serizawa's order has arrived."

Heisuke and I turned to see Hijikata-san, with his hands inside his sleeves, and Sannan-san approaching.

"Serizawa-san's order?" Heisuke parroted after Hijikata-san just as Sannan-san went to go help the merchant unpack the wares and carry them into the main hall.

"Yeah," Hijikata-san replied, looking back at the cart. "Heisuke, why don't you gather the men and have them meet us at the main hall. Harada and Shinpachi should be training the men at Mibu temple. Shizuka, go fetch Souji, Inoue-san, and Kondou-san. They should all still be in Souji's room. Last I heard, they wanted to discuss something with Souji. I'll go fetch Niimi-san and Serizawa-san myself."

With a wave of Hijikata-san's hand, we dispersed, each heading off to grab the people we were sent after. I noticed Hijikata-san stood unmoving for a short while at first, taking a deep breath before slowly letting it out. Undoubtedly, he wasn't looking forward to dealing with Niimi's snide attitude or Serizawa's condescending one.

The first thing I noted when I arrived outside Souji's room was that the door was shut. On a beautiful day like this, closed doors meant two things: do not disturb and privacy. But it's not like the closed doors actually did much. I could easily hear parts of the conversation through the **_paper-thin_** door.

"—and then every article of clothing you own will start smelling like the baby, even your loincloth! It's not a bad scent by any means. It kind of smells milky and sweet, right Gen-san?"

"That's right! The new baby smell is no myth."

I knitted my forehead together. What was Otou-san even saying, that everything will start "smelling like the baby"? What type of conversation was this?

I heard Souji clear his throat awkwardly. "Umm… Kondou-san, Gen-san, I appreciate the advice but… Why are we talking about babies exactly? I mean…" He trailed off. "When you and Gen-san told me we needed to talk, I was expecting something else like Roshigumi stuff."

"Well, I just want to make sure you're prepared when the baby comes."

I could feel a vein on my forehead twitch at Otou-san's words. Souji and I haven't even got that far yet and he was thinking about grandchildren? But at least he sounded happy about it? I don't really know anymore.

"Baby? What baby? Kondou-san… umm… that night when you caught us… I didn't actually get to… Shizuka's still a virgin! We haven't done anything since that night either! And I thought you said it's best to wait?"

"Wait! What does Souji mean by 'that night', Isami-san? When did that happen?"

"Oh, that was sometime last week."

Souji coughed. "Why are we even talking about this right now?"

"Yes, why are we?" I interrupted as I slide the door open. I could see a shallow blush adorning Souji's cheeks as he refused to look at me. Otou-san and Inoue-san, on the other hand, looked far too cheerful. In fact, they just look even more ecstatic when saw me. "I wasn't even aware that I was expecting yet."

"Ah, well, you will be in the future," Otou-san commented like it was no big deal. "It's never too early to start talking about children."

I disagree with the "never too early" part! I wanted a kid, but not this early. Why as Otou-san even talking about grandchildren before having the conversation about marriage? Wasn't this reversed?

"Right. Lovely," I said, putting my hands on my hips. "As enlightening it would be to continue this conversation, Hijikata-san wants everyone in the main hall. Something Serizawa ordered for the Roshigumi has arrived."

All signs of embarrassment slid off of Souji's face. "Serizawa-san ordered something for the Roshigumi?"

"Ah," Otou-san said just as he stood up and pulled Inoue-san to his feet. "It must be the new uniform he was talking about. Come on, let's go. It's best not to keep them waiting."

Otou-san and Inoue-san went ahead, leaving me and Souji behind. Neither of us moved or spoke for a brief moment, the awkward silence just growing more awkward until Souji let out a loud sigh. I tilted my head, just watching him climb to his feet silently before he looped an arm around my waist and began walking towards the main hall with me in tow.

"Apparently Kondou-san really wants some grandkids," Souji said, his eyes flickering down towards me, or more particularly, towards my flat belly. I felt my cheeks grow slightly warmer. "He was asking me when he can expect some."

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. "Why talk about this without talking about marriage first?"

"He did. You just missed that part," Souji pointed out. "In fact, in Kondou-san's eyes, we're already engaged." While Souji sounded confident, there was a small quiver hidden in his voice and I could see the nervousness in his shoulders. "You don't mind, do you? I mean if you don't want—"

"So when are we getting married?" I playfully interrupted his nervous prattle, instantly easing his nerves as he chuckled at me.

"Kondou-san didn't say, so I assume that's up to us." He then pressed a chaste kiss on my forehead.

Lost in our own world amidst our conversation, we nearly overshot and missed the main hall. We were the last ones to arrive and the others didn't appear to have waited for us before proceeding with the unboxing. Souji removed his arm from my waist and went to go join Saito-san and Sano-san by a few of the open boxes. I went ahead to join Otou-san and Sannan-san.

Then without having to try to see what type of uniform was in the woven boxes, I caught a glimpse of the article of clothing when Heisuke excitedly pulled one out of a box and bounced around next to Inoue-san.

"Awesome!" Heisuke exclaimed. "Too cool!"

Held in front of him so he could get a full glimpse, was a light blue haori with white triangles decorating the edge of the sleeves. It was bright, unlike the muted colors haori were normally colored. The uniform wasn't bad looking, but it wasn't exactly eye-catching in a good way. It was like wearing a neon yellow jacket when everyone else was wearing black coats. It stood out way too much.

"So that's our new uniform, eh?" Shinpachi-san said. He was just as enthusiastic as Heisuke, but he wasn't hopping all over the place like the younger man.

"Yeah!" Otou-san confirmed with a nod.

Eager to having everyone's attention, Niimi cleared his throat before he spoke. "In order to spread the Roshigumi's name throughout Kyoto, Serizawa-sensei had these made using his own money." He acted prideful with his head held up high like he was taking credit Serizawa's deed.

I nibbled on my inner lower lip. It wasn't unusual that Serizawa would do something like this. Despite being a total bastard, he did want the Roshigumi to succeed just as much as Hijikata-san and Otou-san. However, this so-called "generosity" of his made me feel slightly uneasy. Where did the money Serizawa used to pay for the uniforms come from?

"Hey, let's go ahead and try'em on!" Heisuke announced, drawing my attention as he pranced around the room.

Otou-san looked towards Serizawa. "Would that be okay, Serizawa-san?"

"Sure, go ahead!" Serizawa said. Heisuke's excitement must have been contagious because even Serizawa was grinning. "Try them on!"

"Sweet!" Heisuke spun with the new uniform clutched to his chest. "Gen-san, get the scissors! The scissors! We gotta cut off the tacking thread!"

"Just a moment," Inoue-san said as he fumbled with a pair of scissors.

"Hurry! Hurry!" Heisuke wouldn't stop fidgeting, making it impossible for Inoue-san to cut the thread.

Inoue-san huffed in annoyance. "I'll cut it for you, so sit still for a moment!"

"Mine too!" Shinpachi-san then added as he ran up to Inoue-san with his own uniform.

But not all the guys were as enthusiastic as those two. Sano-san, Saito-san, and Souji picked up their new haori with more reluctance, examining the new uniforms with a critical eye. Sano-san was eyeing the haori like bright colors had offended him somehow. And while Saito-san was calmer about the uniform, I could tell he wasn't pleased with the color scheme. As a man who liked to wear black, Saito-san looked hesitant to don the haori.

"Sano-san, what do you think of these haori?" Souji asked. He would wear the uniform without complaint but he probably wasn't a fan of how flamboyant it looked.

"I think they're a bit flashy…" Sano-san eyed the uniform distastefully one last time before turning to the other man. "Right, Saito?"

"You have a point," Saito-san agreed.

Hijikata-san saw this as an opportune time to explain the purpose of such flashy uniforms. "This is one way to spread the word about the Roshigumi in Kyoto." He had a smile on his face too. All this cheer really was contagious. "Besides, if we're all in the same uniform when we go on patrol, no one will confuse us with those rogue samurai and it also prevents us from accidentally cutting down one of our own."

"Makes sense," Sano-san said, nodding to himself while Saito-san treated Hijikata-san's words as gospel.

Otou-san, at this time, bent down to whisper into my ear with some helpful cheer. "Oh? Why don't you go help Souji put on his haori? I'm sure that he'd be more than happy to acquiesce."

Otou-san then gave me a gentle shove towards Souji before winking at me when I looked back, urging to go to Souji. Sannan-san, who was still standing beside Otou-san, had on his iconic kind-looking smile as he shooed me off with a lazy wave of his hand.

I approached Souji and plucked the haori from his hands just as I neared him. He quirked an eyebrow at my playful smile.

"Turn around?" I asked as I ran a finger down his shoulder. "I'll help you put it on."

He hummed, doing as I asked before rolling his shoulders once the haori was on. "So, how do I look? Incredibly dashing? Sexy beyond all belief?"

"Oi!" Sano-san pushed his way into the conversation, leveling an exasperated look at Souji. "Big ego much?"

Souji gave me a crooked smile that reeked of mischievous energy. "Ignore Sano-san for now."

"Hey!"

"So, you never answered me. How do I look?"

"Weeeeell," I drew out the word for effect, "I do love a man in uniform."

Souji looked pleased with my answer while Sano-san shot me a silent look that just said, "What have you done? Don't inflate his ego anymore."

Yeah. Because Souji's ego was going to become so large that it wasn't going to fit in the room anymore, not that I minded.

"Serizawa-san," Otou-san then called over to Serizawa, "do you have a moment?"

Serizawa raised his eyebrow, indicating that he was listening.

"Henceforth, we may receive numerous opportunities to guard Aizu's elite," Sannan-san stated once given the cue to speak. "In which case, recruiting more men will be a matter of great urgency."

"Hmph!" Niimi cut in, turning his nose up in arrogance. "We already thought of that and came up with a plan to—"

Niimi's bragging was cut off when Serizawa raised his hand to signal Niimi to shut up before shooting an ugly glance his way. I narrowed my eyes. Those two were hiding something. However, just as I was going to press for information, Serizawa stepped forward and grabbed a haori from one of the boxes.

"As long as we sell the Roshigumi's name, soldiers will come flocking to us," Serizawa answered smoothly. "That's what these uniforms are for." The man tossed the haori he was holding. "Hijikata!"

Hijikata-san caught the haori with a confident smirk growing on his face. Complete with an iron forehead guard, all the guys followed Hijikata-san outside in their new uniforms.

"Alright men! Let's go!" Hijikata-san commanded before shrugging on his own uniform.

Hijikata-san led the men on their first official patrol of the city, undoubted garnering glances of curiosity as they walked the streets while I was left behind at headquarters to attempt to decipher Niimi's suspicious unfinished statement. I never managed to figure it out, but no problem, right?

You know that saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you"? Whoever said that was a complete moron. As a surgeon, I can definitely attest to that. I remember one patient a coworker of mine had the pleasure of caring for once upon a time. The patient had cancer and she didn't know it. Nobody knew it until she felt horribly sick and came in through the emergency room one day. She never left. It was too late to treat the cancer and the patient came in when she was on her last legs.

See, what you don't know can most definitely hurt you.

Roughly about a week later, what I was unable to decipher came back to bite us all in the ass. As much as I was sure I would have been unable to do anything about it in the first place, I would have still liked to know so I could prepare for the change. A deal had already been struck in secret, taking everyone else, both willing and unwilling, along for the ride.

"They're taking forever…" Heisuke mumbled as he sat crossed-legged on the ground. The others were lounging haphazardly in a random order in the room. "Whatcha think Kondou-san and the others are talkin' about?"

Serizawa had called all the head leaders for a meeting while telling the rest of the higher-ups to remain on standby. Even Ibuki-kun was waiting with us, too afraid to go off and do his own thing in case Serizawa suddenly called for him. The meeting was called in the afternoon. The sun had already set hours ago.

"Stuff," I said unhelpfully as I ran my fingers up and down the shaft of my naginata. I set my naginata against the wall and took a seat next to Souji.

Shinpachi-san snorted when Heisuke gave me an unappreciative glance. "But orders from the Shogunate, eh?" Shinpachi-san crossed his arms. "This smells fishy."

"This smells rotten," I grumbled to Souji, feeling miffed. However, everyone in the room heard me anyways. "Why would the Shogunate have orders for us? The Roshigumi hasn't made a name for itself yet, so it'd make more sense if they didn't even acknowledge us. They probably have a dirty job for us."

"We'll be fine," Inoue-san spoke up, doing his best to ease our doubts with that kind smile of his. "We have Isami-san and Toshi-san. I doubt things will turn out poorly."

"We should leave this in their hands," Saito-san agreed calmly. It was amazing how unshakable his faith in Hijikata-san was sometimes.

Then, out of sheer boredom, Souji spoke up from the spot he was lazily sitting on just as he ran a finger down my spine. "Ibuki-kun, shouldn't you be massaging Serizawa-san's shoulders?" His tone was mocking.

"He told me to stay here until they are finished talking!" Ibuki-kun replied rather forcefully, unamused by Souji's attempt to cure his boredom.

Out of nowhere, the tranquil illusion of the false peaceful night was shattered.

"UGAHHHWAWAH!"

A spine-chilling loud, pained scream suddenly pierced through the night with the subtlety of a cannonball. It came from nearby. Possibly from the Maekawa house.

Everyone froze, all exchanging glances in a split second before grabbing their weapons and bolting towards the source of the sound. I could feel dread building within the pit of my stomach. That scream sounded human, yet it was feral at the same time. It made it feel like there were spiders crawling beneath my skin.

"What was with that scream?" Heisuke yelled as we all bolted towards the source of the sound. As the fastest, Heisuke lead us all by default.

"Somethin' serious is goin' down!" Shinpachi-san added, touching the handle his sword briefly.

Heisuke and Shinpachi-san were the first to arrive at the Maekawa house. The gates were shut. The gates were locked, barred from the inside with a heavy wooden beam. Heisuke shoved the doors useless as he tried to get them open.

Something was very wrong here. The Maekawa house was where Otou-san and the others were hosting their meeting. The scream came from inside. They locked the doors. Why?

Heisuke pushed at the door again. "Huh?" he said before giving the doors a solid kick. The doors didn't even budge.

"What's wrong?" Shinpachi-san barked, his voice hurried and agitated.

"It still won't open!" Heisuke kicked the door once again before pounding on it with his fists.

The feral screams kept sounding from inside, and then the growling began. What little semblance of humanity that was once heard in the first scream was gone. All I could hear were the howls of a mindless beast.

"Damn, what's happening to him?!" I then heard Otou-san's demanding voice float over the walls. Otou-san cursed and he never cursed, no matter how light the curse word. "Toshi! Sannan-kun! Don't let him get out!"

I gripped my naginata so tightly that my hands were turning white. We needed in. Now.

"We don't have any more time to waste! Shinpachi-san! Smash those doors open!" I barked.

Shinpachi-san nodded at me. "Move, Heisuke!" He shoved Heisuke out of the way before barreling into the doors with his shoulder, smashing them open.

The wooden beam holding the doors shut gave a great groan followed by a sharp snapping sound as it splintered into pieces. The heavy doors of the gates flew off their hinges and landed on the ground with a loud crash. Heisuke and Souji both bolted in right after Shinpachi-san, entering before the doors even touched the ground. Saito-san rushed in too, but he was much slower, taking the time to give orders.

"Sano, secure the front. Shizuka, don't do anything reckless," Saito-san said before catching up with Souji at the threshold of the darkened house.

Then Ibuki-kun, the one that couldn't even force himself to draw his sword even when threatened, stupidly began to march inside too, alarming Inoue-san.

"Ibuki-kun!" Inoue-san exclaimed, trying to stop Ibuki-kun from rushing in recklessly.

Souji snorted as Saito-san disappeared into the house. "You'll only get in our way if you tag along," Souji stated quite bluntly before following Saito-san into the house.

Ibuki-kun grew offended. "W-What was that ?!" he hollowed back before he stomped closer to the darkened house. Sano-san was quick to grab Ibuki-kun by the shoulder and then shook his head silently at him.

"Don't," I cut Ibuki-kun off just as he was about to retort angrily. "They won't be able to focus on their objective if they have to protect you too. If you still can't draw your blade when you're in danger, then you have no business being here."

Sano-san and I then ran through the gate and around the main building to head towards the back. Inoue-san stayed in front to prevent anything from leaving through the gate. And despite my words, Ibuki-kun foolishly still followed Sano-san and me onto the Maekawa estate.

A fierce fight could be heard from inside the building. The ripping of paper, the cracking of wood, and the clashing of steel on steel. Sano-san and I exchanged glances before we both shifted into a combative stance. Stupid Ibuki-kun watched nervously from behind, finally realizing his mistake as he reached for the handle of his unused sword.

"What are you doing here?!" Ibuki-kun jumped, nearly accidently drawing his sword when Sano-san hollered at him. "If you lack the resolve to someone when you draw that, then get out of here!"

As soon as Sano-san finished scolding Ibuki-kun, the door of the darken house burst open. Shinpachi-san smashed into the door, shattering it into pieces as he was thrown through. The door did little to slow Shinpachi-san's fall as he landed flat on the growd right before us.

"Shinpachi!" Sano-san remained unmoving, only tightening his hands around his spear. As much as he wanted to check on his friend. He couldn't afford to be distracted.

Despite how resilient of a person Shinpachi-san was, getting thrown through a door hurt. His back was undoubted bruised to hell and back, but Shinpachi-san didn't make any movement showing that his back was in pain. Instead, he clutched at his side as he struggled to get back up, indicating the pain in his back was nothing compared to the pain in the front.

Then an animalistic growl sounded from the dark house, making the hair on the back of neck stand up. I couldn't see what the creature was yet as it lurked in the darkness of the unlit house. I tightened my hands around my naginata nervously. It was dark. I couldn't see. I could hear it stalking closer.

"Shizuka, get ready!" Sano-san barked as a head emerged from the dark. The hair, whiter than snow. The eyes, redder than blood and filled with enough madness to make a lunatic look tame. It looked human but it was clear that it wasn't human. "I'll take the left and you take the right! We'll focus on immobilizing it!"

I slunk lower to the ground, shifting my naginata to the right as I watched the legs of the creature. I could see the muscles coiling in its legs.

"Aim for the tendons," I instructed. "Cut the tendons and movement becomes impossible."

Another door slammed open, nearly flying off the house as Saito-san emerged from the building. "Be careful!"

"There's something weird about him!" Souji warned us in a rushed panic as he came around the corner.

Then the creature sprung at Sano-san and me, the thing's sword raised awkwardly without proper form. Sano-san easily deflected the creature's sloppy attack before it could land and get solid footing, allowing me to knock the creature away as I swung my naginata at it like a baseball bat. As the creature landed on its feet, Sano-san pinned it in place, stabbing the creature through one of its arms with his spear as I swiped at his back legs, severing the lateral hamstring tendons.

There was no scream of pain. I know I didn't miss the tendons, but the creature was still standing when I should have rendered it unable to. Something was wrong. And then, as the clouds above drifted away and allowed the moonlight to reach below, I saw it. The amazing yet disgusting sight of wounds stitching themselves together. My eyes widened as I stumbled back toward Ibuki-kun, eager to create some space between me and the beast.

"Sano-san! Get away from it! Now!" I barked, but it was too late.

The creature laughed, its voice cracking and shrieking as it grabbed the spear piercing its arm. Using its insane strength, it picked Sano-san up and tossed him to the ground right beside Shinpachi-san before thoughtlessly yanking the spear out. Sano-san's spear clattered to the ground at the creature discarded it.

"Sano-san!" I heard Heisuke yell just as he too emerged from the building.

It was moonlight that finally revealed to the others why it was unhampered by pain or injury. Everyone's eyes widened as they witnessed what I saw earlier. The large wound Sano-san inflicted on the creature's arm instantly stitched itself grotesquely. There wasn't even a scar to indicate that there was a wound there earlier.

"The injury—!" Sano-san managed to choke out.

Like in a nightmare, the creature turned its head towards me and Ibuki-kun. Time felt warped, fast one moment and slow the next as the creature fully turned to face us. I could feel myself grow cold as I looked into the creature's eyes.

Hollow.

No logical thought. Not even the ravings of a mad man. The beast was beyond that.

An empty husk relying on instinct.

"Shit!" Souji swore as he ran with Heisuke and Saito-san, hoping to stop the creature before it could attack. They were too far away.

"Run for it, Ryunosuke!" Sano-san yelled.

But Ibuki-kun was frozen still. Fear clung to him, shackling him in place. All he could manage to do was draw and hold his sword in front of himself as he shook. There would be no way he'd be able to actually swing his sword.

I gritted my teeth as I quickly ran in front of Ibuki-kun, positioning myself with my naginata pointed up at an angle. And then the creature charged, leaping into the air with its sword ready to taste blood.

This thing, whatever it was, could regenerate. The little nicks and the accumulation of wounds would do nothing to stop it. It had no logical thought with its instincts dictating its every move, its overwhelming desire to kill. As much as I detested the act of killing, I hardly cared at the moment. It was either me or the creature and I wasn't about to let myself kneel over and die. The only way to stop this creature was with death. One blow for instant death.

The creature was stronger and faster than I could ever hope to be. I logically would be unable to keep up, but that didn't mean I couldn't be able do anything against it. My grip tightened around my weapon, holding my weapon steadfast. I only had one chance to hit my mark. Moving at the last second possible, I ducked and repositioned my naginata, using the creature's own momentum against it. Unable to change directions midflight, the creature speared itself on my naginata. My blade buried itself into the creature's neck until the point could be seen poking out on the other side.

My lips curled upward into a faint smirk. I had hit my mark. Between the C3 and C4 vertebrae. I held my weapon in place, obstructing the regeneration process. Unable to heal the fatal wound, the creature grew limp, deprived of oxygen.

Most people believed the only way to ensure near instant death in one blow was to stab the heart or a beheading. That was very far from the truth. The nerves protected in the spine between the C3, C4, and C5 vertebrae were the nerves that controlled the diaphragm, the muscle that controlled the lungs. What allowed us to breathe. When the nerves in those locations were damaged, the diaphragm would no longer be able to receive signals from the brain and cease to function. It did not matter how amazing one's regenerative ability was. If the body did not receive any oxygen, then it would die. Dying from a lack of oxygen was very different from dying from injuries. There would be nothing to regenerate.

Letting the limp creature drop to the ground, I pulled my weapon out of its wound and quickly stabbed it in the heart for good measure. I wasn't about to let the thing get up again if it was actually still alive.

"Shizuka, get away from him! He can—"

"The dead can't exactly get up and attack people," I interrupted Sano-san. "Look, he isn't breathing anymore. Plus, I stabbed him in the heart for good measure."

"She's right," I heard Hijikata-san say. I jerked my head up just in time to see him arrive at the scene.

Sannan-san appeared around the corner next along with Otou-san, who appeared to look the most harried out of those three. Otou-san instantly rushed toward me as soon as he laid his eyes on me.

"Supposedly you can kill it by piercing its heart or beheading it," Sannan-san added.

I narrowed my eyes. Sannan-san had intimate knowledge about the creature. They already knew what this creature was.

My thoughts were soon interrupted as Otou-san pulled me into a tight one-armed hug, causing me to drop my naginata just as he pressed a worried kiss on my forehead. "Shizu-chan, you're okay. You shouldn't have been here." He breathed out a sigh of relief, his breath hitting the top of my head before he looked back up to survey the others. "Is everyone uninjured?"

"Kondou-san!" Souji exclaimed, relieved to see Otou-san uninjured.

"Are you alright?" Saito-san asked, directing his question at the three who just arrived.

Hijikata-san nodded back silently at Saito-san, easing Saito-san's worries.

"Dang, what the heck was that?" Shinpachi-san asked, still holding his side as Sano-san pulled him to his feet.

Instead of answering Shinpachi-san, Hijikata-san turned to Ibuki-kun with an unimpressed, sharp look. Ibuki-kun still remained frozen in place with his sword drawn. He was shaking so badly that his sword wasn't even held up straight anymore.

"If you lack any real resolve, don't waltz onto a battlefield," Hijikata-san growled, scowling harshly as he spoke. "Shizuka is our weakest and you made her protect you. You're lucky she has a good head on her shoulders."

Ibuki-kun looked down in shame, gnashing his teeth as everyone else circled around the corpse and silently watched Sannan-san examine the corpse.

Sano-san's face suddenly lit up in realization. "I've seen that face before."

Hijikata-san spoke. "Saito. Harada. Sorry, but I need you to carry him inside."

"'Kay."

"Very well."

Hijikata-san nodded at their response before turning to the rest of us. "Everyone, please gather in the hall. We need to talk." He then turned back to Ibuki-kun, who finally sheathed his sword. "That includes you, Ibuki."

"Huh?" Ibuki-kun exclaimed in surprise.

"You saw him too."

On the way to the main hall, Serizawa along with Niimi and a bald man I have never seen before joined us.

The bald man's name was Yukimura Kodo. He sat with us as the talk began. He looked like he would be a friendly man because of the kind expression he seemed to wear on his face the whole time, but he made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. Even more than Serizawa could ever do so, which was quite an accomplishment.

"The Bakufu obtained this through foreign trade," Yukimura explained, placing a small glass jar in front of him. The red liquid within was thick as it sloshed around inside its vessel like blood. "This medicine is called the 'Water of Life'. If you drink this, your abilities in battle will substantially increase. At the same time, you will obtain remarkable healing abilities. But on the other hand, you will lose the power of thought and your sanity."

Serizawa closed his eyes with a rude snort. "Meaning that it isn't full of nothing but perks, eh?"

"What an ill-named creation." I turned my head away in disgust. "You won't only lose the power of thought and sanity. You'll die faster too. In a human body, a normal healthy cell can only multiply a set number of times before it dies. In order to regenerate at such a rapid speed, the drinker's cells will have to multiply at an increased rate to heal the injury, causing the cells to die at a much faster pace. When enough cells in the body die, there will not be enough cells left for the body to function properly. Premature death is imminent."

Yukimura nodded. "Indeed," he agreed. "To top it off, they can only exercise those powers in the dark. We call those who drink the medicine and exhibit these powers 'rasetsu'."

"The way he looked…," Shinpachi-san said, contemplating this new information. "He certainly looked like a rasetsu."

Then something flashed across Sano-san face. It was a strange mix of emotions and I was unable to pinpoint all of them, but one stood out the most. It was horror. "I remember now!" he exclaimed. "That was Iesato!"

Hijikata-san didn't even try to deny anything. "That's right." He closed his eyes in guilt.

"Iesato…?" Heisuke asked before he froze, his face matching Sano-san's as he yelled, "Wasn't he one of the guys who left Edo with us?!"

"You use one of our pals to test out some crazy medicine?!" The outrage was etched on Shinpachi-san's face along with betrayal. His expression spoke louder than his words could ever.

Otou-san averted his gaze in shame from the outburst.

"He was supposed to slice open his gut for breaking the code," said Niimi. He didn't look one bit ashamed. "It's the same punishment."

"That's no excuse!" Shinpachi-san objected.

Serizawa had enough. "He didn't get to die by seppuku!" he snapped. "That's the only difference!"

But it wasn't. The end result of death was the same but the impact of his death on the living completely changed. A stranger could have respect for the Roshigumi if Iesato was allowed to choose how he died. But he died inhumanely, forced into experimentation after being cornered. It was disgusting. If I didn't know Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san so well, they would have lost my respect and trust. As for Serizawa and Niimi, no love lost there.

"Serizawa-san, I am against experimenting with this medicine," Hijikata-san spoke up. "When Iesato became a rasetsu, he didn't recognize us at all."

"I am of like mind," Otou-san immediately agreed.

"But according to Yukimura-dono, there is still plenty of room for improvement," Niimi replied, a power-hungry smile on his face as he continued to push eagerly.

"And to test it out, you'd have to experiment on another person again!" Hijikata-san snarled violently at Niimi-san suggestion. His eyebrows pulled in tight together as his eyes grew hard and cold.

Niimi still didn't let up. "The Shogunate ordered us to do this!"

"There's no reason to obey an unreasonable order!"

Hijikata-san had given the wrong answer.

"Generally, warriors consider obeying orders from the Shogunate to be virtuous, even if they are unreasonable orders," Serizawa said, catching Hijikata-san off guard.

"Serizawa-san you…!"

"Although, I don't expect a one not born into a warrior family to understand."

"What was that?!" Hijikata-san snapped, running out of comebacks.

"Toshi!" Otou-san quickly interrupted to keep things from flying out of hand. A good thing too. As much as I would have liked to see Hijikata-san punch Serizawa, I couldn't imagine that it would end well.

Sannan-san spoke up. He understood what type of situation the Roshigumi was in. "Considering our current standing, we cannot ignore the will of the Shogunate."

"Sannan-san…" Hijikata-san was completely defeated.

"However, if there is still room for improvement, I feel it wise for Niimi-san to step down from his position as a commander and concentrate on his research so that there is not a repeat of what just happened."

Niimi just continued to nod with Sannan-san's words until he realized what was just suggested.

"What?!" Niimi exclaimed in a panic, not willing to lose his position of high power over the others. "T-That's absurd! I-I could never step down—"

"Very well," Serizawa interrupted Niimi's incessant protests.

"S-Serizawa-sensei!" Niimi was quickly beaten into submission by Serizawa's icy glare. "V-Very well."

Sannan-san then smiled, rubbing the salt into Niimi's wound. I raised my eyebrows at what just happened. I wanted to applaud Sannan-san for removing Niimi from power so quickly and smoothly. Sannan-san was beyond impressive and I'd pity anyone who ended up on his bad side.

"Then Niimi-san and Kodo-san will conduct experiments on the medicine," Sannan-san said pleasantly. "I shall offer you my assistance. Shizuka-chan's medical expertise may also come into use."

I scrunched up my nose at that. I wanted nothing to do with the Water of Life. But a chance to personally keep an eye on Niimi and to sabotage the project? I'd be a fool to turn that down.

However, before I could reply, Serizawa spoke. His intentions were malicious.

"No, she will not be offering anything," he snapped. "She's not officially a part of the Roshigumi and she is a woman, which brings up the question: Why is she even here in the first place? This is a place of business, not a daycare. She needs to leave."

"Ah! Well you see, she's our physician," Otou-san quickly reasoned. "She may not officially be a part of the Roshigumi, but she is very much needed here, especially if any of our men get injured."

Serizawa snorted. "That's hardly the case. Kodo-san is a Western trained doctor ordered here by the Bakufu. He can replace her."

"Shizu-chan is my daughter and I would like to keep her here under my care."

Then Serizawa smirked. I felt fear pool in the pit of my stomach. Something was about to happen.

"Your daughter, or your pet? She's not yours by blood. You found her abandoned as an infant, didn't you?"

Otou-san was stunned silent as I averted my eyes, my shame revealed. I could feel the others' eyes drilling into me in shock. They had not known. I have not told them. Only a few select people actually knew. Only Hijikata-san, Souji, Tsune-san, and Kyoko-chan knew.

"Wait...," Heisuke said quietly, directing his question to Otou-san. "Shizuka isn't related to you by blood…?"

"She's vermin." Serizawa smirked. Checkmate. "She's lower than a farmer's daughter. She's an unwanted vixen that should have died a long time ago. She's a young, unmarried woman living in a household of men. She'll be a distraction to all the possible recruits we may have in the future and there should be a proper example set for the recruits." His voice grew louder as he spoke. "No women should be allowed at the Roshigumi's headquarters without an actual blood relation or a husband in the organization. Her presence will give the recruits reason to undermine authority. **_She needs to leave._** "

Otou-san was rendered speechless, at loss of what to do. To save Otou-san the trouble and prevent the situation from growing worse, I was going to leave. I was going to pack tonight and leave for Edo in the morning. But arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into someone's lap before I could act. My eyes widened when I realized whose lap I was on.

"She may be unwed now but she's my intended," Souji announced boldly as his arms tightened around my waist. I stopped breathing for a brief moment, overwhelmed by the moment. "You won't have any complaints if she's the wife of a member of the Roshigumi, right?"

We may have talked about marriage, but most of that was done in a joking manner with only slight serious undertones. To announce it out loud like this was to make it official. Souji was serious about me becoming his wife.

"Oh?" Serizawa said, amused at this development. "When are you two getting married then?"

"In a week, so there's no point in sending her away only to bring her back in such a short period of time, is there?"

"No, there isn't," Serizawa agreed before turning to me with a smirk. "You better be careful with the way you behave from now on. As your husband, any action you take will be considered his own. Best be careful not to do anything that will force him to perform seppuku. You know, like raising funds without permission."

I may be allowed to stay here still, but that didn't change the fact that I had still lost. He disposed of my ability to raise money and to interfere in one fell swoop. But I wasn't handicapped completely yet. I wasn't without allies, and Kyoko-chan was a force of nature all on her own. She'd finish the job for me.

"Well I'm sure you two have plenty to talk about now," Serizawa said, smug as he stood up. "I'll leave to give you two some privacy."

Serizawa left the main hall with Niimi and Yukimura following after him. An awkward silence then filled the main hall before Otou-san broke it.

"Everyone is dismissed. Souji, Shizu-chan, stay here. I need to talk to the both of you privately."

"Wait!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed. "Is what Serizawa-san said true?" Is Shizuka-chan really not your daughter?"

"We're not related by blood, but she is still my real daughter," Otou-san declared, warming my heart. "Please don't doubt that Nagakura-kun."

Otou-san then nodded at everyone before they were shooed out by Hijikata-san. Hijikata-san gave me and Souji an appraising look before he smiled to himself and joined the others, leaving Souji and me alone with Otou-san.

"I knew one day that the both of you would get married, but I had hoped it would have been a more joyous occasion," Otou-san spoke after a short silence. There was sorrow in his voice, but also hints of joy. "It happened this way because of my inability to protect Shizu-chan… Are you sure this is what you want Souji? I won't think any less of you if it isn't."

Souji planted a kiss on my cheek. His expression was tender as he held onto me possessively. "I already decided on Shizuka a long time ago." There was no doubt in his voice.

"I see. Then I offer you one of my greatest treasures. Please protect her when I cannot."

"I will. I promise."

* * *

[1] The Japanese rhinoceros beetle, Japanese horned beetle, or kabutomushi (カブトムシ), _Allomyrina dichotoma_ , is a species of rhinoceros beetle.


	31. Chapter 31

First off, thank you for all those who answered my question. Because there are a fair amount of people on both sides, and a few who don't care either way, how about a compromise? I will use the new content of the remake to develop characters like Shinpachi, Sannan, and Yamazaki (because we all know we can use a bit more of Yamazaki) and I will not include the new characters. However, there is still a chance I will have a bit more on Sakamoto Ryoma and Itou's little brother because they were mention briefly in the original game. So what do you guys think?

And as for those curious about the remake, it's called Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds.

Now for the chapter. I apologize for taking so long on it.

 **Warning:** sexual content

* * *

 **Chapter 31**

 _"I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth. I hold myself supremely blest—blest beyond what language can express; because I am my husband's life as fully as he is mine." – Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre_

How long has it been since I truly felt this small? To watch everything spin out of control, to be unable to grab things by the handle and steer only to be saved by someone else. Someone other than me? I'll admit it wasn't exactly comfortable, even with the happy event of an official engagement. I had become so used to my short-lived self-reliance that when Souji stepped in for me, I felt completely lost.

"I…" Otou-san and Souji both perked up at the sound of my voice and looked down at me. I shrunk a little at their curious glances. "Um… What do we do next?"

Marriage.

That was new. Completely new to me. I didn't know what came next exactly. Some people say that it's common sense.

It's not.

Souji had taken to rubbing my side when he noticed my befuddlement. His way of telling me everything will work out fine. It did ease the tension out of me, but my mind still ran millions of miles per a second. Married life… I obviously didn't oppose the idea, but I didn't like the feeling of being lost.

"Well…," Otou-san said, pausing to suck on his lower lip as he gathered his thoughts. "The wedding's is to be held in a week… so…" He frowned and knitted his brows together. " ** _How is this going to work?_** We can't do a traditional yome-iri[1]…"

I shifted in Souji's lap as I listened to Otou-san start muttering incoherently to himself. Since I already lived together with Souji, the traditional wedding of the Tokugawa era wouldn't be practical. At most, we could have an awkward procession from my room to Souji's. That was what? Fifty steps? Our rooms were pretty close. Plus, when it comes to the part family would play in the procession… Souji wasn't exactly on good terms with his oldest sister, Mitsu, and he lost contact with his other older sister, Kin.

A yome-iri wasn't going to work and it's not like there was a system in place where we could just go to the city hall or something like that.

I heard Souji let out a sigh, causing me to look up at him. He looked highly amused at the expressions on Otou-san and my face. He let out a snort when I pinched him in petulant annoyance.

"Kondou-san, there's no need to think that hard," Souji said, grinning as he waved away my prodding hands. "The obvious way to go is with a Shinto wedding."

Otou-san slapped his own forehead at that suggestion. "How did I not think of that? And here I was, worried over nothing. But can I actually reserve a time slot at a temple on short notice?"

"Just talk to Kyoko-chan' parents," I said, making my first real contribution to the conversation. "Having lived in Kyoto almost all their lives, they should have connections."

"Ah!" Otou-san clapped in realization. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?"

He then jumped to his feet and bolted out of the main hall and, apparently, out of headquarters. It was he either didn't care that it was late at night, or he completely forgot what time it was. Either way, that left Souji and me alone in the room staring at the little dust trail Otou-san left behind.

Souji remained silent for a moment, his eyebrows raised so high that they were hidden by his hair before he broke the stunned silence by humming. "Do you think he realizes that it's the Hour of the Boar right now?" he said, shifting me in his lap.

"Honestly?" I pause to look out the door into the night. "No. Otou-san probably won't realize until he reaches the Wakahisa residence. I wonder if everything will be okay if Otou-san continues to remain as nonobservant as this?"

"Well, it isn't exactly a bad thing. Kondou-san's just excited. Any chichi-ue would be excited to see his daughter get married."

"As long as he approves of the match," I corrected. Souji chortled at my little note before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Speaking of marriage," Souji said, standing without putting me down. He silenced my protest to being carried with a stern look before he began walking toward my room, "care to tell me why we were forced to rush the whole process? What did you do or say to Serizawa to make him lash at you out like this?"

I bit my lip as Souji nudged my bedroom door open with his foot when we arrived. "I may have **_warned_** Serizawa that there are consequences to his uncouth actions…"

Souji sighed, putting me down on my futon before he went to close the door. "You mean you **_threatened_** him." He sat down next to me on my futon once the door was shut. "With what, may I ask?"

His gaze wasn't judgmental nor was it disapproving, but it felt heavy. I fidgeted with my fingers before Souji stilled them by reaching for my hand.

"I… er…" I coughed whilst saying, "Death," really quickly. I saw Souji's mouth twitch into a crooked smile, indicating he knew exactly what I said.

"Careful now," Souji joked. I swear I saw him swell up in pride for a second. "You're starting to sound like me. However, I get the feeling that our methods of delivery are different, especially with the way things are planned with that little complex head of yours." He tapped on my forehead, grinning as I bat away his hand. "Care to share?"

I stood up to go to my closet and pull out my sleeping robe. "Well," I said as I started to remove my clothing so I could change into my sleepwear, "you know how I've been going out to fundraise for the Roshigumi because of our money situation, right?"

Souji nodded before just watching me. His eyes lingered on nowhere particularly, they just roamed my bare body. Even though his eyes were on me, it felt like he was really seeing something else. Something deeper.

I didn't put on my sleeping robe right away and just let Souji's eyes roam my body. "That was just part of my overarching plan to remove him," I continued. "After he managed to get Aizu to sponsor the Roshigumi, I was going to handicap his usefulness by removing his ability to raise funds for the Roshigumi. With his aptitude for causing trouble in addition to Serizawa's inability to tribute to the Roshigumi's growth, the only logical action for our sponsors is to remove Serizawa from power."

When Souji's eyes finally traveled back up toward my face, I put on my sleeping robe. As I was tying my robe shut, I noticed his eyes drift back down and lingered. He was distracted.

His eyes weren't on my breasts. They went lower. His eyes weren't on the spot between my thighs. They were focused on something a little higher.

His eyes lingered on my belly.

When death stole his parents from him, it tore a hole in him, one that only grew larger when his sister, Mitsu, left him at Shieikan. He had tried to fill the hole by himself in the past years, with Kondou-san and friends. It made him happy, but it was never enough. He wanted a complete family again. His own family with a mother, father, and children.

It was something I could give him.

I paused my explanation briefly, letting Souji mull in his own thoughts before I continued. Honestly, I was impressed how he could listen to my explanation so carefully while entertaining his own thoughts.

"In my original plan, I didn't plan his death," I continued, returning to the futon once his eyes were on my face again. Souji took it upon himself to slip in beneath the covers with me. "But then I changed my mind later. I asked Kyoko-chan to spread horrendous rumors about Serizawa through the means of gossip to make his reputation unsalvageable. Aizu, who's reputation is associated with Serizawa's reputation just because they endorsed him will tank along with Serizawa's reputation. To save face, Aizu would eventually remove Serizawa. Permanently."

Souji was silent for a moment, shifting so he could get comfortable in my futon. He never did bother changing into his nightwear. Once he got settled, he pulled me close, cradling me against his chest.

"I see…," he said, now purely focused on my explanation once more. "But what are you going to do now that Serizawa put a stop to your plan? What will you do now you can't go out and raise money?"

He wasn't really all that surprised by the confident smile that appeared on my lips.

"Oh, of course you would," he said with a chuckle in his voice. "What's your backup plan?"

"I gave a portion of the money I earned to Kyoko-chan and asked her to invest it into the market so there is a steady flow of income," I said before cheekily saying, "I'm not breaking any rules. I'm not physically doing anything to make the money flow into the Roshigumi's budget."

"As expected," Souji said. That pride I caught a glimpse of from earlier returned in full force as he pecked my forehead. "Now, go to sleep. It's late. We have plenty to take care of tomorrow. We'll have to start moving your belongings my room."

Despite Souji's words, we both remained awake for hours, silent as we enjoyed each other's presence and thought about the future.

Our future.

I didn't get to sleep long before I was jolted away by someone jumping on me and nearly crushing the air out of me. Poor Souji also got caught in the crossfire, so rudely shoved out of bed only to be replaced by the one that displaced him. I think Souji and had only been asleep for the past thirty minutes before this happened.

"Get up! We have sooo much to talk about!" I heard Kyoko-chan's delight squeal in my ear, making me wince.

I could hear Souji's panicked breathing followed by him silently swearing to himself as I grumbled before rolling over and pulling the blanket over my head.

"Seriously?" I heard Souji mutter. Unhappy was an understatement. If Kyoko-chan wasn't my friend, Souji would have long picked her up and tossed her out the door.

Kyoko-chan ignored Souji's grumble in favor of shaking all the sleep from me. She literally grabbed me by the shoulders and shook. I'm pretty sure my head looked like a bobble head with the way it bounced back and forth.

"Noooo, it's too early for this," I whined as I tried to lay back down. Try being the operative word. I wasn't very effective. But to be fair, it was the Hour of the Ox. No one was supposed to be able to be effective at that hour in the morning.

"Shizuka-chan! Up! Up! Up! Don't make me pour cold water on you"

"Nuh…," I mumbled almost incoherently before finally sitting up properly. Kyoko-chan wasn't at all bothered by the stink eye I sent her way. "How do you even get in here in the first place if you don't come in through the front?"

"I climbed over the walls," she sang a tad bit too cheerfully for my tastes.

"That's all you ever say…," I grumbled. "So? What are you here for?"

"So," she chirped while bouncing her seat next to me, "Your chichi-ue came to ask my chichi-ue for help in booking a temple. You're getting married at the end of this week! I couldn't wait until the sun came up, so you have to tell me all the juicy details now!"

I stared blankly at her for a moment and she must have thought I fell asleep again because she grabbed my shoulders and jostled me a bit before letting me go. I blew the hair that fell in front of my face away before popping my neck.

"Can't it wait until morning," I finally said, making Kyoko-chan twist her lips at me before jabbing my ribs with her elbow. "Ow! Okay! Okay! I'll talk!"

"So? How did the engagement happen?" she asked in one impatient breath, he words so hurried that they almost sounded like a single word. "Why are you getting married so fast? You're getting married before I am and my marriage was arranged when I was eleven! Tell meeeee!"

I could hear Souji mutter something to himself in the background before he said, "Oi! Don't talk like I'm not here!"

The most I could offer him was an apologetic look. He still wasn't happy about the sudden intrusion, but he at least accepted my apology without complaint.

"Long story short, Serizawa sniffed out my plan and acted first to get rid of me. Souji stepped in and prevented me from getting kicked out by saying we are going to marry in a week." I hummed before adding, "And that's about it in a nutshell."

"So he protected you? That's so romantic!" Kyoko-chan said dreamily. I exchanged glances with Souji. I was pretty sure I could see hearts in her eyes, and by the look on Souji's face, he probably could too. "So! How did he jump in? Did he yell, 'I object!' as he gallantly swept into the room with a—"

"Who are you talking to, Shizuka?" I heard a tired sounding voice interrupt Kyoko-chan from outside. It was Hijikata-san.

There was a sloppy shuffle of footsteps outside before Hijikata-san slid my door open without asking for permission first. Luckily, he wasn't carrying a lantern because I'm sure he would have dropped it when he saw the people gathered inside my room. With nothing to drop in his hand from his strange mixture of shock and surprise, he dropped his jaw instead.

I honestly don't understand why Hijikata-san was even surprised at these occurrences anymore. I mean, Kyoko-chan had a habit of showing up randomly and out of nowhere so often that it would be even stranger if she didn't appear at headquarters at least five times a week. And as for Souji… We were going to be married in a week. Seriously, what did Hijikata-san expect?

"You!" Hijikata-san practically shoved his finger in Kyoko-chan's face. "How did you get in?!" He then turned to Souji. "You guys aren't married yet! No midnight rendezvouses!"

"You!" Kyoko-chan snapped, purposely copying Hijikata-san's previous actions by shoving her finger in his face. The only difference was she tapped his nose in a mocking way. "Stop interrupting me! It's rude! Were you raised by a pack of wolves? And you're too loud! You'll wake everyone up!"

"Oh?! And look who's yelling?! Huh?!"

I silently looked to Souji for some help on pulling Hijikata-san and Kyoko-chan apart. Souji just shrugged uselessly without a care in the world. Hijikata-san was completely pulled into Kyoko-chan's pace while she purposely just jerked Hijikata-san around for fun.

How could Souji resist doing nothing to stop them?

Then one more person joined into the mix.

"What's with all the yelling?" Heisuke asked as he suddenly stepped into view before letting out a loud yawn. He was in his nightwear and had a half-empty cup of water in his hands. "We're all supposed to be sleep—Oh. Kyoko-chan's here."

Unlike Hijikata-san, he wasn't surprised at all.

"Oh!" Kyoko-chan disengaged from her argument with the red-faced Hijikata-san to wave. "Good morning, Heisuke-san!" She then turned back to me making Hijikata-san about ready to erupt when she ignored him. "So, you never did answer my question. What did—"

"OI! Don't ignore—"

"Hijikata-san," I interrupted Hijikata-san just as he interrupted Kyoko-chan again. My voice was blunt to show how unimpressed I was with the whole commotion. "You're yelling in the middle of the night when normal people are trying to sleep. If you want to talk, then don't clutter up the hallway and come in." I turned to Heisuke just as he took a sip of his cold beverage. "You can come in too, Heisuke."

Hijikata-san quieted down pretty fast, his face still red, though from embarrassment this time. He stepped into the room and dropped on his butt right beside Souji while Heisuke shuffled in and sat on the other side of Souji with more grace. Suddenly, the once spacious room felt quite small, but there was the feeling of warmth that permeated the room.

"Hey, Shizuka-chan," Heisuke spoke up, his voice somewhat muted from his usual excitement. "Was what Serizawa-san said true? You were...," he paused, "…abandoned as a baby?"

Whatever lightness in the room fled in an instant and the warmth turned frigid.

I could feel my joints lock up and my back stiffened. I averted my gaze, drawing on the soles of my feet with my finger before taking a deep breath.

"Yeah…"

"Why didn't you tell me or any of the other guys?" Heisuke looked hurt. "We wouldn't have thought any less of you."

"It's just…" My throat felt tight. I felt ashamed when, in reality, I was guiltless. "When the woman that births you leaves you to die on purpose… You think to yourself, 'Why didn't she want me? Was I that repulsive? That worthless? That unlovable?' It doesn't matter if you know in your head that it's not your fault. Your chest will always hurt when you think about it. There is always that devious voice no one else can hear telling you everything was your fault. You're trash nobody will ever want. And soon, you hide it."

I put my head on Kyoko-chan's shoulder. The room had grown so quiet that it even sounded like no one was breathing. It was like my room had been cut off from the rest of the world and had turned into its own little dimension. It was eerie. The silence beckoned me to continue speaking while also telling me to shut up at the same time.

"You hide the fact that you were abandoned, stuffing it so far inside yourself that it's like it doesn't exist. And soon you forget about and go about your day, but something like this, this ball of darkness is not made to be forgotten. It is vindictive and will break out of its confinement to ambush you when least expected to, bringing that hurt you long thought you got over. It's like a wound that never heals, always opening up and bleeding. I hate it."

The room grew silent again. No one dared to move as I ducked back into my futon and pulled the blankets over my head so no one could see the fresh tear that sprung up in the corners of my eyes. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed of my existence.

But I did.

Then someone sent a swift kick to my side.

"Ouch!" I cried despite feeling no pain.

"Move over," I heard Kyoko-chan say before nudging my side with her foot again. "I'm staying here tonight."

"What?! You can't take my spot! I was here first!" Souji objected instantly.

"Well, you can have her all to yourself once you two are married. Shizuka-chan's mine, for now, Souji-san," Kyoko-chan stated before she continuously nudged me with her foot. "Move! Move! Move!"

"Ouch! Hey!" I protested to no avail as I scrambled to one side of my futon.

And before I knew it, space had opened up next to me. Kyoko-chan quickly took advantage of that and slipped in next to me before pulling the shared blanket up to her chin.

Then with the ferocity of a lioness, she snapped at the flabbergasted men still in the room. "Don't just stand there!" The men all jumped at her voice. "Go back to your rooms and sleep! Shoo!"

Hijikata-san and Heisuke scrambled out of the room like terrified little mice, afraid to stir her wrath. Souji who was braver than those two in this situation was slower to leave. I felt his hand on my back and the moment I poked my head out from under the blankets, he pecked me on the nose.

"Sleep well," Souji said before scowling at Kyoko-chan one last time. Souji took his time ducking out of my room just for the sake of irritating Kyoko-chan.

"So," Kyoko-chan chirped as soon as all the men were gone, "I'm invited to the wedding, right?" If her goal was to cheer me up by speaking of a happier topic, then it was working. "Oh, and Kosuzu-chan too," she added almost as an afterthought.

The week blitzed by in an instant while moving slower than a snail at the same time. I rarely saw Souji or even Otou-san during the week. When not besieged by their duties to the Roshigumi, Otou-san was off somewhere else, dragging Souji along too, not like that upset Souji in any way. Souji was always happy to acquiesce to Otou-san's whims. As for me, while the guys were hauling my things over to Souji's room for preparation during the week, I was hauled off by Kyoko-chan and her mother for tailoring. Kosuzu-chan would have been there too if she didn't have to work.

By the end of the week, the night before the wedding, my room was devoid of any except the clothing I was going to wear the next day and the futon I was sleeping in. It was strange. The room was so empty that my footsteps would echo, proof that everything would change for me the next day. I wasn't afraid or unwilling, but sleep refused to come as I stared up at the ceiling. In the end, even though I was far too old to, I snuck off to Otou-san's room and crawled into bed with him. He didn't say anything. All he did was chuckle and flip the corner of his blanket up as an invitation.

Morning came too fast. Before I was even fully awake yet with a functioning brain, Kyoko-chan and her mother came and whisked me away to prepare. I didn't get to see anybody else that morning. Otou-san had already gotten up and was gone by the time I was shaken awake by Kyoko-chan.

I felt strange. A beautiful rouge was applied onto my lips, making them feel smothered and stiff. The clothing I was wearing was heavy. There were so many hair accessories in my hair that they felt like they were going to fall out if I tilted my head the wrong way. But despite all of that…

"You're so pretty!" Kyoko-chan squealed as she stepped back to observe the change after she finished helping me straighten my pure white shiromuku[2]. "Souji-san will be pleased."

"Do you really think so?"

I didn't feel beautiful, even if I was wearing my wedding attire. All I saw was white, plain and lacking compared to the colorful kimono I was so used to seeing. White almost seemed… boring. It was true that the ivory-colored uchikake[3] had elaborate cranes embroidered into it, but they didn't pop due to lack of color.

But, yet again, perhaps Kyoko-chan wasn't talking about my actual appearance in my attire. Perhaps she was talking about the symbolism behind it.

Like in the West, white had long been regarded as a symbol of pureness, cleanness or virginity. White was also regarded as the color that can be dyed any color. A white shiromuku represented the bride as a clean slate that was ready to be dyed the "color" of the groom and his family. And at the location of a temple, a place of holiness, white was fitting because it was regarded as a sacred color.

"Of course I think so!" Kyoko-chan said with a huff before she reached up to readjust my tsunokakushi[4] to prevent it from becoming crooked. "Don't write off your own beauty so quickly."

Once she was satisfied with the way the headpiece sat, she quickly put the wataboshi[5] over it and stepped back again. She nodded to herself, indicating she was pleased with her work and quickly slapped my hands away when I attempted to rub my eyes.

"No, don't do that! You'll smudge your makeup and ruin my haha-ue's hard work!"

"But I'm sleepy," I whined, sounding like a child.

"How are you even sleepy on the day of your wedding?" I actually already pondered that myself. "You'll walk out of this room to join Souji-san in just a matter of minutes!"

"Well," I looked up at the expensive full-length mirror in front of me, "I couldn't really sleep last night. Too many random thoughts kept popping up in my head."

I didn't look anything like my usual self. No, I looked too regal.

"That's to be expected, but the sleepiness, not so much."

There was a shuffle by the closed door and I could see Otou-san's familiar silhouette through the door. All my sleepiness vanished in an instant. Suddenly, this all felt very real. I was to leave the temple today as a married woman. It felt like there were fizzy bubbles in my stomach. There was no nervousness, just excitement.

All past feelings of confusion, forgotten. I now felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Shizu-chan? Can I come in?" Otou-san called in through the door.

"Yes," Kyoko-chan replied for me simply because I was too giddy to answer. I was getting married.

The door slid open and there was silence. Otou-san himself looked like he couldn't even dare to breathe. His face was blank at first. Then his eyes narrowed into their own smile as a grin erupted on his face and slowly grew until the corner of his lips couldn't possibly move anymore. His eyes were misty.

"So," I said, a small smile gracing my red lips as I twirled just to give him good look at my attire, "how do I look?"

A joyful laugh erupted from his throat as he approached me and pulled me into a hug. He forgot about his own strength and nearly squeezed the air out of my lungs.

"I only wish Tsune and Tama-chan were here," he said, rubbing his eyes to wipe away the tears that appeared. "But Tama-chan is still too young to travel safely and this wedding was on such a short notice that by the time Tsune receives my letter, the wedding will already be over."

Otou-san blew his nose on his sleeve, prompting Kyoko-chan to give him a handkerchief before leaving the room to join the others and to give me and Otou-san privacy. She vanished before Otou-san could thank her for the handkerchief, causing him to tear up some more.

"Moh, no crying on my wedding day," I joked, taking the handkerchief from his hand to wipe away his tears for him.

"I know. I know." He took several deep breaths before laying his hand on my cheek. "Let me just get one more good look at you. You're beautiful. I hope you know that."

I placed my hand over his and let him take my hand when he was ready. He gave me one more once over before leading me out of the room. I saw Souji standing at the entrance of the temple before he saw me.

Souji was chatting with the other guys. I could see him talking to Sano-san, and while I couldn't hear what they were talking about, I could tell Sano-san was giving Souji some advice with Heisuke interrupting to add a few of his own words. Shinpachi-san, on the other hand, just seemed to be full of congratulations as he gave Souji a hearty slap on the back while Saito-san just nodded silently in agreement. As for Hijikata-san and the others, they were off to the side talking amongst themselves while sneaking a glance at Souji every few words.

It was actually Sannan-san that noticed Otou-san with me first.

Sannan-san's glasses seemed to twinkle under the sunlight a little before he not so discreetly cleared his throat. Everyone paused what they were doing and Souji looked up. All conversation died down in an instant.

I saw Souji open his mouth wordlessly before he swallowed like his mouth had gone dry. He then held out his hand for me to take as soon as close enough. I could feel his hand quiver as soon as my finger touched his.

Disbelief. He felt disbelief.

"Mine…" I heard Souji whisper to himself so quietly that I thought it was the wind for a moment. Those words were for no one but himself.

He was handsome. The solid black montsuki[6] accompanied by a pair of black and white striped hakama suited him. He looked so noble, so strong. But it was his family crest that was stitched onto his haori that drew my eye.

The Okita family.

I was to be a part of his family. An Okita.

I felt myself smile once more as I coyly looked down at the himo[7] tying his haori shut before flickering my eyes back up at him, batting my eyelashes at him as his thumb rubbed the back of my hand in an almost trance-like state. He then lifted my hand up to his lips. His eyes were now strangely alluring.

"It's finally time," he said softly. He then tugged my hand lightly before we proceeded through the entrance of the temple.

The procession line of our guest followed in behind us.

We came to stop before an altar. The first action to be performed at the wedding was known as the shubatsu-no-gi, where everyone in attendance, including the ones being married, bowed towards the altar. This was to symbolize purification.

The guest took their seats as soon as this was complete and waited for the Shinto priest to move forward before me and Souji for the next step, the norito-soujou. The norito-soujou was, in its simplest explanation, a prayer for a blessing. This ritualistic prayer was used to invoke the gods and to report the marriage to the Emperor, who was considered an. envoy of the gods.

The priest opened a long pale scroll, its edges browned with the passage of time. There was a moment of silence before the priest began to read the prayer off the scroll. First came the thanking of the gods and Emperor, then came the report where the priest merely put Souji's and my name into the prayer to alert the deities who was getting married. Then came the part where the priest asked the gods for their blessing on the union and protection.

With the grace of a crane, the priest rolled the scroll up in silence before passing it to one of the shrine maidens[8] to take. He turned to the small bamboo table behind him, focusing on the three small cups. Saké was poured into the cups before Souji and I were presented with them, the san-san-roku. Souji sipped on the saké first before gingerly placing in my hand so I could take a sip from the same cup. We did the same for all three cups.

Then came the phase the next phase of the wedding. From the corner of my eye, I could see Souji fidget as he grew restless. Waiting for the priest to step away from the altar so we could approach was, apparently, like pulling teeth for Souji. The next part, the seishi-soujou was the taking of wedding vows. To say Souji was impatient was an understatement.

As soon as the priest stepped out of the way, Souji approached the altar with me at his side in almost a rush. Feeling my curious gaze, Souji impishly winked back at me discretely, priding himself on making me have to hide my giggle. Then standing up straight, Souji projected his voice, carefully making sure everyone in attendance could hear him.

"We make this marriage vow respectfully before the Hachiman[9] deity. We Souji and Shizuka are delighted to be able to make our vows on this great day and to become husband and wife through the blessing of the Hachiman deity. We swear before the Hachiman deity to love and respect each other forever and strive to bring our family prosperity. Moreover, we swear never to veer from the true path of matrimony and to work to share the divine grace of the Hachiman deity by helping people and society."

A shrine maiden then approached us before presenting the both of us with a sakura branch to place on the altar as an offering to the gods for the next step known as the tamagushi-hairei. Souji and I place each placed a branch on the altar before proceeding to bow twice and clap twice.

To end the wedding on a safe note, according to tradition, everyone in attendance was passed a small cup of saké. This step, known as the shinzokuhai-no-gi was literally translated as drinking saké together. The intention of this small step was used to strengthen the bond between the couple's relatives. It was a bit obsolete here with Otou-san already being as close as he was to Souji and Souji's sisters not being present, but we still did it anyways.

A wild banquet instantly occurred the moment we arrived back at the Yagi house. In practically no time at all, the Idiot Trio dove right into the fancy expensive saké that was stronger than all else. Otou-san quickly waved Souji over to him to speak privately, leaving me sitting next Hijikata-san.

Feeling a little peckish myself, I reached over and stole a piece of bamboo shoot from Hijikata-san's plate.

Hijikata-san sighed just as I dropped the bamboo into my mouth. "You know, you don't look one bit elegant when you steal food with your fingers while still wearing your wedding attire."

I merely shrugged in a carefree manner. "I don't care how I look. I'm hungry."

"Nice to know you still have an appetite right before going off to consummate the marriage." Hijikata-san snorted. "Oh look, here comes Souji now."

As if Souji saw how annoyed Hijikata-san was earlier when I stole food, Souji made it a point to steal some takuan[10], Hijikata-san's favorite dish, as soon as he arrived. He grinned when he heard Hijikata-san's growl.

"Souji," Hijikata-san then said in exasperation with a scowl set on his lips. "You're a married man now. Act more like an adult, will you?"

It was either Souji was ignoring Hijikata-san or he didn't hear him, which was unlikely, because he didn't respond to Hijikata-san and instantly swept me off my feet. Or butt if I wanted to be technical since I was sitting down.

Before I could protest being picked up, Souji nipped my ear lightly before whispering, "We need to go now. The marriage needs to be consummated."

My words died in my mouth. The last thing I heard as Souji carried me out was a wolf whistle from one of the guys.

Souji's room felt different now. It looked different. It was different. It wasn't just his room anymore. It was ours.

And this was when I really realized how big of a change there was going to be in my life. Souji and I were husband and wife now. He was and I were officially a family now.

Souji lightly placed me on my feet once we entered our room. My eyes were instantly drawn to the large futon laid in the center of the room as Souji shut the door behind us. The futon was different. It was designed specifically for two people, a married couple. I felt Souji's hand on my side from behind, prompting me to turn to face him.

His lips crashed down onto mine the moment I turned. It was an aggressive, fiery kiss. He greedily sucked on my lips, almost like he was trying to eat them as his one of his arms wrapped around me to pull me flush against his chest. His other arm was reached up with his hand busy at work, removing my tsunokakushi and my hair accessories as he carelessly dropped them on the ground. Once my hair unfurled, both his hands ran down my sides before pushing the uchikake off my shoulders.

I panted almost breathlessly the moment Souji released my lips, but he took no such break. Instead of pausing for breath, he moved his lips to my neck, nipping and sucking before reaching a sensitive spot. I felt his lips curl upward when he felt my breath hitch.

Then I felt him harden against me.

"Souji!" I gasped when he pushed himself against my stomach. "Oh!"

He took that as encouragement and I soon found his hands working on my obi.

As soon as my obi fell to the floor, Souji slowed his actions and stepped away to watch my kimono fall open in the front. He placed a gentle hand on waist under my kimono before he pushed it off my shoulders, watching it flutter to the ground before his he laid his hands on my nagajuban[11]. It quickly joined my kimono on the floor. Then, being the most careful he had been since he started undressing me, he pulled on the cord tying me juban[12] shut.

My juban fell open in almost a slow motion fashion, revealing my naked upper body. Almost disbelievingly, Souji placed his hands on the bare skin of my sides with his thumbs touching my lower breasts. Then with one flick of his wrist, my juban came off, leaving me in my koshimaki.

"Shizuka…," Souji mumbled, his hot breath hitting my cheek as his hands trailed down my body, his touch just barely grazing my skin before his hands stopped at my koshimaki.

Souji flickered his eyes up to mine briefly before he sucked in a shaky breath as his eyes dropped down to the cord of my koshimaki, the last thing keeping him from seeing me completely bare before him. The with one quick tug, my koshimaki came undone and fell to the ground.

He took another deep breath, one laced with a moan of pleasure before he placed a hand on my inner thigh just a hair's width away from my core. He then jumped away with a hiss when my fingers brushed against him through his hakama.

"Shizuka, don't," he groaned as he dropped his forehead on my shoulder as his hands tighten against my waist. "I can't have you touching me down there for our first time. You'll make me finish before I can enter. I don't have any real experience yet, so I don't know how to hold back yet."

"So only you can touch me?" I whispered as I closed the space between us so he was pressed against my stomach again. I felt him twitch. "That hardly seems fair."

"It's just for our first time, okay?" Souji groaned before pushing me into the futon.

He planted one more eager kiss on my lips before he got up again just to sloppily tear at his own clothing. His own clothing was discarded far faster than mine were and he was back on top of me with his lips on mine before I could even begin to feel his body heat leave my bare body.

His hands slide down my body to wander before one moved back up again to cup my breast. My cries were muffled by his kiss as he gave it a quick squeeze, already too sensitive to stay silent. Souji nipped my lower lip on last time before lowering his mouth to my other breast.

"Ah!" I could already feel myself grow moist between my thighs.

And then he started to suckle.

It wasn't really my fault that my hips bucked against his, accidently brushing against him.

"Nmph! Shizuka!" He placed a hand on my hips to still me before he latched on again, but this time to the opposite breast.

Heat coiled in the pit of my stomach, becoming so unbearably hot that I'm sure I would have come if he didn't release my breasts when he did.

Souji looked so pleased with himself when he watched me pant below him as a drop of sweat slowly slid down the side of his face. He lowered his lips to kiss my belly, almost like he was trying to invoke good luck before he went even lower to nip my inner thighs. Then he pulled his face away so he could watch my face as his fingers touched my core.

I cried out, writhing as his fingers touched and rubbed my nether regions. My hips bucked against his hand.

And then he slipped a finger within me.

The coil that was twisting itself tighter and tighter within me suddenly snapped, coming undone all at once as I threw back my head from the sudden release of the buildup. My cry filled the room.

Souji instantly pulled his hands away. Thick slimy fluid covered his fingers as he stared at it almost disbelievingly.

"I… You… Did you just…?"

Too out of breath to truly answer, I just nodded as I panted with my cheeks flush, half embarrassed that I suddenly came so soon while the other half embarrassed that I was so loud. It didn't matter what sexual experience I had in my past life. This was a new body and it was a virgin. Even the foreplay from the night Otou-san walked in on us paled in comparison.

Pride suddenly seemed to swell within him before he ran a finger between my folds, making me gasp as my back arched. That coil that so suddenly released just moments ago was already building up again, but with more intensity this time.

"Ah!"

Souji pulled his hand away at my cry, his eyebrows arched upward like he couldn't believe his luck. He seemed overly pleased with his discovery if not surprised. I was just as surprised.

My body in my past life would be too sensitive to continue after coming once, but this body…

No wonder Souji looked so proud of himself and so happy with his discovery.

I felt Souji spread my thighs as he positioned his hips between my thighs. Then I felt his tip between my folds.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't push in either. He looked me directly in the eyes, just waiting for me to tell him to him otherwise. And then he slowly pushed in, the head slowly stretching me out and making me gasp. When he began to feel resistance, he paused, kissing me slowly and reassuringly this time before he suddenly snapped his hips forward. With the barrier torn, he sunk in fully until his hilt hit my folds.

I hissed at the sudden sharp pain that was followed by a burning sensation. Souji stilled himself when he felt my arms tighten around him as I winced. He nuzzled the side of my neck before whispering quite nonsensical words into my ear like he believed that would ease the pain.

He didn't resume movement until after I sucked in one last deep breath and then rolled my hips against him, causing a deep moan to rise from deep within his chest.

Souji was slow at first when he resumed his movement, patiently thrusting slower than he clearly wanted to. As he watched my face carefully, his movement sloppily increased in speed. Sometimes too slow. Sometimes too fast. The pace was irregular, telling me of his inexperience.

But that did nothing to stop the coil within me from snapping over and over again, each time growing more powerful.

Somewhere in the back of my head, a little voice told me I was too loud, that the others could probably hear me without trying. I didn't care. Not now.

Then suddenly I felt Souji tense.

"Shizuka—ngh!"

I felt warmth fill me and even overfill me a bit as some of the hot fluid dripped out of me, reminding me again of how messy sex was without a condom.

Souji then collapsed on top of me, panting as he laid there trying to catch his breath.

I was still quivering as I rubbed his back. I could feel him tighten his arms around me as he mumbled sweet nothings into my ear. I couldn't see his face right now, but I could feel the satisfaction practically radiate off of him.

It took him some time before he pushed himself off of me before pulling himself out of me. As he removed himself from me, I could feel the fluid he just deposited within me slowly dripping out of the vacancy he had left, and I wished briefly for a moment that I had laid a towel beneath us before we started to catch the fluids. Having to do laundry first thing the next morning was unappealing. But that thought was quickly lost as soon as Souji pulled the blankets over our bare bodies and pulled me to his chest.

"Shizuka…," he mumbled quietly, reaching up to stroke my cheek with a finger.

We both quickly fell asleep without another word as we laid there in each other's presence.

* * *

[1] A yome-iri was a type of wedding ceremony in the Tokugawa. In a yome-iri, the ceremony began on the groom's side. There would be a long procession formed by the groom and his family to go visit the bride's house. The groom's side would carry a barrel of saké and gifts to the bride's house and when they arrived at the bride's house, the bride-giving side would be waiting to host a banquet for the bride-receiving group. The two groups would then be introduced to each other and the presentation of gifts and the serving of the saké from the groom's side would then occur. After the banquet at the bride's house, another long procession would be formed, but this time with both parties heading to the groom's house.

The bride's family would bring with them to the groom's house a barrel of saké, gifts, and a nagamochi. When the procession arrived, the groom's house another banquet would begin. The bride's side would serve the saké they brought and present the groom's family with gifts that were brought. When the banquet ended, the marriage ceremony would be completed and the, now, newlywed couple would go consummate the marriage.

[2] A shiromuku (白無垢) is what the bride wears for a traditional Japanese wedding ceremony.

[3] Uchikake (打掛) is a highly formal kimono worn only by a bride or at a stage performance. The Uchikake is often heavily brocaded and is supposed to be worn outside the actual kimono and obi, as a sort of coat. One therefore never ties the obi around the uchikake. It is supposed to trail along the floor, this is also why it is heavily padded along the hem. The uchikake of the bridal costume is either white or very colorful often with red as the base color.

[4] Tsunokakushi (角隠し tsunokakushi) is a traditional headwear worn in Shinto wedding ceremonies in Japan. Tsunokakushi is a rectangular piece of cloth, which covers the bridal high topknot called Bunkin Takashimada (文金高島田 bunkin takashimada), a kind of Mage (髷 mage), Japanese traditional topknot. It's often made of white silk. This is traditionally worn to veil the bride's horns of jealousy, ego and selfishness. It also symbolizes the bride's resolve to become a gentle and obedient wife.

[5] The wataboshi (綿帽子) is derived from the "katsuki", a hood worn outdoors by married women in samurai families from the Muromachi to Momoyama periods. From the Edo period, this custom was taken up by younger women. Originally worn outdoors to keep away dust and prevent from the cold, the wataboshi now is worn as the equivalent of the bridal veil in Western tradition. Wearing the wataboshi hides the bride's face from all others except for the groom until the end of the wedding ceremony. The white wataboshi is worn only outside with the shiromuku, not with colored wedding kimono or during indoor receptions.

[6] Mon-tsuki is a formal kimono with family crests. It's worn by men on formal parties or ceremonies, like marriage ceremonies of family or relative. Also it's worn for funerals.

"Mon" means "family crest", and "Tsuki" means "putting on". The fabric is plain, and it has family crest. Having five crest is formal, but three or one crest are allowed.

[7] A little pompom tie to tie the haori securely in place.

[8] In Shinto, a miko (巫女) is a shrine (jinja) maiden or a supplementary priestess. Miko were once likely seen as a shaman but are understood in modern Japanese culture to be an institutionalized role in daily shrine life, trained to perform tasks, ranging from sacred cleansing to performing the sacred Kagura dance.

[9] In Japanese beliefs, Hachiman (八幡神 Hachiman-jin/Yahata no kami) is the syncretic divinity of archery and war, elements from both Shinto and Buddhism. Although often called the god of war, he is more correctly defined as the tutelary god of warriors. He is also the divine protector of Japan, the Japanese people and the Imperial House, the Minamoto clan ("Genji") and most samurai worshipped him. The name means "God of Eight Banners", referring to the eight heavenly banners that signaled the birth of the divine Emperor Ōjin. His symbolic animal and messenger is the dove.

Since ancient times Hachiman was worshiped by peasants as the god of agriculture and by fishermen who hoped he would fill their nets with much fish. In Shinto, he became identified by legend as the Emperor Ōjin, son of Empress Jingū, from the 3rd–4th century of the Common Era.

[10] Takuan, also known as takuwan or takuan-zuke, is pickled daikon radish. Takuan is often served alongside other types of tsukemono in traditional Japanese cuisine, and is also enjoyed at the end of meals as it is thought to aid digestion.

[11] A kimono-shaped robe worn by both men and women beneath the main outer garment. Since silk kimono are delicate and difficult to clean, the nagajuban helps to keep the outer kimono clean by preventing contact with the wearer's skin. Only the collar edge of the nagajuban shows from beneath the outer kimono. Many nagajuban have removable collars, to allow them to be changed to match the outer garment, and to be easily washed without washing the entire garment. While the most formal type of nagajuban are white, they are often as beautifully ornate and patterned as the outer kimono. Since men's kimono are usually fairly subdued in pattern and color, the nagajuban allows for discreetly wearing very striking designs and colors.

[12] A thin garment similar to an undershirt. It is worn under the nagajuban.


	32. Chapter 32

Sorry for the wait. I picked up another part-time job. Slower updates as I adjust to the new schedule.

* * *

 **Chapter 32**

 _"Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistible urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee."_  
 _― J.R. Ward, Dark Lover_

I awoke to a light crawling sensation trickling down my sides before it crawled back up. In the past, there would usually be a yelp of horror before an awkward looking jig as I attempted to shake off what I assumed to be a creepy spider. Then I'd run off to grab Hijikata-san, my designated spider-squisher, who would then come and remove the spider from my room with his typical unimpressed scowl all whilst muttering, "Why is she scared of spiders and not human guts?" to himself.

Well, the answer to Hijikata-san's answer was rather simple. Human guts, as he so eloquently put it, was something we all had and need to survive. Spiders, on the other hand? Eight hairy legs, plus eight creepy eyes, plus fangs, plus occasionally poisonous, plus sometimes large, equals…

Sometimes I wonder why Hijikata-san hasn't figured this out yet.

But this? If Souji's hand was a spider, then I'd invite it to crawl all over me every morning because this felt **_amazing_**. The light touch of his warm fingers trailing up and down my sides before sliding down my spine while I laid against his chest. But the best part about this had nothing to do with his hands.

His chest rising up and down with his every breath. His heart beating beneath where I lay. All these things told me that everything that had happened was real and that Souji was here with me. That he is alive and healthy. That he is a patient man because he willingly puts up with me laying on him. That he isn't eager to leave when the sun rises because he enjoys my company. But most of all, actions speak louder than words and all the nuances in his movements told me the same thing over and over again.

That he loves me.

Souji slid his finger down my spine one last time before he laid his hand flat on the small of my back. He lightly blew on my ear and as soon as my eyes flickered open. His lips curled upward when my lashes fluttered at him.

"How are you feeling?" I could feel his chest vibrate as he spoke, his voice was nothing more than a warm whisper.

His hand slid down lower before stopping right on top of my butt as he put his other hand on my hips. He chuckled at my wordless answer as I nuzzled his chest as I tried to bring myself impossibly closer to him.

"Oh?" he breathed teasingly into my ear just as he pinched my hip lightly. "Not going to speak?"

"You're too comfortable to lay on," I mumbled near incoherently.

I felt like I was waking up on a cold winter's morning under a pile of warm blankets while laying on top of a mountain of pillows. Yes, it was morning, late morning if the sun was anything to go by, but screw getting up. I wanted to stay right here, the most comfortable spot in the world.

"Is that the only thing?" he asked, nipping my ear before rolling so he was right above me.

All drowsiness fled in an instant as Souji grinned down wolfishly at me. My breath hitched when Souji laid his hand on my inner thigh. Souji chuckled, amused my reaction, before laying back down on his side right beside me after pecking my nose impishly. I pouted childishly at him in my disappointment.

"You certainly looked eager for another round," he commented as brought up the hand that he had laid on my inner thigh. There were flakes of dried blood and other fluids on his palm. He brushed off the dried fluids before laying his hand on my belly. "So I guess that mean I didn't disappoint with last night's performance."

I shook my head before kissing the corner of his lips. "What? You need reassurance that you were wonderful?" I snorted, I quirking my eyebrow at him. "What if I decided to mean and lied. 'Oh, you sucked last night~'"

"Then I'd call you a l-i-a-r." His grin just grew with his answer. "Even if you didn't look eager for more, I have the clues from last night. You were plenty loud. I'm pretty sure if I sucked, then it would have been a very quiet night."

"Then what about me?" I asked. I'll admit that I was a little nervous and afraid to hear the answer.

Souji didn't say anything. Instead, I felt his hand go between my thighs again. Souji gingerly ran a finger along my folds and brought it back up for me to see. His finger was covered in dark, half dried, coagulated blood.

"If you were healed up by now, then we'd be in the middle of another round," he stated before wiping the blood on the blanket. I would have been annoyed but the blanket and futon needed to be washed anyways.

"Well, that's a pity." I shifted, rolling onto my side so I could wiggle close to Souji to leech off his body warm. "I wouldn't mind another round. But if you're adamant about waiting for me to heal up completely, then you'll have to go dry for a week."

"Whah…" He sounded super unenthusiastic and even sagged a bit.

It was cute.

Suddenly, Souji's demeanor changed. No longer lax, he pulled the blanket up higher until it covered my shoulders and shifted so I couldn't be seen from over his broad shoulder from the door. His eyes sharpened just as his lips curled into a frown. As soon as he shifted his shoulder, the door slid open with a bang before someone slipped in and snapped the door shut.

"Good, you're awake!" Kyoko-chan, our intruder, exclaimed a tad bit too excitedly. She completely disregarded the fact that both Souji and I were laying together in bed, completely naked.

Souji relaxed as soon as he saw our unwanted visitor, unwanted in his mind anyway, but he kept his arms around my waist as if he were imagining getting kicked out of bed by her again. While he was no longer as tense as before, the scowl on his face remained.

"Morning, Kyoko-chan," I chirped, deciding just to roll along with her sudden appearance.

With her originally not seeming to understand the concept of personal privacy, it was either that or she didn't care, I figured she'd show up the morning after. She did not disappoint. Souji, on the other hand, was very disappointed that she showed up.

"You know, it's the morning after the wedding," Souji pointed out, his scowl growing in size when Kyoko-chan ignored him and came to sit next to me. "That usually means the newlyweds need to have some private time to get acquainted with their partner's body. And you do know we're both completely naked here, right?"

"Eh," she flippantly replied as she waved away his complaints. "Your important parts are covered and it doesn't matter if Shizuka's naked since we're both women." She turned to me, her face now lighting up like fireworks as she bounced in her seat. "So? How was last night? Spill!" she said in one giant rush where her words almost morphed into one jumbo mess.

Souji groaned before slamming the back of his head on his pillow. He threw an arm over his face to cover his eyes in disbelief when it became clear Kyoko-chan had no intention of leaving soon. I rubbed his side before sitting up to properly answer Kyoko-chan's question.

"It was good," I stated bluntly, not caring if the blanket fell and pooled around my waist as I sat up.

"I know it was good! You're practically glowing! I want to the details! The details!"

Souji let out a cough. "You know I'm still here, right? Don't talk like I'm not in the room." He lifted his arm slightly so he could glare at her with one eye. "The least you can do is wait until I leave first."

"What? You don't want to hear what I have to say to other's about your 'performance'?" I poked his shoulder before adding, "And don't scowl so much. Your face will get stuck that way."

Souji snorted. "Shizuka, you know it doesn't work that way. I can scowl all I want." He reached over and tidied the blanket around my waist, not that it made much of a difference. "And I don't need to hear what you tell others about my 'performance'. It sounds weird when you put it that way."

Kyoko-chan cleared her throat, sapping up my attention. "Well? I want the details."

"Oh." I shrugged, feeling a bit vindictive about being interrupted this morning. "It was good," I repeated.

I loved Kyoko-chan and all, but just because I loved her didn't mean I couldn't get annoyed with her at times.

"Can't you be more descriptive?" she whined, grabbing me by the shoulders and giving me a good shake. I just let my head bobble back and forth.

"It was good," I said again as soon as she ceased to shake me.

I took great satisfaction when she looked like she wanted to pull her hair out. But, in the end, she just deflated anticlimactically and let out an unsatisfied huff. She didn't remain disappointed for long, though. As soon as she sagged in her seat, her eyebrows shot up and disappeared behind her bangs. I looked at her questioningly until she poked a bruise on the underside of one of my breasts.

"Is that a love bite?" she asked, her voice going up a few octaves before she poked a few more of them on my upper body. "There's a couple more on this side too."

Souji hummed at Kyoko-chan's verbal observation before rubbing one of the love bites on my side with a finger. He seemed very pleased with himself.

"How many are there?" I asked, shifting so I could get a better look at one just above my bellybutton. There was no arguing that Souji was very enthusiastic last night. In fact, I think I even underestimated just how excited he was.

"You have two on your neck, one on your collarbone, three… no, four on your breasts, and one on your stomach." Kyoko-chan then tilted her head at me. "What about under your waist?" She picked at the blanket.

"Probably."

"One," Souji suddenly said. "She has one down there. I know I left one on her inner thigh."

"That's quite a number." Kyoko-chan crossed her arms before nodding to herself. She then dropped her gaze to Souji, briefly watching him draw lazy circles on my bare hip before grinning deviously to herself. "Well, it's a lovely morning and I certainly have things to do. I'm sure you do too, like," she coughed, "more sex. I mean… stuff."

Souji raised his eyebrows at Kyoko-chan as she leaped to her feet like her clothes were on fire and made a swift exit, slamming the door shut on her way out. I turned to Souji only to see him raise a finger to silently say, "Wait for it."

Then Souji snorted at the sound of Hijikata-san exploding from somewhere outside in the courtyard. "You again!" There was a shuffle of footsteps. "How do you keep getting in without anyone knowing?!"

"Haha! Your security sucks!"

"Hey! Get back here! Heisuke! Saito! Catch her! Today's the day we figure out how she keeps breaking in!"

"Ha! Missed me!"

"Don't let her get away!"

There was a stampede of footsteps and the rustling of shrubbery before the sound of running faded away. Souji chuckled once all grew silent again before pulling me back down against his bare chest.

"Any bets on whether they'll catch her or not?" Souji asked. There was an impish grin on his face again.

"I'll bet everything I have that they'll never catch her. Trying to catch her is like trying to catch an eel with your bare hands."

"Ha!" Souji snapped his fingers in amusement. "That just means Hijikata-san will get bitten."

Souji shifted again, running his fingers down my spine before he glanced at the streaks of light filtering through the shōji screens. He seemed to hum to himself in enjoyment before he impishly pinched my side, faking a hurt look when I squeaked and playfully slapped his chest.

"So what do you want to do today?" Souji finally asked. He sat up when I rolled off of him. "I originally didn't have patrol today but Kondou-san also decided to give me the rest of this week off to get used to 'married life'."

"Hmm…" I rolled onto my stomach and propped my chin up on my hands as I stared at the bright, yet muted, light coming into the room through the paper screens. "I was going to get up and cook breakfast but it looks like it's midmorning already, so they probably cooked for themselves. I wonder what they ate?"

"If Hajime-kun cooked, then plenty of tofu. If anyone else cooked, then burnt rice with a side of oddly chopped pickled vegetables. So your plans for today?"

"Well," I climbed out of the futon and stretched like a cat before looking down at the dry mess between my legs, "A bath first would be nice. Then," I looked at the now grimy futon, "The blanket and futon could use a good scrub. For future reference, we should probably lay down a towel or something before a tumble. It's a big turn off if I have to wash our bedding afterward every time."

"Right," Souji said, climbing out of the futon too before tossing me a sleeping robe so I could cover up before running to the baths. He put on a robe himself before kicking back the blanket on the futon to take a look at the mess sandwiched in between. "You know, I wasn't expecting last night to be this… messy."

"Most people don't for their first time. For some reason, no one ever talks about the fluids or mess. It's like they think it's unimportant or something. I, for one, even though I already knew, would have liked a warning about clean up right afterward," I said before shoving some clean clothes in his hands. "Why don't you go ahead and head to the baths first. I want to tidy a few things up first before I join you."

"Hmm…" Souji twisted his lips while humming before flicking me playfully on the forehead. "Alright, don't take too long, though."

He didn't struggle as I gave him a light shove out the door. True to my word, I joined for a morning bath before skipping breakfast and moving on directly to laundry. Instead of going off to do his typical sword practice, Souji elected to stay and help me with the washing. While washing the blanket, Heisuke bid me and Souji a good morning as he was passing by. But, for some reason, he didn't stay long and his ears burned red as he refused to look at me.

"He totally heard you last night," Souji said almost smugly as soon as Heisuke hastily bid us a goodbye and practically fled.

I almost dropped the blanket as I was attempting to hang it to dry.

"W-What?" My face grew warm as I nearly dropped the blanket again after finally getting a solid grasp on it. "W-What makes you say that?"

It shouldn't have been embarrassing. In fact, it wasn't. It wasn't right up until it unexpectedly crept up on me. It was one of those weird things where you could talk to a friend comfortably about sex up until he hears you going at it with someone else. Then, suddenly, it becomes taboo to even talk about sex anymore with said friend. A strange phenomenon.

Souji raised an eyebrow at me and his lips curled up impishly as he grabbed the wet blanket I almost dropped again for the third time. Instead of giving the blanket back to me, he lightly bumped me aside with his hip and hung the blanket himself.

"I wasn't lying when I said you were loud," he pointed out just as he prepared to hang the wet futon too.

"T-Then how do you know that Heisuke was flustered because he heard me? For all you know, Heisuke could be flustered because he heard you last night!"

"Because when a guy hears his other guy friend getting some, then the guy gives his friend a pat on the back for a job well done. But if a guy friend hears his lady friend going at it with another guy, it then becomes awkward."

"Oh, because it's inconceivable that women like sex just as much as men," I retorted, throwing my hands up in the air. Souji just chuckled at me as he finished hanging the futon.

"Apparently so."

The rest of the week Souji had off to spend with me was… actually not all that interesting, though enjoyable. I had expected some sort of massive change to take place now that I had "wifely duties". There was no such big change other than me not being allowed to go out to personally raise funds due to Serizawa. I still cooked, did laundry, and cleaned. The typical domestic stuff I usually willingly did on top of my other tasks, hobbies, or whatever it was called.

I suppose the main change was in me now sharing a room and marriage bed with Souji, and Hijikata-san not complaining and saying stuff like, "Not before marriage!"

When I asked Otou-san about the puzzling lack of change, Hijikata-san butt in, answering instead while Otou-san just nodded along pleasantly with a smile.

"It's because your relationship with Souji hasn't really changed, even with marriage." Hijikata-san didn't seem too impressed with my lack of observational skills regarding this. "You've spoiled Souji long before this. You've always been the one taking care of him, haven't you? Why are you so surprised?"

It was strange, being so knowledgeable on certain topics while remaining so much like a clueless child on other topics.

Otou-san and Hijikata-san both assured me that my obliviousness to the different aspects of romance was part of my charm.

But I hated it. It's like being blind.

It was at the end of the week, or the honeymoon period as I liked to call it, when the Roshigumi received its first batch of recruits since arriving in Kyoto. Being overenthusiastic in his bubbly excitement, he nabbed me as I was giving the wooden floors of the hallways a good wipe down with a solution of vinegar and lemon juice. I had seen mold growing on the wood right after a rainy day.

"There you are, Shizu-chan!"

I paused, abandoning my rag on the floor to look up at Otou-san. "What is it?" I asked with a tilt of my head.

"Yes! Yes!" He was bouncing all the balls of his feet. "Everyone is gathering at the main hall to greet our new recruits! Souji told you about the new recruits, yes? Anyway, you may not be an official member of the Roshigumi according to the rules, but you are still our physician and it would be good for you to introduce yourself to the new men."

Then without waiting for me to even respond, he practically picked me up and dragged me to the main hall before shoving me in. He then swiftly left to find his next victim… Err, I mean, the next person to share his enthusiasm with.

Somehow, I managed to enter the room looking more dignified than expected, having not tripped over my own feet as I was shoved in. I felt the eyes of the new recruits peering at me curiously as I uselessly attempted to sneak around to go sit in the back room beside Souji, who was already here. Souji quirked an eyebrow at my sudden entrance but said nothing as I took a seat.

Then Ibuki-kun appeared, shoved into the room the same way I was before Otou-san finally entered the room himself and took a seat in the front between Hijikata-san and Sannan-san. Ibuki-kun, looking a little ruffled, muttered something under his breath before sitting cross-legged on the other side of Souji

"Any of these men look promising?" I whispered into Souji's ear. After all, many men can join an organization but not all will be useful.

Souji hummed before pointing two to men seated in the very front. A kind-looking giant with a topknot and a smaller man with sharp violet eyes that almost looked hawk-like.

"Did you get their names yet?"

Souji shrugged. "Kind of. I heard them talking amongst themselves earlier. The bigger one is Shimada… something, and the smaller one was…" Souji just shrugged again. "Something unimportant."

I leveled an unimpressed glance at him as he just continued to hum laxly.

"Long time no see, Nagakura-san," the friendly-looking giant suddenly said, causing me to take my attention off of Souji.

Shinpachi-san, who had just strolled into the room perked up in surprise before a grin erupted on his face. "Oh, it's you!" he exclaimed, looking like he just met an old friend.

"What is it, Shinpachi-san?" Hijikata-san asked after he saw the two men greet each other. "You know him?"

"Yeah. Back in Edo, we attended the same Shingyoto-style dojo together."

"My name is Shimada Kai," the large man then introduced himself to the rest of the men with a polite bow. "I was studying the spear at the dojo…"

Souji, instead of listening to the full introduction, lost interest and turned to prod Ibuki-kun instead.

"What are you doing here?" Souji asked, leaning back in a lazy manner as he shot a long glance at the other man.

"Beats me!" Ibuki-kun snapped back with his lousy attitude. Souji remained unruffled. "Kondou-san said I should make their acquaintance since we'll be living in headquarters together."

"Hmm…" Souji only seemed to accept the explanation just because Otou-san was mentioned and fell silent again.

I elbowed Souji. He perked up when he saw disapproval written all over my face.

"You should be paying attention to the introductions," I said, pointing back to the front. "You'll be working with these men in the future. Best get to know them better for the sake of smooth teamwork."

"I am. I am." Souji waved my hands away before pecking my cheek for reassurance. "Don't worry so much."

He turned and faced the front again. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ibuki-kun huff unhappily as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay, next!" Hijikata-san exclaimed just as one introduction was completed. The man with the hawk-like eyes spoke next.

"I am Yamazaki Susumu." The man bowed respectfully while making himself sound regal all the same. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Yamazaki was confident and proud when he spoke. But most of all, I could see flaming respect in his eyes as he regarded Hijikata-san, a fellow man that didn't come from a samurai background but was still able to come so far. Souji could see the idolization too, probably why he looked so nonplussed before the annoyance set in.

"Weren't you born in Osaka?" Hijikata-san then questioned.

"Yes, sir!" Yamazaki smiled a little while nodding, thrilled that Hijikata-san already knew so much. This just seemed to irk Souji more. "My chichi-ue was an acupuncturist."

Hijikata-san's face then lightened up even more. "So you possess some medical knowledge?"

"A little."

"Great! We can make use of another person with medical knowledge." Hijikata-san then turned to me and waved me over. "Shizuka, come here real quick."

I ignored the small tsk sound of annoyance that Souji made as I made my way up to the front and took a seat next to Otou-san.

"This is my daughter," Otou-san said whilst patting me on my head. Having Otou-san pet me on the head as he introduced me to the men didn't really demand respect, but I let him do it anyway. "She's not an official member of the Roshigumi, but she is our medical professional. Don't let her delicate dainty appearance fool you! She's a tough woman!"

"You two should get to know each other better after this," Hijikata-san added, nodding to himself like he just believed he suggested something very smart. "The both of you will most likely be working very closely with each other in the future."

I bowed at Yamazaki-san to politely. "My name is Okita Shizuka. I hope we get along well."

"Likewise," he replied.

Meanwhile, I could see Souji glaring darkly at Yamazaki-san before attacking Ibuki-kun with a headlock when Ibuki-kun muttered something. Poor Ibuki-kun's face was turning blue as he gripped Souji's arms, attempting to pry Souji's arms away as he flailed around uselessly.

Sannan-san, the only other person who seemed to notice was going on in the back of the room, just merely smiled pleasantly and almost even gleefully as he watched in silence while I knitted my brows at the whole situation.

…And the rest of introductions continued without another bump, thankfully.

"This is everyone, right?" Hijikata-san said just as everyone stood up. "Once you join the Roshigumi, regardless of your birth and rearing, we will treat you as warriors. Are you ready for this?"

"Sir!"

"From now on, let us all combine our forces to crack down on the rogue samurai who are disturbing the peace in Kyoto," Otou-san announced, closing the little welcoming ceremony and inspiring the recruits who had all become enraptured by his words. "Guys, I want you to maintain an indomitable resolve. I'm counting on you!"

"Sir!" the recruits barked even louder than previously.

Then the new recruits were dismissed.

"So," I said as I approached Yamazaki-san before he could start mingling with the others in the room, "what do you know about the human body?"

If I was going to work with another person I would settle for nothing less than excellence. In the medical field, nothing is worse than incompetence.

Yamazaki-san stood up straighter, even when I thought it wasn't possible, when I addressed him. "I know some basic anatomy and physiology as well as all the pressure point on the human body." He really had some amazing posture. "I am also willing to learn more if you are willing to each."

I grew giddy at his last sentence. Someone that was willing to learn? From a woman?

This was a rare find. I liked him already.

"Great!" I clapped and even jumped a little in my excitement, probably losing what professionalism I had impressed on him. "But fair warning, it'll be tough. You'll be putting in more hours than the typical soldier. Are you ready for that?"

"Yes, I understand, Okita-sensei."

Perhaps it was because I was born and raised in the United States in my past life, the reason why I preferred being called by my given name despite the cultural norms of Japan.

"Just call me by my first name."

Saying that was a mistake, especially because Yamazaki-san and I just met.

"Yes, Shizuka-sensei."

But the biggest reason why that was a mistake was…

"You don't get to call Shizuka by her first name," Souji's irate voice cut into the private conversation like a sharpened blade. He stepped in between Yamazaki-san and me, purposely shoving Yamazaki away roughly by bumping into him with his shoulder. "I don't care if she says you can call her by her first name."

Ibuki-kun, who was tragically stuck in that deadly headlock earlier was nowhere in sight. He had long since bolted once Souji released him from that death grip.

Oh, how Yamazaki-san bristled at Souji and his rude behavior! I could just see the sparks fly between their eyes. Souji looked eager, with his hand on his sword, just waiting for Yamazaki-san to come flying at him to exchange blows.

"Excuse me!" Yamazaki-san spat, hissing at Souji with bared teeth. "This conversation has nothing to do with you. A stranger does not get to decide what I call my mentor by."

"Oh?" Souji raised his eyebrow in a cocky challenge as he stepped into Yamazaki-san personal space. "A stranger? And I suppose a 'stranger' as no right to tell you what you can and cannot call his **_wife_**?"

Yamazaki-san paled once the words sunk in, which Souji noticed delightfully as a cruel smirk appeared on his face. I quickly grabbed the hand he placed on his katana to keep him from doing anything too rash as I pinched his side to attempt to get his attention. It didn't work.

"That's right. My **_wife_**. And if you insist on continuing to call her by her first name, then I suppose I could order you to commit seppuku as Okita Souji, the **_First Division Captain_**. After all, stealing another man's wife is a breach of the bushido."

Finally having enough of Souji ignoring me and threatening my new student, one that I happened to like, I cuffed him on the back of his head. Souji's head jerked forward as his hand flew to the back of his head.

"Ouch!" Souji cried childishly, losing his imposing stature before whining, "Shizuka…"

"I can't believe you, Souji! Threatening another person just because he called me by my first name after I gave him permission!" I scolded him. Yamazaki-san blinked, baffled on how such an intimidating person turned into a cowed child in just mere seconds. "You know I like being called by my first name. If people call me by my maiden name then it sounds like they're referring to Otou-san and if they call me by Okita, it sounds like they're addressing you."

"…But I like it when they call you by my family name…" Souji mumbled.

"Ha? What was that?" I scowled at him as I put my hands on my hips, causing him to shrink even more. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"

Souji was quick to shake his head.

"Well then," I said with a peppy smile as I turned back to Yamazaki-san, who was peering curiously at Souji as Souji sulked, "follow me. I'll show you where our medical facilities are."

Yamazaki-san nodded silently, quickly trailing after me as I led the way. Souji, on the other hand, also followed me, but remained several feet behind Yamazaki-san as he sulked from my rare scolding. Once we arrived at the "office" where I conducted most of my work, I sent Yamazaki-san in first before I turned to Souji.

I don't know if it's a fault of mine or not, but I discovered long ago that I couldn't stay mad at Souji for long.

Since Souji was still keeping his distance, afraid that he'd make me even madder if he was nearby, I approached him before cupping his face and kissing him gently. All the tension melted from his shoulders at my touch, knowing that he was forgiven.

As soon as we parted, Souji let out a resigned sigh before looking at me ruefully. "Don't get too close to him, okay?" he mumbled before peering into the open office behind me.

"I know. You don't have to worry about a thing."

I gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and sent him off before stepping into the office myself. Inside, Yamazaki-san, left to his own device, was examining the chemistry equipment at a distance. It was hard to tell whether if he was afraid to get closer or if he was lost in his thoughts, staring at objects he had never even seen before.

"They look interesting, don't they?"

Yamazaki-san jumped, so distracted that he didn't hear me enter the room.

"Yes," he exclaimed, wide-eyed as he inched a little closer to a distillation setup for a better look. "What are they for?"

"Well, the one you're closest to is used to drop penicillin out of solution."

"Penicillin?"

Of course, this was something he had never heard of before. According to original history, penicillin wouldn't actually be discovered by Ernest Duchesne until 1897 and wouldn't be used to successfully treat a patient until 1942. The first patient that was treated successfully did still die in the end, but that was only because the doctors ran out of penicillin.

"It's an antibiotic used to treat infection caused by bacteria. While it can be used to save lives, you need to be careful how you use it. If misused, bacteria can become resistant to it and it becomes useless." I then pointed to the other equipment I had in another nearby setup. "The other equipment set up is used in producing isoniazid, rifampin, and ethambutol in the same respective order."

Kyoko-chan was true to her word and helped me obtain the much-needed tools to produce medical drugs.

"And those are used for?"

"They're used together to treat consumption. Those drugs target the malignant bacteria in the lungs that cause the disease. However, I'm still missing the fourth drug."

Yamazaki-san was more than impressed even though I'm pretty sure he had no idea what I was talking about the moment I started talking about tuberculosis. Those drugs, like penicillin, didn't exist either during this era in original history.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

"The 'L' in my luck has been replaced with an 'F'."–Unknown

I bat Souji's hand away just as it neared the salted salmon I had just packed into the bento box. Not being one to give up so easily, his hand came slinking back like a sneaky alley cat, filching a hearty piece of salmon before fleeing back to safety before I could even react. I slammed the chopsticks I was wielding onto the kitchen counter with a little more force than necessary before put my hands on my hips, scowling at him with all the irritation I could manage.

Souji, with his food-filled cheeks, just blinked at me, puppy-eyed, as his hand slowly crawled back towards the unfinished bento in plain sight. He was hardly bothered by my look of disapproval and snuck another bundle of food, some kinpira gobo[1] this time, in his mouth in slow motion as if to playfully mock my efforts to prevent him from stealing any more food. I whacked him on the shoulder just I heard the crunch of the braised vegetables between his teeth.

"Souji! Really? Must you do this every time I pack bento boxes?" I let my arms drop along with my irritation as Souji flashed me another sweet disarming look. He looked suspiciously pleased with himself when my arms dropped. "These bento boxes are for you and the others that are leaving for Osaka in a bit. If you eat everything or don't let me finish, you guys won't have lunch for the ferry ride later."

"It's not my fault that your cooking is so good," he pointed out like an impish child before snatching another piece of food out from under my nose, causing me to scoff. "And by the way, you've only made nine bento. There are ten of us going to Osaka."

"Well, I'm not done, am I?"

"But I know for a fact you only intend to make nine bento, not ten. You don't intend to make one for Serizawa-san."

There was a quirk of his playful eyebrow as the corner of his lips curled upward. He licked his fingers clean before pulling me close, his hands on my hips as he rested his forehead against mine. That prankish grin of his made me want to giggle as my lips tugged upward. Souji planted a quick kiss on my lips before releasing my hips, taking advantage of my distraction to nick some tamagoyaki[2] this time. I pretended not to know notice the stolen food and turned to finish packing the bento, capping the bento box before Souji could get his sneaky fingers in there again.

"By the way, you have everything you'll need packed, right?" I asked as I bundled the bento boxes up in the furoshiki.

Souji made a small humming sound before he raised his brow at me. "You were the one that packed for me, so you tell me."

"I packed your clothing. I'm asking if you got everything else you needed."

Souji patted the swords sitting on his hip before he took the food bundle from me. "Now I do," he said cheekily, letting out a bark of laughter as I chased him from the kitchen.

He quickly vanished behind the trunk of the sakura tree in the courtyard. Just as I ran out by the sakura tree, he reappeared out of nowhere and nabbed me, sealing my lips with his own to swallow up my pleasant shriek of surprise. I let out a small squeak when Souji pulled me down onto his lap, making me straddle him, as he dropped onto the bench under the sakura tree. He looked incredibly smug from my surprise.

"Oh, just what are you doing?" I whacked his chest playfully.

His smug grin grew mischievous as he rubbed by hips with his tickling fingers. He pecked my nose.

"Do you think we can have a quickie before I have to leave?" he said jokingly.

I pretended to look scandalized by his suggestion. "Okita Souji! You have to leave in less than ten minutes!"

"I know." He gave me a seductive look before lifted one of his legs higher to rub against me. I raised an eyebrow at his daringness. "I'll only need five." He then whispered into my ear, leaving my face burning. "I bet I can make you come more than once too."

He wasn't joking that time when he said that.

"Souji!"

"I didn't hear you say no. So?"

"Perhaps I should correct myself," I said, clearing my throat as my eyes flickered over to a nearby source of footsteps. The footsteps grew louder as Saito-san exited from his room with his luggage already strapped onto his back, indicating he was good to go. "You're leaving in less than five minutes," I raised my voice, "right, Saito-san?"

Saito-san looked up from closing his door, his cheeks coloring slightly as his eyes landed on me straddling Souji's lap. Saito-san looked away in an attempt to clear away his nervous embarrassment.

It didn't work too well.

"Umm," Saito-san said, looking everywhere but at Souji and me. In order to focus his attention on other things, he quickly approached us and plucked the bundle of bento up from the bench next to Souji. "Souji, we are leaving as soon as the others complete their preparation." He then paused and hesitantly looked at me. "I'm I interrupting something?"

"Yes."

"No," I said at the same time Souji spoke.

Souji pouted at me childishly as I pried his hands off my hips and got off his lap. He let out a sigh and trotted along behind me with a small skip as I followed Saito-san to the front gates. Souji tugged on my bangs playfully as we stopped at the gate, pleased he had my attention once again when I tilted my head at him curiously.

"Now, I'll be taking this," Souji said with a cheerful hum as he plucked the food bundle from Saito-san's arms.

Saito-san just merely nodded silently, doing nothing from stopping Souji from taking the food before turning to me.

"I believe you have something to say?" Saito-san's question was more of a statement.

"Oh, yes." I turned my attention back onto Saito-san. "I prepared nine bento for lunch. There should be enough food for everyone, even with Shinpachi-san's bottomless stomach."

"All but Serizawa-san," Souji then added in a sing-song voice.

Saito-san knitted his eyebrows at me in disapproval. Always a stickler for proper and polite behavior. I didn't care so much. I wasn't going to prepare lunch for a man I strongly loathed, to word it nicely. In fact, I was even praying for the impossible situation where Serizawa would starve to death on the ferry ride to Osaka just because he had no lunch.

I pretended I didn't notice Saito-san's look of disapproval. Souji just sniggered at the whole exchange.

"Souji." Saito-san turned to addressed my husband.

Souji just shook his head at Saito-san in response. "Hey, I like Shizuka the way she is. If she wants to hate Serizawa-san and let him know she hates him, then I'd say let her. There's no need to scold her over her own opinion."

"Souji, there is proper behavior Shizuka must follow, even if she dislikes the man. She still must show respect to a man of Serizawa's high stature."

"Shizuka," I cut into the conversation, arms crossed and defiant, "is right here. Don't talk like I'm not here. Souji is my husband and is not me. He does not control my behavior." And maybe this was the American in me speaking but, "I will not respect a man that has not earned it."

I may have been born and raised in Tokugawa Japan this time around but America, twenty-first century America, will always be my true origins.

Saito-san sighed at my words and said nothing more as he reached out and petted my head almost uncharacteristically. I could tell he was not pleased with me but he was not angry either. His touch carried a feel of fondness and warmth to it. A concerned older brother, that's what he felt like right now.

"But still," Souji crossed his arms behind his head laxly as directed the conversation toward a new direction, "I still wish you were coming with us to Osaka."

The bundle of food dangled precariously from the little loop of his finger. I knew he wouldn't drop the food, but it was still a chance I wasn't willing to take. I plucked the bundle from him and hugged it to my chest.

"There'd be no point in me coming. You guys are going to Osaka to arrest a few criminals. I hardly think there would be a reason to me coming. I can hold my own in a fight, but I'm not an official member of the Roshigumi. I shouldn't partake in official Roshigumi business that isn't medically related. Plus, this isn't a field trip. You aren't going to Osaka for fun."

Souji sighed, letting his arms drop to his side. "I know… I just wanted you to come along." His voice turned petulant as he shot me a pouty look. "I don't like sleeping alone."

"You'll be sharing a room with the others at the inn," I pointed out bluntly. "That's hardly alone."

"You know what I mean. You're cuddly to snuggle up to."

I let out a fond sigh before pecking him on the cheek. That's when the others that were leaving for Osaka started to arrive. Sannan-san arrived first, smiling at us with his mysterious iconic smile. Otou-san was the next to arrive. Hijikata-san accompanied Otou-san to the front gate just so he could wave the group goodbye. The last of the group then slowly trickled in. Yamazaki-san, who had his head buried in his journal of notes, arrived with Shimada-san. Then Shinpachi-san, who was having a conversation with Sano-san, Heisuke, and Ibuki-kun, arrived next. Lastly, Serizawa and his follower, Hirama, arrived followed by the snake, Niimi.

"Be careful and look out for everyone, okay?" I said to Souji, giving one more chaste kiss on his lips before turning to Otou-san. I shoved the boxed lunches into Otou-san's hands. "This is for the trip. Lunch."

"Oh!" Otou-san cheered rather enthusiastically as he was quick to accept the bundle. "Thank you, Shizu-chan. We'll be careful, so don't worry about us and take care of everyone here. Make sure Toshi doesn't overwork himself."

"Kondou-san!" Hijikata-san exclaimed half-exasperatedly and half embarrassed, causing Otou-san to chuckle.

I heard a sharp grumble from Serizawa. There was a scowl of annoyance painting his face as he snapped at me. "Hurry up! We don't have all day, woman!"

Just to spite him, I considered making the goodbye longer so that he missed his ferry but I doubt Otou-san would be too happy about that either. Instead, when Otou-san wasn't looking, I pulled my lower eyelid down with my pinkie and stuck my tongue out at Serizawa to mock him. As the others waved me, Hijikata-san, Sano-san, and Heisuke goodbye, Serizawa just looked like he wanted to beat me. When the party was out of sight, Hijikata-san took this time to cuff the back of my head. Heisuke just snorted amusedly at my pain along with Sano-san. Niimi was quick to disregard me.

"Ouch!" I flinched before rubbing the back of my head.

Hijikata-san's arms were crossed as he scowled back down at me. "Don't cause unnecessary trouble!"

"It was necessary." That blunt response got me whacked again. "Ouch!"

Hijikata-san looked like he was going to say something, probably just to scold me, but the next words I heard weren't from his mouth.

"Serizawa-sama and the others are departing for Osaka?"

The man's voice sounded kind but twisted in a sort of uncomfortable way. All but Hijikata-san turned around to see Yukimura standing a short distance behind us with a warm yet icy smile.

My eyes flickered to Hijikata-san briefly only to see him survey Yukimura with a sharp jaded glance through the corner of his eye. There was distrust in his eyes.

Yukimura himself was a fairly kind man, polite too. However, there has always been something about him that bothered me other than the fact he was the one in charge of the Water of Life. Something about him felt dark like there was some sort of festering hatred kept under lock and key behind that kind face of his. But that was something I could hardly prove. He hadn't done anything absolutely horrible and was just following the orders of the Bakufu.

Yet Hijikata-san carried a strong dislike of the man that stemmed from instinct. Yes, Hijikata-san was only just one person, but he was rarely wrong about such matters. I trusted Hijikata-san's instincts over my own.

"Yukimura-dono!" Niimi exclaimed, running over to the doctor like a child running towards the wrapped gifts on Christmas day. "I've been eagerly waiting for your arrival! I could use your advice on something today."

"Okay," Yukimura answered in an almost father-like tone. For some reason, it sent unpleasant shivers down my spine.

"Come, come. Please, come inside!" But despite the shivers Yukimura's voice sent down my spine, the ones from Niimi's eager words felt so much worse.

Heisuke frowned as he watched Niimi usher Yukimura into the lab. Crossing his arms behind his back, he turned to Sano-san. "It's freaky how happy Niimi-san is."

"I'd think him unhappy would be even stranger." I shrugged.

Sano-san nodded in agreement with my words. "That's because Sannan-san, who'd always voice his opposition, left for Osaka."

I flickered my eyes towards Hijikata-san just as I heard an unsatisfied grumble rumbling from his chest. He caught my eye and jerked his head to one direction in a "follow" me motion. I was quick to trot after him as he rounded the corner of a building. Just before Hijikata-san turned the corner, the looked back briefly.

"Heisuke"

"Huh?" Heisuke said, breaking off his conversation with Sano-san.

Heisuke glanced at me and Hijikata-san questioningly before he jogged to catch up to me and tugged on my bangs. I shrugged uselessly at his silent question and waved at Sano-san before placing my hands on Heisuke's shoulders and began shoving him toward Hijikata-san. Hijikata-san was waiting for us behind the building with his arms crossed and eyes closed in thought.

Hijikata-san let out a sigh before he looked up, making uncomfortable eye contact with Heisuke. Hijikata-san's eyes were so sharp that I felt like I cut myself just looking at them.

"Please keep an eye on Niimi-san and Kodo-san."

"What?" Heisuke was perplexed. He didn't expect such a request.

I just merely hummed in the backdrop and looked up at the sky. How boring. There were no clouds.

"Niimi-san intends to get the jump on us while Sannan-san is away and proceed with the experiments with Kodo-san."

Heisuke put a single hand on his hip and let his eyes wander towards the lab door briefly. "No kidding."

"I can't leave Kyoto, so I had Sannan-san go to Osaka. But I don't intend to let them do as they please."

"So you had me stay rather than go to Osaka because…"

"I can only entrust this job to someone who knows about the Water of Life and rasetsu, and is also a trustworthy companion."

I saw Heisuke's pride grow at the words "trustworthy companion". He puffed up as a giant grin erupted on his face.

"Got it!" Heisuke exclaimed a little too loudly as he brought a fist to his chest. "So it wasn't because you lacked faith in my abilities!"

"Of course not!" Hijikata-san sounded offended that Heisuke would even think such a thing.

"So that means you don't want to rely on that medicine either, right?"

I tapped on Heisuke's shoulder, getting his attention before I placed a finger on my lips in a shushing motion. "Not so loud. We don't want the world to know about the Water of Life, do we?"

"Oh," Heisuke said much quieter this time, rubbing the back of his head as he bowed slightly. "Sorry."

Hijikata-san let out a sigh before coughing to clear his throat. "Shizuka," I snapped my head toward Hijikata-san with a silent tilt, "go ask Kyoko what she can dig up on Kodo-san. I want to know more about the man the Bakufu sent to us. There's something about him I can't trust."

"Something about him just pricks you the wrong way, doesn't it?" I looked down briefly to examine the dirt under my fingernails. "He feels nice and actually quite fatherly, but he feels toxic at the same time."

"That sounds about right," Hijikata-san muttered to himself before letting out a snort. "Harada and I are going the magistrate's office now. We'll walk you over to Kyoko's house on the way over there."

I made a sound of dissatisfaction and ignored the disgruntled look Hijikata-san leveled at me.

"Anyway," Hijikata-san said after a cough, "I'm counting on the both of you. Oh, Shizuka. Ask Kyoko how she keeps getting into headquarters without being detected."

"Leave it to us!" Heisuke exclaimed while I just nodded.

Hijikata-san and Sano-san were quick to leave afterward. They didn't even wait for me to go grab my naginata. The inconvenience of such a large weapon. In the end, Hijikata-san told me I didn't need my naginata at Kyoko-chan's house whilst eyeing me like I was going to start trouble of some sort. He even told me to behave when he and Sano-san dropped me off. Kyoko-chan snickered at Hijikata-san's brief lecture while Sano-san just patted me on the head.

When the two men left, Kyoko-chan and I didn't bother staying at her house like we were **_supposed to_**. We had planned to go out today anyway. I just didn't bother telling Hijikata-san because **_annoying_** him was **_fun_**.

"So," I said before popping another dango into my mouth as we sat together on a bench right outside our typical teahouse, "do you think can find more information on Yukimura Kodo?"

"Sure!" Kyoko-chan said, her mouth full and her words barely understandable, "I'll ask around and see if I can scrounge something up by the end of this week." She swallowed and was quick to fill her mouth again.

"Thanks." I put down the empty skewer before blinking perplexedly at the now empty plate. The last time I looked, there were still five sticks of dango left. "And, also, Hijikata-san wants to know how you always manage to sneak into headquarters undetected."

"I climbed over the wall."

It was the same answer I always got whenever I asked. I needed to ask a different question.

"How are you climbing over the wall with such ease?" There, that was better.

Kyoko-chan swallowed, turning blue for a second as she pounded her chest. She then grinned at me with the skewer sticking out from between her teeth. She reached into the sleeves of her kimono and pulled out two black iron bands with claw-like spikes on one side.

I knitted my eyebrows at the strange contraptions as she slipped them over her hands. The twin iron bands fit comfortably around the palms of her hands and looked like climbing cleats for the hands.

"And those are…"

"Shuko[3]," Kyoko-chan answered, looking prideful as she slipped them back into her sleeves. How she managed to store them in her sleeves without pricking herself, I have no idea. "My sofu[4], on my haha-ue's side, gave these to me and taught me how to use these before passing away.

"Oh? For such useful equipment, how come I haven't heard of them before?" I asked while sipping my hot tea.

Such useful equipment should be well-known after all.

"That's because…," Kyoko-chan paused for dramatic effect, "…they're ninja tools!"

My eyes popped out of my skull, probably rather comically, as I spit out my tea, which just barely missed Kyoko-chan. Instead of looking disgusted at my spit take, Kyoko-chan just seemed pleased with herself.

Even in nineteenth century Tokugawa Japan, the ninja had already faded into popular myth.

The ninja originally became famous in Japan in 1336 to 1600 for their seemingly supernatural abilities. They struck fear into the high ranked officials, moving undetected with rumors of conducting assassinations with their bizarre weapons surrounding them in a shroud of darkness. In the Warring States Period[5], ninja clans played an active role on all sides of the fighting but began to disappear after the Iga Revolt[6]. However, the result of the Iga Revolt did not mark the end of ninja completely. The last time the ninja were actually recorded into history was at the Shimabara Rebellion[7]. Now nobody really knew what happen to the ninja clans or where they went. In the Tokugawa era, the closest people got to the mystic of ninja was at plays and performances. To the commonwealth of Japan, ninja were as mysterious to them as the ninja were to foreigners.

The ninja clans were highly secretive. The only reason I knew what I knew was because I liked to read in my past life. The only way Kyoko-chan would have ninja equipment…

I choked on my spit as I tried to speak. This just seemed to make Kyoko-chan even more pleased.

"My haha-ue and her family come from a long line of ninja. However, my maternal sofu was the last person in my family to be fully trained in ninjutsu."

I grew starry-eyed as I grabbed Kyoko-chan's hands. "Then you know ninjutsu[8]?"

She laughed, pulling her hands out of mine just to tug on my cheeks, much to my displeasure. "Oh, you're so cute when you're like this, Shizuka-chan." She clapped her hands. "But to answer your question, not really. I only know how to climb and sneak around. I actually never learned anything else. My haha-ue, on the other hand, never learned any from my sofu. I believe her exact words were, 'Women don't need to learn how to fight.'"

"But still," I said, grabbing her shoulder to shake her just for dramatic effect, "ninjutsu? Goodness, you're amazing!"

"Well," she said just as she ducked under my arms to escape my grasp, "if you think this is so cool, then wait until you meet Kenji."

"That childhood friend you're supposed to marry at the end of the year?"

Kyoko-chan nodded. "Yup! His family comes from a ninja clan that was close to the ninja clan my haha-ue's from. This is why our families are so close in the first place." She pulled the skewer away from her teeth and dropped it on the empty plate between us. "Kenji's family is one of the few families that refused to let the art of ninjutsu die out. The title of merchant is just a cover for what he really does. He's fully trained."

If I was starry-eyed earlier, then I was wonderstruck now. I swear my jaw hit the ground when it dropped. I shook my head to get my thoughts back in order before manually using my hands to crank my mouth shut.

"Wait…" I paused for a second. "Are you actually supposed to be telling me this? I thought ninja are supposed to be all secretive?"

"Huh?" Kyoko-chan shrugged her shoulder in an almost carefree manner. "Tell you what? I didn't say anything. Right?"

I got her message. I just nodded before looking across the street only to have my eye get caught by someone familiar.

"Oh, look! There's Kosuzu-chan! Finally, it isn't like her to run late." I said, pointing. I jumped up from my seat and waved the off-duty maiko over. "Kosuzu-chan! Over here!"

"Shizuka-chan! Kyoko-chan!" Kosuzu-chan was quick to scurry over to us.

Kosuzu-chan smiled politely before her eyes drifted to the plate between Kyoko-chan and me. Empty bamboo skewers piled high. In fact, there were so many skewers that it looked like we could build a miniature fort. Kosuzu raised her eyebrow at the pile skeptically before she looked at me.

"Hey, I only ate two skewers." I pointed at Kyoko-chan. "She ate the rest."

"Oh, quit making such a big deal over it," Kyoko-chan said nonplussed. "It wasn't even that much. If you want some, we can just order some more, Kosuzu-chan. I'm still hungry anyway."

It was really unknown where Kyoko-chan stored all that food she ate. She could give Shinpachi-san a run for his money without even trying. And honestly, I was a little jealous. Kyoko-chan was the type of person who could eat as much as she wanted and whatever she wanted without getting fat. Too many sweets for me and I start getting round.

Both Kosuzu-chan exchanged glances but didn't bother speaking more on the subject of food. I scooted over to make room for Kosuzu-chan while Kyoko-chan hailed down the waitress to order another batch of twenty dango or so.

"So what held you up?" I turned to Kosuzu-chan while pouring her a cup of tea.

"Okaa-han had me practice dance a little longer than usual," Kosuzu-chan answered, taking the cup of tea from me and taking a sip. "She says my form is sloppy."

"Nonsense!" Kyoko-chan snapped in an instant while tapping her foot, a sign of impatience that only appeared while she was waiting for food. "That old woman is just nitpicky about everything and likes to bully women that are prettier than her, which is everyone, by the way."

"Kyoko-chan!" Kosuzu-chan gasped, looking scandalized while Kyoko-chan merely just grinned in response.

"Aw! Come on, Kosuzu-chan! There's no need to be such a good girl! I know you think so too!"

"Still! Kyoko-chan!" Kosuzu-chan turned to me. "Shizuka-chan, say something!"

I pointed behind Kyoko-chan at the waitress burdened with a platter of dango that looked like a mountain. "Oh look. Food."

Kosuzu-chan looked like she wanted to smack her forehead while Kyoko-chan dove into the platter of dango. Kyoko-chan shoved two skewers of dango into Kosuzu-chan's hands before picking up eight for herself, one skewer between each finger on each hand.

"So," Kyoko-chan said, her mouth half full and her voice muffled by the food, "what's your relationship with that Ibuki guy?"

Kosuzu-chan seemed to grow warm for some reason. So much so that her cheeks became dusted with pink.

"He's a valued customer."

"Hohoho!" Kyoko-chan chortled, surprisingly not choking on any food. "So he means more to you than that. Right, Shizuka-chan?"

"What do you mean by he's a 'valued customer'?" I ignored Kyoko-chan to ask Kosuzu-chan. "He hasn't been back to Shimabara because he can't afford it. I hardly call that a customer."

I heard Kyoko-chan slap her own forehead, attracting my attention. She had a bright red patch on her forehead now.

"You really need to learn how to read between the lines when it comes to romance," Kyoko-chan said, disposing of all her empty skewers. "How are you still this dense when you've already been married for a month?"

"What does being married for a month have to do with this?"

"Do I really need to spell it out for you? Kosuzu-chan has developed f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s for the guy."

"Really?"

"Shizuka-chan, why do you sound so surprised," Kosuzu-chan commented, looking a bit miffed.

I coughed, glowing red for a second. "Erm… So, what are you going to do, Kosuzu-chan? I know that maiko and geisha aren't exactly allowed to have romantic relationships."

"There's nothing I can do." Kosuzu-chan placed here empty skewers back onto the half empty plate before folding her hands in her lap. "The only thing I can do is hope that Ibuki-han comes to see me as a customer."

"Maybe he can pay off your debt?" Kyoko-chan suggested before her face twisted, suggesting that she was holding back a bark of laughter.

The debt a maiko and geisha could accumulate was enough to make a rich man poor. Dance and music lessons cost a small fortune by themselves, but the largest expense came from the numerous special kimono they had to wear to banquets. In order to become even mildly successful, they must own several of these kimono with each one easily costing thousands of ryō. Because the Okaa-san of the okiya the maiko and geisha board at takes on all the debt from training, the maiko and geisha were effectively chained to the okiya until they could pay off the debt themselves or until they could find a danna[9].

"With what? His blue hair?" I snorted, shooting an apologetic look at Kosuzu-chan once I glimpsed a brief look of offense. "He doesn't have that type of money. In fact, he doesn't have any money at all. He doesn't get paid for the work he does and I know he got robbed before he arrived in Kyoto."

"The only other way would be to…," Kosuzu-chan's voice dropped to a nearly inaudible whisper, "…run away together. It'd be impossible."

"That would work," Kyoko-chan said rather loudly. "I have the connections to make you vanish without trace and Shizuka-chan has the Roshigumi wrapped around her fingers."

"But what if I still get caught? You know what they do to runaway maiko and geisha."

"You won't."

"But what if I do?"

Kyoko-chan shook her head again. "You won't."

Kosuzu-chan started nibbling on her lower lip as she fiddled with her fingers, revealing her insecurity. "I don't know about this…" Her voice sounded like nothing more than the wind. "Would Ibuki-han even be willing to run with me…? I need time to think about this…"

I hummed and let the conversation drop as I counted down from ten in my head. The moment I hit zero, I heard the enraged stomping of a great, big, purple dinosaur, otherwise known as Hijikata-san, coming from down the street. I saw Sano-san's red mop of hair bobbing above the crowds of people before I spotted Hijikata-san. I smiled and waved just to irritate Hijikata-san more.

That earned me a bash on the head.

"Ow!" I clutched the top of my head before looking up at Hijikata-san with fake tears. "I think you just made me stupider."

"Why do you never stay where you're supposed to?!" Hijikata-san barked. I swear I could see a vein twitching on his forehead.

I ignored Hijikata-san in favor of speaking to Sano-san. "So how did the meeting go?"

Hijikata-san is a very explosive volcano.

I was plucked from my seat by the scruff of my kimono and hauled back home by Sano-san before Hijikata-san's eruption could do any more damage.

The rest of the day trailed on rather slowly after arriving back home. Souji wasn't home, so my number one way to kill time was gone. Hijikata-san was too busy to train with me, Sano-san was off doing whatever Hijikata-san assigned to him, and Heisuke was taking the task Hijikata-san assigned to him rather seriously and didn't have too much time to shoot the breeze with me. I ended up spending the rest of my afternoon stuck in the medical wing with my research projects. The only time I left the medical wing was to prepare dinner, which Heisuke ended up skipping because he would rather keep an eye on Yukimura.

I ended up making a small bundle of rice balls to deliver to Heisuke, which Inoue-san was kind enough to help me with. When I arrived where Heisuke was, he was leaning against the wall directly across from the Maekawa house with his arms crossed. I could hear his stomach grumble before I even approached him. He muttered something I didn't catch under his breath to his stomach.

I coughed to get his attention.

"Here," I said, holding up the bundle of food in front of his face. He immediately had sparkles in his eyes as he snatched the bundle out of my hands. "I know you're taking Hijikata-san's orders very seriously, but you need to eat to keep your strength up."

"Thanks! Itadakimasu!" he exclaimed with his mouth already full. Half of each rice ball disappeared with each bite. "So what did Kyoko-chan say?"

"She's working on it. She says she should have something for me at the end of the week."

Heisuke wolfed down another rice ball.

"So anything on your end?" I asked Heisuke.

"Nothing so far." Heisuke stuffed the last of the rice balls in his mouth, swallowed before licking his fingers.

I raised my brow at the empty bamboo leaves I used to wrap the rice balls. "You want more? I can go make some more if you're still hungry."

"Nah. I'm good. Why don't you stay here and keep me company while I wait for Kodo-san to leave?"

I leaned against the wall right beside Heisuke wordlessly before looking up at the darkening sky. The sun had set already and the stars were just starting to emerge, but I could still see some traces of sunlight lightening the sky.

"I guess there's less for you to do with Souji being gone," Heisuke said to me offhandedly. "So how are you taking to married life?"

"Hardly any different from non-married life," I answered, closing my eyes briefly as I enjoyed the light breeze that ruffled my bangs. "Souji and I just spend a little more time together now. Oh, and we sleep together now, both in a sexual and nonsexual way."

I glanced at Heisuke just in time to see red dust his cheeks.

"You don't have to tell me that!" he exclaimed, flustered as he willed his blush to vanish. He wasn't very successful. "I can hear you guys every once in a while when I pass by your room at night," he then mumbled. "But you guys seemed to do it pretty often. Don't you get tired? You know, if you don't want to, you could just tell Souji. He's not the type of guy that would force himself on you."

"I know."

"That's good." Heisuke fell silent for a moment. "But why are you guys going at it so often? I get it feels good, but isn't too much of a good thing bad?"

"Well… It's fine," I said, my eyes drifting to Ibuki-kun as he swept the floor right outside the Maekawa house. Judging by his awkward, stiff shoulders, he was listening to everything Heisuke and I were saying. "Other than enjoying it, the reason Souji and I do it so often is because Souji's trying to get me pregnant."

"Already? Isn't it a bit early?"

"Maybe, but Souji already knows I want children and I guess he wants to give me some as soon as possible. Plus, he likes children too, and he also knows Otou-san wants grandchildren."

"Oh."

We both fell silent again. It wasn't an awkward silence, but those minutes felt like hours, slowly crawling their way across a vast desert. Then, the front door to the Maekawa house slid open slowly. Yukimura stepped out of the house and bowed politely to Ibuki-kun on his way out.

"I'm leaving now," Yukimura announced.

"Okay," Ibuki-kun replied with a nod.

Heisuke pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on, leaving me alone as he approached Yukimura. I didn't bother following.

"I'll walk you home," Heisuke said to Yukimura, his voice flat and lacking any of his normal enthusiasm. "It'd suck if you got attacked by rogue samurai on your way back."

Yukimura seemed to smile kindly. "No, I will be fine. I appreciate your concern."

"Is your research progressing any?

"This is not something that will produce results overnight," Yukimura replied, pausing briefly to examine Heisuke. He did not lose that kind looking smile as he did so. "It would appear you think poorly of us conducting research on the Water of Life."

Heisuke turned so Yukimura could not see his expression. "Yeah," Heisuke admitted, clenching his hands into fists at his side. "I understand our situation. But even so, I don't want my friends to take that medicine."

"Indeed, it is not something we should use," Yukimura agreed. "However, it is also a fact that countless lives will be saved by that medicine's powers."

Power gained and control lost.

Countless lives will be saved? Or cursed?

"Save lives?" Heisuke questioned, speaking louder than what was necessary. "With medicine that turns people into monsters?"

"Anyone who loses everything due to their own powerlessness thinks, 'If I only had more power.'" It almost sounded if Yukimura was speaking from experience. "The power obtained through the Water of Life is fake. It may not be true power, yet even if it is fake, there are things you can protect as long as you possess it."

"Do you have a reason for seeking greater power?"

A hypothetical question. Seeking greater power is something everyone does.

"I cannot say." Yukimura never lost his smile. While it looked kind, it an unpleasant chill down my spine. "I am simply a doctor."

That answer did not satisfy Heisuke one bit. "If the power you seek bring us harm," he drew his sword and pointed it at Yukimura, "I will kill you on the spot!"

Bold words for someone that has never killed before. Yet it wasn't Heisuke's words that held my attention. Yukimura was simply a doctor? I knitted my brows. That man didn't even react when Heisuke's very real sword was pointed at his throat. My hands grew cold as it felt like something was trying to claw its way out of my chest.

"Everyone has their own positions, ideas, and ambitions!" Heisuke continued. "It's nice when you can talk things out, but when you can't… When two adamant wills clash, fighting is the only option. That's what I think. Even so, if possible… I don't want to kill someone if I don't have to. I think it'd be great if I never had to kill anyone."

Heisuke sheathed his sword.

Yukimura still remained unaffected by the threat and merely bowed politely with that same kind smile before leaving. I approached Heisuke when Yukimura was out of sight.

"Something's not right with that man," I said as I touched Heisuke's shoulder. "No normal civilian doesn't react when a sword is pointed at him. You should let Hijikata-san know."

"Yeah," Heisuke said, staring at Yukimura's no longer visible back.

He remained in the same spot for minutes before he finally turned and went to find Hijikata-san.

The rest of the week passed quietly until I was greeted at the end of the week with something incredibly unpleasant. Walking into my lab space in the medical wing, I discovered the distiller I was using to extract penicillin had cracked sometime overnight. The minuscule amounts of penicillin that I had managed to produce had become contaminated, nonviable. The damaged distiller was also too dangerous to keep using. It had to be thrown out and I would have to wait for Kyoko-chan to procure another one for me.

That would take weeks.

"Going by the look on your face, I'm guessing that it can't be salvaged," Heisuke commented, watching me hold up the cracked portion up to the light to examine with a scowl on my face.

"That's just fantastic," I muttered sarcastically to myself. "These things are so hard to get and they're so pricey too."

"Maybe the crack is an omen of bad luck."

"I don't believe in bad luck." I snorted. "Luck is just another word for the chance of an event occurring. It's neither good nor bad." I placed the glass instrument back down on the table as I turned to face Heisuke. "Besides, I doubt anything else bad is going to happen today. Everyone who went to Osaka is supposed to return today." I paused. "Well, unless you count Serizawa returning alive and well as bad luck."

Heisuke let out a bark of laughter at that before the serene atmosphere was shattered by yells.

"Serizawa-san! A moment, please?!"

I exchanged silent glances with Heisuke. Speak of the devil and he will appear.

"Quit harping!"

Heisuke and I were quick to follow the yelling to the front of the Yagi house. Hijikata-san and the others that remained behind at headquarters were already there, attracted by the yelling too. I saw Otou-san call to Serizawa one more time. He was promptly ignored. Serizawa quickly vanished inside with his follower, Hirama. But at least Hirama looked apologetic for leaving the way he did.

"Hey, Shinpat-san," Heisuke said as we approached the group to welcome them back. "Did you have any luck?"

Heisuke's question remain unanswered. The atmosphere was tense and grim for some reason. Then I saw the smile on Souji's face. He was the only one with a smile. But that smile made me feel cold on the inside. It wasn't genuine.

It was a mask.

One I was familiar with.

"Souji?" I said, touching his shoulder gingerly. There was no response.

Hijikata-san seemed to have enough of the grim silence and broke it. "Sannan-san, did something happen?"

Sannan-san seemed reluctant to answer. That was a **_bad_** sign, to put it lightly.

"There was a scuffle with some unarmed sumo wrestlers in Osaka…"

"A scuffle?" Hijikata-san parroted, knitting his eyebrows at Sannan-san.

"Serizawa-san and Okita-kun…," Sannan-san closed his eyes like he could bear to see Hijikata-san's reaction, "…struck down the wrestlers."

"THEY WHAT?!"

My fingers grew numb. I wished I could yell like Hijikata-san could, but my voice had deserted me.

"I guess it's time to start believing in superstitions…," Heisuke murmured just loud enough for me to hear.

* * *

[1] Kinpira gobo is a traditional Japanese side dish made of gobo (burdock root) and carrots. It's both savory and sweet and sometimes has a hint of red chili spice, depending on the cook. While gobo is considered a mainstream vegetable as far as Japanese and other Asian cuisines are concerned, it is less common in Western cuisine, although in recent years it has gained more visibility.

[2] Tamagoyaki (卵焼き or 玉子焼き, literally "grilled egg", also called tamago or dashimaki) is a type of Japanese omelette, which is made by rolling together several layers of cooked egg. These usually are prepared in a rectangular omelette pan called a makiyakinabe.

[3] Ninja shuko hand claws, traditional ninja climbing tool designed to be worn on the hands for climbing trees or scaling walls easier and faster, or ice walking, or defense.

[4] Japanese word for grandfather.

[5] The Sengoku period (戦国時代 Sengoku jidai, lit. Age of Civil War; c. 1467 – c. 1603) is a period in Japanese history marked by social upheaval, political intrigue and near-constant military conflict. Japanese historians named it after the otherwise unrelated Warring States period in China. It came to an end when all political power was unified under the Tokugawa shogunate.

[6] In 1579, Oda Nobukatsu, son of the Owari daimyo and infamous Sixth Devil King (第六天魔王Dairoku Tenma-Oh), iniciated an attack on the Iga Republic with about ten thousand well-armed and trained samurai. This attack was repelled by local troops and the Iga ninja suffered little to almost no victims and using their formidable techniques, strategies and their undetectable stealth. Nobunaga couldn't let his son remain defeated by a group of Ninja, so in 1581 he launched a massive invasion of Iga attacking from six different directions with an army's worth about 40.000 to 60.000 of samurai, resulting in what is chronicled as the Tensho Iga no Ran (天正伊賀の乱; Tenshou Iga Revolt). The Iga people fought with courage and cunning unfortunately, their territory was soon reduced to only two castles, the Hattori and the Momochi, one being the Iga Ninja fortress. Although compared to the number of Ninja fallen, the Oda clan Samurai were completely eliminated, yet the Iga Ninja suffered a considerable number of victims. Having suffered so many casualties on both sides, and afraid of losing his entire army, Oda Nobunaga negotiated with the Ninja and ordered a cease-fire, a temporary truce. The Iga Ryu Shinobi who survived relinquished their castles to the warlord.

[7] The Shimabara Rebellion (島原の乱 Shimabara no ran) was an uprising in southwestern Japan lasting from December 17, 1637, to April 15, 1638, during the Edo period. It largely involved peasants, most of them Catholic Christians.

It was one of only a handful of instances of serious unrest during the relatively peaceful period of the Tokugawa shogunate's rule. In the wake of the Matsukura clan's construction of a new castle at Shimabara, taxes were drastically raised, which provoked anger from local peasants and rōnin. Religious persecution of the local Catholics exacerbated the discontent, which turned into open revolt in 1637. The Tokugawa Shogunate sent a force of over 125,000 troops to suppress the rebels and, after a lengthy siege against the rebels at Hara Castle, defeated them.

In the wake of the rebellion, the Catholic rebel leader Amakusa Shirō was beheaded and the prohibition of Christianity was strictly enforced. Japan's national seclusion policy was tightened and official persecution of Christianity continued until the 1850s. Following the successful suppression of the rebellion, the daimyo of Shimabara, Matsukura Katsuie, was beheaded for misruling, becoming the one and only daimyo to be beheaded during the Edo period.

[8] Ninjutsu (忍術), sometimes used interchangeably with the modern term ninpō (忍法), is the strategy and tactics of unconventional warfare, guerrilla warfare and espionage purportedly practiced by the shinobi (commonly known outside Japan as ninja. Ninjutsu was a separate discipline in some traditional Japanese schools, which integrated study of more conventional martial arts (taijutsu) along with shurikenjutsu, kenjutsu, sojutsu, bōjutsu and others.

[9] It was traditional in the past for established geisha to take a danna, or patron. A danna was typically a wealthy man, sometimes married, who had the means to support the very large expenses related to a geisha's traditional training and other costs.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

 _"When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way." ― Paulo Coelho, Brida_

I watched Otou-san collapse onto the edge of the roku, the shadows on his face painting nonexistent wrinkles, making him age a decade in a second. He let out a long, dragged out sigh that instead sounded like a crack of a whip as he placed his face in his hands.

I had never seen him like this. It felt… wrong. Otou-san was only the young age of twenty-eight.

He shouldn't have looked like this.

"If only I didn't take my eyes off Serizawa-san…," Otou-san said, now even too worn to hold his hands to his face. His back slumped over as his arms dangled uselessly off his sides.

I was quick to rush over to Otou-san's side. I scurried to the seat right beside him and tucked myself under his arm, hoping that it would be enough to cheer him up just slightly. But instead of cheering him up, I found myself growing more depressed. Even Otou-san's bones felt heavy with despair. He didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I felt like I wasn't supposed to be here to witness Otou-san like this.

"It wasn't our fault," I then heard Souji state in a lighthearted tone. He even had the audacity to shrug his shoulders in such a carefree manner.

Then suddenly, it felt like there was water boiling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to punch him.

Souji also participated in cutting down those sumo wrestlers. He should have known better. He did know better. It didn't matter.

Souji still cut down those sumo wrestlers. This was partially his fault.

"And we couldn't openly defy a chief's orders," Sannan-san added gravely. I saw him flinch before steeling himself. He knew the excuses were weak. He knew what was coming.

Hijikata-san exploded in rage. "I don't give a shit about your excuses!" Spit flew from Hijikata-san's mouth as he snarled at Sannan-san and Souji. "So what if they picked a fight! Why the hell did you draw your sword against unarmed men?!"

"Then I'll split my gut for straying from the way of the warrior."

The boiling I felt in the pit of my stomach suddenly froze as if the temperature plummeted, yet the rage grew. The rage grew, now feeling like a knife twisting in my gut. I felt like vomiting and laughing at the same time as I drew a shaky breath.

Shinpachi-san leaped from his seat to grab Souji's shoulder in alarm. "Souji, what's gotten into you?!" I could see Shinpachi-san sneak a subtle peek at me. "This is no time for jokes."

"What joke?" Souji replied with a straight face. A straight face. A FREAKING STRAIGHT FACE. "I'm dead serious."

I couldn't take this anymore.

A crack echoed across the courtyard, making the silence scream to emphasize the loudness of the crack.

Souji's face was turned from the force of my slap, a red spot now growing on his cheek. His expression still carried the carefree expression from before, him being too shocked to even express his surprise properly. He slowly raised his hand to his cheek in disbelief before he turned his face to me, his eyes widening in slow-motion. His mouth opened but no sound came from it. All Souji could manage to do was to mouth my name wordlessly.

"You're an idiot!" I seethed, clenching my hands into fists against my side. "A dead person can't fix his mistakes!"

Oh, it hurt. My throat felt heavy with lead. My heart felt like frozen stone. I was drowning in rage when I discovered what Souji had done in Osaka, but when he said he'd commit seppuku without hesitation… It felt like he stabbed me in the lungs and left me to drown in my own blood.

I was angry at Souji for the pain and stress he caused for Otou-san. But when Souji said that he would commit seppuku… He was willing to die for Otou-san. It didn't even cross his mind to live for me. At that moment, I felt doubt eating at me like corrosive acid. Did Souji truly love me like he said? Or was it the truth that he only loved me because I was the daughter of the man he admired so much?

I didn't matter to Souji. My love for him didn't matter.

Hate reared its ugly head. I couldn't bear to look at Otou-san, not when I wanted to throttle him. It was unreasonable and it made me feel guilty and horrible that I should even feel this way about the man that saved and raised me. I wished Otou-san wasn't in the picture right now. I imagined him dead.

I was disgusting. I never hated myself more at that moment.

I turned and fled the compound. Souji didn't come after me. He didn't even call after me. Instead, it was Otou-san that tried to come after me, that called after me. It felt like another stab.

My cheeks grew wet from the imaginary rain and my eyes stung as I fought back a sob. I wanted to be comforted right now, yet at the same time, I couldn't stand being around other people. I got as far as the riverbank beneath the bridge before I collapsed onto my knees. My body racked with sobs as soon as I curled up into a ball and let my tears join the river.

The day grew cold as the sun retreated for the night and the stars came out to play. It had been hours and while the sobs faded away with the sun, the tears still continued to drip down my chin. I hugged my knees to my chest as I sat silently by the riverbank, just letting the water wet the bottom of my hakama. I sucked in another shaky breath before wiping my eyes with my soggy sleeve, not caring that I could hear the gravel crunch behind me, the telltale sound of someone approaching.

I felt a warm haori drape around my shoulders. "Shizu-chan…," Otou-san said as he took a seat beside me.

Despite the guilt I felt for my disgusting thoughts about him, I found myself unable to restrain myself as I leaped towards Otou-san to bury my face against his chest. I let out a distressed sob as I grabbed at his clothing, feeling relieved as he wrapped his arms around me in a loving hug.

"You didn't have to come looking for me," I whispered, my voice nearly cracking as it got caught in my throat. "I would have gone back eventually."

"What type of chichi-ue would I be if I didn't go after my beloved daughter when she's crying?" Otou-san wiped the tears from my cheeks when I teared up some more at his words before patting my back. "There, there. Let it all out."

Neither of us spoke as we waited for my tears to run dry. And then finally, when I took another deep breath, Otou-san spoke.

"You know Souji doesn't think before he speaks sometimes." My hand tightened around his clothing a bit more. "He was just trying to fix the problem in the only way he could think off. Just because he spoke about seppuku," my breath caught in my throat at that word, "doesn't mean he doesn't care about you."

"Only that he forgot about my existence," I commented sardonically much to Otou-san's disapproval.

"Shizu-chan!" Otou-san then sighed and slumped slightly before placing a finger under my chin so I'd look up at him. "Souji is young. Young men are still learning and are bound to make mistakes. You're his wife. You love him, don't you? Love is about staying through the hard times, helping to work out the problems."

"I know," I murmured before looking down at my pale fingers. They were cold. "It just… What he said really stung…"

"I know. I know," Otou-san counseled me, releasing me from his embrace as he looked up at the night sky. "But Souji is hurting right now too, not just you. The one who he usually runs to when he's hurting has fled from him."

My heart clenched painfully.

I had every right to be angry at Souji and his insensitive words, but instead… I felt guilt. I ran when he needed me. I knew who he is. I knew who Souji intrinsically is. He was someone that always needed support, love, in spite of everything he may say or deny. He was a good person at his very core, though it may get lost in the many layers that compose him and twist him. When Souji wanted to hurt someone, he did so with the intention of making it obvious. What Souji did in Osaka… What he said once he came back home…

He had never intended to hurt anyone. He had been blindsided when he attempted to make things right and blindsided again in his attempt.

What was I doing, wallowing in my own pain?

When had I stopped being proactive and become reactive instead?

"What…." I paused to take a deep breath to steady myself. "What happened in Osaka. I can't help Souji if I don't know what happen in Osaka."

Otou-san didn't speak right away but he looked proud as the corner of his lips curled up into a small smile. "Well," he shifted to sit more comfortably, an indication that it was a long story, "I wasn't there for most of the event, but this is what Shimada-kun told me."

 _On June 3, the Roshigumi raided a ronin's hideout in Osaka. On the way back to the inn, the Roshigumi came across a group of drunken sumo wrestlers on a narrow bridge. Despite it being a social norm for commoners to make way for samurai, the sumo wrestlers scoffed at the Roshigumi and made it obvious that they had no intention of moving. Unwilling to take the insult, Serizawa beat one of the wrestlers with his tessen. The sumo wrestlers were too shocked at the sudden assault to stop Serizawa and that allowed Serizawa to lead the Roshigumi across the bridge._

 _Back at the inn, after about an hour of rest, Yamazaki and Saito left the inn on the business of Hijikata while Kondou left to take care of some business regarding the ronin that the Roshigumi had just arrested. Shortly afterward, some sumo wrestlers gathered outside the inn. Each sumo wrestler wielded a hexagon staff in hand. Keen to uncover the what the fuss was, everyone had come out to investigate. Serizawa reprimanded the sumo wrestlers for their rude behavior toward samurai as soon as he stepped outside. Instead of heeding Serizawa's words, the sumo wrestlers sneered and attacked. In response, Serizawa ordered the Roshigumi to assault the sumo wrestlers._

 _While everyone was reluctant to draw their swords on commoners, Souji had no issue. He drew his katana with a bellicose smile while everyone else tried to reason with Serizawa._

 _"You two are speaking so naïvely," Souji said to Nagakura and Shimada. "This is justifiable self-defense."_

 _Shinpachi didn't agree. "What are you thinkin', Souji!" he protested, almost begging for Souji to understand. "They're not ronin! Think about the consequences if you kill them!"_

 _"Even if you say so, do you think you can convince them to go back nicely?"_

 _Even long after the scuffle began, Shinpachi and Shimada still refused to fight. It didn't matter how much trouble they were in, trying to defend themselves against giants wielding hexagonal staffs, they would not draw. Suddenly, the sumo wrestlers backed away. Souji was in the center swing his sword like a windmill._

 _"What is it?" Souji so cruelly taunted. "You want a piece of me? Let's see you try."_

 _Frightened by the sight of a man bathed in the blood of their comrades while cackling, they began backing up. Regardless of the wrestlers just being mere commoners, Souji crushed them like they were nothing more that pathetic insects._

 _"Shinpachi-san. Shimada-san. How pitiful," Souji said, not minding the warm blood that splattered onto his face. "Both unable to do anything just because the wrestlers are commoners. Sure they aren't lawless ronin, but they picked a fight with us. Now isn't it proper manners to answer a challenge with all you have? Like this!" Souji swung his sword mercilessly at a nearby sumo wrestler._

 _Souji swung his sword again and again. The blood that had splattered onto him dyed his clothing black, yet he didn't mind. Completely frightened by the inhuman sight, the sumo wrestlers fled the scene, allowing Souji to sheath his sword._

 _"Geez," Souji then complained. "If they're going to flee with their tails between their legs, why come for revenge in the first place?"_

 _Both Shinpachi and Shimada looked down, too exhausted by the whole debacle to reply. It was then Sannan rushed out of the inn. Shocked at the bloody scene, Sannan demanded an answer. Shinpachi and Shimada explained everything in a brief and simplified manner._

 _"Serizawa-san!" Sannan then yelled, furious at what just occurred. "They are not ronin! what are you thinking, Dealing with commoners in such a disgraceful manner!"_

 _Serizawa answered without a shred of guilt, even looking prideful as he spoke. "It's them to blame for showing such insolent behavior. To tolerate such an insult would bring disgrace upon a samurai's name."_

 _Sannan wanted to debate but did not say anything in the end because he knew it would be futile. Instead, he chose to drop the matter in an attempt to persuade Serizawa to stay until the matter could be dealt with in a proper manner._

 _"It's been a while since I had so much exercise," Serizawa said, ignoring Sannan. "I need to go for a drink."_

 _"Please wait a moment, Serizawa-san! It would be most troublesome if you don't stay and discuss the situation with Kondou-san!"_

 _"Sannan, who do you think you're speaking to?" Serizawa's expression grew dark, almost looking like he would raise his tessen to Sannan. "I am the Commander of the Roshigumi while you are the Colonel. Why would I follow orders from you? If there's anything else you want to say, do it tomorrow. Give my regards to Kondou."_

 _With a victorious laugh, Serizawa turned and left._

 _"It can't be helped," Shinpachi reassured Sannan, who had his lips pursed. "Let's wait for Kondou-san to come back and then decide what to do."_

 _Sannan let out a weary sigh. "…I suppose you're right." He then turned and retreated back to the inn with slumped shoulders. Shinpachi followed shortly afterward._

 _"Too bad," Souji then said to himself after the two left. "I wanted to slash a few more. Sumo wrestlers have so much fat on them that it's more difficult to cut through than expected. The grease on the blade also makes it more difficult to grip."_

 _Shimada then finally snapped, disgusted by Souji's speech. "This type of speech is inappropriate! They are not lawless ronin, just merely drunkards looking for trouble! You didn't have to draw your sword on them!"_

 _"I don't need to hear that from someone who refused to draw his sword," Souji snapped before he too retreated back inside the inn._

 _Later that night, Kondou returned and Sannan reported what had occurred in the evening during his absence._

 _"I'm sorry it turned out this way under my supervision." Sannan bowed his head apologetically at Kondou._

 _Souji did not understand the situation and he still didn't._

 _"What are you talking about, Sannan-san?" Souji commented without a shred of remorse. "It's those sumo wrestlers' fault for not yielding to Serizawa-san. Besides, it's not like they were unarmed. They wielded hexagon staffs. If we didn't fight back, then we'd be the ones severely injured."_

 _Kondou snapped, "Don't say nonsense! The ones you cut down today weren't ronin who were a menace to the capital city! They were commoners! They work hard to sustain their daily lives! They had their whole future ahead of them. Even if they have offended us, did it ever occur to you that it's alright to forgive them? Isn't protecting the common people what samurai are supposed to do? I didn't bring you out of Edo, all the way here to do this kind of thing! What would Shizu-chan think?!"_

 _Everyone looked on in surprise at the sudden eruption. Everyone was stunned speechless by the uncharacteristic rage. The one being yelled at, Souji, was the most surprised. He didn't understand why he was being scolded and just stood there, frightened. That aloof attitude of his completely vanished._

 _The following day, Serizawa got up unusually early in the morning to tell Kondou to go to the Osaka Magistrate's Office with him. When Kondou asked why, Serizawa claimed it was for filing a damage report for what had occurred the prior night._

 _"Damage report?" Kondou asked, carefully choosing his words to express his objection. "I disagree. The fight between the Roshigumi and the sumo wrestlers have already become neighborhood gossip. I don't see any good in adding fresh fuel to the flames."_

 _"Don't see any good? Are you serious?" Serizawa's disapproval was obvious. "If we appear timid now, the ronin would disdain us even more and rampage the Kyoto-Osaka area._

 _"But…"_

 _"Mibu Roshigumi, being a samurai group, must not show any weakness. Perhaps commoners tend to smooth things out, but that is not how the samurai handle things."_

 _While Kondou disagreed, he found it difficult to retort against the "samurai" talks since he was born a commoner._

 _"Anyway," Serizawa continued when Kondou did not speak, "if you don't want to be involved in this, I don't mind going alone. The point is the fact that the 'Mibu Roshigumi' filed a damage report at the Osaka Magistrate's Office."_

 _Kondou did not want to go but he still went, fearing more possible damage if he were not there to supervise Serizawa._

 _At the magistrate's office, the officials were surprised at what happened. However, they still filed the damage report without any problems. Afterword, Serizawa left to go have a few more drinks while Hirama was ordered to go pack all of Serizawa's belongings. As soon as Serizawa left, Kondou whispered some orders to Yamazaki before sending him out._

 _When Yamazaki returned to the inn, he was followed by a middle-aged man with a superb physique. The man was the master of the sumo stable that the sumo wrestlers from the prior night were from._

 _"My deepest apologies," the stable master said, his voice quaking slightly as he was quick to duck his head in a deep bow. "I was shocked to hear that our youngsters have brought so much trouble to the Roshigumi. It is all due to my lack of discretion. Please forgive us."_

 _"Please get up," Kondou said, his voice humble as he placed his gentle hand on the man's shoulder. "I didn't invite you here to demand an apology from you. I should apologize for what happened last night. We should be protecting civilians rather than hurting them. How are the wounded ones?"_

 _"Well," the stable master answered wide-eyed in a careful tone as he chose his words with the utmost care, "not everyone was hurt badly…"_

 _Kondou understood the truth behind the stable master's words. "Not everyone was hurt badly," just meant that there were some that were hurt badly._

 _"I'm really sorry about this. I have a daughter that is a skilled physician and I could send for her to come and treat the wounded."_

 _Kondou the bowed so deeply that his face touched the floor, shocking the stable master._

 _"Commander!" the stable master cried._

 _Both Kondou and Serizawa both shared a title in the Roshigumi. Both had equal stature, equal power, equal authority. Yet…_

 _Kondou was sincere. He was humble, he had a kind heart. Serizawa was condescending. He was prideful, he was self-centered and selfish._

 _Kondou and Serizawa were both very different from one another._

 _"Please raise your head," the stable master requested, his voice now softer than ever before. He was touched by Kondou's sincerity. "Our youngsters informed me of the details of the events of last night. It is not the Roshigumi's responsibility alone."_

 _"Excuse me…" Souji, who had been quietly watching the whole interaction, finally spoke up. His voice was barely audible._

 _He was meek._

 _However, before Souji could say anything else, Sannan spoke up. "Pardon my interruption. The departure time for our boat is drawing near. Regarding this issue, why don't we make a formal apology another day?"_

 _"No," the stable master insisted, "that's… A formal apology is too much. Sorry for bringing you all this trouble. Regarding what occurred last night, don't let it bother you any further. You do not need to send you daughter to care for the injured. I know how conflicted it would make you feel to send your daughter into a house of nothing but men." The stable master stood from his seat. "Excuse me then."_

 _With another deep bow, the stable master turned to exit the room._

 _"Wait," Kondou said, getting to his feet to join the stable master. "Let me see you off."_

 _Back in the corner of the room, Souji grew more depressed._

When Otou-san finished accounting to me the events of what occurred during their little stunt in Osaka, I remained quiet, just sitting on the fresh information I had just received. I knew Souji wasn't the most… emotionally stable. The abuse in his younger years had left a scar on his mind. He wasn't able to feel emotion the way most other people were.

It wasn't that he was committing horrible actions without remorse, he just didn't understand.

I bit my lip as I turned my gaze to my hands, my eyes instantly drawn to the faded scar on my palm. Otou-san's eyes followed my gaze until they landed on the scar too. He briefly traced the scar with gentle fingers.

"You never did tell me how you got that scar…," Otou-san mumbled offhandedly.

I shook my head in response, taking a deep breath to cleanse my emotions before leaping to my feet like a springy bamboo shoot. My lips curl up into a faint smile.

"Thanks. For everything," I said with a renewed spirit. "I'm going to find Souji now. He needs me, right?"

Otou-san nodded with approval and sent me off with a joking shooing motion. As I stepped off the riverbank, I could hear Otou-san mumbling to himself.

"Now all I need to do is curb Toshi's anger… Maybe I should try speaking to him over some tea and a late night snack."

I found myself shaking my head endearingly at Otou-san's words. Always one to focus on others and not himself. He was a sweet man.

Now, locating Souji was actually not all that difficult. Something I discovered years ago was that most people were nervous around Souji when he was upset, barring Saito-san and Otou-san. Most people believed that Souji was unpredictable and nasty was he was upset. True, he did have a tendency to be nasty when he was upset but he used that as a tool, so he could emotionally distance himself from others. Souji being unpredictable when upset, on the other hand, was not true at all. When upset, Souji always liked to be by himself. He would flee to a familiar spot he found comfort in. Then he would, number one, stare at something in the distance while he mulled in his thoughts or, number two, work off his distress with physical exercise.

Sword practice was his number one way of working through his negative emotions. Since arriving in Kyoto, Mibu temple was where all practices were held. It was also nighttime. There should have been no one at the temple. It was the perfect spot for him to hide.

It can be said that Souji's degree of distress can be determined by the amount of sweat he sheds since he had the tendency to push himself harder when more upset.

Souji's clothing was drenched in sweat when I located him at Mibu temple. He was so bogged down with his emotions that he didn't even notice me watching him. It was only when he heard a twig crack beneath my foot when I was approaching him that he noticed me.

His sword arm grew limp as he watched me wearily, as if debating whether to flee or not. He didn't speak and nearly flinched away when I raised my hand to gingerly touch his cheek. It was still red where I struck him earlier.

"It's not healthy for you to continue practicing while covered in sweat so late at night," I said, my voice soft as my fingers caressed his red cheek.

I shook my sleeve over my hand and wiped the sweat from his face. Souji cautiously placed his hand over mine when I was done wiping away his sweat. My other hand fished the bokken from his sword arm and dropped it on the ground with a clatter.

"I'm sorry for slapping you." My hands dropped to my side, but Souji was quick to grab them and afraid to let go. "I shouldn't have let my anger control me. I should have been there for you. I'm sorry."

"Sorry…?" Souji spoke for the first time, his voice nothing more than a mere whisper. "Why are you apologizing to me? I…" He swallowed, averting his gaze. "I was the one that wronged you but you're the one that apologizes? I don't understand…"

I cupped his face, making him look back at me. There was fear in his eyes. It made my heart wrench.

"Because I'm your wife, 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part[1]'. I should have stayed by you, if not because I'm your wife, then because I love you."

The fear in his eyes, the fear of abandonment, melt away at my words and I was quickly swallowed up by Souji's larger frame as pulled me to his chest. He buried his face against my neck. I could feel him quake.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my neck.

"I know." I hugged him back just as fiercely. "I know. Instead of just dwelling on our mistakes, why don't we go back so I can run a hot bath for you? We can talk about the next step forward as we bathe."

Souji didn't reject that idea.

He didn't reject that idea… but he was quiet when we first entered the bathhouse.

It wasn't like he wasn't trying. I could see his voice getting caught his throat as he sat on a short wooden stool before me while I scrubbed his back[2]. Every time he opened his mouth, he just closed it again without making a sound as he looked back down and played with the suds in his hand.

Starting off with the topic of the incident in Osaka would be too heavy for him. He needed a different approach.

"What? Am I too ugly for you to look at now," I teased him jokingly, pressing my bare breasts against his back. "And here I got all naked for you so I could join you in the baths."

Souji sent a sulky pout look my way. "Don't even joke about that. Ugly? Not in this lifetime."

"But I find it hard to believe that when you won't even look at me."

"You know it's not that."

"I know. I was just trying to get you to talk. It worked, didn't it?"

I picked up a small bucket from the side and dunked it in the furo[3] to retrieve some warm water. I poured the water across Souji's back to wash away the soap before giving him a pat on the back.

"Go ahead and get into the furo first. I'll join you as soon as I finish washing up myself. We'll talk about Osaka when I join you in the furo."

Souji didn't move towards the furo. Instead, due to some magical maneuvering, I somehow ended up sitting on the short stool Souji was occupying before with him rubbing soap all over my body from his spot behind me. He was careful, making sure he scrubbed every inch of my body.

He sighed. "You're always taking care of me. Has it ever run across your mind that I want to take care of you?"

"Hmm…" I hummed cheerfully, enjoying the scrub just as he soaped up the bottom of my breasts. "I do love a good pampering."

It was a victory when I heard Souji snort in amusement of my words.

Souji then dumped water on me to wash away the soap, impishly dumping the water over my head on purpose. My mild discomfort and my surprised gasp was worth his laughter.

"Souji!"

"I got impatient," he commented with a grin before scooping me up.

I saw that mischievous twinkle in his eyes before he held me up over the large water filled furo.

"Oh no. Don't you dare, Okita Souji!"

But he did.

He dropped me into the water with a large splash. My wet hair had fallen all over my face when I resurfaced and made my glare absolutely ineffective. In fact, I think it just made him laugh harder. I slapped him on his chest playfully.

"Now that you did that…" I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the water to join me.

Well, tried to anyway. He was already expecting that and he was a bit heavy.

He didn't budge and just raised his eyebrow at me in amusement, finally chuckling when I finally gave up to pout at him.

"That's so not fair."

"Well, if the lady insists…," Souji said jokingly before allowing himself flop into the water with a great big splash, allowing his naked butt to stick up above the waterline before he resurfaced. "Is that suffice?" He shook the water from his hair before brushing it back with his hand.

I giggled before tucking myself under his arm. Despite the initial laughs, Souji sobered up again quite quickly. But he didn't fall completely silent again. After taking a slow deep breath, he spoke.

"You said you want to talk about the incident in Osaka?"

"Yeah." I rubbed his side to bring him comfort. "You don't have to tell me the details of what happened unless you want to. Otou-san already got me up to speed. Now, what do you think we can do about this situation?"

He shot me a rueful look. "I don't know. You're smart, why don't you tell me what to do."

"You're smart too."

Souji looked at me disbelievingly. "I don't know all the things you know. How is that smart?"

"A lack of knowledge does not mean you're unintelligent. A lack of knowledge can always be fixed, a lack of intelligence cannot. Now tell me if anything stood out to you while you were in Osaka," I urged, attempting to wash away his self-doubt. "You're perceptive. You always pick up on things people miss. While you don't always understand others' emotions, you could always detect them. Emotions are the most important right now. Emotions dictate the likelihood of people's actions and opinions in the future, and we are trying to save the Roshigumi's public image right now. Opinions are everything right now."

Souji remained silent at first but I could see the gears turning in his head. Then it was like a flash of light when Souji perked up.

"The stable master knows that Kondou-san is different from Serizawa-san despite them both being of equal rank in the Roshigumi," Souji said. "Kondou-san earned his respect from the stable master through his sincerity while Serizawa-san demanded his respect. The Roshigumi can use the impression Kondou-san left on the stable master to build a relationship with the stable master and his sumo wrestlers."

"And such an amicable relationship with such an integral part of sociality is bound to have its benefits, right?"

He was quick to nod in agreement. "A good public relationship is bound to shape the way the public views the Roshigumi since sumo wrestling is such a popular sport in the Kyoto-Osaka area. Plus, such an amicable relationship mean the Roshigumi can ask favors."

"Such as?" I urged him on.

"Fundraising. We can ask them to hold a few matches for us to raise money. If the public sees the popular sumo wrestlers willingly and freely working with the Roshigumi, it may repair our image."

I kissed Souji, surprising him silent.

"Never say you're not smart again," I said with a small smile on my lips. "You say the only thing you're good for is for killing but you are so much more than that. You thought of all this by yourself, did you not?"

"But I wouldn't have without you," he mumbled, still doubtful of himself.

"It's only true if you continue to think that way. You were still able to think up all this without input from me. You don't need to lean on me when you have the capabilities to stand on your own." I stood up in the tub, allowing the water to drip off of me before stepping out and wrapping a towel around my body. "You have more talents beyond just kenjutsu. Don't bind yourself with your own doubts. And now that you're clean, why don't you run over to where Otou-san and Hijikata-san are and deliver your ideas to them. I'm sure they'd appreciate it."

"Oh, and what are you going to do?" he asked, a bit displeased that I wasn't going to come with him.

I winked at him, causing him to sit up straighter in the tub. "I'll be waiting for you in bed, of course. Nevermind that I think intelligence is sexy, I think you need to be rewarded for all the effort you put in."

I didn't sleep later that night with Souji enjoying himself between my legs. Of course, he wanted to be a gentleman. He may have kept me awake at night but…

He definitely made sure I didn't regret staying up all night with him.

It was a week later when both Hijikata-san and Otou-san prepared to leave for Osaka. The others, not understanding why, attempted to dissuade them. It would be a really bad time, after all, for our trusted leaders to travel abroad.

"But Kondou-san already apologized to the stable master," Shinpachi-san pointed out, perplexed as he looked to Sano-san.

"Yeah." Sano-san was quick to agree. "And with Niimi's behavior lately, Hijikata-san shouldn't be away at a time like this."

"Silly," Hijikata-san retorted, surprising everyone. "It's at times like this that I must go. Although it's not like we expected, we've finally made a connection with the sumo stable in Osaka. It'll be a waste if our relationship ends after an apology. We'll use this chance to make us better known. Unlike Serizawa-san, Kondou-san showed sincerity. That's a good start. At this rate, we can spread the word that we're different from Serizawa-san. That'll give us less trouble with our duties in the Kyoto-Osaka area. Besides, a sumo performance would be a great source of income. This way we won't need to keep on depending on Shizuka and Kyoko financially, especially now since Shizuka isn't allowed to go out and raise money anymore."

A light when off in everyone's heads.

So that's why!" Heisuke exclaimed, overexcited. "That's our Hijikata-san."

Shinpachi slapped his thigh in agreement. "Shrewd indeed. All fish come to the net. How did you come up with this plan?"

Hijikata-san turned to Souji with something similar to that of a parent's pride. "I didn't come up with this plan. It's all Souji."

Otou-san nodded, pride showing on his face too as he reached over and ruffled Souji's hair. Souji was delighted at the gesture.

"I know I already said this but well done, Souji!" Otou-san said, singing praises to Souji on his way out.

"Travel safely, Kondou-san!" Souji called back, visibly brighter than before.

"I'm proud of you."

Souji glowed at Otou-san's parting words. However, he wasn't the only one glowing. I was too, but for completely different reasons and I wouldn't find out why until several weeks later when my period refused to come.

* * *

[1] Part of a Roman Catholic wedding vow.

[2] Bathing is an important part of the daily routine in Japan. Baths are for relaxing, and the body must be cleaned and scrubbed before entering the bathtub or furo. This is normally done at a small faucet or shower located in the same room as the tub, while seated on a small stool. A traditional Japanese bathtub is square, and deep enough that the water will cover the shoulders, but requires the bather to sit with the knees drawn up to the chest. The tub water is used to rinse the body by scooping it up with the provided scoop. Baths in Japan are for soaking and relaxing, not cleaning the body. The tub shape is smaller and deeper than is common in Western homes. Newer bathtubs are more like the western shape. Rather than being drained at the end of each bath, the water is kept warm by means of special heaters, and the same water is used by all the family members. After use, some homes take the hot bath water from the tub and use it to wash clothes in a washing machine. A lid is placed on the tub to maintain the water temperature when not in use, and to prevent evaporation. Any hair or debris is scooped from the water after the bath.

[3] Furo (風呂), the more common and polite form: ofuro (お風呂), is a Japanese bath. Specifically, it is a type of bath which originated as a short, steep-sided wooden bathtub. Baths of this type are found all over Japan in houses, apartments and traditional Japanese inns (ryokans) but are now usually made out of a plastic or stainless steel.

A furo differs from a conventional Western bathtub by being of a deeper construction, typically in the region of 0.6 m (25 inches). The sides are generally square rather than being sloped. They generally have no overflow drainage. Traditional pot shaped cast iron furo were heated by a wood-burning stove built-in below them.

Furo (or yubune (湯船) that specifically refer to the bath with water) are usually left filled with water overnight, and for some household the water reused or recycled for washing clothes the next day. As in the West, it was the custom for more than one member of the family to use the same bath water and therefore, for the Japanese, it was important to be completely clean before entering the bath.


	35. Chapter 35

Nothing irritates me more than finding grammar errors after posting up the chapter. If anyone finds a grammar error, could you be so kind to point it out to me? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

* * *

 **Chapter 35**

 _"Give me honorable enemies rather than ambitious ones, and I'll sleep more easily by night." ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones_

I'm usually a pretty difficult person to startle or to be taken by surprise, if I do say so myself. I mean, living with both Souji and Hijikata-san under the same roof? Pranks are bound to fly around at random and often followed by the unpleasant shouts and yells of Hijikata-san, which often sounded like an enraged cat being dunked in water. The point is when living with those two and their unpredictable schedule of shenanigans, you'd learn fairly quickly to tone down your jumpiness least you die by a heart attack.

I'm not proud to admit that I may have just let out an unsightly shriek at the unexpected visitor that may or may not have just randomly appeared out of nowhere.

But in my defense, it was that guy from before. The crazy fan merchant that pelted me with his merchandise before magically disappearing without a trace. **_It was him_** and he was standing right in front of me in the headquarters' courtyard with a grin.

I may have may not have thrown the laundry I was hanging to dry at him before attempting to stomp on his foot.

"Whoa there!" the man exclaimed, leaping out of the way of the wet haori I had thrown while I took this time to grab the closest weapon I could get my paws on.

A broom.

I kind of wished I had a small dagger I kept on me at all times now. A naginata was a bit cumbersome to have at all times.

The intruder danced away on one foot just as I swung the broom at his face. He was surprisingly sharp, knowing that my initial swing was actually a feint and that I was actually just trying to get him to trip over the laundry basket when he dodged. The weird thing was, he didn't look quite crazed like the time I saw him in the market. In fact, he looked highly intelligence

"Really?" the man said almost in a whine as he ducked again before snatching the broom right out of my hand with ease. "Kyoko promised me that you wouldn't attack me."

"Wha?" I froze before narrowing my eyes at him as if to observe him and now that I got a really good look at him…

Oh, hello! The man was gorgeous. I mean, Souji was handsome and all, but…

Oh my God! This man could get women to faint by just winking at them with his hawk-like eyes!

"You know, Kyoko," he repeated again with a cheery voice, now looking overly pleased that he had my attention.

It may have been childish of me but I took advantage of the fact that his guard was down now and kicked his shin. Revenge for the time he hurled those fans at me all those months back. Looking at this guy now in comparison to before, I'm pretty sure that crazed fan merchant persona from the past was an act.

"Hey!" Again, that sounded more like a whine than offense. "Was that really necessary?"

"Yes," I answered with a blunt tone before snatching my broom back. I'm sure he let me take it without resistance. "Who are you?"

He certainly wasn't dressed like a normal person. Sure, his clothing was very obviously Japanese in nature, but it wasn't traditional. His clothing was tighter, built for flexible movement.

His grin just grew at my answer before he held up three fingers, slowly lowering them in a countdown one by one. When his last finger went down...

"K-Kenji!" I saw Kyoko-chan's exhausted face poke up from behind the wall of the compound before I heard her pant out that name. "W-Wait for me! You're too fast!"

Kenji? This was the guy Kyoko-chan was going to marry at the end of the year?

Kyoko-chan clumsily dragged herself over the wall before tumbling down to the ground from the top of the wall, landing in a messy heap as she attempted to catch her breath.

"You were the one that said you wanted to race," Kenji-san said as he went over to her and knelt down in front of her. He patted her head cheerfully with a fondness I could feel in my bones.

"Yeah, but I thought you would go easy on me."

"I was."

"I mean easier," Kyoko-chan said with an adorable pout.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one that thought it was adorable. Kenji-san chuckled at her puffed up cheeks and couldn't resist quickly pecking her on her lips. It was a little bizarre, watching the kiss. I always knew Kyoko-chan was a sucker for romance, but I never quite pictured her in one even though I know she was going to get married.

He pulled Kyoko-chan to her feet and dusted her off. "How about a proper introduction?"

Kyoko-chan grabbed Kenji-san's hand and pulled him with her as she scurried over to me. "Good morning, Shizuka-chan! Did you actually get him with the broom?"

"Umm… No? But I did kick him," I said before leaving the broom leaning against a nearby wall. I picked up the haori off the ground. It was dusty again. "Weren't you going to introduce us to each other?"

"Right!" Kyoko-chan cleared her throat before gesturing to Kenji-san in a grand flourish. "This is Fuma Kenji, my intended." She then pointed to me with her thumb in a very simplified manner. "Oh, I'm pretty sure you already know who she is, Kenji."

"Right…," he said, quirking his eyebrow at me. "You know, I still can't get over how short you are. You're what? Only about 145 centimeters tall?" He patted my head like I was a child. "I have a cousin your height. She's eleven."

"I know, right?" Kyoko-chan commented. "She's so cute!"

"Err…" I wasn't quite sure what to say. I never met anyone in a fashion quite like this before. Kenji-san… He was interesting. "Nice to meet you too?"

Kenji-san winked at me. "Charmed."

"So… Where were we?"

"You," Kyoko-chan said, snatching the dusty haori from my hands and tossing it over her shoulder so it miraculously landed in the soapy laundry tub, "were doing the laundry, which, by the way, is no longer important. Besides, your hands were getting pruney from the water, which isn't very attractive, might I add. Remember how about two or three weeks ago you asked me to dig up information about Yukimura Kodo?"

I nodded before drying my hands on my hakama, now overly conscious of the water-formed wrinkles on my fingertips.

"Well, I got your information for you!" Kyoko-chan then paused, gesturing to Kenji-san. "Actually, he does since I couldn't actually find anything substantial by myself. So...!"

"Are Kondou and Hijikata in yet?" Kenji finished Kyoko-chan's sentence before chuckling to himself. "Why am I even asking…? I know they aren't back yet from Osaka, but they will be arriving at the docks by ferry in about an hour."

"How did you even—"

"Know?" someone else finished for me.

I whirled around at the interruption and found Sannan-san standing on the roka, observing all of us with his arms crossed and his glasses gleaming mysteriously in the daylight. He had his eyebrow arched as he examined Kenji-san in particular with a calculating eye. Souji, who had arrived with Sannan-san, watched Kenji-san with curious eyes before promptly ignoring the man to trot over to where I was.

"Sannan-san?" I tilted my head at the man, temporarily ignoring Souji's pinchy fingers on my sides. "I thought you were supervising Niimi. When did you get here?"

Souji answered instead, causing me to flush slightly. "Your little shriek wasn't as little as you thought it was. It actually scared me a bit, hearing your scream out of the blue like that."

I whacked Souji's shoulder as his grin grew widened.

"Yes. Yes," Sannan-san said rather impatiently as he tapped his foot and narrowed his eyes at Kenji-san. "How did you know Kondou-san and Hijikata-kun were to arrive back today when we never released this information? Even the ever weary Niimi-san doesn't know."

Kenji puffed himself up, purposely making himself look cartoonish, less of a threat. "I put the eyes and ears into the saying, 'Walls have ears. Doors have eyes.'" He sobered up, now looking much more serious and sly. "Little of what happens in Kyoto and Osaka will occur without me knowing. Well, I'm not here to talk about that. I have information for Hijikata and Kondou regarding Yukimura Kodo I'm sure they'd like to know. If that doesn't convince you then I have three words for you: Water of Life."

Sannan-san's eyes instantly sharpened and even Souji grew serious. The silence echoed throughout the courtyard, sending unpleasant chills down my spine. The air crackled with a deadly sort of energy. One that would explode with a single careless spark. No one moved until Kenji-san let out a fake sneeze.

"Burr! How is it so chilly in the summer?" Kenji said, shrugging his shoulders in a carefree manner. "Relax. The bakufu's dirty little secret is still safe. I just happen to know about the little toxic elixir due to past family history. It was brought into Japan from Korea during the Seven-Year War[1]."

"Family history? Seven-Year War?" Sannan-san pressed, his expression morphing into that sadistic smile I was so familiar with. "Do continue. I would love to know more about this family history of yours and how it's involved here." He then turned to me, a smile still painting his face. "Shizuka-chan, why don't you go fetch Saito-kun to accompany you down to the dock to pick up Kondou-san and Hijikata-kun?"

I nodded silently before sneaking a peek at Kyoko-chan, who just winked reassuringly at me. I heard a shuffle of movement right beside me as Souji shifted his weight onto his left foot. There was a magnificent pout on Souji's face.

"Why Hajime-kun and not me?" Souji whined, puffing his cheeks up in a lopsided fashion. "Shizuka is my wife and Kondou-san is my father-in-law."

Sannan-san just leveled a completely false smile at Souji. "Someone needs to finish the laundry. How kind of you to volunteer, Okita-kun."

Souji grumbled something under his breath, his fabulous posture slouching as he turned around and began to busy himself with the unfinished laundry. He knew better to talk back to Sannan-san least he wanted to be given a never-ending chore.

I nodded at Sannan-san one more time to let him know I was leaving now before giving Souji a little pat on the back. After snatching Saito-san from Mibu temple where he was training the new recruits, we scuttled off to the docks to wait for the awaited ferry to arrive. We sat in silence on a bench next to the ferrying business on the docks, just staring at the boats in the docks. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence by any means, but still, after knowing Saito-san all this time, I didn't know quite what to say. Saito-san was the one to break the silence between us.

"How is everything between you and Souji? It has been about one month since you two have married."

I raised my eyebrows at the unexpected question. His cheeks were a light pink and he made it a point not to look at me. While he wasn't oblivious when it came to matters between a man and a woman, there was no bigger klutz with women than Saito-san. He just didn't do well with matters romance.

It said a lot about his character when he was willing to talk about something that made him uncomfortable for the sake of learning how well his friend was doing. It brought a smile to my face.

"I thought I knew all there was to know about Souji. It's strange to be married to someone I've known for so long only to find out I still have so much more to learn about him." I twiddled with my fingers. "Like, did you know that Souji has a strange habit of being clingy if he decides that he wants to sleep in? He'll grab onto anything within reach with a death grip. Pillows, extra blankets, even his swords. I think he even grabbed onto Heisuke's hair one time when Heisuke went to wake him."

Saito-san's brows disappeared behind his bangs as his faint flush faded. "I see. I will endeavor to ensure I am not the one waking him up on those days." He looked back at the passing boat. "You look happier these days. Marriage suits you."

"Oh." It was my turn to blush. My voice grew meek. "Thank you."

Never in a million years did I think I would hear that marriage suits me. I had no reason to be, but I was flattered nonetheless.

"It is merely an observation. No thanks are needed."

I nodded, growing slightly excited when I saw a ferry docking only to be disappointed when I realized it wasn't the one Otou-san and Hijikata-san had taken back home. My eyes flickered to the birds dotting the sky above the waters.

"You were training the men before I came to fetch you, right?" I asked, catching Saito-san's attention again. "How are they? I can never ask Souji because all he'll tell me is that they are a bunch of whiners. Shinpachi-san practically says the same thing when I ask him. Just what are you three doing to train the men?"

A snort sounded from Saito-san's nose.

"The men are right on progress. I have just instructed them to replace their bokken with real swords. They have just begun to understand how to slash instead of whack with blunt objects. At least for patrol, they will not be a burden."

"Huh," I said tilting my head at Saito-san. "They sound like they're good students when you speak about them. Why did Shinpachi-san agree with Souji and tell me they were a bunch or whiners?"

I had a hunch, but I wanted to hear it directly from Saito-san.

"Souji injures them too often so no one dares to go challenge him in training. Shinpachi pushes them too hard and they become unable to train the next day because they are too sore."

"Ah," I said, taking the time to blow my bangs away from my face.

Figures things would end up this way. Shinpachi was never one to restrain himself and Souji never liked teaching in the first place. I believe Souji's exact words were "it's boring".

"Nevermind the fact that the Roshigumi doesn't have a patrolling schedule yet, this is the reason you haven't been on patrol as much as the other guys. The men flock to you for training so they don't end up stuck with Shinpachi-san or Souji." Despite expecting this to happen, I still wanted to smack my own forehead. "No wonder the men look at me like I'm some sort of saint when they find out I'm Souji's wife."

"Now you know," Saito-san said, standing up before pulling me up from my seat. "Let us go. I see the ferry docking."

"Is it the right one?"

"Yes," he answered me, pausing briefly to allow me to finish catching up to him. Saito-san seemed particularly careful to make sure I didn't get lost in the hustle and bustle of the crowded docks.

Otou-san and Hijikata-san were the first passengers to step off the ferry, both lost in conversation. However their mission may have gone in Osaka, it must have ended well. Both appeared to be in high spirits. While still on the ramp on their way off the boat, Otou-san looked up and a grin erupted on his face.

"Shizu-chan!" he called, waving his hand at me and holding up the traffic of people behind him without a care in the world. He then trotted over, leaving Hijikata-san to leisurely stroll off the ramp himself, and nodded politely to Saito-san before patting my head. "Did you come to pick us up?"

Saito-san and I exchanged glances.

"Kind of," I answered before bowing slightly at Hijikata-san as a greeting as he came to join us.

Hijikata-san caught my words and sagged, now almost looking tired. He didn't seem to want to hear what I had to say, already assuming something catastrophic had occurred in his and Otou-san's absence.

"What happened now?" Hijikata-san briefly buried his face into his hands in his stress. "Did Niimi do something while we were away?"

"Nothing of that sort occurred, Vice Commander," Saito-san answered, forever being overly polite and formal. "I believe Shizuka kept Niimi-san busy by spiking his food with some sort of laxative to give him violent diarrhea this past week. He has spent most of his time occupying the facilities rather than working on the **_project_**."

"Wait. Shizuka did what now?" Hijikata-san's brow disappeared behind his hair as he glanced. He almost looked like he wanted to laugh. He wasn't going to admit it out loud and risk sounding immature but he was damned pleased with me.

Otou-san, on the other hand, didn't look nearly as happy. "Shizu-chan!" he scolded, though, he did not look as displeased as he should have. Polite custom aside, Otou-san didn't like Niimi very much either. "There are other ways to distract a man than that!"

"Sannan-san was the one that suggested it." I shrugged, unapologetic of my actions. "Who was I to refuse such a fabulous idea thought up by the Colonel." I said, nodding to myself before adding, "Plus, Souji strongly encouraged me to do it," almost like an afterthought.

"Well?" Hijikata-san said, now with a hint of a smile on his lips. "If not Niimi-san, then what happened? Saito?"

"Wakahisa-san arrived at Headquarters an hour ago with information regarding Yukimura Kodo," Saito-san answered dutifully. "She also has information regarding the **_project_**."

Any light playfulness that lingered in the atmosphere instantly vanished as Hijikata-san exchanged an urgent glance with Otou-san. We wasted no more time, rushing back to headquarters in a brisk walk as if pretending to the outside world that there was nothing wrong. However, once we reached headquarters, Hijikata-san agitation grew tenfold.

He pulled his shoes off in on jerky motion, leaving them in a messy heap by the door before he slammed the door of the main hall open with a loud snap, attracting everyone's attention. Sannan-san, with a cup of tea in his hands, was sitting directly across from Kenji-san and Kyoko-chan. Souji, who was also in the room, was oddly stuck folding clothing in the corner of the room, probably by courtesy of Sannan-san.

No wonder Souji looked happy to see me back. Yes, Otou-san was back too, but me being back exclusively meant he wasn't stuck folding the laundry anymore. He was awfully pleased when I stepped around Hijikata-san and rushed to his aid, saving him from his dreaded task of laundry.

"Who the hell are you?" Hijikata-san barked instantly as his narrowed eyes fell upon Kenji-san.

Hijikata-san didn't wait for an answer as he dropped into his seat right beside Sannan-san with an audible thump and crossed arms. Otou-san, on the other hand, was much more graceful than Hijikata-san when it came to sitting down and much more friendly as he welcomed Kenji-san with a kind smile.

"Fuma Kenji," Kenji-san answered, effortlessly commanding authority in his composure. "I'm sure you've heard of me from Kyoko. The simple childhood friend that she's engaged to."

"And?" Hijikata-san pressed on, his eyes growing sharper as he stole a brief glance at Sannan-san, who offered no answers in that calm face of his. "That doesn't tell me why you're here."

"Gods, you're so tense," Kyoko-chan bravely cut in. "You need to loosen up. This is why you have no friends."

Souji couldn't hide his laughter when he cracked up at Kyoko-chan's jab at Hijikata-san.

"I—What?!" Hijikata-san stumbled, growing red as smoke filtered out of his ears. "No friends?! I'll have you know—That has nothing to do with anything! And I do have friends! Lots of them!"

"I know." Kyoko-chan's grin grew as she rested her chin on the palm of her hand. "I just wanted to make you mad. Well, anyways," she continued, ignoring Hijikata-san's fuming and Otou-san alarmed expression as he tried to calm Hijikata-san down, "Kenji's here because I was having trouble digging up Yukimura Kodo's history. Kenji's information network is far deeper than mine."

Hijikata-san's fuming instantly ceased. "Information network?" he parroted.

Meanwhile, Otou-san seemed to grow exponentially excited at those words. An information network? It sounded like something he had read about in an epic story filled with secret societies. It made him so giddy that it looked like he was about to bounce out of his seat from just sheer excitement alone.

Kenji-san nodded. "Yes, information network. To the outsiders, my clan is a family of merchants. To the Shogunate and the Emperor, my clan is a group of people they don't want to piss off. The title 'ninja' still has the ability to create fear despite our limited presence. Other than assassination, we specialize in information gathering."

"Ninja!" Otou-san exclaimed at this point, leaping up from his seat with stars in his eyes in his childish excitement.

Forget about being like the things he read about in his favorite stories, it was exactly like his favorite stories that were filled with honorable warriors and skilled ninja fighting for a lord. Realizing that the room had gone silent because everyone had turned to stare at him in surprise, Otou-san fumbled over his words whilst rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly before muttering a red-faced apology and sitting back down.

"Err… Continue, please?" Otou-san added to his apology, hoping to get the conversation moving again.

The awkward silence lived a little longer until Kenji-san cleared his throat, but it was easy to tell Kenji was in a very pleasant mood following Otou-san's outburst. I could just feel the enthusiastic cheerfulness ooze from his every pore.

"So," Kenji-san said following the clap of his hands, "back to the main reason we're here! Kyoko asked me for assistance when the information she could find was extremely limited."

"Yeah," Kyoko-chan added. "All I could find out about Yukimura Kodo by myself was that he was a Dutch trained doctor and the only family he has is his fifteen-year-old daughter back in Edo. I believe her name was Chizuru or something like that."

"Oh, pretty," I commented. "That name means 'a thousand cranes', right?"

Hijikata-san coughed to focus our wandering attention. "So what did you find on Yukimura Kodo, Fuma-san?"

"Yukimura Kodo is from, or rather, was from the large Yukimura clan further up north in the countryside. I believe the Yukimura clan's land is a day away from Edo on horseback."

"'Was'?" Sannan-san voiced, drawing Kenji-san's ire for interrupting. Kenji-san had a particularly nasty scowl, no matter how brief it was. "What do you mean? Does the Yukimura clan no longer exist?"

"Twelve years ago, one of the Western domains ordered the Yukimura clan to fight for them. The Yukimura clan preferred living in peace and refused that order. Fast forward a week or so, the Western domain returned to burn down the village. The soldiers killed everyone in sight, the elderly, women, and children. Yukimura Kodo and his daughter are the only known survivors of this massacre. The Shogunate did nothing to bring the Western domain to justice. In fact, they supported the massacre, believing that allowing the Yukimura clan to go unpunished for rejecting an order would allow other clans to believe they too didn't have to obey."

The room fell eerily silent as everyone absorbed the information. A whole village wiped out because they wanted peace.

It made me feel sick.

 _"Anyone who loses everything due to their own powerlessness thinks, 'If I only had more power.' The power obtained through the Water of Life is fake. It may not be true power, yet if it is fake, there are things you can protect so long as you possess it."_

It made me understand the words Yukimura said all those weeks ago to Heisuke.

Hijikata-san took a deep breath. "If this man's entire clan was wiped out, why would he willingly follow the Bakufu's orders to work on the Water of Life? No man who has gone through a clan massacre would have faith in the Shogunate anymore. I find it hard to believe he would willingly work on the Water of Life without any resentment."

"But how could he refuse?" I asked, my voice nothing more than a whisper yet able to cut through the silence like a knife. "He is just one person and with his clan destroyed… He doesn't have safety in numbers anymore and he has his daughter to think about."

"And who's to say he didn't take on this project with his own ambitions in mind," Sannan-san added. "He may have revenge on his mind. We need to keep a close eye on him." Sannan-san then let his calculating eyes drift up to Kenji-san. "Other than informing us about Yukimura Kodo's history, perhaps you would like to inform us about how you know about the Water of Life. I believe you mentioned to me before about your family history being intertwined."

"Ah yes." Otou-san coughed. "Fuma-kun if you may?"

Kenji-san ruffled his own hair. "Alright, I guess." He let out a tired sigh. "The Water of Life, originally called the Sage's Elixir, was originally brought over from Korea during the Seven-Year War. It was first noticed that some of the Ming[2] soldiers who arrived as Korean reinforcements who took the medicine became fearless of injury and death, and had increased combative capabilities. Two men, Kiyomasa Katō[3] and Yukinaga Konishi[4] sought to favor of Toyotomi Hideyoshi[5] and thought to obtain the drug themselves to present it to Toyotomi as a gift."

Kenji-san paused to observe everyone's expressions. When he was pleased with his observations, he continued.

"Katō had the service of the Fuma clan while Konishi had the service of the Hattori clan and it became a race to which clan could obtain the drug first and triumph over the other ninja clan. In the end, it was my clan, the Fuma clan, that was able to steal the drug from the Ming soldiers without being apprehended. The drug was presented to Hideyoshi Toyotomi and kept hidden in Osaka Castle until it came to be utilized by Honda Masanobu[6] under Tokugawa Ieyasu during the Sengoku era."

"Tokugawa Ieyasu had the Water of Life at his disposal?" Otou-san exclaimed in shock, causing Kenji-san to grumble at being interrupted again.

"Yes," Kenji-san said, drawing out the word through his teeth while rolling his eyes in his annoyance. "The real kicker here is that the drug ended up being more trouble than it was worth when the men who took it when berserk, drunk with power. Through his relationship with his close friend Yukimura Kazuya, who was head of the Yukimura clan at that time and was described to have the strength of an oni, the berserkers were put down. Ieyasu then promised Kazuya that he would ensure that the Sage's Elixir would never again be used. It is also said that Ieyasu's and Kazuya's close friendship is what kept the Yukimura clan safe for decades through the hidden period the so-called 'oni clans', called the Dai Gyakusatsu[7]."

"Dai Gyakusatsu? Oni clans?" Hijikata-san said, knitting his eyebrows together. "I've never heard of that."

"That's why it's a 'hidden period'. It is said that one of Ieyasu's advisors, whose name is now stricken from all records and is now only known as the Higanbana, advocated for the culling of 'oni clans' because the 'oni clans' were too powerful and not to be trusted. The hidden war ended with major causalities on both sides. The Higanbana was beheaded for treason and his name stricken from all of history while a vast chasm formed between the 'oni clans' and the Shogunate. It is said the 'oni clans' disappeared after that, going into hiding so to not be disturbed by the Shogunate ever again."

"Man, that's dark," Souji commented, his sarcastic tone not quite fitting the atmosphere as he chuckled a little. "So after that promise to the Yukimura clan that the Water of Life would never be used again, the Shogunate has the Yukimura clan killed off and forces the survivor to work on improving the Water of Life? How has Kodo-san not gone insane and killed everyone yet?"

"Perhaps it is as Shizuka said," Saito-san answered. "He does not have the power nor ability to."

Hijikata-san shifted, the look of disgust being poorly hidden on his face. "I can't approve of the Shogunate's actions, but that doesn't change our job. Fuma-san, can you stay here for a moment? I would like to discuss a business proposal with you, a partnership of sorts." He turned to look at Saito-san and Souji. "You two, go fetch Yamazaki and Shimada." Hijikata-san then lastly turned to me, his eyes drifting down to the laundry I was still folding as his serious expression faded. "Shizuka… Why don't you go finish the laundry?"

I snorted before wordlessly picking up the piles of laundry and taking them out with me to another room to finish folding.

Before the end of the day, a new position was created in the Roshigumi's structure: Inspectors. Under the training of Kenji-san, the inspectors would investigate matters both within and outside the Roshigumi. Hijikata-san and Sannan-san's way of tracking the movements and actions of Niimi and Serizawa in an attempt to prevent the Water of Life research from spinning out of hand, or as Hijikata-san would say, "putting the bell on the cat."

The inspectors would also serve to prevent the Roshigumi's common foot soldiers from uncovering secrets about the Water of Life and the rasetsu as well as uncover any possible spies within the Roshigumi.

While this was an excellent idea, I couldn't help but think, "Poor Yamazaki-san."

Not only was he given a high-stress position, he also had to spend copious amounts of time studying medicine and learning surgical techniques. The poor overworked guy. Even though he assured me that he could handle his workload, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a mental breakdown further down the line in the future. I mean, if it were me, I would be bald by now from pulling out my hair in stress.

Only time would tell how overworked Yamazaki-san would handle himself.

However, the creation of the Inspectors could not have come at a better time. It was during the Hour of the Boar a few weeks later on June 25th when the first rasetsu escaped, courtesy of Niimi's carelessness. The night started like any other normal night with Souji hovering over my shoulder, reading what I was writing in my journal.

"Intracranial hemorrhage[8]?" Souji muttered under his breath, his eyes on the papers before me as he placed his chin on my shoulder. He wrapped his limbs around me from behind as he attempted to get my attention like an eager puppy. "What's that?"

I hummed, placing the calligraphy brush down in order to lean back against his chest comfortably so I could sap up his wonderful body heat.

"It's just a fancy term to say there's bleeding within the skull." I let my hands drop to play with his fingers on my lap. "Most people just call it a brain bleed."

"And you write about this at the end of your day?" He sounded completely unimpressed. "What happened to writing about things like how your day went or about your feelings like a normal woman?" Souji then joked, pulling his hands from my grasp just to pinch my sides.

I let out a squeak and even jumped a little. His grin grew at my reaction and just settled for rubbing my hip.

"Better yet, why don't you write about sex?" Souji said, quirking his eyebrow impishly when I faked a scandalize expression. "I'd love to read about how good I make you feel and how," his voice deepened as it turned into a whisper, "I can make you squirm under my fingertips."

"Souji!" I pinched his side with a playful scoff. "I will not write stuff just to inflate your ego even more!"

"But my inflated ego and my cockiness are both sexy, right?" he added impishly before nipping my ear, dancing away when I went to go whack him. "Missed me~"

I narrowed my eyes at him before pretending I was going to ignore him. As his disappointment welled up, his guard dropped. That's when I lunged.

I landed on top of him, pushing him down to the floor before we both erupted into giggles. He pinched my side one more time before he rolled over so he was hovering over me.

"Before you start anything else, let me just tell you that I'm not in the mood."

Souji immediately pouted as he got off of me, allowing me to sit back up. He puffed a cheek up before settling down crossed-legged on the floor next to me. He was looking at me like he was a scolded kid.

"Why not?" he asked, giving me a once over like he believed that he could spot the reason. "You aren't on your monthly bleeding, are you?"

"You know there are other possible reasons that could cause me to not be in the mood other than that." I crossed my arms. "But no, it's not that. I'm feeling sore today."

It was mostly my breasts, the type of soreness that I normally got when my period was getting ready to come. But not being in the mood also did have to do with my period. It was late but it felt like it could come at any moment now too[9].

"Sore? But you didn't even do anything strenuous today. You're not getting sick, are you?"

"No," I shook my head, "just sore."

Souji then shuffled behind me, running his hand down my back before gently kneading the spot between my shoulder blades, making me want to just melt into the floor like some sort of goo. He had… talented hands.

Both in a dirty sense and non-dirty kind of way.

"Hmm… Do you think you can give me a foot rub next?"

Souji chuckled. "Taking advantage of things?"

"What can I say? You have talented hands."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me, undoubted about to say something dirty. He never got say it.

"AAHHHWAHH!"

A bestial scream pierced the calm night, ripping apart the peaceful fabric of the night as it was followed by the sound of wood splintering and shattering.

I froze as Souji leaped from his seat behind me. He grabbed his swords from the stand in a hurry, strapping them to his hip before he grabbed my naginata from its spot against the wall. Thankfully, he waited until I was on my feet first before he tossed it to me.

"Humans don't make that sound and it came from the Maekawa house," Souji said, wrapping an arm around my waist as if he were ushering me outside. "And I don't like the sound of the wood breaking."

"If one manages to escape…" I didn't bother finishing my sentence as we sprinted towards the source of the sound.

Hijikata-san shortly joined us from behind as we approached the Maekawa house.

"What the hell was that?" Hijikata-san barked.

Souji snorted derisively. "How do you think I would know?" His tone was filled with scathing sarcasm. "I can't see through walls like you can."

Hijikata-san scowled but didn't get a chance to retaliate as the others burst out from the main hall, Shinpachi-san stumbling slightly as he nearly tripped over Heisuke.

"Oi! Watch where you're going!" Heisuke snapped before looking to Hijikata-san for answers. "What was that?!"

"It came from the back!" Shinpachi-san merely belted as we turned the corner.

But all we saw was Ibuki-kun on his knees in an empty courtyard. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open as he wordlessly shook. Sweat dotted his face as his breathing came in fragmented gasps. He was paler than the full moon.

"Ryunosuke!" Heisuke cried, scrambling to Ibuki-kun side to jostle him a little. "What happened? Are you okay?"

All Ibuki-kun could do was uselessly flap his lower jaw, any form of sound failing to come through. All he could do was raise a shaky finger.

Shinpachi-san swiveled around to look in the general direction Ibuki-kun raised his finger in. His eyes grew wide at the hole smashed in the side of the wooden house. "Hijikata-san!"

Dread and horror flashed across Hijikata-san face.

"Where did he go?!" Hijikata-san barked at Ibuki-kun.

Ibuki-kun swayed uselessly before pointing point up at the top of the wall. With walls on all sides, the only place to go was up and over. The rasetsu had escaped into the city filled with civilian oblivious of the situation. Civilians just living their daily lives.

"After him!" Hijikata-san shouted hastily, pointing towards the front gates as the men bolted.

Even Ibuki-kun staggered to his feet and followed after the men. Saito-san took off to the west while Sano-san took the north and Shinpachi-san, the south. Ibuki-kun stuck to Heisuke's side like a lost puppy as Heisuke took off to the east.

Hijikata-san then turned to the ones left behind, his eyes hard and merciless. "Souji! Sannan-san! Shizuka! You three are with me!"

Hijikata-san marched into the Maekawa house, not bothering to use the actual door of the house as he stomped in through the hole blasted through the wall. Inside, scurrying about like a terrified rat, Niimi faked normality as he picked his scattered notes off the ground. I could hear the paper rustle as Niimi's hands shook, unable to hide the fear inspired by being so close to the unrestrained rasetsu and from Hijikata-san's tangible rage.

Niimi raised his head just as he picked up the last sheet of notes. Cold sweat covered his face.

"D-Do you need something?" Niimi asked, stammering as he hugged his notes to his chest like he believed that would protect him from a sword to the gut.

I'll give him credit. He could still attempt to act nonchalant after such a close encounter with that rasetsu.

However, that act just worked against him as it ignited Hijikata-san's rage even more.

"Don't play dumb!" Niimi flinched under the weight of Hijikata-san's tone. "That was a rasetsu's voice!"

Hijikata-san said the magic word. At the word 'rasetsu' what was left of Niimi's composure shattered into a million pieces as he froze in place, turning paler than the color white could ever hope to be.

"Do you want to die?" Souji then said with a dark shadow cast over his face as he fingered the hilt of his katana, slightly pushing the sword out of the sheath to reveal a sliver of the blade.

Now it looked like Niimi was about to drop down on all fours to beg for his life. Unfortunately for us, that's when Serizawa decided to show his face.

One would think an animalistic scream and the sound of breaking wood coming from the house he was staying would cause him to look more concerned. Serizawa didn't look concerned at all. In fact, he only glared down at Hijikata-san in irritation, like he believed that Hijikata-san was disrupting the peace more than that rasetsu did.

"What's all this commotion?" Serizawa asked before scolding us. **_Freaking scold!_** "You're making a ruckus."

Niimi quickly took advantage of the distraction and scurried behind Serizawa like the coward he was. "I-I was just testing the Water of Life," Niimi jumped to explain, purposely making his folly seem less heinous.

Hijikata-san, unintimidated by Serizawa's appearance, advanced on Niimi, making the pathetic man cower some more as he even grabbed onto the back of Serizawa's haori.

"Who. Did. You. Administer. It. To?" Hijikata-san snarled out slowly, making Niimi whimper more with each word.

"N-Not o-one of o-our own. I used the r-ronin that Serizawa-san arrested."

"Niimi-san," Sannan-san spoke up, his composure far calmer looking than that of Hijikata-san's. However, his tone was more than a thousand times darker than Hijikata-san's and a million times more frightening. If Hijikata-san looked like an enraged wolf, then Sannan-san looked like the Grim Reaper himself. "Why did you do that without consulting us?"

"I-I did it t-to improve o-our r-rates much f-faster!" Niimi all but yelped in terror. "P-Plus, it w-wasn't a c-complete f-failure t-this time!"

"But ultimately, you allowed a monster that will indiscriminately attack people break free," Hijikata-san growled, the darkness in his voice smoldering like volcanic ash. "How will you take responsibility for this? Huh?!"

Niimi jumped at the sudden snap in Hijikata-san's voice.

"E-Even if you w-wanted me to take r-responsibility…" Niimi hastily glanced at Serizawa, hoping that the man would step in.

Henceforth," Hijikata-san snarled so loudly that Niimi jump in fear again, "I will not keep my peace with you. Breaking the code is punishable by seppuku!" His voice quieted into a low growl. "Don't forget that."

"I-I will b-be sure to bear t-that in m-mind."

Yet, as Hijikata-san was threatening his minion, Serizawa only smirked at Hijikata-san's fierce rage. It unsettled me and made me want to punch Serizawa in the gut at the same time. This, people's lives, what Otou-san and Hijikata-san were trying to achieve, was all a joke to him. Without a care in the world, Serizawa then sauntered out of the room with Niimi scrambling after him.

"Souji!" Hijikata-san then barked, causing me to perk up and peer curiously at Souji. "Go help the others with the search. Sannan-san and I will deal with the soldiers in the barracks. They're bound to be wondering what all the commotion is about."

Souji gave Hijikata-san a mock salute before bolting. Hijikata-san then turned to me, his expression softening slightly, to my irritation, as he looked at my naginata and then back at me.

"Shizuka, I need you to search this room to look for any possible evidence of what other things Niimi-san may be up to."

"Okay," I said, leaning my naginata against the wall as I began scouring the wrecked room for clues.

Hijikata-san lingered behind a few more minutes as Sannan-san went ahead and left first. He helped me fix an upturned table before preparing to leave, pausing at the door to ask if I wanted more help.

* * *

[1] The Japanese invasions of Korea comprised two separate yet linked operations: an initial invasion in 1592, a brief truce in 1596, and a second invasion in 1597. The conflict ended in 1598 with the withdrawal of the Japanese forces from the Korean Peninsula after a military stalemate in Korea's southern coastal provinces.

The invasions were launched by Toyotomi Hideyoshi with the intent of conquering Korea and China, which were ruled by the Joseon and Ming dynasties, respectively. Japan quickly succeeded in occupying large portions of the Korean Peninsula, but the contribution of reinforcements by the Ming Dynasty, as well as the disruption of Japanese supply fleets along the western and southern coasts by the Joseon Navy forced a withdrawal of Japanese forces from Pyongyang and the northern provinces to the south, where the Japanese continued to occupy Hanseong (present-day Seoul) and the southeastern regions. Afterwards, with guerrilla warfare waged against the Japanese by Joseon civilian militias and supply difficulties hampering both sides, neither the Japanese nor the combined Ming and Joseon forces were able to mount a successful offensive or gain any additional territory, resulting in a military stalemate in the areas between Hanseong and Kaesong. The first phase of the invasion lasted from 1592 until 1596, and was followed by ultimately unsuccessful peace negotiations between Japan and the Ming between 1596 and 1597.

In 1597, Japan renewed its offensive by invading Korea a second time. The pattern of the second invasion largely mirrored that of the first. The Japanese had initial successes on land, capturing several cities and fortresses, only to be halted and forced to withdraw to the southern coastal regions of the peninsula. The pursuing Ming and Joseon forces, however, were unable to dislodge the Japanese from their remaining fortresses and entrenched positions in the southern coastal areas, where both sides again became locked in a ten-month long military stalemate.

With Hideyoshi's death in 1598, limited progress on land, and continued disruption of supply lines by the Joseon navy, the Japanese forces in Korea were ordered to withdraw back to Japan by the new governing Council of Five Elders. Final peace negotiations between the parties followed afterwards and continued for several years, ultimately resulting in the normalization of relations.

[2] The Ming dynasty was the ruling dynasty of China—then known as the Empire of the Great Ming—for 276 years (1368–1644) following the collapse of the Mongol-led Yuan dynasty. The Ming, described by some as "one of the greatest eras of orderly government and social stability in human history," was the last imperial dynasty in China ruled by ethnic Han Chinese. Although the primary capital of Beijing fell in 1644 to a rebellion led by Li Zicheng (who established the Shun dynasty, soon replaced by the Manchu-led Qing dynasty), regimes loyal to the Ming throne – collectively called the Southern Ming – survived until 1683.

The Hongwu Emperor (ruled 1368–98) attempted to create a society of self-sufficient rural communities ordered in a rigid, immobile system that would guarantee and support a permanent class of soldiers for his dynasty: the empire's standing army exceeded one million troops and the navy's dockyards in Nanjing were the largest in the world. He also took great care breaking the power of the court eunuchs and unrelated magnates, enfeoffing his many sons throughout China and attempting to guide these princes through the Huang Ming Zu Xun, a set of published dynastic instructions. This failed spectacularly when his teenage successor, the Jianwen Emperor, attempted to curtail his uncles' power, prompting the Jingnan Campaign, an uprising that placed the Prince of Yan upon the throne as the Yongle Emperor in 1402. The Yongle Emperor established Yan as a secondary capital and renamed it Beijing, constructed the Forbidden City, and restored the Grand Canal and the primacy of the imperial examinations in official appointments. He rewarded his eunuch supporters and employed them as a counterweight against the Confucian scholar-bureaucrats. One, Zheng He, led seven enormous voyages of exploration into the Indian Ocean as far as Arabia and the eastern coasts of Africa.

The rise of new emperors and new factions diminished such extravagances; the capture of the Zhengtong Emperor during the 1449 Tumu Crisis ended them completely. The imperial navy was allowed to fall into disrepair while forced labor constructed the Liaodong palisade and connected and fortified the Great Wall of China into its modern form. Wide-ranging censuses of the entire empire were conducted decennially, but the desire to avoid labor and taxes and the difficulty of storing and reviewing the enormous archives at Nanjing hampered accurate figures. Estimates for the late Ming population vary from 160 to 200 million, but necessary revenues were squeezed out of smaller and smaller numbers of farmers as more disappeared from the official records or "donated" their lands to tax-exempt eunuchs or temples. Haijin laws intended to protect the coasts from "Japanese" pirates instead turned many into smugglers and pirates themselves.

By the 16th century, however, the expansion of European trade—albeit restricted to islands near Guangzhou like Macau—spread the Columbian Exchange of crops, plants, and animals into China, introducing chili peppers to Sichuan cuisine and highly productive corn and potatoes, which diminished famines and spurred population growth. The growth of Portuguese, Spanish, and Dutch trade created new demand for Chinese products and produced a massive influx of Japanese and American silver. This abundance of specie remonetized the Ming economy, whose paper money had suffered repeated hyperinflation and was no longer trusted. While traditional Confucians opposed such a prominent role for commerce and the newly rich it created, the heterodoxy introduced by Wang Yangming permitted a more accommodating attitude. Zhang Juzheng's initially successful reforms proved devastating when a slowdown in agriculture produced by the Little Ice Age joined changes in Japanese and Spanish policy that quickly cut off the supply of silver now necessary for farmers to be able to pay their taxes. Combined with crop failure, floods, and epidemic, the dynasty collapsed before the rebel leader Li Zicheng, who was defeated by the Manchu-led Eight Banner armies who founded the Qing dynasty.

[3] Katō Kiyomasa (加藤 清正, July 25, 1561 – August 2, 1611) was a Japanese daimyō of the Azuchi–Momoyama and Edo periods. His court title was Higo-no-kami. His child name was Yashamaru, and first name was Toranosuke.

Kiyomasa was born in what is now Nakamura-ku, Nagoya (situated in contemporary Aichi District, Owari Province) to Katō Kiyotada. Kiyotada's wife, Ito, was a cousin of Toyotomi Hideyoshi's mother. Kiyotada died while his son (then known as Toranosuke) was still young. Soon after, Toranosuke entered into the service of Hideyoshi, and in 1576, at age 15, was granted a stipend of 170 koku. He fought in Hideyoshi's army at the Battle of Yamazaki, and later, at the Battle of Shizugatake. Owing to his achievement in that battle, he became known as one of the Seven Spears of Shizugatake. Hideyoshi rewarded Kiyomasa with a reward of 3,000 koku.

When Hideyoshi became the kampaku in the summer of 1585, Kiyomasa received the court title of Kazue no Kami (主計頭, head of the accounting bureau) and junior 5th court rank, lower grade (ju go-i no ge 従五位下). In 1586, after Higo Province was confiscated from Sassa Narimasa, he was granted 250,000 koku of land in Higo (roughly half of the province), and given Kumamoto Castle as his provincial residence.

[4] Konishi Yukinaga (小西 行長, baptised under the personal name Agostinho (Portuguese for Augustine); 1555 – November 6, 1600) was a Kirishitan daimyō under Toyotomi Hideyoshi.

Konishi Yukinaga was the son of a wealthy Sakai merchant, Konishi Ryūsa. His wife was also baptised under the name of Maria. In 1587, during the Invasion of Kyushu, he quelled the local uprising in Higo Province and was awarded a fief in that province.

[5] Toyotomi Hideyoshi (豊臣 秀吉, February 2, 1536, or March 26, 1537 – September 18, 1598) was a preeminent daimyō, warrior, general, samurai, and politician of the Sengoku period who is regarded as Japan's second "great unifier". He succeeded his former liege lord, Oda Nobunaga, and brought an end to the Warring States period. The period of his rule is often called the Momoyama period, named after Hideyoshi's castle. After his death, his young son Hideyori was displaced by Tokugawa Ieyasu.

Hideyoshi is noted for a number of cultural legacies, including the restriction that only members of the samurai class could bear arms. He financed the construction, restoration and rebuilding of many temples standing today in Kyoto. Hideyoshi played an important role in the history of Christianity in Japan when he ordered the execution by crucifixion of twenty-six Christians.

[6] Honda Masanobu (本多 正信, 1538 – July 20, 1616) was a commander and daimyo in the service of Tokugawa Ieyasu in Japan during the Azuchi-Momoyama and Edo periods.

In 1563, when an uprising against Ieyasu occurred in Mikawa Province, Masanobu took the side of the peasants against Ieyasu. He fled from the Tokugawa, rejoining them in the 1570s or 1580s at the behest of Ōkubo Tadayo, and accompanied Ieyasu as he crossed Iga Province following the assassination of Oda Nobunaga at Honnō-ji.

In 1600, Masanobu joined Tokugawa Hidetada's army for the march along the Nakasendō. En route, however, Hidetada attacked Sanada Masayuki at Ueda Castle against Masanobu's advice, and together they arrived late for the Battle of Sekigahara.

Masanobu was a member of the Tokugawa shogunate and ruled a Han in Sagami Province assessed at 22,000 koku. He was present at the Siege of Osaka in 1614. Masanobu died several weeks after Ieyasu in 1616.

[7] Fictional event exclusive to this fanfiction. It just means "The Great Slaughter" when translated into English.

[8] Intracranial hemorrhage is a serious medical emergency because the buildup of blood within the skull can lead to increases in intracranial pressure, which can crush delicate brain tissue or limit its blood supply. Severe increases in intracranial pressure (ICP) can cause brain herniation, in which parts of the brain are squeezed past structures in the skull.

Intracranial bleeding occurs when a blood vessel within the skull is ruptured or leaks. It can result from physical trauma (as occurs in head injury) or nontraumatic causes (as occurs in hemorrhagic stroke) such as a ruptured aneurysm. Anticoagulant therapy, as well as disorders with blood clotting can heighten the risk that an intracranial hemorrhage will occur.

[9] At three weeks pregnant, the body is awash with hormones and most feel pretty much the same as usual. Any signs of pregnancy now are likely to be very similar to those experienced just before the period occurs – perhaps some mild cramping, sore and heavy breasts, and general PMS type of feelings.


	36. Chapter 36

So this is where one of the big changes in the rewrite will be. Updates might be slower the next following days due to Christmas. Enjoy the holidays!

* * *

 **Chapter 36**

 _"How wonderful it would be if people did all they could for one other without seeking anything in return! One should never remember a kindness done, and never forget a kindness received."—Kentetsu Takamori_

The horizon was a warm goldenrod just as the sun began to ascend into the sky. The morning had come, yet the dark night had never truly ended. All the night did was grow darker as the sun rose. One by one, the guys returned, empty-handed and drained. The urgency of last night, fruitless. The rasetsu was still out there, dormant from the sunlight but hidden amongst the simple civilians, free to move about and kill once the moon rises once more.

Sano-san was the last to return, dropping into his seat beside Shinpachi-san with a dull thud and a slumped back. I bit back a yawn, turning it into a sneeze instead before dropping my head onto Souji's shoulder as he sagged in his seat beside Saito-san. There was disgust on Souji's face, something he shared with Saito-san. Disgust at failing to locate and slay the menace.

In the center of the main hall, right before Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san were Heisuke and Ibuki-kun. Unlike the rest of us, Heisuke and Ibuki-kun managed to locate the rasetsu the night before. Unlike how the rest of us would have handled ourselves, Heisuke hesitated, failing to land the killing blow with misplaced moral consciousness. Heisuke allowed the rasetsu escape, to live. A costly mistake that reeked of inexperience, something the Roshigumi could not afford, least of all in a captain.

"I see," Otou-san said, breaking the uneasy silence that had fallen on this room like iron maul that resulted from Heisuke's and Ibuki-kun's recap of the night before. "So you let it escape…"

Hijikata-san crossed his arms and closed his eyes as if not to distract himself while deep in thought. I could see his mind turn like a cog in a fine-tuned machine, going over each possible outcome he could fathom. Then his sharp purple eyes opened. They were cold and hard, almost untouchable like prized gemstones. Merciless. Hijikata-san then focused on Heisuke.

"At any rate, he can't move in the day. He should be in hiding somewhere. Continue your patrols throughout the day like normal," Hijikata-san ordered, his tone allowing no wiggle room. "Don't let the others catch on."

Sannan-san pushed his glasses further up his nose, the lenses reflecting the bright light of the rising sun. "The true race will begin after the sun sets. Shizuka-chan and I will join you tonight." He turned to face me, causing me to sit up straighter. "You have no complaints about this?"

I shook my head in response to Sannan-san before nearly jumping out of my skin when Heisuke unexpectedly slammed his face into the ground in a dogeza.

"Hijikata-san, I'm sorry!" Heisuke cried as he clutched his hand tightly, his fingernail digging painfully into the palms of his hand as he prostrated himself so flatly on the ground that I could have used him as a rag to wash the floor.

Then in a ballsy move for someone so disposable, Ibuki-kun ducked his alongside Heisuke. "N-No!" he stuttered nervously in his almost desperate sounding cry. "It's my fault that Heisuke—"

"I hesitated!" Heisuke continued, cutting Ibuki-kun off and stunning the blue-haired man silent. "Even though he's a monster, he was once a person. He wasn't someone I would have originally killed…"

Hijikata-san didn't bother softening his words. Instead, each word spoken had the weight of a cannonball. "That hesitation could lead to even more victims." Hijikata-san stood, preparing to leave the room with Otou-san and Sannan-san to undoubtedly plan the night's following actions. "Heisuke, there won't be a second time."

Slowly, people began leaving the room, following after Hijikata-san to begin their duties for the day. Shinpachi-san and Sano-san both glanced at Heisuke, who remained in dogeza long after Hijikata-san had left, before wordless shuffling out of the room. Saito-san, unlike the two before, didn't even spare Heisuke a glance as he stepped out with Inoue-san.

"Shizuka," Souji said, his voice muted in his exhaustion, "you should go get some sleep. You have dark bags under your eyes."

I snorted. "You're one to talk. Weren't you the one running around all night? Besides, I'm not that tired," I lied, briefly turning my head to sneak a peek at Heisuke. He still hadn't moved. "I just happen to have bags under my eyes because I was straining my eyes to read Niimi's notes that I found. He has horrible handwriting, by the way."

The way Souji was looking at me told me he didn't believe my lie for a second.

"Why don't you go take a short nap to rest up while I go cook breakfast?" I then suggested, giving Souji a gentle shove towards the door. "You're on patrol today and you can't have your senses dulling on you. I'll wake you when I'm done cooking."

"And then you'll go take a nap, right?" Souji said, not really asking as to **_strongly_** suggesting.

"Forget the nap." I paused to yawn. "I'm going to go hibernate until it's time to cook lunch."

Souji chuckled before making his way to the door. Right before he stepped out, he called back to me.

"Get Gen-san to help you with breakfast. You look like you might tip over and fall into a hot pot. I'm sure you don't taste good when cooked."

I scowled at him before quickly taking off one of my tabi to toss at him. Souji ducked the sock, laughing at me as he skipped away. I huffed, nearly smiling before I shuffled over to where Heisuke was still plastered to the floor. I shooed Ibuki-kun away before knelt down beside Heisuke. Placing a gentle hand on his back, I rubbed slow circles into his back.

"You should get up now," I said to Heisuke, my tone gentle compared to Hijikata-san's. "While remaining in dogeza may convey how apologetic you are feeling, it will ultimately solve nothing."

Heisuke remained motionless at first before his posture softened. He pushed himself upright again and folded his hands in his laps as he stared at the nail indentations on the palms of his hands.

"How?" he then said, breaking the brief silence. He sucked in a deep breath before looking up, staring directly into my eyes as if he believed he could find an answer there. "How were you able to kill that rasetsu from the other night without hesitation? You were trained for self-defense and not for killing, but you still didn't hesitate."

"Because I wasn't killing for the sake of killing." I took Heisuke's hands into mine as I massaged away the nail indention marks. "If I didn't kill, what do you imagine would have happened? Ibuki-kun was too frightened to defend himself and if the rasetsu had killed Ibuki-kun, then I would have been next."

I paused, making sure Heisuke was listening closely to what I was saying.

"In the end, it was a mixture of two things. It was to kill or be killed, and I had people to protect. There was no room to choose what I wanted to do. There was no room for hesitation."

"But still…," Heisuke muttered, still indecisive about the whole situation. "The rasetsu from last night was once a ronin, but he's still not someone I would kill! He may have been immoral, but he wasn't a murderer! He doesn't deserve death! How can you kill someone like that?"

"That man may not have been someone you would have originally killed, but that's all in the past now. Don't get lost in the past or one day you may find yourself staring at death's face and wonder how you got there."

Heisuke looked taken back by my words, almost unable to digest what I had just preached. I gave him a small smile.

"That man is no longer who he once was. He is now an uncontrollable rasetsu that will kill mindlessly. There are times where a single death can save the lives of many." I then paused. "Heisuke, why is the Roshigumi in Kyoto?"

He looked at me strangely, not understanding the sudden question and change in topic but answered nonetheless. "To protect the peace of Kyoto from ronin."

"Your job as a warrior in the Roshigumi is to protect the weak, those who cannot protect themselves. With power comes great responsibility and there are times you will have to go against your own beliefs for the greater good. It would be nice if everything in life came in neat little categories where black is black and white is white, but the reality of life is that it comes in shades of gray."

"But…" Heisuke was still hesitant. "It's not fair for that man. Why should he have to die? Isn't there another option?"

My smile became tinged with a hint of bitterness.

Fair? Life is never fair.

"Sometimes there are no other options," I answered. "But there are worst fates than death. You would be showing him mercy if you kill him. No man would want to become what he is now, to live mindlessly like a beast. It would be a kindness to put him out of his misery."

"…Oh," Heisuke said, tearing his eyes away from mine to stare at the ground. "But… just the thought of killing makes me feel sick to my stomach. The way you speak makes it sound like I will eventually get used to the killing… But what if I don't want to? Man, I feel pathetic…"

"Not all people grow used to the killing but if you can't, that doesn't mean you're weak or pathetic. You know right from wrong with an uncompromising conscience and you never yield just because it is easier to. That is the mark of the strong, not the weak. Don't be so quick to sell yourself short."

Heisuke remained silent for a few seconds, just dwelling on my words before his face erupted into the bright smile I was so fond of. He leaped to his feet energetically, forgetting I was still holding his hands and accidently dragging me up with him, causing me to fall against him.

"Ah, sorry, sorry, sorry," Heisuke said, his dower demeanor now completely gone as he helped me to my own feet again. "How is it that you always seem to know what to say sometimes? It's almost like you have the experience of another life to draw upon."

"Oh, don't mind me," I cheered with a shrug before giving him a pat on the back. "I'm just a thirty-one-year-old woman that died only to be reborn."

Except…

"Hah! That's a good one! I'd say I almost believe you!"

I wasn't joking.

* * *

The sun was quick to set, each hour of the day feeling like just mere second right up until the last few minutes before the sun started to set. Those minutes felt like horrible decades, dragging on endlessly. It was time for the hunt. Everyone was gathering at the front gates, waiting for our instructions to be delivered. Even Ibuki-kun was lingering around.

I fidgeted beside Souji, holding my naginata with alternating hands every few seconds. I even wanted to throw up a little out of sheer… impatience? No, that couldn't be right. Why would impatience make me want to vomit?

Souji grabbed my naginata, stilling it right when I was about to switch it between hands again.

"Are you nervous?" Souji asked, sounding surprised as he quirked an eyebrow at me. "That's a little unexpected, but I won't judge. If you don't want to go, then I'm sure Sannan-san won't force you."

"It's not that." I shook Souji's hand off my naginata before switching my naginata into my opposite hand. "I'm not really that nervous, just impatient."

Souji hummed and faced the front once more when we heard the shuffling of footsteps as Hijikata-san and Sannan-san arrived with Otou-san.

"Outsiders must not learn of the bakufu's secret elixir," Sannan-san stated, pushing up his glasses.

Otou-san nodded, looking much more serious than normal. "And we cannot allow people to fall victims to the rasetsu's hands."

"We will finish things tonight." Hijikata-san swept his glance over us before seemingly coming to a decision. "We'll split into pairs. I don't want anyone facing the rasetsu alone. Shinpachi, you're with Harada. Souji with Gen-san, Saito with Sannan-san, Heisuke with Shizuka, and lastly, Kondou-san and I." Hijikata-san then leveled a brief glance at Heisuke. "Don't let it get away."

"Understood!"

As we all began to trickle out of headquarters, Ibuki-kun ran after Heisuke in a rush, calling after him.

"Heisuke!" Ibuki-kun blurted out in a rush, seemingly half-holding his breath. "Please take me with you!"

Heisuke paused, looking back at Ibuki-kun with a hint of hesitation. I decided to wait by the front gates so they could finish talking about whatever it was. I didn't want to have to face the rasetsu alone if I did run into it if I went ahead without Heisuke.

"Ryunosuke…"

"I'm partly responsible for him getting away." Then as an afterthought, "And couldn't you use an extra pair of eyes?"

"Yeah, but…" Heisuke grew silent when he saw Ibuki-kun's eyes, filled to the brim with a fierce determination that was almost admirable. It was something Heisuke could relate to. "Got it. But in exchange, please do whatever I tell you. No matter what, don't do anything risky!"

Ibuki-kun's expression brightened up immediately. "Okay!"

But as far as I could tell, wasn't it a risky moving bringing Ibuki-kun in the first place? He couldn't bring himself to draw his sword when he was in danger himself. We couldn't afford the distraction of protecting him when we were up against a rasetsu.

I glanced at Heisuke but ultimately didn't say anything when I saw the determination on his face. Instead, I focused on scanning the empty dark streets for any clues. It was silent from the lack of daily bustle of the people. There was nothing to go off on. As this went on for hours, long into the Hour of the Boar, I couldn't help but wonder if we were going about this the wrong way.

We obviously weren't going to find the rasetsu if we were searching for it the way we would normally search for another human being. The rasetsu wasn't human, at least not anymore, and it obviously lacked the logical thought humans were notorious for. Seeing the first rasetsu didn't survive long enough for us to study it extensively, we didn't understand it behavior pattern as well as we should have.

So if the rasetsu didn't operate on logical thought, what did it operate on? It flees when in danger, it fights back when attacked.

Survival instinct, the most basic instinct all animals have. That had to be it.

But the thing was known to attack humans on sight. Why? Was it because it detected humans as a threat or something else?

"Heisuke." I nudged his side with my elbow, causing him to look at me inquisitively. "What do rasetsu eat?"

Obtaining food is, after all, a part of the survival instinct.

Heisuke remained silent for a second, but his face said it all. He paled as his mouth scrunched up into a disgusted scowl.

"Eww," he squealed, now looking quite disturbed. "Why would you even think about such a thing? That's so gross."

"But it's an excellent question, right?" I pushed. "We established that rasetsu no longer have the power of thought, right? Logically speaking, what drives their actions becomes instinct. But why do they attack humans?"

"Well, it's because it feels threatened, right?"

"It could be that, but do you remember what happened when the rasetsu fled from headquarters? It was going to attack Ibuki-kun but fled when we arrived on the scene," I pointed out. "As you said, rasetsu will act if they feel threatened, whether it be attacking the threat or fleeing, but why did it attempt to attack Ibuki-kun in the first place. Anything can tell that Ibuki-kun isn't threatening at all. What is left?"

Ibuki-kun then paled. "D-Do you mean t-that it was going t-to a-attempt to e-eat me?! No, that can't be it! That sounds too outlandish! Stop trying to scare me!"

Now Heisuke looked really grossed out.

"But it's a monster!" Heisuke exclaimed, looking for excuses. "Don't monsters just attack people for no reason? That's why they're called monsters! Maybe it attacks humans just because it enjoys it."

"It's never as simple as that. There are always reasons behind actions, simple cause and effect," I said, the shadow over my face growing. "Besides, **_attacking people_** out of sheer **_enjoyment_** also goes along with cause and effect."

"Gah…" Heisuke sounded notably less energetic. "I really hope that the reason that thing attacks humans isn't because it likes the taste of human blood…" He shuddered. "But why bring all of this up?"

I was getting to that.

"Well, since we don't seem to be having any luck finding the rasetsu though our normal methodology of searching, I thought we should factor in the attributes that rasetsu carry and make predictions on where it may go."

Heisuke **_and_** Ibuki-kun both made a face at me.

"Shizuka-chan," Heisuke muttered, "you make everything too complicated sometimes."

I, in return, made a face back for that response.

"I do not. And do you have a better idea?"

Heisuke shook his head and looked to me, silently telling me that I better not back down after I said that because he was going to put me in charge of planning.

"Okay," I said, pausing my steps to hold up the nonexistent traffic in the empty street. "What do we know about the rasetsu?"

"It attacks people," Ibuki-kun stated flatly.

"And it's only active at night because it's weak to the sunlight," Heisuke added, putting his thumb under his chin while thinking. "I think that means it may also not like any forms of light because the light reminds it too much of the sun. It also might not like to be too close to large groups of people because it might consider large groups to be a threat…" Heisuke paused. "If we assume that it likes the dark and blood but dislikes large groups of people, then wouldn't it hide in narrow alleyways while waiting to ambush a lone person?"

"So, try the alleys?" I asked.

Both Ibuki-kun and Heisuke nodded, but we actually never got to start searching the dark alleys.

A shrill scream of a woman ripped the quiet as the echo made the scream seem louder than it really was, sending chills down our spines.

Heisuke swung his head toward the direction the scream came from. "Over there!" he shouted as he bolted, running toward the closest side street.

I found little satisfaction in the fact that I was correct, or rather Heisuke was correct in his prediction. The side street that we bolted down turned into a dark alleyway with a dead end sandwiched between two vacant shops.

With the peaceful moon as an eerie backdrop, the rasetsu stood on the roof, it clothing torn and stained in crusty dry blood as it bloodshot eyes glowed ominously. Its crooked grin grew as it spotted us before howling to the moon. Right below the rasetsu on the dirt ground was an unconscious woman. It was too dark to see if there was anything else wrong with the woman.

"Ryunosuke, look after that lady," Heisuke ordered, drawing his sword without taking his eyes off the escaped monstrosity. "Shizuka-chan, check the lady for injuries and don't get involved. This is my fight."

I could have pointed out that Hijikata-san specifically paired us off so none of us would have to face the rasetsu alone, but Heisuke appeared so determined to redeem himself that I just found it easier to comply with his orders. Heisuke was a talented warrior in his own right. He didn't need my support against one imperfect rasetsu.

Almost as if it understood that Heisuke was the one that was going to fight it, the rasetsu leaped from the roof, smashing into the ground and creating a miniature crater where Heisuke once stood. With the rasetsu's full attention on Heisuke, Ibuki-kun and I were able to rush to the unconscious woman without interference. The woman, by the way, was fortunate enough to not sport a single injury.

As the beast clamber out of the crater it created upon its miss, it seemed to survey its surroundings slowly before bolting towards Heisuke at an impossible speed. Heisuke ducked, dodging the powerful kick aimed at his chest before he was finally backed into a wall by the rasetsu's relentless attacks.

I felt my heart jump in my throat as I scrambled to my feet with my naginata in hand.

"Stay back!" Heisuke yelled at me before I could even take a step toward him.

In an instant, Heisuke rolled out of the way as the rasetsu lunged. Unable to stop itself, the rasetsu crashed into the wooden wall, punching through a load-bearing wall and causing at least half the building to collapse.

Unfazed by the by the damage it caused to itself, it rose from the pile of rubble. Its mangled arm cracking and making horrible popping sounds as the broken bones realigned themselves. It was fascinating as much as it was grotesque. Then the rasetsu rushed at Heisuke recklessly again, only this time, Heisuke didn't move. He was done dodging.

All it took was one downward slash to the chest to immobilize the manic creature. Stunned by Heisuke's sudden attack, it didn't attempt to move until it was too late. The rasetsu's last movements consisted of it collapsing as Heisuke removed his blade from its punctured heart.

Heisuke hovered over the corpse, remaining motionless as his deep breaths came in messy huffs and puffs. His blood-soaked sword dangled uselessly from his hands as he stared at the lifeless body, stunned by what actions he had just committed.

His first kill.

Sensing a difference in Heisuke, Ibuki-kun slowly approached him while carefully watching the dead rasetsu like he was afraid it wasn't truly dead.

"Heisuke, are you alright?" Ibuki-kun asked, his words carefully spoken in a soft tone.

"Yeah…" Heisuke's voice was strained and even quaked a little as he looked down at the hand holding his sword. Blood had spattered onto his hand, staining red. "How's the lady?"

"She only passed out from fright," I said, watching the sword drop in what felt like slow motion.

"Thank the gods…" Heisuke brought his bloodied hands up as he stared at them and shook. "I choose to walk the path of the warrior. I will cut down anyone who stands against my beliefs. So I am going to continue to kill, to kill and to kill… But will I ever grow accustomed to this…?"

I abandoned the unconscious woman on the ground in favor of Heisuke. I grabbed his shaking bloodied hands with my own to steady them, much to Heisuke's surprise.

"Shizuka-chan…?" Heisuke attempted to shake his hands free from mine. "Let go… You're getting blood on yourself."

I shook my head and offered a small smile. "Don't forget that your friends are with you. You may have to kill again but don't forget about us. Killing is a heavy burden, so don't carry it by yourself. We're all here to share the burden."

But then I just had to look at the half-collapsed shop and the unconscious woman. No surprise why I had a headache forming. Also, the fight between Heisuke and the rasetsu wasn't particularly quiet. People would have heard the ruckus and we're just lucky no one ran outside to investigate. Suddenly, I felt awful for Yamazaki-san and Shimada-san.

"Shizuka-chan?"

My expression must have betrayed my thoughts to Heisuke. Yamazaki-san and Shimada-san were going to have a hell of a time cleaning up this mess while attempting to come up with a believable cover story to feed the public. It was a PR[1] nightmare.

"Let's just go home," I said with a nervous laughter.

Cleanup? What cleanup?

I get that denial isn't healthy, but, at this point, I think the stress was worse. A classic case of "pick your poison".

The long night was finally over.

The long night, unfortunately, was the precursor to the long weeks that followed. One would think that Niimi would learn his lesson from the first escaped rasetsu and exercise more caution when experimenting. Definitely not the case. The idiot allowed two more rasetsu, one after another, to escape their confines just days after the whole debacle. Thankfully the rasetsu were slain before escaping headquarters.

But with the whole rasetsu situation, by the end of a week or two, the stress was so tangible at headquarters that it sat on the ambiance of the place like an anvil.

I heard Souji pop his neck before I saw him enter our bedroom during the evening. His hand was on his neck as he stepped into the room, attempting to pop his neck once more. He shed his swords on his katana stand before dropping on the floor right behind me with a loud thumping sound. I placed the calligraphy brush on the table, pausing my lung diagram to focus my attention on him. Without even looking at his back, I found a knot[2] between his shoulder blades near instantly.

"Stupid moron…," I heard Souji mutter under his breath as he stretched his arms, leaning back into me when I moved behind him and placed my hands on the muscle knot. It was stiff and beyond tense. "Of course a real sword is going to be heavier than a bokken. It **_is_** made from metal… How does Hajime-kun deal with these idiots on a daily basis?"

"It's because he's more patient than you," I pointed out while kneading the knot away. It seemed to loosen up the moment my fingers started applying pressure. "Long day with the recruits? I didn't see you all day."

"Missed me?" he asked, his impish grin growing even more when I pecked his cheek.

I draped myself over him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind as I placed my chin on his shoulder. "What do you think?" I asked, giving him an exaggerated doleful look. "I spent most of my morning with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san to assist with a finance report before spending the rest of my afternoon lounging in Otou-san's room due to an upset stomach. Though, Otou-san didn't seem all that upset I spent all afternoon with him. I think he was even ditching some of his duties to stay longer."

Souji chuckled before sneakily snatching me up and dragging me onto his lap. "That sounds like Kondou-san." He hummed, his arms going around my center before wrapping his fingers around the cord of my hakama. "Would you happen to be in the mood right now? 'Cause I could really go for some 'destressing'. It's been a while since we've done anything."

I snorted, raising an eyebrow at his eagerness. And when I say eager, I really do mean eager. I hadn't even given him an answer yet and I could already feel "little Souji" pressing up against me, poking me.

"It's only been three weeks since we did it last. And honestly, I'm not really in the mood."

Souji sagged immediately with a petulant pout before blowing air in my face. "You haven't been in the mood for weeks…" He then froze, the look of fake panic exaggerated on his face as his back shot up straight. "Wait… Don't tell me I haven't been satisfying you?! You should have told me! I swear I can figure out what I'm doing wrong!"

I swatted at his chest playful, causing him to laugh. "You know it's not that!"

He smiled into the nape of my neck as he snuffed his giggles. "I know, I know… But seriously, what's wrong? You really haven't been in the mood for a while."

"I've just been a little achy lately, plus the upset stomach from this afternoon. I think I might be coming down with something. I really hope it's not the stomach flu. Summer stomach flu is the worst."

"Only you would get sick in the summer." Souji snorted.

"Hey! Don't make fun of me!" I pouted before I looked down to see Souji still fingering the cord of my hakama.

You know what? I really wasn't feeling up for it, but I really needed a pick me up.

I turned in Souji's lap before I knocked him over and ended up pinning him to the floor with my legs straddling his hips, surprising him as he raised his brow at me.

"I thought you weren't in the mood."

"I've changed my mind," I said, pawing at the sash tying his brown uwagi[3] shut.

Souji didn't fight at all to keep his outermost layer on. Instead, he shed his hakamashita just as fast as his uwagi, bearing his bare chest me before rolling and pinning me to the floor beneath him.

"Well, if the lady insists…," Souji said dramatically, faking resign before managing to remove all my clothing in one skillful swoop.

He offered me a charming grin before pressing his lips against my breast, causing me to hiss and recoil, much to his confusion. That hiss wasn't the good hiss.

"Shizuka?" He sat up, helping me off the floor too before furrowing his brow at me. "What's wrong? It almost sounded like you were in pain. Look, don't push yourself if you aren't really in the mood. I won't die without sex, you know."

"It's not that. They've just been really sensitive lately. If you can just avoid touching…"

And that's when my thought trailed off and a brick hit me in the face.

My breasts were sensitive because lately, they've been growing larger. I had originally chalked that off as being caused by the changes in my hormones as my period prepared to come. But my period actually never came. I had been spotting[4] a little so I just assumed that my period was just late. And now that I had gotten a proper look at my breast in the proper lighting of lanterns, I could see that my areolas[5] had darkened.

And that small pooch on my belly? Much to my dismay, I had thought I was just gaining weight before and tried exercising a bit more, which was completely worthless since all my belly did was grow larger. It fact, it really wasn't so small anymore. Nobody had said anything about my weight gain because no one noticed yet. The kimono, unlike western clothing, was designed to hide body shape, so my growing belly couldn't be seen through my clothing yet[6]. Plus, the last time Souji had seen me completely naked was three weeks ago, when the bump was less prominent. Souji probably wasn't saying anything right now about the weight gain just to be polite.

Then there was the upset stomach and occasional vomiting, which I made sure Souji knew nothing about. That had to be morning sickness[7]. Plus, nothing did smell right anymore too.

Pregnant.

One would think I would notice it sooner, being a medically trained doctor and all. But it was always harder to put together your own symptoms rather than someone else's. Biases tended to get in the way of that.

"Shizuka?" Souji's voice shook me halfway out of my thoughts. I still felt like I was floating on air. "Hey!" I turned to him, though I felt like I wasn't really looking at him. "What's wrong?"

"Um…" I laughed nervously.

What was I going to say next? Oh, I just realized that I'm pregnant?

Actually, yeah… That did sound like something I would say.

"Shizuka?"

"Err…"

"You just broke your brain, didn't you?" Souji just looked amused. It wasn't often that I tripped over my own words like this.

"I—Yes. No! I mean… Well, you see, I was just looking down and I noticed a few things and realized something. I mean, my breasts are all sore and sensitive—How did I miss all of this before? Oh! And then when I felt sick to my stomach this afternoon…," I rambled on, not making much sense. And bless Souji's heart! He just nodded and didn't interrupt my senseless babbling. "…And the main point is…," I choked on the last word from almost saying it too fast, "…pregnant. I'm pregnant."

And then the world froze as Souji's eyes widened.

"Pregnant?" he uttered so quietly that I almost didn't hear it. "Wait, you just realized it?" He was in complete disbelief, just like me. "How did you even miss it? I mean I'm pretty sure I'm looking a baby bump right now."

"I was kind of distracted by other things."

Souji snorted. " ** _Really?_** Because I totally couldn't tell," he said sarcastically, unable to hide the joy that had erupted on his face in the form of a grin. He pulled me closer so he could lay his warm hand on my belly. "Airhead. How far along do you think you are?"

"Well, my monthly bleeding is late by…" I did a mental calculation before redoing it two more times to be sure. "I'm pretty sure I'm—"

"AHHHWAWHA!"

Niimi and his rasetsu experiments always did have the most rotten timing.

"FUCK! I swear I **_WILL_** fucking kill Niimi-san this time!" Souji practically snarled like a rabid wolf as he leaped to his feet, redressing at the speed of light before grabbing his swords as he bolted towards the door. "Shizuka, stay here. We still have more to talk about."

"Wait!" I scrambled to reach for my clothing, causing Souji to pause right at the threshold of the door. "I'll come too!"

"WHAT?!" Souji turned so fast that I dropped my clothing in surprise. "Shizuka, are you out of your mind?! You're pregnant! You can't come!"

"It's early pregnancy, so it's not like my movement is hindered! Plus, with everyone there, I might not even have to participate in killing the rasetsu!"

"Shizuka! No!" Souji appeared beyond exasperated at this point. "It'll still be too dangerous for the baby! You should know this! You're a doctor."

Still, that didn't do anything to dull my desire to come and help, but Souji had spoken logically. They could handle the rasetsu without the meager help I could offer. And Souji was right. I was being stupid and didn't even think about how my actions could endanger the baby.

I dropped the clothing I picked up previously and moved to our futon so I could sit down and wrap the blanket around my bare body in disappointment. I could almost feel Souji's relief when he sighed.

"Be a good girl and stay here. I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Be careful?"

Souji nodded, closing our bedroom door securely, not that it would protect from much since it was a shōji door, and bolted towards the source of the disruption.

From the room, I could hear a few yells followed by the clashing of steel on steel before the night fell quiet once more. I was almost tempted to crack the door open and sneak a peek, but honestly, it would feel a bit awkward doing that while dressed in nothing more than a blanket and I didn't feel like redressing either.

It really didn't take long for Souji to return either. Other than looking a little ruffled, he looked completely fine. Rather than placing his swords back on the katana stand at the head of the futon on the side he slept on, he just placed his swords beside me in a rush before sitting down and pulling me into his lap.

"You didn't really kill Niimi, did you?" I asked just as Souji slipped a hand under the blanket to lay directly on my belly again.

His touch was so gentle that it was indescribable. He had never touched me like this before.

"No, but I was tempted to."

"That's a pity. It'd be one less thing to worry about."

Souji chuckled before nuzzling my cheek. "I'll remember that for next time. Now back to what was important. I believe you were going to tell how far you are along."

"Six. I think it's six," I said, allowing myself to sink further into his lap. He was so warm.

"Six weeks?" Souji said, squinting his eyes briefly as he fell silent for a second. "Isn't that when…"

"The night you returned from Osaka after the whole sumo incident."

"So something good did come out of it… It didn't actually take that long to get you pregnant, now that I think about it. We've only been married a little more than two months." Souji looked particularly pleased before he pressed a kiss into the crook of my neck. "So what do you want first? A boy or a girl?"

"Either is good." I tilted my head up at Souji. "What about you? Boy or girl first?"

Souji didn't even take the time to think first. "Girl. Definitely a girl first. I want another little Shizuka running around first. Plus, you already live in a household of men. Another girl would be nice."

"Anyway," I said, changing the topic as I wiggled my butt in his lap," since I'm already naked…"

Souji gave me a stern look. "Shizuka, you're pregnant."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Shizuka, not while you're pregnant."

Unfortunately, culture deemed having sex while pregnant a no-no out of fear of hurting the baby while my knowledge from the future told me it was perfectly fine. But there wasn't much I could do to convince Souji, so all I did was sit there and scowl at him.

* * *

[1] Short for public relations.

[2] Myofascial trigger points, also known as trigger points, are described as hyperirritable spots in the fascia surrounding skeletal muscle. They are associated with palpable nodules in taut bands of muscle fibers. They are a topic of ongoing controversy, as there is limited data to inform a scientific understanding of the phenomenon. Accordingly, a formal acceptance of myofascial "knots" as an identifiable source of pain is more common among bodyworkers, physical therapists, and chiropractors and osteopathic practitioners. Nonetheless, the concept of trigger points provides a framework which may be used to help address certain musculoskeletal pain.

[3] An uwagi (上衣) is a kimono-like jacket worn in Japan. It is most familiar as the top half of a martial arts uniform. The third element, the obi, ties the uwagi closed. In some martial arts, the set is completed with hakama, which might be worn over, or instead of the zubon.

[4] Spotting is relatively common: As many as 1 in 4 pregnant women spot in the first trimester. Some pregnant women notice light spotting, called implantation bleeding, around the time their period is due, and this is one early sign of pregnancy.

This bleeding may be caused by the fertilized egg burrowing into the blood-rich lining of the uterus (a process that starts just six days after fertilization), but no one knows for sure. Implantation bleeding is a lot lighter than a typical period – just a little spotting over a day or two.

[5] In anatomy, the areola is a small circular area on the body with a different histology from the surrounding tissue. The term is most commonly used to denote the pigmented area on the human breast around the nipple ( _areola mammae_ ) but it can also describe other small circular areas such as an inflamed region of skin.

[6] Kimono were designed to give a woman a tube-like figure with no curves. Curves are usually hidden by the obi and if the woman's bust size or bottom is too large, there are special towels used as padding to hide such features.

[7] "Morning sickness" is a misnomer. For some pregnant women, the symptoms are worse in the morning and ease up over the course of the day, but they can strike at any time and, for many women, last all day long. The intensity of symptoms can also vary from woman to woman too.

The medical term for morning sickness is "nausea and vomiting of pregnancy." Up to three quarters of pregnant women have at least some nausea or vomiting during the first trimester, and about half have only vomiting. The nausea usually starts around 6 weeks of pregnancy, but it can begin as early as 4 weeks. It tends to get worse over the next month or so.

About half of the women who get nausea during pregnancy feel complete relief around 14 weeks. For most others, it takes another month or so for the queasiness to ease up, though it may return later and come and go throughout pregnancy. A small percentage of women have symptoms that persist continually (or nearly so) until delivery.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

 _"Pregnancy seems designed to prepare you for life as a mother. You start making sacrifices nine months before the child is born, so by the time they put in an appearance you are used to giving things up for them." ― Brett Kiellerop-Morris, My Big Fat Gay Life_

Souji, while never the type to lounge around uselessly in bed after waking first thing in the morning, liked his sleep. It wasn't a rare thing for me to catch him taking a catnap during the day, especially on the afternoons he requested my lap as a pillow. If the daily tasks of the Roshigumi did not require him to wake up during the Hour of the Roster, then I don't doubt he would sleep until the Hour of the Rabbit.

I, on the other hand, am an earlier riser. To me, nothing beats the crispness of the air first thing in the morning. I tended to always wake up an hour earlier than everyone, in the Hour of the Tiger, just because I liked to have breakfast done by the time everyone woke up. I didn't want them to wait for me to prepare breakfast, after all.

So, imagine my surprise to find Souji already awake every day before me starting after the day he found out about my pregnancy. But there was an even bigger surprise.

Souji was never the type to like writing. It was too reminiscent of paperwork. He hated all forms of paperwork.

Yet, here he was, always awake before me the past couple of days and at the desk busying himself with some form of writing.

I never bothered him while he was writing ever since he started up this strange habit, afraid that I may distract him from what I was sure was important work. But curiosity was like a shadow, always lurking about, always growing or shrinking based on the time of the day. Stretching my spine like a cat, I silently rolled out of bed before tiptoeing over so I could read over his shoulder.

I wasn't as quiet as I thought myself to me. Either that or Souji's hearing was on steroids.

Instead of peeking over his shoulder to read whatever it was he was working on, I wound up being pulled onto his lap, red-faced as he quirked an eyebrow down at me. He pressed a kiss into the crook of my neck as his warm arms surrounded me and pulled me closer to his chest.

"Curious?" Souji asked with a chuckle. "You know you can just ask."

His hand found a nice resting spot on my belly.

"What **_are_** you even writing?" I peered at the sheet of paper on the desk. He had written quite a lot. About half the sheet was filled with his messy scrawl. "I know writing is the equivalent of pulling teeth to you. So just what is so important that you'd even wake up early?" My eye flickered to the shōji window screen. It was still dark out. "How long have you been up anyway?"

"Only about an hour," Souji stated, making sure to shrug his shoulders in a façade of nonchalance. "And I'm going to be a chichi-ue, right? Kids learn from their parents and I want to make sure that I'm knowledgeable enough for the task. So I woke up earlier to…," his voice then grew slightly quieter as his face grew warmer as a shade of pink started coloring his cheeks, "…do some self-study."

I raised my eyebrow at him, not understanding his embarrassment until I looked a bit closer at his sheet of paper.

"Ah."

Haikus.

Much to his displeasure, when he thought of educated, Hijikata-san was probably the first person to surface in his mind. And what does Hijikata-san like to do in his spare time? Souji was probably a tad bit disgusted with himself for emulating Hijikata-san.

A smile surfaced on my face before I could do anything to curb it. "I like your haikus better than the ones Hijikata-san writes," I semi-lied. I had exactly no idea what type of haikus Souji tended to write, and I wasn't much of a poetry nut myself.

I quickly grabbed the sheet and scanned through the haikus so I wouldn't be talking out of my ass. They weren't the best, but they weren't bad either. And in a very Souji manner, he even wrote some haikus about the important people in his life. Of course, there was the one about Otou-san…

 _The wondrous hero,  
Kondou Isami the great.  
A righteous leader._

And who wouldn't burst out into giggles at the one he wrote about Hijikata-san? Certainly not I.

 _Oh how stiff it must be,  
that great big branch of oak up  
Hijikata's ass._

"That one's my favorite," I said, still giggling as I pointed to one about Hijikata-san. "Oh, you're so mean sometimes! I don't know whether to feel bad for the oak branch or Hijikata-san's ass!"

A grin erupted across his face as the blush faded. "Oh, you have to feel bad for the oak branch. It never wanted to be stuck up Hijikata-san's ass, but had no choice! As for Hijikata-san's ass, it was designed for sticks."

Souji dissolved into a boisterous laugh, joining me before he tucked his face into the crook of my neck in an attempt to muffle his laughter. I felt him slip his hand under my sleeping robe so he could touch the pliable skin of my belly. As soon as our laughter stopped, he let out a contented sigh as he caressed the bottom of the baby bump.

"You know," he said, his voice holding a subtle hint of awe, "I'm surprised at how fast the baby grows. It's only been a week since you've told me and I can already feel the slight size difference."

"It's probably obvious to you because I'm so petite. It's always easier to track the growth of a baby if the haha-ue is short." I snorted. "And even more so since it's a big baby."

"Do you think it might be twins?" Souji asked, almost perking up a bit.

"It can't be. The baby bump might seem pretty large for seven weeks, but it's too small to be multiples."

Souji hummed at my answer. "Then our baby is probably a boy." He shifted me in his lap so he could lean back a bit without jostling me. "Big babies are always boys."

I huffed, pouting a bit and making him grin. "That's not always true. Girls can be big babies too."

"Ah, but my intuition tells me it's going to be a boy. Chichi-ue's always right." Souji puffed himself up in a playful silliness before he seemed to grow serious again. "But… are you sure you don't want to tell anyone yet? I'm sure Kondou-san will be thrilled to hear about the news."

That put a damper on my mood. Souji noticed it right away and furrowed his brows while rubbing my sides as a form of comfort.

"Did you know that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first twelve weeks of pregnancy?" I answered, my voice almost a whisper. "It's even higher in women that don't know they're pregnant."[1]

And not to mention that my body was seventeen. I was married, but I was still a teenager. Women who get pregnant before twenty had a higher chance of pregnancy-induced hypertension[2], which could lead to pre-eclampsia[3]. I also ran a higher risk of premature labor and postpartum depression[4]. Then there was also the risk of a low-birth-weight baby, though it was highly unlikely this time around considering how well the baby was growing now.

"So that's why you wanted to wait to tell everyone…," Souji murmured to himself, his joyful expression dropping, making me feel guilty for telling him this. But then he perked up. "We'll be fine," he said firmly. He was strangely confident. "You already know about the pregnancy so the miscarriage rate is down to 20%. Plus, you're a doctor. You know how to stay healthy."

He was confident because he believed in me. I can't say that this didn't flatter me and boost my confidence.

"And besides, I doubt we can keep it hidden for twelve weeks. Like you said, our son is a big baby."

"Son?" I asked, interrupting him as he quirked his eyebrow at me again. "You're already that confident it's a boy?"

"Without a doubt," he said before pressing a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Honestly, I think you'll start showing through your clothing in about a week or two. You're already showing through your sleeping attire just because it doesn't have padding or as many layers as a normal kimono."

I let out a content sigh before pushing myself off his lap and heading over to the zushi[5]. I slid the doors open to fish out the purple kimono I was going to wear for the day. At this stage, my hakama didn't do such a good job hiding the bump anymore.

"But I would still like to keep it secret for now," I said, disrobing so I could put on my day clothes. "I need to go cook breakfast now."

Souji got to his feet, snatching up my kanzashi from the top of the kodansu[6] with a small frown. He obviously disapproved of me cooking breakfast.

"You should take a break from cooking," he said before he placed the prongs of my kanzashi between his teeth so he could free up his hands to help me with my obi. He twisted my hair up into a bun and pinned in place with the kanzashi shortly afterward. "You're not that great at hiding it. I see it every time you cook, that face that says you want to throw up."

"It's not **_that_** obvious. No one else has figured it out yet." I spun to face him. He only chuckled at my pout before poking my cheek.

"It's because the smart ones tend to not bother you when you're cooking."

"I'm telling Heisuke, Sano-san, and Shinpachi-san that you called them stupid."

He just shrugged without a care in the world.

"Let the others cook for once." He put his hands on my shoulders as I folded my sleepwear. "All the throwing up you do is already enough. No need to feel sick when you're not vomiting."

I snorted. "I didn't know you were so eager to get food poisoning."

He spared me an unimpressed glance. "We're not the best cooks, but we do know how to cook."

"Say that to me again when Shinpachi-san remembers how to cook rice."

And with that, I headed to the kitchen. Not one to be left behind, Souji quickly followed, abandoning his haikus and blowing out the lanterns that lit our room. I thought about sending him back. I certainly didn't need to be monitored as I wasn't dying or anything. But just the thought of having company during the usually lonely morning was appealing. Upon arriving in the kitchen, I spun around and planted a surprise kiss on his lips.

I had planned for that kiss to be brief. Things never really did go according to plan.

Really, one thing led to another because when I found myself pinned to the wall by my incredibly, dare I say, sexy husband, cooking became the last thing on my mind.

Souji, despite insisting on no sex during pregnancy, seemed particularly eager as he lifted me by my thighs and wrapped my legs around his waist. And that's when—

"Are you sure you should be doing that?" a familiar voice interrupted in a singsong manner. "She is pregnant and all."

I could just feel the annoyance, displeasure, or whatever it's called, coming off of Souji in waves as he let me down slowly, pulling his lips away from mine as he turned around with tense shoulders to glare at our intruder in a sulky kind of way. Kyoko-chan didn't even flinch at the ineffectual hostile look as she beamed back in response.

"Kyoko-chan!?" I exclaimed, on the other hand, rushing to straighten my kimono with a blush. "W-When did you get here? And how did you know about—"

"The baby? Kenji did say that he brings the statement, 'Walls have ears. Doors have eyes,' to life. Did you think he wouldn't show me how to do the same thing?" she said, still ignoring Souji's heated glare of annoyance. "Plus, I was bored and thought that I should come to visit. Guess who came with me?"

I blinked in confusion for a few seconds.

Finally, I looked to Souji, who let out a sigh before pointing my face in the direction of the kitchen doorway where I saw an adorable shy face poking in from beyond the kitchen.

"Ibuki-kun's girlfriend is here to visit," Souji stated rather bluntly, making Kosuzu-chan's face burn and glow red as she bristled.

"I am **_NOT_** Ibuki-han's girlfriend! He's just a valued customer!"

An impish grin appeared on Souji's face. "Oh, **_really_**?" he said, his voice sly as he approached Kosuzu-chan, making her feel intimidated enough to take a step back. "I wonder where he gets all the money to hire a maiko for the night when he Serizawa-san doesn't pay him. Kinda hard to be a customer if he doesn't visit Shimabara."

Kosuzu-chan sputtered in indignation, struggling to find words knock Souji off his pedestal of amusement. All Souji's shit-eating grin did was grow larger.

Then as if there weren't already enough random visitors…

"AHHH!" Kosuzu-chan suddenly screamed, jumping and whirling around when an unexpected hand came out of nowhere landed on her shoulder.

"Whoa there!" Kenji-san was quick to slap his hand over Kosuzu-chan's mouth as Souji watched on in amusement. "It's just me! No need to scream that loudly."

"Kenji-han!" Kosuzu-chan exhaled loudly, placing her hand on her chest. "Don't do that! You're just like Kyoko-chan! When did you get there?!"

Kenji-san ignored her much to her annoyance in favor of waving at me. "Yo! Congrats!"

Feeling a little speechless at the strange morning, I found myself only able to nod in response.

Souji then sighed loudly, purposely bring my attention back on him. He briefly looked out the open kitchen door at the dark sky that was starting to lighten before he looked back to me. Then his back seemed to sag a bit as he thoughtlessly stroked the handle of his katana.

"Shizuka," Souji said, covering the tenseness in his voice the best he could, "I'm going to go to the courtyard to practice some kenjutsu now. What happened earlier before we were interrupted shouldn't have happened, so I'm going to go work off some… **_energy_** … Why don't you spend some time with your friends? Come get me if you start feeling sick."

He then leveled a look at both Kosuzu-chan and Kyoko-chan, instructing them silently to watch me and to alert him the moment I seemed to even start looking sick.

I scowled at him, wanting to say something about him overreacting to nothing before Kenji-san cut me off before I could actually speak.

"If you're going to practice, how about a spar? I could use some exercise this morning."

To say Souji was just intrigued was an understatement.

"Oh? You know kenjutsu?" Souji asked, quirking an eyebrow at the other man.

"Eh." Kenji-san shrugged as he began leading Souji outside. "Swords aren't really my specialty. I'm only proficient with them. My specialty is the kusarigama[7]. Even you won't be able to beat me if I'm wielding a kusarigama."

"Is that a challenge?" I heard Souji say before their conversation faded with distance.

With the men gone from the kitchen, Kosuzu-chan looked left then right before shuffling up to Kyoko-chan and me.

"Do I need to worry about running into Serizawa-han so early in the morning?" Kosuzu-chan flickered her eyes cautiously to the door.

"The bastard doesn't wake up for another hour, and he usually sends someone else to the kitchen to get his food because, God forbid, that man can't bring himself to do the 'servant's job' of fetching his own food." I snorted before I turned so I could rummage through some of the ingredients I had to work with. "So what are you doing here so early, Kosuzu-chan? I thought you would be back at the okiya sleeping after a long night's worth of work." I paused to point at the basket of uncooked rice. "Kyoko-chan, can you get the rice?"

Kyoko-chan grabbed the donabe and set to work.

"Oh, that," Kosuzu-chan said, helping me carry the bucket of living, washed clams to the counter. "I technically have the day off today, so I don't have to head back to the okiya right away, and I didn't really work last night. Every once in a while, Kenji-han will 'hire' me for the night. That usually just consists of Kyoko-chan and me chatting and eating in a private banquet room after she sneaks into the ochaya[8]."

"Ah." I poured the water from the bucket and dumped the clean clams into a pot with a dried piece of kombu[9] before pouring in clean water. I lit the fire and covered the pot. "That's nice of Kenji-san. So how come you're here this morning? I mean, since you know Serizawa's lives at headquarters too."

"She couldn't resist," Kyoko-chan sang just as she put the lid on the donabe. "I told her about the baby last night and she practically begged me to come along with me in the morning to visit."

"I **_DID NOT_** beg!"

"Right, sure you didn't," Kyoko-chan said flippantly, ignoring Kosuzu-chan's scowl before glancing back at the stove. "Hey, are you sure I should be helping? You know I suck at cooking."

"It's just rice." I moved to the cutting board to begin slicing the funazushi[10]. "I'm not asking you to season anything, so it should be fine. Are you and Kenji-san going to stay for breakfast? And what about you, Kosuzu-chan?"

Kosuzu-chan frowned slightly. "I don't have to be back at the okiya right away, but I still have to report back before the Hour of the Dragon. I want to stay but can't." She then turned slightly red. "I actually came because… Can I touch your belly?"

My eyebrows disappeared behind my bangs at the sudden question as I paused my knife work. Kosuzu-chan came for that?

Before I could answer, Kyoko-chan grabbed Kosuzu-chan's wrist and placed Kosuzu-chan's hand on my belly nonchalantly.

"Kyoko-chan! Shizuka-chan didn't say yes!"

"Oh, like she'll say no," Kyoko-chan stated with a grin. "Oh, and Kenji-san and I won't be staying either. We'll be walking Kosuzu-chan back home."

I hummed, letting Kyoko-chan know I heard her as I put down the knife. "Are you trying to feel for the bump?" I asked Kosuzu-chan. "Because you won't feel it through all the padding I had to put on this morning, but the bump is definitely there."

"Oh," Kosuzu-chan said, sounding slightly disappointed as she removed her hand. "Umm… Do you need help with anything while I'm here? I don't really know how to cook since I never needed to at the okiya... but I can go grab ingredients for you!"

"I need some green onions and eggs. There's a basket of eggs in the pantry to the left of the kitchen and some green onions growing in the garden. If you could just grab some for me…"

Kosuzu-chan left for the pantry in a rush, seemingly eager to contribute. As soon as Kosuzu-chan vanished, I pushed myself away from the funazushi and retched, unable to throw up just simply because my stomach was still empty. Kyoto-chan didn't really react and just rubbed circles on my back.

"Morning sickness?"

"Not really. It's just the smell of the funazushi isn't really agreeing with me at the moment." I took a deep breath before standing up straight again. "Hey, since you're here right now, I've been meaning to ask you about the disposal plan."

I gagged once more before I moved further away from the funazushi.

"Give it a few more months," Kyoko-chan said, making sure to lower her voice before pouring water into a cup to shove into my hands, "and Aizu will call for Serizawa's assassination. His reputation is looking ghastly right about now." She then paused. "Hey, how about that Ibuki guy Kosuzu-chan is so hung up about?"

I took a sip of water only to realize that the water had the opposite effect it was supposed to and made me want to throw up even more.

"Yeah… him…"

"What are you guys going to do with him after Serizawa's dead?" Kyoko-chan took the cup from me and put it on the counter. "Usually when you assassinate someone, you need to kill off his followers too."

"I had hoped that he would end up leaving Serizawa's service before the whole assassination thing began, but it looks like it won't happen on time." I sighed. "I really don't want to have to kill Ibuki-kun. He's a good guy."

"And, not to mention, Kosuzu-chan is absolutely smitten with him. It would devastate her if he were to die," Kyoko-chan said, crossing her arms. "It would be so much smoother if we could just convince the guy to run away with Kosuzu-chan."

"Hm…" I shook my head. "That might not work as well. He knows about the Water of Life. The Roshigumi can't afford a leak. Hijikata-san and the others won't just let him leave."

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the counter as my stomach rolled again. It felt like my stomach was **_trying_** to roll out of my body. Too bad I needed my stomach in order to survive, otherwise I'd just let it for the sake of relief.

"There's a solution to that." Kyoko-chan went to extinguish the fire beneath the clam-filled pot before she fished out the kombu and began ladling out the scum. "Ibuki won't be able to tell anyone about the Water of Life if he and Kosuzu-chan run away to a place where everyone is already aware of it. I can ask Kenji to set up a place for them to live up in the Hida Mountains[11]. A village located there is the headquarters of Kenji's clan, so everyone there already knows about the Water of Life. Plus, this way we can make sure Kosuzu-chan finally gets to live a comfortable life."

"But how are we going to convince Ibuki-kun to run away with Kosuzu-chan in the first place?" I asked, pointing out the next problem. "As Souji pointed out, he hasn't really gone to visit her. He doesn't have the money. Plus, will Serizawa even give Ibuki-kun the time to go to Shimabara?"

"Just get Shinpachi-san to take him. Serizawa likes him enough to let him have Ibuki for the night."

"And the money? Hiring maiko for the night is pricey."

"Meh." Kyoko-chan shrugged in a carefree manner as she put down the ladle. "Leave that part to me. I can pull a few favors."

I raised my brow at Kyoko-chan's generosity but didn't question it. Probably a good thing too since it would have been awkward, to say the least, if Kosuzu-chan walked in on us discussing how we were going to get her to run away with the man she fancied.

"I found the eggs but I only found three stalks of ripe green onions," Kosuzu-chan said as she stepped back into the kitchen with the basket of goodies under her arms.

It kind of looked strange for Kosuzu-chan to look so domestic while she was still clad in makeup and dressed in her hikizuri from the night before.

I had meant to say that three stalks were enough but with the baby and all, my stomach had a mind of its own and decided it wanted to vacate the water I just drank. With a little luck, I managed to get outside and to the edge of the roka before I hurled. And I swear that Souji had the hearing of a demigod because he was right beside me with his hand on my back before I even finished throwing up.

"See?" Souji said, reaching into my kimono to fish out my handkerchief so I could wipe my mouth. "This is why I suggested you let someone else do the cooking."

"I'm fine," I replied a bit stubbornly as I wiped my mouth. "You're making it a bigger deal than it really is. Who won the spar, by the way?"

"I did," Kenji announced, causing Souji to scowl at the other man "And Souji's right. Someone else should be cooking with you throwing up and crap."

"Throwing up?"

I groaned at the sound of Hijikata-san's voice and looked up to see him standing a couple of feet away. Of all the mornings he had to wake up early.

"What's this about throwing up?" Hijikata-san pressed, approaching us before eying all the extra heads in headquarters this morning. "What are you all doing here?" His eyes then focused on Kosuzu-chan. "Especially you?"

"Umm…" Kosuzu-chan whispered before stuttering bit afterward, unsure what to say under Hijikata-san intense gaze before ducking behind Kyoko-chan.

"Gosh, you big bully," Kyoko-chan cut in, snorting when Hijikata-san looked slightly offended by her words. "She just wanted to talk to Shizuka-chan." She scoffed. "But if we're in the way, I guess we'll just leave now. Hmph!"

The look on Hijikata-san's face soured, now looking exasperated. "Oi, I didn't say you have to leave."

"Hmph!"

Kyoko-chan turned her nose up at Hijikata-san before grabbing Kenji-san and Kosuzu-chan by the hand and leading them towards the front gate. However, once she arrived at the front gate, she dropped her offended expression to stick her tongue out impishly at Hijikata-san.

"Gotta go! Bye!" she sang before bolting, dragging her two companions with her and probably taking joy in Hijikata-san bashing his head against one of the walls.

"Of all the—" Hijikata-san bashed his head on the wall one more time before unfortunately focusing his attention on me just when I retched again. "You're sick."

"Am not. You guys are just overreacting."

Somehow, I found myself being sentenced to bed rest for the rest of the day. Souji did nothing but agree with Hijikata-san and even seemed pleased to hear that I'd be off my feet for the rest of the day. Of course, I could have sneaked out the moment no one was paying attention to me, but Souji appeared to have thought of that. No more than five minutes after I had been sent back to bed, Otou-san appeared, claiming that Souji asked him to watch over me for the day. Obviously, trying to convince Otou-san that I was completely fine was going to be futile, so I just quietly stayed in bed until the evening when Otou-san had to leave to deal with official business.

The moment Otou-san left, I snuck out of bed very carefully… only to find some of the guys gathered on the roka right outside the room. Even Saito-san was washing his scarf in a tub right outside the room instead of by the proper place by the well. Souji raised his eyebrows at me as soon as he saw me emerge from the room but didn't say anything as he patted the empty spot next to him while everyone else seemed occupied with listening to Shinpachi-san complain.

"Damn. Every time I go on patrol people keep callin' us 'Wolves of Mibu'!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed while swinging his sword aimlessly at the empty space before him.

Shinpachi-san grumbled some more before he leaned the back of his blade against his shoulder. I took this time to go take a seat by Souji, who promptly wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me closer. I gave him the silent stink eye to let him know I was still pissed about this morning.

"Ehh?" Souji responded to Shinpachi-san almost teasingly while ignoring the look I was giving him. This was when the others seemed to notice me for the first time. "Shinpachi-san, you're fragile enough to let something like that get to you?"

"Not me." Shinpachi-san huffed. "Heisuke's actin' all depressed. I can't stand this annoying mess."

"It looks like it's getting to our younger members as well," Sano-san added before looking to me. "Good to finally see you, Shizuka. You finally feelin' better?"

"I wasn't sick to begin with," I stated bluntly.

Souji ignored me once more and continued on with the previous conversation. "Oh, jeez. What a bunch of wimps. The locals are so scared of us that they open up a path. It's easier to get around, so what's the big deal? Right, Hajime-kun?"

His tone sounded so condescending that elbowed him in the stomach. Saito-san didn't even bother answering him, making Souji pout and fall silent.

And then for the second time of the day…

"Hey, what's with all the evil misery?" Kenji-san's cheery voice appeared out of nowhere before dropping down in the center of the group from above as everyone tensed up. "You know what? It doesn't matter. It's nothing a night in Shimabara won't fix."

Total silence as a cricket chirped in the backdrop.

"You really need to stop doing that," Sano-san then finally said, breaking the silence and letting out a held breath before running a hand through his hair as he took his other hand off the single katana on his hip. "I swear we'll all stop reacting one day and when a real intruder sneaks into headquarters, we won't know how to react anymore."

"Eh, not my problem." Kenji-san merely shrugged. "So who wants to go to Shimabara? My treat!"

Those words, or more specifically the words 'my treat', caused Shinpachi-san to perk right up again. "Oh! Me! Let's go!"

"Great! But let's go get Ibuki and Toudou first. Shimabara **_is_** best when life is sucking."

I had a quiet night in headquarters as all the loud people disappeared to Shimabara for the night, Ibuki-kun too. In fact, Kenji-san dragged Ibuki-kun away kicking and screaming. I almost felt like I was watching a kidnapping scene right out of a movie. It was on this quiet night I managed to synthesize the final drug, Pyrazinamide, used for treating tuberculosis.

* * *

[1] Miscarriage, also known as spontaneous abortion and pregnancy loss, is the natural death of an embryo or fetus before it is able to survive independently. Some use the cutoff of 20 weeks of gestation after which fetal death is known as a stillbirth. The most common symptoms of a miscarriage is vaginal bleeding with or without pain. Sadness, anxiety and guilt may occur. Tissue or clot-like material may also come out of the vagina.

Risk factors for miscarriage include an older parent, previous miscarriage, exposure to tobacco smoke, obesity, diabetes, and drug or alcohol use, among others. In those under the age of 35 the risk is about 10% while it is about 45% in those over the age of 40. Risk begins to increase around the age of 30. About 80% of miscarriages occur in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy (the first trimester). The underlying cause in about half of cases involves chromosomal abnormalities. Other conditions that can produce similar symptoms include an ectopic pregnancy and implantation bleeding. Diagnosis of a miscarriage may involve checking to see if the cervix is open or closed, testing blood levels of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), and an ultrasound.

Prevention is occasionally possible with good prenatal care. Avoiding drugs and alcohol, infectious diseases, and radiation may prevent miscarriage. No specific treatment is usually needed during the first 7 to 14 days. Most miscarriage will complete without additional interventions. Occasionally the medication misoprostol or a procedure such as vacuum aspiration is required to remove the failed pregnancy. Women who are rhesus negative may require Rho(D) immune globulin. Pain medication may be beneficial. Emotional support may help with negative emotions.

Miscarriage is the most common complication of early pregnancy. Among females who know they are pregnant, the miscarriage rate is roughly 10% to 20% while rates among all fertilization is around 30% to 50%. About 5% of females have two miscarriages in a row. Some recommend not using the term "abortion" in discussions with those experiencing a miscarriage in an effort to decrease distress.

[2] Gestational hypertension or pregnancy-induced hypertension (PIH) is the development of new hypertension in a pregnant woman after 20 weeks of gestation without the presence of protein in the urine or other signs of preeclampsia. Hypertension is defined as having a blood pressure greater than 140/90 mm Hg.

[3] Pre-eclampsia (PE) is a disorder of pregnancy characterized by high blood pressure and often a large amount of protein in the urine. The disorder usually occurs in the third trimester of pregnancy and worsens over time. In severe disease there may be red blood cell breakdown, a low blood platelet count, impaired liver function, kidney dysfunction, swelling, shortness of breath due to fluid in the lungs, or visual disturbances. Pre-eclampsia increases the risk of poor outcomes for both the mother and the baby. If left untreated, it may result in seizures at which point it is known as eclampsia.

[4] Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a type of clinical depression which can affect both sexes after childbirth. Symptoms may include sadness, low energy, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, reduced desire for sex, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. While many women experience self-limited, mild symptoms postpartum, postpartum depression should be suspected when symptoms are severe and have lasted over two weeks.

Although a number of risk factors have been identified, the causes of PPD are not well understood. Hormonal change is hypothesized to contribute as one cause of postpartum depression. The emotional effects of postpartum depression can include sleep deprivation, anxiety about parenthood and caring for an infant, identity crisis, a feeling of loss of control over life, and anxiety due to lack of support from a romantic or sexual partner. Many women recover with treatment such as a support group, counseling, or medication.

About 0.5% to 61% of women will experience depression after delivery. Postpartum psychosis occurs in about 1–2 per thousand women following childbirth. Among men, in particular new fathers, the incidence of postpartum depression has been estimated to be between 1% and 25.5%. In the United States, postpartum depression is one of the leading causes of the murder of children less than one year of age which occurs in about 8 per 100,000 births.

[5]Cupboards, called zushi, traditionally had the form of tiered shelves and could be disguised behind sliding screen panels.

[6] Medium-sized cabinets in the shape of drawers used for storage.

[7] The kusarigama (鎖鎌, lit. "chain-sickle") is a traditional Japanese weapon that consists of a kama (the Japanese equivalent of a sickle) on a kusari-fundo – a type of metal chain (kusari) with a heavy iron weight (fundo) at the end. The kusarigama is said to have developed during the Muromachi period. The art of handling the kusarigama is called kusarigamajutsu.

[8] In Japan, an ochaya (お茶屋, literally "tea house") is an establishment where patrons are entertained by geisha. Ochaya are located in geisha districts (花街 hanamachi), and are today most numerous in Kyoto, though they can be found in geisha districts in other cities, such as Tokyo.

Ochaya, where geisha entertain, should be distinguished from okiya (boarding house), where geisha live – these may both be loosely translated as "geisha house." Geisha are attached to a single boarding house (where they do not entertain), and entertain at various ochaya or other venues from night to night. This arrangement originally developed in the yūkaku, or pleasure quarters, where oiran below the rank of tayū or kōshi could be summoned to entertain guests at ochaya.

[9] Kombu is sold dried (dashi kombu) or pickled in vinegar (su kombu) or as a dried shred (oboro kombu, tororo kombu, or shiraga kombu). It may also be eaten fresh in sashimi.

Kombu is used extensively in Japanese cuisines as one of the three main ingredients needed to make dashi, a soup stock. Kombu dashi is made by putting either whole dried or powdered kombu in cold water and heating it to near-boiling. The softened kombu is commonly eaten after cooking or is sliced and used to make tsukudani, a dish that is simmered in soy sauce and mirin.

Kombu may be pickled with sweet-and-sour flavoring, cut into small strips about 5 or 6 cm long and 2 cm wide. These are often eaten as a snack with green tea. It is often included when cooking beans, putatively to add nutrients and improve their digestibility. Kombucha 昆布茶, "Kombu tea", is a beverage brewed from dried and powdered kombu. This is sometimes confused with the English word kombucha for the fermented and sweetened tea from Russia, which is called kōcha kinoko (紅茶キノコ) in Japan.

Kombu is also used to prepare a seasoning for rice to be made into sushi.

[10] Funazushi is a rare type of narezushi still prepared near Lake Biwa, Shiga Prefecture. Eighteen generations of the Kitamura family have been preparing the dish at Kitashina since 1619.

Fresh funa are scaled and gutted through their gills keeping the body (and always the roe) of the fish intact. The fish are then packed with salt and aged for a year before being repacked annually in rice for up to four years. The resulting fermented dish may be served sliced thin or used as an ingredient in other dishes.

Authentic funazushi is made from a wild subspecies of goldfish called nigorobuna ( _Carassius auratus grandoculis_ ) endemic to the lake. It is actually technically misleading to say that "crucian carp" is used, as though any old funa type carp in the genus may be randomly used (or the European species may be used), especially since the true crucian carp is a distinct species altogether, _C. carassius_ , and is not indigenous to Lake Biwa. However, due to reduced catch of nigorobuna in recent years, it is true that, by necessity, certain other native species are starting to be substituted.

[11] The Hida Mountains (飛騨山脈 Hida Sanmyaku), or Northern Alps (北アルプス Kita Arupusu), is a Japanese mountain range which stretches through Nagano, Toyama and Gifu prefectures. A small portion of the mountains also reach into Niigata Prefecture. William Gowland coined the phrase "Japanese Alps" during his time in Japan, but he was only referring to the Hida Mountains when he used that name. The Kiso and Akaishi mountains received the name in the ensuing years.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

 _"The health and well-being of our grandchildren are worth more than all the wealth that can be taken from these lands." ― Bemidji Statement on Seventh Generation Guardianship_

Infanticide, while widespread during Tokugawa Japan[1], was ironically looked down upon by those very same people who often committed it. And just like the still dangerous procedure of abortion, infanticide was illegal too. Interesting how widespread infanticide and abortion still were when there were certain laws enacted to prevent such actions.

It was widely identified years ago that poverty was the leading cause of infanticide by the government. In order to combat the culling of infants, subsidies were provided to parents with newborns often in the form of rice. The amount and type of subsidies the different domains did provide for the parents varied, but childcare subsidies did exist in all the domains and have existed for hundreds of years. However, in order to exercise control over the number of subsidies given and to prevent fraud, all pregnancies, births, and the number of children in a household were required to be reported to the nearest government outpost. Thus, failing to report a pregnancy or a birth could lead to serious punishments for the parents. The same could also be said for failing to report miscarriages and child deaths. Since the laws were trying to prevent infanticide, all child deaths and miscarriages were to be reported so they could be investigated extensively for foul play.[2]

Children are, after all, the future of a society regardless of class and origin. To kill children, infants, was nothing short of robbing the country of an important resource and the government understood that.

So here I was, sitting on the steps of Mibu temple with the Idiot Trio while Souji was off reporting my pregnancy at the nearest government building. Funny how the government was going to know about my pregnancy before the rest of my family did. I let out a bored sigh as I observed the newer recruits swinging their bokken in the courtyard. Their teacher of the day, Saito-san, was strangely nowhere to be seen.

I propped my chin up on my hands and blew my bangs out of my face. "Where did Saito-san go?" I asked, turning to Sano-san. "He was muttering something under his breath before the marched off."

"Something must have come up," Sano-san answered laxly, grinning at me before randomly reaching over to ruffle my hair. "Since he didn't ask Shinpachi to replace him as instructor, Saito probably plans on returning. It's probably nothing serious."

"But still…" Heisuke leaned back against the stone steps, using his arms to keep himself propped up. "It's unusual for Hajime-kun to walk off in the middle of a lesson… No, actually it's freakin' impossible. The guy's a sword nut. Are we sure he isn't just hiding somewhere so he can just watch the recruits in secret?"

"Nah, Saito wouldn't do that," Shinpachi-san stated, laughing it off before suddenly freezing as his eyes grew wide. "Wait… Unless that how he knows everything! Dude, didn't we always joke that Saito has eyes on the back of his head? What if that's how he does it?!"

I snorted, shaking my head at the notion. I may have started this line of conversation but now it was just growing stupid.

"You know what?" I lifted my chin off my hands. "Forget I asked. In fact, here comes Saito-san now."

I pointed to the gates of the temple. Saito-san had just stepped back onto temple grounds and, surprisingly, Ibuki-kun, who appeared a bit cagey, was accompanying him. Ibuki-kun, who kept as far away from kenjutsu practice as possible. Ibuki-kun, who couldn't even draw his own sword to defend himself even when it meant the difference between life and death.

"Hey… Is that Ryunosuke?" Heisuke questioned, sitting up straighter as his eyes followed the reluctant new addition.

I wordlessly nodded my head whilst scrunching up my brow at the sight. To say it was bizarre would be an understatement. I mean, even the new recruits knew enough about Ibuki-kun's attitude towards kenjutsu to know how strange it was for him to show up during practice, especially since they knew Ibuki-kun wasn't even an official member of the Roshigumi. Seriously, the recruits even paused whatever practice routine they were in the middle of just to stare.

Saito-san paced in a circle around Ibuki-kun, examining him like a piece of meat. "Since you have decided to begin training, you must first learn the basics."

Ibuki-kun turned his head the other way, muttering, "Not that I decided to do this…," under his breath with a scowl.

However, he was quick to shut up and straighten his posture when Saito-san cleared his throat and gave him that look, that look of extreme disappointment that would make any person feel a strangely guilty.

"F-Fine!" Ibuki-kun caved rather quickly, drawing his sword and positioning himself into a very sloppy stance.

Saito-san tilted his chin upward, pleased with the response before he stopped circling the poor guy and tapped the back of Ibuki-kun's knee, forcing it to bend. Unprepared for the sudden action, Ibuki-kun almost toppled over.

"Huh?"

"Bring your right leg forward. Shift your left leg back."

"Huh?"

Ibuki-kun was totally lost.

Saito-san then sighed, shaking his head before sliding into an easy stance beside Ibuki-kun. "Have the sword pointed directly over your opponent's head like so. This is the basic stance."

"Okay!" Ibuki-kun hastily readjusted his stance, fumbling with his sword first before attempting to copy Saito-san the best he could.

Ibuki-kun's inexperience was obvious in his stance.

His stance sloppy, horrendously sloppy. I cringed at the sight and scoot a bit closer to Sano-san as Ibuki-kun began haphazardly swinging his sword. Ibuki-kun grip on his katana was so loose that it looked like the sword would randomly fly out of his hand like a ballistic bullet while he was waving the thing around.

"When holding your katana's hilt, put strength into your grasp starting from the pinkie fingers going up," Saito-san quickly instructed, probably hoping to curb any chances of an incident occurring.

"Okay!"

Saito-san's mouth slanted downward and he shook his head at the modified stance. "Not like that."

"Like this?" Ibuki-kun readjusted his grip again, somehow making it worse.

"Don't hold it from the side," Saito-san said, readjusting Ibuki-kun grip on the sword for him.

"Huh?"

I'd give Saito-san credit. He didn't even look the slightest bit disgruntled from having to correct Ibuki-kun so many times on the most basic of stances.

"When you strike at someone, you would have to control it just with your thumbs."

"Okay, got it."

Finally, Saito-san seemed pleased enough with Ibuki-kun's stance to step away and allow for proper space to practice. After observing a few more swings, Saito-san left Ibuki-kun to his own devices, turning his attention back onto the new recruits. However, Saito-san still lingered closer to Ibuki-kun than to the recruits, carefully keeping an eye on the rookie.

Heisuke raised his eyebrow at the whole scene before leaning back against the temple steps lazily. "There's no need to teach Ryunosuke swordsmanship," he commented before letting out a yawn.

"Why not?" Shinpachi-san disagreed, propping his chin up on his hand. "He's finally decided to learn it."

"That's right!" Sano-san added, grinning alongside Shinpachi-san. "If Ryunosuke is trying to change, why not let him?"

"Uh-huh…" Heisuke shrugged and turned his attention back onto to Ibuki-kun.

I hummed and copied Heisuke, turning to watch Ibuki-kun practice. It kind of made me want to practice with my naginata. But unfortunately for me, Souji saw it fit to confiscate my weapon upon hearing of my pregnancy. I could already feel my skill level dulling from a few weeks of no practice. Nine months plus of no practice? Best not head out alone for a while.

Despite the many errors in the very beginning, Ibuki-kun's basic stance, once corrected, looked pretty good. In fact, it actually looked superior to many of the recruits' stances. Beneath all that inexperience with a sword, Ibuki-kun did seem to have a natural feel for kenjutsu. His swing was fairly powerful, and once he seemed to have a proper hold on his weapon, that haphazard waving turned into a uniformed and sturdy pose.

And, apparently, Saito-san thought so too. I caught myself snickering at Ibuki-kun's expression when he attracted Saito-san's attention again.

"Good. Now to start off, you can give me one thousand swings this afternoon."

"What?!"

Poor guy. He learned quickly but his endurance was lacking when it came to Saito-san's standard of excellence.

"So," I got to my feet to stretch my legs, "how long do you think he'll last? Do you think he'll make it to the end of practice?"

My legs felt stiff, but more importantly, my bladder felt squished and… very full. Annoying. I just went to relieve myself twenty minutes or so minutes ago. Growing a human on top of your bladder, not fun at all.

"Why not? Though he'll probably be ready to knee over when this is all done" Sano-san shrugged. He paused to watch me briefly before he furrowed his brows at me. "Hey, are you okay? You've been fidgeting a lot."

"It's nothing," I replied with a carefree wave of my hand.

"You sure? I mean, if you're—"

"Ah! There you are, Shizuka-chan!" a voice exclaimed from the temple gates, interrupting Sano-san.

Sano-san and I looked up to see Inoue-san waving at me. He scurried around the practicing men, keeping a safe distance away from those wooden swords, before approaching me.

"Isami-san and Toshi-san requested me to come fetch you," Inoue-san explained, smiling kindly at me. "I believe Toshi-san specifically said, 'I need Shizuka's brain.' The master of the sumo stable is here to discuss a fundraising event."

I blanked out for a few seconds before I developed an urge to smack myself on the head.

"Oh. That was today?" I replied whilst nibbling on the inside of my lips in annoyance at my own forgetfulness, causing Sano-san to frown at me.

"I doubt Souji will be too happy about you ruining your lips like that," Sano-san scolded as he crossed his arms at me. "Been forgetful lately?"

"Kind of." I spared a short glance Sano-san's way. "There's just been a lot on my mind lately. Um… When Souji's gets back, can you let him know where I am?"

"Yeah." Sano-san then gave me a gentle shove towards Inoue-san, getting me to follow after the older man.

As I followed, I indulged Inoue-san, nodding silently as he chatted away about his favorite teas. Apparently, Inoue-san wasn't actually too fond of sencha tea[3] despite drinking it the most out of all the other types of teas. I made a mental note to look for gyokuro[4] the next time I went to the market.

It didn't take long to arrive back at headquarters. And while Inoue-san seemed to want to continue his little monolog on tea, he dutifully delivered me to the main hall before excusing himself with a polite nod. Once Inoue-san left, Hijikata-san knocked on my forehead in an almost teasing manner.

"Forgetful much?" Hijikata-san raised an eyebrow at me. "If it weren't for your supernatural medical knowledge then I'd swear that your skull has been empty recently."

I scowled at Hijikata-san and batted his hands away before greeting the stable master was a polite bow.

"My name is Okita Shizuka. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. I hope we work well together."

The stable master didn't seem to be bothered that I was late. Instead, he let out a jolly laughter and for a moment, I swear he reminded me of that jolly old man children loved around Christmas time.

"No, no. The pleasure is all mine," the stable master belted out boisterously before turning to Otou-san. "You're right, Kondou-dono. Your daughter will be a pleasure to work with. Sit, sit. We have plenty to discuss."

I took a seat beside Otou-san, quickly stealing a quick side hug from him and earning his chuckle.

"Now where do we begin…?" Otou-san asked, his eyes flickering to me.

As if copying Otou-san's actions, Hijikata-san and the stable master both to turned to me. The room went silent as they awaited my response.

I was no expert at fundraising planning, but I did have my part in a fair share of fundraising events in my past life for the hospital I worked at. Some non-profit organization wanted free surgeries for a bunch of children with families that couldn't afford it. I was all for it, but that still took a lot of fundraising. Even with surgeons that were willing to perform free surgeries, the supplies and tests needed in order to conduct such surgeries were expensive.

"Well," I said, pausing slightly as I caught a whiff of a random odor floating around in the room. It was musky and my stomach immediately wanted to turn inside out. Why did it smell musky? "Let's just start with ten basic steps and move on from there. Any inputs?" said as I manage to avoid gagging.

Seriously, why did it smell musky?

"No," Hijikata-san answered, gesturing at me as a sign to continue.

"Step one: establish the purpose of the fundraiser, which I believe we already have. To raise money, gain publicity, and to reach out to the public in hopes of repairing the Roshigumi's reputation, because Lord knows we need it."

Hijikata-san's face instantly seemed to sour at the word "reputation". Weeks ago, a ronin was arrest for using the Roshigumi's name to extort money out of a merchant. Serizawa had that ronin beheaded and the head put on display. If the Roshigumi's reputation was ghastly before, then there were no words for it now.

People parted like the Red Sea when the Roshigumi was out on patrol. There were hushed whispers floating around the market about the bloodthirsty men of the Roshigumi who kill for enjoyment. According to the civilians, the Roshigumi consisted of murderers, rapist, thieves, power-hungry thugs, and liars. Our reputation was so bad now that any ronin could claim that he was a part of the Roshigumi and no one would doubt him.

In Serizawa's head, a bad reputation was better than no reputation.

What an idiot notion. It was easier to build a new reputation and shape it than it was to fix a bad reputation. Changing people's minds about such things was always difficult if not impossible.

"Step two: our fundraising goal." I paused, taking a deep breath in hopes it would make my queasiness abate. It worsened instead. "We need to figure out how much money we are trying to raise from the fundraising event. Please keep in mind our budget. We need to earn more than we spend on the fundraising event. Building a sumo wrestling stage can be pricey, right?"

The stable master nodded.

"Hmm," Hijikata-san said, letting the sour expression from before melt away. "That's simple compared to all the other crap I have to deal with. I already have a rough estimate of everything. Leave all the money management to me."

"Okay," I said.

Seeing as Hijikata-san seemed to have everything under control, I didn't feel the need to go over the step of picking a leader for the event. Hijikata-san had a good head on him and he knew how to budget. Honestly, the leader in this event was a no-brainer. He was perfect for this role.

"Alright, then let's just skip down target audience." I had to pause again to allow my stomach to settle after it suddenly lurched, making me wish we were having this meeting outside just for the sake of getting fresh air. I cleared my throat "So we know that this whole fundraising event is going to consist of several sumo matches…"

"Ah, yes," the stable master weighed in. "Matches tend to be most popular among the artisans and merchants, some samurai families too. If they have money to spend, they'll be willing to spend it on a few good matches. My boys can promise exhilarating matches."

"Okay, what about the location for the performance?" Otou-san asked. He glanced at the stable master before looking to me for my opinion. While he had looked rather enthusiastic earlier, that expression seemed to falter once his eyes landed on me. "Shizu-chan, are you okay? You look rather pale."

"Oh, I'm fine," I chirped, mustering as much cheeriness I could manage at the moment.

That wasn't enough. It kind of just made them stare at me more.

My voice came out flat and… really, really flat. The lightheadedness that was developing probably didn't help much too. Oh! And look! The world was spinning too!

"Shizu-chan?"

I snapped out of my strange daze, blinking as Otou-san placed his palm on my forehead. Otou-san immediately shushed me before I could open my mouth to complain.

"Hmm… No fever…"

"That's because I'm not sick. And no, I'm not tired either."

"Or so you say," Hijikata-san said, narrowing his eyes at me. "Weren't you sick the other morning? If you really are ill, there's no way you would have gotten over the bug this quickly."

I rolled my eyes in response.

"Kind of the wrong time to be fussing over me. If you haven't noticed, I'm a grown woman. I know how to take care of myself. And we happen to be in a meeting right now." I gestured to the kind stable master who, apparently, appeared to be very understanding and sympathetic towards Otou-san's worries at the current moment.

I might as well call it now. I predict getting kicked out of the meeting in order to get some "rest", which I didn't need, by the way. Sure, my sleep last night was a little restless, but six hours was more than enough for someone who was used to functioning on much less on a busy day.

"No, no," the stable master then said, making my prediction come closer to becoming true. "Your daughter seems to be feeling ill right now, Kondou-dono. You should focus on her and address me later. I can wait."

I groaned, wanting to protest, but it would have been a truly idiotic move if I did. Because, right at that moment, I threw up a little in my mouth.

Hijikata-san seemed to stare at me funny, probably wondering why I wasn't verbally protesting. Otou-san, on the other hand… Oh, he went **_silent_**. Unlike Hijikata-san, he seemed to know I had thrown up a little in my mouth and was keeping my mouth shut just to hide it. But Otou-san, strangely enough, wasn't making a big fuss about it. Instead, he scrunched up his brows before closing his eyes briefly.

Then finally…

"Toshi, why don't you continue discussing this sumo performance with our honored guest. I'll go take care of Shizu-chan," Otou-san said, hoisting me to my feet by my arm.

I was almost tempted to swallow my vomit just so I could retort. I wasn't some delicate flower that would wilt the moment I started feeling ill. But the I also knew when to admit defeat. Otou-san quickly yet gently led me out of the room and stopped by some bushes, turning away so I could spit out the vomit in privacy.

"I'm **_not_** sick," I reiterated after wiping my mouth on my sleeve in a rather unladylike manner. "It's just that the room smelled a little gross. I was grossed out. When was the last time I cleaned that room in particular?"

Sure, I lost the first round and got booted from the meeting, but I still wanted to help somehow.

Otou-san just crossed his arms at me, silently telling me that I'd have to do better than that to fool him.

"Shizu-chan, you're obviously exhausted," Otou-san then said, steering me away from the main hall in such a subtle way that I nearly didn't notice. "Toshi and I will be fine on our own."

I frowned. "I am **_not_** exhausted, and I want to help. Please?"

Otou-san seemed not to hear my plea.

"Souji's out on personal business, right?" he questioned instead. "Why don't you go rest and wait for him to come home. I'll talk with you and Souji after this meeting is over."

And then we stopped walking. I wanted to splutter over where Otou-san apparently led me to.

A bathroom.

I just gave him a, "Are you serious?" look.

"What?" he said, not even looking close to being intimidated by my look due to being exposed to it too much already. "I'm pretty sure you needed to use the facilities the whole time too. Just go ahead and do your business before going back to your room to wait for Souji. I'll be with the both of you when the meeting concludes."

Complete and utter defeat. Demoted to being completely useless.

I gave Otou-san the stink eye before stomping into the restroom and closing the door in Otou-san's face. All he did was chuckle, and I swear I heard him say to himself, "She's just like Tsune and doesn't know how and when to relax."

Considering that I said that I wasn't sick or tired, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I fell asleep near instantly once I returned to my room to wait for Souji to return. And it wasn't for a short amount of time either. The sun was actually already beginning to set when I opened my eyes.

I groaned in annoyance at myself for my weak constitution before rolling over on the futon only to find Souji watching me with a quirked eyebrow.

"I hope that you know that it's super creepy, like stalker-creepy, that you were watching me sleep," I said, running my hand down my face before sitting up. "Didn't you have anything better to do?"

I pulled the kanzashi out of my messy hair and… just left it like that. I didn't feel like redoing my hair at the moment and Souji seemed to like to see my hair down anyway.

Souji chuckled, taking the kanzashi from my hands to place it on the nearby desk. He brushed my messy hair behind my ear.

"For someone who's always saying she's not tired, four hours is an awfully long nap, isn't it?"

"Four hours?" I yawned. "It's the Hour of the Monkey already?"

"Uh-huh."

Souji rubbed my lower back before placing a hand on my belly.

"There's so much I could have gotten done during all that time…," I mumbled before shaking my head. "Actually, no. I'm not going to complain about that awesome nap I just had."

What's done is done, after all.

And then my stomach turned. Again. And I gagged. Again. Thankfully, no vomit this time.

"But I will complain about wanting to throw up all the time. Whoever decided to name this phenomenon 'morning sickness' should be shot for coming up with such a horrible misnomer."

Souji grinned and snorted at my words. "So anyway, Kondou-san wants to talk to us when you up. Any idea about what?"

I let out a sigh, allowing myself to tumble back onto the futon as I stared at the ceiling. "Otou-san probably thinks I'm not taking care of myself. I was all nauseous and pale during the meeting with the stable master. I think I even felt faint. Otou-san probably just wants to make sure that I'm being looked after."

Souji made a sound of acknowledgment before pecking the top of my head. His eyes then flickered to the closed door when he heard footsteps. I could see Otou-san's silhouette on the shōji door through the corner of my eye. He appeared to be carrying a stack of something. The mysterious stack was revealed to be a stack of books when Otou-san opened the door.

Otou-san grinned when he saw me push myself up back into a seated position and placed the stack of books next to Souji before closing the door for privacy sake.

"Umm… Kondou-san?" Souji asked as he picked up a book from the stack. It appeared so worn that the title was no longer legible on the cover. "What is all this for?"

"Ah." Otou-san took a seat next to me. "Those are for you to read. I know that Shizu-chan is a doctor and is a vault of information, but you should do some reading for yourself. I know that if you aren't knowledgeable in the next part, Shizu-chan will just take advantage of that and weasel out."

Weasel out? Weasel out of what?

Otou-san then laid his hand on my belly, causing me and Souji to exchange surprised looks.

"When were you going to tell me you were pregnant, Shizu-chan?"

"I—How did you know?" I fumbled.

Otou-san grinned so widely that I though his mouth was going to split. "You do act a lot like Tsune when she was pregnant. Though, you do seem to be nauseous more than she was." He then gave Souji a prideful pat on the shoulder. "So how far along?"

"Seven," Souji answered, a grin erupting across his face to join Otou-san's. He had been impatient and eager to tell Otou-san, after all. "She just wanted to tell everyone after twelve weeks."

Otou-san hummed as he nodded. "I see… I guess no spreading the news yet. Well, that's up to you. But I'll go and run down to the market to purchase supplies for a hara-obi[5] in a few days. But Souji, did you go report the pregnancy yet?"

"Yeah, that was what I was actually doing earlier."

"Haha!" Otou-san then clapped, his enthusiasm now spilling over before going over to give Souji a hug, and somewhat trapping me in between the middle of those two. "The gods are smiling down at you, Souji! A child to carry on your family name! And so soon after marriage too!"

"Well, I am very loved." Souji made it a point to look at me with that stupid, sexy, smug look of his.

And if he didn't sound cocky then, then I don't know what cocky would sound like. I scoffed playfully, whacking him on the chest. If anything, that just seemed to make his ego grow more.

"Well," I then said, eager to busy myself once more as I stood up before straightening out my tangled hair, "It seems like you two have plenty to bond over right now," and I kind of didn't want to be caught in the middle of this father to son talk, "so I'm going to go start preparing stuff for dinner."

"Ah, wait, Shizu-chan! Don't you feel nauseous?"

"Haha, well…" I opened the door and slid out of the room. "KindabutIwillbefine!" I blurted out in one quick breath before ducking out of sight.

I should have figured that neither Otou-san nor Souji would just let me walk off like that. Yet, as I headed down towards the kitchen, I still found it strange to be sandwiched between both men. Souji was insistent that I was not to be in the kitchen alone, and Otou-san was persuaded that I absolutely needed help with cooking dinner. Both seemed to have forgotten that they were… subpar in when it came down to cooking a meal. Instead, they both seemed to have babies on the mind.

"Souji, did you know that a baby will develop birthmarks if the mother stares at a fire?"

I groaned inwardly as I caught part of the conversation. Superstition. I hated superstition.

"Really? Then shouldn't that mean that Shizuka shouldn't be working in the kitchen right now?"

"You know, I can hear the both of you! And there's nothing wrong with having a birthmark!"

It was almost like the both of them couldn't hear me.

"And Shizu-chan should really not be doing anything that stressful at all. In one of the books I read, it states that the state of pregnancy for a woman is a time when the woman's body and psyche are very delicate, vulnerable, and prone to malfunction. Meaning, pregnant women should, therefore, be strictly protected from serious emotional disturbances and strenuous physical activity.[6]"

Souji nodded, listening intently to Otou-san while I scowled and walked faster, trying to ditch the two on the way to the kitchen but they were like bloodhounds. I knew they meant well, but all this coddling was suffocating.

"You see, according to the taikyō, the pregnant body is considered fragile due to the disruptive movement of fetal ki, a type of life force energy that is believed to emerge with the unborn child to nurture the child during the period of gestation. Irregular movements of fetal ki also produce 'heat' to make the body ill. That's why Shizu-chan has been nauseous lately.[7]"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"No," I said at the same time Otou-san answered.

I paused, scowling some more and crossing my arms at both of them. All that did was cause them to pause alongside me as the continued to discuss the not scientifically proven understanding of pregnancy.

"But worry not, Souji. It's only in the second or third month of pregnancy when the fetal ki is stagnated in the and around the throat and chest. When stagnated, it interferes with the digestive organ, making the pregnant mother nauseated. It's when the fetal ki becomes settled in and around the womb during the fifth or sixth month of pregnancy that nausea stops.[8]"

Otou-san then wrapped his arm Souji' shoulder, bringing Souji closer as if he wanted to tell him a secret.

"Now, fetal ki is not the only active element during pregnancy. The process of gestation involves the functioning of the major visceral organs, which maintain adequate circulation and preservation of ki. In order for such organs for function well, a pregnant woman should not become emotionally agitated or mistreat the body least they risk complications during childbirth.[9]"

I'll admit that some of this explanation appeared logical, but it didn't change the fact that most of it was scientifically incorrect. They did mean well and all but… I really missed like-minded people who were educated in the same western medical method I was. It was frustrating listening to all of this when I didn't believe a single ounce of this.

"Souji, there is also another type of ki that affects the unborn child's growth and it's known as cardinal ki. While fetal ki is affected by a woman's physical movement, cardinal ki is formed as a result of the function of the heart system and tends to be stirred up by emotional agitation. The movement of both ki affects each other. In order for these two types of ki to function in a regular pattern, the expectant mother must discipline her movements. For example, a pregnant woman should sleep on her side, sit up straight, and be slow to stand upright. She should also do things like avoid taking too much medicine, avoid excessive drinking, and avoid inappropriate moxibustion and acupuncture.[10] Understand, Souji?"

"Yes, Kondou-san." Souji then looked to my bored expression. "Shizuka, are you listening?"

"…Yeah…" I looked up to stare at the orange clouds in the sky.

"Okay," Otou-san continued, "while fetal ki is agitated mainly by a woman's mishandling of her body, cardinal ki is disturbed by strong emotional reactions. For instance, cardinal ki is affected by watching a fire, unexpectedly hearing sad news, or hearing loud shouting close at hand or noise from construction work in the neighborhood. The disturbance of the cardinal ki will affect fetal ki which could eventually cause illness. Abnormal functioning of blood along with the disturbance of ki will also cause problems in a woman's gestating body. In this case, as well, the woman's emotions are often the source of such disorder. This is why an expectant mother is to suppress her desires and to observe sexual abstinence. If the expectant mother's desires were stirred up, the ki and blood would become heated and disturb the fetal ki[11]."

Oh God, shoot me now. Don't take away my sex!

In fact, according to science, it's actually normal for an expectant mother to develop an increased sexual appetite due to the fluctuation of certain hormones[12].

Now, I kind of just wanted to bash my head in.

"Also according to the taikyō, a woman's moral conduct during pregnancy directly affects the health and intelligence of the child. A mother's conduct in specific areas of activity influences the corresponding areas in the developing baby. For example, in order to have a handsome and virtuous child, the expectant mother should only say righteous things and not engage in indecent gossip. She should discipline herself and not be self-indulgent or engage in shameful conduct. If the expectant mother wants a beautiful child, she should wear pearls and only look at beautiful objects and physically superior people. Similarly, if she wants an intelligent child, she should read books written by sages. In other words, 'When outward forms are proper, it is felt by what is inside.[13]"

I couldn't really stand listening to all of this nonsense anymore. It was driving me up the wall. So, I decided to make my way towards the kitchen again. It would be preferred if Otou-san and Souji didn't stalk me to the kitchen, but I wasn't going to die if they did. However, this is when I noticed another woman. She was leaving the Maekawa house.

She was gorgeous. Her long blonde hair twisted into something similar to a French twist. Despite the unusual hair color, she did appear to be Asian. Perhaps she had some European ancestry?

Either way, this mystery woman appeared to be leaving the Maekawa house, indicating she had business with someone in the Maekawa house, and the only person she could possibly have business with was Serizawa. But the real question was, what type of business? She was no courtesan. Her clothes, while elegant, weren't flashy enough to belong to a prostitute. Perhaps a merchant or artisan? Despite whatever business she may have had, that sullen expression on her face told me it had not gone well.

"Shizuka. Oi, Shizuka!" I heard Souji say before he waved his hand in my face. "Did you just hear what Kondou-san said about what foods you should not be eating?"

"Huh? What? Did you say something?"

"Haha, very funny," Souji said in a sarcastic tone while giving me the disappointed look. "What stole your attention anyways?"

"Over there." I pointed to the mystery woman. Both Otou-san and Souji seemed to tilt their head curiously at the woman. "It looks like that woman had business with Serizawa and it didn't go well. Let's go check it out."

"Hmm… Alright," Otou-san said. "But if whatever she says starts to stress you out in any way, then Souji will escort you away."

"Seriously?" I looked at Otou-san and Souji exasperatedly. They wore straight faces and I found myself wishing Otou-san never started talking about all this ki nonsense. "Fine. Whatever," I replied in a rush before calling out to the woman. "Excuse me!"

The mysterious beauty perked up at the sound of my voice instantly looked in my direction, looking a bit nervous as she spotted the two powerful-looking men behind me.

"Are you feeling okay? You look a bit upset," I said, approaching her in an amicable manner.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, looking slightly embarrassed that she wasn't hiding her disappointment as well as she originally thought she was. "It's nothing. Please don't worry about a humble stranger such as myself. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" My expression silently told her that I didn't believe her one bit. "By the look of things, you just had business with Serizawa and he's… difficult… to have to deal with alone."

She opened her mouth wordlessly before shutting it again. "I'm sorry, but who are you?" she finally asked after a brief moment of hesitant silence.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I followed the polite norm and bowed to her. "I should have introduced myself first. My name is Okita Shizuka." I then gestured to Souji and then to Otou-san. "This is my husband, Okita Souji, and the man to his right is Kondou Isami, my chichi-ue and one of the Commanders of the Roshigumi."

I could see her brows going up slowly as she grew less hesitant. To be heard by the other most powerful man in the Roshigumi? An opportunity too good to waste.

"My name is Oume, mistress to Hishiya the tailor. Danna-sama gave me strict instructions not to return to our shop until I have collected the payment for the uniforms that Serizawa-sama ordered. Unfortunately, I was just told that Serizawa-sama is currently not in."

"Ehh?" Souji commented as he looked down at Oume-san with a critical eye. He didn't appear to be too fond of this woman. "Tough luck there. If he hasn't paid yet, then he never intended to pay in the first place."

"Surely you jest!" Oume-san exclaimed, looking to Otou-san for help.

Since I already felt bad for her, she didn't need to make herself look more pitiful than she already was to win over Otou-san's soft-hearted sympathy. As for Souji, I could feel the distaste radiating off of him. He was looking at her like she was a vulture. People who went looking for pity was certainly Souji's least favorite people.

Otou-san then sighed, looking upset as he looked at Oume-san with troubled eyes. "Well, this certainly cannot do. Please come with me Oume-san, I will pay you the dues instead. It is best that you don't confront Serizawa-san. He has a temper and will do as he wishes. It's not safe for a lone woman to confront him."

"Kondou-san?" Souji asked with a barely visible frown was on his face. "We're paying for Serizawa-san's purchase out of the Roshigumi's funds? Why?"

"There's no excuse not too since we can afford it with the money Shizu-chan and Kyoko-chan brought in. And while it was Serizawa-san's purchase, it is the Roshigumi as a whole that wears the uniform he ordered, meaning we are all partly responsible for this payment."

"And not to mention," I whispered to Souji, "the Roshigumi's reputation is already bad enough. Do we really want to make it worst by adding, 'refuses to pay for purchase,' onto the list? Forget about the rotten reputation. What will we do if merchants start refusing to sell us their wares, like rice? We'd starve."

Souji puffed up the right side of his cheek, indicating that he heard me as he watched Otou-san lead Oume-san into the Yagi house in order to fetch her payment. Oume-san left headquarters several minutes later while holding a bundle of money in her hands. She looked quite pleased.

It was the following day when the Roshigumi received the order to travel to Osaka to protect the daimyo residing there. Despite already having found out about my pregnancy, Otou-san was surprisingly still allowing me to come, much to Souji's displeasure. In fact, I think this was actually the first time those two actually openly disagreed on anything. Souji's reasoning was that it was stressful for pregnant women to travel and that I should just remain at home and relax. Otou-san's side of the argument was that the pregnancy was still early so it wouldn't impede travel. Otou-san argued that I could remain at the inn and enjoy the atmosphere, or I could take advantage of the nearby onsens to bathe while the men performed their task. My eyes had lit up at the mention of the onsens, causing Souji to relent and accept Otou-san's suggestion without much of a struggle. Hence now both Souji and I were out in the market purchasing supplies for the trip up to Osaka.

The supplies for this trip mainly consisted of food for the ferry ride to Osaka, and… Well, more food.

Souji shifted the sack of rice over his shoulder before looking back down at the shopping list in my hands. "What next?"

"Some dango."

"I'm pretty sure that's not on the list, Shizuka."

I pouted, puffing up my cheeks to make Souji chuckle at me. "Okay, so maybe that's not on the list, but I still want some. Please? I'm hungry and I really want something sweet. Oh! and I can go for some yōkan[14] too!"

"Alright! Stop!" Souji exclaimed, pretending to beg for mercy. "I would have said yes without the cute act. Not like I'd say no to you right now anyways."

Souji bumped my hip with his own to nudge me to right. We were pretty close to a teahouse in the first place, so it was a quick walk. Cut through a small side street, take a left, then a sharp right, and ta-dah, a teahouse for enjoyment on the right. Except, the little bamboo bench I liked to sit on right outside of the quant teahouse appeared occupied at the moment.

Souji was quick to pull me into a nearby side alley with him before I could get a clear look of the people occupying the bench. Souji then poked his head out to look around the corner with an impish grin before turning to me with a playful-looking shushing gesture. He had that familiar look on his face, the one he always wore when he hijacked Hijikata-san haiku journal.

"What?" I asked, poking my head out too to take a peek.

Upon further observation, I discovered the two people occupying the bench were no other than Kosuzu-chan and Ibuki-kun. I raised my eyebrow at Souji.

"I wonder if I can cut off and steal his ponytail from here…," Souji wondered out loud, alarming me into kicking his shin to get him to stop. "What?"

"Bad! Heel boy!"

Souji's impish grin just grew wider before poking his head back around the corner to eavesdrop. Since I wanted to do that too, I said nothing and poked my head out around the corner just beneath Souji's head.

"Too sweet!" I saw Ibuki-kun exclaimed after taking a bite of dango. He rushed to down a cup of tea in a brutish manner.

Kosuzu-chan looked a bit put off before letting out a sigh. "My, such manners!"

"H-Hey, it was too sweet for me…"

"At times like this, you're supposed to say, 'Dango taste remarkably different when I'm with a cute maiko like you.'"

"Don't call yourself cute."

"I know, but you could at least say that to be polite!"

"I hate telling lies."

"It's a **_lie_**?"

Souji snickered beside me as he watched Ibuki-kun flail around uselessly for a second.

"Man, Ibuki-kun sucks at this," Souji said, grinning down at me. "Even I can tell that maiko was faking her scowl from here. He should just go ahead and tell the maiko that she's cute."

I merely shrugged as I watched on. I wasn't usually the type to spy on a friend when she's on a date, or that's at least what I think this was, but I was curious. Oh, and it was funny to see Ibuki-kun so flustered and tongue-tied like this. It was a far cry from that normal tough guy act he put on around the Roshigumi headquarters.

"N-Nah, it's not really a lie, I guess…" Ibuki-kun stuttered, looking at everything but Kosuzu-chan, causing her to giggle. "W-What now?"

"'Tis not a thing."

"But dang, you've got it rough. You have practice during the day and then spend the night dealing with drunks."

"It would be unbearable if all my patrons were like Serizawa-han."

Ibuki-kun let out a chuckle at that. "You can be surprisingly blunt."

"Yep!"

"Oh, yeah!" Ibuki-kun then suddenly exclaimed. "Shimabara is going to be quiet for a bit."

Kosuzu-chan tilted her head before putting down her empty skewer. "Why is that?"

"Serizawa-san will be going to Osaka in a couple of days due to work."

"Osaka?"

"Yeah," Ibuki-kun said before puffing up his chest. "I'll be going with him."

The news, however, didn't seem to make Kosuzu-chan seem relieved. Instead, a frown bloomed on her face as she stared down at her hands. All that happy cheerfulness from before had all but vanished.

"Shimabara may be okay," Kosuzu-chan said, her voice more muted than usual, "but I'm worried that he might torment the maiko and geisha in Osaka…"

"I'll make sure that Serizawa-san doesn't' get rough with them."

"Really?" Kosuzu-chan seemed to perk up immediately. "I'll hold you to that!"

"Hmm… Are you sure you want to do that?" Souji said, magically appearing behind Ibuki-kun.

I scrunched up my brow and blinked before quickly turning to the spot Souji was supposed to be occupying only to find it empty. I turned my head back towards the bench just in time to see Souji grinning wryly before he yanked Ibuki-kun's head back with a forceful pull of the ponytail.

"Gah! What the hell!" Ibuki-kun flailed, grabbing the base of his ponytail in an attempt to lessen the pull.

It was a useless attempt. Souji just merely grinned wider at Ibuki-kun's attempt before shoving the poor guy off the bench. Then before Ibuki-kun could get up, Souji stole Ibuki-kun's old seat and dropped the sack of rice on top of Ibuki-kun's head.

Souji turned to the stunned Kosuzu-chan. "Ibuki-kun's pretty useless. All he does is get whacked around by Serizawa-san all day long."

Ibuki-kun knocked the sack of rice off his head and leaped to his feet while glaring down Souji. Ibuki-kun's glare, however, only hit as hard as a wet paper towel.

"Okita! What the hell was that for!" Ibuki-kun growled.

"I wanted a seat and you were in my way."

I adored Souji and all, but there were times I wanted to bash his head in too. But considering that bashing heads in was out of my reach without my naginata, I made my presence known as I settled on whacking Souji on the back of his head.

"Ow! Shizuka," Souji whined. "What was that for."

"You can be such an ass sometimes." I then ignored Souji and Ibuki-kun as they continued to trade insults with each other in favor of Kosuzu-chan much-preferred company. "Fancy meeting you here. Out on a date?"

Kosuzu-chan flushed, shaking her head. "Ibuki-han and I just ran into each other by pure chance."

"But you wished it was a date, huh?"

The blush on her cheeks grew a bit deeper as she nodded before she frowned as she turned to watch Souji yank on Ibuki-kun's bangs.

"Will everything be okay in Osaka?" she muttered under her breath. Despite the fact she was just talking to herself, I answered.

"No need to be so worried," I said, plucking dango from her unfinished plate. "My husband and I will also be going. I can help keep an eye on things."

Kosuzu-chan still seemed worried, but she relaxed enough to smile back at me before discreetly placing a hand on my belly, smiling even more when she realized I put on less padding today beneath my kimono.

* * *

[1] Drixler, Fabian. _Mabiki: Infanticide and Population Growth in Eastern Japan, 1660-1950_. Los Angeles, University of California Press, 2013, p. 16.

[2] Drixler, Fabian. Mabiki: Infanticide and Population Growth in Eastern Japan, 1660-1950. , Los Angeles, University of California Press, 2013, p. 1-22.

[3] Sencha tea is the fully sun-grown variety of Japanese green tea. It is the most common and popular variety of green tea in Japan. There are many cultivars and grades of Sencha, which leads to a large spectrum of taste, quality and pricing.

There are a number of factors that influence the final taste of Sencha. These include the quality of the raw tea leaves, the location of the plantation and the final processing method. Because the first two factors are so variable, most tea is graded by its final processing method. The processing method is categorized by how long the tea is steamed for, as most Japanese green tea is steamed. The grades are Asamushi, which is steamed for the shortest time, followed by Chumushi and Fukumushi, which is steamed for nearly twice as long as Asamushi. These three grades of tea help one to have a general idea of how their tea will taste before they purchase it.

[4] Gyokuro is rolled form of shaded Japanese green tea leaf. What makes the Gyokuro tea leaf unique is that, for the final month before harvesting it is covered by shade. This shade prevents most of the L-Theanine, an amino acid, from converting into Catechins, the polyphenols responsible for most of the bitterness in lower-quality teas. As a result, Gyokuro tea has a sweet, unique taste that is very favorably compared to the sun-grown Sencha grade of teas.

L-Theanine is the so-called "Feel-good" Amino acid, and is primarily found in the leaves of the tea plant (). While all teas have some L-Theanine, the largest quantities are found in the Gyokuro and Matcha teas. L-Theanine not only gives these teas their signature sweetness, but it also relaxes the body and mind. This comes from L-Theanine's stimulation of the alpha brain waves, which produce a calming effect.

L-Theanine, combined with caffeine, melts away stress and anxiety, and allows one to focus on the present task. This unique ability was praised by the Zen Buddhist monks, who popularized the use of tea in their meditation sessions

[5] During the fifth month, pregnant women in Japan start wearing a hara-obi. The hara-obi is a piece of white cloth that is about 32 feet in length and about a half a foot wide. The long cloth is used to wrap the abdomen of the woman. It is often translated as a maternity belt or corset.

The reasons for wearing the hara-obi are:  
1\. To keep the baby small and help ensure an easier delivery for the mother.  
2\. To protect the baby in the event of a fall or accident.  
3\. To support the back of the mother.  
4\. To keep the baby warm.  
None of these reasons are scientifically proven to be true.

Historically, women would receive the hara-obi and take it along with their mother and mother-in-law to a shinto shrine where it could be prayed upon and blessed by the monks to ensure a healthy baby and a safe delivery. Then, wanting to protect their baby, mothers would wrap their midsection in the hara-obi to surround themselves and their baby with prayers and good wishes.

[6] Lindsey, William Robert. _Fertility and Pleasure: Ritual and Sexual Values in Tokugawa Japan_. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2003.

[7] Terazawa, Yuki. _Gender, Knowledge, and Power: Reproductive Medicine in Japan, 1790-1930._ n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2001.

[8] Terazawa, Yuki. Gender, Knowledge, and Power: Reproductive Medicine in Japan, 1790-1930. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2001.

[9] Terazawa, Yuki. Gender, Knowledge, and Power: Reproductive Medicine in Japan, 1790-1930. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2001.

[10] Terazawa, Yuki. Gender, Knowledge, and Power: Reproductive Medicine in Japan, 1790-1930. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2001.

[11] Terazawa, Yuki. Gender, Knowledge, and Power: Reproductive Medicine in Japan, 1790-1930. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2001.

[12] Many women experience an increased libido late in the first trimester and in the second due the tapering off of the hormones that cause morning sickness. Along with this increased libido comes increased vaginal lubrication and a hypersensitive clitoris due to extra genital blood flow.

[13] Terazawa, Yuki. Gender, Knowledge, and Power: Reproductive Medicine in Japan, 1790-1930. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2001.

[14] Yōkan (羊羹) is a thick, jellied dessert made of red bean paste, agar, and sugar. It is usually sold in a block form, and eaten in slices. There are two main types: neri yōkan and mizu yōkan. "Mizu" means "water", and indicates that it is made with more water than usual. Mizu yōkan is often chilled and eaten in summer.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

 _"She taught me all about real sacrifice. That it should be done from love... That it should be done from necessity, not without exhausting all other options. That it should be done for people who need your strength because they don't have enough of their own." ― Veronica Roth, Allegiant_

The steam of the onsen… soft… fluffy. The water… warm… soothing and soft on the skin.

I dunked my head under the water for a few seconds and resurfaced for a refreshing breath of air before leaning against one of the natural smooth rocks found in the pool of water. I'm sure this is what heaven feels like. Where your body floats in the water like a cloud in the sky and where the warmth of the water feels like a festival on a warm summer's night. This really makes me wonder why I was so against Otou-san booking such an expensive inn in the first place. The onsens that the inn owned really did make up for such an extravagant price.

Although, I was sure the only reason Otou-san booked such a pricey inn in the first place was because I was pregnant and he just wanted to spoil me with an onsen trip. Hijikata-san may have rejected the notion of staying at such an expensive inn but, God knows, Hijikata-san couldn't say no to Otou-san even after seeing the outlandish price. As for Serizawa, I'm pretty sure he didn't complain at all just because he liked the extravagant and cushy feel of the inn.

Just pity that the inn's onsens were separated by sex. I could just imagine how enjoyable a soak in the onsens would be with Souji when he returned to the inn with the others.

I brushed my fingers through my wet hair, which I made the poor decision to leave down, to shake off the excess water before perking up at the sound of chuckling. The two elderly women nearby, gray-haired with streaks of white, smiled at me before shuffling a little closer.

"You're really enjoying yourself, aren't you?" one of the old lady's, the shorter one, asked.

I smiled back cordially, removing my hand from my hair. "It's not every day I get the luxury to soak in an onsen until I become pruney."

The taller one let out a bark of laughter, her shoulders shaking in her mirth. "You say that now but just wait until you get to our age! We're so wrinkly that we **_are_** permanent prunes! Don't be so quick to write off that smooth, youthful skin of yours. When you get to our age, you'll find that being pruney is no fun at all!"

"Oh hush now, Onee-san!" the shorter one scolded jokingly. "If our young peach here wants to be pruney like us, then more the merrier!" She then winked at me with an almost impish youth. "But just be careful not to faint from being in here too long. I doubt your baby's chichi-ue would be too happy about that!"

No, he would not.

"He would probably just end up bulldozing through the bamboo walls just to fish me out," I mused out loud, causing both old ladies to laugh again.

"Oh my! Such youthful energy!"

"So," the taller older lady said once the laughter died down, "is this your first one?"

I blinked, tilting my head at them. "Excuse me?"

"The baby," the shorter one clarified, pointing to the growing baby bump. "My ane-ue was talking about the baby."

"Oh!" I nodded. "Yes, it's my first one."

Sometimes it was easy to forget how pregnant I obviously looked when naked. In fact, I was surprised nobody seemed to notice back at headquarters when I started to show slightly through all that padding beneath my kimono right before we left for Osaka. Maybe it was a guy thing? Or maybe because all the men other than Otou-san never had a pregnant wife and didn't know what signs to look for?

Then much to my displeasure, the shorter one then laid her hand on my bare belly without asking me first. I didn't even know her name and she was touching me when I was naked. But, at the same time, I wasn't going to berate the sweet old lady. Not when she obviously didn't mean any harm. Plus, there was just something about babies that always seemed to put smiles on the faces of the elderly.

"Ah," the taller one said, sounding sentimental, "make sure treasure your children and raise them right. The years will fly by right before your eyes and before you can even register it, they'll be off having their own families. I had seven of my own. Five made it to adulthood. The other two… One stillborn and the other died of a fever in his infancy."

"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that," came my automatic response. I mean, how else should I react to that?

"No, no. I was still very blessed. Five healthy children. My first one was just like yours too, large in size. My imōto here, she lost all four."

Hearing this was all very sobering. In my first life, I grew up in a country where it was rare for children not to survive until adulthood. Here, in Tokugawa Japan, the things many people took for granted in the twenty-first century either didn't exist or was less developed. Children dying before reaching adulthood? It was sad, but the people didn't even bat an eye at it. Children got sick. Children died. Common.

"Now, don't look so depressed," the shorter lady chimed, her voice sounding strangely wise. "It was a long time ago. Time dulls all pain. Now if you want to have a healthy baby, don't be like me and skip out on praying to Inari[1]. She'll protect the baby."

The taller elderly lady nodded in agreement, smiling at me approvingly before standing up, pulling her sister up at the same time before stepping out of the onsens, each pausing to wrap their frail elderly bodies with a white towel.

"Now don't stay in there too long," the taller one said as her sister went ahead and reentered the dressing room beside the pools of water. "It wouldn't do you any good to faint in there due to the heat. Like you said, your man will probably come crashing through the wall to fish you out." She winked. "It may be romantic and all, but I doubt the other women here will be thrilled with a man in this private space."

"I'll be careful."

The lady chuckled before rejoining her sister. I, on the other hand, lounged in the water for another ten more minutes or so before getting out myself. Not because of the heat, however. A full bladder in a shared pool of water? I doubt the other ladies would appreciate it if the water suddenly became tinged with a hint of yellow.

I toweled myself off, drying my wet hair the best I could in the dressing room before shrugging on the black and white patterned yukata the inn provided before padding off to find the nearest restroom to empty my bladder. Once feeling fully refreshed, I started making my way back to Souji's and my room for the night. Much to my displeasure, I spotted Serizawa and Niimi entering one of the inn's private dining rooms on my way back. Shinpachi-san and Ibuki-kun were also present, not so surprising there since Shinpachi-san was, as Hijikata-san put it, "Serizawa's tranquilizer". Instead of following the two unpleasant men into the private room right away, those two lingered outside like they were reevaluating their life choices right at that moment.

"Shinpachi-san!" I called out, waving at both Shinpachi-san and Ibuki-kun as they lingered in the hallway. Shinpachi-san perked up and grinned at me once he spotted me. "You guys are done with the Osaka job already?" I asked as soon as I scurried up to them.

"Yup!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, his voice peppy and enthusiastic. "The job went so smoothly that it was borderline nap inducin'. All the ronin just fled on sight once they spotted our blues."

"Ah. So," I put my hands on my hips, "I know Hijikata-san often has you trailing Serizawa just in case he misbehaves, but following him back to the inn? Why bother if he's not heading out to the red-light district to have fun? It's not like he can act out if it just himself in the room with no one to bully."

"Well, you see, Serizawa-san did want to go to the red-light district, but I managed to convince him to return to the inn instead."

"But," Ibuki-kun inserted. "It was more of a compromise. He sent out for some geisha to come entertain him here."

"And just when I thought I could catch a break…," Shinpachi-san moaned before he paused and suddenly crinkled his brows as he stared intensely at me, or rather, my belly. "Hey, have you gained weight, Shizuka-chan?"

The thing about a yukata is that it wasn't like a typical kimono consisting of layers. A yukata was just a single layer. There were no extra layers to attach padding to, so it tended to be more revealing when it came to body shape.

And while Shinpachi-san didn't mean to offend, and while I knew I was pregnant, not fat… Things didn't always translate between logic and a hormonal mind.

"Did you just call me fat?!"

And that went from zero to sixty in no time at all.

"I—What?! No!" Shinpachi-san waved his arms around like he was dying fish. "I never said that! You're really pretty, Shizuka-chan!"

"Oi! Shinpachi! Dog!" Serizawa then snapped from behind the doors of the private room. "Quit yapping to whoever you're talking to! Hurry up and get in here!"

Ibuki-kun sighed before slipping into the room. Shinpachi-san, on the other hand, seemed torn before he slapped his hands together and bowed his head at me asking for hasty forgiveness before joining Serizawa in the room, sliding the door shut behind him.

"Sorry about that Serizawa-san," I could hear Shinpachi-san say in a nervous prattle, his voice slightly muffled behind the closed doors.

I didn't linger in the hall after Shinpachi-san's disappearing trick. Again, I knew I wasn't fat but I certainly didn't feel that way after Shinpachi-san pointed out my belly. I rushed back to my room to hastily put on my normal kimono with all its padding before deciding to spend the rest of the afternoon hiding in that room with a book whilst waiting for Souji to return.

Or that was the plan. I ended up venturing out the room before Souji returned.

The evening started off tranquil where the loudest sound to be heard were the cry of the cicadas. The peaceful atmosphere of the inn in the even almost made it feel like the inn was on a forested mountainside surrounded by nature, not smack in the center of a large major city. It was the sound of shattering ceramic and the horrible sound of wood splintering that ended made me jump, nearly making me drop my book.

I honestly tried to ignore the ghastly disturbance. Souji had confiscated my naginata, so if it was a fight that had broken out, I'd be relatively useless if I did want to get involved. There was also the fact that I was expecting. Souji made it very clear that I was to stay away from trouble for the sake of the baby. And lastly, even if I was curious to what the sound was, I had no business sticking my nose into something that didn't pertain to me.

But couldn't just write off the sound as none of my business.

Serizawa was currently at the inn.

Serizawa called for some geisha to come entertain him.

Ibuki-kun made a promise to Kosuzu-chan to protect the Osaka geisha and maiko from Serizawa.

Kosuzu-chan was my friend.

After a few minutes of arguing with myself, I dropped my book on the floor of my rented room to venture outside, poking my head out of the room in a mousey-like manner first. The halls were empty, devoid of all life. It was almost as if the loud disturbance had made everyone flee. I wandered around the first corner of the hall, making sure my steps were silent and that's when I saw the source of the disturbance. The door of Serizawa's private room was open. **_Smashed open_**. The shōji doors were shredded almost like someone had been thrown through them.

Then came several loud sets of footsteps accompanied by the panting of men trying to catch their breaths. I saw Ibuki-kun first, sprinting around the opposite corner, as he dashed into the room. The two men accompanying him were Otou-san and Hijikata-san, who both followed Ibuki-kun into the room in a great haste. None of them seemed to notice me peeking out from the corner directly across from them.

Damage control. That's why they were here. Another incident.

My gut told me that I shouldn't be doing this, that I shouldn't be getting involved in my current state of health. But I had promised Kosuzu-chan that I'd help Ibuki-kun keep Serizawa from tormenting the other maiko and geisha.

"If they were men, I would have their heads," I heard Serizawa say just before I poked my head into the room, making sure to remain hidden behind Otou-san's broad back. On Serizawa's face, a red flush. An indication that he already had quite some amount to drink. "But since they are women, I will settle for their hair instead."

"You'd **_WHAT_**?!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed from beside Hijikata-san

"Serizawa-san!" Hijikata-san barked, his lips curling up into a fierce snarl. He looked about ready to rip Serizawa's throat out with his teeth.

The two geisha Serizawa had called in to entertain him were prostrated on the ground before him along with a man who appeared to be the head servant. The two women, Serizawa's sexual harassment victims were in tears. Both begging for forgiveness when it should have been the opposite way.

"If you do that, we wouldn't be able to entertain from tomorrow on."

"You have but your own foolishness for insulting a warrior to blame."

The geisha that spoke dissolved into tears at Serizawa's harsh reply.

"Hold it, Serizawa-san!" Ibuki-kun bravely exclaimed, rushing up to stand before the despicable man in hopes of trying to reason with the drunk. "You're the one who insulted them first by telling them to strip!"

Wrong move trying to reason with such a violent drunk.

"Shut up!" Serizawa spat hatefully.

I flinched almost as if I could feel the pain myself as I witnessed Serizawa punching Ibuki-kun so hard that that Ibuki-kun flew through the air and smashed another door with his crash-landing.

Hijikata-san was quick to rush in and check on the damage. "Ibuki!"

"Serizawa-san!" Otou-san barked, intending on scolding Serizawa harshly. There was no way Otou-san's normal amicable approach was going to work here. "Wasn't this supposed to be a party? There is no need to get so livid!"

Serizawa ignored Otou-san. Instead, he just stared down harshly at Ibuki-kun who had yet to stand up from the previous blow. "Cur! You do it."

Ibuki-kun just ground his teeth as he reached for an object on the floor that appeared to fall off his person when he collided with the door. A red comb. It wasn't ornate nor was it made from some expensive material like ivory. It was just a simple wooden comb painted red.

But it held significance.

"That shall be your punishment for opposing your master."

Ibuki-kun slowly pushed himself up, gripping the comb tightly in his hands. His eyes, defiant. His will, like unbendable steel.

I honestly had times where I didn't think too much of Ibuki-kun. He was a good guy, if not with a lousy attitude. But he was all bark and no bite, and not always most intelligent when he was barking too.

However, this… this is where it would be impossible not to respect him.

"To hell with that!" Ibuki-kun snapped back at Serizawa. "There's no way I could ever do that!"

But Serizawa, all he did was cheapen Ibuki-kun's actions, making them absolutely worthless as he smirked cruelly.

"That right? Then I'll do it." Serizawa turned back to the women on the floor with a frightening expression. One that appeared so drunk with power that he appeared on the edge of insanity. "But since I'm drunk, I might inadvertently cut off their heads instead of their hair."

The two geisha openly sobbed, holding each other for what little comfort they could offer each other as the head servant continued to beg and plea.

"Have mercy!"

Serizawa pushed on the hilt of his sword, slowly sliding it out of the scabbard with his thumb.

Ibuki-kun panicked. "Stop!" he cried, freezing in fear as Serizawa turned towards him again.

"Then will you offer me your head instead?"

Ibuki-kun couldn't retort to that. Because in the end, when one stripped away all societal and cultural values, one was left with the bare basics. What more valuable? What is more important to keep? The hair that grows on a person's head or the head itself?

It was then Hijikata-san had enough. But he did not explode in anger like he normally did. He was far more composed as he stepped in, no matter how dark the shadow on his face had grown.

"You'll be satisfied if we sever their chignons, Serizawa-san?"

"Toshi!" Otou-san exclaimed.

Hijikata-san glanced at Ibuki-kun before his steely eyes returned to Serizawa. "I'll do it."

"Hijikata-san!" Shinpachi-san cried, speaking for the first time since his so-called backup arrived.

"Very well," Serizawa-san said, seemingly placated and even thrilled at this new development. "This should make for some nice entertainment."

Hijikata-san then reached into the hair of one of the geisha and plucked her fancy hair ornaments out, dropping the pricey ornaments on the tatami mats like they were trash. Then he grabbed the top part of her hair where it was held up with a series of ties, making the poor woman's shake as her sobs increased tenfold. He drew his kodachi and positioned it at the base of her bun.

"I truly regret what I said, so please…!" she pleaded, this time asking Hijikata-san for mercy.

There was none to be found, even in Hijikata-san.

Instead, all Hijikata-san said was, "Don't move." His soft voice was warped by his animosity towards Serizawa, making it seem hard and unforgiving.

At that moment, as he held that geisha in place by her hair with his steely eyes glaring back at Serizawa, he undoubtedly looked like a monster to both the geisha.

"Please forgive me! Please forgive me!"

 _No need to be so worried. My husband and I will also be going. I can help keep an eye on things._

Those geisha crying on the floor didn't deserve this. They did nothing wrong.

There was no greater crime in the world than indifference. Remaining neutral in the face of cruelty. What hurts the victim most is not the cruelty of the oppressor, but the silence of the bystander[2].

I abandoned my post, jostling Otou-san and I swiftly brushed past him and finally alerting him to my presence.

"Shizu-chan?!"

Before Hijikata-san could bring his blade down upon the geisha's hair, I grabbed the hilt of his sword. Hijikata-san froze, his eyes widening when he realized whose hand stayed his blade.

"Shizuka?!" Hijikata-san cried like Otou-san. I could almost see horror spread across his face in slow motion. "What are you doing here?! You shouldn't be here to see this! Go!"

"No." My voice muted as I gently pried his fingers loose from the geisha's hair. "I think the real question is: What are _ **you**_ doing? The Roshigumi did not come into existence to perform such actions. You did not leave Edo to become this type of man."

Serizawa's crude laughter echoed throughout the room, making me turn my hateful eyes onto him.

"You foolish girl!" Serizawa said in-between his harsh bouts of laughter, his voice snapping through the air like a crack of a whip. "This is exactly who he left Edo to become! A warrior! A warrior does not bow his head once he's been insulted! He must follow through with his punishment! It is his honor as a warrior at stake!"

"What a load of bullshit," I snapped, making Serizawa cease his laughter in order to glower at me. "Honor? The concept of honor carries a different meaning for each individual. What you deem honorable means nothing to another person."

I knelt down beside Hijikata-san, carefully guiding his hand as he let me slide his kodachi back into its scabbard harmlessly. He looked towards me at that moment. Conflict swirled in his eyes like a storm.

"Hijikata-san, what do you want to do?" I asked, softening my voice for his sake. "Do you want to follow Serizawa's sense of honor or your own? Remember, the one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience[3]. If you are going to act, then make sure you'll be able to live with yourself afterward."

Hijikata-san remained silent. Motionless.

"Hmph!" Serizawa spat, his contempt coming back in full force. "Weak! I thought better of you Hijikata! Move aside! If you will not do it, then I will!"

The geisha who had gone quiet earlier let out another heartbreaking sob. As Serizawa took a step towards the two geisha, I stood up and blocked him off.

"You will not be cutting off their hair. Not today, not ever." I then called out to the two geisha and the head servant, not taking my eyes off Serizawa's outraged form. "Go. Leave right now!"

"Don't you dare!" Serizawa snapped at the victims, causing them to freeze in fear as they clambered to their feet. "If you do not stay to receive your punishment, then I will hunt you down later and remove your heads!"

"Leave," I repeated myself again, my voice firm. Doubtless. "He will sever someone's hair tonight[4], but it will not be either of yours. You never did like me, did you, Serizawa? Hence, if you will be cutting someone's hair tonight, mine shall suffice, will it not? You've always wanted to do it."

"Shizu-chan!" I heard Otou-san exclaimed, sounding more panicked than I have ever heard him. "No! What are you doing?!"

That rage that filled Serizawa's face vanished in an instant at my words as he let out a horrible laughter once more.

"Yours?" Serizawa's eyes flickered towards the two geisha before back onto me. "Hmph! Not a bad trade. Very well." He turned to bark at the geisha. "Get out of here before I change my mind and take your hair too!"

The women and the head servant took this at their cue to scramble out of the room as fast as they could.

"Hijikata," Serizawa then snapped, "cut her hair! She's your new target."

Hijikata-san didn't move nor speak. All he could do was turn to me with aghast eyes. One look and I could tell. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He looked like lost.

It was easy for Hijikata-san to distance himself from the geisha. They were strangers he didn't know personally. If he had cut their hair then he would detest himself, but he would recover. But with me? I was the closest he had to a little sister. If he ever lifted a hand against me, he would never forgive himself.

"You can't do it?" Serizawa sneered at Hijikata-san before he suddenly grabbed my arm with his bruising grip, forcing me to my knees and eliciting a small pained cry from my lips. "Then I will!"

"Serizawa-san! What are you—!"

"Shut your trap, Kondou-kun!" Serizawa erupted, roughly holding me in place as he drew his sword.

His dangerous smirk then seeming grew when his eye fell on my kanzashi. If I wasn't being held down, I would have leaped to my feet the moment he snatched my kanzashi from my hair.

"That's not—!" I cried as I clawed at the hand he was using to hold me in place. I took little pleasure in ripping his skin open with my nails.

"Shut up!" Serizawa snapped, tucking my kanzashi into his clothing. "This will serve as the extra payment for Hijikata disobeying my orders!"

"Serizawa-san!"

"No! That wasn't part of the deal! You can't take my kanzashi!"

Serizawa roughly shoved me back down onto the ground where I narrowly avoided landing on my front by catching myself with my arms. In the corner of my eye, I could see horror bloom across Otou-san's face at the narrow miss. As tears pricked the corner of my eyes, I glared back at Serizawa. If he was going to do this, then I was going to watch. I was never going to forget or forgive this moment.

"Hmph!" Serizawa taunted me as he stared back into my hate filled eyes. "Promising to kill me now, are you? You already did that before but where is death, huh?"

"Your time will come soon," I promised lowly. "As high and mighty as you believe yourself to be, remember you are mortal. Burn in hell."

He lifted his sword to hack my hair away with a smirk on his face.

The blade never made contact.

In a split second, I barely saw a whirl of silver flash between me and Serizawa. The hold he had on me vanished just as I heard the sound of steel against steel. Then there was a sharp whistle in the air before the dull thump of steel sinking into wood.

"Souji!" Otou-san exclaimed, causing my eyes to widen at the figure standing between me and Serizawa as soon as my vision cleared up. Off to the side, I could see Serizawa's sword stuck in the floor near Shinpachi-san's feet.

"What are you doing here?!" Hijikata-san nearly shouted.

"No sane man would leave his wife alone in the same inn as Serizawa-san once he hears that Serizawa-san is misbehaving," Souji said, his normally impish voice now sharp. Deadly. "Did you think I wouldn't follow you back, Hijikata-san? What the hell are you doing, not putting a stop to this?!"

"You dare point your sword at me, brat?! I am a warrior! A samurai—"

"So am I," Souji interrupted Serizawa frigidly. "In case you don't remember, Serizawa-san, I was born from a samurai family. My chichi-ue was a samurai of the Shirakawa domain[5]. I am as much of a samurai as you are. There may not be laws against a samurai striking commoners, but there are laws against samurai striking another person of the same class. There are also laws against harming a pregnant woman. So my question is: Why are you pointing your sword at my **_pregnant_** wife?"

I could hear both Hijikata-san and Shinpachi-san choking on their own spit at the word "pregnant" before I felt Otou-san's presence right beside me. Instead of helping me back on my feet, Otou-san instead picked me up, not caring that I wanted to stand on my own two feet.

Serizawa snorted, disregarding Souji's icy glare and the sword pointed at his throat. "So she's carrying your pup, huh? Very well, I will let this incident slide," he reached into his clothing and pulled out the kanzashi he stole from me, enjoying it when Souji's eyes widened, "but, in exchange, I will be keeping this."

"No!" I struggled, trying to get Otou-san to put me down so I could take back my kanzashi, but Otou-san refused to let go.

"Fine," Souji snapped, his voice growing impossibly colder as he sheathed his sword.

Souji turned to Otou-san, exchanging silent words with Otou-san before taking me from Otou-san's arms to cradle against his chest. Souji then nodded at Otou-san before taking me back to our rented room. But before Souji completely exited the room with me, he paused at the door.

"Oh, Serizawa-san? You may let this incident slide, but **_I_** won't."

Souji then carried me away, back to our room in silence. But his actions spoke louder than words ever could. I could feel his grip on me tighten, his touch was soft but harsh. When we entered our room, he stepped over the book on the floor before setting me down on the futon. He stayed silent at first, his face blank as he just sat in front of me and watched me. But I could tell he that he was displeased with me. Not as much as he was with Serizawa, but still displeased.

"Shizuka—" He interrupted himself with a sigh before softening his tone as he brushed away the tears that were prickling the corners of my eyes. "What were you thinking? What would you have done if Serizawa-san decided to get more violent with you? What if he caused a miscarriage?"

I didn't reply. All I did was glare at the ground through my tears.

My kanzashi was not his to take. To others, that kanzashi may appear to be just some expensive bobble women wear to look pretty, but it was more than that. It was more to me. Souji bought that kanzashi for me, scrapping together the meager amount of money he had at that moment just so he could make me smile. To me, it was a physical representation of his love. That simple hairpin had the same significance to me of what a wedding ring would.

Souji sighed again. "Shizuka."

I teared up some more at the sound of his voice and a whimper escaped my lips before I ducked into Souji's arms to attempt to snuff my sniffles.

"H-He took m-my k-kanzashi! H-He had n-no right!"

"Shh… It's okay."

"He had no right!"

Souji held me a little tighter, rubbing my back for what felt the hours before my sniffling died down.

"You're okay," Souji whispered into my ear once more. "It okay if he took your kanzashi."

"N-No it's not." My fingers curled around the cloth of his clothing a little tighter. "You gave it to me and I let another m-man take it."

"But that's not the only thing I gave you," Souji said before he laid his hand on my belly. "Our child is still right here. He's fine. I'm still here and Serizawa taking your kanzashi won't change that."

I curled up and pressed myself against Souji, refusing to let go of him for the rest of the night.

* * *

[1] Inari Ōkami (稲荷大神, also Oinari) is the Japanese kami of foxes, of fertility, rice, tea and sake, of agriculture and industry, of general prosperity and worldly success, and one of the principal kami of Shinto. In earlier Japan, Inari was also the patron of swordsmiths and merchants. Represented as male, female, or androgynous, Inari is sometimes seen as a collective of three or five individual kami. Inari appears to have been worshipped since the founding of a shrine at Inari Mountain in 711 AD, although some scholars believe that worship started in the late 5th century.

Worship of Inari spread across Japan in the Edo period, and by the 16th century Inari had become the patron of blacksmiths and the protector of warriors. Inari is a popular figure in both Shinto and Buddhist beliefs in Japan. More than one-third (32,000) of the Shinto shrines in Japan are dedicated to Inari.

Inari's foxes, or kitsune, are pure white and act as their messengers.

[2] Quote by Elie Wiesel.

[3] Quote from _To Kill a Mockingbird_ by Harper Lee.

[4] There is an old expression, "A woman's hair is her life." This shows the great importance given to hair as a symbol of womanhood. Thus, a woman having her hair forcefully cut off is a sign of loss honor. When done out of volition rather than grim necessity, it vividly represents one individual's resolve to make a dramatic break with her own past: to divide time between the "old" and the "new".

[5] Shirakawa Domain (白河藩 Shirakawa-han) was a feudal domain under the Tokugawa shogunate of Edo period Japan, located in southern Mutsu Province. It was centered on Komine Castle in what is now the city of Shirakawa, Fukushima. Its most famous ruler was Matsudaira Sadanobu, the architect of the Kansei Reforms. It was also the scene of one of the battles of the Boshin War of the Meiji restoration.


	40. Chapter 40

This chapter was particularly difficult to write due to the number of times I had to transition between scenes. I don't know if anyone noticed but I have been trying to avoid using page breaks since I dislike using them. I feel like they disrupt the flow of the story. And also, for some reason, the horizonal line isn't showing up half the time when I click on it in Doc Manager.

Does anyone else have trouble writing transitions between scenes?

* * *

 **Chapter 40**

 _"Your reputation is in the hands of others. That's what the reputation is. You can't control that. The only thing you can control is your character." ― Wayne W. Dyer_

My toes curled, a tightly coiled spring, before splaying out flat once more against the worn tatami mat. Boredom, something that can make even those with the smallest attention span be absolutely enthralled by the most mundane actions, like the curling of toes. But even then, there is a limit to how long the same thing can remain entraining.

I let out a laborious huff, allowing myself flop onto the floor with a dull thump as I pointlessly stared at the ceiling.

I could see dust on the stained wooden ceiling beams, cobwebs in the corners of the room, and a dead spider hanging from a dust-covered web that stretched between two of the ceiling beams. Disgusting.

Hijikata-san, who was working on sumo performance budget at the nearby desk spared me a brief glance out of the corner of his eye. The calligraphy brush in his hand never stopped moving as it ran across the sheet of paper in quick but surprisingly neat scrawl.

"Hey," I stretched my arms above my head, feeling satisfied when I heard my finger joints pop, "when was the last time you dusted your room? How do you fall asleep every night while staring at that horror show that is known as your ceiling?"

He took his eyes off his paper only to glance at the ancient-looking soroban[1] sitting near the edge of his messy desk. The soroban looked as if it had been to hell and back. The wooden frame of the counting tool had chunks of lacquer flaking off, revealing the water damaged wood. There were splinters coming out of one side of it too.

It made me wonder if the soroban possessed sentimental value. Hijikata-san could certainly afford a new one. They weren't expensive by any means. Yet, Hijikata-san clung onto this instrument, this water damaged thing that was ready to fall to pieces.

"It's dark at night. I don't have to see anything," Hijikata-san replied in a businesslike tone.

"But when was the last time you dusted?"

"I don't have the time to."

"Oh. Then let me—"

Hijikata-san cut me off with the sudden turn of his head. He narrowed eyes at me as the corners of his lips twitched downward. Discarding his writing instrument, he crossed his arms at me.

I blinked at him innocently before sitting back up.

"I was just going to say 'dust'. Let me dust your room for you," I continued, complementing his expression with my own frown.

Hijikata-san let out a tired sounding sigh, scooting over slightly to create some room before patting the vacant spot. "Come here."

Despite looking so irritated, his voice was gentle and laced with warmth.

Seeing no reason to deny his request, I shuffled over to him. I stole a glance at the numbers and simple math on a nearby crinkled sheet of paper as I sat down before shifting my attention to the neat chart on the crisp sheet of paper near the discarded calligraphy brush. The lines of the chart were unnaturally straight for freehand.

"You know, you're supposed to be taking it easy," Hijikata-san said, his narrowed eyes softening as they landed on my belly.

Without any padding present, the baby bump looked pretty pronounced at the end of eight weeks. Some of it was probably fat too since I **_may_** have been eating sweets almost nonstop the past week too. Sweets have never tasted so good as they did now.

"Dusting isn't strenuous work," I objected.

Hijikata-san scoffed, causing me to look at him with an offended expression.

"It is when you're talking about dusting the ceiling," Hijikata-san said. "You'd have to climb up on a stool, plus a box, since you're so short, just to reach all the grime. What if you fall?"

"I won't fall," I muttered under my breath, my eyes flickering downward as I picked at the loose straw of the tatami mat. Hijikata-san hadn't swept the floor in a while either and he sorely needed to trim the frayed ends of the tatami mat.

Hijikata-san raised his eyebrow at me. Obviously, he didn't believe me.

"What? It's not like I've fallen or anything yet."

" ** _Yet_** ," he pointed out. "But I saw you losing balance a few times."

I let out a scoff. "And what? Now I'm banned from dusting too, just like I am from doing the laundry? And cooking? And washing the floor? You won't even let me go to the market. And Souji, he won't even let me do my own upkeep on my naginata." I crossed my arms. "Seriously. There's like nothing left that I can do around here. It's not like I'm missing an arm or anything, just pregnant," I ended in a mumble.

"Well, that is why I called you over." He picked up the sheet with the meticulous chart and shoved it in my hands, wrinkling it slightly. "I figured you were pretty bored by now. Since you can't do anything physically taxing, I figured paperwork would be right up your alley right now."

"Oh!"

I hummed, feeling pleased that now I had something to do. That was short-lived as a scowl resurfaced on my face. This was Hijikata-san's final draft. He is meticulous when checking any and all rough drafts.

"You ass. Don't patronize me." I crumpled up the sheet of paper to lob at his head. I bounced off his forehead before rolling towards the open door, stopping when it tumbled into a stack of books on the floor. "You don't need me to check your math, not when you know your final drafts never have errors."

Hijikata-san scowled back at me before he stretched towards the wrinkled ball of paper to snatch it back up. "I was just trying to give you something to do." He unwrinkled the ball of paper by smoothing it out on his desk. "It's not like you had to ball it up. Testy much?"

"Then give me something I can **_actually_** work on." I let my scowl drop before grabbing the stack of messy papers covering the other half of his desk. "I can at least sort your paperwork. Or is that too 'strenuous' for me?"

"Your pregnancy really is causing you to have an attitude problem."

"No, it's not," I denied as I started going through the stack of paper. Hijikata-san did nothing to stop me. "What's causing my attitude problem is the fact that no one will let me do anything. I'm not some frail fish drowning in a puddle."

"Of course not," Hijikata-san deadpanned. "You're not a fish."

I puffed up my cheeks childishly and socked his shoulder, eliciting a grin from him. I ignored the amused sound that came from his throat just to focus more on sorting the messy stack of paper. When he was finally done amusing himself at my expense, he pulled out another fresh sheet of paper to begin rewriting his final draft. The lines of the new chart were still enviously straight. It almost made me want to grab the calligraphy brush to impishly mess up his perfect lines.

I refrained from the temptation and refocused myself on sorting through his old documents. A few sheets were yellowed from spilled tea, but most were impeccably neat.

The both of us worked in pleasant reticence. All that filled the room was the crinkling of paper and the smell of ink and green tea. It wasn't until some time later when the bright sunlight turned into the orange glow of the sunset, the silence faded as the buzz of distant conversation grew loud enough to fill the air. The roka creaked with extra weight as a few men strolled past Hijikata-san's open door, the men growing respectfully silent as they walked on by only to resume talking once they passed Hijikata-san room. They were still clad in their pristine blue haori.

"Looks like the patrol is back," Hijikata-san said without taking his eyes off his work. "Their uniform's still clean, so no fights this time."

It still boggled my mind how he knew that without looking up.

I nodded, pinching my eyebrows together in thought as I paused my work to observe Hijikata-san with the tilt of my head. Then there was a small cough at the door as someone cleared his throat loudly for the sake of attracting attention. Looking up, I could see Souji grinning at me from the doorway of Hijikata-san's room. I silently vibrated in place before I practically dropped the stack of papers as I jumped from my seat and collided into Souji.

"You're back!" I exclaimed, causing Souji to chuckle at me. I probably resembled a puppy greeting its owner after a prolonged absence in his eyes. "Finally! I was so bored! Did you know that Hijikata-san won't even let me dust?"

"I know," Souji said, pecking me on the lips between his words. "I wouldn't either."

Then all that excitement became damp as I puffed up my cheeks at him, pouting at him in a childlike manner. Souji's grin just grew in size before forcing all the air out of one cheek by poking it before he reached into his clothing to fish out a small red pouch.

"I got this for you while on patrol," Souji said, dropping the pouch into my hands daintily.

I didn't wait for Souji to explain what it was as I fought with the string, too excited to untie it like a normal person. Tugging the pouch open with a small, "Ah-hah!", my eyes grew starry as they glittered at the contents. It wasn't the chocolate I was so desperately craving right now, seeing as one couldn't find chocolate in Japan during this era[2], but it was good enough. I was quick to pop one of the vibrant candies into my mouth.

"Konpeitō[3]." Souji plucked a piece from the pouch to deposit in his mouth. "Since you're craving sweets so much now. Happy?"

I nodded avidly as I was quick to shove another star-shaped candy into my mouth with a mini squeal of delight. My mood, however, was quick to sour due to Hijikata-san's motherly nagging.

"You'll get fat if you keep eating candy like this. And I'm not talking about the baby bump." Hijikata-san ignored my bristling as he turned to Souji. "So, what's the word on the street? Hear anything new?"

Souji sat down, leaning against the wall in a lax manner by the door before he tugged on my arm to get me to onto his lap. He pulled down my hair with a playful tug so he could conveniently rest his chin on my head. He didn't particularly care that I was still slightly prickly from Hijikata-san's comment.

"Well," Souji started, speaking like he didn't have a care in the world, "I did catch tidbits of conversations about the Roshigumi's time in Osaka, especially regarding **_that_** night."

Hijikata-san paused his work, his brows crinkling as he turned to Souji with a critical expression.

"And what…," the words dying on his tongue in his hesitation, "…what are they saying? About us? About the Roshigumi?"

Souji shrugged. "It's an interesting twist."

"Quit beating around the bush and tell me already!"

Souji grinned as Hijikata-san's impatient temper flared and squeezed me a little tighter against him like I was some sort of plush.

"Wow. Hijikata-san is so pushy. Hijikata-san makes me not want to tell Hijikata-san anything."

"Souji!" Hijikata-san growled. The irritated glare shot Souji's way issued a silent warning. "Quit fooling around!"

"Fine. Fine. Since you asked **_so nicely_** ," Souji mocked with another grin before he decided to pinch my sides, enjoying it when it elicited a tiny squeak and jump from me. "There a slight love-hate attitude towards the Roshigumi, though most of it is hate. Some of the civilians don't quite hate us anymore. But with that being said, some just hate us even more than before. It's a strange combination."

"Wait. Why?" I interrupted before Hijikata-san could speak.

Souji raised his brow at me. "Because of what **_you_** did, which, by the way, I still think is incredibly stupid."

Hijikata-san cleared his throat, purposely being as loud as possible as a hint to continue.

"Okay. Okay," Souji said. "Someone's bossy. Well, the word around the streets is that the Roshigumi experiencing internal struggle due what they heard happened in Osaka. That the two commanders are always disagreeing on something, which leads to weakness. They say that Serizawa-san is the barbaric one and Kondou-san is the caring one."

"And?" I pressed on impatiently.

"Some people are still badmouthing the Roshigumi and most still hate us, but there are some who changed their perspective on us. Plenty of people are only badmouthing Serizawa-san while saying, 'Oh, if those band of thugs have to be around, I'd prefer the other commander to be the only leader in comparison to Serizawa,' or something like that. Apparently, the rest of the Roshigumi isn't so bad anymore. They especially seemed to be talking a lot about me. They're apparently painting me as some sort of hero that rescues young women," Souji continued before looked down smugly at me. "On the other note, they're sympathetic towards Kondou-san because they heard that his own daughter got victimized by Serizawa-san."

"That's good," I said.

But no, it wasn't just good. It was perfect. Word was sure to reach the Kyoto Military Commissioner. If there was so much unrest caused by someone with a known relation to the Aizu domain, then Lord Aizu would now be forced to terminate that one person before too much damage is done to the Aizu domain's reputation. And with Otou-san clearly preferred over Serizawa-san that is in the position to take complete charge over the Roshigumi, the logical thing is to remove Serizawa and replace him with Otou-san as the sole commander.

Checkmate. The noose was tightening.

Hijikata-san made a sound, indicating that he was thinking before he shot a critical glance at me. "The civilians seemed to know an awfully large amount of detail about this event even though it happened in another city."

"Kyoko-chan does love to gossip, doesn't she?" I hinted, causing Hijikata-san to roll his eyes at me.

"Of course…," Hijikata-san just muttered under his breath. "Oi, Shizuka. Are you going to finish organizing my papers? And Souji, isn't it your turn for kitchen duty?"

"Oh!" I chimed in as I refastened the small tie on the pouch of candy. I tucked the small pouch into my obi. "I can go cook—"

"No."

For two people that disagreed so often, both Souji and Hijikata-san seemed to agree on this rather quickly.

Souji gave me a gentle shove towards Hijikata-san while ignoring my heated glare. "You can start cooking again after you stop throwing up every single time you see raw fish."

"I **_do not_** throw up every time I see raw fish!" Only when I smelled it. "And I won't eat if you do the cooking. No offense, but your food tastes like the ocean vomited it up on a dirty beach."

"Then I'll go out and buy dinner," Souji suggested, raising a smug eyebrow at me as he stood up. He already knew I disapproved. We weren't so tight on money anymore, but I still liked to save where I could. "What do you want?"

"Fine," I grumbled in defeat, returning to my previous seat beside Hijikata-san. Hijikata-san seemed to be applauding Souji silently. "You cook, I'll eat. Just… I don't want any fish… It's not agreeing with my stomach right now."

Souji went over to me to steal a quick kiss before he waltzed out of the room smugly. There was even a small skip in his step. Hijikata-san raised an amused brow at me.

"Oh, shut up…"

"I didn't say anything," Hijikata-san said, snickering silently as he returned to his work.

And as predicted, dinner was seasoned by the ocean. I swear it was like Souji dumped the whole pot of salt into the food. Even the rice, which was supposed to be neutral, was salty. Let me repeat, rice is **_not_** supposed to be salty.

I saw everyone pucker their lips slightly at the taste of their food during dinner at least once. The only saving grace was the tofu prepared by Saito-san. Everyone always did complain about Saito-san and his little love affair with tofu, but no one complained tonight. There was a silent, "Thank God for tofu!" floating around the room the whole time.

So after an **_interesting_** dinner, one would be thankful for at least a peaceful evening.

"Yamazaki-san, tell me what is disseminated intravascular coagulation," I quizzed.

We were in the medical wing brushing up on everything we discussed the past few days. I was hoping to stump him with this question since I only briefly mentioned DIC to him. It was like a game to us, to see if I could catch him unaware or if he could defeat my challenge. I was nothing if not competitive.

"Disseminated intravascular coagulation is a serious disorder in which the proteins that control blood clotting become over active," Yamazaki-san answered quickly as he held up one of my medical journals, the fifth one normally found on my bookshelf, with a confident smirk.

I was impressed. He went digging through my shelves of notes before our study session to prepare even when he wasn't required to.

"Can you tell me the cause and what possible damages it may cause to the body?"

"When injured, if the proteins traveling to the injury site become abnormally active throughout the body, one develops this condition. In some cases of this condition, small blood clots form in the blood vessels and cut off the normal blood supply to organs which can lead to damage and cause major injury to the organs. In some other cases, the clotting proteins in the blood are consumed, creating a high risk of serious bleeding, even from a minor injury. There may even be spontaneous bleeding. The condition can also cause healthy red blood cells to fragment and break up with traveling through the small vessels that are filled with clots."

"Oh, you're good. Can you tell me the risk factors?"

"Blood transfusion reactions, cancer, pancreatitis[4], infection of the blood, liver disease, pregnancy complications, recent surgery, severe tissue injury, and large hemangioma[5]."

"The symptoms?"

"Bleeding from many sites in the body, formation of abnormal blood clots, unnatural bruising, and drop in blood pressure."

"Really good," I complimented him while giving him a gleeful round of applause. "You're always prepared, aren't you?"

"Of course," Yamazaki-san said, slightly puffing up with pride. "With my—"

There was a horrible cracking sound that filled the air followed by the splintering of wood that echoed throughout the ghostly silent night. Both Yamazaki-san and I jerked our heads towards the door, Yamazaki-san's hands itched neared the katana on the floor by his thigh as my eyes widened nervously.

Again. One **_would_** be thankful for the peaceful night if it **_were_** peaceful. It was not even remotely close.

And as if the alarming sound wasn't enough to frighten me, a disturbingly ghostly voice followed afterward.

"I don't want to die!"

It sent shivers down my spine. The voice sounded hollow and empty, yet it was filled with desperation. It sounded ethereal but haunting at the same time. But the most disturbing thing about the voice was it sounded familiar. I didn't remember who the voice belonged to but…

I had spoken to the owner of the voice before.

This was someone I didn't know very well, seeing that I couldn't identify him based on the voice alone, but it didn't change the fact I knew this person personally.

This whole incident was also eerily similar to the times where the rasetsu broke out of headquarters, but rasetsu couldn't speak, could they?

The idea of speaking rasetsu was absolutely absurd in my mind. Too frightening. Rasetsu that were driven by a killer's instinct. The sole purpose of their existence is to kill and if they happened to also possess lucid thought and reasoning capabilities while lacking in restraint…

All those other times we were able to exterminate the escaped rasetsu, it was because they didn't possess the power of logical thought.

There would be a bloodbath this time.

My breath caught in my throat as Yamazaki-san stood, grabbing his katana as he bolted towards the door.

"Okita-sensei, please stay here. I will go investigate."

"Wait!"

Yamazaki-san paused at the door as he strapped his sword onto his back.

I wanted to go, to see what was going on for myself and to see what I could do to help. But running unarmed into a situation with a possible rasetsu on the loose, one that was possibly slightly lucid, would take all shades of stupid. What could I do without a weapon besides distract everyone? This was **_really_** a bad time to be pregnant and useless.

"Can you at least update me when you can about what's happening?" I asked, tugging on my sleeves in discomfort. "I may not be able to help, but I don't like sitting around while being unaware of the situation either."

"Fine," Yamazaki-san answered, sounding slightly hesitant before bolting and disappearing into the night.

I was left sitting alone on the floor of the medical wing, unsure whether or not if the rasetsu, if it was one, was still in the headquarters or if it managed to make it outside. To not know whether it was safe enough for me to walk to my own room alone was enough to make me want to pull out my hair.

Then Yamazaki-san never came back.

Instead, it was Otou-san that came to fetch me from the medical wing just to escort me back to my room. Souji was nowhere to be found and Otou-san insisted on staying with me the entire night. Otou-san also refused to part with any information he may know when I insistently pestered him about the situation. But his hand remained curiously on his katana the whole night, even as he was insisting that I go to bed without waiting for Souji while blatantly lying that nothing was wrong.

I understood that nobody wanted to worry me, that the well-accepted medicine of this time declared that pregnant women had fragile minds and any distressful thoughts would negatively affect the baby. Really, I did truly understand. But what they were doing was, in fact, making me worry more. Otou-san's actions did confirm my suspicions but not knowing the exact details made fear play with my imagination as certain scenarios played through my mind over and over again. Some images that flashed through my mind were grim, gory, as my mind did tend to meander towards the worst possible outcome.

As a practical person, I believe that worry is a rather useless emotion. Something that people felt when they were powerless. Worrying never changed the situation at hand. Worrying just wasted precious energy, creating needless stress.

But believing something and experiencing it were two completely different things. Sometimes it didn't matter what you tell yourself. You still worry.

I did as Otou-san encouraged and went to bed, but I never fell asleep. My mind was too active, spinning and weaving scenarios nonstop. All I could do to make Otou-san less concerned about me was to fake sleep. It wasn't hard too. I was tired, but just not sleepy.

It was in the early hours of the morning, just when the barest amount of sunlight appeared to tease the dark world, when I heard the creaking of the roka. I continued my façade of blissful sleep as I heard the bedroom door slide open. The blankets keeping me warm in the futon rustled as a warm presence appeared, sitting beside where I laid with a sigh of exhaustion before I felt the familiar warm hand of my husband. It slid down my back gently, his fingers trailing my spine before his hand moved to rest on the side of my belly.

I felt the tenseness I didn't even know I had slowly eased away.

"What happened?" I heard Otou-san ask, his voice hushed. He undoubted didn't want to wake me up. "Did anyone find…" There was a pause. "…Saeki Matasaburo? Did anyone find him?"

Saeki Matasaburo. No wonder the voice was familiar. He a foot soldier in the Roshigumi and originally from Serizawa's faction. Didn't like the guy very much. He was a greedy man that always attempted to fool me into embezzling money his way. Last I heard, he was caught trying to steal money from Serizawa.

"We didn't find the ** _rasetsu_** ," Souji said quietly, purposely not using the man's name to remind Otou-san what happened the night before. That man was no longer human and couldn't be treated as such anymore. "But we found two corpses last night. Both sucked dry of blood." The atmosphere grew grim as I swallowed a disgusted dry heave to hide my alertness. "Hijikata-san told me to come fetch you. He has more information to brief us with."

Otou-san didn't say anything right away but I could feel him glaring at the floor.

"How was Shizuka last night?" Souji continued. That seemed enough to pull Otou-san out of the depressed stupor he was in. "I bet she was difficult to deal with last night."

"It took a while to convince her to sleep. She kept insisting that I tell her want was going on." Otou-san took a deep breath. "But I'm sure she an idea of what happened."

Souji let out another tired sigh.

"Come on, Souji. Let's not keep Toshi waiting."

I heard Otou-san get up and leave the room, his already silent footsteps fading away into the distance. Souji lingered behind a little longer, just playing with my hair. He pressed a gentle kiss on my belly before preparing to leave, but I grabbed his hand just as he was about to stand, revealing I was awake.

"Do you really have to insist on keeping all information from me?" I questioned, my voice muted from my exhaustion. I didn't bother sitting up.

"Shizuka?" Souji blinked blankly at me a few times before he settled comfortably back in his seat to hover over me as he brushed the hair from my eyes. "Did I wake you? Sorry. Go back to sleep."

"I was never asleep in the first place." My answer caused a scowl to form on Souji's face. "Stop trying to keep me in the dark about things."

"Shizuka, you need your sleep. It's not good for the baby if you don't get enough rest."

I sighed before pushing myself up with my hands. Souji's frown told me he would prefer me to go to sleep, but he did nothing to stop me as he allowed me to sit up and tuck myself under his arm.

"I get you don't want to distress me with worrying thoughts, but not telling me what's going on just makes me worry some more. I didn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop wondering if everyone was going to be okay. Please, don't lock me out."

Souji was silent for a moment before he let out a large breath.

"Shizuka, don't look at me with those eyes. You know I can't resist you when you're like this," he said before standing, pulling me to my feet as he did so. "Come on. You need to get dressed if you want to be present for Hijikata-san's debrief. You can't go in your sleeping robe."

I perked up when I heard this, then scrambled to throw on some clothes. Souji didn't say anything as he watched me. He wasn't happy about me joining him for the meeting, but I bet he was pretty amused at my sudden energy.

Just like Souji, it appeared that most of the guys disapproved of me attending the debrief. The moment I stepped into the main hall, Hijikata-san shot me the impatient evil eye. Even Otou-san frowned at me. Otou-san, who could always be described as a ball of sunshine and rainbows with pixie dust and unicorns. The only person that appeared happy to see me was Inoue-san and that was because he was too nice to show his disapproval.

"Souji," Saito-san spoke up. His voice didn't sound any different than it usually did "Why did you bring Shizuka? You are aware of how fragile pregnant women are and you are also the one that asked not to involve her. Why go back on this now?"

Souji made a small sound of acknowledgment before taking his seat behind Inoue-san, tugging on my hand to make me take a seat too.

"You wouldn't understand, Hajime-kun," Souji said. I'm sure he didn't mean to sound patronizing, but his voice was a little smug from knowing that he understood something better than his friend. Bless Saito-san for not getting offended. "It's hard to say no to your wife when she gives you that one look. The one that makes you prefer stabbing yourself over disappointing her."

"Now you're just exaggerating," I whispered to Souji.

"Am I?" Souji whispered back cryptically.

Hijikata-san just grumbled in the front of the room, muttering inaudible words to himself before addressing us.

"Fellow corps member Sasaki was killed on Senbon Dōri[6] with a woman. We believe the culprit was Saeki, who was turned into a rasetsu."

Aijirō Sasaki-san? Dead?

My heart sank a little.

Like Saeki, I didn't know Aijirō-san very well. But unlike Saeki, I liked Aijirō-san and, well, I did know him slightly better than Saeki. When not busy patrolling the streets under Sano-san's orders or training under Saito-san. Aijirō-san one of the few foot soldiers that were kind enough to stop and help me with laundry when I was still allowed to do perform the "strenuous" task. Although, Aijirō-san may have had an ulterior motive for doing so. He was always asking me about what girls liked. Sano-san told me it was because Aijirō-san had a girl he liked.

The room broke out into hushed whispers as the guys looked at each other. However, Yamazaki-san and Shimada-san in the back of the room didn't react to the news. My guess is that they were the ones that found the corpses.

"Got any proof?" Heisuke asked, undoubtedly vocalizing everyone's question.

"The locals are talking about how they heard animal-like growls," Sannan-san responded while habitually pushing up his glasses. "Furthermore, there was hardly any blood left in those corpses."

I dry heaved, this time being unable to hide it as I covered my mouth with my hands.

I knew from before that rasetsu eat humans, or at least some parts of humans, but to hear about it after a rasetsu had actually sucked two humans dry? I was a surgeon so blood normally didn't gross me out, but hearing about **_eating_** blood was something else entirely. Even as Chinese in my past life, I still found the idea of eating pig's blood[7] nauseating. Hence why I had always thought those popular vampire romance stories in modern day to be total BS. And to make matters worse, pregnancy seemed to make my stomach extremely weak.

"Whoa!" Sano-san exclaimed, alarmed at my robust reaction as he watched Souji rub my back. "Shizuka, maybe you shouldn't stay here to listen to this."

I shook my head before forcing myself to take deep breaths.

"He drank their blood?!" Shinpachi-san then thankfully blurted out, cutting off Sano-san just as Sano-san was about to suggest something else to me. Shinpachi-san was a lot smarter than most gave him credit for. He knew I didn't appreciate everyone's attention on me. "That's messed up!"

"Supposedly, Sasaki died trying to defend the young lady," Saito-san stated bluntly.

Sano-san lowered his head in respect and clutched his hand to his chest as some sort of salute. "He protected his woman, didn't he? Until the very end…"

Aijirō-san had certainly won Sano-san's heartfelt respect with his action, but it didn't change the fact that both he and that woman he was with still died. As depressing as the thought was, sometimes **_trying_** just isn't enough.

"We must find Saeki as soon as possible and kill him," Hijikata-san spoke up again, his voice cutting through all side conversations like a hot knife through butter.

Otou-san nodded. "I would like you to split up and begin searching for him right away," Otou-san said before turning to Sannan-san.

In response, all eyes were focused on the Colonel long before he started issuing orders.

"Nagakura-kun, Harada-kun, search Shimogyō[8]."

"Kay'!"

"You got it!"

"Toudou-kun, Inoue-san, search Nakagyō[9]." Sannan-san then turned to Souji. There was something Sannan-san's eyes I couldn't place, but it made my breathing shallow as my stomach twisted into knots. "Okita-kun, Please Kawaramachi[10]."

I did my best to hide my unease from Souji out of fear of offending him. I trusted in Souji's strength and skill, but that did nothing to calm my nerves as my teeth sank into the flesh of my lips.

"Isn't the Choshu Domain's mansion in Kawaramachi?" Souji asked wryly. He didn't bother hiding that pleased gleam in his eyes. "You want me goin' somewhere that dangerous?"

"I'm asking you to go precisely because it's dangerous."

"Very well," Souji replied. That smile of his should have unsettled me, but it calmed my nerves instead.

"If you find the rasetsu, please be sure to kill him," Sannan-san then added.

Like a rollercoaster, I grew nervous once more at Sannan-san's words. I could have meant nothing. Sannan-san may have just said this as a reminder for everyone to make sure that they all knew to leave no proof of a rasetsu's existence. But my instinct told me Sannan-san's words were only intended for Souji. Sannan-san's words weren't just giving Souji the approval to kill. They were spoken with the intention of pushing Souji to make the kill.

I didn't like it. It felt like Sannan-san was using Souji.

"Of course," Souji answered, his instinct also telling him that those words were directed only towards him.

I frowned but said nothing. Now wasn't the time to start an argument.

"Shizuka-chan," Sannan-san then said, finally addressing me, "nothing too stressful for you. Just see if you can go find Fuma-kun. We could use his assistance in this search. This rasetsu is more advanced than the previous ones that have escaped."

I nodded silently, not trusting myself to speak.

We dispersed quickly and wordlessly. Time was of essence. There was no time for anything else other than action.

There were many reasons to why Sannan-san elected for me to take on the small but important job of searching for Kenji-san other than the fact that I was pregnant. Despite the welcomed partnership the Roshigumi had developed with Kenji-san, he was still super elusive. He didn't come at the beck and call of the commanders. He didn't live at headquarters. In fact, most of the time, most people, didn't know where he was. Even Kyoko-chan didn't know where he was during the times he wasn't with her or at his own residence.

So, typically, it would be common sense to send the person who had the most contact with the elusive ninja to go fetch him.

I hate being underestimated. It was one of my greatest pet peeves, really. But being overestimated? So much worse.

Sannan-san failed to take into account the possibility I was just like the others, completely clueless to where I may find Kenji-san. I didn't even know where he lived, though I was inclined to think that he wasn't even human but a spirit that lived in some sort of strange pocket dimension just so he could appear out of nowhere. He did enjoy making people scream.

Even though I agreed to take on the task of finding Kenji-san, I didn't even know where to start looking.

I couldn't even ask around at the moment. The sun was still half hidden behind the horizon, meaning mostly empty streets. The normal folk, at this time, had the pleasure of still being in bed. Those who were wandering the streets at this time were tired maiko and geisha making their way back to their okiya, and those hungover men who stumbled around hopelessly after a night filled with alcohol.

I continued down the barren street, giving a few still drunk looking men a wide berth before crossing over a narrow bridge to enter the marketplace. The normally busy place was still rather empty, much like the streets surrounding it, but there were at least a few early rising shopkeepers preparing their booths and shops for the day. I paused, quickly scanning the quiet market for a friendly face before two hands grabbed my shoulders firmly.

I jumped, spinning around with my arm pulled back and coiled while my hand clenched into a fist, ready to punch any ill-willed drunk. But much to my surprise, there was no drunkard or grumpy hungover ronin.

At first, I thought I hit my head. I had to have. I was seeing doubles.

Two young men, redheaded teenagers were grinning down at me. Both looked fourteen, or maybe even fifteen-years-old. They were a pair of good-looking boys. Maybe a little shorter than the average height of boys their same age, but still taller than me, and were stocky, built almost like draft horses. Their blue eyes twinkled with a familiar mischievous nature as they grinned down at me.

Identical twins.

"Well, now—," the one on the left, twin number one, said.

"—here you are," the one on the right, twin number two, said, completing his twin's sentence. "I guess our dashing cousin—"

"—was spot on. How does he always know what everyone is doing—"

"—where they are—"

"—at every moment—"

"—of every day?"

"You'd think he's—"

"—magical or something, right?"

My head hurt slightly from listening to them complete each other's sentences. I swear, for a moment, these identical twins were exactly like the famous Weasley twins from the _Harry Potter_ series. The only difference was the lack of freckles. This was all very strange.

"Um…," I said, shaking my head to clear my thoughts, "who are you two exactly? And this dashing cousin of yours?"

"We're twins!" the two exclaimed together before the one on the right jabbed a thumb towards himself.

"I'm Fuma Shintarō—"

"—and I'm Fuma Shotarō," the one on the left added. "I'm the good-looking one."

Shintarō-san didn't bother denying what his brother said before wrapping one arm around my shoulder while Shotarō wrapped on arm around my opposite shoulder.

"So, Aniki—"

"—or the one you know as Kenji-san—"

"—told us to come and fetch you—"

"—because he knows you're looking for him."

Somehow, while the twins were leading me to Kenji-san, I lost track of who was who, but I'm sure they confused me on purpose for their own enjoyment. And while I did think the twins were funny and all, I wasn't exactly in the mood for humor either. I was just thankful that the twins left to give me and Kenji-san some space after they delivered me. As for Kenji-san's mysterious location? A massive looking compound right at the doorstep of Nijō Castle[11]. I mean, I knew he was well off and everything and had close relationships with powerful people, but this? I didn't expect it at all.

"Um…," I said all **_so_** intelligently. I did seem to be saying that a lot recently. "So… you have a… umm… a big house."

I probably looked as stupid as I sounded too.

"Did you know the basement is even bigger than the actual house?" Kenji-san randomly stated while **_lying_** on the **_dirt_** **_floor_** of the courtyard as he stared at the clouds in the sky.

"Wait, really?" I said, lost in amazement before shaking my head as I came to my senses. "No! I mean—That's not what I came here for!"

Kenji-san sprung up like a jack-in-the-box, though he remained seated on the ground.

"I know," he said before stretching his arms over his head in an almost lazy manner. "Say no more! I already know what's going on. Why don't you help yourself to some food in the kitchen before you head back to the Roshigumi headquarters? I know you haven't had breakfast yet. What type of man would I be I didn't offer my pregnant guest breakfast? Not to mention, Kyoko would kill me."

Then in a blink of an eye, Kenji-san vanished. I didn't even see him stand up. If it weren't for the disturbed dirt that sat where he was before, I would have persuaded myself into thinking I was hallucinating. Convinced that I would drive myself crazing from pondering all this, I just shrugged acceptingly before heading over to Kenji-san's kitchen to raid it. There was someone already in the kitchen.

I should have figured that Kenji-san didn't live alone in such a big house but, somehow, that thought never surfaced.

In the kitchen was a homey looking woman that was a bit on the pudgy side. Her fiery red hair was up in a simple bun as she busied herself around the kitchen, stirring three different pots on the stove at the same time and somehow also dicing up cabbage on a chopping board. Before I could greet the lady, she perked up when she saw me and forcefully ushered me in. Then before I could even make a sound, she planted a platter of food in front of me with a blinding smile. Even the small wrinkles on her face just served to make her smile look even brighter.

"You look so thin!" she exclaimed as she filled a bowl up with a healthy amount of rice before placing that in front of me. "Not good for someone that's expecting! Eat up!"

"Erm… Hi…," I enunciated slowly, unsure of how to approach the strange situation. That had to be the first time I was called thin since developing my baby bump.

"Oh! Where are my manners?" The kind lady slowed down and briefly wiped her hands on her apron. "My name is Fuma Keiko. I'm the aunt of your friend Kenji-kun and the mother of the two twins that escorted you here."

"My name is Okita Shizuka." I lowered my head in a polite bow. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Not at all—"

"—my dear lady!"

"It's—"

"—our pleasure!"

Both of the twin's heads popped up unexpectedly from behind Keiko-san shoulders, causing her scream before turning around to bat at them with a towel.

"You two!" Keiko-san scolded the twins. The twins didn't look sorry at all and just grinned more at their mother's admonishment. "How many times do I have to say not to do that while I'm working in the kitchen! What if I accidently hit you with a pot?!"

"You hit us with a pot?"

"Our dear haha-ue wouldn't do that to her sweet sons!"

Both twins then ducked beneath their mother's arms and stole the seats directly across from where I was seated. I pinched my brows together as I stared back at them. I had expected them to say something to me but they were just sitting and staring at me as I ate. The rest of breakfast was just as strange before the twins took it upon themselves to walk me home. Then before I could thank the boys for walking me home, they both bowed at me with a grand flourish before suddenly vanishing in a blink of an eye.

Back at headquarters, it was difficult to keep up the façade of normalcy. The normal foot soldiers of the Roshigumi didn't know about rasetsu, let alone the one that escaped the night before, but they seemed to sense something was off. Perhaps it was the fact there were at least two captains missing from the headquarters at a time and the fact that the two captains missing from headquarters would change every three hours. Perhaps it was because the sensed that the captains who were leading the daily patrols seemed extra tired and distracted. But the soldiers, while curious, didn't ask any questions. Most just assumed that the captains were busy with the upcoming sumo performances. There was one scheduled in Gion four days and another in eight days, after all.

While the captains were preoccupied with the harried search, Ibuki-kun and I were in charge of refreshments. Ibuki-kun dealt with the food, mostly making rice balls just so the captains could eat quickly and on the go, while I was in charge of the tea.

There was no progress on the search until the moon traded places with the sun.

I passed Souji a cup of tea as he sat on the roka. He nodded in thanks as he took the cup from me and took a sip. It was almost his turn to go out and search again.

"Do you think we'll find it tonight?" I asked, picking his swords off the roka.

"Before or after it kills another person?" Souji replied tactlessly, bring a frown to my face. His exhaustion was audible through his crude word choice.

Souji let out a loud yawn, stretching his arms before he placed the cup down and stood up. I returned his swords and watched him in silence as he slipped them into his obi against his hips. He paused briefly, pinching his brow together when the sound of scratchy footsteps running towards the front gates.

I felt a little nervous. There was no need to run unless there was news.

I tagged behind Souji noiselessly to the front gates. There Yamazaki-san stood, a single hair out of place on his head as he remained silent for a few seconds, breathing heavily. He spoke when he appeared to have caught his breath.

"The rasetsu is currently in Shimabara. Fuma-san has created a small perimeter surrounding the rasetsu. However, someone else will have to kill the rasetsu if Fuma-san is to keep the perimeter up to prevent civilian casualties."

"I see," Souji said, beginning to follow Yamazaki-san. Souji briefly turned towards me. "Shizuka, stay here. Let the others know if possible."

I nodded at Souji, though he didn't see it, before I scurried off to find someone I could tell this news to. I found Inoue-san first and that was all I needed. One word to Inoue-san and he ran off to alert the others. Then, in a massive herd, everyone except for Sannan-san stampeded out of headquarters towards Shimabara.

I fiddled with the ends of my tabi as I sat on the roka and played the dreadful waiting game of waiting for news once everyone else left. I kept my eyes on the front gate as Sannan-san stood next to me. He seemed to sense my unease and smiled at me before taking a seat next to me.

"I see you still find great displeasure in being left out of important matters," Sannan-san stated before his eyes drifted down to my belly. "May I?"

"You don't really have to ask."

"Still, it is the polite thing to do, is it not?" Sannan-san said, placing a hand on the side of my belly before a silence fell between us.

The silence felt heavy and suffocating as it settled. It even felt a little guilty too. Sannan-san then cleared his throat as he withdrew his hand.

"Shizuka-chan, what do you consider me as? Family? A friend?"

My brow scrunched as I narrowed my eyes at Sannan-san. "Why are you asking such a strange question when you already know the answer?"

Sannan-san didn't answer me directly. "Change is coming and we must grow and evolve along with it. Relationships may change along the way too, especially if one must dirty his hands."

I remained silent as I flickered my eyes to the dirt. I then stood up to go draw some water from the well. Sannan-san didn't try to stop me.

"It's about this morning, isn't it? When you were giving orders, you specifically focused on Souji while pushing the word 'kill'."

"Ah. So you already suspected me," Sannan-san said pleasantly. The guilt in his eyes betrayed his smile. "You are aware of Okita-kun's skill with his sword. You are aware of his desire to be useful to Kondou-san and of his lack of hesitation to kill. The Roshigumi needs someone of Okita-kun's caliber and skill. He is the sharp edge of a blade."

"You mean someone who can be both feared and revered for his merciless skill and loyalty. Someone who can bolster the Roshigumi's fame through an infamous reputation but can still be controlled, unlike Serizawa." My eyes flashed, bright with anger as I allowed the bucket of water to drop near my feet. Half of the water sloshed out of the bucket. "Souji isn't just some tool to be used," I hissed. "He's human. He has emotions. He has his own desires."

"Yet one of his greatest desires is to be useful to Kondou-san, is it not?" Sannan-san pointed out, rendering me silent. "Is this not why he pushes himself to become undefeatable in kenjutsu?"

"This isn't right. To play upon his desires, making him take up such a hateful role."

"But the Roshigumi needs it," Sannan-san said, looking at me empathetically, "and Okita-kun knows it. Remember all those months ago, when we were making our preparation to journey to Kyoto? Kondou-san wanted Okita-kun to travel with everyone while Hijikata-kun wanted Okita-kun to remain in Edo to recuperate a little longer after a bout of the measles. Both love him like family, but neither of them thought to ask what Okita-kun wanted himself."

I closed my eyes as my fingers dug into my palm. I understood what Sannan-san was getting at.

"Supporting someone and respecting someone isn't the same thing," I mumbled, defeated.

I knew Souji's thought pattern. He wouldn't hesitate to do anything that would push Otou-san to the top. I knew what his choice would be once Sannan-san had a chance to speak to him. This **_is_** what Souji wanted.

It was then Sannan-san and I heard silent footsteps approaching. I looked up just to see Souji strolling through the headquarters' front gate calmly. There was a patch of red staining his right sleeve. Blood.

"Welcome back," Sannan-san greeted Souji, abandoning his conversation with me.

"I killed the rasetsu exactly as ordered," Souji said as he walked towards the well. His eyes flickered to the nail indentations in my palm briefly before he drew his sword and used the bucket of water I drew earlier to rinse the blade.

"I can see that from your appearance, Okita-kun. Well done."

Souji's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise at Sannan-san's praise.

"May I ask you something?" Souji wiped the blade dry with a random towel sitting near the well before sheathing his sword again. "Why did you emphasize 'kill him' back then?"

"That's because Okita-kun is the sword of the Roshigumi."

"The sword of the Roshigumi?" Souji's eye flickered back towards me again. I refused to meet his eyes.

"Your kenjutsu is unparalleled. Soon words like, 'There is a fearsome swordsman in this city,' and 'He's Okita Souji of the Mibu Roshigumi,' will spread throughout this city. Ronin will fear your sword and the place you belong to. Your skill and strength are essential for pushing Kondou-san up."

The magic words were spoken. There would be no going back now.

"I'm afraid your sword will be stained with even more blood afterward," Sannan-san continued. "In some cases, possibly not in the way Kondou-san hopes for but I believe it's something your sword can cut off eventually."

Souji smiled at Sannan-san. There was something morbid in Souji's smile.

"I see," Souji said. "Sannan-san knows how to use me better than Hijikata-san does."

"Okita-kun understands, right? Kondou-san and Hijikata-san definitely acknowledge your strength. However, what is dear to them isn't your talent, but you yourself. It's just that I'm more heartless than they are." Sannan-san then paused and looked towards me, causing Souji to turn his attention to me. "However, I believe you should also speak to your wife on this matter."

Sannan-san then nodded at Souji before excusing himself quickly to give Souji and I space.

Souji approached me and put a finger under my chin to raise my head so I would look at him.

"Shizuka, I don't have to explain, do I?" he asked as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. "You've always been more of the logical type. You understand already."

I pulled my face away so I could stare at the ground. "That doesn't mean I have to like it." I took a deep breath before looking back up at him. "But… if you are going to become the Roshigumi's 'sword', then let me be your sheath. I'll be your home, somewhere you can always come back to."

I took Souji hands. They were so much larger than mine. They were covered in callouses from kenjutsu, from holding a sword to kill, but there have never been gentler hands.

"No matter what you do, no matter how many people you kill, I won't run from you. So please, whatever you do, don't run from me either. We'll share this burden together."

Souji smiled at me, though his smile held a hint of sadness.

"I know," Souji whispered before kissing me. He didn't pull away from me completely and rested his forehead against mine. "Thank you for everything."

 _For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part._

* * *

[1] The soroban (算盤, そろばん, counting tray) is an abacus developed in Japan. It is derived from the ancient Chinese suanpan, imported to Japan in the 14th century. Like the suanpan, the soroban is still used today, despite the proliferation of practical and affordable pocket electronic calculators.

[2] Japan had a few encounters with chocolate before they ended their isolation period. One of the few groups of people allowed into the country were Dutch, and sometimes brought the chocolate drink that had become popular among high-end people in Europe. The first solid bar of chocolate sold in Japan is said to have been in the Meiji era, and was marketed as チョコレート.

[3] The word "konpeitō" comes from the Portuguese word confeito (comfit), which is a type of sugar candy. This technique for producing candy was introduced to Japan in the early 16th century by Portuguese traders. The infrastructure and refining technology of sugar had not yet been established in Japan in those days. As konpeito uses a lot of sugar, it was very rare and expensive as a result. In 1569, Luís Fróis, a Portuguese missionary, presented a glass flask of konpeitō to Oda Nobunaga in order to obtain the permit for mission work of Christianity.

By the Meiji period, konpeito had already been culturally prescribed as one of the standards of Japanese sweets — the character Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker was translated into konpeitō no sei (Japanese: 金平糖の精, Fairy of konpeitō). Konpeitō is also the standard of the thank-you-for-coming gift which is given by the Imperial House of Japan. The gift of konpeitō comes in a small box called bonbonieru (Japanese: ボンボニエール), from the French bonbonnière, meaning candy box.

[4] Pancreatitis is inflammation of the pancreas. The pancreas is a large organ behind the stomach that produces digestive enzymes. There are two main types, acute pancreatitis and chronic pancreatitis. Signs and symptoms of pancreatitis include pain in the upper abdomen, nausea and vomiting. The pain often goes into the back and is usually severe. In acute pancreatitis a fever may occur and symptoms typically resolve in a few days. In chronic pancreatitis weight loss, fatty stool, and diarrhea may occur. Complications may include infection, bleeding, diabetes mellitus, or problems with other organs.

The most common causes of acute pancreatitis are gallstones and heavy alcohol use. Other causes include direct trauma, certain medications, infections such as mumps, and tumors among others. Chronic pancreatitis may develop as a result of acute pancreatitis. It is most commonly due to many years of heavy alcohol use. Other causes include high levels of blood fats, high blood calcium, some medications, and certain genetic disorders such as cystic fibrosis among others. Smoking increases the risk of both acute and chronic pancreatitis. Diagnosis of acute pancreatitis is based on a threefold increase in the blood of either amylase or lipase. In chronic pancreatitis these tests may be normal. Medical imaging such as ultrasound and CT scan may also be useful.

Acute pancreatitis is usually treated with intravenous fluids, pain medication, and sometimes antibiotics. Typically, no eating or drinking is allowed and a tube may be placed into the stomach. A procedure known as an endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP) may be done to open the pancreatic duct if blocked. In those with gallstones the gallbladder is often also removed. In chronic pancreatitis, in addition to the above, temporary feeding through a nasogastric tube may be used to provide adequate nutrition. Long-term dietary changes and pancreatic enzyme replacement may be required. And occasionally surgery is done to remove parts of the pancreas.

Globally, in 2013 about 17 million cases of pancreatitis occurred. This resulted in 123,000 deaths, up from 83,000 deaths in 1990. Acute pancreatitis occurs in about 30 per 100,000 people a year. New cases of chronic pancreatitis develop in about 8 per 100,000 people a year and currently affect about 50 per 100,000 people in the United States.[6] It is more common in men than women. Often chronic pancreatitis starts between the ages of 30 and 40 while it is rare in children. Acute pancreatitis was first described on autopsy in 1882 while chronic pancreatitis was first described in 1946.

[5] The terminology used to define, describe and categorize vascular tumors and malformations has changed over time. The term hemangioma was originally used to describe any vascular tumor-like structure, whether it was present at or around birth or appeared later in life. In 1982, Mulliken and Glowacki proposed a new classification system for vascular anomalies which has been widely accepted and adopted by the International Society for the Study of Vascular Anomalies (ISSVA). This classification system was recently updated in 2015. The classification of vascular anomalies is now based upon cellular features, natural history, and clinical behavior of the lesion. Vascular anomalies are divided into vascular tumors/neoplasms which include infantile hemangiomas, and vascular malformations which include entities with enlarged or abnormal vessels such as capillary malformations (port wine stains), venous malformations, and lymphatic malformations. In 2000, GLUT-1, a specific immunohistochemical marker, was found to be positive in infantile hemangiomas and negative in other vascular tumors or malformations. This marker has revolutionized the ability to distinguish between infantile hemangioma and other vascular anomalies.

[6] Suzaku Avenue or Suzaku Boulevard (朱雀大路 Suzaku Ōji) is the name given to the central avenue leading to the Imperial Palace from the south in Japanese capitals. Traditionally the Imperial palace complex faces south, whilst Suzaku Avenue leads directly away from the main gate. Cities were often based on a traditional Chinese grid pattern. Suzaku Avenue was typically the central road within the city grid, and as a result, the widest. Fujiwara-kyō, Heijō-kyō, and Heian-kyō had their own Suzaku Avenue. The word "Suzaku" refers to the Guardian God of the South, who was said to appear in the form of a bird.

In Heian-kyō, present-day Kyoto, the Rashōmon (Rajōmon, Raseimon) was at the southern end of Suzaku Avenue, flanked on the east by the temple of Tō-ji, and on the west by the temple of Sai-ji, whilst at the northern end there was the main gate of Heian Palace. Of these, only Tō-ji remains. Over time Suzaku Avenue stopped being the central street, due to the gradual abandonment of the west of the city. Eventually the road served as the western boundary of the town, until the Meiji period. Presently it is still a major street, called Senbon Street or Senbon Avenue (千本通 Senbon Dōri), and once served as a route for the city's tramline.

[7] Pig blood curd (Cantonese: 豬紅, Jyutping: zhu hong, Mandarin: 血豆腐, Pinyin: xuě dòufǔ), also known as "blood tofu" or "blood pudding", is a popular Cantonese delicacy in Hong Kong and southern China. It is commonly served with carbohydrates, such as noodles or congee.

Pig blood curd originated from blood rice pudding (米血糕) in the 20th century in southern China. Blood rice pudding is a pastry made from blood and rice grains. Rice is the main ingredient of southern Chinese cuisine; the two common methods to cook rice are steaming and boiling. Duck meat is a source of supplement (補劑), however, because of the poor living conditions in the past, poultry was only offered as sacrifices in Chinese festivals. In order to get nutrition from the ducks, farmers saved the blood, steamed it with rice, and served it with sauce. Later, blood rice pudding spread to neighboring towns and villages, and people named it duck blood pudding (鴨血糕). However, because of the rising price of duck, and the inability of chicken blood to coagulate into pudding, pig blood replaced duck blood, resulting in the birth of pig blood curd.

[8] Shimogyō (下京区) is one of the eleven wards in the city of Kyoto, in Kyoto Prefecture, Japan.

[9] Nakagyō (中京区) is one of the eleven wards in the city of Kyoto, in Kyoto Prefecture, Japan. Its name means "central capital ward."

[10] Shijō Kawaramachi (四条河原町) is a vibrant part of central Kyoto, Japan where Shijō and Kawaramachi Streets intersect. Kawaramachi Street runs parallel to the Kamo River on the eastern side of Kyoto, while Shijō Street runs east-west through the center of the city.

[11] Nijō Castle (二条城 Nijō-jō) is a flatland castle in Kyoto, Japan. The castle consists of two concentric rings (Kuruwa) of fortifications, the Ninomaru Palace, the ruins of the Honmaru Palace, various support buildings and several gardens. The surface area of the castle is 275,000 square metres (2,960,000 sq ft), of which 8,000 square metres (86,000 sq ft) is occupied by buildings.

It is one of the seventeen Historic Monuments of Ancient Kyoto which have been designated by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site.

In 1601, Tokugawa Ieyasu, the founder of the Tokugawa Shogunate, ordered all the feudal lords in Western Japan to contribute to the construction of Nijō Castle, which was completed during the reign of Tokugawa Iemitsu in 1626. Parts of Fushimi Castle, such as the main tower and the karamon, were moved here in 1625–26. It was built as the Kyoto residence of the Tokugawa Shoguns. The Tokugawa Shogunate used Edo as the capital city, but Kyoto continued to be the home of the Imperial Court. Kyoto Imperial Palace is located north-east of Nijō Castle.

The central keep, or Tenshu, was struck by lightning and burned to the ground in 1750.

In 1788, the Inner Ward was destroyed by a city-wide fire. The site remained empty until it was replaced by a prince's residence transferred from the Kyoto Imperial Palace in 1893.

In 1867, the Ninomaru Palace, in the Outer Ward, was the stage for the declaration by Tokugawa Yoshinobu, returning the authority to the Imperial Court. Next year the Imperial Cabinet was installed in the castle. The palace became imperial property and was declared a detached palace. During this time, the Tokugawa hollyhock crest was removed wherever possible and replaced with the imperial chrysanthemum.

In 1939, the palace was donated to the city of Kyoto and opened to the public the following year.


	41. Chapter 41

Almost there, guys! Just four more major events before we reach Chizuru's arrival.

And come on, FanFiction! Fix your bugs! It's driving me crazy!

* * *

 **Chapter 41**

 _"One can begin so many things with a new person! - even begin to be a better man." ― George Eliot, Middlemarch_

I poked my head into the kitchen, using my nose to follow the delightful scent wafting from one of the pots on the stove. The wonderful aroma of mirin and soy sauce was making my mouth water. And was that eggplant I smelled too? I inched closer to the stove as my stomach growled. I was hungry. **_Again_**. Lunch couldn't come fast enough.

"You shouldn't be in here," I heard Ibuki-kun say plainly as he stepped around me to get back into the kitchen. There was a shallow basket of fresh vegetables in his arms as he approached the cutting board. He pulled out the cucumber and began slicing it into thin palatable slices. "I remember Okita specifically telling everyone that you aren't allowed in the kitchen during meal prep time."

"That's only because I tend to get sick around raw fish," I commented while following the wonderful scent closer to the pot. "And from what I can tell, you aren't cooking any fish right now. So…"

I took the lid off the pot and grabbed a pair of nearby chopsticks to filch a piece of eggplant from the pot. I blew on it gently before popping it into my mouth with a squeal of delight.

"You know," I paused to swallow the eggplant chunk before placing the lid back onto the pot, "you're surprisingly good at cooking." I was really tempted to steal another piece. "I don't understand why the others don't let you cook more."

"Hah? And make myself busier than I already am? No thanks!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed before moving on to chop the okra. "Serizawa-san's already been harping at me all morning to go do this, to go do that!"

"But didn't you volunteer to cook this time?"

"It's only because I was sick of the poorly seasoned food!" Ibuki-kun said before mumbling, "Besides, I'm only decent at cooking because I had to cook for my sick haha-ue before she passed away."

I didn't say anything in response. Instead, I grabbed one of the stools in the kitchen just as I felt a brief sharp jab of pain in my abdomen. I sucked in a sharp breath, quickly sitting down to rub the bottom of my belly with a small wince. As morning sickness began to die down along the tenth week, other pregnancy symptoms were beginning to arise.

Ibuki-kun, who was surprisingly observant while cooking, put down the knife before scrunching his brow up at me.

"Hey… Are you alright?" he asked, abet hesitantly.

He seemed somewhat weary of my reaction to his question, and rightfully so. He had witnessed a random bout of crying yesterday when I was talking to Otou-san. Any attempts to make me stop crying by Souji only it worse. Thankfully, Souji wasn't too offended and was able to laugh the incident off.

I really wished that I was one of those women that didn't get insanely hormonal during pregnancy. Obviously, my wish wasn't granted. After that episode yesterday, in everyone's eyes, I was super frail now.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said before taking another deep breath. "It's normal."

"The pain?" Ibuki-kun snorted, not believing one bit. "Should I go get Okita?"

"And worry him over nothing? He's busy helping set up the sumo performance, which, you know, is on August 13th? Which is tomorrow? He doesn't have time to be distracted. Plus, he's in a meeting right now," I pointed out. "Besides, like I said, the pain is normal. It's just the benign pain of ligaments stretching more than they're used to. How else do you think the baby bump is held in place?"

"You sure?"

"Oh my God! Yes!" I snapped before instantly feeling guilty. I buried my face in my hands. "Sorry. I just… Sorry. I'm a lot more tired than I thought I would be and… Sorry."

Ibuki-kun apparently decided not to risk another unpredictable snap and chose to focus on chopping some more vegetables instead of talking me. He still kept his eyes on me, however.

I cleared my throat after a silent moment. "So," I said, playing with my fingers shyly in my guilt before looking up at him, "how's Kosuzu-chan?"

Ibuki-kun grew red before dropping the knife. He turned toward me, wide-eyed and in a rush as he waved his hands pointlessly in the air.

"W-What?" he nearly yelled. "W-Why would you ask that? How would I know how Kosuzu is?"

"Well," I couldn't stop the sly smile from crawling across my lips at his panicked reaction as all feelings of guilt evaporated, "didn't you buy that red comb for Kosuzu-chan back in Osaka? I happened to see her wearing it the other day when I was visiting the market with Otou-san. Plus, I heard that you ran after Souji to accompany him after hearing that the rasetsu was in Shimabara all those night's back."

An embarrassed pout flashed across Ibuki-kun's face as he turned back towards the cutting board. He didn't bother picking the knife up again.

"You know can't continue on like this," I continued, my voice now sobering up as my eyes hardened. "There's no way for you to get together for Kosuzu-chan as things are. You can't buy Kosuzu-chan's freedom when you aren't earning any form of income. And now that you know about the rasetsu and other secrets, the only way for you to leave the Roshigumi in an honest manner is through a body bag."

Ibuki-kun's hands curled into fists on the cutting board. "Then what am I supposed to do?!" he finally erupted before growing silent. "I want to leave, but I don't want to die…"

"Run away." My quiet voice was like a gunshot in an empty room. "You should pick a night when everyone is busy and run with Kosuzu-chan. If you're worried about Kosuzu-chan, there's no way she'd say no to coming with you. She likes you too much. Plus, what girl working in the red-light district has never dreamt of a heroic man coming to sweep her off her feet?"

"Why are **_you_** suggesting this to me?" Ibuki-kun's eyes reflected distrust as he turned toward me again. "I'm not stupid, you know. I know you would do anything to eliminate a threat to your precious people, even if it means disposing of someone. I know about the Roshigumi's secrets. Wouldn't I create a leak by running off?"

I pushed myself off the stool. "I'm not stupid either. If I'm telling you to run with Kosuzu-chan, then doesn't it mean I have a plan? I won't have you killed off either, especially if you run off with Kosuzu-chan. I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt a friend." I walked towards the kitchen door, pausing briefly by the door. "Go with Kenji-san tonight. He'll be waiting for you by the front gate after dinner. If you agree with his plan, Kenji-san can have both you and Kosuzu-chan out of Kyoto before the end of this week. Try to make your choice by tomorrow, though. The best time to run is tomorrow night. Everyone will be busy with the sumo performance."

I left the kitchen, leaving Ibuki-kun to stew in his own thoughts, only to bump into Souji as he was leaving the main hall. It appeared that the meeting didn't last too long. The purpose of the meeting was just so Hijikata-san could check on everyone's progress on their given tasks. He wanted the whole fundraising event to go without a hitch.

I wasn't given any task for the performance, so there was no need for me join them in the meeting. The most I was given to work on after the others discovered my pregnancy was editing Hijikata-san flawless paperwork. Obviously, not too much to do there. Besides, why join in on a meeting I wasn't needed for when I could go hunt for food instead?

"Already?" I asked Souji, tilting my head to look behind at the other guys leaving the main hall too. Heisuke grinned and waved at me from a distance while Saito-san nodded in a polite greeting. "That was fast."

"Well, there wasn't much to talk about," Souji said with a shrug. "Hijikata-san's just being picky. 'Oh, everything has to be this way. Oh no, that's not good enough. Redo it,' was basically all he said."

"What about you?" I peered behind Souji again to peek at the other guys. None of them seemed particularly unhappy. It kind of made me wonder who Hijikata-san told off. "Do you have to redo anything."

"I thought you knew by now." Souji winked devilishly at me. "I'm per—"

Heisuke bounced up to me from behind Souji with his arms tucked behind his head in a carefree manner. "Souji has to redo—"

Souji elbowed Heisuke in the stomach in a not so subtle manner.

"Oof!" Heisuke then gasped, trying to retrieve all the oxygen that was just ejected from his lungs. "What the hell, Souji!" Heisuke definitely recovered quickly. "That hurt!"

"Huh? What's that?" Souji said, shooting a nasty look at Heisuke. "I couldn't hear you through the unnecessary noise coming out of that hole in your face."

"You're such an ass!"

I decided it was best to ignore Souji's and Heisuke's senseless squabbling as I stepped around them to poke my head into the main hall. I could hear Sano-san and Shinpachi-san egging Heisuke on.

In the far left corner of the room, I spotted Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san discussing something. Probably just planning out the last important details.

I then jumped in surprise when someone silently put a cold hand on my back. I looked up to see Saito-san just as he gave me a gentle shove inside. Saito-san nodded in approval when I took a seat inside.

"Shizuka," Saito-san said as he took a seat beside me, "spend less time on your feet. You should be resting."

"But I feel fine."

Saito-san stared me down, letting me know that he didn't believe me. I cracked under his intense gaze.

"Okay, maybe I am a little tired," I admitted, pouting as I looked down to stare at the ground like a defeated child. "As a medical professional, I do know pregnant mothers are supposed to become tired more easily but I didn't think I, personally, would tire so much and so quickly. I thought I would be the same person I was from before I was pregnant."

Saito-san was quiet for a short second, like he was trying to articulate what he would say to me in his mind.

"Change is sometimes difficult to accept," Saito-san said, placing a brotherly hand on my head with a small smile on his lips. "But not all change is bad. One must slow down to accommodate the changes for a healthy balance."

I nodded before I glanced back towards the door to just in time to see Souji getting physical with Heisuke. I saw a dangerous smirk appear on Souji's face first before he his hand snapped out and grabbed Heisuke by the hair. That encounter ended with Heisuke being tied to one of the wooden support beams by his ponytail with Shinpachi-san and Sano-san clutching their stomachs as they rolled on the floor laughing at Heisuke's misfortune. In attempts to get back at Shinpachi-san and Sano-san for their useless laughing, Heisuke attempted to kick them when they rolled closer in their laughter as he tried to free himself by clawing at the massive knot in his hair uselessly while shouting profanities at Souji.

Souji, on the other hand, just seemed proud of his work. With his nose up in the air, Souji turned his head up at Heisuke before cheerfully trotting my way. He plopped himself down left of me and opposite of Saito-san with a prideful grin decorating his face. I saw Saito-san sigh.

"Shizuka," Saito-san said as he pushed himself to his feet. He shot a brief disapproving look at Souji, which just made Souji grow prouder. "Where do we keep the scissors?"

Oh, poor Heisuke.

"I have a pair of nonmedical scissors in my sewing kit. It's in a wicker box in my room on top of the shelf in the far right corner of the room." I glanced back at Heisuke. He seemed to be able to get most of his hair loose, which was left in a salvageable damaged frizz, but there was still a section of his hair still knotted around the wooden beam. "But do you have to cut Heisuke free? Is there no other way to free him?"

Saito-san shook his head before leaving to fetch the pair of scissors. When Saito-san was gone, I whacked Souji on his thigh with a scowl. Souji just seemed to burst out laughing at my actions.

"Don't be so mean to Heisuke!' I scolded, raising my finger in Souji's face.

Souji laughed for a while longer. "But he totally asked for it."

I snorted. It was time to move on.

"So, what are you in charge of for the sumo performance?" I asked as I began to absentmindedly play with Souji's fingers on one hand.

Souji made a sound of acknowledgment before putting his free hand on my belly.

"The dohyō," Souji said, his eyebrows rising in amusement when I tilted my head in a puzzled manner. "I'm in charge of assisting the yobidashi with building the dohyō."

A moment of silence passed between us as we just stared at each other. I poked Souji to get him to continue. The amusement on his face just grew when I continued to prod at him impatiently. He seemed extremely proud to know that he knew something I didn't. He also seemed to discover that withholding information I wanted to know was fun.

"Sooouuujjjiiii!"

"Souji, what?" Souji said, purposely letting his breath hit my ear teasingly as he whispered into my ear.

"Please?"

"Please, what?"

I puffed my cheeks up in annoyance. Well, two can play at that game.

"I implore you to engage in enlightening me with the erudition I aspire for."

Souji scrunched up his nose in confusion. "Wait. What?"

I huffed and tilted my head up at him.

"Oh, fine," Souji finally said. "I guess I can divulge you with what you desiderate."

Wait a second…

Souji raised his eyebrow impishly at me. "I can do fancy too, abet not as well as you. I do remember, once upon a time, you told me that smart is sexy." He chortled at my dropped jaw. "Well, since you want to know so badly. A dohyō is the ring where the sumo wrestlers wrestle in. A new one needs to be built on location for every single event since people like to take fragments of the ring home as a souvenir. Now the ring is usually made using rice-straw bales that are set upon a square clay platform. And since the sumo wrestlers will be tossing each other around. the top of the dohyō is completely covered in sand to soften the falls."

"And a yobidashi?" I prompted as soon as I retrieved my jaw from the floor.

"A yobidashi is the man that announces the names of the sumo wrestlers before each match starts. Yobidashi are also in charge of sweeping the dohyō on the day of the match, providing the purification salt, and building the actual dohyō."

"So you had to go get the rice-straw bales and the clay for the stage?"

"Indubitably," Souji said, deciding to be a wiseass as he shot me a smoldering look.

I won't lie, it was a huge turn on.

Souji chuckled, letting his act drop as the hand on my belly moved downward so he could feel my lower belly. My insides felt warm as it melted into goo as I watched his face grow serene. He began rubbing gentle circles into my belly before he placed a soft kiss on it. I placed my hand over his.

"When can I start to feel our baby move?" he then asked gently.

"Be a little more patient," I replied, my voice soft as if not to disturb the serene atmosphere that had enveloped us. "The baby needs about six more weeks to grow before you can start feeling movement from the outside."

And then our little peaceful bubble popped.

"NOOO! Hajime-kun scissors are bad! Keep away!"

Heisuke's wailed as both Souji and I turned to watch Heisuke attempt to flee from Saito-san with great big fat tears in his eyes. Of course, no one could make it far when tied to a post.

"NOOO! SHINPAT-SAN! SANO-SAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Go ahead, Saito!" Sano-san announced with a grin as he grabbed onto Heisuke's shoulder.

"We'll hold 'im down for ya!" Shinpachi-san said all too cheerfully as he grabbed onto to Heisuke's other shoulder.

"GAH! YOU TRAITORS! Nooooooooooooooooo…"

Heisuke's loud shouts and flailing died down with one snip of the dreaded pair of scissors and he was left holding the severed limp hair in his hands. The haircut wasn't too bad. Heisuke had so much hair and it was so long that no one would notice the missing chunk as long as nobody looked closely enough. But for those who saw Heisuke every day, the choppy section in his ponytail was obvious.

"Now, that wasn't too bad, right—," Sano-san said, taking the time to pause teasingly before saying, "—Choppy-kun?"

"YOU GUYS ARE ALL JERKS! How could you Hajime-kun?"

"Remaining tied to a location by your hair is unproductive, Heisuke," Saito-san merely stated bluntly with no empathy. "If your hair is preventing you from completing your duties, is it not logical to remove the problem?"

"I could have untied it with time!" Heisuke exclaimed, sulking as he stroked the remaining hair attached to his head like it was some sad pet.

I glanced at Souji with a sigh before I pushed myself up and went to go fetch my scissors from Saito-san. I beckoned Heisuke over with a wave of my hand.

"Come here, Heisuke," I said, offering him a sympathetic smile. "It doesn't look too bad, but I can straighten your hair a little bit."

Heisuke glanced at Souji wearily before he rushed to grab my wrist and dragged me away. Of course, he wanted to have his hair fixed, but no way was he going to do that while the so-called "jerks" were still around laughing at him.

The next day, there was a massive turnout of people at the fundraising event. There were so many people, in fact, that those stuck in the back had to be as tall as Sano-san to have no problem seeing the sumo on the dohyō. I, on the other hand, was probably fortunate enough to be situated in a place where I can peer through the gap between the shoulders of the people in front and see clearly while standing with the guys in the back. Too bad I didn't care so much for sumo wrestling.

Two large men in nothing but a mawashi[1] trying to overthrow each other? No thanks. Just what was so appealing about watching that?

"Wow!" I heard Heisuke exclaim while Ibuki-kun nodded in wide-eyed silence in agreement.

I glanced at the two excited young men. Apparently, it did appeal to some.

Those two jumped on their tippy toes, trying to make themselves taller so they could see over the crowd. Both appeared to have forgotten what they were here to do. Their own amusement was definitely on the list.

"Hey!" Shinpachi-san growled at the two before he took it upon himself to bop both of them on the head. He grabbed the two young men by the scruff of their shirts before dragging them away. Neither Heisuke or Ibuki-kun made it easy for Shinpachi-san as they dug their heels into the dirt. "Quit slackin' off and keep to yer post!"

"It wouldn't hurt if we watched a little!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed, attempting to swat Shinpachi-san's hand away.

"Please, Shinpat-san!" Heisuke begged while attempting to pry Shinpachi-san's fingers away.

At that moment, there was a loud thump of heavy bodies colliding with a hard surface. I even felt the vibrations of the sumo wrestlers hitting the ground after they landed outside the ring as I watched on. A round of applause ripped through the air as the crowd cheered, many turning to their neighbors to discuss what they just witnessed.

"My, that was a great bout!"

"It was a match of a lifetime!"

The loud comments were like rubbing salt into an open wound to Heisuke, who planted his butt stubbornly on the ground with crossed arms as he pouted at Shinpachi-san.

"Man, I missed the best part!" Heisuke complained while Ibuki-kun grumbled under his breath in agreement.

I observed the downed sumo wrestlers get back onto their feet before I sighed and looked down at Heisuke.

"Really?" I asked, pinching my eyebrows together before looking back at the sumo wrestlers to see if I could find what made them so damned interesting. "One guy attempted to flip the other but both wrestlers ended up hitting the floor outside of the ring at about the same time." I tilted my head. "How is that interesting?"

"What?! You saw it?! That's so unfair!" Heisuke cried before his shoulders sagged as he stared at the ground before beginning to flick around a loose pebble. "Of course the one person who doesn't care about sumo wrestling gets to see what happens…"

I shrugged, ignoring Heisuke's moping as I went to go sit on my stool. I was grateful Souji suggested bringing a stool for me to sit down on. The pain from my stretching ligaments dulled as soon as I sat.

Souji stepped up from behind and lightly rubbed my back. "You okay?"

I smiled back at him before looking forward again. "It's nothing. I just needed a little break."

Souji nodded before focusing on rubbing my shoulders. As for Heisuke and Ibuki-kun, however…

"Ah! Another bout's about to start!" Heisuke sprung up from the ground like a demented jack-in-the-box and immediately dove headfirst into the crowd, pushing his way to the front. "You're not going to stop me this time, Shinpat-san!"

Shinpachi-san made a grab for Heisuke only to get a fistful of air. "Hey! Get back here, you shrimp!"

Right at that moment, Ibuki wisely decided to make his move too.

"I'm watching too!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed before bolting into the crowd too. He ran in the opposite direction of Heisuke, leaving Shinpachi confused as to who to go after first.

"Not you too!" Shinpachi-san shouted before he appeared to have decided to go after Heisuke first. "Oi!" he exclaimed as he began weaving through the crowd in an attempt to get to Heisuke. "Get back here!"

It took a while but Shinpachi-san was able to nab both Heisuke and Ibuki-kun by their hair before dragging them back painfully. That did absolutely nothing as both young men dove back into the crowd without hesitation the moment Shinpachi-san let go. Shinpachi-san really didn't enjoy fishing all that much. As for Ibuki-kun and Heisuke? They were missing a few hairs by the time it was cleanup time, but going by the grins on their faces, they didn't regret their decision at all.

The cleanup took a significantly longer time than the actual sumo matches. Hijikata-san, Otou-san, and Sannan-san were in charge of seeing to the sumo wrestlers' needs before sending them off with gratitude. The rest of the guys were in charge of dismantling the dohyō and I was charged with directing the footfall traffic.

While there were parts of the stage already gone, taken as souvenirs by the civilians, there was still plenty to break down and dispose of. The rice straw used for the ring was hauled away to serve as kindling for the stove at a later date while the remaining unbaked clay was crushed into more manageable size pieces to be reused in another dohyō. The sand was swept into a large pile before I had a few of the kind yobidashi remove it from the streets. By the time we were wrapping everything up, the sun was already setting.

"So, that's a wrap?" Shinpachi-san asked, cheerfully stretching out his limbs before letting out a loud and satisfied sounding yawn.

Hijikata-san glanced around briefly before nodding firmly.

"We're heading back!" Hijikata-san then announced loudly, his good mood visible on his face. It looked like he was about to say something else too but he stopped, scrunching up his brow when he saw Yamazaki-san sprinting towards him from a distance.

"Vice Commander!" Yamazaki-san all but shouted before coming to a sliding stop beside Hijikata-san. "I wish to report something immediately." He then whispered something into Hijikata-san's ear.

I watched Hijikata-san cautiously as emotions, none of which were good, flash across his face in less than a second. There was shock, anger, alarm, distress, and lastly, fear.

I moved closer to Souji, grabbing his hand in unease.

"Hey, guys!" Hijikata-san suddenly barked. The uneasy urgency on his face betrayed his authority filled voice. "We're going! Ibuki! Take Shizuka back to headquarters immediately!"

"What's the problem?" Souji asked as he removed his hand from my grasp.

I saw Souji glance at the horizon. There was an unhealthy pillar of black smoke coming from the east. I could smell ash when the wind blew.

Fire.

Hijikata-san seemed to sag in defeat. "It seems Serizawa-san has done it again."

I closed my eyes for a second. I could feel a migraine forming. A successful day ending in complete disaster. But, perhaps, not all was lost.

"Hurry up and go," I said with a tired sigh. "I'll go back and rest."

Hijikata-san nodded before bolting, leading the others toward the source of the smoke in a dead sprint. Souji glanced back at me before following the others.

"Shizuka, don't wait up for me if I'm not back until late," Souji said before running to catch up with the others.

Ibuki-kun was left alone with me as he stared, aghast, at the black smoke in the sky. He seemed even too horrified to speak.

I waited until I was sure there was no one left before I broke the silence between Ibuki-kun and me.

"What's your decision?"

"What?" Ibuki-kun exclaimed, startled by my sudden question.

"I saw you leaving headquarters last night with Kenji-san. So have you made up your mind yet?"

"Wha—Why are you focused on that?!" Ibuki-kun instantly demanded as a flare of anger passed through him. "Serizawa-san just set another building on fire! Shouldn't you be more focused on that rather than me?"

I sighed as I glanced back at the cloud of smoke in the air. "It's because of the fire I'm asking you now. Look, I appreciate you getting mad for the sake of the Roshigumi but you are not one of us." Ibuki-kun looked hurt by my statement even though I merely repeated what he had been saying since the beginning. I grabbed Ibuki-kun's wrist and started walking, but not in the direction of headquarters. "If you're going to run, then it has to be tonight. The fire is literally providing you smokescreen, but it'll only be limited for tonight. By tomorrow, everyone is going to be watching Serizawa-san more closely, you included by default, making it impossible for you to escape unnoticed from then on. Have you made your choice?"

"I—," Ibuki-kun blurted out hesitantly before digging his heels into the dirt road and wrenching his wrist out of my hand. "You can't expect me to make such a big choice so suddenly!"

"There's no time!" I snapped back with a scowl. "It's a simple yes or no. Which is it?"

"I—no—yes!" he blurted out on the spot. He appeared surprised at his own answer.

"Great!" Kenji-san said as he suddenly dropped down between Ibuki-kun and me, surprising us both. Kenji-san shot me an apologetic look. "Sorry, I know it's not good to keep surprising pregnant women but it's pretty much built into my nature."

"It's fine," I said as I began walking again. "Let's just go. We have a limited time to get this done. So what's the plan"

Kenji-san grabbed Ibuki-kun by the arm and began dragging him along. Ibuki-kun offered little to no resistance. Ibuki-kun was probably dazed about how quickly everything was proceeding.

"I already have everything set up since I predicted this would be the perfect day to run," Kenji-san said, pulling Ibuki-kun around a sharp corner as he took the lead. "We'll smuggle both Ibuki and Kosuzu-chan out of Kyoto on one of my uncle's 'trading' ships, the Nise[2]-maru[3]. The Nise-maru is leaving in about thirty minutes and has already been searched and cataloged, and given the go-ahead to leave port. The ship will reach Osaka later tonight where one of my cousins will meet up with our escapees and escort them to the village in the Hida Mountains."

"Wait!" Ibuki-kun interrupted, snapping out of his daze and speaking for the first time since Kenji-san showed up. "What about Kosuzu? We haven't gone to go get Kosuzu yet!"

"Actually…" Kenji-san said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly with his free hand. He tugged Ibuki-kun into a nearby alleyway, a shortcut. "I kinda of went to get her first. Kyoko and two of my cousins, Shintarō and Shotarō, went to go fetch her. She's probably waiting by the ship now."

Ibuki-kun turned to stare at Kenji-san with a strange expression.

"What?" Kenji-san replied to the stare with mock offense. "She's Kyoko's friend and I would have helped Kosuzu-chan run away even if you decided not to show up." He then made another sharp left. "Whoops! This way please!"

After several more winding turns, most of which I never even knew existed, we emerged from the dark alley and stepped onto the dock. When I turned back to examine the dark alley we had burst out of, I discovered that it was already blocked off. Mountains of wooden boxes stood where the exit was, and the scary thing was that I didn't hear anybody move any boxes and there wasn't nearly enough time for someone to even place the boxes where the exit was. Kenji-san winked at me just as my jaw dropped.

Kenji-san and his mighty ninja magic.

Like Kenji-san had mentioned previously, Kosuzu-chan was already waiting by the ship by the time we arrived. She didn't seem to notice our arrival; her attention being sapped up by the attention-seeking redheaded twins. Kyoko-chan, on the other hand, noticed us near immediately and collided into my side as she wrapped her arms around me in an excited hug.

"What took you so long?" Kyoko-chan squealed, squeezing the air out of me. "It's finally happening! They're running away together! Isn't it so romantic?"

"Sure," I said, ignoring Kyoko-chan's goo-goo-eyes and her overly sappy words before I pried her sticky fingers off of me.

It was at that moment Kosuzu-chan looked up from her undoubtedly amusing conversation with the twins. She froze when her eyes landed on Ibuki-kun. Then in slow motion, like a flower blooming gracefully in the snow, that shock on her face morphed into sheer adoration and excitement as she threw herself into Ibuki-kun's arms. Ibuki-kun, who probably still couldn't believe what was happening, luckily had good enough reactions to catch her.

I mean, just imagine what it would have been like if he failed to catch her and let her bounce off of him and fall into the cold water below. Not all that heroic, is it?

"Ryunosuke-san!" Kosuzu-chan exclaimed, her eyes watering up slightly as she embraced Ibuki-kun. "Kyoko-chan isn't one to lie, but even I couldn't believe her when she said you were going to come with me. I… thank you so much…"

"Yeah…" Ibuki-kun managed to say, choking up a little as his emotions finally emerged to punch him in the face. He wrapped his arms around her tighter "I almost couldn't believe it either, but we're leaving. We're leaving together to start a new life."

And cue the tears. Not Kosuzu-chan's tears as one would expect. My tears. As someone who burst out crying for no reason whatsoever a few days ago, I should have figured all this mushy romantic stuff was going to make me cry.

"Ack!" I heard Ibuki-kun choke out.

"Shizuka-chan!" Kosuzu-chan exclaimed, immediately letting go of Ibuki-kun in a panic to grab my hands. "No, no, no. What's wrong? Don't cry! I'll write to you!"

"S-Sorry!" I pulled my hands out of Kosuzu-chan's to rub my eyes.

I could practically hear Kyoko-chan roll her eyes at me. "Kosuzu-chan, just ignore the tears."

"Yeah—," I heard either Shintarō-san or Shotarō-san chime in. I'm not actually sure which one spoke.

"—she's just—"

"—hormonal right now. You know—"

"—because of the baby."

I heard Kenji-san cough loudly before clearing his throat multiple times. Through my tears, I could see the blurry form of Kenji-san cross his arms and tap his feet impatiently. Then he coughed again.

"Hey!" Kenji-san finally snapped, clapping once to get everyone's attention. "I'm sure Shizuka-chan here appreciates all the concern you're giving her but I'm also sure she would prefer if Kosuzu-chan and Ibuki didn't miss their boat because the boat is preparing to leave. Like right now."

I was quick to nod in agreement while rubbing my eyes.

There was this "ooohhhh" moment as all the distracted people scrambled to get back into place. Kosuzu-chan and Ibuki-kun quickly boarded the ship, and just in time too because the ship was beginning to move, while Kyoko-chan and the twins moved behind Kenji-san whilst dragging me along. I could see Kosuzu-chan and Ibuki-kun wave at us from the boat before it began to fade away into the dark night.

"Name your first kid after me!" I then heard Kyoko-chan yell towards the fading boat. "I don't care if it's a boy! Just name it after me!"

We stayed on the pier a while longer after the ship vanished. The twins were the one that escorted me back to headquarters after I managed to stop the annoying tears. And while It actually didn't take very long to get Ibuki-kun and Kyoko-chan out of Kyoto, it was still rather late by the time I managed to return to headquarters. However, despite how late it was, it appeared that Souji and the others would return even later.

Headquarters was empty. It remained empty for hours.

Deciding to follow Souji's wishes, I went to bed before he returned when it grew even later, but that doesn't mean I actually fell asleep. There was too much on my mind again. Would Ibuki-kun and Kosuzu-chan arrive at their destination safely? Would they be happy together? Did I do the right thing? Would Souji and the others be able to undo the damage Serizawa did to the Roshigumi's reputation tonight? Were the guys safe? Are they being forced to do something against their beliefs?

There was no relief from my own mind.

I have no idea what time it was when Souji strolled through our bedroom door but I was sure it was at least the Hour of the Ox.

He shut the door quietly behind him, his steps lighter than a ghost's as removed his swords from his hip and set them down. There was even barely any sound of cloth rustling as he undressed and pulled on his sleepwear. He let out an exhausted yawn before removing his hair tie and sat on the futon. I didn't say anything until Souji's arms snaked around my waist and his head hit his pillow.

"What happened?" I turned onto my opposite side to face Souji. His eyes were already closed.

Souji made a sound of disapproval, his eyes remaining shut. "Why are you still awake? I thought I asked you not to wait up for me."

"I didn't. I just couldn't sleep." I watch Souji open his tired eyes slowly. "Will you tell me what happened?"

"Serizawa-san was angry that the owner of Yamatoya refused to give him money so he claimed that the shop owner wrongfully made a fortune by trading with the foreigners while acting as a middle man for the Sonnō Jōi ronin before retaliating by shooting a few cannonballs at the shop. He set it on fire shortly afterward and because the shop was both an earthen and wooden building, it didn't burn so easily and the other nearby shops actually caught fire first."

I hissed at the explanation, but Souji didn't stop there.

"That's not even the worst part. Serizawa managed to get Hijikata-san to order a thorough search of the burned shop for evidence supporting Serizawa-san's claims in front of an audience of civilians."

"Was there any evidence?"

"Hard to say at this stage." Souji yawned again. "Hajime-kun is putting together everything we found right now while Hijikata-san's doing some damage control." He pulled me closer just so he could shift his arms into a more comfortable position before he closed his eyes again. "Shizuka, go to sleep."

Souji was out soon after that. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep. It was taking an awfully long time for Aizu to order Serizawa's assassination and I wondered how much further the Roshigumi's reputation was going to fall before Serizawa's death.

Perhaps I misjudged and poison really was the way to go.

* * *

[1] In sumo, a mawashi (廻し) is the belt (loincloth) that the rikishi (or sumo wrestler) wears during training or in competition.

[2] Japanese word for fake.

[3] Japanese ship names follow different conventions from those typical in the West. Merchant ship names often contain the word maru at the end (meaning circle), while warships are never named after people, but rather after inanimate objects such as mountains, islands, weather phenomena, or also animals.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

 _"To act on the belief that we possess the knowledge and the power which enable us to shape the processes of society entirely to our liking, knowledge which in fact we do not possess, is likely to make us do much harm." ― Friedrich Hayek_

It was dark.

It should have been morning by now, but it was dark. It was as if the sun was sullen from witnessing the events of the day before and decided not to rise. Either that or my sense of time wasn't as accurate as I thought. It was hard to tell. The fog of a restless night and an exhausted body clouded my mind.

I rolled onto my opposite side, facing away from Souji, to stare at the nonexistent light filtering into the bedroom through the translucent paper of the shōji window. Souji murmured nonsensical sounds in his slumber at my movement, shifting and pushing his nose against the nape of my neck to make up for the gap that had formed between us before his tightening arms, unconsciously pulling my back flush against his chest. He fell silent once more as his light breaths tickled the base of my neck. The long hairs that had fallen into his mouth as he inhaled didn't bother him the least bit.

Serizawa.

Just thinking his name made me want to throttle someone. If **_I_** felt this way about this infuriating man, then my emotions should have been multiplied a hundred-fold to equal that of Aizu's frustrations with this man, the man that was working under their good name and tarnishing their impeccable reputation with his outlandish actions and his absurd childlike tantrums. Plus, one can't forget the rumors and gossip Kyoko-chan had circling the streets about him.

But why? Why were they so slow to act?

Had I truly misjudged the amount of tolerance they towards Serizawa's abominable behavior or did they still find Serizawa useful despite the fact he was no longer needed to raise funds for the Roshigumi? Did I make the wrong call to go with character assassination just so I could keep my hands clean or was there simply just not enough being done to sully Serizawa's reputation?

Or was I being impatient about results? Maybe I should have bitten the bullet and dirtied my hands instead. Maybe the **_correct_** move was to poison Serizawa.

Then there was the matter of Ibuki-kun and Kosuzu-chan occupying the other half of my mind. Had they arrived in Osaka yet? Was everything going according to plan over there? Were they safe?

These thoughts had circled through my mind the entire night, brewing a whirlwind that blew away all chances of a peaceful sleep as they kept my mind racing until fitful bouts of sleep claimed my consciousness only for me to jolt awake every few minutes.

I sucked in the cool air to calm my thoughts. Worrying did no good right now. I needed to relax.

But the cool air did nothing for me. It was the cry of a skylark that signaled the arrival of morning that finally calmed me.

I removed Souji's limp arm from my waist, carefully slipping out from under the warm blanket to dress for the day. I paused, looking back as soon as I heard Souji move. He patted my vacant spot, unconsciously searching the sudden empty spot until I stuffed my pillow under his arm as my substitute. He pressed his face into the substitute and finally stilled. A small smile of fond amusement made its way onto my lips from my warmed heart. I gingerly kissed him with care to not disturb his sleep before I slipped out of the room in ghostly silence.

The sky was still an obsidian black, the darkness almost swallowing the bright glow of the moon as the clouds painted an opaque gray over the stars. It did not feel like the early morning of a fine summer's day. It did not feel like the Hour of the Tiger. The moody sky was characteristic of the Hour of the Boar in the dead of winter. Fitting for dealing with the fallout of Serizawa's actions from the night before.

I passed by Saito-san's room and Hijikata-san's room, the glow from within both rooms telling the story of all-nighters, as I headed towards the kitchen to brew a pot of much-needed tea. Saito-san and Hijikata-san surely could use some tea. Plus, if I greeted Hijikata-san with a nice piping hot cup of tea first, it was more likely he would lessen a number of words he would have at me for breaking the news of Ibuki-kun's escape and unveiling the hand I had played in it. As I set the water on the stove the boil, I fetched some nikuman[1] from the cupboards to steam. The last meal those two working men probably ate was yesterday's lunch.

The nikuman I was heating up for them were the store bought variety that I personally didn't like very much. The chicken stuffing inside wasn't bad, but I found the store bought nikuman lacking in flavor in contrast to the ones I usually made with the pork stuffing. The fatty pork did tend to taste better than lean chicken. Now, only if the guys would start letting me cook again instead of going out to buy readymade food, that would be great.

With the buns heated and the tea prepared, I left the kitchen, stopping at Saito-san's room first on my way to Hijikata-san's room.

Saito-san didn't question why I was awake so early in the morning when he saw me. He just nodded politely at me in wordless gratitude as he accepted a cup of tea and a meat bun. His desk was covered in piles of paper while there appeared to be a pile of charred items, mostly record books, to his left. On his lap was a damaged letter. The ink was smeared from water damage while the bottom half was completely missing. The burnt edges of the poor letter looked ready to crumble into ashes if handled roughly. The items were undoubtedly salvaged from the fire last night. I offered Saito-san an encouraging smile before retreating from his room to continue on my way to Hijikata-san's room. He bit into the nikuman I left him just as I left.

The short distance from Saito-san's room to Hijikata-san's room was rather uneventful, but I could hear Hijikata-san grumbling to himself just as I arrived outside his room. There was the crumbling sound of paper followed by the sound of a wad of paper bouncing off the walls and falling on the ground.

"Hijikata-san," I called from the opposite side of the closed doors. I kept my voice low in order to avoid disturbing the hard achieved calm atmosphere of this early morning. "May I come in?"

"Shizuka?" Hijikata-san's muffled voice came from the other side of the door. His voice cracked slightly from the lack of water and disuse. "You're already awake? The sun's not even up yet." There was a quick shuffle of papers. "Come in."

Hijikata-san didn't even spare me a glance as I slid his door open. He had one hand on his forehead as he used the arm to prop his head up while he used his other hand to write. His eyes were bloodshot as they remained on the sheet of paper before him. There was a small pile of crumpled paper balls to his right on the floor. The cup on his desk by his right hand was devoid of any beverage. Hijikata-san only looked up from his work when he heard the fresh cup of tea being placed on his desk. As soon as he set down the calligraphy brush, I shoved the nikuman into his hands so I could have visual proof that he was going to eat something.

Hijikata-san glanced down at the bun in his hand, his eyes flickering to my stern look for a second before he took a hearty bite out of the snack.

"Thanks," he said with his mouth full. He swallowed before he spoke again. "What are you doing up? You should still be resting. There's no way you're not tired, not when you have to grow another human within you."

"Souji told me last night what happened."

Hijikata-san grumbled under breath. "Souji was the one that told everyone to keep all the heavy news from your ears and yet he's the one that spills when you ask."

"Well, he's come to realize that he can't keep everything from me," I said as I folded my hands in my lap. "He's not happy about it, but he'll come to terms with it. So why are you still up and working while Otou-san is sleeping? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the Commander supposed to work together with the Vice Commander instead of shoving all the work off to the Vice Commander?"

"Kondou-san shouldn't lose sleep over this," Hijikata-san said, putting down the nikuman so he could sip on his tea. "He's too important to have to deal with this."

A scowl immediately surfaced on my face. Hijikata-san sighed, his face drooping in his exhaustion as he put his cup down.

"What is it now?" Hijikata-san pushed his bangs up as he ran his hand over his hair. "You only make that face at me when you're unhappy with me."

"Are you purposely **_trying_** to kneecap Otou-san?"

"What?!" Hijikata-san's eyes bulged out of his skull as his head snapped toward me so fast that I thought he would twist off his head for a second. "Why the hell would I want to do that?! Where the hell did you even get that from?! How could you even accuse me of such ill intentions?"

I crossed my arms and let out a small huff. "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.[2]" I let my arms drop and so my hands to rest on my lap once more. "I know you want to help Otou-san. I know you want the best for him. I know you want to protect him from all the bitterness that life throw his way but what you're doing is not what's best. It's the worst thing a person can to someone they care about."

Hijikata-san's furrowed his brow at me.

"Otou-san is one of the leaders of the Roshigumi. He does not have the luxury to remain so naïve and inexperienced when the lives of his men are in his hands. I really do understand that you don't want to see Otou-san, your best friend, suffer but what you are doing now will just cause more damage in the long run. What will happen if there is some catastrophe that occurs in the future and you're not around to deal with the situation? What will happen if he doesn't have the experience to draw from because he was never in a tough situation?"

Hijikata-san let out a defiant sound as he turned around to return to his work. Any hint of the shock that decorated his face earlier vanished seamlessly as he picked up his brush.

"That won't happen," he said, his voice firm and determined. "I'll take care of everything for him. Even death won't be able to stop me."

I furrowed my brow. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to bash him in the head. Even **_death_** won't stop him? Such arrogance. Did he think he was a god? Did he think the laws of nature didn't apply to him, that everything will work out the way he wanted it to because he willed it? If he continued down this path, he'd just run himself down from overworking himself. That benefited no one.

Yet, I remained silent. Nothing I could say or do would be able to change his mind right now. There was no point in creating an argument over this when nothing was going to change.

I subconsciously rubbed the side of my belly as I allowed my eyes to drift to an uninteresting patch of tatami mat near my left in defeat. If Hijikata-san's mind was set, all I could do was pray that no disaster would come from this for the sake of my family.

Hijikata-san's eyes flickered towards me, catching my actions. His eyes softened as he let out a sigh before putting his brush down. He looked hesitant to take a break from his work as he placed a hand gently on my belly.

"Hijikata-san?"

"My ane-ue, Nobu, told me in her most recent letter that it's normal for first-time, expecting mothers to experience some pain due to the speed of the baby's growth. Does it hurt right now?"

"Oh. No, it doesn't. I was just thinking about other things," I replied.

"Like what?"

Well, since he asked and since I did still need to tell him about Ibuki-kun… No time like the present, as the saying goes.

"Ibuki-kun's gone." Because why mince words? "He ran away with his lover last night when everyone was out dealing with the fire."

Hijikata-san leaped to his feet faster than a hare could hop, leaving his jaw on the floor as he snapped his eyes towards his closed door like he believed that he could see through it and immediately locate the missing man.

"Shit!" Hijikata-san ran towards the door as he moved to yank it open. "He can't leave now! He knows too much!"

"And you're too agitated," I cut in before he could open the door. "Calm down before you accidently punch a hole through your door."

Hijikata-san froze. His eyes narrowed dangerously as he slowly turned his head towards me. His lips, curled into a snarl as I saw the fingernails of one hand dig into his pale palms. The air grew frigid and heavy.

"You," he hissed. There was no explosion. Instead, his voice was quiet, dangerous like a concealed dagger poised to strike. "You were involved in helping him run. Are you even aware of what you've done?!"

I knew from the bottom of my heart that Hijikata-san was never one to strike a woman, let alone a woman he considered family, but at this very moment, his silent rage made me doubt my own beliefs. I felt my skin grow cold and my limbs quiver under the immense fear that welled up from my stomach.

He had never been more terrifying than he was now.

But what is done is done. There is no turning back.

"The Bakufu entrusted us with the Water of Life. Not only have you betrayed the Roshigumi by allowing, and even helping Ibuki escape but you have also betrayed the Shogun and his whole house. You just put us all at risk!"

Hijikata-san's simmering rage, fear, exhaustion, stress, and pregnancy. The concoction was unfortunately too much to handle all at once. I pitched forward onto my arms and dry heaved, my body fighting to evacuate my stomach when there was nothing to in there, not when the last time I ate was nine hours ago. I didn't even have water in my stomach to vomit.

"Shizuka!"

But even his rage, Hijikata-san never did abandon his concern for my wellbeing. He hastily rushed back, kneeling beside me as he placed a firm but tender hand on my back.

"Dammit," he muttered under his breath. "What are you thinking, pulling this sort of nonsensical crap in your condition?! Do you want to cause a miscarriage from all the stress?!"

I jerked away from his hand, regathering the courage that fled as I glared back up at him. "'Nonsensical crap'? None of this is nonsense!" I hissed back. "Do you really have that little faith in me that you'd believe that I would betray the Roshigumi? Am I really that much of a fool in your eyes?"

Hijikata-san's eyes widened slightly before he looked away in guilt and shame, his rage instantly withering away under my intense glare.

I took several deep breaths, attempting to push back my queasiness before I pushed myself off my arms and returned to my more dignified seated position from before.

"You know Ibuki-kun didn't deserve to be trapped by the Roshigumi like this when it was our own fault he discovered the Water of Life in the first place," I said, softening my voice. "He has his own life. He should have the power to make his own choices. He can't have that if he stays with the Roshigumi, under Serizawa. However, this does not mean I would ignore the fact he knows our dirty secret. Did you think I wouldn't have a plan to deal with this if I was the one that allowed him to run?"

Hijikata-san closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath. "No. I know you wouldn't…" He sighed. "It just the stress getting to me. Forgive my rashness." His eyes then grew stern once more as he looked at me. "But you **_need_** to consider your delicate condition more before you act. I know you're a tough woman, but right now, in your condition, you can handle less than before and you know that. Don't bite off more than you can handle, not when it'll affect the health of your child too."

"You say that, but this needed to be done."

He sighed in resignation before his lips curled into a weak but genuine smile. "So? What is the plan for Ibuki?"

"The definition of a secret is something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. A secret is not a secret anymore if Ibuki-kun happens to relocate to a place where the knowledge of the Water of Life is common. The Fuma clan the brought the Water of Life to Japan and everyone who belongs to that clan knows it. The Fuma clan has a village in the Hida Mountains and that's where Ibuki-kun is currently being escorted to by the members of Kenji's clan. There, Ibuki-kun can live his own life in freedom while posing no risk of revealing the Water of Life."

"Why didn't you just tell me about your plan?" Hijikata-san finally asked after a brief pause.

"Would you have listened?" I countered. "Besides, aren't you already eating, breathing, and sleeping work? Oh, wait. I forgot. You don't sleep, you zombie," I then sassed him just to lighten the mood.

"Cheeky brat." Hijikata-san teasingly tugged on my cheek, letting me know he forgave me, before allowing himself to relax slightly. He returned to his seat at his desk but didn't resume his work right away. His shoulders were still tense, however. "I wonder how the others will take the news? I doubt Serizawa-san will be too happy about his indentured servant running away."

"Unhappy is too light of a word for Serizawa. When does that man not do anything in extremes?"

Hijikata-san snorted before his eyes flickered to the door just as it opened. Souji scowled at Hijikata-san before wordlessly stepping into the room to retrieve me. I should have known my pillow substitute wouldn't fool him for long. It was also pretty easy to guess why Souji looked so unhappy. His wife sneaking out of bed early to go converse with his archnemesis for Otou-san's attention?

"It's too early," Souji scolded me, a small frown decorating his face as he picked me up. I didn't bother struggling. "I know you got less sleep than me last night and I was the one working. You should still be in bed. In fact, I should still be in bed too." Souji's voice then turned sour as he shot a glare at Hijikata-san. "Besides, what are you doing in **_Hijikata-san's_** room? It's not like he's pleasant company."

Hijikata-san scowled back at Souji before grumbling something to himself.

"Oi, Souji!" Hijikata-san then barked. "Take Shizuka back to your room and keep her there. She should be getting enough rest so she can grow a baby."

Souji made a sound of acknowledgment from the back of this throat. "It's not like **_you_** have to tell me," he said before hauling me away.

I curled up against his chest, hearing him sigh in satisfaction, and fell into a deep sleep before we even returned to our room. It wasn't until much later I woke up again. My stomach grumbled, growling for food just as I opened my eyes and sat up to rub away the crusties that had formed in the corner of my eyes. My mind was still fuzzy as I tried to figure out the time.

"Oh!" I heard Otou-san exclaim before my vision even cleared up enough to see him properly. "You're awake!"

My face turned slightly pink as Otou-san chuckled at my stomach's growling. Why did the growling have to be so loud?

I looked out the open window. It was bright now and all the gloomy clouds had long since cleared away. The sun was high in the sky but not too high. Midmorning.

"You missed breakfast about two hours ago," Otou-san said just as I stretched my arms over my head. "Souji said not to wake you since you didn't sleep all that well last night. How are you feeling now?"

I yawned. "Hungry."

My stomach rumbled again as if to prove my words. Otou-san laughed heartedly just as the bedroom door opened. I raised my eyebrow at the tray in Souji's hands. There was a steaming bowl on top with a spoon sticking out of it. I said nothing as Souji stepped into the room and placed the tray of food over my lap. The steaming bowl was a bowl of porridge.

I found myself peering into the bowl hesitantly as I picked up the spoon to test the consistency. The porridge smelled fine, looked fine, but was a little thick. It **_was_** safe to eat, right? It wasn't going to taste like a bucket of salt, right?

I heard Souji clear his throat rather loudly before he planted his butt beside me.

"Relax," Souji said, playful flicking my forehead. "I didn't make the porridge. I asked Gen-san to. Hurry up and eat. Hijikata-san wants to discuss the findings from yesterday night with everyone as soon as you're done eating. He thought you'd appreciate being in on the meeting."

Well, if that was the case…

I stuffed my mouth in a hurry, not bothering to chew my food too much, not like there was much to chew in the first place, as it burned my tongue slightly from being too hot. I finished the bowl in record time before Otou-san took the tray of dirty dishes to the kitchen as a detour on his way to the main hall for the meeting while Souji just escorted me directly to the main hall. Hijikata-san cleared his throat loudly, commanding complete silence once Otou-san finally joined us all.

"Everyone, listen up!" Hijikata-san demanded just as the room fell silent. "Before we start officially, just let me alert everyone that Ibuki is no longer among us," the guys started whispering amongst themselves, "and if you have any questions, then ask Fuma if and when you see him."

"Wait," Shinpachi-san cut in, raising his hand, "what do ya mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said," Hijikata-san replied without missing a beat. "Now regarding the evidence uncovered last—"

"Hey! Wait a sec!" Heisuke interrupted, furrowing his brows. "What happened to Ryunosuke? When you say he's no longer amongst us, do you mean…? He's not…," he paused reluctantly, "… dead, is he?"

"Of course not!" Hijikata-san snapped rather brusquely, looking like he didn't want to spend any time discussing this subject. "He just ran away with that maiko lover of his last night while we were all busy."

Everyone started talking amongst themselves once more.

"Good man!" I heard Sano-san praise Ibuki-kun before Hijikata-san coughed loudly to regain everyone's attention again.

"Back to the main subject!" Hijikata-san snapped. "Regarding the evidence uncovered last night at the burned remains of Yamatoya... Saito, present us with your findings."

Saito-san sat up a little straighter. "It all started on July 23rd. A wealthy merchant was beheaded and his head was put on display at Sanjo Bridge[3] with a note placed beside the head. The note was nothing short of a hit list. Four other wealthy merchants were declared as scoundrels by name for selfishly buying up all the silk, wax, and oil in the markets to sell to foreigners. Terrified, those four merchants listed on the noted instantly put up a fight to protect themselves."

Saito-san picked up a fire-damaged journal and handed it to Hijikata-san. Hijikata-san opened the journal to the page where Saito-san had inserted a bookmark to scan its contents.

"While three of the merchants spread word on how they were willing to exchange their entire wealth for their lives, the owner of Yamatoya asked an acquaintance of his, who was a middleman of the Sonnō Jōi ronin, to entreat for his life," Saito-san continued. "According to another rumor, it is said that the owner of Yamatoya also donated 10,000 ryo to a government branch that was a great supporter of the Sonnō Jōi military group, the Tenchugumi. Upon hearing this, Serizawa-san rushed to Yamatoya and requested the owner sponsor the Roshigumi as well. The owner turned down Serizawa-san several times, resulting in last night's events."

Hijikata-san snapped the damaged journal shut, putting it down on the ground before tiredly resting his forehead on his hand.

"To tell the truth, they're both to blame." Hijikata-san lifted his head off his hand again. "That merchant… He thought he was safe once he kept in good terms with the Sonnō Jōi. How ignorant of him not to expect Serizawa-san to retaliate, and with cannon fire, no less."

"But even so, it remains a fact that merchant was frightened by the Tenchu warning, and sponsored the Sonnō Jōi group," Sannan-san pointed out.

Hijikata-san shook his head in irritation. "All of this just makes my head hurt when I try to figure out what to do next."

"But regardless of what is fact and what the Roshigumi's next move is, the damage is already done," I spoke up, closing my eyes briefly to escape from reality just for a short moment. "It matters not what the reasons are for the fire. 'The Commander of the Mibu Roshigumi set a merchant's house on fire,' will be forever etched in the minds of the civilians."

"It is as Shizuka says," Saito-san agreed. There was something unforgiving about the dark look that flashed in his eyes for less than a second. "Our success in the sumo wrestling performance has brought further income and improved civilian outlook on the Roshigumi. However, the commotion at Yamatoya has once again deteriorated our reputation and nullified the hard-won positive reception we gained during the sumo wrestling performance from the previous day. As long as Commander Serizawa remains in his position, will history not repeat itself?"

The silence that echoed throughout the main hall afterward was as loud as a gunshot in the dead of night.

Saito-san, who was born into the warrior caste and raised with the values of a samurai instilled into him, was never one to question leadership or orders. For him to question Serizawa-san's position as a leader…

"For you to voice your opinion to this extent," Hijikata-san smiled bitterly, "you must be boiling with rage."

"My apologies," Saito-san then said, bowing his head. "Forgive my impertinence. I spoke out of line."

Souji sighed in response, drawing everyone's attention to the despondent look in his eyes. "Hajime-kun's right. That man really is a nuisance."

"Ryunosuke picked a really good time to beat feet, didn't he?" Heisuke added. "Who knows what his future would have looked like if he stayed in Serizawa-san's service."

Sounds of agreement filled the room along with whispers of, "So where do you think he went?" among other things.

Hijikata-san clapped, stalling all side conversations. "At any rate," he said, sounding more tired than ever, "we'll have to rake up merits again, no matter how small."

Sannan-san dismissed everyone with a short nod of his head. It was really too bad the civilians' memories of Yamatoya in flames couldn't be dismissed with a nod of the head as well.

While I was not a part of any patrol, it was hard to miss the glares thrown the Roshigumi's way and the whispers that fill the streets every time a division passes by on patrol. There was even an event where I had to patch up the head wound of Adachi Ringoro, a foot soldier in Inoue-san's division who had a stone thrown at his head during one of the patrols. It wasn't until two days after the burning of Yamatoya that Otou-san and Hijikata-san were summoned before the Kyoto Military Commissioner. I felt my confidence slowly slither back into me once I noted that Serizawa was not summoned along with Hijikata-san and Otou-san.

Serizawa had fallen out of favor with the Aizu domain. It was time.

After Otou-san and Hijikata-san left to meet with the Kyoto Military Commissioner, I lingered near the front gate, busying myself with sweeping the already clean threshold of headquarters. I remained there the entire afternoon, only to depart for short bathroom breaks as I waited for them to return. It was not until the sun started to set and the scent of burnt taro wafted from the kitchen that I saw them returning.

Otou-san and Hijikata-san were speaking to one another in hushed tones as I rushed forward to greet them. I only caught the end of their conversation.

"—I'll talk to Serizawa-san to convince him to step down," Otou-san said.

I furrowed my brows as I paused my gait. That didn't sound right. Samurai don't willingly step down from a position of power and Aizu knew this. The only way to remove samurai from a position of power was to transfer them to another job or to strip them of their title. While the Aizu domain was far more powerful than Serizawa could ever hope to be, they possessed no jurisdiction to strip Serizawa of his title because Serizawa was not a samurai that belonged the Aizu domain. And again, the Aizu domain was far more powerful than Serizawa so there was no need for them to lower themselves to Serizawa's station to convince him to do anything.

The only logical explanation was that the Kyoto Military Commissioner had ordered Otou-san to deal with Serizawa before Serizawa could sully their name further and Otou-san wanted to achieve the same result through a different method.

A method that did not result in death.

"That's not going to work," I stated, alerting those two to my presence. They were so immersed in their own conversations that they nearly walked past me without noticing. "Samurai don't relinquish their position of power. They've been raised since childhood that they're entitled to it."

Hijikata-san shot me a warning look. I ignored it.

"Shizu-chan, you heard all that?" Otou-san asked, greeting me with his warm smile. I don't know if Otou-san ignored my ominous warning on purpose or if he completely missed it. "Well, it's not something to worry about. I just know that if I'm sincere, Serizawa-san will listen to me. Right, Toshi?"

Hijikata-san was quick to nod in false agreement while subtly sending me a gesture that practically screamed, "Shut up. I'll deal with everything."

Both had such wishful thinking that it felt juvenile. The saying, "If there's a will, there's a way," was complete bullshit in this situation.

But it mattered not what Otou-san was thinking and what Hijikata-san was intending. The deed was done and the order given. It was now only a matter of time. Serizawa will die. As for the method, it will be Otou-san's choice whether he like it or not.

* * *

[1] Nikuman (肉まん; derived from 肉饅頭 niku (meat) manjū) is the Japanese name for the Chinese baozi (包子) made from flour dough, and filled with cooked ground pork, beef or other ingredients. It is a kind of chūka man (中華まん lit. Chinese-style steamed bun) also known in English as pork buns.

Nikuman are steamed and often sold as street food. During festivals, they are frequently sold and eaten. From about August or September, through the winter months until roughly the beginning of April, Nikuman are available at convenience stores, where they are kept hot.

[2] Quote by Helen Keller.

[3] Sanjō Ōhashi (三条大橋) is a bridge in Kyoto, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan. It spans the Kamo River as part of Sanjō-dōri (三条大通り Third Avenue). It is well-known because it served as the ending location for journeying on both the Nakasendō and the Tōkaidō; these were two of the famous "Five Routes" for long distance travelers during the Edo Period in Japan's past.

It is unclear when this bridge was first built, but there are records of Toyotomi Hideyoshi orders for it to be repaired in 1590, as well as one of the original giboshi (擬宝珠) (onion-shaped posts that are located on bridges, shrines and temples in Japan).

The current concrete bridge, which includes two lanes for driving and a walking path on either side, was built in 1950.


	43. Chapter 43

So... I've run into a problem. I did say that I would work on the Saito story after I finished the Reimeiroku arc if I finish before the release of Kyoto Winds, but as I was mapping out that story, I came across an issue. Okita is an easy character for me to understand. So is Hijikata, Heisuke, and Harada. As for Saito, not so much. I'd say he's the one I least understand and I don't want to write him out of character. So if there is anyone that can offer a deeper insight to Saito's character, then that would be wonderful. I could almost even kiss you. So if you do have insight you can offer me about Saito, then message me, leave it in the reviews section, or just wherever you'd think I'd see it.

Thank you in advance and thank you so much for taking an interest in my stories. It means a lot to me!

* * *

 **Chapter 43**

 _"Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you."—Pericles_

There are many things I enjoyed about being friends with Kyoko-chan. First off, we're both women. She understood all the odds and ends of being female. I mean, there are just some things that men don't understand, like the pains of having a period. The only thing available to catch all that unwanted blood was an uma, a belt with a strip that was tied to the front and back of a belt to create a strange T-shaped underwear-looking thing. Think of it as a thong, a not so comfortable thong.

To simply put how uncomfortable that thing was to scale, those modern sanitary napkins women liked to complain about look like heaven when compared to this thing.

To put it kindly, the uma sucked at catching all the menstrual blood and had to be changed constantly. If a woman was having a heavy period, then you bet that some would end up leaking and running down her leg if she failed to change it on time. The uma also suck at staying stationary too. Just a little running would leave the thing sliding side to side. Again, leakage was horrible and very possible. It really was no surprise that most women stayed at home and even spent all day in bed during their periods.

Then there was also the fact that the uma itched something horrible when wearing one too. When putting cloth near such a sensitive area, one would expect a higher quality cloth that was soft to the touch.

Yeah… When that piece of cloth is going to be stained over and over again by what society deems as "unclean", there's no way someone would use high-quality fabric for an uma. And to make matters worse, uma were designed to be reusable. When you hate an article of clothing so much you just want to burn it, washing just so you can wear it again at a later date isn't really appealing.

Now, I may not have to worry about my period for a while because of my pregnancy but that does **_not_** mean I don't have to worry about the wearing a stupid uma. One thing most people often forget about is increased vaginal discharge while pregnant[1]. It may not be menstrual blood but it's best not to have that running down my leg either.

"Shizuka-chan," I felt a nudge, "get up. It's already morning."

I grumbled, expelling nonsensical sounds from the back of my throat before burying my face deeper into my wonderfully soft pillow. Then that nudging turned into a forceful push and I was sent rolling out of the futon in a slow crawl. This was done carefully, of course, by Kyoko-chan's impatient foot.

"Shizuka-chan," I looked up with bleary eyes to see Kyoko-chan staring down at me with her hands on her hips. "Really, you should get up and change your uma. I bet it's all nasty by now. Seriously, if you wanted to sleep in then you should have stayed at headquarters instead of coming over for a sleepover."

I groaned, using my arms to push myself off the ground and onto my butt. "It's not like you gave me much of a choice," I mumbled under my breath as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "You literally kidnapped me just as I was about to go to bed last night while saying something along the lines of, 'Let's have a girls' night!' Souji wasn't too happy about that."

"Meh," she shrugged her shoulder in the most careless manner possible, "he'll get over it. By the way, you're really clingy when you sleep. It's like sleeping in the same bed as a baby panda. I probably should have gotten you your own futon."

"Well, you never said anything about that before!" I exclaimed, suddenly waking up a little more in my offense.

Me? Clingy? Souji, on occasion, called me a blanket hog but never clingy.

"Because I was hoping that it would magically stop on its own. Obviously, it's not going to happen. How does Souji-san deal with your clinginess?" Kyoko-chan said before turning to dig through the overnight bag I brought with me before pulling out an uma and tossing it at me.

It hit me in the face.

"Because he's really clingy in his sleep in the first place," I replied, irked as I peeled the offending article of clothing off my face.

If I didn't need it, I would have thrown it back at her face.

I reached under my sleeping robe and slipped off my dirty uma before replacing it with the clean one, wrapping the spoiled one with some spare cloth to set it aside.

"He likes to drape his arm over me when he sleeps and he actually wakes up if there's nothing under his arm."

"Wah…" Kyoko-chan sounded super unenthusiastic at that info. "How do you sleep like that? I, personally, like my space when I sleep. I like to be able to spread my arms wide open and hit nothing."

I just shrugged. "I'm just used to it, I think. I mean, now that I think about it, I've spent more nights in my entire life sleeping next to someone than alone. I shared a futon with Otou-san when I was younger and I used to sneak off to sleep in Souji's futon on most nights when I finally stopped sharing with Otou-san."

"Aww, so that's why you're so clingy! You don't like sleeping alone!" she then gushed. All signs of her previous discomfort gone from existence.

I spluttered in objection but quickly snapped my mouth shut when proper words failed to form. What was there to deny? Everything she said was true.

Kyoko-chan then arched her eyebrow at me suggestively before quickly hurling a folded kimono with an obi at me from my overnight bag. "Now hurry up and change. Okaa-san promised to let you help cook if you woke up early enough."

Now, that caused me to wake up a bit more. Many may find cooking horribly boring and drab chore, but I liked working in the kitchen. Not only did it make me feel useful, considering that most of the men I lived with sucked at cooking, but it was when I could let all my creative juices flow. It almost even felt therapeutic to me.

Kyoko-chan watched in amusement as I threw on my clothing and even attempted to mess me up by tying my obi into a knot. The knot failed as it came undone in an instant but then it caused the side effect of my hair getting tangled in the heavy cloth. Hopping around on one foot, I tugged on the loose end to get obi untangled from my hair before colliding into Kyoko-chan, sending her careening down to the floor in a fit of unhelpful giggles. She rolled around, laughing on the floor and floundering about for several minutes before spring back up like zombie daisies when I prodded her with my foot.

"Well," she said while dusting herself of the imaginary dirt that clung to her once she settled down once more, "now that my haha-ue has someone else to assist her, I think I'll stay up here and lounge around. Too many cooks do spoil a good broth, after all. Plus, I think she'd appreciate having someone who's a better cook than me to help her. Now off you go."

She waved me away, shooing me down the stairs and into the kitchens. Then, as if Kyoko-chan were afraid of being caught in the kitchen, she quickly bolted back for the stairs again. She didn't make it very far. Out of nowhere, a hand snatched her up by the nape of her kimono, dragging her back into the kitchen as she moaned a very melodramatic, "Noooooooooooooo…"

Not only did she suck at cooking, she also didn't like cooking with her mother very much either, which was probably why Kyoko-chan's cooking skills were somewhat stagnant. Kumiko-san, while a friendly and lovely woman, was very nitpicky and pushy while in the kitchen. Kyoko-chan certainly did enjoy herself more in the kitchen when her mother wasn't around. Although, she was happiest when she had a ball of dough to play with.

"Not so fast, young lady," Kumiko-san said with a false, pleasant smile decorating her face before it turned terrifyingly stormy. "You invited Shizuka-chan over to stay the night because I said we were going to make gyoza today. You're not getting away just because you think she can replace you." Her voice then turned just as dark and stormy as her expression. "You're getting married at the end of this year so you better pray you stop giving people food poisoning with your food." Just as Kyoko-chan was crying tears of lament, Kumiko-san turned to me with a bright and sunny smile on her face. "Good morning, Shizuka-chan! I hope you slept well."

"I did." I bowed my head pleasantly her way as Kyoko-chan languished on the floor. Kumiko-san grip on the nape of Kyoko-chan's kimono was steadfast. "Thank you very much for having me over."

"Dammit, woman. You have your helper so let me be. Just because you won Otou-san over with your cooking doesn't mean I have to woo Kenji with my lackadaisical cooking," Kyoko-chan grumbled under her breath, incurring the wrath of her mother again.

" ** _HUH?!_** What was that?" A malicious grin spread across Kumiko-san's face. All the color drained from Kyoko-chan's face making her paler than milk. "Did my little limpet say something? I wasn't sure if she was complaining or just breathing a **_little_** too loudly."

Kyoko-chan shot up from the ground faster than I have ever seen her, which is saying something, before she reappeared at the kitchen counter with a knife in hand. "She was just breathing loudly!" Kyoko-chan was quick to exclaim before she began chopping the spring onions that magically appeared in her hands.

Kumiko-san's face grew bright and happy once again, obviously pleased with the results of her **_wonderful_** persuasion skills. She then turned to me, far more chipper than before.

"Now if you don't mind, Shizuka-chan, could you get the rice cooking, please? Use the smaller donabe. I don't want you straining yourself by lifting anything too heavy."

I nodded, scurrying off in a hurry to busy myself with my given task like a busy little mouse preparing its stash for winter. It was wonderful, in my opinion, to be working with Kumiko-san because she actually let me do stuff around the kitchen unlike the guys back home. Only those who've been pregnant before understand the limits and struggles of the pregnant, after all.

 ** _BOOM!_**

I almost dropped the donabe just as I was picking it up. The pots and pans in the kitchen rattle just as the whole house quaked along with that distant explosion that sounded like thunder. There was the sound of shattering ceramic behind me followed by panicked gasps. My eyes flickered to the nearby open window. There was a wisp of smoke rising into the sky in the distance in the direction of the Imperial Palace.

"What's happening?!" I heard Kumiko-san say in a harsh panicked whisper as she rushed past me to look out the window too. There was a gasp of horror before she slammed the paper window shut. She forceful grabbed me by the upper arm and dragged me away from the window and towards the center of the kitchen. "Keep away from the windows!"

Not like the shut paper windows and the thin wooden walls were going to protect us from whatever made that explosion but sure, if that's what would make her feel better.

"Okaa-san! What was that?" Kyoko-chan asked, sounding rather panicked too, which was rather rare.

It was easy to forget that sounds of an explosive nature weren't common here. While guns and some mechanics have existed for years, the commoners rarely ever come across them since they were so rare. A sudden sound explosion of that nature was obviously going to terrify the commoners and make them think the sky was falling.

Coming from the modern age, I have heard sounds like that before. The sound of a car backfiring, the sound of my idiot neighbor setting off illegal fireworks from his backyard on the Fourth of July, gunfire from movies, the sound of my car being smashed in the accident that caused my untimely death in my first life, all those gave off similar loud sounds. This sounded similar to gunfire. Gunfire from an extremely large gun.

Cannon fire.

My heart suddenly clenched painfully as my fingertips grew cold.

Cannon fire coming from the direction of the Imperial Palace. There had to be a skirmish or something going on there. The Roshigumi was undoubtedly going to get involved. And swords against the power of a cannon? I shouldn't be here.

Amidst all the panic, I shoved the donabe in my hands into Kyoko-chan's arms before running for the door.

"No! Shizuka-chan, come back! It's too dangerous!" I vaguely heard Kumiko-san cry after me.

I ignored her.

I didn't get far, however. Just as I stepped into the business portion of their house, hands grabbed my upper arms, halting my swift exit. I turned only to see Wakahisa-san looking down at me with a stern look of disapproval.

"It sounds like the Choshu are finally stirring up trouble," Wakahisa-san said before directing me back towards Kumiko-san, who was quick to swallow me up in a tight hug. "It's too dangerous to go outside. Best if you wait out the trouble here or until your husband or chichi-ue send someone to fetch you."

I struggled to pry Kumiko-san's arms off. "But I can't stay! I'm their medic and they'll undoubtedly get involved in this wild fiasco! The Roshigumi may have access to one cannon but they mainly use swords! What can that do against the power of many cannons or guns?! I need to go!"

My words only caused Kumiko-san to latch onto me with more fervor. Even Kyoko-chan appeared ready to tackle me and pin me down to the floor if I got free from her mother.

"No! You can't just go running into the streets after hearing all that! It's not safe!" Kumiko-san exclaimed. "Think of the baby!"

I froze in hesitation.

What if I got caught up in this mess just by stepping outside? What if I got hurt in all of this and the injuries were enough to cause a miscarriage? I wasn't exactly a mother yet but I could not condone harming my baby in any way.

"But I need to get back…," I repeated again. There was no more fight left in my limbs but my heart was still pounding faster than a jackrabbit could hop. There was no way I was going anywhere without an escort.

"I'm sure they'll understand and even prefer you to be here instead of braving the dangerous streets," Wakahisa-san reassured me, guiding me to a cushion so I could sit down. "Just try to calm down. I'm sure nothing will happen to them either."

"Of course not."

All of us suddenly jerked up at the sudden unexpected voice, turning our heads to the extra head, or heads, that suddenly appeared in the room undetected. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized Kenji-san was seated next to me. He wasn't even in the house before! Meanwhile, I could see Kohaku-kun hanging off of Kenji-san's sleeve. Kohaku-kun was still supposed to be sleeping upstairs.

"Okaa-san! Otou-san! Guess who came in through my window while I was still sleeping! Isn't Kenji-nii so cool!" Kohaku-kun cheered as Kumiko-san pried him off of Kenji-san's arm. But Kenji-san didn't seem to mind the extra person attach to him.

I placed my hand on my chest as I drew in a deep breath. My heart was still racing, and even more so than before now.

"What do you mean about that?" I asked Kenji-san, who was now examining the dirt under his fingernails nonchalantly. How he always appeared so calm, I'll never know.

"It's hard for someone to get injured when there's no actually fighting going on yet. Take it from me. I watched all of this practically unfold right on my doorstep. What you heard earlier was just a warning shot." Kenji-san stopped looking at his nails and started tapping them on the floor. "Wanna hear about all the events leading up to this spectacular awakening we all got this morning?"

I sat up straighter. Kenji-san took this as his cue to start speaking.

"As you know the Sonnō Jōi movement has been growing more extreme in the past few months. You know, with the Imperial troops forming and acerbic letters to the Bakufu being sent and all. Well, finally, after the Bakufu showed reluctance to expel the foreigners, the loyalist had begun demanding that the Emperor should do it himself. It was actually last month on July 11th that Masuda Danio, one of the most influential Choshu elder, official requested the Emperor to lead the military against the foreigners.[2]"

Kenji-san paused briefly, scanning my face to make sure I was keeping up. I nodded to get him to continue. This was a gold mine of insiders' information that the Roshigumi had little access to.

"Of course, the Court didn't act immediately and sent the lame excuse that it would take time to decide on such an important decision. Masuda didn't take that very calmly. In response, Masuda said that the Choshu were already following the orders to expel the foreigner and declared that the people would suffer if the Emperor did not take the lead. The following day after meeting with Masuda, the Court asked the daimyo of Inaba, Bizen, Awa, and Yonezawa for their opinion on the matter and they replied by saying that the prestige of the Court would suffer if it acted on the ideas of a few loyalist and a wider sample of opinions should be sampled before making such an important decision. So nothing much was done regarding the foreigners, angering the Choshu, thus all of the violent 'Vengeance of Heaven' crap going on. And now, finally, just five days ago, on the 13th, an Imperial edict was issued sanctioning a campaign against the foreigners. This Imperial edict is obviously pissing off a lot of different domains.[3]"

"And this leads to today's events?" I asked, tugging on my sleeves in uneasy impatience.

Kenji-san nodded. "This is where things get dicey. Obviously, the pissed off domains aren't just going to sit around and let the radical Choshu have their way. Two days ago, the Kōbu Gattai[4] nobles of the Aizu and Satsuma domains announced their plan of retaliation to the Emperor regarding the Imperial edict.[5]"

"Wait," I interrupted, putting my hands up in a stop motion. "I thought the Aizu domain and the Satsuma domain don't like each other very much. Why would they team up?"

Kenji-san cleared his throat looking displeased with the interruption. I smiled sheepishly at him apologetically as he crossed his arms at me with an arched eyebrow.

"This is just an alliance of convenience," Kenji-san explained. "The Satsuma domain has not only been concerned about the growing danger threatening this country but also with their own declining prestige. Satsuma enmity towards the Choshu has only increased when the samurai of Satsuma were forbidden to enter the court back on May 29th. Not to mention, the Satsuma were removed from their station at one of the nine gates of the Imperial Palace. As for the Aizu domain, they've always been a staunch support of the Bakufu."

"So it's because they have a mutual dislike for the Choshu they chose to work together," I murmured under my breath. Kenji-san nodded despite the fact I was speaking to myself.

"Yup, that sounds about right. When the Imperial edict was issued on the 13th, Satsuma and Aizu retaliated by teaming up in order to carry out a coup d'état. On the 16th, the Emperor was approached by the Kōbu Gattai nobles of Aizu and Satsuma, thus resulting in the Emperor giving out his approval for the coup, abet hesitantly. So earlier this morning, at dawn, Satsuma and Aizu troops secured the nine gates of the Palace and refused to admit anyone into the Palace without an official summon. The Kōbu Gattai nobles were then called into an Imperial conference before Imperial edicts were subsequently sent out to call for other daimyo troops to strengthen the defenses of the Imperial Palace, completing the coup. Now, when the Choshu discovered this, they sent two men to look into the matter. The two men then returned to report that the gate entrusted to Choshu was now being held by Satsuma. Outraged, four hundred Choshu troops along with one thousand 'Imperial troops' were sent and are now assembled opposite of Sakaimachi Gate. Then, as you heard, warning shots were fired by the Satsuma as an edict was sent to warn the Choshu forces not to resort to violence. At the current moment, there is a stalemate at the gate.[6]"

"But there is still a chance that fighting will break out, right?" I asked whilst nibbling on my lower lip.

Kenji-san just nodded before his eyes flickered to Wakahisa-san behind me for a brief moment. Kenji-san then smiled at me, standing up first before offering me a hand. I looked at him questioningly but took it anyways.

"You want to get home, right? I'll take you back," Kenji-san said before turning to wink at Kyoko-chan, who turned to mush at the action, with a smoldering look. "I'll be back, so cook me breakfast, alright sweetheart?"

Kumiko-san sniggered just as Kyoko-chan vanished and reappeared in the kitchen. Nobody could pry Kyoko-chan out of the kitchen now.

"You are very brave to eat her cooking," I said to Kenji-san when we were finally outside and out of earshot.

"Is that so?" he mused.

With the sound of cannon fire so early in the morning, it was no surprise the streets were absolutely empty. There were no shops open for business and even all the windows were shut, which had to be unbearable. It was still the morning, but it was also summer and the heat of Kyoto's summers was nothing to scoff at. As for Kenji-san, he appeared completely unworried at all. It was almost like he was taking a leisurely stroll with his arms behind his head. He was even whistling!

"Calm down," he said just as we turned a corner and headquarters came into sight. "It's unlikely they'll start shooting at each other and even more unlikely for the fighting to spread into the streets. No use worrying over nothing, right?"

I shot him an irritated glance. "I know that!" I relaxed my bristling shoulders, "It's just easier said than done. I'm still nervous about everything."

Kenji-san didn't seem to care that I snapped at him and just pat my back nonchalantly as he escorted me inside headquarters. It was noticeably empty for the most part. As we came upon the main hall, I saw that the doors were open and everyone was corralled inside, creating a sea of blue uniforms. I could hear parts of the conversation going on inside.

"What?! I hear Hijikata-san exclaim, reacting to something just Yamazaki-san said. "Aizu and Satsuma are guarding the Sakaimachi Gate?"

"What?!"

"I believe the Choshu originally guarded that post."

"Right. The Choshu domain is looking for a chance to enter the Palace, but Aizu and Satsuma are staring them down, Intent not to let them step foot inside."

"The situation is volatile. Battle could break out at any moment."

"Battle, huh?"

"This makes me uneasy," I then heard Otou-san say before turning to look directly at Souji. "We should go send someone one to fetch Shizu-chan from Wakahisa-san's house so we know she safely at headquarters…"

"Or…," Kenji-san said, making our presence known. Otou-san and Souji's faces seemed to light up at relief at the mere sight of me. "You could just wait for me to escort her back and all. But then again, the cannon fire up near the Palace as seemed to scare everyone off the streets and there is no fighting yet so one **_could_** argue that Shizuka-chan could just safely walk back herself."

Serizawa then narrowed his eyes at Kenji-san. "Who the hell are you?" he all but demanded.

Kenji-san, despite never meeting Serizawa in person before, had already deemed the insufferable man to be "too troublesome" to deal with. With a gentle shove towards Souji and wink, Kenji-san vanished with a gust of wind, leaving Serizawa's question hanging in the air.

Serizawa scoffed, saying something about rudeness under his breath as I went to sit beside Souji and tuck myself under his arm. Souji let out a sigh of relief and pecked my forehead.

I saw Hijikata-san let out a subtle sigh of relief in the front too before he crossed his arms in deep thought and turned to talk to Otou-san.

"But why are the feuding Aizu and Satsuma domains teaming up?"

Otou-san shook his head. "It's beyond me."

Serizawa made a condescending sound with the back of his throat, causing Sannan-san and Hijikata-san to narrow their eyes in offense. "It merely means that the world is not as simple as you simple-minded louts!" Serizawa barked out patronizingly with a hint of a mocking smile on his lips.

"What was that?!" Hijikata-san's lips curled up to reveal his clenched teeth.

I disliked Serizawa too, but right now was no time to be arguing.

"Hey!" I clapped at the same time to attract everyone's attention. "You know the saying, 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'? Just apply that to the situation and you'll have everything you need to know. Aizu and Satsuma are currently holding a coup to remove Choshu from the influential sphere of power."

Whispers arose all over the room as the men began conversing amongst themselves. Serizawa, on the other hand, scoffed while looking somewhat smug.

"So, a woman knows more about the political situation than the men?" Serizawa let out a bark like laugh, causing Hijikata-san to look about ready to punch the man in the face. "What a riot!"

"Oh, do shut up before you lower the intelligence of everyone in this room with your sexist babbling," I couldn't help but snap in indignation.

I heard Serizawa snarl thunderously at me before Souji placed his hand over my eyes to get me to simmer down. I normally would have been scolded for purposely egging Serizawa on, but Souji just seemed pleased this time and settled for a tap on the wrist.

Hijikata-san scoffed, drawing all attention off of me again just as he pinched his brow and crossed his arms. "I don't care about what's in the minds of opportunist who change their attitudes based on the situation," he snapped while shooting Serizawa a nasty glare.

Silence fell upon the room until Shinpachi-san decided to break it. "So?" he said, undoubtedly urging for action. "What do we do?"

Otou-san closed his eyes, unsure and inexperienced from this type of leadership. "We cannot move the squad without orders from Aizu," he said, reopening his eyes after some thought. Even his answer sounded somewhat hesitant.

"So we have to wait?" Hijikata-san asked just as the room fell silent again.

The sound of a tessen snapping shut drew everyone's attention to Serizawa just as he climbed to his feet with purpose in his eyes. "We're leaving!" Serizawa announced, his voice, as much as I'd hate to admit it, was awe-inspiring. "We'll merely lose the chance to earn distinction if we sit around!" He turned to Otou-san, who looked as equally awed as rest of the foot soldiers. "Are you coming or not?"

Otou-san sprung to his feet faster than he could nod his head in agreed excitement. The men, all excited to see their commanders in action, all leaped to their feet as they babbled to each other with a tangible eagerness. Then, with the most impeccable timing ever, a messenger on a horse came bursting through the front gates of headquarters before coming to a screeching halt in the courtyard just as the horse reared, making it look like this was some heroic scene plagiarized from some film.

"I bring orders!" the messenger declared as his majestic horse threw its head back and whinnied.

At that moment I almost half-expected the man to say, "The Huns have invaded China!" or something else Mulan related.

"The Roshigumi are to make haste to the Imperial Palace! Guard the gates!"

For once, all the leaders of the Roshigumi seemed to fall into agreement as they turned and nodded at each other. And while Serizawa appeared rather calm; Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san seemed to be abuzz with elation.

"Our lord has given the order!" Otou-san announced, his voice booming as he turned to his men with great vigor and a grin on his face. "The Mibu Roshigumi are to mobilize! We shall be the ones to protect the Emperor!"

A cheer roared across the men as they rushed into the courtyard to line up into their division. The Roshigumi was flag hoisted up, high into the air, as the character "sincerity" fluttered in the sudden gust.

"Shizuka." I looked up at Souji just before he pulled me off to the side in the shade of the main hall. "I want you to stay here. Yamazaki-kun will be serving as our medic today."

Oh, how I wanted to revolt! Souji and Otou-san were going down to the battlefield and I wasn't?! Who would look after them? How would I know my boys were going to be okay? How would I know they would get the proper treatment if injured if I was not there?

I growled but remained silent otherwise. Eleven weeks along meant tiring much more quickly and easily. Even if I was allowed to go, could I keep up? If fighting was to actually break out, could I guarantee the safety of my child?

The cold truth was no. I'd have no control over anything.

"Shizuka…" Souji placed one hand against the wall beside my head, sandwiching me between him and the wall. "Please don't be like this." Souji dropped his face against the crook of my neck and tiredly took a deep breath. "You don't have to like it, but… just understand why."

I compromised, letting my growl drop as I snaked my arms around Souji and clung to him like a life vest. Truthful, I didn't like being left behind, but what I hated even more was how scared I felt. What if the whole situation devolved into fighting? **_What if Souji didn't come back?_**

"Just come back home at the end of the day."

"I know," Souji said as he carefully removed himself from my arm. "I won't keep you waiting."

He left with a bittersweet kiss.

* * *

[1] It's common to have more vaginal discharge in pregnancy. It's usually harmless, and not that different from the discharge that one usually has before pregnancy. There's just more of it.

Normal vaginal discharge is called leucorrhoea. It's a mild or musky-smelling milky fluid that keeps the vagina clean. It comes from the cervix, which is the neck of the uterus (womb). Vaginal discharge increases when pregnant because more blood is flowing to the area.

This discharge tends to increase as the end of pregnancy approaches and it can be quite heavy.

[2] Craig, Albert M. _Choshu in the Meiji Restoration_. Lanham: Lexington Books, 1961. 204-07. Print.

[3] Craig, Albert M. _Choshu in the Meiji Restoration_. Lanham: Lexington Books, 1961. 204-07. Print.

[4] Kōbu gattai (Japanese: 公武合体, Union of the Imperial Court and the Shogunate) was a policy in Bakumatsu Japan aiming at obtaining a political coordination between the Bakufu and the Imperial Court. The policy was adopted following the murder of the Prime Minister Ii Naosuke in 1860. The assassination, combined with the popular upheaval against foreign encroachment, forced the Bakufu to soften its political stance, and to adopt the compromise policy of Kōbu Gattai upon the suggestion of the Satsuma and Mito Domains. In the following years, the Shogunate and the Imperial court would vie for political supremacy.

[5] Craig, Albert M. _Choshu in the Meiji Restoration_. Lanham: Lexington Books, 1961. 204-07. Print.

[6] Craig, Albert M. _Choshu in the Meiji Restoration_. Lanham: Lexington Books, 1961. 204-07. Print.


	44. Chapter 44

Thank you to all those who responded previously.

Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter 44**

 _"The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise." ― Tacitus_

It was strange, being alone at headquarters, somewhere that was always full of people. Well, not entirely alone. Masa-san did take it upon herself to come find me and chat me up. It was nice of her. It really was, but as someone she did not come to talk to often, all her presence did was make me more aware of those who left for the battlefield. Seeing as I was not very responsive to her inquiries, Masa-san soon left me alone to stew in my thoughts.

That was five hours ago.

I ran my fingers along the wooden grain of the roka's wooden planks as I watched the long shadows of the walls grow with the setting of the sun. Headquarters was a reasonable enough distance from the Imperial Palace and its nine gates. Far away enough that the daily buzz of the Palace didn't affect my daily life, yet close enough to be within walking distance. Close enough to be able to hear gunfire with astute clarity. I heard no such gunfire today other than the warning shots from this morning.

Still, I found myself jumping at every sound. The pitter pat of Yuu-kun's feet as he ran about in his parents' house, the clang of a pot dropping in the kitchen, the bark of one of the neighbors' dogs. All those sounds unnerved me, making me wonder if the guys were safe or if they were being shot at. As crappy as Japanese guns were at the moment, being shot still could create a pretty serious a gunshot wound.

I kicked at the dirt, sending a miniature dust cloud rising up into the air as I sat and began tapping my fingers on the roka. The dust scattered with a small gust, vanishing like smoke. A forlorn sigh escaped from my lips before I grew restless once more. I pushed myself off my seat on the roka as I settled for pacing in the courtyard uselessly again for the eleventh time today.

So I heard nothing from the battlefield. Absolutely nothing. No gunshots, no more cannon fire, nor did I even a single battle cry. I also didn't hear a stupid report from anyone. It was as if I had become so unimportant that no one would even think to put my worries to rest with just simple word from the battlefield. No sound, just the loud silence of my anxiety devouring me alive.

That anxiety was not so easy to deal with. It made my head hurt and my world spin as the colors of reality suddenly became too bright for me to handle. Nevermind the fact that my morning sickness was starting to taper off, this anxiety made me want to vomit the entire day.

Suddenly, my world tipped on its axis again. I ceased my pointless pacing and placed my hand on a nearby wall to steady myself before I could topple over as I waited for this bout of dizziness, one of many I had already experienced today, to pass. I breathed deeply, taking long and deep breaths, holding them in before exhaling once more in hopes the dizziness would exit my body along with my breath. A temporary solution to my dizziness that never lasted longer than ten minutes. It really would have been a smarter and safer choice to remain seated, but I couldn't remain still. I felt like I was suffocating.

My blood pressure had to be through the roof by now.

The back of my throat then burned and before I knew it, I was rushing to the bushes to upchuck what little watery substance remained in my stomach from my previous episode.

Ugh. Gross.

I wiped my mouth of all the disgusting debris with the back of my hand before I felt a gentle touch between my shoulder blades.

"Shizuka-chan?"

I glanced back to see Inoue-san, still clad in his pristine blue uniform and untouched forehead protector, glancing down at me with a small frown and wrinkles in his brow. Pressure welled up in the back of my throat, causing me to turn back to the bushes to gag a few more times. Nothing else came up. I had sufficiently emptied my stomach by now.

I took a few more deep breaths. "It's nothing. I'm fine," I assured Inoue-san, putting my hands back on the nearby wall for support. I moved away from the bushes to rest my sweaty forehead on the wall, closing my eyes as I willed my queasiness to settle down. My efforts failed as my stomach rebelled again, causing me to dry heave a few more times.

"Are you sure?" he asked, clearly not believing me as he rubbed circles into my back.

I lifted my forehead off the wall so I could push my bangs back with a groan. "I am, but a cup of water would be wonderful. Do you think you could…?"

"Not a problem."

Inoue-san took me by my elbows and escorted me back to the edge of the roka, carefully seating me on the edge before rushing to the kitchen to get me my cool beverage. He returned just as swiftly, not even bothering to hand the cup to me as he lifted it to my lips for me. I took a sip, gurgling and spitting a mouthful of water onto the dirt near my feet before I chugged the rest of the water to soothe my parched throat.

"How do you feel now, Shizuka-chan?" Inoue-san asked, crouching before me, carefully avoiding the small puddle I created as he placed the empty cup beside me on the roka. He placed his palm on my forehead. "Do you still feel sick?"

I shook my head. "No… Not so much now." I removed his warm hand from my forehead and held it reassuringly with both my hands. "When did you get back? And the others? What happened?"

Inoue-san smiled at me reassuringly, the wrinkles at the corners of his mouth making him appear gentler than normal. "I just stepped into headquarters as you were sick in the bushes. The others will return soon. The Choshu troops withdrew from the gate to the east side of the city without any fight breaking out while Satsuma and Aizu withdrew to within the gate."

"The Choshu just gave up without a fight?" I bit the inside of my mouth in unease. "That can't be just the end of that. The Choshu are just willing to lose their position in Court without putting up a fight? This can't be the end. Power struggles never end that peacefully."

In fact, I was certain that power struggles always ended in an explosive manner. Well, unless one side was killed off before doing any damage, which wasn't the case here.

"Well, it did this time," Inoue-san replied, withdrawing his hand so he could pat me soothingly on the back. He moved to sit beside me. "The others will return soon," he repeated again. "No fighting means nobody is injured."

Then, slowly, a furious emotion boiled up from the pit of my stomach as I fought to keep my expression stationary. My anxiety from before had all but evaporated in the face of my outrage. There was no fighting, nobody injured, and yet nobody could be bothered to send word to me to let me know they were all alright? I had spent my whole day worrying, feeling sick over them! And no one bothered?!

Oh, I was furious with everyone but with Souji above all. Souji knew me best. He should have known better.

"You know what?" I said somewhat curtly to Inoue-san, standing up abruptly. "I'm going to go cook dinner. I'm sure nobody ate anything all day."

"Shizuka-chan, wait." Inoue was quick to jump to his feet before putting his hand on my shoulder to stop me. "You threw up not too long ago and Souji made his wishes of not having you in the kitchen while pregnant very clear. The men are tired from today's events, but they're not so tired that they cannot cook their own meals when they return. You should be resting."

Really? He was going to tell me to "rest" after all the anxiety **_they_** had thrust upon me today? Even anesthesia wouldn't be able to put me down right now.

I scoffed, pushing Inoue-san's hand off with subtle rudeness before I stomped off. "Really? Them being tired from doing absolutely nothing but stare down the enemy? They must have the stamina of a fossilized granny. Oh, blinking must make them so tired."

"Shizuka-chan." Inoue-san pinched his brows, looking at me with a scolding expression. However, I couldn't find myself to care very much as I turned my back on him and stormed into the kitchen.

Inoue-san was smart enough to leave me alone to simmer in my own thoughts of anger in my small rebellion.

It didn't take long for the rest of the men to return to headquarters. I heard the footsteps of soldiers busying themselves upon return before I heard a set of heavy steps belonging to my irritated husband stop behind me at the threshold of the open kitchen door. I ignored his presence behind me even as he cleared his throat. Instead, I focused on depositing my chopped eggplant into a pot on the stove. Now turning my attention to the raw chicken on the chopping board, seeing as raw fish still made me sick, I silt the fowl lengthwise with my knife along its collarbone and began the process of skinning the bird.

"Shizuka, I know you know I'm here. I would appreciate it if you turn to face me," Souji said and was promptly ignored once more. "I thought I made it very clear that I don't want you cooking anything when you're still pregnant."

He didn't update me all day, so I'm sure he'd live without me talking to him for a day either.

"Mature. The silent treatment. Are you really planning on ignoring me? Really?"

I placed the skinned chicken into another pot of water on the stove. Chicken soup instead of the typical miso soup sounded good right about now. I **_will_** make sure to put in plenty of green onions.

"Shizuka." There was an annoyed growl. "You're being petty. Come on, don't do this to me after such a long day."

Yeah, a long day of me not knowing if he was safe or not. Would it really have killed him to send a messenger back to let me know his status? Otou-san's and the others' status? That stupid moron. Did he really think I wouldn't be upset?

Before I could place the lid on the pot, arms looped around my waist, pulling me away from the stove before I was pinned to the wall by the door. Souji held my wrist against the wall as he glowered down at me. His eyes narrowed when I refused to meet his eyes. Like Inoue-san, he was still clad in his clean uniform and undamaged forehead guard.

"Shizuka, it's rude to ignore your husband like this."

I huffed and turned my face the other way, slightly tilting my head up in arrogance as I did so.

"Shizuka."

He slipped his gentle yet firm fingers under my chin to turn my head back towards him, and before I could stop myself, my eyes began to water once they caught a glimpse of his lively green eyes. Stupid hormones. I stomped on his toes as a last ditch effort to tell him I was still furious with him. To his credit, all Souji did was wince and release my wrists, but he still kept me against the wall with his body.

"You're such a jerk," I murmured, rubbing my eyes dry with the back of my arms. Souji's eyes softened at small whimper that could be heard my voice. "Why didn't you send a message back to let me know that everything was okay and you were fine? Do you know how scared I was today? How endless it felt just simply because I didn't know if you were okay? If everyone was okay?" I teared up faster than I could wipe away the tears. "Why didn't you let me know?"

Souji pulled my arms away from my eyes and wiped the remaining tears away with a swipe of his thumbs.

"Shizuka…" He pressed a light kiss on my forehead as I continued to sniffle. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I know this isn't an excuse, but I didn't know you would feel like this. This is the first time the Roshigumi got called on for anything so important. I didn't do this on purpose…" He took a deep breath. "I just didn't know better."

"You're an idiot." I whacked his chest weakly.

"I know," he said, pulling me in for a hug before nuzzling the top of my head.

I didn't fight the hug. I latched onto his clothing instead and rubbed my face dry with his uniform while using it to stifle my obnoxious sniffling.

His body was still warm just like it always had been. I could feel his heart beating within and his chest rising up and down from each breath he took. The battlefield wasn't dangerous this time around. He was alive, still alive. That's all I could ask for.

"So," Souji said dryly when he finally released me to brush my bangs away from my face, "this is how you rebel? By cooking dinner?" He arched his eyebrow up at me in amusement to lighten the atmosphere. "I dunno. It doesn't seem that rebellious. Plus, I'm getting a meal out of it too."

I scoffed playfully despite my still red eyes as I returned to the stove. Souji didn't stop me from chopping up the rest of the vegetables to go in the chicken soup.

"It got my point across, didn't it?" came my snarky remark.

Souji lingered nearby afterward, not going anywhere even though I was sure he did have duties to attend to as a captain. I'm certain the main reason he stayed was to make sure I didn't become queasy since he was allowing me to cook out of his own guilt. I wasn't so eager to chase him away either. After not knowing how he was all day, how anyone was all day, this was like a breath of fresh air. He was free to steal bits of dinner from under my nose since I didn't bother slapping away his thieving hands.

"Hot!" Souji exclaimed, attempting a little too late to blow on the piece of eggplant he just dropped in his mouth. He swallowed the offending vegetable and hastily gulped down a cup of water.

"Don't just drop it into your mouth if it's fresh from the pot," I scolded him as I poked the chicken in the boiling soup with a pair of chopsticks. The flesh was white and fully cooked. "Of course it's going to be hot. Did you even taste anything before swallowing it in a hurry like that?"

"Yes."

I didn't bother calling his buff as I subtly glanced at the second set of kitchen doors that lead inside. While I was busying myself with the pots on the stove earlier, I had seen Otou-san's shadow appear on the shōji doors. Plus, I caught his head a few times as he sneakily peeked in.

"Can you pull the pot of soup off the stove for me? It's done."

Souji nodded as he put down his cup but he wasn't the one that ended up moving the pot for me. Otou-san, who apparently decided to step into the kitchen from his hiding place at that moment, was the one that got to the pot first.

"I got it!" Otou-san said, picking up some stray hand towels from the counter on his way to the pot and using them to wrap the handles of the earthenware pot to protect his hands as he removed the pot from the heat. "It smells good. I heard a rumor from Gen-san a little bit earlier that you were the one cooking dinner tonight. I thought I'd come check it out."

"You mean you were scoping out to see whether or not I'd be mad," I corrected knowingly, making Otou-san sheepishly rub the back of his neck. "If Inoue-san told you I'm cooking dinner, then he also must have told you what my mood was. Plus, I saw you peeking in the kitchen every few minutes. No offense, Otou-san, you're not exactly the stealthiest person."

"Err… So, you're not angry?" Otou-san stepped to the side as I step in between him and the pot so I could begin ladling the soup into the bowls. "Maybe Gen-san was mistaken…," he then muttered under his breath to himself. "Good thing too… Edo women have legendary tempers…"

"Well, not always." I did suck at staying angry at people.

Souji, while appearing relieved that I wasn't going to blow up at Otou-san, also seemed a little sour that I didn't snap at anyone else but him. But still, he didn't say anything to reveal his annoyance at dinner. It was after dinner when…

"SOUJI, YOU BASTARD! KNOCK IT OFF!"

Poor Hijikata-san, always Souji's target. Hijikata-san's tea tasted like ink that night.

The following morning, everyone was once again gathered in the main hall but there were a few minor yet important differences. Serizawa and Niimi were absent from this meeting, no doubt thinking they were far too important to attend a meeting dealing with such trivial matters. There was also no need to wear the infamous blue uniform this morning to this meeting. This meeting was dealing a much lighter topic rather than dealing with the heavy combat related matters of yesterday.

Otou-san stood up at the head of the main hall, clapping his hands to quiet the men. He seemed particularly cheerful this morning, his face even seeming too small to accommodate his particularly large smile. There was an impatient twinkle in his eye, the telltale sign that he was about to burst with marvelous news.

"Everyone, you did wonderfully the other day," Otou-san exclaimed, causing the men to brim with pride. Such a compliment from the Commander himself! How could they not be proud? "The Lord of Aizu was most impressed by our work. He now says he would like to officially entrust patrolling Kyoto to us."

The room erupted into feverish chatter consisting of the men patting each other on the back and talk of the possibilities waiting in the future.

"Wow, that's awesome!" Shinpachi very nearly bounced out of his seat in excitement. He was exceptionally loud.

Sano-san nodded in eager agreement, his own smile becoming nearly as large as Otou-san's. "This should make conducting our patrols a lot easier!"

"And," Otou-san continued, merely raising his voice above the hubbub instead of quieting the men once more, "he bestowed a great honor upon us! The Lord Aizu had bequeathed a new name to our squad."

At the moment of the great reveal, Otou-san reached into his sleeve and pulled out a crisp scroll. With one majestic wave of his hand, he unrolled the scroll, revealing contents as he held the scroll proudly above his head.

"We're the Shinsengumi!" Otou-san announced with his booming voice.

The room exploded into excitement. All the disorder and chatter from before sounded like a tiny bee buzzing around compared to all the sound now. I could even see Shinpachi-san grab Heisuke in an excited headlock and shaking Heisuke until he had swirls in his eyes.

"Yeah! We're awesome!"

"Gah! Shinpat-san, I can't breathe!" Heisuke clawed at Shinpachi-san's arms with his ineffectual hands

"The Shinsengumi…"

"Nobody can stop us now!"

Still remaining seated at the front, Hijikata-san crossed his arms. Excited yet calm at the same time, a prideful smile emerged on his lips. He cleared his throat, impressively drawing everyone's attention without raising his voice. "This name use to be the name of an actual organization in the Aizu domain. Those who excelled in the military arts gathered under it."

"That's kinda inspiring, isn't it?" Heisuke exclaimed, fixing his hair up after getting Shinpachi-san to release him.

"Yeah!"

Otou-san chuckled at all the enthusiasm. His impossibly good mood growing even more.

"So," the room fell quiet once again at Otou-san's voice, "in other words, the Lord of Aizu believes that the Roshigumi are worthy as warriors to inherit that name. To meet his expectations, we must further dedicate ourselves to our mission!"

"Yeah!" the room erupted into a chorus.

"It's not often you get a day as good as this!" Heisuke then blurted out once the room fell back into order. Jumping to his feet, he looked like a kid with too much candy. "Hijikata-san, how 'bout it? It's been ages since we've partied!"

Hijikata-san and Otou-san didn't even hesitate as they turned to each other and nodded, clearly feeling Heisuke's contagious cheer. They appeared just as eager as Heisuke, though Hijikata-san was far better at hiding it than Otou-san.

"Yeah," Hijikata-san announced, causing everyone in the room to perk up. "We'll celebrate tonight."

"That's what I like to hear!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, jumping to his feet too as he grabbed Heisuke again in a headlock.

"Gah! Shinpat-san!"

I covered my mouth in a weak attempt to hide my smile and giggle as I watched the men all jump up in cheer again. Even Saito-san, the very epitome of calm, didn't remain seated. While he wasn't near as close to being as loud as the others, the small smile on this face spoke just as loudly.

A party? The last celebration that we had was the small celebration we had right after the exhibit matches we put on for Aizu all those months ago. That celebration was the typical, "Let's break out the alcohol," party. There was nothing too fancy about it other than the extra alcohol being served at dinner. But for this party? Just alcohol wouldn't do! Absolutely not!

Not when the Roshigumi, or should I now say the Shinsengumi, was finally being acknowledged as a force with value.

I slipped out the main hall as everyone was still busy congratulating each other. There had to be food! Food fancier than our normal meal! Just thinking about it was enough to make be jittery with excitement. I stepped into the kitchen before opening the pantry doors.

Problem number one, there was food, but the ingredients we kept in storage weren't the ingredients I needed to cook a fancy feast. I needed to go shopping, or at least send someone else to do my shopping. I wasn't exactly keen on heading into the markets at the current moment.

"Shizuka?"

I looked behind me just as Souji approached me and touched the side of my belly. He had noticed me leaving and followed me out.

Problem number two, being pregnant and all, would Souji actually let me cook for the party? I was only allowed to cook dinner last night because Souji felt guilty for worrying me. Cooking an entire feast was also a lot of work. It'd be like cooking an entire Chinese New Year's dinner without help, something I recommend not doing seeing as I had been there before in my past life.

"What are you doing?" Souji asked, though, undoubtedly, he could see the gears turning in my head. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what I was thinking.

"Do you think we can get some ducks for tonight's feast?" I asked before checking on the amount of flour we had left in one pot. There was just enough to make some plain steamed buns to accompany the main course I was stitching together in my head.

"Heisuke knows where to catch a couple," Souji mused before patting me on the head. "Simmer down a bit. You're not even going to be cooking for tonight. Just because I let you yesterday doesn't mean I'll let you today."

I sagged in exasperation while turning to face Souji. "Seriously? Come one, Souji! My morning sickness is starting to taper off by now and I only have an aversion to raw fish." I groaned when I saw Souji's unmoving expression. "It supposed to be a feast. You surely don't want the others cooking, do you? Saito-san is the only one that is even remotely decent at cooking!"

Souji appeared unconvinced as he crossed his arms at me.

"Sure, I see you throwing up less but…" But of course, there always had to be something. "I also see you yawning more and taking more naps. Cooking a feast will keep you busy all day. You sure you have enough energy and stamina for that?"

"I know how to work under pressure. I can deal. Plus, want to surprise everyone with something they've never eaten before!"

That something that the men have never eaten before? Peking duck[1].

Yes, I did know how to cook the difficult recipe of Peking duck.

In my past life, my parents were the first of their families to emigrate from China to the United States. Both came from farming families where education wasn't the highest priority. My dad never completed high school and my mom was only allowed to complete middle school by her parents. In order to earn a living in the United States without an education, my parents fell back onto what skills they did possess. My dad, an excellent cook. My mom, despite having no higher education than middle school, was excellent at managing money. Naturally, they opened a restaurant where I and my younger brother spent our youth helping out. The specialty dish my parent's restaurant was known for in the neighborhood? Peking duck.

"Can't you just instruct the others on how to cook?" Souji suggested.

"Not this time. It's my own specialty dish." Well, actually it was my dad's recipe. "It's a bit hard for a novice to complete."

"Shizuka, no."

I grumbled under my breath at the denial as I rubbed my belly. I was more than thrilled that I was expecting, of course, but being pregnant was just such a huge unwanted hassle. It was like being put in a bird's cage while being taunted by the blue sky above.

"Then how about this?" I said. "You let me cook just for tonight and I won't complain about not being able to cook nor will I try to sneak into the kitchen anymore for the rest of my pregnancy."

I was tempted to cross my fingers behind my back. I was only stopped by the fact I would be lying to Souji if I did.

Souji grumbled to himself before he sighed, glancing towards the stove before looking back at me. "Fine. Just this time, but if you show any signs of sickness, then you're out of the kitchen and the others will cook. Understand?"

I beamed at him and surprised him with an unexpected kiss. Then before I could get started in the kitchen, I skedaddled to the restroom for the millionth time this morning.

The end result of an entire day at the stove? Seven golden, crispy ducks surrounded by white steamed buns and some side dishes. Of course, those side dishes didn't come out to be quite as impressive as the ducks but they were still decent. Then, in addition to all the food, was one exhausted chef. By the time the men started digging into the food, I was already more than halfway to dreamland in my seat.

I covered my mouth, yawning just as I leaned against Souji's shoulder. The cup of saké paused halfway to his mouth as he spared the time to raise his eyebrow knowingly at me.

"I told you so?" I said sleepily, cutting Souji off just before he could say anything. I nestled myself closer to him just as he put down his cup. "It was still worth it. Look how much everyone's enjoying themselves."

Shinpachi-san and Heisuke seemed particularly thrilled at all the food.

"Shinpat-san, stop talking with your mouth full. You're spitting out chunks of food. It's so gross."

"You're just sayin' that 'cause you're envious of how fast I can eat, shorty!"

Souji just merely made a sound of acknowledgment as he glanced at the two messy eaters before wrapping an arm around me, securing me to his side so I wouldn't randomly topple over.

"Do you want to sleep?" Souji asked before slipping a slice of duck into his mouth.

"No."

Souji swallowed. "Really?" he asked disbelievingly.

"I'm sleepy, but that doesn't mean I want to sleep."

There was a snort and something else that came afterward, although, I'm not exactly sure what Souji said after that. All I know is that I zoned out and nodded off before Souji finished speaking. And as I slept, the newly named Shinsengumi celebrated their accomplishments with no one noticing the smoke rising in the distance.

By the time it was morning, by the time it was too late, Yukimura Kodo's clinic was nothing but a smoldering ruin.

But there was no body.

* * *

[1] Peking Duck is a duck dish from Beijing that has been prepared since the imperial era. The meat is characterized by its thin, crisp skin, with authentic versions of the dish serving mostly the skin and little meat, sliced in front of the diners by the cook. Ducks bred specially for the dish are slaughtered after 65 days and seasoned before being roasted in a closed or hung oven. The meat is eaten with scallion, cucumber and sweet bean sauce with pancakes rolled around the fillings. Sometimes pickled radish is also inside, and other sauces (like hoisin sauce) can be used.

The cooked Peking Duck is traditionally carved in front of the diners and served in three stages. First, the skin is served dipped in sugar and garlic sauce. The meat is then served with steamed pancakes (simplified Chinese: 春饼; traditional Chinese: 春餅; pinyin: chūn bǐng), spring onions and sweet bean sauce. Several vegetable dishes are provided to accompany the meat, typically cucumber sticks. The diners spread sauce, and optionally sugar, over the pancake. The pancake is wrapped around the meat with the vegetables and eaten by hand. The remaining fat, meat and bones may be made into a broth, served as is, or the meat chopped up and stir fried with sweet bean sauce.


	45. Chapter 45

Sorry for the long wait. My schedule has been hectic the last week.

The end of the Reimeiroku arc is coming soon!

* * *

 **Chapter 45**

 _"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." ― Robert Frost_

The space next to me was warm, yet strangely half vacant. A small murmur escaped from my lips as I snuggled deeper into the warm space beside me. My legs bumped into another set of legs as my arms knocked against an empty yet still indented pillow. An indistinguishable voice sounded above me in a hushed murmur before a gentle hand settled on my back. I stopped squirming to soaking in the warmth of the hand. Strangely enough, that warmth kind of made me want to eat the hand.

Pica[1], how fun! On the bright side, at least I didn't want to eat drywall.

"…is it?" The conversation above continued. Dreamland was getting farther and farther away as reality slowly crept in.

I wrinkled my nose before rolling the opposite way so I could bury my face into my own pillow. No, no, no. Go away reality. It's too early to wake up! But it seemed that the faster I chased sleep, the faster it fled from me. Blast it! I don't remember all my entire dream from before this, but I'm pretty sure I was having a dream about the wonderful brown gold known as chocolate and I would really like to go back to it.

"…fire… Yukimura Kodo's clinic… night… No body… found… missing…"

"Dammit."

I groaned. There were certain words I didn't want to hear together that I just heard semi strung together. Raising my head off the pillow about an inch, I blinked the sleep away from my eyes. It was still dark but the golden rays of the sun were just starting to poke up from beyond the horizon. Dawn. Definitely too early to be up when pregnant, especially if the plan of the day was to follow Souji's orders from the night before and do nothing but lounge around for relaxation purposes.

I stifled a yawn as I rolled onto my side again to face Souji, or at least his pillow. He was still there, just he was sitting up instead of doing the logical thing of laying down and sleeping. It was even too early for him to be up to do the self-study he imposed on himself in preparation for the baby's arrival.

Off to the foot of the futon, I saw Souji's reason for being awake. There stood Otou-san and Hijikata-san as they continued to converse with Souji with hush-hush attitudes. Hijikata-san and Otou-san seemed especially uneasy this fine morning with their tense shoulders and stiff posture. Hijikata-san, in particular, looked like a panda with the dark bruise-like bags he had under his eyes. They were so entrapped in their little conference that they failed to notice that the person they were attempting not to disturb was now awake and eavesdropping, not that it did me much good. They were still speaking too quietly to catch everything.

Souji's brow crinkled in annoyance as his lips curled into a scowl at whatever news Hijikata-san had just delivered to him. He muttered some words, undoubtedly curses, under his breath before scoffing.

In a failed attempt to hear what the men were saying much more clearly, I subtly shifted just a smidge closer. Let it be known that it is no myth that clumsiness is a symptom of pregnancy, that it is really a real thing[2]. Misjudging the distance between me and Souji, I accidently kicked Souji in the thigh, my large toenail catching and peeling some of Souji's skin, revealing to them that I was indeed awake now.

"Ouch!" Souji exclaimed with a surprised jump before he peered down at me. He quirked an eyebrow at me when he saw me staring at him.

Both Otou-san and Hijikata-san were quick to mute themselves now that they know I've graced them with the presence of my very awake mind.

I blushed in embarrassment at all the attention as I sent Souji a bashful apologetic smile. Instead of sitting up to properly join the conversation now that my cover was blown, I just curled myself around Souji in a tighter C-shape to more effectively absorb that wonderful body heat of his.

"Oh?" Souji brushed my messy bangs away from my face, his gentle fingertips lightly grazing my cheeks. "Look who's awake. Sorry, were we speaking too loudly? We were just talking about some paperwork that couldn't wait."

Clearly, he was trying to hide the nature of the conversation he was having with the two other men. I pinched his wrist to let him know that he wasn't fooling me. Besides, when would Souji ever be willing to talk to Hijikata-san about the dreaded paperwork he detested so much so early in the morning without getting on Hijikata-san's temper? If Souji was going to lie, then he was going to need a much more believable excuse.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"To make up for the lack of papercuts from 'working on paperwork' so early in the morning since you absolutely **_love_** paperwork," I quipped before twisting my body in a catlike fashion so I could use Souji's thigh comfortably as a pillow. I pressed my cheek against his leg before yawning "So what really happened? I won't leave you alone until you tell me."

Souji lost his nonchalant composure as he sagged in resignation. His hand wandered to the side of my belly as his tired eyes found mine before sighing. Briefly, Souji's eyes flickered towards Otou-san, who shook his head, before Souji's eyes slowly settled back to me, or particularly on the scowl that surfaced on my face from witnessing that short exchange he just had with Otou-san. I narrowed my eyes at him, just daring him to lie to me again.

Though clearly unhappy, Souji caved.

"I was really hoping you were going to sleep through the entire discussion we were having." Souji scratched the back of his head with his opposite hand, mussing his already messy hair some more as he frowned. "Do you really want to know? Because I know I'm perfectly fine with not telling you."

"And I know I'm absolutely not fine with you not telling me. I know you think it healthier for me and the baby not to hear any bad news, but that only works when I'm unaware there's anything wrong in the first place." I push myself up so I could sit up properly and cross my arms, letting the men know I have no intentions to return to sleep. "I already know there's something wrong since I caught fragments of the conversation from before. If you don't tell me, I'll just stress myself out from worrying so much. And I know whatever's wrong is big since both Otou-san and Hijikata-san are here so early. Now no more hiding things from me. Don't coddle me. I hate being coddled."

"But," Otou-san interjected as he came to sit down next to me, believing that his close proximity would somehow make me change my mind as he laid a hand gingerly on my shoulder, "just the act of hearing bad news is bad for the baby's health. I want my grandchild to be born healthy. Please understand, Shizu-chan."

I snorted at Otou-san misplaced concern. I was really not in the mood for this again. "Right, because hearing bad news will **_totally_** cause a placental abruption[3]. But, hey, what do I know? I'm just an ignorant **_doctor_** after all."

Probably not the right time to be sarcastic, especially since... Well, since everyone was so concerned with my wellbeing. They clearly had no idea what a placental abruption even was, but just the fact that it spewed out of my mouth was enough to alarm them. There was just this look of horror on Otou-san's face at my words. Hijikata-san didn't look much better either. In fact, it looked like Hijikata-san wanted to throw up a little. As for Souji, sometimes it was hard to tell with him. Being married to him doesn't change that. It was like Souji couldn't settle on one expression. His face was twisting and constantly changing between amusement and disapproval. My sarcasm may have been a little dark this time and, surprising, it was even too dark for him this time.

"You know what?" I quickly added before turning to Souji once more. "Ignore what I just said. Tell me what happened? Something about a fire and Yukimura's clinic?"

Oddly enough, it wasn't Souji that answered. It was Hijikata-san who coughed to clear his throat before speaking.

"Kodo-san's clinic burned to the ground last night while we were busy with our celebrations. According to initial reports, there's no body. We're going to investigate the scene now."

"Wait!" I furrowed my brows as I nibbled on my lower lip. None of this made any sense. "A fire happened last night and none of us were aware of it until Yukimura's clinic was completely destroyed? I don't know about you, but I find keeping a massive blazing pillar of fire on a dark night hidden is a very difficult thing to do. It's a **_little_** too convenient. How are we completely unaware of its occurrence until this morning? Wasn't Kenji-san helping us keep an eye on Yukimura? How is it that he of all people failed to catch anything suspicious?"

"This is why we suspect foul play," Hijikata-san answered, huffing a little as he his eyes flickered to the window to note the position of the rising sun. "Whoever did this knew Kodo-san was being watched. The fire started during that short time gap between guard changes. By the time the new guards arrived, the fire had already overtaken the entire clinic. It was too late for them to do anything."

Not good. Not good. If there was foul play involved, then that strongly suggested that someone else, someone who wasn't on friendly terms with the Bakufu was responsible for the fire. But why attack a clinic? Where was the value in that? It could be that someone anti-shogunate saw that Yukimura was aligned with the Shogunate and decided on a terrorist attack out of sheer hatred and to send a message to Shogunate supporters. However, there were also dozens of other better targets than a mere clinic. Attacking anyone of those other targets would send a stronger message rather than attacking a clinic, making this line of reasoning unlikely.

No. Whoever set fire to the clinic had a specific target. Since it was the Yukimura's clinic that was targeted, it would make sense that Yukimura was the target. Yukimura was a Western-trained doctor, something rare and very valuable given the effectiveness of Western medicine over traditional medicine. Maybe he was kidnapped for that purpose? Hijikata-san did say there was no body discovered.

And then there was the most dreadful possibility I hoped would be completely ungrounded. Normally, there was no value in attacking a clinic, but this clinic? Yukimura was in charge of developing the Water of Life, a concoction considered a powerful weapon by the Bakufu and others **_if_** outsiders knew about it. What if Yukimura was targeted because some outsiders somehow knew about the Water of Life and wanted for themselves? That just makes a massive headache bloom across my head. That would suggest that we had a traitor amongst ourselves or that there was a spy we failed to even notice. Bad for business. Bad for morale.

"And things were just starting to go well for the Shinsengumi," Otou-san said before sighing dejectedly. He climbed back onto his feet sluggishly, looking like he aged a thousand years in a single instance. "I guess there's no rest for the wicked." He patted me on the head somewhat absentmindedly before turning to Souji. "Toshi and I are heading over to the site now. The others are slowly trickling over there too so join us as soon as possible."

"Alright," Souji answered, getting out of bed before looking at me disapprovingly when I tagged along after him. "I'll get ready to head over and investigate." Souji then focused on me. "Shizuka, you should stay in bed and sleep a while longer. Investigating the aftermath shouldn't be too strenuous, so it's something you should be able to help with, but you're also not required to be there. We should be able to manage without you, and I would prefer it if you followed the plan of relaxing for the day."

"Oh, I'm fine. I don't need to rest anymore," I chirped, ignoring the flash of annoyance that just crossed Souji's face. "I want to help. Maybe me seeing things from a different perspective can help with the investigation."

"Yes, that would be helpful," Hijikata-san noted only to have Souji throw a heated glare his way.

"Hijikata-san, shut up," Souji snapped. "Your opinion is unneeded. Stop putting unneeded ideas into Shizuka's head. She should be resting, not working. Plus, she may be the Shinsengumi's doctor, but she isn't an official member. We shouldn't be dragging her into this."

Hijikata-san crossed his arms as he scowled at Souji for the rude words. However, Hijikata-san did as advised and became silent.

Meanwhile, irritation flickered across my own face at Souji's words. Was it just me or did Souji suddenly have an extremely punchable face? It made me kind of want to break his nose to make his face less immaculate.

During a short silence when Souji was lost in his thoughts after he snapped at Hijikata-san, a frowned developed on his face before he turned to Otou-san, who also had a matching frown. There seemed to be another silent conversation going between the two men before Otou-san sighed and shook his head. Otou-san shortly escorted Hijikata-san out of the bedroom without another word. Souji fished out a clean change of clothing once we were along again.

"You enjoy being difficult, don't you?" Souji quipped just as he shed his night robe. "I really don't remember you being so difficult in the past."

I suppressed the urge to drool as watched the muscles of his chest flex when he shrugged on his hakamashita. I was supposed to be annoyed with Souji and it was kind of difficult to be taken seriously if I was drooling all over him. Actually, it was also kind of hard to stay annoyed at him too in his state of undress. He really does look lovely.

"Well, that's because I wasn't pregnant then," I said, turning away from him to avoid… distraction. I wasn't ready to lose just yet. I retrieved a folded kimono from the closet before disrobing and discarding my robe in a messy pile on the floor. This time Souji paused his actions to watch me. His eyes seemed particularly drawn to my swollen breasts. "You weren't trying to coddle me then. I hate being coddled and you know that."

"You know that I'm doing it for your benefit, right?"

"Funny, it doesn't feel beneficial," I grumbled before the urge to make a final blow at Souji grew too great. I huffed at him just as I picked up my obi. "You're always making fun of the lines on Hijikata-san's forehead when he scolds you but you have those very same lines on your forehead now. You act like him sometimes."

"That," Souji said as he immediately ceased watching me in favor of quickly resuming dressing himself with jerky motions, "was offensive. I'm nothing like Hijikata-san." He then continued to grumble to himself afterward.

He said nothing else on the way to the site of the smoldering ruin as he held his petulant grudge. It didn't bother me too much this time around either. I wasn't in a rush to start up another conversation with him either.

By the time we arrived at the location that once held Yukimura's clinic, the fire had long since burned itself out. The fire that had engulfed the clinic had to have been fierce. Even the earth was scorched black and all that remained standing were a few burnt wooden posts that had been transformed into magnificent specimens of charcoal by the intense blaze. The scene still smelled of ash and smoke with a faint hint of a pleasant sweetness lingering in the air.

A fragment of burnt wood shattered like glass, crunching beneath my foot as I quickly followed after Sano-san. Despite so many people being nearby, the scorched scenery felt devoid of life and even lonely. A strange whistle sounded as a gust of wind blew through the smoldering ruins.

"Men," I heard Hijikata-san bark to two rank-and-file soldiers nearby, "don't let anyone near until we're done inspecting the site."

"Understood," the two men said before darting off to prevent any curious civilians from wandering too close.

I nearly tripped when my foot caught the rim of some blackened ceramic jars on the floor. Sano-san was quick to steady before I could topple over. He sent a friendly smile my way before he sent a curious glance towards Souji. Souji was quick to turn away and hide his worry when he was discovered watching me from afar and pretended not to have seen me trip.

"Everything alright?" Sano-san asked just as I knelt to examine the jars I nearly tripped over. I wiped away some of the soot on the vessel to uncover character for saké written on the surface. "Did you have an argument with Souji this morning? You two seem to be avoiding each other."

"It's nothing big," I answered as my eyes were drawn to the other similar jars in the vicinity. "I just annoyed Souji by comparing him to Hijikata-san this morning. We'll probably be speaking again by lunch..."

There were saké jars littering the site. Alcohol was a fire accelerant. Ethyl alcohol, or otherwise known as grain alcohol, was known to have a pleasant smell when burnt[4].

"This fire was no accident," I said as I picked up one of the jars to hand to Sano-san. I pointed to a patch of darkened ground leading to the floor beneath a large pile of saké jars. "See that blackened trail on the ground that's darker than the surrounding areas? That means that spot has had fire burning there longer which could mean that it's the origin of the fire[5]. However, the blackened trail isn't an organic shape. It looks manmade, meaning an accelerant was poured there and if you follow the trail, you'll see it leads to a pile of empty saké jars[6]. The saké jars may be empty now but I bet they weren't when the fire was set. Alcohol is an accelerant on par with gasoline[7]."

"Whoever set this fire wanted the clinic razed to the ground before any attempts to extinguish the fire could be made," Sano-san added in realization before he suddenly turned to narrow his eyes dangerously at Niimi, who was kneeling on the ground whimpering not too far away.

"Absolutely nothing survived… And here we almost had it!" I could hear Niimi despair in the backdrop. I swear he was even tearing up.

"The fire was set with a malicious intent to destroy the clinic's contents." Sano-san continued. "All the evidence for the existence of the Water of Life was either destroyed in the fire or missing."

"And not to mention, there's no corpse to indicate that Yukimura perished in the fire. While alcohol is an accelerant, it's unlikely a body would be completely destroyed in a fire of this nature. For a body to be almost completely destroyed in a fire, the fire has to be burning at several hundred degrees Celsius for several hours[8]," I said, crossing my arms as my eyes flickered about the scorched site. "There wasn't enough fuel to keep a fire of this nature burning for that long. Plus, there was no wind last night. The fire couldn't have possibly gotten hot enough with nothing to fan the flames.

"Then there are only two possibilities," Saito-san said, approaching us as he inserted himself into Sano-san's and my conversation. "Either Yukimura Kodo set the fire himself and fled, or someone abducted him."

"Couldn't it just be possible that someone started the fire when Yukimura Kodo wasn't present, hence the lack of a body?" Sano-san asked.

"Then where is Yukimura? He would have come to us once the fire started to alert us since the Shinsengumi is also in charge of guarding him." I pointed out. "It would have been his safest bet."

"But he also could have fled instead if he feared for his life," Sano-san said, putting down the ceramic jar in his hands so he could use the butt of his spear to rummage through some nearby debris. Everything was completely charred and had grown brittle from the extinguished flames.

"Let us leave this to Sannan-san and the Vice Commander," Saito-san then said as he moved off to examine another nearby spot. "Our job is to find evidence for our superiors so they can piece together the possibility of what occurred here the night prior. They have intelligence unfounded in other men and should have no issue uncovering the truth if given all the pieces of evidence. Medicine is your specialty, Shizuka. Not arson. Let Sannan-san and the Vice Commander do their job."

I snorted as I shifted some debris out of the way with my foot. A half-burnt omamori[9] covered in soot with a bell struggling to stay attached captured my attention. I bent down to retrieve it. "I'd hardly say that solving arson is Hijikata-san's and Sannan-san's specialty either."

The search continued.

It was a fruitless search. At the end of the day, after scouring every spot possible, all we had to show for our efforts was piles of soot and a scrap of burnt paper uncovered by Sannan-san. Even what was written on the scrap was completely useless. It was a letter from what we could gather, but all that survived of the letter was the name Yukimura Chizuru, the name of Yukimura's daughter. Even if there was anything useful or incriminating written in that letter, it was all gone now. Just ashes.

Then, just as I thought things couldn't get much worse…

It turns out that the universe just **_loves_** proving me wrong. Or at least some cosmic power above apparently enjoys watching the helpless little mortal bang her head against the wall in frustration. That's its favorite pastime apparently.

Immediately after the discovery of the scorched clinic, Niimi began acting suspiciously. He could be found sneaking about headquarters after dark and, on occasion, he could also be found sneaking back into headquarters long after curfew. He always declared he was at Shimabara when caught and nobody doubted him. How could we doubt him when he was speaking the truth? All investigations just further proved that he spent ridiculous amounts of time at Shimabara after the fire. But the real question was: What was he doing in Shimabara? Naturally, it was assumed that he was there for pleasure. It was the red-light district after all.

But there was also a dark underbelly to the glamorous district. It was no secret that even ronin of the Sonnō Jōi sentiment held meetings in Shimabara, discussing dangerous things like overthrowing the Shogunate in private banquet rooms. And loose lips are nothing to worry about in Shimabara. Geisha and maiko are famous for holding their clients' secrets close to their chests.

Now if Niimi was just heading to Shimabara for pleasure, then there was nothing to worry about. But what if he wasn't there strictly for pleasure? How could we know if he was meeting someone devious there?

Then after one week of this type of intolerable behavior, Niimi suddenly vanished.

It was a normal day. I was in the courtyard with Heisuke.

"Neh, Shizuka-chan." Heisuke peered at me briefly before shaking out a wet haori and hanging it on the drying line. "I appreciate you helping me with the laundry, but is it really okay? Doesn't Souji want you to avoid any chores?"

"Souji wants me to avoid any backbreaking, difficult, physical task." I clipped another haori to the drying line before I pulled someone's loincloth from the wet pile. "I hardly think that hanging laundry to dry should count," I answered dryly. "It's not like each article of clothing weighs a ton. And even if they did, it'd be even more reason to help you."

"Still—" Heisuke did a double take once he saw what was in my hands. His hand shot out as he snatched the wet loincloth from my hands with an embarrassed red glow on his cheeks, "Erm... I got it!" He fumbled with the undergarment before hiding it behind his back. "Well, anyways, I don't want Souji to get mad at me. He might tie my hair to a tree again or something."

I winked mischievously at Heisuke as I nonchalantly grabbed another article of clothing from the pile. "Well, it's a good thing he's busy right now, isn't it? Hijikata-san cornered Souji a little earlier today about 'unacceptable quality of paperwork'. Hijikata-san was breathing fire about how Souji wasn't supposed to be drawing little bunny rabbits on official documents."

"Heh, that sounds like them. I wonder if they ever get tired of this little dance they do every single time?"

"Hijikata-san, yes. Souji, definitely no. Souji's always too excited to irritate Hijikata-san. The consequences pale in comparison to the payload."

"I still wonder what Souji's definition of fun is sometimes…," Heisuke muttered before there was a gust of wind as Shinpachi-san came sprinting past us.

Shinpachi-san came to a screeching halt as soon as he noticed Heisuke and me, nearly tripping over his own feet due to the abrupt nature of his sudden stop.

"Niimi-san! Gone! Missing! Water of Life! ARGH! What do we do?! WHAT DO WE DO?!" Shinpachi-san blurted out in a jumbled rush.

Heisuke and I exchanged glances, not understanding just what Shinpachi-san was trying to communicate. However, it didn't take a genius to figure out that any of those words Shinpachi-san just spewed out didn't bode well when they were strung together. But one mustn't jump to conclusions. "When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses not zebras[10]," as they say in medical school.

"Oi! Shinpat-san! Breathe and start making sense!" Heisuke snapped, annoyed at Shinpachi-san's loud breathing as he threw the wet loincloth at Shinpachi-san's face. "What's going on?"

"Hijikata-san's callin' an emergency meetin'! Niimi-san took the Water of Life and vanished!" Shinpachi-san clarified posthaste, peeling the loincloth off his face and dropping on the dirt floor without much care.

The saying definitely didn't help when it **_is_** zebras and **_not_** horses. Heisuke and I didn't even hesitate to abandon the laundry as we dashed after Shinpachi-san. Unsurprisingly, everyone was gathered in the main hall. Surprising, Serizawa was not present at this meeting. One would think that Serizawa would at least care about this since it was his henchman that was missing, and since he was the one that set up the arrangement of experimenting with the Water of Life with the Bakufu. But, apparently, this situation was unimportant to him. One's ego and sense of self-importance couldn't possibly get any larger than that bastard's. It disgusted me.

Hijikata-san glared at the floor before him, his nails digging into the palms of his hands as he seethed. "I suspected that he'd try to pull something sooner or later but to think he ran off with the Water of Life. Dammit!" He punched the wooden floor with enough force to bust open his knuckles.

I flinched at the red leaking from Hijikata-san's hands before wrapping my arms around Souji's arm to stop him in case he was tempted to react the same way as Hijikata-san. Luckily, that was not the case.

"What should we, Hijikata-san?" Heisuke asked, his voice slightly muted from Hijikata-san's intimidating outward show of frustration. "Don't we need to hurry and find out where he went?"

Hijikata-san sighed and mussed his hair in frustration before looking up to stare at the ceiling. The lines on his forehead seemed to grow deeper as another unfortunate step was taken to etch them on permanently. "Considering the situation, I'd love to send all of our men out to find Niimi-san. But with the Water of Life in the picture, I can only send the handful of us that know about the medicine to look for him."

"Indeed," Sannan-san agreed just as he pushed his glasses up slightly. The glare on his glasses was almost enough to make him appear his normal calm, but the storm in his eyes was not to be disguised. "Fortunately, he did not take the men he turned into rasetsu and also experimented on with him."

"Which means that if Niimi-san doesn't resume his experiments, we won't hear of any trouble from him anytime soon, huh?" Sano-san concluded just as he crossed his arms.

"But I doubt that Niimi-san will even take a break before resuming the experiments." I closed my eyes, hoping that the reality would be different when I reopened them. Too bad reality can't be dismissed like dreams can. "That man worked obsessively on the Water of Life when he was here and he's always been about instant gratification. It's just this time, he'll be experimenting on people who aren't destined for the chopping block. And that's not all."

I glanced at Souji, who was looking forlornly at the opposite wall without much focus.

"Shizuka's right," Souji said, his eyes now sharpening once all the attention was directed towards him. "Wouldn't that man do whatever it takes to sell the Water of Life?"

"He does love his money," I added.

The silence that filled the room was like a gunshot as everyone mulled over what Souji and I had just said. The tension in the room was now suddenly so tight that one could fire an arrow off of it. We all worked so hard and all of it could be all for naught just because of one man's greed. The silence was then awkwardly ended when Otou-san coughed to clear his throat.

"Anyway," Otou-san spoke up, forcing a smile onto his face to serve as encouragement, "finding Niimi-san is our top priority. With Kenji-kun away on family business at the current moment, we're at a disadvantage so keep your eyes peeled when you conduct your patrols."

It was half a month of fruitless searching. Other than the discovery of bizarre murders with the victims sucked completely dry, there was no sign of Niimi. And to make matters ever worse than they were now, Kenji-san had been called away on family business the week before Niimi disappeared and had yet to return. I believe it's because his grandfather was grooming him as the future head of the Fuma clan. Sure, Kenji-san instructed the twins to work with us on whatever we may need before when he was gone but...

The twins were good, but they just weren't good enough.

If Kenji-san were here, he'd be more than able to give us more than just the pseudonym Niimi was going by. Knowing Niimi was going by the new name of Iori Tanaka wasn't going to help us locate him if we couldn't locate his favorite haunts.

Then it was finally on September 13th we've finally caught our lucky break.

It was getting late, the sun was setting after a trip to the market with Souji and Saito-san. I had wanted to purchase some cloth so I could start making baby clothing. At my fourteenth week, accompanied by showing much more prominently was the decreasing fatigue. Naturally, I had wanted to use that extra energy to start preparing some clothing for the baby.

"Look over there," Souji said rather abruptly, shifting the roll of green sparrow-patterned cloth into his other arm as he pointed towards the riverbank on our way home, causing us all to pause.

A crowd was gathered. In the center was a corpse, wet and only half fished out of the river by two local law enforcement officers present at the scene. At first glance, the dead man appeared to be an old man with his mop of white hair. But old men do not have the fit bodies of young men. Old men do not have smooth, tight skin around their eyes. Old men wrinkle with age.

"How's it look?" the idle law enforcer asked his partner, who was poking the corpse with a sasumata[11].

The partner flipped the corpse onto it's back with the sasumata. Despite being in the river for an unknown amount of time, blood still clung to the front of the corpse's clothing. There was one neat hole stained in blood in the corpse's clothing.

"One jab right to the heart. Must have been a fatal blow. Anyway, we ought to get him out of the water."

Another pair of law enforcement officers arrived and pushed their way through the crowd with a black tarp in their inventory. They spread the tarp flat on the gravel of the riverbank before one of them called out to the other two who are dealing with the body.

"Hey!" The man waved at his other two coworkers. "Put the dead guy over here!"

"Let's go," Saito-san then spoke up before liberating Souji of the role of cloth before nodding at me. "This needs to be reported to Hijikata-san."

As my two companions start walking again, I linger a little longer to watch the handling of the corpse. I felt like I had just swallowed a bowling ball. I fought back a gag of sickness. Who was that dead man? Did he know what he was getting into when he drank the Water of Life? Did he drink it knowingly and willingly? Was he forced to or was he deceived into drinking that poison? But what bothered me the most was…

Did that man have a family that was missing him somewhere? Were they waiting for him to come home even though he never would? He was once just a normal man.

"Shizuka," Souji called me, causing me to look up to see and Saito-san and him waiting for me several feet away. Souji had his hand stretched out towards me. "Come on. Let's go."

I quickly jogged to catch up and take his hand for my own sense of comfort. The trip back to headquarters was rushed with no time for discussion. When we arrived back, there was no time to even put down our purchases. Instead, we were quick to hole ourselves up in Hijikata-san's room. Souji didn't even complain or try to deter me as I followed him and Saito-san in to discuss the dead body.

"Are you certain he was a fury?" Hijikata-san questioned us after hearing Saito-san's report. Hijikata-san briefly sent me a disapproving glance at my presence, clearly stating that a pregnant woman should not be around when they were on the topic of death. I shrunk a little at the glance.

"I am," Saito-san answered without a pause. "I believe the experiment failed and he could no longer control the rasetsu, thus he killed the man."

"What should we do, Hijikata-san?" Souji asked as he rubbed my lower back absentmindedly.

Hijikata-san opened his mouth, but he was cut off before he could even speak.

"Commander!" came Yamazaki-san's urgent yet muffled voice from behind the closed door.

Hijikata-san closed his mouth and spared his closed bedroom door a glance while looking particularly impatient to get on with the impromptu meeting in his room. "What is it? Come in."

"Excuse me." Yamazaki-san slid the door open. Politely keep his head bowed, he addressed Hijikata-san. "The two Fuma twins just informed me that they saw who they think was Niimi refer to himself as Iori Tanaka before entering a high-class restaurant called Yamao in Gion-Shinchi[12]."

Hijikata-san's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he pursed his lips. His fingers curled towards his palms into tight fists on his knees. With steel eyes, he looked to Saito-san and Souji, who both appeared to have gotten the message immediately if their hands on their swords meant anything.

"Souji, Saito, you up for this?"

"Sir!"

"But of course."

Then, almost like an afterthought, Hijikata-san turned to me as he and the others stood and prepared to bolt. I don't know if it was my imagination, but Hijikata-san's eyes seemed to soften once the landed on me. "Shizuka, don't let any of the ordinary foot soldiers know about this operation. Redirect them if they ask about us. Tell them we went out to eat."

"And what if those who know about Niimi and the Water of Life situation like Otou-san or Serizawa? What do I say if they ask or come looking for you?"

"Just tell them we've gone after Niimi, but don't tell them where we've gone. Other than Serizawa, who probably won't care, the others may try to assist and too many people may alert Niimi to our intentions before we can get to him, causing him to flee."

"Be careful."

Hijikata-san nodded at me then to the others before vanishing in a dead sprint. Saito-san and Yamazaki-san were quick to follow after while Souji only lingered behind for a few seconds to press a kiss on my forehead.

It was late when they returned. From what I could tell, the operation was a success, ending with Niimi's death. There were no severe injuries other than a couple of bruises, but…

Hijikata-san was covered head to toe in blood.

No words were needed to tell me that it was neither an easy nor clean kill. The way that Hijikata-san's hand shook so long after the kill spoke louder than the blood coating him ever could.

He didn't object to me hauling several heavy buckets of water for his bath and had spent so much time rubbing his skin raw that I fell asleep long before he exited the bathhouse.

* * *

[1] Pica is the practice of craving substances with little or no nutritional value. Most pregnancy and pica related cravings involve non-food substances such as dirt or chalk. The word pica is Latin for magpie which is a bird notorious for eating almost anything. It is true that the majority of women will experience cravings during pregnancy; however, most of these cravings are for things like pickles and ice cream.

[2] Women experience clumsiness during pregnancy due to many different factors. With a growing baby, the mother is naturally carrying more weight. This causes the center of gravity to change. The strength of the abdominal muscles along with the curvature of the spine (both of with help keep a person upright) naturally change as pregnancy progresses. Then there is also the reduction of muscle control and coordination. The joints of the fingers and toes along with many other joints all loosen due to pregnancy hormones.

[3] Placental abruption (also known as abruptio placentae) is a complication of pregnancy, wherein the placental lining has separated from the uterus of the mother prior to delivery. It is the most common pathological cause of late pregnancy bleeding. In humans, it refers to the abnormal separation after 20 weeks of gestation and prior to birth. It occurs on average in 0.5%, or 1 in 200, deliveries. Placental abruption is a significant contributor to maternal mortality worldwide; early and skilled medical intervention is needed to ensure a good outcome, and this is not available in many parts of the world. Treatment depends on how serious the abruption is and how far along the woman is in her pregnancy.

Placental abruption has effects on both mother and fetus. The effects on the mother depend primarily on the severity of the abruption, while the effects on the fetus depend on both its severity and the gestational age at which it occurs. The heart rate of the fetus can be associated with the severity.

[4] Ethyl Alcohol - (ethanol, grain alcohol), (C2H5OH), flash point 55 degrees F (13 degrees C); ignition temp. 689 degrees F (365 degrees C); explosive limits 3.5%-19.0%; vapor density 1.6; specific gravity 0.8; toxicity (0). A volatile, flammable, colorless liquid having a pleasant odor and miscible in water and many organic liquids. Principal uses are in alcoholic beverages, as a solvent in pharmaceuticals, cleaning preparations, and some antifreezes.

[5] A vital aspect of the forensic fire investigation is to establish the point of origin of the fire, also known as the seat of fire. There are numerous indicators that can be used to determine the possible origin. The region in which a fire started will generally burn for a longer amount of time, thus will be an area with the worst damage. Fires tend to burn upwards, therefore the seat of the fire is likely to be found at a lower point of burn damage. However, this is not always reliable as fires can spread downwards, particularly in the presence of certain fuel sources.

Fire effects on certain materials can indicate the direction of fire. As fire burns upwards and outwards, V-shaped smoke/burn patterns may be found on surfaces adjacent to the fire, with the end of the V pointing towards the point of ignition. However, ventilation can affect the path or shape of V-shaped patterns. Smoke deposits of object surfaces can suggest the direction from which the fire originated, and glass and plastics tend to melt in the direction of fire, thus distortion of such materials can act as directional indicators.

Structural damage to the building can also be used to locate the seat of the fire. In some instances, buildings may collapse in such a way that the area first weakened by the fire is clear, suggesting this is where fire damage first occurred and thus is the origin. Similarly, windows and ceiling structures are likely to fail in areas close to the seat of the fire first. However, this is by no means an accurate method of locating the seat of the fire, as the collapse and damage of a building is affected by numerous factors, not just the fire itself.

[6] Flammable liquids are commonly used by arsonists to accelerate a fire, particularly patrol, diesel, kerosene and turpentine. The use of accelerants is suggested by extremely localized burning patterns with clear demarcation between burnt and unburnt areas, multiple seats of fire or trailing marks, and the detection of hydrocarbon vapors using sniffer dogs or hydrocarbon detectors. Flammable liquid containers may also be found at the scene. However, it must be taken into account that flammable liquids may be present for innocent purposes, therefore it is necessary to determine whether such accelerants were stored on the premises prior to the fire. Other fuel packages may also be used, such as newspaper, which may be suspiciously piled up and ignited. If an incendiary device was used to ignite the fire, evidence of the device may be found amongst the debris. Furthermore, if numerous devices were used, they could be found intact if they failed to detonate.

[7] Alcohols, both methyl (wood) and ethyl (grain), are as volatile as gasoline and carry the same hazards. Because of their flammability and their reduced chances of detection because of their miscibility with water, they would appear to be good choices as flammable accelerants. They are not, however, efficient fuels, and it takes a larger quantity of burning alcohol to generate sufficient heat to bring other nearby combustibles to their ignition points. They will still burn when mixed with some water, but with a lower risk as well as effectiveness. Potable liquors of 90 to 100 proof (45% to 50% alcohol) can be used as accelerants, though not very effective ones.

[8] A wood fire burns at a temperature of between 800 and 900 degrees centigrade. In a crematorium where a body is supposed to be fully reduced to ash, the temperatures are considerably higher, varying from 1100 to 1500 degrees centigrade. Even in this situation, the bones are not fully decomposed and the large fragments are then ground up in the final preparation.

[9] Omamori (御守 or お守り) are Japanese amulets commonly sold at religious sites and dedicated to particular Shinto deities as well as Buddhist figures, and are said to provide various forms of luck or protection.

The amulet covering is usually made of brocaded silk and encloses papers or pieces of wood with prayers written on them which are supposed to bring good luck to the bearer on particular occasions, tasks, or ordeals. Omamori are also used to ward off bad luck and are often spotted on bags, hung on cellphone straps, in cars, etc.

[10] Zebra is the American medical slang for arriving at an exotic medical diagnosis when a more commonplace explanation is more likely. It is shorthand for the aphorism coined in the late 1940s by Dr. Theodore Woodward, professor at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, who instructed his medical interns: "When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses not zebras". Since horses are common in Maryland while zebras are relatively rare, logically one could confidently guess that an animal making hoofbeats is probably a horse. By 1960, the aphorism was widely known in medical circles.

[11] Although some sources place the origin of the sasumata in the Muromachi period, most sources discuss its use in the Edo period. In Edo period Japan the samurai were in charge of police operations. Various levels of samurai police with help from non-samurai commoners used many types of non-lethal weapons to capture suspected criminals for trial.

The sasumata (spear fork) together with the tsukubō (push pole) and the sodegarami (sleeve entangler) comprised the torimono sandōgu (three tools/implements of arresting) used by samurai police and security forces. Samurai police in the Edo period used the sasumata along with the sodegarami and tsukubō to restrain and arrest suspected criminals uninjured. The head of the sasumata would be used to catch around the neck, arms, legs, or joints of a suspect and detain him until officers could close in and apprehend him (using hojōjutsu). The sasumata had a long hardwood pole usually around two meters in length with sharp barbs or spines attached to metal strips on one end of the pole to keep the person being captured from grabbing the pole. The opposite end of the sasumata pole would often have a metal cap, or ishizuki like those found on naginata and other pole weapons.

[12] Gion (祇園, ぎおん) is a district of Kyoto, Japan, originally developed in the Middle Ages, in front of Yasaka Shrine. The district was built to accommodate the needs of travelers and visitors to the shrine. It eventually evolved to become one of the most exclusive and well-known geisha districts in all of Japan. The geisha in the Gion district (and Kyoto generally) do not refer to themselves as geisha; instead, Gion geisha use the local term geiko. While the term geisha means "artist" or "person of the arts", the more direct term geiko means essentially "a child of the arts" or "a woman of art".


	46. Chapter 46

Double update! Woo! The Reimeiroku arc ends this chapter so this story will be going on a short hiatus until Kyoto Winds comes out. I'm really excited to get some more information on Yamazaki, Nagakura, and Sannan. So I'll be working on my Saito story as stated from before.

Stay tuned!

* * *

 **Chapter 46**

 _"Wolves regularly attacked their rivals in power, so the idea of killing to gain position was neither alien nor repulsive to her. The use of assassins she had filed as yet another of the curious tools - like swords and bows — that humans created to make up for their lack of personal armament." ― Jane Lindskold, Through Wolf's Eyes_

It wasn't a moonless night. In fact, it was almost the exact opposite with the moon a fraction away from being full. The moon was a cat's eye, glowing a sinister yellow in the pitch darkness of night. I felt it following me, watching my every move as if I were a juicy mouse ready for eating. I ignored the chill creeping up my spine and gooseflesh on my arms as I shifted the tray of hot tea in my arms. In the distance, I could hear Heisuke and Shinpachi-san goofing off, Shinpachi-san claiming he could snap a pair of chopsticks with his butt cheeks while Heisuke cheered him on with a round of applause. Both were completely unaware of what was taking place in Hijikata-san's nearby room.

I didn't bother announcing myself before sliding Hijikata-san's door open, pushing the door partially open with my hip before hooking part of the door's wooden frame to pull it shut once I was inside. Those within didn't even acknowledge my presence as they continued to scheme, to plot, the death of one of the Shinsengumi's most powerful men.

"Serizawa-san dies tomorrow," Hijikata-san announced just as the door clicked shut.

Hijikata-san's eyes were dark, stormy even as they reflected the heavy burned placed upon his shoulders. He didn't even spare me a glance when I placed a cup of steaming tea into his icy hands. I mechanically handed out the rest of the tea to the individuals within the room one by one, not putting much thought into my mundane actions. I slid into an empty spot beside Souji in muted silence once I was done with domestic my rounds, pressing the last cup of tea into Souji's hands before setting the empty tray on the floor beside me. Souji took a sip, barely wetting his lips, before handing the full cup back to me.

"You should drink it if you're going to stay here," Souji murmured to me under his breath, set on not interrupting Hijikata-san's monolog. "You seem cold. I felt your hands shivering when you handed me the cup."

I didn't argue, but I didn't drink the tea either. I just held the cup in my hands for a few seconds, letting the refreshing heat warm my fingertips before placing the filled ceramic cup back on the empty tray.

"Whether we fail or not tomorrow, there's no going back, so failure is not an option. It's not allowed." Hijikata-san paused briefly to blow on the rising steam before there was a flash of hesitation. He then knocked back his cup, downing all the tea in a single gulp. "We'll go over the plan one more time to ensure we all know our part. Kondou-san, why don't you start?"

Otou-san jumped, shooting out of his slouch from being called on so suddenly. The tea sloshed over the edge of his cup, slightly burning his leg when the hot tea landed his hakama.

"M-Me?" Otou-san hastily deposited his cup on the floor sloppily, making some tea spill on the floor before he patted the wet spot on his hakama. He then closed his troubled eyes for a second to recompose himself. His voice was much more steady once he began speaking again. "Tomorrow, we invite Serizawa-san to a banquet at Shimabara. I will approach Serizawa-san tomorrow afternoon to invite him. I'll ask him one last time at Shimabara to relinquish his position. If he refuses, then we move forward with the…," there was the look of distaste mix with sorrow as the corners of his lips tipped downward, "plan."

Hijikata-san nodded at Otou-san reassuringly. That simple yet sturdy action was more than enough to reinforce Otou-san's confidence as Otou-san started to look less like a shrunken raisin and more like a bold leader. No sound came from Souji's lips, yet I could see his fingers curl up around the cloth of his hakama as he tugged at it in envy. His eyes narrowed at his rival, growing more envious at his rival's accomplishment the longer he stared.

"And Harada, Gen-san, what will you be doing tomorrow?" Hijikata-san continued, turning to those two men while professionally ignoring the green eyes drilling holes into him.

"We'll be keeping watch on the Maekawa house," Sano-san said, putting down his half-empty cup as he spoke. He appeared the calmest out of all the men gathered in the room with his relaxed posture and almost lazy-looking eyes. Even Sannan-san, surprisingly, appeared riled up in comparison to Sano-san. "We'll keep people away from the house so the assassination can commence smoothly without any interference. I'll remain hidden in within the Maekawa house's courtyard at the second checkpoint."

"And I'll remain outside the front gate as at the first checkpoint," Inoue-san added just as he folded his arms. "I will redirect any traffic while Harada-san takes care of anyone that may force their way inside."

"And Souji, Sannan-san, you two will?" Hijikata-san said, now shifting his attention to the other two men.

"I shall ensure Serizawa-san receives plenty of saké at the banquet." Sannan-san pushed his glasses up his nose, causing the lenses to reflect the candlelight in an almost haunting manner. "Once Serizawa-san has had plenty to drink, Okita-kun, Hijikata-kun, and I will escort him back to headquarters."

"We'll wait about an hour for Serizawa-san to settle in for the night, then…," Souji ran his thumb across his neck as a rather feral grin donned his face morbidly, "we make sure Serizawa doesn't wake up again."

"Then Saito, you will…"

Saito-san nodded before continuing Hijikata-san's sentence. "I will distract Shinpachi and Heisuke with the Commander's assistance to keep them within Shimabara's walls until Serizawa is dead. However, my main purpose is to keep Shinpachi from returning before the deed is done at all cost."

"Right." Hijikata-san looked over all the men once more before he seemed to pause when his eyes landed on me. He raised an eyebrow at me almost like an afterthought. "And Shizuka, what will you do tomorrow night?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "You're such a worrywart."

That earned me Hijikata-san's lovely scowl. "Just answer the damn question already."

I sighed, reaching back into my hair to tussle it. I pulled my hair down when my pinky finger got stuck. "I will be in my bedroom the entire night minding my own business like a dazed turt—"

I abruptly cut myself off, feeling the need to squirm in my seat as I felt a strange fluttering in my abdomen. It wasn't a bad feeling. Far from that, in fact, but…

It was something I was so unaccustomed to that it almost felt as disturbing as it was awe-inspiring.

My sudden pause did not go unnoticed. It, instead, attracted all the attention in the room. Even the crickets seemed to stop chirping.

"Shizuka?" Otou-san looked to me inquisitively, furrowing his brow at me in concern once it became clear I wasn't going to finish my sentence. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Looking up briefly, I shook my head at the others as I fiddled with the loose straw in the tatami mat. I pulled some of the straws out of the mat before—there it was again, that… fluttering feeling. "It's nothing. Actually…" I splayed my hands flat on the floor and pushed myself up. "I'm kind of tired right now. I think I'll go to bed now."

"Shizu—"

I turned around just as I opened the door, interrupting Hijikata-san. "Don't worry. I'll be completely out of the way tomorrow night. I'll keep to myself in my room until Souji comes back. So, you don't have to worry about me doing anything stupid or reckless." I quickly took my exit before anyone could say anything else.

Almost as soon as the door clicked shut behind me, it opened again as Souji poked his nose out. I didn't bother waiting for him as I traversed down the hall and towards our bedroom. I didn't quite feel like having this conversation outside.

"Shizuka."

I briefly glanced back to see Souji hastily following after me. I paused by our bedroom door, waiting for him to catch up before ducking into the bedroom. Souji's arm looped around my waist the moment I slipped into the room, keeping me sedentary so he could close the door without worrying about me bolting, not that I would do that now. Even as Souji turned to squint at me, his eyes narrowing in concern, a bubbly and jittery feeling continued to brew in my stomach, making me want to skip.

"What was that about?" Souji instantly interrogated. His grip tightened slightly. "Is something wrong? Are you not feeling well or something?"

A small smile wiggled its way onto my lips, making Souji arch an eyebrow at me. I spun around with a happy little bunny hop, giggling as I hid half my face behind my hands.

So I was acting a little strange, but I had every reason to.

I grabbed Souji's hands. "The baby! I felt the baby move!" I squealed like a high school teen as soon as my excitement oozed out. I watched Souji's jaw drop open as his limbs become like jelly. He looked about ready to faint. What a time for the baby to start wiggling! Right in the middle of a meeting regarding assassination too. "The baby's still moving right now too!"

"Wait, seriously?!" His hands wasted no time flying to my belly. I watched his face morph into awe before twisting into confusion and disappointment. "Shizuka, are you sure you feel the baby moving? I don't feel anything…"

My girlish giggles refused to die down as I hopped some more in excitement. I nearly choked on my own spit when I was finally able to say something sensible that didn't consist of random squealing noises.

"You can't feel the baby outside yet since the baby is still too small to make any noticeable kicks." I couldn't help myself as I clapped a little. "We'd probably have to wait a few more weeks for that. But right now, it almost feels like a butterfly fluttering around!"[1]

"Is that so? I guess I'll take your word for it."

There was no hiding that pleased expression. The way the corner of his lips twitched upward as his eyebrows arched so high they nearly disappeared behind his bangs. Pride swelled in his chest, puffing him up like a peacock in the middle of mating season. It was one thing for him to know that I was pregnant with his child but it was a completely other thing to know that I could feel the baby moving. It made everything more real, that his baby was really there. That it was alive.

His chest rumbled as he chuckled, the joy finally leaking out of him in the only way he knew how to express it at this current precious moment. Resting his forehead against mine once I settled down enough not to bump heads with him, he moved his hands to the sides of my belly, holding it and cradling even closer to him. He closed his eyes to savor the warmth before stealing a chaste kiss.

The kiss, however, felt anything but chaste to me. It packed a powerful pow, creating the feeling of gasping for air after being suckered punched. And the kiss, while simple, felt so intimate that even the unborn baby felt like a judgmental third wheel, causing my cheeks to burn a bright cherry red. My eyes flickered down to stare at the floor, unable to meet Souji's as he pulled away. The mirth in his chuckles just made it even harder to look at him as I covered my face with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. It's safe to say that my case of the giggles immediately died as soon as his lips had touched mine.

"Nooooo…," I whined the moment Souji attempted to pry my hands away from my face playfully. I could almost feel his grin as he hovered close by, his presence just making me blush harder, creating a never-ending cycle red. "Don't look at me… I look like a cane apple[2] right now!"

"Aw, look who's gone all shy now?" Souji teased just as he managed to pry my anchored hands away. He was particularly smug, my reaction feeding his ego.

Huffing and quickly turning my back towards him, I rubbed my burning cheeks "Hey, was it okay to leave such an important meeting like that just to follow me?" I asked rather abruptly. Anything to take the attention off of me.

"It's fine. The meeting was practically over. We've been over the plan so many times already that it was starting to make my head hurt anyways."

"But it was still rude to walk out like that, even if it was to check on me."

"Anything to take the attention off of you, eh?"

I quickly had pink highlighting my cheeks again at Souji's intuitive guess. All retorts died in my throat at his teasing glance before I was saved by the bell, or the door opening anyway.

Souji's expression quickly soured when he caught a glimpse of who was at the door. He looked about ready to snap at our purple-wearing intruder for interrupting, and also just because the intruder **_was_** Hijikata-san. But, fortunately, before Souji could actually say or do anything nasty, he spotted Otou-san curiously peeking in from behind the undesirable purple man.

"Souji, I get you're worried but you can't just run off in the middle of something so important!" Hijikata-san scolded. The creases between his eye created from his furrowing brow amusingly looked rigid enough to break any object placed between.

"Wah…" Souji turned away, looking super unenthusiastic as he pointedly stuck his lower lip out. "It's the guy with a stick stuck up his ass…"

And then there was that familiar twitch right above Hijikata-san's right eyebrow. "Ho? Care to repeat that, you bastard?!"

"You might want to get that checked out by a doctor. The stick seems to be shoved so far up your ass that it's starting to come out of your ears. No wonder your hearing sucks."

"SOUJI! WHAT WAS THAT, YOU BASTARD?!"

"Mah, mah, mah, Hijikata-san. You shouldn't yell so loudly in the middle of the night. You're disturbing the peace. I thought you came all the way to Kyoto to help keep the peace, not disturb it."

" ** _DISTURBING THE PEACE?_** I'LL SHOW YOU DISTURBING THE PEACE!"

Otou-san appeared mildly alarmed at how fast that whole… argument… escalated, but to be completely honest, these confrontations between Souji and Hijikata-san were so far from few that I don't think that it even bothered Otou-san all that much anymore. Otou-san has probably already deluded himself into thinking that this is the bizarre method that Hijikata-san and Souji bond, kind of like how the Idiot Trio bond by punching each other.

Men are strange sometimes.

Otou-san quickly pushed past Hijikata-san, jostling the other man slightly as they brushed shoulders, so he could place a hand on my forehead. Both Hijikata-san and Souji were so focused in their pissing contest, they were completely unaware of everything outside of their argument.

You know, I actually really wouldn't be surprised if the whole situation somehow devolved into hissing, scratching, and biting.

"Shizu-chan, are you okay?" Otou-san removed his hand from my forehead once he was satisfied only to stick the back of his hand against my cheek. "You're not feeling sick or anything, right? I knew talking about assassination while you were in the room was going to be bad for your health!"

"Otou-san!" I raised my voice to cease his needless fussing before I took hold of his hands. "It's fine. **_I'm_** **_fine_**. I only left the room earlier because I didn't think my behavior would be very appropriate in such an important meeting, especially one about… you know."

"Behavior?" Otou-san tilted his head owlishly.

"I felt the baby move for the first time during the meeting." I placed Otou-san's hands on my belly for him. He was probably dying to feel it right now anyway. "I didn't think it would be appropriate to be jumping and squealing while everyone else was talking about murder."

"Wait, what?" Hijikata-san suddenly cut in. His voice was muffled as part of his mouth had been covered by Souji's hand during their little catfight. "The baby moved?" Souji took this opportunity to chomp down on Hijikata-san's fingers, which were moronically plastered on Souji's cheek and a just a tad bit too close to Souji's mouth. "OW! SOUJI! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Gewt yow're fingars ow oof my moeth, Hijibaka-san!"

"You didn't have to bite me!"

It was probably best to ignore the two idiots in the backdrop for now.

Otou-san, much like Souji when I told him, looked about ready to faint with his mouth open. Then slowly, like a flower trying to bloom in the snow, Otou-san's mouth curled upward before he slapped his own forehead. A deep throated laugh leaked out of his chest as his hand slid down from his forehead to cover his smile.

It was almost as if the universe itself was telling us that the future would be bright.

The following evening, I watched Souji slip on his zōri, his fingers working much too quickly for my taste and yet, it felt like he was moving at the speed of a snail. His swords felt heavy in my arms. It was like the calm before the storm. Even the sky looked the part too with storm cloud looming in the distance, ready to make the clear skies vanish. The men were preparing to head over to Shimabara.

It was ideally going to be three against one. Serizawa was supposed to be drunk at the time of the assassination. It was going to be a coordinated attack in the middle of the night with low visibility. All the guys were exceptionally gifted in combat, so assuming that every step of the plan leading up to the actual act of assassination went without a hitch, then everything should end flawlessly in a guaranteed success. I **_should_** have been happy that my plan to remove Serizawa permanently was finally producing fruit.

But I had never felt so heavy, so burdened to know I played a direct hand in someone's ordered murder. My hands were clean but had never been so filthy at the same time.

And despite how solid the assassination plan was, the palms of my hands grew wet from nervous sweat. What **_if_** parts of the plan went south? When a desperate animal is cornered it could act in two different ways. The animal could freeze up in fear, allowing for an easy kill, or the animal would lash out with all its might once it figures out it has nothing left to lose. Humans were like that too. If Serizawa wasn't drunk by the time of the assassination, there would be no way he would freeze up in fear. He would lash out with everything he had and, as much as I hate to admit it, Serizawa was certainly no pushover when it came to combat. His massive and powerful build was on par to that of Otou-san's. They were practically giants among men and undoubtedly immensely difficult to take down.

If parts of the plan failed, would there be casualties on our end? Somebody ending up permanently mangled? Thoughts of Murphy's law[3] that crept into the back of my mind, making me want to swallow my tongue.

I watched Souji push himself off the roka before holding his hands out, silently asking for his swords. Mutely, I handed them over and watched Souji tie them to his hip, and when he was done, I even tugged on the kodachi to make sure it was securely in place.

"If you keep looking like that then I'm going to start thinking you don't have confidence in my skills," Souji suddenly commented before jokingly placing his hands over his heart. "Ouch! That really puts a dent into that large ego you love so much!"

I snorted, making Souji grin at my hidden laugh. "As if this will hurt your ego!" I turned my nose up almost arrogantly as I rolled my eyes. "If you ask me, that ego of yours could do with some shrinking. It's so large as is that it takes up all the breathing room."

I shot him a haughty glance before breaking down into tiny giggles when he stuck his tongue out at me. Souji chuckled along with me before he pressed a light peck to my forehead. His fingers were warm against my cheek.

"I'm going now," Souji said, his words almost a whisper as he rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "Stay inside tonight and don't come outside until someone tells you it's safe." He paused, thinking on something for a bit. "Actually, it would be even better for you to go to sleep since we probably won't finish until early morning. Even if you can't sleep, at least try for me. Can you do that?"

"Well…," I put a finger to the corner of my lips just to be cheeky, "only if you bring me back a pear to snack on. I'm craving something sweet. Get me the biggest one you can find?"

Souji chuckled again. "I'll find one bigger than your face." He then kissed me one more time before setting off.

The golden glow of the sky was quick to be overtaken by storm clouds, the setting sun disappearing behind the clouds first rather than behind the horizon. Then came the tap, tap, tap, sound of water falling from the skies. It started slow with a thin mist of water, then it was like someone spilled a bucket in the sky and water just came crashing down.

I passed the time by reading. _Romance of the Three Kingdoms_ _ **[4]**_ was a fun read, but even that couldn't distract me from the downpour. I set down the novel and wiggled out of the futon to open the window to watch the rain fall. There was a flash of light in the distance followed by the loud clap of thunder.

When I was a little girl, I had a fear of thunder. Like most children, I was afraid of the largely harmless boom of thunder rather than burning hot bolts of lightning that could kill people. But now, the raging storm felt nothing short of therapeutic. The rain washed away all my concerns as I watched the magnificent light display dance in the sky. Only when the wind picked up, I was forced to close the window.

I glanced at the wadokei[5] as I settled back in the futon. The Hour of the Ox. The assassination had run long. Something had gone wrong. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled slowly as I attempted to slow my pounding heart. Forget going to sleep, I couldn't even bring myself to start reading again. Instead, I found myself tapping my fingers on my thighs as I stared at the wadokei, watching as the hands tick on in a slow crawl.

Those few minutes then turned into an hour. My lower lip was red from being chewed on in anticipation. Then the storm passed, leaving only a maddening silence to fill up the bedroom.

I very nearly choked on my own relief when the door opened just mere seconds later. There was an awful wet squelching sound as Souji stepped in looking like a drowned cat. Water dripped from his clothes and hair while mud clung onto his hakama. There was a discolored patch of skin on his left cheek, just below the eye.

"Souji!" Forget about fetching a towel! I grabbed the blanket on our futon and practically threw it over him before I began scrubbing at his wet hair. "What happened?!"

"Oof! Shizuka!" Souji flailed a little at the force of my actions before grabbing my wrists. "Slow down! I'm fine! There were just a few bumps in the plan, but everything turned out okay. **_Everything's fine!_** All that happened was that Hajime-kun had to whack Shinpachi-san really hard to incapacitate him while we dealt with Serizawa-san, who turned himself into a rasetsu. Stop fussing so much!"

"That's not a few bumps! Those are massive gaping potholes! And your hands are frigid!" I yanked my wrists out of his grasps so I could feel his cheeks, carefully avoiding jostling the bruised area too much. "Don't tell me not to fuss over you when you feel like ice! Hypothermia is nothing to scoff about!"

"Gah! Shizuka! You're getting the blanket wet! What will we sleep with if the blanket's wet?!"

"Stop trying to squirm away! There's another blanket in the closet! Now stop moving and let me towel you off!"

There was an annoyed huff before Souji dropped his butt on the tatami mat. He peeked at me from under the blanket, watching me intently, before I finally went to fetch some proper towels after bundling him up the semi-wet blanket.

"I thought you said you would try to sleep," Souji commented just as I pulled down his hair to dry him off more effectively. "I hardly call this sleeping."

"I did say I would **_only_** try if you got me a pear—"

Out of nowhere, Souji produced a large pear[6] that was nearly the size of my head. It was a little wet, but it was a freaking pear!

I had been joking when I said that! And where the hell did he keep that?! More importantly, how did I not even notice it?

"Speechless?" Souji arched his eyebrow smugly before placing it on the floor next to me. "I told you I'd get one that's larger than your face." Then as if that surprise wasn't enough, Souji decided to be magical.

My back went as stiff as a board when my jaw dropped, and my breaths became shallow once I saw the what object Souji pressed into my palms. I had never thought I would see it again. Wrapping my fingers delicately around the object, I hugged the kanzashi to my chest as I teared up. Its impact was still as incredible as powerful as the day Souji gifted it to me.

"How? I thought Serizawa had pawned it off…"

Oh, I was so tempted to stick in my hair right now. Too bad I'd be going to sleep soon, so there would be no point. Instead, I just held it tightly in one hand as I threw myself around Souji, not caring that he was still wet and muddy as I wrapped my arms around him.

Souji only allowed me to hug him briefly before wiggling away with a grin. "Alright, that's enough for now. Just because I'm soaked to the bone doesn't mean you have to match me. No more hugging until I'm dried off." He then plucked the kanzashi out of my hand so he could place it safely on the nearby desk. "Well, anyway, Serizawa-san never actually sold it. I found it when I was helping the others sort through Serizawa-san's belongings a bit earlier. Kondou-san wants to hold a funeral for Serizawa tomorrow morning at Mibu temple."

"Oh."

A proper funeral for the man that Otou-san had a hand in assassinating? A funeral for an enemy? There really was a such a thing as being too kind. But this was the very reason men chose to follow Otou-san and I would not have it any other way.

"That really does sound like him," I said fondly before I glanced at the mud that was still clinging on to his ankles. "You need a bath. Do you want me to run one for you?"

"Nah, there's no need. A bunch of the other guys are pretty much in the same state as me, so Sano-san is should actually be preparing a communal bath right now." Standing up, Souji shrugged off the blanket and went to go pick up the set of clean loincloth and sleepwear I set aside for him earlier. "But if you could go dig out that fresh blanket from the closet you mentioned earlier, that'd be wonderful."

I did as Souji requested as soon as he stepped out for his bath. When the fresh blanket was laid out on the futon, I settled down and polished the fruit before I started munching on it. I was still studiously munching on the giant fruit by the time Souji finished his bath and returned, but I managed to finish the massive pear completely my myself. He seemed pretty impressed when all that was left was the scrawny core.

The next day, every member of the Shinsengumi attended Serizawa's funeral. Even Serizawa's brother, who I had no idea even existed, came. The funeral wasn't rushed nor was it conducted sloppily. Despite all the trouble Serizawa had caused for the Shinsengumi in the past year, undoubtedly the Shinsengumi would not be where it is without him. And for that, Serizawa funeral was conducted with the utmost respect.

The foot soldiers were not told the truth about Serizawa's death. Officially, it was said that a sudden fever fell upon Serizawa and that he died after many long hours of battling the terrible fever. The real truth of Serizawa's death was guarded jealously.

"What gives, Sano?!" Shinpachi-san barked just as most of us settled down on the steps of Mibu temple for some down time after the funeral. Hijikata-san, Sannan-san, and Otou-san had to mend the hole in administrations that Serizawa's departure had left and returned to headquarters with all the normal foot soldiers. Inoue-san went along to lend some assistance. "Why didn't you tell me about the whole plan?"

Sano-san sighed and leaned back on his elbows. "You're still going on about that, Shinpachi?"

Shinpachi-san then spun to his opposite side to face Saito-san with a surprising amount of vigor given his whole left side was suffering from a nasty bruise. In fact, I was pretty surprised he had no fractured ribs.

"Saito, you gotta let me whack you at least once!" Shinpachi-san yelled whilst shaking his fist.

Saito-san was completely nonplussed. "I refuse."

That answer only served to ruffle Shinpachi-san's feathers even more, causing him to jump to his feet to point his finger accusingly at Saito-san. "Then I challenge you to a fight! With wooden swords!"

"Give it up, Shinpat-san," Heisuke said rather calmly while staring up at the clouds. "Hajime-kun's isn't even listening to you anymore. He's ignoring you!"

"Oi! Don't ignore me! Saito!"

I exhaled slowly before leaning against Souji, drawing his attention. "The clouds are pretty, aren't they?"

Souji' wrapped an arm around me. "Yeah."

It is said that the end is just a new beginning. New beginnings are beautiful and filled with a bounty of untapped potential. So as a chapter closes, a new arc begins.

* * *

[1] Pregnant women describe their baby's movements as butterflies, nervous twitches, or a tumbling motion. At first, it may be hard to tell whether the baby has moved. Second-time and third-time mothers are more adept at distinguishing those first baby movements from gas, hunger pangs, and other internal motions.

By the second and third trimesters, the movements should be more distinct, and the baby's kicks, jabs, and elbows should become obvious.

[2] _Arbutus unedo_ (strawberry tree) is an evergreen shrub or small tree in the family Ericaceae, native to the Mediterranean region and western Europe north to western France and Ireland. Due to its presence in southwest and northwest Ireland, it is known as either "Irish strawberry tree", or cain or cane apple (from the Gaelic name for the tree, _caithne_ ), or sometimes "Killarney strawberry tree".

[3] Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: _Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong._

[4] _Romance of the Three Kingdoms_ , attributed to Luo Guanzhong, is a historical novel set in the turbulent years towards the end of the Han dynasty and the Three Kingdoms period in Chinese history, starting in 169 AD and ending with the reunification of the land in 280.

The story – part historical, part legend, and part mythical – romanticizes and dramatizes the lives of feudal lords and their retainers, who tried to replace the dwindling Han dynasty or restore it. While the novel follows hundreds of characters, the focus is mainly on the three power blocs that emerged from the remnants of the Han dynasty, and would eventually form the three states of Cao Wei, Shu Han, and Eastern Wu. The novel deals with the plots, personal and military battles, intrigues, and struggles of these states to achieve dominance for almost 100 years.

 _Romance of the Three Kingdoms_ is acclaimed as one of the Four Great Classical Novels of Chinese literature; it has a total of 800,000 words and nearly a thousand dramatic characters (mostly historical) in 120 chapters. The novel is among the most beloved works of literature in East Asia, and its literary influence in the region has been compared to that of the works of Shakespeare on English literature. It is arguably the most widely read historical novel in late imperial and modern China.

[5] Clocks have existed in Japan since the mid-7th century in the form of water clocks. Nihon Shoki states that Emperor Tenchi made a water clock, or rokoku, in 660 and 671 A.D. These clocks were used for another 800 years until the arrival of Christianity in Japan in the 16th century.

Christian missionaries were among the first to introduce Japan to Western-styled clocks. Francis Xavier, a Spanish Society of Jesus saint and missionary, gave Ouchi Yoshitaka, a daimyo of Sengoku, a mechanical clock in 1551 A.D. Other missionaries and embassies soon followed, with a mechanized clock being given to Oda Nobunaga in 1569 and Toyotomi Hideyoshi in 1571 by Papal envoys, and two clocks given to Tokugawa Ieyasu, one in 1606 by a missionary and one in 1611 by a Portuguese envoy. The oldest surviving Western clock in Japan dates back to 1612; it was given to Shogun Ieyasu by the viceroy of Mexico (then New Spain).

Near the turn of the 17th century, the first Western-styled, mechanical clocks were produced by Japanese natives. Tsuda Sukezaemon is reported to have made a mechanical clock in 1598 after he had examined and repaired many imported clocks on his own. Japanese clock making was facilitated in the 17th century by missionaries living in Japan. Christian missionaries were the first to instruct the Japanese on clock making on Amakusa Island around the turn of the 17th century.

The Edo period (1603-1868) saw the adaptation of Western techniques to form a unique method of clock making in Japan. A double escapement was designed by Japanese clock makers in order to develop a clock that followed the uneven, traditional Japanese time schedule. These clocks, called wadokei, were built with different methods in order to follow the temporal hour system. The foliots of the clocks have several divisions allowing the user to set a relatively accurate rate. Foliot-controlled clocks, despite being widely replaced in Europe by circular-balanced clocks, were utilized in Japan due to their adaptability to the temporal hour system. Constant weight and dial adjustments led Japanese clock makers to develop the Nicho-temp tokei around 1780. The weights in the Nicho-temp tokei were automatically set for the correct time of day or night with the use of two balances, called temp.

A key component of the development of Japanese clocks was the publication of Hosokawa Hanzo's "Karakuri Zui" in 1796, in which he explains production methods of clocks in the first volume, and karakuri ningyou in the second and third volumes. The volume on clockmaking contained highly detailed instructions for the production of a weight-driven, striking clock with a verge escapement controlled by a foliot. Relatively high literacy rates and an enthusiastic, book-lending society contributed greatly to the work's widespread readership.

The production and complexity of wadokei reached its peak with Hisashige Tanaka's Man-nen dokei, completed in 1851. The Man-nen dokei, or myriad year clock, has six faces that feature a western clock, a lunar phase indicator, the oriental zodiac, a Japanese temporal clock, the ancient Japanese 24-phase division indicator, and a day of the week indicator. The clock was said to be able to run for a year on a single winding.

After the Meiji Restoration in 1868, Japan eventually abolished the use of its temporal hour system. The Meiji Cabinet issued Ordinance No. 453 in 1872 which switched Japan from the lunar calendar to the western, solar calendar. The switch led to the decline of wadokei and the emergence of a western-styled clock industry in Japan.

[6] _Pyrus pyrifolia_ is a species of pear tree native to East Asia.

The tree's edible fruit is known by many names, including: Asian pear, Chinese pear, Korean pear, Japanese pear, Taiwanese pear, and sand pear. Along with cultivars of _P. × bretschneideri_ and _P. ussuriensis_ , the fruit is also called the nashi pear. Cultivars derived from _Pyrus pyrifolia_ are grown throughout East Asia, and in other countries such as India, Australia, New Zealand, and the United States (e.g., California). Traditionally in East Asia the tree's flowers are a popular symbol of early spring, and it is a common sight in gardens and the countryside.

The fruits are not generally baked in pies or made into jams because they have a high water content and a crisp, grainy texture, very different from the European varieties. They are commonly served raw and peeled. The fruit tends to be quite large and fragrant, and when carefully wrapped (it has a tendency to bruise because of its juiciness), it can last for several weeks or more in a cold, dry place.


	47. Chapter 47

This chapter was based around one of my favorite Hakuoki drama CDs. I couldn't resist including it in the story.

I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

* * *

 **Chapter 47**

 _"I hang around kids so people will assume when I act like one it's because I'm babysitting." ― Richelle E. Goodrich_

Souji's face erupted into a wider grin just as he felt the little nudge beneath his hand push back. Moving his hand to a different part of my belly, he pressed down lightly again. Almost as soon as he pressed down, there was movement as the baby pressed back against Souji's hand.

While this was a precious moment and I would like to continue watching Souji bond with his unborn child by playing this modified game of tag, I also wanted Souji to continue rubbing my feet seeing that I could no longer reach them myself or even see them. Accompanying the bonus of Souji finally being able to feel the baby move at twenty-two weeks were leg cramps and swollen feet. And when I mean swollen feet, I mean **_swollen_**. They felt like bloody water balloons most of the time.

Oh! And one can't forget the leaky breasts either because they were just such a **_joy_**. Note the sarcasm.

To those few prenatal doctors who are stuck on the concept that women can't start leaking colostrum[1] until late third trimester, they have no idea what you're talking about. True, there's a rough outline to how pregnancies are supposed to progress, but how a pregnancy progresses for each woman is different. All I know is that my breasts aren't tied to a fixed schedule and they're doing their own thing right now. I just wished that I could tell them to stop leaking and ruining my clothes. Disposable breast pads would have never been more wonderful than now if I had any.

Sometimes life is unfortunate, isn't it? Nothing is disposable in this era. Everything was made to be reused.

"Sooouji," I whined as I nudged him with my foot again. "Please continue? My feet feel so sore that they're starting to hurt a little. Please?"

"Oops," Souji said sheepishly as his hands moved back to the heel of my right foot. "Sorry, I got carried away."

All I did was sigh in relief at the heavenly foot rub. But that didn't last long. There was a pitter-patter of small feet before the doors slammed open. Kyoko-chan was right to say that her little brother, Kohaku-kun, wasn't one for manners. Just like how it once was with Kyoko-chan, no one could figure out for the life of them how Kohaku-kun kept getting in headquarters, because only God knows he's not climbing over the walls, like Kyoko-chan did, to get in. This time, instead of showing up alone to bug Souji, Kohaku-kun arrived with a bunch of other kids. Two nervous boys and one jumpy girl to be more exact. The Shinsengumi seriously had a fatal flaw somewhere in its security system.

"Souji-nii! Shizuka-nee!" Kohaku-kun exclaimed as he came scrambling up to us with a scruffy looking black cat in his arms. The poor cat had patches of its fur missing. "Look what we found!"

Souji blinked, taking the cat from Kohaku-kun's arms to hold it up to the light as he continued staring at it blankly. "A black cat." The cat hissed at Souji and tried to bat his nose with its paw. "A prissy one too."

I scooted a little closer for a better look. There were a few scratch marks on it and even a bite mark on its tail. "Looks like it got into a fight with some other cats."

The cat meowed at me pitifully almost as a confirmation. I caved and rubbed its chin, causing it to practically melt in Souji's hands as it purred in delight. Souji rolled his eyes at me.

"Can you take care of it just until it heals?" Kohaku-kun asked as he fiddled with his fingers. "I wanted to take the cat home but Okaa-san and Otou-san won't let me, and Kenji-nii's allergic to cats. He sneezes up a storm near them. Nobody else here can take the cat either. Please?"

"No," Souji stated rather bluntly, averting his eyes to avoid the deadly puppy eyes maneuver from the kids. "I don't like black cats."

And cue the begging.

"Please? What if he dies because no one takes care of him?"

"Yeah!" the other little kids all chorused, supporting Kohaku-kun. "Please, please, please, please, please, please?"

Souji put up a show, letting out a massive sigh before grinning at me subtly with a playful wink. "Oh, alright," he yielded before placing the cat on the floor so it could freely roam around and sniff our room. "But only until it heals."

"Souji-nii, you're the best!" Kohaku-kun exclaimed before turning to his company rather smugly with his nose stuck arrogantly in the air as he put his hands on his hips. "I told you Souji-nii and Shizuka-nii were the best! All the stupid things that the adults say about the Shinsengumi are all dumb lies! They're so cool that I'm going to join the Shinsengumi when I get old enough."

Souji chuckled at the blatant hero-worship before he ruffled Kohaku-kun's hair.

"Hey!" the young boy objected with a pout, shoving Souji's hand out of his hair before doing the best he could to straighten it again. But the hair, now having gotten a taste of rebellion, refused to cooperate.

"Now shouldn't you run along now?" Souji said as he made a shooing motion at the kids with a grin. "It's still pretty early, so shouldn't you be off playing?"

The kids all laughed before scrambling off in a joyful run. Delightfully, the little girl in the gaggle of boys remembered to wave goodbye to us before closing the door again.

"Well then," I said just as the cat rubbed up against me, purring as I scratched it in-between the ears, "what should we call you?"

There was a devious expression on Souji's face. The cat was promptly named Toshizo.

A week later, Toshizo the cat was looking much better than before. His coat was growing back evenly and the sheen of his fur looked amazing. Like every cat, Toshizo wandered the room like he owned the place.

The cat meandered up to Souji and rubbed up against Souji in the laziest manner possible, purring loudly when Souji rubbed the kitty's chin. Then heavy footsteps could be heard right outside the bedroom. I quickly motioned to Souji to hide Toshizo. No one ever said anything against keeping pets at headquarters, but it was pretty much implied.

"Hey, Souji! You in there?" Shinpachi-san called through the door before slamming it open with a loud thump without permission, barely giving Souji enough time to shove the kitty behind his back.

"Oh, it's you, Shinpachi-san."

Souji, by any means, was nowhere close to mastering the innocent act.

Shinpachi-san furrowed his brow at Souji's suspicious behavior before turning to me for an answer only to find me snuffing my giggles with my hand.

"What?" Shinpachi-san tilted his head as he crossed his arms. "Is it inconvenient if I just pop in?"

"Not inconvenient, per say," I said just as I saw Toshizo's tail poke out from behind Souji. "Just what happens if you happen to walk in on me changing? I don't know how other men feel about other men seeing their wives naked, but I'm pretty sure Souji here would flay you."

Shinpachi-san turned pink as he averted his eyes while scratching his head. That embarrassment then turned into confusion, however, when he saw that tail poking out from behind Souji. First, Shinpachi-san blinked, believing the cat's tail to be an illusion, but when opening his eyes over and over again failed to remove the cat's tail, he pointed at the tail.

"What's this?" Shinpachi-san quickly peered around Souji to find Toshizo staring back at him. "Is this black cat yours, Souji?"

Souji sighed before letting Toshizo go again. "Only until it heals," Souji answered. The cat quickly wandered over to me where it proceeded to attempt to sit on my lap. Toshizo wasn't every effective at achieving his goal and even jumped away in alarm when he felt the baby move. "The kids in the neighborhood asked me and Shizuka to. I didn't feel like accepting at first since I don't like black cats."

And yet here we were.

"You say that now, but attachment will grow with time. Anyway if it's only until the wounds heal, Hijikata-san shouldn't be too harsh on you. So the gender is…," Shinpachi-san picked up Toshizo, "male, huh? Did you name him?"

"Sort of," Souji said just as I started giggling again.

"What is it?" Shinpachi-san put the cat back on the floor to glance at me briefly. "Since he's a black cat, is it something like Kuro or Kon?"

"Toshizo."

Souji answered so plainly and bluntly that a strange and awkward silence filled the room. It was especially amusing to see the way Shinpachi-san froze. I swear that if someone pushed him now, Shinpachi-san would tip over and still remain in that same frozen state with his arms sticking out and everything.

"Wait… Wait, Souji! Of all the names, why that?" Shinpachi-san yelped, finally breaking the silence.

"Just look at his impertinent face and his overly cautious attitude. He was so fussy when I picked him up for the first time. Not to mention, he's so proud and self-centered. Don't these traits remind you of a certain someone? So, I can't think of any name more suitable than this, although, he's much cuter than Hijikata-san."

"That's why…" Shinpachi placed his palm on his forehead like he was trying to soothe a headache. "Look, why do you always bring trouble upon yourself?"

Then the bedroom door slid open again.

Oh, look, another guest!

People in headquarters really don't seem to announce themselves anymore before rudely barging into someone else's room. I get that they're all guys that are as close as can be, but they really needed to keep in mind that Souji's married now.

"Souji," Saito-san said the moment he stepped into the room," if you have the time to chat, why not go to the dojo and practice with the other squad members…"

"Oh my, Hajime-kun is here now too," Souji joked with a lazy sarcastic comment before Toshizo revealed his presence by meowing loudly at Saito-san.

"What is this?" Saito-san raised his eyebrows before taking a seat next to me.

"A cat." A devilish grin decorated Souji's face. "Isn't it obvious?"

"I know," Saito-san said after a somewhat annoyed sigh. "Doesn't look like a dog from any angle. I'm asking why the cat is here."

"See his wounds, looks like he was injured when he got into a fight with the other cats. Shizuka and I were asked to take of him until he recovers."

"This is not your house." Saito-san was quick to reprimand Souji and I. "If you wanted to keep an animal, you should have first reported to Commander and the Vice Commander before asking for permission—"

It was at that moment, Toshizo decided to meow and interrupt Saito-san by jumping on his lap. The bewilderment on Saito-san's face made me bury my face against Souji's shoulder in laughter. The way Saito-san's eyes turned into hardboiled eyes as he stuttered nonsensical sounds. His hands hovered right above the cat, too afraid to touch the cat and too indecisive on whether he should shoo the cat away. It was comedy gold.

"Whoa!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, slapping his own thigh in excitement. "The cat jumped onto Saito's lap. Maybe he likes Saito."

"W—Wait!" Saito-san uncharacteristically waved his arms around in a wild frenzied panic. "I have to give the squad members kenjutsu lessons now—Souji," he finally snapped sternly, "get him off of me."

"Just call his name and tell him to get off." Souji's grin only grew wider. And really, who could blame Souji for his mischievous grin right now.

"I see. What's the cat's name?"

"Toshizo."

…

…

…

Saito-san's face twisted into several strange expressions during the awkward silence before he finally decided to take a deep breath for the sake of composing himself.

"Is this another one of your bad jokes?" Saito-san demanded, sour-faced.

"It's no joke," Souji said with a carefree shrug before he rubbed the cat's chin, enticing a satisfied purr out of the feline. "Right Toshizo?"

The cat meowed loudly in response.

"That's not the point…" Saito-san sighed as he pushed his bangs back. "Do you want me to use the Vice Commander's first name? It is rude to refer to a person of the Vice Commander's station merely just by his first name."

"But even if you say so… the cat only responds to this name," Souji replied rather gleefully. "I think you better hurry, you have kenjutsu lessons to give, right?

"T-Toshizo?" Saito-san called out hesitantly.

Toshizo hissed and Saito-san flailed almost pathetically.

"M-My deepest apologies! As part of the Shinsengumi, I acted in such an impertinent manner as to address Vice Commander by name!" Saito-san then turned and literally screamed, "This is all your fault, Souji!"

"Well, complaining to me wouldn't change anything."

I snorted at Saito-san's reaction before putting him out of his misery by taking Toshizo off his lap so to give him an out. Saito-san quickly scrambled out of the room without looking back as soon as Toshizo was off his lap. I've never seen Saito-san move so fast.

"That was a little mean of you," I said to Souji after setting Toshizo back on the floor.

"I don't know what you mean," Souji said with faux innocence before he happily reached to feel my belly.

A few days later, Saito-san was back and he surprisingly had Toshizo purring quite contently on his lap. Despite Saito-san's initial reaction to Toshizo, he seemed quite taken with the cat after a few days, even to the point of sneaking food to the cat. The door slid open as Shinpachi-san poked his head in.

"Hey, Souji, Shizuka. How's Toshizo doing?" Shinpachi-san asked as he stepped in.

"He's healthy," I said as I put away some folded laundry. I picked up the empty basket and deposited in the empty spot of the closet floor.

"Pretty much all cured, huh?" Shinpachi-san examined the cat with a grin before scratching it between the ears. "Has he been sneaking out a lot lately?"

"Yep," Souji said as he helped me put away the last of the folded linens before going to take a seat by Saito-san. He tugged me along with him and pulled me into his lap before he set his hand on my belly, his smile growing as he felt the baby kick. "Looks like he steals our supper when he's hungry too. Gen-san gets a headache when he tries to figure out why fishes are vanishing from the kitchen."

"Surprisingly big appetite, huh, Toshizo? And he doesn't hesitate to help himself either. Last night he even snuck into my futon and rolled around in it like he owned it. I don't know what to do with him."

"It's your bad," Saito-san spoke up, almost looking offended at Shinpachi-san's words. "You should let the Vice Commander have your bed."

Wait a sec… Wasn't someone getting a little confused here?

The cat and Hijikata-san were two completely different individuals who just so happened to share a name, Saito-san. Please get that straight.

"My what?" Shinpachi-san asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise before crossing his arms in annoyance. "Why should I give my sleeping space to a cat?"

The cat then hissed at Shinpachi-san and even swiped at his fingers.

"W-What? Don't you hiss at me! Don't tell me you understand what I said!" Shinpachi-san snapped while Saito-san… stayed confused.

"Do you agree with me, Vice Commander? Thank you!" Saito-san ignored Shinpachi-san in favor of catering to Toshizo, and in response the attention lavished upon it, the feline raised its head. "Do you want to be rubbed on the chin? I see," Saito-san said. "How's this?" The cat meowed in approval. "Are you satisfied? It is my honor."

…And this just got weird.

I shot a glance at Souji but all he did was shrug uselessly.

"Saito tamed Toshizo completely!" Shinpachi-san remarked in misplaced awe. "Or should I say it's the other way around?"

"It's the other way around," I said bluntly before flinching when I felt a strong kick to my lower belly. The baby is certainly starting to kick a lot harder than it did just a few weeks ago.

"By the way," Souji said, absentmindedly rubbing the spot the baby just kicked to soothe the pain, "you know the newborns under the house that's three houses down from here? Every one of their little faces resembles Toshizo's, and those kids at the shrine too. All his exact copies."

"So Toshizo is having children here and there? What a womanizer!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed with an excited clap. He appeared very impressed despite the fact we were talking about a cat, not a man.

Then the was some rustling right outside the door, the sound of tabi sliding across the wooden floor. The men froze, all falling silent as they strained their ears to assess the situation a little better with what little information they could gather from the sounds. They were all acting like little kids that knew that they were about to get caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Is someone outside?" Souji asked.

"Saito, hide Toshizo," Shinpachi-san said post-haste as he scrambled to his feet. "I'll distract whoever's outside."

"Understood."

Saito-san hastily hid Toshizo in the closet before pretending to act completely normal, sitting in front of the closet and leaned against the door to detour anyone that may even be tempted to inspect the closet's interior. Shinpachi-san, on the other hand, was an awful actor who couldn't lie his way out of a paper bag to save his own skin.

"Oh, it's you, Kondou-san. What a surprise! How may I help you?" I heard Shinpachi-san say, his voice growing slightly muffled from behind the door. "I thought you were reading in your room. Huh? Were we talking about Hijikata-san? Nah, no such thing! Aren't you mistaken?"

I could just imagine Otou-san's face right now. There was no way he would believe Shinpachi-san. Even I wouldn't believe him and I couldn't see his nervous face right now like how Otou-san could.

"…You clearly heard about Hijikata-san's sons? You gotta be hearing things! It must be because Kondou-san has been working too hard recently! Aww, that's no good. Taking a break when needed is important. See you later!"

Dear Lord, this was even painful to listen to. I just had to bury my face into the palm of my hands to relieve the headache forming.

"Anyways," Shinpachi-san said with a sigh of relief, wiping the imaginary sweat off his brow as he reentered the room. "I got it covered... I guess."

Souji scoffed as he shook his head at Shinpachi-san. "Lousy acting, as usual. I bet Kondou-san still suspects."

"No, Otou-san most definitely suspects."

"If that's what you think, why didn't you help me?"

"No way. I don't want to lie to Kondou-san," Souji said childishly as he puffed up his cheeks while I merely shrugged uselessly.

"Oh well, he's pretty dense. I don't think he noticed anything." Shinpachi-san turned towards the closet. "Saito, you can let Toshizo out of the closet now."

"I'm very sorry, Vice Commander," Saito-san apologized immediately as he released Toshizo. He even bowed to the cat! "Are you alright?" The cat meowed back before strutting to the back of the room. "You're alright. Thank goodness," Saito-san said before he rejoined us by retaking his former seat.

"But why is this guy so popular?" Shinpachi-san asked, continuing the previous conversation from before we were interrupted. "He's uncongenial and grumpy. That shouldn't make him likable for cats or for people. Is it because he looks like he's good at fighting?"

"It's natural to respect the strong ones," Saito-san answered while watching Toshizo stretch in the back of the room. "It's the same for humans or animals."

"Maybe that's the case," Souji agreed. "For example, women are attracted to strong ones such as Hijikata-san and Sano-san."

"And let's not forget yourself," I added before cheekily pecking Souji on the chin, subconsciously making him puff up in pride.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Shinpachi-san was quick object. And quite loudly, might I add. "Hold it! The how come no women are attracted to someone strong like me?! Isn't that unnatural?"

"How come? Now that's…" Souji let his voice trail off as he turned to Saito-san. "Right?"

"Do you really want an answer from us? Shinpachi?" Saito-san asked flatly.

"What's with that look?! I don't want your sympathy! Both of you! If there's something you want to say, say it out loud!"

Souji looked down at me and grinned impishly. "Now, Shinpachi-san is handsome enough below the neck. There's no need for us to tell you if you're attractive or not. Japan is big enough. Some day you will find a woman weird enough to appreciate your charms."

I snorted. "It like saying, 'There are eight billion people in this world and one of them is just for you since she won't mind what your face may look like.' I doubt Shinpachi-san wants to go meet all eight billion people just to find a woman that will fall madly in love with him."

Before Shinpachi-san could retort, there was the loud thumping of someone stomping about before bedroom door slammed open. Hijikata-san stood in the doorway with smoke coming out of his ears as he breathed fire.

Oh boy.

Saito-san and Shinpachi-san looked about ready to drop dead from fright while Souji… Souji just grinned, adding more fuel to the flame.

"Souji! Shinpachi! Saito! What lies have you been telling Kondou-san?!" Hijikata-san roared as he stomped into the room like a T-rex. "Shizuka! Why didn't you stop them?!"

Well, because they were talking about a cat. Not my fault that Saito-san got the cat and Hijikata-san mixed up.

"Whoa!" Shinpachi-san jumped before he immediately started to sweat profusely. "Hijikata-san!"

"The uncute Toshizo is here," Souji said flatly with a pout as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Excuse me for not being cute!" Hijikata-san growled. "And I didn't give you permission to call me by my first name! That aside, what is going on?! You three have been saying that I've been stealing food, sneaking into other people's futons, having children here and there, and other unfounded rumors?!"

"No!" Shinpachi-san raised his hands in front of him in defense. "That's… umm… Did Kondou-san say something?"

"Not just 'say something'!" Hijikata-san raged on. "He said, 'I can turn a blind eye to the food part, but not to sneaking into other people's futons or having children outside and then forgetting about them. You must pay a formal visit to their families later on.' Do you know how much effort it took me to clear this misunderstanding?"

"Hahaha!" Souji burst into uncontrollable laughter, his entire body shaking in mirth as tears appeared in the corner of his eyes. "You tried so hard to explain, and he doesn't believe you? Looks like your past record wasn't very good!"

"Shut it!" Hijikata-san barked. "You three, do you have a grudge so deep that you must spread rumors like this? Shizuka, why didn't you straighten them out? I wouldn't put it pass Souji to spread these types of rumors about me. But Saito, Shinpachi, don't you have the ability to distinguish what's right and what's wrong? What the hell was your purpose for participating in the creation of these rumors? Explain right now!"

"No… That's…," Saito-san stuttered in a panic as he grew pale.

"Now—where should I start?" Shinpachi-san said as he started to sweat before he looked to me for help. I took joy in throwing him to the sharks "There's a veeery complicated reason…"

Then Toshizo meowed.

"Vice Commander! Please don't raise your voice!" Saito-san hastily said in a panic to placate the feline as he attempted to prevent the real Vice Commander from discovering the cat in the back of the room.

"What are you talking about? Aren't you the ones causing the commotion?" Hijikata-san furrowed his brow before he heard another meow. "Huh? What's that? I thought I just heard a cat."

"Meow." Toshizo the cat started to meander toward everyone.

"Whoa! Hey, Toshizo! Don't come this way!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, waving his hands at the cat.

"Meow."

"Toshizo, we're being reprimanded by the uncute Toshizo right now, so can you stay there for a moment?" Souji said just as the cat came to a stop in front of Saito-san.

"Hold on, Souji… What's that?" Hijikata-san asked, gesturing to the cat.

"What? Not only is your personality messed up but your eyes too?" Souji said with a sarcastic bite. "As you can see, it's a black cat."

"I know a cat when I see one!" Hijikata-san's temper flared again before a light bulb turned on in his head. "…Wait, the 'Toshizo' that steals food and has children here and there…"

"Of course we were talking about this cat," Souji said smugly, silently accusing Hijikata-san of being a moron. "Who else did you think it was?"

"Why you—! What's the meaning of naming a cat after me! Are you making a fool of me? Shizuka! You're supposed to stop him from doing these types of things!"

"You say that but…," I trailed off before getting off of Souji's lap so I could go pet Toshizo while I still could. It was probably going to be his last day here so might as well spoil the damn cat.

"I'm not making a fool of you. Hijikata-san said that he likes black, right?" Souji retorted.

"Liar! You knew what my reaction would be like, so you did this on purpose!"

"How could I have such foresight?" Souji shrugged his shoulders mockingly. "I'm not like a certain someone."

Meanwhile…

"Vice Commander; Vice Commander and Souji are discussing important matters. Please be quiet." Saito-san told Toshizo the cat after the feline meowed again to demand more attention.

"Meow."

"What is it, Vice Commander? Are you hungry? I'll go get you something to eat from the kitchen."

"Saito! You too!" Hijikata-san suddenly turned to yell exasperatedly at Saito-san. "Stop calling that cat 'Vice Commander'!"

"But… But I cannot address Vice Commander with anything else than Vice Commander…" Poor Saito-san. He must have felt so lost right about now. But still, it was hilarious.

"What do you want us to call him then?" Souji gleefully jabbed at Hijikata-san again. "Toshizo, and you're mad. Vice Commander, and you're still mad. I think you need to be less self-centered."

"Therefore, you shouldn't have named the cat after me in the first place! How would you feel if I kept a dog or a mouse named 'Souji'? Can you imagine that?"

"Eh? Did Hijikata-san name an animal after me? That's so disgusting. Please stop." Souji said before mockingly asking, "Did you talk to it like, 'Souji~, Souji~, I did this today~?'"

"I do not talk to animals! I said 'if'! IF! And if you feel disgusted, don't you think I would feel disgusted too?"

"Like we expected, it turned out this way," Saito-san said to Shinpachi-san as they continued to watch Souji and Hijikata-san continued to argue.

Shinpachi-san sighed. "I don't understand if these two like or hate each other. In the end, Hijikata-san's argument dropped to Souji's level. Maybe he'll actually name an animal 'Souji' someday."

"Hmm, probably," I added before picking up Toshizo and making a swift exit.

I'll ask Inoue-san and Otou-san if they could help me find a new home for Toshizo.

* * *

[1] Colostrum is a form of milk produced by the mammary glands during pregnancy.

Newborns have very immature and large digestive systems, and colostrum delivers its nutrients in a very concentrated low-volume form. It has a mild laxative effect, encouraging the passing of the baby's first stool, which is called meconium. This clears excess bilirubin, a waste-product of dead red blood cells, which is produced in large quantities at birth due to blood volume reduction from the infant's body and helps prevent jaundice. Colostrum is known to contain immune cells (as lymphocytes) and many antibodies such as IgA, IgG, and IgM. These are some of the components of the adaptive immune system. In preterm infants some IgA may be absorbed through the intestinal epithelium and enter the blood stream though there is very little uptake in full term babies. This is due to the early "closure" of the intestinal epithelium to large molecule uptake in humans unlike the case in cattle which continue to uptake immunoglobulin from milk shortly after birth. Other immune components of colostrum include the major components of the innate immune system, such as lactoferrin, lysozyme, lactoperoxidase, complement, and proline-rich polypeptides (PRP). A number of cytokines (small messenger peptides that control the functioning of the immune system) are found in colostrum as well, including interleukins, tumor necrosis factor, chemokines, and others. Colostrum also contains a number of growth factors, such as insulin-like growth factors I (IGF-1), and II, transforming growth factors alpha, beta 1 and beta 2, fibroblast growth factors, epidermal growth factor, granulocyte-macrophage-stimulating growth factor, platelet-derived growth factor, vascular endothelial growth factor, and colony-stimulating factor-1.

Colostrum is very rich in proteins, vitamin A, and sodium chloride, but contains lower amounts of carbohydrates, lipids, and potassium than mature milk. The most pertinent bioactive components in colostrum are growth factors and antimicrobial factors. The antibodies in colostrum provide passive immunity, while growth factors stimulate the development of the gut. They are passed to the neonate and provide the first protection against pathogens.


	48. Chapter 48

I had intended to update more than one chapter on my other story while on hiatus, but life happens. On the other note, finally the next chapter. Anyone play the re-release yet? I have never shipped Chizuru so hard with anyone before. That Iba is an interesting character. It's almost a pity I won't be adding any of the new characters into this story.

* * *

 **Chapter 48**

 _"Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find."—William Shakespeare_

The light from the candle sitting on the desk flickered, moving alongside the rustling of cloth behind me. I felt a tickle of annoyance crawl up my spine in a prickling sensation when a shadow briefly fell over the letter in my hands. However, that annoyance quickly melted away as soon as Souji settled in his seat behind me. His warmth was like warm milk in the cold Kyoto winter, especially after the sunset.

Who needed a hanten when you have your own personal heater that was all too willing to press up against you? Granted sharing his body heat wasn't what he was really going for, but who was I to argue such a wonderful side effect?

Resting his chin on my shoulder as his arms wrapped around my growing center, I could feel him grin when he felt a small nudge brush up against his fingertips. I said nothing and disregarded the baby's kicks as I continued reading the letter.

"Is that from Kyoko-chan?" Souji asked, peering down at the slightly crumpled letter. His eyes quickly followed the characters written without really absorbing the words.

I nodded. "Most of it just consists of her complaining about how 'old fashioned' Kenji-san's sofu is. Although, there is also a great number of complaints about traveling too, but I don't know if that's worth mentioning." I shook my head in amusement. "She's just repeating the same reasons on why she hates travel over and over again in the exact same wording. See?"

I pointed to the last two paragraphs where the words, "Disgusting, I hate all the mud everywhere," was repeatedly scribbled in a near noneligible scrawl with fading ink, indicating that she was too lazy to dip the brush back in inkwell after the ink on the brush grew low.

"Hmm…. So I see." Souji reached over and plucked the letter from my hands only to scrutinize it further. "For someone as fond of adventure as she is, I didn't expect her to be so… fussy when it came to actually traveling out of the city."

"I know, right? She's a city girl through and through."

"Well, it can't be helped," he said with a carefree shrug before tossing the letter back onto the desk and on top of the letter Tsune-san sent. It appeared that she and Tamako-chan were doing well. "Since Kyoko-chan's marrying into Kenji-san's family, she does have to go greet the rest of his family. No point in forcing the whole family to come to Kyoto when those two can cut down on the inconvenience and head up to the family village instead."

I hummed in agreeance before reaching for another, unopened, letter on the desk. Just as my finger brushed against the edge of the letter, Souji snatched up the unopened letter with a swift but rough swoop.

"Souji?"

He remained silent. His eyes were cold as he glared at the elegant script on the unopened envelope. His fingers tightened around the letter, wrinkling it in a harsh unforgiving manner. A sharp pained hiss then slithered out from between his clenched teeth.

"Why is Ane-ue writing to you?" His voice was so frigid that I felt my heart freeze for a second.

His sister?

He jerked the letter further away from me when I reached for it, unwilling to even let me touch it. I then pulled on his arm instead so I could glimpse at the address written on the envelope. That, Souji allowed, but he still regarded the letter like it were poison and kept his arm ready to spring away again if I were to make any moves to grab the letter.

"Which one?" I asked, releasing his arm as I tilted my head up to look at him. "You have two sisters."

"Mitsu." He then looked at me incredulously with a raised brow. "You didn't know it was from her?"

I shook my head. "I don't recognize the handwriting. I think this is the first time she's written to me. Why would she suddenly start writing to me? We've never met before, let alone spoken to each other before."

In fact, I had only seen Mitsu once in my entire lifetime, on the day Souji was forfeited into Otou-san's custody, and I know for certain Mitsu didn't see me on that day since I had been hiding behind a wall. She didn't even know what I looked like.

Souji's frown only deepened as his eyes grew darker. "Just what is she trying to do…?"

I sighed. Must Mitsu be trying to do something terrible all the time in Souji's mind? I leaned into Souji, shaking the darkness from his eyes before he glanced back down at me.

"You know," I said as I played with his fingers on his free hand, "I've never seen you write to Mitsu for as long as I've known you. You've never even tried to visit her once you got settled in at Shieikan, and I know you purposely 'forgot' to send her an invite to our wedding. I know you guys are on bad terms with each other, but I find it hard to believe there's no communication going on between you two."

I mean, it had been over ten years since those two last saw each other and he still recognized her handwriting? Handwriting, like people, evolved and changed over time. If Souji still recognized her handwriting after all those years then that means he's seen it recently.

A brief, uncomfortable, silence fell over the room. Souji took a deep breath through his nostrils and exhaled slowly through his mouth, his warm breath caressing the top of my head.

"She still writes to me all the time," Souji mumbled, his normally playful demeanor now mere vapors in the wind. What was left of him sounded sullen. Hollow. "Forget about reading her letters, I never even open them. I just burn them in the brazier as soon as I receive them. I don't want her empty words. If she truly did care, then she would have never abandoned me to begin with."

My throat ached and my chest clenched painfully at his words. Every time I heard about Mitsu, it had always been from Souji's negative perspective, but I don't doubt that Mitsu always had the best of intentions. It wasn't that I believe Souji wasn't a victim but because I also believed Mitsu was a victim too. The rough waves in times of change have always been known to swallow the innocent alive. It was unfortunate but hardly rare.

I have no doubt that Mitsu wouldn't have given Souji to over to Otou-san if she could still provide for him. Souji felt deeply betrayed by Mitsu and people could only feel betrayal if they were close. Souji was always sharp, even as a child. There was no way he would have felt affection for someone who didn't reciprocate. Mitsu had loved Souji as deeply as he loved her.

Pity the best intentions didn't always translate into the best outcomes.

"Souji, give me the letter," I said gently with my hand out. Souji shook his head with a hard look in his eyes. "The letter is addressed to me, so you don't have the right to keep it from me. I won't read it if it bothers you so much, but you still need to give the letter to me."

Souji hesitated, but eventually cracked and placed the letter in my hand with a look of defeat. I slipped the letter into the drawers of the desk before leaning back into Souji. His arms were quick to wrap around me again. He was quiet. He was shaking. There was dread in his frame.

Dread did not belong in my wonderful, prideful man.

"I know you don't want me talking to Mitsu, so I won't. Okay?" I said, rubbing his arm as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck. "I know it still hurts. Don't forget I too have been touched by abandonment too." All wounds take time to heal and forcing closure more than often did more harm than good. "Just know that I'll be here for you if you ever decide you ever want to speak to Mitsu again."

Souji nodded before removing his face from my neck. I moved to kiss the corner of his mouth to offer comfort only for the effect to be ruined when I shivered from the cold. I, instead, missed and barely caught his chin, but the display was more than enough to cheer Souji up. I saw the corner of his mouth go up at my attempt before a light chuckle spilled from his lips.

"Still cold?" he asked, his playfulness returning as he rubbed my belly. That grin of his grew even wider when the baby moved and pressed up against his hand "I bet our son is moving so much because he's trying to stay warm."

I gave him an unimpressed glance. "You know it doesn't quite work that way. And why are you still convinced the baby is going to be a boy? Yes, the baby is large but size doesn't determine gender, you know."

I could tell he wasn't listening to me as he pressed a very tempting kiss on my lips. I melted in an instant.

Oh, how long has it been since Souji and I have been intimate? Far too long. If he would only listen to me about intercourse not hurting the baby…

"I'm gonna go get a kettle of water to heat on the brazier. Hot tea will warm your insides faster," Souji then said as he untangled from me to stand up. He plucked the blanket from our futon and laid it on my shoulders, allowing me to bundle up like a caterpillar inside a cocoon.

"Can you bring back some mochi too? I can toast some on the brazier for us to share." I flushed red briefly as I looked down to play with my fingers. "And I'm also a little hungry too…"

"Cravings?" he asked, grinning at my blush before stepping out.

I shivered violently when a cold breeze snuck into the room before Souji managed to slide the door shut again. It just had to snow today, didn't it? Well, today and yesterday, and the day before that. And maybe at a week before that too. And to my horrible luck, it was still snowing outside. I was probably going to sink right through the snow drifts tomorrow. Why couldn't we live somewhere where there was eternal spring? Or summer. Summer would work too.

However, almost as soon as Souji exited, he returned with haired footsteps. The force to which he slammed the door open was enough to make me jump and tip over. Whatever serious expression he had on his face instantly vaporized as his expression twisted in amusement.

"W-What?" I quickly scramble to my feet, dropping the blanket on the floor before sinking back onto my butt from the sudden loss of warmth. I quickly cocooned myself in the blanket once more.

"Oh? Looks like the Daruma doll tipped over," he teased.

I shot him a sour look. "Did something happen? You seemed agitated when you all but **_slammed_** the door open. Also, I see no kettle." I made a point to pointedly look at his empty hands. "What's going on?"

It was his turn to look sour. "Sano-san and I just witnessed three rasetsu force their way out of headquarters. Sano-san is going to get Heisuke and Shinpachi-san. I need you to go fetch Hajime-kun and Sannan-san while I go get Hijikata-san and Kondou-san. And take your time. I don't want you to run and trip, especially when you can't see your own feet right now."

I nodded, ignoring that unneeded comment about me not being able to see my own feet. I grabbed a hanten and shrugged it on before pausing. "What about Inoue-san?"

Inoue-san may have found dealing with rasetsu distasteful, but he would abhor being forgotten about even more.

"He already knows. He was chatting with Sano-san when we witnessed the rasetsu made a break for it," Souji said before bolting down the hall.

I alerted Saito-san first. He appeared nonplussed as he grabbed his uniform in a calming silence and followed me out. Sannan-san, on the other hand, appeared annoyed to be interrupted while he was in the middle of his research, but that annoyance was quick to turn into embarrassment when he learned what had just transpired. He ran off to go check on the remaining rasetsu before he rejoined Saito-san and me, plus the others who had arrived earlier, in the courtyard by the gates. Sannan-san was the last to join us before Souji reappeared with Otou-san and Hijikata-san in tow.

"By the look of everything, it seems like three rasetsu escaped this time," Sannan-san reported remorsefully as soon as Hijikata-san arrived. "My apologies. I did not take into account the increased strength of these rasetsu that had the improved version of the Water of life used on them."

"It's not your fault, Sannan-san," Hijikata-san said, reassuring Sannan-san in an almost dismissive manner as he waved his hand. "There was no way for you to take everything into account. We just need to find these three rasetsu before there are any casualties."

"Gah!" Heisuke threw his hands up into the air before slumping, becoming more disgruntled with each passing second. "More escaped rasetsu. I thought we wouldn't have to deal with any more escapees with Niimi-san gone."

"It can't be helped." I pulled my hanten around my body a little tighter in hopes of stopping my shivering. It was too bloody cold! "Shit happens sometimes."

Sano-san glanced disapprovingly at my usage of language before returning his focus to Hijikata-san. "Should we do the same thing as last time, Hijikata-san?"

"Yeah," Hijikata-san replied. "We'll split into pairs and search. Souji with Saito, Harada with Shinpachi, Heisuke with Gen-san, and…" He drifted off just as his eyes landed on me. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at me. "Shizuka, what are you doing here?"

"That's a dumb question." I snorted. I crossed my arms back at him as I raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be here? I'm not stupid enough to try to join in on the hunt for these rasetsu while pregnant but that doesn't mean I'll just sit on my ass and do nothing." Because I seriously had enough of doing that these past months.

I let my arms drop with a sigh.

"Look, the Vice Commander heading out with more than half of the captains so late at night on 'patrol' will arouse even the newest recruits' suspicions. It matters not if the Captain Commander and the Colonel were to stay behind. But say if the pregnant wife of the First Division Captain was having 'midnight cravings'… Look, it's common knowledge that I'm close to everyone here. No one will question what's going on if I said I lost my temper and sent a bunch of you guys to grab some food because I had the munchies. At most, the soldiers will pity you guys."

Hijikata-san grunted at my explanation. "Fine. I get your point," he conceded, rolling his eyes at me before sarcastically asking, " ** _Do_** you want anything while we're out there?"

Well, since he asked all so kindly…

"I want castella. I won't let you back inside if you don't bring me one."

Hijikata-san flicked my forehead with an exasperated fondness before setting off with the others.

It really didn't take them that long to return. It took them less than an hour, thankfully. If the rasetsu were out on the prowl longer than that, then the consequences would have been far direr. It was night, but it wasn't so late that the all common civilian would be off the streets. There were still a good handful of people out and about despite the darkness and snow.

Out of all the guys, Heisuke and Inoue-san were the first ones back.

"Hajime-kun was the one that finished off the rasetsu. Well, that's at least what Yamazaki-san said," Heisuke told me before ducking back inside with a yawn.

And Inoue-san? Bless his wonderful heart! Even though I was joking when I told Hijikata-san I would refuse to let him back inside without castella, Inoue-san actually bought me one. I ate a slice before offering the rest to Sano-san and Shinpachi-san when they returned. Shinpachi-san practically stuffed the whole cake into his mouth before heading inside with Sano-san. Hijikata-san, along with Saito-san and Souji were the last to return.

They didn't return alone.

There was an extra head among the three. Sano-san did happen to mention offhandedly before he went inside that some problem had arisen but he had never bothered to tell me what. Perhaps a witness? Unless they caught that person doing something illegal, there was practically no other reason for the extra head.

The extra person was short, being just a tiny bit taller than me, though, that's not saying much. At first glance, I thought the person was just a young boy and it wasn't until the clouds blocking the moon's light shifted that I actually saw.

Features too soft to belong boy.

No, the face shape was too wrong and **_her_** frame was far too delicate to pass for a young boy with some simple cross-dressing. She would have been more convincing if she glued facial hair on.

Why was there a young woman running around the streets of Kyoto dressed as a man, anyway? If she was a witness, was it by mere chance or was it something more sinister? If it was just by chance, then I sympathized with her for her awful luck.

"What happened?" I asked just as they stepped through the gate with their prisoner.

I'm sure those three could also tell their prisoner was no boy. If the prisoner was male, then I have no doubt the prisoner would have been treated more roughly and perhaps even rendered unconscious. Instead, the only leash they had on the girl was Souji's hand. Souji held onto the girl's wrist as he dragged her through the gates. In Hijikata-san's arms, I could see a small pack along with a kodachi that must have belonged to the girl.

She looked terrified, looking all too ready to bolt once the grip on her wrist was released. Her eyes darted side to side, undoubted memorizing what she could so she could have a mental map to use for escape. She seemed to jump once she heard my voice. Her eyes went wide with surprise once they landed on me and her jaw flapped around uselessly, her voice frightened away by the three men surrounding her. She had clearly not expected to see a woman at the base of the Mibu Wolves.

"A mouse," Souji answered me all too cheerfully as he tugged on the girl's arm a little more, causing her to stumble. I frowned slightly how roughly he handed the girl but said nothing.

Saito-san sighed at Souji's cheerful retort and said, "I will go get some rope," before disappearing.

Hijikata-san made a sound of disgust before narrowing his eyes at the girl, causing her to shrink even more. He then flickered his eyes towards me. "I'm heading in for the night. Make sure Souji ties the kid up properly before stuffing the kid into some room for the night. We'll deal with this in the morning."

Hijikata-san then ducked inside, retiring for the night and leaving me outside with Souji and the girl. Souji looked at me and grinned almost ferally, although, I'm sure he did that just to scare the girl, before he began to drag the girl deeper into headquarters and towards one of the empty rooms.

"Well, you heard what Hijikata-san said," he very nearly sang as he practically skipped towards the empty room. The girl stumbled behind Souji, having difficulty keeping up.

I couldn't help but feel relieved for the girl when I saw Saito waiting for us by an empty room with some rope in his hands. Souji had the absolute worst demeanor around terrified young girls, especially since Souji threw the word "kill" around like it was going out of fashion. In fact, the girl looked just about ready to have a heart attack.

I discretely laid a hand on the small of the girl's back, causing her to jump once more, before offering her an encouraging smile. She didn't smile back at me, but her eyes offered back silent thanks.

Without wasting any more time, Souji tied the girl up before dropping her haphazardly on the spare futon and quickly ushered me back to our bedroom with a spring in his step. Saito-san, on the other hand, was kind enough to cover the girl with a blanket before leaving.

The following morning, we gathered in the main hall to discuss what to do with the girl while Inoue-san went to fetch her. I really should have been more focused on the topic at hand, but…

Sano-san and Shinpachi-san were dressed as they usually were as they leaned back against the wall rather lazily like a bunch of thugs. Granted that it wasn't snowing anymore, but it was still freezing! I don't care if we're inside! How are they not cold?!

"We have a witness?" Heisuke asked, his question shaking me out of my own thoughts.

I eyed Sano-san's and Shinpachi-san's bare chests one more time in bewilderment before inching closer to Souji for warmth. I could feel Souji shaking with amusement as he read my thoughts.

"Damn, that's bad news." Sano-san shook his head before looking to Hijikata-san. "What are we gonna do with the witness?"

"We should just kill the poor bastard," Souji remarked lightheartedly. "Isn't there a saying? 'Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.' Or something like that."

I jabbed Souji in the ribs with my elbow in disapproval but Souji hardly reacted. "We should confirm if our prisoner had seen anything of interest first. It'll be just blind murder and a horrible waste of life if our prisoner is innocent."

"Hmm… Killjoy."

I scowled at Souji's reply but held off on reprimanding him when I heard footsteps approaching. A shadow fell upon the door before it slid open in a slow and hesitant manner.

"Excuse me…" The voice was nothing more than a timid mumble.

The girl from last night entered the room with small hesitant steps. She was making a point to stare at everything but the people within the room. When Inoue-san led her into the room, she allowed her eyes to briefly absorb the room's occupants and that alone was probably more than enough feel like she had just been stabbed repeatedly, if her expression was anything to go by. She gulped, almost choking on the dry air she just swallowed before her legs gave out on her when she went to go take her seat.

How could she possibly not be unnerved when the leaders of the Shinsengumi were all staring judgmentally at her with their sharp knife-like glances?

"Good morning!" Souji was the first to speak. There was a wicked, catlike, smirk slapped across his face as he regarded the girl like she was a mouse. "I take it you slept well?"

"Well," the girl answered hesitantly, carefully watching what she said, "it wasn't particularly… comfortable."

Color me surprised! She was far braver than I thought her initially to be. There had been no fainting thus far and she was able to engage Souji's pleasantries. Although, one could argue that it was not a good thing.

Souji's wicked smirk widened at her answer. It was almost like he had fangs. "Is that so? Because when I went to have a look at you earlier, you didn't budge, no matter what I poked. You were knocked out cold, and you looked snug and cozy in your sleep."

Red crawled across her face as the look of horror dawned on her face.

"W-What…?!" she stammered.

"He's only teasing you." Saito-san cut in. He shot Souji a stern look. "Souji didn't go anywhere near your room."

The blush on her face instantly faded as she stared at Souji with her mouth hanging open disbelievingly. Souji paid her no mind.

"Aah," Souji mused, throwing his hands behind his head in a carefree manner. "I just wanted to see our guest squirm a little. Not very nice of you, Hajime-kun, calling me out like that."

The girl's look of disbelief quickly morphed into a pout. "I don't think Saito-san did anything wrong. You on the other hand…"

Oh my! This girl was so expressive. After all the cloak and dagger maneuvers the Shinsengumi had to deal with in the past, she was like a breath of fresh air. Such honestly! How long had it been since I had the pleasure of being in the company of someone so honest?

Unfortunately, Hijikata-san was quick to interrupt the banter. "Shut it!" he snapped. There was no real venom in his tone but the room fell silent nonetheless. "You sound like a bunch of kids."

"So, Hijikata-san," Heisuke said, putting his weight on his hand as he leaned back, visually relaxing when he got a good look at our harmless looking prisoner, "this is your witness?"

The girl's eyes instantly shot towards the back of the room where Heisuke and the rest of the Idiot Trio were seated. Her eyes lingered on Heisuke before shoot between Shinpachi-san and Sano-san

"He's a real stick, huh? Just a kid…"

" ** _You're_** calling him a kid, Heisuke? That's rich," Shinpachi-san interjected with a growing grin.

"Right you are." A lazy smile appeared on Sano-san's face. "To anybody else, I'll bet you two look like a sad pair of scrawny little brats."

"I'm the only one who gets to call 'em out on being scrawny punks because I'm a mature adult and all…"

Sano-san snorted, looking about ready to laugh at Shinpachi-san's comment. "Mature adult…? Anything that comes out of your mouth is basically nonsense, Shinpachi."

I cleared my throat before clapping to get everyone's attention. The girl glanced at me, doing a double take once her eyes landed on me. She clearly didn't expect to see me again and completely failed to even notice I was in the room before.

"Sano-san. Shinpachi-san. Leave Heisuke alone," I said pointedly.

"Yeah!" Heisuke yelled, adding more sound to the background noise.

"So," I said, "let's hurry up and get on with it." Because let's not forget the heavy baby sitting on my bladder. That means needing peeing every twenty minutes.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the girl gives off a startled yelp of realization. "You're pregnant!"

I raised my eyebrow at this. Very unimpressive.

"Really?" I crossed my arms at her. "You just noticed this now? Where were your eyes up until now? In your stomach? Such a groundbreaking observation."

She flushed once more and fell silent as she stared at the ground.

"Well then," Sannan-san spoke up, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen in the room, "shall we follow Shizuka-chan's suggestion and 'get on with it'?"

Another awkward silence filled the room before all the eyes, minus the girl's, landed on Otou-san.

"Huh? Oh!" Otou-san immediately perked up, his back straightening as he coughed then cleared his throat. "My apologies. I haven't introduced myself," he said as he turned towards the girl. "I am Kondou Isami, Chief of the Shinsengumi."

"When you say 'Chief,' do you mean you are the most important man in the Shinsengumi?" the girl asked with a very innocent tilt of her head.

"Well," Otou-san said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, "I wouldn't call myself the most important. It is more accurate to say I represent everyone." He paused to gesture to Hijikata-san and Sannan-san, respectively. "Toshi over there is the Vice Commander and Sannan-kun is our Colonel."

Hijikata-san made an irritated sound with the back of his throat, causing Otou-san to freeze almost comically. "Ah… Kondou-san? Why are you telling him all this?"

"Uh… Why? Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"Well," Shinpachi-san said, "unless you think this kid should learn our secrets, maybe you should keep your mouth shut."

Heisuke nodded. "Exactly! Why bother anyway? We owe him nothing."

Otou-san immediately looked distressed by all these suggestions. "Hmm… Perhaps. You all raise good points, but… Isn't it rude to ignore your guests?" Otou-san's face then brightened instantly, an idea tickling his brain as he to me. "What do you think Shizu-chan?"

It was nice being asked for my opinion and all, but…, "I think that I need to pee. So, if we can speed this along, it would be great."

"W-Well—alright," Otou-san stuttered with red growing on his face before he took a deep breath to chase the unwelcomed color away. "L-Let's get back to the business at hand. Can I have a full report of last night?"

Saito-san took this as his cue to speak. "Last night we were on patrol when we encountered some wandering ronin. They drew steel, so we fought. Some of our men subdued the ronin, but, in doing so, exposed their failure."

As Saito-san finished speaking, he turned to the girl.

"I didn't see anything," she insisted.

She was a poor liar. She didn't blink and looked us all in the eyes. Wrong move.

Contrary to common belief, only liars looked into people's eyes while lying. They did need to see if people were believing in their lies, after all. But I did have to give her credit. She didn't crack even as Hijikata-san shot her a harsh glare.

"Huh. You **_sure_** you didn't see anything?" Heisuke prodded.

"Yes, I didn't see anything."

"Really…?" Heisuke shrugged as if all the weight just fell off his shoulders. "Well, if that's true, then I don't see what the problem is."

"Hold on a minute." Shinpachi-san butt in, not letting the girl relax. "I thought Souji said you helped out some of our men or something…"

There were times where I wondered if Shinpachi-san had always been that cunning.

The girl immediately jumped up in a panic as she waved her hands in front of her face in a giant "NO" fashion. Hook, line, and sinker.

"No! That's not true!" she exclaimed before briefly glancing at Souji, who gave away nothing with his masked smile. "I was running away from the ronin… Then some people with Shinsengumi uniforms appeared… Really, they sort of rescued me."

Shinpachi-san narrowed his eyes. "Then that means you saw them slicing up those ronin, right?"

"U-Umm…" The girl shook, realization now setting in. She had been tricked

"So," Sano-san said in a tone born from pity, "in other words, you actually saw everything. The whole ugly business. You've got an honest heart. That's not really a bad thing, but…"

Just counterintuitive to her survival.

The girl looked just about ready to cry after that. She shook like a lone leaf in an angry storm. "I… I won't tell anyone! I promise!"

Sannan-san just merely closed his eyes and shook his head. "It seems unlikely this attack was mere chance. Yet, it seems unlikely, too, that you're an enemy. Despite your good intentions, you could be taken for interrogation. Could you handle torture?"

She whimpered, deflating faster than a popped balloon.

"Staying quiet is easy," Saito-san added, "but if you were captured, you would have no loyalty to us or our secrets."

"Yeah," Souji said, the masked smile he donned now sliding off. "We have no way of verifying your word. It wouldn't be very smart to just let you go." Then just as fast as that false smile had vanished, a wicked one surfaced to take its place. "Let's just kill the kid. You want to keep someone quiet, that's the only sure way."

"B-But…!" the girl instantly objected only to fall into another pitiful sounding whimper.

The way she just fell apart after a few harsh words was rather telling. It was beyond obvious.

She was just a girl who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was no spy, and if she was, then I would applaud her for her wonderful acting. However, I doubted she was acting at all. The fear I could see in her eyes was all too genuine. It reminded me of my own eyes the first few months after I was I was reborn into this life, unsure and fearful of what machinations had just occurred.

"There are other options other than death," I said rather dryly. The girl's back straightened swiftly as she looked to me wide-eyed with hope. "I agree we can't just let her go. There are too many variables to account for, but I do believe misfortune shouldn't be punishable by death. It would be just a waste of life. She was just in the wrong place and the wrong time. She needn't have to die for that."

"I have no wish to kill the child either," Sannan-san agreed. "However, ignoring the unlikelihood of his trustworthiness is foolish. Well… I would like to hear the Vice Commander's opinion. What do you say Hijikata-san?"

All the men looked to Hijikata-san, who had been silent this whole time. He sighed before skimming the room.

"Last night, we killed members who broke our code. This kid should not have been involved at all."

"I imagine that puts an end to the matter for you?" Sannan-san asked.

"Well, the kid probably saw something, but I doubt the kid really understands what it was."

So Hijikata-san was like Heisuke and in favor of letting the girl go completely scot free? He really was still too soft for his infamous nickname of Oni Vice Commander. But the sentiment was respectable. Innocents shouldn't be caught in the crossfire.

"Even so, this is serious," Shinpachi-san pressed. "We have bigger things to consider. We have to keep this under wraps. If rumors break that soldiers of the Shinsengumi are thirsty for blood, it would be problematic."

Hijikata-san's expression immediately grew sour and grim at those words.

"Hey," Hijikata-san snapped, "watch your mouth. It is our responsibility to regulate all warriors who violate our code. They will be dealt with."

"Well, it doesn't change the fact that this kid saw something," Souji said, pushing the matter again.

"I think Souji has a point, but still…" Sano-san rubbed his chin. "I'll do whatever Hijikata-san and Kondou-san tell me to."

Heisuke frowned at Sano-san. "I think we oughta let 'im go. It's not like he knows why they went crazy, right?"

"W-What?" the girl said before slapping her hands over her mouth when she realized what she had just done. It looked like she was praying that no one actually heard what she's said, but the damage was done.

"Uh-oh," Souji commented, the grin on his face now looking rather morbid and bloodthirsty. "Well, this is going to make it even harder for us to simply let you go…"

Another whimper leaked out of her mouth from behind those smooth unblemished hands.

Shinpachi-san turned to the girl with a hint of disapproval. "A man should always be ready to face death. You should make peace with yours."

He would most definitely be quick to change his tune if he knew what the girl's true gender was.

"Very true. A brave death is always an option," Sano-san said with the beginnings of a grin on his face. "When I was young, I committed honorable suicide."

"It didn't really stick through, did it, Sano?" Shinpachi-san remarked before bursting out into laughter with the other man.

I pursed my lips in disgust at the poorly timed joke before looking to Saito-san pleadingly. In times like this, no one was more reliable than him. That poor girl.

Sensing my glance, Saito-san looked to me and nodded before speaking up. "Vice Commander… Since we can't seem to reach a consensus, can I send the child back to his room? If the child hears something that shouldn't have been said, then we will have no other choice but execution."

"Indeed… Let's do that," Hijikata-san said. "Plus, there's something I want to look into."

Sannan-san pushed on the bridge of his glasses as he glanced at the Idiot Trio. "I agree. There are too many careless men here."

"C'mon Sannan-san…" Shinpachi-san whined as he slumped against the wall slightly. "What are you look this way for?

"That oughta be pretty obvious." Sano-san pointed out, not looking anywhere as guilty as he should. "We're all guilty of being careless. Especially you, Heisuke."

"H-Hey! Back off!" Heisuke's voice rose, growing squeakier as everyone turned to look at him. "It was just a mistake, all right?" Then he mumbled a sad-sounding, "Sorry…," at the girl.

All she seemed to be able to do was nod back curtly. Not all was forgiven.

"Alright," Hijikata-san spoke up again, "Saito, take care of the kid."

Without further words, Saito led the girl back out of the room. Hijikata-san remained silent until the sound of both footsteps completely faded away.

"So, what did you want to look into?" I asked.

Hijikata-san remained silent as all the eyes in the room fell onto him again. He brushed his bangs back before sighing almost tiredly. He then stood up and offered me a hand, pulling me to my feet when I accepted.

"Souji. Sannan-san. I want you two to keep an eye on the kid. Don't let the kid know you're watching. Kondou-san, if you could also go with them?"

"If you say so, Toshi," Otou-san replied before following the other two out the room.

"As for the rest of you guys, stay here for now. Shizuka, come with me."

Really? Out of all the capable captains he completely trusted and had at his disposal, and he wanted me? I mean, I was flattered and all, but maybe he should have chosen someone that was more… what's the word? Capable. But still, I quickly followed Hijikata-san out the room without question.

"Why did you grab me?" I asked the moment we entered the privacy of his room.

There sitting on the floor was the girl's kodachi and her pack, which of the contents were now spread out all over the floor. There was a small pouch, undoubtedly, filled with some money; a couple sets of clothing; and a few letters. I raised my eyebrow up at Hijikata-san.

"Rude much?" I commented wryly with a twitch of my lips as I bent down to pick up a letter, or at least tried to. One does not just simply bend down at twenty-nine weeks.

Hijikata-san snorted at my attempt before snatching the letter out from under me.

"Earlier, you said she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. How do you know? I want to know your reasoning."

"The fear in her eyes. There was just no way a person can fake such genuine fear. If she were some spy sent to investigate the Shinsengumi, there's no way she could have faked the fear."

"Oh?" Hijikata-san sounded intrigued as he arched an eyebrow at me. "And how do you know it was genuine fear?"

"I'd tell you, but I don't think you'd believe me," I chirped with my hands tucked semi-playfully behind my back. "Besides, did you see her hands? Completely unblemished and smooth. If she were a spy, I believe she would have been trained in several various matters. No halfway decent spy would have smooth hands. Smooth hands speak of inexperience and no one would send an inexperienced person to spy on the Shinsengumi. You are all quite dangerous, after all."

Hijikata-san raised his brow while looking quite smug as he shot me the look of a proud parent before handing me the letter from his hands.

"That's quite an observation. Anyways, I want you to take a look at this," he said, pointing to the letter's address.

"Yukimura Chizuru?" I narrowed my eyes at the words. "And not only is the letter address to her, the handwriting also belongs to Yukimura Kodo." I skimmed the contents of the letter before putting it down. "So we've stumbled across his daughter. I don't know if it's because we have peculiar luck or because this was somehow arranged. It's all too convenient. And after the way Yukimura-sensei just vanished… No wonder you're so suspicious of her."

"Yes." Hijikata-san nodded as he placed the letter back into the pack along with everything else he had taken out before. "Do you think she knows about any of it?"

"No. I think she would have come more prepared if she did. And, besides," I glanced out the window at the sun. "If Yukimura-sensei did tell her about the experiments involving the Water of Life, he would be a shit chichi-ue. And even if I didn't like the man all that much, I don't think this is something he is shit enough to involve his daughter in. The letter obviously shows that he has nothing but affection for her."

"True enough," Hijikata-san said as we left his room for the room we were keeping Yukimura Chizuru in. "But we'll see in a bit. I'm going have to rely on you to get more information from her. You saw the way she kept looking to you so hopefully earlier. She'll be more trusting toward you than she would be towards any man here. Get close to her. If you find anything suspicious, I want you to report it to me."

I nodded. "So, what are we going to do with her? You never did answer the question from before."

Hijikata-san still didn't answer the question. Instead, he favored silence and never said anything even as we finally caught up to people keeping a watch over the girl. Otou-san perked up once he saw Hijikata-san and took that as an okay to open the door to fetch the girl. And what timing too! Just as Otou-san opened the door, the girl walked straight into Otou-san's chest in her attempt to flee.

"What?!" Otou-san exclaimed, startled by the sudden contact. It was almost adorable as Otou-san scrambled back at the sudden unexpected contact.

"Ah!" the girl cried, almost toppling over before catching her balance.

"Oh my," Sannan-san said at the whole display. His tone was still his normal warm and gentle tone, but his eyes had grown frightfully cold. "Well, that was rather bold. You were looking to escape, I assume? Attempting to escape was unwise. It will only make your situation more difficult."

The girl could only stutter and look pale beneath Sannan-san's harsh glare. Oh, and one can't forget Hijikata-san's and Souji's words too.

"I told you once, and I won't do it again. Run, and I'll gut you."

"Sorry, but now we've got to kill you. We can't trust a kid who can't keep a promise."

It really wasn't surprising at all when she attempted to make a break for it. Slipping around Otou-san, who was still stunned from the first attempt, she booked it down the hallway. Or rather, she only made it two steps before being snatched up one-handedly by the scruff of her clothing by Hijikata-san.

"Did you really think you could escape?" Hijikata-san growled.

"Ah!" The girl flailed around like a headless chicken, flapping her arms and legs around rather uselessly in the air. "L-Let me go!"

"You think I'm stupid? You'll just try to run. No."

"But I don't want to die! And I… I… There's something I have to do!"

Hijikata-san scoffed. "And what's that, huh? What compels a girl to run around Kyoto pretending she's a boy?"

And there went the worst kept secret in the room. However, it was enough to cause the girl to stop her useless flapping as Hijikata-san set her back down. Her eyes were wide with bafflement.

"Umm… sir…" She braved a brief glance up at Hijikata-san's displeased face. "Did… Did you just say 'girl'?"

Sannan-san nodded. "I see. Then you really were a girl."

"C'mon," Souji added with a little smile. "You thought putting on some hakama was going to be enough to fool us? Even an idiot could tell."

Well, maybe not at all. After all, Otou-san was looking quite stunned.

"Wait…" She stared at us, her bafflement growing more. "So, all of you knew from the start?!"

"You know," I said as I poked my head out from behind Souji, "if you want to pass as a boy, you need do more than just cross-dress. You're too pretty to pass as a boy. And plus, you don't act anything like one either. See how you're standing with your legs so close to each other that your ankles touch? Boys don't do that naturally."

She flushed at my words, growing redder at the word "pretty".

"O-Oh, really?" she asked, only to be interrupted by Otou-san's sudden outburst.

"Oh, Kondou Isami, you fool! This is the shame of a lifetime! How could I have not realized!"

She seemed to look a little more relieved after Otou-san's outburst. Perhaps knowing she fooled at least one person was a source of comfort to her?

"So," Hijikata-san said, bringing all the attention back onto himself, "you almost got killed for it, whatever it is. Maybe it's time you spilled your guts, kid."

That was a poor choice of words, but it didn't seem to bother the girl as she looked back at him and nodded. We all returned to the main hall to continue the discussion. On the way there, with Hijikata-san's earlier request still in mind, I offered an encouraging smile at the girl. She gave me a small smile back in return.

Once back in the main hall, Hijikata-san revealed Yukimura Chizuru's gender to the rest of the guys. Sufficient to say, it was like the equivalence of dropping a small bomb into the room. The way Heisuke and Shinpachi-san reacted... One could have assumed that those two were very literally on fire based on their behavior. Needlessly, it took a while for them to calm down.

"I noticed you were rather slim, and your features were far too soft to be a man's, but to think you were a lady this whole time…" Otou-san nodded repeatedly as he said this, as if he were agreeing with a very intelligent suggestion.

"Once you know she's a girl, she really doesn't look like a boy at all, does she?" Heisuke agreed with no small amount of awe painted on his face.

Inoue-san, on the other hand, looked racked with guilt even though he was completely faultless in this. It wasn't like he was the one that tied her up. "So we bound her and left her for the whole night…? Oh dear."

And Shinpachi-san… he squinted at her, particularly her at her chest and crotch before crossing his arms. "Well, 'she' claims to be a girl, but it's not like we have any actual proof, right?"

"P-Proof?!"

The girl quickly inched closer to me. I pat her head before wrapping an arm around her shoulder. There, there.

"Proof?" Sano-san asked, disregarding the poor girl's reaction. "Really? Not obvious enough for ya, huh? Alright, will you feel better if I strip her down?"

Otou-san turned red before he practically exploded with passion. "No! You absolutely will **_not_**! To suggest such a thing is preposterous!" he cried as he leaped to his feet.

"I just figured it was the quickest way to settle the question…" Sano-san had the decency to look cowed. "But I won't force it."

"Well…," Shinpachi-san said as he peered at the girl with mix of curiosity and distrust, "if you really **_are_** a girl, then… Killing you would just feel kind of wrong."

Hijikata-san grunted, tucking his hands into his sleeves as he crossed his arms. "Why are you so naïve?" he said, leveling an irate glare at Shinpachi-san. "It doesn't matter. If we have to kill her, then she dies."

"Exactly," Sannan-san added matter-of-factly. "However, her gender is irrelevant. Killing, in general, is wrong. We were organized to protect the citizens of Kyoto. We would ill serve the public good by murdering civilians in cold blood"

"Yeah, yeah," Souji responded. He glanced out of the corner of his eyes at me before frowning slightly when his eyes landed on the arm I had around the girl. "But if this girl, or boy, is a threat to the peace, that's a horse of a different color."

Hijikata-san then forcefully cleared his throat.

"My apologies, but I took the liberty of looking through your belongings," Hijikata-san said, quickly changing the topic. "It would appear you came all the way from Edo… By yourself. You didn't seem to have much: some clothing, some pocket change, a few letters, and this sword. One of the letters was from Matsumoto Ryojun, a shogunate-approved doctor. I assume you saw him. What is your purpose Yukimura Chizuru…?"

The unveiling of the girl's family name completely shifted the vibe of the room. Jaws dropping open was accompanied with wide eyes of disbelief. The room was suddenly too quiet again and the girl too small for this large room. The heavy air in the room felt like it would crush any unsuspecting soul.

"Wait. Hijikata-san…," Shinpachi uttered slowly, "that name…"

Sano-san looked like he just swallowed something bitter as he glanced fleetingly at the girl. "Hey now, this can't be a coincidence."

"Now, wait a moment," Otou-san said warmly before any more suspicions could be tossed around. He looked at the girl and offered her a kind smile. "We only need to determine if you are a threat. Will you tell us your side of the story?"

The girl put her hand on her chest before taking a deep breath. She peeked at me one last time as if to gather her courage before she spoke.

"My name is Yukimura Chizuru," she said, starting off with familiar information so she could gather her confidence. Her voice still shook but grew stronger at the end of the sentence. "It was about six months ago my chichi-ue left Edo for Kyoto for work. He told me that he would write to me daily and that if I ever need anything, then I should contact Matsumoto-sensei, another doctor he worked closely with. True to his word, my chichi-ue sent word as he promised he would. I received letters almost every day, faster than I could reply. But, suddenly, word from my chichi-ue ceased, and a month passed. Matsumoto-sensei, my only hope, was absent. I could stand it no longer, so I traveled the capital. However, I could not find any clues on my chichi-ue's whereabouts. I was already at wits' end when I encountered those ronin…"

"Oh, then you're from Edo as well?" Otou-san smiled. "And you came to Kyoto to find your chichi-ue?" He then nodded to himself. Anybody could easily tell he was touched by the girl's story and proud that the young girl who braved the dangerous roads was from Edo. "So, who is your chichi-ue?"

"My chichi-ue is Yukimura Kodo."

Hijikata-san closed his eyes at the confirmation. "So, the dots are connected."

The girl paused, scrunching her brow up in confusion as she turned to Hijikata-san hopefully. Her throat was dry as her thirst for information grew.

"What…," she hesitated, like she believed the possible source of information to be too good to be true, "are you talking about?"

"The handwriting on the letters does match Yukimura-sensei's," I spoke up, adding a smile for good measure. "So, you are his daughter. It's finally nice to be able to put a face to the name."

She peered at me in surprise like she didn't expect me to have anything to add to the conversation. She still probably couldn't figure out why I was sitting in on this meeting. This was a male-run organization in a patriarchal society. I didn't fit neatly into the picture.

However, once my words sunk in, her back shot straight as she gasped. Sudden excitement flooded her eyes as she clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "You knew my chichi-ue!"

But her excitement was short-lived when silence echoed across the room once more. Puzzled, she eyeballed the faces in the room once more. She notably froze when her eyes met Hijikata-san's angry snarl. I could feel her quivering ever so slightly.

"So," Hijikata-san's angry bark filled the room, "you've been withholding information from us?"

"Huh…?" the girl said, shaking once more. "What are you talking about?"

Hijikata-san quickly shot me a discrete look, silently asking me to check if she was lying before he layered more pressure on her.

"There's no point in lying to us now! Out with it! What the hell are you doing in Kyoto?!"

"I… I just came to look for my chichi-ue. I swear I don't know anything else…"

 ** _Confusion._**

"You came to this city fully aware of what your chichi-ue, Kodo, is doing?!"

"I was only aware of my chichi-ue being in Kyoto for his medical work, but I haven't seen him since last summer… That's all I know!"

 ** _Desperation._**

"Hijikata-san, stop," I said pretending to stand up for her while shaking my head to secretly pass my assessment. The confusion by itself was already too telling. She wasn't lying. "You're scaring her. She doesn't know anything."

Hijikata-san fell silent with the scowl still on his face, slightly unsatisfied with the result. Not only did she know nothing about Yukimura Kodo, but now we certainly couldn't kill her either. Zero points for guessing that he did not want to deal with this mess.

"So," the girl spoke up, "what do **_you_** know of my chichi-ue? Where is he right now? Please tell me."

"The Shinsengumi is currently attempting to determine the whereabouts of Kodo-san," Saito-san answered.

The girl's eyes grew wide. She covered her mouth with her hands as a terrified gasp escaped her lips. "You're after my chichi-ue?! So, this means…"

"Oh, no." Souji quickly cut her off before she could form false conclusions and cause more trouble. We definitely didn't need that right now. "You've got us all wrong. We're not, uh, **_after_** him. Not in that sense." The tension in the girl's shoulders melted away. "He's a fellow supporter of the Shogun, but… Well, he sorta disappeared a little while ago."

"You see," I said, offering her sympathetic eyes that needn't be faked, "there was a fire at his clinic a couple of months ago. There was no body found, so it stands to logic that he is alive, but…"

"There's a reasonable chance that the enemies of the Shogun have identified him as a threat and set the fire themselves," Saito-san finished, his face completely expressionless for the duration before softening when he saw the girl's paling face. "There is, of course, the chance he is still alive. Doctors skilled in western medicine are quite rare."

Unsure of what else to do, the girl nodded.

"Kondou-san," Sannan-san said, adjusting his glasses, "what do you make of her situation? Would it be in our interest to help her, seeing as we are all looking for the same person?"

"What do you mean, 'help her'?" Otou-san asked, pursing his lips as he furrowed his brow in thought.

"I only mean to say we should cooperate with her until we find Kodo-san. With her assistance, I'm sure our chances of locating Kodo will increase drastically."

"Huh…?" Once again, the girl seemed surprised.

"Looking for him may prove fruitless, however. If he's in disguise, spotting him will be difficult," Sannan-san continued before looking at the girl. "You are his daughter, however. You ought to recognize him no matter how he may have disguised himself, yes?

She nodded vigorously with an unsteady smile. "Yes, of course."

"Besides, having her stay with us, regardless, can be of use to our headquarters. Especially now when Shizuka-chan is out of commission for her usually more labor intensive tasks."

"Hmm," Otou-san said as he spun toward Hijikata-san. "What do you say, Toshi? Sannan-san is making a lot of sense."

Hijikata-san let out a tired sigh. "If it turns out that she doesn't know anything after all, then…" He ran his hands through his bangs. "Well, if she is his daughter, we can't really kill her, can we…?"

He then narrowed his eyes at her, causing her nibble on her lower lip nervously.

"If you promise to keep last night a secret, we'll let you stay until your father is found. Fair?"

"Yes," Otou-san quickly smiled and agreed with Hijikata-san. "I promise that the Shinsengumi will do whatever they can to help you find your chichi-ue! After all, I can only hope someone would do that for Shizu-chan if I suddenly went missing."

The girl jumped, looking like the heavens have been opened and all her prayers had been answered. "T-Thank you so much!" she quickly exclaimed before ducking out from under my arm so she could bow. Her bow was low enough for her forehead to touch the floor.

"Still, as we are warriors, handling her will be difficult," Sannan-san voiced. "We must now give some thought as how to treat her."

"Then, we should make her somebody's servant, right?" Hijikata-san suggested offhandedly, now feeling all to ready to end the discussion. "Kondou-san's or Sannan-san's. Or better yet, stick her with Shizuka."

"No way, Hijikata-san," Souji interjected with a sly grin. His eyes flickered between Hijikata-san and the girl before he winked at me in a playful wolfishness. I covered my mouth to stifle my giggle. "As the man with the idea, the responsibility should fall to you."

"Yeah, she'll be safe by your side, Toshi," Otou-san quickly agreed, oblivious to what Souji was really trying to do.

"It's decided, Hijikata-kun." Sannan-san smiled as he gleefully. He, on the other hand, was all too aware of Souji's intentions. "Do your best to take care of her, won't you?"

"That's our Vice Commander all right!" Sano-san exclaimed, joining in on the fun with mocking grin. "So reliable, aren't you?"

"Alright! Thank goodness for that." Shinpachi-san exclaimed.

"Y-You bastards…" Hijikata-san growled, his ineffectual glare only serving to fuel the laughter.

"I said something good, didn't I?" Souji said as Heisuke joined in the laughter.

Meanwhile, the girl just sat in silence looking confused. The poor thing.


	49. Chapter 49

For those who've played the re-release, you will notice the inclusion of Takeda in this chapter. The reason I've included Takeda in this chapter is because I don't really consider him to be a "new" character and I certainly don't plan on having him follow his Hakuoki path. Instead, I will have him meet his end the way it happens historically since Iba will not be included in this story. I've included information about Takeda in the footnotes if anyone is curious to how he dies.

* * *

 **Chapter 49**

 _"To avoid surprises later, spend enough time to know people initially. Don't just ask the obvious. Go the extra mile... Be creative and unconventional..." ― Assegid Habtewold, The 9 Cardinal Building Blocks: For Continued Success in Leadership_

I tied off the last stitch and bit the thread with my teeth to separate the needle from the repaired haori.

There! Sano-san's uniform repair was complete.

Jabbing the needle back into the pincushion, I gave the uniform a good shake to smooth out the wrinkles before I frowned. What I just fixed wasn't just a simple rip in the clothing from wear and tear, it was a very deliberate cut on the right sleeve made by a sword. Sano-san used a spear, something with reach.

I didn't like the implications.

Someone skilled enough to get under Sano-san's guard and slash at him? It sent chills down my spine just thinking about it. Sano-san was in no way a pushover in combat. Thank goodness, he wasn't injured in any way when he came to me to ask for repairs. This close call reminded me just how dangerous patrols were. And Souji was out on patrol with Heisuke right now. It made me nervous enough to want to vomit. And suddenly, doing clothing repairs without anyone to keep me company became unappealing.

If I wanted some company, I could move to Otou-san's room and complete the repairs there. Otou-san would be more than willing to indulge me. However, the sheer inconvenience of hauling the pile of clothing that needed repairs over there was more than enough to stop me. And, everyone else was busy too. I didn't exactly want to hassle anyone into spending time with me. What a time for Kyoko-chan to be out of town.

I sank lower into my seat, sulking for a few seconds before I looked out the open door. I could see Shinpachi-san crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall next to Yukimura Chizuru's room. It had been a few weeks since she had arrived and the only time she was really allowed out of that room was to use the restroom. She even took her meals in that room. Despite Hijikata-san's orders for me to get close to her, I kept a healthy distance away from the room she occupied.

It wasn't like I disliked the girl. I didn't know her well enough to form a solid opinion, but I didn't doubt that I would most likely like her if I gave her a chance. She wore all her emotions on her sleeve, like an open book. After dealing with the masked people of Kyoto, the girl was like a breath of fresh air. She reminded me of home, of all the honest and friendly people back at Edo.

In the end, the reason I kept away from the girl was specifically because I was procrastinating on Hijikata-san's orders.

"She seems harmless, but I don't doubt she still hiding something. Get close to her and dig it out," Hijikata-san had said before he left for Osaka with Sannan-san a few days ago.

It felt… wrong, getting close to the girl just for this reason alone. I understood Hijikata-san's reasons. It was better to be safe than sorry, because what if she really did have a secret that could harm the Shinsengumi? But at the same time, what if she didn't? I was more inclined to think that she didn't, which made the feeling so much worse. I felt like if I got close to the girl on Hijikata-san's orders just for her secrets, I would be betraying something, some sort of innocence. The shame and guilt from that… It made me feel dirty. Like scum. That alone was enough to make me stay away for the most part.

But now…?

I wanted some company and… Well, solitary confinement was in no way healthy, right? I mean, if I was in her position, I would have been driven up the wall by now just out of sheer boredom. And let's not forget the reason she was here in the first place. She was here in Kyoto to search for her father, which she hadn't been able to do at all since arriving. Plus, she was captive in a place with unfamiliar men that were all too ready to kill her. To say she must be going crazy on the inside would be an understatement. So, spending some time with her wouldn't be wrong, right…?

I mean, I was **_totally_** doing this for her benefit and **_not_** on Hijikata-san's orders, or because **_I_** wanted a person to talk to. Totally. I should have **_absolutely_** no reason to be nervous.

I folded Sano-san's haori and set it down in the complete pile before meandering out into the hallway. Shinpachi-san raised his eyebrow at my nervous gait but said nothing as I paused in front of the girl's closed door. Twiddling my fingers for a few seconds, I took a deep breath before… taking another deep breath just to be safe.

"Er… Knock, knock?" I said before suddenly feeling the inconceivable urge to bash my head against the wall. I was an idiot. People don't knock on doors in Japan during this era unless they wanted to punch a hole through the delicate paper!

But it was either the girl was too nervous herself to notice the unusual terminology, or because was too nice to make something of it.

"I—Oh!" she exclaimed before the door inched open. She peeked out the small gap before gasping to herself and opening the door a little wider. "H-Hello, can I help you?"

Before, when she first saw me, she had clung onto me like I was her last hope. Now…? I wondered what's changed. Her fingers tightened around the wooden frame of the door nervously as she sunk behind the door slightly, using the door like it was some sort of barrier. She looked at me like I was a specter of Death.

I wasn't sure I should be offended by her reaction. I mean, just how terrifying was a pregnant woman who was even shorter than her supposed to be?

I pursed my lips before pushing on. "Umm… I was just wondering if you wanted something to do since you haven't been allowed outside yet."

The girl's eyes immediately brightened as she almost jumped out from her hiding spot. She clapped her hands in front of herself out of sheer excitement.

"I mean it isn't much," I quickly added out of guilt. "Just mending some clothing. I was wondering if you want to help."

"Oh! It's okay! I want to help!" She was obviously dying for something to do.

Her enthusiasm was contagious and all the tension in my shoulders melted away along with my guilt. I swear I even saw Shinpachi-san smiling a little out of the corner of my eye.

"Great!" I chimed back with equal enthusiasm. In fact, I may have even jumped a little in excitement. "Follow me."

The girl nodded, stepping out of her room before she peered curiously at Shinpachi-san, who was silently following us. As we stepped into mine and Souji's bedroom, Shinpachi-san remained on guard right outside, making sure to poke his head in to check on us every few seconds. As for the girl, she looked around the room nervously as she sat down near the pile of clothing. Her eyes froze for a few seconds when they landed on the two-person futon before she observed me nervously for a brief second.

I smiled, offering up my warmest grin. "I don't think we've actually properly introduced ourselves yet. My name is Okita Shizuka. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Oh!" She jumped anxiously before bowing in a polite manner. "My name is Yukimura Chizuru. It's nice to meet you too Okita-san!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her formality. She turned a bright red before she looked down and straightened her clothing. It was adorable. She had an aura that practically screamed "little sister". I wanted to pinch her rosy cheeks.

"Just call me Shizuka, Chizuru-chan," I said, sending a friendly wink her way. "Okita-san is way too formal and it sounds like you're talking to my husband when you call me that. Plus, I think we're pretty close in age."

"Okay!" Chizuru-chan chirped. Most of her nervousness had vanished as she brightened up, but there was still something in her posture that told me she wasn't completely comfortable around me yet. "So, we're mending some clothing, Shizuka-san?"

I nodded before handing her some supplies from my sewing kit. "Mostly some tears. When you're done, just fold it up and place it in this pile." I pointed to the smaller pile of clothing to my right.

She quickly fished a hakama from the larger pile and set to work before looking incredulously at the location of the hole, which was where the butthole would be if someone was wearing the hakama.

"Don't ask." I snorted. "It may be better for your sanity. Some of the men do incredibly stupid things in their free time. Although, if you really want to know, I believe the owner of those pair of hakama did something on a bet which resulted in a tree branch nearly being crammed up his butt."

"O-Oh…," Chizuru-chan said, nodding slowly before peeking at Shinpachi-san, who let out a snort at my explanation. She then shook her head before determined eyes appeared, like she finally decided on something. "So you're married to Okita-san? Is that why you live here too?"

"Yes, but that isn't the only reason." I paused my work, taking a deep breath just as I felt a small jolt of pain when the baby moved. The baby's kicks had been getting painful recently. "If there were other men in the Shinsengumi that were married, they wouldn't be allowed to have their wives here. It's against the code to have women here at headquarters. I'm just a special case."

"Special case?"

"It's because my chichi-ue is the Captain Commander, so no one will say anything," anymore, at least, since Serizawa **_is_** gone, "and also because I'm the resident doctor. So, while I'm not considered an actual member of the Shinsengumi because I am a woman and because I don't get paid, I still technically work for them."

Though I wished I did get paid for my services. There was nothing more empowering for a woman than to be able to sustain her own living, after all. But it wasn't like I was going to charge the men for their healthcare either.

"Erm… Did… did you chose to marry Okita-san or was it…" Arranged went unsaid.

She looked a little afraid to ask that. I could tell some of that was because she was afraid that she'd offend me, but the main reason she asked was…

"You want to get a feel for the men?" I asked knowingly. Chizuru-chan flushed when she was caught, but nodded nonetheless.

After all, if the marriage was arranged, that meant I had no choice but to marry. And if I didn't want to get married but was now obviously pregnant, that would have loosely meant that the men had no problems forcing themselves upon women. She wanted to know just how safe she was.

I saw Shinpachi-san frown when he caught on to what the conversation really was about. He really hadn't forgiven Chizuru-chan's presence here, but he didn't like having his honor and is friends' honor questioned by her either.

I offered Chizuru-chan another smile. I felt nostalgic even though it hadn't even been a full year since I married. "It was arranged, in a way, but probably not in the way you think. I could have refused if I wanted to. I grew up with Souji, you know. Even if the marriage wasn't arranged, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I still would have married him in the end." I folded the article of clothing in my hands and reached for another one. "You don't need to worry about the guys. They'll respect your space and none of them would ever force themselves on an unwilling woman."

I clapped cheerfully just as Chizuru-chan nodded in understanding.

"So," I said, feeling a little bubbly now that Chizuru-chan had her questions answered, "enough about me. Tell me about you."

"About me?" She blinked a few times.

I didn't like Hijikata-san's orders, but that didn't mean I wouldn't follow them.

"Your chichi-ue was a doctor too. As his daughter, did you ever help around? Like with the patients, or medical research, or something like that?" I asked, carefully watching her expression.

She put a finger on her chin as she looked up at the ceiling briefly. "I helped Otou-san with the patients by doing simple things like bandage changes and stuff. But that's about it. I don't know enough to help Otou-san with medical research and Otou-san wouldn't have let me anyway. He doesn't like to share his research."

Perusal, her face was an open book. And just as I suspected, she really didn't know anything about the Water of Life. I really don't know what Hijikata-san was expecting.

"Then what about people?" I asked, moving the conversation more into my comfort zone. "Anybody back at home waiting for you to return? A cute boy, perhaps?"

"Ehh?!" Chizuru-chan squeaked, dropping all that was in her hands as she rushed to cover her red cheeks. "I-I—No! There's nobody!"

My grin widened.

"Nobody back at home waiting on a cute girl like you? Are you sure you aren't lying to me?"

"Yes! No! I mean—Yes, I'm sure I'm not lying! And no, there's nobody waiting for me!" she spewed out in a disorganized rush before almost yelling, "How far along are you?"

A sloppy topic change, but I'll indulge her. However, just as I opened my mouth, someone cut me off.

"Thirty-two weeks."

I turned around to see Souji at the door untying his forehead guard. He glanced at Chizuru-chan with an obvious hint of annoyance, making her shrink. Shinpachi-san, on the other hand, was gone now that Souji was back to take the "Yukimura Chizuru watch". Souji pressed a quick kiss on my lips before he glared at Chizuru-chan. The amount of hostility was enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand.

"What are **_you_** doing in here?" Souji all but sneered at her. "Who said you could come into **_my_** room?"

Chizuru-chan squeaked before turning a pasty white color. "I-I—Umm…"

I scowled at Souji before whacking his leg in a scolding manner.

"I invited her," I said just as Souji plopped down right beside me. He randomly discarded his uniform somewhere on the floor. "This is as much my room as it is yours. Leave her alone. Plus, I wanted another girl to talk to."

Souji hummed, looking like he just swallowed something unpleasant before he shot Chizuru-chan one more look. "Well, if you say so…"

Chizuru-chan, on the other hand, never looked so thankful that I intervened and looked even more thankful now that Souji was ignoring her. She quickly folded up what was in her hands and set to work on another piece of clothing like she was afraid she was going to get scolded if she worked too slowly. I shot her an apologetic glance. Souji's blatant dislike for strangers and newly acquainted people was nasty even when he was in the best of moods.

"How are you feeling right now?" Souji asked me in a quiet voice just as he laid a gentle hand on my belly. The baby squirmed delightfully under Souji's hand like it somehow knew the hand belonged to its father.

Even though Souji's focus was on me, I could still see him keeping a sharp eye on Chizuru-chan. He had removed his katana from his obi once he sat down, but it was still within reach and positioned in a manner where he could draw it in an instant if need be. He didn't perceive Chizuru-chan as dangerous, but he wasn't going to let his guard down either. He didn't trust her in the slightest.

I put a hand over his. "I'm a little tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Too many weird dreams," I said, shaking my head. "And my ribs hurt a little. The baby keeps kicking me in the same spot."

"Then do you want to sleep for a little bit? If you're worried about the mending not getting done, just shove it off to Chizuru-chan. I'm sure even she can do that much."

I glanced outside again. The snow was orangish blue color, reflecting off the glow of the setting sun.

"No, there's no point. It looks like it's almost time for dinner too. Is Saito-san cooking today?"

"Him and Inoue-san," Souji answered before turning to Chizuru-chan with an arched eyebrow. "Nosy much?"

Her eyes widened at being caught watching our interaction and she quickly looked back down at her work with red crawling all the way up to her ears. She squeaked once more when she risked looking up briefly only to see Souji smirking down at her, causing Souji's wicked grin to grow even wider.

"Little mousy is curious, is she now?" Souji let out a fake sigh of resignation. "Well, I suppose I can indulge you, Chizuru-chan," he said, dragging out her name in a mocking manner. "Watch carefully and you might learn something about attracting the opposite sex."

He then surprised me by cupping my face before planting a steamy kiss, one designed for a more private and intimate setting, on my lips. Then without waiting or even asking for permission, he quickly added tongue, turning it into a very wet kiss as he slid one hand intimately down my body so he could rest it tantalizingly on my covered thighs. As his tongue retreated from my mouth, Souji let his lips lightly brush against my skin as he moved to the side of my neck. I embarrassedly let out a gasp when he sucked on the sensitive skin there. He finished off with a small nip before pulling away to admire the new mark forming on the side of my neck with a smug smirk.

If I was red at the public display of affection, then there were no words to describe what color Chizuru-chan was. In fact, I know that sometime during the kiss, Chizuru-chan had covered her face with both hands. But that didn't mean that she didn't see anything. I could see her peeking out of one eye between a small crack between her fingers. Embarrassed yet eager to see what would happen next. I didn't expect that one.

"That's how you actually get someone to wait for you back at home, you little pervert," Souji said with his stabbing words. "But a little too late for you now."

Oh, ouch!

I almost flinched at Souji's jab at Chizuru-chan. I don't know what hurt more, Souji implying that Chizuru-chan was unappealing to other men with his words or the fact he called her a pervert. Either way, Chizuru-chan turned even redder, so much so that she was starting to look purple.

Was it out of anger or embarrassment? I wasn't too sure.

I scowled at Souji. He at least had the decency to look sorry even if he wasn't at all. I turned to apologize to Chizuru-chan, however, I was cut off yet again before I could speak.

"Shizuka!"

I spun towards the door to see Sano-san by the door. His forehead was covered in sweat as he frowned perpetually. He didn't even bother acknowledging Chizuru-chan, which was odd enough for him.

"There were people asking for you at the front gates," Sano-san stated solemnly. "They're carrying a man with a broken leg. It's a really bad break."

I pushed myself up about half way before Souji stood and helped pull me up. He picked up his katana and tucked it back in his obi.

"How bad is it?" I asked.

"Real bad. There's bone emerging from the skin. They said his leg got caught beneath the wheel of a bullock cart[1]," Sano-san explained, causing me to grimace and Chizuru-chan cover her mouth as a horrified gasp escaped her lips. This was going to be a messy fix and I wasn't too keen on dealing with infection if the bone had been exposed for too long.

Just as I stepped out of the room with Souji hot on my trail, I paused and turned to Chizuru-chan, who peered back curiously with her large innocent eyes. It might have been a crazy notion since I didn't know her all that well yet, but…

My instincts were telling me that I would want to bring Chizuru-chan along, that there was hidden potential in her somewhere. Plus, she did have some experience with patient care, so she could still help a little if I was wrong, especially now since Yamazaki-san was out on some mission from Hijikata-san.

"Chizuru-chan?" I said. "If you could come too since you do have some medical experience. Don't worry about the clothes, just leave them on the floor to be finished later."

She nodded at me and quickly scrambled to follow us when it became clear we weren't going to waste time waiting for her. It was at this moment, Sano-san seemed to notice her for the first time and offered her an encouraging smile before leading us to the main hall.

It was loud in the main hall as we arrived, but it wasn't the type of loudness one would have expected to follow a medical emergency. There was plenty of yelling, but none of the yelling came from the visitors. Other than the injured man groaning in pain, the other two who came with him, an acquaintance of mine named Kita Sota and his wife, were completely silent as they huddled in a corner of the room and as far as possible from all the yelling. Even Heisuke's kind coaxing did nothing for them. The source of the yelling came from the center of the room where Shinpachi-san was hissing and spitting at a long-haired man named Takeda Kanryūsai[2].

Takeda Kanryūsai, captain of the Fifth Division. He met Otou-san once back in Edo and I believe it was on a night when Otou-san went out drinking. I'm was amazed he even remembered Otou-san's name. He joined the Shinsengumi back in the beginning of December. He practiced the Hokushin Ittō-ryū sword style, though lacked the easy finesse that Heisuke and Sannan-san had. The only reason he was even made a captain in the first place was because of his credentials in Koushu military science.

"Tell those freeloaders to leave this instant!" Takeda demanded as he shot injured party a look of extreme disdain. "The Shinsengumi isn't some charity organization. We're warriors and unless they can pay, they aren't worth our time!"

"You're a heartless bastard, ya know!" Shinpachi-san yelled back, his hands tightening into dangerous looking fists. "The Shinsengumi's here help and protect people! And it's not like they asked for you!"

No, Takeda wasn't well liked at all, but Otou-san liked him well enough. Takeda was two-faced and often used his cheap flattering to impress Otou-san. Otou-san was flattered easily.

"Because I'm sure they asked for me," I said quietly, instantly breaking up the argument. Kota-san and his wife seemed infinitely relieved when they spotted me.

I watched Takeda quickly straighten up and make himself look as gentlemanly as possible. He straightened his already pristine clothing and dusted away the imaginary dirt.

It was no hidden secret that I was Kondou Isami's daughter and could influence the Captain Commander's decisions very easily. This man was power hungry and I have no doubt that if I weren't married already when we met, then he would be trying to seduce me. But then again, if he did try to seduce me regardless of my wedded status, I think I was too oblivious to notice.

"Ah, Shizuka-san," Takeda said, carefully watching his tone. I could practically see Souji snarling behind me. "These people barged in here, demanding free medical treatment. If we allow this then the ronin of Kyoto will see the Shinsengumi as weak for succumbing to civilian demands and we cannot allow that. This is something you needn't bother yourself with. I can remove them from the premises for you."

"Please do not act so familiar with me. I do not believe I gave you permission to use my first name," I said curtly. I personally thought he was pathetic, boneless man. I didn't even think he was worth yelling. "And Shinpachi-san is correct, the Shinsengumi is here for the people. Now, I believe your duties are done here."

There was a quick flash of horror on his face when he realized he misstepped. He quickly bowed.

"I see. I will do as you suggest, Okita-san," Takeda said as he exited the room. He was unable to hide the brief flash of disgust when he said my, Souji's, surname.

"Good riddance," I heard Shinpachi-san mutter under his breath.

"I'm sorry for that Kota-san," I said before I quickly made my way over to the injured man he and his wife brought in. "Can you tell me what his name is along with happened and how long his leg has been like this? Does he have any allergies?"

"Oshiro Akio," Kota-san answered as he peered anxiously over my shoulder at the nasty looking wound, "my neighbor. I—I don't think he has any allergies…? He fell in the streets and his leg got crushed by a bullock cart wheel before we could pull him away. His leg has been like that for less than an hour. My wife and I got him here as soon as we could. Will… Will he be alright?"

I didn't say anything as I observed the injury. Sano-san was right, it was a nasty break. I could see the broken end of poking out from the skin. The bone was stemming most of the bleeding, but it had also ripped muscle as it was forced through the skin. It would be hard to tell just how much damage was done to the bone without an x-ray or without opening the leg up. It was an open fracture and a crush injury. There was a massive risk of infection already without the free-floating bone fragments to complicate matters.

Then there was also the possibility of nerve damage I had to test for. Because of the way the bone was protruding, there was a chance that the tibial nerve[3] and/or the sural nerve[4] being damaged.

Chizuru-chan looked a little green, but she wasn't losing her stomach over the grotesqueness of the injury yet. She was the first to voice everyone's thoughts.

"Will he… The leg needs to be amputated, doesn't it?" she asks, though it was more of statement than a question.

"Sano-san. Shinpachi-san," I said. "Can you carry Oshiro-san to the medical wing? Heisuke, I need you to find my surgical tools. They should be in the cabinet by my desk in the medical wing. Souji? You know where I keep the antiseptic[5] and sedatives."

I then finally turned to Chizuru-chan with a look of regret. She looked guilty for even suggesting amputation when nothing was actually her fault.

"I'll do what I can but, yes, there is a chance I might have to amputate," I said. I was fresh out of the titanium[6] rods and screws that could be inserted and used to reconstruct broken bones. With Kyoko-chan and Kenji-san out of town, there was no way I could get my hands on those supplies and this man couldn't wait. The risk of infection was too great. "Chizuru-chan, come with me. I'll need an extra hand during surgery."

She turned pale and, for a moment, I thought she was going to faint, but then a look of determination rolled in.

"Yes! I'll do what I can!" she said. "The blood **_won't_** scare me!"

So, beneath all that timidity were nerves of steel. She continued to surprise me. And I couldn't just disregard what she just said either.

People often equate bloody hands with murder. They're not wrong, but neither are they completely correct. People often forget about the doctors, especially the surgeons.

It is the healers that have the bloodiest hands. A wound cannot be treated not be treated without knowing how deep it goes.[7] This was something Chizuru-chan didn't seem to consciously know but understood instinctively. She didn't like the blood, but she would rather sink her hand in blood than let it scare her away if she could help someone.

If she had steady enough hands today, then I would teach her my medical techniques. She seemed up for the task and eager enough to help. I would be remiss if I squandered her potential.

* * *

[1] A bullock cart or ox cart is a two-wheeled or four-wheeled vehicle pulled by oxen (draught cattle). It is a means of transportation used since ancient times in many parts of the world. They are still used today where modern vehicles are too expensive or the infrastructure does not favor them.

Used especially for carrying goods, the bullock cart is pulled by one or several oxen (bullocks). The cart (also known as a jinker) is attached to a bullock team by a special chain attached to yokes, but a rope may also be used for one or two animals. The driver and any other passengers sit on the front of the cart, while load is placed in the back. Traditionally the cargo was usually agrarian goods and lumber.

[2] Takeda Kanryusai (武田 観柳斎) (died June 22, 1867) was the fifth unit captain of the Shinsengumi.

He was a samurai born in Izumo, in the late Edo Period. Born Fukuda Hiroshi in Izumo (modern day Shimane Prefecture, in the Chūgoku region), it's said that Takeda wanted to become a doctor in his youth. However, he left his clan to study the Koushuu Nagamuna style of military strategy in Edo. While there, he became close to the well-known Takeda family and was adopted by them, taking the name Takeda Kanryuusai. This branch of the Takeda clan were hereditary Aizu vassals, although Takeda Kouunsai was a well-known antibakufu activist involved with the Tengu-tou.

Little is known of Takeda Kanryuusai's life before joining the Shinsengumi, but he was likely involved in academics and medicine. His sword style was most likely Hokushin Ittō-ryū, although he does not appear to have been very skilled. He was close to the influential loyalist Hirano Kuniomi. However, he was too outspoken an advocate of sonno jōi and was arrested. He escaped imprisonment in 1863 and fled to Kyoto to join the Shinsengumi.

When part of the Shinsengumi, Takeda approached Itou about forming a separate party within the Shinsengumi, but Ito refused only to do exactly that in 1867. Even without Itou's support, Takeda ambitiously planned to leave the Shinsengumi, contact Satsuma and start a new movement to overthrow the shogun. Although he had previously been loyal to Kondou, it is said that he was offered a large sum of money to leave. He obtained permission to leave the Shinsengumi and return to Izumo - however, the Shinsengumi's extensive network of informants discovered his secret communications with Satsuma.

There are conflicting accounts of how and when Takeda was killed. The first is that he was assassinated on the 28th day, ninth month, of the year Keiou 2 (November 5, 1866), on his way back from Izumo. He was making his way across the Zenitori Bridge of the Taketa Highway in Fushimi when he was confronted by Saito Hajime and Shinohara Tainoshin. Saitou Hajime is often credited with the kill, although Shinohara is said to be the true assassin. The other story is that he was not murdered until the 22nd day, sixth month, in the year Keiou 3 (July 23, 1867), on his way home along that highway from a farewell party organized by Kondo. He had obtained permission to leave, but the Shinsengumi secretly plotted against him. He may have also attempted to join Itou's group at this time, but was turned down. He then intended to join Satsuma. Saitou, and sometimes Shinohara, are usually credited in this version of the assassination as well, but they had both left the Shinsengumi months earlier as a part of Itou's group. There is much unresolved confusion over when exactly Takeda left the Shinsengumi and when his treachery was discovered. The 1867 date is more widely used.

[3] The tibial nerve is a branch of the sciatic nerve. The tibial nerve passes through the popliteal fossa to pass below the arch of soleus.

In the popliteal fossa, the nerve gives off branches to gastrocnemius, popliteus, soleus and plantaris muscles, an articular branch to the knee joint, and a cutaneous branch that will become the sural nerve. The sural nerve is joined by fibres from the common fibular nerve and runs down the calf to supply the lateral side of the foot.

Below the soleus muscle the nerve lies close to the tibia and supplies the tibialis posterior, the flexor digitorum longus and the flexor hallucis longus. The nerve passes into the foot running posterior to the medial malleolus. Here it is bound down by the flexor retinaculum in company with the posterior tibial artery.

[4] The sural nerve is a sensory nerve in the calf region (sura) of the leg. It is made up of collateral branches of the tibial nerve and common fibular nerve. Two cutaneous branches, the medial and lateral, form the sural nerve. The medial cutaneous branch arises from the tibial nerve, and the lateral branch arises from the common fibular nerve. The tibial nerve and the common fibular nerve arise as the sciatic nerve divides into two branches in the popliteal fossa. As the tibial nerve travels down the popliteal fossa, and before it goes beneath the gastrocnemius, it gives off a cutaneous branch which is the medial sural cutaneous nerve. This nerve courses laterally over the lateral head of the gastrocnemius. The common fibular nerve also gives off a small cutaneous branch which is the lateral sural cutaneous nerve. When the common fibular nerve is divided from the sciatic nerve, it travels parallel to the distal portion of the biceps femoris muscle and towards the fibular head. The small cutaneous branch arises as the common fibular nerve travels towards the fibular head. The nerve then continues down the leg on the posterior-lateral side, then posterior to the lateral malleolus where it runs deep to the fibularis tendon sheath and reaches the lateral tuberosity of the fifth toe, where it ramifies.

[5] Alcohol is an accepted antiseptic agent; however, it should not be used as the single agent but as part of the skin prep regimen.

1\. The antimicrobial action of alcohols is the denaturing of proteins. 60%-95% alcohol is the most effective. Additionally, antiseptic solutions that contain alcohol, such as chlorohexidine with 70% alcohol, are less effective at higher alcohol concentrations since the denaturing of proteins does not easily occur in the absence of water.

2\. Alcohol has broad-spectrum antimicrobial properties, including the ability to destroy Gram-positive and Gram-negative bacteria as well as multidrug-resistant pathogens including MRSA and VRE, _Mycobacterium tuberculosis_ and fungi.

3\. Alcohols have rapid activity when applied to the skin, but alone do not have a persistent, cumulative activity; however, when combined with another antiseptic agent persistent, cumulative activity results. Therefore, if the usage of alcohol is adopted, it is recommended that the agent be a combination of alcohol and another antiseptic agent (alcohol-based solution).

a. Alcohol-based solutions have a greater antimicrobial activity as compared to other solutions. Studies have shown that alcohol-based solutions immediately lower the microbial count on the skin more effectively than other solutions.

b. Alcohol-based solutions that contain 0.5% to 1% chlorhexidine gluconate have been found to have a persistent antimicrobial activity that is equal to, or greater, than that of CHG alone. The next most effective scrubbing agents are chlorhexidine gluconate, iodophors, and triclosan. Studies of parachlorometaxylenol (PCMX) have produced contradictory results and therefore, further studies are required in order to determine the efficacy of the agent with other agents.

c. A surgeon may include in his/her orders the use of alcohol as a wipe (referred to as an alcohol wipe) once the paint solution has been applied. This is an acceptable practice since the alcohol is being used as part of the overall skin prep regimen.

[6] Titanium was discovered in Cornwall, Great Britain, by William Gregor in 1791, and it is named by Martin Heinrich Klaproth for the Titans of Greek mythology. The element occurs within a number of mineral deposits, principally rutile and ilmenite, which are widely distributed in the Earth's crust and lithosphere, and it is found in almost all living things, water bodies, rocks, and soils.

Titanium 6AL4V and 6AL4V ELI, alloys made of 6% Aluminum and 4% Vanadium, are the most common types of titanium used in medicine. Because of its harmonizing factor with the human body, these titanium alloys are popularly used in medical procedures, as well as in body piercings. Also known as Gr. 5 and Gr. 23, these are some of the most familiar and readily available types of titanium in the US, with a number of distributors specializing in these specific grades.

Two of the greatest benefits of titanium are its high strength-to-weight ratio and its corrosion resistance. Couple this with its non-toxic state and its ability to fight all corrosion from bodily fluids and the reason titanium has become the metal of choice within the field of medicine is apparent.

Titanium is also incredibly durable and long-lasting. When titanium cages, rods, plates, and pins are inserted into the body, they can last for upwards of 20 years. And dental titanium, such as titanium posts and implants, can last even longer.

Another benefit to titanium for use in medicine is its non-ferromagnetic property, which allows patients with titanium implants to be safely examined with MRIs and NMRIs.

Osseointegration is a unique phenomenon where the body's natural bone and tissue actually bond to the artificial implant. This firmly anchors the titanium dental or medical implant into place. Titanium is one of the only metals that allows for this integration.

[7] The original quote is taken from Dragon Age Inquisitions.

"My people had a saying long ago – 'The healer has the bloodiest hands.' You cannot treat a wound without knowing how deep it goes. You cannot heal pain by hiding it. You must accept. Accept the blood to make things better. You have taken the first step. That is the hardest part."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

 _"Never be so busy as not to think of others." ― Mother Teresa, The Joy in Loving: A Guide to Daily Living_

Chizuru-chan looked down at the sheet of paper I had laid on her desk. The diagram of Oshiro Akio's broken leg was drawn in a slightly cartoonish manner, but in my defense, I didn't have an x-ray to refer to and I was never the "artist" type in this life or in my past life to begin with. However, I was at least beyond drawing stick figures. One would think I would have gotten better at drawing due to all the medical diagrams I was constantly drawing, but the only thing I really improved in was not dripping ink everywhere. And despite how cartoony the diagram looked, it was accurate, which was the **most** important thing.

But I couldn't stop my ego from swelling when Chizuru-chan looked impressed with my drawing skills.

I placed the calligraphy brush back down. "So, you remember how Oshiro-san's leg looked before amputation yesterday?" I asked, pausing briefly as Chizuru-chan nodded. "One look at the leg and you knew it likely had to be amputated. Can you tell me your reasoning?"

"It was the way the bone was broken," Chizuru-chan answered, blinking a few times. She pointed to the diagram where the break depicted in the broken jagged bone piercing the skin. "And there would be an infection because the bone was exposed. An infection would kill Oshiro-san."

I nodded before I began drawing another diagram of the same leg. This diagram, to my dismay, was slightly lopsided. I quickly stuffed down the urge to crumple the paper up and restart the drawing.

"Right. But did you know that these types of breaks don't always have to end in amputation?" I could see Chizuru-chan's eyes widen slightly out of the corner of my eye. "There are methods to prevent the bone from becoming septic and ways to piece the bone back together. The ultimate goal of repairing a compound fracture is the restoration of function. However, if function cannot be regained or if an infection does set in and cannot be eradicated, then amputation becomes the only option."

"But how would you piece the bone back together?" she asked before tilting her head at the new diagram. She pointed at the first diagram. "Oshiro-san's leg was crushed. If it was just one break, we could just set and splint the bone to keep it from moving while it heals. But Oshiro-san's bone was shattered into multiple pieces with the largest piece piercing his skin. The leg can't be splint normally."

"That's correct." I finished up the second diagram and moved on to a third one. "The leg can't be splint 'normally'. Instead, the bone needs to be pieced back together, then anchored in place with metal screws, plates, and rods so the bone can heal properly." Pausing work on the third diagram, I placed the brush back down and pointed to the extra lines in the second diagram. "When the leg is opened up in surgery, a metal rod can be inserted into the bone to act as a splint while the bone fragments are secured back into their proper place using screws and plates. The leg is then sutured up and bandaged. This is called internal fixation.[1]"

"But won't the metal rust and create poison within the body?"

"This is why only certain metals can be used. The preferred metal used for bone reconstruction is titanium, though, stainless steel can be used. Titanium is non-toxic and biocompatible, meaning the body won't reject it and the bone can grow into and on the titanium. Plus, the flexibility and elasticity of rivals that of human bone."

I picked the brush up and resumed the third diagram while Chizuru-chan sat in silence, watching me draw and evaluating what I just told her. She sucked on her lower lip before nibbling on it.

"Another method used to stabilize the bone is external fixation[2]," I said, breaking the silence just as I finished the final diagram. I pointed to the boxy lines of the third diagram. "In this method, metal pins are inserted into the bone above and below the fracture site. The metal pins protrude out of the skin where they are attached to metal bars. However, this method is usually used to stabilize the bone while the open wound is being taken care of and only used until it's safe to perform internal fixation."

Chizuru-chan nodded at my explanation, her eyes sweeping back up to look at all the previous diagrams as her hand lightly brushed the paper. She then frowned to herself before looking back at me.

"If it was possible to save Oshiro-san's leg, then why did we amputate yesterday?" she asked. The million-dollar question.

I picked up the worn journal I had brought with me and flipped to a dog-eared page before placing it on the desk. A chart was drawn in the center of the page.

* * *

 _ **Mangled Extremity Severity Scale**_

 ** _Skeletal and soft-tissue injury_**

 _Low energy (stab; simple fracture civilian gunshot wound: 1 point(s)_

 _Medium energy (Open or multiple fractures, dislocation): 2 point(s)_

 _High energy (close-range gunshot or military gunshot wounds, crush injury): 3 point(s)_

 _Very high energy (all of the above plus gross contamination, soft tissue avulsion): 4 point(s)_

 ** _Limb ischemia (Score is doubled for ischemia 6 hr.)_**

 _Pulse reduced or absent but perfusion normal: 1 point(s)_

 _Pulselessness; paresthesias, diminished capillary refill: 2 point(s)_

 _Cool, paralyzed, insensitive, numb: 3 point(s)_

 ** _Shock_**

 _Systolic blood pressure always 90 mm Hg: 0 point(s)_

 _Hypotensive transiently: 1 point(s)_

 _Persistent hypertension: 2 point(s)_

 ** _Years_**

 _less than 30: 0 point(s)_

 _30-50: 1 point(s)_

 _greater than 50: 2 point(s)_

* * *

"See this?" I pointed to the journal. "It's called the mangled extremity severity scale[3]. It's called MESS if you abbreviate it in English, in case you're curious." Chizuru-chan looked impressed at the mention of English. "If you get a score equal to or greater than seven when you assess the severity of the limb trauma, then it is best to amputate. Oshiro-san's wound had a score of nine. Plus, even if the score was less than seven, I still would have had to amputate. I'm completely out of surgical screws and rods, at the moment, and it would have taken too long to wait for a new supply to come in. It was best to amputate."

"Oh," Chizuru-chan said, becoming glum before falling silent. Her eyes then glazed over for a few seconds.

She hummed to herself before she started sucking on her lower lip. She looked at the open door of her room when a cold breeze rolled into the room. Outside was no longer a gleaming white wonderland with the exception of a few patches where the snow refused to melt, but it was still fairly chilly. I wrapped my hanten around myself a little tighter before a tiny shiver ran up my spine, causing me to sneeze.

"What is it?" I asked just as I rubbed my nose. She seemed interested enough in learning about medicine earlier, but now she just seemed distracted.

"All of this is interesting, and I am thankful that you're taking the time to teach me, but… I was just wondering…" Chizuru-chan twiddled her fingers as she looked down uncomfortably to stare at her lap. "When will I be able to go out and look for Otou-san? I've already been here a few weeks and all I've really done is sit in this room…"

I offered her a sympathetic smile. "Since you are Hijikata-san's 'page', it would technically be up to him to decide," if Hijikata-san did plan to let her out at all, "and it really can't be helped that he's up in Osaka right now with Sannan-san. You can try asking the others if you can go outside, though."

She instantly perked up with a small gasp. Excitement sparkled in her eyes as a smile bloomed on her face. All her reservation along with the look of discomfort she tended to wear around me was forgotten instantly as she practically bounced closer to me. She grasped my hands and held them up near her chest.

"Really?" Chizuru-chan chirped.

"Uh-huh." I nodded. "There's no guarantee that they will let you out, but there's no harm in trying. And if they're going to refer to Hijikata-san's judgment on whether to let you out or not, there's no harm in trying to convince them to support you so you'll have a high chance of going out when Hijikata-san returns. Referrals are very powerful, after all."

"Then I can leave this room?" Chizuru-chan asked. "Right now?"

She jumped to her feet without waiting for an answer and went to go stand at the threshold of the door. She shot the world outside a wistful look before looking back at me for permission. Not getting a "no" or a shake of my head, she hopped outside, giggling gleefully the moment her toes touched the hallway outside her room. Then, as if to savor the small freedom, she spun around with small bunny hops to enjoy the fresh outside air.

The whole display adorable was almost enough to make me forget the struggles of standing back up from a sitting position when heavily pregnant. Almost. It's kind of hard to forget when you can't see your feet.

Chizuru-chan waited patiently, almost thumping her feet in joy against the wooden floor as she waited for me roll onto my feet and catch up. When I was at her side again, her grin grew in size while she vibrated on the spot.

"So, where to?" she asked as she bounced on her heels.

I hadn't seen her smile so much a so freely since she arrived. It was refreshing and reminded me a little of Tamako-chan. Ah, I missed little Tamako-chan.

"We could go to the main hall." I pointed to the right.

Because that's where the friendlier people were, or should be now. The Idiot Trio were practically engineered to make people laugh, and they were nicer to women. Besides, it was kind of hard to imagine Chizuru-chan still smiling this much around Souji and Saito-san. Souji was just mean sometimes and Saito-san too quiet. I suppose we could have gone to talk to Otou-san, but he was probably busy right now and I didn't want to bother him too much, though he would suggest otherwise.

However, just as we approached the main hall, which was strangely quiet, Inoue-san emerged. He looked quite befuddled with his scrunched brow and pursed lips. He greeted us with a kind smile before peering at Chizuru-chan with hidden curiosity.

"Ah," Inoue-san said, pausing in front of us. "Good afternoon. Are you showing Yukimura-kun around, Shizuka-chan?"

"Not exactly." I glanced at Chizuru-chan as fidgeted nervously before bowing politely to Inoue-san. "I'm looking for Heisuke and the others. They're supposed to be in the main hall, but I'm guessing they aren't. It's too quiet."

Inoue-san shook his head with a chuckle. "No, they're not. I'm looking for them too. Do you have any idea where they went…? I can't find them anywhere and they didn't tell anyone if they were going to go somewhere this afternoon."

Really, the deduction wasn't all that difficult to make. They weren't in their usual spot. They weren't on patrol. They weren't doing any chores, and they didn't let anyone know if they were going out or not. And, in addition to all of that, Hijikata-san and Sannan-san weren't present at headquarters. It was every man's dream to go drinking in the afternoon, was it not? Well, it was at least those three's dream.

"Check the front gates," I answered, holding back a snort. If Inoue-san caught them right as they were about to sneak out, then…

"Oh? If you say so," Inoue-san said before nodding at Chizuru-chan, "Enjoy your stroll with Shizuka-chan."

"Ah, thank you, Inoue-san!" Chizuru-chan chirped, hastily bowing again. She turned to me, looking far less peppy than she was before, once Inoue-san was out of sight. "You said we were looking for Toudou-san and the others, but they aren't here. Now what do we do?"

I spun around, dramatically pointing down the hall we just came from. "That way! To the inner courtyard!" I bellowed, hoping I could act silly enough to make her laugh. No choice but to go look for Souji and Saito-san.

However, instead of laughing, Chizuru-chan looked at me strangely with her large eyes. I felt my face grow hot as I reprimanded myself internally for such silly and familiar behavior with someone I yet to have a solid friendship with. Rapidly shaking my embarrassment off the best I could, I scratched the back of my head before quickly marching off in the direction I pointed in. Chizuru-chan shuffled after me, keeping a fair distance between herself and me.

How long had it been since I had been this awkward? Chizuru-chan was such a sweet person and I really wanted her to like me, but I felt like such a klutz every time I tried to make her laugh. Whenever I was being serious, everything turned out fine. She knew how to deal with that. However, every time I did something silly to try to make her laugh, she just stared at me blankly. Even though she was the one in an unfamiliar place, she was the one making me nervous. I felt like I was constantly doing something wrong around her whenever I cracked a joke. Was there something about me she didn't like?

That thought hurt more than I would have liked it to.

Scratching my forearms in discomfort, I nearly scrambled off in a disorganized rush when I heard the whoosh of air that signified the swinging of swords. My escape was close!

Out in the inner courtyard, I could see Saito-san swinging his sword. To the untrained eye, it would look as if Saito-san was just swinging his sword with no great skill. But, with closer observation, each movement was precise. Not a drop of energy wasted. Perfect control in every way.

Slightly to the right of Saito-san, Souji was hanging the recently washed laundry. He exchanged a few short words with Saito-san before he loosened his tasuki and tucked it back in his sleeves. Abandoning the remainder of the laundry, he went to go sit on the roka before he grinned and waved me over. Saito-san paused his katas to watch Chizuru-chan and I approach.

To escape the atmosphere of awkwardness I inadvertently created, I practically bolted to where Souji was. Pretending that it was done to escape the cold, I snuggled up to Souji's side, almost sighing in relief as I wrapped Souji's arm around me. Hearing an amused snort, I looked up only to see Souji's bemused grin and an arched eyebrow as he shot me a knowing look. I ignored his laughter as I grumbled nonsensical words under my breath.

"Okita-san! Saito-san! Good afternoon!" Chizuru-chan chirped, once again looking cheerful now that we actually found some of the guys. She bounced a little closer as she rocked back and forth on her the balls of her heels.

Souji greeted her with a lazy wave while Saito-san sheathed his sword and nodded at her silently.

"Afternoon, Chizuru-chan," Souji said, putting his weight on one arm as he leaned back in his seat. "Thinking hard on something, are we?"

Chizuru-chan jumped, looking like she had just been struck by lightning. "H-How did you guess…?"

"We did not have to," Saito-san answered, closing his eyes as he enjoyed a passing breeze. I only shivered and pressed myself further into Souji's side. "You just told us. At any rate, if you have something to say, then out with it."

She looked to me shortly for support despite the awkwardness we shared earlier.

"Well…," she said before taking a big breath. "I was hoping I could go look for my chichi-ue soon."

Saito-san's posture remained the same. "That's not possible." There was no room for argument. "We don't have enough men to spare to keep an eye on you."

Chizuru-chan frowned, puffing up her lower lip slightly in the most adorable way. She looked to Souji, probably hoping that he would have a different answer.

"Is there really nothing you can do?" The amount of disappointment in her voice made it sound like we purposely kicked a puppy. I even felt guilty for not taking her along whenever I headed out myself to take care of some simple chores I was still allowed to do. "It's not like I want to go very far. Just walking around the city is enough…"

"Hmm…" Souji hummed as she stole a glance down at me before pecking the top of my head in a comforting manner. "Well, I suppose we might be able to let you tag along when we go on our rounds"

Chizuru-chan blinked. "Your rounds?"

"This isn't just a stroll," Souji warned, narrowing his eyes at her almost dangerously, as if he were trying to intimidate her away. "While you're with us, you're in danger. If we make mistakes, our men die. If you don't want to get cut open by some angry ronin, you need to be ready to fight back."

"Well," Chizuru-chan said, stomping one foot as she steeled her expression, "I do know a little of swordsmanship. I should be able to protect myself a little…"

Despite the look of determination, there was still fear lurking behind her eyes. She reached down to touch the hilt of her kodachi for reassurance. Her nerves seemed to regather themselves after whatever internal debate she had died down. Saito-san watched her silently, but I could see he had some growing respect for her.

"In that case," Saito-san said, finally speaking, "allow me to test you. Let me see if that blade of yours is merely for show."

Chizuru-chan jumped, her eyes shooting between Saito-san and his katana. "What?"

Saito-san ignored the look of shock on her face. "I will hold back, but you need not. Come at me with your most powerful strike."

"B-But…!"

All that determination from before seemed to vaporize in an instant. Chizuru-chan took a hesitant step back as she watched Saito-san and Souji with a rare fearful innocence. It became clear at that moment that she had never swung a real sword a person before or even needed to.

"Is there something wrong, Yukimura?" Saito-san asked, his voice the same cool picture of poise. "Draw your blade, unless it is merely a decoration."

"No, of course it's not…," she assured weakly. "And I have taken lessons. I'm not lying. But…" She exploded in a loud cloud of emotion. "I can't! I can't attack you! If my hand were to slip and I cut or stab you, not only would you be injured, but you could die!"

Souji suddenly burst out laughing as he stole his arm back from me. He was laughing so hard that his entire body shook. Saito-san, on the other hand, looked like he just swallowed ink.

Chizuru-chan puffed her cheeks up in offense, like an overly fluffy kitten. "Excuse me… You don't have to laugh…," she muttered, crossing her arms.

"Oh, that you could kill Hajime-kun?" Souji slapped his knee as he sniggered some more. "That's not funny? Ha! Oh man! This is too good…"

"But I can't just draw my sword on someone if there's even a small chance it could hurt them!"

Saito-san smiled, nodding in understanding while Souji just rolled around in laughter some more. Sometimes these two got along so well that it was easy to forget that they were as different as they were similar. I irately whacked Souji's arm to get him to settle down. That only made him snicker some more before he smiled somewhat coldly at Chizuru-chan.

Contrary to popular belief of the local civilians, Souji believed fighting not to be all about scoring the kill but about self-defense. For Chizuru-chan to refuse to fight back, even if was to defend herself… Well, for Souji, who had always had to fight tooth and nail just to survive, Chizuru-chan's naivety tasted like ash in his mouth. And quite frankly, it did in my mouth too, and quite possibly even more so. I did want to help her find her father, but if she was going to act this naïve when she went out on patrols with the guys, there was a good chance she was going to make them stick out their necks just to her protect her. Patrol was already dangerous enough as it was.

Innocence was a sweet characteristic for Chizuru-chan to have, but things that were too sweet often gave people tooth decay.

"I understand where you are coming from, but if you prove your worth to me, it will help you," Saito-san said. "If you can prove to not be a hindrance, we will try and take you out, which will help your search."

Chizuru-chan said nothing as she looked down at her sword.

"If you are so concerned for my safety, then use your scabbard or the back of your blade." Saito-san continued to coax her.

Then finally making her decision, she straightened up and looked straight into Saito-san's calm eyes. "Let's go!" she said, drawing her short blade at last, the sword making a sharp hissing sound as it left the scabbard. She flipped the dull side of her blade towards her opponent and settled into a fighting stance.

The stance was very basic. There was no hint of personal style or experience. It was a blank slate and very dangerous. Even a mediocre swordsman would be able to predict her every move. It was a very sturdy basic form by dojo standards, but that was about it. She wasn't even going to last ten seconds against Saito-san. Matches in a dojo always paled in comparison to a real fight to the death.

However, Saito-san merely cocked his head slightly to one side and let out a small laugh. To him, her spirit, her determination, was enough. As Chizuru-chan shifted her weight on her feet, Saito-san remained completely lax with one hand on the hilt of his sword. Chizuru-chan tilted her head, puzzled by the lack of an attack stance before her foot inched forward.

"Here I come!" she announced, springing towards Saito-san with a short yell and with her kodachi raised over her head.

In an instant, Saito-san drew his sword, the gleaming light blinding me momentarily as the blade reflected the potent sunlight. There was the ungodly sound of metal screeching before Chizuru-chan's kodachi was sent flying in the air. Her short sword landed with a sharp thud, the blade sinking into the soil just a few inches away from Souji's feet. Souji's languidly glanced at the kodachi with near disinterest despite almost getting speared through the foot.

Saito-san's face was just inches from Chizuru-chan's face, the sharpened edge of his blade touching the delicate pale skin of her neck. If she moved just a little, she would cut herself on his blade. She froze, holding her breath with cold sweat dotting her forehead while she stared into Saito-san's eyes. Her arms hung limply at her side while her hands were still tight like she hadn't realized she was no longer holding her sword.

Chizuru-chan gasped airily at the blue orbs staring back at her.

"Your master should be proud. Your blade was not clouded."

"Umm…?" she said, taking shallow breaths once her senses returned.

"You can see into the heart of one's swordsmanship. You were blessed with a good teacher," Saito-san clarified. He turned without another word, sheathing his sword as he walked away.

Chizuru-chan remained frozen on spot, now loudly gasping for air once Saito-san's blade was removed from her neck. She brought a hand to her chest as her knees shook.

"What was that…?" she asked, her knees finally giving way as she slowly sunk to the ground.

Right beside me, Souji grinned at what he just witnessed. He lazily rose to his feet as he wrapped one hand around the hilt of Chizuru-chan's kodachi. He pulled it from the ground with a curious eye before giving it a little twirl to test its balance.

"This is a pretty nice little blade… Looks old though," Souji said lackadaisically as he held the sword out to Chizuru-chan.

"Huh?" she said weakly, looking over to Souji.

As if she suddenly realized her hands were empty, she looked down at her empty hands before scrambling back onto her feet as she glanced back at Souji's hands. Her eyes enlarged as she quickly pulled her back straight to bow.

"I-I'm sorry! Thank you for picking up my sword!"

Souji nodded, tossing the sword to Chizuru-chan. She caught the sword by the hilt with butter fingers, fumbling with it clumsily and almost dropping it several times. When her fingers finally stabilized, she rushed to sheath the blade like she was afraid she would still drop it.

Souji chuckled quietly as he sat back down indolently. "You alright? Gave you a bit of a start, didn't he? Not surprising. Hajime-kun's a real iai master."

"Y-Yes, I suppose I'm okay." Chizuru-chan rubbed her wrist with one hand before flushing slightly. "But… what's iai?"

"A technique where on draws the sword from its scabbard and strikes the enemy all at once. Since the technique uses incredible speed, it can be used as a counterattack or to aggressively attack an unsuspecting enemy," I explained before pointing at the way Saito-san wore his sword. "See how the blade is pointing upward?"

"Yes," Chizuru-chan answered before briefly looking down at her own blade, then back at Saito-san. "You wear your katana just like my kodachi, then?"

"That is correct," Saito-san replied with a short nod. "Older katana were once hung facing blade-down, but modern blades are worn at the waist, blade-up. Normally, one waits until the blade is drawn, then flips the blade over and faces their opponent."

"In iai, the sword is drawn with one hand," Souji added matter-of-factly. "Some think it diminishes the power of your swing."

"But that's not a problem Saito-san has…," Chizuru-chan finished as she watched Saito-san in silent awe. Her hands still shook. "It seems like he could easily finish an opponent with a single blow."

"Yup, Hajime-kun's a real blood sport…," Souji said before glancing at me with a nostalgic grin. "You jumped just like Shizuka did when Hajime-kun used iai on her the first time. At any rate, Hajime-kun would have finished you off right after he knocked the sword out of your hand if he were going for the kill."

"Wait, Saito-san used iai on Shizuka-san…?"

"Hmm, Shizuka knows how to use the naginata, but that's not the point of the conversation," Souji said with a shrug of his shoulders.

A shiver ran down her spine as she paled slightly when her thoughts wandered back to her own predicament. "That's iai, then…"

"Do not berate yourself." Saito-san rested his hand on top his katana's hilt as he looked at her with warm eyes. "You have room to improve, but you have enough that we might take you along."

All color returned to Chizuru-chan's cheeks in a matter of seconds as she jumped in excitement. She clasped her hands in front of her chest as if that would steady her fluttering heart.

"Really?" she exclaimed, her eyes moving between all of us.

Souji brought his hands together in a sarcastic yet polite applause. "Well, look at that! Hajime-kun himself gave you a pass! That's pretty amazing, you know."

"Then… that means…" Chizuru-chan's hopeful eyes shot back to me. "I can go outside on patrols?"

"Well," Souji said, drawing her attention once more, "if the man who told you to stay here approves it, then yeah, you're good to go with us."

"Right…" Chizuru-chan nodded, looking a little disappointed at the answer, but she looked more hopeful than before.

"You are going to have to wait until the Vice Commander returns from Osaka," Saito-san said, looking at Chizuru-chan briefly before looking away out of pity. "I am sorry. We will ask the Vice Commander for permission to take you on patrol."

"So, you think you can wait just a little bit longer?" Souji leaned back on his hands once more before smirking at Chizuru-chan. "If you want, we'll keep you company."

"Really…?" she asked, undoubtfully growing nervous at the sight of Souji's smirk.

"Yup. I wanted to ask you something anyways." Souji peered at me through the corner of his eye, causing me to tilt my head at him questioningly. His eyes grew cold as he looked at Chizuru-chan again. "Why do you always act like Shizuka's gonna eat you or something? It's like you want to be around her but then…"

My heart stopped. How did he know? And he was being way too direct!

"W-What…? I-I… Umm…," Chizuru-chan stuttered, looking around nervously like she wanted to run. Before she could answer, a yell interrupted her.

"CHIZURU!"

Heisuke appeared, kicking up a cloud of dust as he came to a screeching halt. Sano-san appeared a little after Heisuke, though, Sano-san looked much calmer and refined.

So, it looks like they were caught trying to sneak out to drink, but where was Shinpachi-san…?

"There you are!" Heisuke exclaimed. He grabbed her hand and began dragging her off with Sano-san following. "I told Gen-san I'd give you a tour! C'mon! Let's go!"

"T-Toudou-san?!"

"It's Heisuke, Chizuru. We're around the same age, right?"

I waited for those three to be completely out of sight before I glowered at Souji. He grew a little sheepish under my intense gaze but remained unapologetic.

"That was too much!" I scolded. "You should have just left it alone."

"And continue to watch you look uncomfortable? No way," Souji replied, crossing his arms. "Now are you going to tell me what that is all about?"

Saito-san watched Souji and I argue before he huffed and went back to his katas from before. While it looked like he was disinterested in our conversation. There was no uncertainty he was still eavesdropping. Mine and Souji's debate ended with no real winner or answer. There was an unspoken agreement to let it drop when Heisuke came to fetch us for dinner hours later. The unfinished laundry was left forgotten.

"You kids are late," was the first thing Shinpachi-san said to us as soon as we stepped into the main hall. "Who's gonna answer to my crying stomach?"

All the food was already laid out, but Otou-san and Inoue-san were nowhere in sight. With Hijikata-san and Sannan-san still gone, I guess it made sense that they both were taking their meals in their rooms so they could work and eat at the same time. Saito-san wordlessly went to find his seat while Souji was less graceful.

"Well, no one said you had to wait," Souji snorted before escorting me to my seat, which was directly across from Chizuru-chan's seat. The moment we sat down, Souji picked up his small dish of takuan and placed it on my tray.

Shinpachi-san crossed his arms at Souji. "You guys oughta apologize to my stomach! He wanted to dig in, but I said, 'No, we've gotta wait for em.'"

Sano-san shook his head with a relaxed smile. "You're such a softie, Shinpachi… Alright guys, it's time to eat, and that means every man for himself."

At that, Shinpachi-san grinned wildly as he brazenly picked up his chopsticks and jabbed at Heisuke's food. Heisuke yelped in alarm and elbowed Shinpachi-san's stomach in a rush to rescue his food. Shinpachi-san didn't even flinch.

"Survival of the fittest! This food is mine!" Shinpachi-san declared in a boisterous yell just as he took a sizable chunk out of Heisuke's grilled sardine.

"Hey! Why do you always steal **_my_** food?!"

Shinpachi-san belted out a deep throated laugh. "It's 'cause of the difference of size, kid! I got a bigger body. That means I need more food!"

"Well, I'm still growing, old man, so I gotta eat more too!"

Chizuru-chan glanced at the commotion going on beside her with a large sweat drop growing on her forehead before inching closer to Sano-san and away from the chaos.

Sano-san chuckled before taking a sip of saké. "Sorry you had to see this, Chizuru. They're always like this."

"I've, um, gotten used to it," she answered far too politely, though, she quickly took a bite of rice shortly right after, like she was afraid someone was going to steal her food.

I snorted and dug into my food too, but I left my own grilled sardine untouched. I was sure it tasted fine since Inoue-san cooked today, but I couldn't help but feel a little sick when I got a whiff of it. It had to be my own imagination because the fish smelled like one-day old trash that had been sitting outside in the hot sun. Heisuke was quick to take note of my aversion to the fish and quickly plucked it from my plate in silent glee. He quickly wolfed it down before Shinpachi-san could snatch it. Once the offending fish was gone, Saito-san silently placed some of his tofu in my bowl while Souji placed his bowl of miso soup on my tray. I frowned at both of them reprovingly but was ignored.

It was then Inoue-san stepped into the room with an open letter hanging limply in his hand. I stopped myself from greeting him when I was met with a distressed expression. Seeming to sense the poor mood, everyone in the room quickly settled down as all warmth evaporated.

"Gentlemen, do you have a moment?" Inoue-san asked. His voice was still warm but the solemnity in his eyes matched his expression. "I've just received word from Osaka. Sannan-san has been gravely injured in battle."

My heart stopped as my hand shook. A melancholic silence echoed throughout the room, completely killing and crushing any cheer that may have been left in the room.

"What happened?" Souji asked just I dropped my chopsticks.

My hands had grown numb, and my mouth dry. Each breath ached.

"A dry goods store in Osaka was invaded by a group of ronin. Toshi-san and Sannan-san arrived in time to enter the fray and subdue the ronin, however… Sannan-san was stabbed in the encounter."

"Where?!" I blurted, unable to sit still any longer. I tightly grabbed the fabric of my kimono. "Where was he stabbed?"

Inoue-san closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "According to the letter, he was gravely hurt. The wound is on his left arm. It will be hard for him to wield a blade, but he will almost certainly survive."

"Oh, thank goodness…" I could hear Chizuru-chan breathe a sigh of relief in her naivety.

I almost wanted to laugh deprecatorily at her misunderstanding. True, Sannan-san would survive, but would he still be able to live with himself? Her relief was nothing but a useless sentiment. Being rendered unable to wield a sword was a fate worse than death for any warrior.

"He should be returning here soon enough, when he's fit enough to travel," Inoue-san continued. "Now please, excuse me. I must speak with Isami-san. Shizuka-chan, if you could come with me? Toshi-san addressed part of his letter to you."

Quickly excusing myself, I pushed the remainder of my food towards Heisuke and Shinpachi-san before I stood and followed Inoue-san out the room. Without wasting time, I took the letter from Inoue-san while we were on the way to Otou-san's room. Skimming through the contents of the letter, I located the portion of the letter addressed to me.

 _Shizuka,_

 _Sannan-san took a severe stab wound to his left shoulder with the most severe damage being done to the underarm region. It was a clean cut, but deep enough for the sword to have nicked part of the bone. However, we managed to stop the bleeding before Sannan-san lost too much blood. Sannan-san suffered a high fever the day after the injury, but the fever faded on the second day so infection is not too much of a concern. After regaining consciousness, Sannan-san has had difficulty straightening his arm at the elbow, turning his arm outward, and cannot lift his wrist and fingers. Sannan-san also said that he has loss of feeling in the arm. Reply as soon as you possibly can._

My heart dropped to the same vicinity of ankles. I swallowed, my throat cracking painfully in its dryness. I was a trauma surgeon in my past life, but…

I did have some knowledge about neurosurgery and I had done some procedure on nerves during my internship, but neurosurgery wasn't my specialty. Going off Hijikata-san's descriptions, the radial nerve must had either been nicked or severed. If Sannan-san was lucky, the nerve was only nicked and could possibly regenerate. Any nerve that was part of the peripheral nervous system[4] and consisted of nerves and ganglia[5] outside of the brain and spinal cord had the ability to regenerate.

However, if the radial nerve[6] had been severed, then Sannan-san would need a nerve graft[7] to reconnect the two ends of the severed nerve. A nerve graft required microsurgery[8]. I didn't have any of the equipment. I could write to Kyoko-chan and Kenji-san to ask about manufacturing the equipment needed, but there was no guarantee that they could even create something viable even with their ingenuity.

I needed time to obtain the equipment needed and time to research the procedure. While it was possible to hold off on performing a nerve graft for many years after the occurrence of the injury… With the passage of time came the increased chance of a nerve graft's reduced performance, if it even took in the first place.

"Shizuka-chan?"

I looked up at Inoue-san. Some part of my hopeless must have appeared on my face.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Inoue-san asked just as we arrived right outside Otou-san's room.

My hands tightened around the letter, wrinkling the edges. I bit my lower lip and stared down at the floor.

"I don't know if this is something I can fix," I finally said.

"It's too early to give up," Inoue-san replied, his voice soft as he placed an encouraging hand on my shoulder. "You haven't even seen the injury yet, so don't say you can't do it yet."

Inoue-san's words brought a smile to my face.

He was right. I could do this. I had to. I couldn't waste time feeling depressed.

"Good," Inoue-san said as if he could read my thoughts. He turned back towards the closed door in front of us before clearing his throat. "Isami-san," he called through the door. "We just received a letter from Toshi-san with poor news."

"Poor news?" I heard Otou-san mutter. The door suddenly slid open to reveal Otou-san's concerned face. "What happened?"

"Sannan-san got hurt," I blurted before looking back down as I played with my fingers. "He's stable for now, but his arm needs surgery in order to function properly again.

Otou-san's eyes widened in shock. He placed a hand on his forehead before wandering back to his seat in a daze. There was a dull thump when Otou-san dropped back into his seat. He brought his hands together and crossed his fingers in front of his mouth, lost in thought. I passed the letter to him when he held his hand out.

"I see…," he said after reading the letter twice. "This is something you can fix, right Shizu-chan?"

"I need to see the wound first."

Otou-san nodded somewhat despondently. "Very well. When they return, I'll—"

"Who says I'll be waiting for them to return," I interrupted. I watched Inoue-san's and Otou-san's eyes grow wide in panic when they caught on to what I was suggesting. I wasn't going to give them time to reject my suggestion. "I know I'm not supposed to travel at thirty-two weeks pregnant, but Osaka is only a couple of hours away by ferry and I don't feel comfortable waiting for them to return to see Sannan-san wound. However, I'm not stupid enough to travel alone and I know Souji won't let me travel without him."

"Shizu-chan!" Otou-san slammed his palm on the floor. "What if something happens with the baby while you're away? I don't like how risky this sounds!"

"And what about Sannan-san's arm?!" I cried. Otou-san fell silent. "Injuries are time sensitive! I don't want Sannan-san to lose all chances of being able to use his arm again just because the timing is inconvenient."

Otou-san curled his hand into a tight fist. He knew he lost this argument. I sighed, relaxing my tense shoulders before I grabbed his hand.

"Otou-san… If you're that worried about me…" Bringing Yamazaki-san was nonnegotiable because he was critical in spying on the Choshu. "Then I'll also take Chizuru-chan with me. You know I've started teaching her, and she does have some medical experience. Plus, I'm certain she won't run." It wasn't much experience, but I said that for his benefit and not mine.

Otou-san's hand tightened around mine before he gave me a weary smile. "Edo women are tough, aren't they?"

I wasn't sure about the word tough, but if he said that I cared too much, it would be another story.

* * *

[1] Cannada, Lisa K., and Robert P. Dunbar. "Open Fractures." _OrthoInfo_ , edited by Lisa Chaudhry, American Academy of Othorpaedic Surgeons, Mar. 2017, . ?topic=a00582. Accessed 1 June 2017.

[2] Cannada, Lisa K., and Robert P. Dunbar. "Open Fractures." _OrthoInfo_ , edited by Lisa Chaudhry, American Academy of Othorpaedic Surgeons, Mar. 2017, . ?topic=a00582. Accessed 1 June 2017.

[3] Cross, William W, and Marc F Swiontkowski. "Treatment Principles in the Management of Open Fractures." _Indian Journal of Orthopaedics_ 42.4 (2008): 377–386. _PMC_. Web. 1 June 2017.

[4] The peripheral nervous system (PNS) is one of the two main parts of the nervous system, the other part is the central nervous system (CNS). The PNS consists of the nerves and ganglia outside of the brain and spinal cord. The main function of the PNS is to connect the CNS to the limbs and organs, essentially serving as a relay between the brain and spinal cord and the rest of the body. Unlike the CNS, the PNS is not protected by the vertebral column and skull, or by the blood–brain barrier, which leaves it exposed to toxins and mechanical injuries. The peripheral nervous system is divided into the somatic nervous system and the autonomic nervous system. In the somatic nervous system, the cranial nerves are part of the PNS with the exception of the optic nerve (cranial nerve II), along with the retina. The second cranial nerve is not a true peripheral nerve but a tract of the diencephalon. Cranial nerve ganglia originate in the CNS. However, the remaining ten cranial nerve axons extend beyond the brain and are therefore considered part of the PNS. The autonomic nervous system is an involuntary control of smooth muscle and glands. The connection between CNS and organs allows the system to be in two different functional states: sympathetic and parasympathetic.

[5] In a neurological context, ganglia are composed mainly of somata and dendritic structures which are bundled or connected. Ganglia often interconnect with other ganglia to form a complex system of ganglia known as a plexus. Ganglia provide relay points and intermediary connections between different neurological structures in the body, such as the peripheral and central nervous systems.

Among vertebrates there are three major groups of ganglia:

1\. Dorsal root ganglia (also known as the spinal ganglia) contain the cell bodies of sensory (afferent) neurons.

2\. Cranial nerve ganglia, contain the cell bodies of cranial nerve neurons.

3\. Autonomic ganglia contain the cell bodies of autonomic nerves.

In the autonomic nervous system, fibers from the central nervous system to the ganglia are known as preganglionic fibers, while those from the ganglia to the effector organ are called postganglionic fibers.

[6] The radial nerve is a nerve in the human body that supplies the posterior portion of the upper limb. It innervates the medial and lateral heads of the triceps brachii muscle of the arm, as well as all 12 muscles in the posterior osteofascial compartment of the forearm and the associated joints and overlying skin.

It originates from the brachial plexus, carrying fibers from the ventral roots of spinal nerves C5, C6, C7, C8 & T1.

The radial nerve and its branches provide motor innervation to the dorsal arm muscles (the triceps brachii and the anconeus) and the extrinsic extensors of the wrists and hands; it also provides cutaneous sensory innervation to most of the back of the hand, except for the back of the little finger and adjacent half of the ring finger (which are innervated by the ulnar nerve).

The radial nerve divides into a deep branch, which becomes the posterior interosseous nerve, and a superficial branch, which goes on to innervate the dorsum (back) of the hand.

[7] Nerve grafts are used when a patient has a nerve injury resulting in complete loss of muscle function or sensation.

A nerve graft is a surgical technique in which a segment of unrelated nerve is used to replace or bridge an injured portion of nerve. The donor nerve serves as a "track" along which axons (appendages of neurons, which transmit impulses from the spinal cord to the muscle) can grow down to the target area.

Grafts are selected from nerves that are considered expendable, or much less important than the function being restored. Common examples of nerves that are used for grafts include the sural nerve in the leg, which provides sensation to the side of the foot, and the medial antebrachial cutaneous nerve, which provides sensation to the inner aspect of the arm. The sural nerve runs down the back of the leg from behind the knee to the outside of the foot. The procedure to take this nerve leaves a scar in the back of the patient's leg with numbness to the outside of the foot. The medial antebrachial cutaneous nerve is taken from the inner upper arm, and this procedure results in numbness to the inside portions of the arm, elbow and forearm.

[8] Microsurgery is a general term for surgery requiring an operating microscope. The most obvious developments have been procedures developed to allow anastomosis of successively smaller blood vessels and nerves (typically 1 mm in diameter) which have allowed transfer of tissue from one part of the body to another and re-attachment of severed parts. Microsurgical techniques are utilized by several specialties today, such as: general surgery, ophthalmology, orthopedic surgery, gynecological surgery, otolaryngology, neurosurgery, oral and maxillofacial surgery, plastic surgery, podiatric surgery and pediatric surgery.


	51. Chapter 51

My little sister had major surgery to correct her scoliosis yesterday, so this update came out a day late. Sorry!

Also, to the latest anonymous reviewer, I hear your suggestion. Don't feel nervous about suggesting things. I love suggestions and is alway open to them, so suggest away.

I'll try to insert a festival scene the best I can. It'll probably be after Shizuka gives birth and it'll probably be the Tanabata festival. However, if I can't fit it neatly into the main story, I'll probably include it in the side stories portion.

* * *

 **Chapter 51**

 _The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again. –Charles Dickens_

And the sea goes up, then down, then up again just like the contents of my stomach. Oh, and I think I may have discovered the reason the ocean is never actually blue. The sheer amount of upchucking I had done alone since I stepped on the ferry—

The ship swayed just as a soft wave rolled against the starboard side. I heaved the remainder of my half-digested afternoon snack over the side. A soft square of cloth was pressed against my cheek before the gross remnants of my stomach's slurry was wiped away. At that point, even the clear cup of water that was just pushed into my hands looked unappetizing.

"And hence why traveling, especially by ship, is not recommended for pregnant women," Souji stated, looking very unimpressed with the particular shade of green my face was. He rubbed the spot between my shoulder blades before he leaned casually against the ship's wooden railing. "Regret the trip yet?"

I leaned my sweaty forehead against the railing. "Only that we didn't go by land."

Why did traveling by sea have to be significantly faster than traveling by land? I groaned, picking my forehead up before pushing into Souji's side, no longer caring about the possibility of vomiting on him. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Chizuru-chan fluttering about the deck of the ship in complete awe.

"Well…," I paused, closing my eyes briefly just as my stomach rolled again, "at least someone is enjoying the ferry ride." Especially now that I got her to stop fretting over me. One can only watch another person puke her guts out for so long before growing slightly indifferent.

"I think it's because it's her first time on a boat," Souji said before barking, "Oi, kid! Don't wander too far! Don't forget that we're letting you accompany us. If you run, I'll kill you." at Chizuru-chan.

"Ah! Sorry, Okita-san!"

I shook my head at the whole exchange. "And exactly where will she run on a ship surrounded on all sides with water?" I muttered. "Will she suddenly sprout wings and fly away?"

He snorted at my muted sarcasm. "I dunno. She **_can_** still fall overboard. Plus, were docking soon. I can see the harbor. You excited to finally be on solid ground?"

Ha! Did he even have to ask? So excited that I could get down on both hands and knees to kiss the dirt.

The ship took a solid twenty or so minutes to dock once it pulled into the harbor. However, once the ramp was attached to the ship, there was no keeping me on the wretched vessel. Finally letting go of the ship's railing, I wobbled my way towards the ramp with any hesitation. I took about two steps before Souji wrapped his arm around my elbow to steady me. Chizuru-chan quickly fetched my medical kit and grabbed my opposite arm to offer more support.

"I can walk by myself," I stated weakly before I felt my stomach roll again. I groaned pitifully, taking any and all force out of my previous statement.

"Right," Souji said sarcastically while looking at me like I was an idiot. There was a hint of concern in the look, but it was mostly just him silently calling me an idiot. "You're so fine that you could **_waddle_** down the ram without hobbling around like you're missing a foot."

"Do you have to call it 'waddling'?" I couldn't keep the disdain out of my voice.

I mean I know I didn't have the same figure from before pregnancy, but "waddling"? Ow, my confidence felt like it was just sucker punched in the gut.

"Umm…," Chizuru-chan interjected, being forever the peacekeeper. She shrunk a little when Souji's eyes flickered towards her somewhat coolly. "Okita-san just want to make sure you're okay, right Shizuka-san? Seasickness is harsh on pregnant women and it would be bad if you fell right now."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm my rebelling stomach before letting Souji win the argument. I offered Chizuru-chan the best warm smile I could manage at the current moment to counteract Souji's cool glance before leaning into Souji's side again. Souji grumbled under his breath, something about me listening to anyone but him lately, before he began carefully leading me down the ramp. Once our feet were firmly planted on the dirt, he carefully led me to the wooden bench nearby and had me sit down. Chizuru-chan took a seat next to me and took it upon herself to dab the cold sweat on my forehead away.

"Chizuru-chan, stay here with Shizuka," Souji said in a very businesslike tone whilst giving her a sharp look. Chizuru-chan nodded hastily out of intimidation if not out of agreement. "I'll be right back. If you run, I **_will_** kill you."

He then turned and disappeared into the crowd. I wanted to ask him where he was going, but I felt like I was going to vomit again when I opened my mouth for a brief second. I just sunk into my seat and let Chizuru-chan finish wiping the sweat from my forehead.

"Are you feeling better…?" she asked, her large eyes quickly giving me a once over probably to check if she missed any other thing that could have possibly been ailing me.

I leaned back against the wall behind me and looked up at the clouds in the sky as I absorbed the natural warmth from the sun. The effect was then ruined when the cold winter air from the sea blew in. I shivered and attempted to glare at the sea, but the sight of the rolling waves was enough to make me dry heave. Right now, I really hated the ocean and its accursed waves.

"Shizuka-san?" There was a worried frown on Chizuru-chan's face.

"It's just…" I shivered some more before pulling my blue hanten closer to my body as I attempted to bury my nose in the scarf I was wearing. "Why is it still so cold? And the ocean— Does it have move so much? I feel sick just looking at it. Ugh."

Chizuru-chan giggled at my look of disgust. Glad to know she was at least comfortable enough to laugh in my presence.

"I'm sure we'll be heading to the inn Hijikata-san and Sannan-san are staying at as soon as Okita-san comes back," she said, glancing back at the rolling waves. "Just hang in there a little longer." She then put a finger on her chin. "Umm… Do we even know the name of the inn they're staying at?"

"Not a clue."

Chizuru-chan jumped in alarm at Souji's answer before turning a pasty white color.

I looked up to just in time to see Souji returning. He knelt in front of me and pushed a warm bamboo flask of water in my hands, which I thankfully drank. The warmth of the drink was enough to soothe my turning stomach.

"Wait, we don't?" Chizuru-chan exclaimed nervously, her eyes shooting between me and Souji.

Souji shrugged in an untroubled manner. "At least I don't. I didn't read the letter like Shizuka did."

I heard Chizuru-chan heave out a small sigh of relief. She looked to me, waiting patiently for me to finish my water. Souji disposed of the empty flask when I was done by chucking it into the bay. I shot him an annoyed scowled at his actions, but there wasn't much point in snapping over the disposal method. Bamboo did decompose naturally. I just wished that the water from the splash didn't hit any of the random bystanders nearby. One kid got a face full of ocean water before exploding in tears and running off, probably to cry to his mother.

"Okita-san!"

"Not my fault that kid was such a crybaby. It's just water."

Chizuru-chan was just gutsy enough to glower at Souji. He brushed it off like it was nothing and even grinned like a little kid. He was probably amused with her expression. Like a cat with a new toy.

I cleared my throat to get their attention again before pointing towards the center of town. "They're staying at an inn called Yamatoya Hoten. It's just off the main road on the corner of a major marketplace."

"Well," Souji stood back up, looking all serious again, "let's get going then. Best not keep Sannan-san waiting. Plus, pregnant women shouldn't be wandering the streets much on an empty stomach after sundown. If we get to the inn on time, we might be able to catch dinner on Hijikata-san's tab."

My stomach lurched at the mention of food. All that vomiting really did do wonders when it came to driving my appetite away. Souji must have seen my face change because he frowned again. Thankfully, he said nothing as he took me by the arm and began leading the way to the heart of the city. Chizuru-chan quickly scuttled after us like a crab, carefully making sure to remain within Souji's sights, but there was no hiding the awe on her face as she took in the city's sights.

The streets of Osaka, just like Kyoto, were busy. While Kyoto was often busy because it was the capital, Osaka was busy in the same way Edo was. Osaka was similarly a port city. There was plenty of merchandise streaming in from the docks and amazingly fresh seafood. There was even a stall selling live giant clams right at the inn's doorstep. If my pregnancy didn't cause me to have an aversion to seafood, I would have been so excited right now and been begging for some sashimi. It was really difficult to get fresh sashimi in Kyoto since it was a good few hours from the sea. Instead, we were stuck with funazushi while in the capital.

The inn itself, the Yamatoya Hoten, was an impressively large wooden structure sitting in the corner of the market plaza. It wasn't overly fancy like the ones a person might find closer to Tobita Shinchi. This inn mainly catered to traveling merchant families. As if to confirm my suspicions, I could hear an infant crying as soon as we entered. As Souji approached the front desk I lingered behind with Chizuru-chan and watched the crying infant, who was quickly silenced as he latched onto his mother and started nursing.

It made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside really quickly. The baby was cute. Probably not really as cute as I was making him out to be, but hormones. I couldn't help but rub my belly whilst nibbling on my lower lip. I was now feeling impatient now that my nausea was gone.

Chizuru-chan peered at me curiously, smiling to herself when she caught onto my actions. Meanwhile, Souji quickly pried Hijikata-san's room number from the front desk attendant, who, by the way, looked about ready to have a heart attack.

"Room 15!" the man exclaimed, breaking out into a cold sweat. His hands shook as he pointed up the stairs. "F-Five doors to the left."

Ah. Souji was the most notorious in Osaka. The people of Osaka still remembered his stunt with the sumo wrestlers from last year. The people still remembered the man with the boyish grin bathed in blood.

Souji didn't even bat an eye at the man's nervous behavior as he started climbing the stairs. Chizuru-chan and I quickly tagged along behind him, quickly catching up when he paused to wait for us at the top of the staircase. We took a sharp left before we were left standing in front Hijikata-san's room. Souji slid the door open rudely without bothering to announce himself.

There was a dull thump before I heard Hijikata-san's yelp.

"What the hell?!" Hijikata-san sounded just like he witnessed someone rising from the dead. "Souji?! What the fuck are you doing here?!"

I poked my head in cautiously, taking great care not to attract Hijikata-san's attention, though I was not so lucky with Sannan-san. He spotted me right away and furrowed his brows at me first in surprise, then in disapproval. I waved at him, nonetheless, and begged him not to alert Hijikata-san to my presence yet by raising a silent finger to my lips.

Hijikata-san was seated by Sannan-san's futon in the room. Sannan-san, himself, sitting up with his bandaged arm hanging in a white sling. While Sannan-san was as calm as one could be, Hijikata-san appeared to be just the opposite. He was wearing an incredulous look, the one that consisted of a slacked jaw and wide eyes, though he was quick to rein in that expression when Souji's smug smirk appeared.

Souji tsked while wiggling his finger condescendingly at Hijikata-san, who narrowed his eyes in response. "Mah, mah, Hijikata-san. It's rude to yell like that. You should think about your neighbors and poor Sannan-san's ears."

Hijikata-san snarled, being in no mood to deal with Souji's attitude right now. He looked about ready to tear into Souji before his eyes finally landed on my head poking out from behind the door.

"You too, Shizuka?!" Hijikata-san's voice may have gone up an octave. "You shouldn't even be traveling! Souji! What the hell made you think this was a good idea?!"

"Really?! Just one look at me and you assume that it's **_my_** fault that she's here?! Do you honestly think **_I_** was the one that decided to bring Shizuka along when she's so far along her pregnancy?! If I had my way, then Shizuka would still be back at headquarters! Did you forget how pushy she is when she gets an idea?"

And, of course, they would argue as soon as they saw each other.

I crossed my arms and shot Chizuru-chan, who was still hiding out of sight probably out of fear of Hijikata-san's temper, a glance to convey my annoyance. Stupid men. She forced herself to laugh nervously while inching away from the door.

"You know," Sannan-san said, cutting the two arguing men off before things could spin out of hand. Our neighbors were already poking their heads out of their rooms to see what was going on, "Shizuka-chan is standing right there while you two argue about her. I doubt she appreciates it."

Hijikata-san backed off with an irritated huff before crossing his arm. He glowered at me before placing a hand on his forehead as he sighed.

"Fine," Hijikata-san said, still growling a little. "Sannan-san can have his arm looked at immediately this way. At least there are no more surprises."

Best get this over with quick. Like ripping off a bandage.

"Well, about that…," I said before quickly grabbing Chizuru-chan by the arm and tugging her into view. It looked like her heart stopped for a moment.

Chizuru-chan nearly dropped my surgical tools in surprise at the sudden tug. She stared at her toes as soon as she was presented to Hijikata-san. She refused to meet his shocked eyes and curled herself up to make herself seem as small as possible. Though, Hijikata-san wasn't looking so shocked anymore. In fact, I swear that he was starting to turn purple. And, oof, let's not talk about how tense his shoulders—"

"SOUJI! WHAT THE HELL IS THE ONE PERSON THAT'S NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE HEADQUARTERS DOING HERE?! YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE **_TRYING_** TO MAKE ME GO PREMATURELY GRAY!"

Hijikata-san exploded. How unfortunate.

"OH, COME ON! WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYTHING MY FAULT?! IT WAS ALL SHIZUKA'S IDEA! WHY ARE YOU **_ONLY_** YELLING AT ME?!"

Oh, look. Souji too.

In the background, Sannan-san was quietly shaking his head while Chizuru-chan tightly clung onto my arm out of the belief that would save her from Hijikata-san's wrath.

It took both of them a while to calm down from their shouting match, but at least they didn't get physical. This time, at least.

I unwrapped the bandages around Sannan-san's shoulder while Chizuru-chan sat nearby, closing observing my every action with a careful eye and a thirsty mind. The outer bandages unwound dry and unsoiled, but the bandages closer to the wound started to come away soggy with the final layer being a soft pink color. Sannan-san let out a silent pained hiss when I peeled the last bandage off. I could feel Chizuru-chan flinch beside me when she got a full view of the wound. It was a nasty slash wound. And with the open wound no longer bleeding, I could see just how deeply the enemy sword had cut. I could see a nick in the white bone. Sannan-san was lucky the sword stopped at the bone. Some katana were known to be able to pierce through five people at the same time without a problem.

"How does it look?" Hijikata-san asked as he peered over my shoulder at the wound. Souji, who was also nearby, stuck his head over my opposite shoulder to get a look too.

"From the preliminary result, the cut looks good. It's clean and there's no foul odor, so there's no need to worry about infection, but…" I pointed to a long stringy construct within Sannan-san's arm. The radial nerve was one of the nerves that were large enough to be seen with the naked eye. "That right there is going to be a problem. Chizuru-chan, scoot a little closer. You'll want a close look at this."

I took the time to dig through my medical kit as Chizuru-chan got a closer look at the wound. The wound needed to be stitched shut to heal properly. I loaded up two syringes and attached them to capped needles before handing it them Chizuru-chan. She held the loaded syringes like she thought they were going to bite her. I hastily loaded up one more but held onto it myself.

"Chizuru-chan, I'm going to show you how to inject local anesthesia and how to stitch up an open wound," I said before turning to the men in the room. "Sannan-san is experiencing loss of feeling and control in the arm because the radial nerve has been severed. It is possible for the nerve to regenerate by itself, but it's more than likely that the two ends of the nerve will need to be reconnected through a nerve graft."

"Can you operate then?" Sannan-san asked. His voice was overly serious to the point of it being a little flat. Even his glasses were no longer gleaming in the light like they always had.

"Honestly, I don't know." I fetched a curved needle from the kit along with some silk thread and placed it on a nearby square cloth before reaching for my scalpel. "I lack the proper equipment to even perform the surgery, and not to mention, the technique used for this type of surgery is something I don't specialize in."

"It's impossible then? Sannan-san will lose function of his arm?" Hijikata-san looked stricken. He was treating Sannan-san's arm like it was his own.

"She didn't say that," Souji interjected pointedly. He only knew a little more than Hijikata-san and Sannan-san regarding the subject because he was digging through my notes the night before we left for Osaka.

"There's little I can do for the nerve right now, but luckily, nerve grafts don't need to be performed immediately, though they are more effective when performed near the time of injury. I can go back and try to reconnect the two ends of the nerve at a later date. For now, I need to contact Kyoko-chan to see if she could get the equipment manufactured. Then I'll need to practice with the equipment to grow adjusted to using it before I even attempt to operate on Sannan-san. So, for now, we'll stitch the wound shut and have it heal."

I removed the cap from the needled and motioned for Chizuru-chan to pay attention.

"This is a numbing shot. There's no need for general anesthesia because it's only a small area of the body, but it is still very strong. I'm going to inject the first shot and have you do the last two. We'll have to work quickly once the shots are in effect because the numbing does wear off with time."

I pointed to the pink flesh of Sannan-san's arm.

"Now see how the flesh looks? How it's no longer bleeding and looks textured almost like sand? It's because it's been a few days since the injury and now there's granulation tissue forming without actually sealing the wound shut. Normally, the appearance of granulation tissue would be a good thing since it would be a sign that the wound is healing, but you can't stitch a wound shut if there's granulation tissue. The wound won't seal properly if you try to and infection will set in. The granulation tissue needs to be scrapped away. When you're stitching a wound shut, there needs to be fresh bleeding."

Chizuru-chan quickly steeled herself with an admirable look of determination before nodding, signaling to me that we could start. She injected the two syringes without a flaw after my example and took to using the scalpel fairly quickly with supervision. She had to be convinced to scrap away more of the healed tissue but worked quickly once she got used to it. Stitching the wound shut was the easiest for her. It was almost like sewing clothing.

"Hijikata-san?" I said, taking advantage of the time my hands were free. "Can you run down to the front desk and book two more extra rooms and ask for some dinner to be sent up? We haven't eaten yet."

Hijikata-san frowned, looking reluctant to leave Sannan-san, but he eventually caved and left the room with a nod to fulfill my request.

I had Chizuru-chan wash her hand as I finished up with the bandaging. Once dinner arrived, we all ate in relative silence out of respect for Sannan-san as he struggled to eat with one hand. No one said anything about the mess he created while trying to eat with one hand. We didn't let him see us clean up after him before going to bed for the night, but I knew he somehow knew. I was sure I was not the only one that had trouble sleeping that night.

The following morning, Sannan-san was being a difficult patient.

"Sannan-san, eat," I said, voice firm with a furrowed brow as Sannan-san **_glared_** at his breakfast the next morning. "You can't take your painkillers on an empty stomach.

Sannan-san's glare then switched to me, his glasses gleaming ominously in the morning light streaming through the open windows. His chopsticks hung loosely in his right hand as a bowl of rice sat untouched before him. I returned his glare with the same intensity, daring to challenge him whereas I would have never before. But this wound has changed him. His glare was ten times as icy and his mood was constantly foul, but he no longer seemed intimidating to me. It was like he lost all the heat behind his actions.

It was his arm that was wounded, but it seemed that it was his pride and morale that took the most damage.

"Sannan-san." I scowled and crossed my arms.

His glare never relented before he suddenly looked away, refusing to meet my eyes like a petulant child. "I will eat when you leave the room like the others."

My glare grew dark as I felt a vein in my forehead twitch. This man—!

"What did you say?" I growled, my irritation oozing from every single pore. "I never thought that **_you_** were capable of acting like a stubborn child."

"'Stubborn child'?" he snapped as he hastily turned to argue.

It was then I forcefully stole the chopsticks from his hands and dug it into the bowl of rice I had just picked up. Sannan-san was too furious to even realize what I was doing.

"There is nothing wrong with wanting privacy while eat—!"

It was game over as soon as he opened his mouth to yell. While Sannan-san was midsentence, I stuffed a small mouth of rice into his mouth. The action was perhaps a bit rough on my part, but I was careful enough to make sure he wouldn't choke in my irritation.

"Swallow that before you speak," I ordered, pointing the pair of chopsticks at him while dangerously narrowing my eyes. "And don't you dare even attempt to spit the food out. You don't want to know what I would do to those who knowingly and willingly waste food."

Sannan-san's glare increased another tenfold as he quietly promised retribution. He chewed the rice before he slowly swallowed. He grabbed his nearby cup of tea and jerked it up to his lips so he could wash down the food. There was a loud clink sound as he put his ceramic cup back down on the tray a little too roughly.

"Shizuka-chan, that was quite rude of you." The words were one of a light scolding, though his tone was much darker.

I scoffed as I picked up another small mouthful of rice and held it in front of him. "Quite frankly, I don't care. While I care about you, do not take my actions as pity. Making sure you recover is quite literally my job, which you are making very difficult." I shoved the rice against his closed lips. "Eat. I can't operate on your arm if you suddenly become unhealthy or waste away from starvation. You want use of your arm again, yes?"

Sannan-san closed his eyes briefly, as if in pain before he slowly opened his mouth to let me deposit the rice. His shoulders sagged forward in defeat. Wordlessly, he allowed me to feed him like a child. He finished the bowl of rice before he wiped his own mouth. That was one task he would not allow me to help him with. He still had too much pride for that.

"You've change quite a bit since leaving Edo," Sannan-san finally said before offering me a small smile.

I don't know if it was my eyes playing tricks on me or something, but the smile almost seemed sad.

"Before you used to be quite shy and never challenged me on anything I said. You used to run away as soon as I narrowed my eyes at you." It was one of those rare moments where he reached over and patted my head. "Like a lioness, you've become quite a fierce young woman. Motherhood will suit you."

I flushed at the compliment and covered my face with both hands, causing Sannan-san's smile to grow a little bit more. He can't say that type of stuff and not expect me not to feel embarrassed! And while I'm sure he meant every word, he was probably also saying that just to get revenge for earlier. He did like poking at my red cheeks.

Sannan-san then cleared his throat before observing the empty room. "Where are Hijikata-kun and Okita-kun?" he said, changing the topic. Though he didn't mention Chizuru-chan's name, it was pretty much implied he wanted to know where she was too. "I am aware that they wanted to give me some privacy, but they have been gone for a while."

I shook my head, effectively removing the flush from my cheeks before I glanced at the door.

"A government official came to the inn an hour earlier and specifically asked the front desk for the 'Shinsengumi's Vice Commander'," I explained. I stood up to go open the window a little wider. There was a nice breeze and it was not nearly as chilly as it was yesterday. "There have been a series of thefts in Osaka lately and it appears that they have finally had enough of the thefts. They probably want us to investigate before we leave. Souji accompanied Hijikata-san to meet the official after he pestered Hijikata-san into bringing Chizuru-chan. I believe it was something like, 'Why don't you take your adorable new page along to show her the ropes. She needs to be able to act like a page for the lower-ranking soldiers to believe she really is your page.' Then they started bickering again."

Sannan-san made a sound of acknowledgment.

When I picked up the tray of dirty dishes, he shot me a questioning look. After all, the inn had excellent service and would have undoubted sent a maid to pick up the used dishes like they did last night. However, I wanted to go to the kitchen to speak the cook. Vitamin B12[1], something fishes had in spades, was great for encouraging nerve damage recovery.

"I'll be right back," I answered before exiting with the tray.

The kitchen in this place was surprisingly difficult to find. Normally, one would just have to follow the smell of food, but it was the breakfast rush. Everything smelled of food. Although, I suppose I should be glad that no one was cooking any fish this morning. I would hate to have to give up my search just because my nausea was acting up.

The kitchen was nestled all the way in some odd back corner of the inn and completely out of sight. I pulled back the blue, bamboo print noren and peeked inside first. It was incredibly busy. There were maids running back and forth, some with full trays, some with baskets of ingredients. At the stove was a big, burly man with gray hair. I swear he looked more like a pirate than a cook. The only thing he was missing to complete the image was an eyepatch and tattoos.

"Excuse me," I called into the kitchen.

"Oh!" It was one of the maids that noticed me first. She scurried up to me and quickly liberated my arms of the dirty dishes. "There was no need to bring the dishes down yourself. We would have sent someone to pick up the used dishes."

"I know." I offered the young woman a friendly smile. She only looked a few years older than me. "But I wanted to. Besides, I wanted to come down the kitchens anyway. I have a request."

"Oh?" the man at the stove interjected. His gruff voice matched his appearance. "A request? Whatcha need?"

"I have an injured family member staying at this inn at the current moment. May I send someone down here to cook some meals for him that will be easier for him to eat?" I asked with a polite bow. Just a pity it had to be fish. Chizuru-chan will have to cook in my stead.

The man barely even batted an eye at me. I think he might actually get requests like this quite often. Or it could have been the very obvious baby bump that softened him. It's hard to tell sometimes

"Fine," he said, grumbling a bit as he turned back to the stove. "But you'll need to go out and buy your own ingredients! I have none to spare. And whoever you're sending down to cook better not get in the way of me doing my job!"

"Thank you so much," I said, paying no mind to his gruff attitude as I bowed again before retreated out of the kitchen and back to Sannan-san's room.

Now all I needed to do was buy food. That much I could do myself without having to push it onto Chizuru-chan. But I probably needed an escort to go down to the market, which was stupid. The market was right at the inn's doorstep. I huffed in slight annoyance just as I stepped back into Sannan-san's room. Hijikata-san and the others were back.

"Where have you been?" Souji asked just as I took a seat next to him. All the eyes in the room fell on me. "You aren't supposed to wander off alone."

"I didn't leave the inn, in case you're wondering." I brushed my bangs out of my eyes. "I went to go get permission to use the kitchen. Well, actually, I got permission for Chizuru-chan to use the kitchen since you won't allow me to cook. Good nutrition is the first step to recovery. I'll need someone to go with me to the market to pick up ingredients."

Hijikata-san sighed tiredly before leaning back and putting all his weight on his arms. "I'll go with you while Yukimura stays with Sannan-san. I need to cool my head anyways." He then turned to Souji. "Go get a head start on the investigations. I want you to go speak to the people who've claimed they've been robbed."

Part of me wondered if Hijikata-san really thought this through. While some of the people weren't still afraid of Souji, most were. Would they even willingly speak to him?

Souji merely shrugged in response. He pecked me on the forehead and whispered, "Don't work too hard," into my ear before he excused himself.

"Well then," Sannan-san said faux cheerfully as he laid down and pulled the blankets snug against his chin, "go enjoy the markets while I rest a little longer."

I waved at Chizuru-chan before Hijikata-san gave me a small push out the door in his impatience.

My goodness. He did seem like his was in a significantly worst mood this morning. I waited until we were outside before I asked.

"So," I said as I made my way towards one of the seafood stalls I saw yesterday. The stall was already filled with this morning's fresh catches. Most of the fish were still alive. "What has you so irritated this morning? Perhaps it was the government official?"

"That much is obvious, don't you think?" Hijikata-san snorted before smacking his own forehead. "I'm sure you heard about the thefts. Small valuables, such as jewelry, have been stolen from homes and the officials have just ignored it until now. The only reason they're paying attention to the thefts now is because a ring, which was a family heirloom of one of the officials, was stolen yesterday." He scoffed before glaring at nothing in particular. "These officials are selfish scum, ignoring everyone's demands of an investigation until one of them has been impacted."

"Well, humans are inherently selfish creatures to begin with. That's nothing new," I replied just as we arrived at the stall. My eyes were immediately drawn to the massive Japanese snapper[2] still flopping around in a wicker box to the far right.

"But still…" Hijikata-san growled in frustration. "We're low on manpower right now, so I guess it was a good thing you arrived with Souji yesterday."

"And Chizuru-chan too," I added while getting the fishmonger's attention by pointed at the Japanese snapper, signaling him that I wanted it. "She can help around with the little things if you let her. And since I probably won't be much help this time around, I'll stay at the inn and keep Sannan-san company." And away from self-depreciating thoughts.

I paid the fishmonger as Hijikata-san retrieved the fish. As we turned to return to the inn, another man, who was carrying several large rolls of cloth, ran smack into Hijikata-san. The man dropped his load while landing on his butt. Hijikata-san, on the other hand, only lost his balance for a few seconds before steadying himself. Hijikata-san growled at the man on the ground.

"Hey! Watch where you're going! You could hurt someone like that!"

"Me?!" the man on the floor said. "You should have moved out of the way!"

Oh, what a big mistake. Hijikata-san was already in a bad enough mood as is and he hated being blamed for something that wasn't his fault. At this point, I think he was just looking to pick a fight with someone.

"Ho?" Hijikata-san handed me the fish as he approached the man. "Care to repeat that a little louder?"

"I said—"

The young man shot up to his feet like a demented jack-in-the-box and got right in Hijikata-san's face, which was turning extremely dark.

"Watch. Where."

Strangely enough, there was just something about this man that seemed so familiar, but I couldn't pick out what. I squinted at the man in hopes of mysteriously uncovering something.

"You. Are."

It wasn't that he looked familiar or anything. I would remember someone like him if I had met him. He did look rather handsome, though, not as handsome as my Souji. He did have an Edo accent, however.

"Going."

Then it suddenly hit me like a bolt of lightning. I nearly dropped the fish in my hands. Just what were the chances of this happening?

"Isao-kun?" I suddenly interjected, causing Hijikata-san to freeze in his tracks just as he pulled his fist back for a punch. "Is that you?"

The young man jumped at the name and suddenly turned to me with wide eyes. "What?! Who are you and how do you know my…" He suddenly turned as pale as a sheet of ice. "S-SHIZUKA-CHAN?!"

I could hear crows cawing in the background as we stared at each other.

* * *

[1] Vitamin B12 is required for proper red blood cell formation, neurological function, and DNA synthesis. Vitamin B12 functions as a cofactor for methionine synthase and L-methylmalonyl-CoA mutase. Methionine synthase catalyzes the conversion of homocysteine to methionine. Methionine is required for the formation of S-adenosylmethionine, a universal methyl donor for almost 100 different substrates, including DNA, RNA, hormones, proteins, and lipids. L-methylmalonyl-CoA mutase converts L-methylmalonyl-CoA to succinyl-CoA in the degradation of propionate, an essential biochemical reaction in fat and protein metabolism. Succinyl-CoA is also required for hemoglobin synthesis.

[2] _Paracaesio caerulea_ , the Japanese snapper, is a species of snapper native to the Western Pacific Ocean where it is known to occur in the waters around southern Japan, Taiwan and the Chesterfield Islands of New Caledonia. It is found in areas with rocky substrates at depths of over 100 meters (330 ft.). This species can reach a length of 50 centimeters (20 in) TL though most are around 30 centimeters (12 in). It is important commercially as a food fish.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

 _"The calendar was a mathematical progression with arbitrary surprises." ― Paul Scott, The Towers of Silence_

We both stared at each other in absolute silence. It had been years since we last saw each other, and while we may have been friends once upon a time, we had parted on less than pleasant terms. It wasn't my proudest moment. Thinking back, I couldn't help but think I was a bit hasty in dissolving our friendship. Sure, he told me he didn't want to be friends anymore and that he'd only continue being my friend if I stopped being friends with Souji, but my reaction was truly childish on epic proportions. There **_had_** to have been a deeper reason he said that other than the fact he didn't like Souji, right? In hindsight, I should have investigated. There were better ways to deal with the problem than screaming and yelling.

But, at the same time, he told me to stop being friends with Souji! He should have just been grateful I didn't claw his face off at that suggestion. Stop being friends with Souji… What an absurd notion!

Isao-kun seemed to scan our surroundings wildly once he retained his senses, but calmed as the pallor left his face. Whatever he was looking for didn't seem to be around. His eyes then flickered between my face and my full belly for a few seconds before they flickered curiously to Hijikata-san.

"It's been a while…," Isao-kun said with a dry mouth before swallowing. Even as he stole a nervous glance at Hijikata-san's swords, he couldn't hide the disappointment that littered his voice. What he was disappointed at, I didn't know. "I knew you left Edo last year but I didn't think you would be in Osaka." He shot another quick glance at Hijikata-san, this time a bit more bravely. "Doing some traveling with your husband?"

Hijikata-san and I glanced at each other in disgust before inching away simultaneously.

"He's not my husband/We're not married," we both blurted at the same time.

Hijikata-san scrunched his brow up like he took a whiff of something rotten. He then sighed and touched his forehead like he had a massive headache forming. "Shizuka is more like my little sister. Please don't say something so disgusting again."

I quickly nodded in agreement. I mean, seriously, Hijikata-san was only one year younger than Otou-san, and they are best friends. The word "awkward" wouldn't have even been enough to describe the situation if I was Hijikata-san's wife. Ugh, I think I just shuddered a bit.

"Well…," I said, glancing at the rolls of cloth that were still littering the ground. It looked like they were silk, expensive stuff to leave laying on the dirt floor. "If we're going to talk, then we should move off the street. We're blocking people's paths." I pointed to a nearby teahouse that was just opening its doors. Plus, I was feeling peckish again. "Let's go over there to continue."

Isao-kun nodded wordlessly and began picking up the rolls of cloth and dusting them off. I attempted to help, but I really couldn't bend down far enough and it wasn't like I could hold much more when I was already carrying a massive fish. Hijikata-san rolled his eyes at me before snorting.

"Shizuka, just go sit down and order a few plates of dango for us while we get this mess cleaned up. You really shouldn't even be holding such a heavy fish in your condition," Hijikata-san stated, brushing my hands away.

I scowled at him. "You are such a mothering hen!"

Hijikata-san merely waved me away without sparing me a glance. I huffed and followed his suggestion **_only_** because I knew I was rather useless. I decided to snag a seat under a red umbrella at one of those outside tables. I shoved the wrapped fish to the far end of the table before resting my chin on the palm of my hand and leveling a rather harmless glare at Hijikata-san. A waitress appeared to take my order but soon ended up giggling with a faint blush on her cheeks when her eyes followed my glare and landed on Hijikata-san. She ogled Hijikata-san's fine behind for longer than what was appropriate before scampering off to the kitchen with my order when the men began approaching the table. Hijikata-san slid into the seat next to me on the bench while Isao-kun shoved the cloth rolls into the opposite empty seat before sitting directly across from me. Just as both men settled down, the waitress reappeared and set two large dango platters on the table. I quickly liberated the plate of a stick and shoved it into my mouth. The waitress then left with a sullen expression when Hijikata-san ignored her attempts at a conversation.

I swallowed a dango. "You know, you could have at least been a little more friendly to our waitress. She was interested."

Hijikata-san paused with a dango hovering a few inches from his lips. He gave me a side glance. "You know I don't have time for that. Plus, I'm not interested. I don't want to falsely lead her on when I have no intention of starting a relationship." He took a small bite before nodding at Isao-kun. "So, how do you two know each other?"

Right, let's do a quick introduction. "Hijikata-san, this is Tsubaki Isao. Isao-kun, this is Hijikata Toshizo."

Both men nodded respectfully at each other.

"My chichi-ue attended Kondou-san's dojo," Isao-kun said with his mouth partially full. "I used to tag along and play with Shizuka-chan as a child."

Hijikata-san furrowed his brow. "I lived at Shieikan for a while and never met you because…?"

Isao-kun cut me off in a rush, speaking before I could even make a sound. "My chichi-ue probably stopped attending the dojo before you arrived. We were having financial issues. We kind of still are. That's actually part of the reason I'm in Osaka. I was fortunate enough to be picked up as an apprentice for a famous tailor. Most of the kimono you'll ever see the geisha and maiko in Osaka wearing are made by my sensei."

Interesting. He left out our falling out, but I guess it doesn't seem that important in accordance of Hijikata-san's question.

"I see." Hijikata-san nodded in understanding. "Japan's economy has been more than unstable in the last couple of years."

"So," Isao-kun looked to me expectantly, "what are you doing here, Shizuka-chan?" He certainly sounded far braver than he did when we practically ran into each other. He glanced at my belly once more. "You aren't pregnant out of wedlock, are you?"

"Ah, no. My husband is somewhere around the city right now on official business," I said, rubbing the lower side of my belly just as the baby kicked.

There was an odd expression on Isao-kun's face I couldn't read. Hijikata-san arched an eyebrow at me. He seemed to have no problems reading Isao-kun's face.

"Official business? Are you married to a samurai working for his lord or something?"

Hijikata-san coughed. "Close enough. The Shinsengumi **_is_** sponsored by Aizu."

Isao-kun paled at "Shinsengumi" so fast that I thought he was going to faint. However, it is saying something when he didn't grow as pale as he did when he first saw me earlier. It was obvious he was terrified of something that was apparently associated with me. The fact he seemed to be even more terrified of whatever as associated with me than he was about the Shinsengumi was… interesting.

Was whatever what was associated with me really more frightening than the Shinsengumi?

"Shinsengumi!?" Isao-kun exclaimed. He dropped his empty skewer as he jumped to his feet. "You're married to a member of the Shinsengumi?! But they're terrible brutes! You do know of all the horrible things they did last year, right? They're just thugs wearing the title of samurai while they extort people." Hijikata-san's face grew darker with each passing word. "What was Aizu thinking, giving such an organization authority? What was Kondou-san thinking, letting you marry a man in such an organization? Your husband doesn't treat you horribly, does he? You can always come to me if he does."

Hijikata-san snarled, finally having enough as he slammed his fist on the table. Isao-kun to jump in alarm at the sudden hostile environment.

"What was that, huh?!" Hijikata-san growled. The shadow he cast seemed to dwarf Isao-kun significantly. "You think you can get away without a beating when badmouthing us to us?"

" ** _You_**? Part of the Shinsengumi?" Isao-kun snorted, bravely not flinching under Hijikata-san's sudden oppressive aura. "You're not nearly frightening enough to be in the Shinsengumi. Besides, Shizuka-chan would never associate herself with such people."

Hijikata-san looked about ready to choke Isao-kun for being so dismissive and that would be bad. Like really bad. I quickly jumped to my feet and pushed Hijikata-san back into his seat. Before Hijikata-san could give me a verbal lashing on stopping him, I grabbed a fresh skewer of dango and stuffed it in his mouth, effectively gagging him.

Why did it always feel like I was putting out fires whenever Isao-kun was involved?

"Isao-kun," I said before shoving the skewer of dango back into Hijikata-san's mouth when he removed it, "you've been paying attention to the news but not the names, am I correct? Your line of thought is something like, 'I'll avoid the notorious Shinsengumi and because we'll never meet, the names aren't important.' Right?"

"Sure, but what does that have to do with anything?"

I groaned and flopped back into my seat. Hijikata-san finally got the skewer of dango out of his mouth and took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking.

"Kondou-san is the Captain Commander of the Shinsengumi," Hijikata-san said.

"And Hijikata-san here is the Vice Commander," I added.

I should have felt a little bad for Isao-kun as I watched him turn pale again. I really didn't. In fact, I could argue that I enjoyed watching him turn frightfully pale. Did he think he could get away scot free for insult **_my_** family? Childhood friend or not, I wasn't going to just let him run his mouth.

Hijikata-san sighed just as he pushed his bangs back. "Look, I get our reputation isn't really that great, especially after all Serizawa-san did last year, so I understand your thought process. Just watch your mouth and we won't have a problem."

"Y-Yeah…," Isao-kun managed to say before he shook off his shock. He quickly puffed his chest up to look tougher. He certain grew to be more resilient over the years. "What official business does the Shinsengumi have in Osaka. I thought your base of operations was in Kyoto."

"It is, but…" I traded glances with Hijikata-san before continuing. "The officials contacted Hijikata-san and asked him to investigate the local thefts."

"Wait… what?" Isao-kun raised his eyebrows before turning to Hijikata-san. The empty plates on the table were now left forgotten. "You're going to be in charge of investigating the thefts. Any chance you'll accept outside help?"

Hijikata-san narrowed his eyes at Isao-kun in suspicion. I couldn't blame him. Isao-kun offering to help after badmouthing the Shinsengumi?

"I promise I don't have any ill intent," Isao-kun added before sighing tiredly, looking like he aged a decade in those few seconds. "It's just the thief stole from me too. One of my clients paid me with an expensive ivory comb. I was going to sell it and send the money back home to my parents, but the comb was stolen shortly after I received it."

"We don't need your help," Hijikata-san instantly retorted, petulantly turning his head. He was still bitter about the Isao-kun's earlier words. "We'll manage on our own."

"I can help!" Isao-kun pushed. He looked at me almost pleadingly. "I've lived in Osaka for the past two years, so I know the city better than you do. I know more people here."

I tapped Hijikata-san's shoulder. "I know your pride is stung, but we need help. We're low on manpower. Plus, I trust him." Even though I probably really shouldn't. But there was just something about him that said he wouldn't betray me a second time. We all deserved second chances, right?

Hijikata-san muttered something under his breath before he reached into his sleeves and pulled out money to pay for the dango. He placed the money on the table before reaching across the table to grab the fish.

"Fine," Hijikata-san grumbled begrudgingly. "Only because Shizuka can't help us right now. Let's head back to the inn."

It was a quiet march back to the inn. Not like we could have started and finished a new conversation on the way back anyways. The inn was literally only a few steps away from the teahouse. As soon as we arrived back, I passed Chizuru-chan the fish and instructed her to turn the fish into fish flakes for rice ball filling. She was to make enough rice balls for everyone so Sannan-san wouldn't feel like he was being singled out. I, however, was to get rice porridge so I could avoid nausea. As Chizuru-chan scurried down to the kitchen, Hijikata-san explained Isao-kun's presence to Sannan-san. I tuned out in favor of my own thoughts.

But now was thinking about the past, didn't Souji not get along well with Isao-kun at all when we were children? Would they be able to work effectively together?

My thoughts must have shown on my face because Hijikata-san asked, "Hey, you okay? You looked like you just swallowed something sour."

"It's just—"

Souji slid the room's door open whilst I was midsentence. There was irritation written all over his face as he muttered, "Hijikata-san should think more before he assigns jobs…," under his breath.

"Oh, Souji, you're back," Hijikata-san said, ignoring the muttering. He pointed towards Isao-kun. "I think you two should know each other. He's going to help—"

Oh… shit.

Ever see two dogs leap at each other out of nowhere and start snarling and snapping their teeth at each other while trying to tear out the other's throat?

Somethings never change. Souji was still stronger and faster than Isao-kun by a long shot. There was a horrible sounding crash before Souji slammed Isao-kun against the wall harsh enough to knock the air out of Isao-kun's lungs. Souji pinned the other man to the wall by pushing his arm against Isao-kun's chest. A very rabid snarl erupted from Souji's throat as Isao-kun clawed at Souji's arms, making Souji bleed, before Isao-kun fearlessly spit at Souji's face.

"Oi! Souji!" Hijikata-san scrambled to his feet to attempt to pry Souji off Isao-kun, but it was like Souji couldn't even see or hear Hijikata-san.

Hijikata-san froze in place next to me at this new development. Souji was always hyper aware of Hijikata-san. For him to not even notice Hijikata-san's existence… Even Sannan-san was startled speechless.

I always knew Souji's and Isao-kun's relationship was less than friendly, but this…? I never expected it to be this volatile.

"You." Shivers rolled down my spine from how dark Souji's voice sounded. The temperature in the room dropped to below zero. "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to keep away from Shizuka."

"That was when we were kids," Isao-kun spat. "Things are different now. You won't be able to scare me off with a beating."

A beating? Wait… The arm in a sling. The curious limp. Him telling me we could still be friends if I stopped being friends with Souji… Well, shit.

The shadow over Souji's eyes then seemed to frightenedly grow darker in response. "You're right. Things are different now." A dangerous metal hiss cut through the frigid silence as Souji's sword slid out of its scabbard. "This time I have more than just a bokken. If beating you will only keep you away a few years, then I'll need a more permeant solution."

"Lunch is ready—AHH!"

Chizuru-chan's return was just enough to shake me and Hijikata-san out of our stunned stupor. Hijikata-san leaped at Souji, knocking the sword away before pinning Souji to the floor by digging his knee into Souji's back and retraining Souji's arms. I, on the other hand, quickly ran in front of Isao-kun, blocking him from Souji before he could develop any foolhardy ideas of charging at Souji.

"Isao-kun! **_Don't you dare even think about moving from that spot!_** I may be pregnant but I can still deck you in the face hard enough to knock you to the floor!"

Thankfully Isao-kun wasn't nearly as hard to deal with as Souji was. Hijikata-san was certainly struggling. Perhaps he should have left Souji to me.

"What the hell are you thinking Souji?! It's against the Code of Conduct to settle personal duals! Do you **_want_** to commit seppuku?! Do you want to die before your kid is even born?"

"Get the fuck off of me, Hijikata-san! It's not a duel when I'm just removing a diseased pest! It'll be safer for my family when that **_thing_** is gone!"

I knelt in front of Souji and grabbed his hand. Souji's eyes shot to me before they widened like he was really seeing me here for the first time and he stopped struggling in an instant. A pouty little frown formed from what appear to be like embarrassment appeared on his face as he looked away. He looked like a child that was just properly scolded for the first time.

"You can get off me now, Hijikata-san," Souji mumbled, causing Hijikata-san to raise his eyebrow in slight amusement. "I can behave now."

Hijikata-san gave me a silent weary glance before he cautiously stepped off Souji's back. Souji sat up and quickly pulled me onto his lap. It seemed that part of it was done for comfort, but the other half… Souji radiated smugness when Isao-kun glared his way and as if to rub it in even more, Souji placed his hand over my belly as he pressed a very intimate kiss into the crook of my neck. A low growl erupted from Isao-kun's lips, but there was no more scuffling. Hijikata-san coughed to clear his throat.

"Yukimura, just in time. If you could…?"

"Ah! Of course, Hijikata-san!" Chizuru-chan quickly scrambled to distribute lunch. She placed a bowl of rice porridge in front of me before sitting in her seat next to Hijikata-san. She peered at Isao-kun curiously before nibbling on her own rice ball.

Isao-kun took a healthy bite out of his food before bitterly grumbling, "I should have known you were her husband. Kondou-san does have an **_unfair_** bias towards you, after all."

"Kondou-san is anything but unfair." Souji narrowed his eyes. "Watch what accusations you throw around."

"Um… Shouldn't we, you know, discuss how we're going to deal with the theft going around…?"

It really shouldn't have surprised me when my question when ignored. Just what was it with men and their pissing contests?

"Hey, Shizuka-chan." I straightened my back when Isao-kun unexpectedly addressed me. I could feel Souji's arms tensing. "I get it that you wouldn't want to disappoint your chichi-ue by saying no to an arranged marriage to Okita, but you know, you don't have to stay with him if you're unhappy. Divorce is **_your_** right."

"Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do," Souji growled, his arms now tightening around me. "Go find your own wife and leave **_mine_** alone. And who said the marriage was completely arranged? Shizuka makes her own choices. She was the one that said yes."

"I bet you rigged all the choices! You wouldn't have had a chance if I was still around. It shouldn't even be your baby she's carrying around."

Whoa! Hold on! I know I was denser than a bar of lead, but this? I'd need to be brain-dead to not understand what was going on here. And seriously? Isao-kun **_still_** had that stupid crush? Or maybe the crush was gone and he was only acting this way because he was still bitter over what Souji did all those years ago? Did it really matter all that much? This whole situation was just idiotic.

I seriously have had it with all the excess testosterone in the room!

"Okay," I snapped with steam practically coming out of both ears, "both of you **_shut up_**!" I wrenched myself from Souji's lap. "I obviously missed something going on between you two when we were all just children, but no more!"

I glared at Souji, crossing my arms before dangerously narrowing my eyes at him. He quickly averted his gaze as he nibbled on his rice ball.

"Souji, I can't believe you! I knew something was wrong with how abruptly Isao-kun's and my friendship ended! This just reeks of your influence! I can't believe I didn't see this before." I suddenly turned to glare at the other problem, cutting him off before he could gloat at Souji. "And you! You have no business inserting yourself into my marriage, especially after the way **_you_** ended our friendship. Now the both of you are going to shut up about this and focus on what our job is! I don't care if you two hate each other so much that you want to kill each other. You two will cooperate with each other at least until the thief has been killed, caught, or has escaped! Am I clear?"

Both men in question grumbled under their breaths.

"I **_said_** , am I clear?"

"Yes…," they both muttered at the same time.

I planted myself next to Chizuru-chan and continued shoveling my porridge into my mouth. I was so livid I couldn't even taste my food! Hijikata-san cleared his throat awkwardly after exchanging what appeared to be a tired glance with Sannan-san. Sannan-san shook his head, clearly silently telling Hijikata-san not to pursue what occurred between Souji and Isao-kun.

"Souji," Hijikata-san said, polishing off his rice ball. He didn't bother fetching another one. "What information did you gather about the thefts?"

Souji grumbled before answering. "Nothing. Most people practically scream and run away from me once they see me approaching."

"That's nothing new…," Isao-kun muttered under his breath. Souji shot him a venomous look.

"Why'd you send me to gather information if you knew this would happen?" Souji snapped at Hijikata-san before snatching the rice ball Isao-kun was reaching for and stuffed it in his mouth.

I could practically feel the electricity they were shooting at each other. It prickled my skin uncomfortably. Hijikata-san sighed as he slapped his forehead.

"If it's information you're looking for, then you should send me to ask the people," Isao-kun said, growing smugger with each word. "I don't have a horrible reputation like a certain **_someone_** and since I actually know people in Osaka, the civilians will actually be willing to talk to me."

"Oh, like you know how to do a proper investigation. I bet you'll just screw everything up and make it more difficult for the actual men to clean everything up."

"Well, you can't even do a proper investigation because people aren't willing to talk to you, can you?"

"Oh, so you're going to help them by talking their problems to death? That's a real big achievement there."

"Oh, for the love of—Shut up!" Hijikata-san snapped, furrowing his brows at both arguing men again. His face was about to turn purple and I could see a vein twitching on his forehead. "Things are never going to get done this way. Souji, stop antagonizing the help. We're low on manpower right now and I don't need you chasing off the only help we are ever going to get."

"And I also believe you offered to help Tsubaki-kun?" Sannan-san said. He thankfully sounded far more pleasant and patient than Hijikata-san. "If you are offering to help, then please do not create unnecessary trouble that will impede the investigation. You are the disposable one here, after all. Okita-kun here is more than just an official captain in the Shinsengumi. We can complete the investigation without you but not without Okita-kun. Please remember that if you are to remain here to help us."

Oh, thank goodness for Sannan-san. Even as out of commission as he was, he was heaven sent.

"Okay, so this is what we will do," Sannan-san said as he pushed on the bridge of his glasses. "Tsubaki-kun will go collect information for us since people will be more willing to speak with him and Yukimura-kun will go to help. Hijikata-kun, you will accompany them to escort Yukimura-kun and to make sure Tsubaki-kun actually gathers the information applicable to this investigation. Okita-kun since you will be useless in this part, you will remain here with Shizuka-chan and I. You, however, will need to rest up because I believe there will be some heavy lifting before this is all over. The Shinsengumi's sword must remain sharp, after all."

"Well, if that's all, it's best we be off now," Hijikata-san said after digesting the plan. He marched out the door without waiting for the others. Chizuru-chan quickly scrambled to keep up and Isao-kun quickly stuffed one more rice ball in his mouth before giving chase. Then as suddenly as they left, Chizuru-chan poked her head in again.

"Oh! Shizuka-san, I was talking to the cook earlier. He said the neighborhood birds have begun stealing shiny things again. If you leave the window open, be sure your surgical tools aren't left out in the open or they will go missing for sure."

"Thank you for the warning," I replied with an appreciative nod.

Sannan-san watched the door slide shut after Chizuru-chan left again before he smiled at Souji and me. He removed his glasses and pulled the covers up to his chin and proceeded to pretend to sleep.

I sighed, taking in the much-needed silence that was suddenly too quiet for my tastes. I glanced at Souji, who quickly looked away and pretended that he wasn't watching me. He frowned at the floor and began picking at the tatami mats.

"You know why I'm mad right?" I asked.

Souji puffed his cheeks up and refused to answer. But everything was fine as is. I knelt behind Souji and pecked his puffy cheek. He reacted positively and immediately perked up.

"Really, not much has changed except the fact we're all a little older now." I smooched him on the lips as soon as he turned to face me. He was all too happy to go along with my actions and even hummed a little. "I still prefer you over Isao-kun."

Then the moment was ruined when Sannan-san cleared his throat. "I'm trying to sleep here. Please take your public displays of affection elsewhere."

"Well, your eyes are closed when you're sleeping, right?"

It was brave of Souji to risk Sannan-san's ire.


	53. Chapter 53

I don't know how many people know this, but I have a tumblr. I don't post much on my tumblr, but if there is anyone that has questions regarding my stories, has requests of some sort, or just wants to talk but doesn't want to use Fanfiction to contact me, then use tumblr. My account is artimecwing, exactly the same as my Fanfiction account.

* * *

 **Chapter 53**

 _"If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort_ to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards _!" ― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic_

I picked up a jewel encrusted dragonfly hairpin from a box of stolen goods. Too much of a good thing really was too much of a good thing. The thing had so many jewels embedded into it that it made the aesthetically pleasing design of the dragonfly look gaudy. Sure, I have no doubt that the piece was expensive, but who in their right mind would wear such an ugly thing? I haphazardly tossed hideous hairpin onto the floor where it landed with a dull thud, At the sudden noise, Hijikata-san's head shot out of a nearby large pile of stolen goods like a meerkat, his eyes wildly searching the mezzanine[1] we were currently perched on.

"What was that?" he said, twitching like a packrat before narrowing his eyes at me when he saw the hairpin strewn on the floor across from me. "Don't throw the stolen merchandise! We were commissioned to retrieve the stolen items, not break them!"

I rolled my eyes. "Really, I would be doing whoever the owner is a favor if I broke it. Whoever decides they want to wear that crime to fashion should be shot. It's the ugliest thing in the world!"

"Still! That doesn't mean you should throw it!" Hijikata-san hollered at me before running his hand down his face in frustration. He glanced back at the large pile of valuable crafted goods he was digging in before and let out a pained groan. "And I thought catching the thieves would be the hard part. If I was told I would be sifting through a mountain of stolen loot…" He let out another ugly groan. "Kill me now…"

I hummed before glancing over the railing to the floor below. "I don't think I wanna do that. If you're dead, who would complete the job? Surely you don't think Souji or Isao-kun would, do you? Chizuru-chan, maybe, if she were here and not keeping Sannan-san company instead. But Souji and Isao-kun? Together? When pigs fly."

As if to prove my point, more yelling erupted from the floor below.

"Oh, that's right! How utterly stupid of me not to consider the importance of your job, nevermind the hundreds of people who can do it! Changing the world one stitch at a time. 'Excuse me, sir, but would you like your hakama patched up with pink thread or bright orange thread? Oops! I **_forgot_** the threads' colors don't match the clothing.'"

"Like you're any better! You think you're protecting the public with you cushy Shinsengumi position? 'Oh, look at me! I wear an ugly blue uniform and swords while skipping through the streets of Kyoto! I like **_scaring_** people and creating **_more_** trouble!'"

"Says the little boy who doesn't have the **_balls_** to draw his sword, let alone face me in a match. Coward!"

"It's called being **_smart_** and **_not_** being suicidal. I'll beat you on my own turf. Oh, wait, how careless of me! How can I forget that Okita has a small brain and can't understand logic?"

"Who's being the dumb shit now? Did you forget that we're alone together and the fact I have my swords with me? Both Shizuka and Hijikata-san are upstairs, so it's just you and me if I decide I'm a little **_bloodthirsty_**. And I am a little thirsty right now though we have yet to see if it's blood I'm thirsty for."

"You don't have the guts to do it. Shizuka-chan would never speak to you again if you did, moron."

"Oh? Is that what you think? I'm different from you. If our positions were reversed and she was married to you, forget never speaking to you again. She'd file for a divorce faster than lightning. But she's married to ** _me_** and she'd forgive me. She never could stay mad at me for long. Why do you think she picked me over you in the first place?"

"That was because you were meddling, you bastard!"

I snorted as I pointed down with my thumb. "You hear that, Hijikata-san? With all that arguing, it would be a miracle if they even noticed their own bodily needs at this rate. They could die from dehydration without even noticing it."

Hijikata-san groaned, "Why me?" to himself before dropping to his butt and covering his face with both hands. He didn't bother shooing me away when I settled behind him to give him a much-needed back rub. He was so tense that he almost felt like a prickly porcupine. He took a deep breath before releasing it in a long winded sigh as he let his hands drop to the floor. He glanced at the horrid pile of loot once more before he decided it was much better to stare up at the ceiling.

"Maybe take a break for now?" I asked, flipping his hair over his shoulder and out of my way.

Hijikata-san nodded with his eyes closed. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good."

"So, you want to tell me how the whole investigation went and how the raid went down while I was keeping Sannan-san company?" I hit the magical spot on Hijikata-san's back, causing him to shiver in delight. "I heard about some of it when Souji told Chizuru-chan but don't know all the details. Enlighten me? I mean, I could ask Souji, but that would mean going downstairs to break up the fight. I'm really not in the mood for that."

He snorted as he peeked at me with one eye. "That's the understatement of the century. Not even Kondou-san would volunteer to step in and break up that fight. As long as one of them isn't permanently maimed by the end of the day, I'd consider that a win." He popped his knuckles before he glanced out the window at a magpie[2] sitting in the hollow of a nearby tree. "You know, there really isn't much to say about the investigation. It isn't often that Sannan-san is wrong about things, but 'needing Souji to do the heavy lifting' my ass! The thieves were goddamn pussies!"

I raised my eyebrows, silently urging Hijikata-san to continue. Downstairs, the yelling just got louder.

"Fine," Hijikata-san said. "As long as we're killing time…"

 _A low growl erupted from Chizuru's stomach, causing her to glow like the setting sun as her stomach continued to protest its hunger. She quickly placed both hands over her stomach like she believed it would block the sound. Both Hijikata and Isao stared at her just as her stomach rumbled again._

 _"_ _Ahahaha..." Chizuru let out a tense laugh before turning redder when her stomach decided to speak again._

 _Hijikata-san sighed before letting a rare smile emerge at her. "The investigations did take longer than what we expected it to, so let's hurry back to the inn for dinner and to let the others know what we found out."_

 _Isao let out a carefree sound, drawing the two's attention, as he put his arms behind his neck. "Yeah. Seriously. I really didn't think it'd take that long to get people to tell us what happened." He briefly glanced to both Hijikata and Chizuru almost accusingly. "I guess that's what I get for traveling with a few of the Mibu Wolves."_

 _Chizuru laughed nervously, inching away subtly as she eyed the dangerous twitching vein on Hijikata's forehead. Hijikata clutched a hand in a tight fist, his fist shaking as he forcefully restrained himself from hitting a certain someone._

 _"_ _Oh, what was that?" Hijikata attempted to say through his clenched teeth. "It's the kid's and my fault, is it? Who was the one that went around knocking nearly all the doors down? You practically stormed into the victims' houses, grabbed them by the shoulders and started screaming at them! It's a miracle they even bothered to give us information regarding the thefts at all! We were lucky that the civilians were more receptive to the kid's attempts or we'd be left out in the cold with no information at all! Yeah, I get how you want to outdo Souji, but if you think this is the way to do it, you're an idiot."_

 _"_ _HAHA! I bet you guys are glad you brought me along, right?" Isao boasted with a thumbs up and a logic-defying glittering smile before he winked._

 _Hijikata blew up._

 _"_ _IDIOT! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING AT ALL?!"_

 _"_ _AH! Look!" Chizuru quickly interrupted, nervously jumping between the two arguing men as she pointed to the welcomed sight of the inn. "We're back! We should hurry! I bet Okita-san and Sannan-san have been waiting all day for updates!"_

 _She then bolted towards the inn like everything from hell was on her heels._

 _"_ _OI! Yukimura! Don't run off by yourself!"_

 _There was a cloud of dust before Isao was left alone in the middle of the plaza. His "superhero" pose melted away in an instant._

 _"_ _Eep! Hey, don't leave me here alone! No, come back! I promise I'll stop boasting and puffing up my chest!"_

I paused Hijikata-san's back massage to eye the heavy looking kannonbiraki-dansu[3] sitting near the edge of the mezzanine. Peering down over the edge of the flooring, I could still see Souji arguing with Isao-kun. Probably a bad idea anyway. There was a chance I'd accidentally nail Souji in the head with it instead of my intended target if I "accidentally" pushed the heavy piece of furniture over the edge. How did Isao-kun grow up to become so… ditzy?

"What is it?" Hijikata-san asked. He followed my line of sight before he snorted in amusement. "Yeah, I don't blame you for wanting to. I never took you for someone who'd become friends with a person like Tsubaki. How did that happen?"

"He's actually pretty sensible when he's not trying to outdo Souji… I think." I stood up and pulled on the wooden chest to move it away from the edge and to remove the temptation before I started digging through the pile of loot that Hijikata-san was digging through previously. "And…" I frowned as I paused. "Do you think the beating Souji gave him when we were children addled his brain in any way…? Or is all of his stupidity caused by him holding a grudge against Souji."

"How should I know?" Hijikata-san crossed his arms. "I'm not the doctor here. Though, to be completely fair, Souji doesn't really think through all his actions around Tsubaki either. But his tongue is still pretty sharp."

"Meh." There were a few rings in the pile, but none of the rings matched the description of the one we were looking for. "So, tell me more about the investigation…?"

Hijikata-san continued.

 _Souji crossed his arms while looking incredibly smug as soon as Isao entered Sannan's room after Hijikata and Chizuru. Souji looked out the window, particularly at the golden moon in the night sky before he returned his smirk to Isao._

 _"_ _That certainly took a long time, Tsubaki-kun," Souji said, mockingly drawing out Isao's name. "Is conducting an investigation harder than you think? To think, you even had Hijikata-san and Chizuru-chan helping you and you were still this slow. I would have completed the investigation hours faster than you."_

 _"_ _No, you—!"_

 _"_ _Shh!" Souji hushed Isao. Souji grew even more unbearably smug as he pointed down at Shizuka, who was asleep with her head on his lap. "My_ _ **wife**_ _is sleeping because she got too tired of_ _ **waiting**_ _for your most likely lackluster results. Use your inside voice, Tsubaki-kun."_

 _"_ _You wouldn't have completed the investigation at all!" Isao hissed violently through his teeth. "Isn't that the reason I was sent out to gather information after you were_ _ **forced**_ _to return because you_ _ **failed**_ _? And if Shizuka-chan's tired, wouldn't it be more comfortable for her to sleep in a futon rather than your lap, which you selfishly forced her to?"_

 _Souji snorted at the futile effort of blame. "Hate to break it to you again but Shizuka is completely capable of making her own choices. She decided to use my lap because she's more comfortable staying with me. Though, I can't blame you for thinking otherwise since she would_ _ **never**_ _use your lap."_

 _"_ _Excuse me—!"_

 _"_ _That's enough," Sannan-san interrupted. Though his voice was still calm, it sounded particularly icy. His cool glance landed on both arguing men while Hijikata and Chizuru both breathed a sigh of relief. "We are here to solve the theft cases, not to bicker like children. May I remind you, if it weren't for the lack of manpower we currently possess, you two would have already been removed from the investigation. Now, if we could move onto the next phase of the investigation, that would be wonderful. Hijikata-kun, if you could take it from here?"_

 _"_ _Right." Hijikata coughed. "All the various people we managed to talk to told us the thief seems to take anything shiny. Some of the things that have gone missing were rather worthless but were pretty enough to look at. This thief definitely seems incredibly skilled. He seems to be able to get through any opening no matter how small and has never been caught red-handed. There was even one man that claimed the thief squeezed through a small hole in his roof before making off with jade bracelet inlaid with gold. Then, recently, there were reports of the thief upscaling his whole operation. A jewelry store by the name of Yubikōbō_ _in the Nishi Ward was recently hit. The shopkeeper locked the store up two nights ago only to find out the next morning that the entire second floor had been emptied out."_

 _"_ _So, if we don't catch the thief, he'll become more brazen with his stealing?" Chizuru asked before frowning. "That's no good! People work hard to earn their money. We can't let get away! We should go out and catch him right now!"_

 _With eyes filled with determination, Chizuru started marching for the door before the sound of a throat clearing made her freeze in place. She glanced back before quickly glowing red and rushing back to her seat timidly._

 _"_ _Oi, genius," Hijikata-san said, crossing his arms while shooting Chizuru an unimpressed look. "How'd you catch the thief without a plan?" He let out a sigh to disguise the small smile that surface on his face without permission. "I get you want to bring the scum to justice, but you can't do that without coming up with a plan first."_

 _"_ _O-Oh…" Chizuru was quick to look down and start playing with her fingers._

 _"_ _Well," Souji said, absentmindedly running his hand through Shizuka's hair after he removed her kanzashi, "The thief is scaling up, right? Doesn't it make sense to create an 'offer' too good for the thief to resist? We can lay a trap using one of the local jewelry shops. Since it's more believable when women gossip, we have Chizuru-chan here and maybe Shizuka spread the rumor that one of the jewelry shops just got in a large shipment of high quality goods. The rest of us can wait in a hiding spot to jump the thief," Souji paused to shoot a smug look towards Isao, who bristled, "that is if Tsubaki-kun here knows how to wield a sword and how not to be a burden."_

 _"_ _I know how to use a sword!" Isao snapped, baring his teeth. "Did you think I wouldn't learn after being beaten into a paste by you?! And it's rude to call Yukimura-san a woman!"_

 _Souji merely shrugged. "The kid looks close enough to one. I'd say use it to our advantage."_

 _"_ _Okita-kun has a point," Sannan-san said knowingly as he pushed up his glasses. The lenses suspiciously reflected sadistic pleasure as the light gleamed off of them. "Very well. Tsubaki-kun, since you live in Osaka, I must request you procure a jewelry shop to use in our plan. Please have everything set up by tomorrow morning—"_

 _"_ _But there's no time—"_

 _"_ _Please do not interrupt me while I am speaking, Isao-kun," Sannan-san said far too pleasantly. "Please have everything set up for us by tomorrow morning. Shizuka-chan and Yukimura-kun will spread the rumor for us and, assuming the thief is competent enough not to let this 'golden opportunity' go to waste, we should have one snared thief before the night's end."_

 _Isao grumbled under his breath and shot Sannan the stink eye but wasn't brave enough to go against Sannan's decision in the end._

I hummed just as I tossed another gaudy piece of jewelry over my shoulder. I really didn't understand why some of this gaudy jewelry was so sought after. On another note, we did find all the stolen jewelry from Yubikōbō, in the warehouse we were currently sitting in, but that was about it. All the other stolen items weren't in this warehouse.

"So, obviously, the plan worked, seeing as we are here now," I commented, returning my focus to the search. I paused my work to pick up a pretty wooden comb and set it on the table before I continued digging through the audacious loot pile. "How did the capture go, by the way. Nobody ever told me."

"Because there was nothing worth saying," Hijikata-san answered as he picked a silver ring off the floor to examine it. He set it back down in an annoyed huff. "You were the one that did the so-called 'interrogation', so how do you think the capture went?"

"Ha!" I laughed before shaking my head in amusement. "I didn't do anything but point Souji's **_sheathed_** kodachi at the thief's crotch. 'Talk before you lose the thing that makes you a man,' I said. I've never seen someone crack that fast. I still can't believe the man broke down and started blubbering. I wasn't even trying to be terrifying when I said that."

"Yeah, the man was pretty pathetic," Hijikata-san agreed. He shoved a pile of sorted rings off to the side. "But, yeah, the capture?"

 _The dark clouds above rolled in, blocking all light the moon provided on the dark night. The wind howled outside, causing the open window to rattle._

 _"_ _We've been here a while already." Isao shifted in his hiding spot behind shōji privacy screens. "Will the thief actually come?"_

 _"_ _Are you doubting Sannan-san's word?" Hijikata said, dangerously narrowing his eyes at Isao. "Sannan-san didn't become the Shinsengumi's colonel just based on his skills with a sword alone. He can predict your every move to Thursday with startling accuracy if he wanted to."_

 _"_ _Hijikata-san, don't waste your time explaining to Tsubaki-kun," Souji said with a very visible smirk. "He'll never be able to understand."_

 _"_ _Did you just call my brain small?!"_

 _"_ _Oi! Shut up!" Hijikata hissed at Isao. "You'll ruin the trap, idiot!"_

 _Souji's smirk only grew in size when Isao shrunk bitterly under Hijikata's scolding. "I didn't say anything about your brain being small, but you just proved it yourself."_

 _"_ _Both of you shut it!" Hijikata hissed once more before shooting a glare at Souji. "Get ready. I hear something from outside. Someone's scaling the wall."_

 _Just as Hijikata finished saying that, a man clambered over the window edge and dropped his feet on the wooden floor with a soft thump._

 _"_ _You've got to be kidding me…," Souji whispered while struggling not to burst out in laughter._

 _The thief was the very picture of a storybook thief. He wore black clothes. There was a dark green bandana with white swirl patterns covering his head and being secured in place with a knot under the thief's nose. The thief's loot bag possessed the same color and pattern as the bandana on his head did and was tossed over his shoulder in a very stereotypical manner._

 _Both Hijikata and Souji shook their heads at each other and let Isao tackle the man to the floor._

 _"_ _HAHA! I got you now you thief!"_

 _"_ _AHHHH!"_

 _There was a loud crash as the thief dropped to the floor before promptly passing out_ _ **without**_ _a bash to the head._

 _Hijikata coughed to clear his throat. "Now that's taken care of, let get back to Sannan-san's room at the inn to question the man."_

There was a crash downstairs, interrupting Hijikata-san's account. I placed my hand on my forehead and groaned. This had already gotten old way too fast.

"Ahhh, looks like you've knocked over the 'searched' pile. Hijikata-san's not going to be happy about that, Tsubaki-kun."

"No, he won't, but who do you think he's going to blame, Okita? The Shinsengumi's 'responsible' First Division Captain who's supposed to be carefully watching the civilian ward or civilian ward who's supposed to have no real responsibility."

"Ha! Do you think that'll be enough to keep you out of trouble? Don't forget Shizuka's always on my side and there's no one better to have on my side when it comes to getting out of trouble. Shizuka can talk Hijikata-san into taking off his hakama and giving it away to some Choshu ronin in broad daylight if she wanted to."

I watched Hijikata-san's expression sour as he continued to listen to the ongoing pissing contest occurring downstairs. His eyebrow twitched in aggravation before he snapped an innocent wooden hairpin that happened to be sitting in his hands.

"You know," I said, quickly taking the broken hairpin from Hijikata-san's hands before more damage could be done, "I don't know if I should be flatter by Souji's belief in my abilities or not." Hopefully, that broken hairpin wasn't important enough to be missed.

Hijikata-san grunted before letting his tense shoulders sag. He offered me a small defeated smile. "At least now I know there's someone else that Souji likes to antagonize more than me. Never once has Souji gotten along so well with me since Tsubaki's appearance. Do you think we can get Tsubaki to come back with us to join the Shinsengumi?"

"That's a little cruel, don't you think." I glanced down over the mezzanine railing when I heard another crash. "Hoping Isao-kun will keep Souji from antagonizing you all the time? That'll probably only work for a month or so before Souji snaps and guts Isao-kun. I mean, Isao-kun and I may have a broken friendship, but he's still too good of a man to deserve that fate. Don't you think so?"

Hijikata-san made a sound of amusement. "Anyway, back to the investigation. You still remember the information the thief revealed to us after losing his composure?"

I nodded. "He gave us the address to this warehouse and told us about the smuggling ring he was a part of. He said him and six other men were stealing Japanese heirlooms to trade to Westerners for weapons and how they were going to sell those weapons to the Choshu. Which reminds me," I gestured to the space around us, "I see no weapons."

"That's because they just started the operation," Hijikata-san explained. "They didn't have a chance to trade with any Westerners yet. Besides, I doubt any weapons merchant would take this smuggling ring seriously. Not with the way we captured the thieves."

"How did you capture them without a scratch?" I put everything back down so I could sit and rest my poor swollen feet. "It was only you, Souji, and Isao-kun who crashed this warehouse. Three people against six? That's two against one, and I'm not even sure about Isao-kun's skills with a blade. It could have been three against one if Isao-kun was bad at kenjutsu."

"It was because there was no fight," Hijikata-san said as he reclaimed the loot pile I had taken from him earlier. "Those thieves were so pathetic that it physically hurts."

 _There was the sound of splintering wood as Hijikata kicked through the door of the warehouse. The broken door crashed onto the wooden floor, alerting all of those within. The six smugglers scrambled to greet the intruders. Their hands flew to their swords as Hijikata stepped in the warehouse with a drawn blade._

 _"I am Hijikata Toshizo, Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi and all of you are under arrest! All those who resist will be killed!" Hijikata bellowed just as Souji and Isao entered the warehouse from behind Hijikata._

 _The smugglers all instantly turned a pasty white color while one of them actually turned a little green when he laid his eyes on Souji. There was a brief silent standstill, then chaos erupted._

 _"_ _It's the Shinsengumi!"_

 _"_ _The oni! The oni!"_

 _"_ _Gah! It's that man from the night with those sumo wrestlers!"_

 _"_ _Abort! Abort! Every man for himself!"_

 _"_ _I don't want to die!"_

 _"_ _It's a raid! Raid! I thought raids only happen at night, not the morning!"_

 _The smugglers scrambled about like headless chickens. One smuggler, in an attempt to flee, ran directly into a wooden support beam with so much force he knocked himself unconscious. Another one took a tumble down the stairs after tripping on some misplaced stolen goods and ended up passing out from the fall. Two of the smugglers collided with each other while running causing both their heads to conk into each other and… causing them to pass out too. The last two smugglers did nearly the same thing as the pair from before did except they were running for the back door and one of them tripped. The other tripped on his fallen comrade and landed on top of his fallen friend. Both bashed their heads against one another's during the fall, causing both to pass out too._

 _"_ _Ha! I knew they wouldn't stand a chance!" Isao exclaimed, puffing his chest up in pride once the dust settled._

 _Souji snorted derisively. "Please, they didn't even know who you were. Don't give yourself too much credit, or better yet, don't give yourself any credit. The result would have been completely the same without you here, you worthless waste of space."_

 _"_ _HUH?! YOU PICKING A FIGHT WITH ME?"_

 _Then there was a wicked grin on Souji's face, like he finally heard the words he was waiting for. He placed his hand on the hilt of his katana. "Well now, it's not everyday someone comes to me for a beating."_

 _Hijikata groaned and slapped his forehead. "This is_ _ **not**_ _the time for this! Tsubaki! Go start sorting through all the loot while I take care of the smugglers! Souji! Go back to the inn to grab Shizuka! She's probably dying for something to do now besides babysitting Yukimura and Sannan-san." Then mumbling to himself. "Besides, I really need someone sane to talk to right now…"_

Hijikata-san put pushed a rather ugly looking bracelet out of his way.

"And there you go," Hijikata-san said. "Everything that happened up till now. Except, we still can't find that stupid ring that belongs to that fool official or the other stolen objects that aren't from Yubikōbō!"

Hijikata-san looked about ready to pull out his hair.

I leaned back in my seat and watched the magpie from outside fly in and scoop up the dragonfly hairpin I had tossed to the floor earlier. The bird flew back outside and deposited the ugly hairpin into the hollow the tree outside before flying off again.

…

…

…

Didn't Chizuru-chan say that the neighborhood birds had taken to stealing shiny things two nights ago?

"Hey, Hijikata-san?" I said before pointing out the window. "Did you consider that perhaps we got the wrong thieves. The ring we're after isn't here, after all. But do you know what can get into small openings and loves shiny things even if they're useless?"

Hijikata-san followed my line of sight before cursing. "Fucking magpies!"

A few minutes later, I watched Hijikata-san shimmy up the tree. The first two things he pulled out of the hollow was the missing ring and an ivory comb. Hijikata-san then lost his balance fell out of the tree when Isao-kun was thrown against the tree trunk after starting a fight with Souji.

At least there were no broken bones to set.

* * *

[1] A mezzanine (or in French, an entresol) is an intermediate floor in a building which is partly open to the double-height ceilinged floor below. Mezzanines may serve a wide variety of functions. Industrial mezzanines, such as those used in warehouses, may be temporary or semi-permanent structures.

[2] The azure-winged magpie ( _Cyanopica cyanus_ ) is a bird in the crow family. It is 31–35 cm long and similar in overall shape to the Eurasian magpie ( _Pica pica_ ) but is more slender with proportionately smaller legs and bill. It belongs to the genus _Cyanopica_.

It has a glossy black top to the head and a white throat. The underparts and the back are a light grey-fawn in colour with the wings and the feathers of the long (16–20 cm) tail an azure blue. It inhabits various types of coniferous (mainly pine) and broadleaf forest, including parks and gardens in the eastern occurs over a large region of eastern Asia in most of China, Korea, Japan, and north into Mongolia and southern Siberia. It was formerly thought to be conspecific with the Iberian magpie, but recent genetic analysis has shown them to be distinct at species level.

[3] This two-section _tansu_ (Japanese chest) destined to store women's clothing was developed in Edo. It is said it was specially thought of for Edo's Yoshiwara pleasure quarters to decorate the courtesans' rooms.

It is usually made of plain soft kiri wood (paulownia), as was most furniture produced in the Edo area. That domination of kiri wood in the Edo area might be explained by the rapid growth of the biggest city of the country (with one million inhabitants in 1720) and the need of satisfying the demand rapidly, as paulownia could grow much faster than other woods available in Japan.


	54. Chapter 54

So, I just got hired full-time. The job hunt after college nightmare is finally over! Yay! Updating with such constant consistency will be more difficult from now on. I'll still try anyways though.

On another note, I really don't like how this chapter turned out. I really struggled with this chapter. X_X

* * *

 **Chapter 54**

 _"_ _There is no such thing as a 'broken family.' Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you." ― C. JoyBell C._

I rubbed my hands together, generating meager heat in cold Kyoto night only for the icy wind to steal all warmth away. With chattering teeth, I pulled my scarf up higher and let it swallow my chin and mouth. There was a silent rustling of cloth before an oversized hanten fell onto my shoulders and ate me alive. I quickly snatched at the edges of the oversized coat and wrapped myself in it like a mummy before peeking up at Souji, who was trying to act nonchalant but was secretly thrilled to be rid of his extra layer. I would have peeled the hanten off and forced it back onto Souji because it was seriously cold enough to snow and I really didn't want him to catch his death out here, but another breeze quickly caused me to discard that thought. He likes the cold, so let him enjoy it.

"Shizuka-san?" I glanced at Chizuru-chan, who was watching me curiously. She too was wrapped up in extra layers of clothing, but unlike me, she wasn't suffering the effects of frigid weather. "Do you dislike the cold? You always flinch whenever there's a breeze."

I decided to sulk instead of answering properly and was guilty of feeling small amounts of glee when Chizuru-chan seemed taken back at my stubborn refusal to answer.

Maybe I was being just a tad bit petty because I was a **_little_** envious, but who can seriously blame me? I freaking wilt and die like a flower whenever it dipped below 21˚C[1]. And while I don't actually know the exact temperature at the moment, I damn well know it was well below 21˚C. Yet, here Chizuru-chan was, all perfectly fine. So unfair.

Hijikata-san snorted at the question and at my sulky pout. His eyes flickered appraisingly to Chizuru-chan then to me before tucking his hands into his sleeves. "Dislike the cold? She's practically allergic to it."

"Ah, yes," Sannan-san said as he readjusted his light blue haori over his sling. There was a small grimace when he accidentally jostled his still injured arm a little too roughly. "Her dislike of the cold is legendary back at Shieikan Hall. Our neighbors back then used to take bets on whether or not Shizuka-chan would stay buried beneath her blankets on the coldest of cold winter days. Harada-kun did use to make a decent amount of drinking money in those bets."

"Which Shinpachi-san and Heisuke always blew through way too quickly," Souji added with a shrug before grinning down at me. He patiently allowed me to tuck myself under his arm. "In the end, Sano-san was banned from putting money in the betting pools. Too many wins."

All the men then laughed, leaving me to grumble. "Nice to know at least someone made money off my misery…"

Chizuru-chan appeared perplexed at our banter, probably because she had yet to see me in my "hibernation" mode, but quickly perked up when we turned the street corner and the familiar sight of headquarters came into our sights. She hopped excitedly like a bunny before grabbing both of my hands. However, the instant our fingers touched, a shiver crawled up her arms and down her back.

"Your hands are cold as ice!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening quickly once she regained her senses. She hastily brought my hands to her mouth and blew her hot breath on them.

And now I felt guilty for my previous petty actions. Stupid envy. Stupid cold. Stupid… everything!

"I didn't think your skin would feel **_that_** cold!" The sheer amount of concern written on Chizuru-chan's brow alone was enough to make me feel like I was drowning in guilt now. "I thought they were all exaggerating!"

Hijikata-san briefly looked offended that Chizuru-chan didn't take his words at face value, but quickly smoothed out his expression when he witnessed Sannan-san grinning at him. I have no idea why, but Sannan-san's grin seemed somewhat mocking.

Chizuru-chan's expression quickly shifted from concern to sudden determination. There was a tug and a gentle shove before I was no longer under Souji's warm arm. I blinked in confusion. Oh, would you look at that! Chizuru-chan was so concerned she was practically dragging towards headquarters!

"Come on, Shizuka-san!" Chizuru-chan chirped. She was practically skipping while I struggled to keep up both in pace and peppiness. "We're almost back to headquarters where you can warm up! Let's go! Think of the nice warm braziers and fluffy blankets!"

Oh, that does sound nice.

"Oi! Yukimura! You can't just run off like that! Get back here!"

"Hijikata-san, relax. It's not like Chizuru-chan will suddenly disappear in the few feet between us and headquarters. Plus, Shizuka with her."

"Though, Shizuka-chan supervising Yukimura-kun is currently is far from useful. I believe the prolonged exposure to the cold has addled her mind. But do listen to Okita-kun. Both will not vanish in the short distance between us and headquarters."

While both Chizuru-chan made a mad scramble for headquarters, then the main hall, the men seemed to be taking their sweet time. With her contagious excitement, which I'll admit was really cute, Chizuru-chan threw the doors to the main hall wide open. Beaming, she sang, "We're back!"

"Oh! Shizu-chan! Yukimura-kun! Welcome home!" Otou-san instantly greeted, completely dropping everything he was doing before.

Chizuru-chan's face instantly flushed with sheer happiness.

Home. Otou-san welcomed Chizuru-chan **_home_**. That warmth of familial familiarity made her shiver and squeal in pure delight.

The others noticed her reaction to Otou-san's friendly words and were glad she was back, but half of it was probably just because they were glad she didn't run off while in Osaka. They were far more reserved in their words than Otou-san was. Saito-san didn't even speak. All he offered was a seemingly blunt nod of approval.

Then the world suddenly screeched to a halt with one word.

 ** _"Oh?"_**

This simple sound of acknowledgment jerked me out of my thoughts so abruptly that it made me my head swim. And for a moment, just a short moment, my vision blurred. I grabbed the nearby doorframe in my sudden fit of lightheadedness. It was only luck that I didn't faint right at this moment.

I had heard before this voice before. Some time so long ago that I almost didn't recognize it. Familiar, yet new. But most importantly of all, it was a **_female_** voice. There was a woman sitting next to Otou-san, where Hijikata-san normally sat during meal times. She looked so similar to her brother that I had completely missed her presence until she spoke.

The last time I saw her was well over ten years ago. She was just a mere girl on the cusp of womanhood then, fourteen years of age. While similar in appearance to her younger brother, they at least had different hair colors. Her hair was a shiny ebony color. A cold color that feels of hard stone but beautiful nonetheless. That was the most striking difference, the only large difference other than gender. Every other feature other than her hair spoke of shared blood. The most telling feature, however, were her eyes. They both had the same expressive green eyes of fresh spring leaves.

Okita Mitsu.

I never thought I would see her in Kyoto, let alone here.

"Shizuka-chan, is it? Are you okay? You look rather pale." Mitsu said, scrunching up her brow in genuine concern. However, there was more than just concern. Her attention was harsh, heavy, but most of all, judgmental. Then without missing a beat, she narrowed her eyes dangerously at Otou-san before delivering a powerful smack to Otou-san's shoulder. "What were you thinking?! Letting her travel when she's so heavily pregnant! Something disastrous could have occurred to Souji's firstborn!"

"Ow! Mitsu!" Otou-san cowered away from the slaps. I had never seen Otou-san flinch like that, not even when he was hit by Souji when training. "You know what Edo women are like! She wouldn't take no for an answer!"

This…

I already had too much to deal with already. There was no time to prepare. A meltdown was going to happen in three… two… one…

"Whoa!" I felt hands behind me on my shoulders, steadying me just as my knees slumped against the doorframe. "Shizuka, you alright? Did Chizuru-chan pull you too fast?" Souji said jokingly.

I closed my eyes.

Zero.

"You should have…" Souji's voice trailed off before abruptly falling dead silent.

I opened my eyes slowly as I felt Souji's hands tighten around my shoulders, squeezing to the point that it almost felt painful. Everything else in the room faded away from my conscious view until I could only see Mitsu and Souji. I heard Souji swallow that dry lump in his throat. Every breath he took was shallow and cracked from the dryness of his throat.

"Souji," Mitsu whispered.

Her hands shook as she hastily put down her cup of hot tea as she stared at him almost disbelievingly. The muscles in her thighs and calves coiled tightly like ready springs as she restrained herself from leaping up and devouring Souji in a hug.

"Ah," I heard Hijikata-san say from behind Souji, though it felt like it was hundreds of miles away, "we're finally back. Hmm? Why is everyone so—Mitsu-san?! What are you doing here?!"

"My, if it isn't Toshizo-san. It's been—"

Souji suddenly turned and left the scene, stalking off in an agitated silence that burned like acid, causing Mitsu to suddenly fall quiet midsentence. She looked like she had just been slapped. Her silence spoke of her hurt in volumes.

"Oyah," Sannan-san said, finally alerting me to his arrival and breaking the uncomfortable silence. "It appears that could have gone better."

I let out the shaky breath I didn't even know I was holding. Everyone else seemed to forget about their hunger after the scene they just witnessed. I glanced at Sannan-san's injured arm. That was enough to anchor me back to reality again.

"Um… Inoue-san?" I said very carefully. I briefly let my eyes flicker to Mitsu. There were no tears yet, but if she was anything like Souji, she wouldn't cry until she was alone or at least around fewer people. "Do you think you can get some food for Chizuru-chan, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san? If possible, get Sannan-san some extra fish and make sure he actually eats it instead of sulking. He needs the nutrients to recover. I can't operate on his arm unless he's in good health."

"Of course," Inoue-san answered as he shot a concerned look at Mitsu. "But what about…? Both you and Souji need to eat too. You especially."

"I'll personally take care of that later. I have some business to take care of at the current moment," I said before stiffly bowing. "Excuse me."

"Umm…," I could hear Chizuru-chan say timidly as I left the main hall, "What just happened?"

Then there was a harsh silence.

I didn't bother waiting to see who would explain the situation to Chizuru-chan as I left headquarters for the nearby Mibu Temple, where Souji undoubtedly fled to. As cold as I may have felt earlier, it was nothing like the coldness I felt now. But this coldness? It was fair from a physical ailment. I only started to feel warmth again when I neared the temple. It was the familiar hiss of a blade cutting through the air that brought me relief.

He was as predictable as much as he was a wildcard.

I paused at the gate of the temple, placing my hands on one of the wooden doors as I took in the Souji's familiar actions. But as familiar as it was, it was also different. Instead of kenjutsu practice calming him, it only personified his agitation even more. His movement reeked of unbalanced emotion. The thrust, while precise, was spasmodic, uneven. The slashes were shallow and abrasive while possessing no strategic value. Souji was losing against his imaginary opponent and he was all too aware of it.

"Fuck!" he snarled to himself, barely restraining himself from hurling his sword across the temple courtyard.

He glared venomously at the stone-paved floor before slamming his sword back into its sheath. Growling, his fingernails dug into the palms of his hands, drawing blood. His head only jerked up when I knocked on the wooden temple door to get his attention. There was a flash of shame in his eyes when our eyes met. Then as quickly as he made eye-contact, he looked away to stare at the ground. I approached and gently took his hands before sponging off the blood staining his palms with the sleeves of my kimono.

"Will you come back to headquarters with me, or will we both have to say out here in the cold?" I asked after a moment of silence. My voice barely carried over the howling wind.

"Is a hotel room not an option?" Souji joked deprecatingly. He let out a deep breath before allowing his face to drop to the crook of my neck as he wrapped his arms around me. "You're cold. It's not good for the baby."

"It's cold outside. We should be inside under a blanket." I pulled away, forcing Souji to look up. "Let's go back. You don't need to talk to Mitsu yet, but you will have to eventually. The situation's been forced."

Her intentions were clear.

Souji quietly followed me back to headquarters where we avoided the main hall and made a beeline for our room. He stared at the ground the entire way back and followed me like a meek sheep. It was painful seeing a naturally dominate person act so submissive.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked as I shed my scarf and Souji's hanten along with my own after lighting a few lanterns and the brazier in our bedroom. "You won't be able to hide from Mitsu now. She won't leave without trying to get you to speak to her."

He grabbed me as soon as I sat beside him, pulling me as close as he possibly could until I ended up in his lap. He let out a shaky breath that was half formed from anger and half formed from pain.

"I'll make her leave," he hissed, his eyes narrowed bitterly, yet there was a certain amount of force lacking behind his icy words. "She should be back at home caring for her husband and kids she traded me away for. I don't care what her intentions are. She cut me out of her life when she abandoned me. She doesn't get to object to me cutting her out of my life."

"Fair enough," I said, but things were rarely that simple. Even if I didn't agree with his line of thought, there would be no point in saying so. Nothing was going to change his mind at the moment and I was not going to start an argument. I had a plan. Probably a bad plan since it required going behind his back, and he was a light sleeper, but it was all I had. "Then why don't you go to bed with me. I know it's a bit early and we haven't eaten dinner, but I'm tired from the trip. Bed? Please?"

I quickly sweetened the deal by kissing the corner of his lips.

Souji didn't object to no dinner this time. I don't think he had the energy to object much at this point. We both changed and crawled into bed in complete silence. With his head heavy with unpleasant thoughts, Souji fell into an uneasy sleep after staring at the ceiling for hours. As soon as I heard a soft snore from emerging from his throat, I ceased my false sleep. Fishing Souji's hanten out of the laundry basket, I wrapped myself up again as preparation to brave the cold once more. But before slipping from the room, I paused as my eyes landed on my desk. I quickly found the letter Mitsu had sent to me the month prior and tucked it in my clothing before sneaking out of the room.

It was quiet out. I don't exactly how many hours it took Souji to pass out in bed, but it had to be at least the Hour of the Ox. The halls were deserted and all lights had been put out except for the ones in Hijikata-san's room. Another late night for him despite a long day of travel earlier. But it wasn't just a late night for him alone. I could hear other voices coming from his room as I neared. Placing my hands on the door, I paused to eavesdrop.

"—updates."

It was Mitsu.

"But why come now? The roads are far from safe."

And Otou-san.

"I wanted to see Souji and the woman he married for myself. Otsune-san also asked if I could come and help with the birth. She doesn't feel comfortable traveling when Tamako-chan is still so young…"

"I see…"

"Why did you two lie and about Souji forgetting to write back?"

"Well, err…"

"Kondou-san didn't want the truth to hurt you. Don't solely blame him. I agreed."

And also Hijikata-san.

"Did you try writing to Shizu-chan? I find it hard to believe that even she wouldn't reply."

"I sent a letter, but—"

I took a deep breath before sliding the door open. All three people inside instantly turn to stare before falling silent. My eyes were instantly drawn to Mitsu's. Still no tears but her eyes were swollen and red. In her hands was a damp handkerchief. I thought she would have turned away once we made eye-contact, but she held her gaze unflinchingly. Her eyes bore into mine, silently screaming bitter accusations at me. I found myself flinching instead when I felt a concealed spark of hate stinging me.

"How could you do this to me?" her eyes silently asked me as they stabbed at me. "I reached out but you never responded. I was told you were a good person, but you ignored me."

Talk to Mitsu and Souji would hate me. Refuse to talk to Mitsu and she would hate me. What type of choices did I have?

"Oh, Shizu-chan!" Otou-san exclaimed. "You still awake at an hour like this?"

I nodded, unable to take my eyes off Mitsu's bitter expression. Gripping my sleeves to soothe my unease, I took a seat beside Otou-san.

"I heard something about Tsune-san?" I said. My fingers found a loose thread on my sleeve and I found myself viciously picking at it to distract myself.

"She wants to come and help with the birth, but," Otou-san shook his head, "Tama-chan's too young to travel and the Choshu have been acting up recently. She asked Mitsu to come instead."

Mitsu suddenly turned her head to the door, abruptly breaking eye-contact with me. Without the stabbing accusation of her eyes on me, I should have felt better, but all the absence did was make me feel like I was bleeding out.

"It's late," she said as she choppily climbed to her feet. "I'm going to go to bed now." Her bow was elegant despite her agitated movement. "Toshizo-san. Isami-san. Thank you for being so accommodating, especially since I didn't give you an advance notice of my arrival."

"Mitsu-san," I called out to her. I saw a brief pause before she excused herself with even more haste.

It hurt way more than it should have. I expected it and it still hit me like an unexpected slap. She didn't want to speak to me anymore. The ship had sailed. That message was loud and clear. But she had not expected me to chase her outside of Hijikata-san's room.

"Mitsu-san!" I called after her as I burst from Hijikata-san's room. She froze in the hallway, her back tensing as she risked a glance back at me. "Please wait!"

I reached into my sleeve and pulled out the still sealed letter. Her eyes widened when she recognized what was in my hand. She completely froze in place when her eyes landed on the unbroken seal.

"You never even unsealed the letter…?" she said before she narrowed her eyes suspiciously me. "I've never even written to you before that. How did you recognize my handwriting?"

"I didn't, but Souji did. He wanted to use it for kindling material, you know," I answered quietly as I looked back down to the crinkled letter in my hands. "Because it was addressed to me, I didn't let him burn it. But I had to compromise. I said I wouldn't read it if he didn't want me to."

Her expression grew cold.

"And why are you telling this to me now?" she asked, crossing her arms at me. I felt an icy wall erect between us. "Are you here to gloat? To tell me he doesn't want me in his life because he has you now?"

"Is that what you think? If I was trying to say that then I wouldn't say it in actual words. If I wanted to snub you then I wouldn't be here confronting you now. I would deny your existence if I wanted to gloat. Actions speak louder than words ever can. I'm here because I want to talk. I have always wanted to talk to the brave woman who gave my husband the best shot he could possibly have for survival."

I could see her expression soften slightly, but it was still sharp enough to shred. Behind me, Hijikata-san's door slid open a tiny crack, revealing the signs of concerned eavesdroppers.

"And I should have disagreed with Souji back then and opened the letter. I'll admit I was also acting in my own selfish desire. I didn't want to start a fight with Souji while I should have." I sighed as I looked up to the night sky. The stars were auspiciously bright. "What I'm saying is, I'm sorry for hurting you. I never meant to. So instead of holding on to past wrongs and allowing them to fester, how about starting over new. We can talk now. We **_need_** to talk now, for Souji."

"I don't have anything new to say," Mitsu muttered as she looked back down at the letter in my hand. "Everything I had wanted to say was written in that letter. Why not read that now instead?"

"Because the spoken word is far more powerful than characters written on a sheet of paper." I held the letter up in front of her before ripping it in half and letting it drop to the floor. She exhaled sharply at my actions. "Why read when you can tell me directly. Isn't this what you wanted originally? So don't wait anymore. Reach out and take it."

Mitsu closed her eyes and it looked like for a moment she was going to walk away, but when she reopened her eyes, there was new life breathed into them. There was hope, weak hope, but still hope nonetheless.

"I wanted to know who the woman who married my otōto was," she admitted as she gripped at her own hands tightly. "I wanted her to help me reconnect with him. I—Will you help me? Please?"

"That's all you needed to ask."

A broken tired sob erupted from throat as she dropped to her knees and covered her face with her hands. It was relief. It was her surfacing for air after spending an impossible amount of time beneath the waves. I knelt, in which it was the miracle I didn't lose my balance, and pulled her into a hug as she finally let out those tears.

"I'll go talk to Souji and convince him to give you a chance to talk. I won't be able to guarantee how long he will listen, so have your words ready when it's time."

"Thank you…"

But, when I went to stand up again, she grabbed my upper arm. I glanced at her curiously and saw something I never expected, especially at this moment.

Regret.

"Mitsu-san?" I asked. I helped her to her feet mainly because all the extra weight I was carrying in my front was starting to make it horribly uncomfortable to continue squat.

"I… Gods…" She sniffed some more before attempting to rub her eyes dry. "I was envious of you the whole time. So envious that I convinced myself that you were the one getting between my otōto and me… Convincing him that I was the bad person all along… I've treated you unjustly. I'm sorry."

I really wished she didn't apologize then because there was no guarantee I could even get Souji to listen to me regarding this situation.

"Here, why don't you go rest for now?" I said, hiding my sudden discomfort. "We've all had a long day. I'll speak to Souji in the morning regarding the situation."

"Or we can all talk about this right now."

Shit.

I knew my plan was weak, but in all honesty, I should have known better. Forget the fact that Souji was a light sleeper, he was an excellent actor and I was predictable to him. He had never fallen asleep in the first place. That tossing and turning to signify uneasy sleep? That snoring? It was all an act.

I swallowed before turning slowly. Souji's eyes were narrowed dangerously and trained on Mitsu. His arms were crossed and his lips were curled into a ferocious snarl. He wasn't even in his sleeping robe anymore. He took the time to dress in his day clothes before the confrontation.

Any show of weakness was not to be allowed in front of his older sister.

Faster than I could comprehend, he snatched my arm and pushed me behind him, completely blocking me from his sister's view like he believed that would protect me. The glare he had now was nothing like any of the other ones I had seen before. This glare was utterly terrifying and I had never been gladder he didn't have his swords on him at the moment.

"Souji—"

"Shizuka, be quiet." His cold glance was more than enough to make my heart feel like it stopped beating. "You said you wouldn't speak to **_her_** if I didn't want you to."

Enough!

I hissed in anger and jerked my arm out of his grasp. He seethed thunderously at me, but there was no doubt he was blaming Mitsu in his mind for my "corruption".

"Shizuka—"

"Don't you dare 'Shizuka' me!" I snapped as I slapped his outstretched hand away. "You told Isao-kun back in Osaka that I make my own choices, so don't you dare start trying to make decisions for me! Yes, I did say I wouldn't speak to Mitsu-san if you didn't want me to, but situations change and you know that! You know I'm allowed to change my mind!"

"Oh, and you're going to speak to the woman who abandoned me?!" Souji punched a nearby wooden wall hard enough to bust his knuckles open. "I thought you of all people could empathize with me!"

"My situation and yours are not the same and you know that." I went to go stand in front of Mitsu to block the hostile glares he directed at her. "Mitsu-san left you at Shieikan because she wanted you to have a chance at a better life. The woman who left set me adrift in a river intended for me to die. Do not cheapen Mitsu-san actions just because you do not understand them."

"Fine then," Souji spat. He took a step towards Mitsu and it was only then I realized how small Mitsu was compared to Souji. "Speak then, Ane-ue, before I change my mind and decide this was a waste of time."

"Do you know what starvation feels like?" Mitsu asked.

Souji was immediately taken off guard. He narrowed his eyes once the shock faded.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he growled.

There was more confusion than anger now. And while he had claimed he cut Mitsu out of his life, the emotions he was going through now made it abundantly clear that the cut was not a clean cut. Buried under all that hate, he still cared. This is why he still felt hurt.

"Answer my question, Souji," Mitsu said before repeating much more slowly, "Do you know what starvation feels like?"

"No—" Then Souji's voice was accusing again. "What? You do?"

"Those who've never experienced acute starvation over the stretch of many years cannot even begin to imagine it. In practice, it becomes quickly paramount. It strips the body to a bleak anatomy and dissolves the mind and spirit in one ravenous physical appetite. Below a certain sustenance level, all other considerations vanish. Morals don't matter anymore. Not when you would kill another person just for half a bowl of spoiled rice. My husband and I struggled to feed ourselves for years until our fortunes changed by mere chance."

Silence. Then a shaky breath of realization. There was no more genuine confidence in Souji's voice, but he continued faking it.

"And how do I know you're not lying?" he said. His frame shook. "You have no proof. You don't resemble a skeleton."

"The proof is written all over her body," I spoke up. My voice was so quiet that I thought I went unheard for a moment. "Look at her height. She was fourteen when she left you at Shieikan. That means she should have still had a couple more years of growth, but she has barely changed in height since all those years back. Starvation stunts growth. Not to mention, birth control rarely works in this day and age, but she didn't have her first child until seven years after she married according to Inoue-san. Poor nutrition lowers fertility and damages organs."

There was more silence before Souji snarled and kicked the wall, causing the wall to splinter in a few places.

"Dammit!" he screeched. He looked split. "Then what the hell do you want me to do, Ane-ue?! To forgive you for leaving me? That's something I can't and won't do. You still abandoned me."

"I **_don't_** want forgiveness," Mitsu-san stated, her voice surprisingly steady. "If I was given a chance to make that decision again, I would do the same thing over again. I still stand by my choice, but what I need you to do is understand. You would have starved and maybe even died if you stayed with me. I would have rather died than do that you. So, please understand Souji. I didn't leave you because I didn't love you." It was here her steady voice cracked. "I left you because I love you. If there was anything I could have done to keep us together I would have done it, but nothing I did was ever enough. I'm sorry for not being strong enough or smart enough to keep us together."

It was quiet until Souji took another shaky breath. "I… I need some time alone."

He swiftly turned and fled but before he completely vanished into the night, he paused and looked back.

"Ane-ue, go sleep. We'll talk in the morning. You too, Shizuka. And… Thank you."

When we think we have been hurt by someone in the past, we build up defenses to protect ourselves from being hurt in the future. So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one. We cannot love when we feel fear... When we release the fearful past and forgive everyone, we will experience total love and oneness with all.[2]

* * *

[1] 70˚F

[2] Quote by Gerald G. Jampolsky


	55. Chapter 55

I'm so tired X_X

 **EDIT:** Thanks for pointing out the error in the birth date Anon! I totally missed it while proofreading.

* * *

 **Chapter 55**

 _"I wish I had a memory of that first violent shove, the shock of cold air, the sting of oxygen into new lungs. Everyone should remember being born. It doesn't seem fair that we only remember dying." ― Lauren DeStefano, Fever_

I lifted Sannan-san's arm into the air, flexing his shoulder's muscles for him as I watched the wound site. The muscles tensed like iron cables, but that was all his muscles were like in that injured arm now. Thin cables, strings that were no longer robust. His biceps, once toned with fine muscles was now thin and atrophied. The disuse of that arm had led it to look weak and sickly. This was not the arm of a Shinsengumi officer. It looked like the arm of a broken soldier whose glory days had long since gone.

Sannan-san closed his eyes and looked away as I examined his wound. I didn't need to look at his face to know he was gnashing his teeth in pain. Physical pain, no. To see how much his arm had changed just from that sword wound and disuse was like having the mind stung by a million wasps.

"Hey, Shizuka…" Hijikata-san said, knitting his brow as a frown surfaced. "…How does the wound look? Sannan-san will recover, right? You said so back in Osaka."

"If you're worried about the loss of muscle tone in Sannan-san's arm, don't be," I answered, as I lowered the arm once more. Wetting a cotton gauze pad with alcohol, I cleaned the site. "Disuse of muscles, even for a few days, can rapidly lead to muscle atrophy[1]. This is why it's best to get patients up and moving again, despite the pain or injury, as fast as possible. However, for Sannan-san's injury… Because it the nerve that's damaged, Sannan-san moving his arm on his own will be difficult, hence the atrophy."

I threw away the used gauze and reached for the stitch scissors. One careful snip at a time, the now useless thread surrounding the healing skin was removed. I then traded Hijikata-san my pair of scissors for the roll of bandages he was holding.

"If you could….?" I looked to Hijikata-san.

Hijikata-san was quick to respond with a wordless nod. He stopped fidgeting with the pair of scissors in his hands and held the end of the bandage in place, allowing me to swiftly rewrap the wound.

"As I was saying earlier," I took the pair of scissors back from Hijikata-san and began cleaning up, "there's no need to worry too much about the loss muscle tone. Once I am able to operate and restore full function to the arm, Sannan-san will be able to restore his biceps back to their original state just with some physical therapy. As for now, to prevent further atrophy, someone needs to help Sannan-san move his arm around every few hours. Just simple movements like moving his arm up and down like what I did earlier should be enough for now."

"And you're sure about this?" Sannan-san asked, though it sounded more like a statement. His stare was heavy as his eyes searched my eyes for any possible lies. "I can recover completely from a wound like this with surgery."

I moved to answer but then closed my mouth again before I could. I put my surgical tool box back on the ground as I folded my hands over my belly.

"Sannan-san," I said, making sure my voice was crisp and clear, "as you know, with any type of surgery, there is not always a 100% guaranteed chance of success. Even the simplest and most performed surgeries have a chance of failure. And this operation, by any means, is not simple in any way."

"And this surgery is not all that common either," Sannan-san added, his eyes growing cold. "In fact, from all the information I've managed to gather since returning to Kyoto, no one has even heard of this type of surgery."

And who would have? Not like this procedure was from this era.

"Well," I grabbed my surgical kit again and stood up before shooting Sannan-san a confident lopsided smile, "there's always a first time for everything. And when I say I'm good at what I do, I mean it."

I then bowed at the two men politely before making my exit, leaving those two to converse among themselves in private. Or maybe not so much in private. I had seen a shadow cast on the door through the thin paper that comprised the door. I flashed a crooked smile at the eavesdropper. If she was here, then there was no way her husband wouldn't be around. In fact, Kenji-san was probably well-hidden in Sannan-san's room somewhere this whole time.

"So, when did you get back to Kyoto?" I asked Kyoko-chan as we walked down the hall.

"Well, hello to you too," Kyoko-chan greeted with a false offended sniff as she playfully turned her nose up at me. She giggled before grinning at me. "Geez, Kenji and I were only gone for a month and a half and so much has already happened. The Shinsengumi's a trouble magnet, you know that?"

I shot her a wounded look, sticking out my lower lip at her. She snorted and lightly swatted my shoulder.

"Hey!" she objected while snatching my surgical kit from my hands.

She placed the kit on the floor and nudged it into the nearby medical wing with her foot, leaving it in a haphazard location where someone could easily trip over it. She then began shoving me towards the room where Mitsu-san and Souji were, and probably Chizuru-chan by extension. Souji wasn't on patrol today, so he should be **_watching_** Chizuru-chan, but he also could have also dumped Chizuru-chan on Inoue-san just so he could catch up with his sister without an extra head lurking around. He already did that once earlier this week.

"You know what I mean, Shizuka-chan!" Kyoko-chan shoved her finger in my face. I was tempted to nip it. "First, his daughter shows up, then Sannan-san gets injured so badly that you need a new device to perform surgery to fix him up, then Souji-san's ane shows up? That is seriously a lot of stuff happening all at once. Plus, you're, what? Thirty-eight weeks along now?" She moved to poke my belly. "Okaa-san had me when she was thirty-eight weeks along! You're practically about ready to pop!"

"You mean, am ready to pop," I corrected her in such a nonchalant fashion that her jaw practically dropped to the floor. I must admit, it was rather entertaining to watch her scramble to pick up her jaw again. "Don't worry. I'm not having contractions yet. I didn't tell anyone yet, but my mucus plug[2] came out this morning. Also, I noticed I've been feeling more pressure in my lower pelvis in the past few hours. So, soon."

Two heads then popped out of the room in front of us at the exact same time. "Soon?" Mitsu-san and Souji said at the same exact time.

Wow… I mean, they just made up with each other a few days ago and things were still fairly bumpy, but…

Sometimes it's scary how in sync they could be.

Or they could just be doing this on purpose to confuse me. Hard to say really. My massive urge to clean everything these past few days usually blocks out all other noise.[3]

"Wait, **_what_**?!" I then heard Chizuru-chan yelp before sticking her head out, just below Mitsu-san's head, as she gaped at me. "S-Soon? But the room's not ready yet!"

Chizuru-chan's cheeks then turned rosy when her eyes landed on Kyoko-chan for the first time. I swear I could just read Chizuru-chan's thoughts right now. It was probably something like, "Oh! She's so pretty! Like a princess," or something along that lines. Probably. Then, suddenly, like she was being slapped awake, Chizuru-chan quickly straightened up before bowing a really low bow at Kyoko-chan.

"S-Sorry! I should introduce myself properly first! My name is Yukimura Chizuru. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, miss."

Souji snorted before resting his arm on top on Chizuru-chan's head lazily. He grinned and quickly danced away when Mitsu-san went to swat the back of his head in a scolding manner.

"Chizuru-chan," Souji said before flicking the poor girl's forehead. "Wrong timing for that. Plus, there's no need to bow so low when greeting her. Her name is Fuma Kyoko-chan and is the furthest away from an actual princess," Kyoko-chan feigned offense at those words, "you can get." Souji then looked at me with most of his playfulness evaporating. "You said 'soon' earlier. Contractions?"

I shook my head. "Some, but not the ones that signal the start of labor. They go away once I change positions."

There was then a messy crash coming from the inside of the room followed by a yelp. I cringed when I heard another thump.

"What the hell, Souji?!" I heard Heisuke yelling from inside the room. Souji merely started whistling as he tucked his arms behind his head in a carefree manner. "I volunteered to help prepare the birthing room for Shizuka-chan, so stop leaving stuff all over the floor for me to trip over! Bastard!"

I poked my head inside. Heisuke was stuck beneath a pile of boxes with his limbs tangled in a knot. I crossed my arms at Souji before kicking his shin.

"Really?" I arched my eyebrow up at him. "Heisuke volunteers to help and you decide to mess with him like this?"

Souji guiltlessly shrugged. "It was fun."

"I'm not denying that it's fun—"

"Hey!" I heard Heisuke protest my statement.

"—after all, this is why everyone messes with Heisuke. All I'm saying is, 'Really?' At least give him a break for helping."

"Fine," Souji grumbled, sticking his hands into his sleeves as he turned his head to survey the room. He was silent for a brief moment. "Hey, Ane-ue?"

"Hmm?" Mitsu-san said while helping Chizuru-chan and Kyoko-chan unbury Heisuke.

Heisuke yelped in pain when Chizuru-chan accidentally pulled on his hair when removing a box. All Kyoko-chan did was laugh at him before attempting to tie his hair up into unwanted, fancy bows.

"Why do we need to set up a birthing room anyways?" Souji stuck out his lower lip at a pile of clothing on the floor in distaste. Most of those clothes consisted of a soft pink color. "Can't Shizuka just, you know, give birth in any normal room? What's so special about a separate birthing that we have to waste time setting one up?"

Mitsu-san knit her brow at the question and rather forcefully set the box in her hands on the floor, or rather Heisuke's toes. She let out a huff, ignoring another one of Heisuke's yelps of pain, before putting her hands on her hips.

"You didn't tell him?" Mitsu-san asked me, sounding a little more than exasperated. She also seemed a little disappointed in me.

I crossed my arms. "I don't believe in _kegare_ or any superstitious nonsense. Yes, there are good reasons to have a room specially dedicated to childbirth, but not for some stupid reason as _kegare_. Where's the scientific proof behind it?"

"Well, there you go," Souji said, rolling his eyes. Mitsu-san dangerously narrowed her eyes at him, which he ignored. "If Shizuka doesn't believe in whatever it is, then why are we wasting our time with the preparation of a special room?"

"Just because she doesn't believe in _kegare_ doesn't mean it doesn't exist." Mitsu-san let out a long sigh before slapping on a motherly expression. Souji's face instantly soured when he saw the shift in Mitsu-san's face. "Listen here, Souji. _Kegare_ is what is known as 'pollution' and pregnancy is intimately intertwined with the notion of _kegare_. Pollution, notably from seminal and blood spilling is a very prominent form of _kegare_ , which of all are present from conception to birth. Plus, there is also the possible sickness and/or death of the mother, the possible institutional consequences of her loss, and her slowing down and becoming less productive in affairs. _Kegare_ , itself, isn't exactly evil, but carrying a large amount of _kegare_ invites misfortune and disaster.[4]"

Souji snorted. "Now I understand why Shizuka doesn't believe this. It's utter bullshit. Misfortune and disaster are a given in life."

"Souji," Mitsu-san scolded sternly with a frown. "Yes, misfortune and disaster are a given in life, hence all chances to subvert it must be taken. This is why _kegare_ needs to be kept in balance and at an absolute minimum. Look, pregnant women at the time of delivery, together with their newborns are to be separated from the rest of the household or group for a set period of time before being integrated back into group life to prevent _kegare_ from spreading to the rest of the household.[5]"

"Uh-huh," Souji said dryly. Unbelief was still written all over his face. "And say **_if_** we were to do this, how would one go about the reintegration?"

"Well," Mitsu-san said, raising her finger up in the air like a teacher's pointer stick, "the reintegration is accomplished through the passage of time and rites of incorporation, such as a baby's first shrine visit, which is recommended on a boy's thirty-second day of life, or on a girl's thirty-third day of life. But the integration isn't the only important thing. The parturition of the birthing room is also critical in handling the taboo of pregnancy and birth. There are a number of items that are considered taboo to bring into the birthing room because those items will cause an uneven shift of _kegare_ and the positive energy of _hare_ in the room and will put the mother and child in danger.[6]"

"Really?" Heisuke spoke up. Him, Chizuru-chan, and Kyoko-chan were now sitting on the floor in front of Mitsu-san like school children surrounding a storyteller. It appeared that they were listening in the whole time and with great interest, may I add. "What items shouldn't be in the birthing room? We don't want to put Shizuka-chan and the little baby in danger, after all."

Both Chizuru-chan and Kyoko-chan nodded in agreement, causing Mitsu-san to look very pleased.

Souji groaned before whispering to me, "Just great. She'll be an unbearable know-it-all now that she knows there are actually some people listening to her."

"Hush," I joked, laughing internally at the nasty look Souji shot my way, "Mitsu-san is saying something important."

Mitsu-san cleared her throat. "Many items that are considered taboo to bring within the birthing room are actually clothes. The potential disruption to the woman and child within the birthing room lay particularly with the patterns and colors of the materials since some patterns and colors are considered inappropriate to a major life event and are deemed as a threat to the creation of a highly ordered environment. A list of clothing items considered invasive and disruptive include materials bleached out by too much light exposure, clothing with a pattern of furrowed ridges, garments with no pattern and of a uniformed color, anything purple, cloth tie-dyed bright red, garments dyed or woven in a checkered pattern, and anything appearing to be shrunken or rippled."

As soon as Mitsu-san was done with her explanation, Kyoko-chan instantly sprung to her feet and pointed to the purple kimono in one of the open boxes laying near Heisuke's feet.

"AH!" Kyoko-chan exclaimed. "We can't have that in the room!"

"You're right!" Chizuru-chan swiftly joined in, scurrying over to remove the offending garment from the vicinity. "That'll be dangerous to have in here! Oh! Same thing with this one… and this one… and this one…"

"Then what about that box?" Heisuke said, pointing to the smaller wicker box near the door. "I see something with a checker pattern in there!"

It was a mess. In an instant, they were all whipped up into a fanatic frenzy, tossing things out of the room, replacing items with the so-called more "appropriate" ones. Souji just snorted as he watched them panic and a let out an even bigger sigh when Otou-san and Hijikata-san appeared to join in on the frenzy. In the end, he just ended up shaking his head. Placing a gentle hand on my lower back, Souji guided me out of the room and into the hallway.

"I would tell them that there's no need for all of the stuff they're bringing in, but it would take up more energy to make them stop than it would if I just let them do whatever they want," Souji said with a shrug when I glanced up curiously at him. "Why don't you go rest for now while I help them."

"And what?" I asked as I peeked back into the room just in time to watch Hijikata-san trip over one of the traps Souji laid earlier. "Laugh some more when Hijikata-san trips over another one of your—Ah, too late. Hijikata-san tripped **_again_**."

Souji hummed. "And he took out Heisuke with that fall too. Didn't expect that one. Hijikata-san's been clumsier lately, hasn't he?"

"Dammit, you bastard! I heard that! Who the hell are you calling clumsy?!"

"Huh? What was that, Toshizo-san? Did you just call my sweet otōto a 'bastard'? Please correct me if I heard wrong."

"I—uh… Mitsu-san, I didn't mean anything by that—" There was then an unpleasant slap sound. "Ow! Don't hit me, woman!"

Souji let out a hearty laugh, and when I poked my head back in the room to see just what was so amusing, I saw Mitsu-san whacking Hijikata-san on the forehead with a folding fan while scolding him. It seems even Hiji-mama wasn't a match for a real woman that was an actual mother. Or it could be that Mitsu-san was truly a formidable woman.

I took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air before exhaling slowly while I listened to the commotion going on inside. The days like this were nice. It was selfish, but I hope these types of days last forever.

And then it was at night when it happened.

I'm not sure what time it was, but I'm gravitating towards the Hour of the Ox. I woke to the sensation of cramping. The cramping sensation wasn't really all that bad at first. It kind of felt like those type of menstrual cramps I would normally get on the second day of my period, not overly painful but still uncomfortable at the same time. I took a deep breath and straightened out my back in an attempt to relieve some pressure.

There was the rustling of the blanket behind me before I felt a hand on my lower back. Souji tucked his nose into my hair.

"Shizuka?" he murmured without bothering to open his sleepy eyes. He shifted, propping himself up on his elbows before finally opening his eyes. He quietly observed me for a second. "The baby's coming.[7]"

I moved my hip, trying to get comfortable once more, but it had absolutely no effect. I felt the cramping sensation get worse. I closed my eyes and let out a tired groan.

"Why couldn't it wait until the sun came up?" I grumbled, causing Souji to snort as he stifled a bark of laughter. "If the baby's impatient, then he gets it from you. I blame you."

"'He,' huh?" Souji said with a nervous grin as he got up from the futon. With one smooth movement, he picked me up in his arms and started making his way towards the birthing room. "So, you finally admit the baby's going to be a boy?"

"I'm not admitting anything! It was just the slip of my tongue. The baby could still be a girl."

"I think I'm gonna name our kid after me. How does Soujiro sound to you?" he joked, earning himself a playful slap on the shoulder. "What? I think it's a good name."

"I'm not arguing that it isn't, but haven't you hear the term, 'Too much of a good thing is too much of a good thing'? Plus, too many Soujis will cause a certain someone to get white hair early," I stated, and what incredible timing too since we just happened to be outside of Hijikata-san's room at that time. There was a loud sneeze.

"Huh? What?" I heard Hijikata-san mumble sleepily from inside his room. There was the sound of his bedsheets moving. "Someone must be talking about me."

Souji arched his eyebrows at me, looking very impressed by the timing.

When we got to the birthing room, Souji nudged the door open with his large toe. And with the same amount of skill he used when he opened the door with his foot, he used his toes to pick up a clean towel and lay it neatly on top of the futon before laying me on it. It was a really good thing he prepared the towel before he placed me down because as soon as he put me down, fluid started slowly trickling down from between my thighs.

"Umm…," I said before sucking in a sharp breath. Ho! The contractions suddenly stopped feeling like simple menstrual cramps. I totally didn't expect that. "The towel…"

"Hmm?" Souji paused as he was lighting the lanterns. He glanced at me with a furrowed brow, suddenly looking less composed. "What's wrong?" He put everything in his hands down before laying his hand against my cheek. "You just suddenly turned pale. Does it hurt? What about the towel?"

I sucked in another sharp breath. The towel beneath me twisted between my clenched fingers. And here I thought that early labor wasn't even supposed to be that bad. Kyoko-chan's mother had told me that childbirth was supposed to feel like, I kid you not, taking a massive poo. It wasn't exactly such a farfetched notion since most of the muscles used in either one were the same. I had stopped feeling so nervous when I heard that, but now it was actually time…

Oh, it felt nothing like that now. It felt like my insides were being stretched and squeezed at the same time.

"My water just broke," I managed to get out before I let out a small squeak of discomfort. "And the pain just suddenly…"

Souji silently nodded while carefully watching me with concerned eyes. He hastily changed the towels below me, cautiously lifting me up as he replaced the towels like he was afraid any sudden movements would cause me to shatter. Tossing the dirty towels in a messy heap on the floor near the wall, he discarded my ume along with the towels. The undergarment was tinged with red[8], which caused him to pale a little too. He quickly pressed his lips to my sweaty forehead.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to let Kondou-san know what happened and to fetch Ane-ue."

He swiftly vanished and almost as soon as he vanished, there was the loud thumping sound of clumsy footsteps running down the hall. The door slammed open, revealing Otou-san's panicked face. The was sweat dripping down the sides of his face, almost making it look like he was the one experiencing labor pains and not me.

"Shizu-chan!" Otou-san exclaimed as he flopped into the room, landing in a messy heap right beside me. Despite the very noticeable panic, there was a large grin on his face. "Souji said it was time!"

Before I could answer, Otou-san grabbed another clean towel and began dabbing my face to wipe away all the sweat. His movement was clumsy and cumbersome while he was loaded with emotion.

"Er… N-Now what needs to be done…? Oh! I know! Shizu-chan, I want you to focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath in before letting it out. What else should there be…?"

Then a small dried seahorse was shoved into my face.

"This," Mitsu-san said. She pried my hand open and stuffed the seahorse into my grip. When did she arrive?

Despite the labor pains, I still managed to raise my eyebrow at the ridiculous thing that was shoved into my hands before glancing over at Souji. All he did was shrug uselessly.

Dried seahorses were often used as amulets that a mother would grip in her hands as she gave birth. If no seahorse were available, then cowrie shells would be used instead. These amulets were believed to ensure a safe and easy delivery of the baby.[9] It would have been comforting if I believed in such nonsensical superstitions, but since I didn't…

All I wanted to do was nail Mitsu-san in the forehead, out of sheer frustration, with the strange looking sea critter she gave me. Now, if she somehow managed to give me an epidural[10], on the other hand, I would be freaking kissing her.

Oh, I really would like some drugs now. Too bad epidurals don't exist yet.

Mitsu-san put her hands on her hips in response to my incredulous expression. "Even if you don't believe in stuff like this, other people do. At least humor them."

Mitsu-san then tutted before looking around the room. She pursed her lips at something before she addressed Otou-san.

"Isami-san, go get some water. It doesn't need to be warm since it'll be hours before the baby is born. We just need some water to wet Shizuka-chan's forehead."

Otou-san abruptly sprung up like a bamboo shoot and shot out the door. I had never seen him run so fast in my life.

Mitsu-san just let out a sigh before sitting down by my side. Placing her hands below my back, she rolled me onto my side before beckoning Souji over.

"Now, all we can do is wait for the labor to progress naturally. Souji, you should rub her back to help her deal with the labor pains a little better. And Shizuka-chan? Try not to lay on your back. The baby's weight will cut off your circulation and make you dizzy. When it's time to push, Souji will sit behind you and help prop you up, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly. Tears burned my eyes as I sucked in another breath.

Labor pains were in another class of pain by itself. Getting whacked by a bokken while sparring? Yeah, that hurt, but it was more like a sharp pain that faded quickly after the initial hit. It was the same with falling, or with accidentally getting cut, or that type of thing. But labor pains? It was the type of constant slow burning sensation that felt sharp and dull at the same time. There was the stretching sensation of muscles I didn't even know I could feel. So, in general, it felt like someone taking my vagina and stretching it to the widest widths it would go and then stretching it another 100% just to see if it was possible. And all of this before it was time to push.

Souji did as his sister suggested settled down behind me and rubbed my lower back, which was heavenly since that was where all the pressure was, and grabbed my hand with his other hand.

"Come on, you can do this," he encouraged while rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

I snorted mockingly with false bravado. "Of course I can. But this baby better be so damn cute that I'll want another one the moment I see our baby for the first time."

"Is there any doubt in the first place," Souji said dryly. I couldn't see him, but I could tell he was grinning. "In fact, our baby will be so cute you'll want two more immediately."

And then from then on was the long wait. The extremely long wait of fourteen hours. Time does not pass quickly for anyone in labor. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Instead, time slows to an unbearable crawl. Like watching an extremely tiny ant walk across town.

"Souji," I heard Mitsu-san say. Now drunk on pain, Mitsu-san's voice now sounded fuzzy to me between the loud rasps of my pants. "You need to roll Shizuka onto her back and prop her up now. I need to check how far along she is now, but I'm sure it's about time to push."

My hand instantly clamped onto Souji's arm the moment he started shifting my position. Just the simple act of rolling introduced a whole other wave of pain. Souji winced when my fingernails started to dig into his skin, but the only sounds he continued to make were words of encouragement he whispered into my ear. I tucked my face against the side of Souji's neck the moment I felt Mitsu-san spread my legs and reach up between them. I let out a loud pitiful whimper when I felt her fingers intrude. I never wanted to kick anyone in the face so much in my life. Anything to get her fingers away. I mean, seriously, some of my contractions were now so close together that they were overlapping now. Having fingers up there at the moment was in no way welcome.

Then she said the magical words.

"You're dilated enough." Mitsu-san withdrew her fingers and wiped them off. "When you feel your next contraction, start pushing."

"Almost there," Souji said softly against my ear. He pried the brittle dried seahorse from my hand and allowed me to clutch his hand instead. "Time to bring our child into the world."

"Okay, get ready," Mitsu-san said. "One, two, three, push."

Ah, remember what I said about what I said about the stretching? This was the watermelon-through-bottleneck sensation. The part where you ask yourself, "How the hell is this possible?" all while it's happening.

"Okay. Stop." Mitsu-san spread my legs a little further apart, drawing another whimper from me as I squeezed Souji's hand a little harder. "Remember, you need to breathe."

"I **_am_** breathing!"

"No," Souji interjected before grunting a little when I squeezed his hand some more, "you're doing what we call hyperventilating."

Was it bad that I **_maybe_** wanted to kick him in the balls right now? That urge was normal, right?

"Again," Mitsu-san said. "One, two, three, push! Keep going! I can see the top of the baby's head already."

Now, in the case of a normal birth, the baby is born head first. Once the head has been pushed out, the next part would be the shoulders, or what was known as the "ring of fire". With a name like that, I would expect a burning sensation. Nope! Not even in the slightest. What it really felt like was being cut down there with a dull, serrated knife.

"Almost there! One more push, Shizuka-chan!"

Then the pain was instantly gone and all I could focus on were the loud cries of an infant.

"It's a boy!"

Okita Ryota was born on February 28, 1864, in the Hour of the Monkey after fifteen hours of labor and weighed over eight pounds[11]. And, of course, he came out looking exactly like his father even though I was the one who carried him for nine months.

* * *

[1] Muscle atrophy is defined as a decrease in the mass of the muscle; it can be a partial or complete wasting away of muscle, and is most commonly experienced when persons suffer temporary disabling circumstances such as being restricted in movement and/or confined to bed as when hospitalized. When a muscle atrophies, this leads to muscle weakness, since the ability to exert force is related to mass. Modern medicine's understanding of the quick onset of muscle atrophy is a major factor behind the practice of getting hospitalized patients out of bed and moving about as active as possible as soon as is feasible, despite sutures, wounds, broken bones and pain.

[2] The mucus plug is just what it sounds like, a plug made of mucus. During pregnancy, the mucus plug develops and lodges in the cervix to block the cervical canal. Its job is to protect the uterus from unwanted bacteria and pathogens that could enter in, like from sexual activity or vaginal exams. Cervical mucus is naturally rich in antimicrobial components, but the mucus plug also contains double the bacteria busting properties. The lysozymes in the mucus plug destroy the cell walls of bacteria.

[3] The urge to clean and organize the house during the last few weeks of pregnancy is called nesting.

[4] Lindsey, William Robert. _Fertility and Pleasure:_ _Ritual and Sexual Values in Tokugawa Japan_. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2003.

[5] Lindsey, William Robert. _Fertility and Pleasure:_ _Ritual and Sexual Values in Tokugawa Japan_. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2003.

[6] Lindsey, William Robert. _Fertility and Pleasure:_ _Ritual and Sexual Values in Tokugawa Japan_. n.p.: ProQuest, UMI Dissertations Publishing, 2003.

[7] **Childbirth usually occurs in three stages:**

First stage: The time of the onset of true labor until the cervix is completely dilated to 10 cm.

Second stage: The period after the cervix is dilated to 10 cm until the baby is delivered.

Third stage: Delivery of the placenta.

 **The first stage of labor is the longest and involves three phases:**

Early Labor Phase –The time of the onset of labor until the cervix is dilated to 3 cm.

Active Labor Phase – Continues from 3 cm. until the cervix is dilated to 7 cm.

Transition Phase – Continues from 7 cm. until the cervix is fully dilated to 10 cm.

[8] Bloody show is a slang term that describes bleeding during the very end of pregnancy. It can range in color from brown, to pink.

It means that the body is preparing itself for labor. During the last few weeks of pregnancy, the cervix softens or "ripens," and it often causes the tiny capillaries around the area to break, leading to some bloody discharge.

There are a few different events that can cause this bloody discharge:

1\. Braxton Hicks contractions that are happening during the third trimester (but not including labor).

2\. The mucus plug is released, and some capillaries break and bleed a little during the process, resulting in bloody mucus.

3\. The cervix is ripening, and it's an early sign of labor.

[9] Tonomura, Hitomi. "Birth-giving and Avoidance Taboo: Women's Body versus the Historiography of Ubuya." _Japan Review_ 19 (2007): 25. Web. 15 Feb. 2015.

[10] Epidural administration (from Ancient Greek ἐπί, "on, upon" + dura mater) is a medical route of administration in which a drug or contrast agent is injected into the epidural space of the spinal cord. Techniques such as epidural analgesia and epidural anesthesia employ this route of administration. The epidural route is frequently employed by certain physicians and nurse anesthetists to administer diagnostic (e.g. radiocontrast agents) and therapeutic (e.g., glucocorticoids) chemical substances, as well as certain analgesic and local anesthetic agents. Epidural techniques frequently involve injection of drugs through a catheter placed into the epidural space. The injection can result in a loss of sensation—including the sensation of pain—by blocking the transmission of signals through nerve fibers in or near the spinal cord.

It was in 1921 when the Spanish military surgeon Fidel Pagés (1886–1923) developed, for the first time, the technique of "single-shot" lumbar epidural anesthesia.

[11] Large for gestational age (LGA) is an indication of high prenatal growth rate.

LGA is often defined as a weight, length, or head circumference that lies above the 90th percentile for that gestational age. However, it has been suggested that the definition be restricted to infants with birth weights greater than the 97th percentile (2 standard deviations above the mean) as this more accurately describes infants who are at greatest risk for perinatal morbidity and mortality.

Macrosomia, which literally means "long body", is sometimes confused with LGA. Some experts consider a baby to be big when it weighs more than 8 pounds 13 ounces (4,000 g) at birth, and others say a baby is big if it weighs more than 9 pounds 15 ounces (4,500 g). A baby is also called "large for gestational age" if its weight is greater than the 90th percentile at birth.


	56. Chapter 56

Heads up, there's a good chance I'll only be able to update on weekends now.

* * *

 **Chapter 56**

 _"Kids are hard— they drive you crazy and break your heart— whereas grandchildren make you feel great about life, and yourself, and your ability to love someone unconditionally, finally, after all these years." ― Anne Lamott, Some Assembly Required_

Ryota squirmed in his sleep, his nose adorably crinkling when I allowed my hand to lightly prance across his tummy. Souji chuckled as he hovered above the futon where Ryota and I were laying. He nimbly tapped Ryota's nose, grinning mischievously when the gentle tap made Ryota sneeze, shocking the poor baby awake. Ryota blinked as his eyes shot around the room in a bewildered frenzy, not understanding what just happened. Then, as if nothing had happened, Ryota yawned and fell back asleep in a matter of seconds.

I snorted when Souji grinned and proceeded to tap on Ryota's nose again and I swatted Souji's hands away. He gave me a playful wounded look.

"Leave him alone," I scolded tenderly before sitting up, wincing slightly when the sore muscles in my abdomen twinged. "Newborns need to sleep a lot so they can grow properly."

To think I still needed to use the bathroom later while I'm still sore down there… No wonder hospitals in the modern day provided new mothers with a spray bottle and told them to rinse with warm water and not wipe after doing their business.

Souji pouted immaturely at the reprimand before generously scooting closer to allow me to rest against him. I smiled at him appreciatively before moving to thank him with a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. But before the kiss could connect, Souji grinned mischievously at me, surprising me by abruptly dragging me onto his lap and smooching me with a rather playful kiss head on. I'm not ashamed to admit that I practically became putty in his arms and melted right onto him. It was probably the effect he was going for anyway. His lips curled into a handsome smug grin before he nipped the side of my neck, causing me to giggle in delight.

"So, I gather you're feeling a lot better than yesterday?" Souji asked, winding his arms around me to keep me on his lap while he shamelessly cupped my lower breasts.

Ah, boobs. One would think that I would love them more once they got bigger. Definitely not the case at all. They leaked. Not always, but enough to make me want to tear out my hair every time it happened, which was more than I liked to admit. Plus, the girls were constantly so sore that they hurt. It also didn't help that Ryota ate a lot for a newborn, and he **_really_** liked to nurse. Even when he wasn't hungry, he would suckle until he fell asleep. I guess I should just be glad that I didn't have cracked nipples or have huge amounts of discomfort while nursing. But I did get really thirsty while Ryota was nursing and I was always hungry when he finished.

"You certainly seem more energetic than yesterday," Souji commented. My lips twitched in amusement when I felt Souji subtly weighing one of my breasts in his hand.

"Well, I don't feel quite as sore as I did before, though I could go for more sleep. Lucky for you that you aren't sleeping in the birthing room with me and Ryota right now. Last night, he practically woke up every two hours, demanding to be fed." I shot him a foxy grin. "So, you are done feeling me up yet?"

Souji hummed, faking disinterest, before placing his chin on top of my head. "Who says I was feeling you up? I was just checking on something."

"Worried about my milk supply?" The lopsided smile instantly told me I nailed the problem in one go. He had seen just how much Ryota could eat in one sitting. "I'm producing enough right now, even with how much Ryota's eating. You don't need to worry about having to go out to hire a wet nurse." I twisted my waist to the left and then to the right to stretch my stiff spine. "So, I've been meaning to ask you, why did Mitsu-san leave so soon? I thought she would be here for at least for a month."

I mean, she left two days after I gave birth. I would have thought she would have stayed here longer to help me out with a few things, especially with the way she had been complaining about how the only other woman that lived here beside me was Chizuru-chan.

Souji's face soured before he let out a long-winded sigh.

I knit my brows together at that reaction. Did they get into another fight? But everything was going so well between those two!

"Did you know Ane-ue had just gotten pregnant again before she arrived?" Souji asked after a moment of deliberation, causing my jaw to drop to the ground. Mitsu-san didn't look or even act pregnant! "It was early, so she wasn't showing yet. She didn't let anyone know, not even her husband, and traveled down to Kyoto by herself. I only caught out because, well…" Souji raised his eyebrow at me. "Yeah… I confronted her before sending her back home with a few escorts two days ago. I ended up promising not make a scene about her reckless behavior as long as she returned back to Edo as soon as possible without a fuss."

"So, no one else knew about it?"

Souji shook his head as his eyes went back to sleeping Ryota. "No, Ane-ue was always really good about keeping things like this hidden. I just still can't believe she would act so recklessly just for the sake of coming here to reconcile with me."

"Well, that just goes to show how much Mitsu-san cares about you."

Souji snorted. "No, it just goes to show how pushy she is. But that's not completely a bad thing."

He gave me carefree shrug before he went to rub Ryota's tummy but then paused before his hand could make contact. Clicking his tongue in annoyance, he let his hand drop back to his side as he glanced at the door with narrowed eyes. The expression he wore now was almost the same as the one he often wore whenever he found out I had tricked him into eating spring onions.

I tilted my head questioningly at him and he rolled his eyes in response and pointed at the short silhouette being cast against the shōji door. The shadow on the door seemed unsure, first taking a hesitant step to the right before retracting those steps to hop to the left. Then the shadow returned to the center of the door and just stood there, fidgeting. Souji mussed his bangs as he watched the short shadow twitch before his scowl deepened.

"I really though Chizuru-chan learned her lesson from the first time she did that," Souji said. "If she doesn't want her already flimsy disguise blown then you would think she wouldn't wander through headquarters without permission. Our foot soldiers are already suspicious of her as is. If they decide to come up to her and speak to her, then there would be no salvaging her disguise."

I frowned at Souji's unsympathetic tone. "Souji, don't be so harsh on her. She came to Kyoto to look for her chichi-ue. It was never her intention to get caught up in our mess and it definitely a part of her plan to be forced to live here with us. True, she is making things inconvenient for us, but think about the inconvenience we're causing her." Souji pouted and averted his gaze in favor of watching Ryota when my words became too serious for his tastes. "Plus, even though we said we'd let her join the patrols so she could search for her chichi-ue, we still keep her locked up."

And, well, I hadn't been able to keep her company the past few days for obvious reasons. Plus, with Mitsu-san now gone, Chizuru-chan just simply had no one to talk to most of the time.

Souji watched Ryota a little longer before his gaze flickered back to me. He puffed his cheeks up like a displeased, scolded child. Then his gaze suddenly darkened when we heard was another heavy set of footsteps heard outside in the hallway. He silently shushed me before creeping towards the door and cracking it open slightly so he could peek outside.

"Um… Excuse me. Have you seen Hijikata-san?" I heard Chizuru-chan ask.

Uh-oh. My heart pounded a little faster as I grew nervous for Chizuru-chan. Chizuru-chan was always overly polite, to begin with, but the way she was speaking indicated to me she didn't know the stranger she was speaking to all that well. If her cover was blown, then we'd have more than just one problem. I didn't even want to think about the broken trust issues the captains would have with the men in their divisions.

"It's you from the other day. Who might you be…?" And just because thing couldn't get any better, the person she just spoke to just had to be Takeda. "Mind telling me what you're doing here."

"Oh, I am… Well, it's a long story…"

That answer, without a doubt, displeased Takeda.

"Don't make me repeat myself! Answer me!"

Forget about Takeda's hollering scaring the poor girl. I could literally hear her jump in fear from his unpleasant presence alone.

"I-I'm Yukimura Chizuru."

"Ah… I recall hearing the Vice Commander recruited a young apprentice as his new page. Must be you."

"Y-Yes…" Chizuru-chan sounded a little more than just nervous. She sounded about ready to jump ship.

"Hmm, so why don't you start telling me about how you know the Chief and Vice Commander?" Takeda pressed on, his voice heavy with high-strung pressure. "I hear you're from Edo, but what kind of tricks did you have up your sleeve to slide in here?"

Souji groaned in annoyance before he slipped out the door. From the futon, I could see him step between Chizuru-chan and Takeda. Chizuru-chan almost seemed to melt in relief at Souji's appearance.

"And even if he did, it's none of your business, Takeda-san," Souji stated rather lightheartedly, but his gaze was rather dark. It was like he was just daring Takeda to press further.

Takeda's own gaze seemed to darken as he seethed in his own cesspool of envy. He leveled a bitter glare at Chizuru-chan, who shrunk even more and hid behind Souji.

"This isn't some place where someone without any worth on the battlefield or in the strategy room can waltz in without earning it," Takeda stated with self-entitled importance as he boldly accosted Souji. Souji, on the other hand, seemed annoyed enough to want to break Takeda's arm and make it look like an accident. "Perhaps if Yukimura won't tell me, then perhaps you can, Okita. How did he get in with the Chief and Vice Commander?"

"I see, so you are hard of hearing," Souji retaliated, smirking a little as he got right in Takeda's face, knowing that would frustrate the man. "Didn't I say earlier that it's none of your business?"

And then Takeda's impatience won as he snapped and yelled at Souji like a petulant child who didn't receive a birthday gift. "I, Takeda Kanryūsai, am asking you a question! What makes you think you can get away with not answering my inquiries?!"

Reaching over with his large hand, Takeda tried to reach around Souji to grab Chizuru-chan. However, before Takeda's hand could reach Chizuru-chan, Souji's hand snapped up and grabbed Takeda around the wrist with a bruising grip. I even winced when I saw how tightly he was grabbing Takeda's wrist. Then before things could devolve further, a voice caused Takeda to retract his offending hand.

"Oi, Takeda!" I heard Hijikata-san holler from further down the hallway. I slouched in relief when I saw Hijikata-san approach the brewing fight. "What the hell are you doing here?"

At Hijikata-san's question, Takeda seemed to grow smug as he pompously pointed his nose to the sky. He puffed up his chest to make himself look bigger and more important as he put his hands on his hip.

"Well, if it isn't Vice Commander Hijikata," Takeda said in the most condescending tone ever. "I'm here on business with the **_Chief_**."

Hijikata-san scoffed dismissively, but Takeda seemed to miss that action while he was lost in his forest pride.

"That so?" Hijikata-san asked, crossing his arms. "I've heard nothing about this."

"He called me on special orders to assist him while the Colonel is out of commission. However, as it appears, the Chief is nowhere to be seen, so I will be on my way now." Takeda then turned to take his leave, but he slowed his step just as he was passing by Hijikata-san. "As a side note… Are the rumors true, that you've welcomed this young blood as your page?"

Hijikata-san's posture grew even more stern. "Yes, but it's none of you concern to know more."

"Ah," Takeda seemed to grow increasingly pleased from Hijikata-san's defensive words, "forgive me. I'll refrain from pressing for details, as it seems to be out of my jurisdiction. I do, however, question your predisposition towards keeping those from your birthplace close to you. It seems I forget myself. Please excuse me."

Once Takeda was completely out of sight and hearing range, everyone seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief. However, that was briefly felt. As soon as Hijikata-san recollected himself, he quickly rounded on Chizuru-chan.

"Yukimura! Don't be walking around the headquarters without permission! It would have been a lot messier if Souji wasn't here to deal with Takeda!"

In all that yelling, Ryota wrinkled his cute little nose as he stirred before he started whining. I quickly picked him up and rocked him in a gentle swooping motion to get him to quiet down again. Despite that, he was now awake and looking very displeased. Interestingly enough, his look of displeasure looked almost identical to Souji's.

"Yes, sir!" Chizuru-chan quickly said as she rushed to bow to Hijikata-san. "I didn't mean to cause trouble…"

Souji crossed his arms as he raised his eyebrow. "What? I get no thank you for stepping in? You know, I could have let him eat you, Chizuru-chan."

"Ah!" She quickly turned and bowed to Souji too. "Thank you so much!"

Hijikata-san grumbled at the whole sight before he spared me a side glance. I merely shrugged in response and resumed my rocking when Ryota grew fussy once more. Hijikata-san let out a sigh from my lackluster response.

"Look," Hijikata-san said to Chizuru-chan, making her shrink a little with his stern gaze, "your presence here is not common knowledge, and only those staying at the Yagi residence know. Be mindful of anyone who visits from the Maekawa residence. Is that clear?"

"Clear," Chizuru-chan replied while standing a little straighter. She looked like she was ready to salute someone. "I promise to be more careful going forward. So, may I ask who that man was?"

"Weren't you listening earlier when he was screaming his name at the top of his lungs?" Souji asked mockingly, causing Chizuru-chan to briefly flush red. "Plus, haven't you seen him before? Takeda Kanryūsai. He's the captain of the Fifth Division. He has crummy swordsmanship, but he's not so bad at the thinky-thinky bits."

"Huh?"

"Hijikata-san cleared his throat. "Souji means Takeda possesses a cunning mind for military science. He's a tricky one, so be careful."

"Okay." Chizuru-chan nodded.

"Furthermore," Hijikata-san then added rather sternly, "if you have no business being out, then I expect you to stay put in your room."

"Um," Chizuru-chan abruptly blurted out. Hijikata-san raised his brow, silently asking her to speak quickly. "I actually have a favor to ask of you, Hijikata-san. Staying in my room for long periods of alone make me feel terribly useless… And since Shizuka-san hasn't been able to teach me new medical techniques lately…" She shook her head, seemingly gaining more confidence as she spoke. "Would you please give me something to do? I'll do anything! Cleaning, laundry, anything!"

Hijikata-san frowned slightly as he chewed his inner cheek. He made a small sound of deliberation as he looked up at the ceiling for a short few seconds before glancing back at Chizuru-chan.

"Do you really find yourself incapable of occupying your time in your room productively?"

"Well," Chizuru-chan looked down and twiddled her fingers a little, "um… a little…"

Right now would be a fine time to interrupt.

"Hello?" I said, finally announcing myself as I shifted Ryota in my arms slightly so I could free a hand to wave at them. Chizuru-chan jumped a little, noticing me for the first time, though she appeared more focused on Ryota than me. "If I can interject here. Can I ask who's been doing the cleaning?"

"Well, since Mitsu's gone now and you're still indisposed at the moment," I feigned offense at Hijikata-san's words, "we've been trading off who does what."

"But have you guys been cleaning?" I pretended to sniff the air. "I've noticed things have been dusty lately."

Hijikata-san pushed his bangs back before he sighed and looked to Chizuru-chan and Souji. "Let's move this conversation inside. We're blocking the hallway by standing here and conversing."

Chizuru-chan nodded before hastily scuttling into the room. Being the first one to enter the room, she rushed to occupy the closest seat to me before peeking at the fussy baby in my arms. She stuck out her pinkie at Ryota and beamed excitedly when Ryota grabbed her finger.

"Cute, right?" I asked, bumping shoulders with her in an act of camaraderie. "He really takes after his chichi-ue."

Hijikata-san coughed, obtaining our attention again. "Back to your question. Things have been busy lately with Sannan-san out of commission. It also doesn't help that the Choshu are acting up. So, we may have been skimping out on the cleaning a little."

"That's no good." Ryota started to wiggle around more actively the moment he saw his father and I saw it fit to pass Ryota to Souji, not that Souji minded at all. He was absolutely delighted to take Ryota from me. "Some illnesses can be caused by improper hygiene and poor sanitation. Cleanliness is even more important when there are many people living in such a small place. Why not let Chizuru-chan take care of some of the cleaning, especially now since everyone seems too busy to do it."

Hijikata-san made a small grunt of displeasure before closing his eyes and crossing his arms in his contemplation. Finally, he let out a sigh as he reopened his eyes. He didn't answer me right away and instead focused his attention on the newborn happily squirming around in Souji's arms. There was a slightly faraway look in his eyes before he refocused on Chizuru-chan.

"Fine," Hijikata-san relented. "I'll discuss thing with Gen-san. For now, I want you to keep the area around this room sparkling clean, got it? And do anything Shizuka asks you to do."

"Really?" Chizuru-chan asked, perking up immediately as she vibrated in her seat.

"This is under the condition that you are to keep from interacting with outsiders, understand?"

"Yes! Thank you so much!"

Hijikata-san then let his expression soften as he looked over Souji's shoulder at Ryota. However, his face almost seemed to instantly become alarmed before becoming resigned. He shot me a look of disbelief along with the silent how-could-you-do-this-to-me look.

"I just saw the spawn of the devil," Hijikata-san muttered under his breath. "He looks exactly like Souji."

Souji's grin grew wickedly when he heard those words. He passed Ryota back to me, and with such good timing too. Immediately after Ryota was in my arms again, he pressed his face against my chest as he whined for milk. I ignored all other people in the room and lowered the front of my sleeping robe to uncover one side so I could start breastfeeding, wincing slightly when Ryota latched on with much more force than I anticipated.

It was nice that in this era of Japan people didn't particularly care if they saw a mother breastfeeding. I especially appreciated the fact that no one was telling me where I could and couldn't breastfeed.

"Hmm? What was that, Hijikata-san? Not very nice of you to call me the devil, especially if you're one yourself."

Hijikata-san narrowed his eyes at Souji before brusquely turning to me. "Make sure Ryota here doesn't turn into another Souji. I don't think the world would be able to handle it. One of them is more than enough."

I stifled a laugh so I wouldn't accidently jostle Ryota too much while he was eating. I didn't want to cause him to choke, after all.

"So, can you tell me what's been going on in the outside world?" I asked, flashing what I was sure was a charming smile at Hijikata-san. "If I'm going to be stuck in this room for a month, you can tell me what's going on, right? Like how Sannan-san's been doing, or where Otou-san is? I actually haven't seen Otou-san in a while. I thought he would visit more often now his grandson is finally born."

"Kondou-san?" Hijikata-san put a finger under his chin. "He's been at Aizu's beck and call lately. The Shogun is here in Kyoto right now to discuss possible options for expelling the foreigners and possible punishment for Choshu. The talks haven't been going well. There's too much disagreement on how to handle the situation and it looks like the talks are about to break down," he said before pausing briefly with furrowed brows. "And now that I think about it, there's no way Kondou-san could have called Takeda here earlier. He's been at a meeting with Aizu all day so far." He made a tsk sound with the back of his throat. "Takeda must have come to investigate the rumors of the new page..."

"And? What else? I heard rumors back just a few weeks about the port of Nagasaki[1], but never got a clear picture of what happened there."

Hijikata-san scowled and crossed his arms once more as his mood turned foul. "That's an even bigger mess. "France, Great Britain, Holland, and the United States gathered for a joint bombardment of Shimonoseki[2] in the port of Nagasaki to attack the Choshu and Katsu Kaishu[3] had to be sent to attempt to convince them not to attack. The talks for that is still going on right now. Damn foreigners, sticking their large noses where they don't belong. Japan is its own sovereign country and those bastards don't have the right to butt in and interfere."

"These times really are unstable for Japan, huh?" Chizuru-chan mused before there was a collective depressing sigh in the room.

"Then tell me about Sannan-san," I pressed. All I wanted was just some good news. "Is he doing better at least?"

"That's debatable," Souji answered, just as he threw a towel over his shoulder. He took Ryota from me once Ryota was done nursing, allowing me to cover up again, and proceed to pat him on the back lightly to burp him. "His arm is healing, just not the way he was hoping. It's obvious now that the nerve isn't going to regenerate on its own. Surgery is unavoidable now. And, well, his mood has completely gone down the drain, so to speak. Even all the foot soldiers are avoiding him now. He isn't completely convinced you can fix his arm, so he's looking at… other methods."

I felt my heart drop to my knees. I wasn't hurt or offended that Sannan-san didn't quite believe in my abilities, after all, I did doubt them myself too sometimes. What hit me the hardest was the so-called "other methods". He was looking at the Water of Life. Everyone that had drunk that vile concoction had completely gone insane. The thought of losing Sannan-san to that potion…

I was such a hypocrite. Chizuru-chan didn't deserve that harsh glare I sent her way, but it was her father that brought the Water of Life to the Shinsengumi. Even though she clearly didn't even know that what her father was involved with, I would never be able to forgive her if I lost anyone to that poison.

"Shizuka, be fair," I heard Souji say. I never thought him of all people would say this. "Don't blame other people for something that isn't their fault."

I let my rigid posture slump as I shot a silent apologetic look at Chizuru-chan, who was still befuddled from my previous accusations.

"I know… It's just…" I blew my messy bangs away from my eyes. "Ugh. I can't wait until I'm finally allowed out of this room. There's too much to do and all I'm doing is sitting around. Hijikata-san? Do you think you could send those three to me a little later? There's a job I want them to take care of for me. And Chizuru-chan?"

"Y-Yes?"

She looked a little like a frightened doe right after feeling the effects of my unfair glare.

"Go find Saito-san right after lunch today. I think he's in charge of hanging the laundry out to dry today. He could probably use some help if you're adamant about having something to do. And…," I took a deep breath, "I was just thinking depressing thoughts and absentmindedly glared your way, so don't think too much on it."

Such turbulent times to be starting a family.

* * *

[1] Nagasaki (長崎市 Nagasaki-shi) is the capital and the largest city of Nagasaki Prefecture on the island of Kyushu in Japan. It became a centre of Portuguese and Dutch influence in the 16th through 19th centuries, and the Churches and Christian Sites in Nagasaki have been proposed for inscription on the UNESCO World Heritage List. Part of Nagasaki was home to a major Imperial Japanese Navy base during the First Sino-Japanese War and Russo-Japanese War. Its name means "long cape".

During World War II, the American atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki made Nagasaki the second and, to date, last city in the world to experience a nuclear attack.

[2] Shimonoseki (下関市 Shimonoseki-shi) is a city located in Yamaguchi Prefecture, Japan. It is at the southwestern tip of Honshu, facing the Tsushima Strait and also Kitakyushu across the Kanmon Straits. Nicknamed the "Fugu Capital," it is known for the locally caught pufferfish and is the largest harvester of the pufferfish in Japan. As of October 1, 2016, the city has an estimated population of 265,684 and a population density of 370 persons per km². The total area is 716.14 km².

[3] Count Katsu Kaishū (勝 海舟, March 12, 1823 – January 21, 1899) was a Japanese statesman and naval engineer during the late Tokugawa shogunate and early Meiji period. Kaishū was a nickname which he took from a piece of calligraphy (Kaishū Shooku 海舟書屋) by Sakuma Shōzan. He went through a series of given names throughout his life; his childhood name was Rintarō (麟太郎) and his birth name was Yoshikuni (義邦). He was often called Awa (安房) from his title Awano-kami (安房守) during the late Tokugawa shogunate and changed his name to Yasuyoshi (安芳) after the Meiji Restoration.

Katsu Kaishū eventually rose to occupy the position of commissioner (Gunkan-bugyō) in the Tokugawa navy. He is particularly known for his role in the surrender of Edo.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

 _"Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much_ _more drab and empty for their departure." ― Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons_

I twisted the hinges of the model, checking how easy it was to manipulate the shell of the prototype surgical microscope. It was obvious that there was plenty fine labor and care put into the project, but the model was heavy around the joints, making it difficult to move into position. Then, once in position, the prototype would refuse lock in place and swing side to side. Dangerous. Causing surgeons to lose their field of vision in the middle of surgery is like getting shot in the foot. No one can operate blind no matter how skilled they are. Plus, the mechanical arm that also held the prototype in place was flimsy. If this design was kept as is, there was a real fear that the arm would fail in the middle of surgery and the microscope fall on top of the patient.

It wasn't a bad start considering machinery like this took years to develop, but it's development just wasn't fast enough or good enough. I needed to be able to have a functioning surgical microscope within the next couple of months. Sannan-san was… not getting better. In fact, one could argue that he was actually getting worse. Forget his nonfunctional arm crippling him. It was his depression that crippled him more than his arm could.

And other than the surgical microscope, there was still more to be done. Surgical instruments to be used in microsurgery were different from the instruments I had right now. I needed a new set of surgical instruments as well and I need to be able to practice with them if I wanted the surgery to even have a chance of success. I couldn't just leap into a surgery using tools I was unfamiliar with.

"The material we're working with just isn't strong enough to hold up the microscope," Kenji-san said as I stop stopped twisting the microscope around. He sighed before mussing his own hair. "Steel is strong enough. but it's too heavy to work with. Iron is also too heavy."

"There is the option of using wood for the frame, but…" Kyoko-chan said as she gestured to the prototype. She let out a huff of air. "There are problems with wood too. Wood expands with humidity. If you're looking through a microscope, you'd want it not to warp."

It was just problem after problem. Some of the material used in modern day surgical microscopes just didn't exist yet and there were no computers to help with the building process.

I bit my lips as I shifted Ryota, who was sleeping in the onbuhimo[1] slung across my chest. All he did in response was twitch his nose before drooling some more on my chest. Absentmindedly running my fingers through Ryota's hair, I shot Souji a brief helpless glance. I'd give anything to have built modern surgical machinery at my fingertips.

"What about some metal alloys?" I asked. "Or mix and matching the materials?"

I had to hide a cringe when I felt some of the drool seep through my clothing. Or, since the wet patch was on my chest, there was a good chance that it wasn't drool and I was leaking right now. I had a milk supply problem. It wasn't that I produced too little. My body, instead, decided to go the other way and produce too much. Souji definitely didn't have to worry about me producing too little all those months ago.

Either way, I'd really like to change right about now. Souji must have caught on to my inner thoughts because he handed me a wash towel he had hidden away in his sleeve. I promptly stuffed the towel between myself and Ryota while taking care not to disturb the baby from his nap. I love Ryota and all, but I seriously had enough of his crying in the past three months. Sleep deprivation is not fun at all. Whoever claimed sleep is for the weak seriously needs to be shot.

Like, seriously. Hijikata-san, I may or may not be talking about you.

"Well," Kenji-san said, glancing back at the prototype model as he pointedly ignored my actions, "we've been trying that right now. It's only a matter of trial and error before we hit the golden ratio. But let's not forget the main purpose of a microscope. It's supposed to magnify images, yes?" He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes when he heard a crash in the background. It must be the twins, Shintarō-kun and Shotarō-kun, fooling around. "We haven't even gotten far enough into the project to figure what lenses we need and how much magnifying power is needed for the surgery you're going to attempt."

"Realistically speaking, there's a good chance that we'll need several more months to even get something remotely functional." Kyoko-chan shook her head before squatting just low enough so she could watch Ryota sleep and tickle his cheeks with her fingertips. "Why do you need the microscope so quickly anyways? I thought you said that Sannan-san didn't need the operation right away."

"At least physically," Souji answered somewhat distractedly before acting extremely quickly.

Souji quickly plucked Ryota from the onbuhimo when he saw Ryota sniffle and stir from his sleep. Instead of bursting out into tears and unholy wailing the moment he opened his eyes, Ryota smiled and made happy gurgling noises at Souji.

I refrained from rolling my eyes. Ryota really was daddy's boy. He cried far less when he was with Souji. It was a little unfair, but I couldn't argue that it wasn't cute either.

"It's Sannan-san's mental health that needs the microscope more," I answered as Souji was dealing with Ryota. I sigh and averted my gaze as I thought about my most recent encounter with Sannan-san. It was more than just unpleasant. Even Ryota's cuteness wasn't enough to distract me now. "It wasn't so bad at first, but then he started locking himself in his research room at the Nambu residence. His developing obsession with the Water of Life frightens me."

Working late into the night, sometimes not sleeping, as he worked on a toxic concoction with the only insane men as his company. It made my stomach turn. Sannan-san was human, but there were times I swear he acted more like a rasetsu than a human. Lately, he had been enjoying the lonesome darkness of his enclosed stuffy workroom. The windows were never open and the single lit candle at night only added to the ominous atmosphere. There was one time where I opened one of his windows to let some light in and he hissed at me before giving me the scolding of a lifetime.

I was yanked out of my depressing thoughts when I heard Ryota whine pitifully before he started wiggling and being difficult in Souji's arms. Souji frowned before he started bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet to placate Ryota, but that hardly had an effect as tears started to form in the corners of Ryota's eyes.

"Listen," Souji said, taking the wash cloth in my hands and draping it over his own shoulder to avoid getting drooled on, "maybe we can continue talking about this some other time? Ryota's is being fussy right now and will probably get worse. We should be getting him back home."

Kenji-san nodded before he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on. "Probably for the best. Plus, there's not much left to talk about anyway. Lack of progress from being unable to pass the first hurdle won't produce any more beneficial discussion until we actually get over it."

Kyoko-chan, however, whined in disappointment instead as she and Kenji walked us to the door. "Aww. And I wanted to play with Ryota a little before you guys left. I guess next time." She puffed her cheeks up like a hamster as she pouted. "Make sure to bring him over tomorrow so we can play!"

"More peekaboo?" I quirked my eyebrow up, teasing her as I slipped on my shoes. "I didn't realize that game was so much fun."

"Oh, hush! Ryota-chan has the cutest smile and you know it!"

I snorted. Ryota almost had the exact same smile as Souji did. The only difference was the amount of innocence in the sweet smile.

I waved at the helpful couple from the streets before Souji and I set off back to headquarters with fussy Ryota with the hope he wouldn't start crying on the trip back. That was apparently too much to hope for. Ryota instantly burst out into loud wails and fat tears the moment we turned the corner and cried the whole way back to headquarters. And, well, it didn't take a genius to figure out why he was crying so much. Not like anyone could not notice the potent smell. It would have been impossible to ignore too.

I crossed my arms and kicked my legs up as I sat down on the desk and watched in amusement as Souji scrunched up his nose in disgust. Right in the center of the diaper cloth was a giant brown nugget. A smelly giant brown nugget. I really did miss disposable diapers of the future. I may not be the one changing Ryota's diaper at the moment, but I was going to be the one who was going to have to wash the diaper cloth.

I hopped off the desk and dusted the imaginary dust off my lap. "Do you want me to do it?" I asked just as Souji reached for a clean diaper cloth.

"I may not like it, but I can do it. I am his chichi-ue after all." And what a proud father he was too.

"I know." I squatted just beside Souji and rubbed Ryota's tummy. "Just think of it as a trade for now. I need to go talk to Sannan-san in a bit and I don't know how long it'll take. Since I'll be leaving Ryota in your care for a little bit, the least I can do is change the diaper before I go. How about it?"

Souji paused briefly, glancing at me before shaking his head as he wiped Ryota off. He let out a tired sigh as he began pinning the fresh diaper in place. Now clean, Ryota gurgled contently at Souji and tried to grab Souji's dancing fingers.

"You know, at this point, you're just talking at Sannan-san. I don't think he even actually listens to your actual words now."

"I know, but that also serves a purpose too. Even if he isn't listening to my advice or my concerns, I'm still distracting him from the Water of Life."

I shivered when the images of snow white hair and blood red eyes flickered through my mind. I could still see blood dripping from the rasetsu's mouths and hear their screams of insanity. Covering my face with my hands, I placed my forehead against Souji's shoulder. Everything about the Water of Life was wrong. The human experimentation was wrong. I could practically feel everyone's morals deteriorate the longer we were around the Water of Life

"I won't be able to bear it if Sannan-san becomes one of **_them_**. We shouldn't even be touching things like the Water of Life. I feel like we're playing with things we aren't even supposed to get a glimpse of. We're playing God and it's not right."

"Sannan-san just sees the potential the Water of Life has. It would be a waste not to harness it," Souji defended Sannan-san. "And the Shogunate put the Shinsengumi in charge of it. Not like we can just refuse orders."

"The potential? What potential? The potential destroy ourselves?" I scoffed, crossing my arms in defiance. "Our superiors are sending us to death for no go reason. We should have the right to disobey."

But the Shinsengumi held no real value to the Shogunate as of right now. We weren't some large organization with an innumerable amount of accomplishments yet. Nobody but us would suffer if the Shogunate decided the Shinsengumi was a waste of resources and forced us to disband. We were always stuck here, between a rock and a hard place.

I let my hand drop helplessly to my lap as I stared at the futon Ryota was laying on. Ryota, who was oblivious to the entire conversation, grabbed Souji's large hands before yawning in satisfaction. He was quick to begin drifting back asleep afterward.

I sighed in defeat once the bitter reality reground itself in my mind but still stood up regardless. "Still, I'm going to go find Sannan-san."

"I won't stop you, but…" Souji stood up himself and went to the isho dansu[2]. He picked out a clean, red, flower print kimono before handing it to me. "You should probably change first. I don't mind the smell of milk so much, but Sannan-san hates milk. You leaked some."

I let out an annoyed moan and put the folded kimono on the desk before I started stripping. When I removed my last layer and before I went to wipe away the leaked milk, Souji grabbed my hands to stop me. I raised my eyebrows at him. However, before I could question him, he lowered his mouth onto one breast and licked away the stray droplets of milk before latching on, sucking and swallowing before releasing my nipple with a quiet pop. He did the same with the other.

"Better?" Souji asked quietly. He released my hand and put his on my hip. "Less pressure, right?"

I glowed red. How did he always know? Without breast pumps, I couldn't exactly pump the rest excess milk out. I was just lucky I didn't get any clogged ducts yet.

Souji pecked my forehead before sitting back down where Ryota was snoozing. "Just let me know if they're feeling sore from being too full. It feels a little strange, but I'll do what I can to help. Okay?"

I nodded mutely, still feeling a little stunned before I couldn't help but smile a little. I quickly redress and gave Souji a quick kiss on the lips before I went out to go find Sannan-san.

Sannan-san, as expected, was once again holed up in the Nambu residence. I didn't bother announcing myself when I arrived. Sannan-san ignored me as I slipped into his workspace, but he couldn't completely hide that annoyed eyebrow twitch when he noticed my presence. Still, he continued working like I wasn't there. There was no pause in his movements as he mixed the contents of two test tubes together, carefully observing the two solutions interact with each other as the new solution bubbled and released smoke. Once the chemical reaction simmered down, he poured the contents of the test tube into a beaker filled with a clear liquid before he began heating it.

He pushed his glasses up his nose and brushing some of his hair behind his ears. He then wrote down his observation in a thick notebook. "What is it Shizuka-chan?" he asked without so much as glancing my way. Instead he kept his eyes trained on the glass mixing rod he was using.

"How long are you planning to stay in this dark dusty room?" I asked, this time not making the mistake of opening the window. "You know, your body needs vitamin D. That means going outside to enjoy the sunlight."

He scoffed, pausing only to shoot me a venomous glare. "What is there to enjoy about the sunlight?" Sannan-san asked me with such a biting tone that it felt like I had been stung by a wasp. "Should I go outside to perform my duties as Colonel with a worthless arm and with everyone avoiding me? Should I go outside to practice my 'kenjutsu' with my failure of an arm?"

I bit my tongue, suppressing the urge to use my own harsh words. I may care deeply about Sannan-san, but I was nowhere close to being a saint. I only had so much patience with people who had such self-destructive attitudes.

"How about a walk? It's a beautiful day and I could really use some company."

"Don't patronize me!" Sannan-san yelled, cracking the glass stirring rod in his hand as he slammed his hand on his desk. There was a terrifying madness in his eyes. "I know what pointless task you're trying to accomplish! Even sending those three to distract me from my work! Let me tell you this now, even Toudou-kun's best efforts weren't able to distract me from my work. Stop your pointless efforts. I won't let you keep me from my work!"

"Sannan-san!" I snapped, baring my teeth at him as I snarled in frustration. "Enough with your paranoia! I'm doing this because I'm worried about you! You're locking yourself in here day in and day out and that's causing your health to deteriorate even more. I'm not just doing this because I think the Water of Life is wrong! Your obsession with it is too much! You don't eat! You don't sleep! So, tell me! What am I supposed to do here?!" My voice broke into a pained whisper. "I said I'd do my best fix your arm, so can't you trust me to do my part? Won't you put a hold on your research until there's no other choice?"

Silence echoed throughout the room before I heard Sannan-san take a deep breath. He put out the flame heating the contents of the beaker before he turned to face me.

"What are you doing here, Shizuka-chan?" he asked. The madness in his eyes flickered until it was nothing more than a small glint in his eyes. "Now that the birthing room is no more, I thought you would be spending your time teaching Yukimura-kun, doing chores, or sparring with someone. Especially if Ryota is in someone else's care right now."

"I have. It's just you've been so out of it lately that you never notice," I answered softly as I folded my hands in my lap. "You see, if you hadn't locked yourself in here, then you would have known that Hijikata-san finally let Chizuru-chan outside to start searching for her chichi-ue for the first time. Chizuru-chan went with Saito-san to Terada Inn in Fushimi this morning because there were reports of a man that that looked like Yukimura Kodo in that area. This is why I'm not with Chizuru-chan right now."

"And sparring?" Sannan-san asked. "I thought you jump right on that now that you're no longer on maternal leave."

"I did just yesterday. In fact…"

 _Souji pulled my wooden sparring weapon out of my reach before I could grab it. I scowled at him as I put my hands on my hips. That did nothing to intimidate him. All he did was raise an amused eyebrow at me._

 _"Are you sure about this, Kitten?" Souji asked "You sure you want to jump right into this without some slower warm up? Maybe to refresh your skills? I don't want to be the one to point this out but you haven't sparred, let alone held a weapon since you found out you were pregnant. You will have gotten dull."_

 _I swiped the sparring weapon from Souji's hands._

 _"Ryota's with Otou-san, so I'm baby free for the first time in almost a full year. Why wouldn't I want to do this?" I asked._

 _I gave the wooden weapon a few practice swings before I turned around and nodded at Saito-san. Instead of commencing the spar, Saito-san just looked at me with worried exasperation before glancing at Souji._

 _"Look, Shizuka." Souji grabbed the shaft of my weapon before I could charge at Saito-san. "I know you're unhappy about the weight you've gained during pregnancy, but there's no need to rush things right away. You need to get used to your own body again. And if you're worried about what I think, don't be." He let go of the weapon and moved his hands to my hips. "There's nothing wrong with being a thicker than before. You have the body of a haha-ue now and the extra weight does give you lovely curves."_

 _I pursed my lips, feigning deep thought. "Is that so…?" I asked before taking Souji off guard by promptly turning and charging at Saito-san with a loud war cry._

 _I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised that I had my ass handed to me on a golden platter. I mean, even_ _ **I**_ _knew with all my biases that I was out of shape now. It's just I rushed things because I didn't want to stay out of shape. Before I could even swing my weapon, which had a long ass reach, at Saito-san, my feet were knocked out from under me and I planted my face ungracefully in the ground. My weapon hit the floor with a clatter before rolling away from me and out of reach._

 _"I would really want to say, 'I told you so,' but I'm sure I don't have to say anything," Souji said as he bent down to pick up my weapon. "So, when are you going to get up?"_

 _"Just as soon as the expression of instant regret leaves my face," I muttered into the ground. I heard Saito-san sigh before his hand was right in front of my face._

 _"There is nothing wrong with requiring some training first to regain your bearings around weapons after such a long health leave," Saito-san said as he took my hand and helped me to my feet. "However, you must not rush yourself. Progress will come with diligence, not with reckless speed."_

 _"Fine," I muttered in defeat as I reclaimed my sparring weapon from Souji. "I'll practice the katas you told me to do before I try sparring again, Saito-san."_

 _Saito-san nodded in silent approval before he turned and started a practice match with Souji._

Sannan-san crossed his arms as he looked to the bookshelf beside his desk. Then uncrossing his arms, he ran a finger across the shelf, picking up a thick layer of dust on his finger.

"What about the cleaning?" Sannan-san asked before blowing the dust from his finger. "Last I checked, some parts of headquarters was buried in filth. Why come bother me when you're finally allowed to start cleaning again?"

"You tell me." I grabbed a nearby rag and quickly wiped down the dusty surface of the shelf. "What's more important? You or dust? In fact, if you're so worried about the cleanliness of headquarters, why don't you take a break from research and help me clean?"

He chuckled at my words, but it sounded dark and depressing.

"Help? What good can I do with just one hand?"

"Much more than you think." I grabbed Sannan-san's hand and began attempting to drag him out of the dark and dusty room. He wasn't putting up much of a fight, but I found it still impossibly hard to force him outside on my own strength. "It's time you stop limiting yourself with your own depreciative thought. Come on. You can help me hang the laundry. I've seen you do that one handed before."

Sannan-san let out a small huff before stepping outside on his own accord. "Very well, I'll take a short break and help you with laundry."

The moment Sannan-san was outside and no longer watching, I reached into my sleeve and pulled out a small vial of hydrogen peroxide. Uncorking the vial, I poured the contents into the unsupervised beaker Sannan-san was fiddling with earlier and watched the solution bubble and fizz as it became white then an ugly brown color.

"Shizuka-chan," I heard Sannan-san calling me from outside. "Hurry up. I thought you wanted me to go outside, so don't make me have to wait for you."

"Coming!" I chirped back, making sure my tone betrayed nothing of what I had just done.

Sannan-san was right to be paranoid earlier, I won't deny that.

I didn't like to sabotage other people's work, especially the work of those so close to me. But the possibility of Sannan-san becoming depressed enough to drink the Water of Life was growing too high for my liking. If Sannan-san found out what I had just done to his latest experimental batch, he would undoubtedly hate me for it. But if Sannan-san did come to hate me for this, then I would be able to take it. That would mean that he was still alive and sane enough to hate someone.

* * *

[1] Traditional Japanese baby sling made from cloth.

[2] A traditional Japanese clothing chest designed to house kimono.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

 _"Overconfidence blurs out the risk. Inferiority magnifies it." ― Toba Beta, Betelgeuse Incident: Insiden Bait Al-Jauza_

I placed a hot cup of tea in front of Hijikata-san, being careful not to disturb Ryota's tranquil sleep as little Ryota nestled against me in the onbuhimo. Hijikata-san nodded a silent thanks to me before blowing the white steam away and lifting the cup to his lips. As I took a seat next to Hijikata-san, I ignored the childish pouts Souji sent my way from his seat next to Heisuke. As a response, Souji huffed and shook out the wrinkles in the sleeves of his uniform to pretend to look busy before he settled on staring in envy at the cup of tea Hijikata-san was currently enjoying.

"And I don't get a cup?" Souji asked, placing a hand over his heart while giving me a wounded look.

His hand then shot forward so he could jostle Hijikata-san's arms. Hijikata-san let out a violent hiss when some of the hot tea spilled over the cup's edges and onto his fingers before leveling an annoyed glare at Souji.

"You're about to go on patrol!" Hijikata-san snapped before setting his cup on the desk behind him. He dried his hands on his hakama. "You don't have time for a cup of tea!"

"Well, I might since you called me and Heisuke in here for no good reason," came Souji's childish response.

Heisuke looked like he swallowed something sour as he subtly scooted away. Smart move. No one wants to be caught between Hijikata-san and Souji when they were arguing.

"For someone who always complains about timeliness, you sure like making sure people are late for work."

"Souji! Cut this shit out!"

I clicked my tongue when I felt Ryota shift against me. Oh, there was no way in hell these two were going to waste my efforts in putting Ryota to sleep, not when it took an hour just to get him to fall asleep earlier! I cleared my throat, failing to catch anyone's attention but Heisuke's before I scooted my butt over to Souji. Tapping on Souji's shoulder lightly, I managed to taper off any argumentative retort he had before he could spit them at Hijikata-san.

"Please not so loudly?" I pleaded, whispering in Souji's ear. That instantly flipped a switch in his head. "I just got Ryota to fall asleep. I'll start crying too if Ryota wakes up again."

Souji crossed his arms and frowned before growing quiet at the realization. Hijikata-san, on the other hand, swiftly took credit for what seemed like Souji's defeat by smugly raising his eyebrow. That instantly raised the heat once more. Like a boiling pot of water with a lid on, Souji seethed soundlessly at Hijikata-san's smug look. I saw his hand inch towards Hijikata-san's cup of tea once more.

"Souji has a point." Words flew out of Heisuke's mouth in a hasty mess, but they were thankfully enough to cause Souji to pause his actions. I shot Heisuke a look of gratitude. "Why call Souji and me in here when patrol is supposed to start so soon? Tardiness doesn't look good on a captain."

Hijikata-san crossed his arms. "Well, obviously I called you two in for a reason. Just be patient. We're waiting on one more person to arrive."

"Chizuru-chan, is it?" Souji guessed with a roll of his eyes and a carefree shrug of his shoulders before tucking his hands into his sleeves. "Huh, now that I think about it, isn't she supposed to already at any time for anything? Why are we still waiting for her to get ready? I thought we were only going to let her stay with us if she didn't cause any trouble for us?"

"Souji, don't be such an ass," Heisuke interjected with a scolding frown. "She's probably only running late because she didn't expect to be called in here by Hijikata-san. She's probably still preparing herself because Hijikata-san is so scary."

Hijikata-san grumbled at that side note but said nothing to deny it.

I sighed before offering Souji a small smile. "Just give Chizuru-chan a little more breathing room. She's still getting used to things."

"Still?" Souji briefly averted his eyes. "She got here in December. It's already June. She's had plenty of time to get used to things."

"Just be a little more patient," I said before leaning into Souji so I could whisper into his ears. "And who knows, you might get **_rewarded_** for being so patient. Otou-san's offered to take Ryota for a few hours tonight and it has been about three months since I gave birth, so I'm pretty much healed up by now. It has been a while since our last tumble between the sheets, yes?"

Going through childbirth really did kill a woman's libido, so it made sense that I wasn't really in the mood for sex, but Souji did seem more wound up nowadays. I was never one to say no to Souji though. I'd happily acquiesce for him.

Souji hummed as he relaxed his shoulders. "Alright, I guess I can be patient," he happily said, causing Hijikata-san to shoot me a curious glance.

I merely shrugged at Hijikata-san, feigning ignorance.

"Excuse me," someone then said from the door. It was Chizuru-chan. She was finally here

She politely bowed her head as a greeting before sliding into the room and taking a seat directly across from Hijikata-san while fidgeting a tad bit nervously. As if she needed encouragement to face Hijikata-san, she glanced at me, Heisuke, and even at Souji for a small boost before finally raising her eyes to meet Hijikata-san's. Just before meeting Hijikata-san's eyes completely, she hesitated a little and sucked in a deep breath. Hijikata-san said nothing about her actions and even pretended not to notice them as he donned a foul expression.

"You called me…?" Chizuru-chan asked as she meekly grabbed at her hakama.

"I was thinking about the search for Kodo." Hijikata-san's heavy brow made the conversation seem ten times more serious. "Maybe it's best to put a halt to it for now."

Chizuru-chan's heart dropped into her stomach as she almost leaped out of her seat with wide disbelieving eyes. "What?! But why?!"

Hijikata-san crossed his arms and tucked his hands into his sleeves, remaining composed in the face of Chizuru-chan's abrupt outburst. He then scrunched his nose up in disgust before answering.

"We have reports of activity from the Choshu, and they do not bode well for us. It would be highly dangerous for you to be out and about."

Chizuru-chan swallowed. Her mouth was dry.

"So…," she said, carefully choosing her words, "are you asking me to refrain from joining the rounds until things with the Choshu Domain settle?"

Hijikata-san nodded before turning to the two men seated in the room. "That being said, as of right now, she is not to accompany any rounds with any captains." Then almost as a side note, he turned his attention to me. "Shizuka, that also means you're not allowed to go out by yourself until things settle down again. It's dangerous right now, especially since it's public knowledge that you're intimately involved with the Shinsengumi. If you need to go out, get one of the guys to go with you, and no, Yukimura and/or Ryota don't count as 'one of the guys'."

I rolled my eyes but said nothing.

"Oh," Heisuke said as he glanced at Chizuru-chan briefly before flickering his eyes back onto Hijikata-san, "I get it now. That's why you pulled us in here, right?"

Hijikata-san's words didn't seem to sink in for Heisuke until I practically heard something click in his mind after a few seconds. Heisuke then frowned before looking to Souji for support.

"You know," Heisuke said, "she never caused any trouble during any rounds she joined us in. I kinda feel like it shouldn't be a problem if she tagged along."

"Yeah, even if something were to happen, as long as she doesn't get involved, it should be fine," Souji said before adding on jokingly, "I mean, it's not like she can run away from us if things get sticky, right?"

A stern frown appeared on Chizuru-chan's face at Souji's words even though she knew he wasn't being serious.

"I won't run," Chizuru-chan interjected boldly as she found her misplaced spine. Her timid nature evaporated. "I made up my mind the minute the men of the Shinsengumi agreed to help me find my chichi-ue. I made a vow to never run from the Shinsengumi for as long as they help me find my father. I will keep my vow. So please, please allow me to continue looking for my chichi-ue!"

She then bowed, her eyes still locked with Souji's as she prostrated herself on the floor. This caused Souji's smirk to shrink until it disappeared as he was caught between words. He obviously never expected such sincere words and actions from Chizuru-chan. Then, as if out of respect for her sincerity, Souji shed all his callous humor.

"If you stay with us, you're putting yourself at risk," Souji warned. Chizuru-chan had won his respect. "If you want that risk, feel free to join us. I mean, we have witness reports that fit the profile and description of Kodo-san."

Hijikata-san scrunched up his brows and frowned with well-disguised concern. "You may have a point, but are witness reports enough justification to her put in harm's way? What if you're wrong? What if she's exposed? Do none of you understand? You're placing an unnecessary burden on yourselves. You especially, Souji. With a kid now, there's no way you've been getting a full night's sleep. You can't afford to be any more distracted than you already are."

Hijikata-san then stared at Chizuru-chan a little longer, probably hoping his heavy gaze was enough to persuade her to change her mind. But when Chizuru-chan remained an unmoving statue, he sighed heavily and let his arms drop.

"You better follow the orders of every captain you join. No, if's, and's, or but's, am I clear?" Hijikata-san barked at her.

"Yes! Of course!" Chizuru-chan chirped, now looking like an excited puppy as she sprung up from her bow. "Thank you so much!"

Then, as if unsure how to fully show her gratitude, she bowed again, almost bashing her head against the floor in excitement.

"I'm leaving it to your discretion over whether or not you're going to join them, That's on you."

"Right." Chizuru-chan nodded like she was a bobble head.

When Souji and Heisuke were dismissed, Chizuru-chan quickly followed after them, wasting no time catching up to Heisuke to chat with him excitedly. Hijikata-san made a small grumbling noise before ignoring my presence as he turned back around and continued working on whatever he was working on before he called those three in for the quick impromptu meeting. I remained unmoving for the first few seconds before my eyes wandered over to the futon he had folded up in the corner of his room. Without asking for permission first, I unfolded the futon and set Ryota on it so he could sleep peacefully on a flat surface. Surprisingly, Ryota made a whining sound the moment he was no longer cuddled up against me, but he didn't wake.

"So," I said as I resettled in my seat next to Hijikata-san as I peeked over his shoulder at the document he was working on, "what happened that caused you to be on such high alert? The Choshu have always been trouble, so what suddenly caused you to decide the Choshu are now so much trouble that Chizuru-chan shouldn't go out on rounds with the guys?"

Hijikata-san never paused his writing, but that didn't mean I didn't see the hesitation in the movements of his hand. He sighed again and shot me an exasperated look.

"If I don't tell you, you're just going to keep pestering me until I do, huh?" he said.

He finished writing the sentence he was working on before he put down his calligraphy brush.

"I might as well tell you now, but keep the information quiet for now. Even not all the captains know this yet. Four days ago, on June 1st, Saito and Gen-san arrested two men. In attempts to save themselves, those two unfaithful dogs spilled some confidential information to Saito and Gen-san. According to those two men we arrested, the Choshu are planning to assassinate Matsudaira Katamori and to burn the Imperial Palace. We don't know how much truth there is to those words, so in order to keep a closer eye on things, we're allowing the Choshu to continue to operate while our spies keep an eye on things."

I sat quietly as I digested those heavy words before I scrunched my brows together in disapproval.

"If that's the case, you were right not to allow Chizuru-chan to go with the guys on rounds earlier. I know Chizuru-chan's words and actions may have touched you before, but you really shouldn't have changed your mind." It felt like there were ants crawling up my arms and down my spine the more I thought about the dangerous situation. "What happens if Choshu really do plan to do all that? Or what if the Choshu decide to change their plan and go for something more extreme? With Chizuru-chan out there, can the Shinsengumi really act properly with Chizuru-chan in the way? It's not a case of whether or not Chizuru-chan will get in the way, but more of where and when she will get in the way."

"Yeah, but—well," Hijikata-san said as he resumed work on his document with confidence. "I'm sure nothing of that sort will happen, at least today."

"You sure?"

He made a sound that vaguely sounded like the word yes. Then without skipping a beat, he passed the document he just completed to me before he started drafting another one. "Read that for me, will you? Make sure it makes sense."

I glanced at the paper set before me. It was a report on Uchiyama Hikojiro assassination in Osaka, which occurred just a few weeks before hand. Hijikata-san probably planned on delivering the report to Matsudaira-san later this week.

"So, I've been meaning to ask you about this nerve graft you recommended for Sannan-san," Hijikata-san said before pausing his writing to sip some of his tea. He looked slightly disappointed when he realized the tea had cooled considerably. "When is it going to take place?"

I snorted, pausing my proofreading without taking my eyes off the paper. "You can ask me that same question a million times and the answer will still be the same. I don't know. The variables are too great to calculate a timeframe right now. Plus, the new equipment I need for the surgery are nowhere close to being completed. I will not operate with faulty equipment. All I can tell you is that Sannan-san will be waiting a while."

There was the crinkling of crisp paper as I placed the document Hijikata-san just handed me back on the desk.

"Hey, over here…" I said pointing to an elegant looking character of the sheet. "You left a word out and your punctuation is a little off here. Better fix it and rewrite the report before sending it off."

Hijikata-san grumbled some words under his breath as he reread what I was pointing to before he went ahead and blotted out a few words with a few messy splotches of ink. In the margins of the document, he made small notes for himself and corrections. Once that was done, Hijikata-san placed his brush down only so he could place a pile of documents in front of me without getting ink everywhere.

"Read these too, will you? Some of these were written by Takeda and he thinks he's too important to proofread. I don't want to send anything off without making sure there are no mistakes."

I hummed in response before taking the first sheet in the pile. It was a patrol report written by Takeda. I'll admit, Takeda was pretty talented when it came to writing and he made considerably fewer mistakes than Hijikata-san did while writing, but one had to be careful when reading what Takeda wrote. He liked to embellish events and make himself look more important by taking credit for other people's deeds, so one couldn't just blindly believe what was written on Takeda's reports.

"Hey, Hijikata-san?" I said as another thought came to mind.

"Hmm...?"

"I'm worried about the Shinsengumi's health in general."

Hijikata-san paused his work again. He placed a hand on the document I was working on away so he could have my full attention.

"That came out of nowhere. What do you mean by that?"

"You do realize that a good chunk of the Shinsengumi's foot soldiers are out of commission today, right? There was a bad bout of food poisoning last night and this morning because the ones in charge of procuring groceries bought and cooked soiled fish. And food poisoning isn't even the main concern."

The Shinsengumi was a police force. It was a high-risk job that was also physically demanding. How the hell did we not have a mandatory health screening in place? The men of the Shinsengumi had to remain healthy to do their jobs effectively, yet we had nothing in place to ensure that. Plus, what would we even do if there was an emergency out in the city and there weren't enough people to deal with it because everyone was sick? What a bloody nightmare.

"This food poisoning bout has not only shown me that the men don't know how to identify food safe for eating, but also that they don't know how to cook a nutritionally balanced meal. Not knowing how to cook a properly balanced meal hasn't affected you or the other guys because both Chizuru-chan and I cook for you guys, but the foot soldiers aren't so lucky. If the men don't know how to prepare a balanced meal, their health will be the first to go. Then there's also the matter of so many people living so closely together. As I told you before multiple times, illnesses travel faster when there are so many hosts[1] so closely packed together, and not to mention the mess some of them live in. Insects and other vectors hidden in the mess help carry and spread illness."

"You do have a point," Hijikata-san said before sighing. He pushed his bangs back as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I guess just having a medical wing isn't enough. It would probably be easier to prevent illness in the long run rather than it would be to deal with outbreaks of illness. So, you have an idea, right? Wouldn't be bringing this up if you didn't."

"I want to have mandatory health screenings put into place. Two times a year would be best and one time a year would be the very minimum I would accept," I practically demanded. "It's not like we don't have the resources to do so either. You wouldn't even have to hire an outside doctor to do it. Yamazaki-san and I are more than experienced enough to conduct them, and even Chizuru-chan could once I teach her some more."

"These mandatory health screenings take time to conduct. It's not like the Shinsengumi can just stop patrolling for one day just so the men could get their health checked. But I see your point," Hijikata-san finally conceded. "I can't promise you anything yet, but I can look into it."

Fair enough.

The room, afterward, was just filled with the quiet sounds of Hijikata-san passing me more papers to proofread and me pointing out mistakes. And the whole afternoon **_could_** have just passed peacefully like that. Too bad that it didn't.

Because a man named Masu Kiemon happened. Or should I say Furutaka Shuntaro, since that was the man's real name.

When Souji returned from patrol, not that he actually completed his full rounds because he came back to headquarters less than an hour after he left, he had a bruised, tied up Furutaka tossed over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes while the men of the First Division carried in boxes of stockpiled weapons and other detainees. Things moved extremely quickly from that point on. Furutaka was left in the "company" of Hijikata-san along with other various ominous items such as long spikes and hot wax while Souji and Chizuru-chan were corralled into the main hall by a very testy Sannan-san. Seeing as I had to breastfeed Ryota by then, I didn't join most of the others in the main hall until much later when the sun was finally starting to set. By then, Sannan-san had exhausted most of his unkind words.

However, having to breastfeed Ryota away from the others in a silent room just meant there was no chatter to block out the screams. The screams all came from the holding cells. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.

Torture.

That was something bothered me far more than the killing did. At least with death, there's an end. Torture was messy. It maimed those who endured it and twisted the morals of those who performed it. The process also never guaranteed the truth of the information gathered either, not when those being tortured would say anything just to get the pain to stop.

I closed my eyes and let the echoed memories of the screams fade away in my mind as I focused on Sannan-san's scolding and Ryota's cheerful gurgling as the happy baby squirmed in Saito-san's arms.

"You don't need to lose your head over it, Sannan-san," Souji commented just as the scolding died down. "After all, we arrested a couple of Choshu people."

It was the wrong thing to say to Sannan-san.

"Not something to lose my head over? Not something to lose my head over?!" Sannan-san scowled as he was instantly wound up again. "My head is right where it belongs, Okita-kun. Perhaps you should inquire after **_yours_**. The man claiming to be Masu Kiemon was, in truth, Furutaka Shuntaro, a Choshu spy. You were aware that the Shinsengumi was allowing him to operate in hope of gathering enemy intel?"

Souji looked exasperated and exhausted from the scolding as he crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively.

"Yes, I was, but we didn't have a choice this time," Souji explained once more, but it was more like he was talking to a wall now rather than a person. "I had to bring him in."

"Well, it's not like it was a total bust," Sano-san interjected good-naturedly, doing his best to curb the scolding. "Like Souji said, they did arrest some guys."

"But don't you feel bad for Shimada-san and Yamazaki-san?" Heisuke asked, the corners of his mouth twitching up as he gestured to the two men that were seated to the left of Sannan-san. Yamazaki-san was still dressed in his disguise as a fishmonger and Shimada-san in his outfit as a butcher. "They were staking out to keep an eye on Furutaka."

Shimada-san calmly interrupted Heisuke before he could continue picking at Souji. "We appreciate your concern, Toudou-san, but nobody needs to lose any sleep on our account. We were getting nowhere with Masu's the last few days anyway. Okita-san did us a favor."

Yamazaki-san nodded in silent agreement, although he didn't look too happy to be admitting that Souji did him a favor.

"Furutaka's arrest is over and done. You won't hear any complaints from us about it," Yamazaki-san firmly stated just for the sake of closure.

However, not all people were content to just let things slide.

"Man, you two are the definition of stoic and reasonable. Souji, on the other hand…"

There was no way Shinpachi-san was going to let everything go without rubbing Souji's mistake into his face first. Luckily for Shinpachi-san, Souji was too drained from Sannan-san's lecture to even promise a prank in revenge. I, on the other hand…

Because I had known Souji since childhood, I wasn't too fond of anyone picking on Souji even if it was just for the sake of good fun. There were just too many bad memories and triggers.

Well, I could be a vindictive bitch when I wanted to and I believe Shinpachi-san could stand to eat a little less during each meal in the future. Don't want him to get "fat" after all.

"I'm so sorry…," Chizuru-chan then finally interjected after being entirely silent the whole time. She looked down at her lap while twiddling with her fingers. "It's all my fault. Some ronin were causing trouble, so I tried to get out of the way… I got separated from Okita-san in the crowd, and I didn't go right back to him… Before I really realized what was going on, someone just started shouting at me…"

The harsh expression on Sannan-san's face didn't even relent in the face of such a sincere apology.

"But who was tasked with looking after you?" Sannan-san pressed with a glare as his voice grew darker than ever. Chizuru-chan's mouth seemed to go dry afterward and was rendered unable to retort. "The captain of our First Division can't even track a charge. Is this the best the Shinsengumi can do?"

There was the soft thud and the click of a door opening. "I told her she could go. They were only following orders," Hijikata-san said just as he stepped in through the door. Otou-san entered the room shortly after Hijikata-san.

Hijikata-san didn't bother sitting as he closed the door. Seeing Hijikata-san step through the door, Sannan-san gave Hijikata-san a tight wry smile, but Hijikata-san merely gave Sannan-san an impartial glance in return. If Hijikata-san only spared Sannan-san that much attention, then…

"What did you find out?" I asked, rudely cutting Sano-san off just as he opened his mouth. "Does it have to do with what we were talking about earlier…? Did something change?"

"Their plan has become even more extreme. They're going to wait for a day when the wind picks up, then set Kyoto on fire and kidnap the Emperor while everyone else is losing their shit."

Hijikata-san said that with such a straight face that I had to do a double take when the words finally clicked in my mind.

"Burn down the city?" Shinpachi-san exclaimed with a pinched brow and disbelief. "Those Choshu guys are crazier than I thought."

Heisuke, on the other hand, looked extremely put off by the tidbit of information. "So, they just want to kidnap the Emperor? Seems a little contradictory for a bunch of guys who call themselves Imperialists."

Saito-san nodded in agreement. "Whatever their reasons, we cannot ignore them," he said before he returned a now sleepy Ryota to me. Upon Ryota's return to my arms, Ryota placed his head on my chest and immediately started to nod off after a small yawn.

"So, they need to be put away before they can act, right?" I asked. While my outward appearance did nothing to reflect any nervousness that was building up in my chest, my heart was racing away in my chest. This wasn't going to be like dealing with violent ronin on the streets.

This was going to be a proper raid. There was going to be organized fighting involved. It wasn't going to be like that one time they got called on last year to be reserves. They were actually going into battle while I would be forced to remain behind once more.

Same as always, there was no point in worrying. My confidence in everyone's abilities was still there, but there was always that poisonous "what if" lurking in the back of my mind. What if something goes wrong? What if someone gets killed? What if everyone was walking into a trap? The thought of Souji and the guys going into battle still scared the life out of me and I doubted that was going to change anytime soon.

Otou-san nodded, looking more determined than ever. He appeared oblivious to my worries. "Toshi and I decided we need to deal with this now. They are most likely going to meet tonight, so we need to get ready to move out."

Then almost like Hijikata-san had an afterthought, he turned to Chizuru-chan, his eyes softening when he laid his eyes on her. "We did get some information on Kodo," he said, causing Chizuru-chan to sit up straighter. "Apparently, he visited Masu's with some men from the west."

"What?!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed. Ryota's nose wrinkled at Chizuru-chan's sudden loud voice. Thankfully he didn't burst into tears.

"So," Hijikata-san said, "the rumors that he was seen in Kyoto were true, but that's all there is to it."

"My chichi-ue was with someone from the west…?" Chizuru-chan then mumbled to herself once everything sunk in. "But Otou-san went missing in Kyoto. How would he be with someone from the west…"

No one had an answer for her.

Preparations for the raid began immediately. Within moments after the initial meeting, the compound was like a beehive during the honey-making season. Soldiers and officers ran back and forth, rushing to carry out their orders in a timely manner. The tension in the main hall was thick enough to cut with a knife and the humidity of the summer night air did nothing but make things even tenser. Chizuru-chan, who lingered in the main hall after the meeting looked absolutely lost.

"Hey, can I…," she said to a nearby soldier who ignored her as he rushed to complete his orders. "Oh…"

It was sad to see how much she shrunk when she realized she had very little to offer when it came to preparing for the raid. Feeling a little bad for her, seeing as she felt like she caused nothing but trouble today, I waved her over.

"Chizuru-chan, come here," I said. She wasted no time jogging over to me. "Because there's going to be fighting, there will undoubtedly be wounded. I'll need you to help me prepare the medical wing in a bit."

She immediately brightened up. "Oh, okay!" she chirped.

Then out of the blue, Chizuru-chan and I heard Saito-san as he was speaking to Sano-san nearby.

"We don't have enough men. The Chief only has ten soldiers ready to fight."

I felt my chest tighten uncomfortably as it suddenly became a little more difficult to breath. Thankfully Ryota was now in the onbuhimo that was now strapped to my back instead of my front. If he wasn't, I'm afraid I would have dropped him right there. Chizuru-chan caught the subtle hitch in my breathing and glanced back at me with concern.

"Hijikata-san and I have twenty-four apiece, right?" Sano-san replied to Saito-san with the strangest calm I had had ever heard. "Everyone's sick! Not so funny, eh Saito?"

"Shizuka-san?" Chizuru-chan asked before she grabbed my hand. She furrowed her brows at me. "Your hands are so cold! And you're shaking!"

I offered her a halfhearted smile. "You're sweet for worrying about me. I'm just a little nervous, that's all. It might seem a little strange to you since you see them as completely proficient in their jobs, but for me? I grew up with most of them. It scares me a little to see them marching off into battle. It's something I never got used to. Why don't you head to the medical wing first? I'll join you after I speak to Souji and Otou-san."

Chizuru-chan seemed a little hesitant to leave at first, but she eventually relented and left me to my business. Not wasting time, I hastily rushed towards Souji and Otou-san, almost crashing into them before skidding to a stop. Souji quickly grabbed my shoulders to prevent me from losing my balance and tipping over.

"Whoa, calm down there," Souji said, offering me a confident grin.

"Are you okay, Shizu-chan? You look a little pale." Otou-san quickly tucked a finger under my chin to raise my face so he could carefully examine me. "You're not feeling a little sick too, are you?"

I shook my head. "I'm okay," I lied, I didn't want to give them something else to worry about. "So, what's the plan?"

"There's a higher chance of the Choshu meeting at Shikokuya than at Ikedaya," Otou-san explained. "So, Toshi's going to take twenty-four men to Shikokuya while I head to Ikedaya with ten."

"What?!" I nearly screeched. Did he have a few screws loose in his head? "That's insane! What if they're at Ikedaya? What can you do with ten men?"

"Mah, mah, mah," Otou-san said way too lightheartedly as he patted my shoulder. "I'll be fine. I'll have Souji, Nagakura, and Heisuke with me."

I must have turned as pale as a sheet because Souji quickly grabbed my shoulders again to keep me steady. He swiftly steered me outside for some fresh air. Once outside, he encouraged me to take several deep breaths. So much for not worrying anyone.

"Shizuka, you don't need to worry. We know what we're doing even if it looks like we're at a disadvantage," he said as he laid a hand on my cheeks.

"You know I would feel better if I was allowed to come along," I muttered as I grabbed his hand dolefully. He offered me a small regretful smile.

"I know, but then who would watch Ryota?" _especially if something went wrong,_ went unsaid.

I sighed and gave Souji a mournful expression.

"Shizuka, don't be like this. Smile for me?"

I did my best for Souji, but the smile still came out somewhat lacking. However, it was still enough for Souji. As I watched the men leave for the raid, I never wanted to faint more.

* * *

[1] The Epidemiologic Triangle is a model that scientists have developed for studying health problems. It can help your students understand infectious diseases and how they spread. and facts. The Triangle has three corners (called vertices):

· Agent, or microbe that causes the disease (the "what" of the Triangle)

· Host, or organism harboring the disease (the "who" of the Triangle)

· Environment, or those external factors that cause or allow disease transmission (the "where" of the Triangle)


	59. Chapter 59

So... FGO happened and now I'm addicted... *coughs*

* * *

 **Chapter 59**

 _"If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever." ― Dalai Lama XIV_

I watched in silence as Chizuru-chan shook out the final blanket with an audible snap before laying it on the last futon in the column of futons. The set up in the medical wing was cold and clinical with straight edges and sharp corners, but it was functional. It was practical. It was exactly what we needed if we were to respond to an emergency. Now I could only pray that the raid would end flawlessly and that setting up these beds would be a colossal waste of time.

However, the heavy weight sitting on my chest and crushing my lungs said otherwise.

Intuition told me there was something wrong here. I didn't know what and it cultivated the growing terror in my mind.

"Okay," Chizuru-chan said, shaking me from my thoughts. Her voice was a little higher pitch than normal, indicating she was nervous too. "All the bedding is set up just in case some of the men come back injured. Is there anything else? Like any equipment we have to prepare?"

I placed my hand over my chest to slow my racing heart and feigned confidence. "No, we're good. I set aside all the bandages and tools we may need while you were setting up the bedding. We should head back to the main hall where Sannan-san is and wait for the men to come back now."

Chizuru-chan nodded, throwing one glance at the bandage-covered counter before trotting after me as soon as I left the room. And while headquarters was far from being empty, considering how many sick men stayed behind, it was far too quiet for my tastes. Everything felt too eerie, too… dead.

On this stifling humid night, the wooden floors creaked as the planks expanded and contracted in the heat. Those sick with food poisoning moaned and groaned, hiding away in their dormitories while curled into tight balls with hands clutching their pained stomachs. With the wind dead, the clouds blocked out all the stars and hid away the moon's brilliance. Headquarters felt more like a haunted building than a home. It caused chills to crawl up my spine like a thousand needles. I did my best to ignore the uncomfortable tingling as I slid the doors of the main hall open to rejoin Sannan-san.

Sannan-san looked up from the lantern he was staring at as soon as he heard the door open.

"Ah, Shizuka-chan," Sannan-san said, his voice filled with false pleasantries. "Done with preparations?"

I offered a wordless smile in response, quickly taking a seat when I felt my legs weaken. In selfish attempt to comfort myself, I disturbed Ryota's sound sleep as I removed Ryota from the sling just so I could cradle him against my chest in my arms. Ryota whined a little to protest the disturbance, but he was quick to drift off again as soon as he leaned his head against my chest.

"We're done," Chizuru-chan responded for me as soon as she saw me fussing over Ryota. "So, what do we do now?"

A sad yet bitter smile emerged on Sannan-san's lips as he turned his attention to Chizuru-chan.

"I'm sure it was only out of courtesy, but the chief has asked me to protect the compound," he said. And while he managed to keep the venom out of his tone, I could see it mixing with his self-loathing in his eyes. "It's almost devoid of anyone of importance, but someone may try to attack us for that very reason. Yukimura-kun, I must ask you to stay where I can see you. I may need to give you orders should the worst occur."

Chizuru-chan nodded innocently. "Okay."

She then glanced at me briefly before her eyes fell on my naginata that was placed inside the room near where I was sitting. Souji had retrieved it from our room for me before he left.

"Just in case," Souji had said before he left. I had honestly hoped he wasn't being serious when he said that, but he handed a weapon to me when I had a **_baby_** napping in the baby sling secured onto my back.

Chizuru-chan swallowed before turning her gaze back onto Sannan-san. She hesitated slightly before saying, "Does that mean… You'll protect me?"

She appeared taken back when a dry laugh spilled from Sannan-san's mouth.

"Well, I should hope I'll be more useful than the men who've been confined to their beds, at least," Sannan-san gibbed without that same sad smile leaving his face. An envious sideways glance then was shot towards me. "But when it comes to protection, Shizuka-chan would be more useful than me at the current moment, even if she were to have a baby in one arm."

"I don't know about that," I rebuffed him as I readjust Ryota's blanket, re-wrapping it bit more loosely around Ryota. "Wounds by tongue are sharper than those given by the sword."

I had instant regrets after saying that. I had said nothing wrong. In fact, what I said was a compliment. But my words did nothing more than remind Sannan-san of what he once had and lost. Sannan-san grabbed the elbow of his nonfunctional arm in silence as he slumped in his seat, hanging his head defeat. The silence grew into a bitter cold that made even the hottest of summer nights feel like an arctic freeze.

"Sannan-san…"

The shaking of his head was enough to render me wordless and allowed the silence to stretch out between us until it grew to a suffocating degree. I felt like I would have lost my mind if it weren't for the sounds of Ryota's soft breathing breaking up the oppressive silence. Then, as if the heavens heard a prayer of some sort, the silence was shattered by the soft thump of the door sliding open. I felt like I could almost kiss Yamazaki-san as he came through the door.

Yamazaki-san knelt down on one knee as he delivered his report.

"Colonel, we've confirmed that the Choshu are meeting at Ikeda."

I just about choked on the air when I heard the message. This message wasn't heaven sent at all.

The Choshu are meeting at Ikeda.

At Ikeda.

 ** _Ikeda._**

There was only a total of about ten men at that site. Nine if I didn't include Takeda, since he was practically useless anyway. He'd probably just find a way to avoid joining in on the raid since he didn't like to do the heavy lifting himself. But most importantly, Otou-san and Souji were sent to that site. Heisuke and Shinpachi-san were sent to that site.

They didn't have enough men.

My heart was about ready to burst upon hearing the report. My stomach, on the other hand, pretty much just revolted against me. I coughed, causing my eyes to tear up as I dry heaved several times. There was nothing in my stomach to throw up. In my anxiety, I could not stomach food and skipped dinner.

"The Ikeda Inn?!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed, slapping her hands over her mouth before she gasped.

Sannan-san, on the other hand, appeared far calmer than me and Chizuru-chan. He merely closed his eyes briefly at the news as he rubbed his knee with his good hand.

"Oh dear…," Sannan-san said with a surprisingly light tone. I would have accused him of being flippant if it weren't for the serious expression on his face. "That's less than desirable. The Shinsengumi has never been good with chance." He paused to spare me a worried glance before refocusing on Yamazaki-san. "Yamazaki-kun, can you do me a favor?"

Yamazaki-san nodded curtly as he kept his eyes trained on Sannan-san.

"First go tell Hijikata-san that the enemy is meeting at Ikeda. He should still be on his way to Shikoku." Sannan-san then looked to Chizuru-chan, startling her enough to jump. "And I'm sorry to trouble you with it, but I need you to take Yukimura-kun with you as well."

Send Chizuru-chan too? Was Sannan-san **_insane_**?

Chizuru-chan was too inexperienced!

That was my father and husband out there fighting. It was his friends and my family out there that was in danger and he had the gall to send this inexperienced little girl who got lost easily?

"Sannan-san!" I hissed, nearly jumping to my feet. "What are you thinking?! Or rather, are you even thinking at all?! There's too much at stake here!"

"Pardon me, but I agree with Okita-sensei," Yamazaki-san affirmed with a pinched brow. "I can convey the message myself. There is no need to take Yukimura with me."

Chizuru-chan nodded in a confused agreement. She looked to me first, hoping to glean an answer from my expression to why Sannan-san would want her with Yamazaki-san. She then frowned herself before focusing on Sannan-san's glasses rather than the man himself.

"Why me?" Chizuru-chan asked. Her voice was so muted that she almost sounded like she was mumbling. "I feel like if I were to go with him, I would only be a burden…"

Sannan-san's gaze was cold. "You may be a burden, but at the end of it, you could also save someone's life if you're lucky." He then turned his attention back onto Yamazaki-san, making it a point to ignore me now. "There may be ronin out to intercept you. And besides, there is a chance that Choshu has reinforcements. If your message were to be intercepted, then you will surely not reach the Vice Commander in time. Do you see what I'm trying to say…?"

"Yes." Yamazaki-san relented to my extreme disappointment. "If the worst should happen, I can hold off any Choshu ronin and give her the message."

"If that's the case, I should be the one going, not Chizuru-chan!" I interjected with a yell, jolting Ryota awake. "Chizuru-chan has never been outside without an escort! How do you know she will be able to get the message to Hijikata-san on time? What if she gets lost?! Plus, if the Choshu have reinforcements, who's to say she won't get caught by them? Do you have faith she'll be able to defend herself? I'm the better choice to send!"

All Sannan-san did was smile softly at me with that same calm demeanor, making me want to kick him. I was sick of the amount of calmness Sannan-san was displaying! I wanted something, anything, to show me that he was just a little panicked about the situation. Without any agitation, it almost felt like Sannan-san had just given up. I needed to know, somehow, that he didn't.

"Shizuka-chan, may I ask who will take care of little Ryota should you get killed out there? And if Okita-kun should too?"

Being asked such a serious question straight off the bat made me almost think that I misheard Sannan-san. I did a double-take and then suddenly I could hear again.

Ryota was crying. He had been crying since I woke him with my yell. I never noticed before. All my protests died as I did my best to soothe Ryota's cries.

Sannan-san let out a sigh. "True, you may be better suited for the task, but you are also less expendable. Who will care for our troops' injuries if you're not here? Yamazaki-kun is less experienced than you are and while you are training Yukimura-kun at the current moment, the amount of training is not enough." His smile then became bitter once more. "And while this is considerably selfish of me, I will not let you go deliver this message. If you should meet your untimely end out there, I would need to use an… unsavory method to fix my arm. You don't want that, do you?"

So even if I were to disagree with Sannan-san I would have been forced to stay behind. It was a cruel yet effective method to use the Water of Life to hold me in my place. I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood as I rocked Ryota back and forth. Bitter defeat.

"You've made your point, Sannan-san," I mumbled. I swallowed all the moisture in my mouth, leaving it dry as I turned to Chizuru-chan. "Please, I beg you, do as Sannan-san says."

"But…" Chizuru-chan's voice shook a little as she spoke. Her eyes darted between me and Yamazaki-san as she wrung her fingers. "Isn't there someone else that could do this job? What about Shimada-san?"

Yamazaki-san shook his head, his eyes softening a little as he watched Chizuru-chan. His voice was uncharacteristically gentle when he spoke to her.

"Unfortunately, I can't guarantee your safety. If you can manage, you're welcome to join me."

Chizuru-chan remained silent for a few seconds. Conflict reflected in her eyes as she weighed her choices and the consequences of each choice. Then she sucked in a shaky breath before a hidden spine of steel revealed itself, calming me more than I care to admit.

"I'll go," she said with a nod. Her hands clenched into fists and her voice no longer wavered. "I can take care of myself. You don't need to worry about me. And…," she turned to me and laid a comforting hand on my knee. "I promise I won't fail!"

Sannan-san gave her a smile of approval before sending a silent order to Yamazaki-san with a short nod.

"Very well," Yamazaki-san said, rising to his feet. I accept your request, Colonel."

He then bowed at Sannan-san before bolting from the room with such speed that Chizuru-chan had to scramble to her feet and sprint after him. There was nothing else to say after Chizuru-chan went with Yamazaki-san and the silence left in their vacancy would have driven me insane if it weren't for Ryota's fussy cries. Once Ryota had stopped fussing, I couldn't stand the maddening silence anymore. Against Sannan-san's protests, I left for the medical wing once more to wait out the rest of the night.

Everything passed like a blur, all the events of the night felt like they were running into each other like a tangible mess. Time passed too fast. Time passed too slow. I had to breastfeed Ryota while it felt like I was changing his diaper at the same time. Nothing felt separate. Nothing felt real or solid. The sun was rising. The sky was still dark.

It was all like a waking dream. An unending nightmare.

Then…

"Move, move, MOVE!"

The spell was broken as the unending quiet was shattered like a broken mirror. I jolted awake from my trance as the world around me became vocal once more. There was the scattered chirping of birds singing. There was the sound of rushing footsteps everywhere. There was the barking of orders.

It was Otou-san's voice!

I scrambled to my feet, accidentally jostling Ryota awake as I bolted to the doors of the medical wing. Hooking a foot around the bottom of one of the doors, I practically kicked it open and nearly ran directly into Hijikata-san as I set a foot outside. Before I could lose my balance and tip onto him. Hijikata-san swiftly grabbed me by the shoulders to steady.

"Where's Otou-san and Souji?" I interrogated him before he could even say anything to me.

"Shizuka?!" Hijikata-san then averted his gaze. "Kondou-san is ordering some of the men around. But Souji…"

My heart froze painfully as my knees weakened. Hijikata-san was hesitating. He was **_hesitating_**.

Without waiting for a proper answer, I thrust a screaming Ryota into his arms and sprinted into the courtyard, ignoring Hijikata-san as he hollered after me.

"Shizuka! Wait!"

Before I could make it into the courtyard, or even completely down the hallway, I collided into Chizuru-chan. I bowled her over before tripping and falling on top of her. Chizuru-chan let out a squeak just as all the air was squeezed from her lungs. Then just as quickly as I fell on top of her. I was plucked off of her by a familiar redhead.

"Whoa!" Sano-san said as he set me back on my feet. Like a proper gentleman, he offered Chizuru-chan a hand and helped pull her back on her feet. "You two okay there? You're a little excited Shizuka."

"Where's Souji?" I blurted.

Suddenly, Sano-san looked like he rather be anywhere else rather than here. Chizuru-chan started to look as panicked as I did.

"Okita-san was injured during the raid!" Chizuru-chan suddenly yelled before she grabbed my hand.

My heart stopped and my blood turned into ice just as she pointed at the men Shinpachi-san were ordering around. On the old wooden doors the men had managed to turn into makeshift stretchers, I could see Souji and Heisuke. Then all the sudden, the only color I could see was red. The red coming in steady streams from the awful wound I could see on Heisuke's forehead just beneath his bangs. The red around Souji's mouth that stained his lips and teeth.

But then I could still see their chests rising and falling.

They were still breathing.

Then it was like someone abruptly slapped me and my eyes opened. My tunnel vision was gone and there were two other men in front of me. Foot soldiers in critical condition. One looked like he had been gutted and even had part of his colon hanging outside of his abdomen. The other man still had a kodachi running through him, straight through the liver.

I was a damn trauma surgeon.

I was **_their_** trauma surgeon.

What the hell was I doing?

When did **_I_** lose my spine? It shouldn't matter if some of those among the injured were family. I had a damn job to do.

"Bring the injured into the medical wing now! Get the injured into those futons now and make sure to lay Souji on his side, not his back!" I barked, steeling myself before I swerved back around with orders. "Chizuru-chan! I want you to find Yamazaki-san. I need as many hands as I can get right now. Sano-san, come help me."

Despite the severity of the situation, I could have sworn that I saw a proud smirk emerge on Hijikata-san's face as I marched past him to reenter the medical wing. Throwing on a clean apron and pulling on gloves with a snap, I turned around with sharp eyes to evaluate my first patient. Now was not the time to break.

Heisuke was in the first futon. In the corners of my eyes, I could Chizuru-chan reenter the room with Yamazaki-san. They made a beeline for the more severely injured men in the room first, leaving Heisuke and Souji in my care, which I'm pretty sure they did as a curtesy. I quickly knelt by Heisuke and pushed the eyelids of one of his eyes open so I could get a clear view of the pupil.

"Heisuke, do you know where you are?" I head one finger in front of his face. "Follow my finger with your eyes."

"Shizuka?" Heisuke murmured. Good. No slurred speech and his pupils appeared normal. "I was at… No… Are we back at headquarters? Sorry, I don't feel like saying much. I have a killer headache. Some dude punched me really hard in the head."

It was impossible not smile at Heisuke. His injuries looked horrific because of all the blood, but other than a concussion[1], he had one of the most superficial injuries of the men that had to be carried back.

"How about your neck? If you got punched… Do you have whiplash?"

"Now that you mention it… my neck's kinda sore… Am I gonna be okay?"

I grabbed a cotton gauze and used it to apply pressure on the wound. The gauze soaked through near immediately and had to be changed.

"You'll be just fine," I said as I waved Sano-san a little closer. "The wound just needs to be cleaned before being sutured shut. All you have to do is sleep off the headache afterward. I can give you painkillers a little later to help you deal with neck pain."

I reached for a bottle of alcohol that was prepared beforehand. Pouring a generous amount onto a clean towel, I handed it to Sano-san before pulling off my gloves to exchange them for another pair of clean ones.

"I need you to clean Heisuke's wound and put just enough pressure on it for it to stop bleeding so profusely. Chizuru-chan will be by to suture it and bandage it later," I told Sano-san just as I stood again. "I need to go check on the others now."

"Got it."

The next patient was the one I was most anxious for. Souji.

Unlike Heisuke, he was completely unconscious. The blood from around his mouth and in his mouth told me he coughed all that blood up. Internal injuries. The sound of his raspy breathing told me he had free fluid in his lungs, but not enough so that he couldn't breathe. I could feel Hijikata-san hovering around behind me as he glanced over my shoulders.

"Do you know what happened to Souji?" I asked Hijikata-san as I reached for my laryngoscope. "Help me sit him up briefly. Who did you give Ryota to, by the way?"

Unfortunately, this laryngoscope[2] couldn't be used with as much ease as the modern ones could. Precise control of the mirrors was required to light up my view. However, it was enough to see deep enough into his throat. Other than a few flecks of blood, there was nothing obstructing his airway. I had Hijikata-san lay Souji back down.

"I passed Ryota to Saito," Hijikata-san answered. "As for what happened to Souji. He took a hard blow to his chest before he started coughing up blood. My guess is that his lungs got injured."

I nodded as a show of acknowledgment. Placing my hands on Souji's chest, I applied a light pressure to examine the condition of his rib cage. From the initial examination, I knew his lungs weren't filling up with blood, therefore none of his ribs had been forced into his lungs. Nothing was broken and there was no abnormal swelling. It was unlikely there was a pulmonary laceration[3]. No swelling meant there was no blood filling the pleural cavity[4].

I sighed in tangible relief, causing Hijikata-san to glance at me curiously.

"What is it?" he asked.

"A minor pulmonary contusion, meaning he has something akin to a bruise on his lungs. The blood is from the damage to the capillaries surrounding the alveolar spaces. The blood and other possible fluids collecting in the lung tissue interferes with gas exchange." I discarded my gloves and pushed the bangs out of my eyes. "While this condition may be serious in some cases, Souji only has a minor case. He probably didn't even lose consciousness from this."

"Then why is he unconscious?"

"Heat exhaustion[5], most likely. Last night was hot and humid, right? Causes of heat exhaustion include exposure to high temperatures, particularly when combined with high humidity, and strenuous activity. It also doesn't help that he was wearing an extra layer of clothing. Hijikata-san, can you help cool him down with a wet towel and a fan? We just need to make sure he doesn't get a heatstroke[6] and that he gets plenty of rest."

Hijikata-san let out his own sigh of relief. With the tension gone from his face, he looked ten years younger.

"Chizuru-chan?" I called her.

"Y-Yes?"

"Trade places with me. Those two you've been working on need to go into surgery. I'll take it from here. I need you to take care of Heisuke's wound."

"Got it!"

I pinched my brows together as I had some men move the two critically injured men into different rooms. Both couldn't wait, so Yamazaki-san was going to have to take one while I took the other one. We were both already functioning on no sleep and now we were going to have to operate? It was going to be a long day. And headache inducing too.

Those two had severe blood loss and with no blood bank, getting a blood transfusion done was going to be a nightmare.

I took one more deep breath before I entered the operating room. I had a kodachi to remove from someone's liver. I don't know if this was a good sign or not, but my stomach growled just as I picked up the scalpel.

And then seven hours later…

Seven hours. That's how long that kodachi extraction took. Seven long hours.

The man, his name was Goto, had a grade IV liver laceration, which consisted of parenchymal disruption involving 25% to 75% of a lobe, or in simpler terms, one to three segments of the liver. In all honesty, I had no idea if this man was going to live or not after the surgery. I didn't have my modern equipment. I didn't have the machinery to keep track of his vitals for me. This man was going to have a long road to recovery, and that was without any complications. Now if there were complications…

It would be messy.

As I exited Goto's recovery room and reentered the main portion of the medical wing, I shed my surgical gown and dumped it in the hamper near the door with less care than I'd care to admit. I paused mid yawn.

"Shinpat-san, you should really let Chizuru look at that cut," I heard Heisuke say from behind one of the room dividers that was put up earlier for privacy. He certainly sounded far more alert than he did all those hours ago.

"Nah, it's fine. I don't want Chizuru-chan to waste her time looking at something so small. Plus, it's already bandaged."

I heard Sano-san snort. "Yeah, really badly. It looks like your bandages are about to come unfurled at any second. The least you could have done was bandage it up properly."

"Meh, good enough, right Chizuru-chan?"

"B-But when I first saw it, I thought your thumb was about ready to fall off!" There was the sound of cloth rustling. "No, I think it's still best for me to look at it."

"Yes," Saito-san agreed. "The hand should be well taken care of. How can a warrior serve if he does not take proper care of his hand?"

There was then a loud gurgle followed with happy babbling sounds.

"Yes. See, even Ryota agrees."

"Mah, don't you think you're misinterpreting the baby sounds, Saito?" Shinpachi-san said.

I quietly poked my head out from just behind the room divider to see Shinpachi-san scrunch his nose up as he crossed his arms at Saito-san in exasperation. Ryota, who was sharing a futon with a very awake Souji, was waving his hands in the air as he attempted to grab Hijikata-san's hair. Otou-san, who was oblivious to what Ryota was attempting to do, just sat there next to Souji while rubbing Ryota's tummy.

"Ah, forget it," Hijikata-san ticked as he scratched the top of his head. "If Shinpachi wants his thumb to fall off, then let it fall off. Right now, what I'm more concerned with is Ryota's diminished appetite."

I furrowed my brows at that. However, Souji didn't seem the least bit concerned. In fact, Souji huffed as he waved away Hijikata-san's fussing with a flick of his wrist.

"Ryota doesn't need your fussing Hijikata-san," Souji said, rolling his eyes. "He just doesn't like the wet nurse you picked out for him. So, of course, he doesn't want to eat."

"I guess nothing beats the Okaa-san's milk," Inoue-san said with a small shake of his head before allowing his eyes to meet mine.

No more eavesdropping, I guess.

I saw Souji's eyes instantly brighten as he patted the spot beside him while giving me an expecting look. Ryota gurgled excitedly and reached for my finger the moment he saw me take my seat. Once he grabbed my hand, he promptly stuck my thumb in his mouth to use like a pacifier, causing Otou-san to chuckle at the sight.

"You used to do that too, Shizu-chan."

My cheeks grew hot at Otou-san's words. "No, I didn't!" I buried my face into Souji's side before abruptly pointing at Shinpachi-san's thumb. "Go get that fixed!"

"Eh?" Shinpachi-san looked like a deer in the headlights.

"Oh, will you look at that," Sano-san said with such a shit-eating smile on his face. He placed his hand on Shinpachi-san's shoulder before he began dragging a moaning Shinpachi-san away. "Okita-sensei has spoken."

"W-Wait for me!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed as she quickly left the room to scramble after those two men. "I'll go get a needle and some thread."

There was then a short moment of silence before Hijikata-san stood up. "I'll go make sure Shinpachi doesn't cause any trouble for Yukimura."

Like there was a magical switch flipped, Otou-san, Inoue-san, and even Saito-san all got up from their seats and followed Hijikata-san out of the room in single file. The only person who didn't leave was Heisuke and that was only because he was confined to bed rest. Instead, Heisuke let out a giant fake yawn before he turned onto his opposite side and pulled his covers over his head.

I could feel my eyebrow twitching. What the hell just happened?

Souji sighed. "They just wanted to give us some privacy. Sannan-san told us how panicked you were after we left," he said before running his fingers through his hair. He took some time to rub Ryota's tummy briefly before completely focusing on me. "Besides I need to tell you something."

He looked so serious that I thought I was imagining things for a moment.

"Tell me something…? Tell me what?"

"A man at Ikedya…"

 _The cold ring of steel against steel tore through the air as their blades collided, flashing lines of light though the suffocating darkness. Souji pushed his sword against his blonde opponent's sword before leaping back to disengage._

 _"Interesting," the blonde man said, holding his sword with one hand almost precariously._

 _There was something different about this man. He was as skinny as a rail, yet he managed to push Souji's sword away one-handed? This opponent was a notch above the rest._

 _"What's so interesting?" Souji asked, his feral smile growing to the point it looked like he had the fangs of a wild beast. "Never had an opponent who could block your strikes?"_

 _"Hmph! Hardly." The blond man narrowed his red eyes before his mouth curved into a smug smile. "For a moment, I thought you were something special, but it seems that it isn't the case. Though that scent… There's no mistaking it. It seems the Shinsengumi has stumbled upon the flower."_

 _"A flower? Well, it looks like someone's being oddly poetic."_

 _"Poetic? There's hardly anything poetic about a flower that reeks of death." The blond man then scoffed, his smug smile growing like he had found something amusing. "Pity, you and the Shinsengumi don't seem to be aware of what you've stumbled across. Yet to have it so near that the very scent would rub off on you… Ah, I see…"_

 _Souji growled. The way the man was acting pissed him off. Did his opponent think he was so superior to him that he could talk down to him? Well, everyone that has done that before had always come to regret it, so really, it was only a matter of time before he beat some sense into the man. Or, actually, there was a chance the blonde man would die first. Either way, it was his win._

 _"You're the married one. Captain of the First Division, is it? So, it's a woman this time. You have no idea what thing you've married."_

 _A red flag immediately rose in Souji's head. He narrowed his eyes dangerously at his opponent. Who was this man to think he could go after Shizuka? The man was either stupidly brave or overconfident, none of which sat well with Souji. Shizuka was his wife and he would have to be dead first in order for the man to even lay a hand on her._

 _"Keep my wife out of this. I'm your opponent and you're not getting out of here alive."_

 _"So, you think that the Higanbana is yours?" The man readjusted his stance, holding his sword firmly in front of him. "Very well. I pry her from your cold dead hands before you can learn how to use her!"_

 _The man then leaped, smashing his sword against Souji's with no intention of playing around anymore._

It suddenly felt my world was going to come crashing down. The first time I heard the word Higanbana, I didn't think much about it. It was just something in a legend Kenji-san was telling last year. But now? Me? The Higanbana? I had no idea what that meant, but it did tell me that someone out there knew I wasn't normal and wanted me dead for it.

"Shizuka, I don't want you going out on your own anymore no matter what," Souji said. I could feel his arms wrapping around my waist.

All I could do was nod in agreement.

Someone knew about me.

 ** _And it scared me._**

* * *

[1] This occurs from a mild blow to the head, either with or without loss of consciousness and can lead to temporary cognitive symptoms.

Symptoms may include headache, confusion, lack of coordination, memory loss, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, ringing in the ears, sleepiness, and excessive fatigue.

There's no specific cure for concussion. Rest and restricting activities allow the brain to recover. This means one should temporarily reduce sports, video games, TV, or too much socializing. Medications for headache pain, or odansetron or other anti-nausea medications can be used for symptoms.

[2] Laryngoscopy is endoscopy of the larynx, a part of the throat. It is a medical procedure that is used to obtain a view, for example, of the vocal folds and the glottis. Laryngoscopy may be performed to facilitate tracheal intubation during general anaesthesia or cardiopulmonary resuscitation or for surgical procedures on the larynx or other parts of the upper tracheobronchial tree.

[3] A pulmonary laceration is a chest injury in which lung tissue is torn or cut. An injury that is potentially more serious than pulmonary contusion, pulmonary laceration involves disruption of the architecture of the lung, while pulmonary contusion does not. Pulmonary laceration is commonly caused by penetrating trauma but may also result from forces involved in blunt trauma such as shear stress. A cavity filled with blood, air, or both can form. The injury is diagnosed when collections of air or fluid are found on a CT scan of the chest. Surgery may be required to stitch the laceration, to drain blood, or even to remove injured parts of the lung. The injury commonly heals quickly with few problems if it is given proper treatment; however it may be associated with scarring of the lung or other complications.

[4] In human anatomy, the pleural cavity is the thin fluid-filled space between the two pulmonary pleurae (visceral and parietal) of each lung. A pleura is a serous membrane which folds back onto itself to form a two-layered membranous pleural sac. The outer pleura (parietal pleura) is attached to the chest wall, but is separated from it by the endothoracic fascia. The inner pleura (visceral pleura) covers the lungs and adjoining structures, including blood vessels, bronchi and nerves. The pleural cavity can be viewed as a potential space because the two pleurae adhere to each other (through the thin film of serous liquid) under all normal conditions.

[5] Heat exhaustion is a condition whose symptoms may include heavy sweating and a rapid pulse, a result of the body overheating. It's one of three heat-related syndromes, with heat cramps being the mildest and heatstroke being the most severe. Causes of heat exhaustion include exposure to high temperatures, particularly when combined with high humidity, and strenuous physical activity. Without prompt treatment, heat exhaustion can lead to heatstroke, a life-threatening condition. Fortunately, heat exhaustion is preventable.

[6] Heatstroke is a condition caused by the body overheating, usually as a result of prolonged exposure to or physical exertion in high temperatures. This most serious form of heat injury, heatstroke can occur if the body temperature rises to 104 F (40 C) or higher. Heatstroke requires emergency treatment. Untreated heatstroke can quickly damage the brain, heart, kidneys and muscles. The damage worsens the longer treatment is delayed, increasing the risk of serious complications or death.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

 _"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up." ― Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones_

A laugh and a squeal of excitement filled the room as Ryota bounced around on Otou-san's lap. His little hands grabbed at Otou-san's hakama, urging Otou-san's legs to bounce a little faster the moment they slowed. A boisterous hearty chuckle leaked from Otou-san's mouth as his mouth split into two from his large grin.

"Would you like the horsey to go faster?" Otou-san asked, promptly bouncing Ryota a little higher. Hijikata-san, who was seated right beside Otou-san, merely smiled and shook his head silently at the whole display.

There was another shriek of laughter before Ryota abruptly decided he wanted his father now instead and reached for Souji. Souji put down his lukewarm cup of tea and plucked his son from Otou-san's lap, quickly pulling Ryota closer to himself when Ryota's curious little hands started reaching for his abandoned cup of tea. Then as quickly as the cup of tea attracted Ryota's attention, the footsteps of another captured his curiosity.

"Woooo," Ryota squealed as he reached his arms up at Chizuru-chan as she reentered the main hall with some small cups saké and some small packets of powder.

Chizuru-chan's eyes twinkled joyfully at Ryota's excitement as the corner of her lips twitched up, but she remained focused on her task at hand.

"This is medicine," she said, distributing the items on the tray to certain individuals in the room, the captains injured at Ikedaya.

Heisuke and Souji accepted the items without complaint while Sannan-san was quick to hide his distaste behind an imperfect mask when his portion was placed in front of him. There was a minuscule downward twitch of Sannan-san's lips before a plastic smile emerged.

"Oh, my," Sannan-san said so pleasantly that I had thought my eyes had deceived me for a moment. "Am I taking it too? The flesh wound to my left arm has gotten better."

Sannan-san gestured to his previously wounded arm for everyone to see.

"But Hijikata-san told me to bring it for you," Chizuru-chan answered with a slight frown, her eyes briefly wandering over to Hijikata-san to request support.

Sannan-san's gaze followed Chizuru-chan's over to Hijikata-san, who looked as stern as ever with his pinched brow and crossed arms. A silent battle waged between the two men, Sannan-san's objection and Hijikata-san's "eat it or else" demeanor. Then Sannan-san sighed, breaking eye contact with Hijikata-san as he hesitantly glanced back down at the parcel of powder.

Souji exchanged a quick glance with me before he hummed whimsically, attracting Sannan-san's attention. He shrugged his shoulders and raised the little parcel to his mouth.

"Sannan-san, let's just give in," Souji mused before dumping the powder down his throat.

I made a ticking sound with my tongue in distaste before crossing my arms. "Or you don't have to eat it if you don't want to," I said as I watched Souji attack his cup of saké quite eagerly. Anything to wash the bitter taste out of his mouth, I guess. "I don't hold much faith in either. It's pretty useless, in my opinion."

Hijikata-san quickly made a sound of offense. "Then keep your opinions to yourself! I had plenty of people tell me it's effective!" he huffed a tad bit petulantly before he turned his expectant glance back on Sannan-san.

Sannan-san must have decided it was too much of a hassle to argue with Hijikata-san because he promptly dumped the powdered medication in his mouth and washed it down with the alcohol. I rolled my eyes when Hijikata-san puffed his chest up and gave me a smug, "Ah hah! I win!" expression.

"Um…," Chizuru-chan voiced, interrupting the smug look Hijikata-san was shooting my way. She glanced at the now empty parcel of paper in Sannan-san's hand with large curious eyes. "Was this medicine specially prescribed? Shizuka-san doesn't seem to like it and she **_is_** the doctor, so…"

Sano-san, who was seated between Heisuke and Shinpachi, snorted into his tea. "Ishida Sanyaku?" Sano-san asked with a small smile. "Well, yeah. I **_guess_** it's special."

"Ishida Sanyaku?" Chizuru-chan tested the name on her lips.

"Hijikata-san's family makes it," Souji said, grinning as he gave his now empty cup to Ryota to play with.

Ryota fumbled around with the empty saké cup for a few seconds before dropping it in disinterest. The smaller saké cup fell into Souji's larger cup of tea with a ploop sound. Souji scowled slightly when some of the tea splashed onto his hand and pushed the cups away when Ryota began reaching for them again.

"That's right!" Heisuke exclaimed, continuing on with the conversation. He waved his hands around quite lively as he faked a sales pitch. "If your body's been cut up, no matter how much it hurts, this'll heal you right up! That's Ishida Sanyaku! C'mon, give it a try!" He then calmed down and peered at the blackened powder. "I wonder how it really is…," he muttered under his breath before dumping in his mouth.

I can't really say I was surprised at Heisuke's reaction to the taste.

"Gross!" Heisuke yelled, cringing as he licked his own hand in an attempt to dispel the taste.

Ishida Sanyaku was essentially made by charring a plant. Really, it was no surprise it was bitter.

I could see a vein twitching on Hijikata-san's forehead. And… well, why not? I **_was_** feeling particularly impish today and I was no firm supporter of the medication Hijikata-san was always forcing down everyone's throats.

"See," I said, grinning wider when Hijikata-san's head snapped towards me. "Horrible tasting and useless. I really don't understand why you keep on insisting on it, Hijikata-san. I mean, Ishida Sanyaku is only mizosoba[1] that's been sprayed in unrefined saké and charred before being crushed into a fine powder."

"… Hey, isn't mizosoba a weed?" Heisuke asked all so innocently.

I swear I could see Hijikata-san's anger in the form of blue flames. A silhouette of an oni appeared behind Hijikata-san as he raised his fist and ground his teeth at Heisuke.

"Care to try me?" Hijikata-san ground out from behind clenched teeth.

Ah, poor Heisuke. Always the unfortunate target.

Heisuke jumped in a childish panic, quickly flinching as he covered his head with his arms. "C-Come on!" Heisuke spluttered. "I can't go getting' **_more_** injuries, can I?! How come you aren't yelling at Shizuka-chan?!"

I childishly pulled down my lower eyelid at Heisuke while sticking my tongue out at him, causing all the men in the room to laugh. Once all the laughter died down, Inoue-san steered the meeting back on track.

"Still," Inoue-san said, giving Souji and Heisuke a concerned look, "to think there were fighters who could even harm Okita-kun and Toudou-kun…"

All sense of humor was dispelled from Souji at the reminder of his defeat and I could almost feel my blood pressure shoot up to heaven at the mention of **_that_** man.

The one that knew I wasn't normal.

"Next time we meet, I will be the winner," Souji stated, narrowing his eyes almost dangerously at nothing in particular when he noticed me flinching at the mention of the blonde man. He laid his hand over mine to help me calm my pounding heart.

Saito-san closed his eyes briefly, being lost in thought before he spoke up. "It seems they claimed that they weren't Choshu," he said before placing his cup of tea on the tatami mat.

"Yeah…," Heisuke muttered, subconsciously raising his hand to touch his forehead. It had been one month since the injury, but the scar still looked painful.

"However," Saito-san said with a slight frown, "the Ikedaya was supposedly cleared out its other guests that day."

"They could have been spies from another domain that snuck in," Shinpachi-san suggested, pausing his cup at his lips before taking a brief sip.

"But why?" Sano-san put a hand on his chin. "For what reason?"

I bit my lower lip. Why indeed? And how did they know I wasn't normal? I grew more nervous the more I thought about the two men encountered that day. The blonde, from what I gathered, named himself as Kazama Chikage and the redhead that fought Heisuke was Amagiri Kyuujyu. They had answers. I should have been excited, but I had long since grown too comfortable in my new skin. The answers, whatever they may possibly be, now frightened me.

Saito-san sighed, shaking his head. The room fell silent with that gesture until Hijikata-san coughed.

"Anyway," Hijikata-san said he reached for the notebook by his leg. He picked it up and laid it on the floor in front of him. "On to the second reason this meeting was called. I took a look at the report Shizuka prepared for me on general health. It's been decided that the Shinsengumi will have mandatory health physicals bi-annually. I don't want to have a shortage of men again, like at Ikedaya. Also, now that the Shinsengumi's proven its worth, we need to ensure we can keep up the same quality of strength we offered at the raid. Therefore, it is imperative to keep the men healthy. No more food poisoning situations like that night!"

"Ah, yes," Otou-san said with an approving nod. "Now that the Shogun is relying on the Shinsengumi more, we can't let him down!"

"Physical exam?" Shinpachi-san parroted as his ears perked up. He grinned and flexed one arm before slapping the bicep. "To examine my perfect muscles? Hell yeah! Now I'm pumped!"

Heisuke snorted derisively. "It's your head that needs to be checked, you over-inflated meat sack."

"Huh? What was that, you pipsqueak? I couldn't hear you over my marvelous muscles!"

"Mah," Sano-san said before looking at me apologetically. "You can go ahead and ignore those two, Shizuka. Can you tell us when the physical exams will be and what it will consist of?"

"Well," I folded my hands in my lap, "I want the medical records of everyone as soon as possible so I can make medically sound decisions. Hijikata-san and I have decided the physicals will be in two days. Any other physicals after that will be six months apart. So, theoretically, there will be one in winter and one in summer every year. As for what the physicals will consist of…"

I reached for the notebook and opened it to where a bookmark was placed. As I laid the book flat back on the floor, the guys all leaned in to read the contents.

 _Annual Physical Exams will consist of:_

 _1\. Vital Signs  
_ _i._ _Blood pressure: Less than 120 over 80 is a normal blood pressure. High blood pressure (hypertension) is defined as 140 over 90 or higher.  
_ _ii._ _Heart rate: Values between 60 and 100 are considered normal. Many healthy people have heart rates slower than 60, however.  
_ _iii._ _Respiration rate: From 12 to 16 breaths per minute is normal for a healthy adult. Breathing more than 20 times per minute can suggest heart or lung problems.  
_ _iv._ _Temperature: 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit is the average, but healthy people can have resting temperatures slightly higher or lower._

 _2\. General Appearance  
_ _i._ _Weight and height: Is the weight a healthy weight for person's height?  
_ _ii._ _Heart exam: Listening to the heart with a stethoscope, might detect an irregular heartbeat, a heart murmur, or other clues to heart disease.  
_ _iii._ _Lung exam: Using a stethoscope to listens for crackles, wheezes, or decreased breath sounds. These and other sounds are clues to the presence of heart or lung disease.  
_ _iv._ _Head and neck exam: Opening mouth and saying "ah" shows off your throat and tonsils. The quality of the teeth and gums also provides information about your overall health. Ears, nose, sinuses, eyes, lymph nodes, thyroid, and carotid arteries may also be examined.  
_ _v._ _Abdominal exam: Use a range of examination techniques including tapping the abdomen to detect liver size and presence of abdominal fluid, listening for bowel sounds with a stethoscope, and palpating for tenderness.  
_ _vi._ _Neurological exam: Nerves, muscle strength, reflexes, and mental status may be assessed  
_ _vii._ _Dermatological exam: Skin and nail findings could indicate a dermatological problem or disease somewhere else in the body.  
_ _viii._ _Extremities exam: Will look for physical and sensory changes. Pulses can be checked in arms and legs. Examining joints can assess for abnormalities._

 _3\. General Screening  
_ _i._ _Tuberculosis skin test: all men have a follow up in 2 days  
_ _ii._ _Basic blood test to take blood type and check for imbalances  
_ _iii._ _Check background for any previous illnesses that may result in immunity (measles, smallpox, etc.), note most deaths by disease are caused by acute illnesses like influenza, typhoid, dysentery, and typhus (caused by bacteria and can be treated with antibiotics)  
_ _iv._ _Penis exams: To scan for sexually transmitted illnesses.  
_ _v._ _Hernia exam: "Turn your head and cough" checks for weakness in the abdominal wall between the intestines and scrotum.  
_ _vi._ _Testicular exam: Check each testicle for lumps, tenderness, or changes in size. Lumps may indicate cancer.  
_ _vii._ _Prostate exam: inserting a finger into the rectum to feel the prostate for its size and any suspicious areas._

At first, when they all started reading, they just bobbed their heads up and down in agreement. However, the further down they read, the more some certain people began turning a pasty white color. Chizuru-chan, who had decided to read my notes along with the men, turned into a tomato. She squeaked before covering her face with both hands.

"W-Will y-you really n-need to check **_all_** of that?!" Chizuru-chan stammered. She couldn't even bring herself to meet anyone's gaze anymore.

"T-This is a joke, right?" Shinpachi-san stuttered. Funny how he couldn't look me in the eye. He even clenched his butt cheeks together. "I-I mean, you're like my imōto! Isn't it kind of wrong to show m-my—you know, to you?"

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "Do I look like I'm joking?" I deadpanned. "It's not like I've never seen a penis before. I am married and I do have a son. I didn't just magically get pregnant."

Shinpachi hastily slapped his hands over his ears. "AHH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY IMŌTO DOING IT!"

I clicked my tongue in annoyance before I swatted the back of Shinpachi-san's head. "Oh, will you relax! Don't you think I have enough logic to consider everyone's feelings? Of course, I know everyone will feel uncomfortable with me doing the last portion of the exams." I settled back into my seat and crossed my arms again. "Yamazaki-san will take care of that part. Well, except in Souji's case. I'm sure he would prefer me over Yamazaki-san."

At my words, it was like the whole room, inanimate objects and all, heaved a giant sigh relief.

"Well, as long as it's Yamazaki handling the last part…," Sano-san said as he eyed me wearily. He grabbed his cup of tea and downed the rest of it in one big gulp.

"Anyway, as I was saying, most of these tests can be completed rather quickly, but there will still be some wait time." I closed the notebook and placed it by my side. "To cut down on waiting time, I set appointment times for each division on the day of the physical. With Chizuru-chan's," Chizuru-chan perked up at the mention of her name, "and Yamazaki-san's aid, I can process two divisions at a time. While I'm examining the two divisions, the other divisions will be free to perform their duties, thereby not leaving Kyoto undefended. By the end of the day, I'll be able to cycle through all the squads with no time wasted in long lines."

"Anything else to add?" Hijikata-san asked.

I shook my head.

"Well then, everyone's dismissed," Hijikata-san said with a nod. "Everyone gets the rest of the day off today. I'm sure everyone here, as well as all the foot soldier, will want to spend their reward money earned from Ikedaya. Just don't go too wild."

No surprise that Shinpachi-san and Sano-san quickly scuttled off to Shimabara. Forget the fact it was still early. Those two didn't care about that. What was surprising was that Heisuke didn't join them. Once two of the Idiot Trio vanished, Heisuke dusted off his lap and stood up.

"Off to the city, I guess," he said just as Saito-san silently made his exit. No doubt Saito-san was going to go look at the different swords on sale. "I got some shopping to do."

I nodded as I took Ryota from Souji. "Have fun."

Heisuke waved at me and Chizuru-chan before leaving.

"Ah, work, work, work," Hijikata-san then said with a satisfied smile.

He hit his own shoulders a few times before he got up and made his exit. Chizuru-chan quickly scurried after him before Otou-san and Inoue-san decided to follow. As for Sannan-san, I have no idea when he vanished. Sannan-san was just gone from the room before anyone could be any wiser.

Souji hummed as he watched the last person exit the room before he got to his feet cheerfully. "Since Ryota's still awake now, want to take a walk around the city?" he asked me before patting Ryota's head, causing the baby to squeal happily. "Tanabata is supposed to be tonight, so there should be booths being set up right now."

"Just too bad Ryota isn't old enough to be able to enjoy the festivities," I said just as Souji put a hand on my lower back to begin directing us out of the main hall and, eventually, out of headquarters. "We can't walk around too long. Ryota will want to sleep again soon."

"I know." Souji pouted before he glanced at a few of the colorful lanterns that were already starting to go up.

The streamers dangling from the lanterns were like colorful butterflies as they fluttered in the brief breeze. To think there were only going to be more decorations the closer we got to the city center… It was going to be beautiful. A forest of color. It made me sad to think that we weren't going to go enjoy the festival tonight.

"You know, we could go," Souji then suddenly suggested. He put a hand up before I could protest. "I know Ryota's too young, but that doesn't mean we can't go. I even have the day off today."

"Then who's going take care of Ryota?" I frowned as I saw another particular pretty lantern go up. "We might be able to leave him with Otou-san for a while, but Ryota still needs to be breastfed every few hours."

"Exactly," Souji said with a hum. "Just feed him before we leave for the festival and we'll have at least two hours to enjoy ourselves."

"But…"

Flashes of blonde and red filled my mind. What if we ran into those two men from Ikedaya? If we were just out to enjoy the festival, Souji wouldn't have his swords on him. We'd be unarmed if we ran into those two terrifying men. There was no guarantee that we'd run into them, but the mere chance of it happening… It sent unpleasant shivers down my spine. After the incident at Ikedaya, I had been afraid to leave headquarters, even with an escort, for days. To leave without at least one person armed felt like being shot in the foot.

Souji frowned before he stopped walking so he could brush my bangs out of my eyes. "At least think about it. And if you're worried about Kazama, you shouldn't be. I don't think he will show up again so soon after the Choshu loss at Ikedaya."

"You don't know that." I sighed, now feeling guilty for the kicked puppy look on Souji's face. "He did say he wasn't with the Choshu, so you can assume that. And if he was… You know the Choshu have been gathering in Kyoto after their bloody nose at Ikedaya. If he was with Choshu, then he could very well show up."

"Shizuka, you can't be afraid to live life. You're tougher than that. I know you are. And you know I'll be there with you. Do you no longer have faith in my abilities?"

My heart broke a little at hearing the sadness in his voice. So what if I was scared of Kazama? I was more terrified of hurting Souji, no matter how small the wound may be.

"I… Okay," I conceded, feeling better when Souji smiled at me.

"We'll be fine. Trust me," he said. "Now let's walk around a little before…"

Souji trailed off before he raised his eyebrow. I tilted my head a little before I followed Souji's gaze in curiosity. There, right across the street, I could see Heisuke standing in a shop through an open window.

Souji gained a mischievous twinkle in his eyes before he winked at me. "Let's go have a peek to see what he's up to."

We crossed the street just in time to hear something amusing.

"Well, here I am in a sword shop in Kyoto," Heisuke said as he browsed through the many blades on display. I raised my eyebrow when I realized he was talking to himself. Cute. It was something he had in common with Chizuru-chan. "As for why? Thanks to the commotion in Ikedaya, my sword is pretty much in rags. Although the wound on my forehead healed with some saliva, that doesn't work for a sword. So, I'm here to get a replacement…" Heisuke suddenly pulled on his hair. "Why am I explaining this?! Nevermind!"

Heisuke quickly refocused himself as he ran his fingers along the selection of blades he could choose from. Somehow, while he was running his finger along the blades, it never occurred to him that all the swords he was touching were dull.

"Sword… sword… How about this?" Heisuke picked up a blade before quickly setting it back down. "Ah, it's a little light. Feels like holding a feather. Then this…" He picked up another blade, a poorly made one too. "Ah, this one's too long. I could get the swordsmith to shorten it a little when I pay, but should I just take this one…?"

"Well, if it isn't Heisuke," Souji quipped, alerting Heisuke to our presence. "Are you here for swords? That's rare."

"Oh! Souji! Shizuka-chan! Actually—"

Oh, look! A wild Saito-san has appeared. Not a big surprise at all.

"Souji and Heisuke, what are you two up to together?" Saito-san asked as he approached up. He nodded at me to acknowledge me before patting Ryota on the head, earning a happy babble.

"Oh, Hajime-kun," Souji said with a shrug. "Actually, we just ran into Heisuke not too long ago."

"Are you two feeling alright?" Saito-san asked, quickly scanning the two men head to toe. Again. He's been doing that a lot lately. "Even if it has been one month since Ikedaya, you both should be resting back at headquarters."

Heisuke tilted his head. "Feeling alright?"

"He's talking about your wound from Ikedaya," I explained before I offered Saito-san a small smile. "They're both fine. Remember? I already okayed them for duty, so they should be able to handle a day out in town when they're off duty."

"Still, one can never be too careful," Saito-san replied before looking back to Heisuke and Souji.

"That?" Heisuke said, looking up as if he could see his own wound. "That'll heal with a few licks."

That garnered a tired sigh from Saito-san. "Souji too?"

Souji huffed, crossing his arms. "I wasn't injured in the first place," he denied, causing me to roll my eyes.

"I see," Saito-san nodded once more. "Oh well. You two look healthy enough. That is good."

"Yup," Heisuke replied before gesturing to his sword, which was damaged beyond repair at Ikedaya. I wanted to smack my head at his mistake. Never do that in front of Saito-san. Never. "Since this dude is done for, I need a new sword."

I abruptly put my hand on Heisuke's shoulder. "I'll pray for you," I said, eliciting a confused look from Heisuke.

"What? What's that supposed to mean, Shizuka-chan?!"

I didn't really need to respond. I merely raised my eyebrows at Heisuke the moment Saito-san started speaking.

"Is this… Kazusanosuke Kaneshige?" The disbelief was paramount in Saito-san's voice.

Souji approached to draw Heisuke's beat-up sword from the sheath before raising it to the light for inspection. The cutting edge was chipped and there was even a crack in the steel just beyond the hamon[2] line.

"Ah-ah," Souji said, tutting as he returned the sword back to Heisuke. "It's pretty much worn-out."

"I cut down so many ronin at Ikedaya that the blade got ruined." Heisuke shrugged. "It can't be helped."

"'It can't be helped'?" Saito-san repeated after Heisuke in abated disbelief. "'It can't be helped' is no excuse to give up on such a celebrated sword. Have you tried sharpening it?"

"No matter how many swordsmiths I ask, they all say it's beyond repair. So, I need a new one."

Souji snorted as he crossed his arms at Heisuke. "Easy for you to say. A sword this good won't be easy to find."

After all, only the best swords of the best received names. Swords forged by famous swordsmiths were near impossible to get your hands on without proper connections.

Heisuke hung his head in defeat at Souji's words. "I thought so." He sighed before putting his hands on his hips. "But I think as long as a sword is easy to use, it's a good sword. I don't get attached to swords, so as long as it can replace my previous one, any sword will do."

I could practically hear a thunderclap go off in Saito-san's head at those words. Saito-san was pretty much blowing steam from his nose.

"Hey, Heisuke!" Saito-san snapped.

Startled, Heisuke jumped. "Eh? What was that for?"

"This is Kazusanosuke Kaneshige, a world-famous sword! You wrecked it and even want to dispose of it… It is shameful!"

"Even if you say so…"

Souji raised his hands in a stop motion before cutting in. "Alright, it's Heisuke's bad. Geez, when will you learn, Heisuke?"

"Fine," Heisuke muttered, pouting a little at being scolded. "My bad. Anyway, I have no idea what sword to pick. Why don't you pick a nice one for me, Hajime-kun?"

Saito-san relaxed a little, but he still seemed a little tense.

"Alright," Saito-san said, deciding to abate on his lecture. For now, at least. "Even though it is difficult to find a sword comparable to Kazusanosuke Kaneshige, you do need a sword to carry out your duties. I will help."

"What's your budget?" Souji asked.

"Any will do." Heisuke went back to browsing through the swords on display. "After receiving the reward for Ikedaya, I think I have 200 ryō to spare."

I coughed, choking on my spit. What the hell?! How did he even have that much money?! And to say he had that much without much thought… He had to have been used to having that much money on hand. How did I not notice that before?

"Heh. I knew Heisuke was from some rich family," Souji commented as he patted my back until I stopped coughing. He may have also needed to push my mouth shut at one point too. "Maybe even a son of some bigwig."

Heisuke instantly frowned, crossing his arms across his chest defensively. "Why would you say that?"

"Because only someone well-off would speak that way," Souji explained with a raised eyebrow. "To begin with, this Kaneshige isn't something an ordinary nobody could own. Surely, it's expensive, but the point is that money isn't even enough to buy it. A noble birth is also required."

"Nah," Heisuke hastily denied as he waved his hand in front of his nose nervously. "That's not how it is. I'm merely a ronin. I got this sword after going through a lot of things… But nothing worth noting!"

"That's right, Souji," Saito-san stated before Souji could begin prying. "The Shinsengumi is composed of people from all kinds of upbringings. Many of us have pasts that we don't want to talk about. Don't pry."

Now, that's something I could relate to. Though, it's more of an "I was someone else before this" more than a dark past, I guess.

"Yup!" Heisuke was quick to agree.

"Hmm? Nevermind then," Souji said mockingly before letting the subject drop with a slight pout. "More importantly, about Heisuke's new sword. It'll be great if we could find a Kaneshige."

Saito-san shook his head.

"Kaneshige is a private swordsmith of the Isu Tsu Clan. His swords won't be out in the market unless someone from the clan takes it out…" Saito-san then paused before glancing at Heisuke. "Now that you mention it, the lord of the Isu Tsu Clan is 'Toudou'. Heisuke's family name is also Toudou. That is too much of a coincidence."

Heisuke began sweating again. "Eh?!"

"Coincidences happen. That's why they're called coincidences," I said. Heisuke appeared immeasurably glad I stepped in.

"That's right!" Heisuke exclaimed before he grabbed the closest sword to him. "Ah! How about this sword for my new partner? Looks sharp."

Souji barely even spared Heisuke and the sword half a glance. "Better drop it or you'll regret it."

"Yes," Saito-san agreed quickly. "It's a blunt sword that's not worth your money."

"Geh," Heisuke said, looking put off as he placed the sword back on the stand. "Fine…"

"By the way," I asked Heisuke, drawing the men's attention. "what type of sword are you looking for? It would be quicker if we knew what you are looking for."

"Well, something like my previous one will do."

"A sword as sharp as Kaneshige," Souji said.

"No," Saito-san disagreed. "A sword as famed as Kaneshige."

Heisuke scratched the top of his head. "Such as?"

"There aren't many swords on par with Kaneshige, right?" Souji asked as he glanced at the swords in on the shelves briefly.

"That's right," Saito-san answered. "To be as sharp as Heisuke's Kaneshige, that must be…"

"Kotetsu," Saito-san and Souji then both said at the same time.

"Kotetsu?" Heisuke tested the name before nodding. "I've heard its fame and have liked it since. Alright, I'll take that then."

I shook my head. He really stepped in it this time. Nevermind the fact the one sword the men were thinking of right now was only a convincing replica of the real thing.

Souji narrowed his eyes dangerously at Heisuke.

"Hey, Heisuke," Souji said, his voice dropping into a deadly tone. "Do you want the same sword that the Commander owns? Kondou-san is the ace of the Shinsengumi and you're only a captain. You want the same sword?"

"How much do you think a Kotetsu costs?" Saito-san scolded Heisuke. "And the price isn't even the main problem. It's not even sold on the market."

Souji tutted while shaking his head. "That's why naïve boys from well-to-do families are troublesome."

"You don't have to be so mean about it!" Heisuke exclaimed, looking very bullied before grumbling, "If that's the case, don't bring up Kotetsu in the first place! Aren't you supposed to suggest a sword for **_me_**?"

"You're too far from using a Kotetsu," Souji merely said in response. "Kotetsu is good. Truly a great sword. It suits Kondou-san well."

"Indeed. Kotetsu is great. However, speaking of excellent swords, the Vice Commander's eleventh generation Kanesada is also impressive," Saito-san remarked.

Heisuke blinked in confusion before looking to me briefly for help. Weren't they supposed to find a sword perfect for **_him_**?

"Hello? Wait…," Heisuke said only to be ignored by everyone except for Ryota, who was reaching out in an attempt to pull on Heisuke's hair.

"Even so, Kondou-san's Kotetsu is the best."

"No. Taking every aspect into consideration, Hijikata-san's Kanesada is the best."

I rubbed my forehead. I could just feel a headache forming. This was going to take a while to resolve. I could just see sparks flying between Souji's and Saito-san's eyes.

"Hey!" Heisuke yelled. "What about my sword?"

Souji clicked his tongue before snapping, "Quit nagging! Just shut up for a moment, will you?"

"You can't tell the difference anyway," Saito-san agreed without breaking eye contact with Souji. "Close your eyes and grab one you like."

"Meanies!" Heisuke cried in objection, but those two were already too far along in their debate to even acknowledge Heisuke anymore.

"Kotetsu is the best."

"No, Kanesade is."

"Kotetsu."

"Kanesade."

"Hey! Both of you!" Heisuke tried again. Another failure.

"Hajime-kun, I think sooner or later we need to settle our differences."

"What a coincidence. I was thinking the same."

"Then, outside?" Souji suggested as he headed towards the door. Saito-san followed closely behind him.

"To be overly gifted is unfortunate. To be unaware of this is even more unfortunate. I'll give you a lesson on this, Souji."

And then Heisuke was left alone with me and Ryota in the shop. He stared at the doorway with his jaw hanging open for a few seconds before I took the liberty of sticking a finger beneath his mouth and pushing it shut.

"What the…," Heisuke muttered to himself before yelling, "You two! What about my sword? Aren't you choosing one for me? What am I gonna do without a new sword? Dammit! This is why I hate sword maniacs!"

I sighed before grabbing Heisuke by the wrist.

"Come on," I said as I began dragging Heisuke out with me. "Better break up this fight before it gets serious. You started it, so you should help me resolve it."

"Seriously?!"

And to think Souji still wanted to go to the festival tonight.

* * *

[1] Otherwise known as cowhide grass or groove buckwheat.

[2] In swordsmithing, hamon (刃文 hamon) (from Japanese, literally "blade pattern") is a visual effect created on the blade by the hardening process. The hamon is the outline of the hardened zone (yakiba) which contains the cutting edge (ha).

 **Anyway, I'm still trying to decide if I want to write the festival as a little side story or as whole other chapter. Although, I am very tempted to stick smut into it. Should write some smut?**


	61. Chapter 61 (SORRY! I SUCK AT QUITTING!)

I know I had said I was discontinuing, but dammit! I just can't stop writing! It's too much of an ingrained habit and I enjoy it too much. If I'm going to keep writing, I might as well update. I just need better time management, that's all. I think... Writing is probably going to be slow until I pan out my time management skills though. Not sure if this means I'm completely back to writing this fanfiction, but I am pretty bad at quitting. Though, I'm not too sure about the quality of this chapter...

* * *

 **Chapter 61**

 _"When I was a little girl, everything in the world fell into either of these two categories: wrong or right. Black or white. Now that I am an adult, I have put childish things aside and now I know that some things fall into wrong and some things fall into right. Some things are categorized as black and some things are categorized as white. But most things in the world aren't either! Most things in the world aren't black, aren't white, aren't wrong, aren't right, but most of everything is just different. And now I know that there's nothing wrong with different, and that we can let things be different, we don't have to try and make them black or white, we can just let them be grey. And when I was a child, I thought that God was the God who only saw black and white. Now that I am no longer a child, I can see, that God is the God who can see the black and the white and the grey, too, and He dances on the grey! Grey is okay." ― C. JoyBell C._

Ryota grabbed at my kimono, squealing in delight as he tugged. Abruptly pausing after getting a fistful of my clothing, Ryota wrinkled his cute button nose before sneezing. I sighed as I wiped away the gooey mess his nose left behind while Heisuke watched in disgust. Blood didn't bother Heisuke as much as it once did, but boogers and drool? Well, that just says that there's no way Heisuke would ever willing become a father anytime soon. And if he did? Oh, the struggle!

"Umm…," Chizuru-chan said, glancing at Ryota apprehensively before resuming her focus on the task at hand. She tilted her head slightly whilst palpating the area around Heisuke's Adam's apple. "Is Ryota-kun okay? He's not getting sick, is he?"

"He's fine," I said, tossing the cloth into a hamper of soiled linen before setting Ryota on the floor.

Ryota looked confused for a moment, thinking it strange he was sitting up by himself. However, the moment he tipped over and rolled onto his tummy, he let out a high pitch laugh before babbling happily. The "ō" sound was his favorite.

I smiled, kneeling so Ryota could grab my finger. "Ryota always sneezes when someone lightly taps his nose. "Now, Chizuru-chan, focus on what you're doing. You can use a little more pressure. You won't be able to feel anything if you don't press down hard enough. Heisuke, I want you to raise your chin up a little higher so Chizuru-chan can have better access."

"Oh," Heisuke said before lifting his chin up just a little more. "Hey, Shizuka-chan?"

"Hmm?"

Heisuke lowered his chin once Chizuru-chan removed her hand and went to scribble information in Heisuke's new chart. "I get this is part of the physical, but I don't get why my throat has to be examined," he said, scratching his bare back. "I mean, it's not like I have a sore throat or anything."

"It may seem unimportant to you, but checking the neck can provide important information even if the patient feels completely healthy," I explained before removing my finger from Ryota's grasp. Ryota whined a little at the sudden vacancy but soon discovered rolling onto his back provided a whole new view of the world. "When checking the neck, one thing a healthcare provider checks for are enlarged lymph nodes[1]. Located in areas throughout the neck and around the ears, lymph nodes are normally small and soft. They're normally about the size of corn kernels when a person's feeling well, but they tend to get bigger and become tender when they're fighting an infection."

"Ooouuuu," Ryota chattered, making me do a double-take when I paused to check on him only to find an empty spot where he once was.

Rolling all over the floor was apparently extremely fun. The best thing in the world! Ten out of ten! Would do again!

Rolling my eyes, I plucked Ryota off the floor to sit him on my lap. No longer able to roll around freely, Ryota switched his attention onto his own foot and proceeded to pretend to talk to it as he grabbed his big toe.

"Anyway, as I was saying, gently pressing the outside of the throat also helps find swelling in the thyroid[2] if there is any. Swelling of the thyroid gland may make a person feel constantly jumpy, while an underactive thyroid may make a person feel sluggish. Plus, it's also possible to discover little lumps in the thyroid called nodules. Though most of the time these are harmless, fluid-filled cysts, there's also the chance they're cancerous."

I scooted a little closer to Heisuke, carefully balancing Ryota on my lap, before placing two fingers on Heisuke's neck to serve as an example.

"Lastly, examine the neck can reveal possible circulatory problems. By doing this, I can feel for your carotid pulses. The right and left carotid arteries supply blood to your brain. Weak pulses could show a problem with the aortic valve or with the aorta." I removed my fingers and let Ryota resume playing with my fingers. "I could also listen to the blood flow in the carotids with a stethoscope, which provides a whole other set of information, like if you may be in danger of suffering a stroke. A clear carotid sounds like a heartbeat. A dangerously clogged carotid makes a whooshing sound."

"Hmm…," Heisuke said before flickering his eyes over to Chizuru-chan, who was fiddling around with a needle. "So, how does everything look, Chizuru? I'm healthy, right?"

Chizuru-chan turned towards him with a smile and nodded. "Perfectly healthy!" she chirped. She returned to her seat right beside Heisuke with two needles and a few other objects. "Now we just need to do a quick blood test and Shizuka-san's 'TB skin test'."

Heisuke made a face at that before reluctantly looking at the needles. He frowned just as Chizuru-chan prepared the butterfly needle.

I offered him a small smile. "Still don't like needles?"

He shook his head before he glanced at the next room out of the corner of his eyes. A small shiver ran up his spine.

"It's not that." He shuddered again before making a prodding gesture with two fingers. "Yamazaki's in the next room, right? That means after this part…"

"Well, I don't know what you're so worried about," I said with a sly a grin and a shrug. Heisuke's face grew sour at my disposition. It kind of looked like he was contemplating kicking me. "From what I heard, some of the men enjoyed the finger action. Now, I just feel sorry for Yamazaki-san. Poor man, being a tool for their fantasies…"

"Shizuka-chan!" Heisuke protested before immediately slamming his face into his palm, accidentally startling Chizuru-chan just as she prepared to poke him with a needle. "I can't believe you…"

"What's not to believe? Yamazaki-kun can **_possibly_** be a good-looking chap in the right lighting. If the men want to fantasize about him, though I wonder why, who are we to deny them of that pleasure?"

We all turned our heads to the new voice. Ryota, who instantly recognized the voice of his father, squealed and stretched out his hands towards Souji. Grinning at Ryota's enthusiasm, Souji ignored my disapproving glance in favor of prancing into the room on his toes and scooping Ryota up. I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at the new intruder as an attempt to be more intimidating, but my glare had the same power as a wet paper towel. I saw Souji peer at me briefly from the corner of his eyes before he pretended not to notice me. I coughed, forcibly catching Souji's attention.

"I put up privacy screens for a reason," I pointed out as I scowled at him. "Some of the men may have certain health problems that they don't want others knowing about. Respect people's privacy and wait outside until it's your turn."

Souji stuck his lower lip at me petulantly. "Ryota's here and he isn't part of the medical exams."

Of all the arguments he could make, he chose to go with that one?

"He doesn't count. He's a baby. He doesn't understand what's going on and it's not like he can out everyone's secrets. Not unless they can speak baby."

A crooked grin emerged on Souji's face, making me want to groan in sheer exasperation. I could just hear the cogs turning in his head.

"Kyaaa nasaboo," Souji cooed at Ryota.

"Bassa bo em!" Ryota chirped back, clapping excitedly before giggling.

Unable to stop a grin from appearing on my smile, I rolled my eyes once more to let Souji know I wasn't impressed. But that aside, I was melting on the inside. Who could resist such an adorable scene? Granted, I might be biased, but what mother wouldn't be?

"Ryota said Heisuke is completely healthy despite the bad case of whininess."

"Hey!" Heisuke objected, throwing his arms up in the air in protest. "I'm not whiny! Just how would you feel if you had to have Yamazaki stick fingers up…," he gulped nervously, "up there?!"

"I don't have to," Souji rubbed into Heisuke's face with a wicked twinkle in his eyes. Then, with a suspiciously impish grin, he tucked Ryota back into my arms before forcefully shoving Heisuke into the next room. There was instant panic on Heisuke's face before he tripped over his own feet and stumbled out of sight. "But you can tell me about the kinky experience later."

Before Heisuke could retort Souji slammed the door shut in his face. He hummed as he tucked his arms behind his head in a carefree manner. Mulling near the shut door, a subtle smile emerged on his face as if he were patiently waiting for something.

"Umm…"

I turned my head towards Chizuru-chan, raising my eyebrow when I realized she still had unused syringes in her hand.

"I didn't get to… Heisuke-kun's not done here yet."

Ho, the grin on Souji's face just seemed to grow wider from Chizuru-chan's words. I snorted. I could practically hear the elaborately simple plan unfolding in Souji's head.

"Then you better get in there and take care of the shot thingies," Souji sang all too happily.

Before Chizuru-chan could even react, Souji skipped over to her and snagged her by the elbow. He quickly opened the door just a hair width before throwing her in the room with great joy and slid the door shut before she could slip back out. And then…

"AHH!"

"C-CHIZURU! W-WHAT A-ARE YOU D-DOING IN HERE?!"

"I-Idiot! What type of man flashes himself to an unwilling maiden?! Are you shameless?! Toudou-san! Pull up your pants!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE I'M FLASHING HER ON PURPOSE, YAMAZAKI! SHE JUST SUDDENLY PLOWED IN HERE JUST AS YOU WERE ABOUT TO PERFORM THE EXAM! C-CHIZURU, D-DON'T LOOK!"

"AHH! Heisuke-kun pull up your pants! Your pants!"

I sighed, shaking my head at Souji's amused grin whilst trying to ignore the fact Ryota trying to grab my bangs. Poor Chizuru-chan and Heisuke. They were never meant to see each other in such a way, but they did. Heisuke would forever be the awkward, "Hey! I've seen you naked before," friend to Chizuru-chan.

And Souji's an ass. Can't forget that.

"Now it's my turn for my exam?" Souji asked me, pride coloring his words as he continued to listen to the panicked scrambling in the next room.

I sighed at him but never bothered to rebuke him for his actions. Luckily, the rest of the day passed without much more excitement. It was a good thing too because I would have gone into cardiac arrest if the next part happened on the same day.

It was just one word. One word and I felt like my world was ending.

 ** _Tuberculosis_**.

Tuberculosis during any era was dangerous, but it was especially dangerous in this one. With more and more people moving into the cities, most people lived in extremely compact living quarters, piled on top of each other and thereby allowing airborne diseases to spread with ease. Not everyone experienced the symptoms of tuberculosis immediately after being exposed either. By the time the symptoms of an active infection manifested and started consuming the body, it would already be too late. By then the infection would have already spread to others. There was no cure for the cursed disease during the Edo period. No one knew anything about it.

It was always thought that tuberculosis was genetic in the Edo period since tuberculosis was often observed to run in families. The truth is that it was just extraordinarily easy to spread among family. Even when sharing living quarters with others in tight spaces, family was always closer than the neighbor that practically lived on top of you. Nobody knew how to treat it. When victims of tuberculosis were prescribed medication, the medication was often aimed at ceasing the coughing, not at exterminating the bacteria. The medication was essentially useless.

Tuberculosis was a death sentence.

I had collapsed in cold sweat when it came time to read the TB skin tests. It was as expected, some men had a positive test, which meant they needed further testing to see if the infection was latent or active.

But it was Souji's test that just about made my heart implode and my stomach drop to my ankles.

It was positive.

 ** _Positive._**

I strength leaked from my limbs that sight and became floppy like noodles. Reality hit me harder than the car that killed me in the past life did. It wasn't a false positive. His blood test also came back positive.

But he didn't display any symptoms of an active infection yet.

I didn't have access to an x-ray machine, but I was certain I knew what he had.

 ** _Latent tuberculosis._**

If I didn't have future knowledge of how tuberculosis was treated, then he would have been a walking time bomb. If I didn't have future knowledge, then I could have only watched as the infection killed him.

I could only guess where Souji could have been infected. Souji's parents had died when he was young. His mother died after his father from a broken heart. His father, on the other hand, I don't know exactly how he died but I was told his father withered away to nothing from some mysterious illness. If that illness was tuberculosis, then Souji could have been exposed to the bacteria when he was just a toddler.

If he was, it was only by sheer chance he didn't have an active infection yet.

If his latent tuberculosis had become active at any time before this, I wouldn't have had the means to treat it. A terrifying thought.

I let out a sob, unsure of whether it was relief or horror, before covering my mouth when I retched. Shocked by such an abrupt negative reaction, Souji almost didn't react when I collapsed. Just as my knees hit the floor, he hastily snapped back to his senses, wrapping an arm around my waist to catch me before I could sink down any lower.

"Shizuka?!" he exclaimed in alarm. He furrowed his brow at me before touching my cheek with the back of his hand. "Are you— Your temperature just suddenly dropped! What—"

I grabbed onto his clothing, interrupting whatever he was going to say next before bursting into ugly tears. It took just about forever for me to stop smearing tears and snot on his clothing long enough to prescribe his medication. Yamazaki-san had to take over reading all the other TB skin tests after that. I couldn't think afterward and felt like I was dying the moment I let go of Souji.

Then the next major event happened.

A few days after the physical exams came to a close and after I barely managed to recompose myself, several military forces from different factions began to move. The Shinsengumi was one of them.

"The Choshu army has positioned themselves in three directions: Yamasaki, Sago, and Fushimi," Otou-san announced that morning at the meeting that was called. There was some silent murmuring among the men before Sannan-san's irritated glance hushed them with a single glance. "The Shinsengumi has received an official request from the Aizu Domain. All available soldiers must begin preparations to move out immediately."

Sannan-san's irritated glance could no longer keep the peace as the men exploded into an excited chatter. They patted each other on the back as boisterous laughter filled the room.

"It seems Aizu have finally noticed all the hard work we've been doing men," Otou-san continued, a smile breaking out on his face. He smacked his knee before he let out an excited chuckle.

I flickered my eyes over to Hijikata-san when I heard a small growl emerge from his throat. His brow was pinched. There was no hint of excitement. I sighed to myself and shifted Ryota in my arms to get a better grip on him, which was futile because he would **_not_** stop wiggling. Like a slippery eel, Ryota wiggled his butt and slipped back down to his previous spot before he satisfied himself by grabbing my forearm with his mouth. Rolling my eyes, I chose to ignore Ryota's action in favor of nudging Hijikata-san with my foot.

"Better say what you want to say before all the celebration grows out of hand," I said before wiping the excess saliva off my arm. "And please remind them that they're marching off to battle and **_not_** to play."

Hijikata-san grunted, shooing my foot away from his bum. "I know what to do," he said, almost sounding like he was whining before he turned to bellow at the men, "We don't have time for this shit. Stop patting each other on the back and get moving! We need to go **_now_**! The Choshu are already in Kyoto! We can't let them gain the upper hand on us!"

The men scattered like flower petals in a windstorm as soon as those words left Hijikata-san's mouth, only leaving the captains and Chizuru-chan in the room.

Now, that was some impressive lung power. And such authority too. He never failed to impress me with his bellowing.

Once the last foot soldier's footsteps faded, Hijikata-san crossed his arms and huffed. The wrinkles on his brow sang of his displeasure in volumes.

"What, so only when Choshu attack Kyoto is everyone ready to go? This is bullshit…"

"You said they dragged their feet at Ikedaya, didn't you?" I stated, finally taking a seat next to Hijikata-san after setting Ryota on the floor. "It's nothing different from what they've always done. The Shinsengumi is still only seen as a group of rowdy ronin."

Hijikata-san grumbled in annoyed agreement before watching Ryota roll towards Souji. As soon as Ryota bumped into Souji's knee, he let out a shrill giggle before tugging on Souji's hakama. Souji picked Ryota up and set him in his lap after poking his tummy.

"Anyhow," Sannan-san said just as he pushed his glasses up his nose, "Okita-kun and Toudou-kun, you will both remain at headquarters. I doubt you'll like it, but, well, neither do I. Your injuries keep you from active duty as do mine."

As Sannan-san rubbed his arm absently, Heisuke and Souji exchanged glances, both failing to point out that they'd been cleared active for duty for a while already. Sometimes it was just best to remain silent. They could miss this excursion. There would be plenty of others in the future. Souji then let out a sigh, faking a minuscule amount of fatigue.

"Hey, speak for yourself," Souji protested. It's not like my injuries didn't recover or something… But I guess I'm not at 100% either. So, if you're telling me to sit this one out, I will."

Best not to leave Sannan-san alone in headquarters especially with how depressed he's been getting lately.

"You're making a big deal out of nothing!" Heisuke complained much more loudly as he puffed his cheeks up in a childish pout. "This is just a scratch! You guys are just being wusses!"

Both still wanted to go, but they understood. Someone had to stay behind and watch Sannan-san.

"Oh?" Sano-san raised his eyebrow as the corner of his lip quirked up. "You sure about that?" Sano-san asked. "All last night you were crying like a baby."

"You son of a bitch! Why you gotta rat me out?! Is there even a heart in there, you old bastard?"

"But you did scream like a baby though, right?" Sano-san pushed before winking at Chizuru-chan. "Right? Chizuru, you heard him last night."

"HEY!" Heisuke quickly slammed his hands on the floor like he'd hoped the dull thump would drown out Sano-san's voice. "Don't ask her! It'd be nice if you could keep your mouth shut for once, you know!"

He then flushed pink before shooting Chizuru-chan a brief side glance.

"Really?" Chizuru-chan asked, tilting her head. "I didn't… hear anything…" Then with one short glance at Sannan-san, she quickly changed her tune. "I-I mean, I went to bed early last night so I must have been asleep when that all happened! The scar does still look painful."

An awkward silence filled the room as Heisuke hastily mussed his hair, bringing his bangs down over his forehead more in attempts to cover the scar. Chizuru-chan nervously peeked at Sannan-san, concerned that he may have caught on to her stumble. But Sannan-san was nonreactive. He seemed to miss the whole exchange. His eyes remained downcast at the fingers that belonged his nonfunctional arm. Shinpachi-san then cleared his throat, breaking the loud, unwelcome silence.

"Oh yeah…," Shinpachi-san said as he glanced towards the nervous girl. "Chizuru-chan, you said you wanted to go with us if we got called in, right? You still up for that?"

I tilted my head curiously at Chizuru-chan. When had she said that? And to willingly walk into a potential battlefield? She was certainly gutsier than I had thought her to be.

"Well…" Chizuru-chan twiddled with her fingers. She anxiously glanced at Sannan-san when he perked up at Shinpachi-san's words.

Otou-san perked up too, but not in the way Sannan-san did. Otou-san at least looked happy. Sannan-san, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to strangle someone for being left out before realizing he couldn't even do that with his damaged arm.

"Ah, yes," Otou-san exclaimed. The grin telling me he was completely oblivious to Sannan-san's reaction. I bit my lower lip as I glanced between Sannan-san and Chizuru-chan. "Well, I see no reason why not. After all, opportunities like this are seldom seen."

"Ah, that's awesome." Sano-san grinned as he patted her on the back, causing her to balk slightly from the force put behind the action.

"Are you sure it'll be alright…?"

Hijikata-san sighed at her meek demeanor.

"We can't promise you won't get hurt, or worse. It would help us if we could have some medical personnel on the field just in case since Shizuka," Hijikata-san gave me a very pointed look, "will be staying behind to keep an eye on things for me. But if you feel uncertain, you should stay here."

Sannan-san eyes then sharpened to a cutting edge as he wrung the cloth of his hakama with his good hand.

"Do you wish to place an undue burden on the Shinsengumi," Sannan-san snapped, causing Chizuru-chan to recoil as if she had been slapped. "We are not here to entertain you."

"Sannan-san," Saito-san suddenly spoke up. It was so unexpected that Chizuru-chan jumped. "Can I take that to mean… So as long as she is not a burden, she is free to accompany us?"

Sannan-san and Chizuru-chan blinked, surprised at what Saito-san was suggesting. I personally thought he didn't think much of Chizuru-chan since Saito-san only spoke to her when necessary.

Sannan-san narrowed his eyes. "You can't be saying you're actually in favor of bringing her along…?"

"She was an asset at Ikedaya." Saito-san shrugged. "I only intended to point out that, judged by her actions, she has hardly proven to be a 'burden'."

"And I definitely wouldn't have been able to complete the physical exams on time without her help," I added, offering Chizuru-chan an encouraging smile.

What I said wasn't done entirely out of good will. It was because I was selfish. If I wasn't going to be allowed on the battlefield with the others because of the possibility of the mysterious blonde appearing, then I was damn well going to make sure there was going to be medical access. Nobody is coming back home in a body bag.

Chizuru-chan's eyes widened at the amount of support she was getting. She nearly looked like she was going to squeal in excitement when Otou-san nodded his head.

"Excellent!" Otou-san said with a clap. "I will take full responsibility for your inclusion. That is, or course, if you still wish to participate."

"Yes!" she exclaimed too loudly. She was quick to cover her mouth before lowering her voice to the appropriate tone. "I would like to participate."

To be considered a part of something larger was an empowering thing.

After that, everything was a blur. The men mobilized in a flash before they lined up in an orderly fashion by the front gates. Then with a wave of Otou-san's hand, the men marched for the Fushimi magistrate's office. Nothing else happened that day and I hoped the battlefront would remain that silent.

It didn't.

It is said that a phoenix burns to ashes in death and is reborn stronger from the ashes. Forest grow stronger after each fire, revitalized by the ashes of the dead brush. As fire burns, it destroys the old and makes way for the new. All very inspirational, but all sayings leave out the true scale of the destruction fire causes and the number lives destroyed.

Perhaps the Choshu were going for the inspirational symbolism when they set fire to the Choshu manor and to the battlefield, or maybe they were just trying to escape a failed plan. Either way, the results were disastrous. Fueled by the strong winds, the fire from the battlefield and the Choshu manor combined the following day and burned for three days and nights. Over 28,000 houses burned down. The fire came to be called "Dondon Yake".

I placed my sleeve over my face as I stepped out the front gate. Smoke billowed into the sky as ash fell like snow. I could the tall orange flames flickering in the distance as it greedily consumed parts of the city like a great beast. Souji stepped out shortly after me with his own hand placed over his mouth and nose. I glanced at him briefly, relieved he had enough common sense to leave Ryota inside with Heisuke. Smoke and soot were extremely damaging to baby lungs. I turned to stare back at the blaze.

"It looks bad," Souji said as he glanced at our neighbors, who were also watching the fire. "If the wind gets any stronger, the fire might cross the Horigawa River and come into Mibu."

I shuddered and scooted a little closer to Souji. "And the guys? Do you think they're okay…?"

"Shimada-san came earlier with some news while you were changing Ryota. The Shinsengumi didn't participate in the bulk of the battle because they were stuck on reserves. Hijikata-san and a small squad chased a small group of Choshu up to the mountains, but they didn't capture anyone. The Choshu had already committed seppuku by the time they caught up. Right now, they're probably involved with trying to put out the fire. You don't need to worry so much. They can handle themselves."

I sighed. "It easy to say you'll do something but actually doing it is a whole other story. I know they can handle themselves but I just can't help but worry anyway."

I then heard gravel crunching against the bottom of shoes as someone came bolting up the road. It was one of the messengers. The man was covered in a fine layer of soot and sweat. His hair, no longer in a pristine knot, stuck up in odd angles. He panted, putting his hands on his knees as he came to an abrupt halt in front of Souji. Greedily sucking in a few more breaths of the tainted air, the man pointed in the direction he came from.

"Captain!" the man gasped. "There's too much smoke coming from the Sanshito direction. The fire may come across the Rotsukaku Prison sometime today!"

My eyes widened. "That's where the ones from Ikedaya are being held. You don't think the fire was started to create a chance for them to escape?"

"There's a chance," Souji said, putting a hand on the hilt of his katana to secure it in place before he bolted towards the prison. "Shizuka, go back inside. I'm going to go check out the prison."

Ha! Like hell I was going to let him go off by himself. If the Choshu were using the fire to escape, wouldn't it be dangerous for one person to run into what was potentially a jailbreak situation? Sure, the prison guards were there, but Souji could always use someone to watch his back, right?

Ignoring his orders, I chased after him.

"Shizuka, what the hell?" Souji exclaimed the moment he saw me tailing him. He didn't bother pausing his sprint, probably in the hope that he would outrun me and force me back to headquarters. "I told you to go back inside!"

"And you're an idiot for thinking I would listen. I'm not staying behind this time!"

"You're the idiot for running after me into a potentially dangerous situation without a weapon!"

True, I didn't bother going to grab my naginata, but…

"You have two swords. Share one with me. I'll take the kodachi."

"You don't even know how to use a sword!"

"Yes, I do! You stick the pointy end into the enemy. How hard is that?" A lot harder than that, I presume.

Souji groaned like I physically assaulted him with my idiocy. It was too late for me to turn back anyway. The prison was coming into sight.

"Shizuka, just stay close to me, alright?" Souji said in exasperation as he slowed before pushing into the prison.

I tagged along closely behind him, suddenly grabbing onto his sleeve when I heard screams erupt from the cell blocks. Souji furrowed his brows as his hand went back to his katana. Something was very wrong here. The fire hadn't arrived, but the screams sounded of death and the air reeked of wet iron.

As we turned the corner and stepped into the hall of wooden bars, we were greeted with crimson pooling on the ground and bodies piled high in the cells. The guards' spears were dripping red as they were pulled from the prisoners' corpses before they moved on to skewer the next helpless and unarmed convict.

Premature execution. They've had no trial yet. They were locked in cages like animals while waiting their turn with the spear.

"Guard Captain Nakigawa!" Souji snapped, stepping forward to grab the shaft of the man's spear before it could be thrusted again. There was a dark shadow over Souji's face as he pushed me behind him with his other hand. "What's the meaning of this? It is stated in the law that in case of fire, the prisoners are to be released temporarily. It is only if the prisoners do not return within three days that they are executed, and if they return, then their punishment is to be lessened. The Shinsengumi bled to capture these men and you prematurely executing them will extinguish all the credit the Captain Commander is supposed to receive."

"They're political criminals!" Nakigawa growled, shaking Souji's hand off his spear. "There's no way they would obediently return after a temporary release! They should die right now! The fire is their fault anyway!"

Once upon a time, I couldn't understand how some people could be so cruel.

True, we had no way of knowing if temporarily released criminals would return to their cages, but it's not our right to act on the assumption they wouldn't. But these were the criminals from Ikedaya. The ones that killed and injured our men. They threated **_my_** family.

Hatred is a powerful thing. It is cold and unyielding.

I knew what the guards were doing was unlawful. I should have taken the high road and protested along with Souji. Then maybe, just maybe, the voice of two could have allowed the inmates to live. Instead, I remained silent and watched the life bleed out of the prisoners, men killed just because they had different ideas of how the country should be run. Some of their ideas may have been violent, but that didn't mean we had to respond with violence.

So often we believe in a good side and a bad side, but the reality of the situation is there are only sides. What is right and what is wrong? What is best for the country now? The truth is everyone's definition varies. There is no set standard. Everything is a shade of gray, especially in times of political upheaval.

* * *

[1] A lymph node or lymph gland is an ovoid or kidney-shaped organ of the lymphatic system, and of the adaptive immune system, that is widely present throughout the body. They are linked by the lymphatic vessels as a part of the circulatory system. Lymph nodes are major sites of B and T lymphocytes, and other white blood cells. Lymph nodes are important for the proper functioning of the immune system, acting as filters for foreign particles and cancer cells. Lymph nodes do not have a detoxification function, which is primarily dealt with by the liver and kidneys.

[2] The thyroid gland, or simply the thyroid, is an endocrine gland in the neck, consisting of two lobes connected by an isthmus. It is found at the front of the neck, below the Adam's apple. The thyroid gland secretes thyroid hormones, which primarily influence the metabolic rate and protein synthesis. The hormones also have many other effects including those on development. The thyroid hormones triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4) are created from iodine and tyrosine. The thyroid also produces the hormone calcitonin, which plays a role in calcium homeostasis.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

 _"Sometimes, however much you plan, however many precautions you take, something happens, and in a minute the world is changed. After that, you're the person on the other side of that minute." ― Frederick Weisel, Teller_

Even though I had gotten accustomed to living in Kyoto, I couldn't stop that slight twinge of homesickness when I saw Heisuke all dressed up in a navy blue haori and sugegasa[1]. His luggage was slung over his back and he could only get more picturesque if he was holding a walking stick. I knew he was heading back for Edo for work, to find new recruits for the Shinsengumi since we were spread out too thinly in the city now that the areas under our protection had expanded, but I missed Edo. Despite Edo and Kyoto both being major cities in Japan, the cultural differences were huge. I particularly still found it annoying, as an Edo woman, that people in Kyoto were never straight forward with their words in their stupidly elegant accent. Still, I pushed aside my distracting feelings of homesickness and placed a neatly pack bento in his hands.

"This is for your lunch later," I said with a short nod before attempting to dust off some dirt that managed to get smudged on his forehead. "How'd you get dirt on your face already? You haven't even started the journey back to Edo yet."

Heisuke quickly batted my hands away in a sort of friendly annoyance. "Gah! Shizuka-chan! I get it that you care, but I don't need you to mother me. Geez, your maternal instincts have really taken off since Ryota's birth."

I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my hips to abide by his request while Otou-san and Chizuru-chan both chuckled at the display.

"Oh, Chizuru!" Heisuke suddenly exclaimed, as if he remembered something. He turned to her to flash a warm smile. "Will you tell me where your house in Edo is?"

Chizuru-chan blinked and tilted her head slightly. "Huh? Yes, but… Why?"

"That way, while I'm searching for recruits, I can investigate Kodo-san at the same time. There's a chance he could have returned to Edo while you're here. So, hold on to hope."

Chizuru-chan perked up immediately before she bounded off in an excited sprint. "Ah, wait a moment!" she chirped just as she dove into her room.

We all exchanged looks when we heard a small crash and the rustling of paper coming from her room. But before I could move from my spot and poke my head into Chizuru-chan's room for a quick peek, she reemerged. With nothing out of place, except maybe for a single hair on her head, she cheerfully pressed a neatly folded sheet of paper into Heisuke's open palm.

"If you make to my neighborhood and mention Yukimura-sensei the Western doctor, everyone is sure to know him."

"Okay," Heisuke said, placing the important note in his satchel before readjusting the strap over his shoulder. "Well, I'll be on my way now. Make sure no one cause trouble while I'm gone!"

Chizuru-chan clasped her hands together and beamed before nodding her head in a small bow. "O-Okay!" she chirped while looking at Heisuke like he was the most amazing person in the world. "I promise to help as much as I can."

"And find us a good crop of men, Toudou-kun!" Otou-san chattered with a corny double thumbs up. His grin was so wide that it looked like it was going to split his face in half. "I'll join you next month."

"Oh yeah…," I then muttered under my breath. Everyone paused their goodbyes to pay attention to me even though it was clear I was mostly mumbling to myself. "Hijikata-san mentioned that to me that there's someone you want to look up while you're in Edo…"

I allowed my voice to drift off before pursing my lips. When Hijikata-san mentioned it to me, it was obvious he was trying to appear professionally indifferent about this Itou-san, but it was the worried glances he kept stealing at Sannan-san that completely gave it away. Whoever this person was, it was clear Hijikata-san thought this Itou-san was a threat to Sannan-san, and Hijikata-san's instincts were nothing to turn my nose up at. Itou-san couldn't possibly **_just_** be a skilled swordsman. Anyone who can ever possibly pose a threat to Sannan-san and his position had to be an intellectual. Now, it wasn't bad to be considered of scholarly stock. I personally would like another person to debate with and the Shinsengumi could definitely benefit from another bright mind. However, I had stolen another glance at Sannan-san before leaving the room. It was his expression that had sucked me dry of any excitement I may have had.

It was like he was falling to pieces.

I left the room that day feeling like I had a stone in my stomach. There was a whisper that had taken up residence in the back of my mind, haunting my constant thoughts like a ghost.

"This will end Sannan-san," the whisper hissed with the coldness of venom.

Telling myself over and over again that a new member will not "end" Sannan-san and that I was only being stupid could only work up to a certain extent. Now that Heisuke was leaving to convince this Itou-san to join the Shinsengumi, the cold feeling awoke once more to gnaw at my bones.

"Huh?" Chizuru-chan said, tearing me from my unpleasant thoughts. "Someone you want to look up…?

I pushed the sinking feeling in my gut away. I was being paranoid. I had to be. I was probably only feeling this way because I worried about the changes that would be coming and feeling guilty for not being able to fix Sannan-san's busted arm yet. This was going to be good for the Shinsengumi, to find competent new members during this time of growth and expansion. Perhaps with more members, Souji could finally stop pulling such late hours and Ryota could get some more time with his father.

"Oh, we never you, did we, Yukimura-kun?" Otou-san asked.

I flashed a smile at Chizuru-chan, forcing my slight unease to cease. "Hijikata-san said his name is Itou Kashitarou. He uses the same fighting style as Heisuke and Sannan-san, the Hokushin Ittō-ryū style. And the word is, he's very well-versed in strategy."

"Though," Heisuke said, putting a hand on his hip, "truth be told, I don't really know him well. But I'm sure he'll at least hear me out."

"And that's more than enough," Otou-san said, nodding with extreme confidence. "He's an Imperialist, but if we approach him right, and with respect, he'll see it fit to help us. I know he will."

I froze briefly at Otou-san's words. So briefly that no one even noticed. Out of all the information Hijikata-san told me, he never told me Itou-san had the similar political views as the Choshu. Maybe I wasn't being as paranoid as I thought. Would Itou-san and the men he brings with him even get along with the rest of us? True, the Imperialist want to expel the foreigners too, but would the notion of, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend," even work here? Opposing political views being placed so close together could be dangerous. Wars had been fought over less.

I exchange a glance with Heisuke. Unlike Otou-san, he appeared far less confident.

Heisuke then scratched the back of his head, mussing his ponytail. He glanced back at the road before grinning and waving.

"Anyway," he announced with a peppy tone once he shook off the insecurity, "I'm off! I'll do my best to find information on Kodo too while I'm there, so just wait until I get back."

"Okay!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed, waving back at Heisuke. "Be careful!"

"Travel safely!" I called after him.

The three of us watched as Heisuke's back grew smaller in the distance before vanishing. Sighing when the last of Heisuke finally vanished, I twisted my torso and allowed my back to pop a few times before popping the joints in my fingers. Without Heisuke here, headquarters already felt emptier and the silence he left behind felt almost unnatural. It was going to be a long couple of months without him here. Chizuru-chan had to have thought this too because she seemed to look lonely the moment Heisuke left. Without knowing what she was going to do with herself now, she glanced up at Otou-san, who was still grinning and puffing his chest outward pridefully.

"You look happy," Chizuru-chan noted. "You're thinking about all the new warriors you're getting, right?"

Otou-san nodded so vigorously that it looked like his head was going to pop off. "Yeah. Seeing our numbers increase is a wonderful thing. If they're strong and able… Even better!"

"Or," I said, crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes slightly, "this whole thing could blow up in our faces. Wouldn't it be better if we start looking for allies that share our same beliefs first? I don't mean to be the negative one here, but wouldn't two opposing strong views in a single organization lead to a fracture?"

"Mah," Otou-san waved at me like he believed he could fan away all my concerns with a flick of his hand. "Even with different beliefs, we still share the common goal of expelling the foreigners, so I'm sure we'll all get along. Plus, I'm sure you'll like such an intelligent man like Itou-san. You'll finally have someone else to debate with other than Toshi and Sannan-kun."

Knowing that there was no way my words would get through to him at this time, I didn't bother arguing anything further. It would be a complete waste of time. Instead, I stretched my back a little more before I began trotting towards Mibu Temple.

"Oh?" Otou-san raised an amused eyebrow at me. "And what are you up to?"

I raised one arm and flexed it, pretending that he could see my small muscle under my sleeve before I winked at Otou-san.

"This is the day I finally beat Saito-san in a spar!" I announced.

Because, seriously, I was getting tired of cushioning my falls with my face every single time he defeated me. I think he thought it was funny every single time it happened. While appearing stoic most of the time, Saito-san smiled a little bit each time I landed ungracefully on my face. But! That was wasn't going to happen this time! Not today!

"Or today could be the day you come back with a flattened nose."

I paused my steps and turned to see Hijikata-san standing on the roka with his hands tucked away in his purple sleeves. He too, like Otou-san, looked highly amused. He spared a short glance at Chizuru-chan and gave a short nod of acknowledgment at Otou-san before addressing me with a raised eyebrow.

"Taking a break from work to watch me get my nose flattened by Saito-san, are we now?" I jested as I put my hands on my hips.

Hijikata-san snorted before shaking his head at me. "I wish, but I have too much work to deal with right now. Speaking of work," Hijikata-san turned and began walking back from the direction he came in, "I need you to come with me, Shizuka. I need to talk to you about something."

I shot Otou-san a questioning look, to which he replied with a shrug before shooing me off after Hijikata-san. Leaving Otou-san with Chizuru-chan to mill the rest of the day away, I trotted after Hijikata-san back to his room.

There were random sheets of paper scattered across his desk. On the right side of the desk was a half-used ink stick with a used calligraphy brush propped on top of it to prevent the wet ink that was dripping from the brush from soiling the stray sheets of paper. On the left side, there was a pile of messy documents that was teetering dangerously close to the edge. I could just imagine Hijikata-san pulling his hair out when that pile unsurprisingly tipped off the table.

"Close the door, will you?" Hijikata-san instructed as he settled back in his seat. He reached for his lukewarm tea and took a quick sip.

I nodded before using my foot to hook the corner of the door to slide it shut. Before taking my seat, I shoved the pile of documents that was teetering dangerously at the edge towards the center of the desk with my knee. Hijikata-san then pushed an untouched cup of tea towards me. I wrinkled my nose after taking a sip and quickly placed it back down. Like the tea he was sipping before, it was lukewarm.

"Really?" I raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. "You invite me in here just to give me gross lukewarm tea?"

He rolled his eyes at me, huffing before crossing his arms.

"Why waste tea after it's brewed?" He said before brushing his bangs out of his face and letting his arms drop. The sigh that came afterward almost sounded depressing. "It was Sannan-san's, but he refused to drink it. Speaking of Sannan-san, that's why I called you in here."

I curled my lips over my teeth briefly and averted my gaze.

"How much longer until you can operate on his arm?"

I closed my eyes briefly as the feeling of guilt welled up my throat. I knew it wasn't my fault, but I could still feel the guilt claw up my throat from my stomach.

"I don't know," I mumbled after an uncomfortable silence. "Kenji-san and Kyoko-chan are having problems putting together the equipment I need to operate. The microscope is especially difficult for them. Improper materials have already led to the failure of several prototypes."

"Is there any way you could speed things up? Sannan-san's—"

"I know!" I blurted before letting my voice soften again as I clenched my hand around the cloth of my kimono. "I know… Sannan-san has major depressive disorder[2]."

I sighed before glaring at the ceiling. How could I treat it? The one thing that could cause his depression to instantly vaporize overnight just wasn't possible right now and I had no medication that could treat depression. All other methods of getting Sannan-san's mind off his nonfunctional arm just weren't working. Instead, they were just pushing him further into social isolation where he would constantly focus on working on the Water of Life.

He was losing all hope and faith in my abilities to operate because things have now dragged on so long. But equipment like an operating microscope couldn't just appear overnight.

Hijikata-san let out his own sigh. "I'm just worried what the possible new additions to the Shinsengumi will do to him. Can't you leave Ryota in Sannan-san's care to distract him from his arm? Sannan-san likes kids."

"I can't. Sannan-san is so bitter most of the time that Ryota cries whenever he's left with Sannan-san. I can't do that to my son."

"Well, we're running out of options. Something needs to be done and soon."

But nothing was done.

Months flew by since that conversation and late October was upon us. Otou-san had already ventured to Edo and returned with the news that Itou-san would be joining the Shinsengumi. Itou-san arrival was actually set to be today. It made me dearly wish Heisuke had returned to Kyoto with Otou-san just so I could ask him what to expect from Itou-san, but it seemed Otou-san wanted Heisuke to stay in Edo for a few more months for more scouting.

I plucked Ryota off the ground, causing him to pout and whine, once I was done changing into my red camellia print tomesode[3].

"Kaa kaa!" Ryota protested before he proceeded to tug on my bangs.

"Ow!" I struggled to untangle his tiny fingers from my hair as I headed over to meet the guys. "Don't pull on Okaa-san's hair, Ryota. You can go play later."

"Kaa baso?" he said, tilting his head up at me before shoving his face happily against my chest.

I smiled at him and continued to the front gates. There I could see a bunch of the guys congregating by a storage room near the front gates so they could capture a glimpse of this new member without being in Otou-san's and Hijikata-san's way. Half-hidden in a storage room, they watched Otou-san greet Itou-san with Hijikata-san.

"Itou-dono!" I heard Otou-san exclaimed as he warmly grabbed Itou-san's hands in an excited greeting. Hijikata-san stood beside Otou-san, looking as stoic as ever. "We've awaited you!"

Itou-san smiled back in response, making his already small eyes narrow into snakelike slits. It almost felt like his eyes didn't match the rest of his appearance. Man or not, Itou-san was beautiful. Sure, he seemed to have a small feminine flare about him, but that didn't make him seem like any less of a man than the other men here.

"I'm humbled you came to greet us in person, Commander," Itou-san said with equal amounts of warmth while the men by his side remained respectfully silent.

"So that's Itou Kashitarou," I heard Shinpachi-san say, I snapped my focus off Itou-san and deposited a happy Ryota into Souji's waiting arms. "Apparently he's achieved full mastery of the Hokushin Ittō-ryū style."

Saito-san craned his neck a little to get a better glimpse of Itou-san, who was now cheerfully chatting away with Otou-san.

"Shizuka," Saito-san said, glancing down at me briefly. "Did you not say that Itou-san is aligned with the Imperialists? I am surprised he would have his name associated with the Shinsengumi."

"I don't know what he's thinking," I replied with a slight frown. "Let me see if I can get a better measure of the guy when I serve them dinner tonight. I'll let you guys know if I discover anything interesting."

Then, just as I finished speaking, one of the men that arrived with Itou-san briefly glanced at me appraisingly. He looked younger than Itou-san and had his almost navy color hair tied into an unruly ponytail. He raised his eyebrow at me in what looked like interest and curiosity before he turned his focus to the conversation Itou-san was having with Otou-san.

"The same mindset as those Choshu guys, huh?" Sano-san said, carrying on with the conversation. "Can someone like that really get along with us?"

"Itou-san is a highly educated and gifted speaker," Sannan-san said just as he walked past our group. We all paused to focus our attention on him.

"Ah. So, Sannan, you know…?" Sano-san said, his voice tapering off as he watched Sannan-san suddenly walk off.

That left a bitter taste in all our mouths. The Sannan-san before the arm injury wouldn't have done that.

"Sannan-san is becoming less and less congenial lately, huh?" Shinpachi-san commented. He sighed before running his hand through his hair. The corners of his lips twitched downward before he ceased his lazy lean against the wall.

"Yeah," Sano-san agreed, staring at Sannan-san's back until he disappeared into the dark hallway. "He hardly ever talks these days, either." After shrugging, he placed a hand on my back and gave me a gentle shove towards Itou-san and his party. "Well, looks like it's about dinner time, right? Better get everything ready, Shizuka. You're acting as a hostess tonight. And see if you can get some information about Itou-san out of the man standing to Itou-san's left. I saw him eyeing you earlier."

"Basobo!" Ryota objected loudly while squirming in Souji's arms in protest.

Souji wasn't doing anything to calm Ryota down. In fact, I was sure he was encouraging Ryota's shouts of protest. Souji merely nodded at Ryota in some sort of strange understanding they shared.

"I know what you mean," Souji said while shooting a quick glower at the man from earlier. "I don't like him either, Ryota. People should keep their grimy paws off what isn't theirs."

"Enya! Baso kaa!"

"But Okaa-san is doing everyone a favor by scoping the new guys out, so we can't get mad at her."

"Kaa kaa?"

"That's right. But we can go kick that guy's ass if he decides to try anything funny."

Sano-san snorted at the little conversation, or whatever it should be called, that was going on between Souji and Ryota. He shook his head with an amused little smirk on his face.

"Souji, you really shouldn't teach little Ryota here curse words. Maybe switch the word out for 'butt'?" Sano-san reprimanded Souji. "That definitely sounds better than the other word you used."

Souji clicked his tongue before sparing Sano-san an annoyed look. "There's no real difference between the words 'butt' and 'ass'. One just sounds prettier than the other."

"Ouum!"

"See, Ryota agrees with me."

Sano now looked like he wanted to smack his forehead but instead settled with sending me a look of disbelief. I shrugged in response. It's not like Souji's and Ryota's strangely synced up behavior bothered me. In fact, I thought it was kind of cute, especially with the way Ryota liked to copy Souji behavior.

"Well," I said, wiping off some non-existent dust off my hands, "I better head to the kitchen to help Chizuru-chan finish cooking the rest of the meal. It is near impossible to cook a kaiseki[4] without help."

I went to go peck Ryota on the cheek and when I went to do the same for Souji, he turned at the last possible second so my lips would accidentally graze against his. Souji immediately puffed himself up in pride at his small accomplishment before readjusting Ryota in his arms.

"Filch some food for me when you're done?" he whispered. His hot breath hit my ear, causing small tingles to run down my spine. "I'll sit with Ryota in our room while the rest of the guys go out to eat."

I nodded at Souji before bowing my head at the rest of the guys to excuse myself.

When I arrived in the kitchen, Chizuru-chan was still hard at work. She wiped away some of the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand before half-submerging a couple of saké-filled tokkuri[5] in some boiling water. Quickly joining in on the work, I tied my sleeves back and put on an apron before going over to the cutting board. The first course of this thirteen-course meal?

Nothing is better than fresh uni[6]. And just my luck that I found some freshly harvested sea urchins at the market today too.

Cutting into the sea urchins with my knife, the hard, outer shell of the creature released a loud cracking sound before the top popped off cleanly like beer bottle cap. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Chizuru-chan pausing her work to peek at my work curiously. Once the insides of the poor critter had been properly cleaned, I rinsed it with some cold salt water before I began arranging the first dish.

A green bamboo leaf to placed slightly off to the side and under the sea urchin in a shallow petal-shaped, glass dish and done. Simple but aesthetic. Working in my parents' restaurant in my youth in my past life was definitely useful. I was going to knock everyone's tabi off.

"Chizuru-chan?" I cleaned my knife and grabbed the strange-looking kawahagi[7]. Nothing beat the taste of kawahagi sashimi in the fall. "Can you grab our more expensive lacquerware for me? It's in the cupboard above the counter to my left."

"O-Okay!"

Sashimi, when cut so thinly that the fish's white flesh become transparent, was strangely beautiful. Each piece, sliced to mimic a flower petal was arranged in a circular pattern on a red lacquer plate. With the tips of each slice slightly curling up and pointing up at the sky, the dish looked like a freshly bloomed chrysanthemum.

This was certainly going to be enough to please even the most fickle of people. I was on a roll!

"Wow!" Chizuru-chan gasped, looking excited as she stared at the plate. "It looks like it came from one of those fancier restaurants near Gion."

I swear I could feel my nose growing like a tengu's[8] at her compliment.

"Well," I said, fanning myself with my hand, "I can hardly take credit for all the work. You cooked all the simmered dishes earlier, didn't you? Anyway, let's get this dinner served, shall we?"

Chizuru-chan nodded energetically before hustling over to the heating saké to check on its temperature. Whilst she was taking care of the alcohol, I gathered up sakizuke dishes on a single platter and shuffled off to the location of the welcoming dinner. The main hall.

"Ah! Here we are!" Otou-san exclaimed, slapping his knee excitedly the moment he saw me enter with the food.

Despite playing the role of the important host of the evening, Otou-san humbly stood from his seat to help me with the food. He served Hijikata-san and Sannan-san, and Takeda their food (though it boggles me how someone like Takeda managed to talk his way into participating in such an important dinner) while I was left to present Itou-san and his companion their food. When I neared Itou-san, he flashed a polite yet guarded smile at me. But then I saw his eyes.

They were sharp. They were calculating. In an instant, I knew.

This man was no bumbling idiot who claimed clumsy intelligence like Takeda did. In a world of fish, Itou-san was a shark. It was an interesting development. He had my interest.

"Oh?" the man seated beside Itou-san suddenly commented, stealing my attention away from Itou-san. "Who is this lovely lady?"

It was the same man with the unruly ponytail from earlier.

"Ah, let me introduce you two to my daughter," Otou-san exclaimed almost like he was boasting about some wonderful achievement he had accomplished just as he settled back in his seat. Just as he sat back down, he patted the spot between him and Itou-san, telling me to come sit in that spot. "This is Shizuka."

I politely bowed at the two men deeply. These new allies had potential, unlike Takeda. Best give them my best face.

"It is a pleasure to meet you," I said, politely keeping my head lowered and my eyes at his neck level. Unlike Western traditions, direct eye contact in Japan, especially from a woman, was considered rude. "While I did have the honor of hearing about Itou-san before Itou-san's arrival, I'm afraid I'm at a disadvantage when it comes to your companion."

"My, she's a sweet little thing, isn't she?" Itou-san commented. There was nothing rude in his words, but the way he spoke, it was like there was an air of superiority around him. The arrogance was almost enough to switch off my curiosity. "So polite, unlike my wife back in Edo. Well, Shizuka-chan," he gestured to his companion with a graceful wave of his hand, "this is my otōto, Saburo Miki."

"It's a pleasure," I said, nodding at Itou-san's younger brother.

Saburo-san arched his eyebrow at me like he found something funny before he hummed to himself. He shot an arrogantly sly grin in Hijikata-san's direction while acting like he discovered something secret.

"I'm surprised you allow your daughter to live here in a household of men, Commander," Saburo-san said, his tone painted with a hint of smugness. "You must really trust your men if you allow them to live in such close quarters with her." He then paused, acting like he just suddenly remembered something. "Ah. Correct me if I'm wrong, Commander. Didn't you say one of the rules is no women allowed? Something about women being a distraction to the men? I know my ani-ue wouldn't make that amateur mistake. He's much too thoughtful for that."

Ah, hero worship. The man admired his older brother.

Hijikata-san narrowed his eyes dangerously at Saburo-san. "What are you trying to say Saburo? That the Commander is so sentimental that he'd break his own rules and drag his daughter into a den of wolves? Shizuka's no normal—"

I cut Hijikata-san off by raising my hand. I turned to Saburo-san with the sweetest smile I could manage. I appreciated that Hijikata-san was so willing to stand up for me, but just because I am a woman does not mean I cannot hold my own. Plus, I was certain I'd enjoy putting Saburo-san in his place.

"My, you must be confused to what my role is here. Though I do understand your confusion, being new blood around here," I addressed Saburo-san, making sure to keep my voice steady with the same amount of sweetness as my smile. "I am not to be considered the Commander's daughter while I am here. I am the Shinsengumi's physician. Meaning, for as long as you are here in my care, your life is in my hands. Please don't forget that."

There was a heavy silence before Saburo-san broke it with an amused chuckle. He watched me like I was a new toy to break in and I can't say I was looking at him any differently. In a battle of words, I wanted to know who could outdo the other. It was his arrogance that he inherited from Itou-san that made me so eager to begin a game with him. A competition to see who could utterly crush who, and I don't like to lose.

"You're an interesting one! You must have your husband," he glanced down at the sleeves of my tomesode briefly, "on his toes all the time. I knew I made a good decision to come down to Kyoto with ani-ue. Your husband must be a lucky man."

"Luck?" I replied before scooting next to him so I could pour him some saké. I bat my long lashes at him while I grasped his tokkuri with my dainty fingers. Sabaro-san grinned at my display, thoroughly enjoying himself as he drank the sweet alcohol I poured for him. "I'm afraid he'd be offended if he heard you say that. The First Division Captain doesn't believe much in luck. Everything is determined by skill."

A cough then interrupted the conversation I was having with Sabaro-san. I could Hijikata-san looking at me rather harshly, reprimanding me silently for the wordless challenges I was issuing Sabaro-san. I gave Sabaro-san one last sly cat-like smile before scooting back to restore the distance between me and him.

"Well, I'm afraid I cannot stay here much longer. I need to go care for my son now. I'm sure he's hungry," I announced.

"Oh!" Otou-san exclaimed before scratching the back of his neck. "I forgot about that. Why don't you go ahead and take care of Ryota? You can leave everything else to me." He then turned to Itou-san. "Here, let me pour some saké for you."

"My, so polite," Itou-san responded, accepting the Otou-san's good graces. "Thank you very much."

Silently excusing myself once more, I retreated from the main hall and returned to the kitchen. There Chizuru-chan was still busying herself with the smallest of details. I saw her meticulously place each slice of green onion of a piece of tofu.

"Chizuru-chan?" I said, capturing her attention as I fetched the small tray of food I prepared for me and Souji to share. Some of the food on the tray was for Ryota now that he was teething, but he probably wasn't going to be interested in much of it except for the white rice. "You can handle the rest of dinner, right? I need to go feed a certain few people now."

Chizuru-chan nodded, beaming at me as she did so. "I can handle it."

"Alright, then I'll leave you to it." I paused before I completely stepped out of the kitchen and glanced down the hall towards the main hall where I could hear laughter. "Hey, Chizuru-chan? Be careful when you go serve the men. Itou-san and his otōto are sharp. If you aren't careful, they'll pick apart your disguise and enjoy every moment of it."

I then left before Chizuru-chan could reply to my warning but I could feel her curious eyes on my back as I made my way back to the bedroom. Nudging my foot in the slight opening of the bedroom door, I slid the door open and was immediately assaulted by a little body hugging my leg.

"Kaa!" Ryota exclaimed while making sure he was latched onto me tightly enough to root me in place.

Souji, who was sitting at the desk and rooting through my journals, took his time setting my stuff back on the desk before plucking Ryota from my leg.

I grinned at Souji as I eyeballed the open journal left on the desk. "Find anything interesting?" I asked wryly.

I closed the door partially behind me, only leaving a small crack open so some of the fresh autumn air could circulate the room. With a whimsical smile, Souji sat down with Ryota wiggling and clapping cheerfully on his lap. I placed the tray of food on the floor before scooping up a few grains of rice with my pinky. When my pinky inched close enough to Ryota, he quickly snapped his mouth closed around my finger before sucking the rice off my finger with a satisfied squeal.

Souji chuckled at Ryota's reaction to the rice. He ruffled Ryota's hair before grabbing the chopsticks.

"I found plenty of interesting things," Souji said before eating some sashimi. "But I can't say I understand too much of it. I got lost at the word 'osteoblast'. So, did you find out anything interesting about Itou-san?"

Before I could answer, Souji stuffed a piece of tofu in my mouth. It did not miss my notice that Souji piled all the green onions that was humanly possible on top of the piece of tofu he shoved into my mouth.

I rolled my eyes at the childlike twinkle in his eyes before I swallowed. "He's sharp. It's one thing being told that Itou-san is an intellectual and a completely different thing seeing it for myself. His otōto, Saburo Miki, is pretty sharp too, but it's pretty clear his otōto isn't quite up to his level. And while Itou-san is much more refined, Saburo-san is much more rash. Saburo-san also seems to have a case of hero worship towards Itou-san."

"You think it'll be beneficial to have them here?"

"They're intelligent, but the arrogance can be off putting. As for beneficial, I'm not too sure yet."

As Souji was about to grab another bite, his eyes narrowed. He placed Ryota on my lap before he pressed a finger to his lips in a hushing gesture as he stood up. He scooped up his katana from the sword stand at the head of our futon before he crept towards the door.

I furrowed my brows as I watched him peek out through the crack of the door. Had I missed something? Then I heard Chizuru-chan's muffled voice.

"May I help you with something?"

"What, pray, is a person like you doing here?" I heard Itou-san ask. Wasn't he supposed to still be inside having dinner with the other executives? Maybe he was on his way to the washroom?

Or it could be something much worse. I had warned Chizuru-chan about her disguise.

"Huh?"

"You're not a soldier, are you?"

Souji clicked his tongue in annoyance before he slammed the door open and flew out. Without the door blocking my view, I could see Itou-san being far too close to Chizuru-chan as he reached out to snatch her wrist. However, before Itou-san could lay a hand on Chizuru-chan, there was a flash of metal.

But there was no blood.

I highly doubt that Souji was aiming to behead Itou-san right then considering how much bad news it would cause for the Shinsengumi, but for Itou-san to complete dodge the attack with such grace? Itou-san wasn't just gifted in the intelligence department, he was no slouch when it came to combat.

Itou-san smiled at Souji, looking serene even with a sword drawn in front of him. His eyes wandered up to the carnation sitting neatly on the tip of Souji's sword.

"A place full of men is not a place of flowers," Souji said as he lowered the point of his sword to offer the Itou-san the flower. "But as Itou-san has graced us with his presence, I thought I could give you something pretty you'd be allowed to look at."

Souji's words were a veiled warning. A death threat.

 _We don't keep women here and the only woman here is not yours to look at. Cross any lines and I will not hesitate to slit your throat._

"Yes, it's lovely," Itou-san commented as he gently accepted the flower from Souji's sword, picking the red flower up with his slender fingers. "But cutting it with a sword is rather heavy-handed."

 _That was rash of you, but try as much as you like. You do not scare me._

"Being somewhat heavy-handed is a hallmark of the Tennen Rishin-ryū style."

 _I don't need to scare you to kill you._

Souji then sheathed his sword before barking at Chizuru-chan, who froze in shock at all the sudden actions she just witnessed. "You!"

Chizuru-chan jumped before shaking her head.

"There's still cleaning to do, right? Hurry back."

"S-Sir!" she stuttered before bolting for the kitchens like there were demons on her tail. Being accosted by Itou-san had unnerved her, but it was the hostility that was radiating off Souji and Itou-san as they stared each other down that frightened Chizuru-chan off.

Itou-san and Souji stared at each other a little longer before Itou-san tucked the flower into his sleeves and began making his way back towards the main hall to finish dinner.

"Thank you for the flower, Okita-san," Itou-san said before disappearing back inside.

It was obvious that Itou-san's intelligence and his men could benefit the Shinsengumi. But was it going to be worth it in the very end?

It was then that sinking feeling I had from months before returned. Something felt rotten here.

* * *

[1] The Asian conical hat, commonly known as an Asian rice hat, coolie hat (in the UK), or farmer's hat, is a simple style of conical hat originating in East, South, and Southeast Asia, particularly Bangladesh, Bhutan, China, Cambodia, India, Indonesia, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Myanmar, Philippines, parts of Russian Manchuria and Vietnam.

It is kept on the head by a cloth (often silk) chin strap.

[2] The persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of behavioral and physical symptoms. These may include changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, daily behavior, or self-esteem. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

The mainstay of treatment is usually medication, talk therapy, or a combination of the two. Increasingly, research suggests these treatments may normalize brain changes associated with depression

[3] Tomesode (留袖) is a type of kimono. It is a formal dress worn by married women.

Originally, there was a custom that the long sleeves of the Furisode were shortened after marriage, thereby creating Tomesode. This was because the long swinging sleeves would be impractical when the married woman worked in the kitchen. The word "Tomesode" itself consists of two kanji meaning "to fasten" (留) and "sleeve" (袖).

Tomesode distinguishes itself from other kimono by only having patterns under the waistline. It has five or sometimes three family crests, or kamon, which indicates the formality of the kimono.

Kuro-Tomesode (black Tomesode) are often worn for wedding ceremonies by married female relatives of the bride or groom. The eri, obijime and obiage are always white, and the obi matches the colourful pattern of the kimono to signify a happy occasion. It is believed that the black colour is to match the clean white colour of the bride, as this kimono is rarely used at other occasions than weddings of near family members (sisters or daughters). A friend of the bride or groom would not wear Kuro-Tomesode, but Homongi or Iro-tomesode.

Iro-Tomesode (coloured Tomesode) is similar to Kuro-Tomesode except that the basic colour is not black and is now worn by both married and unmarried women. It is a semi formal kimono with the only exception; Iro-Tomesode with five crests will be considered as formal, thus, unmarried women who are not willing to wear Homongi or Furisode to a wedding of their family members or relatives can also wear this.

In the events held at the Imperial palace, it is strictly forbidden to wear Kuro-Tomesode as black is considered to be a colour of mourning.

[4] Kaiseki (懐石) or kaiseki-ryōri (懐石料理) is a traditional multi-course Japanese dinner. The term also refers to the collection of skills and techniques that allow the preparation of such meals, and is analogous to Western haute cuisine.

There are basically two kinds of traditional Japanese meal styles called kaiseki or kaiseki-ryōri. The first, where kaiseki is written as 会席 and kaiseki-ryōri as 会席料理, refers to a set menu of select food served on an individual tray (to each member of a gathering).[2] The second, written as 懐石 and as 懐石料理, refers to the simple meal that the host of a chanoyu gathering serves to the guests before a ceremonial tea, and is also known as cha-kaiseki (茶懐石).

In the present day, kaiseki is a type of art form that balances the taste, texture, appearance, and colors of food. To this end, only fresh seasonal ingredients are used and are prepared in ways that aim to enhance their flavor. Local ingredients are often included as well. Finished dishes are carefully presented on plates that are chosen to enhance both the appearance and the seasonal theme of the meal. Dishes are beautifully arranged and garnished, often with real leaves and flowers, as well as edible garnishes designed to resemble natural plants and animals.

Originally, kaiseki comprised a bowl of miso soup and three side dishes; this is now instead the standard form of Japanese-style cuisine generally, referred to as a セット (setto, "set"). Kaiseki has since evolved to include an appetizer, sashimi, a simmered dish, a grilled dish, and a steamed course, in addition to other dishes at the discretion of the chef.

· Sakizuke (先附): an appetizer similar to the French amuse-bouche.

· Hassun (八寸): the second course, which sets the seasonal theme. Typically one kind of sushi and several smaller side dishes.

· Mukōzuke (向付): a sliced dish of seasonal sashimi.

· Takiawase (煮合): vegetables served with meat, fish or tofu; the ingredients are simmered separately.

· Futamono (蓋物): a "lidded dish"; typically a soup.

· Yakimono (焼物): (1) flame-grilled food (esp. fish); (2) earthenware, pottery, china.

· Su-zakana (酢肴): a small dish used to clean the palate, such as vegetables in vinegar; vinegared appetizer.

· Hiyashi-bachi (冷し鉢): served only in summer; chilled, lightly cooked vegetables.

· Naka-choko (中猪口): another palate-cleanser; may be a light, acidic soup.

· Shiizakana (強肴): a substantial dish, such as a hot pot.

· Gohan (御飯): a rice dish made with seasonal ingredients.

· Kō no mono (香の物): seasonal pickled vegetables.

· Tome-wan (止椀): a miso-based or vegetable soup served with rice.

· Mizumono (水物): a seasonal dessert; may be fruit, confection, ice cream, or cake.

[5] The server of a sake set is a flask called a tokkuri (徳利). A tokkuri is generally bulbous with a narrow neck, but may have a variety of other shapes, including that of a spouted serving bowl (katakuchi). Traditionally, heated sake is often warmed by placing the sake-filled tokkuri in a pan of hot water, and thus the narrowed neck would prevent the heat from escaping.

[6] In Japan, sea urchin is known as uni (うに), and its roe can retail for as much as ¥40000 ($360) per kg; it is served raw as sashimi or in sushi, with soy sauce and wasabi. Japan imports large quantities from the United States, South Korea, and other producers. Japanese demand for sea urchin corals has raised concerns about overfishing.

[7] Stephanolepis cirrhifer, commonly known as the thread-sail filefish, is a species of marine fish in the family Monacanthidae. It is found in the western Pacific, in an area that ranges from northern Japan to the East China Sea, to Korea. Other common names for the fish include "Kawahagi" "カワハギ" "皮剥" (Japanese) and "Jwi-chi" (Korean). The fish grows to a maximum length of about 12 inches (30 centimetres), and consumes both plant material and small marine organisms like skeleton shrimp.

[8] Tengu (天狗, "heavenly dog") are a type of legendary creature found in Japanese folk religion and are also considered a type of Shinto god (kami) or yōkai (supernatural beings). Although they take their name from a dog-like Chinese demon (Tiangou), the tengu were originally thought to take the forms of birds of prey, and they are traditionally depicted with both human and avian characteristics. The earliest tengu were pictured with beaks, but this feature has often been humanized as an unnaturally long nose, which today is widely considered the tengu's defining characteristic in the popular imagination. Buddhism long held that the tengu were disruptive demons and harbingers of war. Their image gradually softened, however, into one of protective, if still dangerous, spirits of the mountains and forests. Tengu are associated with the ascetic practice of Shugendō, and they are usually depicted in the garb of its followers, the yamabushi.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

 _"When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don't get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand. I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like."_

Ryota stared at me, his eyes widening in nervous trepidation. His tiny hands reached for me, attempting to grab hold of my kimono as he witnessed me slowly stepping away. His shaky fingers brushed against the cloth of my kimono before I managed to sit down on the roka, but he failed to grab anything but air. He then quickly slapped his hands tightly around a nearby decorative boulder sitting the courtyard as his unsteady legs wobbled. His small hands turned white as he gripped the rock with all his might. Attempting to make his way towards me, he let go of the rock briefly only to have his legs quake. In a fright, he was quick to grab the rock again to steady himself before whining.

"Okaa! Kaa!" Ryota let go of the rock again to take an uncertain step towards, but then one of his knees buckled. In alarm, he quickly slapped both hands back on the rock to steady himself. "Popo!" he protested once more, his big eyes silently begging me to pick him up instead.

I smiled, clapping a few times before opening my arms. "Come on, you can do it! Okaa-san is waiting for you to catch up."

"Emm ya!" Ryota chirped while looking almost offended at my actions before he hugged the rock some more.

Footsteps and a snort from behind me captured my attention. I watched Ryota's face turn sour as he scowled at the person that suddenly appeared behind me. As I turned to see who the new arrival was, a thin fleece blanket was tossed over my head. I shook my head to cause the blanket to fall, making it pool around my shoulders before I reached up to deal my frizzy hair. Dry winter air and fleece never was my favorite combination.

"That's not going to get him walking," Saburo-san stated as he eyed Ryota just across the courtyard.

I plucked my kanzashi from my hair and used my fingers to brush out the frizz in my angry hair. With nimble fingers, I twisted my hair back into a bun once my hair laid flat against my scalp once more. Then I poked Saburo-san, transferring the static to him in a shocking jolt before bundling myself up in the blanket he tossed at me. Saburo-san shot me a dirty look and brushed his hakama off before observing Ryota some more.

"He looks too unsteady to begin walking toward you," Saburo-san observed before crossing his arms. He raised his eyebrow at Ryota when Ryota turned his nose up at him. "Why the hell does he always look so sour whenever he sees me?"

I made a ticking sound at him before whacking his shin with the back of my hand. "Don't curse in front of my son!" I scolded him before scoffing, "And, of course, it's going to work."

"And why is that?"

I chortled before bringing the blanket up to cover the small upward twitch of my lips. "Because he doesn't like you."

Saburo-san rolled his eyes at my supposedly nonsensical answer. "You're the doctor, right? Maybe you can answer this. Can you die of constipation? I ask because I'm worried about how full of shit you are."

"You know, you would be so much more likable if it weren't for the hole in your face that noise comes out of. And, besides, you should take one more look at the courtyard."

Because, while we were sassing each other, a small someone was busy. The rock in the courtyard was now deserted and there were little footprints in the snow. I wasn't lying when I said he didn't like Saburo-san. However, it didn't mean Ryota was going to remove himself from Saburo-san's presence. No, that was far too civil for the Ryota's tastes. Ryota, in many other ways other than his physical appearance, was like his father.

Saburo-san furrowed his brows at the lonely rock before glancing down when he felt a small tug on his hakama. He glanced down just in time to watch his nice silky hakama get soiled by Ryota smearing spit and snot into it.

"Ugh!" Saburo-san cried. He instantly jolted away, shaking his leg to free himself from the unwanted cling on.

With Saburo-san's leg gone from his grasp, Ryota stumbled. He wobbled back and forth on his unsteady legs before he toppled over right onto my lap. Realizing where he landed, he beamed and giggled at me like he expected some compliment for his tremendous achievement. Of course, I scolded him. However, it would be a lie if I didn't say my actions contradicted my words since I was beaming back at him while patting his back for a job well done.

"You shouldn't have done that. It was rude," I tutted at Ryota, shaking a single finger at him before my hand crawled up his spine. Ryota let out a delighted giggle and he wiggled in my lap as I tapped the base of his nape. "But you can walk further now! Who's an amazing boy?"

"Really?" Saburo-san said, crossing his arms sourly at me. "Aren't you going to say, 'Now apologize to Saburo-sama'?"

I cocked my head at him and pretended to blink innocently. "Apologize for what?"

He looked like he was fighting the urge to smack his own forehead before he settled for crossing his arms at me. "Unbelievable…," he muttered under his breath.

"Ah, yes," a new voice added on.

All three of us looked up and across the courtyard. There, by the front gates, was Itou-san with a sugegasa neatly tucked under one arm. In his other hand, he held a walking stick. He approached us and deposited the straw hat on the roka before stabbing his walking stick into the snow so it could remain upright on its own.

"Shizuka-chan, dear. Is it not something terrible to do, to teach your son to be rude?" Itou-san commented. His stuffy voice and the air of superiority grate against my nerves.

"It's also pretty terrible to teach him to be dishonest. He was just telling Saburo-san that Saburo-san wasn't his most favorite person in the world." I shrugged my shoulders. "I can't fault him for being honest, now can I?"

After I spoke, there were more footsteps coming from the front gate. A line of soldiers marched through the gate with powdered white dusting their blue haori. Shaking the snow off, the returning patrol chattered excitedly as they scattered in the direction of the steaming bathhouse. A few of the men noticed Itou-san and bowed politely to the man before scurrying off towards their waiting warm bath. Souji, the last person to step through the gates, shook off some of the snow on his sleeves before pausing briefly with a frown when he looked up and saw who I had for company. Instead of marching off to the wooden bathhouse to join his men, he made a detour to come and join me on the roka.

"Hmm?" Souji said with a slight glower. He lightly tapped on Itou-san's walking stick to make it topple over. "Itou-san is back already from his trip? I thought you were going to stay in Edo a little longer to take care of your sick haha-ue."

"Oh, yeah," Saburo-san chimed, putting a thoughtful finger on his chin. "Didn't Ane-ue say in her letter that Okaa-san was sick? It sounded serious. I thought you were going to stay in Edo a little longer to take care of Okaa-san."

Itou-san scoffed, huffing in some irate annoyance over the mention of his wife. He closed his eyes briefly before resting his hand on his katana.

"You needn't call her 'Ane-ue' much longer, Saburo," Itou-san stated before he glanced over at me and Souji briefly with what appeared to be like slight envy. "I divorced that woman while I was in Edo."

I furrowed my brow at the recent discovery before I glanced up at Souji. Souji merely shrugged his shoulders at me. No point in asking, he told me silently. It wasn't **_our_** business. But I still perked up and leaned my ears closer. I was curious. Everything I knew about Itou-san's wife wasn't even enough to fill a thimble.

"Eh?" Saburo-san exclaimed before peering over his shoulder at me like he believed I had some clue to why. "How did taking care of our sick haha-ue end with you divorcing your wife?"

Souji snickered into his hand before whispering, "I bet she couldn't stand his pompous attitude anymore and told him to beat it."

Souji wasn't as quiet as he thought he was, or it could have been he had been slightly louder on purpose. Itou-san shot a short dirty look at Souji before waving Souji's notion away with a scoff.

Saburo-san looked like he wanted to sucker punch Souji in the gut for that remark against his wonderful older brother, but he took a deep breath. Instead of forming a fist, Saburo-san kept his hands flat against his side, though they twitched in agitation every few seconds.

"Ani-ue, what happened. Is Okaa-san okay?"

Itou-san hummed a little as he dusted off his sleeve. "No need to worry yourself sick, Saburo, dear. Okaa-san is completely fine. Your former sister-in-law merely lied to get me to return home. I knew she disapproved of me joining the Shinsengumi, but to sink so low as to lie to me to get me to come home? It's safe to say we won't be speaking ever again." He then glanced at me and Souji once more with a sly smile on his lips. "It must be nice, Okita-san, that your wife would follow you anywhere."

Souji's lips twitched, becoming a feral grin. He stepped in front of me and Ryota with his hand resting on the hilt of his sword.

"It is pretty nice, but I'm afraid she's rather picky with her company. She happens to dislike unwashed men," Souji retorted pointedly as he ran his eyes down the dirt covered and travelworn haori Itou-san currently donned. "You should probably go bathe, Itou-san."

Itou-san chuckled. "But of course. I should go bathe before I get settled back in my role as **_Military Advisor_** and ** _Deputy Commander_**."

Itou-san then turned and began walking towards the bathes with Saburo-san accompanying him. However, Itou-san then paused, turning towards Souji briefly with his hand placed over his heart. His lips pulled up into a rather sly and foxlike smile.

"Oh, do tell me, what does Sannan-san do nowadays? It must be so hard to accomplish his tasks with that broken spirit and nonfunctional arm of his," Itou-san sneered with plastic pleasantries. "Well, if I **_must_** fill in for Sannan-san, then I can do it after I cleaned off so Shizuka-chan will not have a problem with my presence. I suggest you do the same, Okita-san. You just came back from patrol, did you not? You must be filthy yourself."

And with that last shot fired at Souji, Itou-san continued his way toward the rickety bathhouse, leaving me and Ryota to deal with Souji's snarling. Good grief. The pride of men was insufferable sometimes.

I tugged on Souji's hakama to snap his attention back to me before patting the now-vacant spot beside me. As soon as Souji plopped his butt down next to me, Ryota crawled into Souji's lab. I threw the blanket around Souji's shoulders so we could curl up next to each other under the warmth of the blanket. Souji let his glare peter out before he calmed himself. He then took one look at me before snickering.

"Your hair's sticking up again," he pointed out before rubbing his cheek against mine.

Damn static. I groaned and reached for my hair again only for Souji to grab my wrist.

"Leave it. I think it looks fine. It's cute, in a way."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Then I doubt what you consider aesthetic," I retorted before reaching up to untie his forehead guard. I placed it on my lap before pecking him on the lips. "How was patrol? It's snowed a little while you were out. You didn't feel too cold, did you?"

"It didn't bother me," he said before tucking me under his arm. Ryota made a sound of protest before he began climbing all over Souji's lap, making Souji tuck him under his other arm. "Itou-san and that brat otōto of his, on the other hand... I'd tell you not to get too close to them, except I don't think you'd listen and there's literally not enough space at headquarters to keep your distance from him. Man, our ranks really have expanded since Itou-san joined."

"That's probably why Otou-san and Hijikata-san have been wanting to call a meeting. Now that Itou-san has finally returned from his three-week trip to Edo, we'll probably be having that meeting tomorrow." I sighed and leaned closer to Souji's warm body. "I'm really not looking forward to the meeting. Hijikata-san offhandedly mentioned to me that we're **_probably_** going to have to move headquarters and he's thinking about Nishi Hongwanji Temple. That way we get the space we need and we get to rob the Choshu of a hideout. But I imagine the monks aren't going to be happy about the Shinsengumi moving in if we end up there, and they're going to be even more unhappy I'd be moving in too."

Again, with the belief of blood pollution. Women were actually forbidden from entering many Shinto shrines and sacred mountain tops due to a practice known as nyonin kekkai. This was all because the women's menstrual blood is considered a taboo. In the Ketsubonkyô[1], it was preached that women were condemned to a blood pond in hell for the sin of pollution through menstrual blood and that only prayer could spare them. God forbid what the monks would do if they found out Chizuru-chan was a woman too.

"But other than the whole possibility of moving business, I'm worried about Sannan-san's involvement in all of this." I looked down and played with my fingers. There was some dirt stuck under my fingernails. "If he's included in the meeting, I'm afraid his depression will influence his decisions. If he's not included in the meeting, we risk pushing him deeper into depression."

"Then all we can do is chose the choice with less damage," Souji remarked as he watched Ryota play with his forehead guard. "Oh, which reminds me," he reached into his sleeve and pulled out a sealed envelope, "when I was out on patrol, those Fuma twins, Shin- and Sho- something, delivered this to me. They said it's for you."

I glanced at the envelope before nodding. "Just put it on my desk. I'll read it later. For now, let's head inside where it's warmer. I still don't understand why you and Ryota enjoy the cold so much."

"That can be said for you and the heat," Souji retorted as he stood up. He pulled me to my feet before taking Ryota's hand.

Ryota happily swung his linked hands back and forth as he toddled in the space between me and Souji.

I wasn't far off track when I had estimated that Otou-san and Hijikata-san were going to call a meeting the following day. After Itou-san's return, Otou-san wanted Itou-san to be well-rested and bright-minded for the meeting, so Otou-san postponed the meeting until the following week. By then, the Shinsengumi's ranks had swelled a little more and the men were practically sleeping on top of each other. With that type of living arrangement, it was hell trying to keep the floors clean and if one person came down with a cold, then the next day all the men sharing the same quarters would have a cold too. This meeting was long overdue.

All the ranked officers were pulled into the main hall after breakfast for the meeting. Takeda, clearly unhappy with how far away he was seated from Otou-san, tried to wiggle in the almost nonexistent space between Otou-san and Sannan-san. Bless Sannan-san's heart that he still had enough fight in him to shove Takeda away. Unable to steal Sannan-san's seat, Takeda crossed his arms and muttered curses under his breath as he settled for the spot next to Itou-san.

Ryota, who was sitting in on this meeting with me, waddled over to Otou-san with a delighted giggle, making the meeting stall before it could even begin. I could see Saburo-san roll his eyes at me as he watched Otou-san play with Ryota. Seeing the meeting was going to begin immediately, Hijikata-san ordered Chizuru-chan to the kitchen to brew some tea for all of us.

"Babo Tou-san!" Ryota exclaimed at Otou-san while pointing to Souji. Ryota jumped playfully and tugged on Otou-san's hand before scurrying back to Souji, stumbling slightly before falling onto Souji's lap.

Otou-san chuckled. "Oh, really, Ryota? Tell me more."

"Estno boo ma."

I could see Hijikata-san shake his head as he placed his hand on his forehead. "Kondou-san!" Hijikata-san scolded, causing Otou-san to jump slightly before rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I know you would like to play with Ryota, but we should really get started. This meeting is long overdue."

Otou-san coughed slightly before putting on his serious face. "Right," he said just as Chizuru-chan returned with the hot tea.

"Oh, thank you, Yukimura-kun," I heard Inoue-san say to Chizuru-chan as he accepted his cup while I was guzzling my tea.

The warm beverage instantly warmed my insides. As soon as I set the empty cup back down on the ground, Ryota clambered back into my lap before he picked up the empty cup and began to play with it.

Hijikata-san nodded at Chizuru-chan when he accepted his cup and took a quick sip before he spoke.

"The Yagi have been good to us so far, but this pace is getting too crowded."

"True," Sano-san agreed as he crossed his arms and leaned back laxly against the wall, "it is getting a little small, especially with the new guys coming in…"

Shinpachi-san nodded before tightening his headband. "If we could move to a bigger place, that'd be great. Some of the guys in the dorm look stiffed."

Sano-san signed and pushed back his bangs. "Yeah. The guys over at the Maekawa residence are practically smushed, the way they sleep." He let his hand fall to his lap. "Ah, to be a young grunt these days, I pity them. If only there was something we could do… And Shizuka's been saying that they're all getting sick because of how smushed they are."

Souji let out a back of laughter, which Ryota responded to by trying to copy the noise. The result was haughty cooing sound that sounded nothing close to the sarcastic original.

"Easy for us to say," Souji said, giving Ryota a side glance before winking at him, "but imagine trying to find who else is willing to let us stay at their place. I mean we are Kyoto's most hated. But...," Souji stole a side glance at Hijikata-san, "I heard someone here has an idea where we can try. Isn't that right, Hijikata-san?"

Hijikata-san merely grunted in response before glancing at Itou-san who was pointing at a location on the map laid out in front of Otou-san."

"What of this…," Itou-san said with his foxlike voice. "Nishi Hongwanji Temple, hmm?"

Takeda hastily rushed to give his input. "The Nishi Hongwanji Temple?" he said, trying to sound important before he paused to quickly smooth down his dry frazzled hair. Like my hair, the dry winter air did a number on his hair. "I… can't see any reason for them to accept us."

Itou-san slyly tapped his long effeminate finger on his chin. "But there are no other locations big enough to accommodate a living space for a few hundred me. And besides, the tactical advantage of this temple would allow us to fortify in times of panic. Isn't that right, Hijikata-san. You've been thinking the same thing, have you not? A little birdy told me you mentioned this to our dear Shizuka-chan."

I saw Saburo-san puff up in pride. It was one thing to admire his brother so much that he'd puff up when his brother mentioned him, no matter how slightly, but to puff up in pride after being called a 'little birdy'? And not to mention it's rude to eavesdrop on a private conversation!

Hijikata-san sighed before crossing his arms, looking almost disgusted with himself for having the same idea as Itou-san.

"Additionally," Hijikata-san added as he uncrossed his arms and pointed to the area surrounding the temple on the map, "it is well known that the Nishi used to shelter the Choshu ronin. If we move to Nishi Hongwanji, it would rob the ronin of an advantageous hiding spot."

"Oh, I see!" Otou-san exclaimed, slapping his knee in his excitement. "Very good points! I can't believe you both put this much detail into it."

But then a quiet, soft-spoken voice cut through Otou-san's excitement like a sharp blade.

"You don't think it somewhat… uncouth to use force against men of the cloth?" Sannan-san commented.

Itou-san's brow twitched as he turned to glance at Sannan-san. "Would you say that to the Choshu ronin who inhabited the temple and did as they pleased?" Itou-san asked as he raised a condescending eyebrow at Sannan-san, the action making Sannan-san seem dwarfed by Itou-san. "But my, aren't you nice Sannan-san. You're even considering the feeling of outlaw ronin who actively disrupt the peace of Kyoto."

I clicked my tongue to dispel the bitter taste Itou-san's comment left in my mouth and coughed to clear my throat. Itou-san briefly took his sharp eyes off Sannan-san to glance at me.

"Sannan-san very clearly said 'men of the cloth'. Choshu ronin and monks who support the same ideology the Choshu ronin possess are clearly not the same entity. Please do not twist the words that come from Sannan-san's mouth. We are here to address an issue in the Shinsengumi and we do not have time for distractions, Itou-san."

"But of course, Shizuka-chan," Itou-san said without losing his sly smile. "My apologies. Sannan-san, as you were saying?"

Sannan-san chewed the inside of his cheek. All the steam he may have possessed before was now gone. "I agree that this extremist Imperial Nationalist party must be dealt with, but this seems…"

Sannan-san's voice was weak. So weak that Saburo-san could speak over Sannan-san and put words into his mouth.

"So, what are you saying?" Saburo-san accused. "When we meet in battle, do you expect them to respect the Shinsengumi on name alone, and to engage in a fight, fair and square? Wouldn't it be just peachy if all those Choshu ronin were on their behavior, like a Kamakura warrior?"

Itou-san snapped his fingers and Saburo-san seemed to back up immediately, giving Sannan-san room to breathe, but there was no taking back words now.

"Saburo, watch your mouth now, darling," Itou-san scolded his younger brother affectionately.

Despite the scolding, Saburo-san still looked as smug as ever. "Ah, my mistake," he said with a sarcastic shrug of his shoulders. "Couldn't help myself."

"My apologies, everyone," Itou-san said in such a strange tone that the apology sounded both fake and sincere at the same time. However, it seemed to sound far too pleasant for almost everyone else's taste. "This young one, here, has a tendency to let his mouth run free, you see. So, Sannan-san, please don't take it too personally. I'm sure we need a person like you to make the Shinsengumi succeed. Even if you left arm is useless, your indubitable wit and book smarts shall prove useful, I'm sure."

The tension in the room instantly pulled taut as Sannan-san fell silent and bit his lip. Then tension then snapped as a snarl plowed through it. Hijikata-san's voice sounded dangerous. It was sharper than any sword could hope to be and cut through the silence like the sound of a blade sliding across a whetstone.

"Perhaps I didn't hear you correctly, Itou-san."

Hijikata-san's eyes narrowed his eyes at Itou-san, causing Itou-san to jerk his head back slightly like he'd been slapped. Itou-san's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected viciousness of Hijikata-san's voice.

"Sannan-san's smart, like you said. But above all, he's a swordsman of the Shinsengumi. He is **_not_** useless, and he is **_not_** replaceable! Get it through your head."

But the damage had been done. Sannan-san was already a shell of a man when he came into this meeting but after that jab? Sannan-san was nothing more than a handicapped phantom. He rubbed his damaged arm in bitter regret as he sagged in his seat. There was nothing that could be said, nothing I could say without making Sannan-san feel worse.

"But my arm is…" Sannan-san couldn't even bring himself to finish.

Hijikata-san froze, finally just realizing his words were just reminding Sannan-san of what he used to be. I briefly closed my eyes. This was hard to watch and listen to.

"Oh dear," Itou-san said. While he sounded apologetic, his eyes were smiling, making me seethe on the inside. "I didn't mean to cause such a fuss. Next time, I'll keep my thought to myself. Sannan-san is quite the beloved member here, isn't he? It's nice to see such a tight-knit group."

It was like he was taunting us between the lines. I respected Itou's intelligence, I still do. I'd even compliment him for his subtle method of insults, but that didn't mean I had to like him. I was on the fence about his presence in the Shinsengumi before, but now? There's no place in the Shinsengumi for a man that thinks himself superior to those sacrificed and built the foundation of the Shinsengumi. Itou didn't belong here.

"It's just that, as I'm sure you've thought about it, I hope the new member share that sentiment," Itou finished.

I could literally feel the anger rolling off Hijikata-san and overpowering the sense of helplessness that could be felt coming off Sannan-san. It was because of this Otou-san quickly stepped in, being forever the peacekeeper he was. I wished he didn't step in. I was all in the favor of a brawl breaking out just so Hijikata-san could kick Itou's ass.

"Well," Otou-san said as he placed a hand on Hijikata-san's shoulder, "for now, let's keep business strictly in terms of finding a new headquarters location." Otou-san brushed off his hakama as he stood up. "Itou-san, would you mind coming with me? I would love to continue our earlier discussion about a new base."

Itou-san stood up graceful like a crane as he wore a victorious smile. "Sure, I'd love to."

Seeing the two get up, Takeda was quick to jump to his feet too.

"Chief! May I join as well?" Takeda asked, sounding more like an overeager child rather than an adult.

Otou-san smiled at the leech, making my insides turn when I thought of those two venomous snakes alone in a room with Otou-san, contaminating Otou-san's mind with their vile toxic philosophies.

"Of course," Otou-san agreed all too cheerfully. "I want you to hear what Itou-san has to offer and broaden your views. Even the captains of the Shinsengumi must push themselves to learn more than fighting. It is our responsibility to grow and gain knowledge, to expand our horizons."

"Yes, sir!" Takeda nodded.

Otou-san left the room with Itou and Takeda. Saburo-san, who was still sitting before us…

"Hmph…," he said, smirking coldly at the men before he slinked off.

Souji crossed his arms and spoke when Saburo-san's footsteps became inaudible.

"Ugh," he groaned in disgust. "Who brought those bastards into the Shinsengumi?"

Shinpachi-san scowled and glared at the floor like he wanted to punch it. "The culprit is still in Edo. Dammit, Heisuke… When he gets back, I'm goin' to give him a few punches."

"Or better yet, punch Itou. I'm sure we'd all appreciate that here," I added with a derisive snort. Ryota seemed to nod in agreement, or maybe he was just copying Souji.

"But still," Sano-san shook his head before pushing himself off the wall. "Itou-san is with the Imperial Nationalist party, aye? Surprising to see people with the same beliefs as those Choshu bastards joining the Shinsengumi."

Hijikata-san sighed, letting his fierce expression drop. He tucked his hands into his sleeves and glanced at Sannan-san, who had remained silent and motionless since Itou had left.

"Well, nationalist think themselves to be above the Choshu for whatever it's worth," Hijikata-san commented. "I mean, the Imperial Nationalist party is…" He let his arms drop back down into his lap. "Well, just listen to the bullshit he was going on about the other day. It seems as though he has rubbed off on Kondou-san as well, which is a poor influence in my opinion."

"Well, Kondou-san is a kind person," Souji stated. Though, I'm sure he just didn't want to admit that Otou-san could be naïve. "He is easily deceived by silver tongues, those who appear virtuous… but are real scumbags."

Sano-san sighed before looking up at the ceiling as he placed his head against the wall. "So, Itou-san is our Deputy Commander, and his little brother is the captain of the Ninth Division, huh? That's gonna be a reeeeal bitch."

Eventually, Hijikata-san stood and approached Sannan-san so he could place his hand on Sannan-san's shoulder. Sannan-san acted like he didn't even feel Hijikata-san's hand and continued to weakly hang his head as he stared at the floor in shame.

"Sannan-san," Hijikata-san said, his voice far gentler and softer than it had been all day. "Don't listen to that asshole, okay?"

Sannan-san let out a scathing dry laugh and shook his head before he shoved Hijikata-san's hand away. There was a crazed look gleaming in his eyes, striking fear into my heart. No one noticed as I grabbed at my chest. It suddenly felt like I wasn't getting enough air. I recognized that look. I had treated patients in my past life that had that look.

Those with nothing left to live for.

"With such a gifted Deputy Commander, I suppose the Shinsengumi has little need for a colonel," Sannan-san said in a depreciate tone.

"Hey, Sannan-san—!"

Hijikata-san never got to finish what he was going to say. Sannan-san stood and left the room, his footsteps gliding over the wood silently in a ghostly manner. The conversation continued on without him, seemingly solidifying the lie that we didn't need Sannan-san anymore.

"Man, I feel bad for him," Sano-san commented. "Even the men are avoiding him these days."

"What?" Chizuru-chan exclaimed while looking upset. She had been so silent the entire time, I had forgotten she was even there. "But why…?"

Shinpachi put his hands on his hips as he glanced at her. "Well, can't blame 'em. No matter what you say to him, he takes it the wrong way. And no matter what you say, he acts like such a smug smartass, so the warriors are intimidated and want nothing to do with him.

I watched Chizuru-chan deflate like someone had personally attacked her own personality. "Oh, no," she murmured under her breath. "Poor Sannan-san…"

Souji then made a ticking sound just as Ryota dropped my empty teacup. "Ever since they arrived, it's been nothing but bad vibes and sour moods." He then glanced at me briefly. "I really don't know why you'd spend so much time around Itou's brat otōto and I really question your taste sometimes, Shizuka."

"Saburo-san's not that bad. He just has a big head sometimes. It's Itou that's an ass and who influences Saburo-san's behavior most of the time. He's a snippy puppy compared to Itou."

Souji groaned at my answer before jeering at Hijikata-san. "Hey, can't you come up with some bullshit excuse to kick Itou-san out?"

"You know damn well I can't do that," Hijikata-san snapped back with a scowl. "I mean, look at the way Kondou-san fawns over Itou-san. Besides, he brought a large force of men behind him when he joined. You think they won't make a stink if he were to just… disappear?"

"Well, damn! Aren't you supposed to be the Oni? The commander from hell? You're supposed to make the impossible happen!"

"Fine, Souji, how about we make you the Commander? Then you can kick Itou-san and his guys out, right?"

"Ha!" Souji exclaimed as he tucked his arms behind his head. "Hell no! That's way too much trouble."

I watched Chizuru-chan glance at all the men before her eyes fell on Saito-san, who had been silently sipping his tea the entire time.

"Umm…," she voiced, pausing slightly when Saito-san quietly looked up at her. "Heh, um, so… What do you think about Itou-san? I mean, about Itou-san joining, that is…"

Saito-san placed his cup on the floor and folded his hands in his lap. "As an organization grows, it will expand to include people who have differing ideas and points of view."

"Ah, so then…," Chizuru-chan said, unsure of what Saito-san was really trying to say.

"However," Saito-san continued as he observed her confusion, "if one attempts to force this sort of diversity, then the organization will rot from within."

It Saito-san words that hung in the air like a dark omen. It made my legs burn and I could no longer sit still anymore. Something had to be done for Sannan-san's arm now. That crazed look flashed through my mind again as I gently shoved Ryota towards Souji so I could stand up.

"Shizuka?" Souji questioned as he gathered Ryota into his arms.

I didn't answer as I left the room. I had to come up with an answer to Sannan-san's arm now. This couldn't wait anymore.

I worked late into the night, working on different theories, different methods and possibilities. There had to be some other different method that didn't require a surgical microscope!

But the conclusion was always the same. I couldn't operate if I couldn't see what I was doing. It'd be impossible. I'd just be butchering Sannan-san's arm more.

In all my theorizing, I even ventured into the world of science fiction in desperation.

Nothing.

I growled as I crumpled up another wasted sheet of paper before lighting another candle. The other candle I had been using had just about burned out. It was later than just late. So late that Souji had even had to tuck Ryota in for me before crawling into bed himself. Souji didn't fall asleep though. I could feel his eyes on my back as he silently watched me work. He never said anything, but I could feel him grow more concerned as I grew more frustrated with my own lack of results. As I pulled another fresh sheet of paper from the pile with more force than usual, a sealed letter, the sealed letter the Fuma twins delivered to Souji the week prior fluttered to the floor beside me. It had gotten lost in the pile of papers and books that cluttered the desk.

I snatch the letter up in my frustration, crumpling it in my hand, and prepared to toss it only to freeze as I stared at it a little longer. My temper started to melt away the more I stared at it. Why did they deliver a **_written_** letter to me? Usually, if they had news for me, they verbally deliver it.

"Why don't you open it?" Souji suddenly said from our futon, breaking me from my stupor. I glanced at him with the intelligence of a mentally idled fish. "It might be important and you could use a break."

I blinked at him unintelligently a few more times before I opened the envelope and was greeted by Kenji-san's handwriting.

 _Okita Shizuka,_

 _I'll make this quick and simple. We cracked the code. We'll have the surgical microscope completed in about a week after you've received this letter. On the other page, I've included a diagram of the microscope so you can begin studying it before the microscope is even completed. This way you'll be able to operate as soon as the microscope is delivered._

 _From, Fuma Kenji_

"Shizuka?" I faintly heard Souji say. I'm sure I looked like a fish now with the way my mouth was hanging open. "Are you okay? What did the letter say?"

The answer had been searching for so desperately the entire time had already been found. It was in front of me the entire time.

I suddenly spun around with overflowing excitement and shoved the letter into Souji's hands just as he sat up on the futon. He spluttered as soon as he laid his eyes stared at the diagram. I wasted no time running off to find Sannan-san. This couldn't wait. I could fix his arm! He could be a swordsman again!

"Shizuka!" I heard Souji calling after me as I bolted. "Wait! It's the middle of the night!"

But then Sannan-san wasn't in his room.

But the door to the room where he worked on the Water of Life was open.

"Sannan-san! No! Don't drink it!" I could hear coming from that room.

As I stumbled into the room, I was greeted with a glass vial filled with red liquid being raised to Sannan-san's lips. All that was keeping the horrible poison from Sannan-san's mouth was Chizuru-chan's weak grip as she pulled on his arm.

"Sannan-san! No! Don't do it!"

"Yukimura-kun, let go of my arm! At least let me die as a swordsman, as a man! There is no point in living as a corpse and that is all I am because I can no longer wield a katana!"

"No, Sannan-san! Think about how sad everyone would be if they discover what you did! There has to be another way!"

At that moment, all that was keeping Sannan-san from becoming a rasetsu was Chizuru-chan's feeble grip on his arm. Chizuru-chan, who couldn't fight and lacked the physical strength of a trained warrior. I could feel time slowed to a crawl as I witnessed Sannan-san press the glass vial to his lips.

* * *

[1] Buddhist Blood Pond Sutra


	64. Chapter 64

This was actually supposed to go up yesterday, but I ended up in the ER with a UTI... (^▽^;) But the chapters up now, so yay!

 **Chapter 64**

 _"_ _There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life… Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope'." ― Alexandre Dumas_

It was a glass vial in his hand. That's what it should have been. That wasn't what I saw. It was a dagger, glinting in the veiled yellow glow of the moonlight. It wasn't poised at his lips. It was a knife being thrust into his beating chest. The red fluid that occupied the vessel, no longer a poison to be ingested but Sannan-san's own blood spilling from his body.

The cold started at the tips of my fingers first, feeling barely noticeable before it clawed its way up my arms and into my chest like a ravenous beast. The pounding in my chest slowed to a painful crawl. The precious oxygen my body craved suddenly too heavy for my lungs to handle. Then came the sudden numbness.

This sensation was no stranger. I had felt this before. It was on the night where time had come to a screeching halt.

Death's embrace.

Then tips of my fingers brushed against the something smooth yet textured. A book cover. Yes, that was what it was. Sannan-san did keep copious amounts of books in his workshop. So many that the shelves could not contain them all, forcing several volumes to take up residence in tall stacks along the floor.

I gripped the spine of a book, and time resumed.

A clap echoed throughout the room as a book collided with Sannan-san's face, knocking cursed glass vial from his hands. His glasses, forcefully evicted from his face, clattered as it hit the nearby desk, making the nighttime silence scream in protest. The glass vial hit the tatami mats with a dull thump, spilling its contents on the floor as bounced a few beats before rolling against the wall.

Discarding all propriety, I tackled Sannan-san before he could recover from that unexpected blow, knocking him off his feet as I grabbed at his functional hand. We hit the ground rolling. Chizuru-chan, who was caught in the crossfire, ended up sandwiched in a tangle of limbs between Sannan-san and I. The book towers toppled as the flailing limbs struck out at random whilst attempting to gain control of the situation.

"Shizuka!" Sannan-san's muffled voice came from somewhere near Chizuru-chan's foot. "What are you doing! Unhand me this instant! I refuse to continue my existence as half a man!"

"Shizuka-san?!" I then heard Chizuru-chan exclaim with panicked relief. I ignored her.

My fingernail dug into the palm of Sannan-san hand as my grip on him tightened. I shook my head at his demand despite knowing he could not see me with his face pushed into the floor the way it was. I couldn't trust my voice not to waver or crack.

It should have been over right there. I restrained Sannan-san before he could drink. But he was not a man who was easily defeated, even when crippled. Despite only having use of one arm and hand, he was notoriously strong. Even with Chizuru-chan and I piled on top of him, I was still straining to keep him pinned down. I could feel the strength of his wiry muscles as my grip on his hand began to slip.

And then my hands were emptied single jerk and I was sent tumbling. A sharp pain radiated up my spine as my lower back collided with the corner of the desk. My legs suddenly grew numb and limp as black dots filled my vision. Between the blinding spots, I could see Sannan-san reaching for a new vial while Chizuru-chan hung off his arm futilely.

It was over.

Then it wasn't.

There was a sudden crumpling of limbs as Sannan-san collapsed out of nowhere. I blinked several times, unable to understand until the haze was spooked from my mind by a pair of small wet hands on my cheek. I lethargically dragged myself up into a messy slump with my arms, hissing as another spike of pain crawled up my back. Sensation slowly began trickling back into my lower limbs, starting with the feeling of pins and needles uncomfortably pricking my legs. Ryota, who was in no way supposed to be here, squealed joyfully at my consciousness and clambered into my lap while being oblivious of the situation.

"Okita…san…," I heard Chizuru-chan exclaim before something switched in her voice, making it sound hesitant and insecure.

Then it all became clear. Souji had grabbed Ryota and followed me after I bolted out of our room.

I sluggishly raised my head to see Souji standing over Sannan-san's unconscious form, but his eyes weren't focused on Sannan-san.

"What are you doing here?" Souji snapped at Chizuru-chan. His eyes were narrowed, cold, accusing as they bared down on her shrinking form. His thumb rubbed the on the hilt of his kodachi.

There was no familiarity in that gaze.

 _Stranger. Trespasser._

Chizuru-chan recoiled like she had been slapped.

"I…I…," Chizuru-chan stuttered, wringing her fingers as she gazed down at Souji's hakama. "I felt like there was someone in this room. I wanted to see who…"

Souji's glare lingered on Chizuru-chan a little longer before his eyes darted throughout the room to survey the damage. First to Sannan-san, then to me, then finally on that little glass vial on the floor that laid in a pool of red. I could hear the pounding of Chizuru-chan's heart and the gritting of Souji's teeth from my seat on the floor.

"Did he drink any of it? Did anything actually make it into his mouth?"

"W-What?"

Chizuru-chan grabbed at her chest in an attempt to reach her pounding heart as Souji growled. The pallor of her face rapidly worsened when Souji snapped his glare back to her.

"I said, did he drink any of it?!"

Chizuru-chan jumped at the sudden snap. Her eyes were wide and her shoulders shook.

"N-No… Shizuka-san threw a book at Sannan-san's face and k-knocked it from his hands before he could," she said, her voice rattling. She stared down at the floor before she sucked in a raspy breath. "Umm…," she then abruptly blurted, making herself jump again when her own voice came out louder than she intended. "Is it true my chichi-ue had something to do with that medicine?"

Souji closed his eyes briefly before only sparing her a side glance. "Did Sannan-san tell you that?" His voice had grown even icier.

There was a large gulp before Chizuru-chan nodded. "He said it…," she paused to bite her lip, "make you stronger, but it drives you mad."

Souji stared her in the eyes, making her grow uncomfortable enough to forcefully break eye contact by looking at everything else in the room but him. At last, he sighed and his shoulders relaxed. He didn't bother to explain anything to Chizuru-chan. Instead, his eyes flickered to the door behind her just as a group of men barreled into the room in a great stampede.

It was no surprise that the other guys showed up. The scuffle with Sannan-san wasn't exactly quiet. But they were slow. What would have happened if it was Itou that showed up first?

Nobody moved for a moment. I saw Hijikata-san narrow his eyes once he saw Sannan-san on the floor and the emptied vial on the floor.

"What's going on here?!" Hijikata-san demanded, shattering the suffocating silence. His voice was nothing more than a quiet hiss, but it carried the force of sonic boom.

"I… I…," Chizuru-chan stuttered before her breaths stated growing shallower and more rapid by the second.

I stroked Ryota's back, lulling him back to sleep as I forced myself back to reality before I shook my head. Ryota's head bobbed until it finally slumped against my shoulder.

I really wished that was me right now because…

"This night cannot possibly get any longer," I muttered to myself, drawing everyone's attention off Chizuru-chan. I was so done. I sighed before wincing when moving my shoulders caused my back pain to act up again. "Somebody, bind Sannan-san's hands and feet so he can't cause any more trouble when he regains consciousness, and move him out of his room. I don't want him triggered when he wakes up again. Oh, and he didn't drink anything if anyone's curious."

"Whoa…," Shinpachi-san said inched into the room, tiptoeing around the fallen objects. Books were scattered all over the floor. There was some broken glass on the floor, the result of some beakers falling from the desk and breaking when I was thrown into the desk. Loose sheets of paper and broken ink sticks laid near the eastern wall. "There must have been quite a fight." He then glanced at me. "You alright there, Shizuka-chan? I saw you wince."

"I probably have a nasty bruise on my back right now, but at least I don't have broken glass sticking out of my skin." I pushed some of my hair behind my ears. My hair had to have looked like a ball of yarn from the tumble. "Inoue-san, can you move Sannan-san from the room and ensure he's restrained properly, and please stay with him until he wakes up. Saito-san, can you please go to the courtyard and take care of any curious soldiers? I know the scuffle was loud enough to attract attention. Sano-san, can you do the same, but go to the front gates instead?"

"Very well. It seems you have everything under control," Saito-san replied while nodding slightly. Despite his calm words, I saw a slight hesitant pause before he made his swift exit with his white scarf billowing behind him.

Sano-san, on the other hand, was slower to make his exit. "Shizuka, make sure you get your back looked at," he said, scratching the back of his head before heaving a heavy sigh.

I glanced at Hijikata-san once Sano-san's footsteps faded. It was a wordless exchange that had him growling with upturned lips at the end. He pinched his brows and crossed his arms at me.

"Fine. I get what you want," Hijikata-san finally ground out before he snatched Chizuru-chan's wrist, causing her to flinch at the bruising grip. "I'll deal with her. You handle everything else."

Chizuru-chan stumbled, barely being able to keep up with Hijikata-san as she was dragged from the room.

" ** _But_** you're going to bed after this and leaving us to deal with everything else! Got it?!" Hijikata-san hollered from down the hall, making Ryota wrinkle his little noise at the sudden boom of noise. But Ryota didn't wake up again and merely pushed his face deeper against my chest. "You can't do anything with a bad back!"

"It's just a bruise!" I yelled back. "I won't die from a bruise!"

Hijikata-san didn't answer, having already stomped off to another part of headquarters with his petrified companion.

Shinpachi-san rolled his eyes at my response before he winked at me with a grin. "Ah, you seem fine. Hijikata-san just worries too much sometimes, right?" He put his hands on his hips as he resurveyed the room again. "And what 'bout me? You want me to go help Gen-san?"

"Some help would be appreciated," Inoue-san input just as he was picking Sannan-san off the floor.

I shrugged, wincing once more at the pangs of pain the movement instigated. "Yeah, that would be good." I grabbed Sannan-san's glasses off the desk, which had miraculously been spared during the scuffle, and held them up. "Here, take these with you."

I may have been a bit petty and dirtied the lenses purposely with my smudgy fingerprints. Shinpachi-san raised his eyebrows at my not-so-subtle actions before plucking the glasses from my hands with much more grace than one would expect from a muscular guy his size.

"And one more thing, Shinpachi-san," I said, making him and Inoue-san pause at the door just as they were carrying Sannan-san out. "I'd hate to do this to you since I know how much you dislike cleaning, but once you help Inoue-san get Sannan-san settled, could you come back and clean this room? It'd be no good to leave broken glass on the floor. I'd do it myself, but…"

"Yeah, I hear ya. Just get do what Sano said and get your back checked out."

Then once those two were gone with Sannan-san, it was just Otou-san and Souji left in the room. Otou-san wasted no time rushing to my side. He knelt beside me and prodded my back with gentle fingers, causing me to hiss. After the sound, Otou-san retracted his fingers just as swiftly and frowned as he quickly looked me over again.

"Did you hit anywhere else besides your back? How did you hit your back? On what?" Otou-san spewed, the words falling from his lip as quickly as water being poured from a cup.

Otou-san took Ryota from my lap as Souji knelt beside me to helped me sit up a little straighter.

"It'll heal," I said, avoiding the question as I leaned most of my weight on Souji. "Actually…." I straightened my back once more. "Can you help me put Ryota back to bed, Otou-san? Souji can help me with my back."

"Right," Otou-san exclaimed as if I had suggested something with mind-shattering intelligence. He scrambled to clamber to his feet.

Ryota stirred a little from the sudden jerky movements and opened one bleary eye but must have deemed making a fuss too much of an effort. He tightened his arms around Otou-san's neck and went back to sleep.

"I'll keep little Ryota with me tonight so you can rest, Shizu-chan."

I gave Otou-san a tired smile and let myself slump back against Souji once Otou-san scurried off with Ryota like some thief. Souji tugged the kanzashi from my hair and smoothed the black strands back into place after placing the hairpin on my lap. There was a quiet moment.

"You okay?" Souji asked, breaking the silence.

I whined when he pulled his fingers away and reached to grasp one of his hands. "Don't stop." I pouted. "It feels good."

Souji didn't have to do a single thing besides stare at me a little longer for my façade to crack. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried face into my thighs to hide the exhausted tears. My poorly hidden sniff turned into a squeak as I tried to silence it.

My stomach turned inside out as guilt gnawed away at my insides. My bones felt old and arthritic.

"This shouldn't have happened. This was all my fault. If I hadn't been so incompetent, if I didn't forget about that letter, none of this would have happened."

He hummed at my words as he rubbed gentle circles into my injured back.

"So, you're saying that the reason Sannan-san's so depressed is because of you? That you were the one that sliced up his arm with a sword." Souji snorted. "Look you're good at many things, but physically being in two places at once is not your strong suit."

Was… Was he making light of this situation?

I stopped rubbing tears into my kimono just to glare at him.

"You know what I mean. You don't leave people with major depressive disorder unsupervised." I was a surgeon. Even if I didn't specialize in mental health, I should have known better. "And I should have kept the desk neater so the letter didn't get lost in the pile of papers."

"Exactly. 'Should have.' That means it's past tense. There's no point in feeling regret over it now," he said, his voice so soft that it was almost lost in the howling of the wind outside. "What you should be focusing on is the fact that you prevented Sannan-san from drinking the Water of Life. You have the letter that Kenji-san sent you. Stop thinking about what could have happened and focus on what you need to do now."

That was all I needed to hear.

I took a deep breath and shot Souji a small thankful smile. I was tired, spread out too thinly, but I could still do this. I was shaken, not broken.

"You know Chizuru-chan helped too," I mentioned as I was drying my face. I saw Souji's face harden slightly. "We should thank her."

"She wasn't supposed to be here and now she knows about the Shinsengumi's deepest secret."

"And do you think she can still do harm to us?"

A short, bark-like laugh filled the room as Souji wrapped on arm around my waist to help me stand. "The worst she can do is make frowny faces at us," he replied with a mirthful grin. "Granted that one more person to know about the Water of Life means one more possible leak, but you saw her concern for Sannan-san. It was genuine. She's a loyal puppy." Then he sobered up somewhat. "But I still don't envy her for what Hijikata-san will have to say to her."

Souji then walked me back to our room, but he only stayed long enough to help me change into my sleepwear and to watch me get into bed. It was easy to guess where he disappeared off to. Despite appearing callous, Souji could be rather empathetic, especially towards Sannan-san's situation. Suddenly being rendered unable to wield a sword anymore for the Shinsengumi, for Otou-san, would too drive Souji to do the same thing Sannan-san almost did.

Knowing that I didn't want to feel quite alone after all the excitement, Souji left the bedroom door slightly ajar when he left. It was because of that I heard Chizuru-chan dragging her feet back to the room that was assigned to her later that night.

In our time apart, she never recovered any of that health color on her face. It looked like someone had torn out her heart and spat on it before shoving it back. Her father was not the wonderful man she thought he was and those she came to consider as friends looked at her like she was some interloper.

"Chizuru-chan," I called.

She continued marching on without hearing a single word.

"Chizuru-chan!" I called just a tad louder than before. That was enough to shake her from the stupor she was in.

"Shizuka-san…?"

I beckoned her in the room. No words were needed when I pulled her into the futon and into Souji's vacant spot.

 _You are my precious friend no matter what others may say. You've won my loyalty with your actions._

She looked about ready to burst into tears just as we curled up against each other. This was how Otou-s found us when he came to return a fussy Ryota back to me.

With the long night broken, those involved with last night's events gathered in the main hall like some invisible force compelled them to. The silence of the main hall was loud and was only interrupted by small respites of the sound of shuffling feet. Sano-san and Shinpachi-san were slumped against the wall, their shoulders sagging and their bloodshot eyes half open. Even Hijikata-san, the one most accustomed to lack of sleep, appeared slowed as he massaged his temples. The only one who appeared unaffected by the events of last night was Saito-san. He appeared as he usually did, sitting in seiza as he calmly sipped on his tea.

But perhaps that was just me speaking too soon.

The tea Saito-san was sipping was ice cold.

Sannan-san may not have drunk the Water of Life last night, but the mental snap couldn't be ignored either.

The room was a coffin of tense silence until the door slid open and Souji stepped into the room. He spared a sharp side glance at Chizuru-chan, who shuffled closer to me just so she could meekly hide behind me.

"Well, Sannan-san's awake," Souji said as he took a seat on my opposite side. He flashed his teeth at Chizuru-chan, enjoying himself when Chizuru-chan nervously ducked her head behind me. "He's being… difficult. Gen-san stayed behind to attempt to talk reason into him."

I sighed before letting go of Ryota, who was attempting to wiggle out of my arms. Once released, he scrambled over to Souji and cooed as he clambered into Souji's lap.

"I should go talk to him," I said. Chizuru-chan, appearing unnerved by the fact I'd leave the room, tightened her grip on my sleeve. "I have some new that may calm him down."

Hijikata-san raised his brow at me. "News? Is that why you went to go find Sannan-san so late last night?"

"I was going to go tell Sannan-san that I could operate within a week, but I walked in on Sannan-san trying to chug that poison."

"Wait!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, slamming his hands on the wooden floor. A grin emerged on his face as exhaustion filled eyes shot completely open. "You mean you can operate now?"

And then the door slid open again. It was chilly and I don't think it was because the cold morning air was let into the room.

"Good morning, everyone. How is everyone doing?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sano-san bite his lip. "Aw shit, Itou-san…," he hissed under his breath.

Itou's eyebrow twitched, as he shifted his shape hawk-like gaze to Sano-san. Itou's lips turned up like he smelled something unpleasant. The stench of "peasants," perhaps?

"That wasn't the warm welcome I expected," Itou-san said, surveying the room. I wanted to bang my head against the wall when I realized our mistake. "My, my, you all look rather glum."

There was a loud commotion last night. Sannan-san was now nowhere to be seen. And, well, Inoue-san was missing too because he was still sitting with Sannan-san, but Itou never really cared too much about Inoue-san. Itou was no idiot. Sannan-san missing had to mean something.

Shinpachi-san huffed, crossing his arms as he turned his nose to snub Itou. "Well, isn't it obvious that it's because we have to see your face in the morning?"

Itou covered his mouth and giggled like he was just complimented. "My, Nagakura-san, darling," Shinpachi-san looked like he wanted to vomit a little, "you're such a jokester."

Itou then fanned some air away from himself like he was brushing away dirt. Shinpachi-san and Sano-san bristled at the gesture but said nothing as he turned to Otou-san and Hijikata-san for answers.

"Come now, why the long faces, everyone? It has to do with the happenings of last night, I presume?"

I could see Otou-san immediately start pouring sweat from where he sat. Can't talk about the Water of Life and a superior officer having a meltdown was just as bad to talk about.

"Uh, no, um…" Otou-san blabbered as his eyes darted around the room while silently screaming, "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!" in his head.

Behind Itou's back, Shinpachi-san was elbowing Sano-san's stomach. "Sano! Quick! Make something up!" he whispered.

"What?!" Sano-san exclaimed, his own eyes now darting around the room. "Me?! Uh, well, you see, yesterday…"

Souji snorted and rolled his eyes. "You're a miserable actor. Keep your mouth shut," he whispered to Sano-san. "How about you leave the explaining to someone who can string two words together, hm?"

Souji then glanced at Saito-san expectantly. Like an efficient machine, Saito-san put down his cold tea. "As you may have heard, Deputy Commander, an incident occurred last night at headquarters."

Itou covered his mouth again and gasped, faking shock. In the corner of my eye, I could see Hijikata-san rolling his eyes at Itou whole display.

"My, an incident, you say?"

"Yes. However, we have yet to assume a real grasp on the situation. An attempt to make an explanation now is a risk of confusion from inaccurate information. If you wish, I would be happy to provide you with a more detailed report this afternoon."

"I see...," Itou said, brandishing a strange yet tense smile as he prepared to leave the room. "I shall look forward to receiving the details this evening. Very well. Good day."

My turn now to make the whole thing more believable.

"Oh!" I suddenly exclaimed like I just remembered something. Itou paused his steps to glance back at me. "I should go tell Saburo-san! It's all great stuff to gossip about. We can hurl insults at each other over this."

Hijikata-san groaned as he slapped his forehead. "How about you not do that? Didn't you hear Saito about 'confusion from inaccurate information'? And how is hurling insults at each other something you even enjoy?"

"But that's what makes gossip so much fun…" I sagged in my seat, falsifying disappointment before rolling my eyes at Hijikata-san's stern expression. "You're such a buzzkill."

"Now, now," Itou-san commented, smiling so much that his even his eyes looked like they were smiling, "Hijikata-san is right. It's bad to spread unverified information, but as long as you let darling Saburo know the information is unverified first, it should be fine. Now, I'm afraid I must head out now, but enjoy yourself, Shizuka-chan."

Looking like the cat that caught the canary, Itou stepped out with a pleased grin on his face. Once his footsteps could no longer be heard, Hijikata-san let out a sigh.

"And now he thinks it's nothing too serious and that he'll be able to wiggle information out of whatever you tell Saburo." Hijikata-san nodded and crossed his arms. "Good thinking, Shizuka."

"Yeah. But it'll only work if the rest of us act nonchalant," I stated while shrugging. "If we continue to act all tense about the whole situation, that lie will fall apart. So, how about we all go back to our normal duties while Hijikata-san and I pay Sannan-san a visit? Oh, and Chizuru-chan can come with me too."

Chizuru-chan perked up at the mention of her name.

"And what are you going to tell Saburo-san later?" Saito-san questioned. He looked completely serious even as he Ryota was tugging on his scarf. "Our information needs to match."

"A thief broke in last night and Sannan-san caught him and got into a scuffle with him. The thief then got away due to Sannan-san's arm and no one wanted to say anything because Sannan-san felt ashamed and because no one wants to admit that the notorious Shinsengumi couldn't even catch a thief that was breaking into their own headquarters."

Hijikata-san made a noise with the back of his throat. "Great… another hit to our pride," he grumbled under his breath. "Okay, whatever!" he then boomed. "Everyone get back to your business! Shizuka, come with me. We're going to see Sannan-san now."

A murmur of agreement filled the room before the men scattered to perform their daily tasks. Chizuru-chan meekly tailed after me as I followed Hijikata-san to Sannan-san's room. Every few seconds, Chizuru-chan would nervously glance at Hijikata-san with some strange form of admiration before shooting her eyes back down to the floor when Hijikata-san turned around to see who was staring at him. From this, I couldn't tell if what Hijikata-san said to Chizuru-chan last night was harsh and cruel or wonderful and amazing.

So much to do and so little time.


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

 _"_ _I give you this to take with you: Nothing remains as it was. If you know this, you can begin again, with pure joy in the uprooting." ― Judith Minty, Letters to My Daughters_

Sannan-san was an intelligent man and his glasses normally only exemplified that intelligence in a visible manner.

Normally.

But that fish expression he was wearing right now, the dropped open jaws and wide eyes? His glasses only made his eyes look more like the spaced-out orbs a goldfish calls eyes. Pity he stopped flopping around on the floor when I told him the news, otherwise, he'd make the perfect fish. At least the rope binding him was still tight enough to make him wiggle slightly out of discomfort.

So, I was being a little childishly petty right now but I think it's justified. I still hadn't forgiven him for the events of last night. I had a hideous bruise the size of Jupiter decorating my back and I swear he scared at least a decade off my lifespan last night with that stupid suicidal idea of his.

Oh, and did I mention the hideous bruise the size of Jupiter? Let me just mention it again. It freaking hurt to sit and stand up straight. I had to amble around for a good half of the morning with my shoulders slumped forward like a hunchback.

"Umm… Sannan-san…?" Chizuru-chan tentatively voiced. She fidgeted in her seat beside me, like she was going to startle easily if Sannan-san suddenly moved. "Are you… alright…?"

Sannan-san's fish lips flopped around uselessly with only a small strangled sound coming from the back of his throat. He sounded like a dying cat that had been shot and then stomped on.

Well, his reaction wasn't exactly unexpected. Last night he thought his whole life was over, but this was really getting to be too much. I had told him before this I could operate, so technically he shouldn't be shocked at the news I just delivered.

I groaned and pinched the bridge on my nose before clapping my hands right in front of his face. It was the sudden puff of wind created from the clapping of my hands that startled him from his trance rather than the sound. Sannan-san blinked a few times, rebooting his brain as he readjusted to reality. With his fish lips gone, he closed his mouth and sucked in a deep breath through his nostrils. Then he finally growled when he realized his glasses were crooked and covered with fingerprint smudges.

And just because I was still mad, I decided to use the excuse of helping him straighten his glasses just so I could plaster more fingerprints over the lenses. He looked tempted to bite my fingers.

It's a good thing Sannan-san was less prone to petulant fits than most. My fingers were safe.

He then cleared his throat. "I promise won't make any rash actions. You have my word. So, I must ask for someone to untie me so I no longer feel like an imprisoned common criminal."

Hijikata-san opened his mouth to answer, but I cut him off.

"Gee, a common criminal. Imagine that." I snarked with a roll of my eyes. "Did you do anything criminal last night? Oh, wait…," I flexed my shoulders, "You threw me against the corner of the table. Your punishment for such a crime is to remain a worm! Wiggle on the ground and beg for forgiveness, you plebian!"

Hijikata-san clicked his tongue and pinched his brows at my answer before he shot me an irritated growl. "Will you be serious?" he snapped at me before shaking his head. "We already have too many things to deal with."

I puffed my cheeks up and stuck out my lower lip at Hijikata-san only for him to flick my forehead.

Okay, so maybe I was getting a little carried away right now, but that was probably the only chance I'd ever get to say that to a man of Sannan-san caliber and I'd be lying if I said I didn't dream of that at least once.

"Fine…," I huffed with a faint blush dusting my cheeks. I waved Hijikata-san's hand away before rubbing the area he struck with his pointy finger. Reaching into the pocket of my left sleeve, I pulled out the wrinkled letter from last night. Unfolding the first page, I laid it flat on the floor in front of Sannan-san. "See this?" I pointed to the written characters. "This is the letter Kenji-san wrote to me regarding the surgical microscope. As you can probably read, it's finished. It'll be shipped here any day now. In fact, it might even arrive today. Once it's here, I can operate on your arm."

"And you'll know how to operate said piece of machinery, correct?" Sannan-san asked skeptically as he eyed the closest sharp object in the room like a raccoon.

I huffed at his response and showed him the diagram included with the letter.

"Have more faith in me." I snorted. "I wouldn't operate unless I have absolutely no doubt. So, you can quit planning that daring escape. I saw you eyeing Hijikata-san's kodachi."

"Perhaps let's not call it a daring escape, but rather a desire to be cut loose," Sannan-san stated as he locked eyes with me. "Now if you could…?"

I made no attempts to move and Sannan-san's wishful gaze narrowed into a glare. There was the of promise revenge in his gaze, silently telling me of all the horrible things he would do to me if I didn't heed his request. I merely just hummed a blissful tune while smiling down at him.

"After last night, you're no longer intimidating," I informed him in a sing-song tune.

Sannan-san groaned before switching tactics. He flickered his eyes to Hijikata-san who instantly raised both his hands like he was putting up some invisible barrier between him and Sannan-san.

"I'd rather not wake up with a shaven head," Hijikata-san commented just as he sneaked a side glance at me. I nodded at him in approval. Smart choice.

There is nothing like the wrath of a scorned woman and Hijikata-san learned that lesson way too well from his older sister.

Sannan-san huffed and spared Chizuru-chan a glance but didn't bother asking.

"Well," Hijikata-san said, catching everyone's attention, "this is the perfect time to discuss the consequences of last night's events. Might as well since Sannan-san is stuck here."

Sannan-san at least had the decency to appear ashamed at the hint of his actions last night.

Hijikata-san tucked his hands into the opposites sleeves. He glanced out the window, briefly surveying the troops training under Shinpachi-san before he directed his gaze back to Sannan-san.

"It's been decided that we're moving headquarters to Nishi Hongwanji Temple."

I perked up a little and exchanged a glance with Chizuru-chan. I thought visiting temples were fine, but living at one? I swear I could already feel the scrutinizing eyes of the monks on my back, judging my every action. Before I know it, I bet they're going to be nitpicking at me and asking me to live off temple grounds while I'm on my period, that is if they even let me live on temple grounds.

The "clean" and "unclean" label attached to gender is just as stupid as it was ridiculous and I wanted nothing to do with it.

Too bad society doesn't work that way.

"The events of last night made certain things abundantly clear," Hijikata-san continued to say. "With the Shinsengumi outgrowing our current headquarters, there's less privacy and certain secrets become nigh impossible to hide." He dropped his eyes to the rope keeping Sannan-san bond. "For instance, everyone, except for the heavy sleepers, heard the scuffle last night. We got lucky that it wasn't Itou-san or any of the foot soldiers that arrived first to investigate the noises. If they did, then the Water of Life would be the least of our problems right now."

"So now we have to move somewhere with more living space," I said before sighing. I shot Chizuru-chan a wry smile. "You're lucky that everyone thinks you're a boy this time. I can't cross-dress. Practically everyone in Kyoto knows I'm Souji's wife."

"You don't need to worry about that," Hijikata-san informed me, making me cock my head at him. "We'll make sure you get to stay with us or at the very least, live extremely close by. We not going anywhere without our main physician."

"So, when does this move take place?" I picked at the loose straw of the tatami mat. "I don't know if you've noticed but we kind of have a lot going on all at once right now. Are we going to have to wait until after the move to operate on Sannan-san's arm? Plus, the microscope that'll be delivered **_here_** will probably be just a tad cumbersome to move after it's been assembled. And not to mention, Heisuke should be on his way back from Edo now. Shouldn't the Shinsengumi wait for all its members to be present first before moving? Don't want him to come back and have to ask, 'Hey, where is everyone?' if the Shinsengumi moves first without telling him."

"'We'?" Hijikata-san asked, ignoring the rest of my tirade as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"You didn't think I'd be operating on Sannan-san without assistance, did you?" I glanced back at Chizuru-chan.

She squeaked and let out a startled, "M-Me?"

She looked flattered and terrified at the same time.

I shot Sannan-san a pointed look. "Yes, she will be helping me in the operation and not Yamazaki-san. He's far too busy with all that Inspector stuff he constantly buried under. And, I'll also be putting Chizuru-chan in charge of your rehab. Kind of makes you wish you weren't an ass to her last night, doesn't it?"

Sannan-san let out another miffed sound. Chizuru-chan blinked, looking unsure on whether she should be offended or not.

Hijikata-san placed his hand on his forehead like this whole conversation was giving him a headache and let out a sigh. He glanced at Sannan-san, his eyes mainly focusing on Sannan-san's arm. There was a moment of thoughtful silence before Hijikata-san nodded to himself.

"It'd be more convenient for us to have Sannan-san wait until after the move to be operated on. But, honestly," Hijikata-san's expression softened as he gave me a resigned smile, "I doubt Sannan-san will want to wait. Operate as soon as the microscope gets here."

It was a done deal.

It didn't take long for the microscope to arrive. The heavy piece of equipment was delivered that same evening. We operated on Sannan-san's arm the following day. It was a textbook surgery. I truly didn't expect the surgery to go as smoothly as it did. After that Water of Life debacle that night, I had expected everything to explode in my face.

So, colored me surprised when the surgery was smooth sailing. But the surgery itself was never the most difficult hurdle.

"Baba no epippu," Ryota babbled while sitting on my lap.

He grabbed at his own toes before he decided to poke at Sannan-san's cheek in curiosity. Sannan-san had yet to wake from the surgery. As Sannan-san laid on the futon, he looked peaceful and so serene. It would have been impossible to tell that he had that meltdown not too long ago.

Souji chuckled at Ryota's inquiry. "Oji-san isn't awake yet."

"Ohoya!" Ryota exclaimed.

He hopped off my lap and began to busy himself with a wooden stick he had found outside and brought inside with him. He twirled the stick around and began whacking an invisible opponent. A clumsy thrust there and whimsical slash there. It was easy to tell that he'd been watching his father. I found the movements familiar, unrefined but oh so familiar. Souji didn't say anything about Ryota's actions, but it would have been impossible for me not to notice the look of pride written all over his face.

I readjusted Sannan-san's blanket before folding my hands in my lap. "He already takes after you so much," I commented.

Souji nodded without taking his eyes off Ryota.

"Are you still worried about having a negative influence on our son?"

Souji let out a long breath before turning his attention to me. His lines of his face softened once our eyes met. He covered one of my hands with his, tracing my middle finger with his thumb. His smile made my heart flutter, making feel like a lovestruck teenager again.

"I think my influence on his is balanced thanks to his lovely haha-ue."

Oh, be still my heart!

Souji must have known the influence his words had on me because he laughed before tugging on my cheek. I playfully slapped his hand away with a flustered pout and bristled at his cheeky grin while tried to prick him with my imaginary spines when he pecked my forehead.

"Now, I think it's time for some more influence from other people. Maybe teach him a little about responsibility?" Souji said before slyly winking at me. "I think a little sister would do the trick. I still want a little girl."

"Oh, no. That's way too soon!" I crossed my arms at Souji, ignoring the fact I just saw Sannan-san's nose twitch a little. "I love kids but it's waaaay too soon to have another one. Let me enjoy not being pregnant for a little longer. I feel like I just got back in shape! The boobs are still a little big, but I'm getting there."

He rolled his eyes at me, his grin becoming impish. "There's nothing wrong with having a larger chest. Besides, I like it better that way."

I heard a grumble and someone clicking his tongue in what I'd call motherly disapproval. Both Souji and I looked up to see Hijikata-san standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. Souji immediately huffed.

"Hijikata-san is ruining the moment," Souji mumbled like a petulant child.

I could see a vein twitching on Hijikata-san's forehead.

"Both of you are here to keep an eye on Sannan-san until he wakes up from the procedure. You're not here to flirt with each other!" He scolded us before there was a whack sound.

The vein on his forehead grew larger. I think Hijikata-san may have some blood pressure problems.

Hijikata-san's sharp glare landed on Souji. "Your son just whacked me. Disciple him, will you?"

Wrong thing to say to Souji. Souji merely just grinned and gave Ryota a thumb up.

"Good job, kid."

"Eppo!"

"What the hell was that, Souji?! You might want to carefully consider your next words."

Thus, began another spat. What a scene for Sannan-san to awake to. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked blearily. He sucked on his lower lips just like he just ate something sour and then turned his head toward me.

"They have terrible bedside manners," were the first words that came from his mouth.

That was to put it lightly. Neither men had even realized that Sannan-san was now awake. No, they were far too busy hurling insults at each other. As for Ryota, seeing as no one was stopping him right now, he just kept whacking Hijikata-san's leg with that stick.

I hid my smile behind my hand and helped Sannan-san readjust his blanket. "How are you feeling?"

"Like my stomach wants to walk out of my mouth," Sannan-san joked a little before groaning. "But the operation? My arm… was it a success?"

I reached over and shifted the blanket slightly to reveal his arm splinted and wrapped in white bandages. Sannan-san stared at his arm in near disbelief. He prodded the bandages his other hand before briefly closing his eyes to intake the information.

"The surgery went completely smoothly with absolutely no complications and now that you're awake, we need to test a few things to make sure thing really did go as planned," I said before I ran a finger up the thumb of his bandaged hand.

I watched his eyes widened as his jaw dropped open. It was like watching a flower slowly bloom in the melting snow after a long harsh winter. The joy on his face was like that of a child's.

"Your fingertips are cold and you've developed some new calluses..."

The sensation of touch was back.

But then all that joy collapsed in on itself as the joyous wonder on his face withered in bitterness and quiet rage as he gritted his teeth.

"My fingers won't move…"

I rest my hand over his. "Try to wrap your fingers around my hand," I urged him, trying to ease the panic that was starting to bubble up through the seams of his cracked mask of calmness. "Sometimes it takes time before you can move your hand and arm again, especially because the nerves in your arm need to remap themselves. Like for example, the nerve that innervated the palm of your hand may innervate your pinkie now. Try again."

Cold sweat now dotted his forehead as he strained over and over again.

There was not a single twitch. His hand remained still and I watched the life start to drain from Sannan-san's eyes again. Then I saw those same frenzied eyes from that night again. The Water of Life was once again the answer.

Or was it?

I would have been a poor surgeon if I didn't account for this happening. It was actually pretty common that most people couldn't will their injured limb to move immediately after a nerve graft. But the instinctual movement that was not controlled by the brain was another story and could prove that the nerves were once again all connected.

Plucking the needle I had prepared prior to surgery out of my kimono, I pricked the tip of Sannan-san's middle finger. Muscles pulled on each other and the finger twitched just a bead of blood formed on the finger.

"Shizuka!" Sannan-san dropped the honorific as soon as he witnesses the minuscule movement. "I—! What did you do?"

I set the needle aside and tended the new wound I inflicted before sparing Souji and Hijikata-san a brief glance. They were still immersed in their spat and Ryota, who had grown tired of whacking Hijikata-san repeatedly, was now swinging his leg back and forth while hanging off of Souji's hakama.

"I did nothing," I stated, readjusting Sannan-san's arm so it could be placed under the blanket again. "That was a reflex arc. A reflex arc is a neural pathway that controls an action reflex. For humans, most sensory neurons do not pass directly to the brain, but synapse in the spinal cord. This characteristic allows reflex action to occur relatively quickly by activating spinal motor neurons without delay of routing signals through the brain, although the brain will receive sensory input while the reflex action occurs. In a reflex arc, there are two types: the autonomic reflex arc, which affects the inner organs, and the somatic reflex arc, which affects the muscles."

"Then…?"

I smiled once again at Sannan-san. He looked about ready to cry, which was very unlike him.

"Sleep for now. Once you're properly rested, Chizuru-chan will be by to help with physical therapy. You need to relearn how to control that arm again."

A gleeful chuckle erupted from Sannan-san lips. "Yes, rest. I can finally rest now." He then looked over to the corner of the room where most of the rambunctious noise was coming from. For the first time in forever, I could see a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "However, I'm afraid that it's easier said than done. Shall I leave you to handle this?"

I popped my knuckles. It had been such a long time since I had seen Sannan-san this happy. It was only proper that I gave him a show to go along with his happiness, right?

"Ouch, ouch, ouch! What the hell?!"

"Shizuka?! Ow! My ear! My ear!"

"You two are too loud! Sannan-san needs to rest!" I scolded them both before dragging them from the room by the ears.

"Let go! Let go!"

"Shizuka!"

Sannan-san seemed to sleep extremely well after that. So well, in fact, that he seemed to even enjoy it when Ryota crawled up into the futon for a nap. Meanwhile, while Sannan-san and Ryota were snoozing away, Hijikata-san and Souji were nursing their bruised ears and salty pride.

And then Heisuke arrived home later that afternoon. He was covered in mud. It may have been my fault.

"Gah! Shizuka-chan!" Heisuke had exclaimed as I bowled him over, tackling him with my hug. "Let me up! I haven't even had a chance to actually make it through the door yet!"

Okay, so it was my fault he was muddy. I attached myself to his arm like some sort of leech. If I had some sort of tail, then I'd certainly be wagging it. Today was a good day.

"You're back!" I sat up and dusted Heisuke off while accidentally smearing a little more mud over his nose. It had rained a little bit earlier and there were puddles everywhere. The ground was a little gross too. "It's been, what, 6 months? And you're finally back!"

Suddenly, I was picked up by the scruff of my kimono. I looked up just in time to see Shinpachi-san before he set me down on a thin slab of stone sitting in the courtyard. Sano-san ruffled my hair as soon as I settled down

"Calm down there, Shizuka-chan," Shinpachi-san said cheerily. "You're not the only one that's glad to see the kid back."

"Kid?" Heisuke retorted, wrinkling up his nose as he got to his feet again. "Hey! I resent that statement!"

"Oh?" Sano-san said as he stepped up to Heisuke. Sano-san grinned at Heisuke… before smashing his fist down on top of poor Heisuke's head.

"OUCH!" Heisuke's voice echoed throughout headquarters, alerting everyone to Heisuke's arrival. Through the corner of my eye, I could see Inoue-san poke his head out of his room to curiously watch the exchange. "Sano-san! What the hell was that for?!"

Sano-san crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow at Heisuke, who was now cradling the top of his head. Heisuke let a teary glare escape as he huffed at the red-headed offender.

"If you don't want to be called a kid, then man up!" The corner of Sano-san's lips twitched. "Oh, man. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this. Time you make up for sending a certain someone our way."

Heisuke blinked owlishly before looking to me for answers. "Wha—'certain someone'? What do you mean by that?"

There was a sigh and the crunching of gravel as Hijikata-san popped out of his room and approached. The ear I had tugged on earlier was still bright red. As if he could hear my very thoughts, Hijikata-san spared a few seconds to shoot a glare my way.

"Oh, Hijikata-san, I'm back," Heisuke said once he noticed the purple-wearing man. "Do you know what they're talking about."

Hijikata-san let out a long-winded sigh. "Itou-san isn't very liked," he stated bluntly, "and he's been stepping on everyone's toes lately. He especially seems to like to stomp on mine and Sannan-san's toes."

Heisuke looked like someone had just stabbed him in the heart and I could just see the guilt crawl up his throat from his belly. I tackled Heisuke in another hug again cheerfully rubbed my cheek against his to chase off all the negative feelings.

"That's okay since Itou brought Saburo-san along," I said, causing Hijikata-san to scowl at me for making light of the situation. "Most people might not like Itou, but I personally really like Saburo-san."

"And I question your taste in people," Sano-san muttered before he scratched the back of his head. "Mah, what's done is done. Welcome back Heisuke, but don't bother unpacking."

Heisuke suddenly turned as white as a sheet. I rolled my eyes and kicked Sano-san in the shin, causing said man to jump back and shake out his leg.

"Way to make it sound like we're kicking him out," I huffed. I pat a small tuff of hair on Heisuke's head, causing some more dirt to fly out of it. "We're moving headquarters," I announced, allowing some color to bleed back into Heisuke's face. "There are too many people and not enough room. So we need to go somewhere with more space. Everyone's going to have to start packing next week to prepare for the move."

"And," Inoue-san said as he finally stepped out of his room. His normally gentle smile seemed to have a hard edge to it as he turned to Shinpachi-san and Sano-san. "That means it's time to pay off your tabs. When I was out in town earlier, certain business owners let me know that **_someone_** has acquired quite the tab at Wachigaiya."

I watched Shinpachi-san turn so white that he looked transparent. Then that glare that Hijikata-san leveled at him seemed to have the effectiveness of lasers. It kind of made me want to laugh, the way Hijikata-san was furrowing his brows in order to unleash such a fierce glare at Shinpachi-san. The hard lines on Hijikata-san's forehead looked sturdy enough to crack walnuts on them.

"And this is why people still don't respect the Shinsengumi. Spending all your time and money at a brothel and not even bothering to pay off your tab." And there was the twitching of the vein again. Hijikata-san finally snapped and booted Shinpachi-san out the front gate, and Sano-san by default since Shinpachi-san grabbed on to Sano-san's arm. "Don't come back until your tabs are paid in full!"

Shinpachi-san then proceeded to beg me for money with horrible timing because that just so happened to be the time Souji had just finished patrol with Saito-san. In the end, it was Saito-san that was suckered into paying off Shinpachi-san's tab.


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66**

 _"_ _Maybe that's all demons ever are. People like us, doing things without even knowing what we're doing." ― Orson Scott Card, Pathfinder_

Saburo-san wrinkled his nose and narrowed his eyes as he picked up an itchy-looking fundoshi. Holding it up between his index finger and thumb, he let it dangle in the air haphazardly in front of his face before heaving out a large sigh. Crumpling the innocent article of clothing in his fist, he tossed it back in the laundry pile. He crossed his arms and scowled at me accusingly like I had somehow betrayed him or tricked him into doing something utterly gross.

"How did **_you_** drag me into this?" He poked the colossal laundry mountain a few more times before he decided to fish a pair of gray hakama from the pile. "I'm the Ninth Division Captain, so why am I stuck here folding laundry with you? The Ninth Division Captain does not fold other people's undergarments!"

I hummed a little, not answering him right away as I enjoyed the summer breeze that wafted in through the open door. June weather was absolutely heavenly. It could stand to be a little bit warmer but I had to be the only one thinking that. Ryota had especially become fussy at night, it being too warm for his tastes. Thankfully it had already been three months since the Shinsengumi moved headquarters. If we were still crammed into the tight spaces of our old headquarters back at Mibu, well, then Ryota would be everyone's 3 a.m. alarm. Just imagine all grumpy, sleep-deprived men. Totally unpleasant.

I folded another haori and stacked it in the "Heisuke" pile.

"Well, it's not like you're on patrol right now," I pointed out while rolling my eyes. Picking a purple silk fundoshi from the unfolded pile, his purple silk fundoshi, I tossed it at his face. He caught it just before it slammed into his face. "And you're really touchy about other people touching your precious undergarments. So, you're stuck on laundry duty just so you can fold your own crap. Plus, everyone else is busy. You know how the shogun is visiting the capital?"

"Of course, I know! Who do you think you're talking to? And silk is **_not_** crap!" he interjected as he meticulously smoothed out each little wrinkle in the purple fundoshi. He folded the silk undergarment and unfolded it just to refold it again when he found an unwelcome wrinkle. "And, obviously, I wouldn't trust any of the other men to wash my undergarments. Have you seen what their undergarments are made from? They wouldn't know how to wash silk properly. How they can stand having their own manhood wrapped in such horrible fabric, I'll never know."

I snorted and tossed someone else's fundoshi at his face. He may not be a great swordsman but that didn't mean he wasn't fast. He ducked just before the undergarment nailed him on the forehead and retaliated with a nasty glare.

"Sure, because cotton is such a **_horrible_** thing," I deadpanned as I fished another article of clothing from the pile. "Please, you're just overly picky, **_princess_**."

"Better royalty than a tasteless thug," he shot back as he went fishing for another one of his precious undergarments, which kind of looked like G-strings, in my opinion.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again. Instead, I popped my knuckles and brought my arms over my head for a much-needed stretch.

"Chop, chop," Saburo-san said without looking up from his task. "Hurry up and fold."

He was such a slave driver. It was very tempting to knock over his pile of folded goods.

There was the shuffling of ghostlike footsteps outside that came to a stop in front of the open door. Then came the sound of a cough before the clearing of a throat.

"Shizuka."

I freed my hands and looked up to see Saito-san at the door and holding Ryota in a manner much like Saburo-san was when he picked up that fundoshi before. Ryota sure was covered in an awfully large amount of wet, goopy brown. And then there was the matter of Saito-san's scarf. It supposed to be white, not this brownish rag that now dangled from Ryota's hands. And… What was with that horrendous fishy smell? It smelled like rotting fish that had been left outside during a humid summer day. Ryota squealed at me happily while I had to refrain my eyes from twitching.

This had to be at least the sixth time this happened in two weeks and it was driving me up the wall.

Ryota's answer to the hated heat? Getting muddy in the creek while fishing for frogs to put in Hijikata-san's drawers, which I might add that Hijikata-san absolutely **_hates_**. I had to sit through a scolding the first time Hijikata-san discovered frogs in his desk. Hijikata-san's shrill voice might have been entertaining if it wasn't aimed at me.

"No, not again…," I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. Ryota merely giggled in delight.

"Kaa-san!" Ryota squealed as I got up from my seat and plucked the Saito-san's scarf from his hands.

There had something else smeared into Saito-san's scarf other than mud. Upon closer observation, the scarf wasn't as brown as I initially believed it to be. There was this horrible mustard yellow mixed in with the brown. I have no idea what it could be and I was pretty sure I didn't want to know. The yellow was where the rotten fish smell was coming from.

There was no way I'd be able to wash all the stains off. It definitely to be replaced. **_Again_**. Plus, the stains were not the only problem. The ends of the scarf were fraying and there was a nasty tear running down the scarf lengthwise. Just what happened to the scarf? Did Ryota drag it through the mud before attempting to turn it into a net? At times like this, I kind of wished I had a little girl instead of a little boy.

"I do not mind helping you watch Ryota, but this is starting to grow out of hand," Saito-san stated. He still looked as calm as ever while I, on the other hand, felt like I had steam coming out of my ears from my brain boiling.

I took a deep breath and slowly breathed out through my nose. "I know. I'm so sorry this happened again," apologized with a dip of my head. Bless his patient soul for being patient with Ryota. "I'll run out to go buy you a few replacements to make up for it."

Saito-san said nothing but nodded in pleased agreement. All of us knew he liked his scarves.

With a glance at the mountain of clean laundry behind me, Saito-san seemed to weigh something in his mind. A gust of air escaped his lips as he let out a sigh. Holding a filthy toddler dripping in fresh mud was in no way fun but Saito-san no longer even seemed the slightest bit tempted to put Ryota down. Instead, Saito-san carefully shifted Ryota over to one arm, now no longer looking concern about getting himself dirty as he scooped two towels from the laundry mountain. He then turned his focus onto Ryota, looking as stern as ever.

"We are going to bathe," he stated, ignoring the blank look on the toddler's face. "Do **_not_** splash water at me while we are bathing."

"Bore…," came Ryota's disagreeing grumble.

Saito-san paid no mind to the answer or the pout on Ryota's face. Instead, he tossed the clean towels over his shoulder before reaching into his sleeve and pulling out… a frog?

Of all the things to carry with him, why a frog?

Without losing his straight face, Saito-san plucked the ruined scarf from my hand and replaced it with the wiggling critter. "Please give this to the Vice Captain when you have spare time. I believe Ryota wanted to show it to him."

He then left, leaving the squirming frog in my hands. I could hear Saburo-san snort behind me as he tried to cover his laugh. Unbelievable.

My jaw hung open for a few seconds before I put one hand on my hip and huffed. I shot a dirty glare at Saburo-san, one to silently tell him to shut the hell up before I grabbed a small pouch of money to stuff into my kimono. Off to the market with a little froggie in my hand, it seems.

And Saburo-san, who suddenly realized that with me gone he'd be stuck folding the rest of the laundry by himself, hollered after me.

"Wait! We're not done here yet! Get back here!"

I spun around, walking backward for a few seconds with the frog held high in one hand. "I've got a frog in my hand!" I hollered back with an impish grin. I stuck my tongue out at him like an immature brat. "I can't fold laundry with a dirty hand! We'd have to rewash everything!"

With a mock salute, I twirled back around just as I stepped out of headquarters. Time to go shopping!

Once upon a time, the market was a twenty-minute walk from headquarters. Once upon a time, the Shinsengumi headquarters was located in Mibu. Now, I normally wouldn't mind the twenty-minute walk. In fact, I enjoyed the short stroll it took to get the market. A chance to clear my head and get my thoughts in order and all that good stuff. But the thing about living in a household of men is that they eat. A lot. This means one would have to buy massive quantities of groceries at the market which leads to having to haul all the goods back. Suddenly, a twenty-minute stroll has become an arduous hike up the side of a mountain with chains strapping me to a boulder I would have to drag to the very top. Not fun at all.

Now, the new headquarters? Practically slapped dead center in the city. The marketplace was at our doorstep. Rejoice! No more struggling with arms full of groceries to get back to headquarters! And, as a little side bonus for the unattached guys, Shimabara was literally next door. No big surprise that Shinpachi-san was gone most nights when he did have enough money for "company".

Being so close to the city center, I loved it. The lively hustle and bustle reminded me of a place I hold close to my heart. The busy city of Los Angeles, where I had lived in a past life. The nostalgia was surreal.

It was in the busy marketplace that I felt it. It came on without warning. That icy chill crawling down my spine, freezing whatever it touched. It started at my hairline and crawled down like a lethal venomous spider. My fingertips grew numb as all heat retreated in an attempt to preserve itself. I could feel needles pricking the back of my neck as eyes pierced my chest. I was small, suddenly a creature of prey. I wasn't even aware I had stopped breathing until I felt the frog squirming, advertently trying to escape my constricting grasp.

Someone, **_something_** , had its eyes on me. Red eyes and blonde hair flashed in my mind.

And then there was a hand on my shoulder and my heart stopped.

There was no thought in my actions. My frog-free hand wrapped around the offender's wrist as I pivoted. There was a flash of sky blue and a yelp as I sent a person sailing over my shoulder. When the dust cleared, I blinked and found myself staring at a certain ponytail-wearing brunette sprawled across the ground in an ungraceful lump.

"OW! What the hell?!" Heisuke exclaimed. He rubbed bum before spring up like some sort of demented jack-in-the-box. "Shizuka-chan! What was that for?! I was just saying hi!"

I stared at him dumbly. "It's just you?"

"Oi! What is that supposed to mean?! All you say is, 'Oh, it's just you.' Where's my apology?!"

"I didn't say, 'Oh,'" I pointed out. My blunt tone seemed to really eat at Heisuke. I could see his eyebrows twitching at me before he shoved an accusing finger in my face.

"Like that makes a difference!"

Then Heisuke's head was yanked back when someone grabbed his hair and pulled.

"OW!" Heisuke's hands wrapped around the base of his ponytail.

"Pipe down," Souji said, appearing out of nowhere. When and where did he come from? "Don't act like a kid when you're on patrol. Plus, you're a Shinsengumi captain while Shizuka is a petite woman. It just looked really bad when she flipped you like that, one-handed too. Save whatever little dignity you have left."

"SOUJI! THAT HURT! AND WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?! I HAVE DIGNITY!"

Souji merely picked his ear with his pinky before blowing the debris he picked from his ear in Heisuke's general direction. Heisuke crinkled his nose and turned to complain to Chizuru-chan, who was apparently accompanying them on this patrol. And Chizuru-chan, being the person that she was, just stood there as Heisuke ranted at her.

"Heisuke-kun, we're attracting attention…," she pointed out with a nervous laugh when it became clear that people were staring. He didn't hear her through his complaints.

I could see Souji raise his eyebrow in amusement before he waved at his and Heisuke's division, silently gesturing to them to continue on ahead with the patrol without them and that they'd catch up later. Once the men had moved on ahead without them. Souji knocked on my forehead with a few light taps before he poked the little frog in my hands.

"You seem a little out of it," Souji said while tickling the frog with one finger, which the little froggie seemed to enjoy. It wiggled and kicked out its legs like it was laughing before trying to slap away Souji's finger. "And what's with the frog? You didn't lick it, did you?"

I puffed up my cheeks in indignation and stuck my lower lip out at him.

"I—"

My voice then died. I whirled around when that prickling feeling on the nape of my neck returned. I could feel that gaze again, but that heaviness it once carried melted away.

Souji stopped tickling the frog and his narrowed eyes followed my gaze. He exchanged a glance with me for a millisecond before his eyes flickered back to the busy crowds of the market. With his thumb rubbing the hilt of his sword, he surveyed the area before he shifted his weight and lowered his lips to my ear.

"Something's feels off?" His whisper sounded more like a statement than a question. "What is it? The blonde from Ikedaya?"

I shook my head. I had still yet to personally meet the man called Kazama and I hoped to keep it that way, especially since that man was the reason I was terrified of going outside by myself for months.

I stepped closer to Souji, so much so that I was literally pressing into his side. "Someone's—"

"Whoa, whoa! Wadda ya mean, 'no'?!"

Souji's eyes instantly snapped to the source of the sudden sound. Further up the street by a sweets shop, I could see the backs of three ronin, one wearing a burlap brown hakamashita while the other two wore varying shades of puke green. There was one more person in the mix but all I could see of the dwarfed fourth person was the person's wrist in the bruising grasp of the brown-wearing ronin.

"Stop it! Let go of me!"

It was a feminine voice coming from the center of the group of ronin. A woman. But there was just...

I don't know what it was about that voice, but something… something just didn't feel quite right with it. The strangeness was tangible but just out of reach at the same time. The voice sounded too rough, yet it was smooth and refined. It sounded real. It sounded fake.

"We're patriots, fightin' every day to kick those damn foreigners out of our country! You owe us a lil' booze! Or maybe even a little…," the brown-wearing ronin's voice deepened as his lips curled up wolfishly, "company?"

Chizuru-chan gasped, covering her mouth as the situation caught her eye. "Okita-san! Heisuke-kun!" she exclaimed, her eyebrows pulled taut.

Heisuke was already sprinting towards the group with his hand on the hilt of his blade. "I see them!" he called back, even taking the time to flash Chizuru-chan a reassuring smile. "Stay here!"

However, it was Souji that got there first.

"Well, well," Souji said, flashing the men a sarcastic feral grin. His incisors looked like fangs. "Guess patriots aren't what they used to be with men like you throwing the title around."

As Souji spoke, I could see the crowds of the busy street split like the Red Sea. The women grasping the hands of their children as they hurriedly rushed for cover and the men breaking out in cold sweat as they eyed the swords of the warriors. Just the mere chance of unsheathed blades appearing was enough to clear the area. With the crowds out of the way, I could see the ronin's victim much more clearly.

It had to be a lie. My eyes had to be lying to me. The victim was… Chizuru-chan? It couldn't be.

I shook my head and glanced beside me, confirming the fact Chizuru-chan still was right next to me.

To have such similar striking resemblance, there would be an impossibly high chance they were related. However, to have **_identical_** features? They had to be closely related, twins or at least siblings. But Chizuru-chan had told everyone she didn't have any other relatives, let alone siblings. She could have been lying but that would have been illogical. Not only would it not be in her nature to lie, but she would have gained nothing from such a lie.

The ronin growled at the unwanted intrusion as their hands dropped to their blade. However, when the ronin's eyes saw blue, I could see them stiffen while one even inched further away.

One of the ronin wearing that ugly shade of puke green pointed his shaky finger at Souji. "Y-You're one'a those Shinsengumi fellas, ain't ya!" The man's attempt to puff his chest up to appear more competent backfired, making him look limp and deflated.

Souji's mirthless grin grew as he cocked his head at the man. He took one calculating step towards the group and all three ronin stumbled back in an attempt to regroup.

"Ah, you must be the brains," Souji taunted as his hand slowly wrapped around the hilt of his sword. "So, tell me, chief, what's it gonna be?"

Despite becoming paler than a sheet, the ronin in the brown snarled, snapping back at Souji like a cornered animal.

"Goddammit!" The brown ronin's voice quivered. "Get outta here, ya brown-nosing son of a bitch!"

"Shut up," Heisuke snapped, finally taking his place beside Souji. His gaze was colder than the Kyoto winters, making the ronin shake. "If you really wanna live, maybe you should follow your own advice."

There was too much blue for the ronin. The brow-wearing ronin practically threw the woman's wrist at Souji and Heisuke while the last of the color drained from the faces of the other two.

"Screw you guys!" one of them hollered before they bolted, running with their tails tucked between their legs. Pushing innocent bystanders out of their way, the ronin made a left turn and vanished down a dark alley.

Souji and Heisuke stood shoulder to shoulder a little while longer before Heisuke's shoulders sagged a little when he let out a tired sigh. Despite still having his hand wrapped around the hilt of his sword, his arm grew limp as he looked up at the clear blue sky.

"Ugh," Heisuke said before shaking his head, "if they're gonna just run away at the sight of us, then they never should've picked a fight with us in the first place."

"Or they were just hoping you wouldn't call their bluff," I commented as I trotted up to the two. Chizuru-chan quickly followed me, not wanting to be left alone. "They just wanted to look tough without actually being forced to be tough."

"Um…" We all turned to look at Chizuru-chan, who was glancing at the alley the ronin disappeared down. "You aren't going to go after them? Arrest them?"

Souji crossed his arms and shot Chizuru-chan a bemused grin. "And charge them with which crime, exactly? Didn't figure you for the iron first sort?"

Chizuru-chan puffed up her cheeks in an adorable pout. I smiled and bumped elbows with her. That deflated her pout a little.

"Um," the Chizuru-look-alike suddenly said, attracting our attention.

She smiled, her lips curving into a graceful and attractive arch as she took a step towards Souji. I narrowed my eyes at her. Heisuke came to her rescue too, yet she seemed to solely be focusing on Souji. Any concerns and suspicions instantly evaporated when she flicked her observant eyes towards me for a second before inching closer to Souji. I could feel the contents of my stomach boiling as all my logic forming skills seemed to fly out of my ear.

"Thank you for saving me. My name is Nagumo Kaoru," she said before giving Souji a quick bow.

Nagumo Kaoru. She's pretty, but I knew I wasn't so bad looking myself.

But all my confidence melted fairly quickly like I was dunked in a sea of acid. Nagumo was so refined and I… wasn't exactly at the moment. I mean, my hair was a little frazzled from dealing with Ryota a little earlier and I had a frog in my hand. What type of person even rushes to the market while holding a frog? Certainly not a refined lady. Nevermind the fact something felt a little off about Nagumo. She was fresh and new while I was… used.

"—ka-chan? Oi! Shizuka-chan!"

I shook my head and blinked dumbly at Heisuke who was waving his hand in my face.

"Huh?"

"Don't 'huh?' me, Shizuka-chan!" Heisuke exclaimed with his hand on his hips. "Don't be weird and space out now. I was asking you what you thought?"

What I thought about what?

Reading my thoughts, Souji snorted before pointed to Nagumo and Chizuru-chan, who apparently was no longer standing right beside me but now standing right beside Nagumo.

"So, what do you think?" Souji asked with a raised brow. "They look alike, don't they?"

Heisuke frowned as she scratched the back of his head. "I still don't see it, Souji. They look nothing alike at all."

"No, no, no." Souji shook his head at Heisuke like a disappointed parent. "They're practically identical. Dress the kid up like a girl, and you would be able to tell 'em apart. Right, Shizuka?

"Chizuru-chan's prettier."

I quickly covered my mouth once I realized what my spiteful little self had just said.

Chizuru-chan flushed red and quickly slapped her hands over her cheeks while tripping over her own tongue in a poor attempt to form words.

And crap. There were problems with that statement. One, Chizuru-chan was dressed as a boy right now. Two, my tone of voice was way too scathing to be taken seriously.

But mistakes like this had their uses too.

It was so quick that I thought I was imagining it. It was a flash of sheer hatred in Nagumo's eyes directed at Chizuru-chan. That envy boiling in the pit of my stomach vanished just as quickly as it appeared as I homed in on my new discovery. Nagumo's reaction would have been logical if she was narcissistic about her looks, but that flash of hatred had nothing to do with who being prettier than who.

Nagumo didn't like being told Chizuru-chan was better than her. Nagumo didn't like being compared to Chizuru-chan. The amount of bitterness she held in her eyes told me this was a deep-seated old grudge she specifically had against Chizuru-chan.

They've met each other before. But that's not all that I discovered.

The way she was watching Chizuru-chan made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It was the same feeling I got when I felt someone watching me a couple of moments back.

She was the one watching me earlier.

She was the one targeting me earlier. Why? Was it because of my connections to the Shinsengumi? Or perhaps she was like that Kazama from Ikedaya.

"Okita-san," Nagumo said, looking slightly flustered. That emotion was fake _._ I knew better now. "Chizuru-san seems troubled."

Chizuru-chan stuttered at the observation, appearing like she wanted to say something but couldn't figure out what.

Nagumo smiled at Souji once more. "I wish to thank you properly, but I'm afraid you've caught me in the middle of an important errand which I must attend to. Please forgive me rudeness. I hope I will be able to repay you soon, Okita-san of the Shinsengumi." Then she glanced at me briefly. "Perhaps I can spend some time with your wife at another time. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for her to live in a house full of men."

With that, Nagumo disappeared in the crowds. She was a phantom. Even with my eyes following her, she seemed to elude me and simply vanish. It was unsettling.

Once Nagumo was gone for sure, Heisuke grinned, his shifty eyes slinking over to Souji as he elbowed Souji in the side.

"Hey! Looks like she's got the hots for you, Souji!" Heisuke suggested before throwing an arm around my shoulder, the sudden impact making me accidentally drop the frog. The critter quickly scrambled once it hit the floor and made a dive for the nearby river next to the street. "Shizuka-chan, you better watch yourself. Looks like she was scoping you out before making a steal for Souji."

"Ha!" Souji snorted before grabbing Heisuke's arm and forcefully removing it from my shoulder. Quickly snaking an arm around my waist, Souji tucked me under his arm. "Oh, Heisuke… Is that what you think? You've got a long way to go before you're at Sano-san's level."

Heisuke's grin quickly inverted into an offended scowl. "Hey! What the hell's that supposed to mean?!"

Souji just laughed and continued pulling me along with him. In the end, I never got to get Saito-san his new scarf.

The following day, a meeting was called in the main hall. Despite being here for a few months already, I still couldn't get over how big the space was. All the men of the Shinsengumi could fit inside with plenty of room to spare. Back in Mibu, it was such a struggle to get everyone in one room without stepping on someone else's foot.

Otou-san was seated at the head of the room with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san to his right and Itou to the left. All the men sat with straight backs and their prideful chins in the air. Chizuru-chan and I took a seat off to the side of the room so it wouldn't be so distracting with Ryota climbing all over us. After climbing off Chizuru-chan's lap, Ryota settled on the floor right in front of me and continued to amuse himself with the paper crane Souji folded for him.

Otou-san cleared his throat before his loud booming voice echoed throughout the room, his charisma raising the prideful atmosphere even more.

"By now, I image you have all heard that Tokugawa Iemochi, the fourteenth shogun of the Tokugawa Shogunate, will be visiting out city Kyoto." Otou-san puffed his chest out even more as his ego swelled. "The Shinsengumi have been asked to guard him as he passes through the city on his way to Nijo Castle!"

Chatter erupted throughout the room. The tangible excitement was intoxicating.

"What?!" I heard Shinpachi-san exclaim through the noise. "The Shinsengumi guards the shogun?!"

Hearing Shinpachi-san's voice, Ryota dropped his little paper crane and babbled excitedly before attempting to make his way through the throng of men. Little Ryota didn't make it far. Two steps in and he was plucked up by Chizuru-chan and deposited in my arms. He scowled a little at Chizuru-chan once he realized what had happened before he settled for pushing his face against my chest.

I patted him on the head to keep his babbling complaints to a minimum.

"Wow," Sano-san said, continuing on Shinpachi-san's thoughts, "that's one big promotion."

Hijikata-san tucked his hands into his sleeves while a rare grin graced his features. "Heh… Too hard for them to ignore us after Ikeda and Hamaguri, huh? Our work's finally paying off."

"Guess you could say the fate of the country will be resting on our swords, huh…," Souji added.

Ryota perked up once he heard Souji's voice.

"That's exactly it," Hijikata-san agreed with a nod of his head. He turned to the rest of the foot soldiers, his voice loud and authoritative. "You guys better be ready for it!"

There was a prideful scoffing sound that came from Takeda's chest has he flipped his long hair over his shoulder. "Guarding the shogun… That is one big role."

The way he said it grate a little on my nerves. The entitlement lacing voice also seemed to annoy Itou too.

"Ah, yes," Itou said, fanning the air around him with his hand like he was trying to beat away a disgusting smell. "Hence we must take it seriously. Pity Sannan-san cannot accompany us with his arm still recovering from surgery."

Sannan-san smiled at Itou, though his smile was chilly. Not all was forgotten nor forgiven as it seemed. All interactions between Sannan-san and Itou nowadays were frigid enough to send all other men running to avoid the unpleasantness.

"Ah, well," Otou-san quickly cut in, even shivering a little bit when he felt the temperature in the room drop, "things will be getting busy so we ought to get our assignments hashed out. To begin, I'd like Toshi, Souji and myself to—"

"Umm, Kondou-san?" Heisuke interrupted with his hand raised in the air. He let his arm drop once all eyes were on him. His shoulders were tense and the pride that was painted on everyone else's face seemed missing on his.

"Hmm? What is it, Toudou-kun?"

"Um… Before you start assigning tasks… I think I'll sit this one out. I'm not… feeling too great…"

Not feeling great? As in sick?

I tilted my head at Heisuke while squinting at him. His skin wasn't ashen. There was no coughing, sneezing, raspy voice, or stuffy nose. Was it a stomach problem? Was he feeling weak or light-headed? If he was feeling off, why didn't he come find me? I clicked my tongue and scowled. It was tempting to drag him off by the ear just so I could examine him before scolding him.

"What? Heisuke, you have a cold? On an occasion like this, I wanted us all to go greet the shogun together," Otou-san said with his voice drooping a little bit. However, Otou-san's disappointment appeared to have been quickly overruled by excitement once more

"Um, sorry," Heisuke apologized, bowing his head to swiftly break eye contact. Suspicious.

"No, your health takes precedence. There will be another chance. When it comes, I want you to do your best."

"So," Hijikata-san then said, turning to Chizuru-chan, "what will **_you_** do?"

Chizuru-chan jumped a little before unsurely checking the empty spots beside her. She hesitated slightly before pointing to herself.

"Sir?" she questioned before peeking at me.

"Don't act the fool. I'm asking if you'll act in his protection," Hijikata-san stated.

"M-Me too?"

"We don't mind, of course," Otou-san added, bolstering her confidence with a grin. "It's no exaggeration to say you've become a member of the Shinsengumi, Yukimura-kun. If you don't mind, be sure to participate. You too Shizu-chan. Ryota will be fine with Sannan-san for the night."

I let out a small puff of air.

"It has been a while," I mused. I would beat having a quiet night at home and I was sure it would be safe. One would have to be an idiotic fool to attack the Shogun so brazenly when the shogun had that many guards surrounding him. I turned to Sannan-san. "Will you be okay with this?"

Sannan-san offered me a kind smile. "It will be no problem. Ryota can keep me occupied while everyone is gone."

"Well that settles it," I affirmed with a cheery nod. It'd be nice to get out and be in a situation that didn't involve any fighting. "What about you, Chizuru-chan?"

"Um…" She looked down at the wooden floors and tugged at her sleeves. The indecisiveness made her grow more nervous.

"Well there'll be no worry about your life," Souji added after a short chuckle. "There aren't that many ne'er-do-wells who'd go after the shogun."

"Why not go, just give it a try?" encouraged Heisuke.

Chizuru-chan then beamed at those two.

"Okay!" she chirped, clapping her hands in anticipation. "If there's any way I can help, please let me do so."

Hijikata-san nodded, looking pleased with her decision. "All right then," he said. "I figured we'd put you in charge of running errands as a messenger. I'm using the hell out of you, so brace yourself."

Once the decisions were made, time passed quickly. There was work to be done and there was surprisingly a lot of preparation to be done for that one night. In an instant, in a blink of an eye, it was already time and we were already on our job at Nijo Castle.

I watched Chizuru-chan as she received her instructions from Hijikata-san from my little nook beside Souji. She nodded her head and jogged off before she quickly bolted back to Hijikata-san once she remembered she didn't bow to him respectfully yet. Hijikata-san flicked her forehead with a sort of playful fondness just as he sent her off again.

"Next shift watchmen, take the Hour of the Boar, please!" Chizuru-chan's peppy voice echoed throughout the complex. "Third Division, please head for the inner garden."

I chuckled as I readjusted my grip on my naginata. It had been so long that I felt like dust had collected on it.

"Well, at least someone's excited," I said as I nudged Souji's side with my elbow.

Souji grinned and retaliated by poking my ticklish side, causing me to crumple to the ground in stitches. Even amidst my giggles, I could hear Hijikata-san growling at Souji and I. Hijikata-san tapped the side of my head with his foot, forcing me to get back up to avoid getting dirt in my hair.

"Oi! Will you quit that?!" Hijikata-san snapped. "Be more serious and professional, will you? We're not here for you two to fool around. And set a better example for the men!"

Oops?

Souji and I exchanged a glance before we both snorted. Hijikata-san grumbled at us and rolled his eyes.

Like it was aforementioned before, it was pretty much confirmed that it was going to be a pretty quiet night so we didn't exactly need to be completely focused. It wasn't like anyone was going to be ballsy enough to go after one of the most well-guarded men in the country.

But then it was suddenly too quiet.

We should have still been able to hear the shuffling of Chizuru-chan's feet as she ran from station to station. We should have still been able to her passing orders along to the different divisions. Hell, even the katydids and the crickets went quiet, which was unheard of in the Kyoto summers.

Animals always did have better senses then humans.

"Something's not right." I narrowed my eyes to the last place I saw Chizuru-chan. It was the corner of a stone wall. "We should still be able to hear Chizuru-chan. If there's an assailant, then the first logical person to attack is the messenger. Unorganized messages equal an unorganized guard that's easily outmaneuvered."

Hijikata-san narrowed his eyes, weighing the situation. He clicked his tongue before gritting his teeth.

"Souji! Saito! Harada! Go check on Yukimura. Shizuka, you're with me," Hijikata-san then barked.

The men bolted, quickly vanishing around the stone corner. Hijikata-san and I quickly followed shortly after once a few loose ends were tied up. It'd breed panic if we left the foot soldiers without orders and it'd only make the situation worse if this was an attack.

But…

It was so much worse than an attack.

Intruders. Three of them. The same three that had been the bane of the Shinsengumi's existence for the past several months and the very reason why it had become nerve-wracking for me to leave headquarters by myself.

Amagiri Kyuuiu.

Shiranui Kyo.

And lastly, the one Souji faced at Ikedaya. Kazama Chikage.

My grip tightened around my naginata. Weapons were drawn. There was so much static in the air I could feel it nipping my skin.

Chizuru-chan looked so small, huddled behind her three guardians. Her face was covered in cold sweat and was so pale that she looked a little blue. Her breaths came in shallow puffs as she pulled her arms to her chest as some sort of flimsy shield.

"Now, now," Sano-san taunted the intruders as he shifted his deadly spear. "Having a lover's date in an unromantic place like this is a bad choice."

"You all again, eh?" Kazama's voice was heavy with disgust as his lips curled into an ugly sneer. "It seems you countryside dogs are quick-witted, if nothing else."

Saito-san narrowed his eyes even further. "That would be **_my_** line."

"Man, steal my words, would you, Hajime-kun?" Souji said. His words were light, but his tone was anything but. Flashing his teeth in a feral manner at Kazama, he drew his blade slowly, drawing out the hiss of metal against its scabbard. "So, here we are once again, blondie. I've been aching for some payback."

"Ha!" Hijikata-san snorted, drawing attention to us now. "Now that would be my line." Then under his breath, he muttered, "Yukimura doesn't appear to be injured, so stay back for now, Shizuka."

I nodded silently, but my grip on my weapon still remained as tight as ever.

"Hijikata-san!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed. The mere presence of the Oni Vice Captain was enough to bleed some color back into her face.

Hijikata-san approached, stepping between Chizuru-can and the intruders.

"Fall back and stay with Shizuka," he told her before turning to the enemy. "I thought you'd come after the head of the shogun. Just what do you want with this youngster?"

Kazama's sneer curled upwards, turning into an amused smile. His mocking red eyes seemed to see right through the men, treating them like insignificant insects. "The shogun and you fools are no longer of importance. This is a problem for us oni."

Oni?

"Oni, you say?" Hijikata-san's eyes narrowed, becoming sharp enough to even pierce through the thick castle walls.

I remained silent as I waved Chizuru-chan over. She remained shaken, looking too nervous to venture from Hijikata-san's side. Instead of obeying my silent orders, her hands fell to her kodachi but she never drew her sword. Another hand gently wrapping around her wrist put a halt to her plans.

"There's no need for that," Yamazaki-san said as he materialized at her side.

"Yamazaki-san!"

"Come back to headquarters with me."

Chizuru-chan shook her head at the request, causing Souji to growl under his breath.

"Dammit, Chizuru-chan. We don't have time for this," Souji snapped before sparing me a short glance. I could see a spark of concern taking hold. "Shizuka go back with them. You're not getting involved."

An eerie laugh spilled from Kazama's lips. He put one hand on his forehead as he tilted his head up to release that laughter towards the sky. Through the gaps between his fingers, I could see his blood-red eyes locked on me with contempt. Sheer hatred. I could feel my lungs slowly getting crushed through the presence he extruded.

"Involved?" Kazama mocked. Souji grit his teeth and quickly placed himself between me and the man. "She was involved before you two even met. The first Higanbana to bloom in 400 years. That woman won't be going anywhere but with me or in the ground. I'd be a fool to leave her in your hands."

Higanbana?

A ferocious snarl fell from Souji's lips. His hands turned white as he tightened his grip on his blade. And then he lunged, the tip of his weapon pointed at Kazama's throat.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67**

 _"_ _The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." ― Joe Klaas, Twelve Steps to Happiness_

The cold ring of metal reverberated, sending shockwaves through the air. Light flashed through the pitched darkness as sparks burst from metal. A drop of sweat from Souji's forehead dripped to the ground. His teeth sounded like sandpaper against stone as he gritted them.

A haughty sound escaped from Kazama's lips and my naginata nearly slipped from my sweat-soaked hands.

Impossible. But yet...

Souji's sword had stopped, blocked by Kazama lazily raising his sword with one hand. Souji, who was always a whirlwind of blades on the field, a living legend, was struck motionless.

Kazama's smirk grew in the face of Souji's frustration. With a quick, effortless flick of his wrist, Kazama repelled Souji. A small cloud of dust flew into the air as Souji slid back in his retreat, quickly placing himself between me and his adversary once more.

A feral snarl leaked from Souji's throat as he watched Kazama lowered his sword arm in a silent insult. One of the Shinsengumi's most dangerous, most feared, swordsman was nothing to him. A mere meaningless gnat to be swatted away. After the results of their previous encounter, it was like rubbing rock salt in an already blistering wound.

"I had hoped that you would present more of a challenge this time, but it appears I'm wrong," Kazama said, raising his nose at Souji. "I won't even be able to work up a sweat. Step out of my way and stop wasting my time, pathetic mutt."

"Heh?" Souji retorted. A wicked grin graced his features, hiding the biting frustration. "What was that? I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that. Not like that matters. I was never good at following instructions anyway." He exchanged a glance with Hijikata-san. There was a discreet nod. "Just ask the Oni Vice Captain."

Faster than a bullet, Hijikata-san shot towards Kazama out of nowhere with sword drawn and directed at the blonde's heart. The deadly hiss of metal upon metal sparked through the air. Futile. It was another effortless one-handed block on Kazama's end. Hijikata-san's hand turned white with strain while Kazama merely raised a condescending eyebrow at Hijikata-san's attempt.

However, that was not the end of the assault.

Kazama's red eyes widened as a flicker of light appeared in the dark and came soaring towards his throat. There was an ugly clashing sound as he swiftly knocked Hijikata-san's sword away in a hasty retreat. Then came the sound of Souji's sword hissing as it cut through the empty spot Kazama had once occupied.

Kazama was fast, but Souji was too.

Golden strains of hair stained with a few drops of blood fluttered to the ground where Kazama once stood as a red line appeared on the man's cheek.

"Che," Souji said, scowling as he rejoined Hijikata-san's side. The tip of his sword was colored with a drop of red, proof that the attack connected. "I missed."

There was an explosion of chilled air, causing my breath to stall in my lungs. The air was heavy. The sudden eruption of bloodlust was so tangible I could taste the iron flavor in the air. Against the better judgment of leaving my safe spot, I bolted from my shelter behind Souji to Chizuru-chan's more precarious location to grab her hand when I saw her reach for her sword again. Chizuru-chan jumped in surprised fright when our hands made contact, but she quickly squeezed my hand back, squeezing so hard that the tips of my fingers grew numb. Her hand was slick with cold sweat.

For a moment, it was like the world was holding its breath as we watched Kazama gingerly touch the side of his cheek in slow motion. His fingertips brushed away the little blood that had been drawn, revealing the startling unblemished skin that now sat where the shallow cut should have been. A shadow appeared over his red eyes, making them look purple, as he stared at the red smeared on his fingers.

"You country **_fools_** , playing at warriors!" Kazama erupted. He gnashed his teeth and bore his fangs at us. His glare was so intense that it could make molten rock look like ice. "How dare you lowly human's strike at me!"

Then the impossible happened. Kazama disappeared and I would have believed I had been hallucinating him if he didn't reappear in front of Hijikata-san in a split second. Their swords collided, sending sparks flying in all directions. There was no clean sounding ring of metal striking metal this time. Instead, it was the sound of nails on a chalkboard. The sound of gritty metal grinding away at a moving stone wheel.

Hijikata-san's knees buckled from the weight of the attack and his arms were so overwhelmed by the power of that attack that he could barely keep Kazama's sword from kissing his nose. The blood flowing through my veins froze at that sight. If Hijikata-san had been any slower to block, if he didn't have the upper body strength that he did, then half of his face would have been lopped off from Kazama's attack. Now all that was keeping Hijikata-san from losing his nose was his failing strength.

But it was not Hijikata-san's strength that failed first. It was his sword. I heard the crack first before I saw a thin fissure line form through his blade. However, Hijikata-san's sword didn't get the chance to snap.

Kazama foot shot out, catching Hijikata-san in the chest and knocking him to the ground before leaping away, neatly avoiding Souji's thrust.

"Dammit!" Souji growled, repositioning himself in front of Hijikata-san while the latter struggled to climb back to his feet.

Hijikata-san clutched at his chest before he spat out the crimson fluid that had filled his mouth earlier. His legs wobbled just the slightest amount as he wiped the remainder of the blood from his lips with the back of his hand. The damage he received, however, did little to dampen the heated glare he shot at Kazama.

"Bastard," Hijikata-san growled under his breath. He repositioned his sword despite his shaky feet. "What business you bastards have with Yukimura and why the hell are you after Shizuka?"

It was the sudden sound of stone crumbling that caused me to jerk my head away from the fight and to look to the left. In all the excitement, I had nearly forgotten Saito-san and Sano-san were here fighting the other two dangerous men. I watched just as Sano-san ducked under Shiranui's arm to avoid getting pistol-whipped. To Sano-san's near right, I could see Saito-san sidestepping a powerful punch, one that caused part of a wall to crumble.

I knew the guys were strong and I had faith in their abilities, but it was a completely different thing to see them so utterly outclassed by the "oni".

My eyes shot back to Kazama just as a deep chuckle escaped from his throat. I could feel my heart drop down to the same vicinity as my ankles when I found his red eyes locked on me.

It was like watching everything unfold in slow motion.

Kazama had vanished from where he once stood. I saw his shadow at my feet before I saw him again. Despite being experienced enough to hold my own with a naginata, all I could do was freeze as the tip of his blade cut into my cheek right below my right eye. I was too slow. My naginata was too long and he was too close. It was impossible to retaliate. The only thing that saved my eye from getting cut out of my skull was my natural instinct to stumble back. And then he was gone, replaced by Yamazaki-san's blade striking the now empty spot.

Just as Kazama retreated, his blade once again collided with Souji's. That man wasn't even taking us seriously. He was toying with us.

All the strength drained from my legs as I dropped to my knees. I couldn't do anything. There's was no way I'd be able to keep up with men. My combative abilities weren't poor, but they weren't good enough either. All I could do was cover my wound with one hand in an attempt to stem the bleeding.

"Shizuka-san!" Chizuru-chan's hands were then all over me as she pushed my hands away from my face. Her hands were shaking. She was terrified too. "Don't touch it. Let me see."

Chizuru-chan then grabbed some the extra cloth of her sleeve and began dabbing away at my face. I had no mirror and despite the physical injury, I couldn't feel any pain. Everything was numb. I couldn't tell how bad the injury was. All I know is that Chizuru-chan's sleeve came away red every single time she dabbed at my wound and the air smelled like rusty iron. That alone should have alarmed me, but that was not where my concern was.

The ongoing fights were taking an awfully long time.

"Fucking shit!" Souji snapped just as his sword collided with the empty air again. "Higanbana, Higanbana, Higanbana. What the fuck do you even mean by that?! What does Shizuka have to do with a damn flower?!

"Oh?" Kazama's smirk grew just as he blocked Hijikata-san's sloppy strike. "She's your wife and yet you know nothing about her? There's pathetic and then there's below pathetic."

"SHUT UP!" Souji bellowed just as his sword struck nothing again. He let out a sharp hiss as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. His breath was short and shallow. "Don't you dare talk about her like you know everything about her!"

The "oni" had yet to break a sweat while our side was dripping with it. Even, Yamazaki-san, who just jumped in to help Saito-san, was already worn. If there was anything that became clear tonight was that those three men weren't normal and that "oni" may not just be legends. Those three were faster, stronger, had better senses, and even healed like the rasetsu did, minus the crazed madness. We weren't going to win this matchup through sheer strength alone.

But it was still possible to outwit and outmaneuver them. I wasn't done yet. My naginata wasn't the only thing I could use.

If "oni" have better senses, it usually means they're more sensitive and therefore more easily affected by excess sensory information. In other words, we could strip our three adversaries of their senses if we can overload them, giving us a chance to deal fatal blows.

I reached into a small compartment in my clothing until my fingertips grazed a small marble-like ball. I never thought I would actually get the chance to use it, especially since it was given to me as a playful joke. In fact, I had up and forgotten all about it until now.

It was one week ago when I had been at Kyoko-chan's and Kenji-san's place to fool around. Otou-san had taken Ryota for the afternoon, leaving me free to visit them. Since Kenji-san was allegedly not home when I arrived, Kyoko-chan suggested that we go dig around in his workshop just for shits and giggles.

One thing one needs to understand about Kenji-san is that he doesn't just work with bladed weapons, but he also works with chemicals as well.

However, Kyoko-chan said it was fine and that Kenji-san never left out anything too dangerous after that one time she accidentally blasted a hole, imagine that, in the side of the house from mishandling some sort of round contraption.

While the both of us were down in Kenji-san's workshop fiddling with the random stuff we found, Kenji-san appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Kyoko-chan's wrist just before she could mess with some marbles lookalikes on Kenji-san's desk. Flustered at being caught, Kyoko-chan's rare meekness surfaced as Kenji-san tutted at her lightly. Then with smiling eyes, Kenji picked up one of the marbles and deposited it in my hand.

"Here, you can have it since you're much more careful than Kyoko is. I doubt you would accidentally maim someone with it," Kenji had said to me. I regarded the object like a live bomb until Kenji-san told me what he gave to me.

It was a flash bomb.

Now, if what Kenji-san gave me on that day was a smoke bomb, then we would be in trouble. A smoke bomb worked by blocking sight without actually affecting the eyes, which was useless on those with superhuman senses. A flash bomb, on the other hand, affects the eyes by bleaching, or oversaturating, the retinal pigments. So, theoretically, if a flash bomb was effective on those with normal sight, then it would be super effective on those with much more sensitive eyes. And in case the flash bomb didn't work, the flash of bright light would at least attract help.

"Chizuru-chan," I whispered to her just as I grabbed her hands. She frowned and nearly jerked her hands out of my just so she could keep fussing over the wound. "I want you to cover your eyes."

"Shizuka-san?" Chizuru-chan questioned.

"Chizuru-chan! Just do as Shizuka says!" Souji hollered back before she could have the chance to say more, and in that brief moment, Souji looked back just long enough to catch my eyes. "Chizuru-chan, close your eyes!" he then yelled much louder than he needed to.

A subtle nod of Saito-san's head in my direction told me they all heard and understood my true message.

My demand sounded relatively normal, ordering a young maiden to close her eyes so her innocence wouldn't be tainted by seeing blood. If I was Sano-san or anybody else, my demand would have been normal. Anyone who truly knew me knew my demand was far from normal.

What does closing one's eyes in a life or death battle do besides render one blind? Never close your eyes. Innocence is worthless when you're dead.

The "oni" ignored my words, treating them as the words of a naïve woman who was afraid of blood. There is a price for arrogance.

Even with my eyes closed, my eyes still burned as the bright flash leaked through my eyelids. It was like being a few feet away from a sweltering lightning bolt striking the ground.

I opened my eyes at the sound of violent hiss coming from Kazama. His stance had collapsed, being demoted to covering his eyes with one hand while stumbling back. Shiranui and Amangiri were no better off. Shiranui dropped to one knee, shaking his head like he could throw off blindness clinging to his eyes. Slumped against a wall, Amangiri struggled to regain his balance and his independence against the wall.

This was our chance!

But instead of metal sinking into flesh, metal once again collided with metal. Instead of blindness being reflected in their eyes, there was rage.

"You dare try to blind[1] me?" Kazama hissed just as his blade sheared through Hijikata-san's sword like a hot knife through butter the broken blade flew up into the air before landing near Chizuru-chan's feet. "Just like humans to rely on such useless, petty methods."

Hijikata-san swiftly retreated and drew his kodachi from his side. "Useless?" Hijikata-san bit out in a scoff. "So, you stumbling was you tripping over your own feet? Don't you dare underestimate us and spit on Shizuka's efforts, you bastard!"

Hijikata-san never got a chance to charge back into battle.

There was a high pitch whistling sound before the surrounding walls cracked. I felt like an insect being thrown into a spider web. A web of taut wires erected out of nowhere now crisscrossed the battlefield, anchored in place with knives that were embedded into the walls. Everyone one froze just a gentle breeze blew through the maze, bringing a few fresh leaves that were instantly shredded upon contact with the wires.

One careless move and we would dismember ourselves.

"Oni underestimating humans? I thought you would know better than that, Chikage," said a chilling voice. "I'm sure you remember our past encounters."

Crouched on top of the wall opposite to the moon was a figure cloaked in black with a crimson tengu[2] mask.

Shiranui twirled his gun before tucking it back into his belt. "You again, huh?" he said, his deadly smirk growing. "You sure like sticking your nose into our business."

"Hmph!" Kazama sheathed his sword as he threw a scornful look at the newcomer. "Amangiri, Shiranui, we're leaving. We only came here for a confirmation."

Amangiri simply nodded. "I agree. We will only draw more attention if we stay. Fighting no longer serves a purpose."

The wires surrounding the three "oni" then seemed to loosen, allowing those three to vanish and reappear on the roof. Amangiri and Shiranui gave their opponents one last look before turning and leaping off the roof, vanishing into the darkness. However, Kazama remained. He appraised Chizuru-chan one more time before he locked eyes with me. This was our first encounter ever, but the hatred in his eye spoke of a grudge centuries old. I grabbed at the front of my hakamashita as I felt my heart freeze. Never once had someone looked at me with such intense malice.

What has my existence ever done to him to warrant such reckless hate?

Cold air flooded back into my lungs again once his eyes shifted to Hijikata-san. "You country dogs better keep Chizuru safe. I will be back for her. As for the Higanbana… Winter is coming. Whither away to nothing in the ice and snow."

Like the two before him, Kazama vanished into the night, leaving so quietly that I failed to believe his exit from the scene even though I witnessed his departure. The lonely wind howled as it flew through the wires, making the sudden silence cry louder.

"Who are you?" Sano-san suddenly demanded from the stranger, shattering the painful silence.

The man didn't answer immediately. Instead, he flicked his pointer finger, pulling on some sort of invisible trigger. The knives were yanked from the walls as the wires collapsed and swirled until they formed a small silver ball. The knives circled around the ball, forming deadly teethlike rings. The end result looked like some bizarre metallic model of Saturn. Wordlessly, the man flipped off his perch and landed on the ground with the grace of cat before he picked up his strange weapon. He then sighed almost exasperatedly when he looked up and saw that the captains had surrounded him with their weapons drawn.

"I thought surely you guys could recognize my voice by now," the man said, deflating a little before he reached up and removed his mask in an almost playful manner.

The man had piercing hawk-like eyes.

My mouth flopped open. "Kenji-san?" I blabbered.

I always knew he was skilled, but I didn't know he was **_this_** skilled. The way he moved was almost superhuman. Everything was calculated and not a single movement was wasted. It was surreal. It was like watching a movie where everything was perfectly choreographed.

"Yo!" Kenji-san replied with a cheerful salute, instantly melting the chilly atmosphere. He was so cheerful that I wanted to throw myself at him and give him a giant hug.

Hijikata-san nearly dropped his kodachi. "Fuma?! How the hell are you here?"

The rest of the guys exchanged baffled looks with one another before lowering their weapons. Souji, on the other hand, hastily sheathed his sword before making a beeline for me. Once he helped me back to my feet, his hands were all over my face as he angled my face for better lighting in the moonlight.

"I—," Souji quickly cut me off by pressing some cloth to my cut. "Souji! I'm fine! You don't need to fuss over me!"

Souji ignored my cries of protest. "Stay still, Shizuka!" he exclaimed as he batted away my annoying hands. "Let me take a look at it."

He tilted my face upward once more before removing the cloth to take a closer look at the wound. I saw him heave out a heavy sigh before he stroked my other cheek with his thumb. He then pressed the cloth back to my cheek before taking my hand and using it to press and hold the cloth in place.

"It's deep," Souji said more to himself than to me. "It'll heal, but there's a chance of scarring."

Kenji-san coughed to clear his throat. He patted my head before turning his attention back to Hijikata-san. "Other than me having flash bombs, Shizuka-san is the only other person I know that has one. If that flash earlier wasn't caused by me there's only one other person that could have caused it, and I know Shizuka-san isn't the type of person that would use it lightly. Also, there was the fact that that the Shinsengumi is supposed to be guarding the shogun tonight and that the flash came from the general location the shogun is supposed to be staying." Kenji-san crossed his arms and nodded. "One plus one equals two, right? It's easy to link clues together."

"Right," Sano-san said before mussing his hair. He glanced at Kenji-san with a strained curiosity. "So, how do you know Kazama and those other two? From what I gathered, you guys all know each other. Care to clarify that connection?"

"Well," Kenji-san glanced up to stare at the moon, "when you're in the business of collecting information, you tend to cross paths more often than not with his ilk. I've squabbled over the possession of precious information with Chikage more than once. But you know, Kyo's not that bad when you're not on the opposite side of him. I've gone out to have a drink with him before."

Saito-san raised an eyebrow. "And what of Amangiri?"

"I don't have much of an opinion on him," Kenji-san replied with a shrug. "He's quiet and gets his work done. But he isn't the type to seek confrontation though. Now, correct me if I'm wrong." He suddenly turned his hawk-like eyes to me. My breath caught in my throat. It felt like he could see right through me. "I heard someone call Shizuka-san here the Higanbana."

I could feel Souji scowl right beside me. His fingers curled up so tightly that he drew some blood from his palms.

"Higanbana," Souji spat out the word like it was poison. "What does Shizuka have to do with a damn flower?"

"Well," Kenji-san said before falling silent for a brief second, "not exactly a flower. A myth. One I thought was just a story." He glanced back at me. "I didn't think any ounce of it could be true, but to think Shizuka-san was the Higanbana…"

My head hurt. My chest hurt. My very soul hurt. Myth? What myth? **_Which_** myth?

Higanbana was the popular Japanese name for the red spider lily and possessed many different meanings, each varying by nations. In North Korea it meant "mutual missing"; in Japan, "distressing memories"; and in China, it meant "beauty and purity". In addition to those several meanings, it also carried the meaning, "separation, sorrow, inauspiciousness, and death beauty". But most of all, it came to mean "sorrowful love".

However, in addition, the red spider lily was also called the "Flower of the Other Shore". It was said that there was a river in the underworld call the Sanzu River[3]. Similar to the River Styx in Greek Mythology, the Sanzu River separated the underworld from the living world. In order to be reincarnated, the dead much cross the river to get to the other side and when they crossed the river, all their memories from their past lives would vanish. However, growing on the opposite shore of the river were the red spider lilies. It was said that the scent of the flowers would bring back all the beautiful memories of the dead for one last time before those memories disappeared forever.

The red spider lily was the flower of the dead, but it was also the flower of reincarnation.

There was the sound of rushed footsteps as yells approaching our location. The soft light of a torch could be seen at a distance. Kenji-san clicked his tongue in annoyance before he let out a sigh.

"Your men are coming, the flash bomb attracted far more attention than my own," Kenji-san said to Hijikata-san. "We can discuss this more at length later tonight when you're done with the shogun."

"Fine," Hijikata-san agreed as he kicked his broken blade into the shadows of the wall to hide it from the incoming men.

With a short nod, Kenji-san vanished in an eerily similar way the "oni" did earlier. Just as he vanished, some harried foot soldiers appeared. One of them even appeared baffled when he caught sight of the state of my face. I quickly turned my face toward the wall to avoid further attention.

"Vice Commander! Do we have intruders?"

Hijikata-san snorted as he shot a sideways glance at Chizuru-chan. "We've dealt with them already. They fled."

"Then shall we do a perimeter sweep?"

"There's no need. Only a fool would return. They won't be coming back. Now, everyone, return to your posts! Our job here isn't complete yet!"

"Sir!"

The men scattered once more, leaving our original party alone. Hijikata-san narrowed his eyes at Chizuru-chan once he finally saw her sway and put a hand on the wall for support. Her breath was shallow as she stared at the spot the "oni" were last seen. Her color looked unhealthy and the moonlight only exaggerated the clammy paleness of her cheeks.

"Chizuru!" Sano-san quickly placed his hands on her shoulder to steady her. "Are you alright?"

Hijikata-san interrupted her while she was shaking her head.

"Hey, you!" His voice was rough. "Can you think of why they might be after you too or why they want you alive while they want Shizuka dead?"

Her eyes were blank for a moment before they started glistening with tears. "No, I…" Her voice was barely loud enough to hear. "I don't get it…"

Hijikata-san exhaled loudly before crossing his arms. "Yamazaki-san," he said, his voice much softer than before. "Take Yukimura back to headquarters. Make sure she gets a cup of tea once she calms down a little."

"Understood."

"And, Souji?" Hijikata-san said as he pried my naginata from my limp hand. He passed my weapon to Souji. "Take care of Shizuka's wound before taking her back. A woman shouldn't have a scar on her face. We'll join you once tonight's task is taken care of."

"Che!" Souji broke eye contact with Hijikata-san. "I don't need instructions to know what to do. You go do your thing and let me take care of my wife."

Hijikata-san looked displeased with Souji's attitude but didn't say anything. While Sano-san and Saito-san quickly returned to their posts after Hijikata-san was done giving orders, Hijikata-san didn't return to his own post until he saw Chizuru-chan leave the site with Yamazaki. Then, before he left, Hijikata-san ruffled my hair and pulled out a jar of salve from his sleeve before pressing into my palm.

Forever thoughtful. His actions brought the warmth back to my fingertips.

Souji and I didn't speak as he applied the salve and used it to stop the bleeding. We didn't speak as Souji escorted out of the shogun's residence. However, once we were back on the empty streets of the city, Souji pulled on my hand, pausing our walk back to headquarters.

"Shizuka." His eyes were so serious that it was impossible to look at him and even more impossible to break eye contact. "Why are you so quiet? I've been waiting for you to say something this whole time. This is very unlike you."

Then time froze. I wanted the earth to swallow me or a volcano to suddenly erupt. Anything to prevent me from having to answer Souji's question.

"Is there anything you would like to tell me before Kenji-san arrives at headquarters with an explanation? If you know anything, then as your husband, I'd like to know now."

* * *

[1] Flash blindness is visual impairment during and following exposure to a light flash of extremely high intensity. It may last for a few second to a few minutes.

[2] Tengu (天狗, "heavenly dog") are a type of legendary creature found in Japanese folk religion and are also considered a type of Shinto god (kami) or yōkai (supernatural beings). Although they take their name from a dog-like Chinese demon (Tiangou), the tengu were originally thought to take the forms of birds of prey, and they are traditionally depicted with both human and avian characteristics. The earliest tengu were pictured with beaks, but this feature has often been humanized as an unnaturally long nose, which today is widely considered the tengu's defining characteristic in the popular imagination.

Buddhism long held that the tengu were disruptive demons and harbingers of war. Their image gradually softened, however, into one of protective, if still dangerous, spirits of the mountains and forests. Tengu are associated with the ascetic practice of Shugendō, and they are usually depicted in the garb of its followers, the yamabushi.

[3] The Sanzu River (三途の川 _Sanzu-no-kawa_ ), or River of Three Crossings, is a Japanese Buddhist tradition and religious belief similar to the River Styx. It is believed that on the way to the afterlife, the dead must cross the river, which is why a Japanese funeral includes placing six coins in the deceased's casket. The Sanzu River is popularly believed to be located in Mount Osore, a suitably desolate and remote region of northern Japan (Aomori Prefecture).


	68. Chapter 68

This is a really random question, but does anyone here play Fate/Go? I kind of want to know.

* * *

 **Chapter 68**

 _"_ _I'm not really sure why. But... do you stop loving someone just because they betray you? I don't think so. That's what makes the betrayal hurt so much - pain, frustration, anger... and I still loved her. I still do." ― Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire_

How did it come to this?

There was no pause button. There was no time to catch my breath. The world continued spinning.

The warm gentle breeze of the summer night struck my face like the ice from a hailstorm, each touch freezing my skin and gouging away at my soul. I could see the spring in his lively green eyes wilt away and give to into the harshness of winter, turning his eyes into peridot as they adopted the cold hardness of the beautiful stone.

I opened my mouth, but no words left. My throat was heavy and my tongue, lifeless and weak. Seconds dragged on, each passing with the weight of a century. And then I saw it. The moment when he shut me out when the walls came back up. The moment when he saw that Kazama's words carried truth. That was when Souji severed that link that connected our very souls. That was when trust was shattered.

This was the moment was when I knew our marriage was over.

 _Betrayal. Lier._ _ **Stranger.**_

His cold eyes on me felt like daggers, but there was no relief to be felt when he tore his gaze from mine. Instead, I could feel myself bleeding out when he turned.

"Souji! Wait—"

My fingers brushed against his back and he jerked away like I was something disgusting, **_vile_**. Instead of yelling at me, instead of spewing death threats, he didn't even waste a breath on me. He didn't even spare me a glance. I wasn't even worth it to him.

I didn't belong here. I'm wasn't truly a part of the Shinsengumi. I didn't belong to this time. I wasn't even supposed to be alive.

 _Trespasser. Fake. Counterfeit._

I don't belong.

Nothing felt real anymore. It felt like drowning and walking on clouds at the exact same time. I couldn't even feel my own footsteps as I trailed behind Souji on the way back to headquarters. The only reason Souji didn't ditch me right there was because of the orders Hijikata-san gave to see me back to headquarters safely. That hurt more than anything, but there were no tears. The dead don't cry. The dead can't cry because their eyes have rotted. They are blind, just like me.

The walk back was long and painful.

"Eh? Souji? Shizuka-chan?" a voice familiar soon floated through the hazy darkness. There was the sound of hasty footsteps as someone stepped through the front gates of headquarters. "Man, you guys are back too? So soon? Chizuru-chan said those guys from Ikedaya showed up, so I figured you two would still be down there fixing the mess."

"Quit acting all excited!" I heard Souji snap. "That was nothing worth getting fussy over, Heisuke. If you wanted in on the action, then you should have been there," his voice then dropped into nothing more than a whisper, "not me."

There was an offended sound accompanied by a curious glance. "If you're in a bad mood, don't take it out on me! Geez! How does Shizuka-chan deal with you when you're like this?"

Souji snarled at Heisuke, making the latter jump, before Souji pushed his way pass Heisuke with a rough shove and made his way into headquarters. Heisuke frowned and crossed his arms as he watched Souji disappear somewhere around a corner. A brief silence passed between us before he turned to me. He opened his mouth but then closed it when I refused to raise my head.

"Hey, Shizuka-chan?" he asked, softening his voice as he crouched down to steal a glimpse of my face. "Are you okay? You're looking really pale. Did you and Souji get into a fight or something?"

I soullessly shook my head. How could there have been an argument when I couldn't even bring myself to fight back?

"I…" My wispy voice cracked before I sealed my lips again. I exhaled a shaky breath before attempting to speak again. "Kenji-san will be here later. He… he can explain."

I ignored Heisuke as he hollered after me in favor of stepping into the main hall. Chizuru-chan, who arrived earlier with Yamazaki-san, was now seated in a nearby corner. Her cheeks, which were an unhealthy pallor before, were now rosy from the hot cup of tea nestled in her hands. I saw her smile gratefully at Yamazaki-san and even offer a weak laugh to something he said. When she saw me, she brightened up just enough to wave me over.

I let the gesture fly over my head and instead turned with my eyes closed so I could press my forehead against the wall.

 _Do not forget to breathe._

"Shizuka-san?"

I pretended not to be able to hear her and she eventually stopped trying to speak to me, leaving an awkward silence that permeated the hall. With each passing second, I could feel my chest tightening as my heart pounded harder. I just needed a sound, any sound to keep my own oppressive thoughts and the silence from choking me.

Yet, I willfully remained silent and let my soul bleed.

The silence finally came to an end when the distant sound of men returning for the night from the shogun's residence filled the atmosphere. There was the barking of orders, commanding the foot soldiers to bed. The time long passed the curfew set by Itou. Once the dust settled and the night grew quiet again, tired footsteps shuffled into the main hall. I opened my tired eyes once I felt the back of a hand against my cheek.

"Shizu-chan?" Otou-san—no, Kondou asked as he hovered over me. He furrowed his brows at me just as the tightness in my chest made my stomach revolt. "Are you feeling sick? Toshi already told me what occurred earlier. If you're still frightened from that encounter with those men, come sit by me. There's no shame in being terrified of those men."

I said nothing and refused to meet Kondou's concerned gaze. Instead, I stared at the feet of those present in the room. I could see Ryota's tiny feet as he slept on Sannan-san's lap. I could see Sano-san's large and callused feet in the flickering candlelight and Hijikata-san's pristine, white tabi. I could see everyone's feet, everyone's but Souji's.

The tightening sensation in my chest grew. My hands grabbed at the front of my hakamashita, over my heart to alleviate the pain, but it grew still, consuming all until all that was left was the weight of pain. I wiggled my toes before curling them up just so I could do something, anything, to distract me from the pain.

"Hmm…" Kenji-san commented, sounding inappropriately cheerful as he made his presence known. It made me want to spit on him, to scream at him. "I **_would_** like to start, but it seems we're missing someone."

Hijikata-san clicked his tongue as he narrowed his eyes in annoyance. He let out a longwinded sigh before crossing his arms. "Just what the hell is he thinking, ditching out on a meeting of this nature? Yamazaki, go fetch Souji."

A quiet steel-like voice cut in before Yamazaki-san could even move, causing my head to jerk up to meet cold eyes.

"I'm not a dog to be fetched," Souji bit out in an acrid manner. He broke our eye contact almost as soon as our eyes met.

Souji's feet barely made a sound as he stepped into the room. The spot beside me remained vacant. His leg did not brush up against mine as he sat down. He did not bump shoulders with me in a show of camaraderie. Instead, he crossed the room and sat next to Chizuru-chan. He chose to sit next to another woman. He chose to sit next to the other woman that was also being hunted.

It was a slap in the face and if anyone noticed the weight of the action, they said nothing.

"Ooookay," Kenji-san said with a clap and without losing a single ounce of cheerfulness in his voice. "Now, let me explain what's going on. It starts with a myth."

 _Back when the world was still young and when the humans were just learning how to cultivate rice, there were powerful spirits that lived in the heavens that were known as oni_ _ **[1]**_ _. The oni were playful spirits, often playing jokes and pranks on the humans. But the oni did not understand their own strength. A simple prank to make the rice disappear for a day would instead result in famine when the rice did not return. A light drizzle to ruin someone's laundry that was hanging out to dry would turn into a flood that would wipe out villages. A small flash of light at night to frighten the humans would turn into a fire that would burn for many days and nights._

 _"_ _These spirits are evil!" the humans cried out as they prayed for relief. "Please, protect us and punish the evil!"_

 _Amaterasu_ _ **[2]**_ _, queen of the heavens and mother to all, heeded the desperate cries of the humans and stripped the oni of their powers as deities before hurling them down to the earth. No longer immortal and now only carrying a fraction of the power they once had, the oni cursed at the humans. From then on, the oni and the humans plagued one another. The oni despised the humans for their downfall and saw the humans as weak and inferior while the humans saw the oni as evil and as the devilish underlings of Enma-Ō_ _ **[3]**_ _from the underworld. As their hatred for each other grew, more blood was spilled and the series of skirmishes that took place soon after later became known as the War of the Red Dawn._

 _Troubled by the war-torn land the deaths of many, Amaterasu sought a way to bring peace back to the land by drawing the humans and oni together. In this, she requested the council of Omoikane_ _ **[4]**_ _. Because of the war-torn lands above, Amaterasu and Omoikane were forced to meet in the underworld in the presence of the dead._

 _"_ _They each think the other is different," Omoikane replied to Amaterasu's dilemma before gesturing to the souls of the dead gathering on the bank of the Sanzu River. "To end this war, you must show them the beauty of unity. See as the souls of human and oni alike aid each other cross the river so they can be reborn. Here, it matters not if one is an oni or a human. One cannot be reborn without the other."_

 _Amaterasu listened well and took Omoikane's words with her._

 _As Amaterasu prepared to leave the underworld after her council with Omoikane, Amaterasu stopped by the river bank and plucked one of the flowers growing there. As she plucked the flower, one of the human souls on its way to rebirth became snared by the plucked flower. An idea then formed in Amaterasu's mind._

 _To pay homage to Omoikane for his advice, knowledge and the possibility of prosperity would be used to bridge the gap between the oni and the humans._

 _Amaterasu bestowed a randomized yet incredible skill upon the soul that was ensnared in her flower and brought the soul to the surface to reborn. Being intertwined in the flower, a red spider lily, the human soul was reborn with the memories of its past life, therefore allowing the human to have the knowledge needed to use the skill Amaterasu had gifted. As the soul was human, the Higanbana would live among other humans. But as the senses of oni were far superior to that of humans, only oni could detect the scent of death that lingered on the Higanbana. In order to reap the benefits of the Higanbana, both oni and humans were forced to into a unity that ended the War of the Red Dawn._

 _As the war ended, the conditions for the continuous reappearance of the Higanbana became permanently set. As long as the oni and the humans remained in harmony, the Higanbana would continue to appear to bring prosperity to both races._

Shinpachi-san slapped his knee. "Hold on a sec!" He turned to me with wide eyes. I wanted nothing more than to melt into the wall. "So, you're saying Shizuka here remembers her past life?!"

I was a freak. I was unnatural. I was to be rejected and scorned.

"S-So, Shizu-chan r-really is a gift from the gods?" Kondou placed his hand on my shoulder. "I always knew my Shizu-chan was special!"

They weren't.. rejecting me? Why? Yet, my rising hope was dashed when I dared sneak a peek at Souji. He glared at the floor as he gritted his teeth while he ripped pieces off the tatami mat. My heart grew cold once again. It was like the air I breathed was toxic. Every breath hurt and tore at my lungs.

"Oi!" Hijikata-san suddenly barked. There was no awe as he glanced at me. Instead, he furrowed his brows. "Why is it that I've never heard of this myth? A myth like this should be common knowledge among the people, but why is it that this is the first time I've even heard about this?"

"Well," Kenji-san crossed his arms and glanced up at the dusty ceiling, "do you remember what I told you all those years ago when I came to discuss the information I got when researching Yukimura Kodo?"

Chizuru-chan perked up at the mention of her father's name.

"Ah, yes," Sannan-san said. He briefly took the time to push his glasses up his nose. "I believed you said that the previous Higanbana called for the Dai Gyakusatsu, which resulted in massive causalities on both sides and the broken trust of the 'oni clans'. That Higanbana was then executed for treason by Ieyasu and all that was known about that individual was struck from history."

Kenji-san sighed as ceased staring at the ceiling. "Not just all records of that particular Higanbana were struck from all records, the myth of the Higanbana itself became forbidden to speak of and it vanished into time. Now, only the oni clans and a few families remember the myth."

"Those men from tonight called themselves 'oni'," Hijikata-san then suddenly said. "If the myth you told us is true, then…"

"Oni **_are_** real," Kenji-san said, completing Hijikata-san's sentence. "The Yukimura clan was a clan of oni, so Chizuru-chan here would be an oni, and because the oni clans have been in decline for centuries now, female oni are rare. For most clans to survive until now, they've had to mingle their bloodline with that of humans'. Kazama was only here to abduct Chizuru-chan so he could keep his bloodline pure."

"Wait!" Chizuru-chan blurted, looking alarmed. "So, I'm an oni…?"

"You didn't know? Surely you didn't think that your ability to regenerate was unique only to you?" Kenji-san said, leaving Chizuru-chan speechless.

"So, that bastard only wanted Chizuru as his wife, huh?" Sano-san then commented, scratching his forearm as he gave the silent Chizuru-chan a reassuring glance. "But to think that those three want Shizuka dead because of sins of the past Higanbana. That individual really messed things up. I wondered what that person was like…"

Kenji-san shrugged. "I'd like to think the previous Higanbana was a prideful, pompous know-it-all. Kind of like Takeda."

Heisuke snorted as he tried to hide his laugh at the comparison.

"But," Kenji-san continued. "The previous Higanbana had that right. Ieyasu had the reputation for being both cautious and wise, but the truth is, Ieyasu had the Higanbana whispering advice into his ear the whole time. The previous Higanbana was said to be gifted with foresight and it came to call itself a historian because of this gift."

A **_historian_**? The previous Higanbana came to call itself a historian because of this foresight?

No. Something wasn't right.

"However, it seems like the previous Higanbana's ability of foresight failed and came to a spectacular end with the Dai Gyakusatsu," Kenji-san said, shaking his head.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "The previous Higanbana was a historian," I interjected My voice was meek and it shook. "Just not in the way you think."

All the eyes on me felt like nails being hammered into my skin. I was no gift from some deity.

"I'm a mistake." I opened my eyes, but I could not bring myself to meet their gazes. "If reincarnation is true, then when I died in my previous life, I should have been reborn into the future instead of the past. If the previous Higanbana is anything like me, then it would have just been a historian that was reborn in the past. Both of us were just mistakes the universe made when processing our reincarnation."

"Ah! But the myth—"

"A myth," I interrupted Kondou, "by definition is a traditional story, especially one concerning the early history of a people or explaining some natural or social phenomenon, and typically involves supernatural beings or events. Just because a myth exists does not mean it's true. Furthermore, I was not blessed with some sort of amazing skill."

"You are a surgeon, are you not?" Saito-san pointed out. "One cannot find another surgeon in this time of your caliber."

"But that was because I was a surgeon in my past life. No god bestowed my skills upon me. I went to school and worked, shedding my own sweat and blood to get to where I was. And furthermore, if I was some gift from the gods, I wouldn't be gifted in medicine. Oni have no need for a surgeon, not when their own bodies can repair themselves better than any surgeon could ever hope to. The only reason I am here is because I am a product of random chance, not because I was brought here for a higher calling."

I was no gift from the gods. I was just a **_mistake_**. Nothing more and nothing less.

Souji, who had said nothing this entire time, suddenly stood up and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. A painful silence filled the void he left behind. Kondou and Hijikata-san exchanged a glance.

"He must feel cheated," Kenji-san mumbled, breaking the taut silence.

"Cheated? Cheated over what? Hijikata-san retorted with a snort. "If anything, he's the one that's been blessed the most." He mussed his own hair. "I'll go talk to him. It's late. Everyone else go to bed. We can discuss the rest of this tomorrow."

No one disagreed. Instead, many glanced at me one more time before silently leaving the room. Sannan-san passed Ryota off to Inoue-san for the night before leaving. In the end, only Kondou and I were left in the room. I was expecting Kondou to denounce me as his daughter. He never truly raised me. All he did was provide me with the means to live a comfortable life. If Souji felt cheated, then Kondou should despise me for my trickery.

But instead, Kondou crouched in front of me and offered me his hand.

"It doesn't matter," he said with a smile. "You may have been someone else in your past life, but in this life, you are my daughter. I love you and that's all that should matter."

 _The dead do not cry for their eyes have rotted away._

"Otou-san…"

I don't know how long I cried in Otou-san's embrace or when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, it was still dark out. When I woke up, I was alone in what should have been mine and Souji's bedroom. Souji never returned. The meeting changed nothing.

It could not change the status of my broken marriage. It was over.

I could not feel my heartbeat. There was a cold and empty void in my chest where warmth should have resided. Loneliness ate out my insides.

I clawed at my arms, drawing blood just so I could feel something, something other than the loneliness. But there was nothing. The only pain I could feel emanated from my empty chest.

I couldn't stay here. I needed to leave.

I took nothing with me as I exited the room. I didn't even change out of the sleeping robe someone changed me into. It was late. There was no one to stop me from leaving. Everyone was asleep.

There should have been no one to stop me, but someone grabbed my wrist and pinned me against a wall.

Souji's eyes were still dark as he stared down at me. I felt nothing from him, no emotion. The walls he rebuilt to separate me from him were too thick. Impenetrable. It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger and because of that, I should have resisted. I should have pushed him away. Despite our relationship being severed, I knew that if I pushed him away, he would not attempt to touch me again. Yet I did nothing as he loosened his hakama and bunched up my sleeping robe above my waist.

Perhaps I did nothing because I wanted to believe he still wanted me. But deep down, I knew the truth. I did nothing because I was selfish. I did nothing because I wanted to be with him one more time before he abandoned me.

I gasped as he wasted no time pushing into me. It didn't matter we were outside where anyone possibly walking by could see us. It didn't matter that I was pinned to the wall right beside Hijikata-san's room. Souji tucked his face into the crook of my neck and grunted as he thrust himself into me. There was nothing romantic about this coupling. It was rough and bestial. Souji bit the side of my neck as he quickly came and then he stilled, not bothering to pull out even as some of his fluid began to leak out from me and drip down my inner thighs. Then it was over. I expected him to pull and leave. But he didn't.

Instead, he picked me up and returned back to the bedroom with me in his arms without pulling out.

It was only when he came to the futon, he pulled out. He didn't roughly drop me on the futon like I had come to expect him to due to the roughness of his previous actions. He had cradled me like I was some precious object as he lowered me onto the futon. With his hands free, Souji worked quickly with his deft fingers to discard his clothing before he was on me again to strip me of my clothing. He sucked on my neck and kissed it as he pushed into me again. There was no roughness in his actions this time. His caresses felt warm and his thrusts were slowed and gentle before he angled himself so he could brush a sensitive spot within.

A breathy gasp escaped my lips without my permission and my legs quivered around his waist. Souji shifted my legs so he could easily brush against that one spot again with ease. That was when I began to hope against a hope.

Maybe, just maybe—

Another cry escaped my lips as I felt myself tighten around him. And then release. Souji ceased his actions and pulled out before panting in exertion on the futon beside me.

However, Souji did not draw me against his chest like he always did after intimacy. He did not try to make conversation. There was just the suffocating silence. All hope that had swelled in my chest instantly burst into ashes as unwanted voices whispered in my head.

 _All he wanted was one last taste before leaving._

I turned on my side, facing away from Souji as I covered my mouth to hide the escaping sob. My chest burned like my lungs were filled with acid. I curled into a tight ball in attempts to ease the pain only for it to intensify. Finally, when I felt just enough strength return to my limbs, I pushed myself up to sit so I could slide out of the futon.

"Shizuka." I froze at the sound of his voice and held my breath as I hesitantly turned to Souji. "Where are you going? It's late. Whatever you need to do, you can do tomorrow. And if you're going to fetch Ryota, don't. He's sleeping with Gen-san tonight."

While still guarded, the wall that had been erected was gone. His eyes were still hard, but the coldness he once regarded me with was gone.

"Why?" My voice cracked and my tears betrayed me as they dripped from my face. "Why are you still talking as if I'm still welcomed here?"

"Is there any reason why my wife should not be welcomed here?"

 _Wife._

I curled my hands up so tightly that my nails dug into the palm of my hands while I tore my eyes away from his. "Do you not hate me? I lied. I took your trust and spit it back out at your feet."

"You didn't lie. You did something else." Souji sat up. While his voice was still hard, there was something brittle and soft about it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What is there to tell?!" I blurted before bring my knees up to my chest. I buried my face in my knees. "That I remember my past life? Those are the words of a mad woman. Should it even matter that I remember that I was someone else before? I'm still—" I sob interrupted my rant. "I'm still me at my very core…"

Another silence enveloped the room. Souji said nothing and did nothing as he watched me curl into an even tighter ball.

"In the beginning, I couldn't connect with myself," I whispered. "How could I? One minute, I'm dying and in the next, I'm waking up in a newborn's body. 'This isn't me,' I kept telling myself. Nothing made sense. But then everything changed pushed your way past my confusion. Suddenly, with you as my anchor, I was able to accept my new life, my new identity. I didn't matter that I was once someone else anymore. This was who I was now. I never told you before because it never mattered."

"And when it did matter, why did you stay quiet?"

"You don't understand the fear that consumes you. The possibility of your whole world rejecting you just because of something you can't control. The fear so great that it feels like your drowning unless you cover it so much that it can no longer be seen. You do everything you can to keep it hidden because death is preferable to being found out." I paused to swallow the lump in my throat. "Do you hate me now?"

Impossibly gentle fingers curled under my chin, making me look up.

"You misunderstand my anger. I'm not mad at you because you were someone else before. I trusted you not to hide anything from me and you broke that trust. What I'm angry and hurt about is because you chose not to trust me in the same way I trusted you."

"And yet you're still letting me stay with you. Why?" I bit my lip before finally allowing my eyes to meet his once again. They no longer carried the hardness of stone but held the gentleness of spring once more. "I expected you to tell me to leave and never come back. Why would you still want me?"

"Don't you know who you are?" Souji asked before a small smile graced his lips. "You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You are my other half and I'd be lost without you."

 _The dead don't cry for their eyes have rotted._

But I am not dead. Not anymore.

* * *

[1] The word "oni" is sometimes speculated to be derived from on, the on'yomi reading of a character (隠) meaning to hide or conceal, as oni were originally invisible spirits or gods which caused disasters, disease, and other unpleasant things. These nebulous beings could also take on a variety of forms to deceive (and often devour) humans. Thus the Chinese character 鬼 meaning "ghost" came to be used for these formless creatures.

The invisible oni eventually became anthropomorphized and took on its modern, ogre-like form, partly via syncretism with creatures imported by Buddhism, such as the Indian rakshasa and yaksha, the hungry ghosts called gaki, and the devilish underlings of Enma-Ō who punish sinners in Jigoku (Hell).

[2] Amaterasu (天照), Amaterasu-ōmikami (天照大神／天照大御神／天照皇大神) or Ōhirume-no-muchi-no-kami (大日孁貴神) is a part of the Japanese myth cycle and also a major deity of the Shinto religion. She is seen as the goddess of the sun, but also of the universe. The name Amaterasu derived from Amateru means "shining in heaven". The meaning of her whole name, Amaterasu-ōmikami, is "the great august kami (god) who shines in the heaven". According to the Kojiki and Nihon Shoki in Japanese mythology, the Emperors of Japan are considered to be direct descendants of Amaterasu.

The oldest tales of Amaterasu come from the ca. 712 CE Kojiki and ca. 720 CE Nihon Shoki, the oldest records of Japanese history. In Japanese mythology, Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun, is the sister of Susanoo, the god of storms and the sea, and of Tsukuyomi, the god of the moon. It was written that Amaterasu had painted the landscape with her siblings to create ancient Japan. All three were born from Izanagi when he was purifying himself after entering Yomi, the underworld, after failing to save Izanami. Amaterasu was born when Izanagi washed out his left eye, Tsukuyomi was born from the washing of the right eye, and Susanoo from the washing of the nose.

She became the ruler of the sun and the heavens along with her brother, Tsukuyomi, the god of the moon and ruler of the night. Originally, Amaterasu shared the sky with Tsukuyomi, her husband and brother until, out of disgust, he killed the goddess of food, Uke Mochi, when she pulled "food from her rectum, nose, and mouth". This killing upset Amaterasu causing her to label Tsukuyomi an evil god and split away from him; separating night from day.

The texts also tell of a long-standing rivalry between Amaterasu and her other brother, Susanoo. When he was to leave Heaven by orders of Izanagi, he went to bid his sister goodbye. Amaterasu was suspicious, but when Susanoo proposed a challenge to prove his sincerity, she accepted. Each of them took an object of the other's and from it birthed gods and goddesses. Amaterasu birthed three women from Susanoo's sword while he birthed five men from her necklace. Claiming the gods were hers because they were born of her necklace, and the goddesses were his, she decided that she had won the challenge, as his item produced women. The two were content for a time, but her brother became restless and went on a rampage, destroying Amaterasu's rice fields, defecating in her palace, hurling a flayed pony at her loom, and killing one of her attendants in a fit of rage. Amaterasu, who was in fury and grief, hid inside the Ama-no-Iwato ("heavenly rock cave"), thus effectively hiding the sun for a long period of time. Though she was persuaded to leave the cave, Susanoo was punished by being banished from Heaven. Both later amended their conflict when Susanoo gave her the Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi sword as a reconciliation gift. When they both reconciled the moon became visible.

According to legend, Amaterasu bequeathed to her descendant Ninigi: the mirror, Yata no Kagami; the jewel, Yasakani no Magatama; and the sword, Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi. This sacred mirror, jewel, and sword collectively became the three Imperial Regalia of Japan.

[3] In Japanese mythology, Enma-O or Enma Dai-O (Great King Enma) judges souls in Meido, the kingdom of the waiting dead. Those deemed too horrible are sent to Jigoku, a land more comparable to the Christian hell. It is a land of eternal toil and punishment. Those of middle note remain in meido for a period awaiting reincarnation. Others, of high note, become honored ancestors, watching over their descendants.

[4] Omoikane (思兼 or 思金) is a Shinto god of wisdom and intelligence. His name means "serving one's thoughts."

A heavenly deity, identified as a child of Taka-mi-musubi-no-kami, who is always called upon to "ponder" (omopu) and give good counsel in the deliberations of the heavenly deities, appears to have descended from the heavens in the heavenly descent myth. OMOI, id., "think"; KANE, id., "metal," but preferably from the verb "to combine," "to possess simultaneously." "Thought-Combining Deity," a deity of wisdom or good counsel able to hold many thoughts at once or to combine in one mind the mental powers of many individuals. In the Kojiki the name is Ya-gokoro-omoi-kane-no-mikoto, "Many-Minds'-Thought-Combining Deity." Also called Toko-yo-no-Omoikane-no-kami.


	69. Chapter 69

This chapter isn't as long as it appears to be. There just a lot of endnotes in this chapter.

On another note, I won't be writing a side story for Chapter 68. Souji's side of Chapter 68 is fairly complicated and as of right now, my writing ability won't be able to do it justice. However, I may come back and write a side story for that chapter at a later date.

* * *

 **Chapter 69**

 _"_ _It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one." ― George Harrison_

The crickets chirping outside sounded too serene, too out of place as I stared at the ceiling from the futon. Above, a moth flailed, flapping its wings as it tangled itself further into the sticky thread of a web before stilling when a spider approached. I turned away as the spider started its meal. Souji, however, kept his eyes glued to the scene as he laid beside me.

We should have been sleeping. The sun was going to rise in a few hours and it had been a long night. Neither of us slept a wink as we laid together on the futon after the tears had stopped.

My fingers inched closer to Souji's arm but stopped short. I wanted warmth. I wanted to feel that closeness to Souji, but I couldn't. Every time Souji came within reach, I would feel myself wither away in guilt. He was still willing to trust me. I had betrayed his trust and he was still willing. It was not his ability to trust me that was broken. I was the one broken. I could not trust myself. Not anymore. I had hurt him when I swore I wouldn't.

My fingers grew cold as I retracted them once again. As I turned away from Souji in favor of facing the opposite wall, I heard a sigh.

"Shizuka."

I felt my muscles go rigid. Never was I more tempted to pretend I was asleep. Everything was feeling too awkward, too forced.

"If you're cold, then scoot closer. You're a blanket hog and what you're doing is just stealing my share of the blanket," he said. "It's just easier to share body heat."

"I…" I bit my lip. "Actually, I just get up now. It's almost morning and I won't be falling asleep. I'll get out of your way."

There was a short growl followed by an annoyed click of his tongue and the space between our bodies was gone. Suddenly, he was too close. His bare chest pressed against mine as he pinned me beneath him on the futon, instantly making me regret not redressing after sex. The warmth of his body instantly bled through my skin, raising goosebumps as a lump welled in my throat. My mouth ran dry as I found myself staring at the deep green of Souji's eyes.

"Don't think I haven't noticed. You've were reaching for me the whole night," Souji stated, placing his hands on mine. His voice then softened. "Stop shying away from me."

My voice died in my throat when I found myself unable to avert my eyes. He then wrapped his arms around me and rolled onto his back, reversing our positions. Even when his grip on me loosened, I didn't scramble away. Instead, I found my neck relaxing as I laid my head on his chest. His heart was beating under my ear. He was so warm that I felt myself pressing myself as close as possible to him. Even when there was no distance left between us, it wasn't close enough.

"If you can't sleep, then talk to me," Souji said after a moment of silence. He petted the back of my head slowly, allowing his fingers to run through my hair. He took a deep breath and tensed up before he spoke again. "Did you…," his breath hitched and his hand froze for a second, "have someone?"

 _Was there someone else who once held your heart?_

I wrapped my arms around him tighter.

"I've been with other men before." I felt his shoulders grow stiffer at my answer. "But those relationships never lasted. I never married and died single. But my poor baby…" I felt a sudden small pang of sadness at the resurfacing of a memory. "I left my poor baby, Nala, alone when I died."

"Baby?" I could feel Souji's heart racing and pounding as he spoke. "You had a child in your past life?"

"Not in the way you're probably thinking. I've never actually gotten pregnant in my past life." I lifted my head and took a chance. I press a slow kiss on his lips, one he readily accepted. He sucked on my lower lip greedily, hesitant to part when I pulled away. Beneath my fingertips, I could feel his heart slow again. "Nala was my dog. She was the closest thing I had to a child."

Souji suddenly snorted and coughed in an attempt to hide his laugh, though, he couldn't hide the amused smile that sprung to his lips. The relief in the air was beyond tangible and all his tense muscles seemed to melt away into nothing. "A dog? You had a dog?" He ran a hand down my side. "Somehow, I can imagine it. Tell me about her," he said, quirking his eyebrow at me before jokingly saying, "Did your 'baby' grow fat from being spoiled?"

The air was so much lighter, and playful, even.

"Are you saying I cause things to gain weight?" I demanded in mock offense as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I've gained weight since we've met," came his brave response.

I whacked his shoulder, which only caused his hidden laughter to escape.

"That's because we met when you were nine! Of course, you'd gain weight! You're not a child anymore, now are you?" I said with a huff before I puffed up my cheeks at him. "And I'll have you know that it's very difficult for a Saluki[1] to grow fat."

His grin remained as his laughter died down. But there was something in his eyes, a type of curious cautiousness that made me uneasy. Salukis weren't dogs that originated in Japan. Foreigners weren't welcomed in Japan in this era. I may be Japanese now, but I wasn't always. Suddenly, the nervousness that Souji managed to erase before was back and nipping at my skin.

"Saluki?" Souji asked. His arms were suddenly around me again, locking me in place when he sensed my desire to flee again. "I don't recognize that breed. Where is it from?"

I nibbled on my lower lip and broke eye contact. "They're from the Middle East, originating in an area known as the Fertile Crescent[2]."

"Then you were from the Middle East in your past life?"

I shook my head and dared to sneak a peek at Souji's face. There was no disgust. There wasn't even a hint of discomfort like I had feared. Instead, Souji raised his eyebrow at my sudden meekness again while his eyes sparkled with curiosity. His warm hands on my hips allowed some courage to swell in my chest once more.

"I… uh…" I fumbled a little first before swallowing. "In my past life, globalization[3] had the run of the world. Meaning most countries of the world had the freedom of interacting with each other, leading to the international flow of money, goods, ideas, and culture. Nala's breed may have originated in the Middle East, but that doesn't mean that's the only place you could find them."

Souji hummed a little as he digested my words. His nose brushed against mine as he rolled the both of us on our sides.

"So, if that's the case, where were you from? Tell me everything. I want to know," he prompted me. He nipped the tip of my nose lightly, causing the rest of my concerns to instantly evaporate in the face of his playfulness and his honest gaze.

Oh, I was so **_stupid_**!

I giggled before burying my face in Souji's chest to stifle my blooming laughter. Why I thought Souji would care what my nationality was in my past life, I'll never know. Souji is Souji and I'm me. That's all it ever was and that was all that ever mattered. And as soon as I lifted my face, Souji was quick to steal another kiss before shooting me a cheeky grin, bolstering my confidence.

"I'll start from the very beginning with my parents," I said as I attempted to scoot closer, which was an impossible task. His warmth was beyond gentle and welcoming and I just wanted to melt into it. "My haha-ue's name from my past life was Fu Mei-Ling[4] and my chichi-ue's name was Cheng Ju-Long."

Souji's brow disappeared above his bangs. "Those are Chinese names. I thought it was a little strange you could read and write so well when we were just kids." He tapped on my forehead, making me giggle again. "So that was why."

I beamed as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"Both my parents were born in a farming village in the Guizhou Province[5] of mainland China. My chichi-ue was born in 1962 and my haha-ue was born two years after. They were both born during a very harsh time in Chinese history, but they were still incredibly to be born when they were. They missed being born during one of the greatest famines in recorded history, the Great Chinese Famine[6]."

"What was the name of the village they were born in?"

I paused and pursed my lips.

"You know, my parents never told me," I replied. I wanted to scratch my head. It never really hit me that I had never known the name of the village my parents were born in and upon realizing it, it was bothering more me more than it should.

Souji blew a light puff of air at my face, grinning when it startled me from my thoughts. "Nevermind my question. There's no point in pondering over it now. Go ahead and continue."

I frowned a little but followed along with his suggestion nevertheless.

"Both of my parents were farmers. My haha-ue only finished primary school because my sobo[7] thought education was worthless for a woman and that my haha-ue should stay at home and help with the tending the rice patties. My chichi-ue, on the other hand, was allowed to finish up to secondary school by his parents before he was pulled from school to help with their farm. They got married in 1983 and my haha-ue quickly became pregnant with me after the first few months of marriage."

I paused when I heard a bird chirping outside. There was a soft glow of light breaking the darkness of night. Then, as if to announce the arrival of dawn, a small sparrow flew in the open window to pluck a loose strand of straw from the tatami mats before continuing on its merry way.

"Both my parents had always wanted more in life besides what their village had to offer, so when my haha-ue discovered she was pregnant, their talks about leaving the village became much more serious. In order for a chance at a better life, my chichi-ue obtained a temporary agricultural worker visa[8], allowing him to leave China for the United States. So, he went ahead first and found work as a laborer in the orange orchards of California. Once he got settled in, he sent for my haha-ue, who was very heavily pregnant with me by then. Then on November 26, 1984, I was born. They chose the name Qiu-Yue for me because I was born in autumn on the night of a full moon. I was the first in our family to be born in a different country."

"Qiu-Yue…" Souji repeated softly, testing the foreign name on his tongue. There was a slight accent in his pronunciation. He then snorted at me. "You did always like Tsukimi[9]. Should have known."

I rolled my eyes at him. He knew it was because I had a fondness for Tsukimi dango. Autumn was pretty but normally too cold for my tastes.

"We didn't live a luxurious life upon our immediate arrival in America either," I continued. "We were so poor that we could even afford a real bed to sleep on. My chichi-ue's wages were barely enough to cover the rent for our one-room apartment. The three of us had to sleep on top of an old mat together at night with one shared blanket. Once my haha-ue recovered childbirth, she began laundering clothes of the other laborers for some extra income. My parents then applied for U.S. citizenship when I was five. When I turned seven, my chichi-ue took out a small business loan, and when combined with the amount we had saved up, it was just enough to start a small restaurant. My chichi-ue was always a fantastic cook and my haha-ue, despite her low education level, was excellent at managing money. The restaurant flourished and we became pretty well-known in our neighborhood for our Peking duck. This was when we were able to start being able to live fairly comfortably with the amount of income we were making."

"Ah," Souji suddenly said, looking fairly pleased with himself. "So, this why your cooking makes all the other guys' cooking look like garbage. You've had restaurant experience."

I wanted to scratch the back of my neck at his statement. He wasn't exactly wrong, but I wasn't that great of a chef that he was painting me out to be. I just seemed absolutely amazing at times just because the guys tended to have such low standards for what was considered to be a quality meal. Now, don't get me wrong, I am good when it comes to cooking but Dad could still trash me in a **_friendly_** competition. There was a reason our restaurant was so well-known for our Peking duck.

"Umm, sure. Let's just leave at that," I said, unwilling to have a debate about food now. "So, after about the restaurant was open for a year, my haha-ue got pregnant with my otōto. And this is why I never felt any romantic feeling towards Isao-kun, if you're still curious. When Isao-kun was a child, he acted a lot like how my otōto acted. Although as adults, both men couldn't be more different. My otōto was a senior chief petty officer[10] in the U.S. Navy when I died, so he was a fairly tough guy. Although, I could still make my otōto cry whenever I gave him the silent treatment."

"Hmm? Is that so?" Souji mused before flashing me a wicked grin. "You know, even now, I still don't regret beating Tsubaki-kun up. But…" His grin faded away as he became much more solemn. "There were other men in your past life. Tell me about them."

I sighed placed my hand on his chest before I began outlining the lines of his muscles with my fingertip.

"What is there to tell? I was no blushing virgin, but none of my relationships ever got to the level where they could be considered serious. I mean, the longest time I actually courted someone before he left me was four months. I just wasn't all that interesting as a person. I focused all of my energy on studying when I was still training to be a trauma surgeon and then all my energy on work when I graduated from school. Whenever men attempted to converse with me because they were interested, I'd be awkward because I'd never know what to talk about aside from work and I never could get comfortable enough to talk about anything else. It got so bad that my parents attempted to play matchmaker on several occasions by introducing me to all the single men they knew and approved of. They did want grandchildren pretty badly. I bet they were even tempted to arrange a marriage for me."

Souji let out a breath like it was a sigh of relief before he placed a hand on mine and held stationary to his chest. His lips curled into a small smile.

"So, it's only ever been me," he said more to himself than to me.

"Only you." I nuzzled him. "I don't regret having to die just to meet you, it's just, I wished that I could have lived just a little longer in my past life. My otōto had gotten engaged and I was supposed to help him plan his wedding. I wished that I could have at least gone to the wedding."

There was a brief moment of silence before Souji spoke again. His tone was careful this time like he was afraid he was going to spook me, but his words were blunt.

"How did you die?"

I averted my gaze.

"In the future, we have these vehicles called automobiles, or cars for short, which were essentially metal horseless carriages that could travel at incredibly high speeds. One night, when I was driving home at the end of a long shift at work, I got hit by a drunk driver. Most of the memory of that night is pretty hazy, I was losing too much blood too fast to stay coherent for long. All I know is that my car got twisted pretty badly in the accident and that I had to be cut out of the mess. However, when they were in the process of cutting me out, I bled out. The metal shards that were pinning me to my seat were also what kept most of my wounds plugged. Removing them only made me die faster."

When I finished, the room went completely dead silent. In an attempt to ignore the uncomfortable silence, I focused on Souji's touch instead. The way Souji's thumb felt when it stroked the back of my hand, the movement of his knee when he shifted his weight.

"Was death painful?"

I shook my head. "It was cold, numbingly so. This is why I dislike the cold so much now. The sensation is too similar to dying. And the sense of loneliness…" I pressed my face against his chest. "It was terrifying. I felt like I was being eaten alive."

"I see…"

The both of us laid in the mutual silence for a little while longer, just basking and reeling in all the information that was shared. It felt like hours, but in reality, it was only a few minutes. However, the dreaded silence was shattered by the pitter patter of small feet and the sound of an excited squeal. A reminder of what my life was now.

"Tou-san! Okaa-san!"

Souji snorted and grinned just as he sat up, allowing me to slide out of bed. I twisted my waist to stretch a little bit before slipping on my sleeping robe that had laid discarded on the floor from last nights actions. The moment I opened the bedroom door, a small body collided with my legs and instantly latched on with grubby little hands.

"Okaa-san!" Ryota chirped, beaming at me as he squeezed my legs. He hopped around some more with his busy feet.

His enthusiasm was contagious, causing me to smile as I laid my hand on top of his head. Inoue-san, who accompany Ryota on his little journey to find me and Souji, laughed at the whole display before shooting me an apologetic glance after he dusted off his clothing a little and straightened it out. He couldn't seem to get all the wrinkles out of his clothing. There on his right sleeve, I spotted a little damp spot I recognized all too well. It seems Ryota was sleeping and drooling on Inoue-san's arm all night.

"Sorry about this, Shizuka-chan," Inoue-san said, sounding a little harried. "I know it's a bit early to be returning Ryota to you, but since waking up, he couldn't sit still. He kept pulling on my clothing while pointing to your room."

I shook my head.

"No, it's alright Inoue-san. Everything from last night has been resolved," I said just as Ryota curiously peered behind me to spot one of his most favorite people in the world. He instantly released my legs and scurried over to where Souji was sitting, nearly tripping over Souji's discarded hakama from last night on the way over. Ryota wasted absolutely no time at all climbing into his father's lap.

Souji grinned and tugged on Ryota's little ponytail in response before bouncing our son up and down. Ryota's shrill giggle filled the room. Once again, the bedroom swelled with happiness. The sight was surreal. All of this could have ended last night. If I had fled last night and if Souji hadn't caught me, I would have truly lost everything.

"Ah, that's good to hear," Inoue-san said, interrupting my thoughts. He nodded at Souji as a brief greeting. "Now, if you could excuse me, I need to go get prepared for the rest of the day."

With a short bow, Inoue-san excused himself. I closed the door once more and rejoined Souji by sitting on top of the blanket near Souji's thigh. Ryota raised his hands at me before tugging at my clothing and pressing his face into my chest. I huffed a little at Ryota's actions. Even after being weaned, there were still times he wanted to be breastfed.

"Milk is still better than rice, huh?" Souji said offhandedly before sliding Ryota fully onto my lap so he could get out of bed and get dress. Though all he really did was wrap himself in a robe. As if reading my thoughts, he said, "We should both bathe first because of…," he cleared his throat, "last night's activities. Ryota can bathe with us too."

I nodded. So off to the bathhouse we went for a long bath. A very long bath. Somehow, amongst all the washing and scrubbing, Ryota found the time to start a splashing war with Souji. That did not bode well for me. The splashing war became two versus one, Souji and Ryota against me. I'm someone who doesn't enjoy getting a mouthful of bath water. So, by the time it was time to start cooking breakfast, I was already a little wilted and spent. It was also a pain to wrestle Ryota into some clothes too. If he had a choice, he'd run around headquarters butt naked. Thus is the flavor of life.

Chizuru-chan was already in the kitchen bustling about when I arrived late. The kitchen smelled of the wonderful aroma of miso and simmered eggplant. On the kitchen counter were prepped but still raw ayu[11], ready to be skewered and grilled over an open flame. Chizuru-chan quickly added the rest of the clams into the cooking miso soup once she saw me.

"Good morning, Shizuka-san!" she greeted with a polite bow.

Upon closer inspection, I discovered her face was a pale with an almost yellowish color. The bags under her eyes were an ugly purple color, making it look like she had broken her nose. She had not slept well either, I realized. Suddenly, I felt a little like a really shitty friend for not noticing sooner. With all the drama regarding my marriage last night, I had forgotten that the oni were after her too. Maybe not in the same way they wanted me, but the idea of being stolen away just to be used as a demonic broodmare had to be just as if not more off-putting.

"Morning, Chizuru-chan," I replied as I lit a small fire in the hibachi by the ayu before placing the wire mesh over the opening. I washed my hands and began skewing the ayu with bamboo skewers before placing them on the wire mesh to grill. "It was a long night, wasn't it? I see you didn't sleep well either."

"Huh?" Chizuru-chan jumped and quickly pinched her own cheeks to bring more color to them when she thought my back was turned. "I don't know what you're talking about." She quickly scuttled over to where I was working to help me and to show off her "rosy" cheeks.

I bumped shoulders with her. She instantly sagged when she saw my knowing glance.

"Is it that obvious?" she asked, the light in her eyes dimming. She looked down at her hands and fiddled with the some of the spare bamboo skewers in her hands. "I…," she sighed almost bitterly, "… always thought that oni were just creatures in legends and to find out that I am one… Why didn't Otou-san tell me? I came to Kyoto to find him, but instead, I've been nothing but trouble. The men Shinsengumi have been too kind to me, helping me look for my chichi-ue while giving me free food and board. They're even protecting me from Kazama, who plans to spirit me away. There's nothing I can do to repay them for their kindness."

"Well, that's a little unfair to the men for you just assume that, isn't it?" I asked as I flipped the fish. The skin gave off a nice crackling sound. "You shouldn't judge your own worth when you can't see yourself through their eyes. You may think everything you do can't measure up to their kindness and the things they do for you, but never underestimate the impact of what you do for them no matter how small. More often than not, it's the little nuances that count the most."

"But…"

"You heard what Shizuka said," came Hijikata-san's voice from the door. "You'd be insulting us if you continue to think so little of yourself. We're not so stupid to be so self-sacrificial for someone who doesn't deserve it."

Both of us looked up from our task to see Hijikata-san leaning against the open door with one shoulder and crossed arms. He had likely been listening the whole time, probably with the intention of coming to check up on how we were doing the morning after. And—

Was that a **_black eye_**?!

I dropped everything in my hands and quickly dunked my hands in cold water before scurrying over to where Hijikata-san was. He scowled at me and bat away my prodding hands as soon as I got close. Oh, it looked so painful that my own eyes hurt from looking at it.

Hijikata-san growled as he pushed my hands away once more. "Shizuka! Leave it be! It's fine!"

"Fine?!" I shrieked, stomping on his toe just to get him to drop his bothersome hands. He shot me a dirty look. "How is your eye **_fine_** in any way?!"

I forcefully tilted his head to get a better look. It looked awful! The skin around his eye was a completely swollen. While it must have been an angry red color just hours earlier, it was now a sickening purplish greenish color. There was even some blood on the surface of his eye, though the eye itself looked relatively unharmed.

"Hijikata-san!" Chizuru-chan gasped, dropping the extra skewers on the floor as she came running over too. "What happened?! This isn't an injury from the encounter with Kazama, is it?"

Hijikata-san shooed us both away.

"It's not from that damned bastard! He never managed to get a good hit in." Hijikata-san insisted, quickly covering his one eye with a hand to keep us from examining it. "This is from a different incident that happened last night regarding a certain **_someone's_** husband."

I furrowed my brow. What incident was this?

"Anyhow," Hijikata-san quickly said, shooting me an annoyed look as he swiftly cut me off before the question could leave my mouth. "Chizuru, come with me. I have a job for you." He then abruptly turned and left the kitchen.

Chizuru-chan perked up faster than Shinpachi-san could at the mention of food. He had called her by her first name without any honorific for the first time and that seemed to warm her insides. She beamed at Hijikata-san's back and quickly ran down the hall to catch up with him so they could converse and walk side by side.

"Don't they both look like ducks sitting side by side?" someone said as I watched those two turn a corner. I turned my head to see Souji standing behind me with Ryota in his arms. When had they arrived?

"Isn't that phrase only used to describe married people?" I questioned.

Souji only winked at me before sniffing the air.

"Shizuka, something's burning."

Oh, that's right. I forgot about the fish.

* * *

[1] The Saluki, also known as Persian Greyhound, is a dog originally bred in the Fertile Crescent. The Saluki is classed as a sighthound and is typically deep-chested and long-legged. Salukis are "sight" hounds—hunting by sight—and run their quarry down to kill or retrieve it. Historically, Salukis were used for hunting by nomadic tribes. Typical quarry included the gazelle, hare, fox and jackal.

The normal size range for the breed is 23–28 inches (58–71 cm) high at the withers and 40–60 pounds (18–27 kg) in weight. Female Salukis are slightly smaller than males. The head is long and narrow with large eyes and drop ears. The tail of the breed is long and curved. It has the typical deep-chested, long-legged body of sighthounds. The coat comes in a variety of colors including white, cream, fawn, red, grizzle/tan, black/tan, and tri-color (white, black and tan).

While the Greyhound is credited as being the fastest dog breed up to distances of around 800 metres (2,600 ft), both the Saluki and Whippet breeds are thought to be faster over longer distances. In 1996, The Guinness Book of Records listed a Saluki as being the fastest dog, capable of reaching a speed of 68.8 kilometres (42.8 mi) per hour. Due to its heavily padded feet being able to absorb the impact on its body, the Saluki has remarkable stamina when running.

[2] The Fertile Crescent (also known as the cradle of civilization) is a crescent-shaped region containing the comparatively moist and fertile areas of what is an otherwise arid and semi-arid Western Asia, the Nile Valley and Nile Delta. It was created by the inundations of the surrounding Nile, Euphrates, and Tigris rivers. Having originated in the study of ancient history, the concept soon developed and today retains meanings in international geopolitics and diplomatic relations.

The Fertile Crescent includes Mesopotamia, the land in and around the Tigris and Euphrates rivers; and the Levant, the eastern coast of the Mediterranean Sea. The modern-day countries with significant territory within the Fertile Crescent are Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Cyprus, Jordan, Israel, Palestine, Egypt, as well as the southeastern fringe of Turkey and the western fringes of Iran.

The region saw the development of some of the earliest human civilizations, which flourished thanks to the water supplies and agricultural resources available in the Fertile Crescent. Technological advances made in the region include the development of writing, glass, the wheel, agriculture, and the use of irrigation.

[3] Globalization is the increasing interaction of people, states, or countries through the growth of the international flow of money, ideas, and culture. Globalization is primarily an economic process of integration that has social and cultural aspects. It involves goods and services, and the economic resources of capital, technology, and data. The steam locomotive, steamship, jet engine, and container ships are some of the advances in the means of transport while the rise of the telegraph and its modern offspring, the Internet and mobile phones show development in telecommunications infrastructure. All of these improvements we enjoy in the modern era have been major factors in globalization and have generated further interdependence of economic and cultural activities.

Though many scholars place the origins of globalization in modern times, others trace its history long before the European Age of Discovery and voyages to the New World, some even to the third millennium BC. Large-scale globalization began in the 1820s. In the late 19th century and early 20th century, the connectivity of the world's economies and cultures grew very quickly. The term globalization is recent, only establishing its current meaning in the 1970s.

In 2000, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) identified four basic aspects of globalization: trade and transactions, capital and investment movements, migration and movement of people, and the dissemination of knowledge. Further, environmental challenges such as global warming, cross-boundary water, air pollution, and over-fishing of the ocean are linked with globalization. Globalizing processes affect and are affected by business and work organization, economics, socio-cultural resources, and the natural environment. Academic literature commonly subdivides globalization into three major areas: economic globalization, cultural globalization, and political globalization.

[4] With the Chinese, much like Japanese, the family name is placed in front of the first name. The first name in this case would be Mei-Ling and the last name would be Fu.

[5] Guizhou is a province of the People's Republic of China located in the southwestern part of the country. Its capital city is Guiyang. Guizhou is a relatively poor and economically undeveloped province, but rich in natural, cultural and environmental resources. Demographically it is one of China's most diverse provinces. Minority groups such as the Miao and Yao account for more than 37% of the population.

Guizhou is a mountainous province, although its higher altitudes are in the west and center. It lies at the eastern end of the Yungui Plateau. Guizhou has a subtropical humid climate. There are few seasonal changes. Its annual average temperature is roughly 10 to 20 °C, with January temperatures ranging from 1 to 10 °C and July temperatures ranging from 17 to 28 °C.

[6] The Three Years of Great Chinese Famine (三年大饑荒), referred to by the Communist Party of China as the Three Years of Natural Disasters (三年自然災害), the Three Years of Difficulty (三年困難時期) or Great Leap Forward Famine, was a period in the People's Republic of China between the years 1959 and 1961 characterized by widespread famine. Drought, poor weather, and the policies of ruler Mao Zedong contributed to the famine, although the relative weights of the contributions are disputed. Estimates of deaths due to starvation range in the tens of millions.

The great Chinese famine was caused by a combination of adverse weather conditions, social pressure, economic mismanagement, and radical changes in agriculture imposed by government regulations.

During the Great Leap Forward, farming was organized into communes and the cultivation of private plots forbidden. Iron and steel production was identified as a key requirement for economic advancement. Millions of peasants were ordered away from agricultural work to join the iron and steel production workforce.

Along with collectivization, the central government decreed several changes in agricultural techniques based on the ideas of Soviet pseudoscientist Trofim Lysenko. One of these ideas was close planting, whereby the density of seedlings was at first tripled and then doubled again. The theory was that plants of the same species would not compete with each other. In practice they did, which stunted growth and resulted in lower yields.

Another policy (known as "deep plowing") was based on the ideas of Lysenko's colleague Terentiy Maltsev, who encouraged peasants across China to eschew normal plowing depths of 15–20 centimeters and instead plow extremely deeply into the soil (1 to 2 meters). The deep plowing theory stated that the most fertile soil was deep in the earth, and plowing unusually deep would allow extra strong root growth. However, in shallow soil, useless rocks, soil, and sand were driven up instead, burying the fertile topsoil and again severely stunting seedling growth.

Additionally, in the Great sparrow campaign, citizens were called upon to destroy sparrows and other wild birds that ate crop seeds, in order to protect fields. Pest birds were shot down or scared from landing until dropping in exhaustion. This resulted in an explosion of the vermin (especially crop-eating insects) population, which had no predators to thin it down.

These radically harmful changes in farming organization coincided with adverse weather patterns, including droughts and floods. In July 1959, the Yellow River flooded in East China. According to the Disaster Center, the flood directly killed, either through starvation from crop failure or drowning, an estimated 2 million people, while other areas were affected in other ways as well.

Then in 1960, an estimated 60% of agricultural land in northern China received no rain at all.

As a result of these factors, year over year grain production dropped in China. The harvest was down by 15% in 1959. By 1960, it was at 70% of its 1958 level. There was no recovery until 1962, after the Great Leap Forward ended. According to the China Statistical Yearbook (1984), crop production decreased from 200 million tons in 1958 to 143.5 million tons in 1960.

Due to lack of food and incentive to marry at that point in time, the population was about 658,590,000 in 1961, about 13,480,000 less than the population of 1959. Birth rate decreased from 2.922% (1958) to 2.086% (1960) and death rate increased from 1.198% (1958) to 2.543% (1960), while the average numbers for 1962–1965 are about 4% and 1%, respectively. According to government statistics, there were 15 million excess deaths in this period. Unofficial estimates vary, but scholars have estimated the number of famine victims to be between 20 and 43 million. The officially reported death rates show much more dramatic increases in a number of provinces and counties. In Sichuan province, the most populous province in China, for example, the government reported 11 million deaths out of the total population of about 700 million during 1958–1961. In Huaibin County, Henan province, the government reported 102 thousand deaths out of a population of 378 thousand in 1960. On the national level, the official statistics imply about 15 million so-called "excess deaths" or "abnormal deaths", most of them resulting from starvation.

There are widespread oral reports, and some official documentation, of cannibalism being practiced in various forms, as a result of the famine. Due to the scale of the famine, the resulting cannibalism has been described as "on a scale unprecedented in the history of the 20th century".

The term "Three Bitter Years" is often used by Chinese peasants to refer to this period.

[7] Japanese word for grandmother.

[8] An H-2A visa allows a foreign national entry into the United States for temporary or seasonal agricultural work. There are several requirements of the employer in regard to this visa. The H-2A temporary agricultural program establishes a means for agricultural employers who anticipate a shortage of domestic workers to bring non-immigrant foreign workers to the U.S. to perform agricultural labor or services of a temporary or seasonal nature.

[9] Tsukimi (月見) or Otsukimi (お月見), literally moon-viewing, also known as Jugoya (十五夜), refers to Japanese festivals honoring the autumn moon, a variant of the Mid-Autumn Festival. The celebration of the full moon typically takes place on the 15th day of the eighth month of the traditional Japanese calendar; the waxing moon is celebrated on the 13th day of the ninth month. These days normally fall in September and October of the modern solar calendar.

The tradition dates to the Heian era, and is now so popular in Japan that some people repeat the activities for several evenings following the appearance of the full moon during the eighth lunisolar month.

Tsukimi traditions include displaying decorations made from Japanese pampas grass (susuki) and eating rice dumplings called Tsukimi dango in order to celebrate the beauty of the moon. Seasonal produce are also displayed as offerings to the moon. Sweet potatoes are offered to the full moon, while beans or chestnuts are offered to the waxing moon the following month. The alternate names of the celebrations, Imomeigetsu (literally "potato harvest moon") and Mamemeigetsu ("bean harvest moon") or Kurimeigetsu ("chestnut harvest moon") are derived from these offerings.

[10] Senior chief petty officer is the eighth of nine enlisted ranks in the U.S. Navy and U.S. Coast Guard, just above chief petty officer and below master chief petty officer, and is a noncommissioned officer. They are addressed as "Senior Chief" in most circumstances, or sometimes, less formally, as "Senior".

Advancement to senior chief petty officer is similar to that of chief petty officer. It carries requirements of time in service, superior evaluation scores, and peer review. In the Navy, it is the first promotion that is based entirely on proven leadership performance; test scores do not play a part. A chief petty officer can only advance to senior chief if a board of master chiefs approves, convened every year around March. Senior chief petty officers make up just 2.5% of the total enlisted force of the Navy and overall fall within the top 4% of the enlisted ranks.

[11] The ayu (アユ, 鮎, 年魚, 香魚) or sweetfish, _Plecoglossus altivelis_ , is a species of fish. It is the only species in the genus _Plecoglossus_ and family _Plecoglossidae_. It is a relative of the smelts and other fish in the order _Osmeriformes_.

Ayu is an edible fish, mostly consumed in East Asia. Its flesh has a distinctive, sweet flavor with "melon and cucumber aromas". It is consequently highly prized as a food fish. The main methods for obtaining ayu are by means of fly fishing, by using a fish trap, and by fishing with a decoy which is known as ayu-no-tomozuri in Japan. The decoy is a living ayu placed on a hook, which swims when immersed into water. It provokes the territorial behavior of other ayu, which assault the "intruder" and get caught.


	70. Chapter 70

Quick! One more chapter before Christmas! Everyone, enjoy the holidays! My little sister also drew a cute pic of Souji and Shizuka together for me. I posted it on my Tumblr if anyone wants to see.

* * *

 **Chapter 70**

 _"Well-behaved women seldom make history." ― Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History_

I picked up a broom made of dried old rice stems weaved onto a bamboo handle and examined it with a meticulous eye, even holding it up to the strong summer sunlight to examine it for flaws. Beside me, I could hear Souji's amused sigh as Ryota chattered nonstop. Souji's hand on my shoulder prompted me to put the broom back down against the wall of the home goods store where I had found it. The shopkeeper, who had seemed excited at the prospect of a sale, let out a huff of disappointment at my actions before ignoring me so he could return to restocking the shelves.

Souji grinned at me, snorting to disguise the snicker that escaped his lips when I shot him a curious glance.

"I know you like having clean floors but we really don't need **_another_** broom," Souji commented. His left arm swung back and forth as Ryota held onto his hand. "We already have too many, to begin with. Plus, if you're irritated at the state of the floors back at headquarters, just give the soldiers a little of that old fashion scolding and force them to clean up after themselves. Buying more brooms won't magically make headquarters cleaner."

I groaned at the truth of his words before eyeing the brand-new broom one more time. So tempting! I mean, the one I used back at home was starting to get a worn. Well, I could still use it for years to come, but…

Okay, so I clearly had a problem, but I think it's justified. It hadn't even been a full year since the Shinsengumi moved headquarters to Nishi Hongwanji Temple and filth was building up much too quickly for my tastes. Yes, headquarters was bigger and could house the men easily without a struggle, but bigger also means more rooms to clean. There was only so much that Chizuru-chan and I could do together to keep headquarters clean. Plus, we had other duties to attend to too.

"Instead, what I need is a vacuum cleaner," I grumbled under my breath.

Souji's lips twitched upward once more. He scooped up Ryota into his arms, prompting the toddler to squeal clap before depositing the Ryota in my arms. I suspect he only did that to prevent me from picking up the broom again.

"But, then, how would it run without an 'outlet'?" Souji pointed out, cocking one eyebrow at me. He chuckled when Ryota patted my pouty cheeks. "I may not exactly know what an 'outlet' is, but I do know you need one to make the 'vacuum cleaner' work."

"No. no," Ryota babbled. "No wook. No wook."

I rolled my eyes and pecked Ryota on the cheek. He just giggled at the sign of affection and grabbed the front of my kimono with his grubby little hands before he reached for my kanzashi. Souji plucked Ryota away just in time before the toddler could get his hands on any of the silk flower petals.

"Well," I readjusted my kimono to be rid of any wrinkles, "is there something you wouldn't object to me buying? Oh! How about a washcloth?"

Souji's eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs. "Really? **_Another_** washcloth. That's what you want?" He nudged me with his elbow to steer me away from the home goods store to move me to the shop next door. It was a clothing shop. "I don't know." He pretended to think, making me put my hands on my hips. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we have a mountain of those back at home? Didn't we just buy a stack of washcloths last week when we went shopping? Like I said before, just having more of those won't magically make headquarters cleaner. How about you treat yourself for a change and buy a new yukata?"

I bit the inside of my cheek at Souji's words. Why would I need to treat myself when I already had plenty of clothing? It was totally redundant. I almost never had to buy my own clothing. Between Otou-san, Souji, and their gift-giving ways, it was a miracle I wasn't drowning in new clothing. Even Hijikata-san would drop by and give me a new kimono every once in a while. However, before I could retort, an article of clothing on a shelf behind Souji caught my eye.

Squealing with delight, I rushed over to the shelf and promptly plucked the yukata from the shelf. I held it up to Souji so he could get a good look at it. All he did was roll his eyes at me.

"Did you check the size, genius? It's a bit small, even for you."

I scoffed in mock offense. "Okita Souji, are you calling me fat?"

Souji snickered and readjusted his grip on Ryota, who was now getting quite worked up at all the excitement of the market. Ryota seemed particularly keen on a wooden top some kid was spinning right outside the store.

"But, seriously, isn't it cute?" I continued as I held up the small yukata next to Ryota. A perfect match! "It's green, so it already suits him. And look at the little swallows on it. It almost looks like they're dancing."

"Yeah, it fits. But I thought we were looking for a new kimono for you, not our son. You just made him a new batch of clothing earlier this month. I doubt he'll outgrow them that fast."

"Well, you do have a point." I refolded the yukata and placed it back on the shelf before running my fingers over a baby blue obi that was set on the shelf to my right. It had yellow ginkgo leaves printed on it.

Souji smiled at me and picked up a folded pink kimono with his free hand from a nearby display. It had nadeshiko[1] printed all over it in varying shades of red and darker pink. I took the pink kimono from his hand and stared at it, admiring the soft pink color behind the petals. Souji really did have a good eye for detail. The kimono was really pretty, a hidden gem.

"This one would work well with the botan[2] obi you already own," he commented before wincing a little when Ryota grabbed ahold of a lock of his hair.

I nodded mutely before helping Souji detangle little toddler fingers from his hair. Then, clutching the kimono to my chest, I swiftly went to locate the shopkeeper, who was all too pleased to sell me stuff. The shopkeeper even tried to interest me in a hanabi[3] print yukata, which I had to wave no to. I already had too much black in my wardrobe.

When we left the shop, I left a very satisfied customer. In my excellent mood, I suggested that we stop for dango on our way back to headquarters. Souji agreed far too readily to my suggestion. And as our order of dango was set down between me and Souji on the bench outside of the teahouse, Ryota quickly snatched a skewer before mowing down on a single dango, accidentally smearing the sweet sauce all over his mouth. As soon as Ryota swallowed the dumpling, he hastily took another chomp, but this time from Souji's skewer.

"Hey, slow down, kid," Souji said as he moved his skewer out of reach just before Ryota could steal another chomp. "You don't want to choke, do you? And you have your own dango, so stop stealing mine."

Ryota scowled at Souji before turning to me to work those big eyes of his. I smiled at him and moved in to wipe his mouth instead of giving him my skewer. As a result, Ryota looked at me with the look of betrayal in his eyes before attempting to grab at my skewer.

"No." I tapped Ryota on the forehead. "You can't steal Okaa-san's either. You haven't even finished your own."

I was greeted with the pout of a century. My heart dropped into my stomach in ill-placed guilt. Just as my resolve was about to crack, I heard Souji make a humming sound. My eyes flickered to him, distracting me just enough for Ryota to steal the last bite of my dango. I found Souji staring on a spot in the road with his lips pursed.

"What is it?" I placed my skewer on the empty plate. "You're looking thoughtful."

Souji ate the last of his dango before picking his teeth with the skewer. "Do you remember that woman we met a couple of weeks ago? Nagumo Kaoru?"

I nodded and plucked Ryota off Souji's lap so I could wipe his mouth. Ryota twisted his face away from me, trying to flee from the offending handkerchief. He babbled angrily at me just as I managed to trap him and wipe off the remaining sweet sauce that decorated his mouth. His little glare, however, was about effective as a wet paper towel. He sat, pouting, on my lap as he polished off the last of his dango on his own skewer. Although, Ryota ate much more slowly this time like he was trying to avoid a mess so he could dodge getting attacked by the handkerchief again.

"I ran into her again when I was on patrol earlier," Souji said, his lips curling downward for a brief moment. He then discarded his skewer by lobbing it at the empty plate. "She's interested in Shinsengumi's affairs. Particularly, you and Chizuru-chan."

I tilted my head at him before glancing back at the spot Souji had been staring at.

"Can you tell me about this encounter?"

 _The civilians were parting like thread splitting along a seam as they quickly moved out of the way of the sea of blue. The soldiers of the First Division could feel the fear rolling off the people like heat. There were, however, those few brave souls that refused to budge as the division marched through the city._

 _"_ _Oh, Okita-san…," a woman named Kaoru said, approaching the feared captain._

 _The soldiers, so used to civilians flee upon their arrival, inched inconspicuously closer to their captain. Not often did civilian stop to converse with those on patrol, let alone the First Division Captain. However, never had a woman done so before. And she was quite a looker in the soldiers' eyes. Now, a woman that was interested in Okita? That was gossip-worthy. A woman that was interested in Okita that happened_ _ **not**_ _to be his wife? Absolutely juicy. Forget the fact that the woman looked like the vice commander's page. This had to be the event of the century._

 _Kaoru red lips curled into a soft smile. "I wanted to say thank you."_

 _Okita returned the Kaoru's smile with a blank look. "Huh?" he said, pausing his steps as he rested his hand casually on the hilt of his sword. "Yeah, okay, sure. Who are you again?"_

 _In the very back of the patrol, one of the soldier's expression soured quite considerably while others looked like they just heard a bad joke._

 _Okita's eyes were hard and cold. His posture, stiff as he regarded Kaoru with careful suspicion._

 _Kaoru tilted her head sadly at Okita, her sure posture faltering the slightest amount with hurt confusion. "You don't remember me?" she asked just as she folded her hands near her lap. "You saved me when I was attacked by a ronin."_

 _"_ _Oh, I did?" Okita replied with a careless shrug._

 _She narrowed her eyes ever so slightly at his smile before her eyes relaxed again._

 _"_ _Oh," she said, gasping slightly like she had a spontaneous thought, "I wanted to ask you…" She raised her hand to touch her fingertips to her chest while her other hand reached for her hair behind her ear as she looked up at him demurely through long feminine lashes. "Who were those two that were with you the other day?"_

 _Okita raised an eyebrow at the question._

 _"_ _Curious?"_

 _"_ _Well…," her timid eyes flickered to the ground for a brief moment, "yes, a little…"_

 _He looked away and let out a cold, dry laugh. "Well, one's my wife and the kid you saw…," he let out a sigh of pity. "Right now, the kid's probably being yelled at by the vice commander or doing chores and crying."_

 _"_ _C-Crying?" Kaoru appeared taken back by the answer._

 _"_ _Or, maybe, the vice commander has really turned up the hate this time. When he's like that, you can't do anything, not even cry," he added with a smile. It was like he didn't really care about what he was saying. "There's a bunch of crazy freaks after the poor kid, but does the vice commander care? No way. Pretty bad luck, if you ask me."_

 _Somewhere back at headquarters, Hijikata sneezed just as he was taking a sip of tea, burning the roof of his mouth._

 _Kaoru furrowed her brow as she frowned. "Goodness…," she said, putting her hands together over her chest. "The Shinsengumi sure sounds scary. Then what about your wife? Surely her life is better than that child's."_

 _Okita's smile grew hard and chilly. "She knew what she was getting into when she married me," he answered cryptically._

 _"_ _Oh my, the Shinsengumi truly is terrifying beyond all belief."_

 _"_ _Yep. We're dangerous, violent animals. Even just talking to me could get you in real trouble." His eyes narrowed and his grin turned predatory. "Understand… Kaoru-san?"_

 _"_ _Oh." She returned his sharp grin with a gentle smile. "You saved my life. I just wanted to say thank you. From the bottom of my heart._

 _"_ _Really…"_

 _Okita's eyes looked deep into Kaoru's, searching for something. He didn't even bother to hide the coldness in his gaze. Kaoru, in response, did her best to give him a troubled smile. Finally, Okita shifted his eyes and looked away._

 _"_ _Don't worry about it," he said. "It's our job to deal with those guys."_

 _And that was it. Okita turned to leave. Kaoru bowed deeply and stayed bowed until he and his men began to walk away._

 _"_ _Captain? Who was that beautiful woman?" one of the soldiers asked when they were far away enough from Kaoru not to seem rude for talking about her. "Is she, perhaps, another lover? I didn't know you were so popular with women."_

 _Okita shot the man a sharp smile, one sharp enough to send chills down the soldier's spine._

 _"_ _Hmm?" Okita said as he nonchalantly laid his hand on his sword again. "What was that? Did you say you want to die?"_

 _That caused the men to clam up rather quickly._

I pursed my lips. I said nothing for a moment and let Ryota play with my fingers.

"Is that why your men were gossiping like hens upon their return? They were also acting suspicious, acting all secret-like like they didn't want me to find out about something devious."

Souji let out a groan before he smacked his forehead.

"Really? That's all you choose to focus on? That I met another woman and that all my men thought she was interested in me?" he said. "Can you be serious here? Did you at least hear the part where she asked me about you and Chizuru-chan? Doesn't that seem the least bit suspicious to you? Remember the last time there was someone interested in both you in Chizuru-chan?"

I sighed and hugged Ryota a little closer to me before placing my forehead on Souji's shoulder. "No, I remember. I just really don't want to think about it. She was watching me quite intently the first time we met like she could sense something different about me."

"Then… Do you think she's…?"

"I'm pretty sure she's an oni now that I think about it. And that's not all." I lifted my forehead off his shoulder so I could look up at the sky. "Remember when I said Chizuru-chan was prettier than her? It wasn't just said in a fit of jealousy. It was because of her throat. Compared to Chizuru-chan's, Kaoru's Adam's apple is far more pronounced. More so than a regular woman's. But then again, that could also mean nothing."

Souji raised his brow. He plucked the empty skewer from Ryota's hands and discarded it on the plate. A waitress serving another customer saw the empty plate and quickly swooped in to retrieve the plate. Souji gave the waitress a quick nod of acknowledgment.

"So then…" Souji then paused to hum. "That's interesting. So 'she' might be a 'he'."

I nodded just as Ryota began squirming on my lap. He wiggled his butt before he grabbed my kimono and began using it to carefully climb down from my lap. The moment his little feet touched the ground, he took off sprinting, almost tripping when his foot snagged on a pebble before he collided with a pair of legs. Souji and I watched from our seats as Ryota instantly latched onto Saito-san's legs. Saito-san merely raised his eyebrow at Ryota before looking to Souji with the silent message to do something about the offending toddler attached to his legs. Chizuru-chan, on the other hand, was much more proactive.

"Ryota! Moh, what are you doing?" Chizuru-chan exclaimed, exasperated, before snatching the toddler up into her arms. Ryota just laughed and placed his hands on her cheeks. "We're supposed to be patrolling." Chizuru-chan shifted Ryota in her arms so he could see all of Saito-san's soldiers behind her. "You can't just run up to us and interrupt like that."

Saito-san looked at Chizuru-chan appraisingly and with more respect than before while Souji just shot her a crooked smile.

"No need to be so stiff, Chizuru-chan," Souji said. He placed the kimono I just bought on my lap before he stood to go retrieve Ryota. "He's just happy to see Hajime-kun."

"Okita-san!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed like she just realized Souji was there before peeking around him to wave at me. "What are you doing here? Were you and Shizuka-san doing some shopping?"

Souji snorted. "That much should be obvious. Did you know Shizuka wanted to buy **_more_** brooms? As if we already didn't have enough."

"Souji," Saito-san interrupted. His tone was blunt and colored with disapproval. "I am on patrol right now. Kyoto is a dangerous city and I cannot be distracted from my job, even by your son."

Saito-san then made some waving gesture at his men, signaling them to continue moving without him. Adachi Goro, the man Saito-san had designated as his vice-captain, nodded and stepped up as head of the group before continuing the patrol.

"Sorry about that," I apologized before Souji could reply with a sarcastic quip. I traded the buddle of our purchased goods with Souji for Ryota. Ryota tugged at my bangs before settling for laying his head on my chest. "Ryota just got a little excited. He's had some sugar earlier."

"Suga! Suga!" Ryota attempted to parrot.

Souji scoffed at Saito-san. "How dangerous could it be right now? In case you haven't noticed yet, everyone on the street practically scrambled off the moment you came marching in with your men. Kinda hard for it to be dangerous when there's practically nobody here."

To prove his point, Souji gestured to the wide berth that had formed around us. The only one brave enough to stay in close proximity was a calico cat sitting under a wooden bench.

Saito-san sighed and shot Souji an annoyed look. "You know what I mean. Enemies can still launch a surprise attack."

Souji quirked his eyebrows. "You mean like that cat over there? It's licking itself. Oh, so dangerous! Lighten up Hajime-kun. I'm not that careless. I checked this place out earlier. There's nothing threatening here anymore."

"Oh! That's right!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed like she suddenly remembered something. She clapped her hands together with a little cute hop. "We did run into trouble earlier." She then faltered as some of her excitement evaporated. She suddenly looked worried. "Umm… Shizuka-san? Is my disguise that bad?"

I tilted my head at her before reexamining her choice of clothing for today. Pursing my lips, I exchanged a glance with Souji.

"Well, it's not particularly good…," I said as I placed a hand on the back of Ryota's head to smooth down some frisky hairs.

Her body lacked any thick muscles and her height was even less convincing. Her face was also too heart shaped and her eyes too big. No clothing in the world would be able to hide her feminine charm. She was just too pretty of a girl for just clothing to do the trick.

"But it's still convincing enough. You look like a young boy at the very beginning of puberty," I quickly added when I saw Chizuru-chan start to wilt.

"What you need to work on is your acting," Souji interjected, pointing to her legs. "Just the way you stand practically screams 'girl'. Stand with your feet further apart."

Chizuru-chan spread her feet further apart with hunched shoulders before looking at me for an opinion. I coughed to in a poor attempt hide my snicker. Chizuru-chan pouted at me in response with the look of offense before sliding her feet back together.

"Well, you can't just tell me not to laugh at that," I put Ryota down but still held on to his hand so he couldn't wander too far. "You looked like a gorilla when you did that. What brought on this question anyway?"

She let out a little disgruntled puff of air. "I met someone earlier. She saw through my disguise without any trouble and she wasn't even trying."

"Met someone?" Souji questioned, his eyes instantly becoming sharp and alert. He glanced at Saito-san for an answer.

"Her name is Osen-chan," Chizuru-chan said, oblivious to the Souji's expression.

"No," Saito-san quickly interrupted on as soon as he saw Souji about to speak again. "She wasn't targeting Yukimura or the Shinsengumi. We came across her by pure chance. She was defending a child from some ronin before Yukimura stepped in."

Souji made a small sound of acknowledgment. The muscles of his shoulders loosened up again. "So I guess there are some brave civilians in Kyoto. How unexpected. Here I thought that they were all cowards."

"Okita-san!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed, sounding scandalized. She quickly scanned the nearby crowds to see if anyone heard.

Saito-san just shook his head. "Souji, do not be so crass in public." He then turned to me before putting a hand on Ryota's head. "Should you not be returning to headquarters soon, Shizuka? The bi-annual physicals are next week. Do you not have to prepare for them? There are more men this time and Vice Commander did inform me that there is to be a shogunate doctor here to assist you next week."

I glanced at the general direction of headquarters out of the corners of my eyes, tightening my grip on Ryota when he tugged a little harder. It seemed that he wanted to go pet the cat now.

"I already have most things set up." I pursed my lips briefly and observed the sun's placement in the sky. It was just barely after noon now. "But I suppose you're right. I should probably finish up. There's going to be considerably more work now that we've recruited Itou's men."

Saito-san nodded in approval at my words and glanced at Chizuru-chan, catching her attention. "We should continue with patrol," Saito-san said to her before bidding us a silent farewell.

Saito-san quickly departed with Chizuru-chan tailing along behind him. At their departure, Ryota whined a little and attempted to grab the bottom of Chizuru-chan's hakama, but she was already out of grasp before his fingers could brush the cloth. He babbled a few nonsensical words in an angry pout before letting go of my hand so he could latch on to Souji's leg.

"Alright, let's head back," I said as I watched the last of Chizuru-chan vanish. The crowds on the streets returned to normal as soon as the blues vanish and once again are abuzz with excitement. "Best finish up my work before Takeda takes it upon himself to try to make himself indispensable by attempting to do my job. Now that'd be a disaster. He has no medical training or knowledge."

"Then I say let him try," Souji commented as he picked Ryota up and began walking with me back home. "If he messes up, which he will, then that gives us an excuse to kick him out, doesn't it?"

I rolled my eyes at him. That also meant there would be more work for me.

The morning of the physical exams arrived quickly. Too quickly. The morning was already full of hurdles. The main problem laid with Ryota. He was particularly fussy on the morning of the physicals, refusing to let go of my kimono and even resorting to following my shadow around headquarters while I rushed about preparing the main hall. I had nearly tripped over him twice and Yamazaki-san almost tripped over him once before Otou-san and Hijikata-san appeared in the main hall with our guest.

Our guest, the assisting doctor, was a tall man. He had a stern but kind expression on his face as he examined the setup in the main hall with a critical eye. Ryota, who was startled by the appearance of this new unfamiliar giant with a bald head, squeaked before rushing behind my legs to bury his face in my clothing. Hearing the giant's amused chuckle, Ryota scowled and poked his head out from behind me to babbled insults, undoubtedly insults only babies could decipher, at the giant.

I rolled my eyes at my son's actions. Ryota let out a surprised yelp when I scooped him up and dropped him in Hijikata-san's arms.

"Ah, here we go," Otou-san said. He was all smiles and cheer this morning. "Matsumoto-sensei, let me introduce you to my daughter, Okita Shizuka, Souji's wife. And let's not forget her assistant, Yamazaki Susumu."

Matsumoto-sensei? As in Chizuru-chan's father's friend that Chizuru-chan originally came to Kyoto to meet?

I hastily scrambled to smooth out my frizzled hair before putting my hands together to bow. "It's a great honor to work with a shogunate appointed doctor, Matsumoto-sensei."

Yamazaki-san followed suit with his own respectful bow.

"Likewise, Okita-sensei. I've heard many great things about you, especially about the medicines you've managed to manufacture. Penicillin? Medication effective against tuberculosis? Such interesting innovations." Matsumoto-sensei answered with a nod before he blew a playful puff of air at Ryota's curious face little hands came within grabbing reach of his scarf.

Smart. Never give Ryota a chance to grab your scarf or that will be the last you see of it.

Ryota shook his head at the unexpected action before he tugged on Hijikata-san's clothing. "Weird!" he exclaimed while pointing at Matsumoto-sensei.

Hijikata-san looked like he wanted to laugh at the accusation and tussled Ryota's hair, making Ryota scowl.

"I take it that everything is already set up?" Matsumoto-sensei asked as he wandered deeper into the room. He set his case of tools down on the floor next to one of the wooden stools set up in the room.

"Yes. I set up three stations in this room," I explained, gesturing to the other stool on the other side of the room along with the privacy screen set up in the very back of the room. "We will split the men into two groups to be more time efficient. Half the men will go to my station for the primary examination and the other half will go to yours. At the stations, I have already placed the medical files, organized by division, of each member. Each medical file will have each man's medical history. Finally, once the men are done with the primary part of the exams, they'll get sent to Yamazaki-san's station for the more private part of the exams. If things go smoothly, I predict we will be done before lunch. Are there any questions?"

"None," Matsumoto-sensei answered, looking pleased. "Now, let's get started, shall we?" Matsumoto-sensei tucked his hands into his sleeve. "The sooner we finish, the sooner I can speak with Chizuru-chan about her chichi-ue."

As he took his seat on the wooden stool, Sannan-san popped his head into the main hall. His glasses gleamed suspiciously in the sunlight and that kind smile he shot at Hijikata-san was most definitely sadistic.

"Are we ready to begin?" Sannan-san asked. He pushed his glasses up with his middle finger.

"Oh, Sannan-kun!" Otou-san exclaimed, oblivious to the true nature of Sannan-san's smile. "Yes, we are ready to begin. If you could be so kind to go fetch the men?"

"Oh, no need," Sannan-san replied. His smile just seemed to grow sharper by the second. "I alerted them earlier. In fact, they should be arriving just about now."

Right on cue, a crowd of men loud and rowdy men appeared right behind Sannan-san. Shinpachi-san, per usual, was especially loud and already in the process of stripping off his shirt. He seemed to take great pleasure in flexing his powerful muscles. Saburo-san, who was apparently stuck next to Shinpachi-san, scowled and turned his nose up like he had smelled something unpleasant before he inched further away.

"Ah, now that we're all here, we can begin," Sannan-san said before plucking Ryota from Hijikata-san's arms and depositing the now prickly toddler in Otou-san's arms. "Hijikata-kun, why don't you set an example by going first?"

Hijikata-san chuckled, his own smile becoming rather sharp and predatory. "Our colonel is required to be in good health, especially while so soon after major surgery. You should go first. I can come back at a later time after I complete my work."

"Your kindness is astounding, Hijikata-kun. However, I'm afraid I'll have to pass this time. To avoid the lines today, I opted to receive a full medical exam yesterday, courtesy of Shizuka-chan."

"Eh?" Hijikata-san blinked blankly, clearly not expecting to be blindsided by Sannan-san.

Matsumoto-sensei clicked his tongue at the whole display before he promptly stood up and nabbed Hijikata-san by the arm. He, very clearly, was anything but a patient man. "Hurry up! I don't have time for this!" After dragging Hijikata-san away, Matsumoto-sensei began stripping him, ignoring all the cries of indignation.

"OI! Watch where you're putting those hands!"

"Stop making such a big fuss! You're slowing my work! I have too much to do today to deal with your crap! Now, hurry up and take off your clothes!"

"My!" Itou exclaimed at the sight, covering his mouth with his hand. He quickly turned his head away from the scene that involved the struggle between Hijikata-san and Matsumoto-sensei. "What an unsightly scene. I refuse to take part in such a charade."

However, as Itou turned to make a swift exit, Sannan-san's dark shadow slowly rose behind him like a vengeful ghost. I saw a shiver run down Itou's spine. He jumped and let out a shrill scream when Sannan-san clamped his hand on him. The gleam from Sannan-san's glasses suddenly seemed one hundred times sadistic than it was then when Sannan-san was dealing with Hijikata-san.

"Now then," Sannan-san said to his next victim with dark shadow forming on his face. I swear I could even see a mouthful of pointy shark-like teeth and devil horns growing from Sannan-san's head. "Itou-san, as such an important and key figure in the Shinsengumi, it is vital that you remain healthy too. Why don't you go ahead and get yourself examined by Shizuka-chan?"

"S-Sannan-san?! W-What are you doing? Unhand me this instant!"

"Very well," Sannan-san said, removing his hand before dusting it off. All signs of the malicious shadow disappeared from his face. "I'm no longer needed here as it is. How nice of you to get in line by yourself. Look, you're even first."

"W-What?!" Itou twirled around to see a line of half-naked men standing behind him. His face went purple before draining of all color when he slowly turned back around to face Sannan-san. "H-How…?"

But Sannan-san was already gone with me replacing him. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him. I cleared my throat and gestured to the other men that were already prepared for the exam.

"Now, if you could remove your clothing, that would be great," I said flatly. "You're holding up the line."

I don't have time for tomfoolery.

Itou turned to run. He didn't make it very far. Souji, being forever helpful and enjoying this far too much, stuck out his foot, snagging Itou's foot. The man toppled and landed on his face before Souji grabbed Itou by the ankle and began dragging him back to me.

There was a shill and feminine scream, and somewhere in the courtyard, a hydrangea shed all its petals.

"Okay, next!" I called out just as Itou sat quivering on the floor while clutching his wrinkled clothing to his chest like some sort of delicate maiden.

"I've been defiled," Itou-san cried as he moped on the ground.

I rolled my eyes. Overdramatic much? I waved to Shinpachi-san to step around the waste-of-space-for-a-man.

"OH! Great! It's my turn!" Shinpachi-san pumped his fist up in the air before coolly recomposing himself. He took one step forward, strutting like a magnificent stallion to show off his well-defined muscles. "Okita-sensei! Whaddya think? This body of mine was forged and forged again through the sword arts!"

And more flexing ensued. I pinched my nose bridge. I wanted to take back my estimate of being finished by lunchtime. First Itou and now this? I heard Heisuke snicker somewhere behind Shinpachi-san from the line.

"Yeah, Shinpat-san's body is strong. It's his **_head_** that needs lookin' at," Heisuke announced.

"Huh?" Shinpachi-san spun around and waved his fist at Heisuke, who just turned his head and shrugged in response. "Talk like that and I'll strangle ya, Heisuke!"

I scowled before I decided it was best to ignore Shinpachi-san for now. I waved the next person in line forward and Saburo-san stepped up.

"Hag," he greeted me.

"Shitty swordsman," I returned fire.

Today was going to be a long day.

* * *

[1] The nadeshiko has always had a strong association with women and love. The phonemes that make up the word (nade=stroked/petted and ko=child) indicate a strong personification of this flower. In fact, waka poets saw the nadeshiko as a personification of a girl who has been raised by a man. The nadeshiko's association with women is still just as strong today. In the modern world, the term yamato nadeshiko is used to describe the ideal Japanese woman.

During the Heian period, nadeshiko would be a name applied to a juuni-hitoe that was appropriate for summer. The specific colors of this gown vary with different sources, but maroon, crimson, scarlet, pink, and lavender are all colors that are associated with it.

[2] Peonies were originally introduced to Japan from China during the Nara period, however it didn't enter the poetic canon of flowers until the Edo period. Botan are also known as the king of flowers, and they are considered an appropriate floral offering for the Buddha. Classically, botan is associated with summer (especially early summer) as that is when the flowers bloom naturally. However, during the Edo period, cultivators created different breeds of peonies that bloom in winter, spring, and autumn as well.

[3] Japanese word for fireworks.


	71. Chapter 71

Did everyone have a happy new year? I did. I slept in that day. XD

And to answer people's questions, yes, Shizuka did catch Souji's TB on time. So there is no need to worry about it reappear for at least the rest of this story.

* * *

 **Chapter 71**

 _"_ _This is part of what a family is about, not just love. It's knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work." ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie_

There was the scrapping of wood on wood as Yamazaki-san folded the privacy screen, emphasizing the silence that now echoed through the main hall. The loud hullabaloo from the men and the medical exams earlier now felt nothing more than a distant memory as the excitement died off and grew stale in the air. The amount of relief felt from both sides, the examiners and examinees, was more than just tangible at the conclusion. It was like the whole building took a deep breath and slowly exhaled just as the last man scampered out the door with a bill of clean health. Now, it was just clean up and the completing of charts to deal with.

In the corner of the room stood the stool where Matsumoto-sensei once occupied, now looking empty and neglected while it waited to return to storage. The guest doctor had muttered something under his breath whilst in the middle of an examination earlier before excusing himself from the room. He never returned to finish up with his share of the patients. Now, I'm not psychic or anything, but I bet him ditching me with what was left of the patients had something to do with the cute daughter of his missing friend. I did see Chizuru-chan poke her curious head in the room before Matsumoto-sensei vanished.

I brushed some of my frizzy traitor hair strands behind my ears before writing a few more notes in one of the charts. The general health of most of the men was decent, but there were definitely some problems that absolutely needed to be solved.

My hand stilled as I paused to stare blankly at the chart I was scribbling in. I had been at it so long that the words were starting to look like giant ink splotches on the page. Sighing, I placed my writing instrument back on another stool that was serving as my makeshift desk and planted my hands on the floor so I could lean back to stare at the ceiling. I felt a sneeze coming on when I spotted a cobweb dangling haphazardly in the corner above Matsumoto-sensei's abandoned stool.

"Ahem!"

I ignored the sound in favor of glaring at the offending cobweb. It was Heisuke's turn to make to dust the main communal rooms, so pray tell, why the hell was there a freaking cobweb on my ceiling?

"Shizu-chan? Shizu-chan?" came the sing-song prodding.

Tearing my eyes away from that abhorrent sight, I glanced out of the corner of my eyes towards the open door of the main hall to spot Otou-san waving me over. I looked back at the chart I was working on earlier and slapped it shut before I stuffed it under my armpit to carry with me.

"So," Otou-san said, swing his arms back and forth with childish glee once I caught up to his side, "how do our men look?" He threw an arm around my shoulder as he began escorting me to the courtyard. There I could see Chizuru-chan animatedly waving her hands around as she conversed with Matsumoto-sensei. "They're all in good condition, right?"

I pursed my lips. "About that…," I said, letting my words die out as I caught bits and pieces of Chizuru-chan's and Matsumoto's conversation as we neared. Otou-san said nothing and merely raised his eyebrows at me when he caught on to my eavesdropping actions.

"Umm…," there was a flurry of hand gestures on Chizuru-chan's end, "…Matsumoto-sensei…?"

Otou-san found it the perfect time to interrupt and announce our presence.

"Ah, Matsumoto-sensei," Otou-san said. His cheery smile looked almost enough to split his face in half. "Yukimura-kun."

Very much like a bunny, Chizuru-chan perked up at the mention of her name. She folded her hands near her lap and gave Otou-san a polite bow before offering me a small smile.

"Oh, hi, Kondou-san," she said, scooting a little to the left to make room for Otou-san and me to join. Chizuru-chan and I then both ended up giggling like school girls sharing a secret when I looped an arm around hers and bumped shoulders as a friendly greeting.

Otou-san grinned at the girlish greeting before turning his attention to Matsumoto-sensei. "I see you've found her already."

"Yes," Matsumoto-san nodded, "thanks to you."

Chizuru-chan tilted her head at the words. Unable to restrain her confusion any longer, Chizuru-chan blurted, "What?"

There were little crow's feet around the corner of Matsumoto-sensei's eyes as he gave her a warm fatherly smile. He laid a gentle hand on Chizuru-chan's shoulder. "Chizuru-kun, I came here to see you. Kondou-san told me that Kodo-san's daughter was staying with the Shinsengumi."

Oh…," Chizuru-chan said, her thankful eyes briefly shooting towards Otou-san, "I see…"

"Well…" Otou-san coughed to clear his throat and scratched the back of his neck. The act of receiving credit made him grow bashful as a faded pink surfaced on his cheeks. "Since Kodo-san and Matsumoto-sensei were acquaintances… I thought, perhaps, Matsumoto-sensei might be able to give us a clue as to his friend's whereabouts. I looked him up as soon as I heard word that he returned to Kyoto."

The little smile on Chizuru-chan's face bloomed as she even hopped a little in her excitement. "Thank you! The both of you!"

Both men beamed back at her in return.

"I'm sorry I missed you when you first arrived in Kyoto. The thing is, I had just left for Edo as you arrived in Kyoto," Matsumoto-sensei explained, his smile wilting a little as some his hidden guilt welled up. "I did receive all your letters, however, I only received your letters after I had returned from Edo. But by that time, I had no idea where you were and couldn't find you. You must have had a rough time. Is there anything you need? Or is there something I can do for you?"

"No," Chizuru-chan chirped back, "I'm doing alright." She then seemed to steel herself back taking a deep breath. There was a fierce determination written in the gleam of her eyes. "So, Matsumoto-sensei… About my chichi-ue…"

Whatever words Chizuru-chan was about to utter died in her mouth. The moment she mentioned her father, a grim shadow was cast over the doctor's face. It wasn't hard to guess the cause of the sudden change.

Matsumoto-sensei pressed his lips together in a hard line before frowning. "Unfortunately, I know no more about where Kodo-san might be than you do."

"I see…," Chizuru-chan muttered, sounding utterly defeated.

Otou-san gave Chizuru-chan a sympathetic glance and placed a reassuring hand on her back before nodding while I gave her arm a slight squeeze. It was far too early to give up! Hang in there, Chizuru-chan!

Matsumoto-sensei coughed before scanning the courtyard warily. His posture now seemed much different from before. Gone was the relaxed shoulders and kind smile. His eye now adopted a much harder and colder characteristic.

"I hear you've become involved with the…," Matsumoto-sensei rubbed his nose in discomfort as his eyes scanned the horizon once again, "… the treatment. You know what I mean, don't you? Kodo-san's experiments…"

Her expression went sour and dark before becoming overwhelmed in misplaced guilt. "Please," she looked up at Matsumoto-sensei, her eyes obtaining a glassy like quality, "tell me about it. I want to know everything Otou-san was doing."

There was a grave nod from the doctor as Chizuru-chan reached for my hand.

"Kodo-san was working with the Shinsengumi under the orders from the shogun to create what were called 'rasetsu'. Rasetsu are humans with nigh-demonic strength and speed, and phenomenal healing abilities. The substance that transforms normal men into these rasetsu is called the Water of Life. In China, they call it 'sentan'. In short, it grants immortality."

Despite the gravity of the situation and the heaviness of the atmosphere, I wanted to snort. Immortality, what a ridiculous notion. Mortality was governed by our cells and most of our cells die by self-destruction after multiplying to up to fifty to sixty times to prevent the accumulation of damaged genes that occur through multiple cell divisions. To be immortal, our cells had to be able to keep dividing without death or accumulating damage. Ironically, the only type of cells that could keep multiplying infinitely without death were the lethal cancer cells.

Now, if the Water of Life could prevent genetic damage from the constant worn caused by the process of cell division, then maybe I'd believe in immortality. But that very idea was ludicrous. Just the very fact that this so-called magical elixir altered mentality enough to cause madness just proved that the brain cells were somehow severely damaged during the transformation and completely debunks the theory that the Water of Life could prevent genetic damage and cell death.

Beside me, Chizuru-chan bit her lips, biting down just hard enough to draw a few drops of blood. "Rasetsu… Water of Life…," she parroted to herself before taking a large gulp of air. "I've already heard about how it makes you strong and hard to kill… But doesn't it cause so much pain that it makes most people go crazy? And even if you survive that, then even the smell of blood can make you go crazy again…"

Matsumoto nodded slowly, then pinched the bridge of his nose. He suddenly looked like he aged a hundred years. The wrinkles on his brow just spoke of weariness. He even looked a little pained at knowing about the loss of innocence.

"So, you know about that too…"

"Yes…," Chizuru closed her eyes, looking pained for a second before looking Matsumoto-sensei straight in the eye and asking, "Why?" Though, the question came out sounding more like a pained moan. "Why was Otou-san doing this?"

Matsumoto-sensei let out a sigh before placing the palm of his hand on his forehead and shaking his head.

"Perhaps that is why Kodo-san left," he said. "His conscience would no longer allow him to continue."

To my right, I could see Otou-san's face scrunching up in disapproval at that statement.

"But the Water of Life was an opportunity given to us by the shogun, to help strengthen the Shinsengumi!" Otou-san interjected, rushing to his idol's defense. However, Matsumoto-sensei only shook his head at Otou-san's words.

"It was an experiment, and it has failed. You should put it behind you. I'm sure the shogunate has abandoned it as well." Otou-san's frown only grew at Matsumoto-sensei's words. "You've seen what happened to the men it was tested on, Kondou-san. It cannot be allowed to continue. This experiment is inhumane and you know it."

Clearly disagreeing with the Matsumoto-sensei, Otou-san gave a noncommittal grunt and fell silent. Matsumoto-sensei scowled at Otou-san's unsatisfactory answer before turning to me.

"Okita-sensei, as a doctor yourself, surely you agree."

I let out a huff of air and glanced at the carefree clouds in the blue sky. "I don't think I really have to answer that for Otou-san to know where I stand on this issue. My opinion hasn't changed from before. The promise of immortality is a lie and will forever be a lie. If it this choice within my jurisdiction, the Water of Life would have long been abandoned. Even if the Water of Life could one day truly be harness, all the suffering and death just to get there isn't worth it. The end doesn't justify the means."

"But, Shizu-chan! The shogun—"

"Is just a person, like you and me," I interrupted. "And people make mistakes. Just because you idolize him and your romantic ideas about the shogunate, does not make him an omniscient god."

I let out another sigh before pulling the chart from under my arm and opened it while doing my best to ignore the disappoint I could practically feel radiating from Otou-san. I'll admit that the disappointment from Otou-san stung, but I'd never be able to live with myself if I did not stand firm in my beliefs. From the corners of my eyes, I could see Chizuru-chan peering down curiously at documents inside.

"Since I know we'll probably keep disagreeing over this Water of Life issue, let's not waste any time on it and move on to something important," I said before shooting a stern look at the two men, daring them to start up the debate about the Water of Life again. "The results of the exam."

"Oh!" Chizuru-chan chirped as she took the chart from my hands to read it more carefully. Despite being devastated by the lack of information about her father, she still had enough in her to attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "I didn't get to help out this time. How did it go?"

I found myself exchanging a mutual glance with Matsumoto-sensei. Yes, he understood what I was getting at immediately.

"Ah, yes," Matsumoto-sensei answered with crossed arms, "you have a problem. You have lazy men."

Otou-san blinked, his blank expression morphing into confusion before frowning. "That's impossible. The men patrol Kyoto daily and even bleed for the people of Kyoto. I'd hardly call that lazy."

The doctor shook his head and pinched his noise again while looking like he had a massive headache coming on. "No, that's not what I mean by lazy." Matsumoto-sensei spared me a brief look again. "I mean, they don't have a sense of cleaning up after themselves. All this poor hygiene is causing health problems."

"Lice[1], right now, seems to be the biggest problem," I said while passing the chart to Chizuru-chan. "But then there's also plenty of dermatitis[2] going around and, not to mention, people with allergies[3] are sneezing up a storm. Then there are a few cases of scabies[4]."

Otou-san flushed red and it looked like he wanted to stick his head in the ground. "B-But it's pretty clean here…," he stuttered. "H-How…?"

"Truthfully, it's really not that clean," Chizuru-chan meekly interjected. "Shizuka-san keeps the captain's living quarters and the kitchen fairly clean and I keep the courtyard clean, but the soldier's barracks? I'm not actually allowed in there and Shizuka-san doesn't have time to clean up after them, so the dirt is piling up and starting to smell a little too…"

"And some of the communal rooms are now starting to suffer too," I added. "Between my household duties, my duties as the main physician, and Ryota, some of the other rooms are now starting to pick up dust."

Matsumoto-sensei nodded. "The first thing that needs to be done is to clean this place up. Have the men create some sort of chore rotation. The women can't be charged with cleaning everything all the time. Your headquarters is just too big for that. We'll get to the rest after the floors start sparkling."

"Understood!" Otou-san nearly yelled, now looking like he's ingested twenty or so cups of caffeine. "I'll get to it this instant!" Then he bounded away like some sort of rampaging bull that was on the search for something.

And so, the order was given to the men to clean the entire compound with the men grumbling all the way. There was a strange satisfaction from watching all the men complain while cleaning. It gave me a sort of, "Ah ha! I win!" moment to me. For the first time since we moved headquarters, the floor was going to be so clean I would be able to see my reflection.

Ryota, who was now deposited back in my arms by Souji, squeaked in excitement as he watched all the men rush back and forth with cleaning equipment. He clutched the front of my kimono with one hand while pointing to a large cabinet sitting in one of the rooms attached to the main hall.

"Big go bye-bye?" Ryota asked while looking at me with his faux-innocent eyes.

I grinned and winked at the toddler before whistling for some men. It was Sano-san and Shinpachi-san, who was looking increasing disgruntled, that responded and came shuffling my way.

"You need to move that to get to all the dust underneath," I said while pointing the cabinet with my head.

Shinpachi-san's face soured even more as he crossed his arms. "Why the hell do we have to do all this cleaning," he grumbled at me like a child as he crossed his arms. Sano-san rolled his eyes. "There's nothin' I hate more in the world than cleaning and organizin' crap…"

"Stop complaining," Sano said, moving to one end of the heavy cabinet. He stuck his fingers under a small niche in the piece of furniture. "Now's the perfect chance to show off those muscles of yours that you were flaunting earlier."

Shinpachi-san scowled at Sano-san before mockingly mimicking Sano-san's gentlemanly action. The moment the cabinet was lifted from the floor, a dusty gray rat shot out from under it to scramble away from the giants that disturbed its home. The moment it danced over Heisuke's toes, Heisuke screamed and quickly ran off to shamelessly hide behind me and Ryota.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A RAT!"

"Calm down," Saito-san said just as he walked past us with a broom in his hand. "It's not a big deal. It seems as though it was feeding on that rice ball over there…"

I heard Souji's singsong, "Uh oh, somebody's in for it," as my vision just about turned red.

I whipped around and glared at both Shinpachi-san and Heisuke. "Who the **_hell_** hid their leftovers in that corner?! Talk now or be prepared to lose your tongues!"

"W-What?!" Heisuke spluttered while waving his hands in front of his face. "Why are you looking at me? It has to be Shinpat-san!"

"What was that, you little shrimp?! Are you trying to get me beheaded by the princess?"

"Shinpachi-san, what are you waiting for?" I growled while tapping my foot. Shinpachi-san was sweating buckets. "Get rid of that half-rotten rice ball."

"Aye, sir![5]" came his super squeaky voice before he dashed off, nearly bowling Takeda, who had stopped to complain.

"Ugh, why do I have to bother myself with such menial task like a servant?" Takeda let out a huff and turned his nose up in the air. With that wastebasket in his hands, he looked anything but regal. "I mean, I'm a strategist more than anything… Cleaning isn't in my job description."

"Chill out," Sano-san said just as he wiped off the top of the cabinet with a wet rag. "Why don't you whip out your prized Koshu-style and do all of the work for us?"

Takeda turned his head and snarled at Sano-san. "SHUT IT! My Koshu Military Science wasn't designed to help any of you with your housework. What a preposterous idea!"

Working nearby on an oil stain on the wall, Saburo-san let out a bark of laughter. "You're quite the bully, Harada. Those archaic tactics of his wouldn't be enough to fetch a broom, let alone clean this mess."

Takeda's cheeks glowed red before clearing up when he coughed. "M-Miki-kun, you watch your mouth," he spluttered, looking like he just had a whiff of something unpleasant. Or it could have been the trash that was literally right under his nose. "It may be outdated compared to Western studies, but Koshu Military Science is far from outdated."

"Oh?" I said, secretly winking at Sano-san and Saburo-san before glancing at an empty spot over Takeda's shoulder. "Oh look, Otou-san is coming to inspect this room…"

"WHAT—," Takeda exclaimed before smoothing out his hair, which the idiot didn't bother tying back before attempting to clean, and tossing it over his shoulder. He padded his clothing to shake off any possible clinging dust before whirling around to begin shooting off his words. "Chief! Please look. This room was so filthy you couldn't even walk in it, but under my guidance, it's clean as a whi—" His words then died in his mouth before he blinked at the empty space he was speaking to. "Hm? Where's the Chief…?"

Sano-san snorted, causing Takeda to glare at him while Saburo-san and I high-fived each other behind the suck-up's back. Ryota, on the other hand, quickly took this time to secretly wipe snot on Saburo-san's clothing without getting caught by the said man.

"Heh," Sano-san said, dropping the filthy rag on top of the cabinet, "you fell for it."

"What are you laughing at, Harada?! I hardly find this funny!"

Sano-san crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow at Takeda. "Wow, between bitching, kissing ass, and whining like a baby, you're quite the multitasker. Don't you ever get tired of being a two-faced prick, not knowing which face to show people?"

Oh, Takeda needed some ice for that burn. He was so red that he was turning purple. This was how the rest of the day went. It was the following day after the massive spring cleaning (or was it summer cleaning) that Matsumoto-sensei returned. Upon arriving, Matsumoto-sensei looked pleasantly surprised. He moved about, room to room, before he gave a satisfactory nod.

"Okay," Matsumoto-sensei said as he finished his examination of the main hall and its sparkly floors that looked so shiny that it looked like they've been waxed, "this looks to be in adequate shape."

Shinpachi-san pumped his fist into the air at the nod of approval. "Right?" he exclaimed while puffing his chest up. "See everyone, even the doctor realizes that I'm in shape!"

Takeda made a dismissive sound with the back of his throat while holding his chin high in the air. "Compared to the complexity of war tactics, it's not like cleaning is some brilliant task."

"All you did was complain…," Sano-san pointed out with a pinched brow.

Saito-san ignored Takeda's retort as the man argued back with Sano-san. Instead, Saito-san observed the room with a critical eye before patting Ryota on the head when the toddler tugged on his clothing. Ryota let out a happy squeak and began grabbing at Saito-san's fingers.

"Seeing the compound in such clean conditions is, I must admit, quite nice. It is no wonder Shizuka is persistently always trying to get the men to clean," Saito-san commented.

Souji shook his head at Saito-san's words with a carefree shrug. "Nah, it's not that. Shizuka's just obsessed with clean floors. You should have seen the earlier days back at Shieikan. One time when she was nine, she hit one of the students with a broom because he tracked mud into the dojo."

"Oh? And who wouldn't like clean floors?" I retorted before pointing to his feet. "It's not like it's pleasant to walk around on dirt covered floors. And who would like to get black feet from just walking around on the wooden floors inside?"

"Ah, well," Hijikata-san said as he surveyed the room with a small smile, "this place does look different. I could get used to this."

"Well, maybe we should clean every day, then."

"Great idea, Sano!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed as he threw his arm over Sano-san's shoulder before shooting a sly grin Heisuke's way. "Make sure you do a good job, Heisuke!"

"Me?! Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute here!" Heisuke objected before kicking Shinpachi-san's shins. Shinpachi-san didn't even act like he could feel it. "You've got the most energy, Shinpat-san! Don't think you're getting out of this."

Then, Chizuru-chan, being the sweet girl she was, shuffled up to Heisuke with a bright grin. "I'll help too, Heisuke-kun!" she chimed.

Heisuke instantly brightened up with his skin glowing from her kind words. "Oh yeah?" Heisuke exclaimed while beaming at her. He shot a brief snooty glance at Shinpachi-san, who was now looking like someone told him his favorite pet fished died. "We'll take it on together! You and me alone! Forget Shinpat-san!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Shinpachi-san interjected as he attempted to insert himself between Heisuke and Chizuru-chan. "I didn't say I wasn't gonna do it."

Right at that moment, there was a gleam in Hijikata-san's eyes. "Shinpachi," he said, crossing his arms as a pleased smile appeared, "there's some trash over there. Go throw it away."

"W-We aren't starting 'til tomorrow, right? Heisuke?"

Souji, who was standing next to me, snickered and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Hijikata-san means, 'Get away from my page.'"

I shot Souji a questioning look, causing him to snicker at my confusion this time before pecking my forehead. He looped an arm around my waist as he snuck me out of the main hall while most were distracted by the conversation. However, he did shoot a wordless glance at Saito-san before leaving Ryota with him. Saito-san merely sighed and picked Ryota up before scolding Shinpachi-san for kicking up dust.

Souji and I slipped around the corner of a building before walking behind the building to the narrow space behind the main hall that sat between the walls. It was here Souji gave me a serious look before he reached into his sleeve and pulled out a sheet of wrinkled paper. Some of the edges were looked a bit tattered from wear. I questioningly tilted my head at Souji before I took the paper from his hands. It was a letter from Mitsu dated from about a week and a half ago, meaning it must have been delivered just recently.

 _Souji,_

 _I wish this letter I've written could be a happy one, but it is far from that. I have taken on the task of writing to you since Otsune refuses to write to Shizuka and Kondou to report this for fear of distracting them from their work. Otsune has fallen ill. It didn't start off serious. Her fingers and toes would have flashes of numbness, and she was sure would recover from the illness without a problem. But steadily over weeks, her condition has worsened and the second she became bedridden, I knew I had to act._

 _I can understand her desire not to bother Kondou. She knows Kondou is needed in Kyoto to do important work and therefore does not want to tell him about her illness due to the fear he will abandon his work to fly back to Edo to care for her. However, I personally think that it's stupid not for her to write to Shizuka about her illness. Shizuka is a skilled doctor, one that Otsune needs currently, and is very obviously skilled at keeping secrets. Shizuka can treat her while Kondou remains in the dark about her illness._

 _Right now, Otsune's hands and feet have grown numb. Her legs have become swollen and she had difficulty walking. Her body is frail and weak and her heart beats far too quickly. I fear Otsune has come down with Edo Sickness. I know Edo Sickness has no known cure, but Shizuka must be able to do something! It would be too tragic if Tamako had to grow up without a haha-ue. Please, I ask that you send Shizuka back to Edo to care for Otsune._

 _To disguise the fact Shizuka is returning to care for Otsune, I believe you should return with Shizuka and bring Ryota as a disguise and use the excuse that you are returning just to visit me. I know you are busy with work too, Souji, and that it would be difficult just to suddenly take a "vacation", but if you just throw in my name in your explanation to Hijikata for your sudden leave, then he will surely let you and your family return to Edo for a short while. Please understand that I am not asking for you to abandon your job but that this is for Kondou and Otsune. They have been so kind to our family and we must be able to do something back for them._

 _Please send your reply back to me as soon as possible._

 _Mitsu_

I opened my mouth before wordlessly closing it again while my fingers tighten around the letter, wrinkling it some more. Why in the world would she not tell me or Otou-san about her illness? Duty is not more important than family. How could she be more stupid than to think otherwise?

"It's Edo Sickness," Souji said, his voice low in a secretive hush. He glanced at me with careful eyes as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Is there something you can do about it?"

I nodded, still feeling in dismay and somewhat betrayed by Tsune-san's thought process.

"Edo Sickness is known as beriberi in the future and is very uncommon where I lived, unlike now in this era. The cause is a deficiency of Vitamin B1. Due to the people of Edo eating mostly nothing but white rice. The source of the disease was the nutritionally poor side dishes they had. For a long time, it was an epidemic of unknown causes which continued to claim a huge number of causalities. The symptoms are first a numbness in the hands and feet, which make it difficult to stand and leads to a tendency to fall. The peripheral nerves become paralyzed and, as it progresses, it will express itself in shortness of breath. It also quickens the heart rate. In the worst cases, beriberi induces heart failure. In other words, death due to heart failure. It's easily treatable with the right resources, but due to the lack of knowledge about the disease in this era, it is fatal."

I closed my eyes, feeling a bit sick. After living in this era for a total of nineteen years, it was still so easy to forget about all the diseases that plagued humans during this time. Even with Souji's TB scare last year, beriberi still caught me off guard. The longer I lived in this era, the more thankful and relieved I became for my medical knowledge and my choice to pursue medicine in my past life.

"So, what do you want to do?" Souji asked. "I'll go with whatever you decide."

"As soon as you can catch Hijikata-san alone, tell him Mitsu is demanding that we go visit her in Edo. I'll go start packing everything we'll need for the trip now."

I missed Edo, but I wished that I was returning for a much more pleasant reason.

* * *

[1] Louse (plural: lice) is the common name for members of the order _Phthiraptera_ , which contains nearly 5,000 species of wingless insect. Lice are obligate parasites, living externally on warm-blooded hosts which include every species of bird and mammal, except for monotremes, pangolins, bats, and cetaceans. Lice are vectors of diseases such as typhus.

Chewing lice live among the hairs or feathers of their host and feed on skin and debris while sucking lice pierce the host's skin and feed on blood and other secretions. They usually spend their whole life on a single host, cementing their eggs, which are known as nits, to hairs or feathers. The eggs hatch into nymphs, which molt three times before becoming fully grown, a process that takes about four weeks.

Humans host three species of louse, the head louse, the body louse and the pubic louse. The body louse has the smallest genome of any known insect; it has been used as a model organism and has been the subject of much research.

[2] Dermatitis, also known as eczema, is a group of diseases that result in inflammation of the skin. These diseases are characterized by itchiness, red skin, and a rash. In cases of short duration, there may be small blisters while in long-term cases the skin may become thickened. The area of skin involved can vary from small to the entire body.

Dermatitis is a group of skin conditions that include atopic dermatitis, allergic contact dermatitis, irritant contact dermatitis, and stasis dermatitis. The exact cause of dermatitis is often unclear. Cases may involve a combination of irritation, allergy, and poor venous return. The type of dermatitis is generally determined by the person's history and the location of the rash. For example, irritant dermatitis often occurs on the hands of people who frequently get them wet. Allergic contact dermatitis occurs upon exposure to an allergen causing a hypersensitivity reaction in the skin.

Treatment of atopic dermatitis is typical with moisturizers and steroid creams. The steroid creams should generally be of mid- to high strength and used for less than two weeks at a time as side effects can occur. Antibiotics may be required if there are signs of skin infection. Contact dermatitis is typically treated by avoiding the allergen or irritant. Antihistamines may help with sleep and to decrease nighttime scratching.

[3] Allergic rhinitis, also known as hay fever, is a type of inflammation in the nose which occurs when the immune system overreacts to allergens in the air. Signs and symptoms include a runny or stuffy nose, sneezing, red, itchy, and watery eyes, and swelling around the eyes. The fluid from the nose is usually clear. Symptom onset is often within minutes following exposure and they can affect sleep, the ability to work, and the ability to concentrate at school. Those whose symptoms are due to pollen typically develop symptoms during specific times of the year. Many people with allergic rhinitis also have asthma, allergic conjunctivitis, or atopic dermatitis.

Allergic rhinitis is typically triggered by environmental allergens such as pollen, pet hair, dust, or mold. Inherited genetics and environmental exposures contribute to the development of allergies. Growing up on a farm and having multiple siblings decreases the risk. The underlying mechanism involves IgE antibodies attaching to the allergen and causing the release of inflammatory chemicals such as histamine from mast cells. Diagnosis is usually based on a medical history in combination with a skin prick test or blood tests for allergen-specific IgE antibodies. These tests, however, are sometimes falsely positive. The symptoms of allergies resemble those of the common cold; however, they often last for more than two weeks and typically do not include a fever.

Exposure to animals in early life might reduce the risk of developing allergies to them later. A number of medications may improve symptoms including nasal steroids, antihistamines such as diphenhydramine, cromolyn sodium, and leukotriene receptor antagonists such as montelukast. Medications are, however, not sufficient or are associated with side effects in many people. Exposing people to larger and larger amounts of allergen, known as allergen immunotherapy, is often effective. The allergen may be given as injections just under the skin or as a tablet under the tongue. Treatment typically lasts three to five years after which benefits may be prolonged.

Allergic rhinitis is the type of allergy that affects the greatest number of people. In Western countries, between 10–30% of people are affected in a given year. It is most common between the ages of twenty and forty. The first accurate description is from the 10th century physician Rhazes. Pollen was identified as the cause in 1859 by Charles Blackley. In 1906, the mechanism was determined by Clemens von Pirquet. The link with hay came about due to an early (and incorrect) theory that the symptoms were brought about by the smell of new hay.

[4] Scabies, also known as the seven-year itch, is a contagious skin infestation by the mite _Sarcoptes scabiei_. The most common symptoms are severe itchiness and a pimple-like rash. Occasionally, tiny burrows may be seen in the skin. In a first-ever infection, a person will usually develop symptoms in between two and six weeks. During a second infection, symptoms may begin in as little as 24 hours. These symptoms can be present across most of the body or just certain areas such as the wrists, between fingers, or along the waistline. The head may be affected, but this is typically only in young children. The itch is often worse at night. Scratching may cause skin breakdown and an additional bacterial infection of the skin.

[5] Anyone watch Fairy Tail?


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter 72**

 _"_ _Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation." ― Robert A. Heinlein, Have Space Suit—Will Travel_

The cool crisp morning air of the morning smacked my face like a good cup of coffee, shaving off the wear of a poor night's rest. And while the smell of miso so often made my stomach rumble in eagerness of a delicious meal, the smell of miso that wafted out the open windows of the nearby households that were preparing breakfast did the opposite. I wanted to gag. Anxiety had settled in the pit of my stomach over the course of the few days it took to prepare for this return to Edo and it settled by embedding itself in the stomach lining with the intent of making a permeant home.

I tapped my fingers against the walls of the gates at the entrance of the temple as I waited for my traveling companions, shifting the weight of my naginata on my backside to side with nervous energy. The imaginary splinters from the smooth pole of my weapon pricked my spine through my clothing, causing me to shudder. The judgmental stares of the early rising townsfolk did nothing to help my impatient discomfort. It must have looked strange to them, a young mother holding the hand of her toddler with one hand while having a massive weapon strapped to her back.

Even with my mind lost in the maze of nerve-wracking thoughts, I could still feel Ryota tugging on my hand. I looked down to see him trying to pull me in one direction before he settled on trying to pry my fingers open so he could run free. Across the street, in the direction Ryota seemed eager to run off to, a calico cat skillfully weaved between the feet of a few townspeople before scampering under a bench. It sat there in complete calm as it cleaned the dirt off its paws.

"Okaa-san," Ryota whined, pointing at the cat.

However, before he could begin tugging again, he was snatched off the ground. He spluttered when the ground suddenly vanished from beneath his feet. His excitement morphed into sheer befuddlement as he kicked his feet in the air, trying to find purchase on anything solid his feet could land on. But as soon as his eyes followed the hands holding him off the ground to the owner, Ryota crinkled his nose as a look of pure disgust crawled across his face.

"Yeah, the feeling's mutual, kid," Saburo-san stated, his scowl mirroring the toddler's. He held Ryota with his arms stretched out as to hold the toddler as far away from himself as humanly possible. It was like Saburo-san had convinced himself that he was holding a soiled diaper that was ready to explode.

I pressed my lips together and rolled my eyes. One was a cute ball of endless excitement, and the other was a spiny prickly pear. The one thing they had in common with each other? They were both notoriously difficult to handle. It also didn't help that both acted like they were deathly allergic to the other. Before I became a mother, I didn't know that a child as young as Ryota could show his dislike so strongly or even form such a strong opinion of another person. In fact, right now, Ryota was wearing an expression that told me he was contemplating whether or not he should poop on the spot just so the horrible smell could offend Saburo-san.

I interrupted Ryota's plan with a light tap to his nose. Instantly, he seemed to forget his plan and beamed at me instead. As funny as it would be to see Saburo-san deal with poop, I was in no mood to change soiled underclothes this morning.

I turned my attention back to Saburo-san with the poop plan foiled.

"So, your slow ass is already ready to go?" I asked before peering back through the temple gates with a faux lazy flick of my eyes.

In the courtyard, I could see a trio of men. Souji was all smiles as he said something to Otou-san in a joking tone. Otou-san let out a hearty booming laugh while Hijikata-san's face grew sour with a scowl. Hijikata-san then crossed his arms and shook his head, causing our eyes to unintendedly meet for a split second. A wordless interaction never spoke louder. My heart pounded in my ears when I saw his eyes narrow.

Hijikata-san had always been a sharp man, one that was always underestimated because of his humble origins. He wasn't quite like Sannan-san who was a sharp knife in the domain of academia. Hijikata-san was a shark when it came to humans and social interactions. One with phenomenal instincts and the ability to learn and understand on the fly.

That one look and Hijikata-san knew that Souji and I were keeping secrets. Souji's cavalier attitude was a mask. My excitement this morning at breakfast was disguised nervousness. In that split second, I could feel him dissecting my every move. He knew this was no ordinary trip back to Edo to visit family.

Then before I could process the intense stare, the eye contact was broken. In my urge to fidget, I looked down to pick at the dirt my fingernails. I knew Hijikata-san trusted my judgment and respected my choices whenever I decided to keep something secret, but damn if his gaze didn't unnerve me.

I quickly faced Saburo-san once more. "Where's Itou? Since it suddenly was decided you two are to be traveling back to Edo with us, I thought Itou would be the first person ready to go."

I didn't dare cast my eyes back into the courtyard to search for Itou with the fear of accidentally making eye contact again and with the possibility of making eye contact with, Lord forbids, Otou-san. It'd be a complete mess if Otou-san figured out the real reason for Souji and I going back to Edo. And if Otou-san found out and went back to Edo to care for Tsune-san after uncovering the secret, the shame Tsune-san would feel for distracting Otou-san from his honored task of protecting the capital. There would even be the chance she would refuse treatment.

In Asian cultures, the "death before shame" notion was so overrated and unpractical. Duty isn't shouldn't always be placed on a pedestal above family.

An impatient grunt escaped from Saburo-san's throat as he tapped his foot. "Ani-ue just wants to be extra prepared for any possibilities since the purpose of us two going back to Edo is to recruit more men," he answered, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself that he was okay with his brother being slow. "You can't rush perfection, after all. Plus—"

Saburo-san's face quickly turned orange before becoming a boiling red when one of his thumbs disappeared inside of Ryota's mouth. I'll give him credit, for a man that really had issues when it came to dealing with physical pain, he did a really good job of not flailing around like a headless chicken after Ryota chomped down on one of his digits. But, still, I didn't want to take my chances in case Saburo-san ended up dropping Ryota.

I quickly plucked Ryota out of Saburo-san's hands, wrapping one arm around Ryota to secure him while delicately prying the killer bite open with another hand. It didn't take much to persuade Ryota to release the thumb, probably because Saburo-san didn't taste very good in the first place. Once, securely back in my arms, Ryota almost seemed smug about the whole ordeal. He held his little nose up in the air before quickly nestling his face against my chest while grabbing onto my kimono.

"Okaa-san," Ryota chirped, almost looking completely angelic as he looked up at me with those eyes of his. All thoughts of harsh disciple vanished. "Sabo bad. Go bye-bye."

"No, no, Ryota," I said before tapping Ryota lightly on the nose. "I know you really don't like Sabo-kun, but you mustn't bite him. You don't know where his hands have been."

"HAH?" Saburo-san exclaimed as he shook his hand before shoving his pointer finger in my face. His loud voice sent several sparrows on nearby trees flying. "That's what you focus on? Dammit! Where's my damned apology?"

"What are you talking about?" I tilted my head and batted my eyelashes in false innocence. "I can't apologize for Ryota. He has to apologize to you himself for it to mean anything."

"Then fucking tell him to apologize to me!"

"A false apology is worthless. And you shouldn't be cursing in front of such a young child, Saburo-san."

"Dammit! Why the hell do I even talk to you?"

"Well, isn't that the question of the century. I ask myself the same question sometimes."

Saburo-san scowled at my response and flicked my nose. I returned fire by pretending to take a page out of Ryota's book and faking an attempt to chomp on his offending finger. Alarmed, Saburo-san quickly withdrew his fingers. He looked like he wanted to say something snippy to me but ended up clamping his mouth shut when he glanced over my shoulder. Muttering something under his breath as he retreated to a further location to wait for Itou to arrive. It was the crunching of gravel under someone's footsteps that heralded someone's approach. I turned just in time to receive a peck on the corner of my mouth. Ryota, on the other hand, squealed with delight when his hair was ruffled.

"I saw what you did from where I was standing," Souji said with a grin plastered on his face and his hand still on Ryota's head. "Good job, kiddo."

The toddler puffed his up his chest like a little puffin while I laughed. Adorable.

Finally done irritating Hijikata-san and talking to Otou-san, Souji was ready to head out. Strapped onto his back was our whole family's luggage for the trip.

Yes, it was a whole family's worth of luggage and it had to be heavy.

A little sigh escaped my lips as I helped Souji readjust the pack on his back to better redistribute the weight for a better balance. Just as my hand grazed the strap on his shoulder, he grabbed my hand before I could work my fingers beneath the strap. He raised his eyebrow at me.

"I can handle it," he said. "You just focus on handling Ryota while we travel. He's never been out of Kyoto before, so I imagine he'll be bouncing all over the place."

"But isn't it heavy? It'll be easier for you if I carry at least some of it. We will be on the road for about a week and I don't want you to hurt your back."

Souji shook his head at me before grazing my cheek with the back of his hand. I found myself leaning into his warm touch.

"Shizuka, don't think I haven't noticed how worried you are. Your face has been pale since you found out the news. Don't overwork yourself and keep your own health in mind. It wouldn't do anyone any good if you collapse once we get to Edo. Just leave all the heavy lifting to me."

I heaved out another sigh and relented before offering him a weak smile and a kiss on the side of his neck. In the corner of my eyes, I could see that Itou had finally arrived. He was keeping Saburo-san company by exchanging hushed words with him. Souji, who had also spotted the lavender haori along with me, groaned and rolled his eyes.

"This kind of make you wish Itou-san was a little slower, doesn't it?" Souji whispered in my ears. His eyes had that glint of mischief. "At least then we'd be able to ditch him. I can't imagine that he'd be the type of person to travel well. I mean, just think about how he'd shriek if he got mud on his tabi."

"AH!" Itou-san whipped around and pointed an accusing finger at Souji. "I heard that! There's only so much rudeness I can take in the mornings, you potato!"

Apparently, Itou, who always looked prim and proper no matter the time of day, was not a morning person. And, also, what type of person uses the word "potato" as an insult?

With that, we set off. If we had a choice, there was a very good chance we wouldn't be traveling together. The chemistry my family had with Itou and Saburo-san was… explosive, in a very bad way. Souji and Ryota both absolutely hated Saburo-san and Itou with a passion. Saburo-san couldn't stand Souji and disliked Ryota but got along fine with me and his older brother. Itou heavily disliked Souji and was indifferent to Ryota and I. And then there was me. I really didn't like Itou, but I could respect him. With this recipe for disaster, it almost seemed stupid that it was decided that we traveled together. Most of us hated each other's guts to the point it was like mixing water with oil. But what choice did we have but to travel together? The roads weren't safe. With the Second Choshu Expedition[1] announced, more ronin than ever before prowled the road like highwaymen.

However, safety did not equal a pleasant trip. We had only traveled two hours, only two freaking hours, outside of Kyoto and I was ready to shoot myself.

First off, it was too quiet. The party's chemistry may have been horribly explosive, but because everyone knew that, no one spoke. There were no arguments, no snippy retort or witty comebacks being toss about. It was just silent. So silent that it caused my ears to ring. There were no hostile glares direct at each other either. The tension in the air was so thick and so taut that even the sharpest knife in the world wouldn't be able to cut through it. Each breath felt heavy and laborious. Even Ryota, who was normally loquacious with energy that was out of this world was sulky and quiet. On the bright side, his pout was cute, but that was about it.

I heaved out a heavy sigh before poking Ryota's cheek, causing a small surprised beep sound to escape from his lips, and then he smiled at me. And then…

A scream split the air. Ryota jolted in my arms, his eyes as round as saucers. He tightened his grip on my clothing as his turn his head, searching the land with nervous bewilderment. The other three men I was traveling with seemed to come to life with the scream. Eyes sharpened, and hands flew to their swords.

"No! Not Chinatsu!" a voice cried, cracking under strain.

Souji was the first to speak.

"There," Souji stated with a nod. He exchanged a serious look with the two other men. "On the other side of that hill. Shizuka, stay here with Ryota."

Souji bolted over the hill with Itou and Saburo-san not too far behind. But before Itou made it over the hill to join Souji, he paused and placed a hand on Saburo-san shoulder and pointed back to me and Ryota with his other hand.

"Miki, you should stay. It wouldn't do us well if we leave a woman and child behind unguarded even if said woman is armed."

"Ani-ue—!"

Itou-san disappeared over the hill before Saburo-san could finish objecting. Looking put off by being left out, Saburo-san grumbled a few choice words under his breath at the top of the hill before glancing back down at me. Putting on hand on his hip, he let out a sigh and waved at me.

"If I'm being left out of the fight, I want to at least watch. Get up here, Shizuka. Ani-ue would kill me if he knew I left a woman unguarded just to watch."

I rolled my eyes at his attitude and shuffled up the hill to join him. I was sure we'd be safe on the hill. I doubted Souji would let anyone get around him, and Itou was pretty skilled with a sword. And if I had to be standing near a swordfight, I'd at least like to know where all the swords were and where they were being directed. Once on top of the hill, I shielded Ryota's eyes. A small squeak of offended protest came from Ryota before he attempted to remove my hand.

Below, at the base of the hill, were three ronin surrounding a rickety horse-drawn cart. I could see the old mare's eyes shoot about wildly. It backed up nervously until it's rear tapped against the cart it was pulling and reared up in a panic.

There was a stern and grumpy looking old man standing between the ronin and his cart with his arms spread out wide like he was trying to act like a wall for the ronin to get around. On the cart sat an elderly, shrunk lady who had her hand clutched to her chest as she quivered, frozen in place. Then there was one more person. A young girl with pretty, long brown hair that looked around thirteen years of age. One of the ronin had wrapped his hand around the girl's wrist with an iron grip. He pulled the girl with a harsh jerk, causing the girl to cry as she fell to her knees.

The whole situation quickly devolved from there. I could see Souji and Itou approach the ronin with a cocky swagger. There were words exchanged. Insults, probably, by the way the ronin reacted. Then an explosion of steel. Blades drawn gleamed in the morning sunlight, making them look like diamonds. The young girl was tossed aside like a sack of garbage, her back nearly hitting the wheel of the cart just as the ringing of steel hitting steel echoed through the area.

From the way Souji and Itou fought side-by-side, it would have been impossible to tell that the two men abhorred each other. There was no wasted action. The way Souji and Itou worked and weaved effortlessly around each other showcased unmatched skill. It was almost like watching a dance. It was no surprise why Saburo-san adored his brother so much. Souji's skills with a sword were still unmatched, but Itou had technique and unmatched intelligence.

The fight itself didn't last long. I wouldn't say it was even a proper fight, the way the ronin completely folded against Souji and Itou. Once those thugs knew they were outclassed, they dropped their swords and ran without looking back. From my high spot on top of the hill, I could see Souji rolling his eyes at the fleeing men before he sheathed his word and bent down to tend to the girl. He offered her his hand. And when the girl shook her head with tearful eyes, Souji picked the girl up before gently setting her back down on the cart next to her grandmother.

While Souji was checking up on the girl, Itou seemed busy working his magic on the elderly couple.

"Well," Saburo-san said as he started descending down the hill, "Now that's done, let's go join them."

"Right." I let my hand that was shielding Ryota's eyes drop as I followed Saburo-san's lead.

The moment we neared, Ryota grew impatient and tired of being held for so long. He wiggled himself loose and bolted the moment I set him down. He scrambled over to where Souji was and attached himself to Souji's leg before babbling all sorts of nonsense. Souji merely laughed at the overenthusiastic actions before picking Ryota up, causing Ryota to squeak and attempt to headbutt Souji.

"So?" I asked Souji as I approached. I spared a glance at the girl. There looked like there was going to be a bruise forming on her wrist and she had a possible bruise on her back, but she was otherwise fine if not a bit shaken. "What happened?"

Souji shifted Ryota's weight on one arm. "It was an attempted robbery." He gestured to the elderly couple with his head. "See that old man Itou-san's talking to? The old man refused to give those ronin anything, so the ronin decided they'd take his granddaughter instead. If they managed to get away with the girl, they'd probably sell her to some brothel in a red-light district. Her skin's a little too dark to be considered high-class, but she had a nice facial structure."

I frowned. "Poor girl. At least she got lucky today."

Souji nodded before his face grew slightly sour when he saw Itou waving the both of us over. He placed a hand on my lower back and walked the both of us over to the lavender man.

"Ah," Itou said, sounding overly pleased. "Both of you come here. This lovely couple here wants to speak to you two."

I felt like I had just been shot and left bleeding on the floor.

I had never met the couple's granddaughter before this, but this couple? I could feel my heart stop as my thoughts shriveled up and died. My palms grew wet with sweat and my throat became dry. When I was watching from the top of the hill, I did not get a good look at their faces, but now we were face to face… Aside from the extra gray hairs that had sprouted on their heads and a few extra wrinkles that dotted their face, they had changed remarkably little. It had been nineteen years since I last saw them. I never thought I'd ever see them again.

They were my biological grandparents. The mother and father of the girl who left me to die in a river. Noriko-san and Norio-san.

"So, this is the wife of your companion, Itou-dono?" Noriko-san asked before smiling at me. No recognition flashed through her eyes. I felt unexplainable relief shoot through my veins as well as the thousand knives of betrayal piercing my chest. "Oh, she's a beauty and looks just like my daughter." She turned to Souji. "You're a lucky man."

Norio-san just grunted in nonplussed agreement in the background while chewing a bamboo skewer, but despite his distant attitude, I could feel his uncomfortable gaze picking me apart.

"Itou-dono explained to us that your party is traveling to Edo too," Noriko-san continued. The little crow's feet by her eyes seemed to also smile along with her lips. "As a heartfelt thank you, we'll repay your kindness by giving you a ride back since we're also heading to Edo. My name is Noriko, my husband's name is Norio, and my granddaughter's name is Chinatsu."

I felt the world fade to black as the darkness finally swallowed my mind. The only thing I could be thankful for was that Souji was holding Ryota at this point because, even though I was sure I was completely conscious, I remembered nothing of what happened next. It was one big blank in my consciousness. Everything felt like one big dream.

We must have sat for some time in the cart before my brain finally seemed able to reboot itself. My back ached from my slouched sitting position and my legs were screaming for a stretching session. I blinked, trying to moisten my dry eyes as I kept my eyes trained on the old wooden floor of the cart.

"—and then the cat ran by and made my otōto stumble. He dropped the pot, ruining all the miso that Okaa-san and I worked so hard to make," I heard the Chinatsu say with a small giggle in her voice. No longer did she seem like she was the traumatized girl that had to be rescued from the ronin.

"Hmm," Souji hummed. He sounded like his typical light-hearted self. "So, that's why your chichi-ue tells you he's allergic to cats now."

I looked up when I felt a finger brush some hair behind my ear only to see Souji furrow his brow at me. He placed a hand on my forehead briefly before sighing.

"What's wrong?" Souji asked me in a hushed voice. He was wearing a stern, no-nonsense expression. "You've been zoned out and unresponsive for the past hour. Tell me what's going on. I know it's not because you've been feeling sick."

"It's…"

My voice died in my throat when I saw his face, the one that that said, "Do not lie to me."

"… complicated…" I finished in a mumble. "I'll tell you later."

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, Chinatsu shoved her face in mine, making me jump. My head flew back with the sudden need to create distance and I accidentally clipped Souji's shoulder with the back of my head. White stars filled my vision as my hands shot up to cradle my head while I let out a hiss.

"You look like Okaa-san, but you're nowhere as graceful and coordinated as her," was the first thing my half-sister said to me. "It's such a waste for someone that's ungraceful as you to have Okaa-san's looks." She waved her hand in front of her face like she had just smelled something rotten.

Suddenly, I found myself really wanting to wring her little neck. Such a waste? The nerve of this girl! And it's not like I wanted to look like that woman that the little brat called mother! I blew steam out of my nose and I swear the only thing that kept me from throttling that brat was the fact Souji and Ryota were seated between us.

It was that small outburst of anger that made Souji heave out a sigh of relief. Ryota, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the range of faces I had been making and giggled before attempting to pull on my bangs.

"So," Souji said, kicking up another conversation with Chinatsu again, "what's this about Shizuka looking like your haha-ue? Noriko-san mentioned that too when we first met."

At the mention of my grandmother's name, I snuck a glance at her. She was sitting at the front of the cart with Itou and Saburo-san, both of who she was showering with affection. Oh, she was blushing like a school girl from both men's attention. Itou's silver tongue had Noriko-san melting into a puddle of goo in seconds. As for the forever stern Norio-san? Norio-san paid no one any attention as he focused on driving.

"I think it's pretty self-explanatory," Chinatsu answered. She blew her bangs out of her eyes before brushing them behind her ears. "The look so much alike that I'm sure that they'd be able to pass as sisters, which really unfair, you know." She grew sulky as she hugged her knees. "Okaa-san's really pretty, but I look nothing like her. Instead, I take after Otou-san. It sucks that it's a complete stranger that looks like Okaa-san while I'm stuck with Otou-san's tan skin. You'll see later when we meet up with my parents and my otōto. We had to split up to deliver furniture to our clients. Right now, they're waiting in Miwa[2] to get picked up."

I choked on my spit and just about coughed up a lung at Chinatsu's words. Meeting up with her parents?! I wanted to toss myself under the wheels of the moving cart. I had to see Sachiko again?! What the hell was with this trip?! It was just one thing after another with no breaks between.

"Whoa there," Souji exclaimed. His hands flew to my back to soothe the coughs away with gentle pats. "You okay?"

Before I could answer, Chinatsu snorted derisively. "What type of fragile woman are you? Can't even handle a bumpy ride on a cart without choking on your own spit. I can't imagine you to be a very good wife." She then turned to Souji. "You should ditch her and find a better wife, like me. I'd make a pretty good wife."

What. Did. She. Just. Say? I was **_not_** in the mood for this right now.

"A good wife?" I narrowed my eyes at her and placed my hand on Souji's thigh. "Try again when you're old enough to have children, kid."

"Now, now, ladies," Souji butt in before things could start getting really ugly. He could already see my mind working at a million miles per hour. I was freaking getting ready to flay someone. "Calm down. Shizuka, calm down. She's just a child. And Chinatsu-chan, try not to make an enemy of Shizuka. She can get really petty and vindictive, and when that happens, she'll tear you to pieces." His eyes then grew cold and I saw a shiver run down Chinatsu's spine. "Shizuka's not an easy person to hurt, but if you do hurt her, that won't be forgiven. Understand?"

Looking absolutely flustered, Chinatsu shrunk back into her seat while looking a little teary eyed. She fiddled with the sleeves of her kimono silently for a few seconds before she had the guts to tug on Souji's sleeve.

"I'm sorry…," she mumbled, looking about ready to burst into tears. "Are you mad at me."

Souji let out a sigh and ruffled her hair. "We all make mistakes. Just try not to make them again. I'm not a forgiving man, but I'll forgive you this time."

She instantly brightened up and hugged Souji's arm. And just as the cart was coming down to a slow stop, she perked up even more and bounced up and down while pointing. "Oh, look! There are my parents and my otōto!"

And this was the point where I shriveled up into nothing again. It wasn't too late to run, right?

To the side of the road by a small rest stop stood three people. The man was a strong looking fellow. His arms were lined with thick muscles that came from heavy lifting and he was as big as an ox. Like Chinatsu, he had skin that had been kissed by the sun. To the man's left was a small kid, my half-brother. He was a small kid, probably about five or so. Unlike Chinatsu, the kid seemed to take after the other parent. He was pale-skinned with ebony hair and dainty in a sort of cute way.

Then there was the last person. Sachiko.

Our eyes met. We both froze.

She knew who I was.

* * *

[1] The Second Choshu Expedition, also call the Summer War, was a punitive expedition led by the Tokugawa shogunate against the Choshu Domain. It followed the First Choshu Expedition of 1864.

The Second Choshu Expedition was announced on March 6, 1865. The operation started on June 7, 1866 with the bombardment of Suō-Ōshima in Yamaguchi Prefecture by the Navy of the Bakufu.

[2] Miwa (三和町 Miwa-chō) was a town located in Amata District, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan.


	73. Chapter 73

I struggled when writing this chapter and I still don't know if it has the impact I'm going for. Plus, Microsoft word decided to be an ass and somehow remove all the spaces in-between the words. That took forever to fix. Then the save broke before the program spontaneously ended itself without saving. I had to go back and reinsert all the spaces, again, only to realize that Word reinserted all the content I had cut from the chapter.

* * *

 **Chapter 73**

 _"_ _When loneliness is a constant state of being, it harkens back to a childhood wherein neglect and abandonment were the landscape of life." ― Alexandra Katehakis, Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence_

There were noises.

Sounds.

Mouths were moving, but there were no words. There was, instead, the long, stretched out pitch of white noise filling the air. Syllables failed to string together, failed to translate, failed to hold any meaning. Soon, all sound faded to nothing, leaving a deafening silence.

I watched the slow widening of those cold, beautiful emerald eyes before they grew terrifyingly blank. There was only the slight quivering of her pale lips that betrayed any true emotion before that too grew still. A perfect, flawless mask.

No, not a mask. What she formed was a scalpel. One used to surgically remove any connection we may have had. The message was clear. I didn't exist to her. I was less than a ghost.

A painful coil slithered up my throat, making it difficult to swallow as an oppressive tightness took hold of my chest. I tore my eyes from her emerald ones to focus on a splinter on the floor of the wooden cart instead. But it was too late. The damage was already done. I could feel rusty knives carving my lungs with every breath as I dug my nails into my arm, drawing blood. I needed to feel something. Anything other than invisible wound she inflicted me with.

By all rights, I shouldn't even feel hurt! Not when I didn't even care I was being thrown away at the time of my abandonment. Not when I understood her reasons. Not when…

But…

Yet…

The pain in my chest didn't go away.

A hand suddenly materialized, clamping onto my wrist and pulling my hand away from my arm. There was bright crimson caked beneath my fingernails. Words that disappeared in the presence of my stunted, silent mind petered back. I could hear the excitable sounds coming from Noriko-san's mouth became words again.

"… the ronin were nothing more than just bandits! Oh, Mikio-san, dear you should have seen how uncouth they were!" she chattered away. "We would have been doomed if it weren't for Itou-san and Okita-san."

My eyes slowly rose just to abruptly run into some more green. Gasping, I jerked my head back in a poor attempt to create more distance as I tried to steal my captive hand back to no avail. The hand was still locked around my wrist.

"Shizuka."

My actions faltered. The voice didn't match the picture that was painted in my mind. It was too soft and so quiet that it was almost completely covered by the background noise of Noriko-san's loud talking. Then, I could see more than just green. Brown bled back into my vision and, suddenly, I could see brown eyebrows drawn together. I could see a kindness that was missing from Sachiko's pristine, stone face. The ridged tenseness melted away from my arms, allowing Souji to pull my hand away from the bloody scratches I left on my arm.

Souji didn't say anything else. His eyes bore into mine, searching for something, an answer. However, the search was cut short when I turned my head away. There was nothing said when Souji moved quickly to wrap the bloody wound with some spare cloth he mysteriously pulled from somewhere. My sleeve was hastily pulled down to cover the bandaged wound to avoid any nosy questions when the party's attention finally turned to us.

"Well?" Saburo-san raised his eyebrow at both Souji and I. Ryota scowled when he realized he had been purposely ignored by Saburo-san. "It's your turn to introduce yourselves to the lovely family of the people offering us a ride. Or did you two get lost in the clouds during the conversation?"

Souji cocked his head at Saburo-san with a sneer. "Well, it is a beautiful day and the clouds certainly are nicer than **_some_** of the company we're stuck with."

Saburo-san rolled his eyes in response and Itou clapped his hand between the two men to dilute the possibility of a fight starting.

"That's enough," Itou said, sounding as pleasant as he did stern. "Now, let's not be rude. Okita-kun why don't you introduce yourself and your family to Mikio-san and the rest of his family."

Souji raised his eyebrow at Itou's pushy instructions before he sent an informal nod towards Sachiko's husband. "My name is Okita Souji. And this, here," he put his hand on Ryota's head and ruffled the toddler's hair, enticing a bubbly giggle from Ryota, "is my son, Ryota. Next to him is my wife, Shizuka. Nice to meet you and thanks for the ride."

"Oh, no, no, no," Sachiko's husband exclaimed as he waved his hands in front of his chest. "The pleasure is all ours!"

The man then bowed like he just suddenly remembered bowing was a part of etiquette. It was a poorly conducted saikeirei[1], being too hasty and spasmodic. He had not an ounce of grace in his bones and an overabundance of sincerity.

"It's the least we can do for you after you saved my daughter and in-laws," he continued to babble. He couldn't seem to be able to keep still. The man fidgeted with his fingers, grabbing them at odd times before letting out a spontaneous bark of thankful laughter. "I truly cannot thank you enough. Let me introduce myself to you again in case you didn't hear. You did seem a little busy with something else earlier and I didn't want to interrupt with whatever it was you were preoccupied with."

I bit my lower lip. Suddenly, the hidden wound on my arm felt like it was infested with ants, always crawling and sending an unpleasant burn up my arm. Before I could even make a move to scratch my arm once more, Souji grabbed my wrist again. Sachiko's husband continued to talk without taking notice of our actions.

"My name is Kimura Mikio. This beautiful lady beside me is my wife, Sachiko, and boy holding onto her hand is my son, Ichiro."

Ichiro-kun let out an excited, "Ah ha!" shortly after the mention of his name. His eyes sparkled like he just spotted candy and he hopped around on his small feet before working his hand free from Sachiko's. He scrambled into the back of the cart, making a beeline for Ryota. Squatting on the floor in front of Ryota, Ichiro-kun waved his hand wildly in front of Ryota's face, making Ryota blink each time the hand passed in front of his face.

"Does he talk yet?" my half-brother questioned as he peered up at me.

I inched away from Ichiro-kun's curious face, scooting back until my back was pressed flat against the wall of the cart. With my back originally touching the wall in the first place, no one seemed to notice the flightiness of my actions. My lips parted to answer, but my words failed. Souji was quick to speak to cover up my reaction and to avoid drawing unwanted attention to my… problems.

"He can say a couple of words." For someone who liked kids so much, Souji's smile was oddly strained as he answered Ichiro-kun. "But why don't you keep talking to him. He just might pick up a few new words and phrases."

"Okay! My name is Ichiro-sama! Can you say my name?"

Instead of reacting to Ichiro-kun, Ryota let out a small yawn and crawled onto my lap. Like a cat, he curled himself up before using my chest as a pillow. Chinatsu let out a harsh sounding bark of laughter while Ichiro-kun puffed up his cheeks in offense.

"Heh!" Souji gave Ichiro-kun a playful flick on the forehead. "Better luck next time, kid. Now, why don't you go take a seat next to your ani-ue so you won't be tossed around when the cart starts moving again. You can try again after Ryota's nap."

Mikio-san snorted at Ichiro-kun's expression, covering his face with one hand as his shoulders trembled with mirth. A handsome grin decorated his face after he let his hand drop, leaving a warm aura in the surrounding area that even I could feel through my shattered emotions. The amount of charisma this man oozed was enough to drown an ocean. For a moment, it almost felt like I was still back in Kyoto talking to Otou-san.

"Well," Mikio-san said, extending his hand to Sachiko. With the grace of a swan, she accepted his hand while looking every bit like someone who was born into nobility. "I can't say Ichiro had the wrong idea when he jumped into the cart so fast. We should get going if we want to be able to stay at an inn tonight. We've lingered here long enough."

As Mikio-san led Sachiko towards the cart, Sachiko didn't stumble. All hint of prior distress from our meeting was erased, or perhaps it was masked so well that it vanished from sight. She stepped into the cart with her prideful head held high. Even as she and her husband took a seat directly in front of me and Souji, that mask showed no strain. Perfection.

As much as I hated her and resented her for denying our connection, for denying my existence, I envied her. She was the very definition of composure while I was a horrible mess, with pieces of me breaking off and shattering. I gritted my teeth in silence at her stab of betrayal to prevent an unwanted sob from breaking loose.

Up in the front, Norio-san watched everyone with a critical eye. His gaze was heavy and oppressive, yet it could cut deeper than any sword ever could. Once everyone was properly seated, he flicked the reins wordlessly, urging the horse forward.

The cart jerked forward, slowly resuming the journey to Edo. We did not spend the whole day on the road because we had young children with us. Instead, we stopped at an inn an hour before the sun could start setting, but those few hours on the cart with Sachiko crawled by slower than a century ever could. It was a struggle to fight for every breath as she drowned me with her indifference. I even resorted to feigning sleep to avoid being dragged into small talk with her by her oblivious husband.

As we pulled over to stop for the evening, Norio-san growled under his breath, muttering harsh words as he unhitched the horse. The horse snorted at the rough handling and stomped one foot, but otherwise followed Norio-san to the stables without much complaint when bribed with a slice of peach. Noriko-san, on the other hand, did nothing to help her husband. Instead, she complained of back pain from such a "labor-intensive" journey before escaping off to the onsens while forcefully dragging Chinatsu with her. This left Mikio-san alone to secure the traveling cart by himself as Sachiko disappeared into the inn to secure a room for their family for the night.

Itou and Saburo-san did offer to help Mikio-san with the cart, for the sake of acting polite, of course, but did not loiter around when Mikio-san told them he could handle it by himself. The brothers quickly vanished after that, wandering off into the small town we stopped at to look for… something. They didn't really specify. And if they did, then that just means I just didn't catch it.

Souji let out a sigh as he scratched the back of his head before leading Ryota and me to our room for the night. I didn't miss the subtle glance he shot my way.

Our room for the night was good sized room for a family of three, but it felt too spacious. Despite Souji and Ryota presence in the room, it was empty, cold. As Ryota obliviously bounced about the room before getting lost in a stack of folded blankets near one of the walls in the room, I felt my knees finally give out. I pressed my back against the wall as I slid down. A harsh, ragged breath escaped my lips before I buried my face into my knees and hugged my legs to my chest. Right beside me, I could hear Souji set down our luggage beside me. There was a pause then some rustling and a dull thud. My naginata was suddenly out of reach, making me feel more exposed. I curled into a tighter ball.

Just breathe. Don't forget to breathe.

Someone grabbed my hands, causing me to look up. Souji was crouched in front of me, making sure to be at my eye level. He tucked a strand of stray hair behind my ear.

"You said we would speak later." His voice was nothing more but a gentle whisper. It was like he was afraid he would spook me if he spoke too loudly. "And now seems like a pretty good time. Will you talk or is this going to be like pulling teeth?"

I wanted to answer. I wanted more than anything to be able to answer.

My chin trembled and instead of opening my mouth, my jaw clenched and my lips pressed into a hard line. I tore my eyes away from Souji's, hanging my head so he couldn't see the flood of tears that finally escaped.

"Shizuka."

I couldn't do this.

There should have been warmth. I should have felt his thumb rubbing the back of my hand. There was nothing.

"Shizuka, look at me."

I nearly choked on my breath. "I can't."

"Shizuka."

Clenching my teeth, I snatched my hand back from him before shoving him away with a sudden explosive force. "I said I can't!" I glared at a spot on the ground before I squeezed my eyes shut. "Please… Don't make me talk about this…"

"Sachiko." I flinched when Souji said **_her_** name. He was pushing it. "She's your haha-ue, isn't she? The one that gave birth to you."

Now that it was said out loud, it was like someone shoved and twisted a hot knife in my gut.

"How could she?" I whispered through clenched teeth. A horrid heat bubbled in my belly, waiting to explode. I wanted to force her to look at me, to show her I existed. "She's married now. She has children she loves. Why was I the one left behind? Didn't I have any worth to her? Wasn't I one of her damned children too?!"

"Shizuka, you don't need someone to validate you," Souji replied. His was voice firm yet still gentle. "You already know that, don't you? You don't need someone define you. You're stronger than that."

That horrible heat in my stomach then exploded, turning my vision red. I clenched my hands into a fist before pounding the wall behind me.

"Value? What do you know about that?!" A bitter laugh came from the back of my throat. "She threw me away and didn't even acknowledge me when finally met again! What tells you more about my worth more than that?"

Anger flashed in Souji's eyes. Before I realized what happened, my wrist was firmly in his grasp as he pushed my sleeve up, revealing the bandaged wound from earlier. It became impossible to break eye contact, like some sort of spell was cast. I let out a gasp as his dark gaze pinned me in place.

"And what makes you think that Sachiko's omnipotent, that she's a god?! What makes you think that she alone gets to decide your worth? Do you even realize how much you mean to me? To Ryota?" His voice softened as one of his hands touched the top of the bandage. "Don't do this to yourself. If she believes you to be worthless, then it's her loss. You're priceless. Don't you dare devalue yourself."

My vision blurred as tears once again filled my eyes. Suddenly, little hands were on one of my knees, making me jump. Out of the corner of my blurred vision, I could see Ryota trying to get as close as possible. Just like me, he too had tears in his eyes too.

"Okaa-san," Ryota whined. He then looked up at Souji with pleading eyes. "Okaa-san cry. Sad."

I felt my heart break a little. It had never been my intention to make Ryota cry. I had forgotten he was even in the room.

Souji smiled a little at Ryota and patted Ryota's head. "I know," he said before rubbing a few of the tears away. "But do you know what would make Okaa-san feel better?"

Ryota sniffled before an idea seemed to light up his face. Before I knew it, Ryota pressed his whole body up against me, making a broken laugh escape me. It was a hug. I picked him up and squeezed back before the both of us were engulfed in Souji's arms.

Maybe I was still a little broken. Maybe I still carried the holes that **_she_** had burned in me. But I had still gotten back up no matter how much I wanted to stay down.

I still did not look forward to traveling with Sachiko the following morning. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have agreed with Itou to travel with them in the first place and would have split a long time ago, but traveling with Sachiko meant we could get to Edo **_fast_**. Norio-san cared little for the government and its strict regulations. He was one of those people who believed in practicality no matter how unorthodox it may be. He was one of those people who saw the logic in attaching a horse to a cart instead of the normal go-to animal.

The thing about Tokugawa Japan was that there weren't horse-drawn carriages we could hire to take us places. They just didn't exist. In fact, usually it was the slow-moving oxen that were attached to a cart, and the driver wouldn't even sit on the cart to steer the animals. The driver would steer the animals with a special holster as they walked beside the animals, and therefore, transport by that method was only as fast as a person could walk.

The reason for the lack of wheeled transportation was due to the Tokugawa shogunate strictly limiting the use of wheeled vehicles along the highways that connected major cities. This was all for the sake of strategically remaining in control and preventing uprisings from spreading like they often did during the unstable Sengoku era. Only Edo was an exception to the norm. Whereas even ox-drawn carts were rare in the rest of Japan, they often filled the streets in Edo.

There was literally no faster way to get to Edo except for by boat. In fact, it could even be considered a stroke of luck we ran into Norio-san on our way to Edo since we needed to get to our destination fast.

I lifted a bowl of miso soup that came with the breakfast the inn offered and blew on it. But before I could take a sip, I paused and set it back down on the tray. I just wasn't in the mood to eat. My rice bowl only had small, random chunks of rice missing, my soup and side dishes were practically untouched. Souji's disapproving gaze felt heavy, but I still easily shrugged it off as I clean off the scattered rice around Ryota's messy mouth. Ryota complained about my busy hands around his mouth with indignant babbling and in a defiant response, he smooshed more rice around his mouth and on his nose when I finished cleaning him off.

Souji looked like he wanted to say something to me, probably a scolding for me ditching my food, but he was interrupted before he could even say a word. There were footsteps outside by our room and they stopped in front of our door.

"Oi! Okita! You there?" came Saburo-san's abrasive voice.

I saw Souji's eyebrow twitch as he forced on a strained smile. He placed his bowl of rice and chopsticks back on the tray. The chopsticks didn't remain stationary and instead rolled onto the floor with a clatter. Before I could get up to answer the door, Souji shot me a look that told me we would be speaking later, again.

"I got it," he said to no one in particular before he stomped over the door, slammed it open and answered with a sarcastic greeting. "Oh, if it isn't Saburo-san on this fine morning?" he said with a sardonic salute. "Isn't there still time before we're shoved into a small wooden crate together? We have about an hour before we have to meet Mikio-san."

"Oh, stuff it," Saburo-san snapped as he narrowed his eyes. "I'm not here about you. I went through a lot of trouble yesterday and risked Ani-ue's annoyance for Shizuka. You better be grateful. In fact, bow down to me, plebeian."

Souji snorted and put his hands on his hips. His eye twitch told me he was struggling not to knock Saburo-san down a few notches by whatever means possible.

I sucked on the insides of my cheeks and spared Ryota one more glance before I got up to join Souji by the door. It was probably safer that way, less of a chance that a fight would spontaneously occur.

"What's up?" I asked Saburo-san. I shared a brief glance with Souji, who shrugged in response to my silent inquires. "You went through a lot of trouble, how? And for what, yesterday?"

"You don't like traveling with Mikio-san and his family, right?"

My eyes widened slightly at Saburo-san's question as I took a small step back. Any confidence I had regained last night cracked. Had I been that transparent yesterday? A part of me wanted to hit something while another half wanted to claw at my arms some more just to make it bleed as a form of punishment. To show Sachiko such weakness, it was disgusting and unforgivable.

Saburo-san rolled his eyes at me. "We spend plenty of time together back in Kyoto, yeah? I'd have to be an idiot if I couldn't figure out the very basic mechanics of your personality. I don't know what they did for you to practically hate them, but I figured you wouldn't want to travel with them."

Souji step in front of me, blocking Saburo-san's view of me and crossed his arms. I could see Souji puffing his chest up, trying to make himself look bigger to intimate the other man.

"So, what if we don't want to travel with them? That's none of your business, now is it?" Souji said, taking a step towards Saburo-san. With both men standing so close to each other, the height differences were magnified. While Saburo-san wasn't much shorter than Souji, he almost seemed to shrink in size as Souji towered over him. "Not unless you can make it so that we can hitch a ride to Edo with someone else."

This is when Saburo snorted as a prideful smirk surfaced.

"Oh? And what if I can?" Saburo-san said as Souji backed off the slightest bit. "Ani-ue has an old acquaintance by the name of Ryogi Hitoshi-san in town that transports merchandise by boat for a living. Ani-ue went to speak to him at my request."

I perked up while Souji seemed to deflate, his pride pounded flat as he regarded Saburo-san with a petty stink eye. He bit his lip as a growl rumbled in his throat before finally letting out a sigh of defeat.

"And?" Souji asked, sounding far more cordial than he was before, though, there was still a hint of pettiness underlining his voice.

"Ryogi-san said that he can give you and the rest of your family a ride down to one of the ports via waterway. Once at a port, he can get one of his co-workers to take you guys the rest of the way to Edo by ship," Saburo-san explained.

At this point, I wanted to drop everything and hug Saburo-san. A quick ride to Edo and I got to avoid Sachiko? It was a dream come true.

"And what about Norio-san and the others?" Souji asked, causing my premature celebration to wither and die. "We did promise we would travel up to Edo with them as insurance for their safety if they gave us a ride."

I felt my back sag as a sense of defeat crawled back through me. I let my gazed drop to the floor as I focused on Saburo-san's tabi.

"As much as I would like to ditch them, we did promise," I said as I picked at the long sleeves of my kimono. "I don't want to drag anyone's honor through the dirt by going back on a promise," and I didn't want to give Sachiko the opportunity to think even less of me. Plus, I definitely didn't want Sachiko to think I was running away just because of her no matter how true it may be.

Saburo-san shook his head at me and wiggled his finger back and forth while tutting. "Shizuka, just be thankful and take my offer. Ani-ue and I will continue traveling with Norio-san and the others back to Edo. I can just tell them that you guys had something to deal with in town first and told us to go ahead as to not cause a delay in the journey. Norio-san doesn't care and Noriko-san practically swallows whatever Ani-ue says as fact."

A silent, unanimous decision was made on the spot.

"I owe you for this," I said to Saburo-san, who in turn returned my thanks with a smug smirk that made me want to kick him a little. "See you on the other side, shitty swordsman."

"Don't steal my words, hag. You better buy me a drink in Edo. And it can't be one of those crappy ones."

Hours later, while Itou and Saburo-san were back on the road with Sachiko and the others, Souji, Ryota and I were on a boat. It took us three days to reach Edo instead of a full week. There should have been relief. I was back home so quickly. I could run to Tsune-san now and deal her illness.

There was anything but relief.

Greeting us in the docks, surrounded by a crowd of horrified people, laid the fresh corpse of a dismembered child. Bright red blood ran down the cracks of the wooden dock before spilling into the ocean. The arms had been cleanly butchered, cut through the bones and separated from the main body. But the arms were at least strewn to the right of the body. The legs, on the other hand, were removed with surgical precision and completely missing. The body had also been sliced open. The intestines were half removed from the body and left dangling over the dock's edge. The lungs, or what was left of the organ, was in shreds. It had looked like someone had tried to draw on the lungs with a knife. Then there was the heart. That organ was completely missing. The girl looked young. She couldn't have been more than ten.

But there was something even more horrifying.

The locations where her arms and legs should have met the body were pink instead of bright red. The pink was caused by the presence of granulation tissue, meaning the girl was still alive when her arms and legs were removed.

As I quickly covered Ryota's eyes, a whisper circulated the crowd.

"Gashadokuro[2] is wandering the streets of Edo and is hungry for children. How many more will children will it take until he is satisfied?"

* * *

[1] This is a 90-degree bowing. It is practiced in very formal settings and traditionally reserved for occasions to signal deep gratitude for a warm welcome, or profound apologies for grave misdoings. Done in a slow manner, it is also considered to be a social protocol by the members of the imperial family.

[2] The Gashadokuro are spirits that take the form of giant skeletons and are fifteen times taller than an average person, said to be created from the amassed bones of people who died of starvation or in battle, without being buried. These Yōkai roam after midnight, grabbing lone travelers and biting off their heads to drink their spraying blood. There is a way to know of their approach, as the victim would hear the sound of loud ringing in the ear. The Gashadokuro are said to possess the powers of invisibility and indestructibility; though Shinto charms are said to ward them off.


	74. Chapter 74

I tripped three times in a time span of three weeks... My knees hate me ｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡

On another note, I have a quick challenge. Out of curiosity, does anyone know how many time Souji and Shizuka said, "I love you," out loud to each other?

* * *

 **Chapter 74**

 _"_ _Family isn't blood. It's the people who love you. The people who have your back." ― Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire_

The scent of iron permeated the air, tainting the already unpleasant fishy smell of the docks. Gulls circling above casted ominous shadows upon the corpse. Their caws growing more morbid as they called for more of their friends to partake of the free meal offered up to them. Below the wooden docks, I could see the silhouettes of various-sized fish gathering around the intestines as they took turns nibbling on the foreign object in their watery domain.

Ryota continued to grab at my hand to try to push it away from his eyes. The angry babbling coming from his mouth would have been cute if it weren't for what I was staring at. It was a mother's worst nightmare. I didn't have a daughter, but that mattered little. I had a little sister from Tsune-san. I had two nieces from Souji's oldest sister. They all lived in Edo. This was a serial killing. What if they were the next victims? And lord forbid, what if the serial killer wasn't just after young girls? My arms tightened around Ryota just as a shaky breath escaped my lips.

What did I come home to?

I could feel my heart pounding in my head. My fingertips grew cold and numb. Backpedaling, I stumbled over my own feet when my back hit Souji's chest. Souji quickly wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me and keep me locked by his side. He only peered down at me for a brief second before his eyes flickered around the crowd that had gathered. His gaze was sharp enough to cut and it searched the crowd before settling on two burly fishermen congregated next to us. Even those two tough-looking men looked like terrified prey as they spoke to each other in hushed tones.

"That girl…"

"That's Yamauchi-san's daughter, isn't it? That poor girl. She goes missing for two days before turning up like this?"

"Yamauchi-san won't be able to handle this loss. First, the man loses his son and wife to cholera a year earlier and now his daughter shows up dead being cut up like this? He'll drink himself to death."

"Drink himself to death, he will!" a woman exclaimed as she joined in on the conversation between the men. Her nostrils were flared and her pursed lips curled into a fierce snarl just as she put her hands on her hips. The anger just seemed to make her frizzy black hair stand up more, and if it weren't for the expression she was wearing now, she would have looked rather attractive. "Just what have the Shinchōgumi[1] been doing?! There have been six butchered girls found in the span of eight weeks, and they haven't been able to catch anyone remotely suspicious yet?! The Shōnai Domain is wasting their money, paying a bunch of useless clowns for public security."

"It can't be that simple to catch the serial killer," a new voice joined in. "If that was the case, all the murders would have been cleaned off the streets years ago."

I couldn't see the new face yet, but after that whirlwind of a journey I had to take to get to Edo, I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

It was Sachiko's husband, Mikio-san.

My own heartbeat grew louder in my head. What was he doing here? He probably just arrived in Edo not too long ago, maybe even just hours ago, but shouldn't he still be resting from all that traveling? Don't tell me he's one of those men with limitless energy…

I suppressed an unsightly, pained groan before I pressed myself closer to Souji. I did not need more on top of everything I just witnessed. Souji raised his eyebrow at me before he lowered his lips to my ears.

"Relax before you suffocate yourself," Souji whispered, rubbing my hip with the arm he had wrapped around my waist to ease my tense muscles. He glanced at Mikio-san briefly before he pressed a reassuring kiss on the side of my head. "It's only him. I don't see Sachiko with him. Breathe."

I let out the breath I was holding in before greedily sucking in another breath.

The frizzy-haired woman let out a huff and crossed her arms. Like me, she didn't seem to be pleased with Mikio-san's arrival. Whatever happened between them, it was as plain as day that they had some history with each other.

"Of course, you'd say that, Kimura," the woman said before jabbing at Mikio-san's chest with her dirty finger. I could see some sort of poultry caked under her nail. "But you know what I heard? I heard that your daughter got attacked on the way back to Edo and was saved by some of those bloodthirsty Shinsengumi men. You're a stupid fool of a man if you want to give those useless Shinchōgumi men another chance to prove themselves based on the actions of those monsters. They probably only saved your daughter for alternative motives."

Mikio-san narrowed his eyes at the woman and crossed his arms over his chest with a snort. "You're always so negative, Akiyama-san. Don't tell me that you **_still_** haven't figured out why your husband was so eager to divorce you or why your son never wants to go out with you in public? Trust me, it's got nothing to do with the fact you always have bits of raw chicken stuck under your nails, though that would give anyone a reason to want to flee from you. You should quit being so negative, it'll give you more wrinkles and you already look like a dry prune. More wrinkles will not be a flattering look for you."

The woman's mouth dropped open with an audible gasp as she touched her fingertips to her chest. She then gnashed her teeth together when she gathered herself up enough to narrow her eyes at Mikio-san.

"How dare you?!" she seethed, raising her hand to slap Mikio-san. The hit never connected. Wrapped around the woman's wrist was Souji's hand.

"That's enough." Souji's voice was so stern that it was enough to cause the woman to freeze in place with a wide-eyed expression. Oh, and the swords. The swords on Souji's hip may have been a factor too. "Arguing with the split-open corpse of a child lingering nearby is already distasteful enough. I don't want to deal with the stress of a fight breaking out too just because you wanted to slap a man that disagreed with you. So, do everyone a favor and go home. And if you don't, well," Souji visibly dropped his gaze to his swords briefly, "there are other ways to get rid of your presence."

The woman hastily yanked her wrist out of Souji's hand and scrambled off, but not without leveling one last bitter glare at Mikio-san. I saw the two fishermen exchange a nervous glance.

"Okita-san!" Mikio-san exclaimed. The look of scorn on his face had all but disappeared along with the woman from earlier, but now he looked about ready to break out into a cold sweat. "Err… You weren't serious about last threat, were you?"

"Hmm?" Souji gave him a carefree shrug. "I was just kidding. She was going to make Shizuka's blood go through the roof if she continued with all that shrieking."

"Oh!" He let out a deep breath before his gaze found me like he was just noticing me for the first time, "So… umm…" He faltered.

I sucked in a deep breath. I could do this. Sachiko wasn't here, and I have seen the insides of dead people before. There was no reason to freeze up now no matter how lightheaded I felt. Although, I suspected my blood pressure was through the roof right now.

"Just call me and Souji by our first names," I said. My tone sounded flat despite my efforts to appear less dead. "You'll just confuse yourself and everyone else if you call us by our surname."

Mikio-san nodded like I had suggested something world-shakingly brilliant before the corners of his lips curled downward. "You don't look well, Shizuka-san. Are okay?"

I desired nothing more than to just be able to hate Mikio-san just due to his mere association with Sachiko, but it was unfeasible. This man was really difficult to hate. He was cheery. He was kind and caring. He was genuinely a nice guy. It really wasn't hard to figure out how Sachiko fell for such a man.

I just felt miserable.

I sighed wordlessly and shook my head before pressing my face against Souji's shoulder, wanting to shut out the rest of the world even if it was just for a moment.

"A dead child isn't what a mother wants to see at her homecoming," Souji answered instead before placing a hand on top of Ryota's head to get the toddler to settle down. "So, what are you doing here, Mikio-san? You couldn't have been in Edo for more than a day. I thought you'd be at home resting, not wandering the docks."

"Yeah…" Mikio-san rubbed his arms and glanced at the dismembered child before forcefully tearing his eyes away again with a disturbed shiver. "Me and the others actually just arrived this early morning. I only came to the docks because I wanted to discuss a few shipping alternatives with my business associates to hopefully avoid anymore banditry in future shipping endeavors. I wouldn't have come out here if I knew what I was going to be greeted by. This just makes me glad that Chinatsu decided to stay at home with my wife. What about you, Souji-san?"

"Just arrived by ship, actually," Souji answered. "So, about these murders. What can you tell me about them?"

I heard Mikio-san scratch the back of his head. "Not much, really. The first girl that was found butchered actually had just gone missing when me and my family left Edo to deliver our goods. At that time, everyone just thought she ran away from home. I've only just found out what's been happening because our neighbor's wife decided to come over to gossip with Sachiko. Apparently, only girls eight to fourteen years of age have been disappearing before they are found dead a few days later."

"But as dislikable as Akiyama-san was, she did have a point," I heard one of the fishermen say. "It's been weeks and the Shinchōgumi aren't any closer to finding the killer. I haven't let my daughter go out to play with her friends in weeks. How can any parent not feel frightened for their children?"

The other fisherman snorted just as I lifted my face from Souji's shoulder. "Yeah. Have the Shinchōgumi even been doing anything?" He then shook his head before looking over Souji's shoulder with a dejected sigh. "Speak of the Devil and he shall appear, huh?" he grumbled under his breath.

I turned my head to see the crowd of people parting before starting to disperse. There were a group of men arriving, all wearing a dark-colored uniform. Those men were all armed, but it appeared that the group's main choice of weapon wasn't the sword. I could see multiple tsukubō[2] poking up above the men's heads. I could understand why the civilians wanted to leave. The Shinchōgumi, while not possessing as much as a reputation as the Shinsengumi, was intimidating to the average person. Anyone with such visible weapons was considered bad news.

"Clear the way!" one of the officers hollered over the crowd. "This is now a crime scene. Anyone who's not involved, go home!"

"Well, you heard them," one of the fishermen said just as he elbowed his companion. "Let's go before we get dragged into this."

As Mikio-san was about to follow the fishermen's leave, he paused and glanced back at us. "Aren't you going to go? You don't want to get involved."

Souji snorted. "Don't worry about and just head home. We're already involved."

I raised my eyebrow at Souji just as he waved Mikio-san away. Mikio-san hesitated slightly, looking unsure before deciding to respect Souji's decision and leave alongside the two other men.

"Involved?" I asked just as Ryota paused the struggle to uncover his eyes just so he could mimic me. "The Shinchōgumi may be a brother organization of the Shinsengumi, but that doesn't guarantee anything. Plus, the Shinsengumi has authority in Kyoto. This is not Kyoto."

"True enough, but," Souji pointed to one of the men leading the group, another high-ranking officer, "see that man over there? Notice how he has Gen-san's forehead? That's Rintaro. If the Shinchōgumi is struggling to find the serial killer, then Ani-ue will definitely ask me to join in on the investigation. And, not to mention, despite the fact we're in Edo and not Kyoto, the Shinsengumi's reputation here is still quite infamous. I can still throw my weight around here."

As the men began surrounding the area to create a perimeter, one of them narrowed his eyes at out and began marching towards us. "I said, disperse!" he yelled before barring his teeth at Souji's unimpressed expression. I supposed we looked suspicious since we didn't leave like all the other civilians. "Or I can have you arrested for interfering with an ongoing investigation!"

Souji scoffed. "I'd like to see you try to arrest me. I'd have you flat on the ground before you could even draw your sword. Sadly, I don't have time for this." He pulled me with him as he pushed past the fuming man. "Oi!" Souji called. "Ani-ue!"

Rintaro-san perked up and a grin bloomed on his face once he spotted Souji despite the grim situation. I peered behind me to peek at the man from before out of sheer curiosity. Realizing Souji's relationship to the freaking Commander, the man had turned so pale that he looked transparent. In an attempted effort to hide his blunder, the man scrambled off to join some of the other men to make it look like he had never spoken to us. The poor man was long gone by the time Rintaro-san came to greet us.

"Souji!" Rintaro-san gave Souji a hearty slap on the shoulder. "What are you doing at the docks? Did you get here by ship? I thought you were coming by land. And this must be Shizuka and my nephew! Gods! I though Mitsu was joking when she said Ryota looked exactly like you. Who would have thought!"

Despite the polite smile Souji offered, it was strained. From what I gathered from the letters Mitsu-san wrote to me, despite Rintaro-san being a good man, Souji still hadn't quite forgiven him for marrying her and taking her away from him. Souji didn't hate Rintaro-san, but a certain amount of well-hidden animosity was still there. Them interacting with each other is like driving on an icy road in the middle of the woods late at night with no lights. Tricky.

"Yeah, we got here by ship, and you can faun over Ryota later," Souji interjected as he glanced back the dismembered corpse. "There's a situation at hand. Remember? Do you think you can spare someone to take Shizuka and Ryota to Tsune-san and to carry our luggage back too? That way I can stay and help with all of this."

Rintaro-san pursed his lips as he to glanced back at the corpse before grimacing. He let out a sigh as he pressed a hand to his forehead.

"You have a fair point," Rintaro-san's excitement fizzled out as he yielded before he waved one of his men over. "Hayashi-san! Come over here, please?"

A young man, probably a little older than me but still younger than Souji, dropped whatever he was doing and trotted over to us. His long bushy hair was pulled back into a surprisingly neat ponytail. In a way, the young man's facial features reminded me a little of Ibuki-kun, except this man looked far less stubborn and therefore, a lot less likely to get beaten up. And there was the hair too. The hair color was completely off. Hayashi-san's hair was a red burgundy rather than Ibuki-kun's strange blue color.

"Yes, Commander?" Hayashi-san said with a small salute.

"No need to be so formal," Rintaro-san answered as he handed the man our luggage. "Can you escort my sister-in-law and my nephew back to the barrack? You can come back and help with the investigation once they're safe there. Mitsu can handle the rest."

I furrowed my brows before nudging Rintaro-san with my elbow to get his attention once more. What was going on? "I thought he was going to take me to Tsune-san, but we're going to the Shinchōgumi barracks?"

"Mitsu had Tsune-san move in with us after we discovered she had Edo Sickness," Rintaro-san explained. "After Tsune-san became unable to stand, it was easier to have her live with us so we could look after both her and Tamako-chan. There's no need to worry. Souji and I will join you there later. Once you arrive, have a quick look at Tsune-san's condition before getting some rest yourself. The paleness to your face looks unnatural and unhealthy. I know you're unsettled by what you've just witnessed, so, rest when you get the chance."

Souji pecked my forehead before brushing some of my hair behind my ear. "Go. I see you in a bit."

I followed Hayashi-san back to the barracks obediently without a complaint. I was too tired for any of this. Once we were far away enough from the docks to avoid seeing any dismembered body parts, I set Ryota on the ground and held his hand to keep him from running off and getting into trouble. He could walk the rest of the way and stretch his legs. If I carried him any longer then I was certain he'd become a potato. The walk wasn't going too long, anyway.

The barracks of the Shinchōgumi did not look like anything I was used to, to what the majority of the Shinsengumi members were used to as most of them did not come from samurai families. The Shinchōgumi were using kumi-yashiki as their barracks. These were the houses that samurai and their family traditionally lived in. Kumi-yashiki were built to surround the house of the lord the samurai served and they were often built in a way that made defense possible if there was ever an attack, meaning straight streets were avoided. Usually, where a family lived in the kumi-yashiki also said a lot about their position and ranking. The closer a samurai family lives to their lord's house, the higher ranking and more valuable they were to their lord.

I paused outside to stare at the historic buildings with a sort of silent awe. I have no idea what lord this particular kumi-yashiki was originally built for before it became the living quarters of the Shinchōgumi, but that did little to dull the amazement I felt as I stared on. Souji grew up in one of these communities before he came to live at Shieikan, but at that time, his family was low ranking and lived rather far from the center in crowded conditions. I never thought I'd ever step in one of these buildings.

"Okita-san?" Hayashi-san said, snapping me out of my daze. He slid the door of one of the nearby houses open and leaned the luggage up against the wall inside the building. "This is where I'll be leaving you. Mitsu-san should be inside. Will you be okay?"

"Oh, right," I quickly bowed my head at him. "Thank you so much for escorting me. I'll be fine." I gave Ryota's arm a playful tug. "Say bye-bye to the nice man, Ryota."

"Bye-bye!"

Hayashi-san beamed at Ryota waved before he turned to jog back in the direction we came from. Once Hayashi-san was gone, I took off Ryota's and my shoes before stepping into the house, closing the door behind us as quietly as possible. It was oddly quiet. Mitsu-san's son, Yoshijiro-kun, was twelve and her eldest daughter, Ishi-chan, was ten. Then there was the most recently born, Kuma-chan, who was a little over one. There was no way the house should be **_this_** silent, especially if three-year-old Tamako-chan was here too.

I let go of Ryota's hand so I could untie the sash keeping my naginata strapped to my back. Just as I was leaning my naginata against the wall beside the rest of the luggage…

CRASH!

My heart almost leaped out of my heart as I dropped my naginata and let out a small scream. That just about scared the unease out of me! Ryota, on the other hand, hardly appeared bothered by the loud sound and merely peered down the hall where the sound came from out of curiosity.

"YOSHIJIRO! YOU GET HERE THIS INSTANT!" I heard echoing down the hall along the side the crying of a baby. "I KNOW THAT SOUND HAD TO SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU! YOU THREW SOMETHING AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU! IF YOU BROKE ANOTHER DOOR THEN SO HELP ME!"

"WAH! Okaa-san! Why do you always blame me! For all you know, it could have been Ishi's fault. And I didn't throw anything!"

And there went the silence. I scratched the back of my head as I peeked down the hall alongside Ryota. I should have known that silence was only a façade. There was no such thing as peace and silence in a house with multiple young children. Down the hall, I could see Mitsu-san carrying crying Kuma-chan in her arms. Standing in front of the fierce lioness was a bashful-looking Yoshijiro-kun and a composed Ishi-chan.

"You know, Okaa-san," Ishi-chan said, sounding absolutely sassy. "Oni-san didn't throw anything this time."

"You see, Okaa-san!" Yoshijiro-kun quickly agreed with a nod before giving his sister a not-so-subtle thumbs up. But, oh, there was a glint in Ishi-chan's eyes I recognized all too well.

My younger brother in my past life often had that look in his eyes before he got me in trouble. Ah, siblings. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

And then Ishi-chan opened her smug mouth. "You know how you had us clean one of the rooms so it would be clean when Oba-san and Oji-san got here? Well, Yoshijiro decided he wanted to get it done fast, not well. He threw everything behind a shelf to hide the mess and the crash sound probably came from the shelf falling over since it couldn't hide **_that_** much junk behind it."

Yoshijiro-san whipped around and shoved his finger in Ishi-chan's face as comical, fat tears leaked from his eyes. "Traitor!" he howled. "You said you wouldn't tell Okaa-san, you unsexy girl!"

He immediately flinched when Ishi-chan's hand shot out, out of nowhere, and grabbed his nose in a painful-looking pinch. "Huh? What was that? Did you just say ' ** _unsexy_**?'" she asked with her eyebrow twitching violently. "And I didn't promise **_not_** to tell. I would have if you would stop **_stealing_** my candy!"

"OW! Let go, Ishi! You'll give me a bloody nose! If you don't let go, I'll use that blood from the bloody nose to curse your chest into staying flat forever!"

I saw Mitsu-san's eyebrows disappear behind her bangs. She looked both amused and unamused at the same time. "Well, then," she said while donning a frightfully dark smile, "Yoshijiro, go clean that mess up. Now. Ishi, let go of Yoshijiro's nose and go help him before I decide to make the both of you stand in the yard for an hour while holding buckets filled with stones."

They both suddenly looked at Mitsu-san like she just told them about the death of a beloved pet.

It was my amused snort that alerted them to Ryota and my presence.

"Shizuka-chan!" Mitsu-san exclaimed the moment she saw me, forgetting about the seemingly grave crime her children had committed. She quickly passed Kuma-chan to Yoshijiro-kun before rushing towards us. Ryota let out a surprised squeak when he was suddenly scooped off the ground by Mitsu-chan. "You're here! And here's little Ryo-chan! He's grown so much! He looks exactly like Souji did when Souji was this age!"

I let out a tired laugh when Ryota looked at me, pleading me to rescue him from the crazy lady that just scooped him up.

Mitsu-san pressed a wet kiss on Ryota's cheek before setting him back down on the ground. Ryota quickly scuttled behind my legs the moment his toes touched the ground and peered back skeptically at Mitsu as he hugged my legs.

"So, long trip?" Mitsu-san asked as she put her a hand on her hips and focused on me. "You seem tired and a little pale. I hope you've been taking care of yourself. Tsune-san will be upset if she finds out you been neglectful of your health. And—," she paused and looked around the room. "Where's Souji? I thought he'd be here with you."

I ran my hand through my hair, almost flinching when the image of the dismembered girl unwelcomely flashed through my mind.

"It was a long journey, and I'd really wish people would stop pointing out how pale I look," I said as I let my arm drop back down to my side. "Souji and I came by ship. It just so happened that the corpse of a dismembered girl was discovered at the docks when we docked. Souji stayed behind to help Rintaro-san with the investigation while I came here ahead of them to examine Tsune-san." I tilted my head so I briefly could glance around Mitsu-san and peer down the hall. "How is she? I heard from Rintaro-san that Tsune-san can no longer stand. And what about Tamako-chan?"

"Wait!" Ishi-chan suddenly exclaimed as she came scurrying down the hall with Yoshijiro quickly trotting after her with Kuma-chan in his arms. "Do you know the girl's name? It's not—" She suddenly fell silent and looked down at her hands.

"I don't know the girl's name, but I overheard some of the people say the girl was 'Yamauchi-san's daughter.' Did you know her?" I asked.

Ishi-chan pressed her lips together, forming a thin, hard line before she let out a sigh of relief. "No, I don't know her. It's just… Since the murders started, Okaa-san hasn't let me and Oni-san outside, so we haven't seen our friends in weeks." She sniffed and rubbed both of her eyes. "I'm just scared one of our friends will be next."

Mitsu-san placed her hand on Ishi-chan head before dabbing tears away with the sleeves of her kimono. "Everything will be fine. You'll see. Oji-san's helping Otou-san at the crime scene right now. They'll be able to catch the killer in no time. Okay? Now go dry your tears. They don't suit your pretty face." Mitsu-san then nodded at her son. Yoshijiro-kun bit his lips uncomfortably before leading Ishi-chan away to another room, probably so Ishi-chan could clean off her face.

Mitsu-san sighed before rubbing the back of her neck like it some sort of muscle knot in it.

"It's been hard?" I asked as I knelt down by the luggage against leaning wall and started fishing through everything Souji and I brought with us until my hands brushed against a small wooden box. I fished the box out and quickly snapped the lid up so I could examine the contents. The vials and syringes suffered no damage during travel. "Too many things going on at the same time, right?"

Mitsu-san nodded before curiously peering at the contents of the box in my hands. "Medication?" she asked. "I've never seen medication for Edo Sickness. I thought there was no cure for it."

"There is. I've actually treated someone for it before." Well, at least in my previous life. "It's actually not a difficult sickness to treat despite being so deadly." I stood back up. "Can you take me to Tsune-san now. I want to check on her condition now and make sure that no irreversible damage has been caused by the sickness."

Mitsu-san wordless lead me down the hall with great haste to the room where Tsune-san was staying. Ryota, who was unsure where to go in such an unfamiliar place, dogged my every step while holding on to the fabric of my kimono. When Mitsu-san and I stopped in front of the door to Tsune-san's room, Ryota bumped into the back of my legs.

"Prepare yourself. She doesn't look good." Mitsu-san said to me before calling through the door. "Tsune-san? It's me, Mitsu. I'm coming in."

She then opened the door.

"Oh, Mitsu-san—" Tsune-san said before her eyes landed on me. Her hand in Tamako-chan's hair froze as she stared at me. "Shizu-chan?" she said breathlessly.

Never once had I ever seen Tsune-san look this unhealthy. I knew what Beriberi did to the human body. I've witnessed what it could to first hand, but to see Tsune-san in this state was like a punch to the gut. Her skin looked yellow. She was gaunt. I could tell how much weight she lost from how much her cheekbones were sticking out. She probably hadn't at a proper appetite to eat for a while now.

However, at the same time, I wanted to laugh from joy. Tsune-san couldn't stand anymore, but she still had full control over her upper extremities. Mitsu-san was right. Tsune-san didn't look good, but this would be an easy fix. Her illness hadn't progressed enough to cause permanent brain damage yet. If I started treatment now, she would be able to make a full recovery. She could be up and walking on her own at the end of the week.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered to avoid waking Tamako-chan up, who was taking a nap next to her. "I thought you would be busy helping Isami-san back in—"

I sucked in a breath and narrowed my eyes at Tsune-san while putting one hand on my hip. "Tsune-san, you know, I'm very cross with you. Mitsu-san had to write to me to tell me what was going on because you wouldn't." I walked over to Tsune-san's side and sat down with the box on my lap. Ryota, unsure of what to do, lingered near the door while carefully keeping an eye on Mitsu-san. He was looking at Mitsu-san like he thought she was going to eat him. "And you know that no matter how busy I am or how busy Otou-san is, we always have time for family, right?"

Tsune-san glanced down at Tamako-chan's sleeping face before reaching for my hand. She rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb with a small smile on her face. "You have grown since you have left Edo. You have gotten so pretty, but have you taking care of yourself? You look paler than usual."

"So, everyone says," I snorted before bumping shoulders with Tsune-san. "A few things happen on the trip here. I can tell in a bit, but first," I let go of her hand and opened the box again to grab a vial. "We'll take care of your illness first."

Tsune-san tilted her head at the strange vile I had placed on her futon. "Medicine?"

"Yes and no. It kind of depends on how you look at it," I said while pushing the sleeve of her sleeping robe. I wiped down the skin with a cotton pad soaked with alcohol and began prepping the syringe. "Edo Sickness is actually just caused by not eating enough foods with a certain vitamin called thiamine[3]. It can easily be fixed with a proper diet and an injection of thiamine can speed along the recovery. Actually, with the injection, your condition can improve in just mere hours."

Tsune-san pinched her brows when I poked her skin with the needle. "Diet? But I've been eating the same things as before and I never got sick before."

"Are you including the white rice?" I asked as I discarded the syringe in a separate section of the box. I closed the box and handed it to Mitsu-san. "Since Otou-san had been sending more money back, you've been eating more white rice, right? In fact, it's what makes up most of your diet now that there's enough money to buy just more than brown rice or barley rice, right? White rice doesn't have thiamine in it. It's okay to eat white rice, but you just have to make sure you are eating other foods that are rich in thiamine. More fish[4] and squash[5] is a good place to start. And, once in a while, make sure you eat oats in replacement of white rice."

This was especially important now in this era. Unlike in future in the developed countries, there wasn't any fortified[6] white rice. In the future, people in countries like the United States didn't have to worry about getting Beriberi from eating too much white rice.

"I see." Tsune-san nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. But enough about this for now." She lured Ryota over to her with a friendly smile before grabbing him and placing him snuggly on her lap. I laughed at Ryota's shocked expression. "Perhaps you can now tell me about your journey to Edo and the reason why you look so pale."

Mitsu-san took a seat next to me. "I want to know too. I know it isn't just because you saw that dead girl. Souji's always bragging about how tough you are in his letters. So, spill."

I bit the inside of my lips as Sachiko's indifferent expression flash in my mind.

* * *

[1] The members of the Roshigumi that returned to Edo instead of staying in Kyoto became the brother organization of the Shinsengumi and were called the Shinchōgumi. Okita Rintaro became the commander of the Shinchōgumi.

[2] In Edo period Japan the samurai were in charge of police operations, various levels of samurai police with help from non-samurai commoners used many types of nonlethal weapons in order to capture suspected criminals for trial.

Historically the tsukubō was used as a type of man catcher, usually around 2 meters in length, with a T-shaped head. The head of the tsukubō would have various metal spikes and barbs. The pole was hardwood with sharp metal barbs or spines attached to metal strips on one end to keep the person being captured from grabbing the pole. The opposite end of the pole would have a metal cap or ishizuki like those found on naginata and other pole weapons. The tsukubō was one component of the torimono sandōgu (three implements of arresting), along with the sodegarami (sleeve entangler) and the sasumata (spear fork) used by samurai police to capture suspected criminals uninjured. The tsukubō could be used to push, pull, or trip a suspect.

The tsukubō may have been developed from a type of Japanese rake used by farmers according to Don Cunningham. Originally made of wood, the teeth were eventually covered with or made of metal so that they would last longer. It is likely that they were used by farmers as impromptu weapons when necessary. Don Cunningham also states that the tsukubō was also called teppa, hakan, gettetsuken, saburi, and hoko.

[3] Thiamine, also known as thiamin or vitamin B1, is a vitamin found in food and used as a dietary supplement. As a supplement, it is used to treat and prevent thiamine deficiency and disorders that result from it, including beriberi, Korsakoff's syndrome, and Korsakoff's psychosis. Other uses include maple syrup urine disease and Leigh's disease. It is taken by mouth or by injection.

[4] Fish are known for its high concentration of omega-3 fatty acids. Most of the fish are good sources of vitamin B1 as well. Yellowfin tuna contains the highest levels of vitamin B1, contributing more that 35% of the daily requirement. Apart from this, trout fish provides 0.43 mg or 28% DV of vitamin B1 in a 100 grams serving. Other varieties include salmon (19% DV), shad (10% DV) and mackerel (9% DV). Hence, if you are a fan of seafood, you can consider having any of these fish on your meal plate to get the requisite amount of vitamin B1.

[5] Squash is available in several varieties and some of them are good sources of vitamin B1. For instance, acorn squash is the best source providing 0.17 mg or 11% DV of vitamin B1 in a 100 grams serving. Other varieties include cooked butternut and Hubbard Squash each contributing 10% DV of vitamin B1 in a cup serving.

[6] Food fortification or enrichment is the process of adding micronutrients (essential trace elements and vitamins) to food. Sometimes it's a purely commercial choice to provide extra nutrients in a food, while other times it is a public health policy which aims to reduce the number of people with dietary deficiencies within a population. Staple foods of a region can lack particular nutrients due to the soil of the region or from the inherent inadequacy of a normal diet. Addition of micronutrients to staples and condiments can prevent large-scale deficiency diseases in these cases.


	75. Chapter 75

Haha! A surprise chapter has appeared on a Thursday night!

* * *

 **Chapter 75**

 _"_ _Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it." ― J.D. Stroube, Caged by Damnation_

There was the warmth of a lovely tune in the air, the simple humming soothed and caressed the tips of my ears like molten chocolate. Long, graceful fingers brushed through my hair. The fingers were soft and so gentle. They were careful to avoid getting snagged in any tangles and careful not to tug on my hair. I felt the soft surface beneath my cheek shift as I heard the rustling of blankets. My eyelids fluttered open and the orange light of the setting sun bled into my vision.

When did I fall asleep?

"Oh?" I could hear the smile in Tsune-san's voice.

She stopped running her fingers through my hair and rested her hand delicately on the side of my head for a few more seconds before removing her hand completely. I savored the warmth left behind and waited for the heat to dissipate first before slowly pushing myself off her lap. Bringing my hands to my face, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes in slow, sloppy circles. A yawn escaped me just before I could blink away the fogginess in my vision. The first thing I saw was a maternal concern.

"Awake already?" she said before she gave into the temptation to pat my head really quickly to smooth out random strands of hair that were sticking up. "If you are tired, then feel free to sleep a little while longer."

I forced a tired smile to my lips and shook my head before flipping my hair over my shoulder. Running my fingers through my hair, I started working the messy tangles out of my tresses, only to wince slightly when I accidentally pulled on a massive knot too hard. I sighed and let my hands drop to my lap as I gave up on the stubborn knot. I was too tired for this and I didn't have a comb on me right now.

"Sorry," I said as I glanced to the side before my eyes caught my reflection in a small desk mirror.

Even with my nap, the pallor of my skin hardly improved. In fact, it just felt like the nap sucked more energy from me. I didn't even have the energy to fake half-assed cheerfulness. I just looked sickly. How ironic. It made me feel envious of Hijikata-san. He could pull a few all-nighters in a row before it even began showing on his skin.

I bit the inside of my lower lip before I let my eyes drop to the empty spot where Tamako-chan and Ryota were earlier. They were long gone, along with Mitsu-san. Going by the orangish hue the sun cast on the wall through the open window, I had been asleep for at least a few hours. I ran my hand down my face once more in an attempt to wake myself up a little more. The drowsiness, the weight on my shoulders, however, refused to leave.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. I was just…"

"Tired?" Tsune-san asked. Unwanted shame welled up in my chest. I couldn't bring myself to meet her warm eyes. Instead, my eyes dropped to my kanzashi, which was sitting on the floor right beside Tsune-san's futon. Tsune-san shook her head at me and before I knew it, she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me to her side. "I missed you." She pecked my forehead and held me close. "I didn't write to you or Isami-san about my illness because I did not want to distract you two from your work, but I cannot help how selfish I am to feel so happy you came back home just to take care of me."

"That's not selfish and you know it." My lips curled into a frown before I muttered, "And if anyone says it is, then that person is an idiot."

Tsune-san's soft laughter was like music in the wind and just enough to dust some of that weight off my shoulders. She then squeezed my waist to capture my attention again before pulling her blanket up just enough to expose her toes. She shot me another glance full of fondness before wiggling her toes. The heavy stone in my stomach crumbled into dust.

"I could not do that his morning," Tsune-san said before she twisted her right ankle to the side to test her limits. "You have a wonderful understanding of medicine. I did not think I would be able to move my feet again, much less my ankle. I will never know what I have done to deserve such a wonderful daughter."

Those words were not said with the intention of hurting me, but…

But…

The heavy stone that had crumbled in my stomach just moments before returned ten times heavier. I hated Sachiko, but there was nothing more that I wanted to hear her call me her daughter, to hear her say she loved me. As soon as this thought appeared, guilt and shame grabbed ahold of my heart once more. I felt like I just betrayed Tsune-san in the most horrible way. She was like an older sister to me, but she thought of me as her own child, her own blood. Here I sat yearning for what I couldn't have and distancing myself from what I did have. My eyes stung as tears threatened to spill.

It was disgusting and as much as I hated Sachiko, I hated myself even more for this secret betrayal.

As if Tsune-san could sense my self-depreciative thoughts she held me closer before brushing some of the hair from my eyes. "Will you tell me now what transpired on your journey back to Edo? I would like to know the origin of your hurt. You did tell me you would tell me, or do you still want to hide me?"

I closed my eyes as a pang of pain hit my chest. I was drowning.

I opened my mouth. I could at least tell her I didn't want to talk, but no words, not even a breath, came out. I shook my head in defeat and curled myself into a ball as I struggled for air.

Breathe. I needed to breathe.

Breathe.

"Ryota-chan has grown up well," Tsune-san suddenly said, hastily changing the topic.

It was like a switch was hit. My lungs eagerly opened, allowing the much-needed fresh air flooded them. The tenseness that was camping on my shoulders started to bleed away, starting from my fingertips. I hadn't even realized how much I was shaking. I hadn't realized was shaking at all.

"He really does look like his chichi-ue." Tsune-san continued as she moved rubbed my back. "I had thought Mitsu-san was exaggerating when she told me."

I nodded. "It's a little unfair, really." I felt ashamed of how small my voice sounded and how much it quivered. "Every haha-ue wants to see a little of herself in her child since she was the one who carried the child for nine months. Ryota looks nothing like me."

Tsune-san hummed a little like she was contemplating something serious. "Then will you and Souji-kun try for another child? For a little girl so she can have some of your features?"

A laugh escaped me. It still sounded a little broken like the rest of me, but it didn't sound completely hopeless. It was at least decent enough to draw a smile to Tsune-san face once more, even if she still looked concerned.

"That was never a question." I stopped hugging my knees just enough so that legs weren't completely pressed against my chest. "Souji's always wanted a little girl and I want Ryota to have siblings. We haven't started trying for another child yet, but will soon, probably. Souji just doesn't want to rush or pressure me."

I leaned my head against Tsune-san's shoulder to allow myself to finally relax again as we both fell into an easy silence. The silence was soothing to the heart, consisting of just two people wordlessly taking comfort from each other's presence. We both turned our eyes to the setting sun just beyond the window. The sounds of life fluttered through the opening. There were the soft voices of women exchanging dinner recipes by the well, the sound of splashing water as it was pulled up in wooden buckets. On the nearby roofs, white wagtails[1] hopped around in impatient circles while waiting for the cobblestone streets below to empty of people just enough so they can swoop in and pluck unlucky insects from off the ground. However, despite the sounds of life outside, it was too quiet. There was no sound of laughter, no sound of children running around outside. The murders pulled a heavy and ominous shroud over the neighborhood. Children stayed inside in the fear of being snatched.

"Mitsu-san will be starting on dinner soon," Tsune-san suddenly said, breaking the calming silence. I watched her stick out a finger just as one of the wagtails landed on our window sill. The bird tilted its curious head at Tsune-san before fearlessly flying into the room to land on her finger. "Will you be helping with dinner? It's been so long since I have tasted your cooking."

The wagtail took off the moment I let a long sigh. I smoothed the wrinkles from my kimono.

"That depends if Mitsu-san will allow me to help her cook," I said, shooting a forlorn glance at my reflection once more. "My skin does look awful. Knowing her, she'd demand that I get some rest first. But doubt any rest will actually benefit me."

"You are a workaholic."

I snorted but otherwise did nothing to deny her accusation. There was no truer statement than that.

"Souji says the same thing, which reminds me. Has Souji arrived yet? It's been a few hours since our arrival in Edo."

Tsune-san opened her mouth but was interrupted before she could actually say anything. There was the harsh, loud thud of a door slamming open somewhere else in the house. Tsune-san hushed me with a silent finger to her lips as she leaned her body towards the closed bedroom door to better snoop on what was playing out just outside. Beyond the bedroom door, I heard Souji's annoyed, muffled voice.

"Ani-ue, you don't know her like I do. In fact, the first time you've actually met her in person was today and all you've done is exchange a few sentences with her. Don't pretend you know what's best for her."

"Souji!" I heard Rintaro-san exclaim in disagreement. "You know that I don't have to know Shizuka well to know that her pallor was unhealthy! She needs rest, not to be thrown into the investigation! All this murder is nasty business. Do you really want to drag your wife through this muck?"

I heard a set of rushed footsteps pass by the outside of the bedroom in great urgency. There was also the sound of a baby whining.

"What's all this yelling about?" I heard Mitsu-san say once the footsteps came to a stop. "You two need to keep it down. Even the kids are quieter than you two right now. Both Tsune-san and Shizuka-chan are resting. In fact, I think Shizuka-chan is still asleep. Plus, all your yelling is upsetting Kuma."

"See?" Rintaro-san said, no longer speaking as loudly, but that hardly made a difference. "Shizuka's tired. She needs rest."

"Shizuka's a workaholic," Souji said, causing Tsune-san to glance back at me with a raised eyebrow. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her and continued eavesdropping on the conversation outside. "Sleep will do nothing for her. She needs work to relax."

"And you think having her look at the corpse of a dismembered child will be relaxing for her?" Rintaro-san stated more than asked. I could literally feel Souji's annoyance at Rintaro-san through the walls of the house. "For heaven's sake, Souji! You two have a son together. Think about it, will you? Working on a dead child isn't going to make her relax!"

"For the last time, Ani-ue! Seeing the girl's corpse isn't what's causing Shizuka's condition!"

"Then tell us what is causing it!" Mitsu-san suddenly yelled over the voices of the two men. Both of the men fell completely silent, making Kuma-chan's whining sound louder than it actually was. "Something happened on the journey to back to Edo, didn't it? When Tsune-san and I questioned her earlier, she completely shut down."

I heard a defeated sigh from Souji along with the rustling of cloth. "We ran into the woman that birthed her on our way to Edo." His voice was muted but filled with so much bitterness that I could feel it burn my skin.

Tsune-san covered her mouth as she gasped at the revelation. Her sharp gaze then snapped to me, but I refused to return her probing gaze. I, instead, closed my eyes as I grabbed at the collar of my kimono in an attempt to dull the pain radiating from my chest. I could feel pieces of myself crumble again at the mention of Sachiko. There was no escape and almost no time to lick my wounds between each encounter, between each mention of her. Shame welled up inside of me.

"Shizuka…," Souji continued outside before he paused to take a deep breath, "She didn't take it very well. This is why I want her to help in this investigation. Work is therapeutic for her. Plus, she's an expert when it comes to the human body. Let her examine the girl's corpse before we cremate it and return the ashes to the family. We might be able to uncover clues that can lead us to the murderer. Ani-ue, I know you don't want the murderer to continue terrorizing the streets. It's making the Shinchōgumi look really bad."

"No," Rintaro-san said without hesitation. His stern conviction left little room for argument. "The murders are messy, she shouldn't get involved."

"Ani-ue!" Souji snapped. There was a harsh growl hidden in his voice. "Just because you're the patriarch of the Okita family doesn't mean you alone should get the power to decide everything."

I couldn't sit here and listen to the same repetitive argument anymore.

Plucking my kanzashi from the ground, I twisted half of my hair up into a sloppy bun. I forced myself back on my feet and offered Tsune-san a broken smile, dodging her hands as she reached for me before I slipped out the bedroom in a hasty silence. Down the hallway, I could see the kids mutely pressed up against the wall as they peeked around the corner of the kitchen to eavesdrop on the quarreling adults. They looked like a totem pole with Yoshijiro-san's head at the very top right above Ishi-chan's and Ryota's at the very bottom right below Tamako-chan's. Despite his earlier reservations, Ryota seemed to be getting along just fine with Tamako-chan and his cousins. I felt the load lighten in my heart just slightly as I traveled down to the genkan[2], where the conversation was taking place. Down in the genkan, nobody seemed to notice my arrival other than Kuma-chan, who sniffling Mitsu-san's arms. Souji was too busy snarling at Rintaro-san, Rintaro-san was too busy trying to assert his authority, and Mitsu-san was too busy trying to mediate.

"She's a woman, Souji," Rintaro-san said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "The job of men is to protect women from the terrors of this world. It's something you should be doing."

Souji's jaw clenched at Rintaro-san's sternness while leveling a bitter glare at him. The glare was heated and loaded with another emotion other than rage and annoyance. The remnants of an ugly grudge reared its head.

Souji had a chance to talk out his problems with Mitsu-san. He didn't with Rintaro-san. Letters couldn't substitute for a face-to-face conversation.

"Don't you dare imply that I'm not taking care of Shizuka. I'm doing a better job than you did with Ane-ue in those first seven years of your marriage," Souji growled. "You know nothing about Shizuka. She—"

"Is no stranger to the terrors of this world," I interrupted, revealing my presence to them. Rintaro-san's eye widened at my appearance. He speedily took a step back to restore the shrinking distance between himself and Souji. "What's a single body in a pile of corpses? You have a serial killer on the loose. It is your duty as a civil servant to do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of Edo's civilians. You need to be using everything at your disposal. Let me look at the body."

Rintaro-san furrowed his brows at me and pulled his back straight to make himself appear taller. However, before he could object, I cut him off.

"It's not the first time I've seen a dismembered body. I'm not some mewling, frail woman who'll faint at the sight of the dead. I understand that you are doing what you think is best for this family by looking out for me, but remember this, I am my own person before I am your sister-in-law. You don't get to decide what's 'best' for me. **_I_** get to decide what is best for me."

Rintaro-san and I stared at each other, waging a silent war. His gaze was heavy and loaded while mine was filled with steel. The victor was clear after a few long seconds. Rintaro-san he rubbed the back of his neck and let out an exasperated sigh as he stepped back.

"Fine," Rintaro-san yielded, sounding more exhausted than anything else. He turned to Mitsu-san so he could gently scoop Kuma-chan up into his own arms before he bounced on the balls of his feet to get Kuma-chan to quiet down. "You're just as stubborn as Tsune-san and Mitsu-san. It must be something that runs in the family," he said. Just as Kuma-chan calmed down, he started walking down the hallway to the living area. "But if you get nightmares from examining the girl's body, remember you're the one that insisted."

Mitsu-san rubbed her forehead as she watched as her husband walked away before she turned to Souji and tried to catch his eye. When Souji refused, she scowled. Her arm shot out at him like a snake, eliciting a short, "Ow!" from Souji when she pinched his arm.

"Ane-ue! What was that for?!"

"Quit being immature and look at me when I'm trying to get your attention!" Mitsu-san snapped at Souji before she let out her own sigh. "Look," her voice softened in the face of Souji's reprimanded pout, "Rintaro's just worried. So, please don't be mad at him, Souji. Being the patriarch of the Okita family is a heavy mantle to carry and sometimes he doesn't know how far he should reach." She turned to me. "You understand, don't you, Shizuka-chan? He's not trying to offend anyone and he just really wants you two to like him. He's really trying his best."

I placed my hand on my forehead before moving it up into my hairline so I could push my bangs away from my face. "I know." My hand dropped back to my side. "There's really just too many things happening all at once and ends are fraying. I won't hold this against Rintaro-san."

Mitsu-san nodded, clearly approving of my answer. "Shizuka-chan, it's good to know you're so sensible. I'm going to go cook dinner now. If you're going to go look at the body, then don't overwork yourself. And if you change your mind about looking at the body, then you're always free to join me the kitchen to prepare dinner." She then turned to Souji with a sterner façade. "Go say hi to Tsune-san. She's been eager to see you again."

Mitsu-san then bowed her head at both me and Souji before she left for the kitchen, causing the four tiny eavesdroppers to scatter upon her approach. Once it was just Souji and me alone in the genkan together, I shuffled over to where Souji was standing and slipped my hand into his as I tucked my head under his chin. In response, Souji pressed a kiss on the top of my head.

"Thank you," I murmured into the crook of his neck.

"Yeah," Souji replied before he glanced down the hallway, his eyes locking on the slightly ajar door of the bedroom Tsune-san was residing in. "I'm going to do what Ane-ue says and go speak with Tsune-san for a little bit. The girl's body is being currently being kept in the storage unit closest to this house. Will you be okay on your own?"

I wanted to say yes. I couldn't say yes.

A stupid, illogical, pang of fear surged through my body at the thought of being alone, making me grab ahold of his sleeve like an insecure child. I shook my head and pressed my face against his chest. I could feel more pieces of myself, of my accomplishments, crumble away into dust. The room suddenly felt too big, too empty. Cold.

"I," my voice cracked and sounded so detestably small, barely even passing as a whisper, "don't want to be alone." All that bravo from when I confronted Rintaro-san had all but vaporized. "We can both go visit Tsune-san together later, right? But… Please, just stay with me for now. Please?"

Souji unwound my fingers from his sleeve so he could hold my hand. "You don't need to beg. I'll stay. Here, put on your shoes. We'll go together."

I tossed my shoes on in a hurry in the half-belief that Souji would leave me behind if I were too slow despite what I knew to be true. He promised he would stay with me. He wouldn't lie, but there was that small voice in my head, the one that whispered all my insecurities. And as I leaped to my feet again, my toe caught on the flat surface of the floor and I stumbled. If Souji hadn't caught me, I would have faceplanted on the wall.

So, I was a coward **_and_** a klutz now. What's next? Incompetence?

 _You're pathetic_ , that toxic voice in my mind whispered, and I believed it.

"Easy," Souji said as he placed me back on my feet. I bit my lower lip and focused on a speck of dirt on the floor. "No need to rush. The girl's body isn't going to get back up and walk away. Give me your hand."

Like an obedient child, I reached for Souji's hand and let him led me outside. I squinted just as the harsh light of the setting sun hit my eyes, causing me to duck into Souji's shadow. Two women who were still by the well witnessed my actions. They covered their mouths with their hands and giggled, leaving me feeling embarrassed and foolish. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to be back inside, to be away from prying eyes. Even the two men that were stationed by the storage unit as guards by Rintaro-san made me want to slink away and hide, even if they were clearly minding their own business. I pressed myself into Souji's side, making myself appear as small as possible as Souji nodded at the two men before brushing pass them. It was only when the doors shut behind me and Souji, that I could unwind. It almost was funny in a morbid way, to be less nervous in the presence of a mangled corpse.

Souji released my hand and reached into his sleeve to produce a pair of rubber gloves. He pushed the gloves into my hands when all I could do was stare blankly at them.

"Why do you have gloves on you?"

He snorted as he went to go lean against the wall. "Why not?" He shook his head before he focused on the body laid on a table in the middle of the room. "It's just a habit I've developed from being around you all the time. You never know when you have to examine something. It's best to be prepared, right?"

I nodded dumbly at his explanation as I stared at the gloves a little longer. Then at the body. Then back at the gloves again. Souji cleared his throat when I remained glued to my spot.

"Gloves go on your hands, Shizuka. I'm sure you know that staring at them won't do you any good."

"Oh." Yes, because that was just **_such_** an intelligent thing to say.

I pulled the gloves on with a loud snap. As the rubber retracted and slapped my skin, it made me wake up a little more. I then pulled my sleeves back and tied them in place. Turning, I faced the corpse. Nothing else mattered now. Focus. It was just me and the body. I sucked on the inside of my cheeks before I dug my heels in.

The body, now gathered into one spot, was still in poor condition. Changing locations did not change that. Even when the docks were combed for everything, pieces of the body were still missing. There were still no legs. There was still no heart. The lungs were still in tatters and the arms were still detached from the main body. Then there was the smell that originated from the ruptured bowels. It was absolutely wretched and it perfumed the windowless room with a scent that could be compared with rotting feces. But it was not the overpowering smell that caught my attention.

"She has old injuries," I said just as I picked up one of the arms. "Old but still fresh."

"What do you mean?" Souji asked.

There was the rustling of his clothing before the sound of his approaching footsteps. I briefly glanced up to see Souji observing the arm in my hands over my shoulder. He wrinkled his nose and fought back a gag as the smell got to him before he covered his nose with his sleeve.

"See this?" I pointed to the scabs that were scattered throughout the arm. "Postmortem wounds don't scab over. These wounds were inflicted when the victim was still alive. And by the looks of it," I pulled one of the scabs free from a wound, "these wounds were inflicted by her abductor. She was missing for two days. From the minimal amount healing that has occurred, we can see that these wounds couldn't have been more than a day old. And, also, if you look at the edges of these wounds, you can tell they're puncture wounds. She was tortured before she was killed. Look at her fingertips too. Someone pulled out her fingernails when she was still alive. She was in a lot of pain before she died. Some of these puncture wounds are so deep that there's damage to the bone below."

I then flipped the arm over so I could see the cross-section of where the arm was removed from the body. When the flesh of the arm was compared to the flesh of the shoulder it was cut from, the implications were disturbing. I placed the arm back on the table and next to the shoulder it was removed from.

"The arm, both arms, were cut from the victim's body when she was still alive. Look at the shoulders. There are signs of the wound remodeling. And the bone itself? It has a greenish hue and no sharp broken edges. Granted that there would probably be no sharp broken edges since it looks like some sort of tool was used to cut the bone in half, the fact that there are no jagged fractures caused by the pressure from the use of said tool one bone tells me that the tool cut through live bone. Live bone is elastic and often there is some bending when the bone is damaged. Dead bone is brittle. It shatters under pressure. And lastly, when the arms are compared to the main body, it can be seen that the arms are in a different stage of decomposition than the rest of the body. The arms, cut off from the rest of the body, died first."

I walked around the body and towards the lower half of the body. Souji followed close behind me with his eyes lingering on all the different lacerations scattered throughout the body.

"Now the legs," I said as I pointed to the vacant spot just below the victim's thighs, "look like they were removed postmortem. There are fractures in the bone near the cut and there's no remodeling of the flesh. Plus, there an unequal distribution of blood in the wound. When the heart stops beating, blood no long flows in the body and gravity causes the blood to pool. The top of the wound lacks blood."

"But the girl wasn't just kidnapped because some psycho felt like carving someone up," Souji stated as he lowered his eyes to the bruising around the girl's pelvis and groin area. "When the body was being removed from the docks, one of the men noticed white fluid coating the inside of her thighs. I know enough to know what that was. The bastard that did this had is way with the girl before offing her."

I curled my lips towards my teeth at Souji's words. Unwanted, unwelcomed, memories surfaced only to be forcefully suppressed when I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. And suddenly, I was no longer staring at the body of some unfamiliar girl on the table. It became the younger version of Sachiko on the table. She was only fourteen when she had me, thirteen when she had become pregnant. Sachiko wasn't much older than the dead girl on the table when she was raped.

"Yeah…," I glanced at the girl's groin area in attempts to regain my focus before immediately looking away. "She has some tearing down there."

"Can you tell cause of death or find any clues that might help in the investigation?"

I pulled off my gloves and wordlessly tossed them on the table next to the victim's head before I turned from the body and left in a hurry. Souji said nothing about my rash action but wasted no time trotting after me as I exited the building, greedily sucking in a breath of fresh air as soon as he stepped outside. We headed towards the well, which was now devoid of any strangers. Souji helped me draw water from the well and left the bucket of water by my feet.

"The cause of death is evisceration. The girl died when her abdomen was split open and certain vital organs removed," I finally said, ending the silence as I scooped up some water from the bucket. Goosebumps ran up my arms as soon as my fingertips dipped into the bucket. "As for clues, there were striations left in the bone by whatever tool was used to cut off the limbs, meaning the tool had teeth. It has to be a saw of some sort. One that is sturdy enough to saw through bone and not break or grow dull. As for the puncture wounds, they were caused by something with a long, straight edge. The puncture wounds with the damaged bone reveal that the tool used was beveled. Again, this tool needs to be sturdy enough not to break when it hits bone."

I blew a puff of air at my bangs to keep them out of my eyes as I scrubbed away at my skin, but my hair traitor refused to cooperate and fluttered back. Souji, forever being observant, bent down so he could tuck my bangs behind my ears.

"A sturdy saw and a beveled tool with a straight edge?" he muttered to himself. He furrowed his brows and grew silent. For several long seconds, all that could be heard was the sloshing of water in the bucket. Then it was like a light went off in his head and his eyes brightened. "A dozūki[3] and a chisel," he then suddenly said, causing me to pause my scrubbing at his quick guesswork. "Both are tools a carpenter would use daily and have easy access to."

"And where does this leave us?" I asked as I picked my nails clean. I dunked my hands in the bucket one last time before drying them on the skirt of my kimono. "There are hundreds of carpenters in Edo. Unless we can narrow down the suspects even more, then we're right back where we started."

Souji crossed his arms as he watched me untie my sleeves. "That part has already been taken care of, actually. According to Ani-ue, all the girls that had been abducted came from the Sumida District[4]. With the information you have just provided, we'll have our starting point." Souji then paused. His eyes softened as he reached for my arm to tug me close to him. "Also, do you want to tell me about what happened back in there with the body? For someone who was so eager to work contribute to the investigation, you ran off rather quickly at the end there. Will you talk now, or do you need more work to loosen up before you're ready to talk?"

I sighed and glanced at the water remanding in the bucket before I tipped it over with my feet. As the water spread on the ground, I caught my reflection staring back at me. I felt another pang of pain in my chest. My face. It looked like Sachiko's, another reminder that we share blood.

"I don't know how to feel anymore." The words effortlessly escaped from my lips. I was tired. I was so tired. "I hate her. I hate her more than anyone else. She's the reason for so many of my problems. It was her abandonment that brought my fear of being alone to life. It took me so long just to get over that one stupid fear." I kicked the water, obliterating my reflection before I closed my eyes and placed my forehead on Souji's chest. He wrapped his arm around me, cocooning me in his warmth. In safety. "I built myself up over the years, became someone I was proud to be. And then she came back. Everything I built myself to be crumbled into dust in the span of one afternoon. Everything tasted like ash as I forced myself back up again."

I took a deep breath. The inside of my throat felt like it was being burned.

"I thought I would be okay again. But when we saw her husband again today, I... Now I feel like I can't get up anymore," I whispered. "I shouldn't be upset, not when I understand her reasons for leaving me, but…"

But even if I understood, it still hurt more than anything.

* * *

[1] The white wagtail ( _Motacilla alba_ ) is a small passerine bird in the wagtail family Motacillidae, which also includes the pipits and longclaws. This species breeds in much of Europe and Asia and parts of north Africa. It is resident in the mildest parts of its range, but otherwise migrates to Africa. It has a toehold in Alaska as a scarce breeder. In Ireland and Great Britain the darker sub-species the pied wagtail ( _M. a. yarrellii_ ) predominates.

The white wagtail is an insectivorous bird of open country, often near habitation and water. It prefers bare areas for feeding, where it can see and pursue its prey. In urban areas it has adapted to foraging on paved areas such as car parks. It nests in crevices in stone walls and similar natural and man-made structures.

[2] Genkan (玄関) are traditional Japanese entryway areas for a house, apartment, or building—something of a combination of a porch and a doormat. It is usually located inside the building directly in front of the door. The primary function of genkan is for the removal of shoes before entering the main part of the house or building.

[3] A type of traditional Japanese backsaw used by woodworkers.

[4] Sumida is in the northeastern part of the mainland portion of Tokyo. The Sumida and Arakawa are the major rivers, and form parts of its boundaries. Its neighbors are all special wards: Adachi to the north; Arakawa to the northwest; Katsushika to the east; Edogawa to the southeast; Taitō to the west; Chūō to the southwest; and Kōtō to the south.


	76. Chapter 76

For those who want to know the answer to the challenge, the number of times Shizuka and Souji said the words "I love you," to each other is one. It was Shizuka saying it to Souji in Chapter 34.

Now, on another side note, I just wanted to say thank you to all those who read my story, and I want to say a very special thank you to anyone that has ever left a review, no matter how long or short. Each review I received has helped shape the way I write and continues to help shape how the events in my story play out. I can very safely say that without all those reviews, I would not be able to write the way I do now, especially since this story is my first real attempt to write fiction. So, thank you everyone and enjoy! And I hope those who participated in the Q&A on Tumblr enjoyed it. I may do it again some day.

 **Warning:** This chapter has some sexual content, and mentions of domestic abuse and rape.

* * *

 **Chapter 76**

 _"_ _The sun shall always rise upon a new day and there shall always be a rose garden within me. Yes, there is a part of me that is broken, but my broken soil gives way to my wild roses." ― C. JoyBell C._

I wrinkled my nose and groaned as the morning sun hit my face. The warmth of the light provided by the summer sun was heavenly and just as brilliant. It was like someone was shining a flashlight in my face. I tried blocking out the harsh light by swatting impractically at it before settling for placing a lazy hand over my eyes. Behind me, I could hear the rustling of blankets before senseless mumbling as Souji pulled the blankets over his head to block out the light.

"Mmm…," I mumbled, pinching my brow before finally opening my eyes in a narrow squint to peek between the spaces of my fingers. The powerful sunlight quickly devoured all color, bleaching everything I could see white. I hastily snapped my eyes shut again and groaned once more. "I've already overslept," I said in an effort to persuade myself out of bed. The brilliance of the light, however uncomfortable it made my eyes, could not convince me to make a serious attempt to leave the warmth of the blankets. "I should have been up a good thirty minutes to an hour ago."

"Furlough…," Souji grumbled in response as my poor and lazy attempt to roll out of the futon failed. He groped around the futon with closed eyes, patting all the odd wrinkles on the rumple futon until his hand found my naked hip. Pulling me closer, he ensnared me with his arms. "You can sleep in. We can sleep in." His voice was muffled as he pressed his face against the skin of my back. "Ryota slept with Tsune-san and Tama, and Ane-ue can cook breakfast. We don't **_need_** to be up."

I groaned and rolled in the opposite direction of the open window the harsh light was coming from and pressed my nose against Souji's bare chest. He smelled of masculine sweat from last night's deed and, instead of making me want to commit to rising out of bed and getting ready for the day, his scent dragged me deeper into the futon. I, however, did succeed in waking up more as I laid my hand against his bare chest. My fingers traced the outlines of his muscles as I listened to his steady, healthy, heartbeat. He leisurely opened his eyes and glanced down at me when he felt me press my lips against his chest.

"Well, good morning to you too," he said, his smile carrying a hint of amusement. He rubbed his eyes before reaching over his head to stretch. "I usually have to sell an arm and a leg to get you to sleep in late with me. What happened to the usual rushing off to sneak into the bathhouse?"

I wiggled closer to him, shivering in delight when his hand ran down my side. "We're not back at headquarters, now are we? I can stay in bed longer without having to worry about accidentally running into other men while still smelling like last night, and," I pressed my chest against his and was rewarded with him closing his eyes briefly as he hummed happily, "I don't have to make breakfast for everyone. Mitsu-san let me know that she'd take care of breakfast by herself this morning."

Souji let out an exasperated sigh at the mention of his sister. He pushed his hair away from his face with one swoop.

"Last night, she said she was going to cook some of the goya[1] growing in the garden since the harvest is so good this year," he said while puffing his cheeks up in a pout. "I don't want to eat breakfast anymore. Everything's going to taste bitter for the rest of the day."

"Aww, it's not that bad." I patted his chest. "It's healthy for you and you just have to grow accustomed to the taste of it."

"I really don't understand why you like that dirty vegetable so much."

"I grew up eating it. And it's not dirty, just a little bitter."

"So? I grew up eating it, and I still don't like it. Besides, you had two lifetimes to get used to the awful flavor," Souji pointed out. "I bet you didn't like goya in your past life."

I snorted at the argument. "I bet you that I did." Souji's face twisted at my answer. "There are ways to cook it so it doesn't taste so bitter."

Souji just rolled his eyes at my answer before he rolled over, trapping me between himself and the futon. His legs became tangled with mine as his knee found itself nudged between my legs. He fell silent for a few seconds as his gaze traveled down my body to my chest before going back up to my eyes. I felt something grow stiff against my thighs.

"Or," he said before lowered his lips to my ear. His hot breath against my skin made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "The both of us can play hooky at breakfast. The others have got Ryota for a while, so let's make better use of our alone time."

"Or," I countered him. I shifted my knee so I could "accidentally" brush up against him. He sucked in a sharp breath and narrowed his eyes at me as one of his hands flew to my knee to keep me from using it to tease him more. "We could use this time to go bathe. That way we won't smell like sex anymore when we go have breakfast with everyone."

Oh, there was a predatorial gleam in his eyes. He pushed my knee aside, spreading my legs as he brushed up against me. His tip pushed into me the slightest amount before he pulled away, extracting a gasp from me. There was a smug expression on his face as he allowed his member to rest against my core. I could feel myself growing wet from those few actions, and that smirk of his? He could feel me growing wet against his member too.

"Feeling saucy this morning, are we?" he asked before kissing the underside of my chin. His hands crawled up my sides before reaching my breasts. A mewl escaped my lips without permission when his one of hand brushed against a nipple ever so slightly before he gave the breast a firm squeeze. "Last night and some rest to take your mind off things certainly did wonders for you," he murmured against my skin.

He slowly moved down my neck, only pausing to suck on the skin of my collarbone before nipping it to leave a mark. Another gasp involuntarily escaped from me. Then he continued moving lower. In the short amount of time it took him to take one of my nipples into his mouth, my breathing was already labored. My skin was already slick with sweat and I was already sighing his name over and over again like it was some prayer. In an effort to ease the heat swelling in my belly, I tried to wiggle my hips against his, but he quickly put a stop to that when he grabbed my hip with his free hand to still me.

"Souji… You—" I was interrupted by my own cry.

He released my nipple before he nipped the side of my breast, leaving another love bite.

"Feels good, right?" Souji said before he sealed my lips with his own to muffle my cries.

He nibbled and hungrily sucked on my lower lip. Each time our lips parted, he barely gave me enough time to catch my breath before his lips were back on mine. Beneath the blankets, his hand on my hip had moved down lower. Now, instead of his member poised near my entrance, his fingers lingered nearby and traced light circles while slipping in every few seconds just the slightest amount. My hips bucked against his hand just as his fingers went in a little deeper. When he finally released my lips, he did it just as another mewl escaped.

"Souji, please?" My breaths came out in short pants as I writhed against him.

He let out a small chuckle as he nuzzled the crook of my neck with his nose before he pulled his fingers away and effortlessly slid himself into me. My arms tightened around him as my hips came up to meet his, pulling him deeper inside of me. More unintelligible cries escaped from me as he moved inside of me, filling me again and again at a slow and sweet pace until there was no more emptiness let inside for him to claim.

I could feel the heat building in the pit of my belly, getting ready to snap every time his hips bumped against mine. My breaths grew shorter and more frenzied before a loud cry escaped me just as my back arched. The heat was unbearable. Souji tucked his face into the crook of his neck as he grunted, his own breathing growing uneven. Then, I felt a Souji's warmth shoot into me and leak onto my thighs as I was about to come.

"Wait! Saburo-san!" I vaguely heard Mitsu-san say from somewhere outside the room. "You can't go in there!"

And then the door snapped open.

I froze in place as red crawled up my face when I realize what had just occurred. Souji quickly pulled the blankets up to quickly cover up everything below my chin as a dangerous sounding growl erupted from his throat. There, at the now open doorway, stood Saburo-san. He raised his eyebrow at me as he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway.

"I dropped by to collect on that drink you owe me and also to get some free breakfast. Didn't think I'd get a free show too," he stated, looking smug despite the fact Souji looked about ready to rip his face off. "Though, it would be better if I was getting some action too. By the way, you have nice knockers, Shizuka."

"If you treasure your life, you'll get out before I start carving you into bloody pieces," Souji wasted no time snarling violently at the intruder as he hovered above me. With his other hand, he was already reaching for his swords with an unimaginable amount of bloodlust.

Saburo-san, who appeared unthreatened by Souji's warning, then suddenly lost he cool composure when a hand appeared out of nowhere and yanked him from the doorway. The door was quickly slammed shut by the same mysterious hand. This was enough to cause Souji to stop reaching for his swords, for the moment.

"Miki!" I heard Itou from somewhere outside. "Just what are you thinking, barging in there! How uncouth of you! We are here because Rintaro-san asked us to assist in the investigation! We are **_not_** here for you to indulge in voyeurism!"

Souji clicked his tongue with a sour look on his face as he stopped paying attention to the scolding Saburo-san was receiving. He didn't bother finishing as he pulled out of me and sat up. He pushed his hair out of his face. The scowl never left his face. Wordlessly, Souji grabbed a robe and put it on before he plucked mine off the floor and tossed it to me. I barely sat up in time to catch it.

"Souji—"

"The mood is gone," he addressed me shortly. "Come on. We need to go bathe. Apparently, we have company this morning and we don't have time to fool around since Ani-ue decided to invite unneeded help so we can move faster through the investigation."

Souji then opened the door a crack and slipped out, leaving me alone in the room. I felt my heart drop to my stomach in disappointment as pulled my legs closed and sat on the futon a little longer to wait for the heat left in my lower belly to uncomfortably burn itself out. And this morning started off so pleasant too. I grumbled curse words at Saburo-san under my breath before finally getting up for the day. I had hoped to speak to Souji in the bathhouse while bathing to possibly dampen his temper, but he was already done and gone with his bath by the time I arrived.

By the time I finally arrived in the living area for breakfast, I felt like I had walked into a war zone.

It was like there was an invisible line drawn down the room and I had never felt gladder that all the kids were taking breakfast in Tsune-san's room to keep her company. The whole atmosphere felt icy, like if I left a cup of hot water in the room it would freeze over in seconds. That type of icy. To the left of the room sat Itou-san, who looked completely pleasant and unaffected by the frigid atmosphere, and Saburo-san, who looked incredibly smug despite the scolding he received from his hero figure. To the right of the room sat Mitsu-san and Souji. Mitsu-san was stewing silently in her seat while she glared at Saburo-san, and if her glare had the power to set things on fire, Saburo-san would have already been less than a pile of ash. Now Souji, on the other hand, he made Mitsu-san's glare seem like a wet paper towel. He was absolutely murderous. His knuckles had turned white from how hard he was gripping his chopsticks.

Then, sitting at the head of the room, directly on the middle of the invisible line, was a distinctly uncomfortable Rintaro-san. He looked like he would rather be anywhere except in this room. In fact, it seemed so bad, it looked like he was rethinking his life's choices.

"Ah! Shizuka!" Rintaro-san nearly shouted as soon as he saw me step into the room. He looked about ready to cry in relief. "There you are! Why don't you join us? Quickly!"

At the mention of my name, Saburo-san glance up from his lap. When his eyes met mine, that sorry look on his face vanished. Souji, on the other hand, along with Mitsu-san, they quickly made room and had me sit between them. It felt like I was sitting next to two watchdogs. Once seated, Itou clapped his hand to catch everyone's attention. He didn't seem to look the least bit affected by the tenseness floating in this room and I found myself admiring him for it. It was easy to see why other men followed Itou so readily. But still, it was a cold day in hell when I found myself preferring Itou's company over everyone else's right now.

"Now that Shizuka-chan is here, shall we begin?" Itou-san asked before subtly elbowing Saburo-san. "Miki, now apologize."

Saburo-san sighed before uttering a, "Sorry," to me. I wanted to roll my eyes at the empty word.

I snorted and crossed my arms at him. "You don't appear very sorry."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Rintaro-san acting like he was experiencing a heart attack. Now, Souji and Mitsu-san, on the other hand, seemed like they were actually planning murder.

"Because I'm not, honestly." Saburo-san flashed a smug grin at me. "You leave really little to the imagination when you're all hot and bothered like that. It's a turn on."

I raised my eyebrows at his answer as Souji's chopsticks snapped in his hand. I really wanted to say I was flattered, but I was really more annoyed than anything. I was too tired to even be mad.

Oh, and Itou? He looked absolutely frazzled by Saburo-san's unexpected answer. He snapped his head back at Saburo-san, looking appalled at his before he slapped Saburo-san on the back of the head.

"What is wrong with you?!" Itou howled as his pristine hair looked frizzed up. "We're not here for you to jerk off!" He then quickly ran his hands through his hair to smooth it out before clearing his throat. "I'll be sure to discipline him later, but for now, shall we discuss what we were called here to discuss? We mustn't let personal matters and vendettas interfere with our jobs."

Rintaro-san was quick to capitalize on Itou-san's words. "Yes!" he quickly cleared his throat when he realized just how loudly he yelled. "Let's get back to the reason we called this meeting, shall we? Now, yesterday, Shizuka examined the body of the girl that was found at the docks. We've identified the girl as Yamauchi Harumi, age eleven. Her haha-ue's deceased, dying from cholera a year earlier. The girl's chichi-ue is Yamauchi Eiichi, a calligraphy brush maker. Shizuka, can you tell us your findings?"

I sighed as I pushed everything else to the back of my mind, nodding as I glanced down at the bowl of rice that sat on my tray before grabbing the bowl of miso soup. "The girl was tortured and raped before she was killed. The flesh wounds had some remodeling, suggesting that those wounds were inflicted before death. The same could be said with her arms. The condition of the bones suggests that this girl had her arms lopped off before she was killed and her legs after she was killed."

"Wait. Seriously?" Saburo-san interrupted. His nose wrinkled in disgust as he set down his bowl of rice. "The bastard that did this started dismembering her before she was dead? How are you still able to eat while describing what happened to the girl?"

To my right, Mitsu-san's face turned green as any previous anger she had vaporized. She covered her mouth when her stomach revolted against her and she heaved. Thankfully, what little breakfast she had already consumed decided to stay in her stomach. She pushed her tray of food away and laid a hand on her stomach.

"Because she's already dead," I answered, only pausing to take a sip of soup as I shot another annoyed look at him. "The girl died and left us clues on her body that can help us track her killer and prevent. Honor her sacrifice and eat so we can have the energy needed to take down the killer once we find him. Now, as I was saying, The flesh wounds left on the girl were puncture wounds and the damage that was caused to the bone beneath those wounds suggest the killer used a weapon with a straight, beveled edge. Where the bone was cut in half, there are striation marks that can only be caused by a tool with teeth."

"A tool that has a straight, beveled edge is a chisel," Souji said just as he put down his broken chopsticks. His food remained untouched. "A tool with teeth that is used to saw is a dozūki. We're looking at a woodworker."

"And we're sure it's those tools that were used in this murder?" Itou-san interjected while reaching for his cup of tea. He gulped it down quickly, revealing that he wasn't as calm as he appeared. "There could be other tools that match the profile."

Souji shook his head. "I thought that too, but the wounds inflicted had trace amounts of sawdust in them. I couldn't recognize all the different types of wood bits in the wounds, but I did see some hinoki[2] in there. Hinoki is a common lumber used by carpenters."

"And we're sure this is the work of a man?" Rintaro asked. "I want to be absolutely sure."

"The girl was raped," I said as I put down my half-empty bowl of soup. "The presence of semen at least proves the one that raped her was a man. Then the tools used in the murder are woodworking tools, something only a man usually has. Plus, the damage on the bones suggests that a certain amount of skill with the tools and brute strength was needed. You know it's very rare for a woman to fit these criteria."

"We're going to start this investigation in the Sumida District," Rintaro-san said after a few quiet seconds. He focused most of his attention on Saburo-san and Itou. "All the children that turned up dead all come from a two-by-two square block located in that district. There's a good chance that the killer is taking them from that district out of convenience, so he must live in that area or at least live close to that area. I did some investigating yesterday and found that there are three carpenters that live in that area. Sanada Hideo, Hanamura Raiden, and Nakamura Ginjiro. Now, the people living in this area are frightened, but they are also familiar with each other. So, it will be a good idea to question other people first before we confront our main suspects to get a better feel for them."

"I take it we will be doing this today?" Itou asked as he put down his empty cup.

"Yes." Rintaro-san glanced briefly at Mitsu-san check on her with furrowed brows. "Itou-san, I want you and Saburo-san to look into Hanamura Raiden. I go look at Nakamura Ginjiro with one of my men. And Souji, I want you to go look at Sanada Hideo. I can ask one of my men to go with you—"

"There's no need," Souji quickly said. "I'll take Shizuka with me. She had a good mind for these types of things and having a woman with me while I question civilians might loosen some lips."

Rintaro-san opened his mouth at Souji's suggestion before closing them again wordlessly. He looked like he wanted to object to Souji's decision but decided against it in the end. Rintaro shook his head with a tired sigh before he turned to Mitsu-san, who still looked a little green around the gills.

"Mitsu, stay here with the Tsune-san and the children, okay. Try not to leave the house today."

Mitsu-san didn't say anything but clearly agreed with Rintaro-san's decision. Breakfast was quickly polished off in the tense silence and any leftovers were left for Mitsu-san to clean up while the rest of us left for the city. But before we left, Mitsu-san did force a small bag of konpeitō into my hands. I suspect it was because she was still worried about how comatose I looked yesterday.

The Sumida District was beautiful. The river framing the area gave the district a calming vibe while the exposed wood of the buildings gave everything a traditional and rustic feel. However, the air was tainted with a poisonous fear. An ominous shadow lingered over the neighborhood. The normally busy streets were hushed as few people walked the streets. A wide berth was given to anyone that seemed unfamiliar while the doors and windows of houses were locked tight. There was a tangible fear that in the air that I could feel down in my bones.

Souji raised his eyebrows at the social state of the neighborhood and nearly giggled when people gave us a large berth while walking around us.

"This reminds you of Kyoto, doesn't it?" Souji mused with his hand on the small of my back. "All these people avoiding us like we're yokai is just like how the people of Kyoto avoid the Shinsengumi."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I hardly find anything amusing about this. No one will talk to us if this keeps up," I muttered with one puffed up cheek.

"It's fine," Souji said as he pulled me with him towards a nearby building. Above the door of the building sat a sign that said Jinsokuna Kochi Transport. "The businesses are still open. We can question the owners." He then paused and looked at me, his expression turning slightly apologetic when he took in my pouty lip. "You're upset about this morning."

"I was hoping I'd get to finish too before starting the day, and Saburo-san is an idiot who ruins everything," I admitted. I let out a sigh and let my pout drop. "You left in such a hurry that I was left unsatisfied with a mess between my legs. After experiencing your administrations, there's no way I can finish on my own. I get that you were upset, but…," I let out a pitiful whine, "couldn't you have at least helped finish up?'

He let out a chuckle as he opened the shop door and began stepping inside. "Sorry. I'll make it up to you later," he said as I stepped into the shop right after him.

I really wished I had remained outside and waited for Souji.

It didn't matter if my fear of being alone had been rearing its ugly head lately. It was still so much better than being in here. I felt my joints freeze up when I saw who was at the counter.

"Welcome to…," Sachiko said, hesitating the slightest amount when her cold eyes land on me. She quickly ignored and disregarded my presence, "Jinsokuna Kochi Transport. We handled long-range shipping. How can I help you today?"

My breath caught in my throat and I found myself stumbling back clumsily until I hit Souji's chest. Souji quickly nudged me behind him while I held on to his sleeve like a child. Of all the businesses we had to step into, it had to be one that belonged to **_her_** husband?

My breath rasped out, sounding wreaked and scratchy as I forced myself to breathe. It felt like there was broken glass stuck in my throat. My fingers shook and my knuckles turned white. I stared down at the floor, too ruined to even be able to excuse myself and escape. I could feel an invisible serpent winding itself up my body from my legs, squeezing me slowly to my death.

I heard a small growl from under Souji's breath. His muscles tensed as he leveled a cold, businesslike gaze at her.

"I need to speak to your husband," Souji announced. His voice was hard and unyielding. "This is regarding the recent murders and I need some questions answered."

"I—," she sounded taken back by his tone and her perfect mask cracked a little. "My husband is currently not here and is at a friend's place. You might want to come back at a later time to try to catch him."

Souji snorted like he wanted to laugh at her suggestion before he narrowed his eyes dangerously at her, showing her his waning patience was about to snap. "How about no?" he said, rubbing the hilt of his swords. She backpedaled behind the counter at the explosion of unexpected hostility, her face losing all color as her eyes remained glued to Souji's swords. "You can tell me where he is now so I can find him. I don't want to come back at a later time and I know for sure that you no way in hell want me to come back later. So how about we spare everyone the trouble and you tell me right now."

She swallowed a hard lump in her throat and pointed to her left with a shaky hand. "Mikio is at Sanada-san's shop," her breath got caught trapped for a second as a flash of pure terror surface in her eyes at the mention of the other man, "two houses left of ours."

"Thank you for your service," Souji said coolly before he wrapped an arm around my shaking frame and began directing me outside. But before he stepped outside, he shot one more icy glance at Sachiko. "I suggest you keep an eye on Chinatsu-chan. Children are being murdered right now and you already have a shit reputation as a haha-ue. The least you can do is make sure the one that you decided was worth keeping stays safe."

Then he shut the door, officially separating us and Sachiko in different worlds. I felt Souji's hands quickly find my shoulders as he held me still in order to subdue my shaking.

"Shizuka, look at me," his gentle voice lured me out of the haze. I blinked and slowly raised my eyes to meet his. He offered me a small smile at my efforts as he rubbed my shoulders with his thumb. "Calm down. You did good."

Did well? I wanted to laugh at his words. What part of it was "good?" I still froze. I still cracked in her presence. I bit my lip and swallowed a sob threatening to emerge.

As if he could hear my depreciating thoughts, he brushed my bangs away from my face and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Don't do this to yourself," Souji said as he pried my fingers from his sleeve. "You could have fallen on your knees in there and crumbled, but you didn't. Don't let yourself think that your accomplishments mean nothing, not when you've already come so far from yesterday's affairs."

That coaxed a weak smile from as I placed my forehead on Souji's shoulder.

"I…," I took a deep breath, "Just give me a moment to catch myself. I can do this."

Those minutes I used to recompose myself felt like hours. Days. Years. I felt like I had aged a decade before I felt like I could move again. The fact that I still had work to do helped jumpstart my recovery. But, at the very end, I began feeling a strength in my soul that I hadn't been able to feel in days. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took in one more deep breath. I could do this.

I could move on.

"Let's go," I finally said. My voice did not shake. And for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt pride in myself. **_I could do this_**. "I think we just got a vital clue in there. She sounded absolutely terrified of this Sanada-san and that terror wasn't caused by you. There is something about this Sanada-san she's afraid of."

"Good girl," Souji said before we began walking toward the building Sachiko had pointed out earlier. "See? Getting better already."

She had said "Sanada-san's shop." Sanada Hideo was one of our primary suspects. The outside of the building seemed to solidify the man's position as a primary suspect. In front of the house lied planks of unused timber. Hinoka, akamatsu, and sugi planks were piled in an orderly manner. By the open door of the shop, a finished chest sat under the sun, waiting for the lacquer on it to dry.

I followed Souji into the front of the shop as I braced myself for meeting with Mikio-san again.

"Excuse me!" Souji called into the shop as he pushed the noren out of his way. He held the noren up for me as I stepped in too. "Is Mikio-san here?"

There were some footsteps and two men emerged from the living area behind the shop. One of the men was Mikio-san and the other man was someone I had not seen before. He was shorter than Mikio-san but his arms were built and looked like they had the strength of steel cables. But that was not the feature that was most noticeable on this stranger. His eyes were blue. Not blue like Saito-san's eyes, but blue like mine.

I had his eyes. I had Sanada Hideo's eyes.

I forced myself to swallow another lump that developed in my throat as I dug into the palms of my hands with my nails to prevent myself from freezing again.

"Okita-san?" Mikio-san said before a smile bloomed on his face. "I knew I recognized your voice! So, what can I do for you and your wife?"

"Oh?" Sanada interjected as he glanced between me and Souji. "You know them Mikio? Are they acquaintances of yours?"

There was no hint of recognition when Sanada glanced at me, throwing off my expectations. Sachiko was absolutely terrified at the mention of this man's name. I had his eyes. I could see parts of myself in this man. The pieces of the puzzle fell into place. The terror she had regarding this man had nothing to do with the case like I had originally thought. Suddenly, that boiling hatred I had towards Sachiko subsided until all I could feel was the remnants of hatred's shadows. Her husband, the man she loves, was friends with this Sanada. They only lived two houses away.

What a wretched existence she must live. I still hated Sachiko, but I now pitied her more than I hated her.

"Ah, yes!" Mikio-san said as he turned to Sanada. "This is Okita Souji-san and his wife Shizuka-san. They rescued my parents-in-law and Chinatsu from those ronin that accosted them when we were still on the road."

Sanada looked impressed, genuinely impressed. He was nothing like what I pictured he'd be. He seemed too amicable to seem like he could be some rapist. There **_had_** to be some piece of the puzzle I was still missing. Maybe he was just an excellent actor. He was a primary suspect for a serial murder case, a case that seemed to be filled with dead, dismembered girls that had been raped. But…

 ** _Something didn't feel right._**

Sanada's profile didn't match. His personality wasn't faked. His smiles reached his eyes, meaning they were genuine. I was missing something, and it was frustrating. I dug my nails into my palm even more. This was more annoying than upsetting.

"Really?" Sanada exclaimed at Mikio-san's explanation. He then presented Souji and me with a polite bow. "Then I'll have to properly show my gratitude too. Not only did you protect my best friend's family, but you also rescued my son's best friend." He paused when I tilted my head at this new piece of information. "Oh! Right! You don't know. Chinatsu-chan and my son, Genkei, are best friends. Anyways, my name is Sanada Hideo. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Hmm…? Is that so?" Souji commented just as he glanced out of the corner of his eyes at me before they widened slightly when they landed on my hand. His hand quickly snapped to mine to prevent me from digging my nails into my skin more and drawing blood. He then turned his harden gaze back to Sanada. "Then if you want to show your gratitude, perhaps you can answer a few questions for me."

"Questions?" Mikio-san parroted. He exchanged a confused glance with Sanada. "Can you tell us what this is about?"

"Remember down at the docks yesterday when I said we were already involved in the murders?" Souji said before he hesitantly released my hand and reached into his clothing. He pulled out a written document that was written by Rintaro-san this morning and showed it to the two men. Written in the document was a declaration of authority stating that Souji and I had special investigational privileges while in Edo. "My brother-in-law is head of the investigation. He requested my help in the case. Right now, I need to gather all the information I can from everyone in this area."

"Ah, so that's what you meant." Mikio-san nodded before turning to Sanada. "This is why I said Akiyama-san was so full of crap for saying the Shinchōgumi is a worthless investment." He then turned back to Souji. "Alright, we'll tell you everything we know, but won't this be hard on your wife? Women shouldn't be listening to these nasty cases."

I barely managed to stop a sour expression from surfacing on my face. I wanted to snap at Mikio-san, to tell him to quit assuming that he knows me, but that's when I caught Souji's subtle glance telling me to stay silent and follow his lead.

He had a plan.

"True enough," Souji lied to the men. He expertly faked concern, though it might not have been as fake as it should havea been, as he shot a very visible glance at me, signaling me to act meek. "Just seeing the girl's corpse from yesterday was enough for her to have nightmares all night."

Sanada and Mikio-san looked at me with expressions full of pity while a feigned shame and grabbed Souji's sleeve.

"Do you think she could rest in another room?" Souji asked. "Maybe send her to the back where your workshop is? I noticed that you're a carpenter and Shizuka has always held a fascination for woodworking."

"Of course," Sanada quickly agreed as he gestured to the door behind him. This was **_too_** easy. This man was either innocent of the killings or extremely confident and he did not strike me as the second option. "Shizuka-san, just step through this door and make a right. Try not to touch any of the tools. They're sharp and I don't want you to cut yourself."

I bowed my head, making myself appear as small as possible. "Thank you, Sanada-san," I replied with a perfected feminine voice before I stepped through the door and shut it behind me under the guise of giving the men privacy to speak. Instead, it was done because I didn't want them to see me shed my mask and snoop around.

I shook off the meek posture I took on as I entered the workshop and examined what I could see with a critical eye. If there was anyone dismembered in the workshop, I would be able to sniff it out. Literally. Bleach, in this era, wasn't an everyday chemical used for cleaning. If there was any blood, it would stain. Plus, the workshop was filled with unsealed wood. Unsealed wood absorbs liquids like blood.

And like what I expected, the workshop was completely clean with only a few large chunks of wood littering the floor of the workspace. The only thing the workshop smelled of was freshly cut wood. There were no stains and even most of the sawdust was cleaned off the floor. The tools were all neatly hanging on hooks on the wall, and from the condition they were in, there was no way they had ever been used on humans.

Blood was easy to wash off metal, but not all clues would be eliminated from merely cleaning the tools were used in a murder. Using sharp tools on the human body quickly dulls them. The bones and fluid in the human body did not lend well to the preservation of sharpness on tools. Sanada's tools were old and well taken care of. They were still razor sharp with no nicks or chips in the metal. These tools would have shown wear if they were used on bone. And since these tools were so old and well-used, there was no way that these were replacement tools.

Sanada wasn't the man we were after and, despite the physical characteristics I may have shared with this man, I was sure he wasn't the man that raped Sachiko all those years back. But that didn't rule out the possibility he was somehow related to Sachiko's rape. Her fear of this man had to be accounted for somehow.

As I was about to make my way to the front of the shop again, I heard a thump sound from further in the back that sounded like a painful fall.

"Ow! Let go of me! You're hurting me! Genkei!"

It made my head hurt. This was Chinatsu's voice and I still wanted nothing to do with her.

"Shut up! Why don't you ever do what you're told! It's you're fault that you're hurt!" another voice snapped. There were more sounds of a scuffle.

My mood soured significantly, which was saying something because I was already not feeling great, and I snapped the door of the room, where the sounds of the struggle were coming from, open. Both occupants froze at my sudden intrusion. There was Chinatsu, of course, then there was a boy. He looked older than Chinatsu, but only by a few years. The boy had a hand wrapped around Chinatsu's wrist and just as Chinatsu's sleeves slipped up her arm, I could see multiple handshape bruises that were an ugly purple and sickly green color.

I narrowed my eyes at the boy. This was Sanada's son? Chinatsu's supposed best friend? I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't have time to deal with this. Yet, I still found myself snatching Chinatsu's wrist out of this boy's hands and pushing her behind me. A righteous fury manifested in my chest.

"I may have been a little rough, but was her fault," the boy immediately accused Chinatsu as soon as he unfroze. He narrowed his eyes at Chinatsu, silently promising something horrible before his face grew smooth, pleasant even. "We'll continue this conversation later."

"No," I shook my head at the boy, "you won't."

This turned his attention to me and that **_look_** he had on his face when he was manhandling Chinatsu returned in full force. He took a threatening step towards me like he was expecting me to cower and yield to him. He was already taller than me at his young age and puberty was already causing him to bulk up. I, in reality, wasn't actually that much older than him. I was physically nineteen. But he needed more than just size to frighten me. I lived in a den of wolves. He was little more than a barely weaned pup with large balls.

He closed the distance between the two of us until he was close enough to breath down on my face. "What did you say?" he growled. Behind me, I could sense Chinatsu cowering.

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my finger. "I don't have time for this," I stated before I waved him away with my hand. Ho! That made him look like he wanted to grab me and throttle me. And when I turn my back to him and began escorting Chinatsu to the front, he lunged.

He may have had muscle, but it appeared that he lacked a brain. I didn't have to even turn around to make sure he planted his nose on my elbow. A sickening crack echoed the room followed by a howl of pain. In all his rage, he seemed to forget that there would be large pieces of lumber sitting on the floor.

Look where you step, lest you trip.

I'll admit, with all the emotional ups and downs I have had in the past few days, hitting someone felt real good.

All of the noise in the back had been more than enough to send everyone who was in the front running to investigate the back. And the men freaked at the sight of blood. Well, at least two of them did.

While Sanada and Mikio-san rushed to Genkei's side as Genkei was cupping his broken nose and rolling on the floor in pain, Souji raised his eyebrow at me. He quickly approached me in a much more calm fashion and pulled my arm straight before pushing back my sleeve. He looked like he wanted snort when he saw some redness on my elbow. Chinatsu, on the other hand, looked horrified at what had just happened. She hastily left my side and ran to Genkei's side before trying to stop the blood coming from his nose.

"What happened?!" Sanada exclaimed as he pulled away his son's hands to examine the damage.

I pretended to hiss in pain and cry a little when Souji poked at my elbow. "He tripped and his face clipped my elbow when he fell," I said while sniffling.

"Dammit, Genkei! I thought I told you to be more careful in the workshop." Sanada quickly helped his son to his feet and rushed him somewhere else in the building, probably for treatment.

Mikio-san, on the other hand, appeared split. He looked in the direction Sanada rushed off in and back towards Souji. "I'm sorry, but we'll have to end the questioning here," he finally said when he came to a decision while looking absolutely embarrassed. "Hideo's going to need help taking care of Genkei-kun's nose. If you have any other questions, I can answer them at another time." He then scurried off after Sanada, but not before calling back towards us. "Chi, go ahead and head home to help Okaa-san with the shop. Tell her I might take a while. Oh, Okita-san! Do you think you can escort her home? I don't want her by herself with all these murders going on."

Chinatsu looked like she wanted to protest, but she didn't get the chance to. I grabbed her arm and dragged her outside with me when Souji pulled me along with him. Once we were outside, Chinatsu snatched her arm away from me and scowled at me accusingly. She looked like she wanted to rip my face off.

Souji looked at the both of us before he placed his hand on his forehead and sighed.

"Alright," he said as he put both of his hands on his hips, "Shizuka, tell me what's going on. Why'd you break some kid's nose? I know you aren't feeling at your best right now, but this is a little much, even for you."

"Because she's a horrible person and a loser!" Chinatsu snapped, interrupting me before I could say anything. Suddenly, any sympathy I had felt for Chinatsu vanished as the urge to punt her across town developed.

"Really?" I gasped in false surprise before I narrowed my eyes at her. "Then, tell me, how long has your 'best friend' been hitting you?"

Souji's eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs at my words before focusing his attention on Chinatsu. "Oh, do tell."

Chinatsu shook her head and brushed her hair behind her ears before looking away. "It's nothing. You heard him, Shizuka. It was my fault. I should have been more careful. It's nothing you need to get involved with."

"And how many times has he told you that it was 'your fault?'" I asked, grabbing her wrist when she tried to walk away. "The first time he hit you, you thought it would be the only time, didn't you?" I watched her bite her inner cheek as I continued. "But he only got smarter after that. He made sure no one could see the bruises. He would apologize and tell you it was your fault all in one breath, and he was so persuasive. He told you that you were wrong so many times that you believed you wrong. Does any of this sound familiar to you?"

There was a short silence with Chinatsu still refusing to look at me and Souji.

"Everything she's saying is true, isn't it?" Souji said, shattering the silence. I couldn't quite decipher the look he was giving her.

When Chinatsu pulled her hand away again, I didn't stop her. "He didn't use to be like that," she murmured to herself. She was trying to convince herself more than us. "He's not like that. Look," she finally looked up at Souji and I, "I'm going to do what Otou-san said and go home. I'm not going to talk about this, and I'm certainly not going to talk about this with people I barely know."

Souji and I watched her as she walked away from us. She didn't even bother glancing back at us as she slipped into her family's shop. Souji then glanced down at me before he exposed my injured elbow once more to examine it.

"How did you know her thought process?" He rubbed my elbow like he was trying to rub the redness away. "Is it because you…"

I shook my head. "No. I was never in that type of relationship in my past life, but because I worked in the emergency room most of the time, I'd see cases of domestic abuse. While the victims' stories are all different, some parts of it are always the same." I sighed as I looked up at the sky. "I don't like Chinatsu. I want nothing to do with her, but I'm not a horrible enough person to turn a blind eye to this."

Because if you turn a blind eye to the world now, history will turn a blind eye to you later. Ignoring an issue makes you a tacit supporter of it.[3]

* * *

[1] Bitter melon, known as gōyā (ゴーヤー) in Okinawan, and nigauri (苦瓜) in Japanese (although the Okinawan word gōyā is also used), is a significant ingredient in Okinawan cuisine, and is increasingly used in Japanese cuisine beyond that island. It is popularly credited with Okinawan life expectancies being higher than the already long Japanese ones.

[2] _Chamaecyparis obtusa_ (Japanese cypress, hinoki cypress or hinoki; Japanese: 檜 or 桧) is a species of cypress native to central Japan. It is a slow-growing tree which grows to 35 m tall with a trunk up to 1 m in diameter. The bark is dark red-brown. The leaves are scale-like, 2–4 mm long, blunt tipped (obtuse), green above, and green below with a white stomatal band at the base of each scale-leaf. The cones are globose, 8–12 mm diameter, with 8–12 scales arranged in opposite pairs. The related _Chamaecyparis pisifera_ (sawara cypress) can be readily distinguished in its having pointed tips to the leaves and smaller cones.

[3] Quote by Stewart Stafford.


	77. Chapter 77

**Warning:** Strong language. Shizuka has quite the potty mouth in this chapter. And BlueRain893, I hear your suggestion. I'll add more warnings in the future.

* * *

 **Chapter 77**

 _"Beware the broken girls. They've learned how to survive with shards of glass under their skin. They're glittering, sharp and beautiful—And they will watch you bleed with a smile." —Mind the Thorns, Darling - C.K (VIA WIDOWBITESANDHEARINGAIDS)_

Tsune-san was quick to twirl the cane out of my reach, something quite the accomplishment for someone who was still bedridden. But, then again, I was short and my reach was very… unimpressive, to put it lightly. So, maybe the feat Tsune-san performed wasn't all that impressive and my attempts were just very sad. Either way, I scoffed and rolled my eyes at her while she, in response, performed a little, happy jig with her arms before sticking her tongue out at me. She then tucked the cane under the blankets, right by her legs just opposite of the side I was sitting on, making it impossible to steal. I narrowed my eyes at her. Mocking my reach, was she now?

"Oh, real mature," my petty retort came when I rested my hands on top of both Ryota and Tamako-chan's heads as I resorted to pretending it wasn't my **_real_** intention to snatch her cane away. "You know, I totally could have snatched that cane out of your hands if Ryota and Tamako-chan weren't piled on my lap."

I turned my nose up in the air and added a false stuffy sniff in good fun.

"Wha?" Ryota said in response once he heard his name. He looked up at me from his seat before he snuck a peek at Tamako-chan's face. Quickly taking note of what he saw on the older girl's face, he pinched is brows and puffed up his cheeks, copying the look of offense that was written on Tamako-chan's face and directed that look at me.

"Not our fault," Tamako-chan stated with an adorable scowl, her puffy cheeks making her look more like a cuddly teddy bear rather than an annoyed toddler that could my people's ears off. She slid from her seat on my lap and onto the futon so she could use my thigh as a pillow. "Onee-san slow."

Ryota was quick to copy Tamako-chan again. Oh, lord! He was even crossing his stubbly arms at me in an attempt to emulate Tamako-chan perfectly. However, all that accomplished was tempting me into tugging on their cheeks. The annoyed look on Ryota's face quickly turned into a puddle of goo as he squealed and wiggled. Tamako-chan, on the other hand, was much more resilient, only letting out a small squeak when I poked her tummy before melting into giggles as she rolled around on the futon in an attempt to escape my tickling fingers.

Tsune-san covered her mouth as she burst into laughter at the two toddlers. Even Souji, who was currently occupied with entertaining his nephew and older niece in the opposite corner of Tsune-san's bedroom, paused his little game of "keep away" just to see what was causing all the fuss. He grinned just before letting Ishi-chan tackle his legs. Letting himself drop the floor, he let out a silly moan as if he were fatally wounded.

"Ha!" Yoshijiro-kun exclaimed as he piled on top of Souji's abdomen, fully believing that would be enough to keep Souji on his back, as Ishi-chan clung to Souji's legs. "We caught you! See? We can be as fast as you!"

"Is that so?" Souji grinned with a devilish twinkle in his eye before he suddenly surprised them by rolling over and capturing the two kids beneath him. Ishi-chan let out an annoyed grunt when Yoshijiro-kun accidentally kicked her in the tangle of limbs.

I snorted as I turned my attention back to Tsune-san, briefly glancing at the small lump in her blanket where the cane was sitting was before looking back up at her face.

"Do you really want to try walking again tomorrow?" I asked just as Ryota grabbed my long sleeve with his grabby fingers. I shook his fingers free, causing him to whine before he started reaching for my sleeve again. However, he was interrupted mid-attempt by a big yawn. His fingertips barely grazed my sleeve before he decided it wasn't worth the effort anymore and rolled onto his side with closed eyes to get comfortable for the night. "There's no shame in waiting a little longer to regain more strength. In fact, I would feel better if you waited a little longer. It'll be hard on your body since you've been off your feet for so long, and there is a fall risk. Your legs are still weak."

Tsune-san shook her head before she put a hand on her thigh and squeezed it. Her eyes were unfocused as she glanced at her where her feet were under the blankets before she perked up again, banishing whatever thoughts were plaguing her.

"I have been trapped in bed long enough," she stated, causing a small sigh to escape my lips as the corners curled upward. Those words were so familiar. "I will start walking tomorrow, even if it kills me."

"No need to go so far as death." I let out an exasperated sigh. "You're just like Souji when it comes to being stuck in bed. You know, one time, Souji caught a cold that was going around headquarters. He had a high fever and he still refused to stay in bed to sleep it off. I had to give him a shot of saké to get him to pass out so he'd stay in bed."

Souji rolled his eyes at me at the mention of his name. "You're exaggerating," he said just as he let the two kids caught beneath him wiggle free. "The fever wasn't that high. I would have been fine going on patrol."

"Says the person that passed out with a sip of saké," I snipped back with crossed arms.

Both Ishi-chan and Yoshijiro-kun exchanged a glance with each other, seemingly amazed that their invincible uncle could be taken out with a simple cup of alcohol. However, that amazement quickly dissolved when Souji flicked both of them on the foreheads to chase that chain of thought away. Just before they could both tackle Souji again to resume their game, Mitsu-san's voice rang out from somewhere else in the house.

"Ishi! Yoshijiro! You two should be getting ready for bed! It's getting late! Ryota-chan and Tamako-chan need to sleep too!"

The two opened their mouths, looking like they wanted to protest. It wasn't **_that_** late, after all. But Souji waved them off before they could start their long list of reasons why they should be allowed to delay their bedtime.

"Off you go," Souji said as he gave the two kids a little shove towards the door. Those two dug their heels into the floor in response. It was cute how much they wanted to spend time with their uncle. "You know what your haha-ue's like when people disobey her. You don't want to get chewed out by her in the middle of the night, do you? We can play again tomorrow. Plus," Souji rubbed his ear subconsciously, "that ear twist of hers isn't fun."

The siblings quickly slapped their hands over their ears and shut their mouths. There was a look of absolute horror at the mention of Mitsu-san's infamous "ear twist." I hadn't exactly experienced this "ear twist" myself, but I had seen Mitsu-san use it on Souji when he refused to eat his spring onions that one time she came to visit us back at headquarters when I was still pregnant. It looked like it hurt. It was also one of the reasons Hijikata-san and Otou-san were afraid to get her mad.

"Okaa-san is scary when's she's mad," Yoshijiro-kun admitted with a nod. He now looked like he agreed full heartedly with the notion of going to bed. "Even Otou-san tries to run and hide when Okaa-san gets mad at him."

Souji snorted at that piece of information while I covered my mouth to hide that amused smile that had surfaced. I could totally see it. Rintaro-san ducking behind a wall, cowering as Mitsu-san scolded him while she held a pan threateningly in her hand. That image was all too believable.

Ishi-chan tugged on Yoshijiro-kun's clothing as she inched closer to the door. "Come on, we should go before—"

She was interrupted when Mitsu-san started counting down rather loudly from outside.

"Night!" they both exclaimed in a rush to everyone in the room before scrambling from the room.

Souji chuckled as they fled the room. He watched them vanish down the hall in an almost cartoonish manner before got up from his spot on the floor and came to take a seat next to me. His hair was sticking up in odd places from all that wrestling. He merely shrugged when I blew on some of his of his hair before he flattened the rebellious strands with his hands.

"You look like you had fun," I commented as I gave a dozing Ryota to Souji before picking up Tamako-chan, who was half-way to dreamland. Tsune-san flipped the corner of her blanket up so I could set Tamako-chan down. Tamako-chan snuggled up to Tsune-san just after I tucked her in. "They're both really active kids, aren't they? Ishi-chan especially liked to follow me around after we got back from town. And Yoshijiro-kun seemed really eager when you said you'd teach him some kenjutsu."

"You could say that," he said just as Ryota wrapped his arms around Souji's neck and refused to let go. Souji chuckled when Ryota nuzzled the side of his neck. "And it looks like Ryota's sleeping with us tonight. He might have had fun last night, but it looks like he wants to come back and sleep with us tonight."

"That is probably a good thing," Tsune-san agreed as she rubbed Tamako-chan's back. "These two spent all of last night giggling and barely slept a wink. Both are still young, so they will need proper sleep." She then carefully eased the cane out from under the blanket, but she still kept a careful eye on me like she believed I was still set on stealing cane. "Now, will you tell me a little about the investigation? Did your ventures today unveil anything? Staying in bed all day, even with the company of the children, was hardly thrilling. I could feel myself aging as the day crawled by. I need to hear a little about the happenings in town to liven things up."

I rolled my eyes at her again. "Your embellishing it. Your day couldn't have been **_that_** boring. And the children are adorable. I mean," I jabbed my thumb at Ryota, "just look at that face."

She elbowed me in the side at my response, making me tip onto my side on her futon before she focused her attention on Souji with a deceptively sweet smile, silently encouraging him to tell her everything when her prodding at me proved fruitless. Souji raised his eyebrow at the whole exchange when I refused to get off the futon and faked a wounded moan with my head resting on Tsune-san's lap. He unhooked Ryota's arms around his neck and placed a dozing Ryota on top of my stomach, who instantly latched onto my body like a koala.

"Well," Souji answered Tsune-san before that cheer on his face fade away into a humorless smile, "I could tell you, but are you sure you want to hear this? It's not something most people would want to hear, especially since you have daughters."

Tsune-san frowned at the answer, falling silent as she dropped her eyes to Tamako-chan's sleeping form. She ran her hand down Tamako-chan's back before letting out a sigh, her eyes flickering to me for a moment as her eyes rose to meet Souji's again.

"You mean you have not made progress in tracking down Gashadokuro," Tsune-san said with her hand clenching around the bedsheets. "The murderer is still running amok in the city streets." She then brushed away some of the hair that had fallen on my face before rushing to peck my forehead. "Shizu-chan, you need to be extra careful. I don't want Gashadokuro to get you too."

I slowly sat back up, careful not to disturb Ryota, who was still clinging to me. At the change of orientation, Ryota let out a small whine before letting me shift him so his head could rest on my chest. I rubbed his back to get him to settle back down again, and within seconds, he was snoozing away and drooling slightly, much to my annoyance.

"Tsune-san, there's no need to worry about me. I can handle myself," I said just as took the hand towel Souji grabbed from a nearby cabinet. I quickly wedged it in between me and Ryota's face. "Plus, I'm a little old to be in the population that this serial killer preys upon. My body type no longer matches what the killer is looking for in the girls he abducts either. Being pregnant at least once will do that."

She let out a relieved sigh and offered me a small smile. "That is true enough. Now, will you tell me what you two uncovered today?"

I shared a glance with Souji before I nodded.

"With the clues Shizuka managed to find on the girl's body, we did manage to narrow down the suspect, but," Souji let out a sigh and snuck another careful glance at me, like I was fragile, "it wasn't enough. Our investigation yielded nothing that could be helpful to the case."

Tsune-san was silent. She looked at Souji with a critical eye before turning that sharp gaze to me. It was so intense that I found myself turning away just to escape, but just as it did that…

Blue eyes appeared in my mind, spooking me and sending an unpleasant shiver up my spine. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up for a second.

"But it did yield something," Tsune-san concluded. I could still feel her preceptive gaze on me. "Shizu-chan, you are too silent. I would understand that if it is because you are frustrated with the lack of progress with the case, but that is not it, is it? I raised you with Isami-san. I know when my daughter's vital spirit is fractured. What did you discover?"

I let out a tired sigh as I looked up at the ceiling. Above, I could see a moth fluttering above the wooden beams.

"A whole lot of unpleasantness," I finally said. "Please, I don't want to talk about it. Not yet."

Tsune-san looked a little hurt that I was shutting her out, but she didn't push out of the fear of causing more cracks. She glanced back at Souji, looking for any hints, clues, to what may have happened. That produced no results either.

"Then what did you learn regarding the case," Tsune-san asked, giving up for the moment as she reached over and tucked my bangs behind my ear. I gave her a half-hearted smile at her understanding nature. "What of the men being investigated?"

"Sanada Hideo doesn't match the profile," Souji answered as he tucked his hands into his sleeves. "He's not clever enough to be a serial killer and his tools show no proof of being used on anything else other than wood. Nakamura Ginjiro doesn't match either. According to Ane-ue, he's an unpleasant man, constantly moody and has a lousy temper. However, this man can't lie to save his life, and like Sanada, his tools show no proof of being used on humans."

"Then, there's Hanamura Raiden," I added, finding my voice once more. "Itou and Saburo-san," Souji scowled at the mention of **_someone's_** name, "said that this man is retired from woodworking. He's pretty old. I think Itou said that Hanamura is somewhere in his late seventies. It's unlikely that a man of that age still has the strength to do that amount of damage to another human."

"But just because Hanamura's retired doesn't mean that his tools are no longer in use," Souji said before clicking his tongue. "From what I hear, the man lends out his tools to others who want to use them because he can't bear watching his tools grow dull while they collect dust. Some of his tools are damaged just because they're older and because he does lean them out to novices who don't know how to use them properly, but there are also quite a number of them absent from his workshop since they are still in other people's hands. Luckily, Itou-san was smart enough to get a list of people who still have Hanamura tools in their possession. We can go check those people tomorrow."

"It's going to be another long day tomorrow," I commented as I peeked at Tamako-chan. She was already asleep. Ryota, on the other hand, was only halfway there even though he was already starting to snore. "We should be putting Ryota down for the night before unwinding ourselves. We need to be up early tomorrow."

There was a cough by the door. We turned our heads to see Rintaro-san standing in the doorway looking somewhat displeased. It was probably because he caught us telling Tsune-san about the nasty murder case when Tsune-san was supposed to be focused on recovering. Souji's face twitched, growing slightly sour at Rintaro-san's expression. It looked like he wanted to say something crass to his brother-in-law, but Rintaro-san spoke first.

"Souji. Shizuka. You two have visitors. They showed up demanding to see you two," Rintaro-san said, uncrossing his arms. "It looks like it's about something serious. They seem near hysterical."

I tilted my head at Souji, and he shrugged at me in response. As Rintaro-san turned back around to return to where the guests were, I carefully pried Ryota free and tucked him into the futon next to Tamako-chan. Souji decided to head out first, catching up to Rintaro-san while I was making Ryota comfortable, something that was difficult to do because Ryota kept trying to grab my fingers in order to make me stay.

"It won't be long. Okaa-san will be back," I whispered to Ryota before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "So, be good for Tsune-san, okay? Okaa-san loves you."

Ryota settled down just enough for me to sneak away as his grip on my fingers relaxed. I offered Tsune-san a thankful smile before slipping out of the room. Surprisingly enough, Souji, who left the room first, wasn't too far ahead of me. In fact, the moment I slipped out of Tsune-san's room, I could see his back down at the mouth of the hallway. I jogged a little to catch up with him.

"Hey," I said tapping his shoulder just as I stepped around him. "What are you standing here for—"

My voice died when I saw who our guests were with my feet growing heavier and heavier until they became too heavy for me to take another step. A cool sensation flooded my veins before I felt my heart grow cold. Suddenly, the orange glow of the lanterns lighting up the room felt out of place. The warmth of the summer night could no longer be felt. Instead, goosebumps covered my skin as an unnatural chill began crawling up my legs.

It was **_her_**.

Her husband and son were in the room too, but they mattered little. **_She_** was here. The one who ignored me, the one who surgically cut me out of her life, the one who left me to die that—

 ** _She was here._**

 ** _She_** had the gall to come to my family home. After all the shit she had put me through, she suddenly had the need to come find me? I wanted to laugh. I wanted to spit in her face. I wanted to kick her. I wanted to tell Mitsu-san to stop comforting her and to throw her out of the house. Let her cry her soul out. Why should we care?

Why should I care?

"Souji-san! Shizuka-san!" Mikio-san cried. I barely registered his voice, his actions, as he threw himself on the floor before me and Souji with his forehead touching the floor. The floor around his face grew slick with his tears. "I'm begging for your help. Please! Chinatsu! She's gone. She's been taken!"

"When?" I heard Souji ask as my eyes remained glued to Sachiko's tearstained face. I filtered out the rest of Mikio-san's blabbering as he grabbed onto Souji's hakama.

Beside her, I could see my half-brother Ichiro attached to her side looking utterly confused as if no one bothered to explain to him what had occurred. All Sachiko could do was cry on Mitsu-san's shoulder and grab onto her arms when Mitsu-san tried to dry her tears. In the pit of my stomach, heat boiled until it burned my insides.

Sachiko had never once cried for me.

"Please," Sachiko finally whispered. She looked so broken. It was a foreign sight and it stung. "Help us. She's my daughter. My daughter."

My jaw clenched as my chest ached.

"So?" I narrowed my eyes at her as I wrapped my arms around myself as a shield. I had no patience left, no grace left to give as I sneered down at her crumpled form. "So, what if she is your daughter? That **_hardly_** seems to mean anything, least of all to you."

"Shizuka, that's enough," Mitsu-san snapped at me, her frown speaking louder than her words. "This isn't proper behavior. Where is your sympathy?"

"I have none for her. In fact, I even doubt she even really cares about her daughter."

"I'm Chinatsu's haha-ue!" Sachiko finally yells at me, having more than enough of my crass words. There was a fierce glare directed at me that was very obviously fueled by her love for Chinatsu.

Where was her love for me? I stared back into her glare to find it devoid of any emotion saved for me. There wasn't even hatred.

"I'm her haha-ue! Don't you dare say I don't care for my daughter."

 _Don't I dare?_

 _How._

 _Dare._

 _She._

I could feel something finally breaking inside of me. White noise filled my ears.

"You were mine too! I was your daughter too!"

Everyone, everything, in the room froze at that outburst. Even the crickets fell quiet as those words. They were never supposed to be said out loud. They were never supposed to escape from my lips. It was too late. My cheeks burned as furious tears slid down.

"You were mine too and you fucking left me to die! And now that the one that you actually wanted, the one you kept, has been taken, you finally acknowledge my existence? Now that I'm associated with people who can help you find her, I'm finally worth something to you?"

I scoffed as I turned my head away briefly to try to blink away the hateful tears.

"And how much is Chinatsu even worth to you?" I spat, feeling a sick joy when I watched her flinch. I wanted to make her bleed in the same way she made me bleed. "How much did you really know her, huh?! Did you fucking know she gets beaten by her supposed best friend?! Of course not since you made it your fucking mission to stay as far away as possible from that boy's chichi-ue because he looks like the bastard who fathered me! Shows what type of haha-ue you are!"

"Fathered her?" Mikio-san whispered almost breathlessly as he swings his head around to stare a Sachiko. "Beaten? Sachiko, what is she talking about? She's your daughter? You've been with another man before?"

A humorless laugh escaped at Mikio-san's confusion as cruel smile twisted my face. "So, even your husband doesn't know about your past?" My hand found its way to my face just as I snorted to prevent myself from louder. "You know what?" The humorless laugh vanished as I let my hand drop. "Screw you. I'm done. Go look for help elsewhere."

No one said anything or followed me as I stormed out of the room and to the guest bedroom. I slammed the door of the guest bedroom shut, not caring if the parchment on the doors ripped when my fingernails dug into them. Grabbing the edge of an ordinate chest, I tossed it on its side and kicked the contents as they spilled out of the chest. I grabbed the blankets on the futon and threw them against the wall as I screamed and cursed at the world. I punched and kicked at the wall until my feet ached and my knuckles bled. Then, with no energy left, I collapsed against the wall, letting myself slide down it until I could curl up into a ball and hide my face behind my legs.

I hated her.

Hated.

HATED.

 ** _HATED._**

 ** _SHE NEEDED TO SUFFER._**

And then a hand touched my knee, disrupting my curses and causing me to look up. All I could see was green. **_Green like her eyes_**. Before I could even register what had happened, I had thrown a punch. But, before my fist could make contact with the intruder's face, a hand caught my punch as another hand touched my wet cheeks.

"Shizuka. Come on. Snap out of this," I heard Souji whisper. "Come back to me."

Then the haze cleared up and I saw his face. He pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me when he saw that I wasn't going to struggle. His strong arms around me shielded me from my demons, from my justified rage that cried for revenge. I could feel parts of myself being stitched back together in a jagged patchwork when I finally felt safe enough to allow the tears to fall freely.

"You're okay," he whispered into my ear. "Don't lose yourself."

I grabbed the fabric of his clothing as I howled against his chest. I don't know how long I cried against him, ruining his clothing. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Everything that had been bottled up for years had exploded, escaped. It had become a spectacle for the one I least wanted to bear witness to it. I had shown hideous beast that I had managed to restrain for so long. The broiling hatred I had held inside myself for so long.

Yet Souji was still here, embracing me along with my darkness.

"So," Souji said just as my sniffling started to die down, "what will you do now?"

"I want her to suffer," I mumbled into his chest. "I want her to lie in anguish. I want her to be left with nothing but regret."

But…

This was not who I was. If I did what I desired I would be no better than the woman who left me to die. I will not become her.

 ** _I am better than her._**

I could feel pride swelling in Souji's chest as I spoke my next words.

"We need to rescue Chinatsu. This has gone on long enough and I'm putting an end to this right now."


	78. Chapter 78

This chapter was complicated to write and the next few will be too, so they might take longer than usual to be posted. So, because of that, I'll be opening my tumblr up for another Q&A where you can ask Shizuka and Souji questions (Ryota too, but he might not be able to answer well). I'll also have Hijikata as a guest in this Q&A this time. The rules will be the same as the last one. Please do not ask about events that have yet to happen yet in this rewrite that may have already happened in the original story. My tumblr username is exactly the same as my fanfiction username. This Q&A session will be open until the next chapter goes up.

 **Warning:** Some parts of this chapter are actually quite disturbing. People with weaker stomachs, please be advised.

* * *

 **Chapter 78**

 _"_ _We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe." ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe_

My eyes fluttered up briefly, my aimless gaze leaving the spot it was glued to for so long just as I felt Souji shift next to me, disturbing my trance. His shoulders felt too tense, like stiff wood that was left out in the sun to dry, yet, at the same time, his shoulders felt tired to the point of being malleable. Our eyes met for less than a second before I immediately glanced away and shifted my weight so I wasn't leaning on him anymore. However, when his fingertips brushed against the back of my hand, I aborted my course of action and leaned the side of my head back against his shoulder as I let my eyes drift back to the spot I was staring at earlier. There was a small dot moving on the wall. Probably a small spider. A small shutter crawled up my spine when I thought about the creature's many creepy legs.

My head pounded, making my head feel too heavy and my neck too brittle. A stone sat in my lungs and a lump in my throat, making each breath more laborious than it ought to be. A sound equivalent to the sound of nails on a chalkboard could still be head despite being muted by many walls and closed doors. Somewhere in the house, I could still hear Sachiko's cries despite Mitsu-san's attempts to comfort the woman.

After the anger faded there was only fatigue left in my body. Yet, that didn't stop the desire to grab Sachiko by the shoulders and scream, "Shut up!" over and over again in her face.

I hated the sound of her crying and I'd give anything for her just to be silent.

Her cries reminded me of everything I would never have with her. She would never be **_my_** mother, that much was abundantly clear. She was merely just the person that provided half of my genetic information. It was that painful knowledge that left my body feeling sore and my joints throbbing. But, at the same time, I was not such a horrible person that I didn't understand her heartache. I was a mother now too. That mutual understanding that we shared made caused a dull pain to radiate from my chest every time my heart beat. It made me **_wish_** that I was that horrible just so the aching in my chest would vanish.

I felt Souji press his lips on the top of my head before one of his arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer. I closed my eyes, wanting to melt into his warmth and his gentle touch as his thumb ghosted over my bandages, which now extended from knuckles down to my forearms. There were hushed whispers in the room. Rintaro-san's prodding questions and Souji's reassurances so quietly that they could almost be drowned out by Sachiko's anguished cries.

"Souji, maybe she should stay behind today and keep Tsune-san company. It was one of her blood relatives that was taken this time. Her imōto. Plus, it looks like she could use some rest."

"No, Shizuka's definitely not staying behind today. Not with Sachiko here. And blood means nothing. Shizuka is related to these people, but they are **_not_** family."

"Souji—"

"Ani-ue, let it drop. It's just the same conversation over again," Souji insisted. I opened my eyes to glance up at his face as I pushed myself further against his side. "You're head of the family, but I'm her husband. I'm supposed to know all her facets more intimately than you. Don't doubt me when I say I know what she needs."

I heard a grumble in the back of Rintaro-san's throat as he yielded and crossed his arms. He turned his face to break eye contact with Souji's intense stare. There were hints of red on his cheeks, speaking of the embarrassment and slight shame he felt from being bested by his wife's younger brother. I offered Rintaro-san a weak smile. Even though his suggestions were borderline horrible, his heart was in the right place. His sentiments were enough to bring some warmth back to my fingertips.

It was the opening of the door that drew our eyes. Itou, with his lips pressed into a fine line, stepped into the room with Saburo-san trailing in behind him. Just as they shut the door behind them, some light leaked into the room from a slightly ajar window. The sun was rising after a restless night. Itou and Saburo-san took their seats with Saburo-san letting out an annoyed huff just as his butt touched the ground. He raised his eyebrows questioningly in my direction when I didn't greet him with a sarcastic comment.

"And you look like hell because…?" Saburo-san asked with a snorted. I averted my gaze, not being in the mood for our typical bout of words. "Ani-ue and I were the ones sent out to investigate the scene of the crime while you sat here all night. What? Did someone die while we were gone?"

That was a poor choice of words.

Saburo-san's bravo faded when I remained silent. He furrowed his brows and leaned towards me so he could tap me on the forehead.

"Hey… Are you…," his voice faltered, "okay?"

Souji clicked his tongue at Saburo-san's question before he placed his hand on Saburo-san's cheek and pushed, eliciting a surprised splutter from the man. Souji narrowed his eyes, killing the snappy retort in Saburo-san's throat before it could even be voiced.

"How about you get your face out of my personal space and get on with what you and Itou-san uncovered at the crime scene," Souji snapped. Oh, his tone was frigid! "This is time sensitive since we need to get to Chinatsu-chan before she gets gutted. Shizuka isn't yours to prod at."

Rintaro-san pinched his nose like he smelled something unpleasant, a sentiment I shared right now. I did **_not_** want to deal with Souji and Saburo-san being snippy with each other on top of everything that was going on right now. Itou too, by the look of his pinched brow.

"Can we just discuss the case right now?" I said, placing my hand on Souji's thigh.

Souji let out a sigh and was quick to abort the budding argument. Saburo-san, in turn, mumbled something under his breath before crossing his arms and doing the same. He spared me one more arched eyebrow before he spoke.

"Despite the streets having a fair amount of people at the time of the victim's abduction, no one seems to have seen anything," Saburo-san paused to share a glance with his older brother. "If the victim was rendered unconscious and carried off, someone would have noticed. There's no way someone would look inconspicuous while carrying an unconscious child, especially now of all times."

"But," Itou crossed his fingers and placed his hands on his lap, "that, in itself, is a clue. The people we questioned stated that they had seen nothing abnormal, so, perhaps, the perpetrator is someone that the community is familiar with. If the perpetrator is someone that Chinatsu-chan knows, the perpetrator could have just asked her to follow him and everyone, including herself, would have been none the wiser."

Rintaro-san placed a hand on his forehead, clutching it like he was suffering from a nasty headache. "And hundreds of familiar faces pass by the district every day. How would this 'clue' help us narrow down the suspects?"

"The list," Souji stated just as he held his hand out at Itou. "We know what tools are being used to commit the murders and we know Hanamura Raiden has been lending out his tools. People dropping by Hanamura's shop to borrow the tools are regular faces in the district too."

"We can use those people as a starting point," Itou agreed, reaching into his clothing to pull out a small folded square of paper. He placed the folded-up list in Souji's hands, who promptly unfolded it and laid it flat on the floor.

I leaned close to the list to get a glimpse of the names on the paper. There was a total of six names on the list and there were checkmarks next to three of the six names.

"What are those for?" I asked as I touched one of the checkmarks, using my fingers to trace the dried ink lines.

"Those," Itou said, looking all too pleased with my question, "are to mark the people who still currently have some of Hanamura's tools on hand. The others, of course, do borrow tools from Hanamura, but at the moment, they've already returned everything they've borrowed."

"Hashimoto Takeo, Takenaka Haru, and Hinamori Subaki," Rintaro-san muttered the three names. He glanced at the other names on the list for a few seconds before looking up at each one of us in the room. "I want to make sure we cover all our bases. Itou-san, I want you and your otōto to go take a look at Hashimoto. Souji, you get Takenaka while I'll cover Hinamori. For the remaining three on the list, I'll have some of my men go investigate."

"We'll need to work fast," I said as I glanced at the sliver of sunlight coming in through the window. "Gashadokuro is known to kill his victims a couple of days after the abduction and he chops off limbs before killing. Ideally, we need to get to Chinat—," her name got caught in my throat, "the victim before she loses any body parts."

We dispersed shortly after that. Rintaro-san was the first to leave the house and last to leave the base, as he had to round up his men first. Itou and Saburo-san left shortly afterward with Itou mumbling something under his breath before rolling his eyes at something his brother said. Before Saburo-san stepped back outside, he flicked my forehead, grinning when I scowled and rubbed the spot.

"You still owe me that drink," he said, leaning over me as we stood by the front door. I couldn't see Souji's face behind me, but I feel the heat from his glare that was boring into Saburo-san. "So, hurry up and lose that dour attitude. You're no fun to drink with when you're like that, you old hen."

He let out a light laugh when I attempted to bat him away, dancing out of reach before joining Itou. Once he was gone, I felt Souji's hand on my hip. I glanced up at him and raised my eyebrows when he sneered and hissed a few choice words at Saburo-san's retreating back.

"No need to be so rude," I admonished Souji with a small smile. He didn't look the least bit sorry. "He was just trying to cheer me up in his own way."

"Yeah," Souji retorted with a snort before pressing another kiss on the top of my head, "well, he's in treading on my toes. Don't get so familiar with him." He then seemed to shift gears rather quickly as he reached over to my naginata that was leaning on the wall nearby. Snatching up the weapon rather quickly, he quickly secured it to my back by tying it on with a strap. "Come on. We should get going our—"

"Ah, if it isn't Okita-san!" A voice interrupted Souji. We glanced up and spotted Sanada at the open front door peering into the house at us. I shied back, half hiding behind Souji, despite Sanda looking more worried than intimidating. "Sorry to interrupt, but maybe you can help me with something…"

Souji tried to exchange a silent glance with me before he decided to step forward. "Sanada-san, what do you need? As you can probably tell, things are a little hectic. You can hear the wailing emanating from the back of the house, can't you?"

Sanada-san expression dropped as his hands clenched. "So, it is true. Chinatsu-chan was taken." His eyes then shot back up to meet Souji's. "Then I need to be there Mikio. Please excuse me!" he then exclaimed before shoving past us and rushing to the back of the house.

The was a moment of silence when the Sachiko's cries seemed silenced. Then it was like there was a banshee screaming. The screaming was harsh enough that I flinched and inched closer to the door. Souji let out a sigh and glanced back down at me. He looked very tired. I suddenly felt very guilty. He didn't sleep last night because of the kidnapping and because he was helping me cope with my demons.

" ** _YOU!_** How **_dare_** you show up after everything your son has done to my daughter!"

"S-Sachiko-san? What do you mean by that? Mikio what's going on? What is she talking about?"

"Maybe we should all calm down and talk about this—"

"What is there to talk about, Mikio?! I want him out! Get him out!"

"Maybe we should go now," Souji suggested, something I could I whole-heartedly agree to. He began nudging me out the door. "Looks like Ane-ue will have her hands full with our guests."

I nodded and practically bolted from the house, only pausing at a crossroad to wait for Souji to catch up. He was the one with Takenaka's address. By myself, I'd only be as effective as a pair of flippers in the middle of a desert. When Souji caught up with me, I received a light scolding.

"Tsune-san asked that I look out for you," he said as he tapped my nose. "I can't do that if you run off like that. Now," he put an arm around my shoulder and steered me left, "we need to go that way. Takenaka lives close to Edo Bay[1]."

"He's a fisherman then?" I asked as I trotted along. The further we moved away from his sister's house, and Sachiko, the better I began to feel. Eventually, that weight sitting in my stomach completely lifted away with only the lump in my throat remaining. I suppose this was as normal as I was going to feel for this duration.

Souji hummed a confirmation. "I got some more information about the guy out of Itou-san before he left. He apparently specializes in fishing up tairagi[2] and oysters, though he does catch some actual fish from time to time. He frequents the Suminda district roughly about three days a week and is known to be fond of children. Whenever he catches anything extra, he likes to give it to the children to share with their families." We made another turn, avoiding one of the busier streets by cutting through a few back alleys. "And, for some reason, Itou-san found it fit to say that his guy is persistently cheerful to the point of laughing randomly at times."

"Laughing randomly at times?" There was a small breeze that brought in the scent of the ocean. I lifted myself on my toes a little just to catch sight of the distant ocean peeking through the gaps between the buildings. "That sound a little creepy."

Souji chuckled at my remark.

We made one more turn before we entered a small fishing district. The houses were small, primarily made from dark wood that had been bleached by the sun and the wet sea salt in the air. Many of the houses had nets hanging out in the front along with a few fishing rods. There were a couple of women, the wives of the fishermen, that were out in the front of the houses, doing maintenance on the nets or cleaning some of the fresh catches that have already been brought in. Most of the men were already gone for the day, out at sea or in the bay area searching for fish and shellfish.

Souji lead me to the furthest house at the end of the street. Out in front of that house was a small, beat-up fishing boat. Some breaks in the wooden hull showed us that the boat was reaching the end of its life. And right beside the rickety boat was a half-finished boat made of fresh wood. Resting on top of the half-finished boat was a set of chisels, one of which had a series of nicks to the flat end. The handle didn't appear much better. The wooden handle had darkened spots.

I grabbed Souji's arm before he could announce our presence at the door and pointed to the chisel. "See that one? Those are bloodstains. Someone bled all over the handle."

Souji nodded. "But we should make sure that the blood didn't come from a bad accident first. Not unless you can tell me whose blood is it…?"

I pressed my lips into a hard line. What I'd give for modern forensics right now.

Souji cleared his throat before announcing our presence. "Excuse me," he said, his voice as clear as a bell. "Takenaka-san, are you there?"

There was the sound of movement behind the wooden door, the rustling of paper and the creaking of wood before the wooden door slid open to reveal a middle-aged man. Takenaka was a built man, his muscles solid from years of fishing. His black hair was peppered with some gray and his left hand was wrapped in a fresh bandage.

"Hmm?" the man said as he stared at both Souji and me before he grinned, looking almost giggly. "What can I do for you two?"

"We need to speak to you regarding the official business," Souji said in a very businesslike tone. "Do you mind if we come in to speak?"

"Of course, of course," the man chirped, stepping aside to allow Souji and I to come into the house. Despite his cheerful nature, I noticed his hands seem to tremor quite a bit.

I'll admit, the first conclusion I came up with was that this man feared us. After all, it wouldn't be the first time considering who we were associated with. But that was immediately debunked. His happy nature didn't match up with physical shaking caused by fear, especially since there was no fear at all. Perhaps he was suffering from some health issue? Tremors caused by disorders were hardly rare. Plus, since Takenaka worked as a fisherman, I'd expect his hands to be steady if he was in good health. Either way, it was unusual. Unusual enough to cause me to stare. Takenaka interpreted this as something else.

"Oh, my bandaged hand?" he said as he was ushering us inside. "You saw the boats outside? My hand slipped when I was working on them outside and I accidentally cut my hand with the chisel." Then he burst out laughing like he found that incident to be funny.

The first thing I noticed about the interior of the house was that it was spotless. So spotless that I found myself **_almost_** wishing that I could live here. His floors were so polished and clean that I could almost see my reflection in it. Everything was extremely organized with tools being held up by hooks mounted to the wall. I could almost get a sense that if someone were to mess up the order to which he hung up his tools, Takenaka would be pulling out his hair.

"My goodness," I commented just as I sat down by the irori with Souji, "your wife must be the goddess of cleaning. I'd like to hire her."

Takenaka let out another booming laughter at my remark before he settled down on the opposite side of us on the other side of the irori[3]. He poked at the embers in the irori to the fire back to life. Dangling above the flames was a cast iron pot that had an overpowering, fragrant scent coming from it that was strong enough to make my eyes water. It almost smelled like he was burning incense in it. And a good thing too. Despite the cleanliness of the house, there was an unpleasant scent in the air.

"Well, unless you can bring her back from the dead then you're out of luck," Takenaka said without his grin faltering. "She died during childbirth."

"Oh, no! I am so sorry! I didn't any mean to bring back bad memories—"

"Think nothing of it," he said, cutting my apology short with another weird giggle. "Now, I believe there was some official business you two wanted to discuss?"

"Yes," Souji stated. His eyes flickered to the pot for a brief second, eyeing it suspiciously. "Another child was abducted last night, and we have reason to believe that you were present at the time. We want to know if you witnessed anything suspicious."

I've never seen a person change expression so quickly. His face darkened and his eyes almost looked like they were going to budge out of his head just from the way he was gritting his teeth. He slammed both of his hands on the wooden rim of the irori.

"Why are you talking about dead children?!" he demanded. I jumped and scooted closer to Souji. This man's mood alarmingly was all over the place! "It's bad enough that Gashadokuro is running to streets, but now you want to gossip about it?! What? You want to gossip about **_my_** dead children next too?!"

Souji merely raised his eyebrow at the man's accusations. In fact, he seemed to be a little amused at the whole situation.

"I will not partake in this! Get out! Get out!" Takenaka exclaimed before all but throwing us out of his house.

I stared wide-eyed back at the door after he slammed it shut in our faces. Everything happened so fast with the investigation blowing up in our faces. And we didn't even get to ask any questions. Souji snorted at my befuddled expression.

"I can't say this is the first time I've been thrown out of a house," Souji said as he tucked his arms behind his head. "But it certainly is the most amusing. That wide-eyed doe look is very cute on you."

"Really? We should be more focused on the serious situation at hand, and that's all you have to say?"

"Well, that and Takenaka is a weirdo. He's suspicious fellow. Other than moody, he certainly wanted us gone fast."

"Or that he's mental," I retorted with crossed arms. "Now what? If he's suspicious, we should investigate his house for any possible clues, which is something he won't agree with. Also, the thought of breaking into his house at a later time is not endearing to me."

"But we still have to," Souji said, letting his arms drop as he adopted a more serious expression. "He's a fisherman, meaning he'll have to leave soon in order to go fishing. In fact, he's a little late to the water considering all the other fishermen are already gone for the morning. We'll sneak back once he leaves for the day. We're bound to find something. You already noticed, haven't you? His house?"

I nodded as I followed Souji around a nearby wall to a spot we could stake out the house without being seen. "His house is clean, too clean for a fisherman that lives alone. The walls and floors have been scrubbed until they shine. Someone who spends all day toiling at sea usually wouldn't waste that much energy on making the house sparkle and would just settle for a more modest clean. He's compensating for something. Then there was the smell."

"It's logical that his house would have a slight fishy smell since he works with seafood daily, but you couldn't smell any of fish, right?" Souji asked, placing his hand on my hip as I huddled closer to him to make myself less visible. He peered at the house as he put his chin on my left shoulder. "Yet, he's focused on burning incense to cover another smell."

Oh, yes, that smell in that house. It's one you wouldn't expect from a house that clean. When were still inside, underneath all that smell of the burning incense, there was a type of putrid smell. It smelled like old, raw pork meat. Now, what would a fisherman be doing with pork? Nevermind that most of the population didn't eat pork yet, Takenaka was a fisherman and pork was expensive. He shouldn't be making enough to buy pork only for him to leave it to go bad. Plus, fishermen usually ate their own catches, eliminating the need to buy protein completely.

Souji and I both remained hidden behind the wall for a fair amount of time. Unlike all the other working fishermen in the district, Takenaka didn't leave his house until mid-morning. As he was leaving the house, he paused at his unfinished boat and picked up a chisel, the one with all the nicks and the blood-stained handle. Humming, the man chucked the chisel in his sleeve before he continued on his way to the sea. Once we could no longer see him, Souji and I ditched our hiding spot and quickly slipped into the house before any of Takenaka's neighbors could spot us.

That faint rotting smell was always there, but without the incense burning to cover up most of it—oh, it reeked. It wasn't unlivable since most of the smell seemed like it was contained to one part of the house, but like a growing monster, the smell was quickly taking over the rest of the house without the incense burning. I quickly followed Souji's led as I wrinkled my nose in distaste. The summer heat wasn't going to be doing wonders for that smell.

"Ugh...," Souji groaned as he glanced at the irori. He looked more than just tempted to relight the fire to drive away the smell. "Just what is that guy doing? It smells like rotting meat. Just where is that smell coming from? Seriously, just what was he burning to mask the smell so well?"

"Maybe a rat died under the floorboards or something?" I suggested much more optimistically than I should have before pointing to a bedroom that had its door open. "The smell coming from that room."

At first glance, there was nothing seemingly wrong with the room. Other than the smell, the room, just like all the other ones in the house, was completely clean. However, the smell only grew stronger once we entered it. And Souji, taking my words to heart, tapped the wooden floor until his toes hit a loose floorboard. When he lifted the floorboard, it was like Pandora's Box was opened. I hastily slapped my sleeves over my mouth and nose to prevent myself from gagging. The smell coming from the spot under the floor was absolutely putrid and a hundred times worse than what we could smell before lifting the floorboard.

"That… is not a rat," Souji said dumbly as he just stared wide-eyed at what was hidden under the wooden floors. "Are those…?"

Organs. And not animal organs.

"It's a heart. Wasn't that corpse missing a heart along with other body parts?" I said before briefly leaving to fetch one of the fishing rods in the other room.

Souji scrunched his nose up in complete disgust when I came back and pushed the heart to the side with the wooden fishing rod. There were a bunch of other human organs beneath, but they were in far worse condition than the heart. I could see another heart, it was clearly not as fresh as the first heart I shoved aside.

"Well, the heart, the first one looks like it would be the right size for the corpse I examined, as for the others..." I used the fishing rod to pick up one of the decaying hearts. A good chunk of rotting flesh sloughed off the decaying organ and fell back onto the pile of flesh beneath the floorboards before I could set it on the wooden floor to examine. "They look like they would be the right sizes for children that were murdered."

"Wait...," Souji then said, tilting his head to look at the heart from a different angle. "Can you flip the heart onto its opposite side. I think I saw something and I seriously hope I'm wrong."

Doing as he asked, I flipped the heart. I really wish I hadn't.

"Please tell me that one chunk missing from that part of the heart was caused by decay and not what I think it is," Souji said, looking sick to his stomach.

My mouth went dry. There was some decay, but that wasn't enough to hide the crescent-shaped bite mark that happened to match the normal size and shape of a man's jaw. Everything clicked into place. I wanted to vomit.

The man's sporadic mood with the random bouts of laughter and the tremors? Symptoms of a disease I've heard of about. Every modern doctor has heard of it, but to actually see a case of it? Kuru[4] was rarer than rare and was nightmare fuel. The most famous cases of Kuru were found infecting the Fore people before the 1960s in Papua New Guinea. Kuru was caused by the transmission of abnormally folded prion proteins. And the mode of transmission? Cannibalism.

Takenaka had been consuming human flesh. But the symptoms of Kuru weren't something that would immediately manifest after consuming human flesh once. Kuru had an incubation period averaging ten to thirteen years. The implications were beyond disturbing.

"It is what you think it is," I managed before holding in a dry heave. "We need to go. Now. The weird moods come from a disease caused by cannibalism. Takenaka is emotionally unstable and we just spoke to him about the case."

Souji's eyes widened. "He's unpredictable and he still has Chinatsu kept hostage somewhere." He grabbed my hand pulled me with him as he hastily rushed out Takenaka's house, not bothering to stay out of the man's neighbors' sight when we burst out of the house. "Shit! If we don't catch him now, she's a goner!"

"But we have no idea where he could have gone," I said just as Souji let go of my hand just as he grabbed one of Takenaka's passing neighbors by the collar.

The man that Souji grabbed turned white as Souji slammed him against a wall, trapping the man in place.

"Where is Takenaka?" Souji growled. "Where does he usually go for work?

"T-Takenaka-san?" The poor man shook as Souji's grip on him tightened. "H-He uses the now abandoned fishing warehouses b-by the bay to process h-his catches."

I furrowed my brows as I put my hand on Souji's wrist to get Souji to relax his grip on the man. "Abandoned? Why are they abandoned?" What are we going to run head first into?

"The buildings w-were damaged by the Great Ansei earthquake[5]," the man answered, looking about ready to soil his undergarments. "T-The plans to d-demolish and rebuild the structures were canceled due to the place being h-haunted. T-The ghosts of the dead that died in the collapsed buildings and the tsunami following the earthquake c-can still be heard shrieking o-on some d-days. P-Please don't hurt me!"

Souji made a sound in the back of his throat before tossing the poor man aside. He grabbed my arm as we ran for the warehouses. A good amount of time had already passed since Takenaka left his house.

I hoped we weren't too late.

* * *

[1] Tokyo Bay (東京湾 Tōkyō-wan) is a bay located in the southern Kantō region of Japan, and spans the coasts of Tokyo, Kanagawa Prefecture, and Chiba Prefecture. Tokyo Bay is connected to the Pacific Ocean by the Uraga Channel. Its old name was Edo Bay (江戸湾 Edo-wan). The Tokyo Bay region is both the most populous and largest industrialized area in Japan.

In ancient times, Japanese knew Tokyo Bay as the uchi-umi (内海) or "inner sea". By the Azuchi–Momoyama period (1568–1600) the area had become known as Edo Bay, a reference to the city of Edo. The bay took its present name of Tokyo Bay in modern times, after the Imperial court moved to Edo and renamed that city as Tokyo in 1868.

Tokyo Bay was a historical center of the fishing industry, a source of shellfish, and other aquaculture. These industries decreased with the industrialization of the Tokyo Bay region early in the 20th century, and almost completely ceased with the construction of the Keihin and Keiyō industrial zones directly after World War II.

[2] Pen Shells or Tairagi in Japanese are usually sold in winter but tend to still appear in Sping in Shizuoka. It disappeared from the Tokyo Bay and is presently mainly caught in the Inner Japanese Sea between Shikoku and Honshu Islands.

[3] An irori (いろり, 囲炉裏, 居炉裏) is a traditional Japanese sunken hearth. Used for heating the home and for cooking food, it is essentially a square, stone-lined pit in the floor, equipped with an adjustable pothook – called a jizaikagi (自在鉤) and generally consisting of an iron rod within a bamboo tube – used for raising or lowering a suspended pot or kettle by means of an attached lever which is often decoratively designed in the shape of a fish.

[4] Kuru is a very rare, incurable neurodegenerative disorder that was formerly common among the Fore people of Papua New Guinea. Kuru is caused by the transmission of abnormally folded prion proteins, which leads to symptoms such as tremors, loss of coordination, and neurodegeneration.

The term kuru derives from the Fore word _kuria_ or _guria_ ("to shake"), due to the body tremors that are a classic symptom of the disease and kúru itself means "trembling". It is also known as the "laughing sickness" due to the pathologic bursts of laughter which are a symptom of the disease. It is now widely accepted that kuru was transmitted among members of the Fore tribe of Papua New Guinea via funerary cannibalism. Deceased family members were traditionally cooked and eaten, which was thought to help free the spirit of the dead. Women and children usually consumed the brain, the organ in which infectious prions were most concentrated, thus allowing for transmission of kuru. The disease was, therefore, more prevalent among women and children.

The epidemic likely started when a villager developed sporadic Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease and died. When the women ate the brain, they caught the disease, and then the people that ate them caught it, and on it went. While the Fore people stopped eating human meat in the early 1960s, when it was first speculated to be transmitted via endocannibalism, the disease lingered due to kuru's long incubation period of anywhere from 10 to over 50 years. The epidemic declined sharply after discarding cannibalism, from 200 deaths per year in 1957 to 1 or no deaths annually in 2005, with sources disagreeing on whether the last known kuru victim died in 2005 or 2009.

[5] The 1855 Edo earthquake (安政江戸地震 Ansei Edo Jishin), also known as the Great Ansei earthquake, was one of the major disasters of the late-Edo period. The earthquake occurred at 22:00 local time on 11 November. It had an epicenter close to Edo (now Tokyo), causing considerable damage in the Kantō region from the shaking and subsequent fires, with a death toll of 7,000–10,000 people and destroyed around 14,000 buildings. The earthquake had a magnitude of 7.0 on the surface wave magnitude scale and reached a maximum intensity of XI (Extreme) on the Mercalli intensity scale. The earthquake triggered a minor tsunami.

Three large earthquakes, the 1854 Ansei-Tōkai earthquake, 1854 Ansei-Nankai earthquake, and the 1855 Ansei Edo earthquake are collectively called the Ansei great earthquakes (安政の大地震, Ansei no Dai Jishin). Combining the effects of these disasters with a major cholera outbreak killing over 100,000 people, a fire at Edo Castle, and the 1858 Hietsu earthquake, the Ansei era was one of quite catastrophic upheaval. Due to the cumulative effects of these disasters, the reign name was changed in 1860 to usher in a 'clean slate' and better "fortune".


	79. Chapter 79

New chapter's up (much faster than I expected), so my Tumblr Q&A is now closed. I will finish answering the questions left in my ask from before the new chapter got posted.

* * *

 **Chapter 79**

 _"_ _Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself." ― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul_

Buildings and people all turned into an unidentifiable blur in our rush. Then, suddenly, we came to a screeching halt as we turned a corner. Souji, with a firm foot down, managed to brake. I, on the other hand, despite originally being dragged by Souji, wasn't so lucky. Instead, I flung forward, like I was being slingshotted and collided with another person's chest, taking down that person with me with a flailing of limbs when the laws of motion made Souji let go of my hand.

"Oof!" the person grunted after a high pitch yelp. His arms cradled me against him as my face smashed into his chest. He landed on his butt with no hint of grace, but at least he kept me from getting my mouth full of dirt. "Dammit, Shizuka," the person says, his voice sounding all too familiar. "Despite liking you well enough, I prefer if you didn't throw yourself at me. Your head's harder than a rock."

"Oh, shut up, Saburo-san," I retorted with a slight groan, untangling my limbs from his. "It's not like you're the person I wanted to throw myself against. I rather it be Itou before you, seeing as he wouldn't have toppled over and eaten dust."

Despite the unintended collision, Saburo-san seemed pleased enough, even if his precious silk clothing was now covered in dust. Souji was quick to put his hands under my armpits to lift me off Saburo-san, while Itou, who was lucky enough to get spared in the collision, was quick to offer his little brother a hand. I sneezed as Itou helped Saburo-san dust off.

"On my," Itou commented after I sneezed a second time, "Shizuka-chan, dear, are you alright?" Despite sounding condescending most of the time, he did genuinely sound concerned about me. "You didn't hurt yourself anywhere? What has you and Okita-kun in such a hurry? Perhaps a new discovery about the case, assuming you had more luck than Miki and I."

"We know who the culprit is and where he keeps the girls he abducts," Souji stated without sparing Saburo-san a single glance. I watched Itou's eyes harden into a steely seriousness while Saburo-san scowled when he realized he had been pointedly ignored. "It's Takenaka. He flipped his shit when we asked him about the murders and all but kicked us out of his house. We searched his house when he left for 'work' and discovered the half-eaten organs that were missing for the previous victims' bodies hidden under the floorboards."

Saburo-san recoiled as if his own disgust slapped him in the face. "Half-eaten?" he said before scowling at Souji. "You spoke to the perpetrator and you didn't arrest him? He was already a person of interest. You're losing your touch, Okita."

Souji clicked his tongue as he narrowed his eyes at Saburo-san. "Somewhere out there, a tree tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. You owe it an apology," he snapped at Saburo-san. "I can't arrest someone without obtaining proof first, idiot."

There was a low rumbling sound coming from Saburo-san's throat after that remark. I wanted to rip my hair out. Another argument, now of all times?

"We don't have time for this!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms in the air as I stepped between the two men. I stomped on Souji's toes. That sneer instantly turned into a wince and he took a step back from Saburo-san before wrapping one of his hand around my upper arm to tug me with him.

On the other side, Itou-san's hand snapped forward with the speed of a snake preparing to bite someone. He grabbed Saburo-san by the ear. "Exactly," Itou agreed as he pinched Saburo-san's earlobe. Saburo-san flinched as he hopped back towards his brother to reduce the strain put on his ear.

"Look," I said as I resumed the hasty run towards the bay again. The men were quick to follow suit, quickly overtaking me with Souji taking the lead. "Takenaka was mentally unstable when we spoke to him. Since we asked about the murders, he knows we're onto him. It's safe to assume that he's gone to dispose of Chinatsu so we don't catch him red-handed."

"If we want to retrieve her alive, we need to get Takenaka now," Souji added.

Just as we turned around another corner on the block, I could see the bay coming into view. From our high vantage point, I could get almost an eagle's eye view of the bay area. It was busy, so incredibly busy. There were fishing boats docked at the wooden harbor with just as many boats floating further out in the bay. There were people everywhere. Peddlers trying to sell their wares. Women and their children crossing the wooden bridges or doing the shopping. I could even spot a few foreigners in the mix. To the far left, near a large seafaring ship with an American flag, I could see a sailor with golden hair flirting with a couple of young, Japanese women in kimonos.

Then to the right, I could see an area that looked like it had been ravaged by a vengeful god. The area was completely fenced off with a sign that probably said, "Dangerous. Unstable buildings," attached to the fence. The area was flattened and covered with old debris that looked like it was composed of the remnants of kelp and splintered wood. Little of what was left standing had jagged holes punched through like someone violently took a hammer and just started smashing things. The wood of those buildings looked warped from absorbing too much water and were even starting to turn green from the algae that had taken hold. Then, at the far end of the fenced-up area, there were where the warehouses that remained untouched by water stood, but even they had not fared much better. The buildings that stood there were blackened and brittle, scorched by the flames that broke out after the Great Ansei earthquake.

"Tch!" Saburo-san pressed his lips together into a white line, his eyes narrowing as he wrinkled his nose. "He's in that area?" he exclaimed as we rushed towards our destination. He even rudely shoved a woman out of his way when she stepped into his path. "It's freaking huge! How are we going to cover the whole area?"

"Luckily, most of the buildings were leveled by the tsunami that followed the Great Ansei earthquake," I answered as I almost tripped over my own kimono. It was stupid of me not to wear a hakama today when I knew I was going to be doing some legwork.

We skidded to a stop once we were face-to-face with the fence. It was a great wooden wall erected around the 'danger zone'. It was as tall as it was massive, even towering over Souji. There were unofficial posters plastered all over the fence, handwritten warnings written by well-meaning locals about resentful ghost and vengeful yokai that supposedly took up residence in the ruins. There was even a great gate erected at the entrance point of the abandoned warehouse district. Metal chains wound around the handles and there was even a massive lock that kept the gate securely shut. However, at the same time, the fence was in poor condition from lack of maintenance. In some areas, some of the wood looked like it had split. There was even a part of the fence that had such a large hole that someone had decided to turn that hole into a doorway sloppy.

"The only buildings remaining are the burnt ones towards the rear, and even several of those are unviable for hiding kidnapped girls," I said. "So, while this abandoned district is massive, there are actually only a few buildings that are suitable for Takenaka's use."

"We'll need to split up to cover more ground more quickly," Souji stated. His steps were heavy and full of purpose as he strode towards the makeshift doorway that allowed access into the district.

This bold action attracted the attention of a few of the civilians near the fence. I could hear some of their whispers as I followed Souji and the two other men to the opposite side of the fence. They were calling us foolish or brave for entering the cursed zone, for taking our chances with angry spirits that haunted the area. There were no words as Itou and Saburo-san split off from Souji and me to begin the search. Then Souji grabbed my wrist before I could do the same.

"Shizuka," Souji said in a cautious whisper. My eyes met his when I turned towards him "I know we're supposed to split up and search, but I still want you to stay close by. If you come across Takenaka, I want you to scream for me."

I nodded, not bothering with words as Souji released my wrist and split off from me. Close-up, the district looked even worse off than it did at a distance. There were mountains of debris piled up by the retreating waves from when the tsunami had receded. There were broken boats littering the area along with the bones of the sea life had been dragged up from the ocean by the waves. Even years after the occurrence of the tsunami, the place still smelled of fish and decay. And beneath some of the wood piles, I could see spots of white jutting out. Those were the bones of the people that died in the cataclysmic event. Their bodies were never removed and left to rot.

As I neared the flame-scorched buildings, the scent of fish gave way to the smell of burnt wood. And while those buildings were still standing, most were just barely holding on. A firm kick to some walls would be enough to cause them to crumble. It was also in this area that the smell of wet iron began to emerge and perfume the air.

I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The air was heavy, making it feel that there was some strange presence floating in the air. The civilians weren't completely wrong when they call this area cursed. This place was like a dilapidated maze. Shadows crept around every corner, each one looking like a person. The wood creaked and groaned every time the wind came whistling and winding through the gaping holes in the walls. The decaying buildings destroyed the once neat lines of the street. All that was left of the streets were the thin paths between the piles of decay. And, despite the fact that many of the buildings were full of holes, they were all tall enough to effectively block out most of the natural sunlight. This turned many of the narrow pathways into dark alleys with organic twists and turns. It was impossible to see where one path would lead. There were dead ends everywhere. I covered my mouth and coughed when a sea breeze rolling in from the bay picked up ashes.

That was when a girl's scream ripped through the air.

My eyes grew wide as my stomach jumped up my throat. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears as I made a sharp turn to face the direction of the scream. It was close! So very close!

I pivoted, instantly changing the direction I was running in, but the tall buildings and debris made it impossible to punch through and get to the source of the scream. Everywhere I turned was a dead end. It was wall after wall after wall. Having enough of repeatedly being stuck in the same scene, I made a decision. If I wanted to get where I needed to go, then the only way left to go was up.

The old run-down wall I was facing was brittle and unstable from the fire damage but still sturdy enough that I couldn't break through without significant effort. However, it was that same fire damage that also what made it possible to scale. The holes burned into the wall and the areas where the wood had grown thin over time were natural footholds. I hissed through my clenched teeth as I climbed. There were splinters digging into my hands despite them stilling being bandaged. When I finally reached the top, I almost fell through the roof when some of the wood broke, forming a large hole.

It was up there, from my vantage point, I spotted Chinatsu. There was a trail of fresh blood leading up to her. Her right hand was clutching at the stub where her left arm used to be. Everything below the elbow was gone. Her kimono was stained red and ripped in several places. One of her sleeves was torn at the seam, exposing her bruised shoulder. The clothing beneath her waist was torn like someone had taken a jagged knife to it. Her legs were scrapped up, but most of the blood was coming from the cuts located on her inner her thighs. There was the expression of complete horror etched onto her tearstained face as she pressed herself against the wall of a dead end.

"No, no, no…," she begged, sobbing as she shivered when a tall figure leisurely stalked closer. "Please let me go! I promise I'll tell no one! Please! Don't kill me…"

In Takenaka's hand was that bloodstained chisel. There was fresh blood splattered all over the front of his clothing and his face, but it was clear that none of the blood was his. As he accosted her, he swayed, making it look like he was swaggering towards her. His eyes were wide with dilated pupils. A crazed grin spread across his face.

"Oh no," I could hear Takenaka say in a mismatched soft voice. "We just started. Be a good girl for Otou-san."

I had to intervene now.

But the route was still cut off.

There was no fast way to get down. Dread pooled in my stomach.

Scaling down the wall would take time, time I didn't have if I wanted to get to Chinatsu. The only way to get to her fast enough would be to jump. However, from this height, if I did jump, then I'd surely break or fracture one or both of my legs. I would be a sitting duck.

Then, movement on the roof of another building across from me caught my eye. I almost choked when I saw Souji standing there. He also had the same idea of climbing up to the roof for a better view. When our eyes met, no words were needed to understand what he intended to do. Everything happened in a matter of seconds.

Souji jumped, allowing himself to serve as a distraction while I hastily clambered to the edge of the roof so I could safely slide down the one section at a time.

There was a snapping sound the moment Souji's feet touched the ground.

I could see Souji gritting his teeth, his right side buckling a little as he landed between Chinatsu and Takenaka. Even so, Souji held his sword defiantly in front of himself. There was a cry of relief as Chinatsu quickly scrambled to press herself against Souji's back. As for Takenaka, I saw him pale a little as he quickly took a step back to avoid being impaled, but then his wicked grin returned when he was safely out of Souji's reach.

"I should have known you were coming," Takenaka said before bursting out into a frenzied giggle. His whole body shook from his laughter, souring Souji's mood even more. However, all Souji could do was growl at the man. His right leg was too damaged to take another step. "But, oh no, I can't let you join. This is between me and my daughter. So, I'm afraid you'll have to go."

"Well, I'm afraid that's a problem," Souji said, allowing a smirk to form despite the pain. But even so, I could see cold sweat starting to form on his brow. "You see, moving from this spot is a bit of a pain, no pun intended. So, I'll just have to stay here. Plus, I think you're a little confused. Chinatsu, here, isn't your daughter." His eyes flickered to me for a split second the moment my feet touched the ground. "So, let's have a threesome instead. Or better yet," his smirk widened, "a foursome."

It was in that moment, I sprung, thrusting my naginata forward.

For a man who was untrained in any form of martial arts, he was annoyingly quick on his feet. His time spent fishing had gifted him with a quick reaction time. Yet, I did not completely miss either.

Metal cut through flesh, leaving a gaping wound on the man's upper arm. It caused him to drop the bloodied chisel as blood freely flowed down his arm. He stumbled back, shock decorating his face for seconds once he realized what had happened. Then a ruthless sneer emerged on his face. He towered over me as he stepped towards me. As Souji took Chinatsu under his arm, I readied myself for Takenaka's counterattack.

It never came.

Instead, Takenaka pivoted on his feet and bolted. In the heat of everything, we had all forgotten that Takenaka was no trained warrior.

"Dammit!" Souji snarled. He took one step before his knees finally gave out on him. Cursing, he landed on his butt as he dragged Chinatsu down with him. There was no other option left. He was unable to give chase. "Shizuka! I'll stay here with Chinatsu. Go after him! We can't let him get away this time!"

"Got it!" I answered as I took off after the fleeing criminal, but not before calling back to Souji. "Apply pressure to stop the bleeding and if Itou or Saburo-san come across you, send them to go look for Chinatsu's missing arm! Avoid moving your right leg too!"

Takenaka was fleet-footed. In the winding paths of the district, I lost sight of him several times, but it was the blood trail he left for me that kept me on his tail. Then, he made a sharp turn, kicking wooden debris up at my face when I closed in on him, and disappeared into one of the old warehouses. I was quick to follow him inside.

It was dimly lit inside, the only light coming from some of the small holes in walls and ceiling. There were broken wooden beams scattering the inside along with several nets and old fishing gear. A crunching sound came from beneath my shoes as I stepped on old fish bones and charcoal remains. Ominous shadows were everywhere and as another sea breeze blew into the area, the holes in the building made the wind howl like a wounded beast. Takenaka was nowhere in sight, but there was no doubt he was somewhere in the building.

Then there was a crack. The sound of wood giving way. I spun, facing the direction of the sound. My life flashed before my eyes. I dropped to the floor, barely ducking in time as a whaling harpoon came sailing through the air and over my head.

Then a second one came flying towards me, forcing me to roll out of the way.

I rolled in the wrong direction.

There was a fishing net waiting for me. I became nothing more than a fly in a spider web.

Unable to stand.

Unable to defend myself.

A cackle echoed through the building, making my heart pound and fill with rage. My hands tightened around my tangled naginata. I heard the footsteps first before I saw Takenaka step out from the shadows.

"It seems I caught a large fish," Takenaka said, taunting me as he approached. I jerked away when he made a move to step on my fingers and sneered at him. My sudden movement wasn't enough to dislodge myself from the net, but when I pulled on the net, I noticed that whatever the net was attached to above produced a creaking sound. Something was unstable above me. "Go ahead a struggle. It's what will make you taste all the sweeter."

I grew still in the face of his taunts, making his ego swell. To finish me off, he grabbed another harpoon. It was when he was standing directly over me, I gave the net a sharp pull.

The brittle wood above gave way under the force of the pull as planks of wood were pulled from their spot. Takenaka dropped the harpoon and toppled over as he was struck in the side head by a heavy piece of wood. Then, when he was disoriented and struggling to stand again, the tip of a sword pricking the back of his neck alerted him to a newcomer. He froze in place.

"I would suggest you stay down," the owner of the sword said as he pressed a foot between Takenaka's shoulder blades. He then snorted as he watched me begin freeing myself from the net. "A little **_tangled_** up in some other important business right now, Shizuka?"

"Oh, shut up," I retorted to Saburo-san's jab as I stood up and dusted myself off. "What took you so long? Did you suddenly age eighty years? Did walking around suddenly become too difficult for you?"

Instead of taking the time to banter with me, he should have been paying more attention to Takenaka.

Saburo-san let out a yelp when he was suddenly knocked off balance by his prisoner. The man then grabbed a fistful of dirt and debris and hurled it at Saburo-san's eyes, completely freeing himself while Saburo-san was busy crying over his eyes. But a person can only perform so many dirty tricks before they stop working.

As soon as his back was turned, I grabbed the harpoon he dropped earlier and aimed. He was an easy target.

The harpoon skewered Takenaka's shoulder, piercing his shoulder until the tip emerged on the other side. He went down with an agonized scream. He writhed in pain as soon as his body hit the floor. He was done for. He'd be unable to run with that heavy harpoon stuck in his shoulder and the barbs insured that he wouldn't be able to remove it himself.

Saburo-san groaned some more as he rubbed his eyes, blinking several times to make sure his eyes were free of any dirt. It looked like he wanted to kick Takenaka after he recovered from the surprise attack but refrained from doing so.

"Bastard," he muttered under his breath before glancing at me with newfound respect. "I didn't expect you to be so brutally efficient."

"Is that so?" I murmured before tightening my hold on my naginata. Then, out of nowhere, I suddenly drove the tip of my naginata into joint Takenaka's knee and twisted.

A sadistic satisfaction filled my chest as renewed screams erupted from the man. I let him scream until his voice grew raw and faded into whimpers. Then, I knelt by the man head. His eyes grew wide as he shook, looking at me with the same eyes his victims' must have used on him while he was torturing them. He just about stopped breathing when he saw my lips slowly curl up, making freeze despite the immense pain.

"Just for your information, in case you're wondering why I did that," I ran my finger lightly under his chin, "my husband broke his leg because of you. So, I thought I'd return the favor."

I then stood up and went back outside, leaving a completely stunned Saburo-san to deal with Takenaka.

This type of violence once horrified me. It was hard to believe that was just a few years ago. It should have frightened me how swiftly I turned to this type of cruel violence, but it didn't. Instead, all forms of horror and guilt were muted and overtaken quickly by the feeling of justification and rage. Takenaka got what he deserved. I just merely helped justice along.

Once I was back outside, I broke into a sprint so I could rush back to the last place I saw Souji and Chinatsu. A heavy weight was lifted off my chest when I saw them exactly where I left them. The only thing different was that Chinatsu's missing arm was now found and partially wrapped up and sitting against her chest.

Souji's eyes brighten when he saw me run back to them. I offered him a reassuring smile as I knelt beside him and touched the back of his hand. However, when I went to get a closer look at Chinatsu's injury, Souji grabbed my wrist. He didn't say anything as he painstakingly seemed to examine every part of my body. When satisfied, he let out a sigh before pressing a thumb to my cheek to rub away a smug of dirt.

"How is she?" I asked just as his hand fell away from my face.

"I managed to stem most of the bleeding, but…," Souji answered before glancing back at Chinatsu. She had grown paler than she was before. Her lips were clammy and her forehead was covered in smeared blood and cold sweat. It was considered a blessing that she was no longer conscious.

"We need to be able to do more," I completed his sentence.

He nodded before shifting Chinatsu in his arms.

Souji did what he could to stop the bleeding. He had taken off his most outer layer of clothing and shredded it so he could have some cloth to use as a tunicate. He bandaged the wound later with whatever was left. However, I could tell the wound was still oozing with blood as the makeshift bandages slowly changed in color.

"We need to get this treated now. Same with your leg." I pressed my hands against his right leg to feel the bone for damage. Souji hissed and grabbed my wrist when my fingers brushed over what felt like a crack beneath his skin. "Your right leg is definitely broken," I announced, making Souji groan a little. "How about your left? Is there any pain?"

"My left leg's fine." Souji waved my hands away went I attempted to prod the mentioned leg. "I put most of my weight on my right side when I landed. I figured I rather have one broken leg instead of two. So, Takenaka?" he inquired after I went back to busying myself with Chinatsu's other wounds. "You got him?"

"Yeah…," I mumbled as I checked Chinatsu's bruised shoulder. There were a few wooden splinters lodged in the skin. "Saburo-san arrived in the middle of the fight, so I decided to let him deal with the rest after taking Takenaka down. What about things on your end? I see Chinatsu's missing arm has been found. Itou's doing?"

Souji nodded before letting out a sigh. "Itou-san stumbled onto me not long after you left. I sent him to go find the arm before sending him off to go alert Ani-ue so we could get a couple more helping hands. And the arm?" His gaze dropped to Chinatsu's disconnected arm. "Why did you want to find it?"

"Because, depending on the condition of the arm and how recently it was severed from the body, I may be able to reattach it."

Just as soon as I finished explaining, we heard a stampede of footsteps rushing towards us. Rintaro-san appeared first with his men following closely behind. Just on time.

"Oi!" Rintaro-san hollered towards his men as he waved them over. "Over here! I found them!"

We were all shortly evacuated from the site after that. Saburo-san, Itou, and some of Rintaro-san's men were sent to take care of the criminal. The court officials then came by with their own men to retrieve Takenaka. It likely he was going be questioned then immediately executed. As for the two injured, the break in Souji's leg wasn't as bad as it was expected to be, but he did have the benefits of being young and healthy. What he had was a compression fracture of the tibia, so he was left to Mitsu-san's care. His injury was expected to heal in about a month or so. Chinatsu, on the other hand, had to be rushed into surgery to reattach her arm and to repair all other traumatic wounds. I worked on her for hours. As soon as her surgery was complete, her parents, and even Sanada-san, rushed into the room to sit by her side. Wanting to avoid the flood of questions that was bound to fly my way, I quickly slipped from the room. I found Souji right outside, sitting up and asleep against the wall. So, I curled up against his side and tucked myself under his arm before joining him in dreamland.

I awoke from my slumber slowly. It was the slightest movement and the sound of paper crinkling that roused me. I kept my eyes shut a little longer, enjoying the warmth before sluggishly opening one eye at the time. Remaining still and silent, I glanced up at Souji, who was now awake. In his hands were several sheets of paper. Whatever he was reading, he sure was focused on it. He didn't realize I was awake until he felt me touch his cast.

"Already awake?" he asked as he lowered the sheets of paper until they were sitting on his lap. I recognized Rintaro-san's handwriting on the documents. "I thought you were going to sleep longer."

I rubbed my eyes to knock the eye crust loose and glanced at the window. There was some light outside, but it was mostly dark outside.

"What time is it? Is it early morning or night? I can't tell."

"It's dawn," Souji answered before wiping away some drool on the corner of my lips.

I flushed a little when Souji raised his eyebrow at me. I coughed to clear my throat before quickly pointed to the documents on his lap.

"What are you reading?"

"What? You don't want to talk about the drool I just wiped off your face?"

My doleful look made him chuckle.

"Fine, be that way," Souji said, rolling his eyes. He pushed the documents closer towards me so I could get a better look. "This is the report Ani-ue wrote up regarding the case. I was reading up on Takenaka's background to see if I could get a better sense of why he did what he did."

"And? What did it say?" another voice said, making me jump in surprise. Before I could turn my head to investigate, Tsune-san rubbed her cheek against mine as she reached for the documents while invading my personal space. "Hmm…"

"You're already walking around?" I asked.

"It is closer to hobbling," Tsune-san said without looking up from the document. "I cannot make it very far without a cane yet." She cleared her throat. "It says here that Takenaka Haru is a widower and all of his children are dead. His wife died during childbirth in 1840 while giving birth to his daughter, who survived the birth. He had a love-hate relationship with his daughter. He hated his daughter for killing his wife and did not know how to compartmentalize his emotions when his daughter grew up and started looking like his wife. Then, in the 1855 earthquake, his son was killed by the following tsunami. According to what Rintaro-san has written here, that appeared to be the last strike. He started losing his mind. During the times he was lucid, Takenaka would keep his distance from his daughter. However, during the times when his mind was gone, he would see his daughter as his wife. One day, during one of his nonlucid moments, his daughter fought him off when he tried to undress her. He snapped and then killed her. When he became lucid once more, he was horrified by what he had done. Fearful of being left alone, it is said that he consumed his daughter's heart, so he could keep her with him forever. From that point on, his sanity is questionable."

"That's dark," Souji commented as he folded the document and set it aside on the floor. "So, at one point his sanity completely broke and that's when all these murders started, huh?"

I nodded in agreement before wiggling out of my spot between Tsune-san and Souji. Standing, I put my arms behind my head and stretched. My joints popped, and I rolled my shoulders.

"I'm going to go outside for a moment for some fresh air," I told them while twisting my waist. My back was a little stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. "I'll be back in a little bit."

Souji sent me off with a grin before turning to converse with Tsune-san. As I stepped outside, however, I wanted to immediately turn around and go back in. Kimura-san was standing outside on the roka. I wasn't fast enough to get away.

"Shizuka-san! Please wait," he said. Against all logic, did as he told and turned back around to face him.

"Yes?" I said before sighing. "What do you need?"

"I know you may not want to speak to me, but I just want a few seconds of your time. I want to speak to you about Sachiko."

I shook my head while letting out a scoff of disbelief. Really? He thought this would be a good idea?

"What? You want to tell me she's sorry for what she's done to me and that I need to forgive her?" I crossed my arms and turned away from him. "You don't get to do that."

"Shizu—"

"Look! While she may be the one who gave birth to me, that does **_not_** make you my chichi-ue! You don't get to make these kinds of demands of me."

"No, I don't," he agreed. But then he put his foot down. "But I get to demand that you take a moment of your time to speak to her because she is my wife and I care for the wellbeing of my wife. She won't be able to let go of the past unless the two of you clear the air."

I spun to face him, to tell him no. But my voice died in my throat when I saw Sachiko standing behind him. Kimura-san let out a sigh, closing his eyes briefly before putting his hand on Sachiko's shoulder. He whispered something in her ear before quickly leaving the scene, leaving me alone with **_her_**.

"Sanada Hideo isn't your chichi-ue," she said while wringing her sleeves after what felt like years of silence.

"Tell me something I don't know—"

"His ani-ue is," she interrupted. "We met when we were young. I was thirteen, young and stupid. He was nineteen, tall and handsome and popular. It was like a dream when he started paying attention to me, but he only wanted one thing from me and I was too naïve to see it. He lured me to a storage shed one night. He put his hands around my necked and choked me until I passed out. And when I was unconscious, he raped me. I fell pregnant with you that night. I never wanted you, never loved you. You were a mistake."

The same old news every single time.

I snorted. "Yeah, a mistake. But even if I was a mistake, I was alive and innocent of all wrongdoings. Even if you didn't want me or love, it didn't give you the right to leave me to die."

" ** _I_** was the one that gave birth to you, it should be my feelings regarding that matter that count—"

"Exactly!" I snapped. "You gave **_birth_** and I became my own entity. You don't get to decide that I should die because you don't like how I arrived into this world. It's **_my_** life and you don't get to rob me of my life. There are other ways to get rid of an unwanted baby other than killing it! You could have left me at a temple instead!"

We both fell silent. I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead before taking a deep breath.

"What's the point of this?" I finally said. "You need a way to release yourself from your guilt, so you can move on? Because it's clear that there are somethings we will never agree on."

"I won't be able to rest easy and accept the past until I confront you." Sachiko bit her lower lip before taking a couple of breaths. "I don't regret disposing of you. Being forced to care for you would have broken me and destroyed my life. But what I do regret is pretending the past never happened and allowing it to influence my judgment. Because of this, I developed an irrational fear of Sanada-san and became unable to see how his son was treating Chinatsu. I wanted to say, I'm not sorry for throwing you away, but I am sorry for the pain I caused you."

Sachiko then turned and walked away without looking back. Yet, this time, as I watched her leave for the second time, the ache that had plagued me for all this time never reappeared. All this felt like this time was a normal goodbye.

"You took the high road this time," I heard Souji say. I turned around to see him leaning on the doorway. Tsune-san was there too, holding onto Souji's shoulder for extra support.

I smiled at them.

"Because while I still can't forgive her for leaving me to die, I don't regret the life I have lived so far and I wouldn't have this life if she didn't throw me away. Plus," I bounced up to Tsune-san to press myself into her side, "I don't need her as my haha-ue. Not when Tsune-san is my haha-ue."

In the horizon, the sun was rising. The dawn of a new day.


	80. Chapter 80

This chapter was really difficult to write. There was so much I wanted to include into this chapter that just would not fit.

* * *

 **Chapter 80**

 _"_ _It is strange how we hold on to the pieces of the past while we wait for our futures." ― Ally Condie, Matched_

Souji hummed as he watched me set a few of my medical tools out to the side. He especially eyed the casting shears on the floor near my thigh like he was expecting the shears to suddenly start glowing with holy light. One month of rest and no strenuous activity did wonders for his bum leg, but that all that rest and relaxation with no effective way to burn off all that accumulating energy and boredom was…

It did not take a genius to know Souji did not take well to sitting still.

Within the first week of this recovery period, he already drove Mitsu-san up the walls. She practically threw—actually, it was more like she shoved—Souji at me when she had enough of his pranks and told me to **_do_** something.

 _"_ _Oh, come on, Ane-ue!"_

 _My hand froze over the blank sheet of paper as I furrowed my brows at the sound of Souji's voice. The ink from my calligraphy dripped onto the clean sheet, protesting the sudden pause in movement by creating an ugly black splotch on the paper._

 _"_ _You have to admit that was hilarious! You didn't even realize I nailed the window shut—" There was a loud snorting sound followed by some guffawing. "The way you just kept pulling on the window instead of taking the time to figure out why it was stuck!"_

 _"_ _Souji!" I heard Mitsu-san snap. "Will you act your age? And who allowed you to nail one of my windows shut?! Do you know how much work it'll take to pry the nails out?"_

 _I put the calligraphy brush on the ruined sheet of paper and the moment I turned towards all the noise, the door snapped open. Souji suddenly came tumbling at me out of nowhere. His wooden crutch went flying, making a clattering sound when it bounced off the wall and hit the floor. Then, all I could see was the ceiling and the top of Souji's head as I was knocked on my back. I blinked a couple of times in sheer bewilderment at the sudden appearance of the extra weight on top of me when my vision stopped swimming._

 _Note: Souji is not light. It is within my personal belief that he weighs as much as a baby elephant._

 _"_ _I—What?" I exclaimed, struggling to prop myself up on my elbows before I glance down and noticed someone face down on top of me with his face buried in my chest. "Souji, get off," I grunted. "I have work to get done."_

 _I even tried to pry him off, but he wouldn't budge. In fact, in response to my attempts to peel him off, he wrapped his arms and legs around me and just squeezed tighter._

 _"_ _But it's comfy here," he protested, his impishly petulant voice muffled by my chest. "And you don't need to work. We're on vacation."_

 _I could feel a sweat drop forming on the back of my head. He just totally ignored Mitsu-san's actions._

 _In the doorway, I could see Mitsu-san with her arms still extended from that giant shove she gave Souji when she dumped him in the room. Oh, she did not look happy between the pinched eyebrow and the anger lines on her forehead. That scowl also looked fairly terrifying too. It almost looked like she could have steam coming out of her ears._

 _"_ _Uhh…" Right, that totally sounded intelligent._

 _"_ _Shizuka-chan," Mitsu-san's voice was so sickeningly sweet that a chill ran up my spine and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up straight, "will you be a dear and babysit a_ _ **certain**_ _someone for me? Before I decide that chopsticks are good stabbing weapons? There appears to be a target on Souji's neck that is just begging to stabbed."_

 _"_ _Anu-ue, that's not very nice of you," then came Souji's muffled, sing-song voice._

 _Mitsu-san's eyes narrowed and started twitching. "What was that, Sou-chan? I'm afraid I've become hard of hearing of late. Do you want to repeat yourself?"_

 _"_ _Well, if you insist—"_

 _I quickly shut Souji up by putting a hand on the back of his head and pushing his face into my chest more._

 _"_ _Ahaha!" I then nearly choked on my own spit as I rushed to garble out words. "Mitsu-san! Don't you have chores to do? I'll take care of this!"_

 _Mitsu-san raised her chin as her critical gaze dug into me. She let out a huff after a few seconds and put her hands on her hips._

 _"_ _Well, then," she spun around and marched out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her, "please take care of my otōto."_

 _I only realized I was holding my breath after Mitsu-san's footsteps faded. Forget the saying, "Hell have no fury like a woman scorned." Mitsu-san had the rage of a dragon that was sitting on a pile of treasure. I swear I thought she was going to eat me for a moment. No wonder Hijikata-san and Otou-san were so terrified of pissing her off. Unfortunately, that sense of self-preservation that seemed to be so well rooted in those two appeared to have skipped over Souji._

 _"_ _Shi~zu~ka," Souji sang just as I caught my breath. He lifted his face just enough so I could see that playful grin. "As much as I love having my face shoved against your chest, I still need to breathe."_

 _I groaned at him before struggling to wiggle out from under him. And, being a little shit, he decided to push more of his weight on top of me to make things more difficult._

 _"_ _Really?" I grunted just as I finally freed myself from him. "You really had to go annoy Mitsu-san just because you were bored? You thought it would be fun to poke the dragon that's known for its legendary temper?"_

 _Souji gave me a carefree shrug as he sat back up. He reached for his crutch and plucked it off the floor before he changed his mind and decided to slide the crutch as far away from himself as possible._

 _"_ _You know there are other things to do to kill time, even with a broken leg, right?" I crossed my arms at him, yet he failed to lose that happy-go-lucky attitude. "I mean, weren't you supposed to be watching Ryota?"_

 _"_ _He's taking a nap with Kuma-chan."_

 _"_ _Yoshijiro-kun and Ishi-chan?"_

 _"_ _Yoshijiro-kun is running an errand for Ani-ue and Ishi-chan's washing the kitchen."_

 _"_ _Then what about Tsune-san and Tamako-chan?"_

 _Souji raised his eyebrow at me. "Remember that Tsune-san and Tama-chan went back to Shieikan Hall two days ago? And didn't Tsune-san tell you to call her 'Okaa-san?'"_

 _"_ _Err…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I forgot about that... It also still feels kind of awkward to call her 'Okaa-san.' I mean, she's only a couple of years older than me. Won't she feel old if I call her that?"_

 _He merely shrugged._

 _"_ _You know you can spend time with Rintaro-san too. I'm sure he'd be thrilled if you went to go spend some time with him."_

 _Souji then looked at me like I just suggested something that was fifty shades of stupid. "You do know he's working right now, right? And really? Did you just suggest I go spend time with_ _ **Ani-ue**_ _? I thought you were smarter than that, Shizuka. That's something I won't do out of my own free will. Writing letters to him with hundreds of miles between us is completely different from sitting down and enjoying a conversation with him."_

 _I let out another sigh and pushed my bangs back. "Fine," Souji ears seemed to perk up, "I'll give something to do. You are going to write a letter back to Hijikata-san and explain to him the reason we will return to Kyoto a month and a half late while Itou and Saburo-san will be arriving back on time."_

 _When he heard what his task would be, he pouted at me. But he still turned towards the desk and grabbed the calligraphy brush I was using earlier. I turned around and began focusing on some other work when he started penning the letter on the ink-stained paper. And then…_

 _"_ _Hey, do you want to go write on the walls and then convince Ani-ue that there's a ghost haunting his house? You know, just for shit and giggles? That'll burn my extra energy off better than writing a letter to Hijikata-san will."_

 _I rolled my eyes at his request._

 _"_ _Finish writing that letter and we'll see."_

After scribbling out the letter, Souji's behavior hardly improved. In fact, one could say it got worse. He **_may_** have succeeded in coercing me into pulling a few pranks with him. That **_may_** be the reason why Mitsu-san ended up having Rintaro-san scold us every few days and lecture us about being proper adults that set good examples for Ryota.

And, finally, the time had come to remove that bothersome cast. Souji fiddled with his sleeves before sticking his tongue out playfully at Ryota, who was hovering near me with his little hands placed on my upper arm so he could get a glimpse of my 'cool' tools. Souji was practically vibrating in place by the time I picked up the casting shears. When I paused to raise my eyebrows at him, he tapped his fingers on the wooden floor before using a pout to urge me on with my task.

"Shizuka," he whined before nudging my wrist near his cast. "Please? I'd like to be able to walk and run again without having to hobble around. Plus, we're supposed to go meet Tsune-san and Tama-chan at Shieikan Hall in a bit to help out. I want the cast off." Now, he was deploying the puppy eyes. "The sooner the better?"

A giggle escaped my lips as I returned my focus to the cast and began snipping it away. "I'm already removing it," I said, pausing once more when Ryota decided to jump onto Souji's lap and jostled his dad's leg. I didn't want to accidentally nick Souji. "The begging and the cute faces aren't needed."

"But they will make you remove the cast faster, right?" Mitsu-san said, stealing the words right out of Souji's mouth as she poked her head in the room. "And please," her eyes met mine before she clapped her hands together, "for my sake, remove that cast so Souji can go back to his normal self. It appears that he decided for his final act he'd draw eyes on all the eggs. When Rintaro was helping me make breakfast earlier this morning, his heart just about jumped out of his chest when he opened the pantry and saw a dozen pair of eyes unexpectedly staring back at him."

Souji rolled his eyes. "Ani-ue is just too jumpy sometimes. It amazes me how efficient he is at getting all his work done on time when he's this easy to freak out."

I shot him the stink eye. Did he have to keep taking these petty shots at Rintaro-san? Rintaro-san was a good man. Not perfect, but who needed to be perfect nowadays. It's already hard enough to find a good man.

"I'm high-strung too, yet I get all my work done on time too," I commented, using myself to shield Rintaro-san from any more of Souji's barbed remarks. "What are you trying to say?"

"You're high-strung in a different way, so it doesn't count," he pointed out with the simplicity of a child. "And while we're on this topic, you've seemed less energetic these past few weeks. Are you feeling okay? Or is it because I've thoroughly tired you out while trying to cure my boredom?"

I snorted and merely shook my head at him while continuing snipping away the cast before—Ah hah! The cast came away from Souji's leg like a silk cocoon. The skin beneath was a little dry, flakey, and even a little bit scaly, but that was to be expected. His leg **_was_** wrapped in the cast for a month. I was just surprised his limb didn't smell worse from all the non-washing. I pulled the tub of warm water closer before reaching in to grab the soaked towel. Mitsu-san gave Souji one more stern look, which he pretended not to see, before she left me to my work.

"How does your leg feel?" I asked while rubbing his leg down with the damp towel, making some of the old and dead skin flake off. I paused when Ryota edged closer to watch what I was doing.

Ryota tapped on the parts of Souji's leg that I had already washed before tilting his head and touching the dry unwashed spots. A sound of surprise escaped his lips before he reached over and tried to grab the towel. When I relinquished the towel to him, he tried to copy what I was doing before. The towel flopped around as water droplet went flying. However, he didn't do a bad job scrubbing down Souji's leg. He was a little confused about what to do when the towel grew dry, though. Souji chuckled when Ryota's nose wrinkled at the not-so-damp towel.

"Okaa-san?" Ryota chirped before he offered the towel back to me. "No wet."

"Because you have to put it back into the water to wash it out first and to get more water," I explained as I did exactly that. He didn't seem too eager to take the towel back from me and allowed me to continue working in peace as he settled back in Souji's lap. "So," I said to Souji, "you never answered my question."

"My leg's fine." Souji patted Ryota on the head when Ryota started to squirm all over his lap again. "It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just the skin doesn't feel all that great. It feels kind of raw and dry at the same time?"

"That's expected because it was wrapped up for so long. Give the skin a few days to bounce back." I dropped the towel back in the tub before reaching for the lotion Mitsu-san prepared for me ahead of time. Scooping up a generous amount from the little container, I proceeded to rub the lotion into his skin. "When we get to Shieikan, make sure not to overwork yourself. Since your leg was in a cast for so long, the muscles will have atrophied a little, so they won't be as strong as they used to be for the next few weeks."

Souji groaned at that piece of information before he picked Ryota up and plopped him on the floor so he could get up and fix his hakama. Meanwhile, Ryota scuttled around Souji's legs while trying to figure out why the big white thing that was wrapping his dad's leg for so long was now gone and if it was suddenly going to grow back like hair. When he got no information from his scattered poking, Ryota merely gave up and followed me outside when I went to go dump the water out outside.

Out in the courtyard, I could see Mitsu-san had already started on her chores for today. The damp laundry now sat in baskets by Mitsu-san's leg waiting to be hung up to dry. To the right end of the drying rack, Ishi-chan was helping her mother by hanging a haori. Little Kuma-chan, who appeared to be fast asleep, was bundled up like an adorable package in the baby sling Mitsu-san hand strapped to her back. Although, the wet patch on the back of Mitsu-san's kimono told me that Kuma-chan drooled quite a bit in her sleep.

As I set the wooden tub on the gravel near the well, Ryota wandered to where Ishi-chan was before tugging on her kimono to get her attention.

"Sorry. Not today, Ryo-chan," I heard Ishi-chan say as I was wringing out the towel. I tossed it on a bamboo pole to dry when it was no longer sopping wet. "I have to help Okaa-san with the housework. We can play later."

There were some whining sounds from Ryota. "Play? No play? Play?"

"So," Mitsu-san said as she pulled a damp pair of hakama from the basket, "how's Souji's leg? Is everything check out okay?"

She continued to work without pause to appear less concerned, but her pinched brows betrayed her cool façade. Despite her earlier annoyance, her concerned older sister side was showing again.

"Everything's normal, if that's what you mean," I answered. I patted my thighs with my hands, sending Ryota scrambling towards me when he heard that sound. He quickly attached himself to my side by grabbing my pinky. "You really don't need to worry too much about Souji. He's always bounced back quickly from any ailment."

She snorted before she dried her hands on the apron she was wearing. "Kettle," she pointed at me, "calling the pot," she pointed at herself, "black."

I heard Souji snickering as he emerged from the house. He flicked the back of my head. "Completely true," he remarked before he hopped on his right foot to test the strength of his leg.

Well, at least he was happy about being able to walk around again without a crutch.

"So...," Souji said, elbowing my side like he was trying to hint at something, "we can get going, right? Let's go get some stuff done."

"I've never seen you so eager to work," I teased him as I elbowed him back in petty revenge before nodding at Mitsu-san. "We're going to Shieikan now to help out. Where is Yoshijiro-kun? He said he wanted to help yesterday."

"Onii-san?" Ishi-chan spoke up before putting her hands on her hips. She remarkedly looked a lot like Mitsu-san just then. "He tried to cheat a little on the homework his tutor gave him yesterday and got caught. He's probably moaning and cursing his own bad luck right now as he's writing lines. He'll be stuck like that for a couple of hours, I think."

Souji shrugged. "It can't be helped." He then bounced on his right leg a little more, looking more than just pleased regarding the range of movement he had. "Then I guess we'll be going now without him. We'll be back sometime after dark."

Souji then scooped Ryota up and placed the giggling toddler on his shoulders before leading the way to Shieikan Hall. With the way Souji practically pranced down the streets, it really didn't take long to get there.

Shieikan Hall looked exactly as I remembered it, but completely different at the same time. Physically, there weren't really any changes except a few new plants and maybe a new maple tree out in the courtyard. However, Shieikan Hall never looked so small. I suppose it was expected since I had long grown used to the overly large temple the Shinsengumi now used as headquarters, but still, it was so small that it even looked a little lonely. There were no rambunctious men, no students. It was just unnaturally quiet now.

Ryota tapped on Souji's head like he was using it as a small drum before he tilted his head. "Tou-san?" Ryota said, pausing to point at the gates. "We go? We go?"

Souji let out a nostalgic chuckle as he placed Ryota back on the ground. He went up to the gate and ran his hand down the doorway. The wood was still sturdy. The color was a little faded. Time had barely touched it.

I knelt by Ryota when he tugged on my kimono. "See this dojo?" I said.

Ryota nodded whilst swinging his hands back and forth.

"This is where Otou-san and I grew up," I said, fighting the urge to squish Ryota in my arms when his eyes grew wide and when he started to hop around. So cute! "This is the place where we first met. See where Otou-san is standing right now? That's where I saw Otou-san for the first time."

"Oh! Oh!"

Souji snorted at his son's enthusiasm and was unable to hide his pleased grin. "Come on." He pushed the gates open. "Let's go in. Tsune-san's waiting for us."

We stepped in and I was immediately assaulted with a wave of nostalgia. The small vegetable garden was still there, tucked away in the corner of the courtyard all while looking too far bountiful to be contained in such a modest spot. The green leaves of the watermelon plant flooded and spilled over the raised garden bed as the little yellow flowers that had yet to make the transformation into sweet fruit, danced like little fairies every time a gentle breeze rolled through. Then there were the cucumbers, ripe for harvest and dangling on the trellis. Unable to fight the temptation, I bounced over and plucked cucumber from the plant before taking a healthy bite.

A squeal escaped my lips. There was nothing like a fresh cucumber on a summer day.

Souji chuckle at my reaction before directing his eyes to the engawa[1] by the garden as I polished off the cucumber greedily. Back when it was just Otou-san and me at Shieikan, we used to sit right there every night during summer to stargaze.

 _"_ _Shizu-chan," Chichi-ue said, calling me over to the engawa with a grin so wide that I was worried his face would split in half for a moment. He waved me over before pulling me sneakily pulling me onto his lap when I toddled close enough. "Look up! What do you see up there?"_

 _"_ _I see Aquila," I said with false excitement and a strained smile. The size difference between the two of us was too jarring. I'm not this small. I'm not supposed to be this small. I'm not a child. But I am a child. "See up there?" I exclaimed, pointing up at the triangle of stars in the sky to silence my disquieting thoughts._

 _"_ _Aquila?" Otou-san furrowed his brows. His eyes followed the line of my finger and even angled his head to copy mine. "What's that?"_

 _"_ _You know, the stars that form an eagle."_

 _"_ _You mean Washi?" He pressed his lips into a hard line. "Wait… How do you even know its English name?"_

 _"_ _Aquila?" I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "Because that's its name," and what I was familiar with. That's what I had known that constellation by in my past life._

 _Chichi-ue seemed to accept my vague answer and questioned me no further as he rested his chin on the top of my head._

Then, after Souji joined us here at Shieikan, that became the spot Souji liked to nap on lazy spring afternoons.

 _"_ _Hey, Shizuka," Souji said patting the vacant spot beside him. "Come here for a moment."_

 _I tilted my head at him and leaned the broom against the wall before making my way over to him. His smile grew when I settled down right beside him. He put his hands on my shoulder and scooted me closer to the wall so I wasn't sitting so close to the edge of the wooden platform. The moment he was done, he let out a satisfied huff of air before plopping his head on my lap._

 _"_ _Oh," I said, tugging at his ponytail before giggling when he batted my hands away like a lazy cat. "You just wanted to nap? Why didn't you just say so?"_

 _"_ _Because you would have said, 'Let me finish sweeping the floor first,' and I would have had to wait," Souji reasoned, sounding smug as he rested his hands on his stomach. "First of all, why are you even sweeping the floor in the first place? It's already so clean that I could eat off it. It's better this way. Besides, I want to get some rest before that stupid Hijibaka-san shows up again. What does Kondou-san like so much about him anyway?"_

 _"_ _What's not to like?" I frowned at Souji whilst puffing my cheeks up in indignation. "Hijikata-san is nice enough and a good person. He's always bringing me Rangaku books whenever he can get his hands on them, and you know they're expensive. Plus, I like talking to him even if he sounds and acts a little lofty at times."_

 _The satisfied smirk on Souji's face vanished almost instantly as he immediately sat up. He reached his arm toward me and… tugged on my cheek as hard as he could!_

 _"_ _Ouch!" I exclaimed, quickly placing my hand on my reddening cheek the moment he let go. "What was that for?"_

 _"_ _Listen here, Shizuka," he said. I pouted once I realized I was going to receive a lecture. "Hijibaka-san isn't a good person. Men like him like to take steal people's loved ones away. He might seem nice, but all he's doing is buttering you up to get him on his side. You shouldn't be so trusting of him. He'll take advantage of you."_

 _"_ _His side?" I said before bluntly pointing out, "Since were there sides? There are flaws in your reasoning."_

 _"_ _No, there aren't," Souji quickly denied, puffing up his cheeks and averting his eyes before laying his head back down on my lap. He reached up and grabbed my hands so he could one put on his forehead and the other on top of his stomach. "Stay here with me when Hijikata-san arrives?"_

 _"_ _Of course!" I chirped before giggling when he reached up and wound my bangs between his fingers before giving them a teasing tug._

This place was seeped with memories and our history, making Tsune—I mean Okaa-san's plans to move today seemed unreal and bittersweet. However, Okaa-san's plans on moving were hardly new. She had been writing to Otou-san for nearly half a year regarding her plans before Edo sickness put her plans on hold. Shieikan Hall, once full of life and excitement, had grown quiet in the past years. The halls were cold and empty without students and teachers. The silence was stifling to Tamako-chan, making her withdrawn and unwilling to leave Okaa-san's side when they were home alone with no visitors or guests. Tsune-san wanted to move closer to Otou-san's family. To Tama, the farming community on the outskirts of Edo that Tamako-chan was named after. There, at Otojirō-oji-san's house, there would be constant warmth and companionship for Tamako-chan.

However, this did not mean that Shieikan Hall was going to be deserted and sold. It would remain within the family. While Okaa-san and Tamako-chan were going to move in with Otojirō-oji-san and his family, Shuusai-sensei and his wife, Fude-san were going to remain behind at Shieikan. It had been their home for so long and they could not bear to part ways with it. Plus, Fude-san refused to leave the heart of Edo, claiming that she was the wife of a samurai and that it did not suit her to live in the countryside with a bunch of hicks that spent all day rolling in the mud. There was no offense felt in this much-desired split. Fude-san didn't get along with most of us anyways and always carried a strong dislike for Otou-san and everyone associated with Otou-san even though he was her adopted son.

"Excuse me!" Souji raised his voice to announce our arrival.

The door by the vegetable patch meekly cracked open the slightest amount before suddenly snapping open with a burst of energy. The door hit the doorframe with a bang as a Tamako-chan burst through the opening and attached herself to my legs. Ryota did a little strange tippy-tappy dance the tips of his toes the moment he saw her and let go of Souji's hakama without a second thought just so he could go grab Tamako-chan's arm. The two toddlers babbled something to each other, I'm not entirely sure what, before they scrambled into the house, ducking under a pair of legs as they ran inside.

A familiar, yet boisterous, laugh filled the air.

"I've never seen Tama-chan so eager to and excited to play, and that says something!"

I gasped, rocking on my heels for a few meager seconds before all sense of propriety flew out my ears. I could hear Souji chuckling somewhere behind me as I slammed into the body standing in the doorway, wrapping my arms around the person as tightly as I could the moment we came into contact. Forget taking the time to take off my shoes!

It had so long!

"Otojirō-oji-san!" I squealed, hopping around a little while still attached to him.

He patted me on the head while laughing. He felt just as warm as I remembered, like the black cat winding between my ankles on a warm summer morning. Otojirō-oji-san was still as tall as ever. He was even taller than Otou-san, though not as stocky as Otou-san was. When Otojirō-oji-san hugged me, his arms swallowed me up. I must have looked like nothing more than a child in his arms.

"Shizu-chan," Otojirō-oji-san said as he released me from his bearhug. He took a step back before he gave me a sweeping glance, starting from the top of my head and ending at my feet. A sound of approval escaped his chest. "You certainly look different. You've become such a fine young woman. And a haha-ue too!" He then gave Souji a polite nod as Souji approached. And unlike me, Souji actually took his time to take off his shoes first before stepping on the engawa. "Your husband's grown as well. The last time I saw him, he was shorter and weaker looking. It looks like he's put on a decent amount of muscle."

"The last time you saw me was four years ago at the degeiko when I was filling in for Kondou-san," Souji said, grinning as Otojirō-oji-san gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Of course, I'm taller now. But I think I'm pretty much done growing now. It's good to see you again Otojirō-oji-san." He then glanced over Otojirō-oji-san's shoulder, the perks of being tall, and nodded politely "Nobu-san, Hikogorô-san, it's good to see you again."

Nobu-nee was Hijikata-san's older sister, and Hikogorô-san was Nobu-nee's husband. Since Hijikata-san's parents died when he was at such a young age, Nobu-nee was the one raised Hijikata-san. Well, that's not entirely true. She wasn't the only one. Hijikata-san actually went to go live with his older brother, Kiroku, first. It was Kiroku and his wife that got Hijikata-san that apprenticeship with a successful merchant in Edo. However, Hijikata-san wanted more in life and quit the apprenticeship a few mere weeks into the new job. I heard that was the reason Kiroku and Hijikata-san's relationship grew so strained that Hijikata-san moved to Nobu-nee's house. I had wanted to ask Hijikata-san more about that time, but since Kiroku died a few years before we all left for Kyoto. I held my tongue, afraid of stepping on some unresolved issues that may have been lingering.

Nobu-nee was a very different sibling to Hijikata-san than Kiroku was. She was a very sweet and maternal woman. When Hijikata-san and Otou-san became such close friends, she would often travel a couple of hours from Hino down to Shieikan just to visit. That was how Souji and I met her.

 _"_ _Onee-san…"_

 _My hands pause just above a weed as my ears perked up at Hijikata-san's voice. Otou-san had told Souji and I that Hijikata-san was coming to visit today, but I didn't think Hijikata-san would come with anyone else. I exchanged a glance with Souji before we both mutely agreed to ditch weeding the yard in favor of eavesdropping. We huddled against each other against the wall, with Souji resting his chin on top of my head, as we both peeked around the corner of the front gate. I had always known about Hijikata-san's sister, but I had never seen her before. On the other side of the gate, I could see Hijikata-san wrinkling his brow in exasperation. When I saw his older sister, I understood why._

 _"_ _I told you, you don't have to come with me whenever I come to visit Kondou-san. Don't you have better things to do? And pregnant women shouldn't be walking so much! I'm amazed that Hikogorô-nii-san let you come."_

 _"_ _Hikogorô-san knows I can handle myself," Hijikata-san's older sister said all while still beaming at him. "Us Edo women are tough, especially us farmer types. Plus, I wanted to meet Isami-san again. He's always so kind to you, so it's only right I come to thank him personally."_

 _"_ _Onee-san!" Hijikata-san then let out a sigh. "Look, that still doesn't change the fact you're pregnant right now. You need rest! Not more stress!"_

 _"_ _You know," I said, drawing the two siblings' attention to my head that was poking out from behind the gates, "it's healthy for a pregnant woman to walk. In fact, walking is one of the best ways for a pregnant woman to get exercise. It's very important for the baby for the haha-ue to stay healthy."_

 _I stepped out from behind the wall and bounced over to where Hijikata-san and his sister were with my hands tucked behind my back. Souji was quick to follow after me, but he did give Hijikata-san a discrete sneer. Hijikata-san looked at Souji like he wanted to punt Souji somewhere far off in the horizon._

 _"_ _Hi!" I beamed at Hijikata-san's sister. "My name is Kondou Shizuka." I then attached myself to Souji's arm. "And this is Okita Souji. It's very nice to finally meet you!"_

 _Souji nodded. "It's nice to me you," he repeated after me._

 _Hijikata-san's older sister suddenly grew all starry-eyed when she laid her eyes upon us and clasped her hands in front of her chest "Oh!" she exclaimed, turning to Hijikata-san as he scratched the back of his head. "They're so cute! You didn't tell me how cute the children would be!"_

 _"_ _Cute?" Hijikata-san snorted as he crossed his arms. "Shizuka, maybe. The other one? Not so much—" he said, his words ending in a hiss when Souji_ _ **accidentally**_ _kicked him in the shins. Hijikata-san's sister seemed to ignore this. Or maybe she just didn't notice it._

 _"_ _My name is Satô_ _Nobu," she said as she bent down to Souji's and my height. Well, she tried the best she could while pregnant. "It's very nice to meet you two. I'm Toshizo's ane-ue. You can call me Onee-san."_

 _"_ _Onee-san?" I tilted my head. No, I didn't want to call her the exact same thing that Hijikata-san did. If I did, I'd feel almost as if I was robbing Hijikata-san of his sister. "How about Nobu-nee? Is that okay?"_

 _She let out a squeal before I was devoured in a tight hug._

 _There was then the sound of one of the dojo doors sliding open. I heard Otou-san's rushed footsteps instead of seeing him approach since my vision still being obscured by Nobu-nee's embrace Before speaking, I heard him quickly patting down his legs like he was attempting to shake off any dust._

 _"_ _Nobu-san!" Otou-san exclaimed. "What a surprise! I wasn't expecting you today."_

 _"_ _Isami-san, you've been keeping things from me," Nobu-nee accused instead of greeting Otou-san, but she sounded poutier than anything. "You didn't tell me your daughter was so cute and sweet. I want to take her home with me."_

 _"_ _EH?" Otou-san exclaimed. I wiggled in Nobu-nee's embrace to unblock my view just in time to see Otou-san's panicked expression. It appeared he missed the memo that she was joking. "B-But we'll die from hunger if you take Shizu-chan!"_

 _"_ _Huh?" Nobu-nee blinked owlishly before glancing to Souji for an explanation._

 _"_ _Fude-san, Shuusai-sensei's wife, doesn't like to cook. Shizuka's the one that does most of the cooking and cleaning since the rest of us don't really cook all that well."_

 _"_ _Wah!" Nobu-nee exclaimed before squishing me some more. "So responsible too!"_

 _"_ _Nobu-san," Souji then said, feeling the need to point out something very important. "You're squeezing too hard. Shizuka needs to breathe."_

 _Her grip on me didn't loosen even with Souji's statement._

I let out a happy squeak and jumped right into Nobu-nee's arms. "Nobu-nee!"

"Shizu-chan!" Nobu-nee exclaimed quickly hugging me before patting me on the head. "You're all grown up! And married to Sou-chan now too!"

I nodded, taking a step back so I could give Hikogorô-san a hug too.

While we saw Nobu-nee often at Shieikan, Hikogorô-san was a different story. He was usually constantly busy with the family farm, so he didn't come with Nobu-nee to Shieikan very often. Instead, most of the time Souji and I ran into Hikogorô-san is when we went to Hino for some sort of errand. While Nobu-nee was clearly the nurturer of the family, Hikogorô-san was more of the backbone. He was the one that took it upon himself to teach Souji about work ethic, not that Souji actually needed a lesson in that. I personally thought Souji was well disciplined already. As a child, any time Souji and I went to Hino, Hikogorô-san would give Souji some chores to complete. For every completed chore, Souji would earn pocket money. This is where Souji got all his dango money during our childhood.

"Not that I'm complaining," I said as I let go of Hikogorô-san, "but what are you two doing here?"

"When we learned Otsune-san was planning on moving to Tama, we thought we should come and help," Hikogorô-san said before plucking Ryota off the floor when he dashed by. "Huh…" Ryota grew silent leaned away from Hikogorô as much as he physically could from the unfamiliar human. "He looks exactly like you, Souji-kun."

I snorted when Ryota sent me a pleading look to rescue him.

"I've been told that," Souji commented before answering Ryota's silent prayers. He picked Ryota up and plopped him back on the floor. Ryota was quick to scramble behind my legs before running off to where Tamako-chan was waiting for him.

I giggled at the two children. Removing my shoes, I followed them inside the house. Souji, on the other hand, failed to follow me inside. Just before he could step inside, Nobu-nee started asking him a bunch of questions. Not wanting to appear rude, Souji forced smile on his face and started answering all the question, abet in an impatient manner as he tapped his feet on the wooden floor.

Inside the house in one of the sitting rooms, I found both children both running in circles around Okaa-san as she flipped through the contents of an old box. Tamako-chan would hide behind Okaa-san's legs while playing keep away. Ryota scrambled side to side for a few seconds, attempting to tag Tamako-chan around Okaa-san's legs. When all else failed, Ryota picked a side and rushed in only to miss Tamako-chan by the slightest amount when she would bolt away. Both of them scrambled back outside where Souji was when Ryota finally managed to tag Tamako-chan.

"Shizu-chan," Okaa-san said when she saw me. She waved me over. "Come over here." She lifted an old yukata covered in embroidered bellflowers out of the box when I trotted over. "Remember this? You wore it during the last summer you were still in Edo."

"Oh!" I picked it up and held it up to my body, but then scowled. It hadn't been **_that_** long since I last wore it but…, "It doesn't fit anymore…" I let out a sigh as I placed the yukata back in the box so I could tug on the one I was wearing now to remove any undesirable wrinkles. "I really liked that yukata…"

"Not to worry. It will not go to waste. Tamako-chan can wear it when she gets older," Okaa-san said before closing the box up and sealing it.

There were a few seconds of silence between us as she worked. I furrowed my brows. Her shoulders seemed unusually stiff and she was pressing her supple lips into a fine line. Just as I was about to ask her what was going on, she spoke up.

"Shizu-chan, I need to speak you. There's actually one more person coming to help with the move and I just wanted to give you a warning first."

"Warning?" I asked.

Ryota and Tamako-chan happened to pick this time to run back inside. Ryota scrambled up to me with his arms held up, demanding to be picked up.

"Safe! Safe!" Ryota exclaimed just as I picked him up.

Tamako-chan, who was by my leg, puffed her cheeks up at him and crossed her arms while stomping one foot. "Unfair! Unfair!" she declared with an accusing glare.

"Yes," Okaa-san said, ignoring the little drama going on between the kids. "I just wanted to inform you because I'm sure you do not want to see him. Kimura-san offered to help with the move when he discovered my plans."

I felt my spirits sink down into the pit of my stomach. While things with Sachiko were wrapped up in an acceptable manner, I had hoped I would never have to see her again or speak to her again. That also included the people she was associated with. I mean, I'm sure all those other people were perfectly nice people, but I just didn't want to get to know them.

"I was going to turn him down, but he told me he needed to speak to you," Okaa-san continued. She grasped my hand when I averted my gaze. "This was the only way he could speak to you without you going out of your way to avoid him. Please just give him a chance to speak his part. He knows how you feel about everything and would not insist on speaking to you if this was not important."

"I…" My bleeding heart killed the refusal in my throat when I saw Okaa-san's pleading eyes. "Fine."

Just like Okaa-san said, Kimura-san arrived shortly after our discussion to help with the move. Despite Kimura-san's motive to come help with the move, we didn't speak to each other while packing all of Okaa-san's and Tamako-chan's belongings on the moving cart. We didn't speak on the way to Tama. He even kept silent when we dropped everyone off and helped Okaa-san move into her new home. But it was completely different on our way back to Mitsu-san's house. On our way back, it was just Kimura-san, Souji, Ryota, and me. All the others were now gone, so there was complete privacy if he wanted to speak now. I kept my head ducked down while pressing myself against Souji's side in hopes that would be enough to deter Kimura-san.

It didn't work because it was Souji who facilitated the conversation.

"Kimura-san," Souji said, as he shifted Ryota, who was now asleep, on his back. I felt my heartbeat skip for a moment. "You wanted to talk to Shizuka? Now's your chance while everyone else is gone."

Kimura-san took a deep breath before glancing at me. He winced like someone had stabbed him in the chest when he saw me flinch under his gaze.

"Shizuka-san, I know you don't want to speak to me or even see me again, but I need to ask you for a favor." He cut me off before I could refuse. "It's for Chinatsu. She's my daughter and I love her, so I need to ask for her sake. Surely you understand as a parent?"

Any and all objections died in my throat. He just had to say those words, didn't he? I knew what it was like as a parent. I intimately knew what it was like to be willing to do anything for my own child. I clammed and begrudgingly glanced at him out of the corner of my eye to let him know that he had my attention.

"The recent events have left more than just physical scars on Chinatsu. She doesn't sleep well anymore. Most nights she wakes up screaming. There's nothing Sachiko and I can do to comfort her or to chase the nightmares away. She afraid now to be alone or to go outside." Kimura-san screwed his eyes shut as he sucked in a pained breath. "I can't help her. Even with the detailed instructions you left me regarding the care of her arm, I don't know how to make sure her arm heals properly either. There's nothing Sachiko and I can do for our daughter anymore. I know this will be a lot to ask of you and your husband, but I need you to take Chinatsu back to Kyoto with you when you leave. She needs time away from Edo to heal."

"I would hardly call Kyoto the proper place for Chinatsu to heal," I said, I rubbed my arm and averted my gaze to stare at our long shadows which seemed to just grow longer the more the sun started to set. "It's a place of political turmoil and it's pretty common for people to be murdered on the streets. Wouldn't she be better off with you?"

"But she can't stay in Edo either," Kimura-san mumbled before sharply turning around to grab my hands. The horse he was leading stopped walking in confusion before deciding to nudge Souji's head with its muzzle. I head Souji grunt as he tried to shove the horse's face away. "Please. I'm afraid her spirit won't heal if she stays here," Kimura-san continued to plead. "And we don't have anywhere else we can send her."

"If she comes to live with us, it will be in a household of soldiers," Souji warned as he ended up giving up on shoving the horse away. Ryota decided to wake up at that moment and had decided that he wanted to pet the horse. Souji let out a tired sigh as the horse started sniffing his hair. "Are you sure you'd be okay with that? Shizuka will be there, but she's only one woman and she won't be able to monitor Chinatsu-chan all the time due to work."

"But you can offer her a place to stay outside of Edo while she recuperates," Kimura insisted. "Please."

My mind kept telling me I'd regret letting Chinatsu come live with us. I still didn't want to get to know her. I still didn't like her. Yet, there was still some part of me that wanted to offer he kindness.

"I'm not a terrible enough person to deny another person sanctuary or shelter in their greatest time of need," I finally said with a defeated sigh after a long moment of silence. I withdrew my hands from Kimura-san hold. "Souji and I are leaving for Kyoto at the end of the week. Make sure she ready by then."

We swiftly parted ways with Kimura-san shortly after that.

The rest of the day was supposed to end peacefully. It was so late by the time Souji and I returned to Mitsu-san's house that I thought nothing unexpected could happen. I was completely wrong about that.

"Ah," Sannan-san said just as Souji and I stepped into Mitsu-san's house. I nearly dropped Ryota as my heart very nearly jumped out of my chest when I saw him there sipping tea. "There you two are. I was getting tired of waiting."

"What the hell, Sannan-san?!" Souji exclaimed. Lucky him. Souji barely looked startled while I was standing here with my hand over my racing heart. "Why are you here in Edo?!"

Sannan-san put down his cup of tea.

"Hijikata-kun has been unhappy with the lack of detail in the letter you've sent," I sent a sharp glace Souji's way, making him blush and look away from me, "so he sent me to check up on you. But more importantly, I removed myself from Kyoto to lay a trap for Takeda-kun." Sannan-san's normally kind eyes hardened at the mention of the man. "Takeda-kun has been nosing around a certain **_medication_** lately. With me out of the picture, I wonder what he will do…"

Souji and I exchanged a glance. In the kitchen, one of the cups that Mitsu-san was washing cracked in half.

* * *

[1] In Japanese architecture, an engawa (縁側 or 掾側) or en (縁) is an edging strip of non-tatami-matted flooring, usually wood or bamboo. The ens may run around the rooms, on the outside of the building, in which case they resembles a porch or sunroom.

Usually, the en is outside the translucent paper shōji, but inside the amado (雨戸) storm shutters (when they are not packed away). However, some en run outside the amados. Ens that cannot be enclosed by amados, or sufficiently sheltered by eaves, must be finished to withstand the Japanese climate. Modern architecture often encloses an en with sheet glass. An engawa allows the building to remain open in the rain or sun, without getting too wet or hot, and allows flexible ventilation and sightlines.

The area under an engawa is sloped away from the building, and often paved, to carry the water away. The area directly outside the paving is usually a collector drain that takes water still further away. The engawa is thus a way to bridge the obstacles good drainage puts between the indoors and the outdoors.

(I know I've been using the word "roka," but I honestly don't remember where I found that word. And I'm pretty sure I've been using the wrong word up until now…)


	81. Chapter 81

I swear that this chapter was supposed to go up sooner, but then life happened. Before I knew it, nearly four weeks had gone by and I only had the rough draft of half a chapter ^^;;

Well, the chapter's up now. This was a rather difficult chapter to write since there is so much going on behind the scenes that Shizuka just wasn't privy to. There's Souji's conversation with Sannan, Chinatsu's thoughts on her situation, and a bunch of other things.

* * *

 **Chapter 81**

 _"_ _...a life - and a story - cannot be defined simply by the way one says good-bye. It's the introductions, the mistakes, and the triumphs that create a clear picture of who we are and where we're going. Appreciate the journey, because when you get to the end, you'll only be able to look back and hope you don't regret what you see." ― Crystal Cestari, The Best Kind of Magic_

A painfully loud silence filled the room. Even the crickets' fiddling ceased, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up as an unnatural and almost haunting chill crept up my spine. Then, as if nothing had happened, a lone cricket chirped, and the symphony restarted again.

"The medicine?" I whispered as I shifted Ryota in my arms, jostling him a little to test his awareness. I sighed when there was no reaction besides a snore-snort as he continued to snooze away. My shoulders slackened as I felt some of the tension melt away from my spine. It would be the absolute worst thing if Ryota absentmindedly repeated anything he heard. Children his age didn't know how to keep secrets, Ryota, least of all. He liked to regurgitate every conversation he heard to anyone that would listen. "How does Takada know about it?"

My shoulders grew rigid again as a flash of red suddenly shot through my mind before blooming into a sharp pain that stabbed at the inside of my head. Souji was quick to steal Ryota from my arms when he saw me wincing, and just in time too because I was sure I would have dropped Ryota if it weren't for Souji's intervention.

My hand flew to my forehead to clutch at my head in an ineffective attempt to mediate the migraine. My vision swam for a second, causing me to stumble back a few steps. I felt Souji's arm snake around my waist to steady me and for a split second, I could have sworn I saw Souji level a vexed glare at Sannan-san, but that had to be my imagination. When my vision cleared I saw no such expression on Souji's face.

I hissed once more as I felt another jab inside my head. This one had to be the worst one yet. Freaking migraines. I was never really one that developed migraines, but this whole Edo expedition changed that. I expected it was due to stress, which was understandable considering everything that had happened. But…

Well, I was suffering from other symptoms too and I was pretty sure that all those symptoms weren't from stress. It was a mix of everything, really.

The soreness I felt in my breasts, the constant fatigue, the frequent headaches. The dwindling of my appetite in the past few weeks as I developed the constant need to throw up even when I had an empty stomach. The early bump I was starting to develop the most telling. Honestly, that new development was not all **_that_** unexpected. I **_did_** have to keep Souji distracted for a month so his boredom wouldn't drive everyone up the wall. And while I did keep him busy with chores and even joined him in his pranks…

Most of the time I just did the easiest thing to ease his boredom. I mean, that's what worked the best. It burned off all that excess energy and, even though he said nothing about it, he was pleased with the copious amount of sex he received. We **_were_** trying for another child, after all. However, with the sudden news Sannan-san brought us regarding Takeda, the timing to have another baby around suddenly became horrible.

I just couldn't catch a break, could I?

Sannan-san ran his finger around the cup's rim, not answering for a moment as he pretended not to notice my splitting headache. Nevertheless, his mask of indifference wasn't as perfect as most people would believe. A flicker of guilt seemed to flash through his eyes before vanishing behind that mask of this.

So, he thought he was the sole reason for that adverse reaction? I wouldn't give him all the credit.

Sannan-san glanced at the vacant seats across from his seat before glancing back up at us, issuing a quiet order for us to take our seats. I pressed my lips into a hard line when I found myself unable to sit. My legs felt too stiff to bend. Before long, I found myself pacing back and forth behind Souji, who ended up grabbing my wrist to get me to stop fidgeting.

"Shizuka-chan," Sannan-san said. While his voice was kind, there was also steel hidden in his tone. "Please sit down. It would do us no good if you attract Mitsu-san's and Rintaro-san's attention with all your senseless fretting. We do not need more people knowing about the Shinsengumi's little project. And I doubt Okita-kun will appreciate it if you unwittingly dragged his ane-ue into this complicated mess."

I bit my lips before swallowing my unease as I forced myself into my seat. Sannan-san always did know where to aim to get what he wanted.

"So?" Souji placed Ryota back into my arms once I settled into my seat. "You never answered Shizuka's question. How did Takeda-san find out? He never showed any signs of knowing anything before Shizuka and I left Kyoto."

"The thin paper doors are hardly soundproof," Sannan-san stated. "Matsumoto-sensei came back to speak to Kondou-san and Yukimura-kun in hopes that we'd stop the experiments. He expects us to abandon those men that have already made the transition by calling the experiment a failure. When Yukimura-kun was leaving the room to go prepare tea, she caught Takeda-kun with his ear pressed up against the wall." Sannan-san closed his eyes for a brief moment and shook his head. "Takeda-kun had been acting suspiciously since. He's been found lingering near my lab. He's never tried to force an entry, but I suspect it's only because of my constant presence."

"Your absence is a test to make him prove his loyalty," Souji stated, narrowing his eyes as he crossed his arms in a calculating manner. I felt unpleasant little shivers dance up and down my spine when I snuck a meek peek at Souji. "Takeda-san knows he's forbidden to enter your rooms. If he chooses to obey the rules set in place, then we don't need to do anything about him. But if he decides to enter…"

"We all know what type of person Takeda-san is," I answered, suppressing my discomfort as I turned my gaze to stare at the empty teacup sitting in front of Sannan-san. "If he discovers the medicine, there's no way he'd keep quiet. He'd try to use it as some sort of leverage." My eyes rose to meet Sannan-san's. "If he enters the room, we'll need to dispose of him. Permanently. Or, before he has the chance to discover the medicine, we could—"

"No," Sannan-san cut me off. His stare appeared so final that I found myself bristling and gritting my teeth. "We will not be using this as an opportunity to dispose of the medicine instead. The medicine and the task to improve it was personally entrusted to the Shinsengumi by the Shogunate. We cannot disobey orders."

"It's unethical," I hissed back. I had enough! This wasn't a matter of obeying or disobeying orders! "It's barbaric. Medicine is supposed to heal, not do whatever this **_thing_** does. Matsumoto-sensei is right. The Shogunate may have given the Shinsengumi the task to improve that serum, but they haven't been enforcing that order, meaning that they don't care anymore or have given up on it. There's no need to keep crucifying ourselves over a derelict order that we shouldn't have been blindly following in the first place."

"So, you're telling me to abandon all those men who have taken the medicine?" Sannan-san said, raising his eyebrow at me. He sounded calm, but he was everything but calm. There was a storm brewing behind his eyes. "You expect me to tell all those men who have sacrificed for the Shinsengumi that they are not worth saving?"

"Don't try to bully me into agreeing with you," I snapped back. "I will not fall for it. The men that have taken the serum were all scheduled to commit seppuku because of some crime they have committed. They were supposed to be executed. Don't talk about them like they're some sort of heroes that deserved to be saved. They made their choice. They made their bed and now they need to lie in it. We need to cut our losses before the rest of the Shinsengumi gets dragged down to hell with them. Tell me, should hundreds of men die just for the sake of a few?"

"There is no price placed on a life," Sannan-san stated. The sooth calmness of his voice made me bristle even more as petty thoughts started to surface. I wondered what he would do if his glasses suddenly went missing because that's what I wanted to do. Steal them and then smash them. "Each life is priceless and cannot be replaced. We should save all the men we can. If we lose them, then we will have loss irreplaceable men. They deserve at least that much for their service to the Shinsengumi."

"You mean, until they go insane and go on a killing spree," I shot back as my fingernails dug into my thigh. "Have you considered that death will be a release for them, a mercy? I have seen some of those men wandering the halls of their quarters at night. Their eyes are sharp, yet exhausted. They are so tense that the smallest things can send them over the edge of sanity. And most of all, they always thirst for blood while the very thought repulses them, driving them down into a pit of self-loathing. That is no way for anyone to live."

"No," Sannan-san shook his head, "they force themselves to continue on living because they have hope that they will be cured one day. I will not give up on them as long as they have hope and the drive to continue living."

"You mean you will make them work all that much harder just to die? You'll condemn us all with your worthless, false hope!" I hissed back at Sannan-san. He was deliberately blinding himself from my point of view. This pointless debate was going to go nowhere.

I stormed from the room, stomping on the wooden floor as loudly as I could at risk of waking up Ryota. Behind, I heard a frustrated sigh followed by the snappish hushed voices of the two men left in the room. Mitsu-san poked her head out of the kitchen when she heard me stomp by.

"Shizuka-chan?" Mitsu-san called whilst tilting her head. I could feel her frown at my back when I ignored her and shut the guestroom door behind me with much more force than what was necessary.

Stupid Sannan-san.

He was the only person who could get under my skin like this, and he honed this ability of his into an art. I balanced Ryota against my chest with one arm as I pinched the bridge of my nose. This day could not get any more irritating. First, the thing regarding Chinatsu and then the idiotic argument about that accursed serum? A scoff of disbelief escaped my lips as I shook my head.

Despite not stirring at all during that whole argument and the part with the obnoxiously petulant stomping, Ryota decided to wake up a little when I was laying him down on the futon. He blinked groggily back at me before he rolled onto his tummy and shoved his face into the sobagara pillow[1]. Then, with his face sufficiently buried, he began patting the surrounding surface blindly with his hand until the tips of his fingers brushed against my pinkie. As irritated as I was, I could feel the tenseness leave my jaw when his fingers curled around my small digit. It only took him a few seconds after that to doze off after that, leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

 _"You're high-strung in a different way, so it doesn't count. And while we're on this topic, you've seemed less energetic these past few weeks. Are you feeling okay? Or is it because I've thoroughly tired you out while trying to cure my boredom?"_

I let out a small snort as I shook my head. Sharp as always. I hadn't told him yet, but I'm sure he suspected already and was just waiting for me to confirm his suspicions for him. But, I'm sure, that if I wasn't going to confirm his suspicions, he would corner me soon to coerce the truth out of me.

Behind me, the guest bedroom door cracked open. I turned my head just in time to see Souji sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. Wordlessly, he sat down next to me on the futon with his tense back turned towards me before letting a light groan when I started kneading his shoulders. His back slumped towards me as he spared Ryota a glance when he was flickering his eyes towards me.

"Sannan-san wants to search Chizuru-chan's house tomorrow," Souji announced in a hushed tone, leaving the reason unspoken. "He got her permission."

I said nothing as I ran my finger down his back until I reached the spot between his shoulder blades. Souji let out a muted groan when I applied pressure and he leaned in closer.

"He wants us to go with him," Souji continued, making me pause my actions. He turned his head towards me and put his warm hand on my thigh. "He wants you to go for Chizuru-chan. Apparently, Chizuru-chan wants Sannan-san to retrieve a few more articles of clothing for her. Sannan-san doesn't know what clothes he should bring back for her and she probably wouldn't feel too comfortable with a man going through her intimates anyway."

I let out a breath I didn't even I was holding. "Okay," said as I leaned my forehead against Souji's shoulder. "I can do that." I took another breath before lifting my forehead again. "Is there anything else you discussed with Sannan-san?"

"Nothing much. He just wanted me to speak to you in hopes that you'll change your mind, but I'll know your position is set," he answered. I narrowed my eyes at him. Bullshit.

"You spoke to Sannan-san regarding more than just that." I withdrew my hands as I scowled and crossed my arms at him. "You wouldn't be so tense if you spoke to Sannan-san regarding just that."

Souji sighed. He looked tired. Beyond tired.

"What did you two argue about after I left?" I pressed despite his obvious discomfort.

"When were you going to tell me about the pregnancy?" And just like that, he flipped conversation on me.

I blinked owlishly at the sudden change. My arms dropped and blood rushed to my cheeks as I illogically grew embarrassed about getting caught, or rather, getting called out on. I mean, I did suspect that he already knew, but…

"I…O-Oh…"

"'Oh' is all you have to say for yourself?" Souji raised his eyebrows at me. "So? Mind answering my questions?"

I nibbled on my lower lip as I drew my hands onto my lap so I could fidget with my fingertips. When my eyes caught his eyes, I quickly averted them. He didn't look angry, just curious.

"When did you know?" I squeaked.

Souji stood up, stretching his legs before he went to open the dresser. He fumbled around inside, looking for something. He then made a little "Ah!" sound before he turned back around to face me with my sleeping robe in his hands. Like a kid, he set the sleeping robe on top of my head, grinning like a fool when he found the perfect balancing spot. I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed the folded sleeping robe off my head.

"When did I not know?" Souji wiggled his eyebrows at me before stealing a quick kiss out of nowhere. He then sobered up a little, but a hint of that grin from before still lingered on his lips now he got his confirmation. "Look, I know today took a lot out of you. Go to bed. I'll join you later, but I'm going to talk to Sannan-san some more for now. He brought up a subject that needs to be discussed. Plus, I think I should tell him about Chinatsu and her situation."

He left me befuddled at his quick exit where all I could do was blink at the way he rushed out of the room. Just what was I going to ask him before? It mattered little anyway. I quickly fell asleep as soon as he left. I didn't even get a chance to change out of my kimono.

The end of the week came breezing by after Sanan-san's arrival and before I knew it, it was time to return back to Kyoto.

I sat on a bench in the harbor, drumming my fingers on my thigh while Ryota tugged at me kimono as he tried to get me to play with him. I couldn't glance at a ship without feeling my stomach turn. Just looking at the waves roll in and out of the harbor made me want to vomit a little. Sailing and pregnancy didn't mix well together. Me plus sailing plus pregnancy equaled seasickness of epic proportions. I had begged Souji to travel on foot instead, but the idea of me being on my feet for the whole trip did not sit well with him. Travel by ship may cause seasickness, but we'd get back to Kyoto faster.

I heaved out a sigh before glancing out of the corner of my eye. Sitting on the same bench, but as far away as possible from me was Chinatsu. She kept her eyes trained on her feet as she tentatively touched the brace around her healing arm. Neither of us spoke to each other. She went out of her way to avoid me, which sat with me just fine.

Or at least it should have. My throat hurt as I swallowed.

In all honestly, I still didn't want to get to know her. I'd rather not be in the same vicinity as her. However, after her parents dropped her off with me and Souji, she had been alone. She was about to make the biggest transition of her life, and she was alone. She didn't even get to say goodbye to Sanada-san's abusive boy as he was sent away to a temple somewhere far off to learn discipline sometime in the middle of the night. I shouldn't have cared. It was none of my business, yet I found myself wanting to stick my nose in.

Chinatsu shouldn't have been alone. I didn't like her because of who she was associated with, but she didn't deserve it.

"Your arm…," I didn't even realize it was my own voice until a few seconds after the first words left my lips, "does it still hurt?"

She didn't raise her head. "Sometimes…," she mumbled. She stopped touching the brace and laid her hand flat on her lap.

I scooted closer to her and she, already sitting on the edge of the bench, couldn't move away. Ryota, noticing my movement, quickly chased after me before pausing to look up at Chinatsu.

"Why sad?" Ryota asked as he put his small hands on her knees.

Chinatsu looked at loss at what to do with all the sudden attention on her. She opened her mouth, but no words came out as stared wide-eyed at Ryota. However, she was saved from having to do anything when Souji and Sannan-san reappeared. Souji made a humming sound when he saw my thigh press up against Chinatsu's thigh, making me kick his shin before he could make an observant remark.

"I wasn't going to say anything," he grumbled at me.

I rolled my eyes at Souji, letting him know I didn't quite believe his little statement. Sannan-san, on the other hand, probably could sense what was going on, but chose to ignore everything for our sake.

"The ferry is boarding now," Sannan-san stated as he pushed his glasses up just as they slid down his nose a little. "I suggest we get onboard now before we miss our ship."

Hearing the word "ship," Ryota bounced on his heels before running off towards the nearest ship. Sannan-san had to chase Ryota and puck him off the floor when the overexcited toddler started scurrying up the wrong ramp, leaving me to grumble under my breath about the anticipated ride home. Just as I stood up, I paused. I don't know what came over me. I even surprised myself with my own actions.

I held my hand out towards Chinatsu.

For a moment, the rest of the world disappeared. It was only me and my half-sister.

Her eyes widened at the gesture. I have no idea what she was thinking, but she took my hand.

I felt a queasiness rise when she did not reject the gesture. I had half-hoped that she wasn't willing to give me a chance, that way my uneasiness and dislike of her could be justified. But just as much as I regretted offering my hand to her, an excitement brewed within me. This was a new page being turned. The presence of these two paradoxes made my head swim and that became all I could focus on during the three-day journey home, even distracting me so much that I couldn't even remember being seasick even though I was sure I had thrown up several times. All I could remember was Chinatsu sticking so close to me that she even slept with me in the same bed, all but kicking Souji and Ryota out.

And then, now we were standing in front of headquarters and I only had a vague recollection of the things that happened on our journey home. I tilted my head and fought off the urge to scratch the back of my head.

How did that even happen?

"Ah," Sannan-san said, shaking me out of my stupor even more. I hadn't even realized Chinatsu was holding onto my sleeve while standing half hidden behind me. I hadn't even noticed until now that Souji had already gone inside with Ryota. "It's good to be home, isn't it?" His eyes glimmered behind his glasses. "Come along. I'm sure Hijikata-kun and Kondou-san are waiting for a report. Okita-kun's last letter was quite lacking, after all."

Sannan-san swept into headquarters, humming some little tune as some nearby soldiers welcomed him back. I glanced over my shoulder at Chinatsu. While she was silent, her tightening grip on my sleeve spoke in volumes. The small smile I managed to offer her was a poor one that didn't reach my eyes, but it seemed like it was enough. She quickly trotted after me as I stepped into headquarters, shrinking into my side as a few of the soldiers stopped what they were doing to greet me.

"Oi! Shizuka-chan!"

I froze in place at that familiar voice as a genuine smile began forcing its way onto my face. I then turned and practically bowled Heisuke over with my hug, causing him to topple over and bang his head on a nearby wall. It was so good to be home!

"OUCH!"

"Oops, my bad," I said as I released him.

Chinatsu, who let go of my sleeve when I knocked Heisuke over, stood off to the side and tugged at her own sleeves like she wasn't sure what she should do. But, her cheeks were quickly pinkening as she stared at us, or rather, Heisuke.

"What the hell, Shizuka-chan?! If you're going to apologize, at least sound like you mean it!"

"It's not my fault you lose balance so easily."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Hey, did you get taller?"

"Oh, yeah. I did get—Dammit Shizuka-chan! Stop trying to change the subject!"

"Too bad. It almost worked."

Heisuke rolled his eyes at me before casting a curious glance at Chinatsu. I suppose he didn't say anything regarding her because of that skittish look on her face. We both shared a glance with each other before he ruffled his hair. He then grabbed my wrist and began dragging me, setting off a chain reaction that caused me to grab Chinatsu to drag her along with me.

"Come on," Heisuke said as he pulled me along. Oh, look! We were getting pulled towards Hijikata-san's room. Looks like everyone was there already. "You shouldn't keep everyone waiting—"

"You idiot!" Hijikata-san roared, interrupting whatever Heisuke was going to say and causing everyone in our little party to wince. Chinatsu even appeared to shake a little.

Heisuke and I cautiously peered into the room to see Souji picking his ear with his pinkie without a care in the world while Hijikata-san glared at Souji all red-faced. Ryota, on the other hand, didn't seem to be paying attention to the scolding his father was receiving. He just sat on Sannan-san's lap while chatting away with Sannan-san.

"Mah, Toshi," Otou-san said as he placed a hand on Hijikata-san's shoulder. "There's no need to be so harsh. I'm sure Souji has a legitimate reason for staying in Edo for so long."

There was a vein popping out of Hijikata-san's forehead.

"Kondou-san!" A frustrated growl escaped from Hijikata-san's throat. "If that was the case. He should have reported the reason to us first!"

"I did write a letter, you know," Souji pointed out very unhelpfully as he blew on his pinkie. Whatever earwax was on his pinkie flew towards Hijikata-san, making Hijikata-san wrinkle his nose in disgust. "Hijikata-san was just too lazy to read it."

"Too lazy? Too lazy?!" Hijikata-san all but erupted again as he reached into his sleeve and yanked out a wrinkly sheet of paper that looked all too beat-up. He unfolded that sheet of paper and shoved it right in Souji's face. "What the hell kind of letter is this supposed to be?! Huh?!"

I pinched my brow when I caught a glimpse of what was on that letter. "I knew it was a bad idea to have Souji write the letter to Hijikata-san," I muttered under my breath. Heisuke nodded silently in agreement.

On the beat-up letter was a grinning bunny face with the large messy words, "We'll be back late," scrawled under the picture.

"You know," Souji supplemented unhelpfully, "a fast and easy to read letter with a cute bunny to cheer up the reader, but I guess Hijikata-san is just too sour to be cheerful."

"Sour—! Souji, you bastard!"

"Well, it is a cute bunny, and a really good picture," Otou-san then commented.

"Kondou-san!" Hijikata-san hit his own forehead with the palm of his hand before he caught sight of me eavesdropping. His eyes narrowed at me dangerously while Heisuke took the time to hide behind the wall better. "Shizuka," his growl was low. "Come here."

I twiddled my fingers and took a seat next to Souji. Otou-san's face seemed to brighten as he set his eyes on me.

"Toshi, there's no need to be so harsh. They are home now after all. No damage done."

Hijikata-san acted like he didn't hear Otou-san as he crossed his arms at me. "Talk. Now."

"Err… I guess I should have written the letter instead?" I offered up. My inadequate answer only served to make Hijikata-san's eye twitch some more. "But look," I quickly pointed to Chinatsu, who had now aquatinted herself with Heisuke by hiding behind the same wall as he was, "I have an imōto. Well, half, not that it really matters, and she'll be staying with us for a while."

"What?!" Hijikata-san all but sputtered. He then narrowed his eyes at me again as he prepared the scolding of a lifetime. Just as he sucked in the air he needed to yell at me…

"Oh, and did I mention, I'm pregnant? And Souji did break his leg in Edo, so we had to wait for that to heal first."

"Broken leg?! Wait… PREGNANT?!" That time it wasn't just Hijikata-san spluttering.

While Hijikata-san looked like he was about to have an aneurysm, Otou-san looked absolutely delighted at the pregnancy part. Sannan-san… Sannan-san just looked like Sannan-san as he paid no mind to us as he continued to listen to Ryota's chattering. I suspect he figured it out the pregnancy while we were on the ship. The only time I have ever been seasick was when I was pregnant with Ryota, after all.

Hijikata-san then exhaled, loudly. "I swear, you're trying to send me to an early grave," he muttered at me before making Heisuke jump by glancing at him. "Go get Chizuru for me. Tell her I need tea. Lots of it. This is going to be a long day."

* * *

[1] A traditional Japanese pillow filled with buckwheat hulls.


	82. Chapter 82

My updating schedule will probably be a bit wonky from now on and the wait between chapters may get longer, but I'm not too sure yet. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. I've decided I will be going back to school in the winter. And my grandmother, who I have been the primary caretaker of for years now, is in the last stages of her life due to lung cancer. As of right now, she only has a couple of hours left and it has been hard on my dad and his side of the family. And because of how hard it is for them, they are depending on me and my mom to be the ones to make any rational decisions.

The process of dying is difficult to watch. At this point, I can only feel pity for my grandmother instead of sadness. Parts of the body shut down one by one until there's only a shell of a person left who is still unable to pass on, yet too far gone to live. There has never been a truer quote than, "Death strips all men of dignity."

Right now, I can only hope my grandmother passes quickly so she will no longer be in pain.

* * *

 **Chapter 82**

 _"_ _Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile." ― Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night_

Hijikata-san sat, rubbing his forehead. A migraine was pounding the insides of his head with a sledgehammer. Hijikata-san muttered words under his breath as his nose scrunched up. Every few seconds, he'd glance up from the floor and narrow his eyes at me and Souji a little more before returning his glare to the ground.

And through all the annoyed looks and the angry muttering, Souji sat tall and proud while brimming full of accomplishment as his eyes twinkled with a type of childish amusement. The upward twitch of his mouth told me that he was struggling not to laugh in Hijikata-san's face. He even crossed his arms in a façade to hold his sides to prevent himself from laughing.

Chinatsu, on the other hand, was definitely not sharing Souji's amusement. Having taken a seat between me and Souji right after Heisuke had taken off, she was within range to take those glares Hijikata-san shot at me and Souji every few second despite them not being aimed at her. She inched closer to me with every glare taken and eventually was even holding on to my sleeve with one hand. She kept her glance locked with her lap. It then got to the point where she was pressed into my side.

And that when something ugly reared inside of me.

Her presence, her very touch, was stifling. I was no longer being suffocated by my resentment towards Sachiko for abandoning me as she did, but…

Chinatsu and I shared blood. Sachiko chose Chinatsu, not me. Chinatsu had everything I had spent so long wanting. Even when I was no longer trapped by resentment's chains, its ghost still haunted my every action. The pain was still there.

I knew Chinatsu, despite only previously showing me her bratty side, was not a bad person. I had witnessed Ichiro, my half-brother, scream, cry, and even beg his Chinatsu not to leave Edo. Kids his age were so simple, innocent, and pure. They didn't lie to manipulate simply because they didn't know how yet. I could gauge what type of person Chinatsu was just based one Ichiro's reaction. But, even so, my desire to know who she was as a person was still nonexistent.

Why was she here in **_my_** life, in **_my_** residence talking to **_my_** friends and family when she had her own?

 _I was the one that offered her my hand._

She did not belong here.

 _I let her stay with me on the ship, let her sleep with me together on the same bed. She's scared. The future is scary._

She was an interloper.

 _I am her older sister and her only pillar of support in this foreign city._

I wanted her gone. Intruder.

 _But I offered her my hand._

I bit my tongue, and disguising my actions as a shrug, I shoved her away with my shoulder just as she leaned on me. I pretended not to see her wounded and befuddled look, but instant regret flooded my chest. My chest panged with guilt and unease as I saw her eyes begin water, and Otou-san…

Being that Hijikata-san was busy nursing that headache of his and Sannan-san was preoccupied with Ryota, Otou-san seemed to be the only person out of the powerful trio to notice my adverse reaction to Chinatsu's touch. His furrowed brow first with confusion before that expression was replaced with the look of firm disapproval. I felt like I had just swallowed a dirty rock as I froze in place, forcing myself not to jerk my hand away when Chinatsu reached for comfort again. The last thing I wanted to do was bear Otou-san's disappointment. Thankfully, Chinatsu chose the less invasive method of handholding this time rather than full body contact.

"Shizu-chan…" While Otou-san's voice was soft and gentle, his gaze felt like an anvil, or even a magnet, seeing how that attracted everyone's eyes. I could feel myself squirm in my seat as my stomach turned. "Do you want to tell me what's going on before Yukimura-kun arrives with our refreshments? You are not acting like yourself."

I averted my eyes. "It's…," I let out a sigh, "complicated," because things change, people change. "I don't know," anymore. Change creates conflict. Conflicting feelings are difficult to understand.

I wanted to help. I don't want to help her. _But I want to help._

I wiggled my fingers free from her grasp before placing my hand on her head, an affectionate gesture that was meant to mean well but ended up half hollow. I retracted my hand as soon as I touched the top of her head, but her hand chased and grabbed my hand again as if to beg.

 _"_ _Please don't leave me. Not now."_

My heart pounded and my stomach rolled some more. The only thing left to do was silently scream praises to the heaven's in my head when Chizuru-chan chased away the oppressive atmosphere when she arrived with a tray full of cups, one empty bowl, and a giant teapot.

"Ah!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed, rushing to place the tray by Hijikata-san's thigh with a bright smile. "Okita-san! Shizuka-san! Sannan-san! Welcome back!"

Ryota seemed to take offense at not being greeted and pounded his ineffectual little fist on Sannan-san's leg. "Chizu-san! Chizu-san!" he exclaimed while Sannan-san took this time to fix his slightly lopsided glasses.

Chizuru-chan quickly took the hint and stole Ryota from Sannan-san's lap. "Ah! Ryota! I didn't forget about you. Please don't be fussy," she quickly remedied when Ryota crossed his stubby little arms at her.

"Might as well sit down and get comfortable, Chizuru," Hijikata-san said as he grabbed the teapot and poured himself a **_bowlful_** of tea. "You're probably going to hear about everything we discuss later, and it'll be a hassle to clarify everything later. So, just save yourself the trouble and listen in."

"Oh? Looks like the Oni Vice Commander is growing soft. You just want her to stick nearby," Souji chimed in, earning himself a disgusted glare from and growl from said man.

Hijikata-san then downed the whole bowl of tea at once, alarming Otou-san while Sannan-san just chuckled silently to himself.

"Whoa, Toshi! Don't you think you should slow down?"

"Shut it!" came Hijikata-san's petulant response. He poured himself another bowl, but instead of downing it all at once this time, he set it on the floor off to the side. His eyes sharpened once more as they landed on me. First, down at the fingers that Chinatsu was holding on to, then back up at my face. "First things first. What happened in Edo? How does your imōto play into this?"

I looked away.

To the side, I heard Chizuru-chan gasp a little at this revelation. She shot little curious peeks at Otou-san before rotating between me, Chinatsu, and Otou-san like she was looking for similarities.

Souji cleared his throat, drawing everyone's attention, including mine. My eyes met his briefly as he looked at me from the corners of his eyes. The knot in my stomach soon vanished after that, freeing my mind from being so preoccupied. Unfortunate enough, that's what allowed me to finally register the scent of the green tea.

I loved smell of green tea, especially combined with the scent of ink and paper, but right now? Oof. Not so much. My stomach wanted to walk out of my mouth just as I swallowed a dry heave.

"We can talk about Shizuka's and Chinatsu-chan's relationship later when they both get settled in," Souji said just as his eyes left me. He nudged the bowl of green tea farther from me and closer to Hijikata-san, probably because he wanted to see Hijikata-san accidentally knock it over. "As for the main situation in Edo, I'm sure you heard all about the Gashadokuro case. I know Ani-ue penned an official report to Kondou-san to describe the details and outcome of the case. Chinatsu-chan was the final victim we managed to rescue, and she can't recuperate in Edo. That's why she's here."

It was like a light bulb turned on over Otou-san's head. But then he furrowed his brows and put his hand under his chin as he tilted his head at Souji.

"But Rintaro-san's letter didn't mention anything about a broken leg...," Otou-san muttered to himself. "I would have thought that would have been important to mention."

I rolled my eyes. "Hence why it was a formal report, not a personal letter. The letter was supposed to be written by me, but Souji distracted me just as I was about to write it and I ended up just leaving him in charge of writing it."

"Which was a mistake," Hijikata-san muttered under his breath before hissing when he accidentally dipped his fingers into the hot bowl of tea that was not placed there just moment's ago. He shot a dark glare in the face of Souji's silent gloating.

"Well," Otou-san clapped his hands with a grin on his face, "no harm done."

And never let it be said that Otou-san wasn't charismatic. Chinatsu, as terrified and withdrawn as she was, couldn't resist letting out a small smile in response to the one Otou-san offered her. She released my fingers as her eyes lightened up.

And then three men fell through the now busted door and into the room, startling Chinatsu back into huddling herself by my side. Souji's grin reappeared as he witnessed that vein reappear on Hijikata-san's forehead.

"Mmmh! Geff yur feff arsses off meh! Oof heavy!" Heisuke demanded from the bottom of the pile with his face still being smooshed into the tatami mats by Shinpachi-san's elbow.

"Did you just call me fat, you brat?!" Shinpachi hollered back. "My weight is made up of nothing but these magnificent muscles!"

Sano-san, the one sitting on the very top of the messy pile, whacked the back of Shinpachi-san's head. "You idiot. You just admitted you're all brawn and no brain."

"Ehh?!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed, letting go of Ryota, who ran over to the oddly stacked pile to tuck on Heisuke's hair. "What is everyone doing here?"

"What, indeed," Sannan-san said. While his voice was calm and even gentle sounding, I saw shivers run up the Idiot Trio's spines. "I believed a closed door means that whatever conversation is occurring in the room is supposed to be a private affair."

"Well, it's not like we wanted to disturb you," Sano-san said, rubbing the back of his neck with a slight frown as he got to his feet. Shinpachi-san and Heisuke remained a scrawled mess on the floor. "We didn't fall in here on purpose. That was Saito's fault. Surprised me when he walked by without making a sound." Sano-san pointed through the hole in the door behind him.

For the first time, we all noticed Saito-san standing on the other side while looking as calm as ever.

"You are mistaken, Sano. It is your lack of focus to blame. And you three were already breaching their privacy by attempting to eavesdrop," Saito-san said. He slid open the busted door before stepping in and shutting the door behind him again, earning an incredulous look from Shinpachi-san and Sano-san. He probably would have earned that look from Heisuke too if Heisuke's face wasn't currently being smushed into the floor.

Why didn't he just leave the busted door open? The door was pretty much useless now.

Saito-san greeted the Otou-san, Hijikata-san, and Sannan-san with a polite bow before turning to Souji and I. "I see you have returned safely," and then added, "Ryota as well," when toddler clambered up to him and tugged on his clothing. He acknowledged Chinatsu with a mutual nod.

"Geroff!" Heisuke bellowed one more time before finally booting Shinpachi-san off.

I snorted when I saw the red face and the lines of the tatami mats pressed into his cheeks. And then, my stomach rolled again when the queasiness resurfaced. One would think that the queasiness would go away after getting off the ship. Not the case this time.

Hijikata-san groaned again and downed another bowl of tea. "I've had enough of this," he mumbled before snapping at the Idiot Trio, causing their backs to shoot straight. "You three! I want you to get Shizuka's imōto settled in! There's an empty room next to Souji's and Shizuka's room. Give her that one. Saito, keep an eye on them to make sure they don't go overboard and overwhelm her, and let Gen-san know we have a guest staying here until further notice."

"Alright!" Shinpachi-san sprung to his feet, throwing Heisuke off balance, and pumped his fist in the air. "You can count on me, the magnificent Nagakura Shinpachi-sama!"

"Oi!" Heisuke yelled at Shinpachi-san, scowling as he caught himself from toppling over again. "Watch what you're doing, dumbass!"

"What was that, you brat? I couldn't hear you over the amazing sparkle of my muscles."

"Hah?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

I scratched the side of my face before stealing a glance at Hijikata-san, who was red-faced and blowing steam out of his ears by now. Weren't we discussing something serious before this? I'd never be able to tell if I wasn't present for that part, especially with the way Shinpachi-san and Sano-san were bopping Heisuke on the head while wearing stupid, mouth-splitting grins. I didn't even get the chance to formally introduce Chinatsu to them yet.

Souji snorted at the whole display, making me want to roll my eyes at him. At least someone was finding all of this amusing. I tilted my head back at him when he tapped my shoulder and silently pointed down at Chinatsu, who was dwarfed in her seat between us.

Chinatsu's entire face was flushed, like beet-red. I furrowed my brows. Did she have a fever? Her arm was nowhere close to being fully healed, which meant it was easy for infection to set in. Plus, she shouldn't have been traveling in the first place in her condition. Did we place too much strain on her too quickly?

She jumped slightly and peeked up at me when I placed my hand on her forehead.

It wasn't a fever. Her temperature was completely normal. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Souji sigh and shake his head at me. He then jerked his head towards the Idiot Trio, causing me to glance their way. And… there was nothing out of the ordinary. Those three were still squabbling in their stereotypical manner with the occasional fist flying. Glancing back down at Chinatsu, I found her eyes locked on the Idiot Trio, or more like her eyes were locked on the two older members.

Chinatsu's eyes darted between Sano-san and Shinpachi-san, mainly focusing on their chests before slowly rising to their faces, then shooting down to their chests again. And soon, she seemed to discard Sano-san and solely focus on Shinpachi-san.

I nibbled on my lower lip and tilted my head like I believed that would give me a different angle for me to look at this whole situation. I didn't get it. Just what was she getting flustered at?

"Oi!" Hijikata-san finally snapped, causing everyone to freeze. "You heard my orders! Now, scram!"

"Aye, sir!" Heisuke squeaked, being the first one to bolt out of the room by diving through the hole in the door.

He should have opened the door.

No, he **_really_** should have opened what was left the door even if it was now just a hollow wooden frame.

His toes caught on the lower part of the door's wooden frame and…

I had to wince when that slingshotted him face first on the hallway's wooden floor. Whatever was left of the busted wooden door went down with him and it didn't even stop there. The floor of the hallway was nice and shiny, meaning it was just cleaned recent, meaning… it was slippery. Poor Heisuke. He slid down the hallway on his face the moment it made contact and the momentum being the fall sent him sprawling down the hallway until he was out of our line of sight.

Chizuru-chan covered her mouth as she gasped in absolute horror. "Heisuke-kun!" she exclaimed just as I got up from my seat and peered down the hallway to see just to see where he ended up. Several feet away, Heisuke, with his face still pressed on the floor, was sprawled out in a mess of what was now safe to consider as firewood with his butt sticking up in the air like a proud flagpole.

Before Chizuru-chan could jump to the aid of the poor guy, Sano-san shook his head, silently letting Chizuru-chan not to bother.

"Ah, don't mind him." Sano-san stretched his arms before joining me by the entrance where the door once stood and peered down the hall with me. "He's okay. He has a hard head."

I raised my eyebrow at Sano-san. "I think you're missing the part where he landed on his face. You do realize that," I tapped on his nose, "that some parts of the face do not sit flat on the face? I really hope his nose isn't damaged."

"Nah." Sano-san shrugged and grinned at me. "It's the hothead we're talkin' about here. He'll be fine."

Then, as if to prove Sano-san's statement to the world, the words, "I'm okay!" echoed down the hallway, originating from Heisuke. Heisuke then shot back up, like some sort of demented jack-in-the-box as he jumped to his feet and hurled a giant thumbs up at me.

"See?"

"He has a bloody nose! Look at all that blood running down his face! How does that count as 'okay?!'"

"But my point is," Sano-san points out in that same relax tone, "his nose isn't broken. See? Totally fine."

Idiot men. I rolled my eyes at Sano-san before marching right up to Heisuke. Fishing around in my sleeve, my pinkie quickly hooked the handkerchief I was looking for before shoving right in his face. Heisuke blinked at the gesture several times before gingerly picking up the piece of cloth between his thumb and index finger.

"Umm…"

"Just use it," I said as I wrapped my arms around his arm and dragged him back to the room. "I don't want to hear any complaints."

Just as I finished hauling Heisuke back into the room with me, I saw Shinpachi-san pat his pants to shake loose any dust. Then he turned to Chinatsu, who heart jumped up her throat. She looked exactly like a deer in the headlights. The widening eyes, her breath catching in her throat. She just froze. Next to her, I could see Souji quirking his eyebrow before an amused grin popped up.

What was going on with that girl?

Then an idea popped out of nowhere and tickled my mind.

Could it be? Was she **_scared_** of Shinpachi-san? I could make sense. I mean, Shinpachi-san is a big, muscular guy after all.

Yet that line reasoning felt somewhat weak. Her pulse had to be racing, but she didn't look scared of him. She looked more nervous than anything.

Oh. And when Shinpachi-san smiled at her, her face grew impossibly redder, so red she made a tomato look white. Shinpachi-san then gently walked over to where she was still seated, knelt before her on one knee and offered a hand to her.

"Hime-sama," Shinpachi-san said, flashing a megawatt smile at her. She looked about ready to swoon.

Wait… Swoon? **_Oh_**. Well, slap my ass and call me a donkey. Did she have a crush?

"Hime-sama?" Souji commented, raising his eyebrow even more. It was clear by the way his face twisted that he was doing a very poor job of holding back a snicker. "Acting the prince charming, are you now? Careful now. That's my sister-in-law. I just might be obligated to deck you if you get too close."

"Well, why not call her a princess?" Shinpachi-san said, turning to Souji and completely missing Chinatsu hyperventilating. "I mean Shizuka-chan's is the Shinsengumi's princess. So, if Chinatsu-chan is her imōto, shouldn't the same applied to her?" He then turns to Chinatsu and winks. "Right? I'll be takin' you to your room now. You don't have to worry about a thing with Shinpachi-sama watching out for you!"

Goodness, how Chinatsu swayed on her feet when Shinpachi-san pulled her to her feet. She had already grown docile from all the hardship she had experienced in the past several weeks, but with Shinpachi-san? Just one look from him and all her rough edges instantly smooth themselves over. I swear I saw her eyes get replaced with hearts. And as Shinpachi-san led her away from the room to get settled in, I seriously saw steam coming from her ears.

Sano-san, who was watching everything unfold, let out a low chuckle. "Best not leave those two alone," he even joked before following them.

Saito-san, who had said nothing this entire time, offered us all a polite nod before making his exit as well. Just as he stepped outside, he paused when the padding of little feet could be heard chasing after him. He looked down just as Ryota grabbed onto his leg. This was something he didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, he even seemed happy about it. Without saying a word, he bent down and picked up Ryota and left.

"I bet that just made Hajime's whole day," Heisuke commented, taking a seat next to me when I returned to my spot beside Souji. His voice was somewhat muffled and nasally with that handkerchief in the way. "When he heard the news that you guys were on the way back, he went out to the market to buy a new wooden top for Ryota."

Souji hummed. "Is that so? Then, he'll probably be thrilled when he finds out there's another little one on the way."

I snorted at that remark before taking the handkerchief from Heisuke. Putting my hand under his chin, I tilted his head higher up so I could get a closer look. Despite that horrible looking fall, I couldn't really say that Heisuke injured himself all that much. His nosebleed was pretty much already gone. I wiped off the rest of the blood and tossed the soiled cloth to the side to deal with later.

Sannan-san cleared his throat. "Now that we've taken care of Shizuka-chan's imōto, there is a discussion we need to have regarding Takeda-kun."

And just like that, the atmosphere sobered up. My eyes dropped to focus on the lines of the tatami mat as I pressed my lips into a hard line. Some of the queasiness that had dissipated earlier had returned. Plus, now I inconveniently needed to use the restroom now too. Boo to my small bladder. I pinched myself on my wrist so I could stop focusing my small bladder and the morning sickness. Too bad I saw Souji narrowing his eyes when he saw what I did.

"Shizuka," Souji said, and all the eyes in the room flew to me. "Maybe you should go rest while we discuss this."

"And **_maybe_** you should eat that suggestion," I snapped back, my mood instantly fouling. Souji suddenly looked exhausted. He placed his hand on his forehead and shook his head while letting out a sigh. "I'm pregnant," Chizuru-chan let out a squeal of delight when she processed that news, "not handicapped. And I am certainly not as delicate as you make me out to be. **_This_** is important, and I will not sit out on this discussion just because you think pregnant women are fragile. You see, these types of incorrect beliefs are exactly the reason why I didn't instantly tell you I was pregnant the moment I was sure. All this "lock her away in an isolated tower to keep her safe" attitude is ridiculous! I am here right now and I will listen to everything everyone has to say."

"Shizu-chan! But—," Otou-san started to say before dropping his words when Hijikata-san placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It should be fine, Kondou-san," Hijikata-san said before sparring me a glance that told me that he understood where I was coming from. "You know what Edo women are like. And if she doesn't hear it at its source, she'll keep harassing us until one of us spills. You know what she's like. So, there's no point in sending her away now, is there?"

Otou-san frowned, but let his shoulders relax. "I suppose you're right, Toshi…"

That was enough to have Otou-san acquiesce, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Souji snarl at Hijikata-san. He ultimately did nothing because Otou-san agreed with Hijikata-san, but he was **_not_** happy with the decision.

"Now," Sannan-san said, folding his hands in a most calculating manner, "resuming the topic at hand. Takeda-kun was eager to see me leave for Edo, yes?"

Chizuru-chan nodded. "He lingered around your study for days, but he didn't actually go inside. He tried peeking inside through the slits in the windows that you left. I don't think he actually saw anything though..."

Hijikata-san crossed his arms and glance out the busted door. There was nobody lingering nearby. The men were either on patrol or training in the dojo at the current moment. "He did try to accost Chizuru a few times and pressure her into telling him what behind those doors…"

"Ah! But Hijikata-san was always close by, so he never went too far," Chizuru-chan quick amended when she saw Souji scowling at Hijikata-san. "Oh, but he did ask to meet with Itou-san and Saburo-san several times in privacy when they returned from Edo. They spoke several times in privacy, but I don't think they ever took Takeda-san too seriously. Saburo-san especially like to brush Takeda-san off in the hallways whenever Takeda-san wanted to speak."

"So, in short, Takeda-kun knows nothing yet," Sannan-san concluded just as he readjusted his glasses some more.

"But he will be desperate to get his hands on any information." I tapped on my chin with my pointer finger. "There's nothing more dangerous than a desperate animal. That applies to humans too. I already suggested this to Sannan-san back in Edo but let me just say it again. Isn't it better to abandon and dispose of the serum? The Shogunate is no longer forcing us to research it as much, meaning that they've already abandoned it or that it's fallen to the bottom of their to-do list. So, I doubt there will be any punishment if we just quit. Plus, by removing the serum, we remove the threat of Takeda or anyone else finding out about it."

Otou-san's frown was all I needed to see to know what he thought of that idea. "Shizu-chan… I know how you feel about all of this, but…"

"That's completely not an option," Hijikata-san butt in. "The Shogunate gives an order and we follow it, that's all there is to it. Unless they tell us to stop, we will be continuing the research."

I gritted my teeth at the decision, but no longer objected. It was clear I would be overruled no matter what regarding this case.

"Oi, Heisuke," Souji suddenly spoke up. Heisuke perked up and glanced at Souji. "Since you aren't with Hajime-kun and the others right now, do me a favor and escort Shizuka back to our room so she can rest. It's best if she doesn't stay here to listen to what our next steps will be. It won't be good for her condition."

I bit my tongue at Souji's words. I wanted nothing more than to argue with him right now, to argue will all of them right now, but to be completely honest, I felt absolutely drained. All that traveling, then dealing with Chinatsu, the argument. Then combined with the fact I hadn't been able to sleep well at all while on the ship… The exhaustion was catching up and I couldn't keep up with everyone right now.

I closed my eyes briefly and accepted defeat for now. But, make no mistake, this discussion wasn't over until I said so.

"Yeah…," Heisuke said before pulling me to my feet.

I glanced back at the men left in the room before following Heisuke away. In the room beside mine and Souji's room, I could hear all sorts of noise coming from there. But most of what I heard was, "Alright! Check out these muscles! Aren't they amazing? It's art! I spent years sculpting these babies!"

Heisuke shook his head and muttered under his breath about Shinpachi-san being dumb, but he stuck to his job instead of rushing out to join the rest of the Idiot Trio. However, once we were at my room, instead of leaving so I could take a nap, he came inside with me and closed the door behind him.

"Shizuka-chan, I get that you're supposed to be resting, but…," Heisuke let out a sigh as he glanced at the shadows being cast by the sunlight, "I need… I mean… I need someone to talk to about this, but I don't think anyone else will understand…" He took a deep breath. "It's about the medicine. And I thought that because you pretty much have a similar opinion to mine…"

I tilted my head at him and patted the empty spot on the futon next to me. I was tired and I wanted to sleep now, but I had enough energy for this.


	83. Chapter 83

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words. It does mean a lot to me.

* * *

 **Chapter 83**

 _"_ _Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ― Albert Einstein_

 _"_ _The Shinsengumi exists to protect people. All of us serving together: foot soldiers, captains, lieutenants, commanders, are supposed to be brothers-in-arms. We're all supposed to be able to trust each other no matter what… but…"_

 _Heisuke's words faded into a suffocating silence. He glanced down at his open hands before clenching them so hard that they turned white. Then as if defeated, he dropped his arms, allowing his hands to fall open again. I wrapped my arms around one of his, causing to turn his gaze onto me._

 _"_ _But it doesn't feel like it, does it?" I said, offering him a sad smile. "The people of Kyoto fear us and some of our men even use that fear to benefit themselves. Then, there are the cases when the Rasetsu escape into the city. 'How can we be protecting the people if we're still causing them harm?' is what you're thinking, right?"_

 _"_ _Yeah…" Heisuke averted his gaze again as he stares at one of Ryota's wooden toys laying on the floor. "I mean, it's not like I don't understand where Hijikata-san and Kondou-san are coming from, but is this really the right way to do things? And if it is, why can't we trust more of the members of the Shinsengumi? To hide the Water of Life from civilians is one thing, but to have to hide it from our own…"_

 _"_ _I think the question of 'right' and 'wrong' isn't the correct question to be asking here." I let out a bitter sigh. "As much as I wish what I'm about to say isn't true, it is what I have observed from my… unique cycle of life. There is nothing right. There is nothing wrong. There is nothing good. There is nothing evil."_

 _Heisuke looked like he swallowed a bitter pill and even looked like he recoiled a little. Clearly, this was something he didn't want to hear from anyone. And quite honestly, I even surprised myself with my own answer. Once upon a time, I too had seen things as right and wrong, good and evil._

 _How much I've changed._

 _"_ _Morality is a human invention and is applicable only to people. It's a guided set of rules created with the sole purpose of making people more civilized. Just because people have objectively classified things into right and wrong doesn't mean that these classifications exist in nature. And within this ethical guideline that we humans have created, things can hardly easily be split into black and white. There seems to be an awful amount of gray in the mix."_

 _I let go of Heisuke's arm and placed one hand over my belly. Heisuke's eyes followed my actions, and as if he were seeking comfort from the subject we were discussing, his hand followed mine as he placed one of his own hands over my belly too._

 _"_ _I think the question should be: what would be_ _ **better**_ _? We just have to remember, that as we're making our own choices, we have to be able to live with ourselves before living with other people. But," I bumped shoulders with Heisuke, "if it makes you feel any better, I still think using the Water of Life is foul, wrong, and pretty evil based on my own set of morals and ethics."_

I blinked when a finger flick hit the dead center of my forehead, chasing away the memory I was lost in. Souji's amused face was right in front of mine. He grinned when I seemed to rejoin him in the world of the living. Ryota, who was nearby playing with the new wooden top that one of his favorite uncles gifted him, snatched the still spinning top up in his hands when he saw me staring questioningly at Souji. Ryota rushed over to where I was seated so he could climb up in my lap and held the top up for me to see before he quickly, and selfishly, pulled the top back into his lap. His new favorite froggy motif top was for me to see, not touch, apparently.

I blame it on the frogs painted on the side of the top.

"Thinking hard on something?" Souji asked, his grin growing wider when Ryota tried to hide the top from him. He pinched Ryota's nose, causing Ryota to sneeze and nearly drop the top. "Or are you still upset that Chizuru-chan wouldn't let you cook breakfast this morning and kicked you out of the kitchen?"

I rolled my eyes at Souji and petulantly stuck my tongue out at him. "You and everyone else is just lucky that Chizuru-chan is with us now and doesn't mind cooking. I'd like to see how you deal with Hijikata-san's cooking again. Remember when we were little, the rat that died after it ate some of Hijikata-san's cooking?"

"Who would have thought?" a new voice chimed in. Souji raised his eyebrow before the both of us glanced towards the back corner of the room to spot an invasive visitor. "One would think that Hijimama would know how to cook."

It will forever be a mystery how Kyoko-chan could get in and out of rooms without anyone noticing. Because, seriously, how the hell was she accomplishing this? No sound, nothing. Not even a speck of dust out of place.

"Oh!" Ryota exclaimed, clambering out of my lap before to quickly scurrying over to where Kyoko-chan was. He nearly tripped somewhere along the way. "Top! Top!"

Like with all of us, he showed her the top and quickly tried to tuck it in his shirt when Kyoko-chan reached for it.

"Aww, where did you get such a cute froggy top?"

"Oji-san!"

"Which one?"

"Oji-san! Oji-san!"

"That totally didn't clarify anything," Kyoko-chan muttered under her breath before picking Ryota up. She then passed Ryota to Souji once she joined us before plopping down on the floor next to me. Her eyes twinkled mischievously just as she grabbed my arm. "So, a little birdy told me that a certain someone is expecting again."

"And how exactly did you come across this rumor?" Souji questioned, now with both eyebrows raised. Ryota wiggled from Souji's arms and dropped his butt right next to where Souji was standing just to spin the top again. Souji crossed his arms as soon as they were freed. "We just got back to Kyoto yesterday. Exactly just how easy is it to get all this personal information on us? I'd hate to see other people who aren't as _friendly_ obtain information as easily as you do."

Kyoko-chan put a finger on her chin and tapped a few times. "Well…," she dragged, "it's not difficult, but it's not exactly easy at the same time. You've got to keep in mind with Kenji does for a living." She then turned towards me, her happy expression cracking and peeling away until only a solemn seriousness remained. "Speaking of expecting… I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions of a personal nature…"

I glanced at Souji out of the corner of my eye. He proceeded to shrug before he bent down to pick up Ryota again. "Do you need me to leave?" he asked as Ryota was wiggling in his arms again.

Kyoko-chan nibbled on her lower lip. "Not really, since I don't think this is something you would care too much about or stick your nose into…" She quickly turned her focus back on me and ignored the fact that Souji was still in the room. "Kenji and I have been together for a while now, but…," she let out a sigh as her shoulders droop, "I think I'm having fertility issues. Is there anything medicine you can give me or…"

I pressed my lips into a thin line as I reached for Kyoko-chan's hand, a comforting gesture she readily accepted. The thought of not being able to have kids for a woman in this culture was a nightmare. If a married woman was unable to have children, then what use was she to her husband and his family? It was one of the main roles for a married woman of this era. Plus, Kyoko-chan always wanted to have children of her own. I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain she felt when she came to this conclusion.

"It's not as simple as that," I said, regretting my words as I watched her face drop. "Infertility has many causes and, unless I can identify what the issue is, I can't even begin to help. But!" I quickly added just as I saw her eyes start to water a little. "It could be there's nothing physically wrong and you guys are doing the deed with poor timing. Even when the timing is right the chance of getting pregnant can still be low. Look," I let out a sigh, "I can't know anything without some more information. The best thing I can do right now is a blood test for you to look for anything wrong."

"Oh…"

Kyoko-chan sounded completely flat. She twiddled her fingers before she inhaled through her nose.

"I know that 'blood tests' are safe and common in your time, but…," Kyoko-chan glanced at Souji briefly while tugging on her sleeve, "the idea of someone taking my blood just to study it is really unsettling. Let me think about it. Meanwhile…" She jumped to her feet and dusted her kimono off. All signs of previous depression vanished as she shot me a sheepish smile. "Okaa-san is expecting me home. She's giving me cooking lessons."

"Hmm?" Souji commented, a knowing grin decorating his face. "Cooking lessons?"

Kyoko-chan scowled back at him. "I know how to cook rice properly!"

"But?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her as got to my feet.

Oh, it was still early, so how was I already having back pain? And I just ate breakfast, but I was already hungry again? However, the thought of food made me want to hurl a little.

"Okaa-san is sick of me giving Kenji food poisoning," she mumbled before clapping. "No matter! I just gotta push on! Now, I really need to get going before I'm late and Okaa-san decides she needs to use creative incentives."

Kyoko-chan then slammed the bedroom door open before speeding out of headquarters, leaving a trail of dust in the air and a bunch of confused foot soldiers. I scratched the back of my head when I heard Hijikata-san yelp somewhere off in the distance followed by an angry, "You!"

Souji shot an entertained grin at me as we both exited our bedroom. He placed Ryota on the ground only to have Ryota grab on the bottom of my kimono as he followed us around.

"So," I said as I pat Ryota on the head. He just wiggled closer to my legs, "what are you plans for today? Hijikata-san's punishment?"

Souji blew on his hair and rolled his eyes. "Hijikata-san's making me train a bunch of new recruits with him today. I hate dealing with new recruits. They think they're the toughest guys around when they're still wet behind the ears. But, I guess it won't be so bad."

"Otou-san's coming to help too?"

"Yup!" Souji said, his eyes lightening up. "Oh, look. There's Hajime-kun…" he tilted his head before mumbling, "What's with that face he's making…"

"He does look like he's in deep thought," I agreed not so helpfully as Souji waved Saito-san over. Ryota excitedly tapped his feet when he saw Saito-san come over to us.

"Ah, Hajime-kun," Souji said. "You're making such a sour face. What's wrong? Your usual sour face is getting even worse, you know?"

"Hmm." Saito-san looked like he was falling deeper into thought for a moment. Then… "Souji, would you try saying a cat's 'meow' for me?"

Wait… What?

"Hmm?" Souji remarked, sparing me a side glance as I held my sides and tried my utmost best to hold in my giggles. "… Meow… How's that?"

Saito-san let out a sigh while still looking as serious as ever and even a little depressed. "It's not the same…"

"Uwaa," Souji said, feigning offense. "I think it's pretty rude to sigh in disappointment after suddenly having someone do something strange. Right, Shizuka?"

"Meh." I gave my undedicated response. I've seen stranger things, like Shinpachi-san hauling around a pile of books right after breakfast.

"I meant no harm," Saito-san quickly said, clearing his throat a little. "Do not worry. That aside, Souji, do you happen to know of something with which to occupy one's time?"

"So that's it." Souji nodded. There was still a catlike grin on his face. "Are you bored, perhaps? Then how about going on patrol. And while you're at it, how about killing a ro—Oof!"

I elbowed Souji, not allowing him to finish his suggestion. He rubbed the side I hit and shot a pout at me. I rolled my eyes in response.

"That sort of thing is no good," Saito-san said, nodding at me in approval. "It was already decided that the Sixth Division is on patrol today. Executives must not interfere with each others' work."

Souji rubbed the back of his neck before letting his arm drop. "Hehehe… As usual, you're conscientious over the strangest things, Hajime-kun. Well, if we're talking about free time, then wouldn't it be best to head out to the main hall? The Idiot Trio's there and they're always doing something. Joking and fooling around with them wouldn't be boring. Plus, I think Chinatsu-chan's with them. Here, you can walk Shizuka and Ryota there. I need to go before a certain someone loses his head over me being late."

Souji then gave me a little shove before opposite way, waving at me when a scowled at him. I didn't want to spend time with Chinatsu. Just what did he think he was doing?

Saito-san, who was still next to me, sighed before bending down to pick up Ryota. Ryota squealed in delight and took this time to hold his top up to the sunlight like he was showing it to the world.

"The usual trio would mean…"

"Heisuke and the others," I finished Saito-san's sentence for him. "Since we have nothing better to do, why not?"

Saito-san nodded at me and followed me to the main hall in silence. Well, it wasn't completely silent. The closer we got the main hall, the louder it became. I could hear them through the paper doors. Sano-san and Heisuke sounded like they were having a laugh of a lifetime. It really wasn't hard to figure out why though.

"This is by Matsuo Basho[1]… over here is by Kyokutei Bakin[2]…" Shinpachi-san's muffled voice could be heard. "Woah! This is a written copy of _The Book of Five Rings_ _ **[3]**_ , ain't it?! Well, well. There are some pretty interesting books gathered here. That library sure did a good job."

I wanted to snort.

"Hey, Sano-san," I heard Heisuke say.

"Hm? What is it, Heisuke?"

"Y'know, looking at Shinpat-san right now, I kinda think…"

"Yeah. Actually, I've thought it for a while now, but…"

"But what?" Chinatsu cut in. I wrinkled my nose at the sound of her voice.

"The image of Shinpat-san reading books…," Heisuke started. I could imagine a grin on his face.

"Doesn't suit him at all!" Heisuke and Sano-san finished together.

A sound of offense escaped from Shinpachi-san. "W-What the hell do you mean by that?! Sano! Heisuke! You're both saying something really rude! Chinatsu-chan! Don't listen to a word they say! It'll rot your brain!"

"Well…," Sano-san quick said to placate Shinpachi-san. Not that it actually did any good. "In my head, I know you're an unexpectedly knowledgeable guy, Shinpachi. In my head."

But Shinpat-san gives off this feeling of always working on his muscles, y'know?" Heisuke added. "So reading books and seeming smart just doesn't fit. Like he's an imposter or something."

"Exactly," Sano-san agreed. "Hey, Shinpachi, I like the you that seems a bit dumb more than this version of you."

"But Nagakura-san seemed plenty knowledgeable yesterday when he was giving me a tour…," Chinatsu meekly added. "He's probably a lot smarter than you give him credit for…"

"Ah, Chinatsu-chan," Sano-san said, "don't be fooled by his know-it-all demeanor."

Then there was some growling coming from Shinpachi-san. I pinched the bridge of my nose while Saito-san let out a little sigh as he put his hand on the door handle.

"Alright, pay attention, you two," Shinpachi-san huff. "Seems I'll have to say it deliberately one more time as it seems only the wonderful Chinatsu-chan has faith in me."

It was at this time Saito-san decided to slide the door open to make our presence known. "Excuse me."

Surrounding the three men in the room… and Chinatsu, of course, were piles upon piles of books. There were so many books that it almost looked like the mess Hijikata-san kept around his desk, but with less dust. Saito-san just stood in the doorway for a couple more seconds as he eyed the mess in the room with distaste.

"Oh, if it isn't Saito and Shizuka!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed. He put down the book in his hand when Ryota wiggled free from Saito-san's arms and scurried over to him to examine all the books. Shinpachi-san ruffled Ryota's hair when Ryota dashed by.

"What are you four doing?" Saito-san asked. His eyes did a sweeping glance of the room, though his eyes seemed to linger longer on Chinatsu than the others.

Chinatsu shied away from Saito-san's serious glance before swiftly turning her attention to me. There was a light in her eyes as she went to clear away the books by her side to make room for a person to sit down. When I ignored her actions, her shoulders seemed to sag as she went back to drawing circles on the floor with her finger.

I then felt a prickling sensation when Saito-san shot a brief glance at me. That was enough to cause me to cave. Before I realized what I was doing, I found myself going to take a seat next to Chinatsu, much to her surprise. She even let out an excited squeal when Ryota ran up to her to show her his new top.

"What are we doing, you ask?" Shinpachi-san answered, grinning. He picked up another book and raised it to the air while flexing his arm muscles. I scrunched up my nose when I saw Chinatsu oogling Shinpachi-san's pecks. "You can tell just from looking can't you?"

Saito-san focused his stare at the Idiot Trio once more. At first, it looked like he was seriously deep in thought, but then a blank look overtook his expression. Then after a few seconds…

"I believe that eating books will not fill your minds with knowledge."

There was a crow cawing in the background. Then the atmosphere of disbelief was then finally disrupted when Ryota let out a little sneeze.

Heisuke spluttered in offense as he threw his hands up in the air. "Why are you looking at us like that, Hajime-kun?!"

Heisuke then groaned before burying his face in his hands while Sano-san scratched the back of his neck.

"Even Heisuke and Shinpachi-san wouldn't eat books…," Sano-san said. He dropped his hands and picked up the book sitting in front of him. It was an old book with an olive-green cover. The twine keeping the book bound was fraying. "The truth is, we went to the library earlier and borrowed a lot of them."

"That's 'cause there are guys among the soldiers with illegible handwriting," Shinpachi-san added as he placed the book in his hand on his lap. "Like Hijikata-san, I figured everyone can take this opportunity to study."

"Still," Heisuke said as he grabbed a book from a nearby pile and tossed it to me. It was a book written for women about housekeeping. "You really gathered an awful lot of them. From martial arts writings to the sort of books used in Terakoya[4]. You've got all kinds here."

I hummed as I flipped through the book from Heisuke. "Some of these aren't even useful to you guys. Did you just go to the library and empty out an entire shelf without even looking at what subjects you were grabbing?"

"I looked!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed, looking offended by my accusation. "I just thought you would find those useful."

More like offended. I didn't need a book written by men that have never even held a broom to instructed me on how to clean a household.

"I see." Saito-san nodded at them as he bent down to extract a book from the pile. "So, that is the situation surrounding these books. Excellent. May I borrow one of them?"

"These guys won't really care either way," Shinpachi-san said with a shrug as he spared Heisuke and Sano-san another glance. He then began searching through one of the book piles. "Which would you like? One about martial arts?"

Saito-san muttered something under his breath before saying. "How about a long, enjoyable tale? If possible, something with a love story."

I just about died when I choked on my own spit. Everyone just about had the same reaction. Except for Chinatsu. I don't expect her to understand anyway.

"EHHH?!" Heisuke exclaimed when he finally found his voice. His jaw was hanging open and his eyes looked about ready to pop out of his skull. "A l-love story?!"

"…Saito," Sano-san said just as he picked his jaw off the floor. "Do you… Do you really intend to read a book like that?"

Saito-san, who looked completely befuddled by our reactions, blinked a few times before answering unsurely, "…I believe that reading books is the only way to use them."

"T-That's true." Shinpachi-san crossed his arms to ground himself a little better in reality. "There isn't really anything wrong with it, but… How to put this…? It's pretty surprising…"

"A love story, right?" Heisuke began digging through the piles of books once more. One of the books went flying and nearly nailed Sano-san on the forehead. "I wonder if there's something like that among these…"

"Well, there has to be," I said as I join Heisuke in the pile. "Considering the range of subjects there are…"

"Umm…" Chinatsu said. Though her voice was quiet, it was enough to draw everyone's attention. "What about _The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter_ _ **[5]**_?" She held up a navy-blue book that was originally right by her thigh. "It's not the same, but it will work, right?"

" _The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter_?" Saito-san tilted his head slightly to the left before reaching for the book in Chinatsu's hand.

"What, you haven't heard of it, Saito?" Sano-san raised his eyebrows. "It's a pretty well-known story, you know? So well-known, that I'm sure that Shizuka has already told this story to Ryota."

"Bamboo! Bamboo!" Ryota chirped to confirm Sano-san's words.

"I recall hearing the name before, but…" Saito-san shook his head before he flipped open the book to browse through the contents. "I am afraid to say that I am not familiar with its contents."

Shinpachi-san puffed his chest out, making himself seem bigger when he heard those words.

"I see, so that's how it is. In that case, I, Nagakura-sensei, shall teach you about it. Since lately, it seems there are some guys around here who think I'm stupid." He then shot a dirty look at Sano-san and Heisuke, making Sano-san hold up his hands to act like some sort of wall.

Saito-san nodded before he took a seat to join us. He placed the book down on his lap as he leaned in to listen intently to the unfolding story.

 _Once upon a time, there was an old man who was a bamboo cutter—_

"But y'know, isn't it kinda ridiculous to tell the story of Kaguya-hime with her as a princess?" Heisuke interrupted Shinpachi-san as the story started. "Well, I'm pretty sure that it would've been unreasonable to ask of a guy, even if you cast one in the part."

"A girl's obstinacy is cute, but it's still pretty excessive," Sano-san agreed as he put his hand on his chin.

"Heisuke, Sano!" Shinpachi-san snapped. He crossed his arms and scowled at me like he believed it was my job to keep them silent. I told him what I thought by rolling my eyes at him. "Quit interrupting me!"

"…I still don't understand the contents at all," Saito-san stated.

"Well, the story barely started," I explained as I rubbed my lower belly. I swear my stomach just growled. "So, there isn't much yet…"

"That's why I'm saying it, okay?" Heisuke interrupted. "The old man cut a shining bamboo stalk, and from inside—"

"Appeared five noblemen, right?" Sano-san interjected. "And each of them—"

"Gathered five treasures and battled a messenger from the moon," Heisuke interrupted again with clap, then his enthusiasm paused. "...Huh? Maybe it was Princess Kaguya they fought against?"

"No that's not quite right…" I could feel a sweatdrop forming on the back of my head. Oh boy…

"…So anyway. How about it, Saito?! You understand now?" Shinpachi-san asked grinning ear to ear.

"…I see," Saito-san replied, furrowing his brow. He glanced back down at the book in his lap with a little more awe. "Essentially, by combining everyone's story, you have the one called _The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter_."

Here we go again…

 _Once upon a time, there lived an old man named Harada and an old woman named Nagakura. One day, when they went out to practice their swordsmanship in a bamboo thicket, they found a shining stalk of bamboo._

 _"Oi, Sano. What's with this shining golden bamboo?" Nagakura-obaa-san asked her dear old husband._

 _"It's as if it's some sort of unusually high-maintenance bamboo. Shinpachi, why don't you try cutting it?" Harada-ojii-san replied to his wife and faithful companion._

 _"C'mon now, you're the one with the tree-cutting old man role, Sano. Don't ya know that usually, if you cut such a weird bamboo stalk, something will come out?"_

 _"What are you saying, Shinpachi. This is the world of a children's story. There are probably a lot of gold coins inside." Harada-ojii-san retorted._

 _"Okay then!" Nagakura-obaa-san said as she immediately changed her mind. "Leave it to my esteemed self! If we strike it rich, I'll even buy you a cup of saké! Here goes! Gold coin!"_

 _Nagakura-obaa-san then stepped forward and drew her sword. With a deep breath, she readied her strike and swung at the stalk of bamboo with all her might, but to her deep surprise, her sword was repelled and not even a scratch appeared on the stalk._

 _"Wha… I-It repelled my sword!" Nagakura-obaa-san exclaimed in shock._

 _"Oi, oi, Shinpachi," Harada-ojii-san said, looking completely unimpressed. "What are you doing? You're an executive of the Shinsengumi, and yet you can't even cut a single stalk of bamboo?"_

 _"W-Wait, that sound just now was weird, wasn't it? The stalk clearly reacted, as if repelling my sword."_

 _"Haah?! What are you talking about? There's no way a bamboo stalk can move, let alone defend itself against a sword—"_

 _"Hmph." There was a new and regal sounding voice. The voice was so powerful that it filled the silent space completely. "Attacking so suddenly. As usual, you appear to have no manners at all… Bakufu dogs."_

 _"W-Who's there?!" Nagakura-obaa-san exclaimed with a small jump as she wildly searched the bamboo grove. Her knees hit each other as her legs shook._

 _"It is still the swordsmanship of a dog, after all," continued the powerful voice. "You are still a hundred years too early to cut this Kazama bamboo, whose age exceeds six hundred years."_

 _And with that, a beautiful blonde-haired princess stepped out of the golden bamboo stalk, revealing her presence to the old couple._

 _"No way!" Harada-ojii-san exclaimed as he stared at the princess in awe. Or was it horror? It was hard to tell. "A person came out of the bamboo."_

 _"My name is Kazama-hime. I am a noble oni princess from the oni capital on the moon. Revere me! Glorify me! Kneel before me!" the princess declared as if she were demanding the world to bow to her. She really did sound completely stuck up. What an unpleasant person._

 _"Hah? The moon?" Nagakura-obaa-san eyebrows disappeared behind her bangs._

 _"Oi, oi. What are you saying? The moon floats in the void of space, doesn't it? There's no way someone could live there," Harada-ojii-san was then quick to point out._

 _"Fools!" The bamboo grove seemed to quiver at the booming voice. "If one uses an oni's mysterious power, even living on the moon is nothing difficult. Due to the results of the oni's impartial lottery, you two have been granted the privilege of raising my most esteemed self. You should be pleased to look after me."_

 _"W-We don't want that kind of privilege!" Nagakura-obaa-san cried to deaf ears._

 _And so Kazama-hime began living with the old man and woman—_

"W-w-w-w-wait a second!" Heisuke protested, interrupting the story. His nose was scrunched up like he took a whiff of something nasty before he shot me a plead for help.

"What is it, Heisuke?" Saito-san asked, putting a hand on his knee as he leaned his face close to Heisuke. "Is there some problem?"

Where wasn't there a problem? But I did nothing but shrug as I allowed Ryota to climb back up into my lap. He beamed at me as he continued to fiddle with his top.

"What isn't the problem?!" Heisuke hollered while pointing his finger accusingly at Shinpachi-san. "There's definitely something weird about that story just now!"

"Honestly, a bamboo stalk being six hundred years old is strange," Sano-san admitted. Shoot and completely miss.

"Not that! Look, isn't there some more stuff you should say?"

"Heisuke's right," Shinpachi-san said, tapping his chin. "There's a limit to just how ridiculous a shining bamboo stalk can be."

"That's not it either," Heisuke replied before backtracking. "Well, that's strange too though."

"In any case, calm down, Heisuke," Saito-san reprimanded. "I understand your feelings of irritation at your role not having come yet."

"I'm telling you, that ain't it!" Heisuke finally exploded. He was all red-faced and he looked about ready to start pulling at his hair. "It's Kazama I'm talking about, Kazama! Why is that guy Kaguya-hime?! It should be Shizuka-chan! Especially since lots of people like to call her the princess of the Shinsengumi! Or it could be Chinatsu-chan since Shizuka-chan's already spoken for!"

"Please kindly leave me out of this," I stated, holding my chin up in the air. "Besides, I like this version better."

"Ehh?! Shizuka-chan! Don't leave me alone with these idiots!"

"Well… but that Kazama guy certainly gives off that sort of feeling," Sano-san amended. "Shizuka doesn't quite give off that feeling, especially since she gives in to whatever Souji wants."

"Yes. Listening to the story, Kazama-hime seems to be imposing and obstinate, does she not? Furthermore, when it comes to shining, he was the only one suitable who came to mind," Saito-san added.

"That's true," Shinpachi-san agreed wholeheartedly. "It's the most fitting choice, ain't it? What's so strange about it?"

"…Err… E-Eehh? Was I mistaken…?" Heisuke muttered to himself, his face twisting as he reviewed the conversation. "…No…there's no way I'm wrong…"

Poor Heisuke. Completely defeated by terrible reasoning.

"Why don't you quiet down and listen to the rest, Heisuke," Shinpachi-san then said. "Since it's definitely turned into a story where Kazama-hime's practically a freeloader."

"Precisely…" Saito-san continued, "…and after that—"

 _Now then, it has been several years since then. Kazama-hime, who lived in Harada's and Nagakura's house, quickly grew to adulthood while his personality remained just as odious as it had been. One day, five noblemen named Kondou, Hijikata, Okita, Saito, and Toudou came to visit the princess. As expected, their intention was the extermination of oni and yokai._

 _No, no, actually, upon hearing of Kazama-hime's reputation as a popular beauty, they came to propose to her!_

 _"I refuse!" Hijikata exclaimed. Alas, the fourth wall has been broken!_

 _"Now, now, Hijikata-san, I understand your feelings, but if you say something like that here, then the story won't progress at all, you know?" replied Okita._

 _"He is correct, Vice Commander," Saito replied logically. "You must endure and adhere to the rules of the story's plotline."_

 _"Like hell I can do that!" Hijikata growled. He kicked at the dirt road until he found a pebble to forcus on. "Why do we of all people have to play the noblemen and, of all things, court Kazama of all people?!_

 _"… You said, 'of all people/things,' three times… Hijikata-san, you really hate that guy, huh?" Toudou commented._ _"_ _Well, I don't like him either, though."_

 _"Anyways, I'm not going. All of you go do whatever you have to on your own. Call me when it's over!" Hijikata snapped. He marched off screen to sit on a nearby boulder as he waited for the rest of the story to pass._

 _"… This is problematic. The story will be inconsistent," Saito said with a sigh._

 _"I think what's most telling is the fact that Hajime-kun didn't think there were inconsistencies up to this point," Toudou muttered under his breath._

 _"Come now, Hajime-kun, Heisuke. Leave this to me," Okita said with a sly grin as he all but skipped over to where Hijikata was brooding off-screen. "Hijikata-san, Hijikata-san~ Before saying you don't want to, I think you should first take a look at Kondou-san's face right now."_

 _"Huh?" Hijikata said as he lifted his head to look at Kondou._

 _"A nobleman. Ah, a nobleman, huh~ Such a role… for me, who was born a farmer, to be cast as a nobleman…looking back, it has been a long journey to reach this point," Kondou gushed with stars in his eyes. "Though I am but one man, this message must be conveyed to many children: That if you bear feelings of wanting to be useful to the Emperor, no matter your birth, you can rise through the ranks!"_

 _"…Kondou-san has a pretty amazing expression on his face," Heisuke pointed out._

 _"Well, what will you do?" Okita chirped as he turned back to face Hijikata. "Hijikata-san. If you're against it no matter what, you may as well stop now, though."_

 _Hijikata made a face of disgust, his face twisting in all sorts of ways. "…Urgh… Souji, I'll remember this! S-So…this Kazama-hime's house, huh… We came to see that bastard," Hijikata amended as he walked back on screen._

 _And so, the story continues._

 _"Precisely," Saito answered. "It seems that many noblemen have proposed marriage to the princess thus far, but she only spoke unreasonably and refused them altogether."_

 _"It's that guy we're talking about, so any way you look at it, he's just going to do the same to us, y'know," Toudou commented before letting out a tired sigh. "Even before seeing him, I've got a headache."_

 _"Somehow, hearing that makes this really bothersome," commented Okita as he removed some dirt from under his fingernails. "After all, this is going to end up a story where he finally returns to the moon, so let's just skip this whole process and send him back already. Besides, the sooner we finish the sooner I can go back and get pampered by Shizuka."_

 _"Nothing would please me more—Wait! Shizuka doesn't exist in this story!" Hijikata pointed out in annoyance before letting the slip up go. "But, Souji, what are you trying to do?"_

 _"Of course," Okita said with a terrifying grin as he placed his hand on the hilt of his katana, "at the moment, I would slice him with this sword—"_

 _"T-That wouldn't send him to the moon, but to another place entirely!" Kondou quickly interrupted, his jaw ajar with horror. "No, that's not good at all! That sort of development would leave a scar on children's hearts!"_

 _"Please calm down, Commander. We need to advance the story," Saito pointed out._

 _"Y-You're right, Saito-kun… Well, then—," Kondou said before he marched up right up to Harada-ojii-san's and Nagakura-obaa-san's house door and kicked it down. "Is Kazama-hime here?! You are under arrest!" Kondou yelled with fervor._

 _"Kondou-san…st… Well, whatever. That's fine too…" Hijikata said with a tired sigh of resignation as he followed Kondou into the house of the old couple._

 _"Ah! It's Kondou-san and the guys!" Nagakura-obaa-san exclaimed in relief before quickly correcting herself, "…I mean the noblemen. Thanks for coming."_

 _"You've really saved us," Sano-ojii-san exclaimed as he dragged himself along the floor to greet the brave and noble noblemen. "If Shinpachi and I had to deal with Kazama by ourselves any longer, I was going to cut a hole in my stomach…"_

 _"Shinpat-san and Sano-san have had it rough, huh…," Toudou commented offhandedly as he looked around the barren, wooden house._

 _"Actually, there's a lot of things to tell you," Harada-ojii-san said as he got off the floor and dusted himself off._

 _"Do it later!" Nagakura-obaa-san quickly butt in to stop her husband from speaking too rashly. "Giving that guy away and seeing him off comes first, right? Oi, Kazama-hime! Some noblemen have come to see you!"_

 _Responding to the call, Kazama-hime appeared as she emerged from one of the rooms deeper in the house and glided towards the five noblemen._

 _"Hrm," Kazama-hime said condescendingly as she approached the men. "I was wondering who it could be, but it's just you lot. Once again, discourteous noblemen have come into my presence."_

 _"You don't have any manners either," Hijikata quickly pointed out with a scowl._

 _"Speaking of which… Princess Kazama's appearance makes me want to tsukkomi_ _ **[6]**_ _." Okita said as he spied the haughty princess before eying her clothing with distaste. "…What is that? Don't tell me you're trying to imitate a Hina doll_ _ **[7]**_ _or something?"_

 _"Ignorant fool. This is a ceremonial kimono called a jūnihitoe_ _ **[8]**_ _. It is a splendidly unparalleled garment, appropriate for the likes of me."_

 _"…Hmm. It's rather strange to make such a declaration since it makes you seem completely comfortable with it." Kondou stated as he examined the princess._

 _"…True. If you were to go this far and felt awkward, it could be seen as unnatural," Saito agreed._

 _"Well, putting Kazama aside," Harada-ojii-san said as he examined each of the noblemen, "you guys don't look like noblemen at all."_

 _"Yup," Okita sang. "Hijikata-san doesn't suit the role like Kondou-san does~ Plus, Heisuke-kun and Hajime-kun don't give off the feeling of noblemen either."_

 _"Shut it, Souji! …Even I know that I don't fit the part," Hijikata snapped and all but shoved his face in Okita's personal space._

 _"Oho. What self-conscious country samurai." Kazama-hime stated with a bemused smirk. "So? What do you all want? If you have business, then state it quickly."_

 _"That's right. We, five noblemen, have come to see the famously rumored Princess Kazama to… that is… a… ask for…" Kondou said, stuttering towards the end allowing for Okita to…_

 _"A duel."_

 _…_ _take advantage of the situation._

 _"Right! We have come to propose a duel!" Kondou declared only to realize his mistake too late._

 _"…Oya. Oho… a duel, you say?" Kazama-hime said with a terrifying gleam appearing in her eyes as she entertained the idea._

 _"…That's ri- n-nonono! I misspoke just now! …um, the noblemen and princess don't have a duel anywhere in the original work!" Kondou stuttered. Too late for corrections, it would seem._

 _Alas, it was not a displeasing error to the rest of the noblemen. Many would even argue it was for the best._

 _"It's just fine, Kondou-san," Hijikata said, a feral smile working its way onto his face. He reached for his sword with great gusto. "This way works much better."_

 _"Hmph." Kazama-hime turned her nose up at the noblemen, but it was targeted more at one particular nobleman more. "You have some guts. Very well. I accept your proposal for a duel… is what I would like to say. But…"_

 _"…But?" parroted Saito._

 _"What the heck. You're getting scared at this point?" Toudou taunted the princess._

 _"Certainly not of you. Don't say such idiotic things. …Simply put, I just don't have enough free time to fight against five people. Therefore, from here on, I will issue a difficult problem to each of you. I shall face the one who brings back an item that fits the task."_

 _"Five individual problems, huh? So, we're finally back to the main plot of the story" Hijikata stated._

 _"Hrm. Well then, as the Commander, how about I take on the first one. This is a guess, but if I remember right, the first item was called something like 'a jewel from a dragon's neck' or 'a gem from a dragon's chin…,'" Kondou said as he rubbed the bottom of his chin._

 _"I see," Kazama-hime said with a nod. "Then I shall have you bring back the beard from Amagiri's chin."_

 _"…A b-beard? Not a chin-gem…but a beard?" Kondou stuttered. Well, that certainly wasn't expected._

 _"Yes, that's right. Something like stealing his beard wouldn't be an easy task, even for me. Well, do the best you can."_

 _Hijikata, the next nobleman in line to receive his task glared heavily at the princess before he spoke. "I anticipated you would propose something unreasonable, but this goes so far beyond my expectations that I'm amazed I haven't lost my temper. Oi, Kazama-hime. Getting the Buddha's stone begging bowl is fine for me, right?"_

 _"That sort of thing is unnecessary," Kazama-hime declared before elegantly folding her arms. "You will… Let's see... Bring back Hougyoku's Haiku Collection_ _ **[9]**_ _, which is spoken of in the streets."_

 _"Wh…! …Shi… Y-you… where did you get that name from.," Hijikata fumbled. His composure had all but shattered._

 _"I have only heard of it. I don't know the details, but for some reason, I'm told it is quite the interesting book." Kazama-hime stated before snorting unattractively at the expression painted Hijikata's face. "…What's the matter? The Shinsengumi's Oni Vice Commander doesn't intend to say that he can't retrieve one mere copy of a book, correct?"_

 _"…I'll remember this too… you bastard…," was all Hijikata said as he continued to growl at the unreasonable princess._

 _"Then next is–"_

 _"It's my turn, I guess~" Okita said merrily as he interrupted the princess's request. "Actually, I anticipated this challenge and prepared in advance. Here you go, a swallow's cowrie shell. Well, I went through quite a bit of trouble, even though I only secretly stole it from Chizuru-chan while she was cooking."_

 _"…Ah. Hey, Souji?," Kondou asked. "What relationship is there between Yukimura-kun to the swallow's cowrie shell?"_

 _"More like, is it just my imagination, or does this shell smell like miso?" Toudou pointed out._

 _"Now that you mention it, I seem to recall that today's breakfast was something like clam miso soup…," Harada-ojii-san announced out loud._

 _"It's fine," Okita declared despite speaking quite loudly in front of Kazama-hime. "At any rate, Kazama won't know the difference, so there's no problem"_

 _Kazama-hime, however, was not deaf._

 _"You've got guts to announce this imitation so shamelessly in front of me. It seems that you being one step ahead has disqualified you."_

 _"Kazama," Saito spoke up next, for it was his turn to receive a task. "That aside, why don't you give me a problem as well, instead. I would likely be in charge of the fur coat of the fire-rat."_

 _"Hmph. I don't need such a useless item," Kazama-hime declared. "You will bring me a suitable bride. That is an order."_

 _"Hmm, I see. That is a difficult challenge. After all, I cannot bring something which does not exist in this world," Saito stated quite bluntly._

 _"Sometimes Saito unconsciously says some pretty cruel things," Nagakura-obaa-san couldn't help but whisper to her husband._

 _"Hrm." she said, "I have no doubt it would be difficult. A being who matches someone like me is practically impossible, after all."_

 _"And then this guy goes and interprets it in a positive way," Harada-ojii-san whispered back to his wife._

 _"Now then. That makes four challenges. What's left is…" the princess said as she turned condescendingly to the last nobleman._

 _"I'm the last one. In reality, the story calls for a jeweled branch from Hourai_ _ **[10]**_ _, but somehow, I just know you'll come up with something unreasonable again," Toudou said, puffing himself to make himself look bigger._

 _"Hmph."_

 _"It's 'cause I've gotten used to your holier-than-thou attitude. I had already resigned myself to this. Whatever it is, I'll get it done!" Toudou continued despite the attitude the princess showed towards him._

 _"Is that so? I have… nothing for you."_

 _"That's right, nothing! If I do my best, then even a difficult task like that would be– …HAAH?!"_

 _"Hah. Your needless enthusiasm annoys me, but I had no expectations of you from the start. That's why there is 'nothing'."_

 _"…Being pitied like that pisses me off the most!" Toudou exploded. He raised his fists at the princess and attempted to charge at her only to be held back by Hijikata. "…You really hate me, don't you?!"_

 _With that, there were five challenges. Uh… but since one person was disqualified and one wasn't given a task, in actuality, there were three challenges._

 _"Still, even if we are told to bring such things, I have a feeling none of them can be obtained through ordinary means…," Saito stated once Kazama-hime was done distributing the tasks._

 _"Hmph. My, my. So you can't carry out these errands, hmm. The Shinsengumi who are so feared in Kyoto are quite a joke. As I thought, this burden appears to be a bit too much for you lot. I don't particularly care if you choose to carry out only one of them, however."_

 _"Only one of them, you say…" Hijikata sighed. He was going to sprout white hairs before all of this was over. "The first was Amagiri's beard, wasn't it?"_

 _"But we don't have any idea where he would be in the first place. So, this one is impossible," stated Harada-ojii-san._

 _"If that's the case, we should go with a simpler one…" agreed Nagakura-obaa-san. She was desperate to get rid of the princess. "The next was Hougyoku's–"_

 _"GWUAHHH?!" Hijikata spluttered before glaring dangerously at the old woman._

 _"This seems impossible here too! It's pretty impossible!" exclaimed Nagakura-obaa-san with tears of sorrow in her eyes._

 _"Well then, what was that last one again?" asked Okita. "…That's right, I'm sure it was a suitable bride for Kazama."_

 _"Hmm…," all the noblemen said at once as they all fell into deep thought._

 _"What's the matter?" taunted Kazama-hime. "I believe that this challenge is the simplest, in a way. You merely have to hand over an appropriate partner as my bride."_

 _"Don't fuck with us!" Toudou suddenly growled threateningly at the princess. "Even if we're inside a story, there's no way we'll hand Chizuru over to you!"_

 _"Heisuke, no one has said anything about Yukimura." Saito reminded Toudou calmly, or so it would seem._

 _"Guh!" gasped Toudou._

 _"Still, I am certain that the reality is that we cannot deliver her," Saito concluded._

 _"And so, just as I said in the beginning, I think we should have done this earlier." Okita grinned wickedly and on his count, all the other noblemen drew their swords and pointed them towards the unreasonable princess._

 _"Hmph. So that is what it comes down to, after all. Saying that you'll resort to brute force as you couldn't solve the challenges I gave you… What barbarians."_

 _"What a pain in the ass!" Hijikata snapped back. "These absurd circumstances were your fault in the first place!"_

 _"Well, whatever. This development is easier for even me to understand. Before returning to the moon, I will send all of you to the realm of the dead."_

 _"Let's do this, Princess Kazama! Without waiting for an envoy from the moon, we'll beat you back there with our own hands! Go back to the moon and play with the rabbit there!"_

 _Thus did the five noblemen cooperate and challenge Princess Kazama to a battle. And they all lived…happily… ever… Is this really a happy ending…?_

Okay…just, "It was entertaining and all, but…" I scratched the back of my neck. "Just… no."

"Yeah! What Shizuka-chan said!" Heisuke jumped to his feet and shoved his finger in Shinpachi-san's face. "I told you it wouldn't work!"

Ah, forget it. Was there really a point in arguing about this anymore? I sighed and glanced at Chinatsu. She was silent the whole time, but she was looking thoughtful.

"It's Sano and Heisuke's fault in the first place, for interfering with my explanation!" Shinpachi-san snapped back as he shoved his own finger in Sano-san's face.

"But it was a good twist to the original," Chinatsu quickly added in an attempt to placate Shinpachi-san.

" _The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter_ … It is an unexpectedly original story." And there went Saito-san, off in his own little world. Saito-san was unexpectedly… gullible.

Then there was some stomping outside. The door snapped open to reveal Hijikata-san.

"What's the problem, you lot?" he snapped. "Is something—"

"Like I said, the casting was completely wrong to start with. Something like proposing marriage to Kazama is a challenge by itself, y'know?"

Nobody seemed to notice Hijikata-san. And with that last remark from Heisuke, Hijikata-san looked like he was going to hurl.

"Then shouldn't we have picked me to be Kaguya-hime back at the beginning?"

And Hijikata-san now looked like he was choking on his own vomit.

"Shinpachi, a princess? That's ridiculous. If we did that, it would only make things worse," Sano-san stated. "Besides, if anyone else other than Kazama was going to be the princess, then it really should have been Shizuka or Chinatsu."

"But then the story would have no point," Shinpachi-san argued back. "Shizuka-chan would have just skipped all five tasks and jumped into Souji's arms right away. Forget going back to the moon! And Chinatsu's a little young, isn't she? She should enjoy childhood first before having to think about marriage."

"…I see. So this is _The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter_. Hmm... How profound…" Saito-san continued to mutter to himself in his own little world.

It was at this point, Hijikata-san sighed with resign and closed the door quietly as he left. The poor, poor man.

Grinning at Ryota, I picked him up again and headed outside of the main hall. If Hijikata-san was here, then that meant the training session was over now. That meant Souji and Otou-san were with him.

As I stepped out of the main hall and closed the door behind me, I saw Otou-san with Hijikata-san and Souji not too far away.

"Hmm? Silently sliding the screen door shut like that. What's the matter, Hijikata-san?" Souji asked the poor, distressed man with a catty grin.

"… I didn't see anything…or hear anything…and I don't want to know anything either…"

"…Toshi…" Otou-san said. He looked quite concerned for his friend. After all, Hijikata-san normally didn't act like this at all.

"It's fine, just please don't ask any further, Kondou-san… Ah. Could you tell me in advance, the next time you want to get books from the library? I'll pick a time when that noisy lot isn't around and arrange things accordingly."

And then Ryota decided to announce our presence to the three.

"Kazama-hime!"

Oh, how Souji's eyebrow seemed to twitch.

"Hmm," Souji hummed before he marched over to where I was and snatched Ryota up. "I don't know if I should be pissed over this or amused. So, Shizuka, mind telling who I need to go kill now?"

* * *

[1] Matsuo Bashō (松尾 芭蕉, 1644 – 1694), born 松尾 金作, then Matsuo Chūemon Munefusa (松尾 忠右衛門 宗房), was the most famous poet of the Edo period in Japan. During his lifetime, Bashō was recognized for his works in the collaborative haikai no renga form; today, after centuries of commentary, he is recognized as the greatest master of haiku (then called hokku). Matsuo Bashō's poetry is internationally renowned; and, in Japan, many of his poems are reproduced on monuments and traditional sites. Although Bashō is justifiably famous in the West for his hokku, he himself believed his best work lay in leading and participating in renku. He is quoted as saying, "Many of my followers can write hokku as well as I can. Where I show who I really am is in linking haikai verses."

[2] Kyokutei Bakin (曲亭馬琴, 4 July 1767 – 1 December 1848) was a late Japanese Edo period gesaku author best known for works such as Nansō Satomi Hakkenden (The Chronicles of the Eight Dog Heroes of the Satomi Clan of Nansô) and Chinsetsu Yumiharizuki (Strange Tales of the Crescent Moon). Both are outstanding examples of nineteenth-century yomihon, or "books for reading" (as opposed to picture books and books for recitation).

[3] The Book of Five Rings (五輪書) is a text on kenjutsu and the martial arts in general, written by the swordsman Miyamoto Musashi circa 1645. There have been various translations made over the years, and it enjoys an audience considerably broader than only that of martial artists: for instance, some business leaders find its discussion of conflict and taking the advantage to be relevant to their work. The modern-day Hyōhō Niten Ichi-ryū employs it as a manual of technique and philosophy.

[4] Terakoya (寺子屋, lit. temple schools, private elementary schools) were private educational institutions that taught writing and reading to the children of Japanese commoners during the Edo period.

[5] The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter (竹取物語), also known as Princess Kaguya (かぐや姫, 赫映姫 or 輝夜姫), is a 10th-century Japanese folktale. It is considered the oldest extant Japanese prose narrative, although all extant manuscripts date from the Tokugawa period. It primarily details the life of a mysterious girl called Kaguya-hime, who was discovered as a baby inside the stalk of a glowing bamboo plant.

[6] 突っ込み (tsukkomi). From the verb tsukkomu (突っ込む), meaning something like "butt in", this is often the role of the partner to the boke in an owarai kombi. The tsukkomi is generally the smarter and more reasonable of the unit, and will criticize, verbally and physically abuse, and generally rail at the boke for their mistakes and exaggerations. A typical tsukkomi often slaps the boke on the back of the head, an action always accompanied by an intentionally cheesy slapping sound effect. It is common for tsukkomi in manzai to end an act with the phrase, "Let's quit!" (やめさしてもらいますわ！Yamesashite moraimasu wa!). The American equivalent is known as the straight man.

[7] Hinamatsuri (雛祭り Hina-matsuri), also called Doll's Day or Girls' Day, is a special day in Japan. Hinamatsuri is celebrated each year on March 3. Platforms covered with a red carpet are used to display a set of ornamental dolls (雛人形 hina-ningyō?) representing the Emperor, Empress, attendants, and musicians in traditional court dress of the Heian period.

[8] The jūnihitoe (十二単) is an extremely elegant and highly complex kimono that was only worn by court-ladies in Japan. Literally translated, it means "twelve-layer robe". The older term, still used by scholars but not widely recognised in mainstream Japan, is Karaginu Mo (唐衣裳). This is in reference to its Chinese coat (Karaginu) and apron-like train (Mo), the defining parts of the costume.

[9] Hougyoku was the penname Hijikata Toshizo used when writing his own haiku collection. The Hougyoku's Haiku Collection referred to here is Hijikata's haiku journal that Okita Souji is often depicted stealing in the Hakuoki anime.

[10] A floating mountain within the story _The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter_.


	84. Chapter 84

This chapter took a long time to write, and for good reason too. This chapter is a beast and is basically a history lesson. And, my goodness, was some of this information difficult to find. I got lucky and stumble upon a podcast created by someone who has a Ph.D in history. He is an excellent source for anyone who wants to learn more about Japanese history or needs sources and information while writing.

* * *

 **Chapter 84**

 _"_ _A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have." ― Gerald R. Ford_

I scratched the side of my head as my eyes bounced back and forth between Itou and Saburo-san. Just a few minutes ago, I was flipping through the Shinsengumi financial records in the empty record room. It was so deathly quiet that I couldn't even hear any of the birds chirping outside. Then, BANG! My concentration shattered, and the book clattered on the floor after it slipped out of my hands. Itou had slammed the door open out of nowhere and let out a little happy gasp when he spotted before practically prancing towards me. I didn't even notice Saburo-san was tagging along with Itou until Saburo-san picked up the booklet I dropped from surprise.

I was already having a long day and it wasn't even lunch time yet. Needless to say, the day was already too long to even begin a discussion on politics. But that's exactly what Itou sought me out for apparently as he hounded me with questions.

All I had wanted to do was find out the monthly average the Shinsengumi spent on groceries before going to take a nice long nap. I **_had_** spent the entirety of the previous night emptying my stomach, so it had to be understandable that I was not longing for human interaction of any kind. I never thought I'd ever have such horrible morning sickness.

In fact, Souji spent all morning avoiding me after I snapped at him and had quickly rushed off with Chizuru-chan to go on patrol. Hijikata-san, despite while being actively swallowed by the growing paper monster in his room, had volunteered to watch Ryota for me for a couple of hours after he witnessed Souji fleeing.

"Now, Shizuka-chan, dear," Itou said, breaching my personal space bubble by leaning in too closely, "enlighten us with your opinion."

He had a sort of unusual giddiness to him. His eyes sparkled, and he even clapped a few times before clasping his hands together. He had even attempted to grab my hands before I took a step back, which he either didn't notice or chose to ignore. This… This was not the Itou that normal walked the halls of headquarters.

Itou was shrewd.

Itou was condescending.

Itou was level-headed.

Itou was calculative.

Itou was **_not_** this overexcited child standing in front of me. For a moment, I had even entertained the thought that this Itou was an imposter and Saburo-san was just trying to prank me.

People are not so simple that they can be summarized for easy reference by a simple list of traits. But, man, I was surprised. He just always seemed so calm and collected. So much so that I had grudgingly admired him for it.

"Ani-ue." Saburo-san coughed when Itou seemed not to hear him before trying again "You might want to give the obviously pregnant lady some space. I heard she was moody today. She'll deck you in the face."

I scowled at Saburo-san, which made him smirk at me. Oh, how I could feel my eye twitch at his annoying smugness. Not wanting to let Saburo-san walk away with the last laugh, I plucked another record book from the shelf and hurled it at his stupid face. It really didn't take him much effort to dodge it. He merely ducked out of the way before flicking my nose as a self-satisfied chuckle rumbled in his chest.

"See?" Saburo-san said once his laughter died down. He crossed his arms blew air at my bangs. "Moody. Normally, she wouldn't dare throw a book. But now, 'cause, you know, she's obviously pregnant, her mood is all over the place."

I shot him the stink eye as I ran my hand down the side of my growing baby bump. True, it was far more pronounced than it should be but…, "I'm not that obviously pregnant," I muttered more to myself than to the two men, "I'm only ten weeks along… I still kind of have my figure…."

"You really don't."

Saburo-san let out a yelp and hopped back on one foot as he nursed the shin I introduced my foot to. I was pregnant, but I wasn't waddling around just yet.

"Now, now, you two," Itou reproached us. He stepped between the two of us and placed his hands on our shoulders like he was pushing us apart after a long brawl. "Let's have none of that, shall we. Miki let's not tease the pretty girl. And Shizuka-chan, let's not resort to violence so quickly. Being educated means we have reputations to uphold. Now, back to my question."

I narrowed my eyes at Saburo-san as my last warning before I took a deep breath to restore my calm. Tapping on my lower lip with my index finger, I considered Itou's questions.

"Why ask me?" I finally said after a couple seconds of silence. I let my arms drop back down to my sides. "You know that Otou-san is a stalwart supporter of the Bakufu. What makes you think that I would be any different."

Itou's face became foxlike as a sly grin quietly crept across his face. His eyes sharpened to reveal a deadly intelligence that was even enough to give Sannan-san a run for his money.

"A child of a frog is a frog[1], or so the proverb goes," Itou said, leaning in as if to examine me closely one last time before he pulled back, "but you are quite different from Kondou-san, aren't you? You don't share his same undying loyalty to the Bakufu. In fact, I gather a woman such as you would surely disagree with Bakufu's most recent actions. Like reinstating Sankin-kōtai[2] and declaring it to go into effect by next year, for instance?"

I bit my lower lip before I let out a defeated sigh. I had intended to keep my thoughts to myself regarding politics, but I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to discuss politics, especially the recent policies outrageous the Bakufu had been enacting. It's just I knew Otou-san would have been disappointed at my opinion, especially since it directly opposed his and Hijikata-san's opinion. Rather than risking Otou-san's disappointment, I swallowed my tongue and held my silence.

"What is the Bakufu thinking? Sankin-kōtai?" I shook my head and put my hands on my hips. "Wasn't the original concept of Sankin-kōtai used to bankrupt certain lords while obtaining hostages to force the obedience of other lords? I understand that the Bakufu wants to reassert their dominance in Japan after Mito Rebellion and the Choshu resurgence, but there are surely other better ways to do that. I feel like the Bakufu is making an already bad situation worse."

I let out another sigh as I glanced up at the record books on the shelves and ran my fingers along the spines of some.

"I mean, now that all the internal fighting is done, or at least, should be done, shouldn't the Bakufu focus on dealing with the foreigners?" I pursed my lips as I watched Itou nodded his head quite passionately at my words. It suddenly became clear why he sought me out. He wanted to speak to a like-minded individual that was outside of just Saburo-san. "All the resources being put into Sankin-kōtai would be put to better use to deflect the foreigners. If the Bakufu just did that, I'm fairly sure the Bakufu would have earned some loyalty points and wouldn't have to use the method of Sankin-kōtai to force loyalty. I mean, there was a nice equilibrium of power after the Choshu were dealt with last year, but the Bakufu just had to over-play its hand and upset the balance? It really wasn't surprising that the Second Choshu Expedition had to be announced. Instead, I find myself admiring the Choshu for standing up to the Bakufu and their unfair policies."

Yes, the policies being enacted were terribly unfair, and not only to the Choshu.

An important thing to note about feudalism in general, including the feudalism of the Tokugawa, was that it was all about contract. A subordinate had certain obligations to their superior, but the superior had obligations too. Feudalism was not about absolute authority, it was very dependent on the idea of reciprocal obligation. Thus, from a feudalistic mindset, the 1865 Bakufu policies that had sprung up was a big breach of contract. There had been a couple of years before where the Bakufu had loosened up control so that the individual domains could concentrate more of their efforts on defense. Now, the Bakufu was unilaterally tightening control back up but was not offering to take on more of the burden associated with defense.[3]

This type of concept was difficult for me to understand at first. After all, before my second try in life, I had never lived in a feudalistic society. To make sense of this structure, I had to discard my Chinese American perspective and look from a national Japanese perspective.

A strong central government would be more able to protect the country, but most samurai were already doing that. They're loyal to their domains, not to any broad notion of Japan. That was absolutely the key to understanding the pushback against the Tokugawa resurgence. Individual samurai were "nationalists", but they weren't Japanese nationalists. They were **_domain_** nationalists. They didn't see things in terms of making Japan strong enough to resist the foreigners. They saw it in terms of making their individual domains strong enough to resist.

For anyone viewing the situation at hand from this angle, the 1865 Tokugawa policies were a direct attack on the ability of their "nation", rather, their domain, to protect itself.[4]

"Yes, yes," Itou exclaimed while bobbing his head up and down excessively, reminding me of the ocean waves that so often made me seasick. It made my stomach roll a little. "You understand! All Sankin-kōtai will do is deplete resources and weaken various domains. It's the opposite of what is needed. And all those other horribly foolish policies! Banning Court input in the counsels of the Tokugawa state? How absurd! To think that the Shogunate can treat the Emperor this way and get away with it!"

"And you've heard about what happened to all those people with any Shishi[5] relations, right?" Saburo-san added as he wedged himself into the conversation. When his eyes caught mine, I found myself captivated by the amount of passion brewing behind those eyes of his. While his passion seemed much more muted than his brother's, that by no way did it mean that he cared less about the subject. "Any official who is a Shishi sympathizer or even had anything to do with the Shishi in the past was removed from their position. And anyone who has any sort of Shishi relations is forbidden to hold any official position."

Both Itou and Saburo-san were Imperialist and followed some forms of Shishi teachings. What the Bakufu did to those with Shishi relations was like a slap in the face to them. I'd be lying if I said I didn't relate with them. Nevermind that those removed from their positions were talented exactly what Japan needed right now. To the Bakufu, the past was all that mattered. I could feel my blood boil over the waste.

"I've heard," I said before clicking my tongue to try to rid myself of the bitter taste that developed in my mouth. "There was one man that I remember. Sakamoto Ryoma. I heard he was forced to flee from his position at the Tokugawa's Naval Training Center[6] just because of his Shishi past and sympathies. I can't believe that a man of that caliber was forced to flee just because of a past relationship."

Saburo-san grumbled under his breath before scowling at the floor like it had personally wronged him. "Seriously. I'm beginning to think that the Takasugi Shinsaku had the right idea to Westernized his troops."

Okay, so it's time to rewind a little so things can make more sense. The Second Choshu Expedition was announced in March of this year, aka, 1865. But why was there even a second expedition in the first place? What happened?

In 1864, the Choshu only survived the Bakufu onslaught by signing a humiliating peace deal, which ended all skirmishes before they could become true military battles. This treaty involved a huge reduction in territory and the disarmament of all the Shishi in said territory. The pro-Shishi faction of the Choshu government was forced out of office with many of its members forced to commit suicide. That was the end of the First Choshu Expedition. However, the Bakufu's forces just went home before all the terms of the ceasefire could be enforced.[7]

Something **_very_** important to note is that the Bakufu's forces left the Choshu forces alone to disarm the Shishi within Choshu territory. I thought that move was just plain stupid. As one would predict, the Shishi were **_not_** interested in being disarmed and were organized enough to avoid it.[8]

Stepping back even more, there was one very important Shishi individual to examine. Takasugi Shinsaku. That man was critical to why a Second Choshu Expedition had to be declared.

Takasugi had an interest in Western military forces. From Takasugi's perspective, Western forces were formidable not just because of their technology but because they included people from throughout the nation.

So, Takasugi began pushing for new units in the Choshu military called the shotai. The shotai would act like Western-styled militia. They would ignore established social ranks and promote leadership based entirely on merit. They did not train in traditional methods of kenjutsu that emphasized individual talent but focused on group maneuvers designed for maximum efficacy. These shotai were also socially mixed with non-samurai being allowed to sign-up. Takasugi, himself, founded a shotai unit called the Kiheitai, which consisted of equal amounts of samurai and non-samurai.[9]

While social norms diehard, Takasugi's call for non-samurai did get a good response, although, not from the average peasant and day laborers. That group of people had more important things to worry about and cared little about Shishi issues. The call really resonated with what could probably be considered the "middle class". Professionals with specialized jobs that required at least some education. People in this group were literate, and dispersed in the material that there were reading, were some works of philosophy, many of which were from the Mito school and other Japanese nationalistic scholars. The message of nationalistic scholars, with its emphase not on social division but on an Emperor-centric idea that all were equal in responsibility to the Imperial Throne, resonated with people who chafed under the rigid social structure. So, when given a chance to bear arms as equals with the samurai, this group responded.[10]

But, of course, there were others that turned their noses up at this idea in Choshu. There were even laws passed in Choshu to prevent high-born samurai from joining in on this necessary but distasteful method. So, the samurai in the shotai mostly consisted of low-ranking samurai that could not rise to higher positions. By signing up, the low-ranking samurai and the "middle class" were offered social mobility.[11]

However, in 1864, the shotai never boasted a large number and were therefore unable to stop the Bakufu from stomping all over Choshu. After the peace treaty, many of the shotai units demobilized. But Takasugi was not ready to admit defeat. He was one of the leaders marked for imprisonment and execution, thus forced into hiding.[12]

Just eight months ago, in January, Takasugi came out of hiding and called on shotai members to rise up with him to march against the Choshu government at the Choshu capital of Hagi, to throw out the cowards that had signed the peace treaty with the Bakufu and take over the domain.[13]

And the shotai heeded Takasugi's call.

In the span of about three months, the shotai launched an uprising against the Choshu government and defeated the Choshu forces sent to bring them under control. Many Choshu units faced with choice of fighting those Westernized troops either conveniently moved out of the way or just surrendered without a fight. Some, disgusted by their leadership, defected to the shotai. By March, Takasugi and the shotai were camped right outside of Hagi. After a brief round of negotiations, the city was opened to the shotai and the government that had signed the armistice with the Bakufu was ejected from power. The Choshu government that was under the Bakufu's authority had only lasted a measly five months.[14]

Of course, once news of what had happened in Choshu spread, the Bakufu quickly declared the Second Choshu Expedition.

I nodded in agreement with Saburo-san's comment before distracting myself by glancing at my fingernails. They were getting a little long for my tastes. Dirt was starting to get stuck underneath them, which made them look really gross.

The three of us stood in silence, musing on what was just discussed before Itou decided to break that thoughtful peace. I saw him slide his sly eyes toward me to give me a critical examination. It was like every part of me was examined. Everything to each strand of my hair to the color and design of the kimono I was currently wearing. While it felt super invasive, his gaze certainly didn't feel perverse in any way. Although, there was distaste on my end when he regarded my baby bump with a slight sneer. However, when Itou gave Saburo-san a catlike grin, it almost made me feel like I had passed some sort of hidden test.

"Miki, you have good tastes," Itou announced out of nowhere. "She does make quite the prize."

I tilted my head at Itou while furrowing my brows at him. What happened? What were we talking about now? Either way, Saburo-san inflated his chest and stuck his chin out at Itou's remark.

"I had my doubts when you announced your… **_interest_** , but I see my doubts were misplaced. It's just a pity she belongs to someone else right now."

What? Who were they talking about now? She? There weren't any government officials that were women, were there?

"But something really should be done about her obliviousness," Saburo-san said, his thrilled grin was impossible to cover up with his head shake. "However, I'll admit, it is cute."

I scoffed at them. "Just what are you guys talking about?" Saburo-san looked like he wanted to laugh at me when I crossed my arms and stuck out my lower lip at them. "We're not still talking about politics…" I paused just to scratch the tip of my nose, "are we?"

That probably would have continued a little longer if it weren't for the interruption. I blinked when I heard agitated footsteps, or rather, stomping coming down the hallway from outside.

"Toudou! Stop right there! I demand you tell me what you and Sannan were discussing earlier."

"Dammit, Takeda! Leave me alone! What we were talking about is none of your business! How are you this nosy all the time? If you're that curious, shouldn't you go ask Sannan-san yourself?"

Rolling my eyes at Itou and Saburo-san one last time, I marched over to the door and poked my head out of the storage room to spot Heisuke hustling down the hallway with Takeda hot on his trail. Saburo-san, who decided to copy me, let out an annoyed clicking sound when he saw Takeda before choking on some laughter when he saw me pull down my lower eyelid and stick out my tongue at Takeda.

"Real mature, Shizuka," Saburo-san said. "I thought pregnant women were supposed to act more grown-up."

I elbowed his gut, causing him to balk a little. "Show's what you know. I can be as childish as I want and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

Deciding to offer Heisuke some sanctuary, I stepped out into plain sight and waved at Heisuke down the hallway as Saburo-san was rubbing the spot I jabbed. Heisuke detected his saving grace immediately and quickly jogged over to my side before pinching his brows when he peeked behind me and into the record room. Once he saw who my company was, he patted my head wordlessly.

"It looked like you wanted some help," I chirped up at him before linking arms with him. "What's up?"

"I really don't get why you say that," Heisuke said, almost cringing when he looked behind himself and saw Takeda rushing to catch up. "I mean," he pointed up, "what else can I say besides the ceiling or the sky. But I guess I can say clouds too, unless this is another one of your strange sayings. So, what were you doing before? I thought you would be taking a nap considering the rough night you had."

"I was planning on—"

And, of course, Takeda had to arrive and interrupt. My cold glance did nothing to shake Takeda as he bulldozed his way in. Couldn't he tell where he was unwelcomed?

"Ah! Well isn't it Okita-san," Takeda commented, doctoring his voice to make it sound like this was some sort of pleasant surprise. The amount of insincerity in his voice made me want to retch. As Takeda peered into the room behind me, he straightened his posture the moment he located Itou and Saburo-san. "It has been a while since the last time we spoke, has it not?"

"Not long enough," I heard Saburo-san whispered before snickering when I wrinkled my nose.

"And I see Itou-san and Saburo-san are with you too. May I ask what you were discussing? Perhaps I could add some insight to the discussion."

"Oh," Itou said as he pulled out his fan from his sleeve and hid his smiled behind it. I could just tell that Itou was hiding his silent laughter behind the fan. "Just some politics. Perhaps you would like to enlighten us with your opinion as well."

Takeda face practically glowed at Itou's suggestion. It was like someone told him that he was nominated for some prestigious reward. However, at the same time, there was this nasty undertone to his glow that practically said, "About time!" in the most snobbish manner.

Takeda cleared his throat with a few coughs. "I believe the Bakufu is doing everything right." He seemed to miss the chuckle that escaped from Itou's throat. "There is no military might left in Japan that can challenge the Tokugawa right now, as much as the Choshu may try, so right now is the perfect time to enforce the Bakufu's unrivaled power. By enforcing the Bakufu's might, all descenders will be crushed and will leave Japan with one central government. A central government will be stronger suited to resist the foreigners."

"Well, I guess you can see it that way," Itou snipped causing Takeda not to stand as tall as his confidence started to crumble a little. "But shouldn't the opinions other than the Bakufu officials' matter as well?"

"Did I say something wrong?" Takeda quickly asked, making Saburo-san laugh.

"How mean of you, Ani-ue, to make Takeda-san worry like this. Each person's opinion is his own, isn't it?" Saburo-san glanced out of the corner of his eye at Heisuke. "What do you think Toudou-san?"

"Well," Heisuke scratched the back of his head. "I think I need to go grocery shopping before Hijikata-san rips me a new one. The heatwave from a couple of days ago made some of our vegetables go bad. If I don't get some shopping done, we'll have nothing to eat. But we can talk about politics some other time."

"I'll go with you," I chirped as I began tugging Heisuke away from the others. Even on the best of day, I wasn't best equipped to deal with Takeda and Itou at the same time. Even Saburo-san could become difficult to handle after a while. "I was checking on our average spending on groceries to trying to figure out how to budget our next couple of meals anyway."

Heisuke was thankfully as wonderful as ever and didn't question my eagerness to get away as soon as possible. He just let himself be dragged all the way to the front gates before taking the lead as we walked towards the market.

"Are you sure you don't want to go rest?" He broke the silence. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes before looking down at the back of his hand. "You look a little pale. This pregnancy seems harder on you than the last one."

Putting on arm around my shoulder, he steered me around a man pushing a cart filled with goods. As I was pressed up against Heisuke, I could feel the strong muscles of his arm and even his chest. Even though we were the same age, it always felt like Heisuke was more like a boy rather than a young man. Sure, he had his mature moments, but it never smothered out his boyish charm. But, now as he held me securely, I could see up close how much he'd grown. He had gotten taller. His muscles developed and gotten stronger. He had a sturdy frame. Of course, he wasn't anywhere near Shinpachi-san or Sano-san's level, but it wasn't something to turn my nose up at.

A sense of melancholy filled my chest. Everything, everyone, was changing.

"Shizuka-chan?" I shook my head before peering up at Heisuke. "Are you still feeling sick? You suddenly went silent. I don't want Souji to get on my case for dragging you out when you're feeling sick."

"No, I was just thinking." I ducked out from under his arm and tucked my hands behind my back. "So, what are we getting?"

"Nothin' special. Just some vegetables to replace the spoiled ones. Hey, how come you wanted to come with me instead of napping?"

I let out a sigh tucked a couple of rogue strands of hair behind my ear. My fingers brushed against my kanzashi, causing me to pause my actions for a few seconds as I stroked the fabricated petals.

"I was looking at how much we were spending on groceries earlier. I noticed there was a spike in the amount we were spending, and it isn't because we were getting a boom in recruits. We're still buying the same amount of food each time we restock the kitchen." I pressed my lips together as I watched a woman try to haggle with a nearby store vendor for some mirin. "The price of food is increasing again."

"Isn't that because of the foreigners?" Heisuke said as he stopped at a stall. He grinned when he saw me staring and drooling at the kabocha on display. He pointed at the coveted vegetable for the shopkeeper, who chuckled at my face. "That's what I keep hearing on the streets whenever I'm on patrol."

"Good on you for treating your wife so well, young man," the shopkeeper said as he fetched the kabocha for us. Neither of us bothered to correct the man.

"I guess you can look at it that way," I replied to Heisuke. "Though I wouldn't say they're the direct cause of the hike in price for food. It's more of correlation. You know how Tokugawa Iemochi relocated to Osaka during the summer because he is **_supposedly_** going to oversee the Second Choshu Expedition?[15]"

Heisuke paid the shopkeeper for the kabocha before moving on to browse the other nearby stands, pausing only so I could catch up to him.

"Yeah," he said as he shifted the weight of the kabocha into his other hand before he pinched his brow. "Why are you putting emphasis on the word 'supposedly'? You make it sound like you don't believe that what the Shogun's doing."

"Because I don't. The Shogun's only nineteen. I doubt he has any real experience to draw from," I sniffed. "He's probably only going just to boost morale. Someone more seasoned will probably direct the expedition. But back to the subject on hand. Since the Shogun's in Osaka right now, that's where all the troops are garrisoned, at the moment, and armies need to eat."[16]

"But didn't the troops bring their own food supply?"

We stopped at another stall, but this one was selling meat. Heisuke crinkled his nose at the blood some of the meat was sitting in and quickly tugged on my arm to get us moving again. This time, away from the meat. Though, he did look like he wanted to purchase some chicken.

"They did, but you heard about those foreign ships that just suddenly arrived in Osaka's port, right?"

Heisuke nodded.

"I heard that they're here because the Harris Treaty[17] isn't being honored. After the treaty was signed, the city of Hyōgo was supposed to open up for trade among other things in 1863. The foreigners are here to force the opening of Hyōgo and they also want an official announcement from the Emperor saying that he approves of the contents of the treaty. So, with that getting in the way of the Bakufu preparing for the Second Choshu Expedition, the troops are stuck at Osaka while the foreign threat is being addressed. This means that they'll eat up all their food resources and be forced to buy food from the Osaka market, and feeding an army is by no means easy or cheap. Because the food is being bought up by the army and a shortage is becoming apparent, all the cities near Osaka will have a massive rise in food price."[18]

Heisuke just sighed as he glanced up at the blue sky. "So, it's the Shogunate's fault this time…," he mumbled to himself so quietly I almost missed what he said. "The future is so uncertain. What will happen now?"

I shook my head to tell him I had no answer.

* * *

[1] 蛙の子は蛙。 (Kaeru no ko wa kaeru) Literally: Child of a frog is a frog. Meaning: Like father, like son.

[2] Sankin-kōtai (参勤交代 "alternate attendance") was a policy of the Tokugawa shogunate during most of the Edo period of Japanese history. The purpose was to strengthen central control over the daimyōs (major feudal lords). It required feudal lords, daimyō, to alternate living for a year in their palace and in Edo, the capital.

Toyotomi Hideyoshi had earlier established a similar practice of requiring his feudal lords to keep their wives and heirs at Osaka Castle or the nearby vicinity as hostages to ensure their loyalty. Following the Battle of Sekigahara and the establishment of the Tokugawa Shogunate, this practice was continued at the new capital of Edo as a matter of custom. It was made compulsory for the tozama daimyōs in 1635, and for the fudai daimyōs from 1642. Aside from an eight-year period under the rule of Tokugawa Yoshimune, the law remained in force until 1862.

The details changed throughout the 26 decades of Tokugawa rule, but generally, the requirement was that the daimyōs of every han move periodically between Edo and his fief, typically spending alternate years in each place. His wife and heir were required to remain in Edo as hostages while he was away. The expenditures necessary to maintain lavish residences in both places, and for the procession to and from Edo, placed financial strains on the daimyo, making them unable to wage war. The frequent travel of the daimyo encouraged road building and the construction of inns and facilities along the routes, generating economic activity.

[3] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[4] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[5] Shishi (志士), sometimes known as Ishin Shishi (維新志士), were a group of Japanese political activists of the late Edo period. The term shishi translates as "men of high purpose". While it is usually applied to the anti-shogunate, pro-sonnō jōi (尊皇攘夷; "Revere the Emperor, Expel the Barbarian[s]") samurai primarily from the southwestern clans of Satsuma, Chōshū, and Tosa, the term shishi is also used by some with reference to supporters of the shogunate who held similar sonnō jōi views.

There were many different varieties of shishi. Some, such as the assassins Kawakami Gensai, Nakamura Hanjirō, Okada Izō, and Tanaka Shinbei, opted for a more violent approach in asserting their views. Kawakami Gensai, in particular, is recalled as the assassin of Sakuma Shōzan, a renowned pro-Western thinker of the time. Several assaults on westerners in Japan have been attributed to the shishi and associated rōnin warriors. Other more radical shishi, such as Miyabe Teizō, plotted large-scale attacks with little regard for public safety. Miyabe himself was one of the ringleaders of the plot, foiled by the Shinsengumi at the Ikedaya Incident, to burn Kyoto at the height of the Gion Festival.

As mentioned above, shishi were not necessarily in support of bringing down the shogunate. Shishi from Mito were responsible for the death of the shogunal grand councilor Ii Naosuke, who was a signatory to treaties that favored foreign nations, and who had placed an underaged boy on the shogunal throne. Other Mito men and women arose in the Tengutō Rebellion, over the next several years. While these were definitely actions against the shōgun's government, they did not oppose the shōgun himself—indeed, the Mito shishi, who were retainers of a relative of the shōgun, believed they were only helping him.

Other shishi had more scholastic leanings. A prime example of this was the scholar Yoshida Shōin of Chōshū. He founded the Shokason-juku school, and educated many of the future government leaders of Meiji era Japan. Yoshida had connections to many prominent figures of the Bakumatsu era: Kawai Tsugunosuke, Katsu Kaishū, the aforementioned Sakuma Shōzan, and others.

The more radical shishi from Chōshū and Satsuma went on to form the core leadership of the nascent Meiji Government. Some, such as Itō Hirobumi and Yamagata Aritomo, remained prominent figures in Japanese politics and society until the early decades of the 20th century

[6] The Nagasaki Naval Training Center (長崎海軍伝習所 Nagasaki Kaigun Denshū-jo) was a naval training institute, between 1855 when it was established by the government of the Tokugawa shogunate, until 1859, when it was transferred to Tsukiji in Edo.

During the Bakumatsu period, the Japanese government faced increasing incursions by ships from western nations, intent on ending the country's two centuries of national seclusion. These efforts cumulated in the landing of United States Commodore Commodore Perry in 1854, resulting in the Treaty of Kanagawa and the opening of Japan to foreign trade. The Tokugawa government decided to order modern steam warships and to build a naval training center as part of its modernization efforts to meet the perceived military threat posed by the navies of the western nations.

The training center was established near the Dutch settlement of Dejima in Nagasaki, where maximum interaction with Dutch naval technology would be possible. Nagai Naoyuki was appointed the first director with a first class of 37 cadets from the various hatamoto with fealty directly to the Shōgun, and 128 cadets sent from the various feudal han (16 from Satsuma Domain, 28 from Fukuoka Domain, 15 from Chōshū Domain, 47 from Saga Domain, 5 from Kumamoto Domain, 12 from Tsu Domain, 4 from Fukuyama Domain and one from Kakegawa Domain). Katsu Kaishū was director of training under Nagai starting from 1855, until 1859, when he was commissioned as an officer in the Shogunal navy the following year.

Royal Dutch Navy officers were in charge of education, the first being Pels Rijcken (from 1855 to 1857), and the second Willem Huyssen van Kattendijke (from 1857–1859). Western medical science was taught by J. L. C. Pompe van Meerdervoort. The curriculum was weighed towards navigation and western science. The center was also equipped with Japan's first steamship, Kankō Maru given by the King of the Netherlands in 1855. It was later joined by the Kanrin Maru and the Chōyō.

The Nagasaki Naval Training Center provided not only samurai students but also local domain students with opportunities to pursue systematic Western-style naval training. The students gradually overcame language and other barriers and learned various modern naval skills and marine technology and organization . Under the guidance of Dutch instructors, the Shogunate built a factory for the repair of naval ships as a part of the School's supporting facilities. This was the first modern factory in Japan utilizing machinery imported from Europe.

The number of cadets from various domains proved unwieldy, and the second class of 1856 was reduced to only 12 cadets, all from the hatamoto in Edo. The third class of 1857 has 26 cadets. The future Admiral Enomoto Takeaki was one of the students of the Nagasaki Training Center. The Training Center was closed in 1859, and education transferred to Tsukiji Naval Training Center in Edo, where the Kankō Maru was also sailed by a Japanese-only crew.

The decision to terminate the School was made for political reasons, arising from the Japanese side as well as from the Dutch side. While the Dutch feared that the other Western powers would suspect that they were helping the Japanese accumulate naval power to repulse Westerners, the Shogunate became reluctant to give samurai from traditionally anti-Tokugawa domains opportunities to learn modern naval technology. Although the Nagasaki Naval Training Center was short-lived, it had considerable direct and indirect influence on future Japanese society. The Nagasaki Naval Training Center educated many naval officers and engineers who would later become not only founders of the Imperial Japanese Navy but also promoters of Japan's shipbuilding and other industries.

[7] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[8] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[9] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[10] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[11] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[12] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[13] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[14] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 11." 12 Dec. 2015, episode-128-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-11. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[15] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 12." 19 Dec. 2015, episode-129-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-12. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[16] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 12." 19 Dec. 2015, episode-129-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-12. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.

[17] The Treaty of Amity and Commerce (日米修好通商条約 Nichibei Shūkō Tsūshō Jōyaku), also called the Harris Treaty, between the United States and Japan was signed on the deck of the USS Powhatan in Edo (now Tokyo) Bay on July 29, 1858. It opened the ports of Kanagawa and four other Japanese cities to trade and granted extraterritoriality to foreigners, among a number of trading stipulations.

The treaty followed the 1854 Convention of Kanagawa, which granted coaling rights for US ships and allowed for a US Consul in Shimoda. Although Commodore Matthew Perry secured fuel for US ships and protection for US sailors, he left the important matter of trading rights to Townsend Harris, another US envoy who negotiated with the Tokugawa shogunate; the treaty is therefore often referred to as the "Harris Treaty". It took two years to break down Japanese resistance, but with the threat of looming British demands for similar privileges, the Tokugawa government eventually capitulated.

Among the most important points were:

· exchange of diplomatic agent

· in addition to the existing ports of Shimoda and Hakodate, the ports of Kanagawa and Nagasaki to be open to foreign trade effective July 4, 1859 and thereafter Niigata, and Hyōgo opened on January 1, 1860 and January 1, 1863 respectively

· in all the treaty ports listed, United States citizens may permanently reside, have the right to lease ground and purchase the buildings thereon, and may erect dwellings and warehouses

· a system of extraterritoriality that provided for the subjugation of foreign residents to the laws of their own consular courts instead of the Japanese law system

· fixed low import-export duties, subject to international control

· right of freedom of religious expression and church construction to serve the needs of United States nationals within the confines of the designated foreign settlements at the treaty ports

The agreement served as a model for similar treaties signed by Japan with other foreign countries in the ensuing weeks. These Unequal Treaties curtailed Japanese sovereignty for the first time in its history; more importantly, it revealed Japan's growing weakness, and was seen by the West as a pretext for possible colonisation of Japan. The recovery of national status and strength became an overarching priority for the Japanese, with the treaty's domestic consequences being the end of Bakufu (Shogun) control and the establishment of a new imperial government.

[18] Meyer, Isaac. "Fall of the Samurai, Part 12." 19 Dec. 2015, episode-129-the-fall-of-the-samurai-part-12. Accessed 7 Oct. 2018.


	85. Chapter 85

I know, it's been a while since I updated, but at least I made it in time for Christmas. Things have been a little hectic recently...

There are all sorts of clues in this chapter regarding some plans Shizuka is brewing up. See if you can find them all. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

* * *

 **Chapter 85**

 _"_ _It's amazing how fearless you can be when you want something bad enough, the lengths to which you'll go, the grit you'll put into the scheming and maneuvering. That's determination for you. I would have made a good bounty hunter." ― Anne Clendening, Bent: How Yoga Saved My Ass_

 _Ryota made a funny little snorting sound like he was laughing at something in his sleep before he snuggled closer and pushed his nose into the fabric of my clothing. A smile tickled my lips as I brushed some of his hair away from his face before I sneaked a peek at Souji from where I laid on the futon. Hunched over at the desk, Souji scratched at his temple before he dropped his writing instrument on the desk to settle on scowling on whatever was written on the sheet of paper before him. It was some sort of report detailing a small scuffle that occurred between two ronin in the market some days ago._

 _Well, that's what Souji had said it was before he tugged on my bangs while nagging at me to go take a nap with Ryota._

 _I propped myself up on my elbows just as Souji ruffled his own hair and hissed threats at what appeared to be a poorly written report._

 _"_ _Are you sure you don't want to just tell me the details and have me write it up?" I asked, rolling onto my opposite side. My lips twitched upward as I saw a light pink crawled across his cheeks. "Hijikata-san tends to prefer me to articulate most of his written reports for him in the first place, so he won't mind if I write yours up too."_

 _"_ _Well, Hijikata-san can stuff it," I heard Souji mumble under his breath. He averted his gaze momentarily before his eyes trailed back to me, or rather, to my belly. "Shouldn't you be resting, Miss I've-been-yawning-all-morning?"_

 _I rolled my eyes. The blankets bunched up around my expanding waist as I sat up and slipped out of the futon. Ryota, although asleep, seem to sense my sudden absence and searchingly patted my vacated spot until I shoved my pillow under his tiny hand. His arms drooped as he shoved his face against the side of the pillow before he wiggled no more. I fixed the blankets around Ryota before slinking over to where Souji sat._

 _Souji snorted at his son's behavior before press his lips to my temple just as I took a seat beside._

 _"_ _He definitely takes after me," Souji mumbled, his warm breath touching my skin. His fingers brushed against the side of my face before finding the bottom of my chin. His lips quickly found mine as he tilted my head up. "You really should be resting," he mumbled between his kisses._

 _His hand glided down my body until it came to rest on my belly. As he distanced his lips from mine, Souji let out a satisfied sigh before using his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear._

 _"_ _The paperwork is a pain in the ass, but I can handle it. Go rest with Ryota."_

 _I let out a little huff but smiled at Souji all the same as I laid my hand on top of his hand he had placed on my belly. Weeks have passed, but I had yet to hit the halfway point of my pregnancy. However, at eighteen weeks, I was resembling an overinflated balloon, making me lament and feel giddy at the same time._

 _My poor_ _figure that I had grown to be so proud of was aptly gone, making me feel like a potato one hundred percent of the time. Yet, the just the sheer chance that I may be carrying more than one baby right now was more than enough to make up for everything._

 _…_ _Or I could just be getting fat on top of being pregnant. I had been eating a lot more sweets, but I'd cross that bridge when I get there. Hopefully…_

 _…_ _I sincerely hoped I was not really just getting fat._

 _A gentle smile appeared on Souji's face just as I felt some fluttering in my belly, making all the thoughts occupying my mind to flee. He rubbed his thumb right below my belly button, where I had felt the movement come from._

 _"_ _It's nice that you want to play, but you need to calm down so Okaa-san can rest," Souji scolded in the direction of the movement in my belly. He rubbed the spot some more before he withdrew his hand. He pecked my lips once more. "Go. You need to get some more rest. You've been looking paler than I'd like."_

 _This time, a sigh escaped my lips at his urging as I avoided glancing in the direction of the futon. Shaking my head as I pressed my lips into a firm line, I wrapped my arms around one of Souji's arms before pressing my cheek against his shoulder, causing him to quirk his eyebrow at me. Before he could make a witty remark at my actions, we heard someone clearing his throat._

 _Otou-san stood in the doorway of our bedroom, his cheeks filling with color. He was all too aware he was interrupting. In fact, had looked so sheepish that I nearly missed the sword he held in one hand._

 _The sword in his hand possessed an aura that seemed to command attention once its presence was known. The tsuka-ito_ _ **[1]**_ _was made of blemish free, black silk which contrasted with the white same-kawa_ _ **[2]**_ _beneath, making it look like the hilt of the sword was carved from the most exquisite ivory. The black sheath was sleek and adorned with golden, flower motif bands that wrapped around the ends and center of the sheath. However, it was the tsuba_ _ **[3]**_ _that held my attention. That was engraved with a lonely chrysanthemum, giving the sword a noble status._

 _I pressed my lips together and sobered up some. So, Otou-san was here on business. A chrysanthemum engraved on a sword? The chrysanthemum held many meanings in Japan, but it was most famous for being the Imperial Seal of Japan_ _ **[4]**_ _._

 _My arms around Souji loosen as Otou-san came to sit across from us. He laid the sword by his thigh and coughed in his hand to clear his throat once more._

 _"_ _Souji." Otou-san's eyes flickered to me only to acknowledge my presence briefly. This was to be a talk between men. I smiled briefly at Otou-san as the tip of my fingers rubbed Souji's inner arm. "I am sure that you've heard already, but…" He took a breath as his fingers touched the black sheath of the noble sword beside him. "The shogunate has sent word for me, personally, to visit the Choshu to put an end to all of this. There is the hope that we can put an end to the Second Expedition before any of the true fighting breaks out."_

 _Souji scowled at the reminder and averted his eyes to glare at his left knee. "Yeah, word got around, but…" his eyes snapped back up to meet Otou-san's, "Why are_ _ **you**_ _the one that has to go? They could send anyone else, literally any other than you, to see to that."_

 _Otou-san shook his head with a small smile._

 _"_ _No, I cannot turn my back on my duty like that. This is a direct order from the shogunate."_

 _A sour taste appeared in my mouth. A "direct" order from the shogunate? Wasn't the order to perfect the Water of Life a "direct" order from the shogunate too? Despite the contempt I was feeling towards the shogunate nowadays, I held my tongue._

 _"_ _Then I'll go with you," Souji blurted, jarring me from my thoughts. He failed to notice the stiffing of my shoulders. "If you go to the Choshu, you may as well have a target on your back. They'll kill you."_

 _Otou-san pressed his lips together into a firm line as his eyes continued to bore into Souji's._

 _"_ _No," Otou-san finally said, breaking eye contact with Souji, his gaze softening after he had briefly closed his eyes. "You are not coming with me."_

 _I could hear Souji's mouth go dry as he recoiled a little at such a response. His hand curled up into a fist before forced his hand flat again by pressing his hand against his knee._

 _"_ _Why not…?" Once the tenseness melted away, Souji's voice sounded small and hurt. He nibbled on his lower lip a little. "It's… It's my job to protect you."_

 _But even if Souji wanted Otou-san to answer him, to say the reasons why he couldn't go with him out loud, Otou-san had no interest in answering indulging him. Instead, Otou-san just glanced over Souji's shoulder at the little figure occupying the futon before dropping his gaze to the sword by his thigh. Wordlessly, Otou-san picked the sword up and placed it Souji's hands._

 _Souji blinked a few times as he tested the weight of the sword before glancing back up at Otou-san._

 _"_ _What is this…?"_

 _"_ _It's a Yamashironokami Fujiwara Kunkiyo," Otou-san answered as a small smile I can only describe as fond appeared on his lips. "Haven't you always wanted a Chrysanthemum Sword, Souji?"_

 _Souji fell silent as he stared at the sword. I could practically hear his mind racing before his fingers tighten around the sword's sheath._

 _"_ _What's this for?" The silence was finally broken. "Why are you giving this to me"_

 _There were rarely times Otou-san looked serious. That's not to say that Otou-san couldn't be serious. It's just that he preferred laughter and making people smile. So, understandably, when Otou-san donned a such a serious look, it often felt as heavy as an anvil._

 _"_ _I felt it was the only sword that could befit the Fifth Suzerain of the Tennen Rishin style."_

 _Souji's mouth dropped open and I could see the blood drain from his face. If his mind was racing before, then I had no idea what to call what is mind was doing now. Then, after what must have felt like an eternity to him, Souji picked his jaw off the ground and swallowed._

 _"_ _I can't accept this…" Souji's voice cracked._

 _"_ _Souji…," Otou-san said, sounding like he wanted to sigh._

 _"_ _Taking on the duties of the fifth-generation master is something I should do when I'm older…" Souji pushed the Chrysanthemum Sword back at Otou-san in such a desperate manner that he looked about ready to cry when Otou-san refused to take the sword back. "It's like how you took it from Shuusai-sensei when you were a much older man. The only time I'd feel comfortable taking it from you is when you're hobbling around with a wooden cane. When you can't even hold a sword, Kondou-san…"_

 _Otou-san shook his head at Souji once more before pushing the sword back at Souji. The heavy weight of the gaze Otou-san gave to Souji took all the weight out of Souji's previous words._

 _"_ _Souji, you do me far too much kindness in saying that, but…" Otou-san offered me a brief smile, knowing that I knew exactly what he was implying. "The future holds no certainties, especially in this year, and who knows what shall happen to us… I was raised on a farm, but after dedicating my life to the path of the warrior, it is now time for me to accept that my life belongs to the shogun. However, if the Tennen Rishin were to die along with me, that would be unforgivable. It is something I am truly passionate about."_

 _Souji continued to stare down at the heavy sword in his hand, his jaw clenching at Otou-san's words. But then, he looked up when he felt Otou-san place a warm hand on his shoulder._

 _"_ _I'm counting on you, Souji," Otou-san said, standing up before nodding in my direction. "In more ways than one."_

 _Otou-san then left the room, leaving Souji to stare at his newly acquired sword with a hint of bitterness._

That was a few days ago. Shortly after Otou-san had left the sword with Souji, Otou-san left Kyoto for Choshu in the company of Itou and a few other members of the Shinsengumi. In the days after Otou-san's departure, Souji had grown unnaturally quiet, as if he were locked in his head with only his own thought to keep himself company.

I let out a sigh and rested my chin on my hand as Shinpachi-san complained nonstop in the seat next to me. Chinatsu paused wiping Ryota's mouth at the sound of my sigh and glanced at me with her big round eyes. I had no energy left in my tired bones to even attempt a conversation with her. Allowing her to even come with me should have been more than enough.

With being constantly lost in his own mind recently, Souji needed some time alone to sort out his conflicting feelings. Hence the reason he suggested me and Ryota go out to dinner with Chinatsu, Shinpachi-san, Sano-san, and Saito-san. But things were hardly peaceful with this group either. This mostly consisted of Shinpachi-san complaining about Hijikata-san and the nepotism that seemed to be creeping into the Shinsengumi ranks.

With Otou-san away on his mission, Hijikata-san was left as the superior officer in charge. One that appeared to have recently started to play favorites and treated the Shinsengumi's original veterans like dirt in Shinpachi-san's eyes. Of course, Sannan-san was still here too, but he seemed too content with his current job to bother with curbing Hijikata-san's unreasonable and unfair strictness. In Shinpachi-san's verbose opinion, Hijikata-san was slipping down a dangerous slope while dragging unwilling participants with him.

I pushed the rice in my bowl around with my chopsticks before giving up on eating and placed the chopsticks back on the table. My stomach, determined to rebel against me some more, then attempted to roll out of my body. I suppressed an ugly groan as I half-heartedly turned my attention back to Shinpachi-san. His criticisms of Hijikata-san did not slow down in the slightest. Instead, they just kept pouring out of his mouth like water. I couldn't even say anything in Hijikata-san's defense. All I could do, at the moment, was focus on preventing myself from projectile vomiting at Sano-san, who had the misfortune of claiming the seat directly across from me.

"Ah, dammit!" Shinpachi-san fumed before he took a deep swig of saké. "Recently, Hijikata-san has gotten even more ornery than usual!" Some of his saké swished out of the cup and spilled as he slammed his cup onto the table.

The young family that had been sitting at a table to our left covered their mouths and seemingly whispered to each other about Shinpachi-san disturbing the peace. The wife then shook her head and called the waiter over. It wasn't long before the waiter was escorting them to another table on the far opposite side of the restaurant.

Just great. We were still marked a public menace even when the guys were off duty. Groaning, it took all I had to resist the urge to slam my head into the table and bury my face in my arms. At least Ryota appeared entertained at the pained noises I was making. He settled on pulling on my sleeves to see if I would produce more of those sounds.

"If you try to go out, he's all, 'Where are you going? Why?' A million questions! Right?" Shinpachi-san exclaimed all while shoving his face into Sano-san's and Saito-san personal space.

As Saito-san continued to drink his alcohol without much fanfare, Sano-san lowered his cup from his mouth and let out a little sigh.

"Well," Sano-san glanced down at his half-empty cup briefly, "that just means Hijikata-san has a lot of things on his mind. Right, Shizuka? What do you think? You're the one that's known him the longest here."

I said nothing as I stared enviously at Sano-san as he took another sip of his alcohol. What I'd give to be able to drink alcohol again and to not feel queasy around food. Puffing one cheek up, I avert my gaze and settle on poking my bowl of rice once more.

If any of the men had noticed my queasiness, I am just thankful they didn't point it out. Despite wanting to hurl every few minutes around food, constantly being treated like I was an invalid was had already made my nerves fray more than once. I'm sure it was also because they had learned from witnessing Souji's previous mistakes of coddling me too much. After all, if I could snap at Souji, of all people, what would I do to them?

Shinpachi-san growled at Sano-san's neutral answer as his fingers tightened around his cup.

"Then he should talk that way to others to Itou-san and the others too," Shinpachi-san spat. "The way he don't say a **_word_** to them really ticks me off!"

"Thank you very much for the other day," a musical voice then suddenly floated into the restaurant from the window behind Shinpachi-san and I, efficiently interrupting and ceasing Shinpachi-san rant. Both Shinpachi-san and I glanced behind to spot a pretty, young woman looking at Saito-san through the window.

Her long brown hair carried an incredibly rich hue, and the way the light from the setting sun hit it, it made it look like warm chocolate. And not to mention it looked incredibly soft like she had just come from some modern-day hair salon. In an instant, I nearly forgot about my queasiness as questions about what hair products she used nearly spilled from my lips.

Once the young woman knew for sure she had our attention, she stepped into the restaurant and offered Saito-san a shallow yet polite bow as a greeting. That was when I got a full glimpse of what she was wearing, making me very glad I managed to hold my tongue before. This young woman very clearly came from money. The yellow kimono that she was wearing was definitely not something commoners would wear. The materials too rich and the colors too vivid. Even that simple purple shawl she carried with here appeared to be expensive and high quality.

Forget asking her what hair products she used. I'd never be able to afford it!

She had to be the young lady of a prominent house. Her composed and regal form practically announced it to the world.

Next to me, Shinpachi-san glanced between the young woman and Saito-san, is anger completely forgotten, before he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Saito-san while stroking his chin. After all, the young woman was acting quite familiar with the Saito-san. A rare sight considering that Saito-san tended to be clumsy around the opposite sex whenever they expressed interest in him.

"Hey, Saito." Shinpachi-san leaned even closer to Saito-san, who appeared unfazed by the sudden change in his friend's mood. "This a friend of yours?"

Saito-san closed his eyes as his saké cup stilled in his hand. "Not someone I could quite call a 'friend,' but…"

The young woman smiled at Saito-san, but her focus wasn't on him. A sudden shiver ran down my spine as I felt her sharp eyes flicker to me. However…

I nibbled on my lower lip while fiddling with my fingers.

Her eyes were on Saito-san the entire time, weren't they? Were my own senses playing tricks on me?

I felt my pulse quicken as I slid down my seat in a poor attempt to hide behind Shinpachi-san. It probably also didn't help that Ryota, who was sitting on Chinatsu's lap in plain sight, was tugging on my sleeves. It practically painted a giant red arrow in the air pointing at me and my discomfort.

"You helped me the other day across the street, didn't you?"

"Oh?" Shinpachi-san said with a grin growing on his face. Saito-san sighed before putting down his cup.

"To be more precise," the young woman continued, ignoring Shinpachi-san's interrupting, "it was Chizuru-chan." The men perked up at the named mentioned. "Is Chizuru-chan doing well?"

"Chizuru-chan?" Sano-san asked, glancing at Saito-san who nodded, giving the okay to spill.

Apparently, according Saito-san, this young woman was safe and trustworthy. Now, I'm not the one to doubt Saito-san's judgment, but was she actually trustworthy? I could have sworn I felt her staring at me and it wasn't a kind stare either. It felt like she was poking at me with a needle to try to force a reaction out of me. It was like she knew who and what I was.

It didn't escape my mind that only oni were able to do that.

…

…

…

Then again, maybe I was imagining things right now. I couldn't even confirm she had looked at me funny. And even if she did…

The last time someone looked at me funny, which happened to be yesterday, was only because I had tatami marks on my cheek from falling asleep on the floor. At that time, I could have sworn I felt something wrong, but it was all in my head.

I was being too paranoid, but I'd be a fool to dismiss things quickly too. I'd say that this young lady passes the test, for now.

I stopped fiddling around with my fingers and fixed my posture just as Shinpachi-san answered the young woman's question.

"Actually, she doesn't seem like her usual self recently."

"Yeah." Sano-san put down his cup. "A lot has happened recently…"

"Umm…," Chinatsu suddenly cut in, looking tentative as she drew everyone's attention. She had been so quiet during this outing, probably because this was the first time she'd seen Shinpachi-san so riled up, that most probably even forgot that she was here. " ** _She_**? Shinpachi-san, why did you call Yukimura-san 'she'?"

And that's when everyone realized their mistake. We never told Chinatsu about the Shinsengumi's worst kept secret. Chizuru-chan's real gender.

Shinpachi-san started sweating bullets at that question while Sano-san slapped his own forehead. Elsewhere, a crow took to the sky.

"Aho! Aho!" the crow cried as it flew over the restaurant.

Saito-san quickly shoved the responsibility of explaining to me by shooting a look my direction, which I responded to by blinking owlishly back at him before pretending not have noticed. He then settled for nudging my leg under the table with his foot. When that garnered no response, Saito-san let out a long sigh.

"I will give Ryota a bath the next time he plays in the mud."

"Because Chizuru-chan is a girl," I quickly said after Saito-san's offer. It looked like he was tempted to roll his eyes at my childishness. "Chizuru-chan came to Kyoto to look for her missing Chichi-ue. Since she has neither blood relatives in the Shinsengumi, nor is she married to someone in the Shinsengumi, we have to have her cross-dress to keep the recruits from getting distracted and from them getting into trouble. And, most importantly, with the Shinsengumi already so disliked in Kyoto, we need to avoid rumors. If the common people find out there was an unmarried with no blood relatives girl staying with the Shinsengumi, then what would they say about us? About Chizuru-chan? Just because we are soft-hearted enough to help Chizuru-chan doesn't mean we shouldn't take steps to protect our reputation."

There was a moment of stunned silence on Chinatsu's behalf before she squinted her eyes at me. She tapped on her chin thoughtfully, which somehow made me feel offended for some reason.

"Are you sure?" she finally said, making me want to pummel her a little. "'Cause you are super ditzy sometimes. Are you sure you're not just imagining Yukimura-san as a girl just because you wanted female companionship in a household of men?"

That brat! A vein pulsed on my forehead before my hand shot out and grabbed her nose.

"Ha? What was that? Am I sure she's a girl? The question should be: I am sure **_you're_** a girl?"

"AH! Shizuka-nee! Let go! I still need my nose! Let go! Let go! You're such a wild hog! It's a miracle that you managed to land Souji-nii as your husband with such a boorish attitude!"

"Ho! Is that so?" A dangerous glint appeared in my eyes. "Then I guess you don't need this nose of yours. I'mma pinch it off! It'd be an improvement to that face of yours."

"Noo! Shinpachi-sama! Save me!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Saito-san's vindictive satisfaction at Chinatsu's response while Sano-san pinched the bridge of his nose at us before turning back towards the young woman to remove us from his.

"Ignore those two," Sano-san said causing Chinatsu and me to freeze and quickly settle back in our seats with red dusting our cheeks. Such improper behavior in front of a stranger! "They're siblings. I'm sure you know how rowdy siblings can get, Miss—" Sano-san paused, putting his hand thoughtfully under his chin. "That's right, you never did get a chance to introduce yourself…"

"Sen," the young woman said whilst beaming at us. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Now, what was it that you said about Chizuru-chan? She's not doing well?" She frowned as she put a finger on her cheeks. "Did something happen within the ranks of the Shinsengumi recently? Maybe she needs some outside time…?"

"Probably…," Sano-san muttered. "It would be nice if Chizuru another girl her age to talk to. Chinatsu here is a little young to understand everything, and Shizuka isn't the best company right because of how moody—"

"Am not!" I blurted before I quickly slapped my hands over my mouth. Oops. Perhaps Sano-san's words did have some truth.

Sano-san raised his eyebrow out my outburst. "—she has been recently. She's kinda inconsistent now too and probably will be like that for a while, or at least until the baby is born."

Sen-san nodded before peering at me with those large eyes of hers causing me to freeze before quickly slinking back behind Shinpachi-san. She blinked at my reaction, looking slightly taken back but not enough to lose her megawatt smile. She made a humming sound in the back of her throat.

"Ah! I know," she then exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Chizuru-chan and I can go out for dango and chat a little. It might make her feel better. And Shizuka-chan can come too! It'll be a girl's outing!"

"Uh…" I sucked on my lower lip. My pulse quickened as I eyed her critically. "I never introduced myself to you, so how do you know my name?"

"Who doesn't know who you are?" Sen-san tilted her head at me. Her posture wasn't unfriendly, but her tensed shoulders told me that she wasn't relaxed either. "Everyone in Kyoto knows about the medical skills of the First Division Captain's wife."

Well, there was nothing suspicious or false about her words. I had gained a reputation in the years I have resided in Kyoto. But just because she heard about me doesn't mean that she should have been able to recognize my face just by knowing my name. There were no televisions in this era. And, as far as I know, there have been no photographs taken of me.

"Plus, I have friends in Shimabara," Sen-san continued, making me poke my head out from behind Shinpachi-san. "They like to talk about you. Meibuki-san says thank you for ointment, by the way. It's really helped with her skin ailment."

I did just give an orian by the name of Meibuki some ointment for eczema. Several women working in the red-light district did know my face…

This Sen-san seemed like to be an okay person, or at least her story checks out.

"Oh…" I glanced out the corner of my eye at Sano-san as I loosened up a tad bit more. "I don't think it'd be a good idea if I go. Most foods make me want to throw up now. I just spent most of the dinner trying not projectile vomit at Sano-san." I watched Sano-san's eyes widen and quickly scoot from sitting directly in front of me to the side. "But I can ask Chizuru-chan for you. Going out will do her some good. But she'll have an escort. Kyoto is pretty dangerous right now, and Chizuru-chan gets lost really easily."

"Alright!" Sen-san finalized with a clap and a nod. "It's settled then. We can meet at Kissako tomorrow in the Hour of the Monkey. They have the best dango there!"

Then after chatting with Saito-san some more, or more like chatting at Saito-san, Sen-san left with a polite bow. The rest of us finished up dinner before heading back to headquarters for the night. The next day Chizuru-chan went out with Sano-san as her escort and returned completely refreshed. But as Chizuru-chan's mood improved, other people's deteriorated, chaffed under Hijikata-san's strict rules.

There was only a week of this before Shinpachi-san completely snapped. It really wasn't unexpected.

"Argh!" Shinpachi growled, punching the wooden floor of the main hall one evening. A dull bang echoed throughout the room.

I put down the papers I was holding and exchanged a glance with Heisuke while Sano-san let out a tired sounding sigh. Chizuru-chan, on the other hand, jumped at the sudden sound. She glanced wearily at Shinpachi-san before looking to me for an answer.

"Please don't damage the floors," I half-heartedly scolded Shinpachi-san in response. My words went unheeded by as he continued to fume. "We're renters, remember? And isn't it bad luck or something to desecrate a temple?"

Heisuke didn't bother looking up as he drew random patterns on the floor with his finger. "I thought you didn't believe in luck, Shizuka-chan?" he muttered.

I rolled my eyes at him. Luck or not, the point was I didn't want Shinpachi-san to damage the floors. Damaged floors were not only harder to get sparkling clean, but they were an eyesore too.

"What the hell is up with Hijikata-san?! He's been riding us **_way_** harder than usual."

"Like that **_wasn't_** already that was already established." My sarcasm was promptly ignored.

I stopped sorting through the papers and blew some air through my bangs before giving Chizuru-chan a side glance. What a pain. Shrugging at the girl, returned to the papers. I wasn't in the mood to put out any fires, least of all, one that included Shinpachi-san. I wouldn't have enough water for that. He had the recklessness and temper of a rhino, and I was feeling very pregnant, at the moment.

At my lackluster response, Chizuru-chan glanced back at Shinpachi-san as she twiddled her fingers in her lap. She opened her mouth but ended up closing it just as quickly, swallowing her words when Heisuke spoke.

"You're tellin' me. I was just trying to get permission to go out for a bit, but he wouldn't shut up until I gave him an itemized list of what I was going to do." Heisuke threw his hands up in the air, nearly hitting me.

I elbowed Heisuke's side in response and shot him a scathing glare. At least he had the sensibility to quickly scooch away from me when he saw me contemplating breaking one of his fingers. He shot me a nervous smile as he held both his hand in front of himself like he believed it would shield him if he failed to placate me. I let out an annoy humph instead and turned my head. A sweatdrop appeared on his forehead.

"I dunno guys," Sano-san cut in as he stepped between me and Heisuke while looking exhausted. Just behind Sano-san, Heisuke slouched in relief. "Cut him a little slack. If something bad happens while Kondou-san's out, it could really screw us up. He's got a lot on his mind."

"Yeah, sure, I'll buy that." Shinpachi-san's eyes narrowed as his lips set into a hard line. His hands came together and circled up to rest at his chin. "But tell me one thing: Why isn't he cracking down like this on Itou-san's men? Does he think he can shove us around just because we've known each other longer?"

I shook my head, drawing everyone's attention. "It's not like that," I defended Hijikata-san. "He's just…"

Shinpachi-san crossed his arms and scowled at me. "He's just what? Finish, Shizuka-chan."

I just sighed and looked away. I'm sleepy. There was a dull ache in my lower back. My energy was pretty much nonexistent. My hands moved to rest on my belly when I felt some movement, and even that action was tiring. My arms felt like lead bars.

Shinpachi-san just frowned at my response and he let his back fall onto the floor with a thump. He laid there for a few long moments, staring at the ceiling with a far-off look in his eyes. He frowned again before he pushed himself back up with his elbows and lept to his feet.

"All right! That's it!" he declared like a man on a mission. "We're going to the city. Everybody get ready!"

"What?!" Chizuru-chan gasped, looking a bit like a fish. "Right now?"

She quickly looked to me to see if I'd say anything. Hijikata-san had been quite clear, in the form of harsh scolding, how he felt regarding nighttime escapades. However, I just shrugged. I wasn't going to encourage this type of undisciplined behavior, but I wasn't going to discourage it either.

"Shizuka-san!" Chizuru-chan exclaimed. "Why are you being so apathetic about this? Won't Hijikata-san get mad?"

"They work hard during the day, so surely they should be allowed to go drinking a bit at night?" I stifled a yawn with my hand, though, some tears still escaped out of the corners of my eyes. "Besides, I'm not technically an official Shinsengumi member, so discipline is out of my hands. If they want to go out, I say let them. Hijikata-san is being too stiff about things right now, anyway. A little rule breaking will be good for him."

"Damn right!" Shinpachi-san agreed, his hand curling up into a fist. "What does Hijikata-san think we are anyway? Priests? I'm not sittin' around in a temple all day. The night's young!" He then placed his hands on his hips. "We need to tell the rest of the guys! At least we can kinda talk back, but they have to do whatever Hijikata-san says! They're probably miserable."

With that, Shinpachi-san marched off and disappeared, causing Sano-san to sigh again as he put his hand on his head. He rustled his hair before glancing off in the direction Shinpachi-san had disappeared in. My, my. What a situation that has developed.

"I suppose we should go too…," he said as he slowly got to his feet. He offered Heisuke a hand and pulled him up too. "Someone needs to watch out for Shinpachi. He seems pretty stressed."

"Yes, he does…," Chizuru-chan mumbled only to jump when Sano-san's turned and looked straight into her eyes with an eyebrow pointedly raised. "W-Wait," Chizuru-chan put her hands up in front of herself, "you mean **_me_**?!"

Sano-san nodded like Chizuru-chan was the obvious choice.

"Well, it can't be Shizuka-chan this time," Heisuke included. "Pregnant women shouldn't be going out at night with drinking men. Plus, Souji will get pissed at us if we bring her along."

"And, honestly?" I glanced out the window at the darkening sky before glancing in the direction of Hijikata-san's bedroom. "I'm not really feeling all that great. I think I'll just stay at home and keep Hijikata-san company. You know, soften him up for when you guys come back home later."

"Thanks," Sano-san said as he grabbed Chizuru-chan next. "We owe you one,"

And then Sano-san dragged Chizuru-chan and Heisuke off, leaving me to deal with Hijikata-san alone. I watched them catch up to where Shinpachi-san was in the courtyard with a bunch of other men. The foot soldiers, while living at headquarters, looked out of place in the courtyard with their fidgeting. They spoke to each other in hushed voices while looking over their shoulders every few seconds as Shinpachi-san chatted them up with a contagious grin on his face. It didn't take much for the nervous energy to be dispelled. Soon, the grin that was decorating Shinpachi-san's face spread to even the lowest ranking man. Then they were off, quickly following Shinpachi-san on their unsanctioned field trip. When the rowdy men were gone, I collected my papers and took my time shuffling to Hijikata-san's room.

I coughed and cleared my throat once I arrived at Hijikata-san's door, however, before I could announce myself, the door slid open. Glancing down at me with a deceptively gentle smile was Sannan-san. His glasses gleamed in what little natural light was left as he readjusted them before stepping to the side to let me in the room. Inside, still seated at his desk, was Hijikata-san. His elbow was resting on the desk as he used it to prop his head up. Instead of greeting me like he usually did, Hijikata-san was looking out his window at the front gate the others left through just minutes before. There was a crackling sound as Hijikata-san balled up a piece of paper in his hand.

"Well, then," Sannan-san said, his smile unfazed by Hijikata-san's forlorn expression. "Shall I leave Hijikata-kun to you, Shizuka-chan? I believe it's time for me to go," Sannan-san cleared his throat, " ** _surprise_** Takeda-kun with a visit. I'm sure I have given him enough time to search through my belongings."

A small frown appeared on my face. "I really don't get you sometimes, Sannan-san. Why keep Takeda around if he's dangerous. Can't we just get rid of him now?"

Takeda was going to be the dog that bites the hand that feeds him. I was not like Sannan-san. I would not wait to be bitten before doing anything.

Sannan-san merely pushed his glasses back up his nose and patted my head wordlessly before heading off, leaving me alone with Hijikata-san. I suppose this is his way of saying: Don't worry about it. I let out a little huff at Sannan-san's actions before joining Hijikata-san by taking the seat beside him. Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at the mess of papers on his desk. None of the documents were completed and the ink in the inkwell had long since dried up. I pushed some of the papers on his desk to the side so I could set my own on the cleared spot.

"I'm done with organizing the stack you gave me," I announced. Hijikata-san made no movement or sound to indicate he heard me. There were a few moments of silence before I tried again. "Shinpachi took a bunch of the men for a fun night in town."

"He's mad at me, isn't he?"

He turned away from the window and looked at me. I gave him a silent look.

"What do you think?" I said before I started reaching for some of the other messy papers on his desk. "You're a smart man. I suggest you set things right before the situation really devolves."

Hijikata-san frown before shooing my hands away. "I'm not done with those yet."

He picked up his calligraphy brush once more. However, when he saw the dry inkwell, he let out a sigh before putting the brush back on the table. He shoved all the papers to the top of the desk and away from him, not really caring he caught the papers I just organized for him in the mess. Wordlessly, Hijikata-san dropped his forehead to the table.

Instead of trying to coax an answer out of him, I merely reached around him and looted his cup of tea.

"Where's Ryota?" Hijikata-san asked just as I took a sip.

"Down by the river fishing for more frogs with Chinatsu." My nose wrinkled at the thought of more frogs. Souji may have not minded finding frogs in random places in our room, but he had not accidentally stepped on a frog yet in the middle of the night. Although, I guess I should be glad that Ryota is collecting frogs instead of snakes. "So? What are you going to do about Shinpachi-san?"

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" He asked instead. Pity we were sitting right now. I would have totally stomped on his toes otherwise.

"Why?" I crossed my arms at him as I glanced out the window. The moon was particularly big and yellow tonight as it emerged behind the setting sun, making me breathe out a sigh of relief. Souji was going to have some natural lighting for his patrol tonight. "It's not like Souji's here right now to make me go to bed, and it's like, what? The Hour of the Rooster? Plus, Chinatsu had Ryota for tonight. I'm free to do what I want tonight. And it's not like I can sleep well either. I'm always getting kicked in the ribs whenever I lay down."

"So things are going better with your imōto? No more randomly shoving her in my direction before running off?"

I gave Hijikata-san an annoyed scowl before standing up, or at least attempted to before I lost my stupid balance. There was an amused snort before a hand appeared in my field of vision. I scowled at the hand but took it anyways.

"Well, if you're not going to bed, then come with me. There are a few records that need to be sorted out, and I need take a look at the budget Sannan-san just delivered to me. Let me pick your brain while I have you," he said as he stepped into the hallway.

I snorted at his words before trotting after him. We well into the Hour of the Boar before Hijikata-san dropped everything and told me to follow him to the main hall. I arched a cheeky eyebrow at him.

"Waiting for them to come home so you can scold them like an overprotective mother?" I commented as I shuffled behind him. He paused just to shoot me a heatless glare.

Once we arrived at the main hall, we barely waited even a minute before the disobedient men returned. Their return was signaled by the hushed their whispering and nervous energy. Unlike the others who appeared somewhat fearful upon their return, Shinpachi-san returned filled with righteous fury. While the others linger near the main hall doors without actually setting a foot inside, Shinpachi-san marched right in with his arms crossed over his chest and his chin raised high.

Wearing a fierce scowl, Hijikata-san spoke as he leveled a glare at the men.

"Getting in pretty late for boys who aren't on night patrol, hmm?" A few of the men jumped while hiding behind Shinpachi-san. "Seem to recall telling you what the punishment for breaking curfew was. Not scared of death, hm?"

Many grew pale at Hijikata-san's words as they quickly glanced at each other. Some even looked about ready to run. Off to the side, I could see Chizuru-chan nibbling her lower lips as Sano-san placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Loudly and clearly, Shinpachi-san's voice rang throughout the room.

"Hey," Shinpachi-san narrowed his eyes dangerously at Hijikata-san, "I forced them to come with me. I'm responsible for all for of this."

Hijikata-san raised his chin at Shinpachi-san's challenge.

"Don't remember putting you in charge, Shinpachi. I decide who's responsible, and I don't give a shit who invited who. You all broke regulations."

They glared at each other, neither side relenting. Only seconds passed despite feeling like hours, making the other men sweat. One man even looked like he was now on the edge of bursting out into tears. If he were a lesser man, he would have burst into tears long ago. Unable to bear the dangerous silence any longer, Heisuke spoke up.

"H-Hey," he stuttered as he subconsciously tugged on his clothing with one hand. "Uh… Hijikata-san? It's our fault too… We should've just told Shinpat-san to go home earlier. Then none of this would've—"

Heisuke's words broke off as Hijikata-san's eyes deliberately pulled away from Shinpachi-san's and dragged across the line of men like a sheet of fire. Heisuke shuddered and quickly clammed his mouth shut. His eyes shot to me in a pleading manner.

I offered Heisuke a shallow nod before placing my hand on Hijikata-san's shoulder. In response, Hijikata-san lowered his head, allowing me to whisper in his ear.

"Rooms. Now." Hijikata-san suddenly snapped afterwards, appearing to have lost interest in the other rulebreakers from tonight. "You'll get your punishment later."

"B-But—!" Heisuke exclaimed in alarm as his eyes shot back to me. Before he could shoot his mouth off again, Sano-san slapped his hand on Heisuke's shoulder.

"C'mon, Heisuke," Sano-san said in a hushed voice.

"What…?" the prior protested. "Why? You're really just gonna leave Shinpat-san here?!"

Sano-san didn't answer—he didn't even spare Heisuke a glance. Instead, he just stared in Hijikata-san's eyes for a long moment before regarding me with a brief glance. Then he grabbed Heisuke's shoulder and began dragging him away.

"You too, Chizuru," Sano-san then said just as the other men began quickly dispersing, some running rather than walking hastily.

Chizuru-chan twisted her finger in her hands as she answered with a shaky, "O-Okay."

She braved one more furtive look back over her shoulder at Shinpachi before quickly scampering after Sano-san and Heisuke before quickly disappearing with the pair. Or rather, they merely vanished from sight. As much as Sano-san trusted Hijikata-san and me, there was no way he wasn't worried about his friend. I excused myself to go stand at the edge of the main hall, the one place I happened to know where the wall was the thinnest.

My suspicions were quickly confirmed when my tapping on the wall was answered by some tapping rapid from the other side.

Eavesdroppers. One guess to who they were.

I let out a sigh as glanced to the two giants remaining in the room. Shinpachi-san let another defiant huff.

"Well?" Shinpachi-san barked. There was still anger radiating from him. "What do you want me to do? I'm not afraid to die, so if that's what it's gonna be, then just spit it out!"

At those words, Hijikata-san lost all signs of any of the fierceness he possessed just seconds earlier. He merely sighed as he took a seat. Stunned at Hijikata-san yielding, Shinpachi-san quickly took a seat too. He was so surprised that words failed him.

"You're not happy with how I'm running things, are you?" Hijikata-san said after a longsuffering silence. "It's always been this whenever you do something like this."

Shinpachi-san was taken back even more by Hijikata-san's tone. This wasn't the voice of a man who was used to giving orders. It was the voice of a mere person. A very **_tired_** person.

"Well… yeah, I guess so…" Shinpachi-san finally managed to say. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the floor for a little while. "Don't… Don't you think that you're being a little too much of a hardass on some of this stuff? I mean, I know we're not exactly the kind of guy a girl takes home to meet her parents, but at least I know how to use this sword." He paused to take a deep breath. "And… I mean, tell me if I'm wrong, but that's why the Shinsengumi's where it is now, right? Because we knew how to fight, and we fought like our lives depended on it. But now you take it easy on all these guys who've never lifted a sword outside a dojo, and you come down like an iron club on all the people who've been here the longest."

Shinpachi-san sniffed.

"It doesn't seem right…"

For a long time, Hijikata-san was silent. Then, when he finally spoke…

"…Sorry."

Hijikata-san bowed his head.

Once again, Shinpachi-san lost his footing. That type of reaction was far from what he expected. Yelling, screaming, a fist fight, Shinpachi-san could deal with those type of things without a problem. But Hijikata-san's sincere and humble apology? He didn't know what to do with that. With that simple and brilliant play, Hijikata-san caused all of Shinpachi-san's pent-up anger to disperse.

"If I go easy on you, I get complaints. People saying stupid crap like I give you the easy jobs or the ones that'll make you look good, or you get more money, or that I just like you more. You really want people to think the reason you got your position is just nepotism? Still…" Hijikata-san closed his eyes for a moment. "Maybe you're right. I might have gone too far. I apologize."

"It doesn't matter what you do or say." Both men paused their conversation as I chimed in. I drew circles on the wall with my finger. "People will and always have interpreted other people's words and actions to whatever suits them best. No one will ever know the truth like you do. You can't control how others will react, but you can control how you will react. It's pointless to give weight to unfounded complaints just so others can sleep better at night, isn't it? Just continue doing what you've always done before. You've done nothing wrong, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. And if Shinpachi-san and the others didn't get to where they are without being able to handle the envy of others. You can trust them to look after themselves."

Hijikata-san shook his head as a bitter smile finally appeared on his face.

"And you didn't say anything earlier, Shizuka?" Hijikata-san said before tapping on his forehead. "Just watch yourself, Shizuka, or I'll start making use of that brain of yours more. You better not complain about me overworking you if you keep sticking your nose into things."

"Dammit, you two." Shinpachi-san was smiling now too. "You guys really got me pegged, don't you? If Hijikata-san started lecturing me about regulations, or my responsibilities as a leader, then I was just going to leave. But with Shizuka-chan being all sensible and Hijikata-san actin' like we're still back in Shieikan, there's no way I can say no."

He then scratched his head and belted a laugh.

"Women sure are something, aren't they?" He elbowed Hijikata-san's side, making the later raise his eyebrows. "Shizuka-chan's a nice balancing force for you and Souji, eh? But Shizuka-chan is Souji's. It's time you get your own woman to balance you out."

"Eh?!" Hijikata-san balked. "I—You—Just what are you going on about?! What does this have to do with anything?!"

Shinpachi-san laughed even harder before patting his own shoulder to force his laughter to die down.

"But," Shinpachi-san said, "I screwed up too. I should've just talked to you instead of acting like a spoiled kid. Let me and you go get a drink sometime. We'll get something even you can stomach."

Hijikata-san snorted. "I can drink just as much as you can. I just choose not to."

"It's just he won't be sober while drinking that much," I snarked. Hijikata-san retaliated by taking one of his tabi off and throwing it at me.

* * *

[1] Tsuka-ito the wrap of the tsuka, traditionally silk but today most often in cotton and sometimes leather.

[2] Same-kawa is the ray or shark skin wrapping of the tsuka (handle/hilt).

[3] The tsuba is a hand guard.

[4] The Imperial Seal of Japan, also called the Chrysanthemum Seal (菊紋 kikumon), Chrysanthemum Flower Seal (菊花紋, 菊花紋章 kikukamon, kikukamonshō) or Imperial chrysanthemum emblem (菊の御紋 kikunogomon), is one of the national seals and a crest (mon) used by the Emperor of Japan and members of the Imperial Family. It is a contrast to the Paulownia Seal used by the Japanese government.


End file.
